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RUMOR CONTROL! Let's talk about 7-15-07/"Hell Freezes"/Harry's Wedding!

Published at: July 15, 2007, 5:31 p.m. CST

Ahoy, squirts! Quint here. I wanted to address this before the rumors spin out of control. There’s a lot going around in recent months since the teaser announcing 7-15-07. We broke the story here and I’ve seen people reporting it as their own scoop all over the internet. But there’s our proof. We’ve dropped hints for the last 6 months, but we confirmed the date in the above June 12th story. There have been many viral sites to support this theory, including a mysterious countdown clock that has been removed by the powers that be, but this is the only one that isn’t bullshit. You might think you know what Harry Knowles and Yoko’s wedding is about. We’ve given you the nuggets as we've gotten them. It does not involve Voltron, nor will there be a black smoke monster. I actually feel a little bad for maybe ruining some of the surprise of it, but I hear it’ll be completely unique experience. I’ve arranged a set visit for later tonight, but I have to sneak in as a wedding guest. I know a guy wrangling the extras and I have a nice suit, so I might pull it off. I’ll have to wish both Harry and Yoko well, throw birdseed instead of rice to not implode little birdy tummies and even provide a gift. Wish me luck. But it’ll be worth it to get a better idea what’s in store for the possible future sequel: Son (or Daughter) of Harry. Now, that’s not a confirmation of a sequel, so don’t go reporting it all over the internet. I hear if the box office numbers are good for the wedding that we may indeed be getting a sequel. So, to quell speculation I have an exclusive for you. It’s your very first look at the monster, known as “the Parasite” around the production office. There’s been speculation that the monster is huge and alive and looks like a lion and you’ll see below that those rumors are actually closer than expected. Thanks to Kraken for the technical help bringing you this exclusive footage… be warned, even though the wedding will be PG-13 (the sequel will be hard R if it’s moved into production… tons of gore and sex and violence, I hear) the below footage will still disturb children and those easily offended.

My heartfelt congratulations to Harry and Patricia! May your life together be full of happiness and joy… and may your first child be a masculine child! To celebrate the marriage of our very own muppet, I must end this piece with another video. Extra! Extra! Somebody’s getting married!

-Quint quint@aintitcool.com



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