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RUMOR CONTROL! Let's talk about 7-15-07/"Hell Freezes"/Harry's Wedding!

Ahoy, squirts! Quint here. I wanted to address this before the rumors spin out of control. There’s a lot going around in recent months since the teaser announcing 7-15-07. We broke the story here and I’ve seen people reporting it as their own scoop all over the internet. But there’s our proof. We’ve dropped hints for the last 6 months, but we confirmed the date in the above June 12th story. There have been many viral sites to support this theory, including a mysterious countdown clock that has been removed by the powers that be, but this is the only one that isn’t bullshit. You might think you know what Harry Knowles and Yoko’s wedding is about. We’ve given you the nuggets as we've gotten them. It does not involve Voltron, nor will there be a black smoke monster. I actually feel a little bad for maybe ruining some of the surprise of it, but I hear it’ll be completely unique experience. I’ve arranged a set visit for later tonight, but I have to sneak in as a wedding guest. I know a guy wrangling the extras and I have a nice suit, so I might pull it off. I’ll have to wish both Harry and Yoko well, throw birdseed instead of rice to not implode little birdy tummies and even provide a gift. Wish me luck. But it’ll be worth it to get a better idea what’s in store for the possible future sequel: Son (or Daughter) of Harry. Now, that’s not a confirmation of a sequel, so don’t go reporting it all over the internet. I hear if the box office numbers are good for the wedding that we may indeed be getting a sequel. So, to quell speculation I have an exclusive for you. It’s your very first look at the monster, known as “the Parasite” around the production office. There’s been speculation that the monster is huge and alive and looks like a lion and you’ll see below that those rumors are actually closer than expected. Thanks to Kraken for the technical help bringing you this exclusive footage… be warned, even though the wedding will be PG-13 (the sequel will be hard R if it’s moved into production… tons of gore and sex and violence, I hear) the below footage will still disturb children and those easily offended.

My heartfelt congratulations to Harry and Patricia! May your life together be full of happiness and joy… and may your first child be a masculine child! To celebrate the marriage of our very own muppet, I must end this piece with another video. Extra! Extra! Somebody’s getting married!


Readers Talkback
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  • July 15, 2007, 2:43 p.m. CST

    muppet theme would be awesome

    by RedEyeDistrict

    well, it SOUNDS awesome anyways

  • July 15, 2007, 2:43 p.m. CST


    by quizkidsmith


  • July 15, 2007, 2:44 p.m. CST


    by gorydon


  • July 15, 2007, 2:44 p.m. CST


    by wackybantha

    BE HAPPY!!!!!!

  • July 15, 2007, 2:44 p.m. CST

    ha no firsties for you guys

    by RedEyeDistrict

  • July 15, 2007, 2:45 p.m. CST


    by stones_throw

    Probably not

  • July 15, 2007, 2:48 p.m. CST


    by grumblingcat

    Please let that be what he's wearing on the big day...

  • July 15, 2007, 2:48 p.m. CST

    IT'S A LION!!!!!!!

    by lost.rules

    No, wait. It's a tiger.

  • July 15, 2007, 2:53 p.m. CST

    remember the 70's show "In Search Of..."?

    by Sir Loin

    That first clip has to be stolen from that show :D Congrats!

  • July 15, 2007, 2:57 p.m. CST

    funniest article ever

    by Holodigm

    i laughed my ass off. and then i reread it, and laughed my ass off again. hope the wedding goes well!

  • July 15, 2007, 2:57 p.m. CST

    haha, that shit made me laugh so hard.

    by losder

    Well done harry, congrats. I think if you would approach all things in a tiger suit there would be peace on earth.

  • July 15, 2007, 2:58 p.m. CST

    Congrats guys

    by Bean_

    Way to go Harry!

  • July 15, 2007, 3 p.m. CST

    Best Wishes!!!

    by buffywrestling

    Congratulations to you both :D

  • July 15, 2007, 3 p.m. CST


    by Pennsy

    Congrats, Headgeek Harry! :D

  • July 15, 2007, 3:01 p.m. CST

    Well congratulations, Harry

    by theBigE

    Welcome to the big boy life. I had my doubts about you, sir! Nice Tigger outfit too!

  • July 15, 2007, 3:03 p.m. CST

    My best wishes to the bride and groom.

    by mrfan

    Weddings are terrific. My favorite part are the receptions. Love wedding cake and the food that is available. Have a terrific day Patricia and Harry.

  • July 15, 2007, 3:04 p.m. CST

    Latino Review had this first!

    by Hercules

    Congratulations, Yoko & Headgeek!!

  • July 15, 2007, 3:07 p.m. CST

    Congrats !

    by supersize

    Harry and yoko!!

  • July 15, 2007, 3:13 p.m. CST

    How come Harry didn't have a big AICN wedding?

    by ExcaliburFfolkes

    And invite everyone to attend? I half expected him to have it at the Alamo Drafthouse.

  • July 15, 2007, 3:14 p.m. CST

    Well done and congratulations big man

    by SteffanLongdon

    Well done and congratulations Harry and Patricia. If you read this Mr & Mrs Knowles I hope you have a great future together and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. xxx From Vamp@AICNchatroom

  • July 15, 2007, 3:18 p.m. CST

    Great satirical article

    by SpiceWonBruce

    One of the best you've had in years. Congrats, Harry and Yoko.

  • July 15, 2007, 3:28 p.m. CST

    That might have been...

    by Mezzanine

    the funniest thing I have ever seen. I seriously laughed so hard when I saw Harry in the Tigger suit. Have a great wedding dude.

  • July 15, 2007, 3:31 p.m. CST

    I fully expect...

    by NubtheSquirrel

    That there will be pictures from the bachelor party. Y'know, pictures that were secretly taken on the set during the shoot.

  • July 15, 2007, 3:33 p.m. CST


    by Jotham

    Just kidding!! Congrats to Harry and Patricia. And you never know...maybe it could involve Voltron. Harry just might be that kinky.

  • July 15, 2007, 3:34 p.m. CST


    by degikrinbakedirfuvkeit

    I thought her name was Yoko....and why haven't I seen any pictures of her?

  • July 15, 2007, 3:37 p.m. CST

    RE: "Quint getting banged by strippers in a back room"

    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    Quint, you devil!!!

  • July 15, 2007, 3:40 p.m. CST

    Quint, you're about as funny as....

    by Loosejerk

    those pictures of Eli Roth's wang you have on your computer.

  • July 15, 2007, 3:48 p.m. CST


    by ShogunMaster

    And 'Too Soon' etc...

  • July 15, 2007, 3:48 p.m. CST

    Shall be shindig (or hootananny) to remember!

    by MatDGZ

    Congrats to the both of you - it would have never worked out with me and Harry anyway ;-)

  • July 15, 2007, 3:51 p.m. CST

    Will tonight become the basis for...

    by jimmy rabbitte

    Eli Roth's Hostel 3: Honeymoon Suite in Hell?... <p> ...the pain that never stops...<p> ...meanwhile, somewhere in Austin a tombstone is being erected to honor the memory of Headgeek's virginty... passed away on this date in 2007...<p> In all seriousness, congrats to Mr. & Mrs. Headgeek.

  • July 15, 2007, 3:52 p.m. CST

    Congrats Harry and Yoko

    by Lando Griffin

    May your fist invitro fertilized child be a masculine invitro fertilized child.

  • July 15, 2007, 3:52 p.m. CST

    Oh, so you guys are reporting weddings now?

    by Vern

    I thought this was supposed to be cool news. You guys used to sneak onto the set of Babylon Trek and take hair samples and post them on the net. Now you are reduced to this. You guys are pathetic. This place has been going downhill for ten years. Every day when I check in every half hour all day long I just look down at you guys and laugh, like "murhhahaha" which denotes a sinister laugh. I swear if this goes on for another 2-3 years I will only refresh the page two or three times a day for a probationary period of 1 month and if you do not improve during that time I will continue to complain in these talkbacks. You have been warned.<p> p.s. Congratulations big guy

  • July 15, 2007, 4 p.m. CST


    by Kragmose

    Awesome xD

  • July 15, 2007, 4 p.m. CST


    by ShogunMaster

    Another long winded diatribe. Are you going to hate Harry's Wedding cus it's too sappy? <p> Transformers rocked and you know it ;-)

  • July 15, 2007, 4:15 p.m. CST

    Quint, ye are teh.

    by Kragmose

    Just teh. Big congratulations to the couple!

  • July 15, 2007, 4:16 p.m. CST

    Where the hell are the new ACCORDING TO JIM episodes?

    by Uncle Stan

    This is bullshit.

  • July 15, 2007, 4:22 p.m. CST

    This site has officially become a joke...

    by El Scorcho

    I hope Yoko survives the night.

  • July 15, 2007, 4:31 p.m. CST

    RUMOR CONTROL! I guess after too many "TOO SOONS"

    by CreasyBear

    "__ gotta eats", "chest-bumping fat kids" and "has a beer and cheats on his wife", the AICN staff couldn't resist falling into their own self-destructive catch-phrases.

  • July 15, 2007, 4:42 p.m. CST

    Congrats Harry and Patricia ;-)

    by AllPowerfulWizardOfOz

    May your life be filled with lots of happy moments.

  • July 15, 2007, 4:48 p.m. CST


    by Kragmose

    I'll have one Laughing Kurt Russell doll. Wrapped and delivered please.

  • July 15, 2007, 4:50 p.m. CST


    by Loosejerk

    it's "...cheets on his wife". Get it right, NEWB!

  • July 15, 2007, 4:59 p.m. CST

    Congrats Harry + Yoko

    by McClane_Corleone


  • July 15, 2007, 5:11 p.m. CST

    Congratulations, newlyweds!

    by Bronx Cheer

    Remember to be good to each other. Best regards for a happy life together.

  • July 15, 2007, 5:19 p.m. CST

    Was that meant to be a trailer for your wedding night?

    by TheManWithTooManyNames

    Anyway, congratulations, Harry & Yoko. <br><br> May you spawn lots of little HD DVD players — I was going to write "may you spawn lots of little HD DVD films", but that conjures up the image of home-made porn in HD, and watching you in that would, indeed, be torture. <br><br> P.S. Harry, is the name of your wife Yoko, or Patricia? Or is it really Eli Roth? What a twist! Perhaps Michael Bay was the bride's maid? And Sam Raimi was there, crying like a big girl's blouse.

  • July 15, 2007, 5:22 p.m. CST

    "Son (or Daughter) of Harry"


    Oh... I just threw up in my mouth....

  • July 15, 2007, 5:43 p.m. CST

    Where's the divorce TB?!!!!!!!

    by lost.rules

    Oh, wait. That'll be in couple months.

  • July 15, 2007, 5:44 p.m. CST

    I've heard rumors...

    by Monki

    ...that EA is doing the video game based on the wedding. Any truth to that? Congrats Harry!!

  • July 15, 2007, 5:44 p.m. CST


    by Lando Griffin

    You left off Ultimate Unrated The Omen dvd for Harry's nephew and future children (shudder)

  • July 15, 2007, 5:48 p.m. CST

    Dr Gonzo

    by Lando Griffin

    your anti-myspacism is nothing new. Those of us not caught up in the fad are what I like to refer to as "functioning members of society" or "non-douchebags" if you will.

  • July 15, 2007, 5:48 p.m. CST

    Congratulations Mother (gunshot)s!!!

    by Mike_D

    I'll have a laughing Kurt Russell Doll as well.

  • July 15, 2007, 5:52 p.m. CST

    Patricia? thats how he named his hand?

    by ludmir88

    congrats btw.!!!

  • July 15, 2007, 5:55 p.m. CST

    it's the first day of Rumor Control and ...

    by ludmir88

    and i'm hated it already!!!

  • July 15, 2007, 6 p.m. CST

    Flames on wedding dress/Nipples onTux/Groom Gotta Eat!

    by covenant

    j/k! Congrats Harry. Good luck financing those "sequels." I have two of my own!

  • July 15, 2007, 6:04 p.m. CST

    Laughing Kurt Russell dolls =

    by Lando Griffin

    this century's magic 8 ball. Ask Kurt a question and you get your right/wrong answer on whether he is laughing or not. None of this "ask again later" bullshit.

  • July 15, 2007, 6:22 p.m. CST

    Congrats you great furry bastard!

    by Stuntcock Mike

    Now put the Statue of Liberty's head back post-haste.

  • July 15, 2007, 6:34 p.m. CST

    And when the kid comes out...

    by Durendal

    He'll yell, "FIRST!"

  • July 15, 2007, 6:51 p.m. CST

    Congrats DUDE !

    by kingoflight

    Just don't spoil it and have starwars music on when she walks down the isle !

  • July 15, 2007, 7:03 p.m. CST

    Remember to look after "her pleasure" first

    by forgot_old_username

    It's not all about you, big guy!

  • July 15, 2007, 7:14 p.m. CST

    Where'd this come from?

    by Pops Freshemeyer

    I don't remember seeing any trailers for it. Congrats, I guess. Somebody give him a tv show on IFC as a wedding present or something...

  • July 15, 2007, 7:14 p.m. CST


    by sith-vol

    JJ Abrams isn't directing or producing the honeymoon is he?

  • July 15, 2007, 7:39 p.m. CST


    by covenant

    Good one!

  • July 15, 2007, 8 p.m. CST


    by Darth Busey

    Is Shia LaBeouf in this thing? Congrats.

  • July 15, 2007, 8:45 p.m. CST


    by Person 246

    Congratulations, Harry!

  • July 15, 2007, 11:07 p.m. CST

    the only bad thing about this

    by gorydon

    is that we are going to have to endure more of Harry's day to day life stories prefacing his reviews. Congrats though Mr. Knowles.

  • July 15, 2007, 11:13 p.m. CST


    by Zarles

    Takes on a whole new meaning now, doesn't it?

  • July 15, 2007, 11:13 p.m. CST


    by Zarles

    Takes on a whole new meaning now, doesn't it?

  • July 15, 2007, 11:13 p.m. CST

    Yeah, I double posted.

    by Zarles

    So fuck ya.

  • July 15, 2007, 11:54 p.m. CST

    Harry Knowles has chosen Yoko, here's why...

    by Johnno

    He has a fetish for tigger suits, and she has a fantasy of being humped by a big fat tiger.<br><br> Congratulations you crazy couple you!

  • July 15, 2007, 11:57 p.m. CST


    by messi

    This year's little miss Starscream.

  • July 16, 2007, 12:28 a.m. CST

    Congrats Harry and Yoko, all the way from Malaysia

    by Zombie Vig

    Damn, i've got dust in my eyes again.

  • July 16, 2007, 12:40 a.m. CST


    by iwontwin

    hes probably doing it right now, real raw!

  • July 16, 2007, 12:56 a.m. CST

    Been a member since '99 (I think), so....

    by thevision

    ...congrats Harry! Thank you for starting this entertaining site and letting me come on board. I hope you and the missus have a long, happy and wonderful life together! You're the best Big Guy!

  • July 16, 2007, 1:09 a.m. CST

    Actually, I applaud Zarles.


    The FIRST guy to invoke the "Harry cheets on his wife" in-joke. I wish I had thought of it.

  • July 16, 2007, 1:39 a.m. CST

    GO HARD BRO!!!!

    by Darth__Moa

    Way to go HARRY AND YOKO! Get your freak on have a good one and hopefully you have rooting good time on the honeymoon. Congrats from New Zealand.

  • July 16, 2007, 2:07 a.m. CST

    congrats on not going for a 7/7/07 wedding

    by Andy Travis

    I hate that shit.

  • July 16, 2007, 2:08 a.m. CST


    by The Real MiraJeff

    a great toast and some funny videos thanks for sharing, quint and i hope you double bagged it in that back room, brother

  • July 16, 2007, 3:09 a.m. CST

    Surprised Harry can run that fast

    by Steve Rogers

    is this footage a few years old?

  • July 16, 2007, 3:49 a.m. CST


    by emp


  • July 16, 2007, 4:23 a.m. CST

    Congrats Harold.

    by The Artist Formerly Known as Man of Stool

    Be happy.

  • July 16, 2007, 4:28 a.m. CST

    And remember, Harry...

    by The Artist Formerly Known as Man of Stool

    If you keep banning ne for saying that HOSTEL sucks, and for voicing my opinion in a constructive manner, I shall return with a new yet recognizable nick. Youz`ve become quite a tool, sir. The glory days of the ROLLERBALL review are long gone. When you`re married, will you be cool again, and not so much the bitch of your "filmmaker friends" such as Eli? Pretty please? I sure miss Guerilla Gonzo Fatass Harry. Can you find him within yourself again???

  • July 16, 2007, 4:30 a.m. CST

    Sorry for the typos.

    by The Artist Formerly Known as Man of Stool


  • July 16, 2007, 4:44 a.m. CST

    "he moves pretty fast for a big guy"

    by vicious_bastard

    All the best Harry. I reckon a camera in the wedding night headboard would provide a similarly gleeful shot. Minus the costume, I guess.

  • July 16, 2007, 6:07 a.m. CST

    That Twisting Motion.

    by Driver8

    You know that twisting motion men do with thier wedding rings? Trying to find the combination. congrats Harry. P.S. Fotos,WIDE anglelens.

  • July 16, 2007, 6:23 a.m. CST

    Wedding night sex!

    by Penetron

    You know that's gonna be one sweaty ugly mess. How's that even possible for a guy that fat?

  • July 16, 2007, 6:51 a.m. CST

    Flames on Bay =

    by Mel Garga

    nipples on tiger suit.

  • July 16, 2007, 7:17 a.m. CST

    Is this the same Yoko that broke up The Beatles?

    by Dr Gregory House


  • July 16, 2007, 7:18 a.m. CST


    by ATARI

  • July 16, 2007, 7:55 a.m. CST

    Hey silence...

    by Zarles

    No one gives a fuck if you've spoken or not. I understand that might be kinda hard for you to understand, what with your skull not fully hardened yet and all, but just so you know.

  • July 16, 2007, 8:16 a.m. CST


    by Fount of Useless Info

    Congratulations Harry.<P> <P> Oh, and Quint that thing about birds blowing up because of rice is a lie.

  • July 16, 2007, 9:06 a.m. CST


    by BeyondStatic

    Congratuations to both of you! Can't wait to read the review of the wedding video. LOL.

  • July 16, 2007, 9:23 a.m. CST

    Virgin gets some!!

    by Billyeveryteen

    Cheers Harry and Yoko.

  • July 16, 2007, 9:27 a.m. CST

    Jim Henson's corpse just expelled some gas.

    by biggles2_22

    In congrads to Harry.

  • July 16, 2007, 9:28 a.m. CST

    I can't wait for the Divorce Talkback

    by chrth

    J/K. Good lucks to y'all.

  • July 16, 2007, 9:36 a.m. CST

    And don't let her hide a tracker in your pooper.

    by biggles2_22

    "Ooooh, Friskay!"~Fat Bastard

  • July 16, 2007, 9:51 a.m. CST


    by radio1_mike

    Congrats Harry and bride!

  • July 16, 2007, 10:36 a.m. CST

    TOO SOON!!!!!

    by Johnny Storm

    Seriously, how long have you two been dating? ; )

  • July 16, 2007, 11:22 a.m. CST


    by Cleyu

    All the best to the both of you!

  • July 16, 2007, 11:34 a.m. CST

    No The Shield talkback!?!?!?!

    by Elvis Cole Lives

    This is bullshit!<br><br>Congrats Harry and best wishes to you and the blushing bride!<br><br>BTW, does Patricia get to go down in the history books as the first woman to climb/Mount Knowles?

  • July 16, 2007, 1:05 p.m. CST

    This is only a test.

    by SkidMarkedUndies

    A test this only is.

  • July 16, 2007, 6:48 p.m. CST

    poor Yoko

    by rajium32

    not because of Harry, because of the talkbackers.

  • July 16, 2007, 8:09 p.m. CST

    is it weird that she's 'nauseated' and he's 'ecstatic'?

    by iamnicksaicnsn

    Just pointin' that out.

  • July 16, 2007, 11:34 p.m. CST


    by Creative1

    Mr and Mrs Knowles have a wonderful life. Oh yeah, Man in (Tigger) Suit. Man in (Tigger) Suit. Man in (Tigger) Suit. Man in (Tigger) Suit. Man in (Tigger) Suit. Man in (Tigger) Suit. Man in (Tigger) Suit. Man in (Tigger) Suit...well, you get the idea.