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RUMOR CONTROL! Let's talk about 7-15-07/"Hell Freezes"/Harry's Wedding!
Ahoy, squirts! Quint here. I wanted to address this before the rumors spin out of control. There’s a lot going around in recent months since the teaser announcing 7-15-07.
We broke the story here and I’ve seen people reporting it as their own scoop all over the internet. But there’s our proof. We’ve dropped hints for the last 6 months, but we confirmed the date in the above June 12th story.
There have been many viral sites to support this theory, including a mysterious countdown clock that has been removed by the powers that be, but this is the only one that isn’t bullshit.
You might think you know what Harry Knowles and Yoko’s wedding is about. We’ve given you the nuggets as we've gotten them. It does not involve Voltron, nor will there be a black smoke monster. I actually feel a little bad for maybe ruining some of the surprise of it, but I hear it’ll be completely unique experience.
I’ve arranged a set visit for later tonight, but I have to sneak in as a wedding guest. I know a guy wrangling the extras and I have a nice suit, so I might pull it off. I’ll have to wish both Harry and Yoko well, throw birdseed instead of rice to not implode little birdy tummies and even provide a gift. Wish me luck.
But it’ll be worth it to get a better idea what’s in store for the possible future sequel: Son (or Daughter) of Harry. Now, that’s not a confirmation of a sequel, so don’t go reporting it all over the internet. I hear if the box office numbers are good for the wedding that we may indeed be getting a sequel.
So, to quell speculation I have an exclusive for you. It’s your very first look at the monster, known as “the Parasite” around the production office. There’s been speculation that the monster is huge and alive and looks like a lion and you’ll see below that those rumors are actually closer than expected. Thanks to Kraken for the technical help bringing you this exclusive footage… be warned, even though the wedding will be PG-13 (the sequel will be hard R if it’s moved into production… tons of gore and sex and violence, I hear) the below footage will still disturb children and those easily offended.
My heartfelt congratulations to Harry and Patricia! May your life together be full of happiness and joy… and may your first child be a masculine child!
To celebrate the marriage of our very own muppet, I must end this piece with another video. Extra! Extra! Somebody’s getting married!
-Quint
quint@aintitcool.com
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+ Expand All
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well, it SOUNDS awesome anyways
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congrats...
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funny
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BE HAPPY!!!!!!
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Probably not
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Please let that be what he's wearing on the big day...
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No, wait. It's a tiger.
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That first clip has to be stolen from that show :D Congrats!
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Asians!
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i laughed my ass off. and then i reread it, and laughed my ass off again. hope the wedding goes well!
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Well done harry, congrats. I think if you would approach all things in a tiger suit there would be peace on earth.
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Way to go Harry!
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Congratulations to you both :D
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Congrats, Headgeek Harry! :D
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Welcome to the big boy life. I had my doubts about you, sir! Nice Tigger outfit too!
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Weddings are terrific. My favorite part are the receptions. Love wedding cake and the food that is available. Have a terrific day Patricia and Harry.
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Congratulations, Yoko & Headgeek!!
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Harry and yoko!!
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And invite everyone to attend? I half expected him to have it at the Alamo Drafthouse.
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Well done and congratulations Harry and Patricia. If you read this Mr & Mrs Knowles I hope you have a great future together and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. xxx
From Vamp@AICNchatroom
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One of the best you've had in years. Congrats, Harry and Yoko.
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the funniest thing I have ever seen. I seriously laughed so hard when I saw Harry in the Tigger suit. Have a great wedding dude.
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That there will be pictures from the bachelor party. Y'know, pictures that were secretly taken on the set during the shoot.
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Just kidding!!
Congrats to Harry and Patricia. And you never know...maybe it could involve Voltron. Harry just might be that kinky. -
I thought her name was Yoko....and why haven't I seen any pictures of her?
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Jul 15, 2007 3:37:11 PM CDT
RE: "Quint getting banged by strippers in a back room"
by mr. nice gaius
Quint, you devil!!!
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those pictures of Eli Roth's wang you have on your computer.
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And 'Too Soon' etc...
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Congrats to the both of you - it would have never worked out with me and Harry anyway ;-)
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Eli Roth's Hostel 3: Honeymoon Suite in Hell?...
...the pain that never stops...
...meanwhile, somewhere in Austin a tombstone is being erected to honor the memory of Headgeek's virginty... passed away on this date in 2007...
In all seriousness, congrats to Mr. & Mrs. Headgeek. -
May your fist invitro fertilized child be a masculine invitro fertilized child.
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I thought this was supposed to be cool news. You guys used to sneak onto the set of Babylon Trek and take hair samples and post them on the net. Now you are reduced to this. You guys are pathetic. This place has been going downhill for ten years. Every day when I check in every half hour all day long I just look down at you guys and laugh, like "murhhahaha" which denotes a sinister laugh. I swear if this goes on for another 2-3 years I will only refresh the page two or three times a day for a probationary period of 1 month and if you do not improve during that time I will continue to complain in these talkbacks. You have been warned.
p.s. Congratulations big guy -
Awesome xD
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Another long winded diatribe. Are you going to hate Harry's Wedding cus it's too sappy?
Transformers rocked and you know it ;-) -
Just teh. Big congratulations to the couple!
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This is bullshit.
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I hope Yoko survives the night.
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"__ gotta eats", "chest-bumping fat kids" and "has a beer and cheats on his wife", the AICN staff couldn't resist falling into their own self-destructive catch-phrases.
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May your life be filled with lots of happy moments.
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I'll have one Laughing Kurt Russell doll. Wrapped and delivered please.
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it's "...cheets on his wife". Get it right, NEWB!
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Love
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Remember to be good to each other. Best regards for a happy life together.
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Jul 15, 2007 5:19:23 PM CDT
Was that meant to be a trailer for your wedding night?
by themanwithtoomanynames
Anyway, congratulations, Harry & Yoko.
May you spawn lots of little HD DVD players — I was going to write "may you spawn lots of little HD DVD films", but that conjures up the image of home-made porn in HD, and watching you in that would, indeed, be torture.
P.S. Harry, is the name of your wife Yoko, or Patricia? Or is it really Eli Roth? What a twist! Perhaps Michael Bay was the bride's maid? And Sam Raimi was there, crying like a big girl's blouse. -
Oh... I just threw up in my mouth....
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Oh, wait. That'll be in couple months.
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...that EA is doing the video game based on the wedding. Any truth to that? Congrats Harry!!
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You left off Ultimate Unrated The Omen dvd for Harry's nephew and future children (shudder)
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your anti-myspacism is nothing new. Those of us not caught up in the fad are what I like to refer to as "functioning members of society" or "non-douchebags" if you will.
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I'll have a laughing Kurt Russell Doll as well.
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congrats btw.!!!
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and i'm hated it already!!!
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j/k!
Congrats Harry. Good luck financing those "sequels." I have two of my own! -
this century's magic 8 ball. Ask Kurt a question and you get your right/wrong answer on whether he is laughing or not. None of this "ask again later" bullshit.
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Now put the Statue of Liberty's head back post-haste.
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He'll yell, "FIRST!"
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Just don't spoil it and have starwars music on when she walks down the isle !
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It's not all about you, big guy!
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I don't remember seeing any trailers for it. Congrats, I guess. Somebody give him a tv show on IFC as a wedding present or something...
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JJ Abrams isn't directing or producing the honeymoon is he?
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Good one!
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Is Shia LaBeouf in this thing?
Congrats. -
Congratulations, Harry!
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is that we are going to have to endure more of Harry's day to day life stories prefacing his reviews. Congrats though Mr. Knowles.
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Takes on a whole new meaning now, doesn't it?
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Takes on a whole new meaning now, doesn't it?
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So fuck ya.
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He has a fetish for tigger suits, and she has a fantasy of being humped by a big fat tiger. Congratulations you crazy couple you!
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This year's little miss Starscream.
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Damn, i've got dust in my eyes again.
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hes probably doing it right now, real raw!
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...congrats Harry! Thank you for starting this entertaining site and letting me come on board. I hope you and the missus have a long, happy and wonderful life together! You're the best Big Guy!
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The FIRST guy to invoke the "Harry cheets on his wife" in-joke. I wish I had thought of it.
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Way to go HARRY AND YOKO! Get your freak on have a good one and hopefully you have rooting good time on the honeymoon. Congrats from New Zealand.
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I hate that shit.
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a great toast and some funny videos
thanks for sharing, quint and i hope you double bagged it in that back room, brother -
is this footage a few years old?
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Congrats!
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Be happy.
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If you keep banning ne for saying that HOSTEL sucks, and for voicing my opinion in a constructive manner, I shall return with a new yet recognizable nick. Youz`ve become quite a tool, sir. The glory days of the ROLLERBALL review are long gone. When you`re married, will you be cool again, and not so much the bitch of your "filmmaker friends" such as Eli? Pretty please? I sure miss Guerilla Gonzo Fatass Harry. Can you find him within yourself again???
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Poop.
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All the best Harry. I reckon a camera in the wedding night headboard would provide a similarly gleeful shot. Minus the costume, I guess.
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You know that twisting motion men do with thier wedding rings? Trying to find the combination. congrats Harry.
P.S. Fotos,WIDE anglelens. -
You know that's gonna be one sweaty ugly mess. How's that even possible for a guy that fat?
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nipples on tiger suit.
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Nooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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No one gives a fuck if you've spoken or not. I understand that might be kinda hard for you to understand, what with your skull not fully hardened yet and all, but just so you know.
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Congratulations Harry.
Oh, and Quint that thing about birds blowing up because of rice is a lie. -
Congratuations to both of you!
Can't wait to read the review of the wedding video. LOL. -
Cheers Harry and Yoko.
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In congrads to Harry.
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J/K. Good lucks to y'all.
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"Ooooh, Friskay!"~Fat Bastard
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Congrats Harry and bride!
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Seriously, how long have you two been dating?
; ) -
All the best to the both of you!
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This is bullshit!Congrats Harry and best wishes to you and the blushing bride!BTW, does Patricia get to go down in the history books as the first woman to climb/Mount Knowles?
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A test this only is.
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not because of Harry, because of the talkbackers.
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Jul 16, 2007 8:09:39 PM CDT
is it weird that she's 'nauseated' and he's 'ecstatic'?
by iamnicksaicnsn
Just pointin' that out.
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Mr and Mrs Knowles have a wonderful life. Oh yeah, Man in (Tigger) Suit. Man in (Tigger) Suit. Man in (Tigger) Suit. Man in (Tigger) Suit. Man in (Tigger) Suit. Man in (Tigger) Suit. Man in (Tigger) Suit. Man in (Tigger) Suit...well, you get the idea.
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