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Vern vs. TRANSFORMERS - One shall stand and one shall fall...
Three words for you about TRANSFORMERS: Ho. Lee. Shit. Not as in "Holy shit, I was blown away, it was a blast as well as AWESOME!" but as in "Holy shit, society really is on the brink of collapse."
Usually if a movie is already playing in theaters I don't send my review here, I just use it at my geocities.com/outlawvern sight, but jesus, SOMEBODY had to say something. I can't believe how many positive reviews I have read of this. I think Harry's was the only negative I saw, but he was polite about it. I read Moriarty's review before the screening and I thought wow, what if I actually like this movie? Like me, Moriarty hates Michael Bay's movies from head to toe, style and content, and me and him agree on all kinds of stuff. I don't remember too many cases where I thought he was being too easy on a movie, at least not a big one like this (only one that comes to mind is the much smaller DAREDEVIL). I never thought I would like this movie until I read his review. He had me about 80% convinced that it would surprise me and win me over, like LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD did. And I might have to seek counseling after enjoying those two movies in a row, but that's life.
I've mentioned a few times before that I have a buddy who loves Michael Bay. But before you rush to judgment, let me say that he's not some stereotype that just loves to see things explode and hear black guys joke about being "negroes" while a camera rotates around them. This is a smart guy with varied tastes. He gives me tips on older action movies I haven't seen, but his favorite movie so far this year is some documentary I never heard of. He watches more movies than I do, and is much more fickle than I am. I could not possibly list how many movies I thought were good, or at least okay, that he out and out despised. But still, somehow, he loves that fucking Michael Bay garbage, especially ARMAGEDDON and BAD BOYS 2. He describes BAD BOYS 2 as "the most hateful movie ever made" and always mentions how Bay's directing credit is over a shot of a burning cross. So his enjoyment seems like kind of a rebellious fuck you to the world, like a kid listening to punk rock or stabbing his grandparents in their sleep. He's been excited about this movie all year, and I've been shaking my head and grumbling about it. I definitely wanted to see it out of morbid curiosity, but felt it would be morally wrong to pay for it. I paid to see GHOST RIDER because I thought it would be funny, and I still feel guilty about it.
So when my buddy invited me to a free screening of TRANSFORMERS I couldn't resist. He said we had to have the area's biggest pro and anti Michael Bay forces together at the same screening. Sounds like a fitting sequel to my peace initiative from last summer where I watched BAD BOYS 2 and TRANSFORMERS THE MOVIE to set a positive example for the Israelis and Palestinians.
So it's fitting that the movie begins in "QATAR - THE MIDDLE EAST." (Need to establish location and tell the audience you think they're idiots at the same time? Try subtitles!) An American army base is attacked by a big robot. These guys are apparently trained in a similar manner to the soldiers from THE HILLS HAVE EYES REMAKE 2, because they all just run away and don't fight. When you see all the military hardware fetishistically on display it seems kind of weird, because the robot doesn't look like it has a chance. But then some tanks fly through the air and you find out later that all but the handful of main characters were killed and nobody knew it was a robot that did it.
At this point I was trying. I secured my brain safely in a locker at the Greyhound station like you're supposed to and I attempted to lower my standards. I am a guy who enjoys Brian Bosworth movies so why not enjoy this shit? Plus, if I'm gonna watch a Michael Bay movie again it might as well be one about robots. They won't joke as much as Martin Lawrence and they'll either look cool or funny. At least the effects are in good hands. And ever since I heard Michael Bay was hired for this job I thought it was tailor made for him. The dude is obsessed with sports cars and has never felt a human emotion, how could you do better than hiring him to make a huge expensive movie where the main characters are cars? It's like God made up The Transformers just to get some use out of Michael Bay.
But Michael Bay told God to fuck off, and he went and made a movie about people. After that opening attack you get literally an hour of kiddie movie horse shit about Shia LeBeouf being a nerd and trying to hit on the adult car mechanic Maxim cover girl with a troubled past from his high school. He buys an old yellow Camaro which turns out to actually be a robot from space in disguise. I don't know if I need to explain this to you guys, but Transformers are robots from space and you know those Cirque Du Soleil type weirdos in the car commercial who contort themselves into the shape of a car? It's like that, they crash land on earth and are worried people will make fun of them so they pretend to be cars and planes and shit to fit in. Anyway, for the first hour of this movie his car is alive but mostly is not a robot, he just causes a ruckus by driving around doing donuts and playing funny songs on his radio.
I have learned while this movie was being made that many grown adults grew up on this toy cartoon and hold its characters and concepts deep in their hearts, and were concerned about their portrayal in the movie. And I myself revere the filmatic language, and was worried that I would get dizzy and confused by Michael Bay's double-flip-off approach to editing and camera movement. Well let me tell you, he probaly blows it on both counts, but both are entirely irrelevant. By the time the movie gets to a second robot or action scene it's already way too late to turn things around. This painful first hour shows that the movie's main problem is the same one as BAD BOYS 2: constant, embarrassingly unfunny jokes. Is it too difficult to take anything seriously anymore? Everything's gotta be wacky: Shia has a little dog with a cast and he feeds it painkillers. He rides a pink girls' bike and crashes in front of the girl he likes. A robot pulls his pants down so he's in his boxers. Anthony Anderson eats a bunch of donuts. Bernie Mac's mom flips him the bird. A fat guy dances. When robots attack later, there are lots of half-assed "jokes" about little kids saying "cool!" or comparing it to ARMAGEDDON or thinking a robot is the tooth fairy. The "jokes" are more rapid-fire than a DTV Leslie Nielsen movie, and with an equal or lesser success rate. Even in that opening robot attack they don't have the discipline to take it seriously for 60 fuckin seconds, they have to have the guy from TURISTAS who looks like Johnny Knoxville on the phone arguing with a cartoonish Indian operator (ooh, topical) while Tyrese keeps yelling something about his left ass cheek. The music sounds like John Carpenter or TERMINATOR but the composer seems to be the only one making any effort to create drama. Everybody else is assuming the effects people will put that in later.
For a movie produced by Spielberg it's surprisingly low on awe. People are supposed to be surprised to see robots, but they always turn it into jokes. There's not one second in the movie where you believe people are really reacting to seeing robots. In JURASSIC PARK or in WAR OF THE WORLDS or many other Spielberg movies, you believed these people really were having their minds blown by what was standing right in front of them. In TRANSFORMERS they say things like "It's a robot. You know, like a super advanced robot. It's probably Japanese," and you're supposed to laugh.
And half the time nobody even notices the robots. I should mention there is one other robot in this part of the movie, a little bad guy robot who makes wacky troll noises while hacking into the Pentagon computer. I think he's supposed to be the cute comic relief character, a bad idea since there is no drama or tension to relieve. He crawls around, over and through hundreds of humans waving his many limbs all over and making loud grunts and power tool noises without ever once being detected. Either these robots are invisible or the people in charge of our national security are even more incompetent than anyone ever imagined.
So you got this hour of waiting for it to get to the god damn robots, and then when it happens you realize you don't like them that much more than the people. Admittedly, they are the one thing that makes this more watchable than the other Michael Bay movies. From the ones I've seen I think this is his worst movie, but it's bad in a more fascinating way, like a $200 million version of that tv show "Power Rangers." After a good hour fifteen of failed jokes, the probably-meant-to-be-serious introduction of the good guy Transformers is finally laugh out loud hilarious. They just look so fucking silly posing and saying their names and they talk in voices just like the old cartoons, so it almost seems like one of those meta-ironical type movies like FAT ALBERT or THE BRADY BUNCH where TV characters come to life in the "real" world to show how goofy they are. And this is one of the great "did I really just see that?" moments when one of the robots says something along the lines of "Yo yo yo wussssUUUUUUPPPP Autobots REPRESENT!" and I don't think he was eating robotic chicken or watermelon but I swear to you on my mother's grave that he started breakdancing. And I'm sure black stereotype robot was in other parts of the movie but the next time I was sure it was the same character was at the end when Optimus Prime was casually holding his broken-in-half corpse like it was the pieces of a plate he dropped.
But before it gets to the fighting, buckle up for a whole lot more "comedy." There's a section, probaly originally planned as a sitcom pilot but then used as part of the movie, where the robots hide in Shia's backyard. They break things and say "funny" lines and try not to be spotted when Shia's parents look out the window. This seems to support the "Transformers are invisible" theory because they're fucking 50 feet tall and shaking the earth with every step but nobody sees them. In fact, they might be like the Velveteen Rabbit or whatever the children's story is where only a kid can see them and adults can't because they don't have the magic of childlike innocence in their hearts or whatever. Anyway, Shia is able to get into his bedroom and his parents accuse him of jerkin off, and you can imagine all the "comedy" "gold" they are able to squeeze out by riffing on that one. I think it's supposed to be funny to see the serious Transformers characters involved in this sort of wackiness, but since they have not yet portrayed in a serious light there is nothing to contrast it with.
At this point the movie is beyond feature length and then they introduce a new villain, John Turturro as a Men In Black type agent under the mistaken impression that he's being funny. His performance is over-the-top enough to fit in in a movie like SPACE JAM or ROCKY AND BULLWINKLE, that is what they would like to do with his talents. And it keeps cutting away to a parallel storyline about a team of NSA analysts (all shaggy-haired twentysomething hipsters) and secretary of defense John Voight and Anthony Anderson playing Kevin Smith's character from LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD and a giant alien cube discovered in ice by Shia's great great grandfather. And all the robots are here on earth to find a pair of glasses, which are in Shia's bedroom in a backpack, so it should probaly have taken 30 seconds of screen time to get to them instead of 90 minutes. There is a part that I almost think I might've dreamed but I remember it so vividly, where there is a cartoon BOING! sound and then there's a long shot of one of the robots proudly pissing all over John Turturro. This guy has toiled away in independent film for decades, done so much great work and in order to get a pay check he has to get R. Kellyed by a fucking cartoon robot. I'm not sure if it's supposed to be funny or if it's supposed to be sexy but it failed on both counts. And then all the sudden Shia's car/robot/pet gets shocked and dragged away on cables and the score turns into violins like it's SCHINDLER'S LIST. It is an understatement to say that this heartwrenching music is not earned. It's like if Jennifer Love Hewitt's character in GARFIELD found out she had cancer and we were expected to get choked up.
Towards the end the movie starts to be more about Transformers. But if any of the filmatists were interested in turning them into actual characters they must've been too busy running errands or something to add that into the movie. Optimus Prime is pretty funny because he speaks almost entirely in platitudes. My guess is they didn't have time to write or record dialogue for him so they just used a key chain where you push buttons and different Transformers soundbites come out. His voice is awesome, the only thing resembling gravitas in the movie. He is shamelessly corny and old fashioned, while every other element of the movie is trying to be irreverent and self aware. So it's so out of place you gotta laugh any time he speaks.
I guess this is the part that people wanted, the BIG ACTION SEQUENCE where robots chase a boy carrying a cube over buildings. Some robots do flips and fight each other. The effects are obviously very expensive and somebody worked a long time on making them, so way to go, E for Effort. But I think the Lord would agree with me when I say Jesus Christ, if this is what you guys consider exciting action sequences I don't even know how to relate to you anymore.
Imagine you took apart a whole bunch of cars, mixed the parts up and welded them all together into a giant ball maybe 15 or 20 feet in diameter, then rolled it down a hill. Shoot that in closeup and you got every fight scene in this movie. I'm sure the Michael Bay style is a huge contributing factor, but I'm pretty sure you could've shot these fights with a stationary camera like a boxing match and I still would have no clue what the fuck was going on. I am no expert on robotics but to my untrained eye, these robots look like shit. Their designs are so overly complicated you can't tell which part is which. One robot (I think a bad guy robot, but not sure) goes flipping through the air in slow motion and while staring at it I was not entirely sure which end was up. There are scenes that are close on Optimus's face while he's talking where I could not even make out a face. I never knew which robot was which or who was a good guy or bad guy or what vehicle was what robot. Luckily Optimus has a shiny blue part on him, occasionally I would see shiny blue and know that hey, that's Optimus! I spotted one!
What Michael Bay has already done to action editing and staging he has now done to character design. If Walt Disney really was a frozen head he would probaly be driven out of hiding to bite Michael Bay's nose off for what he has done here. I don't think the animation is very good either, they all move too fast and seem kind of weightless and don't know how to stand still, but it's kind of pointless to even get into that when they just look so god damn ugly and confusing that even in slow motion they disgrace the many talented artists who were roped into working on this shit. If you're gonna make us wait two hours for a big dumb robot fight at least make robots that we can tell apart or can distinguish what they are doing or which part of their body is the head. In a Godzilla movie I can tell which one is Godzilla and which one is Mothra without studying it frame by frame and comparing it to charts and diagrams.
In the interest of balance, I will say some nice things about the movie. There's a part where the Transformers are in car form and they are driving around, they are all brand new and shiny stupid looking vehicles and it's shot like a car commercial. That was pretty funny. Also, it was nice that the horrible rock music only came on about four or five times, not constantly like in the cartoon version. The military stuff, sometimes that reminded me of the old '80s action movies, all this military hardware they were showing. The constant ludicrousness of every single aspect of the movie makes it less boring than many bad movies, like a GHOST RIDER or a NATIONAL TREASURE. And, the, uh-- I guess I haven't seen a side wheely in a movie in a while. I don't know. I'm sure there are other positive aspects.
I can't remember the last time I saw a movie that left me this befuddled that it actually existed. Now I know how your parents felt when they took you to see TRANSFORMERS THE MOVIE. "Well, I guess this is what kids like now. Huh." I mean look, Moriarty's main argument was that the movie "delivers" and you can't argue with a movie "delivering." But fuck man, I guess I don't know what "delivery" is then. To me, this was an awe-inspiringly awful mess from start to finish, with no good characters, no sense of tension or drama, an asinine plot, badly told, full of constant, annoying attempts at humor, muddled action sequences and effects that hurt your brain trying to look at them. If you people are complaining about something like SPIDER-MAN 3 being too silly and then giving this one a pass, I don't know what the fuck is going on. The best "characters" in the movie are the robots during the 5 or 10 minutes when they're trying to be serious, and those scenes come off campier than SHOWGIRLS. I haven't seen FANTASTIC FOUR 2 but I can't imagine it could be THAT much more moronic, poorly executed and groan-inducing than this one. I mean this one really is off the charts, it's a record breaker. It probaly required alien technology to make it like this.
I know it's not fair to drop the B&R bomb, it's like comparing people to Hitler in political discussion. But TRANSFORMERS is honestly approaching BATMAN AND ROBIN proportions of horribleness. You can't say it's as bad, because the lighting is nice and nobody's wearing rubber fetish costumes or pink gorilla suits, but it's a similar type of minding-numbing machine gun barrage of moronic, inept garbage. And it goes on for almost 2 1/2 hours, longer than some interrogations.
So in a way, that does explain to me why some people might enjoy this. Some people like to be whipped and peed on. And it's an instant camp classic. I know people who get a good laugh out of shitty movies like INDEPENDENCE DAY, and I will definitely demand that they see this shit on video, because it makes INDEPENDENCE DAY look like 2001. It's so full of quick cuts and preposterousness I'm sure I missed all kinds of things. They were already onto the next scene by the time my brain processed the fact that I had just seen a Mountain Dew machine transform into a bad guy robot. Hopefully he will be the main villain in the sequel. But he'll be defeated by a good guy Nike truck. I can't see enjoying this on anything other than an ironic or anthropological "human beings really made this!" type level. No matter how it plays this summer, this movie is so full of bad taste and "what the fuck?" moments that I do believe it will live on. Ten or fifteen years from now, when some theater in a college town plays it as a double feature with ROADHOUSE, it will absolutely kill.
Did the movie work on my crowd? I'm not sure. Some of the lame jokes got laughs. Some got none. There were parts obviously meant to be crowdpleasers where you would hear one person clap or laugh in the back somewhere. There was definitely alot of sarcastic wooing and clapping. But there was also some applause at the end, which I'm gonna assume was sincere. We have already seen enough reviews to know that some people can enjoy this. I talked to a guy who loved it, said it was the best movie he's seen this year, that it knew what it was and was supposed to be tongue-in-cheek and what do you expect, it's The Transformers, it's a summer blockbuster movie, it's awesome. I'm glad he enjoyed it, but none of those arguments hold water with me, and I can't help but be sad that this is what we are willing to accept as entertainment. BATMAN AND ROBIN knew what it was and was supposed to be tongue-in-cheek and what did we expect. And if just because it's Transformers it's allowed to be inept, moronic garbage, then why are we going to see a movie based on Transformers in the first place? I know DADDY DAY CAMP is gonna be awful but I don't expect these same people running out saying that was awesome because what do you expect, it's DADDY DAY CAMP.
And I know I made this point in talkbacks, and so have others, but it bears repeating. DIE HARD was a blockbuster/popcorn/summer/event movie. So was ALIENS. And TERMINATOR 2. RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK. STAR WARS. JAWS. ROAD WARRIOR. PREDATOR. ROBOCOP. TOTAL RECALL. THE MATRIX. LORD OF THE RINGS. You people who like your BATMAN and SPIDER-MAN and X-MEN and SUPERMAN and James Bond and LETHAL WEAPON... these are all big event movies, many of them timeless, many of them clever, well-crafted, some of them masterpieces. I am not being pretentious, I am not expecting too much, these are mainstream, crowd pleasing movies and they are what you used to hope for when you went to a summer movie. You can't realistically expect a movie as good as ALIENS every time, but that's better than resigning to the idea that "summer movie" equals "horribly made infantile disposable pap" and being excited about it anyway. If a summer movie is meant to be like TRANSFORMERS, then why the fuck aren't you people embarrassed to be going to see summer movies? At least have the decency to admit that it's a strange, possibly deviant hobby.
Everyone expects this movie to be a huge runaway hit, a moneymaking juggernaut. It happened with ARMAGEDDON and INDEPENDENCE DAY and I lived through election 2004, so certainly I can see that happening. But man oh man do I not get it. Women, especially, I have respect for, and I cannot understand them getting any sort of enjoyment out of these goofy cartoon junkpiles wrestling each other and saying things like "One shall stand and one shall fall!" If this is accepted as good entertainment then we're another step closer to the world of IDIOCRACY and the hit movie ASS.
If America loves this movie, I want a fuckin recount.
But what about my Michael Bay loving buddy? Did he like it? I wasn't sitting near him at the screening and as the movie went on I started to get concerned about what I was gonna say to him afterwards. I hoped he was having a good time, and I mean, I cannot comprehend his love for the other Bay movies. So I couldn't predict what he would think. But at the same time I could not actually picture him walking up to me with a straight face and saying "That was awesome!" And I couldn't guarantee that if that happened I wouldn't shake my head sadly, turn and walk away, our friendship forever weakened by a feeling that we just weren't from the same planet.
The credits roll. I find Mr. Armageddon. He smiles and says, "That was a piece of shit! That was fucking garbage! Terrible!"
So thank you Michael Bay for bringing the world closer together. We can have peace some day. We just can't have good robot movies.
--Vern
http://www.geocities.com/outlawvern
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Now to read the article.
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you know it
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yeah autobots unite!
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you didnt like it, *meh* its not going to be to everyones taste. but im glad to see its had some positive reviews on the site. so to all the haters..you have your review and justification for not seeing it.
then again.. i'm still gonna watch it.. when it eventually comes to the uk. thanks vern for keepin; it real son -
best review ever.THANK YOU!
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nuff said. this movie rocks.
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now THAT is news.
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Sometimes I wonder about you idiot reviewers on here (including Harry). This movie was a great summer movie. Quit yer bitching and wipe the sand out of your vaginas.
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4307 words of insulting your readers. Good show.
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"If Harry's houseguest gets to review this fucking thing then can't we at least have Vern do one too?". And here it is!
This better be the last one though. -
I think I'll catch this one on DVD.
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See, no one liked Hostel 2, so it's up to the tried and true defenders of 'What is obviously good stuff, you idiots' to pop up. It's sad when we know what to expect from reviewers before they've even reviewed a movie.
Moriarty would give a well-reasoned moderate view of the movie, which would lead to a good discussion on the meris of the movie.
Harry would give a friends movie a good review, a popular movie a bad review, and a movie no one would ever see the best review.
Vern would write whatever he felt like, and maybe talk about the movie somewhere in his rant.
Alexandra would talk down to us like we were 13 year olds and she was the babysitter waiting for her boyfriend to come over and commit statutory rape.
If this site has degraded to simply posting ludicrous reviews in the name of getting page hits, at least be honest about it. -
I thought I was losing my fucking mind. "DIE HARD. ALIENS. TERMINATOR 2. RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK. STAR WARS. JAWS. ROAD WARRIOR. PREDATOR. ROBOCOP. TOTAL RECALL. THE MATRIX. LORD OF THE RINGS. BATMAN. SPIDER-MAN. X-MEN. SUPERMAN. James Bond. LETHAL WEAPON" What happened to movies that Transformers is now acceptable on their level supposedly?
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great review, Vern! but I gotta say, I still loved the spectacle.
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Look, I'm not going to drone oon how I grew up with the Transformers as a child, yada yada fucking yada; but I have to admit, I fucking loved the movie. Yeah, some things were different, and my ONLY complaint was the fight scenes looked a little messy. But, all in all I loved this fucking move. Why? Because I took it for what it was. A sci fi action movie based on a toy.
Oh yeah, guess what. I thought it kicked the ever loving shit out of Spiderman 3 and Pirates 3. Hey, I heard nithing but applause at the end of the movie. I'm not going to bullshit like other "reviewers" and say that people gave high fives to the people next to them, but I could honestly tell that most of the audience loved it. Shit, my wife who did'nt whant to see it in the first place, told me she loved it and raved about it to her friends.
Hey, is EVERYONE going to love it? No, of course not, but I take offense to the Dickwad of a reviewer, not becaue he didn't like the movie, but because he seems to be stating that anyone who enjoys this movie doesn't have a brain. Well buddy, I may not be a scientist or a Harvard Law graduate, but I am a Detective in South FL. So, I'm pretty sure I have some intelligence.
The movie is, action packed, funny and yes , 1 or 2 parts got me teary eyed. If you like fun kids movies, go see this. -
please don't remind me about ghost rider.. dammit.
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That was one of the most hilarious reviews I've ever read. I'm at work and I had to stop myself from laughing out loud several times. Good show, Vern. Good show.
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What can I say? That was spot on Vern. This movie was total shite and you had the balls to say it.
People don't get that you can have a big, loud b-grade film that is still worth seeing like Aliens or the Terminator. Films with heart and a brain. Transformers is lacking both. But, hey, so long as fifty things explode in the first reel, people will be happy. -
But, oh all the apologists said "script, characterization, dialogue- a movie needs not these things". At least Vern has his head screwed on straight.
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However, I still enjoyed the movie and will probably see it again in the theater.
Also, I do lament that there has not been an action/summer movie in a long time that was truly great. The last true great one was probably The Matrix.
Someday, the right director will bring the right script to The Rock, and we will have a truly great action/summer movie. -
ya this thing is entertaining, and its gonna break all sorts of records, no matter how much u hate it
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Because it's my very last time. TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! TINO! v
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Vern hit the nail right on the head. Just caught the matinee and couldn't agree with him more.
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I mean what's the point of writing a review of a movie made by a director you despise and know will disappoint you. I don't know what went wrong in your childhood since you are unable to relax and just be entertained for a coupple of hours. Cause anyone who isn't at least entertained by this movie and have a fun time is seriously disturbed.
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...its really not that bad.
it plays to kids too much, but it's still pretty cool.
when is that tom cruise and denzel washington hot dog comedy coming out? -
Great review. Glad someone could stand up and tell the truth.
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in love with Steven Seagel. I guess beggars CAN be choosers.
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Glad someone wrote what I was thinking, because after that crap fest, I can't form coherent words to express how awful that movie was. You nailed it, "Damn you Micheal Bay"!!!
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THANK YOU!!!
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Walking Tall DTV Sequel
"It's actually not that bad"
X3
"In my eyes he did a good job."
Hollow Man 2
"It's actually not that bad"
Starship Troopers 2
"What makes this movie worth watching though is...This movie has some good effects"
Vern on Transformers:
"The effects are obviously very expensive and somebody worked a long time on making them, so way to go, E for Effort."
"Holy shit, society really is on the brink of collapse."
Yeah, clearly someone is in some severe need of perspective.
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Vern is more than right, but I still had an OK time. Shia wasn't as bad as I thought he was going to be and some of the action sequences were alright.
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Transformers should have been taken seriously. Much agreed.
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The most entertaining review I've read in a long time. I laughed out loud several times. I just love the genuine bile and hatred spewed in this review. This was written by a true film geek - and hell hath no fury.
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Thank you!!
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...but I think i'm more in line with Moriarty on this one. A flawed film to be sure, but one that I greatly enjoyed. You know in the sequel there won't be so much time spent on the set-up, and maybe they'll do some redesigns of the Transformers in the sequel so the robots are less difficult to look at (I do agree with you on that problem), but I came out of the theater pretty satisfied.
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For the sake of humanity* please hand yourself into the nearest illegal human cloning facility. Thanks.
As for the robot designs, didn't Bay say he wanted to make the giant alien robots more realistic and the best way to do that was to make them look like piles of hastily glued together car parts because the original designs would look silly? Muppet!
*My penis. -
Ha, I liked this movie a lot actually. And I hate most of Bay's movies. I laughed at most of the jokes, as did most of the people in the theater. I thought the action was mind blowing and exciting. I had a good time. Yeah it was corny and had some leaps of logic. It's a fucking movie! It's a fantasy world. It's not a film made for the high-brow arty folks. This was made for teenagers.
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Ratatouille is the best movie of the summer thus far. I hope more people see it. Really brilliant stuff.
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I had fun with it. I didn't mind the comedy bits - they certainly didn't feel overdone to me, with the exception of the bumblebee pissing routine.
But like many others here I did have a problem with the action, and the way it was shot with shaky cam. A big blurred mess, except in the odd times when the camera pulled back and then it was great (optimus prime v bonecrusher). The last Batman film had the same problems and it ruined it for me.
The only time you should consider shooting an action scene up close is when you are shooting porn -
Just kidding. Just got back from seeing it and damn if this movie is not awesome. Best flick of the summer followed closely by Knocked Up. Starscream taking out Raptors in the air...awesome.
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and the only one to call out Transformers for the shitstorm it is...coincidence?(by the way, I'm just kidding...mostly)
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vern's review almost brings a tear to my eye, if you read my posts on harry's review you'll know how happy this review makes me. thanks vern, i was on the verge of never coming to this website again and you've restored some of my faith
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I was going to go see this at the theater, but thanks to Vern I'll just download the DVD in few months. I have no desire to sit through a frustratingly shitty move for two hours and Vern has convinced me this will be the case. So damn you, Vern but thanks for saving me some $.
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... not to mention biased and bullshit.
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They are OPINION pieces. Cheers, douchebag.
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Thoroughly enjoyed it. Had fun. More importantly my 4 and 5 year old sons loved it. And when they both leaned over to me and said "Dad, that's what he said in my transformers movie" after Optimus said "One shall stand, one shall fall." I never felt more proud. But hey, I didn't know I was supposed to hate Michael Bay until I read it on this site, so maybe my standards are just to low.
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....for the singular purpose of saying THANK YOU Vern. Finally someone has said everything I thought. I was so excited for this movie but it ended up being a remake of SMALL SOLDIERS....though maybe not so small.
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Society isn't on the brink of collapse because your subjective view differs from everyone else's. If the movie doesn't appeal to your sensibilities, fucking acknowledge it and move on. It's not like there's any lack of interesting upcoming releases to pay attention to anyway. Your review became a rant in the first paragraph, and it didn't have the good sense to quit before it turned into a full-on synopsis drenched in menopausal angst. Why don't you calm down and have a drink?
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you're kidding right? someone just called him biased...HE'S REVIEWING THE MOVIE...every reviewer has a bias. just because Vern isn't giving the EXACT SAME review as everyone else (here's a summary, "yeah it was dumb, and the plot and characters were lousy, but oh man, it was such an EXPERIENCE! I was blown away. just don't expect a real movie and you'll be pleased")well Vern, along with a lot of us here, have the GALL to ask that a huge action movie actually have some semblance of a brain and a heart. this movie had neither. good on you, Vern. it's a Seattle thing.
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Look at how much time YOU'RE spending complaining. Why don't you just not fucking come here anymore if everything bothers you so much? Jesus.
I'm not making a point to see this anytime soon, but when I do I'll be thinking about this review. Everyone I've talked to who's seen it has said the same thing: "See it on the big screen once because it's worth it. It's the worst movie I've ever had a good time seeing."
It can't be worse than KONG '05, can it? Can it really? Anyway, Vern, you made me laugh. Thanks. -
I think ID4 is fantastic. Especially the directors cut. It has great build up, great action, all the plot points weaving together brilliantly, it's just a great movie top to bottom.
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http://tinyurl.com/2wlm8l
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Boogie: I honestly don't mean to insult anyone's intelligence and I apologize for offending you by being a dickwad reviewer. I am not a Harvard scientist either. The guy I described who loved the movie is a guy I respect, and I respect Moriarty too. And I would not be surprised if I was wowed by your detective skills. All I mean to say is that my brain does not comprehend how this is entertaining to you guys. And I'm sure you could say the same thing about many of my favorites. But more power to you for having fun with it.
HamsterDK: You're not entirely wrong. I am not the intended audience for this movie and I am not objective about Michael Bay's movies, so this is more of an essay than a review. But I do respect the artform enough that I can't sit back and say nothing while a movie this deadly gets a pass by everybody just because it's loud and expensive. To me you gotta have SOME standards, and the "just relax and watch this garbage" attitude is demeaning to movies and to humans who watch movies.
To answer your question, what went wrong in my childhood (or probaly adulthood) is that at some point I started to love movies, watch alot of them, and think about them. I have seen enough okay, good, and great movies to have higher expectations than just to "relax and just be entertained for a couple of hours". If I'm supposed to be able to be entertained by any god damn garbage they put in front of me then why don't I just stay home and watch TV all day?
If you thought the movie was good that's cool, I'm glad you enjoyed it. But I don't see you saying it's good, I just see you saying I'm an asshole for not swallowing it passively. -
...without the character development but WITH the hour of needless boring shit. Plus, the action scenes in King Kong were better.
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everyone is saying they understand how it fails on so many levels, but they still just loved the hell out of it.well fine, but if I can't enjoy a movie that fails on even basic levels to be coherent and well thought out, where does that leave me? am I an asshole for saying so?if people enjoyed Transformers, fine, congrats. but I can't believe anyone has the stones to defend it on an intellectual level. although, I guess that's not what most people here are doing. they're just yelling. I LIKED IT YOU DIDN'T YOU STUPID!perfect audience member for Bay's Transformers.
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Transformer was worse than fucking Spiderman 3. Fuck that movie.
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how much more angry this review would be if you had to pay to see the flick.
Good god... it would be awesome. -
Vern to the fucking rescue! A voice of reason in a dark dark world. It goes beyond being a review of Transformers and becomes a condemnation of everything that genre films have become, which is to say complete and utter crap, and the idiot fucking public who eats it up and with bellies full of shit, ask for more. Brilliant my friend. Simply fucking brilliant.
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America LOVES this movie. Vern is just trying to be a negative clown as always.
Dance clown, dance. -
With a thing that Vern said, I see where he's coming from. But none of it bothered me like it did him. I think it has a lot to do with the look of awe on my son's faces the whole time. And I think about how I would have felt about what I was seeing when I was 8 years old (1984) and that's what it's about, feeling like an 8 year old again; and I did. I was a big kid sitting with my boys. That's a cool feeling.
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Vern has just made the "Batman & Robin" comparison.
I thought this film was looking shaky when it was being compared to shit like ID4 and Top Gun. But Batman & Robin! Kurwa! -
Because Spidey 3 ruined a franchise, Transformers was new to me so it just sucked on its own.
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You're wrong! Just kidding. I wasn't gonna look up the release dates on all those, and I knew some of them probaly weren't released in the summer. But they were "big event movies" from studios. They had big budgets and special effects and action, they played to big crowds. They could've been released on July 4th, it just happens that they weren't. Anyway thanks for the correction.
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Vern says "I am not objective about Michael Bay's movies, so this is more of an essay than a review. "
Well, hell, if I wanted a review of Michael Bay I would have went to AintItMichaelBay.com. If he can shit on a movie that he clearly had no intention of liking to begin with, I think I'm within my power to shit on this 'review' as well. -
all those movies listed by vern and others in different talkbacks, well theres a whole older generation who think the same thing about them as you all seem to about this and the current crop. then there's the younger generation who think all those movies are shit and the current stuff is classic. but it all comes down to personal tastes/opinions. no one's right or wrong. its one thing to say you dont like whatever movie for whatever reason but to imply people who do are less intelligent or something.....then people here get upset when they're called elitists. hmmmm lol
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Bay directed this movie, he has directed a whole bunch of huge, shitty movies. he is very much a part of this movie, and the reason it failed for those that didn't like it, and the reason it worked for those who actually did. so why is it off limits to mention him, and the reviewers attitude towards him in general?you just want to yell, so go ahead. don't try to rationalize it.
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Jul 03, 2007 7:27:36 PM CDT
If the only defense you people have against this review
by industrykiller!
is that he is biased against Michael bay then you need to sit back, shut the fuck up, and have a coke and a smile. That is nothing even remotely resembling an argument. What it does resemble.....is idiocy. Any free thinking film lover is well within their rights to hate Michael bay. In fact it should be his supporters who have to defend themselves given that he CANT FUCKING DIRECT ACTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! combined with hte fact that all he makes are soulless action films. Now listen and listen carefully, I don't care how expensive his films look, how epic they feel, how loud they are, when it comes to an actual action scene the camera looks like it's being held by a guy with parkinsons and NOTHING is discernable. If you are wondering what that means, it means that he can't direct action for shit. That's the one defense Bay fans give when defending his films and it's complete bullshit. So find something else to prattle on about or be on your way.
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I was on the fence. I really, really want to be able to see a film and turn my brain off. The last Bay movie I saw in theaters was Armageddon and I left thinking, "Never again." I never did. Then I thought "well, it's giant robots beating eachother up, and the big 'S' is involved in the story so maybe..." The reviews on here were good, the tomatometer is baaarely positive. But I read Harry, then you, and it just confirmed my fears. The movie may be giant robots fighting, but it's Michael Bay directing giant robots fighting. I'll so see a good movie. I hear Pixar has a gem and there is a genuinely scary horror movie out.
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The Republican party and fast food. End of argument.
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It's about Cool News, and I think it's very cool news that somebody had the good sense to say how bad this movie was actually was. If I was a little kid watching this movie, I'd be bored as hell. Now that I'm grown, my head hurts like hell. So, that's what this movie was: some weird circle of hell.
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that was a sweet-ass post.
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That makes him an idiot who knows shit about movies. True story.
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bringing the world together with all this NEGATIVITY, i think not. hail mori.
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...and that's saying something.
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that was probably the most condescending "review" I have ever read. That review could not have been written by a person who's reviewing a film fairly. That was a person bent on hating the film, and Michael Bay. Vern watched this movie with an agenda. What does he need to watch for to start hating this film. He went in with a notepad, and took down EVERY detail that he can turn around and portray it as the most hateful thing anyone can put in a film. Then he sits down, listens to some really rebellious and angry music, and wrote an equivalent of an "I hate you dad!!" letter to Michael Bay. Sorry Vern, I enjoyed your Die Hard review. I thought it was sincere and honest, even if it was a little bias. At least you sat down and tried to review a film. You did not do it here. You wrote a hate letter with your "I hate Michael Bay" goggles on. The worst part is you use your hatred of this film to prove your intelligence, and your superiority over everyone else that enjoyed the film. It's insulting to read, because I see how a person's hatred can overwhelm his intelligence.
I haven't seen the film, and I'm not saying all of the above to defend the film. I'm not judging you because you hated it, I'm judging you because of the manner you hated it. That was not a review at all; instead, it's just nothing more than a pathetic rant, and a poor attempt to prove one's superiority. Get over yourself! -
The term Summer Blockbuster should be laid to rest.I havent seen a summer blockbuster since Terminator 2.I will not be seeing this in theaters and will wait till I can rent it.
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that was a sweet-ass post.
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All you did was complain about Vern's review, then complain about everyone else that writes for AICN. Why are you here if you don't like reading anyone's reviews? It looks like you just showed up to be a dick. I mean, congratulations, because you certainly achieved that.
It's amazing the number of people that will fly off the handle and yell, "FUCK YOU!!!!!" at someone who's just expressing their opinion, like they're reading the review next to someone who's going to rape their grandmother if they don't soak up and get twisted about every last word. It's a fucking free site. If you disagree with the review, disagree with the review. But you spent like twenty minutes going back through Vern's OTHER reviews to quote him and bash his opinions simply because he had them. And then you had the gall to act like you deserved a refund for something you should have made the choice to avoid. That's...that's just douchebaggery. -
He has a hell of a tough act to follow.
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I posted this same rant elsewhere, but I have to chime in and say that there's very little to like in this movie. I know some are trumpeting the "awesome robot-on-robot destruction", but I can't believe they weren't driven to seizure by the ultra-shaky-cam and super-CG-blurring of the robot fights. The shots in the last couple of trailers were the only ones in which things are clearly discernable.Very, very disappointing.
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But you can't call him stupid. And you know what he isn't even pretentious. Just because you didn't like the way he delivered the truth to you doesn't mean it isn't the truth. He made his argument clearly and concisely. If he sounded snooty about it it's probably just your own insecurity getting the best of you.
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can you find people hating on the movie...actually, only on geeky, power-nerd movie sites can you find people hating on the movie. strange phenomenon...
IMO, it's Bays' best (Which isn't saying too much, I know). But, c'mon people!! I can't see how you can hate or dislike the movie in anyway. think about what you saw and think about what it all is. And, by that I mean its a movie about giant robots fighting, directed by Michael Bay THAT WAS BASED OFF OF A TOY LINE FROM THE 80s! What were you expecting?
If your answer was anything above entertaining...you're stupid.
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After reading Mori's review I was ACTUALLY worried about how Vern would see it. First Harry's. Now Vern's. There is some hope in the world after all.
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Poor guy gets to see a Popcorn Movie for free and all he can do is complain that it wasn't Schindler's List. You know what? Sometimes a movie is supposed to be about escapism from the day to day crap that goes on in our lives. Sometimes it is 'fun' to watch something that offers nothing more than an adrenaline rush and eye candy. This movie isn't supposed to be about learning and growing and becoming a better person. This is about yelling at the screen and having a good time.
When I read reviews like this, I can't help but think that the reviewer is either missing the point or trying to be one of the few negative reviewers just so people will read his winded diatribe. If 99% of reviewers like something, then reading the 1% that didn't is all the easier.
But a review like this is like having a bad review on a porno just because the plot didn't make sense. Porn isn't about saving Jews from certain death, it's not about walking the yellow brick road (unless that is a euphemism); it's about 'having a good time'. This movie is porn for the action minded (or softcore porn, depending on your opinion of Megan Fox) and the story doesn't matter at all. Sit back, whip it out, and enjoy.
Expect no awards to be given to this movie at the end of the year. Just enjoy the 'happy ending'. -
has provided everyone with a means to become a critic. However, just because you are able to get your voice heard, doesn't mean you are actually a critic. A critic has a responsibility to report, and there are ethics that go with the job. A critic goes beyond himself, and thinks of the readers as well. A critic uses his personal experience to relate to his readers. He or she doesn't use her own personal agenda to dictate what movie he or she is "allow" to like, and then turn around and piss on everyone else for disagreeing. I'm glad you have the internet to get your voice heard. Otherwise, nobody will even give you a job as a respectable critic.
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Vern, you absolutely hit on the nead every single problem I had with this movie - the fact you couldn't tell one robot from another - which meant you couldn't care less when one of them was "killed" - in fact, I wasn't even sure of that fact because, as you point out, the "action" sequences involve so much fast cutting/fast CGI/shaky-cam-to-the-max I actually had very little idea what the hell was going on in front of my eyes for a waaaaay-tooooo large proportion of the movie!
One thing you reminded me of, which I never really paid much attention to until you mentioned it, was the crowd I saw this with.
I saw this movie THE DAY AFTER it opened in Australia, which places me at the movies on a Friday night in what should be a "runaway blockbuster hit" - the theatre was maybe barely half full of mostly too old for this shit geeks like me and NOBODY LAUGHED NOT ONE SINGLE TIME during the entire two and a half hours worth of this crap. There was no applause. I think everyone else, like me, was slowly but surely sinking lower and lower into the depression of disappointment this movie induced.
Unlike you tho, Vern, I do have a couple of nice things to say, too. I'd never seen Shia Lebeouf before and I can totally understand the hate because it took me over an hour to get over how damn annoying he is but I *did* eventually get over that and I must give him credit for carrying the movie because there can be no denying it - annoying as he is, the boy can act. Also, the one or two (two, I think) moments where I actually did manage to follow what was going on in the Bay-fest carnage he likes to call action, well those moments were good. In fact, I would go so far as to say those moments were truly awesome!
Unfortunately, one or two great moments is nowhere near enough to qualify a film as anywhere near "good"... -
While undoubtedly this movie is going to make a ton of cash because of the brand name Transformers, and ILM's special effects it saddens me as a long time Transformers fan to see this franchise be utterly and completely altered till it is unrecognizable. In fact the only thing that ties this with transformers would be the premise, the logos and the title, and maybe optimus prims iconic head design. Other than that, the story, characters and designs fail on every single level except for inducing the ADD addled brains of bay apololgists to go "ooh" "ahh" to the insane amount of action going onscreen to make up for the fact that they ditched the potential for a massive space sci-fi epic for a sophomoric story about a teenager trying to get laid, and the robots that seem to make that a little harder to do.
I have been following this project closley, since I have always been a fan of the original source material, yes, it was cheesy at times, yes, most of the time it was a huge toy commercial "but seriously what wasn't in the 80's?"
But at the heart of it it had likeable heroes AND villians. Iconic designs and a much better origin story and motivation for both the good guys and the bad guys than this movie was EVER intending on having.
And no I am not a person who wanted an exact copy of G-1 but I did hope for designs that at least showed some EFFORT to get it right, a story that actually FOLLOWED the original for the most part, and focus on the transformers themselves as characters.
To get someone up to speed, the premise is simple, sentient robots crashland on earth millions of years ago only to be reactivated by some sort of geological event, a boy and his father get caught in the middle of a battle between the heroic autobots, and evil decepticons, that hail from a planet called cybertron. The decepticons wish to revitalize their planet called cybertron by taking earths energy which they can refine into energon and create a space bridge to reactivate cybertron, a planet they ruled before crashing to earth. So the autobots stop at nothing to destroy the decepicons before they destroy the world and bring about it's total destruction.
So yeah, transformers purists are pissed off because we see the potential for a much better story, much better designs and characterizations that actually make the autobots seem much more relatable and the decepticons much more brutal. They have completely ignored the relationships between the characters that we were hoping for. The sneering resentment of Starscream at megatron, the laid back attitude of Jazz, Ironhide's redneck attitude of asskickery, Soundwaves blind devotion to megatron, and the fact any semblence of the origonal story in spirit or form has been glossed over to provide a vehicle for splosions and cool FX.
This is how you completley wreck a franchise, and IF and WHEN this sequel get's made you will finally see that there has been zero thought in actually creating this movie as a Transformers movie, just a quick cash in on a hugley popular name by a guy who hasn't made a decent movie since the Rock. -
And you're spending time complaining about me, meta-complaining if you will. I'm not complaining about a review here, because this wasn't a review. Vern admits it. I went back over his other reviews to show people how stupid this 'review' is. Much like how some people will drag out Harry's Armageddon review when he bashes a 'popular' movie.
Just because this is a website for reviewers, doesn't mean that they should actually put effort into reviewing the movie they're watching. And by review, I don't mean blow the director and spit it out all over the talkbacks for us to wash ourselves in, nor do I mean assault us with low-brow semantics in an effort to bully us into thinking that being entertained is a bad thing. WTF? Enjoying this movie means I'm a fucking retard? And you think I'm a douchebag? -
Someone actually demanding quality and not accepting craption as a substitute! Oh my god. Glorious.
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I didn't say he was stupid. I said he let his pride get the best of him. He's obviously an intelligent guy, with some wit no less. I said I enjoyed his Die Hard Review for the above attributes. It's just that when it comes to certain directors like Bay, or Anderson, some self proclaimed Geeks thinks it hurts their reputation and intelligence to review a film fairly. I don't care if he didn't like it. I may not like it. But to let oneself go like that is just insulting, especially if one is in a position of a reviewer. That review should not have been written by someone intelligent, and those words should have have come out of someone who is in control of his or her enthusiasm. There's nothing in that review that I can take seriously. It was one bad joke after another, just like he said the film was. If anyone was insecured, it was the person that wrote the review. He obviously can do better, just not here...
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damn.. i'm going to see it in a couple of days and i feel worried now instead of excited. Transformers "THE MOVIE" only in my mind i guess. I'm just confused. An honest review actually. Good job.
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He said the action was hard to follow, the robots were ugly looking, and there was no tension or drama due to a lot of bad humor. That sounds like a review to me. And he said he doesn't get how other people like it, especially those that basically admit all of its flaws but still say it's good because it's just a popcorn movie. None of this sounds unreasonable to me.
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It could only because deep down they know exactly how awful this crap is but they can't help themselves. Like the fat kid who cries because he just can't stop eating that candy bar. I expect any myriad of excuses to pop up over the course of this talkback. The favorite so far is that it's an invalid review because their fragile feelings were hurt by it. Bullshit. Insecurity is a bitch.
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It is sad to think that some people like Vern feel so threatened by movies made by Michael Bay (not sure yet why they feel so threatened) that they have to attack him. His review seemed pretty childish, almost as if he was just using it as an excuse to hit Bay below the belt as much as possible. For crying out loud the man made a pretty damn good movie considering his material consisted of giant robots that came from outerspace. Give the guy a break people and stop worrying if someone might think you are less intelligent for enjoying a Michael Bay movie. I would normally not break down someones personal opinion, but this review did not seem like an opinion. I think Vern was pissed because he was tricked into thinking this flick would cure cancer. Now he feels foolish and must attack the movie like it failed as being the proverbial messiah as if that was what the purpose of the movie was. I don't know, I guess it makes me giggle that someone could waste so much energy on talking about how much they hate something. Write your review, state your opinion but don't be so damn immature about it.
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That synopsis made me sad for what COULD and SHOULD have been.
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Jul 03, 2007 7:49:02 PM CDT
THE MOTHERFUCKING RETURN OF DAMN YOU MICHAEL BAY!!!!!!!
by bringingsexyback
Vern you have reaffirmed my faith in humanity. I can't even believe you and Harry panned a movie that was loved by Mori, Yack and Messi. Fucking insane.
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Giving examples from the film. Talking about the chinsy human story and the horribly directed action. Sure he rails against the idiot public, but they need railing against. Just because he recognizes a problem with how this country interprets art nowadays and you feel insulted by it doesn't mean he isn't dead right.
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That is if Jazz dies. If that is the case, you should put the little box around it.
That's a pretty bitter review, to the point where it becomes a little hard to take seriously. -
Holy shit is right. This goes beyond the whole TINO crap and eners a whole new realm of What The Fuck?!? For all of you out there who say to take it for what it is, what exactly is that?
Is this what we expect from spectacle now? Lame jokes piled like turds around senseless, impossible-to-folow fight scenes? There is no pacing here, no choreography, no art whatsoever.
My one disagreement with Vern is that of this movie's ultimate fate. He seems to think that it will be a joke, a flop, a Roadhouse or Showgirls that people nudge eachother over and say, "what were they thinking with THAT one?" At the showing I attended, the theater absolutely exploded with applause once the mess ended. I guess expectations are simply lower nowadays.
I will, though, share my personal favorite sequence,as, like Vern said, it wasn't ALL bad. Near the end, in the middle of the metal pieces tumbling around "fighting," there's a guy walking down the street with an xbox 360 box in his hands. He's holding it out in front of him like a pizza box, as if simultaneously saying, "look, its an xbox 360, Buy this, not one of the other videogame systems, kids," and, "hey animators, here's that xbox 360 you're supposed to animate." Then, for some reason, the box sprouts legs and becomes an xbox 360 transformer. And you can buy the transformers movie game for the xbox 360! Does it get any more meta than this?
If there IS a sequel, I hope it opens with two fat kids playing xbox and drinking mountain dew, when CHOO-CHOO-CHOO, all the sudden they're face to face with two VERY deadly product tie-ins. -
This was a great flick.
Yes I can do without the peeing scene and A Anderson and the little robot.
But Peter Cullen nailed Prime and was so good.
Looks like you went into this knowing that Talking Robots would suck, and you hated it the second you walked in and sat down.
To have time to Develop more Character Development you need fewer characters and you just can't do that in a first movie like transformers.Who the hell wants to see a movie with just Bumblebee and Prime and like two bad guys(Lame)
Yes the Flames on prime suck but when he was on screen you were just so happy that PRIME is there!
This is the SUMMER MOVIE of the year not S3 OE P3 OR SHREKcrapy 3
this is the movie you have been waiting for all summer.
Oh and this is the first time I thought you did a Bad job in your review but oh well have a good one. -
MY GOD! It is like the rollerskates in Superman 2 except XBOX paid a lot of money to be in the movie. It is like a 2 1/2 hour skit from Wayne's World..."Nuprin: little yellow, different".
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Okay so I read Harry's whiney review earlier complaining about how much the movie missed out on following Shia's character and how it's all about the robots. And Vern says it's all about Shia and NOT about the robots. WHICH ONE IS IT ASSHOLES?!? You people are so retarded. Can't you just review movies with clear head and not pre-concieved notions?!?
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I think I'm going to down about two or three shots before the movie starts, and then continue drinking from a Sprite bottle filled with light rum.Hopefully, my experience with this film will be better than others.
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Yeah, that would be a review. Now explain the other 4200 words. For example: "In TRANSFORMERS they say things like "It's a robot. You know, like a super advanced robot. It's probably Japanese," and you're supposed to laugh."
This is how I picture Vern at the movie. He's got his yellow notepad out and every couple minutes he lets out this long, exasperated sigh, rolls his eyes and yells out "Oh my GOD people, you're idiots for watching this" as he digs his hand into a bag of Fuzzy Peaches and stuffs them in his mouth. Meanwhile, the people that are sitting behind him, enjoying the movie want to punch him in the back of the head for ruining what they see as a well-spent $17 night out away from their jobs where they don't get to sit around all day and get paid to write long diatribes about the movie they saw last night. -
So they didnt have time to develop the robots...BUT did have time to develop ohhh 20 human characters? They left so little time for Robots that Starscream and Megatron share ONE line together. Then the decepticon are nearly indistinguishable. I am going to go ahead and call bullshit on that one.
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"they don't have the magic of childlike innocence in their hearts or whatever." and neither do you. What 80 year old man goes to see "The Transformers"? oh and "...none of those arguments hold water with me." I dont think you can hold water anymore gramps. Im an adult with 4 boys. They loved it. they were on the edge of their seats, they laughed, they bounced and at the end proclaimed it to be the best movie they've seen. Me personally? yea it lacked any kind of depth, but the transformers never had it and theyre not supposed to. Even when you try to "logically" explain their existence, you cant! Evenif they did exist they would learn from tv, the internet and media in general just like young boys between the ages of 8 and 17 who have not had any real life experience. "TALLADEGA NIGHTS THE BALLAD OF RICKY BOBBY is indeed a high quality comedy, well executed with many laughs, etc." well no wonder you didnt get the humor of this movie. I know of no one that found talladega nights funny. Will ferrels worst movie ever. You also love behind the mask so much but even that movie dissapointed with the ending and it played like a sci-fi direct to video film. so to show that you can make any movie/film seem bad let me give you an example with your own list..."DIE HARD was a blockbuster/popcorn/summer/event movie" with the same plot as every terrorist/robber/action movie ever made. "So was ALIENS" as an over the top exploitation of the original. And "TERMINATOR 2" which was more about eye candy than furthering the story which repeated the original. "RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK" Ill give you that one. "STAR WARS." worst acting and dialogue of all time. "JAWS." not believable enough. "ROAD WARRIOR." mel gibson sucks at everything. "PREDATOR." an arnold schwarzenneger movie. "ROBOCOP." Ill give you that one too. "TOTAL RECALL." a cartoon. "THE MATRIX." mr. reeves acting is horrible. "LORD OF THE RINGS." a piece of literature that will never be given enough justice, not even from the brilliant peter jackson. So see, even the greatest movies of all time can be reduced to nothing because in the end...ITS JUST A FUCKING MOVIE! of course most of us dont make a living off of it because that would be ridiculous. Transformers 2007 is as best as this story is going to get. and there will be more to irritate you in your old folks home.
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He nailed it right on the head. and it's sad when the only argument people have against vern is "what were u expecting schindlers list 2 or shakespeare" umm he already addressed that issue in the review so please have a more intelligent response. Sadly this is what we're reduced to now, arthouse movies that are overly pretentous at times and summer flare crap that doesn't even make an effort to be good. Fitting for our bipolar society, but one thing is for sure, KIDS aren't that stupid so quit saying it's made for kids so kids will like it, you know what kids can like smarter stuff if u give it to them.
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That will PWN all these douchey summer movies.
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That action movie had too much action in it. That Dramatic Movie had too much drama in it.
It is supposed to be an action movie; it delivered. What else were you expecting it to be? I think a bunch of you kids need some more fibre in your diets. -
I was thinking about it the other day and realized that I have seen every one of Michael Bay's films in the theater. Every one! But, I only kinda' liked Bad Boys & The Rock, and absolutely hated everything else. I couldn't believe that it was possible. So, I'm not going to see this one. I'm going to save myself the frustration. And Vern, I totally agree with you on the overly complicated designs on these robots. My complaint for months is that I couldn't really "see" the robots even though I was looking at them. It has to be worse in the actual movie.
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that is some of the stupidest shit i have ever read. Too bad your kids will only have a moron of a dad to look up to who thinks it's ok to dumb down shit. Jezus what a fucking idiot.
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I mean how could they make a movie about robots and not include Auschwitz in there somewhere? And color photography? Talk about a wasted opportunity!
Come on dude, OF COURSE I didn't ask for it to be SCHINDLER'S LIST. I understand my review is long-winded so you probaly forgot most of the stuff I wrote, but how many different ways can I explain this? I want a movie to be ENTERTAINING. To me it failed.
To go with your porn analogy, I wasn't criticizing the plot in a porno. I was criticizing it because I couldn't tell what was a dick and what it was penetrating and there were about 200 too many nipples on the girl so I couldn't tell if she was right side up or doing a cartwheel.
For the record, I like that Mr. Fire went back through my other reviews, and I stand by those quotes. I don't see any contradiction between "HOLLOW MAN 2 isn't as bad as you'd expect" and "TRANSFORMERS is fucking garbage." I just wish the quote from this review would've been the part about welding together a ball of car parts and rolling it down a hill. That was the best part.
Also, while I'm sorry to get so many people mad, I'm glad it's a negative review that got you mad. Sometimes I feel like people only like me when I'm negative and get mad when I'm positive. So I at least appreciate it on that level. thanks guys. -
articulated poster in this entire talkback. To call the action in Transformers "horribly directed" is downright stupid. If ppl can't differentiate the different robots they have a problem. My 10 year old nephew had no problem doing that.
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Seriously, you point out either an opinion or small chink in the armor of those great movies and say you win. That is fucking classic.
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But seriously, I enjoyed Transformers despite its flaws. I will be seeing a second time tomorrow so maybe my opinion will change after a second viewing.
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are trying to justify the fact that they enjoyed the film. here's a tip: if you liked it, fine. don't feel ashamed. it doesn't make you an idiot. it just means you have the ability to turn into one for a couple hours. you don't have to bend over backwards trying to find a logical way to call out someone that thought Transformers was a piece of garbage.just face up to the fact that you liked the garbage. there's no shame in it! hell, that's what Mori's review basically said.
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YEAH SURE....MEHHH
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This isn't a review by a longshot. This is (as mentioned earlier) a hateletter that you have been waiting for months to publish. I couldn't care less about negative reviews (and this isn't getting rave reviews everywhere just check rottentomatoes) but I do find it disgusting when people use their position to shovel out personal agendas camouflaged as something else.
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did your kid get it right? You say he could pick out one robot from another, I ask did he get it right? Cuz that would mean u did cuz u would have to tell your son "yeah that was starscream or that was megatron"... cuz I highly doubt your ten year old could tell the difference or he probably got it wrong thinking one was ratchet when it was bumblebee or vice versa so your arguement doesn't hold water.
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I could Do without sam's girl in the movie she sucked. And Yes the movie needs more Megatron and Starscream but but on the whole for a first movie with all the characters that are there this was not to bad.
I was pissed Bay named the fucking tank the Dev, that was crap.
But Still this is the first summer movie this year that i was jumping in my seat and loving every second Prime was there.
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Vern, what did you think about the JJ Abrams trailer for the project with no name yet? This movie had a lot of potential. and then Bay got involved. I loved that they got the right voice for Optimus, but didn't like the lips, the flames, or the nose on that truck. I hated Boombox because his sounds were so annoying. I also remember thinking there was something off with this movie several times and then stuff would explode and I would think Oh yeah, this was Michael Bay!
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so all negative reviews are hate letters, dude make some fucking sense. and is hamsterdk short for hamsterdick?
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Most reviewers, the good kind anyways, can express their opinion of a movie without resorting to hyperbole; and from this you can gauge how they'd rate movies against each other. IE I'm pretty sure Ebert would rate Citizen Kane higher than Debbie Does Dallas. From what I read from you, Uwe Boll directed this while standing on his hands with a Leader-1 Gobot toy hanging from his balls. You? Hell no, you can take a very middling movie such as this, which has some great points, some good points, some gray points and some gay points and make it sound like an abomination on film, or like you say "Fucking garbage"
What's the fucking point of 'reviewing' it, if you're not going to give your audience at least some semblance of honesty? You've just crapped out a bunch of polarizing words that have less to do with a movie than they do with how you want people to react. If Transformers as a movie symbolizes the end of civilization as we know it, so does this review.
Fuck 'em if they like it, they're terrorists anyways.
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The point you made about the robots being so damn ugly has been echoing what we, the TRUE fans of Transformers have known and been saying ever since we saw those fucking TERRIBLE character designs. You can't see shit. There's nothing iconic about them as there was the originals.
I made a point in another talkback that if you take the old G1 designs or hell, any of the designs from subsequent shows, you would almost instantly be able to tell which Transformer it is just by looking at it if it was silhouetted. Take for instance, Megatron, right off the bat you'd be able to tell it's Megatron because of that huge fucking arm cannon. Then look at movie Megatron or MINO. Would you be able to tell him from the other characters? No. Why? Because Megatron is a FUCKING ICONIC CHARACTER DESIGN that EVERYONE and their mother knows. How come the idiot character designers couldn't just update the designs here and there and yet keep what made the character an icon?
Same with Optimus Prime, Jazz, Starscream, Ironnhide, hell even Scorponok from Beast Wars. All are here yet no one can fucking tell who's who. This movie is a fucking injustice to the fans who have followed Transformers since the beginning. Michael Bay once again shows he's an utter failure as an artist and as a filmmaker. The only ones who retain any kind of integrity is ILM since they were just told what to do and Im sure what they did is amazing. But fuck me if I'm going to pay to see this shit, hell, I'm not even going to watch it if someone pays me. Seriously. -
Okay, we have established that I am a hater who hated on stuff and just was hating all over and what not. Let me ask you guys this. What did you like about the movie? Give examples.
Also, if you can tell the robots apart, please tell me who the different robots are, who fought who and what they looked like. But not if you are using reference materials or already knew their names going in, only if you can do this from having seen the movie once. -
Now, that's a movie to watch with your' brain turned off, but I'll be damned if it wasn't a great movie about Christ killing (kinda) the undead.
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"I want a movie to be ENTERTAINING. To me it failed."
That's fine. Hey, that is what movies are generally supposed to do. But I still think you are hating this movie because you hate the genre. It is supposed to be lite escapism. Nothing more. Maybe the big problem you had was that while most people who were watching it were escaping from their jobs, you just happened to be in the middle of work.
I still say this movie gave just what was asked of it. If it's not your genre of movie, go watch Ratouille (watch out though, it also isn't Schindler's List)... -
That's the Transformers review I've been looking for. I've been ranting and raving on the same topics since seeing the midnight showing. "Stop over-analyzing it," big moronic sellout people say, "It's just a summer event flick." What the fuck is that supposed to mean? If summer event flicks suck, are we going to stop paying to see them? I remember when "Summer EVENT film" made me EXCITED to see the movie. Not bummed out. It used to be, "Summer event film? AWESOME." Now it's, "Shit -- it's another fucking summer event film???" I'm glad Vern brought up the product placements. Wish he spent even more time on them. The movie has so many ads the corporations should pay for our tickets AND suck our dicks just for watching this 2 and a half hour commercial. This movie had NO tension, NO character development, NO anything other than FX and corporate ads. Have we really fallen to this level? Is this all it takes to get us excited? Summer movies used to rule. So fuck all y'all telling me to turn my brain off and that's a "movie about robots." So was The Iron Giant and it was great.
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my favorite movie of the last few years was Spring, Summer, Autum, Winter and Spring and yet I love Bay films.Is it a purley infantile appreciation? Is it an ironic thing? Probably a bit of both. I love laughing at Bay films, waiting for the next 'Bay' moment or shot of an american flag.Maybe it's because i'm english and find the whole patriotic music video style so absurd that i can only laugh.All I know is that for all my taste and interest in the fine art of film I can't wait to see this piece of shit.
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The best reviews I have read of this movie where bad ones (Poland's one of them). I don't give a shit what reviewers think about any movie and I never participate in these talkbacks about the reviews. But as I said, anyone with a brain can tell Vern's sharade wasn't a review. Oh and my nephew is clearly more intelligent than you, so my arguments hold that water just fine.
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Seriously, Vern, this is your defining hour. What a truth-telling, bull-cutting fucking film review, amazing! If you were Theoden, this would be your battle of Helm's Deep, where you recite the ominous poem and ride out into battle gloriously.
The excellence of this review actually improved my day, that's how good a review it was. It described the movie, it discussed the movie, it put the movie in context, it drew larger conclusions from the movie's example. Amazing, man, the bar has been raised! -
I love this guys stuff yes I think he got it wrong on Transformer but Oh well.
The man still writes good stuff and I think most people on this site look for Vern's review over Harry's(hell Harry's reviews suck and no one takes that man serious)
So give Vern a break for not loving a Fucking great movie, well a good movie. -
I always get pissed when people complain that things don't make sense in movies like these. Like when Vern writes, "I secured my brain safely in a locker at the Greyhound station like you're supposed to and I attempted to lower my standards." Dude, cars are turning into robots. I think you're standards are already too high if you think that a movie is going to convince you that this will truly happen. It's like when people complained about the odds of a meteor crashing right next to Peter Parker in Spiderman 3. You know what the odds are of a meteor crashig next to him? About the same as getting a spider bite and being able to climb up walls. So I say to you all, relax and enjoy robots beating the hell out of each other and enjoy all the clevage shots. (That's the other thing that gets on my nerves, when people complain about the actress in the movie with the big tits, saying that she can't act. Of course she can't act - she was cast because she has big knockers. If they wanted someone who could act, they'd get Meryl Streep, but who really wants to yank one off thinking of her.)
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My personal agenda is that I love movies and hope for more quality storytelling and maybe a little vision. Even in these lowbrow and genre movies, because those are the ones I like most.
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door it would defeat the purpose. I can only love Bay because I spent so long hating him. As I grew over the years to understand film I have found it easier to enjoy stuff that 5 years ago I wouldn't touch.
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I haven't seen it but the negative reviews so far have been negative for opposite reasons. I'm having a hard time taking any of the positive or negative reviews seriously now. I guess people just can't think without bias whether it's you're for/against Bay or whether it's fanboy Transformers mentality on this film. I'll have to see it myself.
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Pass it on.
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First time Prime Transforms - Sam Buying the car - First fight scene with the Police car Baricade - Blaclout fucking shit up in the desert- Jazz the Autobot Breakdancinghe is the small sports car - Prime saying rollout gave me chills - Prime and Megatron fighting and prime says (One Shall Stand One Shall Fall)hell that had me jumping in the air.
There is just to many good things to mention Vern just go see the thing again. -
and watched the show religiously.
I loved the movie. Just wish Jazz hadn't been killed and that we'd seen Iron Hide and Ratchet in action a bit more... they practically don't do anything.
But c'mon, it's Transforming cars and trucks and tanks and F-22s! It was sweet. I don't care what stuck-up Michael Bay haters say.
I also loved The Rock. But I hated Armageddon and agree with Vern's friend that Bad Boys 2 might be the most hateful movie I've ever seen. But I don't give it that as a badge of honor.
Oh, and I thought the W. joke on AF1 was awfully forced. But c'mon, the Transformers were AWESOME! -
This guy took the designs and bridged the gap between insanity and simplicity... Once again what could have been...
Megatron Poster
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/56142506/
His Gorgeous Soundwave
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/50216886/
His Simple Ratchet update
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/44036253/
Now I am just saying there there is a lot more potential there then what appeared on screen. -
They sound like people who voted for Bush in 2004: defense and frightened.
Or people who watch TV or read fashion magazines and when you ask them why, they say "OH, I ONLY DO IT SO I CAN KEEP TABS ON ALL THE TERRIBLE OUTRAGES THAT THEY ARE PERPETRATING. " -
Jul 03, 2007 8:27:33 PM CDT
VERN YOU DON'T HAVE TO JUSTIFY YOURSELF TO THESE HATERS
by bringingsexyback
Your review spoke for itself. MrFire obviously misses the point of AICN reviews. They're supposed to opine with unreserved, brutal honesty. If he wants to read a sedate review, let him read Roger Ebert. For the rest of us, we loves you the way you are. Just stay Vern, Vern.
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Jul 03, 2007 8:27:41 PM CDT
I couldnt read Vern's review past the second paragraph
by howaboutanicecupofgofuckyourself
just sounded like a kid that didn't like what he got from santa or something. Christ.
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Jul 03, 2007 8:30:27 PM CDT
Transformer opinions will be like the 2008 elections
by howaboutanicecupofgofuckyourself
everyone arrogantly refusing to budge on what they believe despite anything the other half of the nation says. That's some scary shit right there
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This movie rocked and is gonna make butt loads of money. And Vern, this movie is ten times better than Hollow Man 2 and Starship Troopers 2. As a matter of fact, I would rather watch a man shit in a bucket for 2 hours than watch Hollow Man 2 again.
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and from any other director I would except more.Idealy all films like this should be handled with the care that Speilberg, Jackson and Cameron lavish them.But Bay is the furthest extreme you can imagine from the artistic element of film. And without that the world would feel empty to me.I like the fact that we have a director like Bay who represents the lowest common denominator, the bottom of the barrel, the anti-christ.I'm glad there is better directors but they can still exsist along side Bay.It's like a beautiful reminder of how bad film can be and I would be sad without that reminder.Can anyone actually say they would like it if there was no such thing as bad films? What would we compare the good stuff to? What would we laugh at?
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Thanks for having the guts (and the taste) for calling this movie out for the piece of steaming crap that it is! You "Rock" (and not in a Michael Bay movie kind of way)!
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about your nephew being smarter than me i ask this: do what vern said, pick out each robot in each scene and tell me if your nephew can 1, tell me which robot is which and 2 get it right? cuz unless u had access to the film projector and go scene by scene there's no fucking way you could verify what your nephew saw or got right. Hey your nephew maybe smarter than me, i have a Masters Degree in history btw, but I am obviously a hell of alot smarter than you.
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it's spelled c-h-a-r-a-d-e you dumb fuck
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"Transformer opinions will be like the 2008 elections
Transformer opinions will be like the 2008 elections everyone arrogantly refusing to budge on what they believe despite anything the other half of the nation says."
You seem to be exactly the polar opposite of what I am saying, so I'll answer you. You see, this is a Summer Popcorn Movie. It doesn't effect the next four years or taxes and wars at all. It's pure escapism and is meant to shield us from those horrible realities of the future. It's just a movie; not an important one. But it is fun.
Just like porn, it's supposed to get your fluids going. You don't even have to remember what just transpired before once you're done. Just clean up your mess and get on with your day, washed in the afterglow of a good time.
Vern seems to think that a Popcorn Movie is supposed to change his Religion. Nope. Just blow your load and walk away. Don't even have to snuggle after.
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Whether I end up loving the movie or not that will be the line I tell the people at work, to make myself look cool and witty. Taking total credit away from you. That said, I might just buy your book as clearly unlike '500 movies you must see' I probably haven't seen the movies your reviewing and will probably enjoy them more than the films themselves. That said, what about fantasy casting for Go Bots the Movie?
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so that's YOUR definition of a popcorn flick. if YOu want stupid shit then fine but don't be saying all summer popcorn flicks have to be stupid, and btw there are shitloads of movie makers who became movie makers after watching Star Wars (popcorn flick) there are people who are now in NASA because of STAR WARS and STAR TREK and other "popcorn" flicks. BECAUSE good movies are good movies wether they have action or no action, wether they're summer popcorn flicks or arthouse flicks. so please that argument of it's just a "popcorn" flick has been used to death and VERN even addressed it.
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Someone has finally said it! Transformers sucked in every way imaginable.
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What we are dealing with is a paradigmatical shift in the form of cinema. We are dealing with a spectacle-based cinema instead of a story and character based cinema. A lot of this has to do with the VFX and computer advances. However, if you notice the filmstock has changed as well, and with 2K and now 4K colour correction processes, you have a homogenity of cinema as it stands right now. Look at a great robot film like T2- what you have is intelligently designed action sequences with technical advances that were researched and created to AID THE STORY. That's the beauty and genius of James Cameron. Now, Michael Bay, coming from a commercial background, which is essentially a bunch of memorable shots, is not a storyteller, and not an innovator. Michelangelo and Leonardo were innovators. They were architects and artists. They were firmly rooted in the advancement of the medium. They didn't do it for fame and prestige like Michael Bay's reasoning for making films. Michaelangelo didn't say "wow, painting the Sistine Chapel would be really fucking cool" they did it because they had a virtuous artistic reason. They had to do it to push themselves as artists- it was a catharsis. What we have today in cinema is MTV style cutting and shooting, a deadening of the medium. Michael Bay didn't innovate, he built on the VFX that currently exist, BUT BECAUSE HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO FUCKING PAINT (like James Cameron, both figuratively and literally) he can only ever strive to be a shadow of derivative. The medium is becoming bereft of artists and storytellers who can legitimately move the medium forward instead of being a bunch of fucking posers. There are no more Fellinis, and if there are, no studio will back them. Yet those artists of times long since past are revered by film historians and film guilds. So they honor the old guard well telling it to fuck off in the present because, as Michael Bay embodies, it is the corporatization of an artform. I can remember reading all the stories about how well Transformers "tested". Bullshit. You don't make films by committee and you don't make films for corporate sponsors. In fact, there hasn't been an actual "film" made in years. As you mentioned, we haven't even had "movies" made in years- each idea new, interesting and stimulating. Even in the art world we are facing films which have to fit within the acceptable paramaters of "fringe". So on both ends, we have massive polarization, with no middle ground. No more Orson Welles, hell, no more John McTiernan or Philip Noyce. Just fuck it all to hell and collect your paycheck- that's the world we live in now. When the public pays to see a piece of garbage such as this, it shows true cynicism as we witness the death throes of a once vibrant medium, and Michael Bay is the Jack Kevorkian.
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And the Decepticons needed to be shown Actually plotting and interacting with each other. Half of them just appear out of NO WHERE. There was never a since that they were working together to find Megatron and the Allspark.
All of the obnoxious horsing around and "humor" digressions should have been cut out and replaced by Decepticon development.
I'm sure there will be an extended cut; hopefully they will fill in the Decepticon gaps. -
Enough of the damn "micheal bay sucks" bandwagon shit...its gettin pretty old! people were cheering during the movie, applauding at the end, and having a great time!
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On ALL counts. Good job, man.
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Holy shit I got to see the trainwreck this thing has become. I'll just thing back on this review and have grand old time while having paid a ticket for Die Hard 4.
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A movi by a director who clearly respects neither his audience or his source material?
That is so wierd.
I can understand defending a misunderstood gem, but this cynical exercise?
Is this really the Transformers movie you were hoping for? Is it even half as good as it could have been? Be honest. Or is it just riding off the good will of cherished childhood memories and amazing effects?
And the "But my kid loved it" gambit is no good. We love all kinds of unmitigated shit when we are young, doesn't make it good.
Before you whine at someone pointing out the willful mediocrity of this film, just consider the film you could have gotten. -
Own the first season on DVD and the 1986 movie. G1 designs in this movie would have looked gay as hell. Thank god Optimus wasn't that flat front rig. He looked cool as hell in this movie and that would have sucked. And thank freakin' God that Bumble bee wasn't a fucking VW beetle seeing the camaro next to the beetle in the movie really makes you see how the bad he would have been as a beetle. Original doesn't=flawless. The original designs weren't that good. They were upgraded.
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people like blood sausage too, people are morons...
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to bash Vern. As evidenced by budbundy1978's post.
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Star Wars, Star Trek, etc are exactly the same. They are mindless action pics. I'm a big Star Wars fan, but even I admit that without the John Williams music in the background, it's just as simple as any other 'Popcorn Flick' (tm). They are fun, they take you out of your daily grind, and they entertain.
Dude, I think you agree with me more than you think.
If you want to go have a depressing dose of reality, click on the DrudgeReport. Oh hey look, Russia is setting up a new Cold War, China is also getting ready to attack us, our war in Iraq is still shit-bad. Pretty crappy, n'est pas?
Now we crack into the Omni-plex with a bag of Sour Kids and a Large Mountain Dew. WoW! Robots smashing the crap out of each other. Reminds me of the fun I had in my childhood while watchin' Star Wars.
Luke didn't have a soliloquy and Optimus doesn't either. Neither were supposed to. -
how anyone over the age of 10 could of loved this film is a mystery to me.
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Vern is so right. Walking Tall 2, Hollow Man 2, Starship Troopers 2 == good movies. Fuck this guy loves the cinema. I mean these movies are what film is all about. They didn't make these sequels to exploit the titles and rake in some dollars. Vern is right about everything. Movies are about art and substance and human emotions and Walking Tall 2 has it in spades. GO fuck yourself Vern and then watch some sci-fi originals, they seem to be up your alley.
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so people cheering is the gauge of a movie, ok i can accept that. I saw it in a college theater with a bunch of teenagers and twenty somethings, only about a third of the crowd laughed and at the end only about a third applauded so what does that say?
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Megatron and starscream looked too much alike and their characters and personalities should have been a lot more in the movie. Other than that I thought every robot was recognizable.
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If one of the Transformers stood squarely in front of the camera, held still and simply waved his arm across his body, visually it would get lost in the "squiggle" robot design. That's all the designs were: varying shades of Squiggle.
One of the most visually frustrating moments in the film is when Megatron grapples with Optimus. They tumble and do barrel rolls, crash into stuff and things explode, but the image is as tangled as a rat's nest. The designs were just too "complex."
The robots should have been a little more simple, blocky and (as ridiculous as this may sound) more brightly colored. Strongly contrasting colors are just more effective than muted ones.
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But don't worry, Eli Roth will be here as back-up shortly. Anyone who says a person is a "failure to humanity", or whatever the fuck it was Vern said up there while throwing his little temper-tantrum, because they liked a movie about robots (a movie based off a TOY LINE) needs to pull that nine foot long pole out of their ass (or in this case, Eli Roth's dick). Keep on sucking Hollywood's dick, AICN, it's not like you have any morals or values or anything left.
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and he claims Micheal Bay watches REBA religiously.
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Optimus Prime says that we humans are "a violent race," which is kind of hypocritical for some guys with guns growing out of their hands.
Those space savages will never learn to stop fighting, so let me refer to the X-MEN pictures instead. Dr. X-Man and Magneto disagree with each other, but they still respect each other and play chess together. Let's all be friends even if we are all so god damn wrong about this movie.
p.s. It just occurred to me. Is Mega-Tron a transformer? Did he ever transform? Or is he just a robot? -
I haven't even seen this movie and your review just sums up about 50% of the latest 'blockbusters' for the past 5 years to me.
The whole comedy relief has to be done right, in moderation etc.
Look at the little black guy in the limo in Die Hard or McLane's quips - they were funny and not all the time and well - they were well written!
I was tempted to see this movie but after this review - fuckit, I'll go see Die Hard instead.
Thanks for telling it like it is. -
a point but i think there are just as many good films made today as ever.The difference is the marketing.In the 70's studios marketed films such as The Godfather and Taxi Driver.Films of the same quality are still made but they are not billed as big releases.If one where to choose movies based on advertising and box office charts then all you would see is films like TF and Little Man.If like me, you read film magazines and try to find the good films then you will find that we have never lived in such a rich time for the medium of film.
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Sarcasm is hard to judge in TBs. But yours was dripping in it, right?
Right....?
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are u fucking kidding me? you're comparing TRANSFORMERS to STARWARS. I guess you didn't see the political parralels in star wars (even the original trilogy). I guess you missed all the zen philosophy that was also in star wars or star trek that was very topical and very current in it's stories (revenge, saving the environment, individuality vs. borg collective mentality)... your arguement is completely ridiculous, if you honestly can compare TRANSFORMERS to those two movies then....well fuck that's just stupid!
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It's a movie. If you'd rather watch something intelligent, I reccomend Ratatouille
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"Is this really the Transformers movie you were hoping for? Is it even half as good as it could have been? Be honest. Or is it just riding off the good will of cherished childhood memories and amazing effects? "
"And the "But my kid loved it" gambit is no good. We love all kinds of unmitigated shit when we are young, doesn't make it good."
TERF couldn't Transformers be some of that unmitigated shit you loved as a child. It wasn't a good cartoon, they made good changes. Get over shit you loved as a kid. -
It's spelled w-h-e-t-h-e-r
you dumb shit.
Christ I hate pedants, and people who like to spruik their qualifications.
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You wouldn't be able to follow the action. That was a problem of the movie.
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Kudos, Master of Shoguns.
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When will studios learn no one gives a shit about their paper thin characters and we wanted cool Transformers, not ghetto transformers or one's that die instantly as they fight. The last twenty minutes are worth it in my opinion but my god what horrible characters and dialogue. What was up with the Australian girl and Anthony Anderson they didn't even need to be in the movie.
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No it was not a great film, but it was a damn good movie. I think there is room in the world for high brow, medium brow, and even uni brow level entertainment. Some parts were strange like the extended masturbation discussion. They do realize every parent who takes a kid to this is now going to have to explain what it is. But overall I had a blast. I don't know if I would have wanted a deeper more serious Transformers movie. This was about the right depth for a cartoon designed to sell toys. Let Evangelion be the deep meaningful giant robot film.
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...are absolutely insistent that only idiots can enjoy it. Some are straightforward about stating it, while others occasionally decide to cushion the same old abuse with a flimsy qualifier. It all amounts to the same thing: people calling other people stupid because their tastes aren't the same. What an insulting notion, that someone is an idiot for enjoying a film that was designed to do nothing more than entertain by bringing pop-culture icons to life as they've never been before. What a grotesque parody of reason, that certain moviegoers somehow count for less because they enjoy frenetic action and larger-than-life characters who practically thrive on their own absurdity. Granted, I'll understand if I'm viewed as a hypocrite here. I bashed the intelligence of people who disliked Transformers in the talkback for Mori's review. It was a clumsy gesture of frustration, but I know I'm not the only one who's been there. Who enjoys being told something they like is dumb, after all? Maybe it's so hard to hear because so much of our selves are defined by our tastes. Maybe it's the other way around. I may not be the picture of innocence, but that certainly won't stop me from observing the disturbing way some of us have decided it's okay to lob personal attacks at the ones we don't see eye to eye with. I shouldn't target only the critics, because the guilty are on both sides. But you know, it's better to be part of the problem and admit to it than pretend everything's peaches and cream and go right on flaming. This nonsense won't stop, of course, but it really should.
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'oh films aren't like they used to be' when these same people won't take the time to experiment with films or put any effort into finding them beyond looking at the charts or reviews in a newspaper.
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His post is so fucking self-contradicting. On the one hand he lambasts AICN for propping up Eli Roth, on the other he bashes Vern for giving an honestly negative take on Michael Bay. Sorry Vern, but this douche is a moron, no two ways about it.
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Your post is as confusing as these robot fights. First you use a blowjob metaphor for people agreeing with me. Then you mention Eli Roth (not sure what this means, I'm kind of so-so on his movies), you mention some "failure to humanity" thing that I don't remember writing. Then the pole part completely lost me - I didn't agree with people who liked Transformers, so there is a pole in Eli Roth's dick? Dude, I am so lost. Then finally, Ain't It Cool News is "sucking Hollywood's dick" because I personally demanded more quality from, uh, Hollywood.
You know what bud, how bout we start over from the beginning. -
sorry i didn't think accidentally omitting an h was like substituting a s for c. Maybe if I say "you cpelled it wrong acchole" that might be better, and about the qualifications he called me dumber than his nephew, i had to respond
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Sorry about the multiple posts, but yeah, he transformed into some sort of futuristic plane thingie. He does it when he leaves the military base, and also during the orgy of destruction at the finale, when he's fighting with Jazz (the wannabe hip-hop bot), and I think at least once more when he and Prime are duking it out.
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For those who say "lighten up, this is a summer popcorn movie": is there any "summer popcorn movie" that you didn't like? If so, why not? And do you feel you need to lighten up?
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Listen, Star Wars just raped the crap out of a few genres and pasted them together into a movie with a great soundtrack. Other than better special effects (hey Transformers has great effects too!) it was just a simple cowboy movie in space.
If you want some political parralels, then we can say that fighting the bad Transformers can unite this divided world from hating each other over petty differences. The Star-Warsian Religions were just filler to connect like all other myths of the past to a recognizable part inherant in all of us. But if you think that made it important makes me think you were one of those morons that wrote 'Jedi' into the census list as your personal religion.
Star Wars is fun to watch, so is Transformers. Star Wars doesn't change how I see the world; neither does Transformers. Neither does Porn (and I'm more tired of reusing the 'porn' reference than you are of hearing it). Let's make this the final porn reference: why do you like watching porn when it doesn't have a great storyline, not done by a great director, and had horrible acting in it? Do any of those things stop you from cranking one off to it? I doubt it.
It's just a crazy movie kids. Nothing more. Don't kill anyone over it. -
And this was the best sci-fi/action movie I've seen since T2. Bar none. Can't wait for TF2.
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http://tinyurl.com/2zvdxa
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...killed my family, violated my dog, and painted flames on Optimus. It was kind of hard to lighten up after that little number.
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There are plenty of summer popcorn movies I don't like, but I don't think other people are idiots for liking them. My favorite movie of all time is Airplane, my taste is suspect to being with.
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there was breakdancing in the original 1986 movie when the autobots were briefly celebrating on the junk planet and i can only assume the same moves put into this movie were an homage to that scene.
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the arguement was that i or vern must have been dumb not to be able to tell which robot was which. Well i just had to say my qualifications because I couldn't tell which was which in the end sequence. like when Optimus said "sorry brother" at the end was he talking about Megatron or Jazz? why? cuz Bay doesn't care. so please if you're going to criticize please pay attention to the whole conversation.
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you should be able to rise above it all and state your case without resorting to insults. You lose the argument as soon as you do. Pulling up people for their spelling on the internet is pointless - you knew his intent and that should be enough.
On a side note - Vern is correct when he says we should just all get along. I don't understand the response of both sides to this issue. I enjoyed the film, but had a problem with the action being a blurred mess. I am not an idiot for enjoying it, and neither is Vern for not enjoying it.
I made my own mind up, and I don't need someone elses review, either positive or negative to validate my opinion. -
I personally only watch porn for like ten minutes and then thats that.Are you telling the film (ha film) is like slowly stroking your' shaft for 2 hrs. and then you have one orgasm at the end that seems good, only because you took so long in making it happen?I haven't seen Trannies yet, so I'm not sure the equivalent, and I'm not sure on the hate, in fact I'm dum on the whole movie.In fact I haven't seen any of the blockbusters this year, I've been watching movies from Netflix only.
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But I wouldn't, with my current critical faculties, make claims for them being any good. I honestly couldn't give a damn about fidelity to the source material. I wasn't into Transformers, although I can see that my post might suggest that. My point was more along the lines of being confused as to the passion of the defenders. Bay seems to be getting a pass on a number of things that he would ordinarily get crucified for, particularly by AICNers. And surely that's because people just love Transformers (it is a great, fun concept), regardless of whether this film really represents a quality effort at realizing them.
When I was going on about the film that could have been, I mean the one where all the elements that people loved from the show were skillfully crafted/adapted into an involving, satisfying and justifiably great film. If you think about it, it's not so unreasonable.
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Well said.
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I thought it was pretty kick ass flick. My wife even enjoyed it, though she thought Bumble Bee peeing on the Sector 7 dude's head was a bit much.
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fail on the 'fun' factor, the 'over-the-top' factor.A lot like this fail on basis of not having any substance or heart what-so-ever.But there are popcorn movies that have little substance and still don't have the 'fun' factor.I'd prefer TF to FF:ROTSS because FF:ROTSS bored me, it hardley even made me laugh.
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Man what is up with the all out attack. I have seen this twice, once with a sneak peek on base with some of the nations finest at Little Creek Amphibious base in Norfolk, and the second time at a regular plex. I mention the navy screening as these guys are genre nuts. They love this type of movie and have palates bathed in this type of fiction. These guys cheered the whole time, and laughed at most of the jokes. I am thirty years old, so I grew up playing with the G1 stuff, and was a kid when the animated movie came out. I have a childhood with this mythos and others (Voltron, Robotech, Tranzor Z,Thundercats, etc.)firmly grafted to that time in my life. I was so skecptical going in, as i was concerned that Bay would ruin the film. I enjoyed Armagedon, implausable though it was, hated Peral Harbor (disrespectful to a great generation), and thought The Island was at best ok.
No one walked into this film thinking it was supposed to be an art film. We knew it would be explosions, popcorn and lots of fast moving scenes. With bay there is always the touching moment with the symphony build up, and the balls to the wall scenes. Not a perfect movie, but fun. The regular showing was the same as the Navy group, and i have heard the same for many other screenings.
I liked the movie, and guess what, i don't have to justify to you why, i just get tired of reading bullshit opinions from people like you. I am sorry Vern I am sorry you wanted to hate it, and I am sorry that you proved too closed minded to do otherwise. But here's the good news: I hear Go Bots is in production and that Jem is still totally outrageous. With that kind of news you can probably afford to stop raining on the parade and maybe just maybe you will try learn to actually watch a movie with an open mind and not a preconceived notion of what you want before you see it. You were incapable of liking this and the whole bullshit racism in your review is pretty lame, did you actually reference chicken and watermelon? WTF, maybe you should go wash your white hood you sick fuck. -
that was a good review. A bit insulting to the people who like it (there's a difference between picking apart a movie and picking apart the people who actively enjoy it), but you illustrated your points. But c'mon, you honestly didn't think ANY parts of that end fight in LA were exciting? You found it so mind-numbingly awful and incomprehensible as to wonder aloud what was "wrong" with everyone else who did? I was not a huge fan going in, didn't know the robots' names by heart or anything, and I didn't have a problem discerning robot from robot, friend from foe. I think this is a case similar to that of BATMAN BEGINS, where if people got even a little disoriented at any point in a fight, they just mentally give up and start preparing their speech about how "confusing" the fights were. If you just watch what's on screen, it's not that hard. Admittedly, the jokes were hit and miss with the HITs being 1 for every 10 misses. Fine. Two peeing jokes in one film is a bit much, I agree. Jazz, Anthony Anderson and Bernie Mac was a LOT much, fine (do BOTH black characters have to scream at their mommas? Christ). But there's some shit in EVERYTHING. You mention T2, still a gold standard and for good reason. But the opening narration in both movies are not that far from each other in the cheese levels. One's about time-traveling robots, the other's about a big cube. You say Jazz is embarrassing. Well, John Connor's "Chill out, dickwad" is embarrassing, too. There's a lot of nostalgia that washes over a lot of crap in that movie (and others in your list), and to claim that TRANSFORMERS is utterly beneath them is being deliberatly picky about what you'll accept and what you won't. The only difference is that T2 is for 13 year olds and Transformers is for 12 year olds, so we get piss jokes instead of "This is deep." Anyways, it wasn't as bad as you make it out to be.
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wow you're serious, I'm sorry i just can respond to such a ridiculous arguement. TRansformers being the equal to star wars or star trek? I highly doubt there will be any future NASA astronauts who say they wanted to be engineers or such because they saw transformers as a kid.
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the movie was ridiculously bad (although I laughed at it and with it at times). but vern, your review is priceless! it's brilliant. in particular, your description of the action sequences as a big metal ball rolling down the street. I couldn't think of a more accurate description of all the action scenes I was looking forward to (because I held no hope for anything else being worth a salt). and the fact that the movie cannot take anything seriously for 60 seconds(!) also irritated the hell out of me afterward. but I do need to admit this: the robots looked a lot better onscreen than they did on all the leaked material. I'm a fan from childhood, and I hated the redesigns, but I think those actually worked. probably the only thing. also, was I the only one troubled by the fact that the little ewok sized decepticon that everyone seems to think is comic relief "for the kids" kills half a dozen guys with all the enthusiasm of duke nuke'em? this whole movie deserves a great big WTF?
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Spider-Man 3 waas a great popcorn movie, so was POTC3. Amazing popcorn movies!!!!!!!
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That might just be the definitive review of this movie, if you ask me. Hilarious and filled with well-argued points, that was a great read. Thanks for that.
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Thanks for still trying to find reason, consistency, and wit in films. Why are films such as this succeeding? It is because this is the Age of Rhetoric and all that we seem to want is loud noises and shouting down the opposition. We'll wave flags and put on stirring soundtracks and never look at the fallacies and hypocrisies that we are shouting in support of. Woe to us.
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"Are you telling the film (ha film) is like slowly stroking your' shaft for 2 hrs. and then you have one orgasm at the end that seems good, only because you took so long in making it happen?"
Um ya. How about a rollercoaster ride then? I'm talking about an adrenaline rush. Not just a mellow tug trying to build up your endurance. Though with 10 minutes; you might want to work on that. -
Why is every damn "review" on here so looonnnnngggg? Jesus Christ! You have to call off work if you want to attempt reading any of these ramblings. Talk about being in love with the sound of your own voice.
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kanossss maybe you're right maybe there is too much hate, it's only because almost everything is done purely for profit and not any kind of artistic integrity. Yes there used to be artistic integrity. I'm not talking about arthouse flicks there used to be an effort on all levels of film to make a good movie. Now it's not so much as trying to make a good movie as opposed how to market and sell it. We keep giving into shit and that's all we get. Now as i said earlier i didn't HATE this movie like VERN but to say it's FUCKING awsome when even the action sequences weren't that great, is mind boggling.
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Too soon? Too slow?
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"wow you're serious, I'm sorry i just can respond to such a ridiculous arguement. TRansformers being the equal to star wars or star trek?"
If it makes you feel better, I do agree that Star Wars is/are better movie(s). But it is not anymore 'important' than Transformers. Both are just fun summer romps. Nothing to get religious about, but fun none-the-less. -
Uh, dude. You're gonna lose. You're gonna lose bad.
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"Too soon? Too slow?"
LOL. I apologize. I'm just at the bottom of this bottle of Shiraz and I hope you took that as funny rather than rebuking. But ya, a little of both...
Good luck. -
I completely got the humor.I'm now cracking open my first can of Bud for the evening. I hope my posts don't start delving into innane jibberish, so I think I'll work on my wanking for a little while.
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They also stayed to watch most of the credits. I think it's gonna be huge. But I admit that most people are idiots. I guess I'm an idiot too because I liked it. Oh, well. Ignorance is bliss! Is Real World on? I'm going to have to start watching it.
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Jul 03, 2007 9:45:11 PM CDT
Why it's completely reasonable to pick apart the viewer
by industrykiller!
Vern have every right to go on a rant against people who like Transformers. In this day and age it goes beyond just liking or disliking a film. It's because of the growing number of apologists that guys like Michael bay keep working. Why a movie like Transformers is so polarizing when the filmmakers had every opportunity to appease both hardcore and casual fans. You guys keep buying this crap and therefore they keep making it. You are part of the problem. Because of Transformers eventual success it will only make the GI Joe movie worse (whenever they get around to making it). If you ever want thing to get better you MUST start holding people accountable for their bad taste. If I could get two Transformers movies made, one that caters to both you and I, i would do that, but I can't. Only one got made and it sucked, and a painfully stupid public is every bit as at fault for that as Michael Bay is. So vern not only has the right to attack this same public for their taste, but, as a massive fan of film, almost a moral obligation to do so. If it insults you too bad, you deserve to be insulted.
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Just came out of the movie...is there anyone out here who was also veery unimpressed by the special effects? I mean... they were great but still... not as great and "seamlessly blended with the live action" as a lot of people were describing them...
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The movie deserves less words than you gave it in your review, but you did a good job at outlining just how flawed this potentially entertaining film was.
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Would read again!
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Star Wars, a movie that is left off of absolutely no ones Best in Cinema History list and transformers, a movie that will be forgotten as soon as the box office slows down. We have truly gone off the deep end.
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Or douche bag girl, what ever her name is, should read this. This, honey, is how you write a review!
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is that however many of us where to take a stand against this type of film it wouldn't matter.People who love film do not make up the majority of film-goers.The majority is people like my mum who can't even concentrate on a film without icking up a womens magazine half-way-through.There have always been films made to appeal to the idiot demographic, they are just a bigger demographic these days. Not that they are getting less intelligent but the way films are marketed is meaning they don't have to choose anymore, they just go to whatever film is marketed most that week.
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the films we love will become less and less popular.In 10 years there will be many more brilliant films than ever but only a small number off us will see them.
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you dumb ass people that want movies to define your useless life will not enjoy it. But a person who wants to see a fun action movie will be pleased. Hell my girl even liked it. That's what a movie should do. Not define what you wanted when you were 10. Grow up and enjoy life
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But I still have to list transformers as a favorite on facebook.
Sigh... maybe james cameron will come in and make Transformers 2 the blow-the-first-one-out-of-the-water movie that Terminator 2 was. -
"You guys keep buying this crap and therefore they keep making it."
Ok. Maybe this point isn't being made properly. The fact of the matter is, I think movies like Schindler's List are VERY IMPORTANT and I wish that more movies would be done with as much integrity and importance. However, I don't need to see S.L. every time I go out to see a movie. I like to see different movies for different reasons. Sometimes I want to see something like Amistad or Blood Diamond. Sometimes I want to see Bond or Batman or Donnie Darko, or Clockwork Orange. Hell, sometimes I'll even crack on 'Grease' if it's on during a rainy afternoon. I'm just saying that there is enough room out there to enjoy different genres of movies for different reasons.
I don't hate Michael Bay for making his kinds of fun movies. Sometimes it's just fun to enjoy the smashing excitement of it all. Why is it so bad to enjoy the adrenaline of this kind of rollercoaster movie? -
I was going to see Strong Enough to Live Free, but Made to Die Hard tonight. Should Transformers sufficiently draw away the annoying philistines? I have no intention of watching a Michael Bay event film.
I agree with your friend about Bad Boys 2 by the way, right down to the director credit over the burning cross. From the casual interracial banter, to the cliched Joe Pantoliano anti-drug rants, to the extended comedy sequence staged around a dead woman's breasts, the movie is a cornucopia of bad taste. You don't even have to wait for the director credit shot either; it is barely a minute into the film when the first misogynistic "fucking bitches" is uttered. Truly a remarkable film, and one that will studied in universities for decades to come as a perfect depiction of everything wrong with the American ethos. -
Vern: "And if just because it's Transformers it's allowed to be inept, moronic garbage, then why are we going to see a movie based on Transformers in the first place?..."
limpl0uie: "And, by that I mean its a movie about giant robots fighting, directed by Michael Bay THAT WAS BASED OFF OF A TOY LINE FROM THE 80s! What were you expecting? If your answer was anything above entertaining...you're stupid. "
ShogunMaster: "This movie is porn for the action minded (or softcore porn, depending on your opinion of Megan Fox) and the story doesn't matter at all. Sit back, whip it out, and enjoy."
Eh Nam1313: "To have time to Develop more Character Development you need fewer characters and you just can't do that in a first movie like transformers."
budbundy1978: "he used to pay little boys to urtinate on him while he was dressed as a sheep herder..your review annoyed me..."
See, what you guys did, was, you kinda made Vern's point, which wasn't that you're an idiot for liking this movie, but that we (the moviegoing public) have been trained to spend our hard earned money on whatever bullshit Hollywood throws at us, and then shrug and say, "It was OK. Just fluff."
Well budbundy, your quote didn't really fit here, I just thought it was kinda funny and I wanted to see it again. -
It's still just an opinion whether you like it or not.
Did you stop to think that perhaps you are in the minority and that more folks like than dislike the film.
I am not defending the film, as my previous posts have already shown. There are things I liked and things I didn't. But you are setting a precedent when you say it's okay to rail against the people who like it. By your definition it's then okay for people to rail against you and Vern for not liking it.
I mean, after all it's an opinion, and a movie. It's not rocket science. Take 100 people and get their Best in Cinema History list. You may be surprised at what turns up and what is left out. If we all liked the same thing the world would be a very boring place. -
What were people expecting, really?
It's a movie version of a kid's cartoon, except with more "attitude" and some tits and ass.
Why would anyone be expecting an intelligent plot, deep characters, witty humour, when the original cartoon had none of that either?
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Nice one Vern. The sad fact is your review applies to the majority of 'big' films. You could literally replace every use of the word 'Transformers' with 'Van Helsing' or 'National Treasure' or 'Tomb Raider' (to name just a few), and every use of the name 'Michael Bay' with 'Paul WS Anderson' or 'Pitof' or 'Jan de Bont' and it would still be equally as valid, and saddening. Filmmakers and studios the world over should read this review, and feel ashamed.
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No a bad idea.
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films do not stop better films exsisting.And while it's true that Jackson, Cameron and Speilberg can make blockbusters with a heart and a brain like ET it wuld dissapoint me to lose the really shallow end of the spectrum that TF represents.You can have fun throw away action movies like Blood Diamond and still have intelligent films like Donnie Darko.I don't see why it has to be one or the other.
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I don't need Transformers to be a poignant socio-political drama, but there is absolutely no reason why it can't be a genre great on the level of Jurassic Park (which it isn't despite what mori says) or Terminator 2 for instance. Actually there is a reason, why the fuck would the studio take the time to actually write a good script and pay a good filmmaker to make a good Transformers movie when a willing public will literally eat up ANYTHING they produce as long as giant robots of any denomination are present? It's the same reason why after Matthew Vaughn and Bryan Singer dropped out of X3 the studio said "You know what fuck it, get Ratner, those fucking twits will come see any shit with the X-Men in it." Blood Diamond and Transformers existence aren't mutually exclusive, but a GOOD Transformers movie and a mediocre one most certainly are. See what I'm sayin?
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No, you don't need to justify liking the movie to me, but talkbacks are for discussing movies. So far I have seen probaly a couple hundred things that people forgave about the movie, and only one post where a guy said what he liked about it. I mean if I'm so wrong how come there is no passion for what's good about the movie? People could go on for years about what they love in STAR WARS or ALIENS. And they do. This movie kicked your ass but you're not sure why?
Anyway I just wanted to respond to you calling me a racist. I guess you didn't understand me but I was accusing the movie of being racist in that scene. If you didn't think that character was a minstrel show then I don't know what to tell you. Maybe it was supposed to be a parody of racist stereotypes in those cartoons, or in Michael Bay movies, I don't know. But I took it at face value. -
and jokes about a dead hooker's fake titties whilst eating robot fried chicken and watermelon. Now THAT'S a movie.
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That's EXACTLY what apologists have been doing for the last 6 months. The difference is they have been doing it without a shred of an argument. "It's based on a cartoon" and "It's big dumb summer fun" is the position of fools. So go ahead and rail all you want, just be sure to have a point when you do it.
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Haven't seen the film yet, but everything I've seen so far makes me think I'll enjoy the film less than I did reading your review.
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is why Bad Boys 2 needs to exsist. We need utter shit to show us how bad films can be. God I must have watched that film at least 10 times. Perfect when drumk in a room full of people.
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Save all the money from not going to see all this "terrible" movies and make your own movie.......
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Jul 03, 2007 10:06:56 PM CDT
pjdon Im not saying films like TF is the death of ALL..
by industrykiller!
cinema. No TF doesn't keep movies like The Departed from coming out. But it could very well be the death of good genre films. Sure one will come out now and again, but something that used to be routine is now almost extinct. And the more people buy garbage the harder it is for artists to even get their visions made. Whether you know it or not it's the truth.
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This movie was the cinematic equivalent of watching rednecks shoot off automatic weapons in a field and whooping. Even *for what it is* it's an abject failure.
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The movie is about a bunch of fucking robots coming to earth and disguising themselves as various objects. Based off a series of toys. It is about robots fighting. If you want tons of substance you should go elsewhere because even the basic premise of this movie screams thin plot. Star Wars has a thin plot. It has some nice banter and some good special effects to drive it to the top. Nothing special. To inject this movie with any sort of complex emotional value would be to directly conflict with its basic premise, that of toys fighting each other. You want some science fantasy(definitely not sci-fi, neither is Star Wars) action then look no further. The movie purports nothing other than what it is doing. If you don't like this kind of shit, don't watch it. Just like the movie 300, the trailer told you exactly what the movie was going to be and if you watched it and didn't like it was your own fault. Critics pound the movie for lack of substance when it was never trying for any. Thats like saying Anchorman wasn't serious enough. You either go into the movie wanting to enjoy it or you go into the movie against it.
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Jazz: "Pocket's ain't empty, cuh... check out these energon cubes bre!!!"
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In a way the running time suggests they weren't thinking "this is for idiots who can't pay attention" as some people have been saying. So I don't know. Maybe they thought they were making a huge epic.
You know what would be interesting would be to hear what Spielberg thinks of this movie, if you could get him to be honest about it. I don't see how he could be proud of it, but who knows? -
You can't compare Transformers to Spiderman, or Matrix, or Star Wars, Aliens or any of those movies, because it's not meant to be like them. It's just plain dumb to comapre them. The source material is different. The target audience is different. If you want to compare, then compare it with Pokemon The Movie, Scooby Doo, Garfield, etc, because the source material for those movies is at the same level as that for Transformers. I think the problem the haters have with this movie is just that it's being hyped so much and will make a buttload of money, unlike other throw away "kiddie" flicks.
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do you have kids? or are you one of the 40 something dorks that sat in the theatre and geeked out with their buddies? because when you have kids, you realize that there are more important things in life than FUCKING MOVIES! by the way, dumbing down stuff for kids is not what its about. Kids under the age of 13 are not as smart as you people who have never had to raise a child think. Get laid, have some of your own before you talk about what kids should and shouldnt be watching or understanding. Im here because i love entertainment. When I want intellectual stimulation, I hang out with friends. oh yea, I forgot that geeks only have cyber friends who pretend to be something they are not on the internet all day. It doesnt matter, even the negative feedback only makes this movie bigger. you know why? because your talking about it. If all you HATERS really wanted to see this movie suffer you would have kept quiet instead of bringing all this attention. I stand by what I said that every movie can be broken down. EVERY MOVIE with the exception of documentaries because real life is what the rest of us live in. The rest of you can have your jizz stained keyboards and parents basements. Verns right, he's lost touch and so have the rest of you. Its not your world anymore because you did nothing to change it. I point at people like you and tell my kids, "those are losers. dont be like them. get outside, make friends, be a part of something real and true." let the losers die lonely and lost in an imaginary world of their own design.
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I'd held off writing a review, but then reconsidered given the overwhelmingly positive reviews appearing here. You've described how truly shit the film is and now I don't need to. Thanks!
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and R Kelly all over me ohhhhh yeahhh
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ever that common place. For every ET, T2 or Jurrasic Park there are a million more shit films. We always look back with rose tinted glasses.It's like how people seem to think every black and white film should automatically be good just because it was made long ago.The reason they seem good is because only the good ones stand the test of time.
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I do not want to hang out with. You sound utterly boring. If you laugh at Optimus speaking because of context, that screams pretension.
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Get over yourself Verny. If you expected so much more out of what you got from the Transformers movie. You're insane! Maybe if you internet geeks didn't build up your bloated nerdy ass expectations so much. You'd see pass all your nitpicking comments and relize this is just a fun popcorn that has to accommodate the simple mentality of most moviegoers these days.
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Well put. My only arguement on your points is that I hated The Rock. That was the LAST film I ever saw by Bay. It will remain so. But that's just a difference of opinion. A fact that some studio tools seem to forget about this site. Anyway, well put. We'll never see such a film. Too "risky" as the pussies would have you believe.
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will have Popcornians from the planet Turnyourbrainoffia that secretly transform into everyday household summer blockbusters
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It's hardly a disposable action movie. And Vern, I liked Transformers cus it was 'Fun'. That is all. As much as I didn't learn anything from the logjam ride at Disneyland, I still had a good time with it.
Also, saying that Bay isn't as good as Cameron or Speilberg is like saying that an author isn't as good as Dickens or Shakespeare so you can't enjoy the book. -
Just wanted to say, as you're clearly reading all these, that I'm with you 100%. There's no excuse for garbage like this being in theatres, and it makes me sad that people are so willing to go along with it. Thanks for the great review buddy... and here's to a future with some great popcorn movies in it.
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to be intelligent.Starwars does have a thin plot and is simple but it has heart. TF doesn't.
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Could always use more voices
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thats the point i was trying to make. theres obviously people who go to movies to be entertained and "others" who go because they have no real meaning in life. these are the people that want a strong emotional tie to a CGI robot that turns into a truck. its juvenile.
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that this movie will be similar to the television show, but live-action. That is all I ever expected out of the movie. If I want a complex plot and action there are many other movies I could watch. I want to enjoy the movie for the same reasons as I enjoyed the show.
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"To inject this movie with any sort of complex emotional value would be to directly conflict with its basic premise, that of toys fighting each other."
I think that's exactly right. And if the movie isn't as exciting or dramatic as you hoped, maybe it's intentionally that way so that it's not going to scare 6 yr olds or make them cy? I know that Bay has made better and more exciting action sequences before in his previous movies, but those were for a different audience.
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I am loving this. Greatest ranting of allllll time!
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exactly!
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I think you are forgetting that you're on a movie web site debating said movie about giant robots with the rest of us. You nerd you.
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It's called falling back and regrouping for an assault. They were caught with their pants down, so what else could the do. Sheesh!
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is a an action film with a serious message stuck on.I found it entertaining and touching but in a very shallow way.It actually reminded me of Bay. I cried in Armageddon at the end, not because it was really deep or trully emotional but because it did all the formulaic tricks to pull the heart strings.Blood Diamond is a great film but it's serious message and drama is very transparent.
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any complexity to this kind of film. Just maybe a heart.I'm quite happy with having Bay the way he is, i'll go elsewhere for other needs.But i think people are trying to say that ET was about a silly alien, T2 about a robot and they both had real heart and emotion without trying to get complex.
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Okay Vern I will tell you what I liked and disliked.
Likes:
SHia.
He had just the right tone to his performance. He is likeable, and this is the first film I have seen him in.
I thought the whole "courting" thing of Megan Fox was cute - I'm a sucker for that though
FX.
When Bay pulls the camera back and slows it down a little, I thought the action was great. The Bonecrusher/prime fight was well done - prime was ruthless and efficient in dispatching him (weid because he basically allowed megatron to kick him around). The bots had a real sense of weight to me, and I liked the fact that they moved fluidly almost like primates. When they called in an airstrike on the scorpion bot, it was a great shot from the plane firing down.
Comedic Bits.
The banter between Sam and his parents was charming, without being overdone. Shia's timing was great.
Dislikes:
FX.
Shaky camera ruined alot of the final showdown for me. I agree that it became a blur at times. I had difficulty tell who was who.
Sector 7 subplot
- just rubbish. Turturro gahhhh
Secretary of Defense subplot.
As a proud Aussie I have difficulty saying this, but although Rachael Taylor is uber hot, she was excess baggage. They could have just dumped all those characters.
Comedic bits.
Some just did not work. Bumblebee pissing, Anthony anderson etc. Nuff said.
Overall I had fun. It's not a seminal work, but it entertained me for the most part. -
Awesome as usual, mate. You should do requests. I'd love to read you ripping some other seriously shit films to shreds. Could you start with Highlander 2?
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I'll call whoever I please either name. The movie was spectacular and is receiving fantastic word of mouth. It's going to top Armageddon which is another Bay movie that is genuinely loved by real people. Fanboy Bay hating Armageddon hating morons and idiots don't count.
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Anyway, his description kinda sounds like the script...
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Some people have legit gripes with the movie. How many piss jokes does a movie need? That doesn't make them morons or idiots. The morons and the idiots are the ones who wanted to hate it before even seeing it, and confirmed this self-fulfilling prophecy half-a-second after the title appeared.
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that i go to any movie with any intelligence because i have no meaning in life.So are you saying anyone wo has ever invested themselves in an art form of any kind does so because their lives are so sad?I go to some movies to be simply entertained. Sometimes i like my entertainment to be more meaningful. Stuff like TF i will enjoy but then forget about. Something like ET you watch and it stays with you all your life. Something like Irreversible doesn't entertain, you watch it purely for the sake of artistic expression.
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What the fuck is wrong with the formatting here. No matter how many carriage returns I drop, it still comes out as one long paragraph.
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You obviously hate the TF movie with a passion. Yet you find Hollow Man 2 and Walking Tall 2(which may I remind you, has fucking Kevin Sorbo in it) to be decent movies. Why would you like these two movies that lack any and all acting ability, directing ability, have shitty cinematography and shitty dialog, but then have such utter distaste for a movie not nearly as wretched as the two aformentioned movies?. I will grant you the TF is not the second coming of christ, but it is not the coming of the anti-christ either. Hell, HollowMan 2 and Walking Tall 2 are even bigger reasons to hate Hollywood(pumping out shitty sequels for a quick buck) yet you find them to be decent flicks.
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just for the jokey metaphors...the "diarrhea from a Michael Bay-rrito" was all I could muster in my review...
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If you know HTML, just do a line break...less than BR greater than.
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Granted, I am a nerd at heart. "Im here because i love entertainment." and me and my kids and were entertained just as much as when i bought my first ironhide and transformed him all day. So i come here and cannot help but say something to these critics who trash movies because it was to juvenilefor them. I thank god that movies are not made for guys like this. Im glad they are not running the show or else it would be worse than what hollywood has turned it into.
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I don't think you are in the same group as these guys that are just blasting on this movie because they want it to bring back their childhood. You sound like a guy who maybe just doesn't prefer this type movie but you're not gonna spread hate about it. I respect you.
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I think people are getting on Vern for reviewing, in essence, his complaints not just about the movie itself, but in comparison to what it COULD HAVE BEEN in the hands of a better director...for a movie this big, the popularity of which has a huge effect on subsequent movies of this size, isn't it fair to do so? shouldn't we be saying, "this isn't as good as it could be, and we should have the right to expect more?", rather than, "sure a lot of it sucked ass, but I don't care about plot, characters, etc. in a big summer film."you can have the big spectacle AND have those other things! other movies have done it! but until people stop slurping up the pig slop that directors like Bay are turning out, why should the studios ever have a reason to expect more. if the fans don't ask for more, why should they?the fans have a responsibility, and Vern articulated that. big ups to Seattle. Green Lake represent!
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This is all just to keep the flame war hits coming.
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... this movie sucked.
I said as much last week, and thought I was alone.
http://tinyurl.com/2zjpbv -
Thanks mate.
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...and kudos for holding your own agains the mindless US masses who are easily impressed by a "spectacle." Glad to see there are actual reviews here that aren't brainwashed by eye candy and, uh, a "plot" of some sorts to go around said eye candy.
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Thank you. Thank you so much for what you wrote about this film. It needed to be said. I owe you a beer.
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this kind of movie, much as i love any kind of movie.When i was 13-15 I thought Bay was great, i loved shallow action films with no sense of irony what-so-ever. Visual stimulation was enough for me.Then when i was say 16-21 i only liked arty films, deep meaningful pieces of art.But now every type of film has it's place for me.As far as superficial action movies go this is a good film. It cannot be compared to stuff like T2, ET or Starwars. It can be compared to stuff like FF and AVP and compared to them it is a masterpeice.
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"the mindless US masses who are easily impressed by a "spectacle.""
Funny, some critics said the same thing about Star wars when it came out. Not to equate the two, but "spectacle" succeeds for a reason. -
I stand by what i said. first-"real heart and emotion" dont you have anything else in your life with heart and emotion besides movies. do you go to movies to fill that need? "Something like ET you watch and it stays with you all your life." how old where you when you saw that movie? because if you were a kid, of course it stays with you because it was designed for kids. and if your investing a lot into an art form, than you should know better than to go into a movie called transformers and expect anything emotional.
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I just returned from this special event blockbuster summer popcornfest. Some of the worst writing I've heard on the screen in a while. I was rooting for this movie when it first was showing in the 80-85% range on RT. Then it dropped quickly. I'm actually kind of sad that this sucked. I was 13 when Transformers first appeared on TV, so you can guess what affect it had on me. It was pretty sweet at the time and the toys were imaginative. Anyway, fuck Bumblebee pissing, fuck the cardboard cutout characters, fuck the chihuahua, fuck the car commercial, fuck the racist breakdancing, "my bad", phone operator, Mountain Dew, gibberish Soundwave walking stick robot bullshit! Bring James Cameron in for the sequel. He knows how to film action without making me want to vomit!
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Well said ganymede3010!!!
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film could be done better, which it could, i still want Bay films. I want something to laugh at with my mates.Playing the Bay drinking game (one shot for a slow motion U.S flag etc) is the most fun you can have.
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Hollywood produces WILL NOT suck? I would say you could put odds on that, easy. I mean, how hard is it to tell the Silver Surfer story, the origin of Darth Vader, or the Death of Gwen Stacy, yet....HOLLYWOOD MAKES IT SEEM IMPOSSIBLE.
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I haven’t even gotten half way through your review, but you hit it on the head. I loved the action, the effects were spectacular, but anyone who has ever watched the show knows its all about the Autobots and Decepticons...not the stupid fucking people! The people are a side note, riding inside of the transformers as all of the drama unfolds within the circle of robots. There was not enough robot dialogue or character development...in fact what we got was just a tease. I would have liked the Autobots and Decepticons to look a little different from each other and be more brightly colored so you can easily tell them apart. Each transformer has its own voice and distinct personality, so when one dies it’s a BIG deal....I fucking love JAZZ. I also have to mention that I love shaky cam, Saving Private Ryan is such a treat, but every time we see the Autobots the camera shakes, annoying! Where were the majestic John Woo style flying in air, lasers firing at 25 times a second shots? Where were the amazing kung fu style combat moves and regal look at how hot my robot body armor poses? This could have been the best movie ever made, EVER...had it been 75 percent robots and 25 percent people, and if Bay had steadied the cam now and again to give us some much needed heroic posturing and display the beauty and enormity of these robots. If only Woo Ping had directed the fight scene between Megatron and Optimus! If only the robots had been shot transforming in mid-air in a more fluid, beautiful, cinematic fashion. If only it had been directed by someone who understands the epic scope of Cybertron, or the importance of emotional content for these magnificent titans we call Transformers. I mourn for the movie that could have been. Please, if you haven’t seen Transformer the movie 1986 (With Judd nelson!!), in a long time, check it out. If Bay had just recreated this film shot for shot, we would all be so happy. DAMN YOU MICHAEL BAY!
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better movie could've been made. There is, in fact, no doubt in my mind this is the case. The rest of the summer was so painfully inept it makes this movie refreshing.
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Did many of those with negative reviews, are they old-school TF fans from the 80's who feel this movie let them down? I knew nothing about TF going into this, other that what previews had shown me. I admit I enjoyed it but I had no idea what to expect of it. But your complaints sound sensible enough and are making me analyze it. Regarding Vern's suggestion to post what people found in the film worthy of being passionate about, that is a tough question from a single viewing but I just know I was thrilled the entire time. It was an adrenaline rush and I just had a lot of fun. The theater crowd where I saw it all stood up and cheered when it ended and stayed for the credits. I kept replaying some of those Starscream (the jet) scenes in my head, holy crap that was just geeky fun to witness. The only things I know I did not like were Shia's friend climbing the tree to hang upside down... ok... and the SecDef running around with a shotgun with no secret service guards or anything. Bah, it's the little things I nitpick.
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when i see a film like TF. But a film like ET is a classic peice of art, it will be talked about in 50 yrs time. There is nothing wrong with being into or even obsessive about an art form.My life is full of emotion, i will be a dad too in about three weeks, but i will always love film. I still find it quite insulting that you downplay something i am passionate about.Why would you suppose that because i go to some movies to be challenged or emotionally effected that there is anything missing from my life?
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and that was a preview to some kick ass looking sci-fi flick thats coming out Jan 18. What the fuck was it? They didnt say the name! Anyone know??? Anywho-Transformers sucked ass! Michael Bay is an asshole.
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are the people who made this movie because not only did i give them my money today but im going back tommorow with friends and their kids and were going to give michael bay and steven speilberg even more money for bringing transformers to life. I was 10 when i started reading transformers comics and watching theshow and playing with the toys. By the age of 12 I was into girls and music and now im a happy family man with a succesful music career. I got exactly what i needed from the movie and now i can go back to my real world while the rest of you gripe and complain the night away about wanting more to live for from their local theatre.
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Thank you, thank you, thank you. I'm so glad I'm not alone in feeling that! Fuck bumbblebee's kill bill moment...FUCK IT WITH A MEGATRON SIZED DILDO MADE OF OLD CHEESE. FUCK YOU MICHAEL BAY!!! You god damned ass clown.
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Classic Mike Bay.
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i saw as a kid that didn't stick with me.I go to the cinema and see kids enjoying FF:ROTSS but i know it won't be timeless, they won't look back on it as an important moment in their childhood.Films like ET or Starwars stay with you forever because they are great films. Even though as a kid you kind of enjoy anything the important ones do stick with you and when you get older you realise why.
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to feel something. People like stories, they like ideas that are communicated. It can be a window to imagination, or it can be pure junkfood.
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You're right when you say there's hardly any real discussion about the movie on this talkback. Still, I would also like to know what Spielberg thinks of this movie. From the trailers I honestly thought it was sort of de-Bayified and I was sure that was thanks to the Spielbergo... Bummer. Great work as always, man.
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because you are passionate about something very shallow. Im actually not defending transformers as an important film. Im defending its ability to entertain without shoving emotional drama and meaningful insight down our throats. Your passionate about a movie about robots and war. it seems silly.
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damn Alpha Trion I was thinking the same thing. After I got done watching it I knew I was going to be coming back in a day or two to watch it again.
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Just a review would be nice, man; not an opus. By the way, I respect all of you.
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It has a lot of influence, it's actually very important. Garbage in, garbage out.
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Yup you heard it here first.
Writer: Kevin Smith.
Kid Star: Jake Lloyd
Army Crew: Stars of Supernatural
Computer pro: Cedric the Entertainer
Executive Producer: Paul WS Anderson!
BOOM! You know you'd watch it!
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something is missing from your life? I will prob hand over a chunk of change to Bay and co, i too just want to see this movie for pure and simple entertainment.I for one think movies like this can exsist alongside more intelligent films like ET etc and even more intelligent films like London to Brighton. People who love transformers should be upset that this couldn't have been something more, it could have been entertaining and intelligent like King Kong but i don't have a great passion for transformers so i'm happy with this being my bi-anual dose of Bay crap.
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ideas presented in the cartoon when it comes down to it. It's about Optimus Prime being the kind of guy you look up to - like Superman used to be. It's about self-sacrifice and being brave and all the sorts of things people mock nowadays. Which is why this film never tried to be serious to begin with. Man of the reviewers mocked Prime in this movie, which I expected.
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Films like ET or Starwars stay with you forever because they are great films. no theyre not. its about right time, right place. Movies makers are modern day illusionists. speilberg is one ofthebest and thats all star wars and et did was take you out of realtiy for a couple of hours. These are not important films. Children of men is an important film. fight club is an important film. Kids movies are not. They only are to the kids who watch them when they are still impressionable. thats why Transformers was a good movie. it was an edgy kids flick. it didnt try to be anything else.
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You are comparing TRANSFORMERS to STAR WARS? Dude, lay off the weed. STAR WARS had a plot and characters that people actually cared about. Plus it rebooted the notion of a summer "blockbuster." TRANNYFOMRERS does not compare and you're a sad, Xbox'd/Playstation'd fool for believing it does. Someday you'll discover the true classics and wonder WTF you were doing comparing TRANSFORMERS to STAR WARS. Egads, man.
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more than anything. An opportunity to present Prime, Bumblebee and the others again to a young audience without sacrificing anything. To find a way to make them wonderful without going for cheapness like piss jokes and flames.
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Stay at home if giant robots fighting each other and shit blowing up doesn't sound good to you. Do us all a favor and you can feel great about yourself and keep on telling everyone you don't watch television.
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Your right, Transformers does not compare to Star Wars....that is why I mourn this movie, it could have.
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superninja...they were freakin toys not biblical icons...what is wrong with you guys.
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passionate about TF, but I am passionate about film in general.I'd assume you are passionate about music but that doesn't mean you are passionate about Linkin Park does it (sorry if you are)?But movies are my drug, i love the art, i love the drama, the asthetics, every aspect. I love the industry, i love the nasty elements of it, i love the process of how films get made, how studios try and find a formula through market research to try and make money ('well our surveys say people don't like monkeys'). I love the whole world of film for better or worse. I wouldn't be happy if it was all good films and nice people making perfect movies. That would take some of the fun away.
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"an awe-inspiringly awful mess from start to finish, with no good characters, no sense of tension or drama, an asinine plot, badly told, full of constant, annoying attempts at humor, muddled action sequences and effects that hurt your brain trying to look at them"
My friend and I saw the original movie before we went to see the new one, as i had never really seen much transformers as a kid. I think that paragraph perfectly describes my feelings towards it. Fans of the original transformers don't deserve to have as good a movie as Michael Bay has made for them out of the beloved franchise. I'm no Michael Bay fan but I agree with Moriarty, and the movie, which I have seen twice now, was funny and entertaining and I loved every minute of it without leaving my brain at the door.
Watch this again in 10 years time without all the hype and expectations and you might like it a little more. But if you're gonna go into the movie with such a predetermination to hate it, like some of muy firends did then i don't think it would matter if Michael Bay had made all 3 LOTR, you'd still hate it and call it shit. -
Yeah, so was the Jedi remember?
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shit your pants and jerk off while doing it over Hostel 2, but sit here and insult Transformers for being exactly what everyone with half a God damned brain thought it was going to be? Jesus fucking Christ.
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is a story. Lots of things are based on Biblical characters or stories, or whatever. Your point falls flat.
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The answer is that you're talking about apples and oranges. I have an unhealthy fascination with DTV sequels. I think they're funny partly because they are so crass. I think they usually waste an opportunity to have fun with a low budget cash-in. The two you mentioned are not good movies, and both instantly forgettable, and I said as much in the reviews. But I also said that as far as that kind of crap goes, they have their moments. Not as bad as the WILD THINGS sequels, not as good as the FROM DUSK TILL DAWNs.
TRANSFORMERS on the other hand is a $150 million (or whatever) mega-hyped movie which my colleagues here are calling a mindblowing spectacle and great summer entertainment and special effects breakthrough and a great time at the movies. If I kind of disagreed with them I wouldn't have posted my review here. But since I happen to think this is one of the most bizarrely horrible movies I've seen in years and represents most of the weaknesses of modern commercial movies, I had to let it loose. And the fact that people here honestly can't see the difference between TRANSFORMERS and STAR WARS makes me want to jump out a fuckin window. STRIVE FOR EXCELLENCE, people. I like movies with substance, I like movies with heart, but I don't always need those things. I just want good execution! There is such a thing as knowing how to tell a story. Spielberg didn't become Spielberg just by having substance and heart, people initially loved him because he knew how to thrill you with a series of images. There's a difference between DUEL and a ball of car parts rolling down a hill. If you can't see that I don't know why you bother to discuss movies, you should just agree that all movies are great. If I am a loser for wanting TRANSFORMERS to be well made as AlphaTrion says, that means you must be a loser too for not wanting to watch a Kevin Sorbo movie. Because anyone who wants quality in our art and culture is a nerd. They need to stop having opinions and start squirting out kids everywhere and teaching them to hate other people for being passionate about movies.
I hope that answers your question, thanks JaggedSac. -
exactly. These characters didn't raise me and empart the wisdom of the ages to me. They were characters, or toys or whatever i played with or watched when I was a child. That's all. Not that serious.
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It's probably better than this movie. Story, character, plot. That's what matters, not the window dressing.
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I dont understand how having an interest in music means something is missing in my life? I dont just have an interest, i create music. Instead of just listening and criticizing it I get involved. it pays my bills and feeds my family. its not a passing interest that i devote myself to without any reward. the only reason why im arguing with you is thefact that youkeep refering to e.t. as a classic. and while many here will disagree with me, i believeit is not a classic. its a kids movie and when you take your kid to the movie you will understand thats its not as important as you once thought. trust me, i was just like you before. after three boys, the world of movies is not as fantastic of a place as i thought it was. Transformers is perfect entertainment in this regard.
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unfortunately anyone with BOTH halves of their brain thought this movie was horrendous...
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I'm suddenly overcome with nostalgia. Has it really been 10 years? Why, to think that back then, The Spice Girls were at the height of their feminine power, some people were still optimistic about global warming, we couldn't imagine New York's skyline changing overnight, and the biggest worry I had in life was how I was going to get laid at the next house party....[tear]
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You are assuming we'd like to see a movie about giant robots fighting each other directed by a REAL DIRECTOR who didn't rely on circular tracking shots and cheap attempts at slow-motion humor. Consider your shallow summer-filmgoing experience FILLED by Mr. Bay! (now suckle at his teat)
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Remember when Raiders was Spielberg and Lucas allowing film to be fun again? Who knew that it would lead to a long slide down a slippery slope? GREAT REVIEW as always Vern. And I love reading your responses in the TB.
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really a film lover if you don't think ET and Starwars are good films.Just because Fight Club and Children of Men (both of which are great) have deep messages within the story does not make them more improtant films.A film is defined by how well it is made not by how important the subject matter is.ET has no real message hidden under the surface, it is a perfectly structured film about a boys friendship with an alien.You can have a film with the deepst meaning in the world but it does not make it a good film.
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It all goes down hill when sector 7 shows up. Oh, well. Still, I had good time. Can't wait for Harry Potter! Oh, and the obligatory, DAMN YOU MICHAEL BAY!!!!!!!
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They still got your money Vern.
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Not the giant robot, but the soldier in Iraq who changed his name at age 30... Really that is all I got, I managed to avoid the whole transformer thing when I was a kid... But I have had a conversation with a man named after a cartoon character, and by god I didn't mock him in any way, because I am that fucking professional... Also the people who made Snakes on a Train have already made Transmorphers, so maybe people should rent that instead...
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"Story, character, plot." EXACTLY. Mr. Bay understands neither of those, ergo Vern's excellent and accurate review.
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.. is not actually the movie itself but the fact that its based on source material that people have grown attached to over the years. Its Star Wars all over again. We all remember having such an awesome time watching the original source material that we forget that, at the time, we were too young to realize how silly and corny it all was. I've rewatched some of the original cartoon and realized all the robots did was shoot lazers, punch each other and wrestle around, and deliver painful one liners. They had a relationship with the humans, sure, but the humans were one-dimensional goody goods with no real life problems. Thats not to say this movie doesn't have its own problems as far as story/directing/acting/etc but anyone who walked into this hoping for Lord of the Rings caliber material picked the wrong movie. I actually liked Armageddon and The Rock and I think Transformers rocked. I walked into those expecting to be entertained.. a few laughs, some storyline that would carry through the movie, some interesting characters, and some action.. all of those movies had that, imo at least.
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at all.
I'm amazed at the outrage this movie is recieving. I'm a HUGE 80's fan of the original Transformers, but enjoyed this version. It just seemd to touch the goofy little kid in me.
I liked the fact that it didn't shy away from the fact the movie is simply about robot meals. It's like "Conan The Barbarian and The Search For the Ultimate Hoagie". It really is.
But I think that's why I enjoyed it. It was like when you got together with your friends back in the day. You'd all bring your Transformers and battle it out. Just pure mayhem and goofy fun. That's what Transformers was to me.
I just wished that Bay would friggen do at least 3 wide shots. All I ask is to get my bearings straight and a little perspective. There were sooo many scenes that were close to being iconic and epic, but it just falls short. Like the scene on the highway where Optimus puts on the brakes and transforms to battle rollerblade dude. That should have been awesome. But as soon as they fell off the bridge you get lost. Next thing ya know a robot head is spinning in the air. What happened? That should have been the "Optimus is the shit" moment. But it felt shorthand. In fact the hole movie felt like cliffnotes to the epic that was partially there.
Unlike to most people the story didn't bother me at all. I liked how cartoony it felt. There was something charming about that. I just didn't like the Gen x Autobots. Why is Jazz breakdancing? Because his name is Jazz? In which real jazz has nothing to do with breakdancing. But Optimus was wonderfully designed and his character remained wonderfully dignified. Even with his little jokes. Starscream kicked ass and I hope it leads to a wonderful character in the sequel.
I thought the designs were fine, but we just need better geography. It just comes down to letting the audience really absorb the characters and it's surrounding environment. It should have been a four out five star film. But it just missed the mark. It's a 3 star film.
Vern gave a wonderful review it's just I see it the other way. I actually like it's cartoony feel. It reminds me of the goofy kid inside. It reminds me not all things needed to be grounded. It just missed the mark of being epic. Vern's review can be summed up with what he said about the flipping robot. I'm still not sure which bad/good Transformer the hell that was. But they were nooks and crannies of goodness. The shot of Optimus falling toward the building from the point of view from inside an office was pretty damn cool.
In the sequel I just hope they let us soak in the environment and dissapear into this world of whimsy. I'm happy Bay got this out of his system. He shot it as if this may be his only chance of getting the giant robot battle on screen. Now he can take a breather and develope this world with a little more finesse.
By the way great review Vern, but I just don't see it that way. -
Thou shalt not urinate on the Transformers...
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It's about time someone said it. This sucked. I feel suckered in by Moriarty's review. And Harry's was too polite. It's about time someone said how badly this sucked ass like only Michael Bay movies can suck ass.
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A film is defined by how well it is made not by how important the subject matter is - star wars had a lousy script and bad acting. The only thing that was done well was the special effects and what do you know? the best thing about transformers was the special effects. e.t. actually had a good story with good acting, but i never believed in the alien. and i was a young kid when i saw it. it was always a puppet and therefore did not stand the test of time. whereas a human made gollum and davey jones believable, some dudes hand in a rubber suit does not.
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Go watch Evening. Ugghh. That movie is abomination against God. Transformers is just a guilty pleasure.
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Why are you trying to have an intelligent conversation with someone named JaggedSac?
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It took 4300+ words for Vern to fap his ego into full irrelevant spoogage. As it droned on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on I wonder if or when he was going to tell us how he really felt.
"Rockin' Sockin' Robots: The Motion Picture" was dope, yo! Damn picture was a bit out of focus, so the FX weren't as impressive as they should've been, and the action should've been covered a bit farther away, but it still jams. Louder than f*ck, too. There is one part which will be vaporizing home theater subs when the DVD comes out. (You'll know it when you hear it.)
Really funny, too. Bay pokes fun at himself with a couple of self-referential bits. Story was OK; did what it needed to do considering no one is there for the story. Only really bad part was John Tuturro's really over the top performance and the lack of Megan Fox being doused in water then thrown in a cold room.
It does the job and has kickass robot fights. 8/10 - well worth the $6.00.
See? I just gave a useful review in 142 words which is probably a fraction of what Vern wasted setting up his superior view of himself and his odor-free poo. -
Star Wars did have good characters and a good story, especially compared to sci-fi fantasy films today.
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It's true, it should not be that serious. Without attacking religion I'd like to say that I think Star Wars, Transformers and LOTR are just like the bible. Stories to entertain us and give us hope in a time of darkness. We are living in a terrible time of darkness now, war and pain, corruption and greed. I chose to live in a world where giant robots protect mankind, and kung fu pandas teach us about truth and self preservation. Its no different than worshiping anything (or anyone) else.
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Thanks for the reply. Just wondering where you were coming from and now I see it. I would like for a Halo movie to be made(Jackson said there was still a possiblity if Halo 3 makes huge bank when it is released) because a bigger Halo fan there is none(I have logged an ungodly amount of time on Halo 2 on XBox Live) even though I know it will probably not live up to my expectations. I still want it made jsut to see it in live action. I just don't agree that TF is the unmitigated disaster that you said. Instantly forgettable but not horrible. I also think that the budget should not come into play when reviewing a movie. If anything the budget can hurt a movie because the more the budget the more scheduling and organizationally skilled people are needed with more things likely not coming together as needed. It would be better for the industry as a whole to lower budgets(Russian movies seem to have good special effects for a fraction of the cost of Hollywood movies)but will probably never happen. Sorry Vern if I seemed like an ass. Stick to your guns.
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Maybe the saturation of serious films prior to RoTLA, having an inevitable effect on the filmmakers, lent Raiders an amount of osmotic substance/gravitas that has been since hard to match, with that film being at the peak of the slippery slope into dumbed down mayhem. Just a passing thought. Some film student--go write a paper on it.
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I agree that my review was too long, but man it didn't even scratch the surface on this movie.
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Finally someone who fucken nails this piece of shit to the T.
I went in a G1 transformers fan expecting it to be a surprise,shit everyone loves it.Now I know I dont releate to the human race at all.
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group a film is aimed at matter?I can think of a million R rated films which put together are not half as intelligent or well made as something like Finding Nemo.To only view a piece of art based on the surface is missing the point mate. Vern mentions Duel up above.It has no meaning, no depth, but it is a perfectly structured piece of film.You love music I assume? Well does a song have to have intelligent lyrics to be a masterpiece? No, lyrics are just the surface, the art is in the structure, the timing, the composition.ET is a kids film but it is a perfectly made kids film, it still works when i watch it.FF is a bad kids film, only a kid could really be entertained by it. That is the difference, a film like ET transends it's genre.Just because you choose music over film in your life does not make it more important.
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only part that kept pissing me off was that all the military people except tyrese were wearing their berets as if they were head condoms as opposed to how someone in the military would really wear one. Minor problem but annoying none the less
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seriously? havent you seen the documentaries about star wars that shows you all the mythos that lucas ripped off to create it? Lucas is a rip off artist. Only one star wars movie was good and it was the one that tried to be original and different in its genre. Empire was the only SW movie to not be ruined by Lucas idea of film which is shit.
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Most people here don't have any actual reason for disliking this movie. Maybe they didn't like some of Bay's past work so they automatically hate this. Sure, it "takes balls" to say you dislike something when the majority begs to differ, but it takes much larger balls to say you were wrong. I'm not saying you personally are wrong in your opinion, but I'm willing to bet a large amount of people who bashed the movie ahead of time liked it but are now jumping on the "I hate Bay" bandwagon because they don't want to admit that they were wrong beforehand. The people who are going "OMG UR SO TOTLY RITE I LUV U" would seem to be the aforementioned demographic, not to mention a bunch of ass-kissers. As for sucking Hollywood's dick, maybe I should say "a select few of Hollywood's elite" rather than all of Hollywood. I scoffed at the notion when people started saying stupid shit like "AICN is being payed to write good reviews for bad movies" or whatever. But it would seem it's hard to get a good review for your movie on this site if your not BFF's with a member of the staff. I still want to read your Transformers review, though, especially after reading that "I hate you, Bay" letter you just wrote. Maybe when you write it you could insult less of your readers by, oh, I dunno...not saying things like "Society is on the brink of collapse if you liked this movie." If you're going to say things like that then you might as well just come out with it and say "You're a fucking moron if you liked this shit."
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I was just saying to my lady how it's too bad we would never see a Vern review of this movie! Now I'm gonna go read it.
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People were still telling honest stories about the human condition, still trying to outdo the Hollywood epics, not happily wallowing in the mundane and being annoyingly self-aware.
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I love when idiots try to speak for "real men" or whatever. That's what they fall back on whenever someone points out that they willingly consume garbage. "Well, REAL MEN like it, so you must be some sort of 14 year-old virgin gaylord poop-pants!"
Like if you don't plunk down 10 dollars on any frivolous explosion-y action movie, you must be some kind of ninny.
I should add, I can't speak for Transformers, it's always just looked mind-numbing to me, but reading all the "regular guys'" poorly worded & spelled reactions to Vern's negative review, I'll probably just rent it somewhere along the road for the camp factor. -
repackaged stories, man. All that matters is telling it right. Lucas was smart enough to go to the well.
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starwars is the structure of the story, the way it takes you along on an adventure.You can have the greatest acting, effects and story concept in the world but that does not make a good film. The way a film interacts with an audience and is structured and conveys emotions in the audience is what matters.ET works because it filled you with wonder, it made you cry, it made you angry when the government came along.
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dude I put firecrackers and all kinda shit in my transformers when I was a kid.
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I played with my transformers along with my, my little ponies...Cotton Candy Lashes always had a thing for Sound Wave...
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So much crying and character-assassination in that movie that it made it ludicrous (since when is sandman King Kong and since when do they peform molecular recombination experiments in open pits in the middle of New York?)...great as a marketing exercise but horrid as a movie. TF crushed it.
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boring political diatribe instead of telling the fall of Camelot or stealing from Hamlet.
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the essay written by one of Bay's film Professors at Wesleyan University, Jeanine Basinger, for the Criterion release of ARMAGEDDON? I'm no Bay stan, but I figure "know your enemy" and all that, and since the arguments and justifications proffered by the Bay-backers I come across somehow ring even less than hollow, I figured I'd chance a supposed "intellectual" p.o.v, hoping maybe some highfalutin uptown snooty pants might prove enlightening...
http://tinyurl.com/2s82cm
now, I'm not sure that's the entire essay, 'cuz it just kinda ends, doesn't it? I'm mean, if I had to grade that, C+, tops. Better than average, but only just so.
And you know what? Despite a few $5.00 words to impress the obviously perplexed Criterion crowd, no doubt baffled that of all the films that deserve the glorious Criterion DVD treatment some pencil-pusher picked ARMAGEDDON, and despite the at times grudgingly earned respect for pointing out something I didn't consider, it reads A LOT like the nonsensical defense most Bay-holics trot out and then proceed to flog. Just wondering if you've read it and what your take on her reasoning is...
p.s. - I'm not gay, but you can lick my balls while I get my knob polished. You started off pretty darn great, but damn if your writing hasn't improved over time, constantly honing your ever evolving shtick (for lack of a better word, and I write it with love) into a distinct personality and world view that is unique, honest and fucking hysterical. You set the bar pretty fucking high for the rest of us interblag filmatic critics, and for that you deserve...well, I dunno, but thanks anyway. -
Seriously though. ET is a great movie in general. It really captures that awe and wonder of being a child. Just simply brilliant.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kk2hSuLmxYE
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what Alpha Trion doesn't realise is that the basic plot,/story/concept of a film is just the coating.You could have the most original intelligent thought provoking concept in the world and if it is not pulled off ight it makes a shit film.Wheras you can take a story that has been told a million times with no meaning or depth and make a perfect film out of it.
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I also bet it's better than POTC3 and the Shrek crap. Not that that makes it a good movie or anything.
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Just think how badass this would have been as an R rated film. Just to watch the Decepticons wreak havoc on the puny humans could have been epic. Instead we get Megatron flicking someone into a car. He and Starscream should have been onscreen a lot earlier. They were actually interesting. Maybe Megatron will accidentally "resurface" in the sequel. The ocean's only so deep.
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"Why should the age group a film is aimed at matter?"
"FF is a bad kids film, only a kid could really be entertained by it."
you answered your own question. Are you telling me you could have an intellectual conversation with a 8 year old? 12 year old? 16 year old? the lack of life experience makes for a very shallow conversation. and as entertainment, music is more spiritual than movies. Movies are magic. behind the magic is just a bunch of people who know how (or not know how)to trick their audience. Putting so much energy (negative or positive) on films like e.t., star wars and transformers is a little shallow. Hell, im only on here right now becauseafter seeing transformers i dont feel likebeingentertained byanything else so might as well talk about it. Honestly though, unless your an aspiring writer, director or actor, the truth is your just a spectator which is why i cant agree with your passion for something more out of these types of movies. -
I was putting this movie down in the TBs for months. Mainly, because Michael Bay is a ASSCLOWN, and I hate him. But this movie is good. It is enjoyable. I can't deny that. Vern, this isn't the Michael Bay movie that you should be fighting against. That would be Armageddon, or Pearl Harbor. Both of those movies should be completely destroyed! Seriously, Let's make bon fires of the DVDs and all the film negatives. Who's with me?
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allowed to execute his own ideas.
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brother i was kinda with you but you are getting waaaay too serious about a 2 hour movie. It's not meant to teach you anything. Just go sit down and have a good time. it's a movie. not real life.
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People like different films for different reasons. Some people don't like to be challenged by the things that you think are important. Does it make their enjoyment/distaste any less palpable?. There is obviously a market for the crap DTV stuff that vern likes. If there weren't they wouldn't make them. I'm not dissing his choices there, as I also like to watch crap occasionally. But there is a subsection of people in this world who like these films for a different reason. It aint all about structure.
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talking about film in general.
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Here in Phoenix, the local film reviewer for radio station 103.9 ("The Edge") gave it 4/5 stars for the EFFECTS. "Best effects I'v ever seen!" Plot? Characters? Who cares? I hate the MySpace generational attention span.
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Im not a regular guy. I cantstand people like michael bay. I dont like cars, im not that big on explosions. I like art and i like art that makes you question what you believe is right. and pjdonn and superninja dont realize that it IS the story and how the actors, directors and writers communicate it to you that makes a film great or not. The only reason why star wars and e.t. did well is because its a familiar story that works every time. there is nothing great about retelling someone elses idea. Transformers is not thesame old story and that is why i liked it.
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Is Marc Savlov your true identity?
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interrupting the guy counting down to show how tough you are? fuck that.
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I come back and Alpha Trion says that E.T and SW are not great movies. Holy fucking Moses. That is one of many inane and just fucking dumb things that motherfucker has said. Please stop man. What is next man? Are you going to start advocating anorexia as the only way to diet. Just dumb fucking shit. Where are you coming from...
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Seems to me Moriarty, Quint etc dont have any connection to the old school mythology that encompases the Transformers. Ok, Here are the negatives... charachter development and story = Crap. The bots were perfect! I have been collecting comics since the origional Kirby incarnation of OMAC and I have got to say that sitting in the theatre last night i was not only transfixed by the hyperkinetic images on the screen but i was damn near in tears beacuse of the homage paid to the source material. Granted you can equate the flames/lips on optimus to the nipples on Batman but overall this was the movie I had hoped for and wished for since I was 8 and playing with the first gen toys. Yes Anthony Anderson and the random hot Australian chick were completely useless but to say this movie is disappointing is in my mind to say that there was no better casting call than Arnie as Dr. Freeze
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plot. Primarily the director and writers, but also the actors have a major influence on that. It's about being a good storyteller. Transformers is a repackaging, by the way!
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I was gonna pass on this banal pile of shit anyway but I'm glad it exists becuase it resulted in your review and made me laugh my fucking ass off. So, maybe things happen for a reason. I wish we could just get to the new Bourne flick now because we all know that will finally deliver a quality summer action movie.
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"Car parts rolling down the hill, shot in close up."
Spot on. -
Naw man, that ain't me
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Now, it added the idea of the robots disguising themselves as cars, but other than that - very Star Wars, which is very mythology based. Just like Thundercats or He-Man, or any comic book character, or any action hero.
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i said FF is a 'bad' kids film. I did not enjoy it. ET ids a good kids film, i loved it."Movies are magic. behind the magic is just a bunch of people who know how (or not know how)to trick their audience" just like people who write books then eh? Any writer will tell you that their main job is to manipulate their audience.Lets not debate about which is more important, film or music. It is an aurgument which could never be resolved.Just because i don't actually make films (i used to in my uni days) doesn't mean i don't have as much of a right to be passionate about them as you are about music.If you went to someone like Kubrick if he was still alive he would say ET was a masterpiece, as good as any of his films.I do know kids, i have a number of small siblings and have worked many years as a teaching assistant by the way.
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all i can say since seeing this movie is that anyone that says its BAD is a PLANT....its sad when a newspaper movie columnist and an old geezer critic like roger ebert recognize that this is a movie that is beyond awesome and then some, but a site i come to because it is supposed to deal with entertainment exclusively doesnt like it....but then again u have to keep the small angry minority a reason to come here to waste their lives away punching at a keyboard in their mothers basement, wondering when the next torrent will be available and hoping beyond hope u can crack the newest xbox 360 game so u dont have to dish out the money u were saving for your jenna jameson super suck doll..... the movie rocked, bottom line...
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I respect you. Trust me. Go see the movie. You'll have a good time. It's silly, bloated, and full of holes. But you will enjoy it for what it is. Sorta a present day ID4, except a little better. Shia is really good in it. I can see why Spielberg likes him. Congrats on the baby again.
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Instead of "I can't leave my audience without a happy ending! lalala" Speilberg.
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Agreed. After watching the prequel trilogy I decided to read some of the EU and movie novelizations for the prequel time period. The movie novelizations at least are supposedly based off the uncut screenplays. The whole idea.. the manipulation of government and the senate's playing right into it.. the huge war that is really nothing more than an epic ploy carried out to distract the masses.. it all works actually really well.
Lucas had good ideas for the movies and overall story. I just wish he hadn't directed and written the scripts. -
"all i can say since seeing this movie is that anyone that says its BAD is a PLANT"thank you for giving me the biggest laugh I've had since I saw Patton Oswalt at the Improv a while back...truly the most ridiculous comment in this already ridiculous talkback. and then you went down the "mom's basement/video game" route, just to cement your status as a complete brain donor...I say kudos to you, sir...I hope you continue to be unencumbered by reality. (look it up, dictionary.com)
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HAHA! That had me rolling. Uggghhh. Talk about a wasted movie. It's so sad. That movie could've been great.
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how is transformers a repackaging? Its always been about optimus prime and his followers fighting megatron or an incarnation of him. always on the hunt for energy. tell me where that idea was stolen from prior to 1984? and tile_mcgillus, i fell in love with both e.t. and star wars. Watching them 20 years later makes me realise how juvenile they were. sometimes, we need to grow up. Heroes change as we age and what we thought was important as a kid, is not so impacting as an adult.
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Jul 03, 2007 11:39:09 PM CDT
Editing can go a looooong way. And so can musical cues.
by kikuchiyoboy
But it comes down to source material and what aspect is worth showing the world.
This movie is neither" E.T." or "Star Wars". I really liked this film, but it's more in the lines of "Blade Runner"... just kidding. Seriously though it's like what "Romancing The Stone" was to "Raiders of The Lost Ark". They're just 2 entirely different entities in the same genre. -
not saying you should look deeply into a kids film like ET. It doesn't teach you anything really.But it is perfectly made and constructed peice of filmmaking.Alpha Trion only looks at films in a shallow way. If it has a good plot he likes it, if he doesn't like the plot then no matter how well made the film is he doesn't.
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Great point about this movie needing soul and Michael Bay NEVER being able to deliver that. That is a nail on the head kind of remark.
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I'm firmly rooted to my opinion that the movie was a letdown. Damn those spiderwebs on the radio! The dirt on Prime's windshield when he was at the observatory was nice though.
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I've never been able to watch an entire Michael Bay movie before today. If I didn't have an emotional attachment to the source material, then I probably would've hated this film to the nth degree. There were several moments when I had to bite my tongue and say, "This doesn't make sense!"
However, this movie hit most of the elements that reminded me of growing up with the series. Cool cars? Check. Girls? Check. Fighting Robots? Check. Cheesy dialogue and music? Check.
I think Vern has Bay dead to rights with this review, but I still enjoyed the movie a lot. Best movie of the year? No. Best 80's Nostalgia Moment of the year? Heck, yes. -
it is...But not half as important as how the story is told and the techniques used to tell it.You could come up with the single most original idea for a film ever and still make a shit film.
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I just want to get this EXACTLY straight. You are saying that Transformers "The Michael Bay movie", not the mythos he used that had been developed before...is BETTER than Star Wars "Original Trilogy" and all the stuff Lucas created around it??
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You hit the nail on the head man! I agree 110%.
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just because the plot of TF is more original!!!I can't wait to see TF, i'll have a great time but to even pretend it is in the same league as Star wars is a joke.
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Just saw the movie and I have to agree with Vern. Maybe I don't hate it as much as he did but I'm still not sure all the good guys won in this thing. I saw robots die but since they all looked the same I'm going to guess that maybe, just maybe, the bad guys won too. Oh, and also, when every single human character sucks more life out of a film then a CGI robot...you know something is wrong.
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"Any writer will tell you that their main job is to manipulate their audience."
Then they are not a good writer. write what you know. thats what makes a good writer. honesty. there is very little honesty in movie making these days. Transformers is what it is. for some reason you guys cant get passed that and wanted something more from it. anything more would have slowed the movie down. when i want transformers i want fast paced action. let the sequels get more into the characters now that we've been introduced. and its ok to be passionate about movies. justnot dumb ones like most scince fiction/action movies are with the exception of Lord of the Rings (because of its story) and Empire Stikes Back because of its harsh reality towards the protagonists. -
You miss my point.
For some people it is not about how a film is constructed, it is the premise, or the storyline. It's not shallow - it's just what he expects of a film. For him plot is more important than the technical details.
That's the point I am making. Everyone is different - not wrong- just different. It's just as easy, and wrong for me to argue that because you spend your whole time looking at the construction of the film, that you miss out on the experience along the way. Live and let live. -
The fact that Vern said that he would "need counseling" for liking both Die Hard and Transformers tells you EXACTLY where these people are coming from. They're elitist snobs who forget to check their arrogance at the door when they enter the movie theater. They have forgotten why they liked movies in the first place.. noooo, they like "films" now. Get lost.
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optimus prime picks up both shia and megan in one giant hand that dwarfs them, and later picks up a pair of glasses that are big enough for him to wear
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Oh, let's see. Is TF the first fictional war story? The first fictional civil war story? Is it the first story about the noble good guy and his loyal commandoes vs the megalomaniacal bad guy and his team of thugs? No, there is a long history of those things in literature, film and television. Before Optimus Prime, there were Captain America and Superman. Which were borrowed from Moses, Samson and Hercules? Before Megatron, there were Lex Luthor and the Red Skull. And their supporting casts, and the their battles of good vs. evil. Which are based on WWII and the Axis and Allies. Fighting over the scarcity of resources.
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I wanted this to be at least a decent movie but it was fucking unbearably bad. Every single attempt at "humor" made me want to push Bay into a puddle of AIDS.
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I can't think they're the first of is robots turning into cars or other mechanical devices.
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"Alpha Trion only looks at films in a shallow way. If it has a good plot he likes it, if he doesn't like the plot then no matter how well made the film is he doesn't."
- uh yea. original thinking is entertaining. transformers in my opinion sits on the same shelf as most sci-fi/action movies with the exception of the ones i mentioned above. it is spectacle and at least the story (alien robots looking for energy bring danger to our planet) is different. star wars was great for the moment but its just a common kid saving a princess from evil story. quitdefendingit as a piece of art. neithertransformers or star wars are pieces of art. blade runner is a piece of art. alien and terminator are pieces of art. -
I SUPPORT TINO JIHAD!!!!!!
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Vern,
You just sound like a horrible whiney little bitch who hates everything!! Everybody else loves this flick so you gotta hate it and that makes you cool. Just log on to Movie-poop-shoot.com for that hater!! Get a life you holier-than-thou-livin-in-my-moms-basement-chatting-on-the-web-virgin-loser!! -
because if that is what you are saying than, you need to seriously check your damn facts. The story is in the TF The BAY MOVIE is a direct copy from ID4 and a splash of Herbie thrown in. Star Wars has soooo many influences and paints a truly rich trapestry of a uni.......wait, You know what the hell Star Wars is all about. The Story in TF THE BAY MOVIE is a hacked up simpleton version of the original more complex 1984 cartoon (which is saying something). Then you couple that with the mismanagment of time and resources in TF and it is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo far away from SW it is unreal. How you as a supposed geek/fanboy can even consider that arguement sound is beyond me. Then to say wait for the sequel for ROBOT character development shows you have no clue what the hell your talking about. They waste probably a good hour developing useless HUMAN characters that will not return for a sequel. Rubbish man. Absolute Rubbish.
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You don't get to decide what is and isn't art, Alpha Trion. That's one of the things that makes it art.
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4,337 words.If Michael Bay asking us to sit through 144 minutes of Transformers is audacious, you asking us to read over four thousand words is downright offensive.Write a script or something -- you seem very infatuated with your prose.
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the mythology or even some episodes of the cartoon.
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My new favorite TB term. Seriously folks, is it that important to you?
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all those ideas are humans. youre missing the point of this being robots. alien robots that disguise themselves. thats what made it so cool in the 80's. but its only "cool". nothing more. I cant understand what made you and those like vern think that there could have been more. It would have made it more human thus being less original. I dont care about the human attachment i want to see how you survive an invasion from giant robot aliens. thats what the movie did.
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films, but if you find yourself reacting to a film, getting excited, crying, being scared etc it is because the makers have used editing, pacing, music structure to optimise that effect.A good plot does not make a good movie.Alpha Trion- you say a good writer writes about what he knows, and writes honestly but that is pointless if he does not know how to structure his thoughts.Anyone intelligent could spill intersting, meaningful stuff onto a page but it will just be a mess.Both elements need to be in place.Of couse good writer manipulate their audience, they make you question what is going to happen next, they make you part of the story.You can have the greatest story in the world but a good writer needs to take you on a journey rather than just spill out thoughts in a random sense.
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I didn't love this flick. Does that make me cool too??? It was his opinion just like it's yours if you liked it.
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Great review, Vern. Now, anyone know where can we get our money back?
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They all have human characteristics, they just look like robots. TF is just an analogy for the Cold War like GI Joe was.
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plot, it is an a-typical haunted house movie. Just with an alien.The execution and style are what made it a great film.You could have taken the plot of Alien, hell you could have taken the exact same script and made a terrible film.The way it builds up tension and creats fear is the single most important aspect of the film.To make TF better (and i'm happy with it being a big stupid Bay flick) it does not need to be more complex, in fact you could strip it down and make it simpler and make it a more intelligent film.Liek i said before Duel is the simplest film i can think of but it is perfect.
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Share ideas and thoughts on film and disagree or agree. Why does everyone have to take it so personally?
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Did you want to like this movie? Or did you go into this movie wanting to hate another Micheal Bay blockbuster? Alot of people just wanna bitch about thing to sound cool and go against the grain. And that is how Vern's review/essay/hateletter came across.
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not an atypical haunted house film.
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Not nearly as good as I expected to see after reading some of the reviews on this site. It sucked, as a matter of fact. Faster-than-hell cuts, crappy, non-existent plot, typical Michael Bay movie. The guy has some weird inferiority complex or something judging the way his movies are hyper-Americanized-glorified what-the-fuck-ever that you always get in every Bay movie. Don't get me wrong, part of it was enjoyable (Shia was good, he's coming up) but overall this movie sucked donkey.
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how i get sucked into this i dont know. "the original more complex 1984 cartoon" tile- your stupid. i watched all 4 seasons and there was no complexity to that original story. This is the point ive been trying to make. all of you who wanted this movie to transcend its roots it "rubbish". And for pjdonn and superninja my only point is that you want the films and stories of your childhood to be the bible by which all movies today should follow and it is a warped reality. those movies would not have been as great had you seen them today at your current age.
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I went in as a TF fan from the 80's. Bay just made it almost unbearable to watch. At least there was no Aerosmith montage.
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-we are all doomed. It's a complete pile of shit. I couldn't believe how hard it was to actually tell what body part of the robot you were looking at. And how come all of them (save optimus like you said) are either grey or yellow? In the cartoon they made them different colors s at least you could say, "Then the green one drove up and transformed". When you are not only having trouble telling who's the good guy and who's the bad guy, but you actually can't tell which part is their head- then you made the movie wrong. And like I went to see that movie cuz I wanted to know if Shia Lebeouf could act... In the cartoon you rarely ever saw humans- cuz it was a cartoon about giant robots, not effin' humans. We had G.I.Joe for that. This is what you get when misanthropic old people make movies for 13 year olds. I felt like the whole thing was filled with Bay's contempt for the audience. Like he was sitting at video village everyday on set going, "Oh whatthefuckever- the robots will fight at the end and all the people will think it's cool... What's the poster gonna look like, anyway?"
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it was mesmerizing and hilarious and badass all at the same time. screw you haters, you must have had to try to dislike this,
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Heh heh.
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tes 3. but this was better. it delivered where the other 2 did not at all like they should have
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I too went as a fanboy from the 80's, took my son and enjoyed the shit out of it. I thought the comedy was well placed (mostly) and the action was non stop. And I thought that the CGI was beyond compare to any other. BTW, my 7 year old loved it too. My opinion....
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cant wait to fight this same fight when the sequel comes out. but for now, i have to get back to my real life. and yes, i may be a geek who grew up and now appreciates entertainment for its entertaining qualities and art for its substance, but the reality is that i can walk away from it, have sex with my wife and wake up to enjoy a nice day off with my friends and discuss far more important things. keep fighting fools.
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Did you notice how Bay used 'comical' punchline sound effects like they use in trailers for lame comedies? The 2K7 equivalent of a needle scratching across a record. In a giant robot sci-fi movie? He made a 2 hour trailer for his own movie and the irony is the trailers had better, tension, pacing, character development and atmosphere.
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sex with your wife.
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I didn't have to try very hard. I wanted to like this, but in the end, it was only around a 5-6/10.
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youre just jealous
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I like all kinds of comedy, from Spaced, to The Office (both versions). But still I laughed when the fat guy ran through the plate glass window. And about 20 other times too. This is safe, 'easy', 8-to-80 broad comedy, but still fun.
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Shut up Vern. After reading that I was completely turned off. National Treasure was a fun pop corn flick. Sure, I still read most of your review, but damn. DAMN. If movies were written and created by all of us fanboys who wish to see it PURRRFECT, they still would be terrible. Why? Because all of us 'know-it-alls' would be on each other's backs all the time pushing each other's desires on each other. So there you have it. If you and other people like you hate a movie, fine. If you hate it because you think you can do better, fine. But you don't have the power to create movies like Bay and Speilberg do, NOW DO YA? I found your review to be mildly retardedly funny. ___KNEEL___ before Z0D
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Sam Rami is a better, smarter filmaker. But he sucked the joy of Spiderman with Spidey 3. Micahel Bay is a dumber, more coked up, movie maker. But he still made a more entertaing movie. Sometimes, I think the intelligent guys are just to clever for their own good. Oh, well. Spiderman 2, and Evil Dead 2 are better than anything Michael Bay could ever dream of making.
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The script has the alien robots coming to find one magic cube that will save them. Each side brings 5 to 8 soldiers to win the war and it all comes down to...old bifocals. Yeah that is not complex and is just stupid. The cartoon has two opposing warring sides fighting and crashing landing on earth only to be awakened by a seimic event millions of years later where they need to leave the planet and return to Cybertron to see if the war is even still going on. The autobots do not want to destroy the eco system in the process of returning, while the deceptions intend to destroy Earth in the process of returning. And neither want the other to be able to return etc...see. Now I not defending the dialogue, bad cheesy moments of those episodes. I am not saying that it deserved a damn Emmy. The basic structure of the story is much better in cartoon. You have to see the difference in complexity there. And I am saying that is FUCKING RIDICULOUS and sad.
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IndustryKiller and BadMrWonka, not much I could write that I didn't already cover in the Bazura review of Transformers. Check it out: http://tinyurl.com/yqreeo
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Preach on Brother!!!
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Wrong link. Forget that. Here's the right one: http://tinyurl.com/25zyjt
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I guess thats two movies I think you are wrong about.
Still in shock you liked that waste of film.
Also things that where cool in Transformer part 2 -
Bumblebee shoots the Autobot symbol in the sky - Prime shows the Matrix - The fact they stayed with the old cartoon(Autobots stay on ground Decepticons flyy) - Starscream ripping the jets out of the air -
There is a lot more but good then bad and there is some bad stuff.
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sleeping alone?
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And i do think ET would still be considered a classic if it came out now but that is immpossible to prove due to the fact that 100's of films have copied the formula. But there is no argument you made to prove it is a bad film so i will just assume you understand it is a masterpiece Also I love it when someone has to point out that they can have sex or a normal life on a TB. Like they are on the deffensive or something.I think Alpha thought i was anti TF.
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I love that shit. "have sex with my wife"...fucking glorious. I'm a successful graphic designer who is engaged to a hot blonde. Like anyone who debates the merits of his sad and absurd arguements is a basement dweller. Love it. That is how you know you fucking lost son. Resort to pathetic shit like that. See ya. Come back when you start making sense.
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You dont know anything about me! Your descriptions couldn't be more wrong. You call me a loser with no life for posting my opinion on this site when you're doing the exact same fucking thing. I'm attacking your argument because you're saying i don't understand children cause i haven't raised one. You don't know that! I know when I was 13 i was able to tell a bad fucking movie when I see one, that's why i don't think Krull is as good as star wars, that's why I KNEW Krull was not as good at the age of 13, or why Dukes of Hazzard wasn't on the same level at the age of 10. I'm giving kids way more credit than you about their intelligence and what they can get out of a movie going experience. So when you tell your kids it's ok the "leave your brain at the door" just to fully embrace a mediocre movie then I think it's stupid.
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life all over the internet.
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Come tuck me in
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just can't talk about ideas without getting the last word in.
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let me tell you, sex makes you forget all about fighting over stupid giant robots and rubber aliens. it puts things into perspective. and im a horny motherfucker so after a mind numbing discussion like this, its very important to me. thus i have to share. by the way, i do respect your passion for film. i just cannot agree on the e.t. thing. sorry. fuck i have to get off of this site.
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nite nite.God Alpha really exhausted me tonight.Hope i have time to have sex with my girlfriend, yes sex i have sex, ooh i have a job, i'm not a geek, honest, i even have friends, i even go outside (did i sound as convincing as alpha?)nite
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Alpha Trion is raging douche. Talkback unification is rare but beautiful.
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I never post here but I just wanted to big up Vern for his essay. You are one of the only critics I know of who understands how action films are supposed to operate. You are also one of the only critics I know to point out this miserable cop-out trend of having every goddamn character spout off "hip" and "sassy" one liners. Back in the action hey day it was to be expected that the hero of the film would remain cool and collected enough to toss off a one liner after dispatching a villain, but now every character is a budding CW sitcom star. How am I as an audience member supposed to care about the consequences of the action or the threat of violence if the characters in the film are not?
Spectacle and special effects are great. I love that stuff. But why is it the majority of action films these days are no more engaging than watching a video game demo? -
... and yet I still enjoyed the fuck out of the movie. I don't know what that means. Yeah, the dialogue was inane. Hacker plot was ridiculous. Turturro and Voight had terrible roles and played them with B-movie sensibilities. The set up was half an hour too long. There's no need for a chihuahua with bling or a character to ride a girl's bike or a fat black guy to dance (or a black[?] robot to dance) or massive giant robots to hide awkwardly in a backyard for the sake of slapstick comedy. And yet, again, I still enjoyed the fuck out of it. I laughed. I hooted. I "woahed" easily half a dozen times. I felt for the robots. I felt for a few of the human characters. I must be an absolute moron. And this movie is going to make huge bank. (I don't even know why I type this - I didn't read beyond the first ten posts, and I doubt anyone's going to read this one either. Does that provide me with the opportunity to mention what I'd like to do to Megan Fox's tits? Probably not. Long live idiot fanboys.)
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You're not the only one having sex with your wife
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because if i was blabbing my personal life on the internet i would use my real name. besides at least i stirredup some shit, which i love and i knew the sex comment would get everyone riled up. even the guy with the "hot blonde". see im not the only one who resorts to such lowered standards and expectations. youre all doing it right now. right along with me. I love it. its ENTERTAINING. in fact, more entertaining than the stupid movie i watched today.
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I guess your proud to be a sad troll. Cheers!
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in them. The action sequences I'm sure are kinetic whether or not you like how they are put together. Partly just because of the way Bay edits. One critic made a good point about how disappointing action films are because they don't pace things right, it's just nonstop until the best scene is long gone and you're just numbing the audience with action until the finale. Superman Returns is a great example of this.
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...the movie before it came out have now seen it, and liked it, but still have to act like self important fucking film school jerk-offs who are "too cool for school" and therefor couldn't possibly like a movie like this. Fuck all the haters. I've been looking forward to this movie since the day it was announced and I guaran-damn-tee you it will make a shit load of money which will make the prospect of a sequel assured, so keep on bitching and I'll hold your spot in line douche bags...
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i actually liked and enjoyed some of the comedy, the masturbation scene was funny, and the mothers reaction to the girl was great. i liked the animations of the transformations. primes first long take of his transformation feels rightfully epic. it just looks cool, eye candy, and the candy tasted sweet. and my favorite action bit was starscream's fight with the other f22s. flying through the city, transforming back and forth confusing the other pilots while taking the wings off others was just a cool sight and actually took my breath away. i also enjoyed prime taking bonecrusher's head off.
now what i dont understand vern, and i completely respect your reaction to the film, but what i dont understand is how you can watch both this and die hard 4 within the same week, and give one a pass while shitting on the other. theyre basically the same type of movie, ones a bit bigger than the other, but both have big dumb action with ludicrous plots. could you explain how die hard 4 was a better and more "entertaining" film? -
And I'm having sex with my brother's wife. Sorry you had to find out like this, Alpha.
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Yeah....best movie of the year....(sarcasm)
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I've spent the last several years writing a book about the films of Steven Seagal. My favorite TV show last year was BLADE: THE SERIES, and then it got cancelled. I recently wrote an appreciation of STONE COLD on DVD, of Wesley Snipes' DTV movies and have been reviewing '80s ninja movies lately. I have AMERICAN NINJA and BLIND FURY sitting next to my DVD player for later in the week. But I think I should've rented the SUBSTITUTE movies like some guy suggested. I thought LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD was surprisingly good. I didn't think SPIDER-MAN 3 or X-MEN 3 were as bad as everybody said. I'm gonna go see RUSH HOUR just for Chris Tucker. I kind of like McG. I loved TORQUE.
But I hated TRANSFORMERS so I'm an elitist snob? Come on dude, you throw terms around at random they lose their meaning. -
Finally, a reviewer who feels not only the same way about the Transformers movie as I do, but hates it for all the same reasons. Thank you and let's keep the Michael Bay hate rolling.
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have a porno mag under his bed?
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May the good Lord Jesus Christ bless you Vern!
God Speed brother! -
"Uh, my bad!"
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Yeah I forgot the scene where prime fucks up Bonecrusher that was bad ass.
Yeah I don't get Vern on this one he liked DH4 and Don't get me wrong its okay. Well it sucked but not as bad as 3.
But the man hates this just Boggles the mind.
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It wasn't a great action flick by any means, and it was definitely a movie meant for 10 year old boys. Good thing too, because my god son and his friends really enjoyed it when I went with them. The effects and some of the action were good but the movie actually became dull during long stretches. I think TF could have easily lost a half hour to forty minutes of its run time (all the Jon Voight and Turturro nonsense sub-plots) and nobody would have missed it. It would have been a perfect 80 to 90 minute movie; it's a not so great 2 hr and 20 minute movie.
The most irritating thing for me about the movie was all the blatant product placement---it was insanely overbearing. I think the movie tickets should be for free, sponsered by Mountain Dew/Pepsi, General Motors, Microsoft, and the U.S Army. -
For a review of great clarity, cutting through a lot of the hype bull shit and other baggage that typically drags down not only reviews on this site but most movie reviews...I felt mostly the same except that the only thing with levity in the movie, unfortunately, was the awkward storyline involving shia.. harry was right about moving away from the human element, not like that would have really changed too much.
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Why didn't he use it against Megatron?
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I'm not going to write some wanker shit about how he was expecting Schindler's List from Michael Bay. Those of you saying that shit are making a pathetic straw man argument, and twisting his words to your own ridiculous ends. This is a FANTASTIC review whether or not you agree with his opinion. If you can't see why, then you only reinforce his argument about today's movie-going audience. Suck it long, and suck it hard.
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disguise themselves when in the suburbs?
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But The Last Dragon Kicks its ass.Shooonuff.
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For someone who didnt like the movie, you sure did write alot about it.
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Uh, yeah. You've lost all credability my friend. You're not a elitist snob. You're an idiot.
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And WINNING!!!
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duh.
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Thank the gods. Finally someone else sees this terrible film and reviews it without saying something to the effect of "it was bad but at the same time it was great since the story just doesn't matter. Giant Fuckin' Robots rule!" For me that's bullshit. Pure bullshit. Thank you.
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AutoFans love everything. No matter how shitty it is. DeceptiFans hate everything. no matter how good it is. CHOOSE YOUR SIDE! AND CHOOSE WISELY.
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One shall stand, one shall fall!
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Pisses on wife and kicks chihuahua.
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I hate to say it, because I've been waiting over 25 years for a big budget giant-robots-fighting movie, but I mostly agree with Vern on this one. I actually enjoyed the first hour, but by the time the Autobots were huddled in the back yard trying to hide from Shia's parents... wait - WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO SHIA'S PARENTS?!?! I just realized that they disappeared half way through the movie and NEVER CAME BACK! Am I forgetting a scene, or did they really just vanish? Anyway, I have to hand it to you Vern, even though I've come to think your taste in movies is abhorrent, this was a GREAT review. I laughed harder than I have at any other review since Ebert's scathing Jack Frost review. (Worth looking up, if you've never read it) Congrats on a job well done.
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It's the greatest movie ever made! heheh. Of course I'm talking about Torque.
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MY BAD! heheh
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You didn't see them on the houseboat in Lake Mead drinking a Dew?
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Seriously. Reading these TBs gives me great joy. Be back here, to agree and argue, with you tommorrow. Nite.
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and hand it over to a Michael Bay. The end of the world is coming in the form of a gigantic asteroid. This would cause all of us great alarm and concern. But with Michael Bay, we get the testosterone-laden action heavy Armageddon flick that leaves you not really giving a fuck about the team sent to destroy the asteroid, or even Earth itself. I'll stick with Deep Impact, a human story. You can't take a history changing event like Pearl Harbor, an attack that changed America forever, and hand it to a Michael Bay. We get a ridiculous love triangle, a lot of carnage and explosions and a lot of history ignored or thrown the fuck out the window. I'll stick with Tora! Tora! Tora! which remained pretty faithful to history. And now we have The Transformers. A lot of us grew up with the Autobots and Decepticons in the cartoons. Some of us probably wish our own leaders could be as noble as Optimus Prime. And here comes Michael Bay to make a movie based on the cartoons and the toys, and so far from the reviews, it seems that it's an utter shit piece of film making that shits all over a franchise and characters many actually give a damn about seeing portrayed well in a motion picture. But despite the fact that many of us despise Michael Bay's film making, the fact of the matter is that the man makes movies that rakes in cash at the box office, so unless he does the world a favor and steps out in front of a speeding Union Pacific freight out in California, we're going to continue seeing our intelligence insulted by Michael Bay and his godawful movies. Well, some of us are. I was guardedly optimistic when Bay had the sense of hiring Peter Cullen to do Optimus' lines, but it's turning out that Bay couldn't give a rat's ass about the Transformers any more than he gives a rat's ass about the end of the world or an attack that changed America forever or whatever the fuck else he decides to make a movie about.
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When I spend my 11 bucks I expect a good movie. When I see that they spent hundreds of millions of dollars to make it, again I expect a good movie. And when the movie revolves around characters based on children's toys I don't expect Piss jokes and masturbation jokes. Is it wrong to expect these things?
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What idiot lets you write on this site, honestly? Your opinion is shit, you appear to be extremely uneducated, and your review of this movie is way of. You couldn't even remember names of the robots after they were introduced and this is some how Bay's fault?
I think you need to get laid, and stop writing reviews, PERIOD. -
are you being serious or sarcastic? I don't remember that at all and I just got back from the movie. Granted, at a certain point my mind started wandering, so I might have missed a few things. Was there dialog or was it just a shot?
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I guess the movie just will never work for some people and others it will. I can tell you that, while the theater wasn't packed to capacity on the first showing around here, it was 90% full and the whole theater was cracking up. People laughed, people moaned in sympathy at the main character's embarrassing moments.. in general people were getting into the characters and the movie as a whole. Perhaps the rest of the theater and I should get therapy or just line up and be shot by the obviously superior movie-goers who think its intellectual trash. Or maybe we just got what we wanted when we went in... something with a nice simple story, funny moments, action moments... overall entertaining. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy movies with much more depth than this.. I enjoy plots that I can think about weeks later and be compelled to research the storyline to fill in gaps in what I understood. Every movie I see doesn't have to be like this though. Just because people enjoy movies like this for pure entertainment value, doesn't mean these people are intellectually deprived or even that they have no concept of what makes a "good" movie.
More and more these days it seems like theres two entrenched camps of movie-goers. Theres the side that views the other side with general contempt for enjoying and defending a movie they consider trash and created for a quick buck by selling to the lowest common denominator. Then there's the side that views the others as unable to enjoy the simple things anymore... that they only view a movie as worth seeing if its Academy material and that they're more or less completely out of touch with the general movie going populace. Not everyone falls into these camps but I do see them existing. -
It's not wrong my friend. ...Just naive.
But there are worse things to be than that. Like jaded and hopeless and accepting of mediocrity. -
seriously, they should question making the film. Bay didn't want to make this film to begin with - Speilberg knew that. Many directors seem embarassed about superhero or fantasy characters. They are the last people who should be working on them.
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.....you're an elitist snob for basically calling everyone else who liked it an idiot - in the form of your so-called review. That's what an elitist is; "If you don't like what I like, you're douche. If you like what I think is crap, you're a douche." Pretty much sums up your rant...I mean review. It's cool you didn't like it because either you didn't get it, or you thought it was a mess or whatever, but to basically the world is coming to an end because it seems the majority of everyone else liked it is the height of arrogance, and quite frankly the reason people are calling you out. It's he equivalent of hating Micheal Bay simply because he is Micheal Bay. Lame. As for the movie, anyone expecting an intelligent masterpiece from a summer movie based on Transformers : The animated movie, and the Hasboro/Mattel line of merchandise and 80's cartoon-based marketing campaign, seriously needs an intelligence implant. Stat. If anything the movie is a faithful adaptation of its source material, so where's he problem? Oh well, at least the haters now have a refuge; it was getting mighty lonely out there with all the positive word-of-mouf that this movie is getting from us "morons" who had th audacity to enjoy it. Is that an Apocalyptic horseman I see there........
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Sorry, I was being sarcastic. You never see them until the credits. There's nothing else explaining where the hell they were.
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So it's fitting that the movie begins in "QATAR - THE MIDDLE EAST." (Need to establish location and tell the audience you think they're idiots at the same time? Try subtitles!)
Right, because everyone would have said, yeah that Qatar by seeing a shot of ENDLESS DESERT. Vern, love your reivew, but that is Jumping the Shark right there... -
This movie was shit. I can't even begin to consider what it is that led anyone with even a space where their brain should be to think that this movie had any redeeming qualities whatsoever. I like myself a lot of dumb action movies, but they have to, you know, inspire any reaction in me whatsoever aside from annoyance and boredom.
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Believe it or not, most of the theater I was in found several of those moments funny. The masturbation thing actually fit perfectly into that scene and I honestly expected it. I mean, what else could be said that would be worse in that particular situation? Thats what made it funny.. to me at least.
Yes, the piss jokes could have been done without. I won't condemn the rest of the movie because if though. Why should I? Its less than 2 minutes of the movie. Its the Jar Jar of Transformers... there for the kids who are to young to find the adolescent situations Shia's character goes through funny. -
Do they even show up after they first get taken away and separated by the sector 7 guys? I remember shia bargaining to see his parents when they're first taken to the dam but I don't remember any kind of "Oh Son! I'm so glad you're okay!" scene at all. Is that really where they vanish from the movie? When the Sector 7 guys show up and arrest them all?
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The Jar Jar of the movie is that piss poor excuse of a walking stick that was put in for comedic effect.
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The movie, not the endless diatribe above.
Look, the crowd went wild at the theater tonight, in the beginning, again in the middle when Optimus busts some ass on the freeway, and when the movie was over. I had a great time tonight watching Transformers, and I don't feel guilty, or stupid, or part of the decline and fall of Western Civilization. Sorry, but the FX were awesome ... ILM took it to a new level. Every other FX house better step up their game big time. The acting was pretty good, especially in Shia LeBouf's case. He had some great comic timing, and pulled the movie together. The comedy surprised both me and the wife. Much of it worked, while only a few things fell flat. Jon Voight was pretty good as the Secretary of Defense. Josh Duhamel and Tyrese were good. The story was okay, but damn, the wife and I had a hell of a lot of fun.
And that is what it is all about. Fun. Not high art. Not a political statement. Just pure honest to goodness fun. Do I go to Disneyland to hear a lengthy dissertation from Mickey Mouse on War and Peace? No. I expect to be entertained. I expect thrills, laughs, and a generally good time. When I hear people talk about Transformers as a rollercoaster, I can't help but agree. It's a theme park filled with giant fucking robots. And it's a blast, if you'll let it be. Anyone can go to Disneyland and be miserable all fucking day if they try. Most people go and enjoy themselves.
I like the cartoon as a kid. I saw the '86 movie. I had the toys. All that shit. I grew up on TF, GI Joe, Thundercats. And yet, somehow the flames on Optimus didn't matter. Somehow the intricate designs worked better in live action than the old boxy designs would have. Somehow Shia didn't kill the movie. But if you made up your mind ahead of time to hate the movie, Transformers won't change it. It's not a religious experience that will turn people from haterz to believers.
Is it the best movie ever? No. Is it the best Sci-fi film? No. Will it be in my top 10? No. It doesn't have to be though.
Does this signal the end of civilization as we know it? Have we finally proven that we are too stupid to go on? No. Enjoyment of a thrill ride is not something to be ashamed of.
Fuck the haterz. No, seriously. Fuck the haterz up the ass. A lot of people are going to have A LOT OF FUN with this one. And if the haterz can't get past it and go on with life, fuck 'em. -
Yeah, that was the last time I saw them until the credits. Great storytelling! Who needs parents!
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The point he was making is that the filmmakers think the audience is so stupid that they needed to be told that Qatar is in the middle east. The sub could have just read "Qatar".
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True, Frenzy would have been much cooler if he actually spoke somewhat like the other robots instead of sounding like one that had found electronic crack. He did have his moments though which is more than I can say for Jar Jar. Besides, my point was more that those scenes were probably put into the movie for simple comic effect for the kids in the theater much like a lot of the Jar Jar material.
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oh stfu vern.the movie kicks ass.just because you are incapable of enjoying it,doesnt mean its bad.
god dammit noobs. -
The situation with the parents is probably a cut scene. I mean, did you really need them back during the main movie? Theres a line in the movie that sounded like it pretty much resolved what was going to happen with them. Like most movies, I'm probably going to see the deleted scenes and think "why did they cut that!?! it would have been much better had they left it in" but then people would be complaining that it was 145 min long instead of just 144...
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I think in two different scenes just so we remembered since we have the attention spans of a twig.
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Jul 04, 2007 1:40:42 AM CDT
It sucks but I can't read anymore of this guy's reviews
by dirkangerreloaded23
4 names for ya: Chris Tucker, Steven Seagal, McG, & Torque. First we have a "comedic" "actor", and I use those words very lightly, whose only claim to fame is being in those GOD-FUCKING-AWFUL Rush Hour movies directed by that talentless hack Brett Ratner, who is also responsible for putting a nail in the coffin of the X-Men franchise. Next we have Seagal, whose best ever performance was when he bit the bullet 20 minutes into Executive Decision; no more needs to be said there. Next is McG. Only Ewe Boll, in my humble opinion, backed by being a die hard movie fanatic for 30 years now, is a worse director in Hollywood than this wannabe-Bay. Charlie's Angels sucked hard. Charlie's Angels 2 was so fucking terrible that if all 3 Angels had gotten naked 15 minutes into the flick and had a chocolate syrup covered gangbang with the Hedgehog and an albino midget with elephantitis I still wouldn't have seen it and neither would anyone else. Finally we have Torque. Oh Torque........how your super-hyper-mega-extreme-piece-of-living-shit action sequences made me hate your guts. Zero story+lousy over-the-top effects+Ice Cube= not even if you don't take yourself seriously...........a shit movie to say the least.
These are what Vern considers to be entertainment, but Transformers sucks. Gimme a break. -
Thanks, I forgot his name(Frenzy). The parent thing is important since they were such a big part in the beginning. Then, you never hear Sam mention anything about them after his speech on the dam. Just a little strange.
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Fair enough, but seriously, this was a fun movie, yes far to much on the military angle, but a fun movie, and my point is that pointing out it's in the Middle East is a nitpick, there was far worse exposition in this film than that, but fun none the less. I really wish Spielberg would have directed it, one can only imagine.
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Oooh, he said "Qatar - The Middle East"; he MUST think the movie goers are retards? Holy shit. That is the least legitimate complaint, I have heard yet. What. The. Fuck? Now THAT is making an effort to hate the movie.
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It was full of too many bad jokes and unnecessary comedy that fell flat on its face. The fights werent good enough, it had huge plot holes and i groaned more times than I have fingers. I so wanted to love it, but I only liked it slightly. Thank you Vern for posting a truthful review, we share the same opinion on about 99% of the movie.
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I guess it is a bit strange but then again, thats the point where the movie went into hyperspeed... with all that stuff going on I'm not sure the character would have been thinking about that, let alone the director stopping the action to drop a scene about it. Again though, maybe its a deleted scene that, like so many that seem necessary to us, for some reason get cut.
As for Qatar... you know, common sense would have told me where it was when I was watching the movie even though I didn't know the exact geographic location. The funny thing is though, I looked it up on wikipedia and it basically says "Qatar is an emirate... in the Middle East". -
Best part of Transformers -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mn-AIpdTagA -
New Years. Lame jokes. Quirky one liners. Jeesh. Am I the only one here that remembers the eightees? I guess I'm in the I love the original Die Hard, and The Road Warrior camp. And I do mean CAMP! Tranformers was good. Fuck all you haters that were born in the ninetees! Stupid fucks! Go listen to your favorite Spice Girls CD or something!
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Brilliant, start to finish. Thanks for brightening my day!
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http://tinyurl.com/gc79d
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that showed something (unseen)tearing up New York? That was way more entertaing than Transformers.
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Fucking classic. You say people who have had fun watching the movie are useless. Yet you haven't even fucking seen it. You really add a lot to the discourse. Great job, loser.
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I pointed out the "Middle East" thing because it was funny as hell. It's not the first movie to do it but it always makes me laugh. It is basically telling us two minutes into the movie what it thinks of us. Thanks movie, we appreciate your confidence in our basic geography knowledge. I mean shit, even if it didn't say Qatar, you got the US Army in a desert, we're gonna have a pretty good guess what region of the world it is.
(Believe me, I am not good at geography, so if I was insulted it was pretty low.)
Anyway thankz Lamerz. -
I enjoyed it the film somewhat more than vern did - I really did like th first hour or so - but I must say I agree with almost every other point he makes in his review. Did I HATE it? No. Was I underwhelmed and disappointed? Yes. I really feel like I was asking for very little from this movie. I went in totally prepared to check my brain at the door - and that is something I'm not usually very willing to do - but I've been waiting for a live action movie about giant robots that transform into cars since 1984. I knew that Transformers was an entirely silly and preposterous concept at it's very core, but I still excited for the wonder and spectacle of this movie to blow my inner child through the back of the theater. It didn't. Instead of wonder, I got giant robots hiding in the back yard while the teenage kid talks to his parents about masturbation. Instead of spectacle, I got close-ups of garbage smashing into more garbage. The theater I was in clapped at the end, and I just kind of went "eh"
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Cloverfield looks fucking AWESOME.
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It's aliens from War of the Worlds! Now starring in the new J.J. Abrahms film, Cloverfield or whatever the fuck they'll call it.
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Really, though, I noticed it when it was up there but no way was I offended. I wouldn't be for any movie that did something like that. Just wasn't a big deal to me.
And my Qatar comment was really to some of the talkbackers who seemed upset over it. -
Its not useless to say "I had fun". For many, that is the express reason they go to see a movie. Everything from the insanely expensive food to the theater atmosphere complete with an audience to laugh and cheer with.
If you don't want to go for humor, or consider embarrassing moments between a teenage boy and girl to be childish then don't go see it. If you only enjoy movies like Lord of the Rings... movies that can be considered art both in story and visuals... then don't see this movie. It won't win anything for story but it may win something for an interesting actor or best special effects. Of course, I would also recommend avoiding 90% of the movies that will come out this year and possibly just waiting for the DVDs to come out after all the awards have been one. That way, you can let someone "professional" tell you if its worth seeing or not. -
Her is my review
I thought about this today about how to write this should I try to do it like a pro or right for the Talk backers. I've decided to say the hell with it, and just give it to you straight. Let me start with the positives Shai- as far as the Humans go, picks this movie up and carries it on his back being a veritable Atlas. Optimus Prime and Megatron are the only Transformers that got any real characterization. Prime is as noble as ever and You get a sense of how great a disdain for humans Megatron has especially in one scene where Megs and Prime fall of a roof and when Megatron comes to he's surrounded by humans and Megatron says "disgusting" and flicks a human. I said from the beginning it didn't matter what they looked like as long as they acted like the transformers I know and they (Optimus and Megatron) did Optimus looks like a tool with lips(and keeps them 99.9% of the time, even battles)and Megatron IS Megatron Even though he looks like a candelabra on steroids(and Since you cant tell who is doing the voice it didn't make sense to have Weaving do the voice over Welker).
Now for the Bad parts. And man is there allot. The Autobots I'm pretty sure have distinct characters that separate them; You can tell by the few lines they have which they all have English accents (save for Jazz the Black one) But the poor decepticons, they have even fewer lines and none that tell us anything about them other then there names. every other Human performance other then Sam fit your A typical Action Movie you have the funny paranoid Black stereo type, The Government official who doesn't believe shit stinks still he's standing in it, Hot school girl who dresses way to slutty (I know I'm getting old because my first thought when I saw her was were the hell are her parents.) and the rest are here on Bay Isle. The fight scenes are as Indecipherable as any Bay movie You really can't tell what the hell is going on when the Transformers fight each other except for the death blows, and Ironhide suffers from Micheal-Bay-Matrix-rip-off-iti s. Also Bay needs to go back to film school and attend those lessons on Editing he missed the scene where BB fights Barricade Did I miss the part where BB gets a Megaman gun or the scene when Sam sees Bumble bee in robot for the 1st time Piss poor editing. And then there's the plot the Allspark resembles Vector Sigma but makes no sense why the hell would it be here on earth, and if it bring Machines to life why not make a army of autobots and what happened to Starscream frenzy, and barricade. And one John Tuturros overzealous Head of a secret government organization (Brent Spiner did it better in ID4)this has got be John's worse role ever.
in short if your not paying attention to anything this is greatest movie of the summer If Optimus Prime is the only character you care about this is greatest movie of the summer But the truth is this is just another Over hyped over produced Bay movie alot of people are saying this has to be seen in theater but I think its the other way around I don't know what format Dreamworks has chosen but your best bet is to get a 42 to 50 incher HD wait till it comes out for one pick up a player and enjoy your ability to slow down that short ass scene where Optimus Fights Bonecrusher, Or the scene where The Autobots go to get the Allspark then they see bumble bee with a military convoy and with no rap they just follow suit. Or the scene where Optimus RUNS from U.S. spycopters . But as I said before the best way to see this movie is for free or not at all.
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Sorry.. posted that too soon. I have no idea what that teaser was.. it didn't even seem to have a title or anything. I was guessing something like a Godzilla reboot :P
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He is human after all.
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Memorial is blown to smitherines. Then the Washington Monument will fall over. Then the Statue of Liberty will shatter to pieces. Then the White House will collapse on itself. Then every city in America will be seen in slow-mo blowing up in a Mushroom Cloud, and Blah, Blah, Blah. That trailer would get everyone Ooohhing and AWWwwwwing. Christ, people are idiots. I like explosions!
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I can't wait to hear some more about this movie. Like, oh maybe a title or something. The trailer was put together very well. The noise was wierd. I read before someone thought one of the people running said something about a lion. Plus the growl? I dunno ... I can't see a big ass lion in NY. Great fuckin trailer in the vein of Godzilla of the late 90's. I doubt JJ will turn out a complete piece of shit though, ruining the promise of the trailer.
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And fair enough. But I didn't check my brain, and I had a good time. It delighted me. That does not make me stupid, and your implying it does (ex. "If this is accepted as good entertainment then we're another step closer to the world of IDIOCRACY and the hit movie ASS.") shows you up as a snob. You've set your subjective experience of this film in this review as the benchmark for film-going intelligence. That's awfully confident and tacky.
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Jul 04, 2007 2:12:26 AM CDT
I love Vern and his reviews! This one is no exception.
by derlanghaarige
But letting him review a Michael Bay movie is like letting me review a Tarantino movie. (Only that Vern's review is of ocurse a much better read.)
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It was the way the trailer was shot, and the tense-ness following the "earthquake" and explosion. The head landing in the street was the weakest part. I like the mystery of it more than anything.
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http://www.1-18-08.com/
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MI3 still sucked, though. Hopefully, J.J. gets this right. Whatever it is. I heard some girl behind me saying, "Is this Godzillia 2?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
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Wery nice!!
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And for his latest trick Vern summons up some text message speaking semi-retards to defend the honor of big explosions over actual plot...
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Vern and Harry are totally spot-on about TINO. This movie was terrible. Too long, too idiotic. Who the hell thought that it was a good idea to invent this power that could turn machines on Earth into evil Transformers (yeah, the Mountain Dew vending machine)? Seriously, why did the Nokia phone in the bunker turn into a tiny little 666-Damien Transformer and not a peaceful robot? The Transformers were reduced to pretty much just comic relief (they say some amazingly stupid things). I'm really glad that the Autobots learned how to speak from the World Wide Web and found Sam from eBay. I will only try to mention parts of the suckage that others haven't so far. Didn't anyone else feel like Bay paid homage to his other films way to often? He blatantly reused the shot from Bad Boys 2 where the camera repeatedly circles around Will Smith and Martin Lawrence on one side of a wall and the bad guys on the opposite side. It looked like The Rock when Sam is running on the rooftop with a flare in his hand. You could go so far as saying he reused Armageddon type shots with the meteor shower arrival of Prime and the other Autobots (and the bastard even referenced Armageddon in the movie). Are you telling me that their only option is to crash land on Earth? They're sentient alien robots but they can't descend from space and make a clean landing? Hell, even the score sounded nearly identical to scores from other Bay films (and yes, you can even hear the Batman Begins theme while Sam and Mikaela are in the Sector Seven Escalades). What the hell was the purpose of finding Sam's grandfather's glasses when the government had the Allspark cube anyway AND that stupid fuckin little Gremlin robot had downloaded all those Top Secret government files? MegaGremlin sucked too. Why the hell did they voice cast Hugo Weaving? You'd never be able to tell its him unless you were told beforehand. Did anyone else laugh when Megatron asked Sam, "What is it that compels you? Fear or courage?", b/c it was a little too reminiscent of Agent Smith in Matrix Reloaded. There's so much more crap it's unreal. I shook my head in disgust often. I asked, "WTF?!" often. To say "meh" would be too much of an compliment.
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I applaud you. Not only did this review reflect exactly what I thought of the movie, but it was 10x funnier than the movie itself.
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Did ya know that people can have differing opinions on shit without being retards? Seriously. Did ya ever learn that? Bitterness ensues when Transformers makes bucketloads of $$$ and millions of people actually enjoy themselves. But wait, they are all retards! Alonzo sez so!
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That Goddamn Mac Guy blew a hole of pure suckage right through any enjoyment I had in that flick. That and the villian was lame. And it desperately needed more swearing and blood. And less Len Wiseman Underworld style acrobatics and style that clashed with Die Hard's old school vibe. I'm actually hoping Transformers will clense my palate after that flick. But, yeah, Shia LaBoof is on the same level as the Mac Guy to me, so that ain't good.
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Seriously.
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you put into words EVERYTHING that was wrong with that movie.
there were points in the film where i had to be "that guy" in the theatre and audibly say "am i actually hearing this dialogue right now?" and "where are the transformers?"
thank you, sir. for getting everything right. -
it said it in little bitty text
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It did have a plot and it was no more complex than the original cartoon. I suppose they could have made it more complex but why make it something it obviously wasn't intended to be? Besides, had they made it more complex it just would have further alienated the people who wanted a faithful G1 movie and then there would have been just as much complaining.. just from different people. And if you're going to argue about the plot of the original source material being more complex than this, lets face it... it was basically a war between two factions who were almost out of natural resources, they crash land on Earth, deliver cheesy one liners and hit each other while trying to exploit or defend Earth's resources (which can get turned into Energon Cubes) and people. Granted, there was a lot more material later than that but thats how the cartoon started.
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The mini-con reminded me fondly of Gremlins. Actually, the whole thing reminded me of Gremlins and Gremlins 2, which are awesome. I found Shia LaBouef (Billy) surprisingly charming. And Bernie Mac did his Bernie Mac (uncle who brings Gizmo) thing sharp and smarmy. That Fox lady (Phoebe Cates) had that thing with her dad (trenchcoat monologue). I kind of hated John Turturo (old lady with the electric staircase chair), but all the other performances were pretty good and played for quirks, like Gremlins.
I feel confident using the words 'zany' and 'screwball' to describe the proceedings. I was awed by the robots. And sometimes confused, but mostly awed. Optimus Prime was great. I wish there had been more robots, but there was enough for an origin film.
This isn't the GIANT SERIOUS ROBOTS movie I've always wanted, not by a long shot - but it is definitely the GIANT MADCAP ROBOTS flick I wasn't expecting.
I'm not stupid. I have not lowered my expectations. No one is the arbiter of worth on the character of any subjective experience but their own. People who assert otherwise are possibly retarded.
Oh, and by the way: calling someone 'sir' on the internet is like calling the guy you're blowing 'daddy' - it's just a little creepy.
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He couldn't make the journey. The kid in front of me clearly recognized Megatron transforming into a jet-thingy.Is Vern an idiot? Look to his taste in DTV. While I agree that the robot designs are stupidly overcomplicated, I give this a pass purely for the visceral thrill.Vern gives a pass to MUCH shittier garbage.
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So I saw the movie. I didn't really want to, but caved to peer pressure. As far as I'm concerned, the creative team behind this have been responsible for shit and more shit. The trailers, posters and design all sucked horrendous balls. The movie lived up to my expectations. It was turdalicous. Most of the reasons for it's being balls have been discussed ad nauseum on here, so I won't waste your time. But I will share the news that I DO find people who enjoyed this beneath me. I do look down on them with contempt. To enjoy this film, as an adult with a moderate amount of worldly experience or exposure to creative arts, shows a magnificent lack of imagination or creativity. There is no 'spectacle' here. There are no giant robots thumping on each other. Just a bunch of messy looking cartoons interacting with some poorly scripted human actors. Like a particuarly noisy and dumb child's version of Roger Rabbit. But, as Opa Opa kindly pointed out, this movie was not made for audiences like myself, it was made for the folks that had a pretty good time with Scooby Doo and Fantastic Four and Garfield and who think American Idol is kind of fun in a disposable way. I.e, Vermin. To rag on Vern's appreciation of low budget, idiosyncratic modestly released action movies as a comparisson to this film is pointless. This is a 150 million dollar product designed to entertain, excite and emotionally move large quantities of people. A production that has every advantage money can buy. It should not only be in the same leauge as the great popular entertainments of yester year, but be able to surpass them. Of course, the supply changes with the demand, and from these talkbacks, the demand clearly seems to be for shit. Mediocre, uncreative compost pile cinema. The world doesn't want craftsmanship, intelligent and creative entertainment, and certainly not art. It wants piss jokes and shiny things (literally, as the animated mess on screen struggled to resemble robots fighting, breaking down to essentially whoosy noises and flashing colours). Yes I bitched, but I can't stand the incessant stupidity contained in the criticisms at people are simply not retarded enough to join the sheeple and worship mediocrity. Tell you what, i'll leave your infantile light show alone, if you stop insisting I self induce a coma like state to enjoy your crap. Dreamworks is already spending hundreds of millions of dollars trying to get me to do that. They don't need your help too.
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that this is transformers. what did you want? of COURSE there's going to be cheesy cartoon lines and silly crap going on. its based on a CARTOON. about ROBOTS. that TRANSFORM. if you're looking for Shakespeare, go somewhere else. This was a fun, stupid, popcorn movie that is SUPER shallow and SUPER eye candy. was ANYONE expecting anything else? seriously? this movie rocked! its everything i wanted. it FELT like how the cartoons felt like. that equals success. sorry Vern, i think you're finally wrong about a movie! but good shot and i still want to have your babies.
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My thoughts exactly, its a fun movie.
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One more Positive no one agrees with me on is Frenzy, Not for what he was but for what he could have become. If they would have given him the voice of a punk kid from new york he Would have stole the show. the Kill Bill thing was as a annoying because It was a giant Car commercial as is 75% of the whole movie. But the way BB pulls up and The camera catches the Camaro badge is just a insipid as the transforming Mountain Dew machine, Nokia Phone, and X-box 360. And here's the thing I love Mountain Dew, Nokia's, and I have a X-box 360. But with The Product placement Bayed Whored the Shit out of this movie.
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I personally think that if you thought about what this movie is based on, this review would never be written. Have you ever watched the cartoon? It is a campy, almost no plot, lifeless cartoon. I love it because it was fun. If you read into it that much, well you missed the point. This review is pretty much dumb on so many levels. I am hugr fan of all genre of films. I never go into Jurassic Park and compare it to Breathless. Why? It's stupid! I would never write a review on a camp film. It's camp and so was the show. You really can't hate one without the other. The movie was fun and thats all it needed to be.
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Is JJ Abrahms production company.
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I meant to spell h-u-g-e.
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That post actually made me laugh. Another one that can't accept opinions differing from his own. Those who disagree must be somehow defective. They could not possibly enjoy something that Tourist hated.
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and I'm not a Michael Bay "Hater" as you guys call them, but I don't love every movie he does. Personally the only movie he's done that I really liked was The Rock, and I still feel it's one of the better action movies of the last 15 years not that there's been much else. I enjoyed Bad Boys 2 on some level, but it's far from great. Pearl Harbor had one redeeming factor, and that was the attack on Pearl Harbor, other than that it sucked big time. Armageddon was a waste of time in my eyes. I know the man can shoot pretty images, with the sun in the background as the camera whippes around the characters, and he's even managed to shoot a couple good action scenes. Tonight I saw some poorly shot action scenes, with several bad scenes of something that tried resembled a story. I liked the cartoon from the 80's, but I was also willing to give the new designs a chance, but they just didn't work. To busy, and really they just looked like shit on the big screen. Yeah the effects looked good, but what good does great effects do you when you can't see what the hell is going on. Someone needs to sit Michael Bay down, and show him how to cut his action scenes. I really believe these are some of the worst edited action scenes I've ever seen on the big screen. I don't know when it became considered good film-making to make a cut every fucking second, but to me it's just poor film-making, period. Now I will disagree with Vern on Shia Lefeouf, I thought his character was the only real character in the whole fucking movie. I bought his performance, and I really enjoyed that aspect of the movie. Megan Fox is insanely hot, and I didn't mind her character that much so I won't complain about her. John Turturro on the other hand, he's a really good actor, but here I was groaning everytime he spoke, it was so over the top I just couldn't stand it. John Voight was pretty much the same, another good actor wasted with this shit. Then there were the characters that had no business even being in the movie, I'm looking right at the useless hackers on this one. Someone before me said something that when the robots were fighting you really couldn't tell who was who, and I have to agree. These designs sucked so bad on screen that I really had a hard time telling which robot was which, and it really took me out of the movie. I could go on, and on. I was really just hoping for a good time at the movies, and I somewhat got that, but I really can't recommend anyone paying $10 to see this in the theaters. I mean I've liked some bad films in the past, and I've even liked some of the big movies before this, but this movie just droped the ball. The blame has to go on the writers, and Michael Bay on this one. I'm surprised that Spielburg had any part in this. I think I'll go to bed, and try to forget about this movie. Have fun guys!
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Vermin indeed
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This is one of the most unnecessarily negative reviews I've read for a movie in a long time. It's not evey day that a single film is blamed for the collapse of our society, or at least supposedly a symbol of it.
Here's the facts, though. I saw this movie in a full theater. During the whole thing, the audience was cmopletely into it. They cheered and laughed exactly when they were supposed to.
I saw this movie with about a dozen people, most of which were not framiliar with the cartoon, and they all love it. This movie is a crowd pleaser, and I'm going to choose to base it's quality on the reaction I saw it get. And if I go by that, then this is by far the best film released this summer. -
sucked. Yet TF kicked ass and was FUN. FUN. FUN. FUN.
See? People can actually have differing opinions without the world collapsing into a black hole. You hated TF, so did Harry. Apprently you think only retards like FF, yet Harry liked it. Is Harry a retard or genius? What's is your ruling on this one, oh great film god? Please enlighten the retards who enjoyed TF and actually were able to have a good time!!!! -
-apparently these robot's bodies are comprised of nano technology that utilizes force fields and matter/temporal conversion-They seem capable of molecular level form and mass exchange as seen when they fold down into vehicles that seem smaller than their robot forms.So I propose that the cube zaps objects with a transporter beam full of nanites that deconstruct the molecular bonds of the object -then the nanites replicate themselves as much as they need and manufacture the materials necessary to build the robot body -and all the various projectiles that fill it's guns- from out of the metal and plastic of the object in question.This building is done at a phenomenal rate-the nanites use temporal flux to place their molecules in a parallel universe during this process to speed up manufacturing time.These nanites are like the cells of the autobot's bodies-changing their paint color, expanding and contracting their mass with forcefields and enertial dampeners, and fixing scratches in the paint- we actually have the scratch nanotech-hence a vending machine becomes a death dealing robot in a couple of seconds-duh guys- I shouldn't have to explain this shit to you- didn't you ever watch startrek? They only reference it like 30 times in the movie.
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You're truly an inspiring representation of the elitist movie-critic club. You apparently had your mind made up about the whole thing before you even bought your ticket.. you admitted as much in the first three sentences. Why did you even go?
If you don't like pizza and fast food, don't freaking eat pizza and fast food. If you can't stand anything but Academy Award material and consider anything else dribble and trash then don't go see it. Reality check though, it doesn't make you better than anyone else. I like what I like and you like what I like. I liked ID4, Armageddon, The Rock, and Transformers. Why? They were fun action flicks. I paid the price of a movie ticket and had some fun and laughs with my friends. Some of them were even worth buying the DVD. Occasionally I simply feel like watching something fun and fun doesn't necessarily involve deep plot. Being an adult doesn't mean turning your back on the things you discovered as a child.
I'm writing this on the off chance you'll actually read it. I figure you're either eagerly awaiting the flames you knew this would incite or feeling high and mighty as you log off, convinced that you just proved your superiority to the lower members of society. I don't think I'll ever change your opinion, but it would be nice to show you that there are some people out there that enjoy things like this and yet also enjoy much deeper plots as well. Cheers :) -
Only vermin, those less-than-humans could enjoy this. After all yours is the only right opinion.
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If the crap you listed didn't exist at the expense of good action pics then maybe you would have a point, but they do. Tourist is right. Just because you feel insulted doesn't mean its wrong.
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Knew you would agree. Tra-la-la.
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there are absolutes in subjectivity. With all their shit like ... My way or the highway!! You're either with us (that hate TF) or you are against us. Sound familiar? You cannot disagree with me on this. If you do, you are fucking retarded. Stupid. Tasteless. Because I define what is good. Not you.
Fuckin dumbasses. -
My parents are moving to Qatar in like a month.I told them that giant robots would kill them if they go there... but do they listen? No.I would hate to end-up on CNN explaining how awful it is to be orphaned by giant f(cliche)ing robots...And the death of my parents might also bother me... but, not as much as an alien invasion.
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I'm glad some people found enjoyment with this movie, and the audience I saw it with ate this movie up as well, but that didn't sway my opinion. I did have fun with certain parts, but as a whole, and I'm well aware that the cartoon was cheesy, but there's still no reason for the lack of imagination that went into this movie. I'm all for spectacle, but I really like my spectacle at least executed better than this. Hell everyone rags on Independence Day, but that was directed better than this movie. At least in that movie you could tell what the hell was going on when the action hit. It's been one thing that really gets me pissed is when I see action in a movie shot like a music video. Cuts here, cuts there, cuts everywhere. I'm really surprised that people don't go into an seizure when they watch this. I'm all for moving the camera, but shit once in awhile you have to lock that thing down so we the people watching can get a good look. Good night all!
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Jul 04, 2007 3:13:48 AM CDT
Come to think of it, Transformers does remind me of...
by mr. brownstone
TORQUE. Transformers is like TORQUE with giant robots... at least in the way it looks and is edited. I didn't hate Transformers as much as Vern, but I agree with almost every one of his points.
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Thanks, scorpio!
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one of the worst things i'd ever seen.
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Honestly dude I wouldnt care what crap you watch on your own time if it didn't get greenlighted at the expense of another, better project. If filmmakers like Michael Bay didn't get work at the expense of filmmakers who would make better films with better directed action without the syrupy horseshit, but he does. You people seem to thinkt hat Hollywood has unlimited resources. They are close, but only so many films can get made at one time. There are only so many directors that get those kinds of budgets and to the detriment of planet Earth Michael bay is one of them. I would like that to change, and it starts with the public actually being slightly self aware of what they are watching and the damage it's success causes.
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Transformers and Michael Bay caused society to collapse.
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Actually I don't feel insulted at all. Why should I? Since I believe a movie should be about entertainment and the experience you have while viewing it and I've had great times watching those movies. I do feel sorry for you guys though. It must be horrible walking around and viewing each person you talk to as someone who could possibly corrupt your idea of a pure human gene pool. Do you disown your friends and family when they say they simply enjoyed a summer blockbuster?
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...Defective. You are a lesser human being. I made that clear. You are not (supposedly) an eight year old boy. You did not grow up in mud hut in ecuador with only a bible and a piece of chalk for education and entertainment. You are an adult, who has probally been exposed to hundreds if not thousands of hours of art, comedy and audio/visual media. But you find this stimulating. This holds your attention for more than two hours. The fact that there is less interesting creative ideas or visuals at work in this film, than there is in your average episode of cops, but none the less entertains you does make you an idiot. It's not because we differ of opinion. It's that your opinion is put forth by you, a retard. Just like I wont listen to a child or a retard for advice on open heart surgery, I most likely wont listen to your advice on this movie. By the way, I know Harry liked Fantastic Four. I've read alot of his reviews. Nice guy. Wouldn't issue him with a drivers lisence though. I know Moriarty enjoyed Transformers too. Rent his episodes of Masters Of Horror. Remember what I said about fans of this particular film lacking creativity? As for people enjoying this film not indicating the end of the world, one only has to look at the collective stupidity that leads to incidents like the third reich or the salem witch trials. Now, just because people may have only momentarily regressed to infantilism during the two and a half hours they spent inside the cinema with Transformers doesn't mean they will maintain that level of stupidity upon leaving the cinema. But, you know, where there is smoke, there is often fire...Anyway, to answer the same question posited again and again, "Its transformers, what did you expect!", I expected nothing from the team involved. But theres no reason you couldnt make an interesting filmed spectacular out of giant robots breaking things. In fact, it takes a special level of incompetence to make giant robots hitting each other as boring and obnoxious as Bay and friends did.
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Its funny how you think all this stuff is trash and yet you look over the chance that the movies you'd rather be made just aren't good ideas in comparison. Just think, for every movie that you think is crap, hollywood must think your favorite stuff is even crapier :P
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Hollywood is a business. And I think other people will benefit from this. They know people like thrill rides. Like my Disneyland analogy earlier ... Hollywood greenlit this because they knew Bay would deliver visceral thrills. And he has. A lot of people have enjoyed it. Theme parks spend millions on rides that people will spend maybe 20 minutes actually riding in their entire lives. This was a 2 hour thrill ride, that will make some serious fuckin dough. Don't ya think that will get a lot of other projects greenlit as a result? Including the smaller, arty films. They won't all be Bay's.
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But I do laugh. Maybe I'm an asshole, but I would rather be an asshole than be contributing to the filth that Michael Bay pushes on us. So throw your "mean people suck" bumper sticker on you automobile and keep liking the taste of shit.
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I have nothing else to add, other than you should check it out on YouTube before they take it down, seriously.
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It's not us mouth-breathers that lead to the downfall of society - it's folk like you, deciding other folk are defective for some arbitrary reason, which inevitably leads the witch-Jew-transfan hunting, burning and general genociding. I'm sorry you're a discontent sociopath. It must be hard on the family you've killed and eaten.
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And yet your spending your time talking about it... shouldn't you be immersed in higher art by now? "As for people enjoying this film not indicating the end of the world, one only has to look at the collective stupidity that leads to incidents like the third reich or the salem witch trials." Now that has to be the most idiotic thing I've read in weeks. Thanks for the laugh though :) Seriously though, by simply visiting this site your tainting your higher intellect and degrading yourself.. please, leave.
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That is all.
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What good projects it will get greenlighted is up in the air. WHat isn't up in the air is that more mediocre genre crap WILL get greenlighted as a result. The action/adventure genre will never get better, it will either stay in it's current disgusting state or get even worse, if that is at all possible.
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I didn't like it. just crap drama, waste of ILM's ama2ing work-close ups?? WTF?? show some scale, real beauty shots. the writers got paid for ripping off the first Transformers movie and keeping just as much a shitty AD for new toys and cars. So much typical whitebred bubble view of the fucking world with its boring ass typical jock small guy scene, hot babe, with dirty secret bs. Shai was good though, very impressed actually. Took shit scenes and dialogue and made me interested. People who make these movie will never listen to the pleading people like me make when we say give us some fucking story! It's not that hard!!!
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Hurry up guys ... they are warming up the ovens. Bow down to the Fuhrer now before he tattoos your ass, shaves your head, and then fuckin burns you.
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Your name is probably about correct.. with all the movies you'd kill every year if you had your say, Hollywood would probably keel.
What would you do if you found I actually enjoyed a movie you liked? I wonder if that would earn me some brownie points or if you'd suddenly have a change of heart about the movie. -
Blackwood - well said and Lamerz I had to stop typing for a moment because I was laughing so hard :P
I believe we've just invoked Godwin's Law. -
You, Me and Dupree. Man, did it suck. What are we talking about again? Bukkake?
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over at Hollywood Elsewhere because of his review! Know what? Vern's review is the best thing I've read on this site in years. Bravo to you, friend! There should be more shit on this site like that. It was well thought out and firmly articulate. Please post more.
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Quite possibly your finest review ever, Vern.
"So in a way, that does explain to me why some people might enjoy this. Some people like to be whipped and peed on."
Solid gold. -
...NOT LIKE COOL MOVIES!! Okay, I know coming here and reading the AICN staffers' self-gloriated reviews is usually skittish at best, but I think I'm finally gonna try a new site after all this time.
Why?
1) I am SO FUCKING TIRED of the first fucking 8 pages of their reviews starting with "I didn't get laid back in the 1970s, I went to draft houses, I read and watch all the coolest, unrecognizable (probably made-up) obscure movies, TV shows, books, comic-books, which all validate my existence as a reviewer and earns me the right to write this review blah blah blah blah" bullshit. By the time you read their into/background nonsense you wish you went to another site altogether. NOONE CARES ABOUT YOUR HISTORY. REVIEW THE FUCKING MOVIES.
2) Because jesus christ Transformers IS AN AWESOME SUMMER FUN FLICK. It really, really is - finally a movie this year that was pure entertainment from start to finish, without cringeworthy moments, without gay dance moments or bad CGI starring Jessica Alba.
Transformers kicks ass from start to finish, and even though we are robotless for 45 minutes, it doesnt matter because Shia Lebouf is entertaining as all hell (make no mistake, he's a star after today). The CGI is amazing (the first movie this year we can finally say that) and the action is well balanced with moments of light humor.
The biggest thing Transformers does right is that the Autobots and Decepticons were nailed. Completely done right, and it felt like the cartoon when you watched them in action or heard them - and I have to say that it was the most important thing. Optimus was such a good character in the 80s and they kept his heart true to form for this new franchise. Perfect!
And Vern is so wrapped up in dissecting the flaws of the movie that he unvalidates his whole motive by not realizing that we needed time with the human characters for us to be able to put ourselves in the same position as the Autobots. We had to care somewhat for the humans, especially Sam, because the robots did. And in the end it comes together nicely and works very very well.
If there were reviewers that reviewed movie review websites (say that 5 times fast) they would most certainly stop by here at AICN and realize that this staff is now outdated and archaic - much in need of a step back and maybe reinvention of the way they approach their columns and editorials. I finally lost faith in AICN with Vern's review and I'm moving on elsewhere.
Learn to enjoy movies again when you watch them guys - not operate on them. :( -
I don't know where this idea came from that because it's a summer blockbuster we should just shut up and have it shoved down our throats, no matter how awful it tastes. "What did you expect? It's poo! Of course it tastes like poo!" That kind of thinking. It's a weird 21st century phenomenon, I think, and before you know it people will be saying "Sure, this new summer tentpole doesn't make a lick of sense and is not even a tiny bit entertaining, but if you hit yourself in the eye with hammer before it starts, it's actually not that bad!"Hopefully, there will still be a few Verns left to tell us the emperor has not clothes.
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veterinarian and this is my talking dog, Socky.
How about Bay doing the A-Team movie next year? you thought the transformers had a big fanbase... if he does this one he will get killed for sure and his other movies will forever be classics... hahahahahaha -
That I may be a sociopath, but at least my family lives on forever inside of me. Plus they wont be subjected to any more Transformers commercials.
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Jul 04, 2007 4:18:56 AM CDT
"kid listening to punk...or stabbing his grandparents"
by bob cryptonight
Jesus, Vern! I almost suffocated from laughter on that one!
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is that afterseeing armageddon in th theater i remember later trying to think back on the movie and i really couldn't remember what the hell happened in it!
their wasn'nt even enough substance or story to reflect on. let's see, there was a big asteroid and bruce willis blew it up at the end. um.. and that's it. what the hell else happened? i don't know! -
Just testing....ah, WORKS!!
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Vern is a film reviewing god. Also, I'd like to say that Vern saying that the cheap DTV movie's he loves aren't bad while trashing this film and summer blockbusters in general are hardly the same thing, because Transformers cost several hundred million dollars, while those DTV films don't cost shit. These are held to a different standard. I big summer popcorn flick should be a good thing, and it shouldn't mean turning off your brain.
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He's in there doing his best to sound dignified while delivering god-awful lines. The entire scene where they're in Shia's backyard was retarded.
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Well, you have talent and i don´t, but...
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I read most of the reviews and talkbacks before I saw the movie today so I went in knowing what most of the complaints were. As long as any plot point is covered even with a throw-away line I'll cut a movie slack. You open up that even in the first scene things like the INDIAN OPERATOR or GUY TALKING ABOUT HIS ASS turned you off to the movie. I was just on the phone this week with an Indian operator about my HD player Firmware update disk so I thought that part WAS FUNNY. The ASS joke was about which pocket his credit card was in because he had about 6 pockets and a Giant robot was attacking so they didn't have time to look through all six. I could go on and on but if your nit-picking stuff like that 5 minutes into the movie WTF? Both the pee jokes got big laughs at the showing I was at.( I also thought the Pee joke in ANIMAL HOUSE was funny so while I didn't bust a gut at this gag being reused in TF it didn't kill the movie for me) When I was 16 I had a sport car and spent many an hour at the park chasing tail so those parts of the movie didn't bother me. I'm 44 and had a good time watching stuff blow up real good. I still think T2 & Aliens are better action movies than TF. I still think the CGI work done in STARSHIP TROOPERS was better than TF. I would even go as far as saying ID4 IS a better DUMB SCI-FI than TF. I did enjoy TF and did not think it was TOO LONG. I rented TRANSMORPHERS from Blockbuster and had to hit the fast forward on that one even though it was an hour shorter than TRANSFORMERS. The whole robots hiding outside the house scene only seemed like a few minutes and not 40 like some here claim. The parents think it is an earthquake as the robots walk around and the 'Bots were out of view when the parents looked out of the window thinking the yard damage was from the "earthquake", how can you bitch about stuff the script covers. The tooth fairy joke was the only one I noticed that was for 5 year old girls. Can't this movie have one joke for your little sister? ( well 3 if you count the pee jokes) The things I was bitching about were stuff like " That shot of the Helicopter heading to DC looks like the motion tracking was a little off" or " WOW were those stray pixles in the wrong place in 2 frames of the fight between Bumblebee & Barricade" and my biggest complaint is at the end they didn't use "YOU GOT THE TOUCH" when Sam is about to bang Mikaela on Bumblebee's hood in front of all the Autobots.
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he's like a lighthouse at the end of a sea of shit,
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It's about time someone said it. Not just about this movie but this increasing trend of apologising for lazy, excessive and incoherent film-making because a) people saw something shiny onscreen and it was pretty, or b) they really wanted the movie to be awesome and are in deep denial.
And to those who hide behind the oh so tired view of "Dude, it's a movie about *insert highly unlikely premise*, fucking lighten up!". Yes it's about big robots beating the shit out of each other. Therefore any gapping flaws in basic film-making and storytelling that occur shall not be complained about..... FUCK OFF.
Buying into the High concept set-ups do not mean you cannot reject a poorly made film. Take Aliens, basic premise. 'Army guys battle space monsters'. That's it, that's the main set-up (never mind the under current motherhood themes). Look at the construction of the action sequences in that film, the way the story progresses, how tension is built, the performances and chemistry between the actors, the dialogue, the lighting, the creature effects, the pay offs. Then watch Alien Vs Predator. Premise Army/archeologists battle space monsters. They even end with the same confrontation. Alien Queen escapees and goes apeshit. Now hold those two movies up side by side and tell me you can't tell the difference between a great event flick and a piece of shit. Tell me a daft premise means you can't make a great movie. That a movie about giant robots couldn't have been something truely great and we should have just left our brains out of it and "had a good time" and excuse the level of of fuckin sub-standard work (aside from the highly accomplished effects work, confusing as it was) in the movie.
I salute you Vern. -
Sorry, assholes. I mean, if you are under ten years old and see this, well then, fine. That's how advertising and toy commercials are SUPPOSED to work on immature minds. They want you to see the movie then buy the toy or buy the toy and watch the cartoon, then eat fast food just to get a special cup with a picture of the toy, etc. But Jesus H. Ratfuck!!! If you are an adult why the hell would you even WANT to see this? Even IF you loved the toys AS A KID...I mean, geez, grow up you idiots. This movie looks bad. It is based on toys that were extremely unimaginative to begin with. The cartoons were horrible and poorly animated. But, well, I guess most of you will probably be in line for the LUCKY CHARMS movie, too, eh? God bless ya...
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I was looking forward to Transformers so badly, even when I hate every Bay movie except his first two, and for about an hour I had trouble wrapping my head around the fact this was so much worse than I could ever have imagined, but goddamn did Bay fuck this up big time. I wish someone like Emmerich would have made this one, at least then we'd actually have a couple of 'holy shit' moments - other than: "Holy shit, Bay fumbled ANOTHER possible great moment." Absolute garbage.
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C'mon people Vern is the best reviewer on here. If you liked it, the basic fact is that you like a shit movie. Admit it. Don't be all like "It's based on a cartoon so of course it's dumb, so it's ok to like it", or "It's a Summer Action Blockbuster Crapfest so if it's midly watchable then it's good." It's crap and dumb
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I like how Vern makes the important point at the end of his review, that friendship is more important than overbudgeted bad movies. -- But I'm also worried: what if the Idiocracy is already upon us? :-S
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Couldn't have said it better myself.
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it's good to get a polar oposite opinion because I was getting worried that this could in no way match all the hyperbole, specially as we have a bit still to waite here in the UK.But sometimes when negativity rules a review it can simply become a checklist of hate, I found a lot to like about Spiderman 3 but so much more pissed me off that in the end I hated on the whole thing and disregard it's existance. Hopefully I can get some enjoyement from this because it at least looks like a fun if not entirely subtle thrill ride.I felt the same way about Pirates 1 & 2 after the decent first film they just went mental and crammed enough stuff to fill 10 movies but a lot of it did work and the visuals were breathtaking.Sometimes less is most definately more and I will reserve my judgement till I've had my own eye-balls scorched. also rolling down a hill inside a giant tyre just like a big ball of metal can be fun!
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"""p.s. It just occurred to me. Is Mega-Tron a transformer? Did he ever transform? Or is he just a robot?""" He does Transform, into a jet with a cannon. Were you even watching the film?, or watching what you wanted to watch Verny? Did you convince yourself halfway through the film you weren't gonna like it? I suspect so.
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The backlash continues... Such a shame that it's come to the release date for people to see this movie for what it is, and what it was always going to be since Michael "Cocksucker" Bay was attached. I've just got to hold out hope that the inevitable sequel takes stock and does things properly, "pushing the reset button" so to speak. And I will pray to Jesus, Allah and Vishnu every single day that Michael Bay has FUCK ALL to do with it.
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Forgotten who said that. But he was recommending it. I hate films that are bloated and full of holes.
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He doesn't understand film, what a shame :(
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And thank God for the other three people on here who remember intelligence in cinema.
Fuck Michael Bay, and fuck the new notion that everyone sitting in a cinema in 2007 is a 16-year-old moron on Ritalin. -
I laughed reading this talkback just now, noticing that some of the 30-something man-child fanboys are wetting themselves about the fact that Vern doesn't know what 'megatron' transforms into. Get a fucking life you sad little babies.
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and it has been for about a year- On one side there are people that, for whatever reason, fucking thought this film would be dross and are not prepared to accept that; and on the other there are people that spout shit like It's a kids film, or It's a fucking toy line, or turn your brain off, and are prepared to accept and enjoy the spectacle. basically cynicism v naivity. What I found astounding was that arch naive god Harry didn't like it. I can't get over that.
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and flying towards the camera. Vern must of been looking down both times taking notes. Now Vern I'm the first here to say 99.9% of todays movies are shit and I couldn't even bring myself to buy SUPERMAN RETURNS on DVD. I see SKY CAPTAIN in the $5 bin at WALMART and even though I'm a big Fan of CGI and Robots I don't think I could watch SKY CAPTAIN again( I've seen it twice, once in a Theater and once as a rental.) SKY CAPTAIN is to me as TRANSFORMERS is to you VERN. I'm sure some people love SC just as some love TF. Man do I wish for something special from a movie. TF was FUN but not special.
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Jul 04, 2007 5:42:15 AM CDT
This review single handedly turned this site on its ear
by industrykiller!
And shone a light at just what an apologist bees nest this site has become. God damn I wish we could have the good old days back when people who were actually interested in film and didn't apologize for every hack working. "Just have fun and forget about it" "Its summer popcorn who cares?" "What did you expect? Shakespeare?". I've never heard such a sorry bunch of non arguments in my life. The sick thing is the people making them are completely and utterly oblivious to the fact of how utterly fucking dumb they sound. God forbid anything get defended on its merits. But then again I guess when your argument states from the start that the subject has absolutely no merit stupid jingoistic rally cries like that are the only thing you have to fall back on.
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as to what kind of film this would turn out to be. But, realistic expectations or not, I'm not in the business of just accepting Hollywood's bullshit.
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got a nice ring to it...
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Jul 04, 2007 5:54:58 AM CDT
How long till the first douche bag reports the box ...
by industrykiller!
office earnings on it's first day as some sort of twisted proof that it is any good? Douche bag in 3...2...1...
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...if the aforementioned scene where the parents suspect that Shia Lebeouf is jacking off, they cut to Shia, and he actually is jackin' it. And the camera stays on him for like a minute...jackin' it.
The B&R pink gorilla suit thing was funny too...
As for Spielberg's take on the movie, he's known for producing crap...directing is a different story. Remember the "Flinstones" and "Men in Black" movies? That said, he knows which movies will make money, and I think that dictates his choices in producing, and this will likely make money despite its crappage. -
No talent and a lot of fans. God i hate this century.
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Thanks Vern. Truly.
That R.Kelley line had me in stitches. You are a genius. -
then Don Murphy is his Ned Beatty.
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Apparently not.
I hate Bay movies, he takes serious subjects like Pearl Harbor and trivializes them with gung ho heroics and silly love stories and explosions.
THE ISLAND was pure shiite, it was a dumb man 's LOGANS RUN. ARMAGEDDON gave me a fucking headache but I can tolerate it. BAD BOYS 2 was excessively idiotic - it almost single handedly killed my love of action movies.
I always know a Michael Bay movie from the way cars and shit explode in the trailers - its ridiculous. That's not a good trademark.
Lots of shitty directors these days..McG, Bay, Wiseman, etc. They cant even touch the brilliance of someone like GEORGE "Road Warrior" MILLER who was doing amazing action stuff in the 80s.
And the problem these days is you get decent directors like Brian Singer who want handle action worth shit.
Are there no decent directors who can handle both action and plot? Even Spielberg seems to be losing it judging from MINORITY REPORT...
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... that's the best review I've read in ages. Excellent points made, well structured (I especially liked the bookending anecdote) and funny as fuck. (The giant robots transform so nobody makes fun of them, and the Garfield/cancer and Roadhouse lines were highlights).
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and I have also been pretty fucking certain about it since I read the script. Every review has confirmed what I thought it was going to be.
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What was it Jazz said when he introduced himself to the kid?? I remember cringing when I heard it.
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Yeah its campy, yeah its cheesy, but its one of the best animated flicks from the 80's. Grimlock was the only comedy relief in the flick.
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vern u r over thinking about a movie that does not need to be over thinked. what the fuck do u want from a movie that can from a cartoon. come on, i grow up on the shit and i liked the movie for what is was. a kick ass, live action tranformers movie
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Damn you Michael Bay
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i don't know what's funnier, vern's review of the movie or that a supposed detective from south florida got "teary eyed" watching it. society on the brink of collapse indeed
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It had to be said
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Ok this is literally my first talk back and everything. ive been coming to aintitcool for like 2 years and i just finally got a log in and password lol. but man come on ..this movie is one of the best ive seen yet. Pirates was fun..spiderman 3 sucked ballz, shrek please god no more...but this movie was fast paced and awesome..hell im not even a fan boy and i came out of there giddy going HOLY CRAP that was awesome. that movie was by far NOT a piece of shit.
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How is he over-thinking it?!? He said the humour was embarassingly unfunny, the action was disorientating AND CONFUSING, he couldn't tell one robot from another, the actors' reactions to these giant robots didn't sell the creations and some performances were shit. That's not over-thinking. That's watching a movie with severe problems.
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Nice review, exactly my thoughts in most parts. Clever comparisons by some folks to Kong'05 and Batman'n'Robin. As for ID4, that was faaar superior than this mess. Shit, unmemorable characters, no story, messy effects, lame music.
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In your old KING KONG review you had this to say.
"hell, I'm doin it. I'm goin all caps on this one. THIS IS A GREAT FUCKIN MOVIE. I'm not the world's all time #1 greatest fan of hyperbole, but I think it's safe to say this one is a classic, masterpiece, etc. It's one of those movies that reminds you why you love movies, reminds you that it's still possible to be amazed. This movie proves the old adage that "If Peter Jackson wants to do something, just let him fucking do it you shitheads." Especially if that something is a $200 million 3-hour NC-17 sequel to BAD TASTE and that's why he lost the weight, to reprise his role as Derek."
My question to you is, why is this movie so shitty, but Jackson's movie so great? All I can glean from your review of THIS movie is that in King Kong you were able to SEE THE ACTION, and tell King Kong from the Dinosaurs. It doesn't seem to matter if the action is gigantically retarded, as long as you can SEE the retardedness clearly? I'm not calling you a hypocrite ... I'm certain Transformers is a bad as you say. You seem to feel as upset about the inexplicable praise this film is being given by your colleagues as I was when they (and you) gave a gigantic pass to KING KONG. So, I'm wondering, do you have any retroactive thoughts on that overhyped movie, and do you regret giving it a pass? If you remember, you basically dismissed anyone who didn't check their brains at the door for that one. On reconsidering, don't you think you were unfair to the critics of THAT bad movie? -
What's better a bad movie where you can tell what's going on or one where you can't? Answer: One where you can.
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Transformers the movie breakdown (1-10):
Characterization = 4
Simply because the cool nerdy boy even attempting to get the hottest girl in high school is automatically sympathetic. Points diminish considerably for unfunny black actors, unfunny FBI agents, and cardboard cutouts of soldiers and politicians...
Plot = 3
Some humans and Robots want to find a cube that makes all mechanical devices sentient while other evil Robots want to unleash its powers. It sounds stupid because it is. I defy you to win this argument with me...
Cinematography = 6
Great shots of cars, a hot chick and military equipment but feels strangely like a Chevy pick up truck commercial from the 80s. I don't know why...
Action Sequences (CGI) = 5
Looked cool but couldn't figure out what was going on. The action sequences though had no suspense. Still, it looked very expensive. It definitely looked like money was being spent.
Music/Score = 3
Either overly dramatic, sentimental or pop songs that have dated in a very cheesy way.
Overall score = 4
Basically, Transformers was a bad movie with a stupid plot, bad to terrible acting, filled with action sequences that had no suspense or drama where I couldn't tell what was going on, scored with an overtly manipulative score and shot in a way nostalgic of late 80s early 90s car/life insurance/credit car commercials.
You guys agree or disagree with my breakdown?
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...where you have to scroll through 10 pages of useless introduction. Anyway, a friend of mine has seen this movie and was enormously disappointed. He said it was made for 10 year olds: lame dialogues, characters and plot. It was his most anticipated movie this year, so do the math
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King Kong was emotionally engaging - The most critical of all criteria for a movie. Transformers chose to scrap said criteria in favour of piss and masturbation jokes. There's a quote I read somewhere about Bay leaving the camera rolling and "encouraging actors to improvise humour" like he's Christopher Fucking Guest or something, I'll see if I can find it...
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ok i will say that the movie had its problems. but all movies has it up and downs. what do u whant from this movie. a word for word telling from the first season of the cartoon. will that make u happy. or will u still fing problems with it?
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A bad movie where you can see what's going on is better than a bad one where you can't. (sigh)
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"I love improv-ing with actors, it freaks studios out because they're like, 'That wasn't in the script, what's this, he's wrecking the movie.' And I’m like, 'Trust me, it’s going to be funny,'" Great... When you've got some retarded, military-obsessed lunkhead of a director screwing with an already shitty script you know you're in trouble.
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Well structured, and a real FUCK YOU to the mindless summer blockbusters Hollywood is now puking on us. Spectacle alone is not enough, awe is not achieved simply via cool CGI, you MUST have a decent script to back it up, you MUST actually have characters that you can connect with, that feel real within the films universe (however unreal it may be). To the Bay apologists, fuck you! Why the fuck should I just turn my brain off and enjoy it? I prefer to keep mine switched on, thanks.
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Jul 04, 2007 7:12:44 AM CDT
As great as Vern is, his King Kong review baffled me
by franklin t marmoset
In fact, I think I had written it off as a strange dream I had. King Kong had a few enjoyable moments, but I still don't understand how a guy like Jackson could allocate that much time to such a slight story and still make it seem shallow and simplistic.Oh well, each to their own and that.I am now at a crossroads about this Transformers. I had decided I was going to see it even though it doesn't appealt to me at all - out of curiosity for than anything - but Vern has reminded me how much I can't stand Michael Bay's films. Except The Rock, maybe, that was alright. Now I don't know what to do - go or no?
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rejects. Sorry your films sucked fellas, but that doesnt mean everybody is below you just because they dont have the same tastes as either of you.
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Your opinion doesn't count. Sorry Sperm.
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..calling vern pretentious while you spin that sunn cd is a bit rich mate.
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What was it Jazz said when he introduced himself to the LeBoofster??
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$9 million on Monday alone; looks like it will rake in about $100 million at the end of the week.
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.. put in the subtitles 'Phoenix, Arizona - USA, Earth'. Why are people using this shitpicking excuses to try and write off the best review of Transformers so far? Where's the actual points that defend this movie other than these shithouse points?
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I don't know why, but I took me 2 minutes and 24 seconds to stop laughing after reading that line.
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OF COURSE IT'S GOING TO MAKE MONEY. Even Transformers fans (the vast majority of whom will detest the movie) will go to see it because they've been waiting for this adaptation for 20 years! The points being made here have nothing to do with Box Office figures, but to illustrate that cinema is going in two directions: One group of people enjoy watching good stories well told; the other doesn't care as long as they get big bangs, pretty lights and clichés aplenty. It's oft-quoted that you can't polish a turd; Transformers 2007 proves it entirely possible to stink up a diamond.
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Go see it. Just remember, though: It doesn't have to be "good". It is based on a cartoon which was based on a toy! Most importantly, it's directed by Bay. You know what he does. He shouldn't be expected to grow as a director. His sensibility should never mature, not one iota. Therefore, you must give this one a free pass on all the normal criteria for judging a movie. Why should you expect more? Don't be stupid, expect less. Don't be an elitist snob!
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hate crap you don't like and be proud of it.
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The crazy shit happening in this trailer looks like the total fucking destruction that would be caused by the smoke monster in an urban environment. Bring it on.
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So I won't. ADD, you know. Anyhoo, so many robot reviews. It's getting worse than the Eli Roth epidemic this site 'suffered' from a little while ago. Any other news?
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People might get offended...
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WAAAAAH REVIEW TOO LONG. BRAIN TO DEAD TO READ MORE THAN 3 WORDS
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Look, the film just wasnt that bad...the "japan" joke was kind of funny, to compare it to Batman and Robin is a complete insult. The battle scenes are quite amazing, it has a good sense of humor, and thinly developed robots. If they make a sequel they should focus on the robots personalities...
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Vern didn't think it had a good sense of humour. So for him, therefore, it doesn't. He also didn't think the battle scenes were amazing. Therefore if that is what you are bringing to its defence and he disagrees then for him it is as bad as Batman and Robin
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Hes completely wrong in his criticism...or he just has bad taste
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I am as confused as ever.Thing is, I will freely admit I am at that point in my life where, you know, I'm getting a little older. I'm in my thirties now and whatnot, I don't get into as many new bands as I used to, and I suppose my tastes are becoming more... selective. It's another crossroads of sorts, where it's hard to figure out whether:A) I am right to dislike these bloated sacks of incoherent and unengaging spectacle, orB) I am becoming one of those old guys who tells people that all new music is a load of noise.It's like being a teenager, in a way - still clinging to childhood but also clutching at adulthood. Yes, this is a difficult time, Ain't It Cool types. Do I give up and just start grouching about everything, or become one of those people who is always trying to be down with the kids.Choices, choices, and not all of them relating to this film about stuff that changes into robots.
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It even had the same dad.
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This talkback is broken.Damn Transformers talkbacks, it's always the same. Collapsing under the weight of our film nerd interest like a tiny, furless kitten collapses under the weight of a giant fucking robot with all kinds of crazy crap stuck to it.
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i know which I'd bet on.
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OR maybe - just maybe - could YOU be the one with bad taste? All the "haters" (man am I sick of that term) are putting forward reasoned, sensible opinions as to why the movie doesn't work. These range from lack of character development to poor performaces to horrible dialogue, "comedy" etc etc - The list goes on. The Bay apologists counter by saying "WHAT DID YOU EXPECT ITS A BAY FILM" or "LEAVE YOUR BRAIN AT THE DOOR ASSHOLE" or "Ur....THINGS WENT 'BOOM' BITCH! BRING IT~!!!!" The moronic masses are being catered for with this movie, there is absolutely no denying it. Something else worth thinking about - Transformers: The Movie (1986) is still looked upon fondly and with great respect by those who saw it then, and continue to enjoy it now. Think Transformers (2007) will be viewed the same way in 20 years...? I highly doubt it. (Well, maybe as an example of Michael Bay's Woody-Allen-esque comedic wit.)
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"They (the fight scenes) should be choreographed to reflect a strategy and not simply reflect shapeless, random violence. Here the robots are like TV wrestlers who are down but usually not out."
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I Piss on you guys like bumble bee!
If you bite into a snowcone, do you expect it to taste like prime rib? Vern's been going to the french restaurants a bit too much, i'll bet he loved "Ratatouille". Not that I blame him, being a critic is an elitest type of thing, but he's just off the mark here. -
Ha! brilliant. Thanks to Dave Poland of Movie City News for that one
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If the glasses were etched when the old man got zapped in the Ice Cave, then how did the glasses know that the cube was located beneath Hoover Dam?
Also, if the Autobots and the military want to protect humans, why did they take the cube (and the inevitable battle with the bad robots) into the city? Wouldn't there have been less possibilities of casualties to fight in the desert? Of course, the battle in the city would LOOK COOLER...so I guess that justifies it.
Maybe I missed a line of dialogue explaining the logic of these two things. Maybe my head ached from the constant camera motion. This movie proved what solid piece of action film-making Live Free or Die Hard turned out to be. I knew what was going on all the time in that movie...who was fighting who...even if it was preposterous. I couldn't tell who was fighting in this movie. -
Is that wrong? TINO!!!!
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how in the fuck did a camereo become a 3 story tall robot? Vern, great review. i give it 2 stars.
at this point in the summer, Die Hard 4 is still the most fun i had. -
how in the fuck did a camereo become a 3 story tall robot? Vern, great review. i give it 2 stars.
at this point in the summer, Die Hard 4 is still the most fun i had. -
Awesome review, and I totally agree with your opinion of the movie. I saw the movie with my bro the other day and I went online to see if people agreed with us that it was total crap... and was shocked to see the majority of responses saying it was an "entertaining thrill ride with non-stop action"... WTF?? I felt like I was taking crazy pills!! I actually thought the opening scene (after getting past the "here's the mexican, here's the black guy" part) with robot vs army destruction was awesome, and unfortunately ended up being the best part of the movie. You could tell what was going on with the action, the transformer seemed brutally powerful (sort of like Sauron in LOTR flashbacks) and it actually had somewhat of a point (stealing that big box o' data). Anyways, even as someone who finds some Michael Bay movies to be decent fun (esp. The Rock) and someone who didn't mind the "lips/flames on Optimus" I wholeheartedly agree with your review and am very happy that you posted it. Funny stuff too.
WolfmanNards, good point, my bro also brought up the Small Soldiers comparison (and that really sums up my disappointment with this movie, a good TF movie should not have drawn such a lame comparison). -
Sunn is awesome, I actually like the music.
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Rotten Tomatoes, of course.
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then you need to give your eyes to people who deserve them.
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I see what you are saying. When I was young I could eat McDonalds and BK. I probably really liked it. Now, I'll still eat a burger every now and then, but I'll either get it in a good restaurant or make it myself. My sense of what I consider decent food has shifted.
Similarly, I can still get excited about big, noisy movies (eg. can't wait for Avatar), but my taste in them has shifted somewhat. I don't dismiss them out of hand, but I do realize that nowadays I need more than noise and spectacle to make me care. At the very least I want well-crafted noise and spectacle. I think you are in the same boat. You would recognise a modern Matrix or Back To The Future if it came along now.
So, no, don't grouch at the kids - but at the same time don't beat yourself up over not liking their version of the kind of bollocks we used to love when we were kids. -
Vern, you have restored my faith in humanity, or at least in the aiblity of this site to allow REAL, HONEST critiques of this movie to be aired, albeit after months of their shamelessly pimping this turd-flick. I see a Transformers banner at the top of the webpage...I'm sure that has nothing to do with this site's bias in favor of this movie. Vern Bayfans, people are coming out and standing up for good movies! This flick was supposed to make 50 mil it's opening day. It's been out since Monday night and all it's made is 38mil! Whatever happened to the "juggernaut?" this was supposed to be? Guess there aren't enough retards out there to make it titanic sized hit after all. It probably won't make 80 mil by this time next week either. A far cry from the 130 mil many GayBay fans were predicting it would make in the first 72 hours alone. Bay-asskissers won't understand this -they can't understand why Godfather is considered to be good, wihle Bay's Transformers isn't either.
Everyone ,even the Bay aplogists, have admitted this movie is shit. It has no story, no good acting, no reason to exist. These sme folks then want to bitch about Pirates of the Caribbean and Spidey 3, but give this moive a pass. And it says a LOT about how far society has fallen that we now say, "Well, I'm going to see it BECAUSE I think it's a dumb movie." Again, these same folks turn around and complain that every movie at the multiplex is shit. Then some studio puts out the next CGI/SFX laden turd and these assholes begin drooling and dragging their knuckles as they shuffle off to the theater. Hopefully Transformers will be the last gasp of this kind of vapid filmmaking. People will finally have seen all the CGI trickery there is to show and nobody will be able to use some CG gimmick to sell a movie. But given how idiotic and brain dead the Bay-defenders have been on this site, I'm not hopeful. The people defending Bay are proof that there's at least 2 suckers born every minute, and their first thought is, "I LIKE stupid stupid." Yes you do, you morons, even stop to wonder if you're retarded? Before you deny it, keep in mind you BOAST about how much you love dumb movies. That, my friends, makes you an idiot. -
but I think it stands up and is worth repeating: In category 1 there is your summer spectacle fans. In Category 2 there are the "turn your brain off" camp that recognise that it is flawed but are happy to enjoy it on a base level, and finally there are the sub-moron vermin that LOVE EVERYTHING, and are utterly prepared to ignore any slight that they may perceive. This depressing substrata of humanity swallow up any old bile and are exactly why the music industry pushes plastic boy/ girl band dreck, TV churns out endless reality format drivel, and directors such as Bay and Paul WANK STAIN Andersen keep getting work.No offence messi, I think you got wowed by the spectacle.
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Sorry buddy. I think you lose the battle. Not only do a lot of people love the movie, because they realize what the movie is supposed to be: entertaning escapism...and it's fun, but it's also going to make about $130,000,000 by Sunday. So, I guess with you being a nobody film critic that won't impact much or any of the gross...you lose.
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seriously, does anyone still believe that?
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Man you are a conflicted man. No worrie son the recism thing, I am simply at a loss for words. It just seems you think it's cool to hate this, and many others seem to want to dislike it. I walked in know that it couldn't be very good. I went to your site and saw all the things you hold in great esteem, and i wonder how you can hold some of the things you do up on a pedestal, and then in the same breathe be so dismissive and critical of this movie. I love most of the same movies you go on about being great, but some of them are much worse in every thing you are taking so much time to point out. The western world is not falling to it's knees because Micahel Bay made a film. I agree that it is pop art, that it is in the same vein as most hollywood cinema, a product of a conglomerate movie factory. That makes it sort of like a Big Mac, lot's of tasty bits, but not really good for you. I enjoy high brow stuff more thanmost, but after watching it both times, it made me feel 9 again. It did not recreate the world i loved then, just the feeling of totsl suspended reality for 2 hours. Being succesful and very busy with my personal life, it was nice to see something that made me feel that way. Something i wish Spidey 3 couuld have done. If youwantto tearsomething apart jump on Raimi for putting venom, a concept beyond his love of the classic era spiderman, that ruined what would have been a good movie. Transformers delivered to me, and i was much offended by the set up oftwo really good movies, to see spidey get overdone in the third, so Bay, beleive it or not, made up for that waste of a movie in SM3
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Both of them are good, And Bay made a juicy burger for all of use to enjoy...maybe a little bit too filling, but good nonetheless. Vern wanted steak, in a movie about robots who transform into cars....puhleeze.
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...iwontwin! For his ridiculous burger/steak quote - Congratulations!" P.S. "puhleeze"?
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I like spectacle, too. But, as Vern mentioned above, it seems like film makers are less and less interested in offering a decent story and characters to go along with that spectacle. They have figured out that they make obscene amounts of money with the FLASHWHIZZBANG and so they don't expend any extra effort on the rest of the film.Sadder still is that audiences and critics are falling in line with this method of film production. More and more these days I hear, "Well, it's a summer film - they're a bit crap, really. Nice explosions, though." If we carry on like that, the big summer release for 2019 will be Flashing Lights & Fire II: The Flashening. It will have no actors in it, and no attempt at story, just two and half hours of what the title says. And everyone will come away saying, "Fucking hell, that was shit on just about every possible level, plus a few new ones I didn't think existed, but the flashing lights and fire were great!"Man, I am feeling old today.
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I never got this whole "oh just sit back and watch the effects-its not about plot or character-itsa bout GIANT FUCKING ROBOTS". Well, Transformers is a property that has been around for 20 years-you're seriously telling me they cant tackle both? They expect to get away with a tacked on plot that took two seconds to think up cos its all about the effect? its a MOVIE-its supposed to have a decnet story! If I wanted nothing but eye candy Id watch a fucking fire works display...plus for the people saying you have to leave your brain at the door-well, its clear Bay TRIED to tell a story and it happened to be shhhiiittte. so therefore you cant let it go with "oh, its all about the effects". I mean Spidey 3 was flawes as fook but you cant deny Raimi tried to balance effects with an engaging story-it wasnt great but at least he got that across.....
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Not in the theaters of course, but on DVD in a few months. If it really is as colossally bad as Vern claims then I must watch the disaster. The step 'n fetch it robot sounds particularly ridiculous. Crazy Bay and his racial stereotypes. The guy just hates black people.
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I hate reviewers where I know what they're going to say beforehand, because they have an agenda and had most of the review written out before seeing the movie. It's one of the reasons I respect Ebert, even if I don't always agree with him, because the guy clearly loves movies and will change his mind even if he's dumped on a director's movies before.
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All of the Bay-isms aside, the real problem I had with this film is that it objectified the humans while personifying the toys.
I know that's what the kids are doing with Transformers (trademark) toys, anyway. But in this case, this movie was some Frankensteinian mess of kid movie and adult movie.
Quite aside from the [accurate] observations about Bay's abundantly evident racism (break-dancing donuts squealing and scurrying goggle-eyed "in da hous", indeed), his treatment of his characters was worse than shabby.
Megan Fox (a lovely young woman) was treated as a collection of body parts - a boob shot, a belly shot, a butt shot, lather-rinse-repeat. Secret Service agent, soldiers, civilians ... all are killed in truly horrific manner and the camera moves on, without the least recognition of what just happened? Skewed by a mechanical scorpion? No problemo. Shirikined through the chest by a "cute" robotic boombox? Sure fine.
This isn't to say that the Transformers are treated that much better - piss jokes, bondage, brutal murder? Well, he was the "black" robot, so tearing him in half, snuffing out his otherwise immortal being forever? "Good soldier."
I will say I enjoyed seeing the old toys moving around again ... and despite the lips and the flames, Optimus Prime was pretty neat. Bumblebee worked as a Camaro (and that scene where he bashes a VW Bug -his former incarnation -was a nice homage), and the robots were both familiar and new and seemed pretty "real."
But the story, the treatment, the camera work, all left me cold. Pretty typical Bay ... pretty little pile of turds. -
They saw the picture of the burger on the billboard. They said "I haven't had a burger in a while, I think I went off them. Mayve I'm missing out." They went to the Burger place. But the burger they got looked nothing like the one in the picture.
Remember that bit in Falling Down? Just be thnkful Vern didn't have an Uzi at the screening. -
Its valid....Roger Ebert even agrees with me in a way, not that that happens always:
"It's goofy fun with a lot of stuff that blows up real good, and it has the grace not only to realize how preposterous it is, but to make that into an asset."
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I thought it was really good for bay. I hate every other movie he has ever made.
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some bollocks about expecting steak and getting ice cream
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the first pictures of the new CGI Chipmunks are on the Empire website...thought Id tell people cos no one has bothered reporting it here yet....
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the first pictures of the new CGI Chipmunks are on the Empire website...thought Id tell people cos no one has bothered reporting it here yet....
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the first pictures of the new CGI Chipmunks are on the Empire website...thought Id tell people cos no one has bothered reporting it here yet....
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i doubt they were fooled into thinking they were going to get lord of the rings...and if they were they are more naive than I thought.
Anyways Im hungry.... -
I have not seen the movie so far, but I think it will be very good.
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He wanted a big juicy burger medium rare with onions and Heinz. Instead Bay served up a Big Mac with two small patties, a lot of bread and a sauce that gives you a stomach ache. Now chomp on that.
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and the poster once again features a white background with red writing-if Hollywood doesnt get off its ass and think up new comedy poster designs beyond shove the actors in frame doing something with a white background and red writing" Im going to start kicking ass...my own probably as Im the only one here....
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and the poster once again features a white background with red writing-if Hollywood doesnt get off its ass and think up new comedy poster designs beyond shove the actors in frame doing something with a white background and red writing" Im going to start kicking ass...my own probably as Im the only one here....
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A flame grilled patty of 100% pure beef, served on a lightly toasted bun with fresh tomatoes and relish. Man, I want one of those right now. Trouble is, people are conditioning themselves to think: "Well, it's only a burger, it's supposed to be only 10% actual meat and have bits of poo in it and be so heavily processed the flavour comes from chemicals added to that brown splooge they call a patty. I'll just eat it anyway."It makes no sense to me. Why are our standards falling so badly?
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EVEN IF IT WAS THIS DOES NOT MAKE IT GOOD OR EVEN ACCEPTABLE. Jesus CHRIST. It's like Bay's movies get rated on a separate scale to the rest of the universe. "Man o man that was shit! What's that? Michael Bay directed it? Oh, a solid 8 out of 10, definately."
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and the poster once again features a white background with red writing-if Hollywood doesnt get off its ass and think up new comedy poster designs beyond shove the actors in frame doing something with a white background and red writing" Im going to start kicking ass...my own probably as Im the only one here....
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Resident Evil Series...GOD IM HUNGRY I WANT FOOD
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Michael Jai White from mega shiiite fest Spawn is appearing as Gamble. true tale.
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I'm always amazed at the level of elitism present in rantings from nerds with fucking keyboards.
So Vern spews this fucking venomous tirade about how the world is ending because people don't like a movie he hates and that clearly this is a fucking byproduct of the fact that the rest of humanity isn't as fucking smart as he is. Yet this supreme fucking intelligence contradicts himself before he even begins by introducing his fucking brainy and discerning friend who digs Michael Bay's lesser efforts.
And of course, that little fucking nugget is missed by the people down here who want to be counted amongst the mental fucking giants by denouncing Transformers along side Vern and all those who thought the movie was fucking fun.
Because it sucked and that's the fucking "truth", right?
Like it or don't, that's all well and fucking good. Just quit acting like your opinion's the only viable fucking option for people with functioning fucking brains. Plonkers. -
Good Casting I say.
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The sun finally came out in London, so I'm off out. Great, fun TB.
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even better than council estate scumbag. I love these rows.
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...but holy shit that Alvin & The Chipmunks thing is funny, and not in a good way. Haven't these people ever seen The Simpsons? It's like Poochie never happened!Also, they are reporting that Michael Jai White has been cast in The Dark Knight. Thankfully, he is not playing Spawn.
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Do you think Transformers had a good script? (I'm yet to hear anyone defend it.)
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Burger King's BK Stackers come in 3 varieties: double, triple and quadruple layers of beef and cheese. "It's the flame-broiled meat lover's burger and it's here to stay - no veggie allowed."
BK Stackers Quad is 4 beef patties, 4 slices of American cheese, 8 strips of bacon, and BK Stacker Sauce (featuring high fructose corn syrup!) all on a sesame seed bun. It weighs 311 grams and has 1000 calories, 620 calories from fat, 68 grams of fat, 30 grams of saturated fat, 2 grams of the dreaded trans fat, 240 mg of cholesterol, 1800 mg of sodium, 34 grams of carbs, 1 gram of fiber, 6 grams of sugars and 62 grams of protein.
http://www.theimpulsivebuy.com/wordpress/2006/07/11/burger-king-quad-stacker/http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BK_Stacker -
Starscream fighting jets in midair owns all of you!
What they do with megatron was kind of silly at the end. -
That's it. I'm going home, and I'm having a delicious burger for tea.You all made me do it!!
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my name is a pinot noir
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first Eric Roberts as Maroni, now White as Gamble-and I guarantee this role Anthony Michael Hall is playing is another mob boss (the only one that comes to mind is Rupert Thorne but.....nah)-Nolans assembling a lot of in the gutter actors for Batman to knock six ways as crime bosses...hopefully its the only Spawn connection but Im so pysched for the Dark Knight I dont care if they cast catherine tate in it...the sound of Ledgers laugh in that leaked teaser last week alomost had me hospitalised with terminal "shivers down the spine" due to sheer excitement....this wil be the slowest year guaranteed...
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Enjoy your BIG FUCKING ROBOT BURGERS....
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first Eric Roberts as Maroni, now White as Gamble-and I guarantee this role Anthony Michael Hall is playing is another mob boss (the only one that comes to mind is Rupert Thorne but.....nah)-Nolans assembling a lot of in the gutter actors for Batman to knock six ways as crime bosses...hopefully its the only Spawn connection but Im so pysched for the Dark Knight I dont care if they cast catherine tate in it...the sound of Ledgers laugh in that leaked teaser last week alomost had me hospitalised with terminal "shivers down the spine" due to sheer excitement....this wil be the slowest year guaranteed...
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first Eric Roberts as Maroni, now White as Gamble-and I guarantee this role Anthony Michael Hall is playing is another mob boss (the only one that comes to mind is Rupert Thorne but.....nah)-Nolans assembling a lot of in the gutter actors for Batman to knock six ways as crime bosses...hopefully its the only Spawn connection but Im so pysched for the Dark Knight I dont care if they cast catherine tate in it...the sound of Ledgers laugh in that leaked teaser last week alomost had me hospitalised with terminal "shivers down the spine" due to sheer excitement....this wil be the slowest year guaranteed...
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Seriously iwontwin, please tell me what this means because I have no idea. Sounds like your typical nonsensical Bay dialogue.
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Let me clarify my point about the Indian operator. The only point in the entire 2 1/2 hour movie when they have any tension is when the helicopter flies in and lands and they're all pointing guns at it. It turns into a robot and attacks... it's 5 minutes or whatever into this long ass movie and ALREADY they give up on creating drama and tension, they start cutting away to sitcom jokes. Of course I don't mind humor (although I think the jokes in this movie are 95% duds) but a movie like this should actually have some drama going on and then relieve the tension with jokes, instead of just having joke joke joke explosion joke joke joke joke joke joke joke joke explosion belly button 45 minutes of blurring more jokes.
So it didn't bother me hugely at the time, but looking back I realize that the Indian operator is where the movie started to go off the tracks already.
And as far as Mega-Tron transforming into a plane, I thought the other guy, Mega-Tron's friend, turned into a plane. That's my point, they all look the same and the camera is fuckin spinning around and they only have one or two lines each, how am I supposed to know which one is which? I may have many deficiencies, but not knowing one squiggly grey pile of machinery from the other one it is rolling around on the ground with is on the movie, not me. -
I think that audiences have always been stupid, the problem is that the critics are starting to expect less. This thing almost got a pass on the Tomatometer. WTF! I think that years of the populace blaming critics for being pretentious has finally gotten to them and many have given up. They no longer objectively look at a film's qualities and instead try and guess why the audience went to the movies and try to use that frame of reference when reviewing the film. I've enjoyed bad films before. I've watched a handful of Ed Wood and I'll pick up a DTV to laugh at with some friends every once in a while, but I don't try and convince myself that those are good films. Can you honestly go into Transformers and come out thinking that was a well crafted story?
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I resent your resentment toward the only character of my heritage....LONG LIVE STEREOTYPICAL INDIA and its inhabitants......
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It starts to get flabbier than my grandma's tits at about 1 hr into it. The second act blows feces up the viewer's rectum.
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It felt like he was pissing on me, like the fucking movie was pissing on me. The theater was packed, I had to sit in the very front of a mega-fucking screen. Imagine trying to follow the action scenes when it's already just a fucking blur. I was considering walking out at about half-way in, that's how much the movie fell apart.
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....until the humans showed up and ruined it. The whole plot line with the stereotype platoon was laughable at best. I guess that scorpion robot was a weapon of mass destruction, huh?
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Apu from the Simpsons, Haji from Johnny Quest, the guy from Short Circuit 2, and now OUTSOURCE TELEPHONE MAN.
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"If a summer movie is meant to be like TRANSFORMERS, then why the fuck aren't you people embarrassed to be going to see summer movies?"
Had to be said. Thank you!!!! -
he was criticizing how the movie was using a 'hot button issue' just to make the viewers identify with it better. An indian telephone support person represents the outsourcing of jobs, and something that americans increasingly encounter when trying to use such services. I don't think anyone here is expressing an opinion about Indian people, just how cheap the movie is for using such tactics.
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Did you think that america was that far from being the movie idiocracy?
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The film's humor. Some like it, some don't. My opinion is--it is extremely arrogant and brash, it's abrasive and stupid. So if you can enjoy that, go for it. Just try to restrain yourself from emulating it when other people are around you. That's why people hate Americans, they act like characters from cheap angry stupid fucking movies like this.
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Im just kidding.... That joke was funny, but I would agree some jokes fell flat....... the whole thing was corny....but enjoyable.
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would have been nice. I think the Scorpion scene could have been cut, or perhaps the first bumblebee fight...although i loved barricade's design for some reason.
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DUDE yea we were like totally fucked MAN!
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VER-N-IN-CON-POOP. Yea anyone can break any movie down like you just did! BUT i hope your opinion of this movie is honest and NOT a talkback haters/bay bashers wet dream. You and Mori are usually on the same page with me on movies. For the record i enjoyed Transformers , hated Spiderman3 and worshiped STONE COLD!
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steak is great. a hamburger is good. a frozen patty is for those who like transformers. what a waste.
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your expectations a little high for a movie about Transformers? Its not GONE WITH THE WIND!!! damn.
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I grew up on Transformers and regard it (next to Star Wars) as defining my childhood. This movie was similar to going on Space Mountain at Disney World. You remember when you were little how much it excited you but now it's just an old crappy, bumpy coaster. You enjoy it anyways because you remember how it made you feel when you were little.
What killed this movie was Bay/Orci/Kurtzman who decided that by making the film "realistic" about a "boy and his car" you lose the chance to make the first movie to really excel with CGI characters. Instead, Transformers aren't about Transformers at all. -
Since you've mentioned "Daredevil" again, is there any chance you're ever going to review that movie on your site? I only ask because, once you've mentioned a movie several times (for good or bad), I get interested to see your review of it (glad to see you got around to reviewing "They Live", by the way).If you do get around to "Daredevil", go with the Director's Cut (with Coolio).
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...but an updated remake of "More Than Meets The Eye" would have made a much, much better film.
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I love how Vern clearly stated in his review why this shouldn't get a pass for being "mindless entertainment" yet all people can do is reply and say "Vern is an idiot, I give it a pass for being mindless entertainment."
Brilliant. -
Transformers was pretty awful. The audience I saw it with applauded at the end while others like me sat dumbfounded.
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seriously
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sitting through the previews as people laughed their asses off to trailers for Superbad, Larry and Chuck, and some silly movie about a stuntman shows we are headed for the end. It's too bad that there was a robot peeing on a guy, and a robot giving the middle finger, just classless and unneeded, but not the end of cinema, we've been on that path since Kangaroo Jack was number one at the boxoffice a while back.
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sitting through the previews as people laughed their asses off to trailers for Superbad, Larry and Chuck, and some silly movie about a stuntman shows we are headed for the end. It's too bad that there was a robot peeing on a guy, and a robot giving the middle finger, just classless and unneeded, but not the end of cinema, we've been on that path since Kangaroo Jack was number one at the boxoffice a while back.
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1. Ratio, the size of the robots compared to their car counterparts
2. racial crap 3. the 50 ft tall or running around "you can't see me" robot shit. 4. no intelligent story 5. blur/action scenes with no tension 5. Steven Spielberg proclaiming it was the best movie ever 6. the preview for Cloverfield was better than a whole Trans movie 7. critics and fans defending it 8. Shai Lebuef (what's his name?) sideburns. although he was good in the movie. 9. breakdancin' robots 10. Vader screaming NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
P.S., Vern, you are my favorite reviewer since Joe Bob Briggs. -
U lost me
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...this movie's like Independence Day. A whole lot of people going "holy shit, that was awesome!" when it's in theaters, they then get suckered into buying the DVD, and then it sits on their shelf never to be watched again as they realize it was a stupid, shitty movie that only had any value when blown up on the big screen.
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I seriously think that a lot of you that are complaining have ever seen the cartoon. Go back and watch them and see the movie. It is pretty damn close.
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should I bother going to see Transformers when it comes out here?
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fuck all you loser fan boys cause every person in the theater was loving this movie with me and my friends.
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I mean, I believed Megatron WANTED the Allspark....But I didn't believe he NEEDED the Allspark...
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Thats when it comes out over here and I'm guessing I should give it a miss....or not? Is it better/worse than the other Transformers movie?
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because some us liked a movie that you didn't? I guess if the world were filled with smart movie goers like you then everything would be perfect. and you think Eli Roth is egotiscal
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"If you thought the movie was good that's cool, I'm glad you enjoyed it. But I don't see you saying it's good, I just see you saying I'm an asshole for not swallowing it passively."
Actually, Vern, I think Boogie was likening you to an asshole because you're basically calling him (and those who see some favorable aspects of the movie) close to retarded. It's one thing to whomp on a movie (as everyone has their own tastes). But really, would you think I was being rational and fair-minded if I called you a complete idiot for having something positive to say about Hollow Man 2?
And for the record, I did find Transformers to be overall an enjoyable movie. But I didn't vote for Bush in '04. So what does that make me? -
Sam Wicki wicki wack! i had to.
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Buy lots of popcorn, geek out. Screw all of these guys who are hung up on Michael Bay. Its a movie based on a Toy for christ's sake. You will have a blast.
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havent a clue what actually happens to Megatron but if he gets dumped in lava and emerges with a better design as Galvatron (who always looked cooler in my opinion)I'll be a happier man.
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"If you thought the movie was good that's cool, I'm glad you enjoyed it. But I don't see you saying it's good, I just see you saying I'm an asshole for not swallowing it passively." Actually, Vern, I think Boogie was likening you to an asshole because you're basically calling him (and those who see some favorable aspects of the movie) close to retarded. It's one thing to whomp on a movie (as everyone has their own tastes). But really, would you think I was being rational and fair-minded if I called you a complete idiot for having something positive to say about Hollow Man 2? And for the record, I did find Transformers to be overall an enjoyable movie. But I didn't vote for Bush in '04. So what does that make me?"
A genius! Unlike those that did vote for him. -
Thank you for not trying to make the hard sell on this one. I'm afraid this will become Moriarty's "Godzilla".
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"You will have a blast". Amen to that. Why rip it to shreds - its TRANSFORMERS, it was always going to be a big screen update of the cartoon.
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Take the kids. It's fun. Weaving nailed Megatron. The story (or lack there of) is what it is. If you are emotionally invested in Gen 1 transformers don't go. Whoever said Shia carried this movie is right. Drink or smoke a bowl if that's your preference. It's basically a ride that you'll enjoy depending on the crowd. They through some "canon" lines in there. Overall it could have been worse.
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I will fight you Megatron". Sums it up really.
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wait ages for one and then 3 turn up at once. Congratulations for making vern's point.
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Good casting, dialogue, plot, FX, exciting, fun. Pirates 3? No. Spidey 3, Ghost Rider, X3, Die Hard 4, Superman Returns, Batman Begins, Pirates 2. No, no, no, no, no and no. (Sigh.) Were X-Men 2 and Spidey 2 the last well-done "cool" movie? Are we ever going to see another?
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I agree that the action sequences where the robots are fighting each other is crap because you can't see what's going on. it just looks like a rolling blur. but I think you go too far in saying you couldn't tell who was fighting whom. I never had that problem. I knew which robot was fighting which robot. and megatron looks like an alien space ship not a f-22 or whatever starscream was. so that wasn't difficult to tell apart. the problem is when they're actually fighting, you can't see the ducks, punches, etx. you just see a blur of metal rolling around. every once in a while there will be *snap* to signify the breaking of a "neck" or something to let you know the fight's over. wow. great choreography there. :-/
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Everyone occasionally uses theirs to secrete something gruesome.
Too much here to read it all, but the funniest part is the large number of people saying things like: "I haven't seen the movie yet, but Vern is obviously being way too hard on it." Saw it yesterday and it is a giant rotten ball of ass. I like mindless big budget entertainment, but I was so consistently un-entertained by this, so shockingly bored, that I, too, see the world as a darker place knowing how much money it will likely make. And bringing up Vern's enjoyment of shitty DTV fare makes no sense--that stuff is crap for crap's sake, few people watch it, and nobody becomes bazillionaires from making it. The stakes are much lower; thus, so is the insult factor. It is much easier to disengauge the brain when untalented people make a bad movie. Here, the mere presence of Spielberg's name in the credits makes me a little angry and Jaws (just kidding, baby, I can't be mad at you).
Vern's review is exactly, word-for-word, what I would have written about it, if I were a little smarter than I happen to be. -
...really. My brain can't COMPREHEND why some people go to these type of movies expecting something else...whatever it is. Everyone is throwing around "intelligence, idiocy, stupidity, retarded.." labels like water. This is sickening. It really makes me wonder how old half of you are. Really. Vern's review mentioned the collapse of society. I don't think it's because of Transformers. It's because of thousands of fake internet personalities that infect people with all this...man I don't even have a word for it.
I admit I didn't read through your entire review because it was the same old same old narrow minded dribble from someone who doesn't like a movie. I personally like to judge for myself. I did get sickened by the massive d@ck riding fan base you seem to have accumulated here. All I saw was Thanks Vern!, Great job Vern, I love you Vern! Please cum on me Vern! (Last one was a low blow) Anyways I feel the people who spoke out against the mindless dribble of a review were/are more or less individuals on the internet instead of fake personas...but then again I could be wrong.
Anyways it was a good movie. I didn't have to check my intelligence at the door. Never have at a movie...never should have. I don't care if you feel I'm beneath you. You don't do squat for me in life but run your mouth, correction type wise cracks on your keyboard. So it's no sweat off my back. I just felt compelled to join and write this because I'm getting a little frustrated with the same old same old naysaying about movies. When you look back on the cult classics...its the exact same thing! Exact same thing! Either mindless action, overly done drama, unexplained events, etc. You name it it's there...
So get off your soap box and I don't know...like Alpha Tron said...get a life.
My 2 cents. -
lets not start bad mouthing Batman Begins here-sure it was no Mask Of The Phantasm but they did a bang up job sans Scarecrow getting an ass whupping from katie holmes....
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Didn't hate TF. Still had a good time at it. But I agree that the standards have fallen for event movies. The last good ones I could remember were The Matrix, S2, and Return of the King. Those movies provided spectacle AND they were good. Here's hoping some movie this summer surprises the shit out of me. The "shoe-ins" have been disappointing so far.
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It certainly wasn't worthy of an Oscar -- but it was just as "good" as Armaggedon. Bay's action scenes once again proved that he was a visionary who could push the envelope in action films like a fine work of art (Picasso's "Guernica," anyone?). ... .... .... ... BTW Vern, I lived through the 2004 election too. At least the "good" side came out on top! I tremble to think of the political extremism and idiotic policies that would result from a Hillary Clinton win! Yikes! ... ... ... FRED "the Michael Moore stomping" THOMPSON in 2008!!! He'll bring a little "Law & Order" to Washington and to fanatical religious extremists in the Middle East! ... ... ... 'Nuff said!
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film geeks have such a passion about hating. People have taken the habit of venting all frustration on the internet. Transformers is not proposed to the public as the new Godard, its no fucking Pasolini.
Michael Bay made a fucking great job in testing ONE color of a multifacet medium called filmmaking for future movies that will rely on GCI. Im buying my ticket for Transformers knowing very well what to expect and so does anybody in this forum. I thought it was a fucking stupid movie but it was fucking great for what I was wanting at that moment, a loud Michael Bay film, always setting higher standards for these mindless western movies. Just as when I want to watch my Herzog or my Refn I will seek just for that. Stop hating. -
Robert Zemeckis is directing another one of those motion capture CGI flicks-this time an adaptation of A Christmas Carol. and let me be the first to say-meh.
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get off your arses and do some reporting-or is it up to m to relay everything via other sites? crimeny...first the chipmunks, then spawn/batman now this....
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Ditto. It sucks to be us, huh?
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Why did I like it? It FELT good watching it. It was THE Summer movie experience. What does that mean?
For most people... summer is the time of year when you go outside and enjoy the sun and hopefully water or nature of some type. You hike or bike or ski or swim. You stop worrying about responsibilities so much and just let yourself be a kid again and just enjoy yourself.
You drink a cold drink on a hot day. You drink a hot drink in the brisk cold morning. You roast marshomellows over a fire. You tell ghost stories.
You go to a park and spend the day reading a paperback.
You fuck. Fuck some more. And fuck some more.
You take your kids to Disneyland/world. You go to the water park. You go to Universal Studios.
You take that trip to Europe or Australia or Hawaii.
Explain to me why those things are fun? You can try. But the point is... they feel good. And not because they intellectually inspired you either. They just feel good.
That is what a Big Popcorn Summer Movie is. It's fun. It's about the senses and not about making sense. It doesn't have to make sense. You are going from the movie theater to go back out into the sun for 10 other types of fun. What do you care about whether or not you felt a deep connection to the kid in the Robot movie. You don't.
Unless you are obsessed with films and they are the primary thing you do in summer and all year and then yeah... if you are looking for meaning in a water fight or Transformers... you are going to be dissapointed.
People who like Spiderman 3 and POTC 3 and Shrek 3 and Die Hard 4 and Transformers... for the most part... they aren't idiots because they enjoyed themselves. They just have more to their summer than movies.
If you really care that much about the movies. Ok. But nobody is stupid because they don't. They just don't care about whether or not the Robot movie was anything more enjoyable than if they were sliding down the water slide. Which is why most of us can relax and say... it kicked ass. And guess what. Nobody is right or wrong. Cause different people enjoy different things for different reasons. -
and what else is happening today?
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thats all there is too it! You cannot set your expectations THAT high for a frickin Transformers movie! like someone else in hear said...its not Schindler's List 2!!
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Freedom aint free
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That was awesome....
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I'll end up seeing Transformers because in the summer theres nothing else to see. thats why I have to go to Die Hard 4-nothing else on. Even our local art house cinema is showing them for Christsake...except the screening of Casablanca tommorow-Ill go to that...where the hell am I?
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Harry turned me on to it. Thanks Harry.
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For the love of God.
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i want his review...NOW
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THOUSAND is the new FIRST
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This is a GREAT cheesey popcorn flick about English-speaking talking robots from another planet. If you took the film too seriously, then, uh, you really need to find another profession! Authentic film criticism is not just reserved for depressing fan-boy rants. A "real" critic can analyze a film that he doesn't particular care for without trying to diss the film as a work of trash. This film accomplished everything that it hoped -- a great "B" children's story upgraded with incredible effects and cinematography! If you were hoping for a science fiction film that was a little more meaningful, then rent The Matrix or Close Encounters. Time flew while watching this film -- and it was the best $10 I spent on a movie all summer!
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Okay, let’s start by saying I thought Bad Boys 1 and 2 were good action movie for my taste. I got it, found it funny and lotsa explosions; you gotta say “cool” a couple of times. I’m a Bay fan for this type of movie, he made those movies work. Now on to Transformers…My god, who wouldn’t want to see a whole hour of ridiculous lines the fact that they try and try and try but aren’t able to make you laugh at any point.I gotta go with this review, it’s a bad movie.. I actually fell asleep at one point, the ridiculous ranting of Optimus Prime trying to get the freaking glasses just got to me. This movie is as bad as Superman Returns when you look at the characters and the way they went with the stories.The whole “OH MY GOD DAD OH MY GOD, NO WAY!” and the “You’re right son, you’re not getting a Porsche!” was probably the closest thing to mediocre acting and a reasonable joke I saw (and I like Shia, thought that his roles in Bobby and Disturbia were good. The potential is there to make him a good actor.) .And when you see the first Decepticon ravaging the Army base or Bumblebee sending a signal of some sort with a big light you are kinda not impressed.This movie is written “Spielberg” all over it. His last movies are all crap if you take out special effects. The stories have nothing.War of the worlds was the most ridiculous piece of movie history I had seen in a very long while. The celluloid change getting the only van in the city working? Was Tom the only mechanic bright enough to think of changing the freaking thing? No, the military did the same I guess. His son surviving a blast that destroyed basically most of the highly trained military guys, the same military personnel who had grenades but had to get a mechanic to figure out that a couple of grenades in the belly of the beast would probably get it to explode. And the van.. That one was a miracle; a plane crashes on a housing complex and destroys the house and the next one, yet the van… It’s intact and running, even with all the airplane fuel that burned within 5 feet of where it was parked.Spielberg knows how to make effects work, but story wise, the guy lost that concept years ago. And he proved it again when he gave the green light to Bay to go ahead with this ridiculous show of effects.I’ve seen better screen play and better stories in short films made by freshman students. It completely sucked the very fabric of what the Transformers were. I’m not big on keeping the TRFMRS concept to what the cartoons did, but at least do something with those monsters, them hiding behind houses is just ridiculous, what like no neighbour is going to look outside when the damn things walk around and make all that noise? C’mon!It was a disappointment, I feel like I was literally robbed, better, mugged by Bay and Co. Sure the effects were great, it looked like they were there, but the whole thing is that they have no freaking story for 95% of the time, bumblebee playing match maker is simply stupid, Iron Hide wanting to exterminate everything that moved all the time is pure shit, Optimus looked like a kindergarten teacher reminding him not to shoot humans every ten minutes. The whole hiding behind a house scene was plain ridiculous and should’ve been anywhere between 1 to 3 minutes long max. It just felt like it didn’t want to end for some reason. As if Bay thought this was a very funny turn of events for the autobots, which wasn’t… it was painful to watch.For very time wrote “Fuck Michael Bay!” on this site it does not match what Bay did with this potentially amazing franchise. He raped it every which way. He destroyed it. The jokes don’t work, and if I saw a big giant robot coming after me like some maniac I would need to change my shorts, my pants, and my socks… At least would look impressed to see something like that. The whole “must be Japanese” is the dumbest line I’ve heard this past year. And the fact that he brought in the black funny/comedy dude in this movie was ridiculous again, can’t they give this guy a normal role without the whole black slapstick going on? He can be funny yes but does it have to be every two lines? Bay get a writer for your next movies, ‘cause your ideas are worth shit for this type of movie.I’m just sitting here is disbelief that Bay actually got the money for this train wreck. If you want my opinion, go see something else… anything else…
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Celebrate with 4 flame-broiled all-beef patties, 8 strips of bacon, melted cheese and a special sauce. Available at Burger King, the BK Quad Stacker is sure to satisfy the meat lover in you. And now, get one with your favorite Transformer action figure!
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Check out the ratings: At imdb.com, with more than 6000 user reviews, TF has a rating of 8.3/10, while at yahoo movie page, after more than nine thousand user reviews, TF has a grade of A-. This movie will be the event of the year.
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Why are folks ganging up on Vern for hating a movie you all have been bitching about nonstop for the past year? Just because Vern is the only writer here who actually seems to care about movies anymore (and can actually write a review of a movie, not of the entire week in his life during which he watched the movie), doesn't mean he's infallible. I look forward to his reviews, but I still think his review of TCM: TB was almost total nonsense.
I've never owned a transformers toy, never watched the cartoon or the movies, and probably couldn't tell a gobot from one. However, I AM a fan of Mr. Bay, which is the only reason I'll be seeing this movie. From this review, it sounds like I will be disappointed, but oh well. If I'm not, I'm sure as hell not going to call Vern an asshole for thinking otherwise. -
Since he liked DH4 maybe i WILL like this.
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http://www.bk.com/transformers/index.html
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...how people are talking about transformers being so bad that it signals the death of film as we know it or something. God damn people, talk about an overreaction. Not all films are made to inflame the mind and deal with relevant issues concerning today's society, or follow characters on life altering journeys. Transformers the cartoon had NO character development whatsoever. Say what you will about 'Starscream hates Megatron' or 'Prime is morality' - these 'characters' are ciphers made to kick ass and sell toys, and they were fucking entertaining. Likewise with the live action film.
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... it isn't helping.
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Who the hell came up with that? Then I'm vegetarian. Fuck these "blockbusters." I remember overhearing some random guy after Spiderman 3 saying "What a piece of shit." I think that sums up the summer. If you just want to be entertained without substance to what your watching well that's fine. Let's hope The Boy Who Lived will provide us with more than what we've seen from the other big budget studio flicks so far.
Avada Kad(gunshot) -
...neither was Die Hard, Aliens, Predator, Lethal Weapon, or Terminator 2. That argument as to why TINO is disliked should die with a cock in its mouth.
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though you called me a plant several times over. That BK post is pretty fucking funny.
the product placement is over the top in this one. the on;y thing missing is Bob Segar singing "LIke a Rock." -
WARS. JAWS. ROAD WARRIOR. PREDATOR. ROBOCOP. TOTAL RECALL. THE MATRIX. LORD OF THE RINGS. Why would you compare these dark, serious, mostly R rated adult movies to a movie that is aimed primarily at boys under 13? It was very obvious to anyone who reads this site often that Vern decided to hate this movie long before he actually saw it. Did I love it? No, because I'm an adult. I tend to like adult movies more. But I also didn't think this movie is a sign of the Apocalypse like it's being made out to be. It was exactly what I expected: a big, loud, obnoxious movie for boys.
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Here's the problem with Transformers...great effects, poor script. So in ten years, when the effects are no longer state of the art, the movie will appear very dated. FX films with good stories endure despite their dated effects. Transformers, on the other hand, will be a forgotten relic (i.e. Godzilla)
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I'll grab it on BRD for some HD eyecandy.
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...of this comment.
"p.s. It just occurred to me. Is Mega-Tron a transformer? Did he ever transform? Or is he just a robot?"
How can I, as a "movie patron", take a opinion of a movie seriously when the reviewer obviously wasn't paying attention to the movie in question. This isn't a "review" it's more like a "I had preconceived notions about this movie that were negative going into it and here's why" essay. I thought this site was supposed to publish un-biased reviews, it's obvious it doesn't.
Now before you start calling me out and saying that I'm just mad because I loved the movie and thought it was the greatest thing since sliced bread, the truth is I did not. I didn't think it was great, it was alright. It accomplished what it was made to do. However, seriously Vern, at least TRY to pay attention to a movie that you hope to review. I realize that you may be too cheap to throw down the $7.95 per month for decent website hosting, this isn't 1998 anymore Vern Geocities isn't hip. It makes sense to *gasp* post a negative essay about a movie all the while plugging your mediocre geocities website.
In the movie "Mega-Tron" clearly states when he is unthawed "I am MEGATRON!" then promptly transforms and flies away. How hard is that to follow? even my 8 year old nephew (whom by the way loved the movie of course)was able to determine who megatron was, that he was indeed a transformer, and that he did indeed transform.
I believe that as visitors to this site that we deserve, at the very least, reviewers who watch the movie from beginning to end. Ones that don't come here to plug their god awful website and can maintain an attention span of a 6 year old when watching a movie.
Is that so much to ask? -
I was beginning to think I was the only one who didn't enjoy it.
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They'd make scooter Libby want to do time.
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This time it's pointless!
This is simply not a good movie. I'm glad many of you were entertained: count me among those who were not. Now can anyone here tell me if License to Wed is really "Robin Williams at his best!"? Then tell me exactly what that means...
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Seriously, I'm 100% straight (and married), but I am now officially in man-love with Vern...the ONLY reviewer with the balls to call a spade a spade. My wife and I were very much looking forward to Transformers (neither of us were fans of the cartoons)...but we both nearly walked out in the middle of the movie. It was, in a word, horrible. My wife even made the comment about Idiocracy that Vern mentioned. Totally a dumb-downed movie...and the fact that people are willing to give a pass to Transformers and not Batman and Robin is beyond me. I'd definitely sit through Batman and Robin again over Transformers. TWICE! At least B&R had some drama and a somewhat engaging story. Transformers was so full of lame, teenage-boy humor, a complete lack of drama or tension, silly casting, and a chaotic, incomprehensible mess of moving metal that it was very nearly unwatchable. LONG LIVE VERN!!!
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I can't tell you how great it feels to read this review on aintitcool. I literally thought I was the only person that thought this movie was as terrible as you. In fact, the theater I saw it at last night (Tues) on 34th St., right outside Penn Station, the audience reaction was INCREDIBLE. They loved every second of it. Every shitty joke, every effects scene that didn't work, every action sequence that looked like the equivalent of a 4 year old fighting with action figures an inch from your face while screaming at you, got an incredible response. What burns me the most is how much of a pass it's getting from people - like, "Oh, it's just a fun silly movie, you're taking it too seriously." No, it's not fun. It's fucking retarded. It's not a cool movie with minor story flaws, it's an AWFUL PIECE OF SHIT THAT MAKES ME WONDER IF THE ENTIRE MOVIEGOING PUBLIC IS UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF SOME SORT OF LAUGHING GAS THAT MAKES THEM APPRECIATE GARBAGE. I mean, how can people like this movie? How can you watch a movie like Terminator 2, a great summer action film, a film that made me forget where I was while watching it, or Predator, or Die Hard, or any umpteenth summer popcorn movies and still say that this movie wasn't one of the most horrible films they've ever seen, let alone passable? How can you explain that? WHAT IS ANTHONY ANDERSON DOING IN A TRANSFORMERS MOVIE? What is 10,000 pages of exposition you could care less about, a 20-minute search for glasses in a bedroom with jerkoff jokes, robots pissing on people, Bernie Mac's eyes bugging out, a cheeseball teen love movie plot, have to do with the Transformers? WHY CALL IT THE TRANSFORMERS? WHY NOT CALL IT, MICHAEL BAY TAKES A SHIT ON ALL OF US? I know, I know. "Hey man, calm down, it's just a Transformers movie. Jeez." Fuck you. As a sidenote, in a Wired article about the movie, Michael Bay said something about how watching the original movie makes you want to shoot yourself. I had a similar reaction to this film, only I also wanted to shoot Michael Bay. And Steven Spielberg. And every giggling fucker around me, especially when the Saliva (or a band that sounds like Saliva) played during the Bumblebee-towtruck action sequence at the end. In summation: 1.) This movie is awful. 2.) Michael Bay is shit, and while it has become a cliche to say that, this is one case of "Where there's smoke, there's fire." Where there's lame, unfunny shit and poorly-filmed action sequences and overdramatic music , there's Bay. 3.) Steven Spielberg is shit for producing this dreck, and 4.) The best way to rid yourself of the after-effects of seeing this movie is to do what I did: a high-volume cinematic enema, consisting of two parts - the first part consists entirely of 70's movies. It doesn't matter what director, you could do an Ashby fest or an Altman marathon, or mix and match a few, say, Taxi Driver, Five Easy Pieces, Chinatown, Jaws, and The Long Goodbye. This is to immediately alleviate feelings of depression and hopelessness that movies are no longer worth watching after seeing Transformers. The second part consists of a grab-bag of 80's summer action movies, for example Raiders, either Terminator, Robocop, etc. This is to remind you what popcorn movies used to be like, and still could be, if talented people were allowed to make them. Follow with a pint-sized glass of Johnny Walker Black, a marathon of porn (or actual sex, if you're luckier than me), and a deep sleep. You should awake the next day with minor amnesia and hopefully less symptoms, and if not, visit Recall for a prompt memory-erasure. Ah, Total Recall. Good times.
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You are a dumbass.
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there wouldn't even be a Transformers movie. Blame yourselves.
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I couldn't agree more. I myself am mystified at the acceptance of this shit. The only positive was, IMO, Optimus Prime's voice. Spot-on, but otherwise wasted in a hopelessly low-brow movie. Hell, it gives low-brow a bad name. It reminded me of the high-priced version of Norbit...just godAWFUL filmaking appealing to the absolute lowest common denominator. The jokes were funny for about 5 minutes. Then the realization kicked in that this was there was going to be to the story...teen-jokes and a cliche "teenagers save the day" storyline. The franchise was filled with potential and that is now sadly lost. Any sequels will be more of the same. *Maybe* Rush Hour 3 or Harry Potter will make better ends to the summer. Oh, wait...there's still the next Bourne movie. All is not lost.
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No transformers would be better than what we got. Bad is NOT better than "none at all", because now no one else has a shot at doing it better. Dumbass.
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mediocre one? The Illuminati must control Hollywood or something. For those of you defending the plot, you understand that there were way fewer plotholes in the setup of the original cartoon, right?
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Thank goodness. This review describes exactly what I would have imagined. I don't have to see this thing at the theater after all.
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Seriously, we got to get that sand out of your vagina. All the G1 lovers can go cry themselves to sleep. Nobody gives a fuck what you losers think. It's a fun movie, and mostly everyone will thinks so too. I win. HAHA!
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I feel like I'm parachuting out of a plane into the middle of a firefight by posting in this talkback. Sounds like there's no shortage of fired-up motherfuckers on both sides. I just got back from seeing it. I collected the toys as a kid, but definitely had no passionate leftover childhood love for it. I just wanted big robots kicking ass. What can one say that hasn't already been said? Hard to discuss it without sounding like a nitpicking hypocrite. Ex: I thought the animation of the robots was amazing; their mannerisms and facial expressions and the transformations themselves were so well-executed. But I have to agree with those who said the fights sucked, because it WAS almost impossible to tell them apart in fast-motion combat. I couldn't tell who was doing what to who. The movie was so heavy on the Autobots, and then the Decepticons just sort of show up. Too bad, since Barricade, Starscream and Megatron looked badass. Problem was they only got the last thirty minutes of the movie to do anything badass. Megatron wasn't as awful as that first picture indicated, but did anyone else have "Fantastic Four" deja vu? Dr. Doom confronts the four and says, "This is gonna be fun." Thirty seconds later, the 'finale' is over. Optimus says to Megatron the "One will stand, one will fall" line, and their grand finale smackdown lasts like a minute. There's even a shot with some other Transformers battling, or crashing into the street, and we see Optimus and Megatron slugging it out IN THE BACKGROUND! A director with talent would know how to build up to that all-or-nothing good-vs-evil hero-vs-villain decide-the-fate-of-the-world final battle. Instead it's all just thrown together in one big incomprehensible mess. Also; for fuck's sake, the awesome jaw-dropping Starscream air battle was not a "sequence." It was a twenty-second money shot that indeed was spectacular, but can't reasonably be called a "scene." Vern seems to have been holding back a lot of anger towards flicks today, and unleashed it all on this one. You made some excellent points (Good merciful Christ, this movie hit every cliche. Young nerd trying to win hottie from football jock asshole? Check. Parents knocking on door kid must be masturbating gag? Check. And OF COURSE the whitebread soldier MUST have a pretty wife and new baby at home that he's trying to get back to. I almost covered the guy in front of me with this morning's breakfast when that vomit-inducing scene happened. Speilberg actually was involved in this? Let me guess; his contribution was the "cute" robot who provided "comic" relief. What the Hell was that little thing trying to accomplish, anyway? And can we not have one popcorn movie without the whole "Aw Hell no my Mama gonna kick my ass yo dem's some big-ass robot" minstrel shit? You wouldn't know this from Hollywood, but there actually are black people who speak in complete sentences. What a concept! And I had to chuckle ruefully at the fact that I saw John Whats-His-Fuck get a golden shower from an Autobot in a "children's" film. Goddamn, that was twisted. Michael Bay is one fucked-up dude. But that's what 587,932 lines of coke will do to ya. End of diatribe. I'm most pissed because this could've been something truly great and fun and memorable, an awesome time at the movies in the summer, and it had moments where you could see the pants-shitting potential, which makes the disappointment all the more bitter.
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I can see how people had fun with it, but I'm just tired of these half-ass superhero/fantasy movies.
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Went to see Transformers last nite. I didn't grow up as a fan so I can't evaluate it on that level, but overall I liked it. Maybe a bit cheesy and definitely way overblown in the action dept, but o.k. I agree that many of the action scenes were muddled and confusing (kinda like the fight scenes in Batman Begins). I didn't end up caring about anyone in this film,..it was eye candy and that was about it. Pretty fun overall but not worth another viewing.
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This isn't taking a stand, it's taking a dump - and not just on the movie, but on people who enjoyed the movie. Vern descends into an articulated fanboy messageboard rant about how people who like the things he don't like are clearly stupid. He can't understand why we'd like it, so we're forfeit. That he saw nothing to like in it isn't contentious - that he, and many TBers, attribute liking it to a necessary stupidity and a sign of End Times is more juvenile than a robot pissing on John Turturo.
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It is hilarious to read some of the outright hateful and/or studio spin machine responses to it.
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talkbackers in his review? They're just stirring the pot, the funny thing is thinking Vern's review was actually personally directed at you.
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You may win, but you're an idiotic little boy. If we're all "losers" and no one cares what we think, how do they then care what YOU think? At least we gave rational reasons for our disapproval of the movie. What do you have to offer to support your like of the movie? Where's your justification for the lack of story, cheesball humor, or idiotic teenager-saves-the-day plot? It seems that the only supporting thing anyone can say about the movie is, "What did you expect?" That's truly a dumb answer...I expected a decent movie. Possibly a great movie...maybe even the next T2 or Die Hard. What I GOT was Batman and Robin part 4. There's NO excuse for that.
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I agree with Vern on the constant bad jokes, leave them out and the hacker storyline too. There needed to be more Decepticon interaction and less puny humans. But more than half of the action was discernable and quite awesome. I still had a good time watching this piece of crap.
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Let the hate resume, heh heh.
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Vern - you're an entertaining writer and I generally look forward to your reviews. But you telegraphed this one months ago (kind of like Harry's write-up on X3). You'd have to be blind to not see this coming.
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I agree with 99% of what you said Vern, but don't you think the "Megan Fox looking at the engine" scene redeems the movie just a little bit?And why people don't like movies like Armageddon and Independence day, I will never understand.
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Vern's review is directed at me because I liked Transformers, and the majority of the review is reviewing the quality of the people who like Transformers. So as long as people are sidling up to ride him like donkey Jesus, I think it's worth a few minutes of my time to call bullshit.
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It's got picture pop ups, and a little coloring part at end. It's really great.
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My point - made 12 billion posts ago - is that there seems to be a high amount of 'txt message' posters among the defenders of Transformers. There have been few posts defending it that are coherent, and utilized all the vowels that our forefathers killed Nazis to defend...
Dotren made a coherent argument to me - he did seem to be be answering something I never posted, but hey the thought was there - so why don't you try it. Give me a well reasoned post telling me why Transformers works as a movie. -
hoping for. Hits.
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The jokes were enjoyed by the audience I saw it with, so maybe Vern just has a differing opinion of what's funny.
Showing the damage giant robots could cause reminded me of the Robot Chicken sketch where Optimus congratulates the team on a victory with only 50 humans were killed.
I still don't really like the robot designs but I understand that they 're supposed to look alien, so I got over it.
I didn't expect much out of Shia, but damned if he didn't basically carry the movie whenever the robots weren't around. Because of that, I'm slightly more optimistic about Indy 4.
Everybody knows what they're going to get from this movie. If that's not your thing, don't waste the money. -
Paris Hilton at the Playboy mansion, partying with the LA Lakers.I'm going to see this drunk, because then I will be able to actually say that I tried to turn my brain off as much as possible (maybe I should take Ludes or Xanax, that way I really won't be able to comprehend anything).That's it, I'm going to see this only to see shit blow-up and giant robots, that's it.I remember leaving Matrix Revolutions and being the only one of my friends (I went with like dozen) and being the only one disappointed. They said "How can you not like it? It had giant robots fighting, people dressed as giant robots." I told them if I wanted giant robots fighting, then I'd see a Transformers movie, and now I'll be able to.As long as this thing doesn't let me down like Matrix 3, then I'll be content.
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Can someone please tell me what was that movie trailor that came out before the movie started..the one that shows that going away party and all of a sudden there was an xplosion in nyc and the head of the statue of liberty..let me know
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Other movies I like...2001, Citizen Kane, Goodfellas, Pulp Fiction, Star Wars, Seven Samurai, Alien, Raiders, The Maltese Falcon, Lawrence of Arabia, Annie Hall, A Clockwork Orange, and many other films which proves how retarded I am. God, I hate being stupid!
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to anyone that doesn't support George W. Bush. If you do support Chimpy McFlightsuit, I hope you fucking die, you fucking piece of shit traitor. Also, Shia fucks cats.
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...it's for now called "Cloverfield" and I think it either has a giant monster or something to do with parasites.
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Don't worry. This movie is 100 times better than Matrix 3. Although, that's not saying much. The ending kinda sucks. I will warn of that much.
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Thanks alot man,i saw that trailor and it was nicely set for a trailor..thnaks for the info..
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I've already had the ending spoiled for me on a TalkBack awhile ago, so I've already set myself up for it.
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TomBodet - you crazy bastard.Yeah, I definitely saw Ringy's appearance! It never ceases to amaze me what brings him out of his cave...
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about the movie above... Here it is again so you don't have to go find it.
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Look, the crowd went wild at the theater tonight, in the beginning, again in the middle when Optimus busts some ass on the freeway, and when the movie was over. I had a great time tonight watching Transformers, and I don't feel guilty, or stupid, or part of the decline and fall of Western Civilization. Sorry, but the FX were awesome ... ILM took it to a new level. Every other FX house better step up their game big time. The acting was pretty good, especially in Shia LeBouf's case. He had some great comic timing, and pulled the movie together. The comedy surprised both me and the wife. Much of it worked, while only a few things fell flat. Jon Voight was pretty good as the Secretary of Defense. Josh Duhamel and Tyrese were good. The story was okay, but damn, the wife and I had a hell of a lot of fun.
And that is what it is all about. Fun. Not high art. Not a political statement. Just pure honest to goodness fun. Do I go to Disneyland to hear a lengthy dissertation from Mickey Mouse on War and Peace? No. I expect to be entertained. I expect thrills, laughs, and a generally good time. When I hear people talk about Transformers as a rollercoaster, I can't help but agree. It's a theme park filled with giant fucking robots. And it's a blast, if you'll let it be. Anyone can go to Disneyland and be miserable all fucking day if they try. Most people go and enjoy themselves.
I like the cartoon as a kid. I saw the '86 movie. I had the toys. All that shit. I grew up on TF, GI Joe, Thundercats. And yet, somehow the flames on Optimus didn't matter. Somehow the intricate designs worked better in live action than the old boxy designs would have. Somehow Shia didn't kill the movie. But if you made up your mind ahead of time to hate the movie, Transformers won't change it. It's not a religious experience that will turn people from haterz to believers.
Is it the best movie ever? No. Is it the best Sci-fi film? No. Will it be in my top 10? No. It doesn't have to be though.
Does this signal the end of civilization as we know it? Have we finally proven that we are too stupid to go on? No. Enjoyment of a thrill ride is not something to be ashamed of.
Fuck the haterz. No, seriously. Fuck the haterz up the ass. A lot of people are going to have A LOT OF FUN with this one. And if the haterz can't get past it and go on with life, fuck 'em.
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The packed house was not all fanboys. My wife was obviously not a TF fan. Yet there were raves coming out of the theater. My wife had a great time. Sorry guy, you trying to pidgeon-hole the success as fanboy enthusiasm is wrong.
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Jul 04, 2007 1:52:58 PM CDT
I am tired of the "based on an 80s toy line" defense...
by darthcorleone
So the fuck what? Does the fact that it was a toy first preclude the ability of a writer to craft a strong narrative that actually takes itself somewhat seriously? Does the fact that it was a toy then require the movie to be loaded with urination jokes and similarly stupid gags? Everyone who says that it's just a matter of taste comparing this to the giants of summers past...well, you're right. It is a matter of taste. And swallowing this incessant lowest common denominator humor described in this review is just about the worst taste I can imagine. You don't see that shit in Aliens, Raiders, Robocop, Terminator 2, etc. Crap - now I'm going to have to see this thing after all either prove myself wrong or bolster my argument further.
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What a long fuckin review but it held my attention! I havent seen the movie yet, have been excited by the positive reviews, but of the negative I'm floored. That was hilarious. Saying this was the best negative review on AICN isnt saying much as most of the reviews are of hack amateur quality, but still. Brilliant. Well done sir if for no other reason than it was hilarious.
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Fair enough, I could pick apart that review, but you made an argument that made sense (right or wrong is less important than reasoned or unreasoned in my opinion). You did enough to get a passing grade, and don't need to go to TB summer school... Enjoy your freedom...
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But it's ENJOYABLE! It's not a great movie. It's deliciously bad movie. It just goes on for too long, and it needed wide angles of the fight sequences. Oh, well. For those who wanted a great movie, perhaps the sequel will win you over. This film doesn't represent the fall of western civilization. This movie isn't some dumb Adam Sandler movie, or Armageddon, or Pearl Harbor. Those movies represent the end of the world to me. Seriously Vern, come down off your high horse.
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Yeah. That's definately God's wrath enducing horror.
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Ratatouille is about a rat who wants to be a chef, but Bird seemed to be capable of crafting characters and story without dumbing anything down. Simple does not equal stupid. The cartoon was more simple than this film, for example.
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Glad you are the arbiter of right and wrong opinions. You hated the movie and must therefore judge my opinion.
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taking this stuff personally. It's completely fair to be disappointed in this film. If you enjoyed it, fine, but it is getting tiresome with these films being churned out every year when many of us are old enough to see how far these blockbusters have degraded in such a short period of time. Even if you liked this movie, you full well know it could've been 100x bettter. It is not enough simply to have the ability to make a movie. They expect you to pay for it, they base future properties on the supposed formula for success of films like this.
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So, obviously most of the established critics liked it. And I liked it as well. BRING ON THE APOCALYPSE!!!!!!!!
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like Transformers, or would you rather have a higher standard for sci-fi and fantasy films? Because when you patronize movies like this you are voting. This will be the standard, not the except to the rule many of you are acting like it is.
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Why don't you just pull up your cane and spurt out lines like "those damn kids" or "back in my day..."
I see this film really pissed you off and even though I'll admit it wasn't a perfect film by all means, it was still an enjoyable film, and this is coming from a fan of the material who has been opposed to every decision that has been made during production. Granted, most of the jokes were God awful, and the designs were so shitty you couldn't tell what was a foot and what was a head, but looking at it as a whole, it was a ride of a film. Everyone enjoyed it and it was great for what it was. And as movies based on 80 cartoons go, this one really takes the cake. I'm 34, and I know they don't make 'em like they used to, and probably never will, but for that we have the good ol' days, right now this IS what is considered entertainment by todays standards, and I hate to brake it to ya, but chances are it's only gonna get worse, so if you're this appalled by this film I suggest you find yourself a new line of work. That is if you don't want to live off a steady diet of antacid to treat your many ulcers. -
You felt good watching this movie?
C'mon, that's from being bombarded with cheesy music with swirling cameras on shiny things.
If you are going to make an action movie then create some SUSPENSE with the action by letting me know somebody is in danger or at least let me know what is going on. To me, that is the main reason this movie fails - THE ACTION SEQUENCES WERE NULL AND VOID of any DRAMA AND SUSPENSE. They were just confusing to watch. I had nobody to root for.
Also, I got Megatron confused a few times with the one who turned into a plane. In fact the only two I didn't confused with was Prime and Bumblebee.
In fact, I got confused right in the beginning with the helicopter robot and the scorpion robot. Were they the same one? did it change from helicopter to scorpion?????? -
because they're all so mediocre or out-and-out bad.
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Flawed but amazing fun... and I'm done with Transformers talkback for the rest of my life right.... now. Mahalo.
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Calm down, I just asked for you to make a valid argument and you did, then I praised you for doing so... As I pointed out, it isn't about right and wrong, it is about the ability to articulate why you liked or hated a movie... 'Transformers suckz' or 'Transformers rulez' means nothing, a reasoning behind that opinion does.
For instance I respect Vern's review of DH4 and understand his stance on it being good, I however think he is wrong. Doesn't mean I have to pour vitriol on him for a differing opinion.
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Shia is very accessible, he probably connects with the audience very well, much like Elliot in ET or other through characters in Speilberg films. The CGI is well crafted, and the action is kinetic and thrilling due to the way it is shot and edited. This summer was filled with sequels that had well crafted but anti-climactic CGI, and characters that were neither accessible or even likeable. We are running on a deficit and this movie had a couple of things going for it that really connected with the audience. All I am saying is that those parts do not make a whole, and this movie could've been MUCH better.
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Wait, did you actually go and SEE the movie?!
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Sure that is worldwide totals but hey it looks like it will make a nice profit by the weekend unless there is a large drop-off today. And Schnipple, the Scorpion jumped off the back of the Helo Robot in the version I saw.
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Don't worry, they've found a way! Spider-Man 3 is a good example of making a character have too many downs and not enough ups. If you want to give a character a fall from grace, he needs to have a really big high first and it told you there was a high, but never really showed it or allowed the audience to feel it. Who cares if Peter loses THAT MJ?
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possible, I think.
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I'm still pissed Bay only showed the C-130 GUNSHIP attack from the back. I wanted to see that cannon fire up close : (
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I think you should actually see the film so that you may have a factual and contextual basis for regurgitating these like-minded opinions that you're sided with.Nudge-nudge, wink-wink. ;^)
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Just as I told Yack.
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adequate, I would not attempt to say it was a good movie. They should've made the Surfer matte as well, he looked more real than the super-shiny version.
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because people will have different opinions. My theater ate this movie up, but I still had problems with it. Bay's action scenes were shit in this movie, that's my opinion. That shaky cam shit has to go, and the quick cutting wasted the good effects because you couldn't see the battles. That was my biggest complaint for this movie. That, and a really shitty script. I don't expect the world from something like this, but at least make a better effort to make it something more than a 2hour, and 20 min music video.
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cnut, when you have made a movie come back and moan you fcukwit
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Is it out in theaters yet? I haven't heard anything on TV. I'm tempted to go see it for a few minutes then ask for my money back and to do that several times over the next few weeks. Why, you ask? Because Regal Cinemas is offering 10 additional points on my club card and an entry in a contest to win a $3000 gift card every time I buy a ticket to see Transformers. That's right. You literally have to PAY me to see this movie! lol This review confirms all my worst fears for this film: they actually USED the script I read! Ugh. I hope this bombs so maybe Hollywood will raise the bar a notch. Of course that could backfire. Michael Bay could read failure to mean this movie wasn't dumb enough for audiences. lol
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that's a really mature response. I'm not going to curse you out, that would be too easy for such an immature response on your part. I'm aloud to have my opinions, and if you liked it good for you. But this is by far Bay's shittest movie! I actually think he's gotten worse as a film maker, but maybe he'll prove me wrong with his next film. I don't hate the man, but he's got to do better than this. One more thing, How do you know I'm not in the film business? I'm not saying I am, but how the hell do you know? Just saying, never assume!
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Let's face it- Harry is responsible for the this bullshit.Ever since he trashed matrix 2-an R-rated sci-fi epic with monica bellucci cleavage and a hot chick cumming in a restaurant-not to mention the most exstensive superhero battle scenes we'd seen yet- and superpowered agents crushing cars in insanely well directed car chases with evil robots slaughtering people-a hero that's not afraid to drag hundreds of semi trucks behind him in his jet trails to save his love-and mech suits to boot.And it was a perfect continuation of the events of the previous film AND had good pulse pounding music that I can actually remember-Guess you should have embraced that one instead of expecting jesus to come down and save you- because now hollywood is giving you pg13 diehards and toy commercials.Harry's fault and we're all paying for it this summer.
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This has got to be the worst, most immature movie review I have ever read. I can't believe you get paid to whine like a little bitch. You obviously hated this movie before you saw it. This review is an insult to intelligent people.
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Oh yeah- it had actual naked tits. Something sorely lacking in cinema these days.The worst offender being Casino Royale with no naked women in the opening title but instead- men doing violence to each other set to music. Yay! Of course transformers is a kids film and taken on those merits it's probably the best ever- I enjoyed it more than monster squad or the goonys.
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Liked it! One thing I liked was that it had a lot of different feels. In the beginning it was somewhat scary because I couldn't help but feel like Sam's car was haunted even though I knew it was Bumblebee, one lady even said "Oh my god," when Bumblebee started chasing Sam around, plus I was looking at every bit of machinery with a feeling like it could transform. Of course the action was good. The movie also felt silly at spots but in a good way. A lot of people complain about the script but I feel like it was because it was meant to be silly which probably didn't look good to some people on paper but it worked on film. Some times it seemed like it was aimed at kids because of the fart jokey comedy in spots but in other points it was very mature. A lot of the fighting and what happens to the robots is suprisingly brutal. One thing that was definitely great was the sound. I think it had the most interesting voice acting and effects I've ever heard. Barricade's voice was awesome and when Bonecrusher transforms and talks the sound is awesome. I also liked the Decepticons' language and the conversation between Frenzy and Blackout. A lot of people say they didn't like Frenzy but I thought he was a great addition to the movie. Some of the action scenes in this movie are classic. Optimus Prime fucking up Bonecrusher was tight and there is this one point at the end where Starscream swoops down in the middle of the humans and transforms, starts blasting, jumps up and flies back into the sky. This all takes maybe 5 seconds and it is exactly something that I wanted to see Starscream do. I want to see it again but more than that I want to see the next movie. For all of the people who are too stuborn to let themselves go and enjoy this immensly enjoyable movie, I feel sorry for you.
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It only made $27 million domestic on Tuesday. Still a great number, but not anything earth-shattering.
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Cant you just enjoy a movie for what it is? Entertainment!
Who give a sh$T who directed it, just go in sit down shut up and watch a movie. If you like it, you like it, if you dont, you dont. You go in with a predisposition to hating the movie, so of course you arent going to like it. Will it win academy awards? NO. Was it fun? YES
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"I am not being pretentious. . ."
Bwahahahahahahahahahaha! If you have to say it, then you probably are. Bwahahahahahahaha! -
I just reread Vern's review. Fuck you, Vern! You obviously need some fuckin' pussy. I'm not talking about "I haven't gotten laid in two weeks" kind of I need pussy. I'm talking about "baby oil isn't stopping the scabs on my dick from breaking off and bleeding when I jack off anymore" kind of I need pussy. You act like the Transformers movie tied you up and raped your mom in front of you. You guys call yourselves professionals? What the fuck? Vern, fuck you!
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nobody fixed him
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But besides that, there wasn't anything really wrong with the rest. But most of what is really bad is in those middle 20-25 mins or so, take that out and overall the movie goes up 2 or 3 points/grades.
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Okay, alot of people took the mention of IDIOCRACY as a way of saying "you are an idiot," which is not what I meant, but I can see where you're coming from. I apologize to anyone who took it that way, but I think if you read the review or even read the beginning and the end of the review you would know that you're not being fair. I began and ended the review talking about my friendship with a guy who LOVES Michael Bay. He didn't like this one, but at the end when I thought he might like it I didn't say "if he liked it he's an idiot." I said that if he liked it I "couldn't guarantee" that "our friendship wouldn't be forever damaged by the feeling that we aren't from the same planet." Which is not nearly as harsh and is, itself, complete hyperbole. OF COURSE people who love/hate different movies can get along and that's the main theme of the review. So cut me some slack, people.
That said, the next person who pulls out that "you expected Shakespeare" or "you expected War and Peace" shit IS an idiot. Not only did I address that in the review, I included a long list of some of the specific movies that I *did* want it to live up to. That one has come up many times here, I give all of you an idiot freebie, you are not idiots. But from here on out - idiot.
Now, my question is, where do we draw the line though between this and ASS: THE MOVIE? If I didn't like ASS either would that mean I'm an elitist? Am I allowed to say people are idiots for watching a movie about a farting ass, or does that make me a snob? Would you say "What did you expect Vern, it's a movie about Ass! It's not supposed to be THE APU TRILOGY, it's supposed to be ASS! It was a blast and the whole crowd clapped the farts were AEWSOME you were PWNED HATERZZZZZ 4 ever fuck you vern" etc.
Or even where do you draw the line between this and BATMAN AND ROBIN? Am I a snob for thinking BATMAN AND ROBIN is one of the worst movies ever made? Shouldn't I just relax and have a fun time because it's a popcorn movie? Were you guys able to pull it off with that one? It's not supposed to be The Bible, after all, it's supposed to be a movie about a guy with rubber nipples who fights crime with ice skates and credit cards. -
You're right about that-It was on in high def the other night and it still hasn't lost an ounce of insipidness.Actually uses the same shot and plays it in reverse to extend a pitifully thought out action(if you can even call it that)scene.The shot is playing right before your eyes and then they reverse the film-and you're not supposed to notice-In other words- it's at such a high level of heinous that it's actually missing scenes like a grindhouse flick.
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Transformers, the latest military porn from michael bay, is quite a great film...if only there wasn't so much Michael Bay in the film. It has the same heroic closeups and wide angle shots of jets that you might expect, coupled with mediocre dialogue, and an incomprehensible plot.Still the Transformers look amazing, and you really get a sense of their power during the final battle scenes...I just wish we could see more of the autobot and decepticon personalities, rather than keeping things so squarely down to earth. When the robots are communicating with each other is when the film shines...It would have worked better to see Optimus employing a little more strategy rather than knock down roboto e roboto fighting, but some scenes take your breath away, (Starscream fighting jets, iron hide covering sam!) All the actors do a good job, particularly Shia as Sam. With better dialogue, and a tighter screenplay it would have been a classic, but as of now its a notch under The Rock...Michael Bay get better script writers for the sequel, and more Autobots!
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Is showing Transformers as a "splat" (barely). As of right now, it's sitting at 59%. That's too good for it, but at least it's some consolation to us "haters" that want a decent movie and not merely a passable movie.
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I would most likely think anyone who would expect more than an ass in a movie about an ass, to be a snob (unless that ass was staring Jessica Alba), but I don't think you are one.And I saw Batman and Robin in the theatres when I was kid, sitting thru it I kept expecting it to be "cool". After the movie ended, I asked myself what in the hell did I just see? Frozen people? A bastard Bane?I have nowhere to go with this, but to say (as always) alcohol doesn't just make people look better, it also makes movie more enjoyable (if not less coherent).
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PLEASE PLEASE ANSWER THIS FOR ME!!!
What was it Jazz said when he introduced himself to the LeBoofster in the movie?? -
Yes, Vern... all true. But after watching the movie last night and THEN reading your review, I don't think we saw the same movie. Your review sounds tainted from your dislike of Bay. Like with politics or religion, sometimes preconcieved notions can cloud the way we view something.
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There was SLIGHTLY more realism in the TF earth rather than a fantasy gotham. For me, B and R is offensive for its outlandish style on a character which is essentially just a rich smart guy in a suit. Batman is more Sam Fisher than anything else.
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You shouldn't have to spoon feed the morons that don't get what you mean.First, I must say that your Bay-loving friend sounds exactly like me, so now you know where I'm at regarding Bay.I've always said (even in here) that a movie must be judged from who it sets out to please. And you just made me realize that I was wrong about Transformers. I saw the movie 3 hours ago here in Norway, and thought it sucked donkey balls. But thinking of it, this movie tries to please people that can handle one hour of fart jokes and one hour of action where it's impossible to know what is going on. And it does. So who are you/we to judge?
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Just because you don't demand anything resembling decent filmmaking in a film, you have to try and shit all over people who do. Go hold a book burning or something, you knuckle-draggers.
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Wassup lil bitches or something...that was kind of funny, in an offensive misogynistic way. Black Robots always die in movies.......
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it balances your brain.
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And who's calling out who for burning what now? Seems to me the self-professed Protectors of the Culture are the ones seeking destruction of things they don't like. You're so like a Decepticon.
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Here's a friendship braclet.
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this movie would have rocked! The reason for not being able to follow the action scenes in the last part should be because of the blood of innocent bystanders splattered on the lens. There should have been nudity by Megan Fox, hell even her using a transforming dildo(TM). Tell me I'm right.
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The Cream of the Crop on Rotten Tomatoes couldn't diagree more. He begins his interview with low comedy, and then proceeds to talk about society being "on the brink of collapse" for liking this film....yea right, its THAT bad really. He just couldn't handle it! hence vern's inability to "tell what was going on" during the battle scenes. Its definately an assault on the senses, but if you are primed for the ride, your reptillian part of the brain will be elated. It could have been a better film, Harry is pretty much right is his assesment.
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Maybe it's because you thought it was an interview instead of a review you're so angry. Just because you were on amphetamine while watching the movie and thereby was able to follow the action does not mean a movie should be allowed to make drug addicts out of the rest of us just to like it.
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...was Vern's review yesterday?
Michael Bay just stole my $15.00
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Thank you, Vern
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I agree with a lot of what you are saying Vern, except for the action part and CGI. I didnt watch or collect the toys when I was a kid. I had no previous experience with the transformers. But I could still easily tell the transformers apart, and I could tell them apart when they were fighting. I dont remember their names but I do remember which was which and what it looked like. I thought the CGI and action was amazing. It has easily set the bar. My favorite part was when Megatron and Optimus Prime tackeled each other through the skyscraper. That looked very real. It was amazing. The opening act was astounding. I was astounded by how a CGI robot interacted so well with the real world. When that huge dump truck think tore through the bus and tackled optimus on the highway, that was another epic seen. I just dont understand how you could say the special effects and action werent that great. Sure the camera and editing annoys some people, but I could still easily tell what was going on and how beautifuly real the robots were. I just think you have to admit that the special effects are superior to anything ever seen before. Also megatron transformed into a huge jet plane, like Starscream, except better.
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Mr. Bay's ass: Home of the Whopper.
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And something tells me that it may have to do with ILM seeing all the amateur 3D artist on the net making cool transformers videos, forcing them to render the most insane, complex, confusing shots that could not have been done by anyone else. I loved the quality of the CGI in the movie.For me not being able to follow the plot, and being "stoopid" etc. I think should spill some lubricant on you.
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my previous posts here and on harry's review covered how great it would have been if verhoven had made this.
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Just reading over your dual review of 'Bad Boys 2: Bad Boyser' and 'Transformers: The Movie (No, The Animated One)' and I came across this gem where you predicted exactly what Mikey Bay's Transformers would be:
"And I can see why the guy wanted to do this movie. It's very personal to him, because it has cars in it instead of people. He can relate to cars more than people, they think the same. Ever since his senior thesis film which was apparently about frat boys driving around really fast in a yellow Porsche, he has related to cars more than people, and in interviews he has said that TRANSFORMERS is a personal story to him because it has a part where a kid buys his first car. This is probaly the movie he was born to make, the one he could really knock out of the park. So instead he'll probaly make it more about people than robots and fuck the whole thing up."
I knew you were right then, but having grown up with Transformers, I couldn't turn down an invite to see it on the Paramount lot with my boss. I went in with low expectations, and I was still extremely disappointed.
Vern, I have loved Transformers my entire life, and just like you, I couldn't tell you which Transformer was which for that whole movie. Optimus and Bumblebee at least had some identifiable colors, but the rest of them mostly looked identical. I couldn't even tell which ones were Autobots and which ones were Republicans most of the time.
Oh, and a note on Jazz (the 'black' Autobot). In the cartoon he was also a black steryotype with a 'jazz man' kind of voice. The awesome Scatman Crothers provided the voice (the dude who gets an axe in the chest at the end of The Shining) and actually made it a unique character.
Michael Bay gives us Eddie from Family Matters pitch-shifted to sound like Michael Clarke Duncan. They give him one line, then we find out at the end he died during one of the actions scenes (I can't be sure which one). I don't know why Michael Bay didn't just change Jazz's name to 'Gangsta Rap' or 'Breakdance-atron' or 'The Black Guy That Dies' if he wanted to be this blatant about it.
And on the Idiocracy thing, I'm right with you. At least 3 times during this movie I thought of Ass: The Movie. Every time the audience laughed at some poorly thought out attempt at humor such as the piss jokes, Optimus Prime's 'My Bad', anytime John Turturro was on-screen, the hilarious shenanigans at Sam's house looking for the glasses, etc. I just started getting this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Do you know what it was?
That feeling was the sad, slow realization that this is what passes for action movies these days. Anyway, just wanted to say I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who was feeling this way. -
Is it so bad it's funny? I can't decide, because the review says it tries too hard to be funny and usually when a film attempts to be funny and fails, even the unintentionally funny stuff falls flat. However, the racist stereotype of an Autobot sounds hilarious.
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...whatever the hell that means. Funny thing is, nobody is even claiming to "like" the movie. Even the apologists are proclaiming their God given right to enjoy its stupidity. Can anyone honestly defend this as good? Seriously, even popcorn flicks need standards.
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And you're right. Matrix 2 had a lot of qualities, but everything depended on being a buildup to the third. I was kind of in a limbo with deciding to like it or not before I saw revolutions. And then it sucked. They didn't cash in on many of the cool plots they had deviced, and thus made the storylines void and meaningless.
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is not funny when you're in a theater where many in the audience laughs load and says to each other: "He's just like a nigger!".
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That's all.
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...when it has clearly been surpassed as the crappiest film ever. The new champ? Ghost Rider! C'mon, you know it's true. Mark Steven Johnson is worse than Ratner and Boll combined. And now they let him get his scummy hands on Preacher?! Can we start a petition to have him shot?
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Im claiming to like this movie, because of the amazing action and special effects. A lot of major critics agree with me. The movie is extremely enjoyable. Im not seeing whats not enjoyable about watching one gian robot tackle another giant robot on a higway and then stabing him through the head with a giant blade. Or how a random helicopter morphs into this giant killing machine and manages to effectively destroy and army base. Or Optimus and Megatron beating the fuck out of each other, nailing each other through buildings while f22 are shooting rockets at them. How is that not enjoyable, preposterous... absolutely, but enjoyable.
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I don't think I'll even catch this on DVD. I haven't seen a Bay film since Armageddon and I swore I would never be tricked again. Life is too short for this shit.
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This movie was terrible but I for some reason enjoyed it, anyway. I agree with the whole review.
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Also Batman & Robin flopped. It was such an obviously bad movie. A 3 year old could tell. None of that applies with the Transformers movie. So it's not a fair comparison.
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I love your reviews, Vern, and have always respected your opinion and I still do, but what I can't understand is how a person that loves DTV crap so much wouldn't enjoy Transformers? On at least a couple levels it's tons better than most DTV movies.
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But I can do that with almost any movie when you adapt to its premise. The problem is that when your brain kicks in again, and you realize how much better the movie's budget and talent could have been used, the good memory of the movie fades like an ugly girl you fucked while wearing thick beer goggles.
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I think the majority of the people here did. That's the most important thing and nor Vern or Harry's arrogant and spoiled point of view is gonna ruin my experience.
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I don't understand the people who say stuff like: I couldn't tell the robots from one another, I didn't see when Jazz died, etc. I didn't have any problems. Maybe it's you and not the movie.
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still a flacid peice of shit but it at least plays out as an actual whole movie without the missing jumpcuts it had before.Batman & Robin is still the champ.Just saw it in hd and it's offensive to gay people and even dumb animals.
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I didnt have any problems either.
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It's not being spoiled to demand better than this. Did you enjoy the Star Wars prequel trilogy?
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You should do the same. Shows character.
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admitting a film is bad and enjoying it in a slightly ironic Mystery Science Theater way, and defending a crappy film by saying you shouldn't expect anything more from it and it's a good film because my expectations are low. I was interested in seeing Transformers at first, not because I thought it was good, but to watch the trainwreck.
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I think it make a lot of money overseas. And it is in no way better than Ghost Rider.
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First let me state that if you are going to see Transformers, or a Bay film, for Shakespeare or hoping for the new Citizen Kane, You’re mistaken, but if you are looking for a movie about giant robots that fight one another and some dumb jokes, then you've come to the right place. I enjoyed the film, I don’t think it was the greatest movie ever but to me it was enjoyable, now on to the reviewers, critics, and bad mouthers of films. I find it amazing when people criticize humor in movies. The amazing thing about humor, as well as people’s opinions about movies, is every person in this glorious world is different. So I might not find someone sticking a penis in a pie all that funny, yet some people are laughing their pie loving asses off. If everyone enjoyed the same exact movies then we’d be watching a farm boy with a laser sword, who is battling robots from the future while looking for the lost ark, while his loveable comical muppet humps pies as they drive really fast in sports cars. Reviews are great for criticizing when done tastefully and are well thought out, but to just blast a movie so harshly because of your personal taste in film is different, it is just uncool. Just because you didn’t enjoy it does not mean that you neighbor feels the same way. A great film review would stay on the film in discussion, it would not compare it to what film it is not in your opinion, and it would offer negative criticism in a constructive way. So whether Vern or Quint or the Queen of Sheba loves or hates a movie, people should go watch it and form their own opinion. Much like buying a car, you can't buy a car by listening to a salesman go “Well the tires go in circles and the stereo plays music.” You, yourself the consumer, are going to have to get your ass in that car and drive it to see whether or not you’re going to buy it or let the Pie humper buy it. So next time you feel like blasting a movie out of the water and bitch about how it’s not like “Total Recall” or another of your favorite films, remember this dear movie reviewer:
“Criticism is some one who knows the way but can not drive the car,” and from judging Vern’s criticism he’s lost on Mars with Arnold…
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By the time Batman & Robin came out. It was a tired bloated franchise. Hated by almost everyone. Transformers is something new, not a sequel. It's treading new ground. It's more loved than hated, but because Harry & Vern don't like it. That's it. We should all sway our opinions? After all they're the king of all Geeks. They know better than us. Fuck their opinion! I had a good time watching Transformers! I don't care what some high brow internet critic who picks apart every section of the movie says.
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$238+M to date. Hardly a flop. But is it crap? Yes.
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Harry & Vern, get free shit everyday. They go to big movie events. They get to screen movies early. They see everything under the sun. That gives them a spoiled mentality.
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It was awesome. Don't listen to Vern and Harry. There WAS a story, even if it wasn't complex. The visuals were stunning and the comedy didn't feel forced. Sure there are flaws, but I didn't expect perfection, just fun. This movie is FUN. See it.
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We finally agree on something! Ghost Rider was better than Batman and Robin. I think Batman and Robin was supposed to be a parody of the old school Batman tv show that went very, very wrong.
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To be fair, TF's crappiness may be more indicative of the crappiness of modern blockbusters(overlong, underdeveloped, obnoxious editing and sound fx) than Bay's unique brand of crappiness. The success of Bay's films is always contingient on the script- thats why The Rock is the only half-way decent film he has made.
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I had a lot of skepticism heading into this movie, but then I thought of somehting another Talkbacker wrtoe: "We sit through the human crap in Godzilla just to see the big fight at the end." - or something to that effect. SO I thought, "OK, if I just treat this like a Godzilla movie I can enjoy it on that level." However, the fight scene at the end was atrocious. That ws the most confusing, mind-boggling thing I have ever seen. When Megatron tore Jazz in half I had no idea that was Jazz that just bought the farm. It wasn't until the end when Optimus is holding his carcass that I realized, "Ooooh that was Jazz." The othe thing that really bugged me ws Megan Fox. I would do things to her "That some would consider unnatural", but hell I'm suppose to buy her as a high school chick? Hell, most college girls look like their 15 to me and I thought Fox had to be at least 28. The real topper is getting Hugo Weaving to do the voice of Megatron, and yet it didn't sound like Hugo Weaving at all. What the hell was the point in that? The one nice thing I will say is it was nice to hear Peter Cullen's voice again at the beginning while doing the exposition.
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Oh sweet Jesus, we really are living in Idiocracy.
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I'm talking domestic
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Why can't you, with your great intellect and wisdom, educate me in how to watch these scenes with robots bashing each other. I truly wanted to enjoy this movie, and I have never had a problem with following the action with any other Bay movie or any quality action movie for that sake.Maybe it's because I didn't watch Transformers while growing up? Being a fan must help. Let's blame that. Do I suck for not being a fan?
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Get over yourself!!!
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has anyone seen the Doc on psychology in the US, by BBC? It talks about how the Gov and Corporations used Freud to manipulate the peeps. and also how it evolved into the modern era. It's a cool doc and makes you think about how Transformers has effected those who grew up in the eighties and how we think Optimus Prime is a good roll model for a child who is developing their world view. Personally I think my kid should be exposed to flawed Characters with real complexities, you know the large spectrum of humanity and not the cardboard cutout of what a strong person is. Dissention and free thought work wonders for human evolution.
Was Transformers intended to be this No. Luckily I know what it is, and enjoyed ILM's effects none-the-less. Thanks for your time. -
But I'll take your word for it. It's always fun to label people I don't know. Spoiled ass clowns?
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it was a fucking great movie. Vern that was a fucking long diatribe, I could stop reading at the first paragraph, thank you very much. So how is this movie going to offend intellectual sensibilities. cmon man. I tell you quite honestly I was so much wanting to be a father at that moment, have a little kid of my own and give him the experience. I was watching the movie in my 14 years old mode, and there is nothing fucking wrong with that buddy. So take yourself so seriously fellas and be with your Jarman and Pasolini, fogive us inferios beings that love all colors of this multifacet medium.
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There was one good reason to see it. http://tinyurl.com/2bx6nw
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hasn't applied to his other movies. I must admit that I am playing a bit stoopid, and that I actually understood most of what was happening.I think the problem is (as a follow up to my previous post about ILM) also that they showed it from bad angles, with robots that were so complex in their transforming that the action actually suffered from the overload and could have been much better with a little less moving parts and better overview. And are you sure you're older than me?
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It's also baffling what one mind can see in a movie and another mind can't. Werewolves and Vampires in Matrix Reloaded anyone? Maybe if people didn't imagine so much what the movie was gonna be like before it came out. We'd be more content to just enjoy the movie for it is, but instead we build up the movie in our minds and when the movie doesn't deliver what our mind conjured up. We tear it apart and say it should have been made this way. I've probably just made the most intelligent statement anyone has yet made in this thread. Damn I'm good haha!
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TRANSFORMERS: DIRECTED BY ANG LEE, PRODUCED BY 1980s-VERSION STEVEN SPIELBERG. EXECUTIVE-PRODUCED BY VERN: We don't see any Transformers for the first 45 minutes of the movie. Instead of attacking the base immediately, Blackout lands, then takes off and leaves. This really BUILDS UP THE TENSION. Cut to the story of Sam Witwicky buying his first car on his own since his parents are abusive and unsuportative. This 20 minute section of the movie really gets in-depth into Sam's damaged psyche and is a great foundation to when he finally forms a bond with Bumblebee. It serves as a ironic commentary on the digitized state of society when our hero who has no friends and abusive parents finally finds companionship from a non-human piece of technology. We FINALLY see Bumblebee transformer at the one-hour mark, but only as a SHADOW CAST ON A WALL (Spielberg is really going for the don't-show-them-the-whole-shark thing here). The next half of the movie mainly focuses on how having a transforming car affects Sam's relationships with his parents, his fellow classmates, and Mikaela, a hooker with a heart of gold who Sam befriends (a good half an hour is devoted to Sam helping her get off her crack habit, with some creative help from Bumblebee). Meanwhile we are building up more tension as ANOTHER car seems to be following Sam, Bumblebee, and Mikaela around. This turns out to be ANOTHER TRANSFORMER, an EVIL one! The finale of the movie is a 5-minute battle between Bumblebee and the Deception Barricade, which is AWESOME even though it's the only action seen in the film because there has been so much tension building up to it! Remember to stay after the credits when it actually shows OPTIMUS PRIME looking at Earth through a monitor (actually it maybe is Optimus Prime, he's kind of covered by shadows), which sets up the sequels. I think this is a GREAT START for the Transformers franchise. I love how they built tension and didn't ruin everything by showing us all the Transformers fighting at once and saved Optimus and Megatron for the sequel!
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You got the touch! You got the power!
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Sorry I couldnt resist.
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MUTHA-FLIPPIN' GOLLUM!!!
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Amen, brotha. Thank you for getting my exact thoughts in writing. People, just because we're dealing with Michael Bay + "giant talking robots" handicap doesn't mean your entitled to create a shitty popcorn movie. If they can make a fun pirate film movie inspired from fucking Disneyland animatronics, then they can lend some inspiration to this crap of a movie. Michael Bay, make me believe in these giant fucking robots. Make the characters believe. Have that helicopter land, and transform bit by bit--cut to the astonished faces of the troops--have it loom over the troops, thinking "wtf?", have it survey the scene, indictating its intelligent, have it lock and load, and THEN open fire (check out War of the Worlds to see how to properly introduce a giant fucking robot). ILM, for god sakes, why does Megatron look like shards of sheet metal? Spielberg, tell Bay to keep the camera still when all this computer-generated shit is flying around, I couldn't tell what the hell was going on.
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...what is actually "good" and redeemable about this movie. Rather than doing so, they prefer to just chastise the sane Talkbackers (those of us who like MOVIES as opposed to light shows) as "idiots"/"losers"/"haters" etc. It's interesting to note just how often someone posts a positive review, then a little further down says: "Okay, I admit the plot was weak. And the performances likewise. And the comedy was fairly awful. And it wasn't too easy to tell what was going on in the battle scenes. And they were anti-climactic. And the soundtrack was rubbish. But COME ON! It's BAY~!!!!!!!" As for all the "it's based on a toy line, get over yourself" bullshit - The cartoon may well have been, but it (and the comic) took those toys and did wonderful things, creating characters that became memorable and - in some cases - iconic. Bay chose to ignore all their work and take the approach: "They're just silly toys, I can do what I want." Well FUCK YOU MICHAEL BAY. Keep making movies for brainless xenophobes and GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY CINEMA.
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Harry didn't like it b/c it wasn't enough about the boy and his car. Vern didn't like it b/c there was too much human stuff.
PSST...it's a movie about robots.
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Batman Begins made $371.9! It's 100 on the all time movie gross list. Batman and Robin made $238.2 and is number 244 on that list. Batman and Robin is number 311 on the Domesic list with only $107.3. While Batman Begins is number 72 with $205.3. Relative my ass! Do your homework first before making a claim like that. http://www.boxofficemojo.com
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But I think we are fighting a battle we can't win. The quality has been degrading while the budget, number of effects and audience numbers have increased. Good "summer" blockbusters might be lost forever. At least we have the classics mentioned.
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if you didnt enjoy the transformations of the vehicles to robots, let alone the action, then i dont want to know what you like from an action movie. megan fox is damn hot. the entire movie was eye candy. for me, 80 percent of the humor worked. prime and bumblebee were real characters, so i dont know what you are complaining about there. they were real characters. i loved that. the other robots, not as much, but there isnt time. there can be time for that in the sequels. shia was really good. i was impressed by most of the acting actually, for this type of movie. i loved the characters of shias parents. somehow, bay managed to not have me bored with the movie when the transformers were not on screen. thats impressive, and its because humor was good, and characters, especially shia, were relatable and real. maybe not deep, incredibly complicated characters, but thats not necessary. i loved everything at the hoover damn. bumblebees radio talking worked really well for me. bottom line, if you cant enjoy transformers as premium movie entertainment, then im just sorry for you. it must suck to not be able to enjoy a kickass action scifi movie that was the definition of summer movie blockbuster ENTERTAINMENT. so piss off and go rent some shitty indie movie just because bay didnt direct it and the whole world doesnt love it
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Thumbs down bitches! Haha
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"Now, my question is, where do we draw the line though between this and ASS: THE MOVIE? If I didn't like ASS either would that mean I'm an elitist? Am I allowed to say people are idiots for watching a movie about a farting ass, or does that make me a snob? Would you say "What did you expect Vern, it's a movie about Ass! It's not supposed to be THE APU TRILOGY, it's supposed to be ASS! It was a blast and the whole crowd clapped the farts were AEWSOME you were PWNED HATERZZZZZ 4 ever fuck you vern" etc."
Best paragraph I've ever read in a TB. -
. . .because we know that you just won't get it.
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But nobody wants to be the jews...
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...earth-shattering."Oh, really? http://tinyurl.com/ytgj9w
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you hated it somehow. i know lots of people who agree, it was still the transformers. prime was prime from the cartoon. so shut the fuck up, it was the best time at a theater this summer for sure
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There are definitely a few things I do not understand when you are critiquing a movie. First you are saying this is the downfall of movies. Would you HONESTLY relate this to as close to a movie as "Bratz", or any of the crappy "Dick/Fart/Drug/Sex" Teen movies that seem to be constantly coming out. Look at all these cookie cutter movies to see where humor has gone in the past 5 years.
Are there things bad with this movie? Hell yes. Dialog was cookie cutter, making Jazz a stereotypical black person, effects at points went TOO fast, some of the action sequences were way too quickly ended instead of being climatic. Yes, you can find faults with it. Here is my question though. This is Transformers. Why in the world did you expect more? When I go to see a dark comedy, I'm looking for a satirical look at modern society. When I go to see a comedy, I'm looking for something that isn't using the USUAL jokes, such as how Knocked Up was. When I go to see a movie based on toys I played with as a kid, or the VERY cheesy cartoon that I watched when I was young, I'm not looking for anything THAT much more than the cheesiness that we got. The only thing that was different between an episode of the old transformers and THIS movie was the REALLY cheesy lesson that they always tried to teach at the end of it. So if it's exactly like it was in the old days.....why did you want them to change it?
The biggest complaints that I see everyone make about this movie, and you did also, was the lack of characterization that makes this movie "suck". Why am I looking for character progression between the auto-bots?? Why can't a movie just BE surface deep? This was an ACTION movie. Have you ever noticed how 99% of ALL action movies have the same premise and plots? The main characters always seem to go through the SAME set progressions, or learn the same things by the end. So why is this a big deal that this one is ALSO in a mold and just simply showing you big ass robots fighting?
The movie was enjoyable. I did not goto this movie to think in depth about the Transformers. I didn't want to have to try to follow any specific storyline. Does this make me moronic? Does this make me any less intelligent because I can enjoy something that doesn't make me think? When I went to see Transformers, I was HOPING to just go in and not have to think. All I expected from the movie was to see the transformers change.....fight...and hear some catchphrases from Optimus Prime. Anyone who expected anything MORE than that was only lifting themselves up TO be disappointed. In which case, they were right on the money that if you did that, you were not it's target audience.
Did it have SOME elements that didn't need to be there? yes. Once again I'll just state the movie "Bratz"........that's all I really have to say sadly, and you can see why it sucks.
It's just like what Spielberg said himself about the new show "The Lot". He is sadly not expecting America to pick someone who does a GREAT story. He's expecting someone to pick a director that will direct "Bratz 2".
Sad? Yes. But I cannot see how you can place Transformers in the same category. Was it the greatest movie ever? Hell no. Was it at least entertaining to watch? Yes. -
Although I was not as angry about the Transformers movie as Vern I would have to say that I was extremely disappointed in how it turned out. I was willing to forgive the movie for all its shortcomings, especially the stupid human side plots which served no purpose at all, as long as I got to see a kick ass Megatron and Optimus fight.
Yes they threw the classic line in there "one shall stand one shall fall". But do you know who they shot while he was saying it? Shia. Then as Optimus and Megatron start to really duke it out Baytard has to cut to MINOR SPOILERS.. fraken Josh Duhmale and Tyrese seemingly able to shoot grenades at Blackout and take him down during the entire Optimus and Megatron fight.
When the director so greatly ruins what should be the climax of the film that is when you know you got problems.
There were small positives I would like to add:
Starscream;s aerial fight was amazing, Peter Cullen;s amazing voice acting, Shia, ILM and there work on the transformations. -
No. It's the children who are wrong!
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Actually this movie is off to a slow start. It was supposed to make 50-60 mil in it's first 24 hours. Instead it's been out since monday night and all it's gotten is 38 mil. Is that all your 150 million dollar razzle-dazzle CGI demo reel gets you nowadays? With a Bay movie, apparently YES! And when you consider marketing costs for this turd-bomb of a flick (upwards of 50 mil, certainly a LOT more) then you have a film that has to generate 200 mil before it recoups it's costs. The toys AREN'T selling, neither are the other merchandise. Bay FAILED to recapture the magic of the 80's, and people aren't being taken in, except the retards who are too dumb to like smart movies anyway. This movie will get a bump from the weekend box office, but it will earn most of it's money in the first seven days. By this time next week Harry Potter mania will have drowned out this shitbomb of a movie. Bay and Murphy will try to make a sequel, but since the WOW factor of transforming robots will be old hat, even a transforming aircraft carrier (which Bay thinks will be life lifesaver for a sequel) won't be enough to make TF2 a hit. This movie is already a critical flop, evne if the initial numbers are strong. Remember, Batamn and Robin made a ton of money, but it was nearly eight years before they made another, and when they did they went in a totally different (the RIGHT) direction -as close to the source material as possible. Bay, Murphy and Spielberg will learn this lesson the hard way. As will their asskissing/dicksucking supporters on these boards. Eat shit you fuckers, this movie sucks, and it's a flop already. LIKE WE TOLD YOU!!!
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Not sure if I am a complete arsehole or not, and if you want me over there. Do you accept 50% taint?
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This movie just broke the record for best movie ever!
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best Tuesday ever!
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It WAY too early to be calling this thing a bomb so cool your jets mister. $30mil for a Tuesday opening is big in anyone's books and anybody expecting it to get to $60mil in one day is a fool.The only movies that get to those heights are popular sequels or uber-popular special one-offs (Spider-Man, Harry Potter).Transformers is doing GREAT business and will EASILY recoup ALL costs and spawn sequel after sequel...
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Vern's review is 4289 words long. That has to be the longest review of all time, and he didn't even talk about his day, or what he had for dinner, or that he has a fiance. Well, back to reading, I believe I'm about halfway through.
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Always liked transformers... went to the movies today with my girlfriend. Watched a new take on transformers. There have been several re-hashes of transformers in the past, most of them I didnt pay any attention to. I thought the movie was funny, exciting and i made me feel like a little kid again. Really enjoyed it and had a good time. I'm probably going to go back and watch it again. I make no apologies and I have nothing to say in defense of the movie. To me it was a really good transformers movie. Everybody else in the theatre seemed to think so as well.
Some reviewer comes in and splashes his "honest" opinion about the movie all over a crappy talkback page that nobody besides the people reading it are ever going to see... and it seems like few. I post very infrequently, its a shame that you see some talk-backers make their decision to watch it on DVD or sneak in to the theatre without paying based on some fucking guys opinion.
Make desisions for yourself. If people had done that on "911" maybe an entire plane full of people could have lived instead of sitting in fear over a fucking box-cutter.... Oh! i might get stabbed by a fucking box-cutter. You have one life take a fucking chance on 7-10 bucks once in a while. To me, Transformers was great. It was everything the show was except it had more humans in it. Without the human element you cant tell a story like this... it you have to get the masses in on it by giving it a human element so they can identify with it. Otherwise it would just be another straight to DVD full-CGI affair like Advent Children... Only the fans understood that bastard. Anyways Fuck other peoples opinions you have your own and that should be the only one that matters. Peace out ya' punk bitches! Jazz Out! -
TRANSFORMERS IS THE EPITOME OF HOW AN INSANE MOVIE SHOULD BE INSANE!!!!!! DAMN I'M GOING TO GET FAT FOR EATING A LOT OF HAMBURGERS. DAMN YOU MEDIA!!!!OPTIMUS RULES!!!! I'M EXHAUSTED.
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Everyone hated Jar Jar because his humor was crap and out of place in SW1. Well TINO is like that, only constantly and coming from everywhere as opposed to one annoying character.
Harry wanted more time with the boy. Vern wanted more time with the robots. I think the real desire is for anything, ANYTHING, that resembles a coherent tone and execution of a plot (boy plot, robot war plot, just choose one and stick with it!). Bay has so many threads and moods and lame jokes running around that, lame or otherwise, each element distracts from the others. If you had a "fun time at the movies" with this ineptly constructed flick which is as ugly and chaotic as the robot designs, then good for you. But it just boggles the mind when this world has seen the likes of T2, Aliens, Die Hard, and others Vern mentions in his review.
I guess TINO brought proceedings to such excess, that it really doesn't deserve to be singled out. Yes, to be fair, I ought to spread this hate to the general stagnant state of the Hollywood Blockbuster. HOLLYWOOD, SHUT UP WITH THE SO-CALLED SPECTACLE ALREADY! I am no longer impressed with seeing something "come alive", be it dinosaurs, King Kong, Superman, Spiderman, Yoda with a light saber, a zillion moving robot parts, what have you.......just for visceral kicks alone! Please, stop making the cool looking trailers and stealing my money; just intrigue me with a good thought-out story. -
The only interesting/humorous review to hit this site. My hat's off to you, Vern. You should be reviewing all of the films, and deciding whether or not Harry & company should be allowed to post their drivel.
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how the hell was it gonna make 50-70 mil in first 2 days when it was only in theaters from 8 on for the first day. and that was a fucking monday, then it has a huge as tuesday and now its a flop? wow what a completely moronic retarted thing to say
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Why the hell not? I know you got to have some sense of humor. Shia LeBoeuf is a funny dude. I thought alot of them were funny, not all of it, but still. Would you have preferred no humor, a more serious tone? You think that would have worked in a movie like this? The jokes come as fast as the action, that's why it's FUN. I understand their were some ackward shifts in tone, but it's a minor flaw. It was absolutely necessary in a movie like this.
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You rule, dude! I'm glad someone had the balls (and the common sense) to say it like it is!
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This is were the $72 million number comes from.
http://tinyurl.com/2rfvn8
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All failed with the exception of LeBoeuf's delivery on about half of his. I heard fucking crickets, followed by vomiting when that fat nerd referenced 'Armageddon'.
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OK....I really love this site and reviews are usually pretty on...but....There is only so much crap one can read about Transformers and Michael Bay movies. Stop trying to analyze Michael Bay films. They are not supposed to be "Oscar winners". Take them for what they are. Big, dumb, crazy movies with explosions and what things most people want. What is that???? To sit and forget reality for 2 hours and watch crazy car chases, big explosions, and things that would never....ever happen in real life. You guys can go rave about the "Oscar Winners". That is fine. Just stop trying to make Mr. Bay's movies into something that they are not. Look at the numbers on his movies. Go ahead and tear it apart and say they are crap. That is what you make a living doing. Fine. Just remember that a handfull of people watch and don't sleep during "Oscar winners"...while millions will sit be totally happy with anything that Michael Bay makes.
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The studios have it down to a science. Find a pre-sold "franchise" (old nostalgic property or sequel), then spend ridiculous amounts on advertising. All they then need is REASONABLE DOUBT. Harry provided that for FF2, Moriarty provided it for Transformers (but with the internet it's easy to find at least a few critics who'll like anything, and standards are pretty damned low). The studios have built a cultural need for a huge group of people who NEED to see "The BIG MOVIE" every weekend, regardless of whether it looks like it sucks (or whether it indeed does suck). So to think that this movie wouldn't do good first weekend BO is naive. Just like all the others this summer (FF2, Shrek3, POTC3, Spidey3), it will make a big splash and then drop by around 50% its second week and end up making a profit. It's all run by accountants after all, and they've got it DOWN, and they know what you like. Speed Racer, GI Joe, My Pretty Pony, whatever.
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Obviously Mr. Vern had somekind of concept or idea for how a Transformer film should be and obviously it didn't live up to his little fantasy. It's ok Verny, there's always Transformers II
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Forget Michael Bay, Michael Moore just owned the summer. Do yourself a favor and go see Sicko. You'll cry, you'll laugh, you'll leave the theater a new person.
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PLEASE NOTE: I'm not saying that everyone who likes this film is a plant, and I'm not just talking about this film. It just makes way too much sense for a studio to pay people to post in net forums like this for it not to happen. It's simple and untrackable (unless someone flips), and all you need is a few guys saying that a movie was okay and it adds to the reasonable doubt. BTW Vern, congrats on generating 1000 posts in 24 hours! Sorry you've got to put up with so much bile.
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I grew up with him. So he didn't need to become a loveable character I identified with, because he already was. That's my boy Optimus! Yeah Dawg! We have history together. We go way back me and Optimus.
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Is the type of event film that even though it fails on a number of levels, the box office will not reflect the negative reviews. This movie has its automaton dick firmly rammed up the ass of every demographic out there. And what else are folks going to see this weekend, 'License to Wed'?
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Haha
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just a terrible review. No wonder he didn't post it here. Unbelievably bad. Harry Knowles-bad.
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Wcoop, take Michael Bay's puny dick out of your big, herpes-sore ridden mouth and you'd know that Spider-Man made 114 mil it's opening weekend, 50 or so opening day. Same for Spidey 2 and Pirates of the Caribbean 2,3, Harry Potter and a score of others. This was supposed to be the summer where Transformers set a new high-bar for high-gross, instead it was just plain GROSS! Transformers was supposed to surpass them all, or at the VERY least make it into that elite club. 50 mil on opening day is not so far-fetched, espeically considering movies that made over 120 mil in their first few days. Now, sinec you've made a total asshat of yourself, you now have to do the sane moviegoers a favor; put down Bay's dick and back slowly away from the keyboard before you embarrass yourself further.
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I had a blast with Transformers last night, but it could've/should've been a better film. I feel as though Michael Bay lacked the confidence to deliver a faithful adaptation of this material and used all of the awful human characters as the focal point of the film instead.
I enjoyed the movie, but I also agree with just about everything Vern says in his review. I think Michael Bay is an awful storyteller through and through. This movie worked for me becuase I got a real kick out of seeing these 80s icons realized on the big screen, but it would've been so much better had a gifted storyteller taken a crack at this material. -
Transformers will see to that. Poor John McClane. A shame really.
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TFs gets into the top 250 movies on IMDB.
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"In JURASSIC PARK...you believed these people really were having their minds blown by what was standing right in front of them. In TRANSFORMERS they say things like "It's a robot. You know, like a super advanced robot. It's probably Japanese," and you're supposed to laugh"
-Vern
I seem to remember Jeff Goldblum's character in JURASSIC PARK cracking jokes at the sight of Dinosaurs. So did that little kid in that movie, several times! Sorry, this is nothing new in a movie like this. -
As one of the first "TINO" fanboys in the world (I was at the very first public screening) and an above defender that a $30mil one day opener is not a "flop", I think you're right. However $30mil for one day is a HUGE number for a first movie that had slim relevance to most people 5 years ago. Most of us find it hilarious how TINO dislikers can be calling it a flop because it didn't make more then Dead Man's Chest.Oh, and, fuck you right back.
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Of all the reviews I've read on this movie, you're the only one who's got the balls to actually scrutinize this mess. Everyone else got caught up with the hype and flashy fx. Dunno why coz like u said, it was all really hard to make out.
Characters were numb. I did relate a bit to Shia's character but everyone else in there was just... there. Story points needed more emphasis... Dont know why Bay had to put in a lot of stupid stuff in there to force this movie into becoming something "for everyone". I guess he needed to. But this movie didn't know which direction it wanted to take in the first place and ended up loosing the full impact of what it was mainly trying to bring out.
It was entertaining in the beginning as anticipation for a great movie begins to set in... I was laughing at first and was really enjoying the movie coz I wanted to enjoy it... But as it unfolded, the laughs and the giddiness I felt slowly turned into an awkward smile in my face. John Turturro... Tsk, tsk, tsk.
Will look out for more of your reviews man! -
... and the kid wasn't.
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Said MXC was racist, for no reason presumably except for that he is a douche bag, or when he said that MST3K was bullshit because he doesn't like when people talk over movies disrespectfully, even though in his review of ON DEADLY GROUND he didn't seem to have any problems with it? Or when he stated in his review of Fahrenheit 9/11 that Christopher Hitchens failed to make "any convincing arguments," and then Vern went on to fail to make any convincing arguments in his own review? And he was dead fucking wrong about the Hitchens article? No one remembers that shit, only I do, and I am fucking tired of his bullshit superior attitude. Everyone seems to be a racist talentless idiot in his eyes. And seriously, this review of Transformers is not credible. He went in fully determined to hate it, no matter how he argues that he liked Die hard 4.0 or whatever. He obviously wasn't paying fucking attention. The racist robot, as he viewed it, Jazz, was obviously ripped in half by fucking megatron, it was a big scene in the movie, but he missed it, he was too busy focusing on how racist the world outside of Seattle is, and he uses his inability to pay attention, or his underdeveloped faculties as an argument against a movie most people liked. The action scenes are not even close to as bad as he described them. Pure bullshit. I am fucking tired of Vern. Not reading anymore of his reviews. And not because I am some kind of huge Transformers defender. I just now prefer Michael Bay's bullshit to Vern's bullshit.
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It's because Vern is a hack. As a matter of fact, this site seems to be filled with hacks. these are the least professional reviews I've read anywhere.
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...pamphlets to the apologists on the way out of the theater, so they could hit the TBs with their Bay and Murphy crafted talking points, in the event that any AICN reviews were less than stellar? 1. IT'S NOT SHAKESPEARE 2. IT'S BASED OFF AN 80's TOY LINE!!! 3. IT'S BAY WHAT DO YOU EXPECT? 4. BAY BLOWS THINGS UP BETTER THAN ANYONE!!! 5. THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS WAS THAT BOTS FUCKED BOTS!!! 6. IT'S BIG DUMB FUN!!! 7. MURPHY'S JIZZ TASTES LIKE A WENDY'S FROSTY!!!! Read through the TBs, it's the same incoherent defense of this thing over and over.
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Actually I was kinda lumping in several "flop" posts with yours. Having said that, $30mil on ANY day is nothing to be sneezed at. Especially when THAT TUESDAY is 4th July...Oh, and can you please stop with the angry lashings, it upsets my sunny disposition.
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He says, "A movie isn't about what it's about, it's about how it's about it." There is not credence in the argument "what do you expect, it's about..." because that's not the point. In this case it's not "do I like giant robots fighting" it's "do I like how this movie shows me giant robots fighting?" Vern is validly unimpressed with how the movie showed the giant fighting robots. IT seems as people who are not predisposed to the premise don't like it, and that says something about the movie. Many people are not predisposed to the idea of a rat cooking you dinner, but look at the raves everyone is giving that film. It's all in how the movie shows us that it wants to show us.
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But you have us in a tree, enjoying marital relations...?Sex in a tree actually wouldn't be all that comfortable anyhoo.And what happens when we finish - do I just fuck him and leave? Ithankyou!Anyway, back to the point - Vern became a crotchety old grouch yelling at Michael Bay to get his juvenile films off of his well maintained lawn. I will mourn his memory.
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Sure I was 14, and you can criticize these films about all that shit, but in the end if it's fun then I'm sold... Anyway I gotta give Vern kudos for this line: "It's like God made up The Transformers just to get some use out of Michael Bay.
But Michael Bay told God to fuck off, and he went and made a movie about people." That's gold! -
that was the blandest f'ing tripe I've ever seen. Great call, giving random f'ing humans 18x more screen time than Megatron and Starscream, and convincing poor John Turturo that he was supposed to be playing the bad guy in a Home Alone movie.
I liked both Garfield movies more than Transformers.
thank God it was just Transformers...if they make a GI Joe movie that soulless and lame, I'd think hard on eating a bullet.
and Vern...don't let the bastards get you down. -
... I prefer to be the big spoon. It's not a security thing, I just really dig fondling man boobies. Reminds me of summers with my uncle. ... I mean summers with my girlfriend... Sue...san..na. Susana! Yeah, Susana. She had a nice pair giant sand bag titties and a beautiful long hard shaf-TITS! I LOVE TITS!!!Man, I gotta stop working out my issues through TB!
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and McClane too!!!!!!!!
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Damn Vern. It's no wonder you're homeboy didn't sit with you, what with that bitch-ass attitude and all. Ok, so I didn't read your whole review as it was a fucking major task. But it seems that you were already intent on hating the flick before you even went to see it. Of course it wasn't perfect. But after all the nitpicking and searching for plot holes for 2 and a half hours, guess what, you missed a fucking kick-ass movie. I will agree that some of the humor just wasn't all that funny. But folks were laughin'. My kids laughed so I guess that makes them idiots as well, eh Verno?
Ok, nevermind that. This shit ain't personal anyway. My point is I was a major Transformers freak when I was a kid so I expected this movie to do no less than kick ass. And to that extent I was not disappointed. So it had big fuckin' plot holes...regardless, it was fun to watch and I will definitely see it again as my seats were right in front and to the side on account of the house being completely packed. Who knows, maybe with better seats I'll be able to catch all the details that are pissing off all you butt-hurt haters, crying about your raped childhood as if the source material was fucking Shakespeare to begin with.
Ok, I'm rambling. I know, fuck off.
Bottom line, it rules. Go see it!
Or don't. Fuck it. Stay at home with arms folded... -
you are a complete fool. spidey 3 had a fantastic second movie in the series before it to get up the hype, spiderman is so much more popular you little retarted fanboy have no idea, and it opened on a friday. wow, im completely amazed it opened to 59 mil in 1 day. oh wait, no im not. transformers made 6 mil less in its monday advanced screenings than pirates 3 made in its advanced screening which were also at 8, but on a thursday. and pirates is a huge established franchise. id say transformers held up to that movie damn well too. and transformers is not a movie franchise yet, it previewed at 8 on a motherfucking monday, and opened on a tuesday. you are completely retarted if you think that anyone in the world, or anyone in the know projected this movie to make more than it did on its opening TUESDAY. a flop this is certainly not. you are a complete moron, go fuck yourself. and to you and others who say theres nothing else to do on a tuesday, what the fuck kind of argument is that. i dont know people work, and the real question is, who the fuck sees a movie on a tuesday. well people saw transformers, giving it the biggest tuesday of all time by nearly double the second place for the same day. seriously, i cant beleive you are trying to call this a flop. its hilarious to me. and yes, i know that money (or lack of it) doesnt make a good or bad movie, but the point is people are seeing this movie, and im pretty sure audiences are loving it. so suck optimus primes dick you dumb ass, all out applauses when the credits rolled for everyone i know who has seen it. a flop? youre a motherfucking flop. dont be such a retard
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This is the exact review I would have written if I ever did that sort of thing. Admittedly I went into Transformers this afternoon with low expectations. But I still paid the ticket price hoping that I would be pleasantly surprised at least somewhere along the way. No such luck. This is a Bay film through and through. Cartoony characters in completely ridiculous situations? Check. Boring hyper-edited action sequences? Check. Random chicks? Check. Horrible attempts at humor? Check. The only thing funny about this film is the fact that there are people actually defending it in talkbacks. And really that's more funny-sad than funny-haha. I will never pay to see a Bay film again.
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everyone else did. face it, people really like and its going to be a hit. sure that doesnt make it a critically good movie, lets say, but it tells me this one thing. all of you that hated it and picked it apart, missed a kick ass movie. plain and simple. you missed out, and im sorry, well not, im not actually. you went in trying to hate it, pick it apart, and you did. sucks to be you. you missed out. its gonna be a fun franchise, bitches
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It's fucking TRANSFORMERS. The cartoon is cult because it's so corny and classic.
OH NO! THERE ARE CHEESY LINES IN THE TRANSFORMERS MOVIE!
Punks. -
AICNINO!!! AICNINO!!! AICNINO!!! AICNINO!!! AICNINO!!! AICNINO!!! AICNINO!!! AICNINO!!! AICNINO!!! AICNINO!!! AICNINO!!! AICNINO!!! AICNINO!!! AICNINO!!! AICNINO!!! AICNINO!!! AICNINO!!! AICNINO!!! AICNINO!!! AICNINO!!! AICNINO!!!
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Once again vern, even when I don't agree with you, you still manage to entertain. I HATE Michael Bay, HATE him, and much like you I have a friend with otherwise great taste who worships the guy. I've never understood it. But for some reason, I dug transformers. I don't think it worked completely. I think a lot of it fell flat. I think it had potential to be a whole lot more. But I enjoyed the cartoon-ish personalities of the robots, and I loved the action and the transformations. There were a few times where I wished it were shot by someone who knew how to set the camera back and show you what was going on, but overall I felt it was his best film to date. I went in expecting spectacle, and I got that. If I had thought the robots looked / moved as bad as you think they did, I can't see myself enjoying it at all. I don't think it works as a film the way it should... but I was still really entertained. I rarely laughed, mind you... those jokes were horrible. I was entertained though. Thank you for the great review. The Daddy Day Camp part especially... You make perfect sense. Just can't say I share your opinion this time.
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still dont understand why everyone hates Micheal Bay...other than for Pearl Harbor.
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the finale to Twin Peaks on DVD there. if Transforemers is as half as ood Ill consider going to it...
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Let me make this real simple Wcoop. I'll even use small words so you don't get lost. Transformers is a sequel, in franchise terms, if nothing else. It has a 20 year history -not that you or Bay care about it- and a large built-in fanbase. It's had the biggest marketing campaign since Lord of the Rings. So the "it's not a sequel" argument is a weak attempt on the part of GayBay fans to save their pride, after declaring what a monster hit this was going to be. This thing should have set all new records easily. I heard idiots like you declaring this was going to be the next "Matrix". Instead it's turning out to be the next Independence Day...and where are all the "new" fans who were supposed to replace the "old" fans like me? Bay said he wanted to reach a "bigger" audience. From the looks of things, they're not eager to be touched by him. We level-headed folks said TINO would be CGI bullshit that attracts a large braindead crowd drooling for pretty visuals, and then disappear in a week. So far we're right. Potter-mania is already rendering Bay's schlockfest obsolete. I just wish the next potter movie was coming out THIS weekend instead of next. Give GayBay some real competition, see how well he holds up. BTW Spider-Man came out of the gate strong -or have you already forgotten the 114 mil opening weekend? Bay's latest turd opened 48 hours ago -TWO FUCKING DAYS!- and he's probably just creeping over the 50 mil mark. All those morons like you pimping htis flick, all the money they wasted on publicity, all the time they took to insult "fanboys" of the classic series, and tell us how irrelevant we were, and look at how badly it's underperforming. We "fanboys" are laughing, it's the "new" fans like you, who were supposed to replace old fans like me, who are angry. League of extraordinary Gentlemen (which was produced by Don Murphy, the same asshole behind this shit) made over 120 my the end of it's theatrical run. Think that turd will ever have a sequel? This is the Fourth of July, he CHOSE today to be the "Big" opening day, when people aren't working, so why is "The Biggest Movie of the Summer" having such a hard time finding it's massive audience? I know dummies like you enjoy retarded fare, it's all you can understand, but folks like me want a smart movie. Your mother give you allowance money, I know, but I WORK for my money and I don't like to throw it away. The crime here is Tranformers as a TV show has withstood the test of time because of how fascinating the ROBOTS were. Bay threw that out, because personifying robots requires storytelling skill, a trai he simply doesn't have. So he relied on what he does know: overuse of CGI and lots of crude humor. Only a retard would like that. Oh wait...
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Come on.
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and it was a huge relief. I was really dissapointed the first time I saw it, it was choppy, meandering, visually frustrating and exhausting overall. This time I went in with a clear head, no new expectations, and it was pretty satisfying. I didn't have to turn my brain off or stuff my face with popcorn to enjoy it, I just let it be what it was: quirky, over-the-top funny, thrilling, silly, and fun. Similar to how I found Men in Black back in the day. Cool toys, silly fun, decent story.
To all the haters in the house: see it again. To all those who loved it: see it again, and realize it's a bit worse than you thought. Just a little bit. -
is what I give it having seen in twice. A solid B minus.
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it was really bad. I laughed out loud during the ben affleck - st-liv tyler "love scene." that was so ridiculously bad. I don't think I can properly articulate the incredulity of it all. the movie is a series of one-liners and a few explosions. then at the end, you're supposed to take the movie seriously (I think) and there's this great big drawn-out sacrifice. he makes movies a 10 year old could make with nothing more than a crew that knows how to roll camera.
BAD BOYS wasn't really any better, except it was a buddy cop action-comedy. so the movie being a series of one-liners and big explosions is actually part of the genre (e.g., LETHAL WEAPON, LAST BOY SCOUT, 48 HOURS, even RUSH HOUR).
the only michael bay movie that isn't exactly the same as every other michael bay movie is THE ISLAND. it's a copy cat movie. and it does blow up into one action sequence after another, but the action isn't as outrageous and there's an attempt to tell a story.
TRANSFORMERS fits into the ARMAGEDDON mold. except most of the action was off camera or too fast to see (I'm talking about the robot on robot battles. the human stuff and the cars flying is fine in real time). and there are WAY too many jokes. for all the robots in the movie, and there are quite a few, the movie is very obviously all about the jokes. jokes are good. they are useful. they should not be the goddamn POINT of the movie. you don't give us all these kickass robots just to watch them play hide and seek in some kid's backyard.
btw: I WAS a G1 fan. I bought the dvds. tried to watch them. most of the eps are horrible. it's like trying to watch japanimation (worse yet, pokemation). I am, however, also a fan of BEAST WARS and BEAST MACHINES. MACHINES is a very serious series, but BEAST WARS is what this TRANSFORMERS movie WISHES it was. It's full of jokes and jokes that a 10 year old would appreciate without taking away any and all possible seriousness. there's still a POINT to the show beyond the jokes. the jokes have to fit into the plot. not the other goddamn way around. JURASSIC PARK and T2 are full of jokes, but they're adapted to the plot, not vice freakin' versa! if you don't see that, then I won't say you're an idiot, but you do need to do a little homework. I'm not making this shit up. -
it makes me feel like I'm taking crazy pills. Do you mean it set the bar for quantity? Cause there sure was a lot of it... but with some notable exceptions it was sloppily animated and composited. Many of the transformations themselves looked ridiculous and the character animation was so bouncy and cartoony and lacked weight or presence. So yeah it did set the bar... for inconsistency and mediocrity. I never felt like it broke new ground or took it to the next level. I can't stand the Pirates films but those squid and fish dudes look totally real and I have never seen their like before... that's what setting the bar means.
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Hilarious. So rich!More to the point - are you insane or do you literally have a kiddie block feature on your internet that prohibits the slightest bit of research?$30mil in one day (Monday was NOT a full days release) for July 4th is Excellent! Check out the only other movies that beat it for a one day opening - all of them established sequels or insanely popular properties.Ridiculous and unfulfilled fanboy wishes aside (I still have NO IDEA how you can claim that people have predicted a single day bow of $50-$60mil) - this movie is FAR from flopping! If next week it drops by 70%, I'll grant you that you somehow Forrest Gumped a correct assessment, but, until that time - sit back and acknowledge that the movie might actually be performing well and, while you're at it, consider that perhaps you should be THE LAST person on this TB insulting anybodies' intelligence...
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read over what you just wrote to me. you dont actually think that the transformers has a fanbase anywhere near the size of spiderman. thats the most retarded thing ive ever heard. you are way overestimating the size of transformers fans because you are stuck in this fanboy world of yours. oh and where are the new fans bay was talking about, you ask? im one, and so is everyone i saw the movie with, and every imaginable high school and middle school kid who are going to love this movie. this means nothing since its not gonna happen, but if transformers opened on a friday, i think it would have done a solid 45ish mil. but whatever. nearly 30 million for a tuesday is insane, theres no way around it. whats wrong with it turning out to be like ID4? was that a flop? was that a non-enjoyable movie? most people answer no to both of those questions, most sane people, which makes you a dumbass. oh, and i missed where the tv cartoon has stood the test of time. what human beings that you know of born in the last probably 20 years consider the cartoon or the cartoon movie not dated? sure people like it, they like that its corny, yet somehow when the movie is slightly corny - and it knows its being corny - thats a horrible thing. im mostly just baffled that you think the whole "its not a sequel" argument is invalid because of the cartoon and the toys. i bet that the fact this movie is based on a toy and cartoon might be scaring people away because they dont know how real and badass it is. you are really amazing me with your dumbassness. thats right, dumbassness. biggest marketing campaign since ROTK? biggest movie of the summer? who in their right mind ever thought this would open bigger than the big 3 of May? NO ONE you dumb shit. and its not. and it opened on a tuesday, and it did great. get over yourself, its ok that other people like it even if you are too sad to see what it is. but dont try and challenge the money its making/going to make. thats just retarded.
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end of story.
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This from Breitbart.com via HollywoodElsewhere http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D8Q5AC3G0&show_article=1
"...attendance is running behind last summer's and has even fallen below that of summer 2005, a year of box-office duds that had some analysts predicting audiences were abandoning movie houses in favor of home theaters and other entertainment options."
Gee, I wonder why. Michael Bay has give us transforming robots, and there are certailny enough retards who don't know a film from a fuck to make this the biggest blockbuster season ever. Bay followed the very marketing and publicity rules that he himself wrote, so why isn't it working? I thought Transformers was going to redefine what a blockbuster could be, isn't that what assholes like John Campea and other brainless fucks were telling us? Isn't that what Don Murphy said? "Biggest Movie of the Summer?" My big, hairy balls it is.
Oh, GayBay fans mourn! Howl, and weep! Your precious "reimagining" of transformers has failed to take with audiences -utterly failed! I can hear you now.."B-but it made like 38 mil it it's first 36 hours,a million dollars an hour. How is THAT a failure?" Because for a movie that cost WELL over 200 million to make and promote, 38 millions is not even enough to recoup advertising costs. And this film was supposed to be Paramount's new "tentpole" franchise, since they fucked up Star Trek and the Jack Ryan movies.
Listen, when you spend over 200 mil and all you get back domestically is 38 in the first day and a half, that isn't good. Spider-Man 3 pulled in 151 mil in it's first three days. Let's see if the "groundbreaking" Bay's Transformers even comes close. You GayBay fans were sure talking like it would, saying it'd be the "Biggest movie of the year -no the deacade!" But not anymore. now you're angry and defensive. This is why we asked you to tell us what's GOOD about this movie...so far, all you've been able to say is, "It's shit, but what do you want? Shakespeare?" No, how about a good movie that's at least good for more than one viewing?
So is there any hope for you GayBay fans now? Not much. It means you have to hope for foreign sales to help Bay's Transformers break even, and DVD sales to FINALLY make a profit. 6 months to a profit. THAT'S why Transformers is a "flop." Or are there idiots here who are going to tell me Evan Almighty (same budget as Transformers, 150 mil) isa success. It's only made 50 or so mil so far too. -
This from Breitbart.com via HollywoodElsewhere http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D8Q5AC3G0&show_article=1
"...attendance is running behind last summer's and has even fallen below that of summer 2005, a year of box-office duds that had some analysts predicting audiences were abandoning movie houses in favor of home theaters and other entertainment options."
Gee, I wonder why. Michael Bay has give us transforming robots, and there are certailny enough retards who don't know a film from a fuck to make this the biggest blockbuster season ever. Bay followed the very marketing and publicity rules that he himself wrote, so why isn't it working? I thought Transformers was going to redefine what a blockbuster could be, isn't that what assholes like John Campea and other brainless fucks were telling us? Isn't that what Don Murphy said? "Biggest Movie of the Summer?" My big, hairy balls it is.
Oh, GayBay fans mourn! Howl, and weep! Your precious "reimagining" of transformers has failed to take with audiences -utterly failed! I can hear you now.."B-but it made like 38 mil it it's first 36 hours,a million dollars an hour. How is THAT a failure?" Because for a movie that cost WELL over 200 million to make and promote, 38 millions is not even enough to recoup advertising costs. And this film was supposed to be Paramount's new "tentpole" franchise, since they fucked up Star Trek and the Jack Ryan movies.
Listen, when you spend over 200 mil and all you get back domestically is 38 in the first day and a half, that isn't good. Spider-Man 3 pulled in 151 mil in it's first three days. Let's see if the "groundbreaking" Bay's Transformers even comes close. You GayBay fans were sure talking like it would, saying it'd be the "Biggest movie of the year -no the deacade!" But not anymore. now you're angry and defensive. This is why we asked you to tell us what's GOOD about this movie...so far, all you've been able to say is, "It's shit, but what do you want? Shakespeare?" No, how about a good movie that's at least good for more than one viewing?
So is there any hope for you GayBay fans now? Not much. It means you have to hope for foreign sales to help Bay's Transformers break even, and DVD sales to FINALLY make a profit. 6 months to a profit. THAT'S why Transformers is a "flop." Or are there idiots here who are going to tell me Evan Almighty (same budget as Transformers, 150 mil) isa success. It's only made 50 or so mil so far too. -
...about ROBOTS THAT TURN INTO CARS. Geez.
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talk to me on sunday when the movie has made 150-170 mil, gaining momentum. sure, HP will slow it down considerably, but not like you, a retard, might think. i mean, you are the one that sounds angry that the movie crushed a tuesday record. you really sound mad, pulling shit out of your ass to try and call it a flop already. its just hilarious. at the end of the same article you quoted - wtf does the overall summer tickets being down have to do with tformers anyways - it says that transformers is playing incredibly well "transforming" box office records, and could put the summer back on track. you, jaysmack, are a real moron. but you are a very entertaing moron, i havent laughed like this since knocked up.
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There's your research you jackass. Show me yours. Oh, wait. Michael Bay hasn't given you the latest talking point yet. OKAY, we'll wait. In the meanehile, get out of your mother's basement, meet a girl (not on the playgrounds where you hang out at, I mean at a club, assuming they'll let you in) and live a little. You're nowhere near as smart as you'd like to pretend. I've got the facts on my side, all you've got is your big mouth and tiny brain.
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seriously, you make me laugh. what a fool. man i need to stop even responding to you, you are making me dumber, but no, actually i feel really smart because you are so damn stupid. your facts were from an article about how transformers transformed the tuesday box office record. it said overall this summer, numbers are lower than expected. wow great point. it also said, transformers looks to help put it back on track. go to cnn.com, look at the articles about the box office, its all positive, just confirming that no studios or any real humans predicted the movie to do as well as you are claiming, especially on a mother fucking tuesday. dumbass, and look at yourself, you are feeling all proud like you are proving us wrong with "facts" man, can you even define fact? you are hilarious
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Such that Vern you fuckwad.
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I figured you hadn't laughed like this since Bay and you reenactd the make-out scene from Transformers. And again, for the retard morons like Wcoop & Woom (say you two aren't related by any chance, of course you are -related and probably making out together) the article says, "If you don't have a $100 million opening, there's a lot of negativity, which shouldn't really be," said Nikki Rocco, head of distribution at Universal." That's in the article you moron, read it. Wait, you can't read. Okay then, wait til Bay gets home and he'll read it to you. Transfoermers has been open since monday night. It is now Wednesday night. That's 48 hours you morons. 2 days! I know you and Bay are going to try to use "creative math" to make it sound like Transformers has had a great start, but the numbers don't lie. And 150 mil after a week, for a movie that COSt 200 mil to make a promote ISN'T good. 200 mil minus 150 mil means you LOST money, you dipshits. Geez, these are the braindead legions Bay has unleashed on the world. God help us!
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Because Michael Bay and other directors of his ilk have created the corporate hype culture of the opening weekend being the only thing that matters. Movies have no staying power- if you have a big opening, and you break records, then everybody wants to see what all the fuss is about- it's the tipping point. But because it's only got a modest 36 million so far, people aren't totally hyped about it. This isn't like you have Johnny Depp in it, or have mass appeal like Spider-man- this is product, music videos and commercials strung together to simulate a movie. Transformers is merely a simulation, and people realize this. I have a funny feeling that bad word of mouth is going to have a backlash for this product placement I refuse to call a movie.
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"you are making me dumber..." Actually you were already dumb. The onyl differnce is now you know it. The rest of us knew it all along. See how liberating it feels to know you're a dumbass?
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The second Qatar ambush scene is representative of exactly why Bay can't direct and why this movie fails as an action film: The scorpion robot bursts out of the sand and attacks- what follows is several minutes of it shooting at soldiers and soldiers shooting back. That's it. No escalation of stakes. The robot doesn't advance on the troops nor do the troops advance on it. They just *exchange fire* for what seems like an eternity until the Big Guns in the form of fighter jets see the robot off. THIS is Bay's idea of escalation and storytelling- just bring in bigger guns, planes, bombs, etc. Have more shit BLOW UP and blow up LOUDLY.______________________ To give you an example of a good action scene: Raiders of the Lost Ark- Indy and Marion set a goal to smuggle themselves onto the Nazi Flying Wing before the Ark gets loaded onto it. But in trying to acheive this they face an ever-increasing series of problems and complications- an escalation of stakes - Indy must fight a huge mechanic, the pilot takes aim on Indy but is knocked out by Marion with the wheel chocks, the pilot collapses onto the controls, the flying wing begins to move (because of the removal of the chocks), Marion is trapped inside, the Wingtip dislodges a fuel cap on a nearby truck causing a fuel leak, Indy gets the crap kicked out of him while trying to avoid getting chopped into mincemeat by the runaway plane, Marion shoots Nazis advancing on them alerting more Nazis and setting fire to the fuel, Indy finally defeats the mechanic and rescues Marion before the whole thing blows to smithereens. It also doesn't hurt that Spielberg is a strong visual storyteller and that John Williams composed a rousing score for the scene AND that Indy and Marion were appealing characters that we could root for. ________ If MIchael Bay had directed this scene it may have gone something like this: Big Mechanic sees Indy approaching the Flying Wing, grabs machine gun and starts shooting at Indy and Marion, Indy and Marion grab nearby machine guns and exchange fire, Flying Wing pilot mans bigger plane-mounted machine gun- fires bigger/louder bullets at Indy and Marion, Sallah fires a grenade launcher at Flying Wing- entire airfield explodes. And all to the strains of some generic sub-Hans Zimmer triumphalist muzak. THE END. ______________ For some people here a decent action director is one who does not trade storytelling and suspense for merely pyrotechnics. We who think this film is crap are not snobs, we LOVE to see well-staged gunfights and fistfights and car-chases and explosions and, yes, even Giant Fucking Robots- but Michael Bay has proven, time and time again, now and forever, that he can never be the guy to give us that. He has outlived is usefulness, even as an ironic joke.
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I haven't met one (non-professional critic) person yet who didn't enjoy this movie. Know whut I mean?
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Watch 1 episode of the cartoon and not come to the same conclusions you did about the movie.
Im no Bayfan, but he captured the cheesyness of an early-80's handdrawn cartoon show about giant robots.
You miss the point that transformers are not robots, theyre life forms just like humans. Could you tell the difference between 2 humans fighting from a distance? They all had goofy quirks in the cartoon, just as in the movie.
One fact is for certain, Bay DID WATCH the cartoons. Which is more than i can say for you, someone who claims to be a fan of Transformers. -
pull your heads out of your asses. you guys are supposed to be normal like us... not snotty suits that walk around like michael bay at the mtv movie awards calling everybody dickwads thinking your shit dont stank sipping on your $9 starbucks triple latte mocha capu-cumfromsomeyoungguy acing all high and mighty like you never saw the transformers movie assholes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...bitches
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It's like watching two retards trying to fuck a doorknob.
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I'm not going to argue that it's more popular then Spiderman (because it ain't) but $30mil FOR ONE DAY is BRILLIANT in anyone's language and it still has the rest of the week and coming weekend. I;m not sure why you would argue that $30mil doesn't even cover its promotional costs. I put it to you that NO big blockbuster is going to recoup its promotional costs in one day (like that even matters...).I don't know why you are so adverse to the idea that Transformers is a success but, if you'd like the proof - www.boxofficemojo.com. The facts are right there in black & white and a little bit of red.And please leave my sexual antics where they belong - in my parents basement, in the gay night club and on the playground where I fondle children for kicks. They have little to do with this "discussion".
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This review totally sums up my feelings. It was just moronically lame, had tons of useless characters, and never once considered taking a more serious tone when it needed to.
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I really enjoyed this movie. I thought it was fun, and as opposed to movies pretending to be serious and failing miserably --- this movie didn't even attempt to be serious. And the CGI/action wera all first rate - I though it was pretty much the most enjoyable movie I have sat through.
Also, I am tired of people invoking the holy trinity - Aliens, Raiders, Star Wars to attack other films.
Sure if you make a movie ripping off Aliens (or at least just re-making it very poorly) feel free to drop the Aliens bomb. Aliens is a classic..but man if I want to see robots battling it out, Aliens aint going to satisfy me. -
-The attack on Qatar where only one soldier fired back. A full Military base is destroyed in that scene, but later 5 guys take out that same transformer...
-Car blows out all the windows and they decide to stay and sign the title over....insane
-Frenzy's Escapade was so ridiculous I dont even know what to say
-The Phone call to the Pentagon to call an air strike...?
-The cops arresting Sam and interogating him for getting his car stolen...made no sense.
-The Bumblebee Barricade fight is cut away from to watch Frenzy crawl all over Sam until he is killed by a small saw...after he just demolished 5 Secret Service guys. Then his head lives on alone, I guess?
-Jazz's offensive and just fucking scary dialogue...wow
-The ENTIRE Backyard sequence is so lousy, ridiculous and just fucking retarded...I am speechless.
-Sector Seven. Horribly bad. Then Sam Judging Mikeala for stealing cars when she was younger. Then the Autobots dismantling the 4 S7 cars. Then the autobots running scared from 4 more cars.
-Anything involving the girl hacker, her friends and Anthony Anderson was so bad and just pathetic. He deciphered their language in seconds. ABSOLUTELY FUCKING UNNECCESSARY.
-Sam asking for shit to just tell them what he knows. Even though, he has no leverage at that point and they could just torture him...etc.
-The whole of Sector Seven made no sense. It seemed like it wasn't thought out at all.
-The soldiers turning on Sector Seven...
-Sector Seven just letting Megatron wake up. Bumblebee condensing the allspark (I thought there was no mass shifting Don Murphy?) and not destroying it there.
-Where does Barricade go? He is in the rolling convoy but just disappears.
-The plan by the autobots and the military to take the cube high and onto a helicopter when the decepticons are controlling the air with Blackout, Megatron and Starscream...
-The human beings just coming out on the street as explosions and giant robots kill each other
-Megatron being right on Sam's tail and Sam looking up 30 stories to climb and then they cut back to see Sam now on the roof.
-Optimus Prime being a fucking pussy while fighting Megatron. Then begging Sam to kill him so Megatron can just go fucking nuts and kill all the humans.
-Bumblebee suddenly being able to talk?
-Saying that they covered up the whole thing...
-SAM AND MIKAELA MAKING OUT ON TOP OF BUMBLEBEE AFTER THEY KNOW HE IS A SENTIENT BEING...while the rest of the Autobots watch...
I don't think these are nitpicky things but HUGE gapping holes in logic. The film was so poorly constructed, edited, filmed, and written...I almost thought it was a dadaist movie. I bet Duchamp and Tzara would get a kick out of this. NOTHING made sense. I will give this movie a one word review: Incomprehensible. -
how you classify your movies. I don't rank Transformers anywhere near Star Wars or Lord of the Rings, but then I never really felt like I needed to compare them. In fact, I'd say this movie doesn't even touch Spiderman 2 and the first PotC (my favorites of each of those series). Again though, it never even entered my mind really to put Transformers on the same level as these. It was enjoyable, I laughed, the action was exciting, and I had a good time seeing it in a theater that seemed to appreciate it. Thats really more than I can say for my Spiderman 3 experience. Vern, you have a good point (at the risk of sounding like I don't want to be labeled as an idiot... by all means, consider me an idiot.. I still liked Armaggedon, The Rock, and ID4 after all :P ), perhaps the reasoning of "what did you expect? Shakespeare from a cartoon series?" doesn't work. This movie had the potential to be more than what it was... I consider what it was entertaining and worth seeing again but it wasn't Lord of the Rings or Star Wars epic.. nor was it Spiderman 2 in character. However, if that reasoning is invalid then is not "its based on a video game, the movie is going to suck" and "its a Michael Bay film, its going to suck" also invalid? Sure, experience has told us that movies based on video games rarely turn out to be great, and many of you will happily and willingly go to Hell as long as your allowed to hate Michael Bay in the afterlife but these things are probably just as invalid as the other argument. I don't think anyone is wrong, an idiot, or scum-ridden vermin for liking or not liking this movie... it all comes down to what we like, maybe what we've grown up with, and what we expect/want when we go see a movie. In the end, I maintain I had a good time, the theater I was in seemed to as well, and thats gota say something for the movie as many movies CAN'T do these things. Yes, it could have been PotC in that it turned something no one expected to be even worth a ticket into a phenomenon and Transformers has most likely failed there (as it should with it being what it is), in my experience, thats a rarity rather than the norm.
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Vern has never claimed to be a fan of Transformers...
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Heres another one
If all the decepticons are on Earth and Blackout is able to take out a single base himself why not have all of them attack a base to guarantee they will get the information
Also if you are worried about protecting humans why would you allow the all sparkt to go to a hugely populated town
Oh ya the fight in the bunker with John Voight fighting Frenzy was just another big waste of time and money that could have been devoted to the decepticons launching an air assault while the autobots left the damn. I mean anything different then John Voight with a shotgun.
Optimus Prime being a pussy while fighting Megatron made me cringe horribly during the movie while I shaked my head
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just because they're in protoforms, doesnt mean they dont transform into anything. what do you think those protoform toys did? they transformed. and this even applies to the cartoon, they all had alt. modes before arriving on earth.
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Thats the idea from the originals.. all the transformers have always been transformers. On Cybertron they had vehicle and spaceship forms that were more futuristic. Megatron just never scans anything so he maintains his cybertron form which is a jet, its just not an Earth jet of any type.
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Some good points but I think some of them can also be explained. I agree though, the entire hacker subplot didn't work.. either too much was cut from it or it should all have been cut. It seems like in some of the stuff I read on the net before release there was more too it. Some of the Sector 7 stuff was ok but a lot of it was over the top. By the way, since I'm kind of new here, I don't suppose anyone could educate me on how to put blank lines in these posts... I dislike huge paragraphs.
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Yeah. That scene included Blonde hacker and Anthony Anderson and didnt belong at all. Did they win? I mean last thing I know he cut off his own head. But he just grew a body back before so...
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who knows they are probably still stuck in that bunker right now, wondering how the movie did
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I will agree that some of the points could be explained or elaborated on but they didn't make sense in the context of the character/scene/movie. Like the soldiers turning on sector seven. Maybe the Secretary of Defense tells Lennox to go on his mark, of course lennox would listen. It is obvious S.O.D wasn't buying all of that crap anyway. But I didn't see any sign of that going on or any indication from the character of Lennox that he would make that decision. It was like random things were happening all the time and I just kind of had to watch them go.
To put the spaces simply put a back to back to back. It is an HTML paragraph tag. -
They are all stuck down there...Just eating donuts and ruining movies. Anthony Anderson's favorite things to do.
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if a movie doesnt make back its marketing costs (i think we are saying transformers might be around 50 mil) in its first day of release, its a flop. also, if a movie doesnt recover its production + marketing cost (production was 150 so we'll say 200 mil for transformers) in its first week of release, even if it makes 150 mil in 6 or 7 days, it is a flop and will have no chance to break even. even with the rest of its release and dvds and merchandising. ok jaysmack, we'll just see whenever they start greenlighting sequels left and right for this movie if it makes its money back. you huge dumbass. jesus titty fucking christ. you are unreal. but whatever, this argument doesnt even matter other than how fucking stupid it makes you seem. i enjoyed the movie by the way, didnt like the review vern. this isnt a movie that needs to be picked apart to pieces like you did. and i disagree with a lot that you tried to pick apart anyways. shia and parents were awsome, prime and bumblebee had great character - the others can be established in sequels - the action was in your face awesome, megan fox hot, acting overall good, i enjoyed most of the humor as well. but back on subject, jaysmack is a glorious faggot, and a retarded one at that. goodnight
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is, you don't have to truly defend your opinion. I am really not a Michael Bay fan, but I liked this movie. And all you bandwagon jumping half-retarded losers on BOTH sides of the argument are wasting brain matter. The fact is, this movie is good. It's certainly not the best, or the fucking worst, but it could have been done horribly and turned out melodramatic and cheesy. I enjoyed this movie a hell of a lot more than Spider-man 3, both Fantastic 4 movies, and Ghost Rider combined. You don't have to like it, but don't be a condescending ass about it. We all have different taste.
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The part I said about defending your opinion has to do with the fact that 80% of people on this talkback couldn't successfully debate the movie outside the internet.
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is it to be the best Tuesday opening ever?
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Love the hatred this movie is spewing. LOVE IT!
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TY for the paragraph tip!
If I'm not mistaken, the soldiers were Rangers and probably aren't under any sort of real jurisdiction from Sector 7 as far as they're concerned. My impression of them in the movie was they were basically special ops, highly autonomous. There will be a few spots in the movie I'm going to be watching carefully next time I see it.
wcoop893, if I'm not mistaken they're already talking about two sequels and supposedly have the main two actors and the voice actor for Optimus on board. According to the articles I've read, Bay is holding off on signing up for negotiation purposes I believe. -
that The Omen remake edged out Meet the Fockers for the biggest Tuesday opening ever. Ali being the biggest prior to that.
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IronSpidey
superninja, to give you an idea, here is a quote from Yahoo! Movies about this: "The previous record for a Tuesday was set last month, when "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest" earned $15.7 million, according to Viacom Inc.-owned Paramount."
I'm going to assume that was a typo and they actually mean "At World's End". To compare, they noted: "Ratatouille," earned $7.9 million on Tuesday and "Despite its success, "Transformers"' take falls considerably short of the one-day record of $59.8 million set by "Spider-Man 3" two months ago, on a Friday." -
Geez, this Vern guy certainly got everybody all worked up, didn't he? Not sure I'd encourage him to pursue a writing career based on the quality of his writing, but I don't think he's far off the mark with his points. In fact he speaks words I think most people on here just don't want to face.
I was someone who went into this movie expecting to enjoy the movie on a "summer popcorn flick" level. That being said, let's all continue to be honest.
This movie is a mess.
First of all, ILM needs to fire all of its Director-level people. Seriously. After Hulk, the floating-head clones in Episode III, and the work they did on Transformers, somebody needs to sit down with whoever said "this CG looks good, print it to film" demote them back to texture artist or model builder.
Second, whoever signed off on these truly bad character designs needs to be reassigned to any job that doesn't involve art or design. I can say as a Creative Director that I would never let these past the brainstorming phase. If any fault of this movie is justified and excusable due to popcorn sales, why not just use photo-real versions of the original G1 characters and be done with it?
Answer: how would they promote a new line of Transformers toys?
Third, I couldn't believe my eyes when the giant and ridiculous "Allspark" was reduced by Bumblebee down to a box small enough for Spike (or was it Sam?) to carry like a football. Wasn't there some big discussion before this movie was made about how the characters' alternate forms were dictated by real physics? Didn't the makers of this movie tell us that we wouldn't be able to accept "mass-shifting" on the big screen?
Fourth, this is the first time since Street Fighter that I thought "it's like it was written by monkeys" as I watched a movie.
Also, let's all agree that Michael Bay is as qualified and talented to be a feature movie director as George W. Bush is to be President. Any one of us in this "talkback" forum, on either side of the argument, could be a more competent Director than this guy.
Just an interesting note to those who are talking about how they enjoyed this movie with their children: Doesn't it insult you that the studio markets a movie like this to your children while at the same time making every cheap attempt possible to appeal to immature teenagers and young adults? Seriously, if you're counting on drawing young children to your movie, is it really necessary to build entire an entire "gag" around masturbation? My wife and I don't have or want kids, but we had to uncomfortably sit next to young toddlers through numerous attempts at crude humor that had them asking their poor dad what they were talking about.
Those of you who are upset at Vern for his remarks, what is wrong with expecting more from a summer movie? If Bay would have had the ability to tell a good story, or to reign in the script, or to even involve the audience emotionally, are you telling me this wouldn't have been a better movie-going experience for you?
And what is wrong when a giant alien robots movie not once evokes a sense of awe or wonder? Melodramatic, ill-timed scoring doesn't count.
Here's an example of dropping the ball storytelling-wise. Couldn't the death of Jazz at least have it's own moment to allow you to experience his death, rather than as blink-and-you-miss-it cut?
I also have to say my intelligence was insulted more than once by the poor dialog and material attempting to appeal to the youth. Optimus Prime saying "My Bad?" Yes, bad. The Autobots hiding behind the family's house? I know this is a giant toy commercial, but at least respect the audience. If these robots can turn into whatever the scan, why not just pick whatever form they see at any given moment to use to their best advantage. Maybe they should watch T2 for strategic inspiration?
Before I go, I think Starscream was another wasted opportunity. Why was he in the movie? To stand on top of Hoover Dam and do nothing? To watch Megatron's back while Megatron stops for a breather every time he could easily be killing Sam? Starscream as a character should have seen about ten opportuities he had to exploit situations for his own benefit.
Despite all of the flaws of this movie, I guess I enjoyed it on some level, perhaps due to Shia's surprising on-screen charisma,or because it provided some level of escapism. Yet somehow I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed and at the same time exhausted by the end of this movie.
There's a rule for comic book artists that should apply to movies like this. The work doesn't have to be realistic, it just has to be convincing.
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You did.
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type of film. It plays to the lowest common denoninator. This clown is one of the many reasons why the picture business is getting worse. This place used to be somewhere a person would know a little about film. Nowadays, I'm not so sure who the fuck frequents this place.
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"The film was so poorly constructed, edited, filmed, and written...I almost thought it was a dadaist movie". Thanks. That made my night.
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You shure are uh film school snob.
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He said he would've given it four stars if the ending hadn't sucked. He gave it three. I agree with him.
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Well said sir. Well said.
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testtest
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Jul 05, 2007 1:21:43 AM CDT
If we stop holding movies up to any kind of standard...
by mr. brownstone
Popcorn or otherwise, do you think they'll get better, or worse?
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Sorry about the previous post, but I needed to test HTML for return carriages, because last time I posted it came out in a wall of text.
Anyway, onto my original post:
...the people who say, "Don't expect too much. The entire premise of the movie is unrealistic and based on a cartoon from the '80s," etc. and whatnot.
However, this movie was terrible, and Vern's review hit the nail on the head. One thing I want to note is that some people seem to be stuck up on the fact that the opponents of the film wanted there to be a better story.
The issue isn't so much that we want some amazing, deep, intelligent story, but we want a plot that's at least remotely believable, even if it's centered around completely unbelievable characters (e.g. robots that transforms into various mechanical man-made devices).
First of all, I hate the premise that some 11th grade kid is more or less the hero of the story. Optimus doesn't even kill Megatron. The kid does. I thought the stars of Transformers were the Transformers? Am I wrong? The vast majority of the movie didn't even involve the Transformers directly. There was all sorts of silly side shit that was supposed to create a back story, but was completely unbelievable.
For example, how does Shia's grandfather "accidentally activate" Megatron's navigation system by gently touching his hand? And on top of that, why would it project this "location" out of his eyes, and on top of that burn the image into his glasses?
I mean, come on. I understand this is a far out story, but at least come up with some credible shit. It would've made way more sense for them to have simply retrieved this information from Megatron through diagnostics and whatnot when they had him locked up for nearly a century.
I'm getting off track now, so let me just summarize my point. It wasn't that we expect a deep and intelligent plot, it's that we would like to see something that's at least remotely fucking believable and not entirely about fucking humans instead of Transformers.
Also, the action was great as far as effects are concerned, but I definitely could not tell one robot from another while watching the fight sequences, except in the case of Prime because he was very distinctive. They really should have retained enough of the classic looks to keep them identifiable while also using the more "realistic" looks. Optimus was perfect. In fact, he's really the only thing I liked about this movie.
Here's the best way to test the movie:
If you replaced Optimus with someone with just a generic leader-type robot who didn't invoke childhood memories with his voice or quotes, would you have liked the movie just as much?
If you say yes, good for you. I'm glad you have a different opinion than I do, and I'm glad you enjoyed it; however, if you say no, then you're just being an apologist for the movie. -
point where we've stopped.
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...perhaps not even just replace Optimus Prime, but replace any/all of the Transformers with robots that don't have a history. Would you have enjoyed the movie?
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WHO GIVES A FUCK?!!!! Honestly. I liked the movie, but am I going to lose sleep if it doesn't do good at the Box office. NO! I could care less. Sorry guys, but none of you are investors in these films. Why argue about the biggest opening? Or biggest gross? IT DOESN'T MATTER! Spiderman 3 made a ton of money. Does that mean it was a good movie? NO! If Transformers makes a ton of money, does that make it quality? NO! Christ, the highest grossing film is Titanic. Nuff said.
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Kane's last word was Rosebud. But nobody was in the room to here him say it, or should I say whisper it.
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a lot of money, I am just questioning the concept of acting like a big Tuesday is a big deal.
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In Lord of the Rings, Gandalf has a friendship the Eagles that helped him escape from Saruman. Why didn't they just fly on a Eagle's back, and drop the ring in Mt.Doom?
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Live Free or Die Hard. And yes, even though it's severly flawed, I still totally enjoyed it.
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I've been here since '98, and I don't ever remember this being that place...
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While I can understand your logic, I would say it's also logical that Sauron would be looking for such an attack. The whole idea of Frodo doing it, at least in my mind, is that a Hobbit of all people would be least expected to do something such as trek to Mount Doom on foot to destroy the ring.
To play Devil's advocate with you, I would rather suggest why Sauron didn't put an active guard inside/at Mount Doom in case someone did make it there. That's much more believable to me. Sheer arrogance is the only reason I could think of. -
I'm not the first to mention this, but in Memento the guy has short term memory loss. How does a guy who has short term memory loss REMEMBER that he has short term memory loss? I don't remember seeing any tatoos that reminded him of that.
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In Star Wars, the Death Star is within striking distance of the Rebel Base on a moon that is orbiting the planet Yevin, Is that how you say it? Question. If the Death Star has the ability to destroy PLANETS, then why don't they just destroy the planet that is blocking their shot at the rebel base?
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1. I mentioned this in the review, but here it is again. If the source material is garbage and therefore the movie has to be garbage, as at least 25 people have said to me, then why did you guys want to see the movie?
2. I don't think anybody really answered my BATMAN AND ROBIN question so I'll bring it up again. I personally thought this was a deadly blockbuster hit shit bomb the likes of which only comes out every several years, the latest incarnation of INDEPENDENCE DAY, ARMAGEDDON, BATMAN AND ROBIN, GODZILLA, although arguably worse than three of those. Many of you guys disagree and say that it is fun and exciting and isn't supposed to makes sense or be good, etc. Fair enough. But how bad does it have to be in order for me to be able to criticize it without being an elitist? Where do you draw the line between "it's not supposed to be good" and "jesus, I'm really supposed to watch this shit?" Or is anyone an elitist for demanding more from any movie?
3. In retrospect maybe BATMAN AND ROBIN is too strong, this one is not as amazingly tacky on a shot by shot basis. I made the comparison because it is a similar sort of fascinatingly horrible where I can't even fucking believe I'm watching a robot peeing on John Turturro, etc. But BATMAN AND ROBIN may have been going too far, this is more of a BATMAN FOREVER maybe.
4. Please note that I have never used the terms haters, apologists, TINO (not sure what that is), G1 (I believe that is a channel about video games) or talked about the box office. I am not really in the loop on some of this stuff. All I know is apparently Mega-Tron is an airplane, I heard that anyway. I asked a guy who didn't think the movie was that bad, he said Mega-Tron didn't transform in the movie so I am not the only one who couldn't tell what the fuck was going on.
5. To all you fellas who vowed to quit reading here due to my review, does that mean my solitary negative review was more powerful than the 25 or 30 rave reviews previously posted here, because I take that as a great compliment, thanks boys. You shouldn't have. -
anywhere to put his ass face.
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Transformers Talkbacks...theyll be missed.
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That review was a bit to uppity for my likins, were you drinking a brandy while writing it?
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..after all these stupid flicks like Spiderman3 ..still cant get over the dance scene... or Superman returns..Kumar beating the shit out of Superman wtf?....youre review hit the nail. Like one Talkbacker said before "Vern to the fucking rescue!"
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Great review. You crystallized what I think a lot of us were thinking. Sometimes there are so many halting flaws in a bad movie that the brain cannot process it all, and you walk out confused afterwards. I had a similar feeling leaving leaving SW Ep-1. "I know I just saw some cool stuff, but what the fuck just happened??"
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Thanks for your post. I'll try to answer your questions. First of all, I don't think I did say this movie was the end of film or whatever. I agree that the other movies you mention sound horrible. But this one is more significant to me because I wouldn't watch a movie like Bratz or expect it to be even on my radar more than Garfield or something. TRANSFORMERS on the other hand is fucking huge, it's all anybody talks about here, it seems to be the movie most people have talked about this summer, and even this talkback - I think it has already or will soon surpass my two previous fastest growing talkbacks, the one where a director challenged me to a wrestling match and the one where Bruce god damn Willis showed up. That's how much people give a shit about Transformers, so it seems a little more significant to what future movies will be like, especially the type of movies I watch.
Here is the thing - I would LOVE to see a movie about giant robots! But I would love to see a movie about a monster smashing buildings and that doesn't mean the American Godzilla was satisfying. You seem to be saying you didn't give two shits about the humans in this movie (me neither), so didn't it bother you that most of the movie was about them? You mentioned Optimus Prime alot - he and most of the other robots didn't even appear until more than an hour into the movie. Then when they did they spent a bunch of their time hiding in a backyard while the human convinced his parents he wasn't masturbating and while the other humans hacked the computers and what not. Even during the big action climax they spend alot of their time chasing the human. And then the main villain (I assume, even though he only shows up at the end) is killed by the human.
The parts I liked the best in the movie were the few parts centered on the robots. There is a shot of all the good guy robots standing on the dam, the whole theater bust out laughing because it looked so ridiculous to see them all standing together. (weird that we have not had a shot like this until this late in the movie.) I don't think you were supposed to laugh at that but that's fine, I'm down with that, I would watch a movie about that. Also even though the Optimus corny shit was so funny in the context of the rest of the movie, I can go for that. I liked at the end when he (spoiler) called Mega-Tron his brother, and everybody went "whuh?" because does that mean "comrade" or literally that they are brothers? Either way I actually kind of like it, I liked that he wanted to avoid killing his enemy. It made me think wait a minute, that seems to hint at an interesting character, why is this at the very end of a 2 1/2 hour movie about a kid riding a girl's bike and Anthony Anderson eating donuts and all that shit?
And more importantly, I just did not enjoy the robot fights. God damn that is a sad thing to say. I hate Michael Bay's style of action with humans but with these things it's way worse. The things you guys describe happening in the movie sound cool, if Spielberg or somebody had shot them it probaly would've been great.
Maybe the simplest comparison is a Godzilla movie. Alot of those old Godzilla movies you have to sit through alot of boring shit about human scientists and pilots and what not. But when it gets to the monsters it BETTER fuckin deliver. If it's just a blur of tails and wings hitting each other I'm gonna be disappointed. That's what this was to me.
thanks Monkeychow -
mr. brownstone, where do you think the blame truly lies here though? Is it up to the audience to dictate the standards and boycott anything less (which I'd point out many, who claim they've known this movie was going to be Michael Bay trash and a detriment to the universe, aren't doing as they've already said they'd wait to see it on DVD or TV..in essence still showing some sort of sales increase for the movie), Hollywood to not greenlight subpar projects, or the directors/writers to come up with better material.
You can say its the audiences fault for ever accepting a movie like this, for not condemning it or asking for the creators to be lined up and shot and their genetics be erased from Earth for all time... indeed, if a movie like this weren't viewed as potentially popular, and therefore a money-maker, it would have never been given the go ahead.
On the flip side, is it Hollywood's or the creator's fault for making movies that lower people's standards? I admit, I didn't know how bad a movie's plot could get until I saw Red Planet. Perhaps, after wasting hours of my life on that, I'm more accepting.
Just curious as to your thoughts :)
lost.rules, good call on the eagles. I'd have to go back and reread the books to see if this was ever explained other than the need to sneak the ring in to evade capture. The Transformers book, assuming its based off the full screenplay, may be worth reading to see if it fills in any plot holes or sheds some light on missing scenes that might have.
daxe, a lot of the Transformer story has been about their interactions with humans. If I had to guess, I'd say the scene your describing was more about Prime's willingness for self sacrifice than who got the killing blow. Was the overall story more about the humans? I'd say yes, but I don't think it necessarily came out bad. The Transformers were there for a rather simple reason... the rather simple plot point everyone is pointing out. Maybe its better the movie had subplots and wasn't just focused on the Transformers for this reason.
I had the exact same thought about the navigation system thing. Sitting there in the theater I thought "ok, I'll suspend my disbelief for this and see how the rest of this plays out". I had heard about this scene before seeing the movie and I visualized it very differently. Could they have filmed that differently? Yes! Could they have filmed it the same way and explained it? Yes! Did anyone here want to go through a 5-10 minute scene describing how their eyes seem to act as lazer projectors which burned part of what was being projected (coordinates) onto the guy's glasses when he activated some remote power switch in Megatron's hand? Probably not :P Agreed on the basic point though.
A lot of people seemed to have a problem with the Allspark thing. Ok, so it transforms too except it defies physics and can shrink or grow and change its mass. I didn't read the comment directly about them saying they wouldn't do that in the movie but I did hear about it second hand and I kind of thought they were talking about the Transformers themselves. The box has the power in it to create cybernetic life on a planet-wide scale... the shape changing seems to be a small thing to me since it already seems to operate outside understanding. When watching the movie, I understood they wanted to get it away from the Decepticons anyway they could.. flying, while stupid since several of the Decepticons have flight capability, seems a better option than staying confined to desert road systems. They needed to get it out of there.. the bad guys were practically on top of it, could use it in seconds to pretty much end everything, and could be defeated eventually without it.
If they had taken out Optimus, Megatron, Starscream, and all of them and not had all things that reminded me about the cartoon series, would have I still enjoyed it? Well, it wouldn't be Transformers then... yes I would have still enjoyed it. Why? The special effects were the best I've seen for effects that were trying to emulate reality and not go for more the cartoon look (I enjoy playing with 3DS Max in my spare time.. movies like this show me whats possible) and also Shia's performance. I wouldn't have felt the movie was quite as good as I do though (keep in mind, again I'm not saying this movie is academy material or even industry changing... I'm just saying for the movies I've seen this year, it beat the crap out of Spiderman 3 and was probably than At World's End). -
well I'm gonna keep it up, even if it is just pissing in the wind at this point.
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...but y'all gotta admit this was better than Cryer-Man 3, Pirates, Shrek and FF-ROTS. I don't think anyone's saying "Transformers" is the best movie of all time. It IS the best movie of the summer, though...
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I like the fact that in order to solidify your point you go to you friends opinion (who loves michael bay) at the end of the review to strengthen your point. You're just a hater. If you can admit that I'll send you some transformers haterade. drink that down
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guy and wanting to know more about him...was the whole reason to make this movie. That is why TF has lasted. Not because of giant robots punching each other. The filmmakers just don't get it.
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That also happens to sum up my feelings about Live Free or Die Hard. Vern, I thank you with all my heart for sparing me $10 and nearly 3 hours of my life, that I would never be able to get back.
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In fact, you have made me realize why this IS a pretty damn convenient symbol for the mortal wounding of the type of cinema I like. Steven Spielberg produced this movie. I don't worship him the way some people around here do, but I gotta admit in many ways he is a genius. From DUEL to JAWS to RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK... I think those all have good characters and stories but set that aside, if you just look at the individual sequences, they are masterful. He is a storyteller. I think maybe that is what is getting less common these days, and what makes him the opposite of Bay. People don't care about or understand the art of visual storytelling anymore - at least that is my fear from reading these talkbacks. Man, Spielberg, that's a guy who knows how to structure an action scene so that you know exactly the geography of everything, you have the exact right rhythm, you are reminded at the right moment that OH SHIT here comes the big boulder or surprise, darts coming out of the wall or whatever. And it builds and builds, it tells you a story. TRANSFORMERS is a good example of the more modern approach of DUDE HERE COMES A ROBOT THROW A CAMERA AT IT! cut cut cut cut cut. Alot of directors now are more interested in zooming around and trying to bang you on the head instead of trying to tell you a story with a pictures, carefully planning it out to tell the story in the most effective way.
And Spielberg is still good at it. I know everybody hated WAR OF THE WORLDS but those alien attack sequences, THOSE are a fucking rollercoaster. THOSE were thrilling to me. And with MUNICH he was able to take that masterful visual storytelling and apply it to a story that was about something. The guy is great. But nobody wants to be Spielberg anymore, it seems like. They want to be Michael Bay. He gets his dick sucked more, maybe. I don't know. I know those guys on On the Lot are not a real representation of the world, but holy shit. That would not be a promising future generation of movie makers.
But just so it's not all gloom and doom I'll be optimistic and point out some things that are going well. First of all, LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD, despite many flaws, had an old school approach to staging the action. Give that guy some robots (chop a whole bunch of shit off of them, though, so I can tell where the head is) he could probaly do some fights. Also, I think the PIRATES movies (especially the first two) were very imaginative and fun, you could be saying "come on dude it's a ride, don't expect Shakespeare" but you don't have to, because they made fun movies with amazing special effects and even invented an instantly iconic character out of whole cloth, so popular they had to add him into the original ride. So there is just one example of where I am happy to be a part of the mass audience enjoying a huge commercial movie. Those might not be STAR WARS but they're good enough to be excited about.
Also we got the new Bourne movie coming out, that should be pretty good. And CASINO ROYALE is the first time I ever got excited to see the next Bond movie. So there is plenty to be happy about. Just don't fuck it up by destroying society with your robot movie, people. -
I was just being snarky. :)
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Batman and Robin was so bad because it's director was not familar with the subject matter. Joel Schumacher had never read the Batman comics or the grahpic novels in his whole life, he was only familiar with the Adam West TV series. So he went with that. Now Michael Bay was in the same boat here, when Bay was handed the script for the first time... he had never heard of the transformers before ... ever. The end product of both of these directors is the same.... crap. The bottom line... film making is story telling, if you are not familar with the intimate details of the story or you are not familar with the story lore or the characters... back the hell away from the project and hand it over to someone that is. The level of familiarity with a story, or the lack thereof, is the ultimate and final difference between films like Batman and Robin and films like Batman Begins.
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Directing movies is tough. Michael Bay came under budget for this film, shot 75 set ups a day (most only do 25), and injected humor in a movie that of all things had to be FUN! Transformers is not the Matrix, it's not LOTR. It's transformers. You remind me of Foxnews for christsakes. Partisan movie reviewing.
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I can't really see how any sober human being over the age of 21 could dig this flick. And then there was Bays brilliant Idea to film fight scenes from the ground looking up. And for the longest we've been reading about the scene on the highway where they transform and fight at 80 mph.
In my Imagination I pictured a scene where Optimus is racing towards Bonecrusher and as BC wreaks havoc Primes Transforms Back and forth saving humans in the same vein as Spider-man did in SM2. But no you got the same damn scene with Prime and BC falling off the over pass and prime "Forms blazing Sword" and sticks it in BC head. No one needs to see this in the theater Because unless it's being run at half speed you'll never be able to really tell what the fuck is going on. And here's another Fine example of a wasted Opportunity Frenzy is aboard Air force 1 hacking into system You think the little idiot could have I don't know shut down power on the entire plane and do America a favor (Seeing as how Bush likeness makes a cameo.) -
Without B&R, batman begins wouldn't have been nearly as good. B&R brought the standard so low that they had to go the opposite approach. Don't compare this to B&R, it's just foolish.
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they have something to communicate other than spectacle which is merely a small part. (You can't have true spectacle without properly building it up anyway, all you have here is adrenaline induced via editing.) Bay found his commonality with the TF, which is his commonality in all of his movies.
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How would they get the location of the allspark then?
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Who never grows up and hangs out with your kids waaay too much.
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Why is Prime so hesitant to kill Megs but then gives Bonecrusher a lobotomy?
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But one of the First post I made in a TB I said Did people have see anything other then the Nipples on Batman to know that Batman and Robin was complete and utter shit.
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1. I think the source material was simple. I don't think that means necessarily that the movie's plot has to be simple but it turned out to be. Actually, the movie's story doesn't seem far apart from the cartoon's. The difference is the object they're after is the Allspark and not Earth's resources. I enjoyed the cartoon and toys as a child and I found the movie much more viewable than the cartoon today. The movie could have been groundbreaking, could have changed the way we look at movies made from something as simple as Transformers the cartoon (much like PotC changed how we felt about a movie created from a theme park ride). It didn't. For me, it recreated the feeling of the cartoon I watched as a child and made it entertaining and watchable for me today. I guess for me that was enough and was what I was hoping the movie would do.
2. I don't believe that demanding more from a movie is elitist at all. To me, "elitist" begins when you feel that people who do enjoy it are beneath you and deserving of your contempt (I don't feel you're elitist, Vern, although I can't say the same for a few who have posted here). While I was never into Batman, Batman and Robin was an indication that the franchise was completely about creating new toy lines. It didn't feel like they cared about anything else, including acting/character writing which is a big thing for me. When I hear bad lines, either from bad writing or bad acting, it knocks me out of immersing in the story. If there are too many, the whole movie becomes hardly watchable. I never felt Armaggedon or Independance Day came anywhere close to Batman and Robin or Godzilla. Do I think Armaggedon and ID4 are examples of fine art? No, but, for me at least, they were enjoyable to watch in the theaters and are fun to sometimes pop in the DVD player. While there were some bad parts in Transformers that knocked me away from the viewing experience, I felt most of it came from the Sector 7 and Hacker subplots.. I felt the comedy with Shia delivering was funny and the rest of it entertaining.
3. Yes, Transformers had its bad peeing moments and I wish they'd done without those. I just didn't feel they warranted disregarding the laughs and fun I had for the rest of the movie.
4. If I'm not mistaken, TINO apparently means "Transformers In Name Only" (only place I've seen it used is here), "G1" means "Generation 1" and refers to the original Transformers material (I think G4 is the video game channel), and I did see Megatron transform several times.. he was an alien jet and I don't think you ever really saw good close up shots of it. Seemed to mainly be used as the method he moved around quickly, which is probably better than him flying Superman style like in the original cartoon.
5. I won't quite reading. I enjoy coming to this site for reviews and movie news.. its the Talkbacks that cause me headaches. So much negativity... the only thing I know for sure from reading Talkbacks is that its important to hate Michael Bay, lots of people consider reboots and retcons of childhood favorite franchises as psychologically damaging as rape, and every movie that has come out, is currently out, or will come out in the future sucks and shouldn't be made. -
Prime and megs where both out of it and Shai lapoof was stand between them Prime Told him that If anything happends that the "Allspark*tm" had to be destroyed and that he should shove it in Primes chest, But lapoof comes up with the better idea of shoving it in Megs chest. But not before Megatron Before Jazz Megatron have there great scene Jazz: You wanna piece of me, you wanna piece O' me. Megatron: No, I want two. Classic. And by classic I mean complete shit. Then there's line "I smell you human," So Transformers can smell.
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Come on buddy, I am an adult, I am immune to your slang. That word was already dumb before you co-opted it from black culture. Just a cheap way for dumbass materialists to shield themselves from legitimate criticism with a "you're just jealous of my platinum chains" red herring argument. By the time it starts meaning "someone who did not like a movie" it is fair to say that almost anyone who uses it cannot be taken seriously. You might as well be saying "talk to the hand" or "word to your mother."
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I disagree. If B&R was a HUGE hit, then that particular Batman franchise would have kept rolling on. Instead of Christian Bale fighting Ras al Gul, you would have been watching George Clooney do it. And probably with a script that wasn't as well written and most likely without the services of Michael Caine and Morgan Freeman ect. The fact of the matter is that Batman line would have burnt out at some point.... ultimately leading to a revival... why? Because Batman fans like myself that really CARE about that story and the characters and we have FROM DAY ONE. We were on Warner Brother's case even before Michael Keaton was ever chosen for the role. At some point our demands for a Batman based on the original source lore that we love so much would have been heard. However I'm not so sure that the world will ever see another Transformers film again, I think that this current incarnation will be the one and only screen version ever. I think this film is so bad that it will be lucky to make a marginal profit. Word of mouth will ultimately kill it. However... REAL transformers fans like myself are still here... and I hope that the Transformers film of my dreams will be made... someday... and YOU will LOVE IT... and you will have US to thank for it.
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It's ridiculous. It's campy. But Goddamn, it is a great movie. I love it! Now, I'm not saying Transformers is any where near The Road Warrior in quality, but I appreciate it's camp value. It's ridiculous humor. And the fact that it's only goal is too entertain. I was entertained, and I think many others will be as well. I hate the movie Gili, but am I going to declare JIHAD against it? No. Preaching love of film is worthy of your time, ie. Star Wars, or Lord of the Rings. Preaching hate of film, is just a waste of time. Move on to better things, Vern.
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That was a cheap shot to a certain extent blaming black culture for someones debate about your review. I like a lot of your reviews and LOVE the fact you're a seagal fan but your review is pretty doo-doo. reminds me of bill oreilly being a "culture warrior"
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Why Do Transformers Smell?
Why Do Transformers Blink?
Why Do Some Transformers resemble animals?
Why does the Allspark tm Shift mass? -
newsflash: B&R wasn't a huge hit. It was crap. Your theoretical jargon is lost on me. But... transformers is already a huge hit so they will be making another one. I enjoyed the movie. Yes, it was flawed but they can fix the flaws. I for one thought once Shia's story took a backseat in the second half the movie lost steam. Best thing about this movie is it's a MOVIE not a FILM. I almost bought popcorn on the way out of the movie theater
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changes their motivation and situation somewhat to have them come here deliberately seeking a god cube that can recreate their homeworld anywhere by replicating a population instantaneously. It's actually sort of odd to introduce something like this and never really address it. In the cartoon, they accidentally crash land and are stranded on Earth. They are trying to get back to their home world so they can continue killing each other for control of their planet. They have limited robot and material resources which requires them out of desperation to poach from the Earth and involve humans. It makes them more sympathetic and ups the stakes a bit. (Although they occassionally created robots on the t.v. show it is somewhat mysterious and unadressed as to why they don't just create more, an obvious flaw).
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That's a good example. To me that line is not shit like Phategod says. That's the kind of line I like. But the rhythm is all off. It went by so fast I had to go back and piece together in my brain what had happened and why he had said that. Later I figured out it was Minstrelbot that was killed, as Optimus held his remains casually.
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They didn't bother me but it does make sense for the movie. Cars do blow up when you light the gas. That's fire. :)
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I said ... "IF B&R was a huge hit"... I think your up way past your bedtime and you need some sack time right now before you embarrass yourself further than you already have.
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And anyone who doesn't hate this movie is just stupid.
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And anyone who doesn't love this movie is just stupid.
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I know what you said. It's just BS. I don't go to sleep till 11am everyday so I can start embarrassing you now if you'd like. Theoretical jargon is "if B&R was a hit." reality is "it wasn't." So-- wasted space. But there is a lot of space on the internet, so fill it up!
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We all have different opinions.
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that matter any of the robots. Megatron always looked smug. It was part of his charm. The cool thing about Megatron is that he was kind of a weasel, he wasn't some bad@$$ untouchable guy, he was more interesting than that.
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good point. I just wish my johnson grow cause it has a lot of different opinions about all these women i want to bed. :)
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Then that comment takes me right back to Vern's point. Do you honestly think that Transformers compares to Die Hard? Aliens? Predator? Lord of the Rings? That old "well... it's a summer popcorn movie" excuse doesn't hold water with me either friend. Not at all. I find myself having to ask you, to channel Vern as it were... if you knew this movie was crap before you saw it... why did you watch it?
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I really do see where you're coming from in regards to great movie making and storytelling.
I know exactly what you're talking about with Raiders. Almost everything about that movie is iconic.. the feel, the music, the characters. In the same basic way you appreciate Spielberg, I've always appreciated Disney... they're rides aren't just theme park dark rides, they're an entire story starting at the entrance to the queue all the way until you leave the building (I'm really thinking about the Indiana Jones ride at Disneyland right now). I feel like more theme parks could learn from this instead of just offering the instant gratification of a thrilling roller coaster ride.
I don't expect most themeparks to be this good. I also realize that a lot of people who get on the Indiana Jones ride don't stop to look at the movie prop replicas all over the place, or the letters on his desk near the queue, or wiggle the bamboo pole on the way to the ride that causes the spiked ceiling to descend a foot or so. Some of them just want the ride, quick thrills, some fun, and on to the next thing. Thats fine, its all about what you find entertaining.
In the same way, I know I have a lot to learn about appreciating movies. I'm not a critic, nor a director, or even a writer. I'm simply an audience member, and one many here would probably shake their heads at for being woefully uneducated on what a great movie is. I can certainly see the difference between movies like Jaws and Raiders compared to movies like Independence Day and Transformers. I think the difference for me is, I didn't walk into Transformers thinking I was going to see something like Raiders. If I had I would have been pleasantly surprised. The fact that I didn't doesn't change that the movie was overall enjoyable though... it won't enter a movie hall of fame but it was worth the price of admission for me and worth seeing again with friends.
Maybe it all comes down to how you view movies. While I certainly realize that many are great art, I really go to them for a few hours of entertainment and if it manages to do that I consider it a success on that front. I don't expect them all to be great art.. they can't all be great (if only they could). I really feel there are some console and PC games that are reaching a level I would consider art as far as visuals, storytelling, plot, and characters but I also know most of them aren't and many who play these games are looking for just a thrilling experience or a time killer.
Just my two cents on the whole thing! -
yeah I know man. keep the faith.
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Respectfully, that is not a plot hole in Memento. Leonard has become utterly self-deluded in his quest to escape the horrible past he can't bear to look at honestly. He's faking it, basically.That's a little off topic. Sorry about that. On with the discussion about whether it's okay to dislike a film because it's not very good.
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I really appreciate where your coming from... I REALLY do. But let me express my take on it.... I CARE about film.. and if we don't collectivly rise up and voice our displeasure abut crap like this... then guess what... Hollywood will feed us a never ending diet of this garbage for years to come. I mean.. bottom line sir... either you care about film or you don't. I do. I don't care about being "just entertained" for an hour or two... I want be told a story by someone that LOVES what they are telling, because it was told to THEM with LOVE! Don't you get it yet? That's what story telling is all about. Great story telling.
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I didn't think it was crap. I watched it because i wanted to and because I make my mind up for myself. Nothing makes me sicker than people coming on here reading ANY review and saying, "thanks i'll save my money!" or "I'm going now!" I was going to see it whether it was reviewed badly or not because I thought it was gonna be awesome. And I thought it was. Requiem For A Dream is a film. Alien and Aliens are films. But they aren't films that have the marketability like transformers. 5 year old kids don't watch films like the ones I've mentioned. They watch movies. And transformers is for them because this is the movie they will remember like we did Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or Batman. Not perfect films but films for me as a kid. Films i watch today and smile because they were special before i had my head up my ass and my mind made before i go to the theater.
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And that's the point. At least I believe so. Remember Beast Master, Iron Eagle, Mac and Me, and so many bad movies from the 80's? This movie is trying to be campy. Either that or Michael Bay is so stupid he can't tell the difference. What difference does it make? It's still fun to watch, and LAUGH at. If you can't enjoy it for what it is, and NOT WHAT YOU WANT IT TO BE, then maybe you shouldn't be a critic of movies. Maybe you should be making them instead. Just a thought.
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There is this one scene where you see the autobots discussing the best course of action its the same thing we've seen a million times and makes you feel good then we get a rediculous scene where the autobots are going to "Get" the allspark from the humans Then on the same road they see Bumble bee coming towards them with a military convoy and With no rap they just start folling suit. Or when Josh Durmal puts a gun to John Turturro's head and threatens him cause some civilian kid is screaming about this camaro, right in front of the secretary of defense, This was the part of the movie where everyone goes "Doesn't this remind Independance Day only cheaper". Basically Bay took the Dedicated 5 minutes in a 2 1/2 hour movie to the very essence of prime and the Autobots THat might be enough for any fan of the autobots But not for me and I feel sorry for anyone who was a fan of the decepticons Because Bay and the writers shit on them like disrespectful inmate.
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to answer you question : what Vern said.
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The Fountain. Who enjoyed that film? I couldn't think of the antithesis of transformers. I love that movie too but narketable?
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marketable* :)
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dang humans to begin with it wouldn't have been a problem. It was interesting that so many reviewers wanted to see the robots more - they liked them better than the people! Many of the reviewers snobbily referring to it as a toy commerical but they admit they wanted more of the robots. If the filmmakers try to use the amount of animation as an excuse then I say they overanimated the robots when they should've been telling the story.
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There was a story? :) I believe the movie should have been anchored more on Shia the second half to have been stronger. but like one review on here said. ITS GIANT FUCKING ROBOTS BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER! i love that.
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This type of storytelling will go the same way that 80's glam/poodlerock went..One of these days people will wake up and ask themselves *Why the HELL am I listening to this purple spandex wearing jackass jumping around singing some retarded shit about cherry pies!?* At least I'm hoping something similar will happen!
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Thanks Xeniten, but I think I disagree with you in some cases. I'm glad to have somebody who apparently loves DIE HARD in charge of the sequel, for example, but I think a really good storyteller is more important than somebody who is familiar with the source material. I only need one example, and it's Brian Singer. I read that he didn't know anything about X-Men, but most of us here agree that he did a good job with those movies. On the other hand, he loves Superman and relates to him because he was adopted, but even those of us who didn't hate that movie mostly agree it's not as good as the X-Men. Also you got Brett Ratner. The guy loves comic books, but you guys all hated his X-Men, because you didn't think it lived up to the ones by the guy who didn't read X-Men until he got the movie. So there are definitely cases where familiarity with the source material has nothing to do with it.
Now let me put forth the theory of the Batman and Robin Precedent. The hatred of that movie was actually very important in setting the stage for alot of things going on today. It made money but in a surprise move was so widely hated that it changed many things. First of all, it knocked Joel Schumacher out of big budget movies. He made lots of smaller more personal ones, movies I would never watch, but some people like them. And I'm sure he's more happy. And you're happy that he's not making your Batman movies.
Also it gave us today's George Clooney. He has said that the combination of embarrassment from that movie and the money it earned him made him vow to only do movies he believed in. Since then he has starred in movies like OUT OF SIGHT and O BROTHER WHERE ART THOU, directed CONFESSIONS OF A DANGEROUS MIND and GOOD NIGHT AND GOOD LUCK, produced some cool cable shows, won on Oscar for SYRIANA. He might not have done any of these things if people had accepted BATMAN AND ROBIN.
And of course, it killed the Batman movies (and comic book movies in fact) for several years, forcing studios to rethink their approach and at least for a while there make movies you guys love with smart directors trying to treat it seriously.
But what if BATMAN AND ROBIN had been given a pass? "Sure it had plot holes, I didn't like the nipples, but it's Batman! My three year old loved it! I ate popcorn! Hooray!" On the positive side, less aneurysms for nerds, more people enjoying themselves while watching that movie. In the minus column, maybe Joel Schumacher would've directed PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN or BOURNE IDENTITY and there'd be no part 2, George Clooney would've done that movie where Vin Diesel was a babysitter, CONFESSIONS OF A DANGEROUS MIND would still be an unfilmed script so Sam Rockwell would be toiling in obscurity, Soderbergh would've never found his groove after David Caruso failed to gel in OUT OF SIGHT, and the big movie this summer would be BATMAN IN SPACE starring Nicolas Cage as Batman and Christian Slater as Jokulon.
So, enjoy this one, it's on the house, but please consider putting your foot down at some point so we can get things rolling again. -
like this. Or a Superman movie, it's so freakin' basic, how do they manage to come in mediocre almost every time?
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Well... I'm not going to argue with that. Taste in movie and films are pretty subjective anyway. If you enjoyed it then God bless you sir! However... mark my words... if people like me have their day... you will someday see a Transformers film... not a movie as you put it. And... you'll love it. :-)
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Jokulon? Thats fucking priceless. we already had jason in space. maybe we can get pirates of space? or spiderman 26: Space Crawler
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i found it baffling. frustrating, tedious. antique glasses, bad cg matte paintings of giant cubes that shrink and are called "all sparks", secret government agencies (again!?!). the script goes through so much bullshit to establish a reason for transformers to be on earth, but none of it works, none of it is convincing OR entertaining. i hung out til the end, waiting for the final battle, but couldn't tell what the hell was going on. 'transformers' is a failure in every way, but it seems to be hypnotizing audiences w/ glinting metal, explosions & lens flairs. these flashes of sun & fire & steel are timed as some kind of mind altering code, but bay's glitzy blowouts aren't creating epilepsy; they're inducing positive reactions dispite a complete lack of coherence. my audience dug it, but i felt like the only dude there who hadn't spent last night wrapped in a pod.
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Because so many of us walk in with our own version of what the movie should be in our heads.
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Maybe I'll make transformers the film. The only way to change things is to make your own films. But trust me, transformers the film would be hard to make as a budget of 100 mil is minimum in making a movie like that. Most films aren't blockbusters. And whoever said movies are easy to make are full of fly excrement.
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doesn't understand the character. Someone who is a fan does not make wierdness like that. He may be a fan of Donner's films. X-Men is just not that complicated, he liked the theme of prejudice, plus DeSanto was heavily involved there. Singer overly complicated Superman. No one wants an untalented fanboy making a movie. Someone wants a good storyteller who respects the source material and understands the ideas it communicates and believes in them making a movie.
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I actually liked the movie a lot. Brian Singer is super talented and superman returns again should be better. Superman Returns Again. LOL
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let me clarify: it should not be that hard to write a good script and create great storyboards for these movies. Whatever happens after that is fair game, I suppose. Obviously it is hard or they would be actually making good movies regularly.
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The Transformers spend 10% talking to themselves 25% doing dumb shit 50% Fighting humans and 15% fighting each other. If Bay had spent more time With the transformers actually beinng them sleves and not Being Minstrels and Not just in the Black stereotypical way but Vern They all where Minstrels, save for Prime and Megatron. Jazz was at one time Primes second and command and while he was (how do I put this while staying politically correct?) "A enthuisast of Urban Culture"(he did break dance in the cartoon) he was definately a deeper character in the Cartoon but Scatman Crouthers kicks Eddie Winslows ass.
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director, let's say Ridley Scott, had a different perspective on what Transformers should be, I could enjoy that is well. Look at Star Wars and The Empire Strikes Back. Two completely different movies that are both great. I might prefer Empire, but I can understand why others might prefer A New Hope as well.
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I've been writing and making movies for a while now and it is hard. A movie like Transformers probably involved more than 1000 people. MI:III had a thousand people and I thought that movie delivered on all counts. Making a good movie is much harder than making great records. I've made great records and movie's are way more daunting.
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When you are dealing with an existing property, chances are someone has already practically written your movie for you. Maybe you can improve upon it, but if you are actively employed in Hollywood chances are that is NOT THE CASE! The screenplay structure for these kinds of films are not brain surgery. Instead of trying to create a bunch of crappy setpieces that are supposedly earth shattering, or trying to be a clever smartass, how about shooting for a good movie with good characters and a good story?
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Dotren: great post bud. I don't understand what you see in this movie, but I'm with you everywhere else. We're coming from the same place. I guess to use your analogy, I just wish more people would be trying to learn from Disneyland instead of saying "who gives a shit, they'll pay for carnival rides." Anyway, thanks for that, you put it well.
Innocent Bystander: man, I hope so! That's a good parallel, you're giving me hope. -
Wars. Heh. Not even close.
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Hmmm.... I must agree....
I'm suddenly at a loss for words. If B&R didn't turn out the way it did then... then... "Good Night and Good Luck" might never have been made .... urk!... *head explodes* -
bad scripts into bad movies. Or bad scripts into mediocre movies, as it were.
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Nor would Batman Begins been made. *eating ice cream*
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pay the best money! Amazing hollywood is.
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Thanks Vern, even if I don't agree with you. Nite.
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That thing sounds great, but who knows it could read like crap. At least it appeared the writers understood why people like Wonder Woman and attempted to capitalize on it instead of reinventing the character.
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I haven't heard anything about it. I don't know if I can bring myself to go see a Wonder Woman movie. I loved Death Proof though. There were 3 wonder womans in that flick!
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A FLICK from now on? hehe. like a blip in the mind, short for flicker.
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I haven't read it but I heard It features one of the Vehicle pilots (who remembers any of those tools.) Everything takes place on planet earth I dont think there are any aliens and The Lions are built in Mexico. None of this is confirmed but this is what I've heard.
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Batman Begins: http://www.latinoreview.com/scriptreview.php?id=48
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Apparently Latino review loved the script.
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and read the synopsis and decide for yourself. :)
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...was limited to the 90's cartoon, and I question how many episodes he actually watched, and if drugs were involved during those viewings. Singer however, may not have been familiar with the property, but had plenty of time to school himself since he was more or less attached to the franchise a good four years before he started shooting the first flick, as opposed to Ratner's six weeks.
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I think love every script they get just so they don't get sued.
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Hmmm I'll conceed that point. You might be right. So that MUST mean that sooner or later.. Transfomers Begins will be reality! I hope so. :-)
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Where does it end? When is Smurfs: The Movie come out? Or He-Man? Or Care Bears? Or Mr. Wizard: The Documentary? Or Silver Spoons? Or Hill Street Blues? Or 21 Jump Street? Or Max Headroom? Or Saved by the Bell: The Movie come out? Anyone?
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get Voltron. Voltron needs a pop look. It can be apocalyptic and all, but none of this realism crap, keep the Japanese influence.
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TF script review did. Seriously, sounds h-o-r-r-i-b-l-e.
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He-Man is a great fantasy character. Everyone wants to see Battle Cat. Of course they will probably try to modernize it and screw it up when they should just tell the same basic story.
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right now. I'm renaming the flick Samus Aran though. That will be a video game film. I have the first three outlined right now. Also, latino review SLAMMED Gi Joe script
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You can make a movie about anything. If they made a Smurf movie told from the POV of Gargamel as flashbacks with narraration of his last will and testament and cast Will Ferrell as Hefty and Carell as Brainy I would see it. The Smurfs are evil, man. In fact Ferrell should make this right away, with the same cast from Anchor Man.
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Could MotU screwed up any more that was already on celluloid? And How do you screw MotU any more then it already has been? for me the only saving grace for that movie was Frank Langella's Skeletor that was classic, everything else was shite.
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I hope they call He-Man Masters Of The Universe like the old one. It's a cool title. Thundercats is in development.
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the lions out of spare parts. Lame. Oooh, sooo realistic!
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Imagine GI JOE turning out like the punisher
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Trying too hard to be bad@$$. Skeletor is entertaining because he's dangerous but flawed being surrounded by incompetent people and often exasperated. Because he's not a leader. He-Man is a trustworthy leader and has loyal and competent people. He-Man is about order vs chaos and I think you could expand it into freedom vs security, and people needing to be able to trust their leaders.
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Just cast Will smith and Martin and youve got a hit.
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The old Gi Joe cartoons and He Man?
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They will not be able to resist changing everything because whoever gets it will be in it for the paycheck only. Same with TF, same with He-Man, same with GI Joe. 'Cause they're all so brilliant, but they can't even make a movie as good as Tron.
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Your right about this Megatron He's part G1 Megatron Part Gary Oldman Dracula, Part skeletor, Part Freddy Krueger.
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time watching them chronologically, there is a collection of fan favorites. He-Man really only has about 6 good episodes. Again, it's not about a literal translation of the cartoon, it's about the core ideas and characters that still attract people to it after all this time. GI Joe might be on Netflix, I don't know, never was a huge fan. The kid that wrote the crappy Voltron script has also been tasked with writing He-Man, I'm sure he'll get some tribal tats or something.
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When the Humans see the F22 or whatever How did the Autobots know it was starscream They had not seen his altmode and While Even the dumbest box of rocks could tell that the one plane that was flying to close and not answering the COM was a decepticon how the F did they know which one it was.
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tech (good) and is about technology and Skeletor ravaging the magical land of Eternia (stupid). See what is already happening? "He-Man uses magic, so it's an anti-technology piece." No, He-Man uses technology AND magic, just like the bad guys use technology and magic - that's part of the fun.
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they will. Is Skeletor an evil polluter? Will He-Man save Eternia from global warming?
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If I wrote transformers I'd expect the autobots can sense the decepticons.
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because they have computers in their brains
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And Lady Hopefully the critis Pan the Sh1t out of this an we can a reboot with the speed of the Hulk. see you guys tom. Same bat time same bat channel.
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It 5:30 AM I've got a excuse.
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Thank god this movie didn't turn out like Garfield or Inspector Gadget, they were truly TERRIBLE - Rupert Everett as the claw....
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people do, they'd have to be looking for the Decepticons or have (internal) sensors tuned to them to pick them out of an aerial lineup. :) Otherwise, it's like magic or a plothole. Just like you can't say they have super sophisticated tech and then have them 50 ft. tall in the suburbs when they deliberately choose vehicle disguises unless you're attempting to suggest they are as dumb as rocks.
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I am out as well. They prob already greenlit the sequel. Oh well, at least we have laughter.
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I think somebody got up on the wrong side of bed this morning.
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which I watched afew days ago, Prime knew the decepticons were on their way because his "warning diode" was "pulsating".
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possible pick up line: "baby, my warning diode is pulsing, let's leave this joint."
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"Lady, my warning diode is pulsating, its over".
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haha!
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See my post on Harry's Review.
Honestly, Why do you feel the need to bore us to death with a long boring "I think I am intelligent" review??????
Lately the only thing I enjoy on this site is the actual news, otherwise it is a site of self important nerds waffling.
Remember what made this site big, news not opinionated rubbish -
to talk about a certain type of conversation. Alec Baldwin from Glengarry Glenross would kick ass with that line,"No waffling! Close or hit the bricks!"
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Be nice.
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...then why shouldn't Michael Bay make a TELETUBBIES movie? Should play real well with all the people who watched in when they were 2-4 years old... ;-P
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...then why shouldn't Michael Bay make a TELETUBBIES movie? Should play real well with all the people who watched it when they were 2-4 years old... ;-P
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I appreciate the talk back man. I definitely understand where you are getting at with the storyline of Transformer and the characterization of the movie WAY lacking. There is no way anyone can honestly argue that. I will definitely admit that I was half expecting to see Optimus in more of a "leader" role, and I did not feel like he was the leader of the autobots more. For instance, I did not see him hop in front of the other robots getting attacked, and that would be COMPLETELY what Prime would have done. Jazz would not have gotten ripped in half, because Prime would have stepped in and taken the blow.
I think the Action sequences though are a matter of style, which I can understand if you don't like the Michael Bay style. For instance, you can see Tony Scott's style in Man on Fire and in Domino. The way he does scenes of action in both movies is EXTREMELY similiar. You're right that Bay does the fast cuts, and I even admited that at times it was TOO fast.
It is definately a shame there is not a good storyline in this, and yes I have to agree a lot of movies I've been watching lately, the story has sucked *minus a few good ones I've been able to pick out of the bunch....but it usually sucks...just like when I watched Dead Silence last night........horrible generic movie with nothing to counter it*. While I completely respect what you are saying, and do see your points, it is a shame that you couldn't try to enjoy Transformers! Maybe the next one will be better, but seeing as we watch so many movies that we start to nitpick it *myself included*, it's going to be pretty hard. -
and it is a question of honesty- to everyone, haters and apologists: If you think about it, do you consider yourself to be smarter than the general population? Answer it honestly, and I will bet that most people would say yes (I would). Therefore, why do both sides quote other peoples reactions in some brainless sheep tendency (box office or cheering) as these reactions are from people that are less intelligent than yourselves. What I'm trying to say is judge the film on its merits. If you think it to be sub-par semi-literate moron movie making (alltieration is fun)then fine, but if you think it is not that stupid then good for you. Either way go with your own rating and stop quoting numbers or other people's reaction. Personally, from the script, I think this movie is thicker than Jessica Simpson, but that's just me.
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in the words of Sleazy Kid (some little teenage perv that reviewed films for channel 5 in the UK):It (domino)sucked harder than a dyson.
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Jul 05, 2007 6:15:50 AM CDT
Just in case anyone was following my dire box office
by trader groucho 2
predictions for Transformers, well, I stand corrected. Looks like it won't lose money. Maybe I'll catch it next year on HBO or Showtime.
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sadly.
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GOD I LOVE THIS MOVIE.i am going to watch it a 3rd time.
and vern I want to buy a time machine and visit you at 10 years old and find out how you died.stupid cunt. -
and not an obnoxious child in any way, shape or form.
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..tell me exactly what it was Jazz said when he introduced himself to LeBoof?? Was it "WASSUP Lil Bitch??" or "Wassup Bitches!!" or "I'm JaZZ BITCH!!". I just remeber it being something BEYOND ridiculous.
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hope you got yours ominus.choonie, is that true? He actually said something along those lines??
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horrible little child.
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Vern and a few other people seem to be confused here: "I haven't seen the movie yet, but I've read the script, and ALL the reviews, and know enough about it so that I can essentially put together all the pieces in my head. However, if MEGATRON is in his, I guess, "Protoform", since he doesn't scan any vehicles and take their form, how the FUCK does he transform into a jet?" I actually know this cuz I read the prequel comic and I've seen the toy line, but Megatron doesn't have a protoform in this movie. He transforms into an intergalactic space ship. That is why he was able to track the cube to earth thousands of years ahead of all the other transformers. My guess, based on what I know from BEAST WARS is that the "protoform" thing only applies to those transformers who were packaged in those meteor-like transport balls. so the protoform is never their normal state. even on their home planet of cybertron, they would have transformed into something. That's certainly the case in all Transformer mythologies I know of (I have managed to avoid the recent Pokeformers series though - ARMADA and the like).
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and in other news, transformers hit 122millions worldwide:
North America
Monday, July 2 -> 8,8 million
Tuesday, July 3 -> 27,5
Wednesday, July 4 -> 29,9!!
Overseas
36,253,961 dollars as of July 1.
Monday, July 2 -> $4,599,459
Tuesday, July 3 -> $5,259,790 (+14,36%!!!)
It's 46,076,836 dollars overseas and 66,2 million dollars in North America!! It's going to have 260 million dollars worldwide by Monday!!
EAT THIS YOU HATERS,WHERE ARE YOU NOW? AHAHAHAHAHA -
oups i meant 112m.
BRING IT AHAHAHAHAHA -
It was something along those lines. When all the Autobots were introducing themselves, Jazz said something utterly ridiculous. I can't recall exactly what the wuote was. I remember cringing in my seat though
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1) quoting box office2)Capitalised phrases such as EAT THIS YOU HATERS3)I hate to do this, but, utterly random spelling, punctuation and grammar- "OOPS" is not spelt oups, you capitalise "I", and spaces come after full stops. I hate myself for that. 4)Being called ominus.
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Big robots hitting each other. And it's true. This movie was everything we all thought it would be. A fun, mindless action flick that doesn't take itself too seriously. Whats wrong with a little balls to the wall action in my summer fare?
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those mistakes could have been corrected. They even had a 20% off coupon ominus. You'll have to wait until Labor Day now...See, examples like that choonie is why I'm very hesitant to see TF. I think I'll just hold off and save my money for Potter and Bourne.
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AHAHAHAHAHA GOD I LOVE THIS SITE. BRING IT GIRLS.
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Frankly, I couldn't give two shits about what that worthless site thinks of the new Wonder Woman script. Latino Review may get decent access to upcoming movie scripts, but their reviews are written by 13 year old fanboys. I can't freaking stand those morons...
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do you like repeating what you wrote in the header into the main body of text?
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laced with devastating insight, diamond hard criticism, writing worthy of the BAY itself, not to mention surprising self restraing and an Einstein level intellect. Not at all illiterate, adolescent, submoron rants written like particularly dim witted text messages. Thank you, ominus, thank you.
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so, uh, 17 to 7... that stings a little no?
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self restraing= self restraint. Just after I criticised his spelling. pah, massive self pwn-age.Fuck proofreading.
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So much for righting the fucking ship. Iceberg dead ahead!LP, I think you should have repeated 'fucksticks' again, because really, that term is not used nearly enough in these talkbacks. :-)
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FUCKSTICKS.
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No wonder ominus loves this movie, getting to whack off over Tyrese and his RIPPLING MAN MUSCLES~!!! You're a joke, go play with the other kiddies. To get back on topic, just how much does Bay come off as a small-minded moron - Cliché after cliché after cliché after cliché because it's easier than trying to understand the real world. No wonder detractors of this film are having such an easy time picking it apart, there's just SO MUCH to go through! How about the mass-shifting issue? "The Transformers can't do that because it's unrealistic... The CUBE on the other hand..." It's incredible how often the word "realistic" came up in Bay's interviews about the movie, what a prick. Oh, and Choonie - According to the IMDB "Quotes" page, Jazz says (prepare yourself): "What's up little bitches?" MinstrelBot indeed.
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Perhaps he can get a personalized bumpersticker to be put on his time machine. Watch out for Morlocks. They have a nasty bite.
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seriously, they should be ashamed of that. Mind you, they should be ashamed of the WHOLE FUCKING SCRIPT. I cannot believe they got paid for writing it.
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The script for Transformers was laughable and every time there was a fight, I had no idea what I was looking at. They had too many moving parts and all the gray characters looked alike, so I wasn't sure half the time who was injured and if I should be cheering or not.
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... or the people in charge of our national security are even more incompetent than anyone ever imagined." ...Well, it IS the Bush Administration we're talking about here... but that's besides the point, I guess.
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well at least my Metsies aren't doign as badly as that other NY basbeball team...
Getting back to Transformers, I find myself falling somewhere in between what folks like LP are saying and what the jackasses of the world like ominous are saying. Before we even saw any trailers, images, or the script we all knew damn well what this movie was going to be like once Bay signed up for it. No, by no means is it a brilliant or inspiring film, but was that really what you were expecting here? And no, I'm not one of the idiots who takes pleasure in saying "suck it haters!" because I respect your folks' opinions a lot. Arguing on transformers talkbacks was my lifeblood for the past few months, and many of you guys had some really great insights into what would make a great movie. But in the end, we all got what we knew we would: a stylized, Michael Bay Transformers flick. Having expected that from the very beginning, I found it to be entertaining--your typical summer popcorn movie. I'm just not going to be a fuckhead like the ominous crowd and brandish box office numbers about, telling those who dissent that they were wrong.
Because lets face it, if the box office results of a Michael Bay Transformers movie make you feel vindicated, then you're leading kind of a sad life... -
The leaked draft was definately the worst script I've had the misfortune to read, and I am NOT exagerating saying that. All the Bay worshippers on his site then went on damage control saying the script had COMPLETELY changed, but now it's all up there on screen. Bay's site is actually worth a look if you want a laugh, I got banned my his moderator purely for having a differing opinion (HOW DARE I!). All the BayFellators on his site were going crazy and quoting their idol about how Transformers (1986) was "just a stupid toy movie", but now they're positively GUSHING about his new - and MUCH SILLIER - toy movie. Read this from Bay's moderator Nelson, it's priceless: "This movie works on every single level: acting, drama, cinematography, editing, score, image composition and special effects. Bay really knocks it out of the park. This is a grand slam with the bases loaded. Michael delivered the best summer action movie ever. This despite all the haters and losers who based their opinions on rough drafts and lacked the skills necessary to read a script. He proved each and everyone of the wrong. This film delivered to every single demographic. THANKS MICHAEL." Surprised he could type all that with Bay's cock in his mouth.
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Oh my GOD, I can't beleive I read half of your fucking stupid ass lame retarded review. I think you should be taken to a back yard and be put out of your fucking misery!! I don't think I have ever read review as bad as yours, you sound like one of these people who all they look for in a movie is Breakthrough performances and oscar winning storylines....GOD!!! I truly wish I can meet you so I can take a piss on your fucking head. This movie kicked ass, yeah there were some lame jokes but WHO THE FUCK CARES, theres Giant Robots beating the crap out of each other!! You hjave to take this movie for what it is and just have fun with it, and stop worrying about trying to be intelectual or some shit like that. I personally had a blast with this movie, everybody in the theater had a blast with it. Even with all these lame jokes. Well I hope you burn Vern I really do. Go fucking eat your twinkies and watch some sex and the city (In your mom's basement) you fat fruitcake.
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... I only read the first paragraph and as soon as you said "Holy shit, society really is on the brink of collapse.", I decided that it wasn't worth reading any further. Vern, your attempt at sensationalism in the first paragraph alone showed me how over the top you are willing to go in order to make a little controversy. Well, reviews that I respect are not done like this but rather treated in a well thought out manner that doesn't include such idiotic wording and imagery.
Anyway, as I said, I decided to not waste my time with reading the rest of your hate filled review of Transformers. Yeah, you hate it VERY VERY much, so much so that you equate the collapse of society to this movie even made? Over the top maybe much too much?
Vern, maybe I should be fair to you as a reviewer. Here's what I'll do. Since your taste in movies is so polar opposite from mine, I now have a new way to judge whether or not I'm going to like a movie. Basically, if Vern loves it, I'll for sure hate it. If Vern hates it, I'm pretty sure that I'll enjoy it quite a bit.
Bottom line, did Transformers have a really deep story? Pfffft! Hell no, it's based on a cartoon for cying out loud. If you went to it wanting a great script and story, then you're a friggin moron. However, did Transformers present an enjoyable action/adventure story that was filled with great visual and sound effects? Hell yes! It's just what the doctor ordered for a summer movie action flick.
Thank you Michael Bay for delivering a fun movie that gave this old school Transformer fan an equally fun walk down memory lane.
Fuck you Vern and the rest of the sensationalist haters that are only out to get attention. -
I have developed a real sense of morbid fascination for it. I am not, however, going to pay for it. I don't mind fans of it that are reasonable in what they are saying in support, and I don't mind those that hate it that have reasoned arguments for hating it. It is just the moron extremes that are winding me up. On both sides.
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"I truly wish I can meet you so I can take a piss on your fucking head. This movie kicked ass, yeah there were some lame jokes but WHO THE FUCK CARES, theres Giant Robots beating the crap out of each other!!" Hilarious! I have a question: Why isn't it okay to not like the movie?
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...quite a few posts up were spot on.
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Jul 05, 2007 8:07:18 AM CDT
Well cleary you're not patriotic if you didn't like it
by ricky henderson
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...but since he and many of the other haters seem to indicate that you are an idiot if you DO like it, I figure that pretty much opens it up for the people who enjoyed the flick to call Vern and other haters a bunch of fucktard idiots. If you can't take it, you better not be so eager to dish it out. Comprende?
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C'mon spencey7!
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The 'it's crap' crowd have made some pretty decent points, but too much of the 'it's good' crowd can't seem to articulate much more than "SUCK IT HAYTERZZZ!!!11" or the possibly even stranger sentiment of "Well, I expected it to be shit and it was shit, so I was pretty happy. What do you want, Shakespeare?" So far, my Transformers swingometer is leaning over to the 'stay away' side.Still, on account of being English, I have a few weeks to decide. Stupid staggered releases. Christ, I haven't even seen Die Hard 4 yet.
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you clearly do. Or you wouldn't bother posting against vern and the other haters on this TB- there are loads of other threads for this film. Just out of curiosity is the YOU GO SSSSAAAAMMMMM line still in it?
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I disagree. A Transformers film should have been so much more than just "fun". (Of course it is clearly highly contentious to claim that this movie is "fun", but let's put that to one side for now.) A Transformers story WELL TOLD could have been a lot more than a summer "popcorn flick" (a term I am quickly coming to despise). If time had been taken to make the script emotionally engaging it could have been a great movie - The mythology is there, the characters, the plot, everything. It truly did take a special effort for this movie to deliver such a resounding "FUCK YOU" to the fans. Re: the designs - NOBODY ASKED FOR "BLOCKY ROBOTS", they didn't want flames on Prime because it doesn't fit with his *CHARACTER*. If he was a long-nose truck, sans flames and lips I would have been quite happy with his design. But Bay changed it "because he wanted to", just because he could. That is a DIRECT "FUCK YOU ALL" to long-term fans of a long-running franchise, and indicative of the personality of the man himself.
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did you see FF2? I can't remember if you said you saw it or not. I can't see how TF would be better than DH4, regardless of the rating. I saw it and enjoyed it, though it could have been much better with the R rating.
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"Since [Vern] and many of the other haters seem to indicate that you are an idiot if you DO like it, I figure that pretty much opens it up for the people who enjoyed the flick to call Vern and other haters a bunch of fucktard idiots. If you can't take it, you better not be so eager to dish it out. Comprende?" NO IT DOESN'T! THINK ABOUT IT!! The people who didn't like it are explaining WHY, but BayFans are incapable of doing so because - special effects aside - there is nothing redeemable about the movie.
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under multiple user names... or at least his assistants are while he dictates from a leather sofa while simultaneously being blown by asian twins and having coke doled to him off a platinum spoon by the crying poltergeist of Herve Villachez. Don Murphy's naked, curled up in the corner in the fetal position sucking on his thumb, the wip marks still fresh on his back and Spielberg's waiting on line 3 to offer his congratulations.
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The movie entertained people. That's the films redemption. If you can't handle it, go home and watch the cartoon on DVD.
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And the trunks are packed with Mountain Dew!
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I know there were some really stupid parts but you cant honestly say that the SFX wasn't mind blowing, I've seen it twice now and the second time I tuned out the dialogue and just watched the graphics. I totally recommend this one based purely on ILM's work.
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This is a movie... big difference.
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I now want to join the army and drink mountain dew while driving my new Camaro.
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I mean it just woke up and starting killing people. Is it still killing people? Did the other autobots kill it? Why didn't the cube transform the other cars...or the buildings? Just another one of the huge freaking plot holes/dangling story element eft at the end.
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Genius. Am still laughing. Only one thing, Bay doesn't have assistants- the word you were searching for is either "minions" or "underlings".
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Damn right I saw FF2. I dragged a bunch of friends to see it on opening night, and they HATED me for it. Fuck them, though, I really liked it. It's stupid as hell, but that's okay - I like that kind of thing. Mind you, I now have a new favourite retarded film - Ghost Rider! I saw it the other night on DVD and just about herniated myself with laughter. It makes no sense whatsoever and is about a man whose head is sometimes on fire. Seriously! Fuck me, I believe deranged aliens made that film and gave it to us Earthlings as a gift.If Transformers could give me that kind of entertainment, I would be there in an instant. Trouble is, there's something obnoxious and hateful about Bay's films that stops me from appreciating them on even that level.Ah, well, Die Hard has finally landed in England. Seeing it this weekend, fingers crossed and that.
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I watched "The Stuff" last night. It was great. This however, smells of poo.
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Actually, I think the most appropriate word might be "flick".
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have to agree 100% with his review. thank you vern, you just listed everything I hated about the movie. this isn't a transformers movie, transformers shouldn't be guest stars in their own movie. 30 minutes of decent action and effects, and two hours of the usual "bayness": clichés, mediocre acting, racist stereotypes, lame "jokes", product placement,sunsets, bad soundtrack, pretty explosions, people sweating, hyper close-ups to create the illusion of "drama", plot-holes the size of texas.... yes, this is the most entertaining movie so far this summer,and that indicates not how good this one was, but how bad the others were. did I have a good time at the theater? yes.. will I watch it again? maybe in a few years on hbo, if there's nothing (and I mean absolutely nothing) better going on, then I'll probably catch the last 20 minutes again.
30 minutes of "!!wow!!" and 2 hours of "meh", that's what this movie was..... -
I fucking love that movie. They should have had some Stuff product placements in Transformers.
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was just shooting cans at people
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"NO IT DOESN'T! THINK ABOUT IT!! The people who didn't like it are explaining WHY, but BayFans are incapable of doing so because - special effects aside - there is nothing redeemable about the movie."
Whatever. All I can say is I went to Transformers with my 50 year old father in law who digs stuff like John Wayne movies and other old school stuff that I personally don't really care for. Even he said Transformers was a fun movie because it was a memorable summer action flick. That's all I needed to hear that it wasn't just me and a bunch of nerds that are digging the Transformers movie. Transformers is fun like Independence Day was fun. Not oscar material by any means, but it was far from a horrible experience. -
I can respect your view of this film, but I have to ask you this:
Do you ever eat cotton candy? If you do, do you ever criticize it for not having any nutritional value? I mean it's food, just like steak or a hamburger, so why isn't it nutritious?
This movie is cotton candy. -
You ever see Maximum Overdrive ? Projectile soda cans can be deadly.
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but I need to check it out if thats the case
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it's cotton candy that Michael Bay took a piss on. Still wanna eat it?
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great shout. Maybe TF will aspire to this level of badness.
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seeing it this weekend to. Looking forward to it, but I'm still a little worried cus I don't think it will be Die Hard. Transformers has done exactly what it set out to do - update the cartoon to live action, so why so shocked? And the focus on human characters was a dead cert and so was the iffy comedy. Just be thankful it wasn't the "humans" from the cartoon.
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My point is that it should have been so much more than just "fun". It takes a fuck-up of epic proportions to fail when writing a Transformers script; something made all the more irritating since the special effects are undoubtedly impressive. I'm glad your father-in-law enjoyed it, but this movie is "fun" and "memorable" on the level of a fireworks display. Think your father-in-law would be able to re-tell the plot? Or name more than one robot? I doubt it.
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I'll have to check out Ghostrider then. Perhaps if you watched it 3 times straight followed by watching Solo, you would be in the right mind to watch Transformers....
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that the films "alright"? I mean it seems to be split into people who detest every second of it or those who absolutley loved it thus far...
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that the films "alright"? I mean it seems to be split into people who detest every second of it or those who absolutley loved it thus far...
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that the films "alright"? I mean it seems to be split into people who detest every second of it or those who absolutley loved it thus far...
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Vern, seriously how can you be so upset about this movie, I saw it Thursday, and I was very entertained. Did you not have Transformers when you were a kid? If not ok then I understand. But for someone who paid to see Ghost Rider, like Brian Bosthworth movies and also know alot about movies, you should know or accept Micheal Bay makes ACTION COMEDIES. Thats all he is good at and all people expect from him. This is a toy franchise, ergo they have to make it kid friendly...oh and the movie is about GIANT F'ING ROBOTS FROM OUTER SPACE, how realistic do you want it to be? I was a big transformers fan from back in the day and I really enjoyed it, I thought they got more right than they did wrong. You need to calm down or maybe just review dramas since you want seriousness
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One group of Talkbackers go to movies to see a good story well told; the other goes to see a fireworks and light show. To qualify as "alright" this would need to have at least some element of character development, coherent tone and - of crucial importance in this case - appropriate treatment of any source material. Given that the film has none of these it can really only be considered good or awful. Film fans hate it, explosion junkies love it. I've been called "elitest" many times on this TB, but if that means that I like good movies I can certainly live with that label. And be proud of it.
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Jul 05, 2007 9:27:12 AM CDT
Beware, that is a cautious Ghost Rider recommendation
by franklin t marmoset
If you think you might like a film where a woman takes a magic 8 ball to a restaurant, or where Nicolas Cage thinks Elvis shades and Elvis pointing are good attributes for a character who is not Elvis, or where poor Sam Elliott has to whore out his Marlborough Man act one more time (and ride out into the middle of nowhere only to turn around and go home again), then this Ghost Rider is for you. This film will make you say "What the...?" more times than any other that has ever been made. It made me laugh like an idiot, but then I also felt the same way about Fantastic Four. This one is stupider, though.
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I was on the fence with this. Love ILM but hate Bay films and now I can safely wait until it's on TBS on a rainy day when I'm sick and I can mute the dialogue.
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I will not pay my hard earned money on shit like, "yo yo yo transformers represent!" and the nbreak dancing.
YOU'VE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!
I was on the fence but Bay will never get my money again. Somebody sterilize this guy. -
but it's how the shitfest is crafted that'll make or break it in terms of pure idiotic fun. Check out No Escape for some idiotic fun, with Mr. Ray Liotta and Lance fucking Henriksen. Oh, and Ernie Hudson is in it too. Classically bad.
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It's become a fuckin' MANIFESTO. Vive la Revolution, baby!
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so I can save the money? Does it end with Shia going into the bathroom and finding Megatron in the shower cos he WASNT DEAD AFTER ALL AND THE FINAL BATTLE WAS A DREAM?
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so I can save the money? Does it end with Shia going into the bathroom and finding Megatron in the shower cos he WASNT DEAD AFTER ALL AND THE FINAL BATTLE WAS A DREAM?
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so I can save the money? Does it end with Shia going into the bathroom and finding Megatron in the shower cos he WASNT DEAD AFTER ALL AND THE FINAL BATTLE WAS A DREAM?
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The revolution will not be televised! (Which is to say that Vern's whining about Transformers representing a cultural decline is silly and completely irrelevant).
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Well, that is my montra and I am sticking to it. I really really wanted this shit to be good, but mike fucked me again. Vern, much respect for telling it like it is, not how you want it to be and haters make the world go round.
SUCK IT SUCK IT> -
negativety is coming from. If you don't like it, you don't like it, but we've known the last how many years that Bay was directing a Transformers movie based on a cartoon that, while I enjoyed it as a kid, was cheesy, OTT and the same story every week. So it fits into the Transformers mythology perfectly. Why people think that Bay was going to drastically change it and give us a Cameron-esque story and film based on machines coming to wipe out the human race I don't know. Accept it as a Transformers movie and as part of what came before and you will be fine. Expect anything more you won't be. You were given the clues years back - Bay + Transformers = what we are seeing today.
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After more than ten thousand user reviews.
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I think Vern is wrong about this movie. My friends and I went to see it in a packed theater and i'll be damned if everyone didn't applaud at the end. I grew up a huge transformers fan and I have to say that I enjoyed the hell out of it. Also, Vern the jokes were not lame, in fact everyone I saw it with laughed their asses off.
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It was never anything incredibly deep. It's an excuse to have giant robots fighting each other. We have two crowds here: "I WENT TO SEE A TEENAGE-GEARED FIGHTING ROBOT MOVIE BASED ON AN 80'S CARTOON" and "I WENT TO SEE A HEARTFELT DRAMA". Guess which group was satisfied? Oh yeah, and Vern, if you can't tell the robots apart and/or tell their ends apart during the movie... I mean, c'mon. It wasn't bad at all.
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why does it matter if the audience fucking cheered or there is an 8.4 rating- It's about your personal opinion. As Ghandi said: "Even in a minority of one, the truth is still the truth" (just wanted to use that quote- a bit pretentious. Maybe I am not the target audience for this?)
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Let it go.......why bother arguing. People will love TF because its got big robots in it. Once the novelty wears off people will see it for the average film it is...the only thing I can honeslty praise it for (beyond CGI) is Shia Lebeouf, who has some great charisma. Also, please don't use IMDB as a judge of quality...Liver Free or Die Hard is currentl #151 in the top 250 films EVER MADE
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I wanted to use that quote. Classic Prime and said completely straight at a time when all he knows is on the verge of being destroyed. God bless Optimus Prime. Maybe I'm the target audience for this.
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by the amount of violence in this film. No human ever died in the original series...not even in the movie. It was a nice little rush to see the Decepticons FINALLY waste a few dozen of the annoying fleshlings...something that never would have happened on the animated series. Also, the fates of several of the 'bots, Autobot and Decepticon alike, were surprisingly brutal.
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Oh it's happening, and BayFormers is perfect brain-mush fodder to the Pop-Idol-watchers of this world. Where will it all end?
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bleh....you're actually not worth a response.
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don't really care. Go back to your flashing lights and 0 characters. Just make sure you don't have to use your brain at any point ever.
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God bless you, sir. I didn't need to feel vindicated for not buying into this (Or Spidey 3 or Pirates 3, for instance), but it's heartening to read a voice of reason now and again, anyway. Even reviews praising this thing baffled me, because they honestly sounded like they were praising shit, and it wasn't making sense. This review, Vern, makes sense. Gracias.
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I agree 100% with every point he just made. Made my wasted $10 worth it just to identify with this rant.
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...Vern obviously did not. Which is too bad. Reading his review was fun though but I gotta wonder: what movie did he expect to see? It was too long, yeah. Most of the negatives he expounds on at length were pretty minor but he certainly latched onto them, way to go Vern. It's a movie based on a cartoon about giant robots that turn into cars, not fucking Hamlet.
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I saw DH4 last night and was pleasantly surprised. Lots of nice, well executed action. Great sense of "oh fuck" and "what if". It was a bit bloodless but I'd say it was easily as good as Casino Royale in terms of recent large-scale action.
Think I'm going to give up on this TB now. Still don't understand how people can take this stuff personally. Do you get offended when people critique other products? Coke? Snickers? Vern used hyperbole in the name of humour, like almost all AICN reviewers and TBers do. Maybe the reason you are upset is the fact that you are finding it so hard to refure his more sober claims against the film. Ultimately, it comes down to some people, for whatever reason, walking into this with significantly lowered expectations. Other folks did not, or don't see while they should. Others still will go see it to take the piss out of it, and no doubt be entertained. However, none of these groups will, based on all the posts above, be able to argue the genuine merits of this apparently spectacular but soulless, messy film. -
because I enjoyed the hell out of Transformers, I am part of this "dumb society" you speak of? Interesting. I also happened to enjoy Pan's Labyrinth and The Fountain, and I can't stand American Idol. I guess I'm just a grinning, drooling idiot...or perhaps I just like letting my inner child out every now and then. For me, movies have always been an escape...and for a couple of hours, I was able to tune out the everyday bullshit of the world and watch my childhood heroes thrash each other on a giant screen...and I didn't feel required or forced to find some sort of introspective meaning in it all. Trust me, Transformers has never been that deep. Bah weep gra-nah, BEE-otch.
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Thing is even if it is utter balls I have to see it now cos everyone has an opinion except me.....
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I like the part where Vern insulted America for liking the movie, that was cool. Or started acting like the show this movie was based on was a cinematic masterpiece. The only part of this review I could stand for more then a few seconds was the end.
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"...that turn into cars, not fucking Hamlet." Well that's not over-used. It seems like everyone who liked this movie (apart from those who suckle on Bay's teat over at shootfortheedit) went into it expecting shit, getting shit, but still enjoying it! Mind-boggling.
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Vern - "I thought LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD was surprisingly good. I didn't think SPIDER-MAN 3 or X-MEN 3 were as bad as everybody said. I'm gonna go see RUSH HOUR just for Chris Tucker. I kind of like McG. I loved TORQUE."
Thank you so much for clearing all that up.
I will never, EVER again read any of your reviews , or spend one second of my time considering your opinion on anything.
Have fun at the next Rush Hour movie. -
let us sit back and observe what is happening here, and wait for the movie to reach our shores. I for one am looking forward to it, and I think the fact that it has spawned this lengthy talkback means its worth seeing to test out all theories, opinions and comments made. The movie has got you all in one way or another, your locked in this talk back and commenting on a Transformers film. I say again, a Transformers film.
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His is the only review that will ever matter!!!
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Haha, your post was almost making sense before you capped it off with a "BEE-otch"! Priceless. Hate to break this to you man, but YOU ARE BAY'S TARGET AUDIENCE. Trust me, I'm as big a Transformers fan as you are, and those are NOT my childhood heroes on screen, only bastardised versions of them. I don't ask for The Fountain (didn't enjoy it) or Pan's Labyrinth (great film) - I only wanted a GOOD MOVIE which did justice to the franchise. Bay was handed that franchise only to fuck it (and it's fans) over. Don't you think he should have treated Transformers fans with a little more respect? Given that without their fervent support of the "stupid toy line" this movie would never have been made?
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then see a matinee, and see it digitally projected if a theater near you offers it. Don't sit too close, either...I sat a little over halfway back, and had no issues making out what was happening on the screen.
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which I find actually a really good example of what to expect here. Even when I saw it for the first time as a kid, I remember Total Recall fairly loaded with bad jokes, discreditable effects mixed with great ones, and performances that varied pretty widely, as well as the double whammy of irritation, Tom Arnold and Randy Quaid. I was coming to an age where I wanted more then just ripping out an adam's apple from my cinema... and yet I definitely enjoyed it. It had a lot going for it in just plain verve, and I felt the same was true of Transformers. I love Paul Verhoeven - I just don't think Total Recall measures up to Robocop or Starship Troopers in unity of vision at all. Road Warrior, on the other hand, man - Transformers struck me as a far more competent film - just not as unique in it's time. Road Warrior's value stems exclusively from it's content. That bad guy doing evil laughs montage at the end is lazy filmmaking, and a good deal of the movie comes off as a director reacting to having his back to the wall financially, especially once the sets were built and production started. A director has to keep making choices - they can't afford to react because a reaction isn't creative. Whether I agree or disagree with them, everything in Transformers felt like a choice. I'd say it stands up there in your list, Vern - not at the top, but not at the bottom.
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fellow UK brother....you can see it online. I went to a preview screening a few weeks back at Empire cinemas. Everyone seemed to enjoy it but I just could not...it seemed, after talking to a few, that most enjoyed it because it had robots in it and nothing else.
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Still, this was better than "I Robot."Will Smith liked his sneakers, you know.
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You know I bet they held Tuturo down and made him sign up for this film to get peed on by a giant robot because that way Bay could prove once and for all that big budget action movies are better then the crap that good actors like Tuturo are usually in!
Anyway the character Tuturo was playing was a horrible dick representing all the horrible dicks on power trips and his character deserved to get R. Kelly'd.
Sorry you took that as a denoucement of the IFC channel.
Anyway I loved Transformers, I guess my young eyes are more capable of following frenetic action scenes because I loved every one of them. It's a campy film but I loved it. Even the humor. Shia was way better then I thought he would be and if anything I think Harry is the one with the review that points out the film's main flaw. It should have been more about a boy and his car to show an emotional attachement to bumble bee.
I find it funny that I liked Harry's review because I've hated every review harry has ever written. and your review Vern was mostly garbage and I usually like your reviews. I guess becasue Harry seemed like he was saddened because the movie could have been something special had it had much emotional connection where as you vern seem to just be pissed that it exists at all.
oh well I guess I'll just take my dumb ADD ass and go play with my transformers. -
How many Autobot and Decepticon logos do you see on t-shirts etc in day-to-day life? People LOVE Transformers. I've said it before and I'll say it again: This movie was never going to fail at the box office. No chance. It's just a shame it was fed to Bay who destroyed it, when it could have been so, so much more.
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Vern- "I thought LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD was surprisingly good. I didn't think SPIDER-MAN 3 or X-MEN 3 were as bad as everybody said. I'm gonna go see RUSH HOUR just for Chris Tucker. I kind of like McG. I loved TORQUE."
-I Wouldn't be able to keep a straight face if I has strung those words together in an attempt to be sarcastic.
If I could have a sig on this site that quote would be it followed by VERN SUCKS! Someone with seriouly atrocious taste in filmmaking gets to reveiw movies for a living, how fucking typical.
As far as Transformers as a movie (not an art film, or oscar calibur high drama) is concerned. The plot points are rushed through shotgun wedding style and it has the movie stupids, but the thing that matters is B+ material. B+ is a good grade that you don't have to hide from Mom.
The transforming robots you know and love are in a Live Action movie kicking some serious ass and looking damn good doing it!. It has the heart of the source material but takes it's own diversions that kinda suck here and there. It's kinda corny (big suprise).
My biggest complaint about this movie is actually just a cosmetic one. I really wish Optimus Prime would have had a face sheild and not a mouth, and I wish Frank Welker would have voiced Megatron instead of Weaving.
Seriously, I am done with Vern. -
The man clearly asked several times for those who loved the movie to name some bits they loved about it...and NO ONE HAS! I'm a huge TF fan and I enjoyed the movie almost as much as I was diappointed by it. I wish I cared about ANY of the characters and I wish the robots were more distinctive. The only truly Transformery great moment was when Barricade (decepticon police car)was running toward the camera and converted to a car to pursue Bumblebee and his passengers - that was AWESOME. The rest was enjoyable in the way that a hot, stupid girl is. Make of that what you will.
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Transformers made more money on Tuesday than Hot Fuzz made in its entire run in North America.
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I figured it was going to blow, but I had read good things about this one. By paying to see it I fed the beast and am responsible for more shit being piled onto movie screens. This is part of the problem with the industry today, we pay to see these things out of curiosity (I was very interested in seeing the robots) which creates the illusion that we liked it. We can scream how it was a piece of shit after the fact but it will still probably make close to $200 million by Sunday. I don't know anybody personally who liked either Pirates 2 or 3, in fact I know some people who deeply hated them. Yet they were both $300 million dollar movies in North America.
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It's wierd. I was pretty indifferent about Bay. Thought he was fun early on but then showed his true hand with PH, BB2 and The Island. I had a couple of Transformer toys when I was young, but I was never that into them. Shockingly, I have never seen the 80s animated movie.
So this wasn't one I was looking forward to by any means. I never went into the TB's for all the gossip and build up. But then all these positive reviews came out and I thought, like Vern, "Oh, perhaps this is the perfect marriage of director and source material." And I started to get excited for some ID4 type fun
I trust Vern. I don't share all of his tastes/views, but I trust that he means everything he writes and that he has a sound, coherent critical perspective. It is so strange to see him called a (forgive me)"hater", because he is far and away the most positive individual you will find on the internet.
I guess it's just not enough for me that it has the big robots. Bay's "style" is anathema to me, as regards what I consider enjoyable film making. I really hoped he had matured a bit and could use his considerable talents to make this visually amazing (which I'm sure it is), while the producers and writers could lock in some kind of discipline to the proceedings. Instead it seems he was just given free reign to out-Bay himself.
I was totally prepared to enjoy this thing on its own merits, but now I don't think I will bother. If I was hugely into the concept of big robots maybe that would overcome my misgivings (like my huge goodwill towards Die Hard overcame my uneasiness with Wiseman, PG13, etc re. DH4), but I think this thing will just piss me off.
But please do post in with your take on it when the time comes, because it'd be great to hear you thoughts. I'll do the same if this wet and cold summer pushes me to relent and just watch it... -
Jesus dude... whens the last time you got laid?
Seems like you have alot of pent up angst going on... im sure if the movie was all robots, you would have said that it sucked, cause the interaction between them was weak or whatever.
You went on a 4301 word rant about how much you hated it. I wouldnt even have spent all that time and energy into something, cept loading a gun to shoot myself for wasting my time writing 4301 words for a movie you probably had set in your mind that you would hate to begin with.
Pull The Trigger next time. -
Great review Vern. You saved me an hour of time writing to all my buddies about how much I hated the movie, as all I needed to do was send them this link.I have no idea why, but I walked out of the theater with the same feelings of being insulted as Vern and some of the other TB'ers. I mean, its a movie with "Hasbro" in the main credits, why am I so upset? But the truth is, this movie depressed me on some subconscious level, well beyond "Man that movie sucked, I wasted $10." I've seen plenty of bad movies and never had this reaction before.I think my problem is the realization that this is a 2.5 hour movie with no actual "art" involved. (With a huge caveat being the amazing artistry that went into the special effects, which were flawless, but even still couldn't come close to saving the movie). There was no art in the script writing. No art in the direction. No art in the acting. No art in the attempts at humor. No art in most of the action set-pieces (with one exception being the Starscream battle with the F-15s, which was the best 30 seconds of the whole movie). It seemed like every time the movie had a choice to be clever or stupid, it chose stupid.The perfect example of the antithesis to Transformers would be Toy Story. Both are movies about toys (one literally, one inspired by), and both are marketed towards kids and teens. However, where every single scene, line of dialog and character in Toy Story is well thought out, clever, and works on many levels, Transformers has none of these qualities.
I went in expecting big, dumb and fun. I just got the first two. -
It just means they suckered a bunch of people into seeing it. It means the marketing people did a great job. I saw this Monday night with my friend who thinks that if a movie makes a lot of money it must be good. I thought I was going to have to kill him after we got out of Transformers.
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Anything with Starscream or Blackout. Specifically Starscream transforming from jet to robot to jet when fighting in the air. Megatron browbeating Starscream for "failing him again". Optimus Prime talking about humanity, while corny, was directly from the cartoons. Mom asking Sam if he was masturbating when Mikaela is hiding in his room. Dad giving the boy the thumbs up after seeing Mikaela. Dad diving under the table yelling "earthquake" and mom saying she didn't know he could move that fast. Bernie Mac as a used car salesman. Bernie's mom giving him the finger. Bumblebee updating himself after being insulted by Mikaela. Optimus showing up to save the day. Sam risking his life to save Optimus and destroy Megatron. Megatron taunting Sam on the rooftop. These are a few parts I loved/enjoyed. I wont apologize for liking the movie. Some folks didn't and that's too bad for them. I'm not going to judge them. Satan already has a special place set aside for them. So I can only pity them.
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There were MOMENTS in that movie that made me feel like a kid again. The 28 seconds Starscream fight with the jets. The Ironhide and Ratchet Street run while protecting Sam. Optimus Prime Bonecrusher battle. Those things were good fun and totaled around 1 minute and 45 seconds of screen time. The other oh I dont know....2 hours and 22 minutes were...were terrible.Shia lebouf carried that movie on his shoulders. I mean he out acted Jon Voight and John Turturro...at the same time. Holy fuck. Peter Fucking Cullen...I absolutely loved his performance as Prime's voice. The shit that Prime said...mindbogglingly bad. But the deliver was glorious.
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It's a shame because he is a really funny, smart writer. He was using his views on notoriously contentious movies to illustrate that he is not a snob. All he is saying is that he found things to like about those movies. He isn't saying you have to agree. If you read the reviews he's referring to you will see the thought processes that inform his enjoyment of them. Just as he clearly points to a number of aspects of Transformers that made it impossible for him to recommend.
I'm sure you would find all sorts of movies that you share his views on.
All I'm saying is don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. Disagreeing with a couple of reviews shouldn't preclude you from being able to enjoy other things he writes.
Personally I can't imagine anyone reading his Domino review and not being able to find a place for his work in their heart. For it is good. But, of course, you are entitled to your opinion. -
Coming down on the people who hated this movie for not "being a true geek" is like bitching out a Star Wars fan for not liking Jar-Jar Binks.
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have guessed that The Jesus would one day be in A Michael Bay Film getting pissed on by Transformer.
Sometimes I think Patton Oswalt's right, like we're in some kind of creepy alternate universe. -
I keep hearing "Transformers is based on a line of toys! What do you expect it to be?" Well, both Toy Story films are based on exisiting lines of toys and neither one of those films is stupid or insulting to the audience.
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would turn your brain off, so the rest of us don't have to hear just how much of a stupid douche you really are.
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Excellent point. Also Pirates of the Carribean was based on a ride...Those excuses don't hold water and everyone knows it.
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I agree that this movie is a big disappointment and the noise, visual chaos and simple nonsense of the story could cause permanent neurological damage.
However, I have to say that for at least two-thirds of the film, Shia Labouf's commitment to this idiocy made his character work. Even so, nothing else worked at all. -
Toy Story? Or Transformers, gee what a hard fucking choice there. I bet Toy Story would have doubled its take if Buzz had transformed into a fighter jet and blown the shit out of Woody.
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Actually, one other thing worked -
The trailer for JJ Abrams' untitled project. That was great. -
Did anyone else find it incredibly disturbing that at the end Shia was making out with Megan Fox on TOP of Bumblebee? "Thank you for saving my life and protecting me, I'm now going to have sex on you."
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Yes!
And the other autobots were parked over there watching (except Optimus who apparently doesn't go in for that sort of thing). -
No not Bay, but close enough. I'm pretty sure he has better things do do in life than to be replying to a post by none other than VERN. Im sure he's enjoying the success in the ART that he has created. Anyone anxious for the DARK KNIGHT???. I AM...
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Could anyone make out who any of the voices belonged to other than Prime or Jazz? Maybe I'm wrong, but voices usually are critical to giving character and feel to animated characters. Here, I could never tell who was talking, especially the Deceptacons.
Not only did they all look exactly the same, they all spoke the same as well. Remember why everyone loved Starscream.... he had a unique voice and was always trying to usurp Megatron's authority. Here, they just made a carbon copy of all Deceptacons and said "we have a movie".
Other than that, I did enjoy this movie. It wasn't great, but was decent. As for the jokes, I thought they were good and worked for a movie aimed at KIDS as well as adults.
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WHY THE FUCK DO THEY HAVE TO PUT SO MANY CURSE WORDS AND OBVIOUS SEX JOKES IN A MOVIE THAT HAS 8 YEAR OLDS WATCHING!!!
This is something that needs to stop. The masturbation scene made me cringe while my 6 year old nephew was sitting right next to me. It's disgusting that they put this in a movie aimed at attracting kids. -
I don't understand people who review Transformers and trash it because it didn't contain any high drama. Guys....it's an 80s cartoon...made into a movie. What the hell did you expect? Go back and watch the cartoon. It's cheesy jokes and characters spouting lame catch phrases mixed with over the top action and cool robots. I thought it was fantastic. Made me laugh several times. The battle scene at the end was amazing and the battle with Scorpinock or however you spell his name was also great. I will admit that I rolled my eyes when QATAR - MIDDLE EAST came on the screen. And I also found it sort of funny that the token "Black" transformer got killed off. Is it perfect? No. It's got flaws, but I really pity people who can't just sit down and enjoy a summer sci-fi action flick without going all Comic-book-guy on it. My main gripe with the movie was actually the amount of sexual content in it. I'm not a prude, but come on...this is a movie that tons of people will be taking their kids to see and you've got masturbation jokes and the teenage guy ogling his half-naked would-be girlfriend complete with slo-mo pan up her body past her ass and bare midriff. I thought that those scenes were out of place and that the movie wouldn't have suffered at all from not having them. All in all, great entertainment. Not intellectually stimulating. Not gonna win oscars for acting, but entertaining as hell. When I came out of there, after seeing those special effects, I thought to myself that I must be feeling like the people felt coming out of Star Wars back in the day....having seen something they'd never seen before. Give the flick a break. It was a ton of fun.
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In 2 1/2 days.. HAHAHAHAH!!!! Screw YOU all of you unimaginative Transformer haters!!! I bet if it were Brokeback Robots, you guys would be raving...
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This is the review to end all reviews of this movie. They really fucked a great opportunity to make something epic, but the robots were a disaster and they had the potential to be amazing. Megatron was gay, and that little stereo robot was straight out of Steven Spielberg's over the top A.I. afterbirth. It doesn't matter though, I already saw the greatest Transformers movie in 1986.
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Watching transformers effects had to have been like seeing Star Wars back in the day?
I just don't get it.
Vern's review is on the money, the effects were just a junkyard rolled into a ball and thrown down a hill, with close-up shots.
"Give the flick a break."
No, it should not be given a break. CRAVE MORE. Its your money, and 2 hours of your life, don't waste it.
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even more annoying than Browncoats.
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You guys do know that he said he based his Sector 7 character's portrayal on Michael Bay, right?Also, the S7 t-shirt he was wearing was the one gag in the flick that made me laugh outloud. There was something so pompously loony about it that I couldn't help myself.
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Saw it. Meh
It was loud.
Agree with poster above about the sexual overtones not being necessary.
It was difficult to tell the robots apart and the action did tend to blurr into a non-distinct ball-o-blurrbots. Did I mention it was loud?
Summer sci-fi pure enjoyment factor rating to date:
FF4-2 - 4 stars (yes, 4)
Spidey 3 - 3 stars
Transformers - 3 stars -
Awesome point. You win. We are defeated by your undeniable proof of the film's quality. Thanks.
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Nuclear weapons? Bio-chemical weapons? Genocide? Dictators? Chaos? Anarchy? Undead Saddam? Bush Federalizing all snack food production? Nope, its just Michael Bay! Morons, mouth breathers and droolers unite! After we solve the puzzle of shoe tying we must march forth and infect the world with our apparent short attention span and phat inbreeding skills! None shall block our path as long was we have access to properly subtitled video directions and geographical markers! The enemy will flee pell mell as if being attacked by giant robots firing powerful energy weapons. We will visually confuse them with our large numbers as we wave our arms close to their faces. They will be unable to understand what they see without wide angle shots and cleverly placed arrows! Avoid staring at video screens as the enemy will broadcast pictures of Megan Fox to steer us from our tasks! We must not be stopped! It is our destiny as Transformer fans to obliterate society and destroy the movie industry as it exists today! Remember : We are all Americans, we are all morons, we are the elite! - End Transmission -
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I think the people that are hating on this movie still wear their Transformers pajamas and shit like that...I can't beleive people are actually comparing it to the cartoon from like 20 freaking years ago....you people are pathetic and unimaginative. Sorry for the big words there Nutnics...I I paid for this movie and I will be paying to watch it again. Hey Idiocracy im not saying give the flick a break but c-mon you have to admit the effects were spectacular...yeah the story really wasn't all there but if you didn't get goosebumps everytime these cars transformed then you must really have issues...
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I THINK VERN NEEDS A HUG. THE MOVIE WAS GREAT..AUDIENCES ARE LOVING THIS MOVIE BECAUSE, WELL ITS THE BEST MOVIE OF THE SUMMER. FINALLY A MOVIE THAT LIVES UP TO THE HYPE. UNLIKE SOME SPIDER HERO OR DRUNK PIRATE MOVIES. MICHAEL BAY HAS MADE DUMB,CHEESY MOVIES BUT HAS REDEEMED HIMSELF WITH THIS ONE..SO FAR. AND PEOPLE REMEMBER IF THERE ARE FRICKIN ROBOTS IN A MOVIE, LETS FACE IT. ITS NOT GOING TO BE REALISTIC..DUH...ITS SCI FI FANTASY. FOR THIS TYPE OF MOVIE ACTING AND EVERYTHING VERN IS CRYING ABOUT ISNT THE KEY FOR THIS MOVIE..ITS ABOUT ROBOTS ON EARTH!..DEAL WITH IT, THE MOVIE WAS GREAT GIVEN THE PLOT. HELL I WISH BAY DIRECTED BOTH SPIDY AND PIRATES THE WAY THIS MOVIE WAS ACTION FILLED.
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I dont care what anyone says now! so he has had a few clunkers..i for one LOVE the Bad Boys movies, and especially love The Rock! Now, add Transformers to my list!
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You are complaining that the movie has swearing and sexual overtones and you cringed with your little kid there.....ummm...its PG-13 dipshit!! THIRTEEN!!!!
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Shia!
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I haven't seen this yet, but I was tempted to because the trailer sort of seemed to have that Terminator 2-vibe... Glas I wasn't tricked, thanks for the warning Vern. But this film will be a big hit, just like "The Family Guy" will still be on TV, as long as people will pay $8 for the ability to say "oh, I remember that!" then high-five.
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Papayon proclaiming a Michael "Cocksucker" Bay movie as "ART", and BillyPilgrim telling everyone who doesn't like this movie that they're going to hell. Hey Bay (you no-talent, racist, military-fetishist, overpaid hack) - THAT'S comedy.
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That's a great user name man, and appropriate since this talkback is like a deleted scene from that movie.
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By OTISBURG: "THE MOVIE WAS GREAT GIVEN THE PLOT." Says it all really.
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Apparantly it didn't matter that it was PG-13 when the audience was full of kids. People are gonna take their kids to a PG-13 movie when they think it is a KIDS FUCKING MOVIE DIPSHIT! PG-13 is often given out due to violence, which is what this movie was expected to be. There is just no place for so much cursing and obvious sex jokes in movies that are clearly marketed to children, PG13 or not. Thats like saying cigarettes have a warning label so it's ok to market them to kids. No, it doesn't work that way. There were more kids, and I mean kids, in my audience then there were adults, and I am not speaking in hyperbole. So, this movie should never have been PG13, and since it was, the studios still have a responsibility to make the sex jokes less obvious and cut down the cursing due to the large child audience.
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"Thank you for saving my life and protecting me, I'm now going to have sex on you."
Yeah, that was just fucking rude. Dirty bastards. Transformers is a great film...it has made $89 million in 3 1/2 days and is rated A- on Yahoo and has a 8.3 on IMDB. That means it's a great movie....right???? -
Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of sci-fi action violence, brief sexual humor, and language. That's from the MPAA warning on the poster. Maybe you should read that stuff before taking a kid to a PG-13 movie sight unseen.
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the filmakers are not the parents...they have no responsibility to your children. It was rated PG-13 and it was very obvious there would be some sexuality....Megan Fox is sex on fucking legs and was advertise as such. It is your responsibility..a PG-13 movie with big killer robots, IMO, does not seem like something suitable for anyone under 9
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"One of these days people will wake up and ask themselves *Why the HELL am I listening to this purple spandex wearing jackass jumping around singing some retarded shit about cherry pies!?* "
But that's not likely to happen, I'd say. Going along with the music example...just one listen of "Chicken Noodle Soup" or "This is Why I'm Hot" seems enough to remind us that there will always be something to be deeply ashamed of at a later date. Yesterday brought MC Hammer, today brings Lil' Jon. -
Fuck you asshole. Don't blame the movie because you are a shitty parent. Maybe it was mis-rated but 13 means 13 not 6. You can't say no to your 6 year old you fucking pussy? Eat shit. Really. Your kid will probably take your gun to school tomorrow and pretend his classmate is a Decepticon. Way to go moron.
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Man, that was a funny line. But with regard to the review: I haven't seen it yet, and on the basis of this review and the reaction to it I'm now in no hurry to. If Vern says he can't tell which robot is which and what they're doing, and if everyone here pops up and says, "Yeah that's kinda true but it's still exciting" I'm in no hurry. That was one of my main complaints about the prequels, and I'm not going to drive myself crazy with this stuff, too. If you can't follow the battles, what's the point?
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If you don't like this talkback you're an elitist, hater snob.
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About every ten fucking minutes some dumb asshole comes in and says the same shit. Over and over again. "Its based on a Toy commercial, whadda expect.""The story was dumb but so what the SFX were amazing.""All you haters just hate it blindly!" "It was dumb fun. It wasnt trying to be high art."Do you people realize how fucking stupid you sound right now? First of all, all of that has been discussed in both the review and the 1500 posts above yours. READ the shit before blindly posting. Second, really think about what you are saying. We are asking for a compotent script and story. Something that is NEVER detrimental to a movie. You are saying that doesn't matter. Unfornately, you are dead wrong. You know it. You can enjoy the film for what it is. I have no problem. But don't patronize me by telling me I am an "elitist snob" for demanding something be well made.
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Just got off the cell with Satan. He's really booked up for the next several million years. You will be rooming with Michael Bay while in Hell. On the plus side its a smoking suite. On the minus side its your flesh that will be smoking. Don't worry cause it will only feel like an eternity. Sorry, I'm just the messenger here. Glad I'm not in Sparta. *writers note : my posts are liberally sprinkled with sarcasm so please add a grain of salt to improve taste*
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this is from an EW interview........."You made certain changes to the Transformers from the '80s series to update them and make them cinematic — like giving Optimus Prime a long-nose truck cab instead of a flat-front. There was a lot of fan uproar about that. There were even rumors that you got death threats." ****Michael Bay Speaking now*****
No. You get these funny talkbacks, like, ''Damn you, Michael Bay, you wrecked my childhood, Michael Bay. I want to hunt you down.'' I mean, whatever, you know. People are passionate about their childhoods. [Laughs] But honestly, they remember the cartoons greater than what they really are if you look at them. Because they don't stand up at all.
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The masturbation jokes are what offended you about taking your kid to this movie? You're of with the racist sterotypes and the ulta-violence but the sex bothered you? Here's a secret. Kids jerk off. Get over it. Hell I probably started when I was 10. He probably didn't even understand most of it. You truly are the stupidest person in the world and people like you make this country the reason it's shitty.
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Thank God I found one. Nothing but "cool news" on this site.
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"damn you Michael bay" ....now my mind is blown
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Wow man, someone really pushed your buttons today. Glad i could accommodate. Oh yeah, wake up dude and smell the marketing. It's not bad parents that take their kids to see this movie; it's parents duped by the marketers to trick them into thinking it was meant for kids. I for one am not a parent, but I do sympathize with those that did bring their kids... and there were plenty at my viewing. So why don't you calm down and eat a biscuit or something, then go back to playing your Warcraft game and "pwn" people with your miserable, lonely life. I'm sorry to have offended you, maybe I should have put a PG-Asshole warning on my post.
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I saw this pile for free and still feel raped.
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What do you consider art???...Is it not art when you create a fucking car that transforms into a 20 foot tall robot??....Make a movie that entertains BILLIONS???.....
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I. Was. Kidding.
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fuck you vern for being such a negative moaning fan boy.
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read this insanely long talkback from begining to end and the joke will become all too clear.
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Well this has been quite an experience. Talking to all you nutcases...but I think i will leave with my head uo high that my voice was heard. If not just ask Spencey....PEACE OUT YA'LL.
BAY Holla at me!! -
Hey guy. I have a Bachelor's degree in mass media social issues and policy. I know about the power marketing has on society but there is a limit. If a parent gets upset by the content of this film because they took their kid to it that's their right, but they are ridiculously dumb. There is a time when people have to be responsible for their own decisions. This was a MICHAEL BAY film. He has a terrible and utterly predictable and known track record for not just adult content, but downright reprehensible content, in his films. Two seconds of research would tell anyone who actually gave a shit about what they exposed their children to that. So I'm sorry if I don't have sympathy if they take take their child to a movie that has been clearly deemed inappropriate to their age group.
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Look, I've enjoed movies like The Rock and am not an avowed Bay-hater, but was stunned at how lousy this movie is. Vern nailed it.
The two positive features are the vibe and weight Peter Cullen gives Optimus and the liveliness Shia injects into a thankless role. To begin with, there are no other characters to speak of - Megan Fox is a bland but hot bimbo, Voight is one-note and boring, the fat dude is unfunny, Aussie Rachael Taylor is stunning but serves no purpose in the movie, sadly Turturro is silly and equally bland, the parents blend into the background, Josh Duhamel is nothing more than a run of the mill soldier boy shooting at things. No one is rounded out, they're just...there. Sam is the only one who shows any freshness or true personality.
The battle sequences are a disgusting mess; you don't even know what is going on! Combined with the fact that the only two distinguishable transformers are Optimus and Bumblebee, it's a shaky cam mess. It all gets boring; I never thought such spectacle would be so tedious. By the time the final battle was in full swing, I just wanted it to be over. And I'm no pretentious critic; I really do get the 'explosions can be fun' thing, but Transformers gave me nothing to work with.
The jokes, as Vern said, pander to the lowest common denominator (contrast this to how a film like Ratatoiulle worked partly because they never fell into fart/poo/pop-culture joke conventions of its genre). Are we supposed to guffaw at the fat dude scarfing down on doughnuts and freaking out? The whole bit with the Autobots hanging outside Sam's house smacked of lame 'hee, we're trying so hard to be funny, see?'.
The movie also takes a full hour to take off and spends too long lingering here and there without any advancement. The subplot with the blond Australian girl & her friend is just fat; you could've cut that out and spent more time on the main characters and Autobots. Bay shares a lot of the credit for this stinker with his abysmal camera work and pacing, but the true hacks behind this are screenwriters Kurtzman and Orci who turn everything they touch into shit. -
No, really...
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during production, Michael bay got high on coke and got in the 40 foot Bumblebee model, everyone around said that he kept making the transforming sound through a megaphone till he passed out. That dude is hardcore.
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Admittedly, tens of millions may see this movie, but it depends on whether "entertains" is defined as simply kept them in their seats or actually gave them their money's worth. I hated it, but I didn't walk out (despite the pounding headache).
As far as the "giant robots=automatically dumb" defence - IRON GIANT, NEON GENESIS, RAHXEPHON - the "boy and his robot" genre has never been this dumb, and really, how is giant robots any sillier than "costumed superheroes?"
Sure, Spider-Man 2 had a guy build a fusion reactor in a loft in Manhattan (talk about your own personal Manhattan Project), but the movie created a consistent logic for this sort of thing. TRANSFORMERS, story-wise, seemed to aim for absolutely realistic setting and then combine it with a kid's comic book mentality and cut out characters from a teen sex comedy. -
No clue. Let me know if you figure it out.
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This movie will make oodles of cashola, and sell more toys for Hasbro... but when it comes time to make a sequel, they'll realize that they wrote themselves into a corner and will have to rely on more dazzling effects and hot GM cars to mask an even more inane plot.
And the stereotypes... gangsta breakdancer Niggerbot Jazz?! WTF?!
I hope they make a Spicbot that transforms into a lowrider next time...
Maybe a souped-up ricer Chink-o-bot. That'll show diversity in Bay's world.
MICHAEL BAY FUCKING LOST. -
Why wasn't Nicholas Cage in this?Is he one of the many actors who won't work with Bay again? I actually thought he and Connery's charisma in The Rock penetrated Bay's style and made it a fun movie. I don't remember a single action sequence from that film but I remember all the classic Connery stilted slurrings and Cage manic sputterings and they were gold.The Rock was a cinematic milestone. You saw one generation's worst actor passing the torch to the next. I'll bet Nicholas Cage grew up wondering why his monologue from Thunderball got him rejected from so many auditions and then he finally got to work with his idol and put those hard times behind him.
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Any slurs were used for emphasis.
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these filmmakers probably make fun of Tron but could never even make a movie as good as it.
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I liked it just as much, 3 and half out of 5, Harry is right that some scenes are just worth repeating...if the film had a tighter script it would have been legendary.
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C'mon, it wasn't like he was eating chili outta her ass or anything.
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I was talking to the kid at Blockbuster video last week and he mentioned that a lot of parents were coming in angry after having rented Pan's Labrynth for their kids. It's a fantasy movie so they rented it for the kids without turning the box over and reading that it was rated R for "graphic violence." I know that's a lot of effort to expect from people: turn over the DVD box and then read it. That's some pretty taxing shit. The bottom line is parents should be responsible for what their kids see.
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That was funny. But seriously, I live in Africa where we don't have much access to geek lingo (if it is geek lingo). Like emo? What the fuck is an emo? It's some kinda gay pseudo-goth, right?
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to inform all you whiny adults once again this movie, cartoon, TOYS and any other property with the name TRANSFORMERS on it, is for humans under the age of 14. For those still holding the torch for the original 80's MERCHANDISE, you need to extinguish it and go hang out with your friends at the BOTCONS. Since I went into this movie with that in mind i found it to be just as intellectually stimulating as the cartoon which is as intellectually stimulating as a conversation with a 13 year old. So admit thats what it is instead of complaining that you werent emotionally connected with bumblebee. Your arguements are wasted on this movie since your comparisons to sci-fi/action movies of your childhood only work if your still a child. Any adult who watches star wars and e.t. and says its just as emotionally touching as when they were kids never grew up and is the reason why our society is so immature. Yes, vern and the rest of you are out of touch because you want your childhood back and are never going to get it. There, i said it. again. and I'll keep saying it because you guys are so passionate about a mediocre franchise from your youth. The technical side of transformers is and always will be the only redeeming quality of the property. the stories were mediocre, the characters were mediocre and thus, this movie is mediocre. If you tried to make it more than that it would have been contrived drama instead of just contrived comedy. I wanted to see real vehicles turn into giant robots that fight. I got it. im satisfied. any comments?
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Are you a Simpsons character come to magical life?
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of course
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I know the Pan's Labyrinth story, and I agree that parents have a responsibility to check ratings. But PL was an original idea, whereas Transformers was a kids toy and cartoon for 20 years. I guess I should clarify my argument... I think that studios have a responsibility that when they take a source subject that has been established as for children, then they must not change that into a more adult film. Transformers has always been kid's material, and a parent should never have to do research into whether or not it is good for their kids to watch. An example would be Disney. Mickey Mouse should never be in a PG13 movie, because he has always been a kids cartoon.
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Sorry man, I try not to converse with morons who use phrases like "PEACE OUT YA'LL" and words like "Holla". Never did get that last one. Suffice to say, films can definately qualify as art - WHEN THEY ARE WELL-CRAFTED STORIES. For all the bells, whistles, fireworks, explosions and effects you can stick on a movie - if the script sucks, so will the movie. Transformers is the biggest wasted opportunity in the history of film-making. There I said it.
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That's a fair point. Perhaps you're not as big of an asshole as I thought. But parents still should know better on this one and it's still disquieting to me that out of all the things in the movie that bothered you it was some mild sexual humor. Who fives a fuck? Pun intended.
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Eli Roth's, AICN big cock love child, Hostel II has made 18 million since June. Michael Bay's, AICN whipping boy, Transformers made 65 million in a couple days. Now who's cock is bigger? Yup Bay sucks all the way to the bank. Bay will still be making movies while Roth will be smoking crack and pimping his dick for ghey pron. So all you Bay haters can continue gnashing your teeth and shaking your fists at the heavens. Continue to call everyone morons while the world crumbles around you. Bay has risen! Tremble in fear as your soul freezes in his shadow. All of your hate has only made him stronger! Fools!
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I tried to cover my tracks in the review with that detailed explanation of how I supposedly expect "entertainment" and "storytelling" and "competently staged action sequences" out of a "summer popcorn blockbuster movie!" But you guys nailed me and now that the movie is making money like we all expected, proving me wrong, I can admit the truth. I was told we were going to see Hamlet. It seemed a little weird how many people were there to see Hamlet and how drunk some of them were, and when it said Hasbro at the beginning I definitely was confused.
Why are they talking like this? What's with the modern clothes? Where is the dad's ghost or whatever? This is a VERY liberal updating of the original play.
About 90 minutes in when I realized that this was NOT Hamlet, I was fucking PISSED. And I chose to take it out on TRANSFORMERS by writing a long review detailing some of its weaknesses and why we should supposedly expect more from a movie than for it to be projected on a screen before we start jerking off all over the place and calling people who don't like it faggots. But that was all a front. Really, just having a title and being released is enough. Being a movie means it's awesome. What did you expect, Hamlet? IT'S A MOVIE. I LOVE MOVIES.
Also I wanted Oscars. Admittedly, it will likely win for sound effects editing and visual effects, but I specifically was looking for best supporting actress and best original screenplay. But I don't think this thing is even eligible for original screenplay, only for adapted screenplay. So FUCK IT. I WANT OSCARS. AND SERIOUS DRAMA. THAT IS ALL I WANT. EVERYTHING I SAID IN THE REVIEW AND IN THE TALKBACKS AND IN MY PAST REVIEWS ABOUT WHAT KIND OF MOVIES I LIKE WAS A LIE. THAT IS WHY I AM WRITING IN ALL CAPS HERE.
Why did Ivory have to die before he got the chance to do TRANSFORMERS 2? Or was it Merchant? Either way, it's a sad loss for all of us Oscar winning Hamlet and drama fans. Merchant-Ivory could've knocked this one out of the park if they had Shakespeare in there as an executive producer or something. -
to describe this movie in only two words: Psychlops Kaleidoscope.
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5 good, 1 mixed, and 1 bad review make Bay AICN's whipping boy? That's some fuzzy math there Mr. Pilgrim.
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if you read it while hearing Gandalf's voice...especially the "Fools!" part.
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I agree with almost every negative aspect that you covered in your review, but I still enjoyed the movie. I can't explain myself other than to say it was a decent "popcorn flick". I really don't think that this movie is even worth debating though. It's kind of like arguing over which of the Hanson bros. is the cutist; sure, everyone's got their own opinion on the subject but at the end of the day isn't there better things to get worked up over?
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you can't kill them... because they're already dead!
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you might just be an imagination-less ass. Could that be it?
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You called this product "Ain't It Cool's whipping boy." Admittedly, many of the talkbackers have been ragging on it for what seems like years, but Quint visited the set I believe and kept saying he thought it would be good, Harry and Moriarty I believe said they didn't care about the toys so they were looking forward to it, then Moriarty ran maybe a dozen or two dozen rave reviews from early screenings. He even mentioned they had gotten negative reviews but never ran any of them! Then all the main writers here, even Moriarty, wrote positive reviews until finally Harry had a polite "I was disappointed" and I wrote this one. As far as I saw, mine was the only completely negative review of the movie that was ever run here, out of quite a few reviews.
So it has to be 100% unanimous love from everyone here or it counts as some kind of personal vendetta? That seems a little silly to me, but then so does a robot peeing on John Turturro. I am definitely in the minority on this one but I accept your comments as a subconscious acknowledgment that I'm just ahead of my time. -
see it again today. I'll let ya know second thoughts
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I don't think this pilgrim is playing with a full deck. Although your post works for any sane people who might make that typically inane argument.
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He seems to think that boxoffice cash equates with film quality. I don't think anybody expected Transformers to be a financial failure. Just becuase it is raking in a lot of money does't mean it's good. It just means the boys in marketing got people to see it.
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Yep. This movie will be like everyother "blockbuster that maes all its money the first weekend based on hype and then when word gets around no one else will see it.
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I bet Transformers makes at least half its total domestic gross in the first week of its release. I bet it drops 60% next week.
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Then owns all the people being asses and they scurry away for a while until they are sure he is gone. Fucking glorious. This movie is a GEEK LITMUS TEST. Whats more important to you, BOOM BOOM or STORY? Apparently there is a line in the sand right now. Either your an ignorant ass or a elitist snob. Take your pick...
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God, I'm so glad there's a review here that I completely agree with on this movie. This was the worst fucking movie I've seen in a long time, including FF2. I can't wait for the time when the next big movies coming out are Iron Man and The Dark Knight. Fuck this shit.
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Always impressed with how you never stoop to the level of name-calling and spite, no matter what kind of shrill invective is spat your way.
In other news, I feel some sort of retraction is in order. Some time ago I let the negativity get the better of me and tried to instigate the ousting of Wiseman from DH4 on your Sight. I would like to take it back. He did a good job. I thought. -
movie.
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That was very Disturbing I said "Its like having sex on top of the Dog." and then all the autobots where sitting around them watching like perv bots.
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the seizure potential until they are completely numb.
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some anyway? Odd.
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They sure learned a lot on the WWW!
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Jul 05, 2007 3:36:57 PM CDT
Between this and Harry's review, it's safe to say....
by www.valiens.com
AICN is NOT, repeat NOT a bought-and-paid-for studio mouthpiece as many like to claim.
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Bay is famous for like with little kids running around with space ships Only its Mikaela (Daughter of a convicted Car thief who also stole cars with her father and got a jail record of her own)makes out with Sam On top pf his best friend in front of his new best friends, Which reminds me what happened to his little buddy the one he kicked out of the car for Mikaela
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Dear Mr Vern, It was not my intention to be taken seriously. I thought the last couple sentences added to my post showed it was meant to be a joke. Perhaps the pain of the viewing was still to near. Like Frodo you may never truly heal from The Bay Experience. I find that I get myself into a lot of trouble when I try silliness like this. Like the time I told the cops I had butchered my family and had a bloody hacksaw in my hand. I thought it was a hoot but was not laughing when I found out what a prison pillow party was. Anyhoo. I'll try to keep my insanity in check and I'm sorry for any confusion. Yours, Billy Pilgrim. P.S. I do agree with you on many of your points. The pissing was not needed and Turturro was over the top. But I just reasoned that they were added for 13 yr olds. Let them get a gas out of a few fart jokes. The action was classic Michael Bay in that it was quick tight cuts and what some call "shaky cam". But then again I went in expecting all this. Many of the side characters were throw away and I felt nothing for "the military man with the family at home" sub story. The one side character I really enjoyed was Bernie Mac as a used car salesman. But then I'm a big Mac fan. Unfortunately for many, Michael Bay will have generated enough cash from this movie to guarantee two or more major pictures before he loses any luster. Oh by the way, Hasbro is French for Hamlet. That "may" have led to some of your confusion.
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Hadn't really thought about it like that, but I could buy that general argument. It's probably not 100% true, but then, there are exceptions to every rule, are there not?
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So when is everyone going to forget Transformers? I believe this film is exactly like Freddy Kreuger...if we pretend it does not exist...it will go away.
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The funny thing is that it probably will will an Oscar, maybe two. One for special effects and one for sound. Bwahahahahahaha!
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OK. I apologize if my initial post wasn't a clear, but I am glad that I could have cleared up my point a little. I grew up on Porkeys, Caddyshack and Stripes, so I can care less what parents do with their kids. I was only trying to point out that there is a time and place for certain subject matters and language, and Transformers, which has always been a kids product, is not the place for it. Some things still have a right to their innocence, and this is one product that does.
PLUS, their is no reason to warp kids with the crappy design of the robots in this movie. It was confusing as hell and they were waaaayyy too busy looking. -
i know it to be true from a close encounter of the first kind.
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they keep making what I crave...sadly
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Why Do autobots except for Jazz and Prime have english accents? Is it some type of ode to lucas's Jedi's?
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And I loved Stone Cold. The Boz's mullet was the greatest thing I have ever seen.
But is Die Hard 4 as good as you say? -
And I loved Stone Cold. The Boz's mullet was the greatest thing I have ever seen.
But is Die Hard 4 as good as you say? -
It was a solid movie alot better then Transformers But I felt like I was watching a commecial for the unrated DVD.
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Julia Roberts winning for Erin Brockovitch (or however you spell it) against the lady from Requiem for a Dream. The funny thing, Transformers is Oscar worthy. Bwahahahhahahahahaha!
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the only one to get it.
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Look back at some of the Oscar winners and you'll know what I mean. http://tinyurl.com/2q55aq
"Chicago" wins best picture over Two Towers or Gangs of NY? Was it really the better film??? That would be like giving TINO Best Picture over...hell anything this year! -
winning for Training Day and Russel Crow winning for Gladiator. Denzel should've won for Malcolm X and Russell Crow should have won for beautiful mind.
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It did hurt at first. Then I liked it and now I just feel dirty. I tried to take a shower but I cant get clean. Now I sit in my closet with my laptop on Wi-Fi and hope nobody can see me.
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As much as I absolutely despised this movie, I would have no problem if it won Oscars for visual effect and sound. Why not? The guys and gals at ILM who did the effects deserve praise, as they put together one of the best looking movies ever.That doesn't change the fact that this movie is a steaming pile of shit, that the robot designs that the producers told them to make come to life look terrible, and that Bay approved the animatics of non-discernable flailing robot limbs flying around a shaky-cam, spinning at 360 degrees, while flares of sunlight distort the picture. Poor guys. I have many much bigger problems with the movie than the following, but I must ask: How can a 12 foot long sports car (that is mostly hollow, so as to allow our heros to ride inside comfortably) transform into a 35 foot tall robot? Also, how can a 1.4 million square foot cube of made of metal, circuitry and other alien technology transform into a one square foot cube light enough for Shia Labouf to carry?
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she could make a good nominee along with Vince Vaughn, Brad Pitt, Luke Wilson, and, oh, let's through Shia LePieu in for good measures.
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And for trying to replace Scatman Crouthers with Eddie Winslow From Family Matters.
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'Cause he's Black, and stuff.
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You said, "Vern is the first ever reviewer in AICN that you can truly tell he's in fact purely in love with cinema."
Why? Because he wrote a review that agreed with your viewpoint on a movie about transforming robots? Give me a break. Moriarty, Quint, etc. have just as much love for cinema than you, me, or anybody else.
Your continual decree that anyone who likes Transformers (or any popcorn flick that you deem "unworthy") is an apologist idiot is just well... idiotic.
Different people are entertained by different movies. Get that stick out of your ass, step off of your little sad podium, and realize that there's absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying a movie like Transformers. No one is calling it frickin' Citizen Kane or whatever. The movie entertains. You don't like it for your own personal reasons, that's fine. Cinema is not black or white. You always seem to bring up Mystery Science Theater for some odd reason. Transformers is entertaining a lot of people. That doesn't make those people inferior in the realm of cinema. They're not enjoying this movie to make fun of it because it's so bad. They enjoy it because it's fun to them. It's a good ole exciting ride. Maybe not for you, but we all like different things. Some people love the Beatles. Some people prefer Elvis. Get over yourself and understand that. -
Very true. I using it as an exaggeration about we seem to be two camps of people right. It is definately a love or hate situation it seems. Very few people are indifferent or just ok with the movie. I think it is a litmus test in what you find more enjoyable in the movies. TFs literally has no story whatsoever but has some interestingly paced and wholly unique action sequences (notice I didn't say good...I just can't). It is definately devisive. It might also be that the majority of film geeks just cant take the premise seriously. They dont care about the source material and just want something cool. This could be a really interesting look into the state of geekdom. Someone should do a documentary on the split and how people intepret quality in cinema...hmmm
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Crowe should have won for The Insider. And Master and Commander.
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himself to Shia?
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He carried this piece of a movie and outacted two of the finest actors in cinema history. But as I said 2 weeks ago Everyone in a BAY movie seems to be adlibbing and Bay confirmed this in a interview. But It will be interesting to See how Shai performes on a set with a little more structure.
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like Jazz. He is old school, not one of those new fangled hippity hoppers!
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Beautiful Mind is not that good of a movie. Ron Howard sucks.
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If you are still responding to Transformer talk (my spelling and gramar suck) Jazz did break dance cause in the cartoons he transformed that way and I belive scat man was his voice so maybe Bay was paying a bad homage to him, and Mega tron did transform into a cybertron jet cause he does not give a crap bout hiding from the humans. I liked the movie for what it was worth. I saw the original cartoon with my brother and then best friend,and yes I did cry when optimus died.I do not agree with some of the Bay add ons or improvised scetches, yes the peeing scene just didnt fit, but why would those actors play the parts? if you blame Hollywood for allowing Bay to direct these travesties then blame the actors as well. I dont think the world is going to hell in a hand bag cause of a movie bout big ass robots, I think it is heading that way with movies like Hostel 2 or torture porn what ever people want to call those kind of movies. the point I was so badly wanting to make is that you have to take this movie for what it was worth kid gets car car turns into robot kid must now save the world from other robots o yhea add some hard music and sexy ladies.... Bay your a genious.
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TF is much closer to Hostel than it is, say, to Raiders.
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He introduces Ironhide who says "go ahead make my day" with a english accent then Ratchet Who says "The Boys Pheromone level suggest he wishes to mate with the girl" The crowd Chuckles I groan. Then Jazz who says "Hey Little Bitches, I'm just going sit right here" and he Doesn't really Breakdance it's the way he Transforms It looks like he break dances.
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Classy.
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maybe so...but you have spent a lot more time commenting on this topic then I have. so obviously, you have something to prove. im just trying to stir shit because i think Vern is too old (mentally) to be reviewing movies like this. Its a waste of everyones time.
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Any movie that has Bernie Mac's momma flippin him the bird has to be an instant classic. I think you don't appreciate the muted comic genus that is The Bay.
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sequel. The two clowns that wrote it said they wouldn't be writing it. Now, just pray that whoever wrote FF2 doesn't get the job. I personally liked the movie, as did the audience I saw it with (I'm judging by the applause at the movie's conclusion). I do, though, agree that it was light on characterization. It would also be appreciated if Bay could learn to hold the camera on a shot for once instead of kamikaze style filmmaking. I just watched JAWS again last night, you would hope that Spielberg would teach Bay how to film a real shot and hold it to appreciate for a moment. You knew Spielberg's fingerprints were all over any scene that made the movie feel like it was thawing out a bit. It really wasn't that bad, I just wish it was a little more G1 in the designs. Oh, and I hear that Bay wants to add a robotic synchronized swimming scene into the next one, just to outdo Toby McGuire.......
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sense of taste that the youth of america clearly can't relate to.
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nobody mentioned the little boombox robot running around. He was making all kinds of goofy yub yub sounds all the time. Plus he had Jack Bauer like sneaky skills. A shiny moving object got no attention when tip toeing across the airport tarmac. Even with security on high alert! Also, why would DNA machines evolve into bipedal creatures. That would not be a very practical form to take for their abilities. Something like a dodecahedron or circle with multiple ports for any kind of appendage to pop out would make more sense. A bipedal form is not ideal for an interstellar race.
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Could Michael Bay and co. portray African Americans any worse than in this film? AAs were portrayed as stupid, jive talking, lazy, loud mouthed, comic relief, who hate the police, and who all apparently live with their grandparents. Yes, I know it's an overall hollywood trend but this film was little more than a modern day Amos 'n Andy at parts. Oh and did I mention that the film sucked major ass in every other way shape and form? Fight scenes particularly! Garbage, pure Michael Bay garbage...only add a touch of racism.
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Vern you are a fucking moron. I can respect the fact that you don't like a movie, but you have to make up a Bay worshipping friend to show that he hated the film as well. I quote your above piece of shit review "The credits roll. I find Mr. Armageddon." If Mr Armageddon was your friend why did you have to find him? Was in the back screwing your mom?
Does every movie have to be fucking Lawrenece of Arabia? Bay is simply a popcorn and soda movie maker not some art house or serious drama director. What kind of action sequences do you like other than those involving your mom and the 300 trojan wearing spartans? -
you must be joking or stupid or both. VERN you have hit the nail on the head- when the trtansformers are on screen joking and making plans to save our young and promising race I wanted to gag-like a episode of ROBOT CHICKEN sending up these toys and how ridiculous they translate on the screen in live action. Bay is all over the place on this one- trying to combine a cartoon violence/love story/father son understanding/Iraq war families broken up/Rush Hour comedy and pentagon propoganda commercial all in to one giant mess of a disaster of a film. horrible. You honestly don't know whether you should be cringing in embarrasement in one scene to laughing it up in the next. How can one be serious about out troops being attacked and holding on for dear life in one scene and the next scene you have six forty foot tall robots crawling around a front porch of a house with mom shouting out jerk off jokes to all within earshot...really really bad. Steven Spielberg, when you won your Academy Award for Schindler's List you talked about it's all in the ceative potential and realization of the written word- the script. The essense of what to base and build a fine piece of cinema on. Did you not READ this garbage and realize it was being actually filmed? Despite that major shortcoming, the whole screen presence of talking and brave and honorable flame painted red and blue robots is impossible to describe. Ludicrous is a word that comes to mind. Effects? Good, but after 700 shots in a row of explosions and whirling pices of colored metal flashing across the screen (with dust and smoke added to make it "blend" with the surrounding) does OVERKILL enter your mind? I was not impressed and I saw nothing groundbreaking.All this intercut with slo-mo shots of opening mouths and clutching hands...talk about awful on a grand scale...simply the worst misfire I have seen in a long long time.
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"Transformers" breaks 4th of July records beating out "Spiderman 2" for the number one spot. Bwahahahahahaha!
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Live together in perfect harmony. Side by side on the computer keyboard, oh lord, why don't we? We all know that Talkbackers are the same where ever you go. There is good and bad in all of them. We learn to live, we learn to rip each other, what we need to survive, together posting....
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I've got to agree with Vern on every criticism... BUT... Vern makes this movie sound really fucking bad when it is still a very enjoyable watch. But I don't credit that to Michael Bay, I credit it to the fact that it's Transformers and we've never attempted a spectacle like this before... However I do feel bad for the fans as it does hold so much more potential. I'm giving Bay a pass on this one, as I'm looking at this as the first episode of perhaps more movies to come. However Bay better get his act together or we get some new people to do this because I'm not letting any shit slide next time. Take the criticisms of this film and fix them, or else don't bother... Basically I'm digging teh robot designs, but for gosh sakes, keep the fucking camera steady man... no point making a spectacle we can't focus on... and I hope Nolan keeps that in mind for Dark Knight. And the same for Bourne 3... Transformers was tolerable... Bourne Supremacy was a fucking mess... but the plot was better. Not taht Transformer's was bad. It was workable and we can save some for the sequels.
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Days before the opening of the latest Transformers movie, director Michael Bay posted an angry message on his blog, deriding producers Don Murphy and Tom DeSanto for allegedly attempting to take undeserved creative credit for the film. Although his message was later removed, it was apparently cached by Google and found its way to L.A. Weekly columnist Nikki Finke, who posted it on her website today (Thursday). In it, Bay writes that he had only one creative meeting with DeSanto a year ago, during which, he wrote, "I realized he was worlds apart in my vision. I said, 'Thank you very much, ' and then showed him my office door. I never really spoke to him again other than to mutter, 'Hello.'" Bay says that although he never had conversations with Murphy, he did read notes from him "kind of trashing the script and making me and the writers feel like a big s*** pile." Bay also accused DeSanto of attempting to get a writer's credit on the film and discussing the film with interviewers at an awards dinner as if he had seen the completed film. "Give me a break," Bay wrote. "The guy was lying through his teeth. He had seen nada, nothing, until the press screening."
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I guess all you haters like Vern who didn't like it can choke on the fact that the movie is definitely gonna make it's money and hopefully we that enjoyed it will get to see a sequel.
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Hey the remake of Bio-Dome is coming out. Should be good, it will have Giant Robots in it. Or.. The remake of From Justin to Kelly is coming out. Should be good, it will have Giant Robots in it.
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I imagined a giant unstoppable Pauly-Shore-Bot that would never shut up!
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I'm confused. I thought a plant was someone who was planted on a website by the studio. It seems like it means people who liked the film. What is the definition of a plant? My guess is that some people on this board are just stupid.
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And thank God it wasn't.
Pure asskickery through and through. Like somebody mentioned in a review, I was in serious need of calming the fuck down when I left the theater.
I perfectly understand a lot of people's gripes with this movie, and Vern's review is fucking hilarious and true in it's own way, but I don't know, I really don't feel like I'm giving this movie a pass for its drawbacks. I just feel it is what it is, and what it is was fucking incredible to experience. I felt like a little kid playing with my robots, coming up with ludicrous lines, wholly implausible scenarios, and tossing out bits of logic that I normally feel uncomfortable without these days, but back then they just got in the way of my fun.
And that's my two cents I guess. Sorry for being part of the decline of cinema and humanity in general. -
This talkback is growing at a exponentiel rate. At this rate it will soon bypass the Lost TB.I say, we should purposely start going off topic, only to make this thing grow... like the Blob.
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Racism and other forms of insensitivity in Transformers:
-Jazz, the jive-talking, breakdancing autobot, who also happens to be the only good guy who dies, who immistakably was meant to be the token "black" robot
-The soldiers who keep telling the hispanic soldier to speak English, while making fun of his culture's foods. What the hell was the point of this running joke?
-The comment that Iranian scientists are "incapable" of doing a hack like the one they were looking at, rather it must be some other country. It was subtle, but it seemed poorly worded, so as to suggest that Iranians as people were inferior, rather than the state of their technology.
-Mustache-phobia, as all of the Decepticon holograms wore mustaches. -
I think they were basically saying that the hack was too complicated for any countries scientists. The sound in this movie was amazing.
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I am off to see this with my 10 yr old nephew when he sees this and unfortunately Vern's review is the one I had been expecting. I hope I enjoy it but one of the very few arguments for this film is "giant robots! What did you expect". That just doesn't work. Iron Gian had a giant robot and was brilliantly done. Nice simple story, with simple, uncomplicated animation with a hell of a lot of charm. Unfortunately, I don't believe for a second that Bay is capable of this. I think Spielberg is but I don't think his influence would have been that great on this project. You can only live in hope
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Bring on Bay again!!..Fast! Please shoot TF:3 at the same time as the sequel!! Someone please also throw a big pile of money at Emmerich while you are at it, so we can get another Independence Day at the same time..Let's pile on more shit fast before the memory fades, and maybe one day we'll reach the point where empty fireworks doesn't even manage to blind an 11-year old! Then we can put all this shit behind us!
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they remind me of bad 70's porn
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Great review. I agree 100%. I expected it to be bad, but not insultingly bad. I will never watch another Michael Bay movie as long as I live.
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So you guys wanted the Transformers movie to be like Iron Giant? WTF? Well, I guess it would've been cool if Vin Diesel voiced one of the characters.
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I wasn't posting about Ebert liking the movie or not. I was posting about the philosophy. Within that philosophy there is room for a variety of opinions. In this case Vern didn't like how the movie was about the giant robots. Apparently Ebert didn't either. He seemed to like the not serious attitude and human story. I would contend that if the movie is about giant robots fighting if it doesn't deliver for you on that level you can't give it a good rating. Vern didn't like that, or the humans, and he backed up his viewpoint. That's a valid way to review the movie. Two people can see the same film and have very different opinions. That doesn't make one elietist or another an idiot. Everyone gets something different out of the same move based on their personal tastes, prejudices, and knowledge. That's part of what makes art great.
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sort of man to wear one well!
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Anyone who knows me knows that I have always said "every movie has to be LAWRENCE OF ARABIA." But this one wasn't. Talk about a copout, shoulda been more desert.
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nail on the head, Vern.
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And then my movie would have its mustache quota filled as well.
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Sixteen Candles shower scene style with the "boooing" sound effect. I miss those random gratuitous boobs.
I mean it was complete madness on that screen for 2.5 hours. At the hour 10 minute mark we really needed a "boooing" moment. Something to even the pace.
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Flick starring your Boy Eckhart and thw woman from entrapment,I Hope he gets the Captain America job.
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Unfortunately it was right before a robot peed on John Turturro.
But you're right, the movie certainly needed giant bouncy tits. Honestly, with how ridiculous the movie is on its own, a random halftime scene with bouncy tits would've fit right in. -
Like the one Napolean Dynomite's bro had.
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Vern, I'm really with you on the quality of the movie. Yes "Giant Robots" is not an excuse. A really good director and writers could take Transformers to a different level. Have you see them as an actual race of beings with feelings, needs and motives of their own. Give you a reason to genuinely care about them or hate them with a passion. When Jazz died there was no feeling there. When a Decepticon was killed there was no "hell yeah!" there was just a subdued "yay" just cause you were told he was a bad guy. As and example, you had two directors make two different movies that occurred in WWII. Bay with Pearl Harbor and Spielberg with Saving Private Ryan. Both movies had big explosions and huge battles. Plenty of action for everyone. But with Ryan the battles, the fighting, the deaths were personal and painful. At the end you really felt Damon's survival guilt and his need to know that he lived his life well to honor the men who died for him. Instead we got the Pearl Harbor version of Transformers where you really didn't give a fuck who was alive at the end. Transformers could have been so much more. So yes, you can have Lawrence of Arabia with Giant Fucking Robots. Well, the robots wouldn't really be "fucking" that's a different form entertainment.
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You wrote a thousand+ word essay about Transformers ... Directed by Michael Bay.'Most every single person who sees the movie will be able write 1000+ words on what is wrong with it but the beauty of popcorn cinema is the ability to suspend disbelief. Roll with the flow.Of course that does not apply to all movies - I could jot down a thousand words on why I disliked 'The Thin Red Line' and it would be deserving of that kind of dissection considering the serious subject matter. But to lump that kind scrutiny on a Transformers movie, well that's a shame for you. You missed out on a hell of a ride.
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Someone up there said to stop with the "but my kids liked it" argument. The reason it's a good argument is that it's a movie based on a cartoon based on kids toys. It's for kids. So if "my kids liked it", which they did, then the movie did its job. The fact that I also liked it and it ended up being something that we could enjoy together was a bonus. It had childish humor because it's a child's movie. I just happen to be a big kid, who went to Target with my kids the day before the movie came out and bought 3 new Transformers action figures; Optimus Prime (Fucking awesome by the way,) for myself and Iron Hide and Blackout for them.
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I had to take the time to register here and say thank you to Vern.
After exiting the theater feeling dirty yesterday, I thought I might be the only one that felt this way about the film, but it is truly special to find this review from Vern. I could never put my thoughts and feelings out there in a manner as well as this. Vern nailed it. He didn't miss a thing. Every single thing I had problems with, practically the entire film, Vern recalled and presented in an unbelievable fashion. If I could shake your hand Vern, I most certainly would.
This movie was so bad, truly no exaggeration, that it instantly etched itself in to my top ten worst of all time.
Bar none, no conest, the absolute worst movie script I have ever experienced in my thirty years of watching film. I didn't think it was possible for a script to be this bad. I was unaware, until reading this review, that the script was on the internet for months prior to the film being released. Had I read it, I would have never troubled myself with the film. If I had children, they would come nowhere near the theater to see this. Masturbation and lubrication jokes in a film that will undoubtedly have little kids under the age of 10 viewing it?
Absolutely no class and piss poor taste. WTF were they thinking when they thought that would work in the film? I'm still kind of in shock at how this turned out be just one big horrendous pile of shit.
Thank you once again Vern. Your geocities webpage is now bookmarked. I look forward to reading more of your reviews in the future. -
You can't tell someone they shouldn't have enjoyed something they honestly enjoyed. I normally don't care for Michael Bay movies, but this movie worked for me. The humor, the action, the camerawork, and the acting. If the movie had taken itself seriously, I'm not sure I could've swallowed it, or worse yet, enjoyed it.
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who felt "dirty" after watching this movie doesn't have much going on in their lives.
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Is for the robots to look awesome, transform, and wreck up the place. This is a movie about giant transforming robots. This is a summer blockbuster movie about giant transforming robots. Directed by Michael Bay. The guy who makes the most shallow movies possible on the subject of things chasing things and stuff getting wrecked. If you did not sit down in your theatre seat for the explicit purpose of seeing nothing more than cool looking robots, a crazy chase or two, and a whole lot of stuff getting wrecked by aformentioned robots, then the blame as to why you didn't enjoy the movie belongs to you and you alone.
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I thought the threads BEFORE the movie were long. Listen, the movie has it's pro's and con's, lover and haters, big deal. It really wasn't as aweful as some people are making it to be. Obviously the haters have an easy target in Bay, but not much more. Sure, the movie could have been tightened up a lot and condensed by fifteen or twenty minutes by cutting out a lot of behind the scenes nonsense. The extra military/government stuff waters down the core of the movie a lot. This doesn't make it a bad movie, though. And stop screaming racism on this board for every little thing that involves someone non-caucasion. There was some really fun humor in the film, and the audience (which was quite iverse, I might note), was roaring with laughter. I don't know what a black man falling through a glass window has to do with racism, but the whole scene was just insane.
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"Anything with Starscream or Blackout. Specifically Starscream transforming from jet to robot to jet when fighting in the air. Megatron browbeating Starscream for "failing him again". Optimus Prime talking about humanity, while corny, was directly from the cartoons. Mom asking Sam if he was masturbating when Mikaela is hiding in his room. Dad giving the boy the thumbs up after seeing Mikaela. Dad diving under the table yelling "earthquake" and mom saying she didn't know he could move that fast. Bernie Mac as a used car salesman. Bernie's mom giving him the finger. Bumblebee updating himself after being insulted by Mikaela. Optimus showing up to save the day. Sam risking his life to save Optimus and destroy Megatron. Megatron taunting Sam on the rooftop. These are a few parts I loved/enjoyed. I wont apologize for liking the movie. Some folks didn't and that's too bad for them. I'm not going to judge them. Satan already has a special place set aside for them. So I can only pity them." ----- I agree with you there Billy. The scenes you mention were some of my favorites. Just to add to them, Optimus saying "One shall stand, one shall fall!" was an ultimate line taken straight out of the 80s movie. I loved it! I also think Megatron was pretty Bad A. StarScream was cool to watch. Bumblebee was perfectly done and really brought heart to the autobots. Optimus had some sweet hero moments. When everything was going to crap, he showed up at the right time to help save the day. Yes, that's the kind of shit I wanted to see in this film and that's what I got. Again, Vern is a moron for wanting more than what it was meant to be. I didn't want a Transformers movie that is deep and thought provoking. I wanted a friggin movie based on an 80s cartoon and by God I got it. Bay rocks for this one!
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You prove my point. Thanks for the help!
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Exactly. So when the robots look stupid and you can't tell what place they are wrecking or how, that is a problem. For me this failed on hundreds of levels but most importantly on the level of giant robots fighting. One complaint Mr. Armageddon had, he felt that very little damage was actually done (although he loved the part where they smashed through the building). He compared it to a Godzilla movie where only a few buildings were wrecked.
I know you disagree, you liked the blurry grey machinery blobs rolling around. But didn't it at least bother you that that was only at the end? Shouldn't they have to announce on the theater schedule what time the Transformers get there? -
transformers saw an increase of 2 million dollars in its second day of release. it now has the best tuesday ever by nearly double second place, and the 3rd best wendsday ever, behind only spiderman 2 and a LOTR movie. both of which opened on those wendsdays. is it still a flop? if you do your research, you will note that the huge blockbuster movies you were comparing this to last night like spidey 3 and the pirates movies have their first day of release as their biggest. why, oh why did transformers increase its box office in its second day, on a day when there are firweworks to see at night, and cookouts during the day? i dare you to be dumb enough to keep calling it a flop. and i do realize this doesnt even matter as far as good or bad movie, im just putting jaysmack in his place because he was being retarded enough to call this a flop. thats all.
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You said earlier that all the reviews on this site were positive except yours. What does that tell you? Maybe, just maybe, you wouldn't know a fun movie if it jumped up in bit you in the ass? Could be. You might want to chew on that one for a while.
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I disagree, I don't think that's a good argument in this context. Because I've never seen anybody coming onto the talkbacks to announce that their kids loved THE LIZZIE MAGUIRE MOVIE or the one where Frankie Muniz paints Paul Giamatti blue. That is relevant to whether you got your money's worth buying tickets for your kids but it's not relevant to adults discussing a movie that they watched and whether it is enjoyable for adults.
Besides, kids like all kinds of shit. That doesn't meant adults have to. But there are also great kids movies that work for adults to. You can say that's what this is if you liked it, you don't have to use your kids as an excuse. The question is if they get nostalgic for it when they're older and watch it again will they appreciate it on a non-ironic level? I'm guessing no. -
Was a much more enjoyable experience. I like Verns reviews but this one was completely off the mark. Transformers just kicks ass.
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Dollars, you can buy the best SFX on earth, with all that cash why don't movie makers throw some big cash at really great screen writers. There should be a screen writing equal to ILM/WETA where people are like "oh, so and so did the writing and ILM did the SFX so you know it is going to be a totally great movie!!!"
Anyway keep up the good work. -
I also could hardly tell who was who. There seemed to be only 2 decepticons with names. They both seemed to transform into planes. The fight scenes were pretty meaningless, and they were the best part of the movie.
The long, long movie.
And why were those military people in the movie again?
I love some good junk, but this wasn't so good.
However, it was much better than Bad Boys 2 or Independence Day. -
... the fact that your previous rants have continually used such a film as "Goldeneye" as an example of pure and true quality cinema pretty much makes you look like an ass. I like that movie a lot, although in my eyes Casino Royale kicks its ass, but using that as an example of your cinema heirchy is pretty hilarious. As if Famke Janssen's character killing her "victims" by crushing them with her thighs matches up with the all time greats of cinema as we know it.
You have your opinion, but when you throw labels like "apologist" and "bay lover" or whatever, your "argument" weakens and weakens. I actually don't like Bay. I'll never forgive him for Pearl Harbor. Disrespectful shit. And I have no reason to apologize for his latest flick. But I, like a majority of the audience out there, happened to enjoy this flick despite its flaws. You just don't understand cinema if you don't think that different films appeal to different people for different reasons.
But hey, you keep up with your "heirachy" if it makes you feel good. The rest of us will just have a good ole time watching movies. -
MY kids are cool and wouldn't watch Lizzie Maguire. What kind of gay kids like that shit. The should be beat by their gay kid having parents.
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I don't need time to chew on it, I already know you're right. The minority opinion is always wrong, just as the minority robot always calls you a bitch and starts breakdancing. I don't know what I was thinking when I went into this movie hoping it would be deep and thought provoking. I wouldn't have minded that the comedy was unfunny and the action was indecipherable and the robots were hardly featured in a movie about robots, as long as it had made me question man's existence on earth or ponder the futility of a search for spirituality or something like that. But I guess I was just setting myself up for disappointment. For now on, I will always agree with the majority, no matter what own opinion is. It's like the robot said in the movie, "BOING! pisssssssssssssss." I love that that was hilarious. high five buddy AWESOME!!!!!! look me up on myspace buddy lol lol lol
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"They" should be beat, not "the" should be beat. God I suck!!! No wonder I loved this movie, I'm a freaking idiot!!!
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Cool! Michael Bay's talking about directing the sequels too! He says that "Transformers" is his baby and he doesn't want someone else to take it over. Awesome!
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I love it when movies avoid english profanities to stay within their rating restrictions, but then go right ahead and let the non-english speaking characters go all out.
I live in Puerto Rico, and it was hilarious to see the terrified looks on parents' faces when Amaury Nolasco's character just started cursing the fuck out. All the little kids went wild.
They gave the Decepticons spanish subtitles though, which was super fucking retarded. Starscream said "TODOS SALUDEN A MEGATRON!", which basically translates to "EVERYBODY SAY HI TO MEGATRON! -
I mean, why put regular old marshmallows all up in there? It adds absolutely NOTHING for the flavor because the chocolate overpowers it. It's merely there for texture purposes. If the dried out crunchy variety that are found in various cereals were used, maybe I'd have a higher opinion.
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A deep and throught provoking summer blockbuster movie? Some people might say Pirates 3 was that but that got shit on as well for the most part. I just saw it a 2nd time and there is enough robot action and it's not too hard to figure out who is who in the battle scenes. black out, star scream, bonecrusher and barricade are pretty decipherable on the second viewing. THe movie is overwhelming because it's something no one has seen before. go see it again because you're so off the mark. all these things your criticizing seem like personal jabs at people for liking it or michael bay for making it. you sound like a bitter old man who needs a catheter to piss.
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Or maybe, just maybe, you are a little too hard on the movie. I mean come on dude, you equate it to the end of civilization. You drop all kinds of comments about how this or that doesn't make sense. That you have to lock your brain up or some shit to be able to stand it and etc.. Come on dude. Stop throwing around the horseshit and admit that maybe your review was a tad bit too harsh. If you don't like it, fine, but why the hell would you think it cool to say such bullshit about people who do like it? My God it's idiotic to do so and then be surprised when people flame you for it.
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I agree with you. His review was completely distasteful and hostile. I understand bias but he was never going to like it, even if Darren Aronofsky made it. I wish he hadn't reviewed it because now you have dumb assholes who listen to reviews deciding not to see it because of this poor, misguided and bitter review.
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If they wanted this to be a kid gets first car, first car takes him into war with giant robots then they should have done it better much like Harry's idea in his review. If it was just about Rocbots wrecking shit then they should have wrecked more shit more often. Im confused with liking this movie. I was entertained the first time around. the second time didnt work except for the end and it was too short. But i am defending it as a kids movie (not particularly for adults.) because all the kids in both theatres were having way too much with the movie itself. It made my 8 year old ask if we could turn our broken down jeep into a transformer. Thats how i know it worked for kids. that said, you mention something else, i quote: "The question is if they get nostalgic for it when they're older and watch it again will they appreciate it on a non-ironic level? I'm guessing no." please tell me what influential film from your youth has ever stood the test of time and not become a little immature or as you mention, ironic? not movies that were made for adults that an intelligent kid would be touched, scarred or changed by if he saw it.
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Awesome! Keanu Reeves is going to be voice of Soundwave in "Transformers II: Frenzy's Revenge"!
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I'm pretty sure he said "Me cago en la madre", which is literally "I shit on your mother". It's actually pretty common here, not as bad as it sounds, but it's definitely obscene.
He also mentioned how the falling sign/tower thingie almost broke his asshole. -
So what are the odds on a M.A.S.K. movie? Much more realistic. Should appease current sensibilities. Illusion IS the ultimate weapon. Somebody should be able to hatch a good Shakespearean plot within a Bondian-type setting. And T-Bob IS much cooler than Orko or Snarf. 2009, ok? My life needs meaning, like, yesterday.
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Did Jesus Christ and Bush hold a press conference to declare that not enjoying this movie is allowing the terrorists to win? Guess what, some people ain't gonna like your mindless crapfest. Deal with it. God knows I've been dealing with the fact that this movie got made by Bay and Murphy for long enough.
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Boring. What was up with the Braveheart/Leonidas speech towards the end? Pirates as the embodiment of freedom against the corporate and imperial British navy? In a Disney movie? Based on a Disneyland attraction?
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it's funny you compare this to jesus and george bush because Verns review sounded like a foxnews report. unfair and unbalanced.
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That wasn't just fair, it was generous.
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Ummm, you didn't see the press conference? It was on every channel. Way to support the terrorist dude, hope your happy.
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who cares if you've seen a Bay movie before. it seems you'd rather watch troops get mauled on the news rather than escape for a night of fun because at least the former makes sense and is "real". Give me a break.
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There were some scenes that were pretty good, eh? Actually, I wanted to call you an asshole for your review but then I saw the movie. I still have issues with your review but I can see where you're coming from. Personally, there were a few scenes (Optimus upper-cutting a Decepticon then putting him in a choke hold) that literally felt like someone tapped into what I imagined going on as a kid playing with those toys, then shot up those fantasies with steroids, then made them snort some cocaine, and THEN put them on the screen so those small (unfortunately) number of scenes did it for me and was worth the $7.50 I shelled out to see this movie. To each his own I guess.
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how people who did not like a movie can't just say "i saw it and i thought it sucked so i won't see it again" & move on, but no. people who did not like it will not only say that they thought it sucked, they will do the equivilent of picketing in front of the theater with a huge sign that says "if you like this movie you will contribute to the downfall of society!" i saw this movie and i thought it was great! am i a bad person for liking it? if i enjoyed myself watching this movie, am i someone that is "broken" & needs to be fixed? i guess the people that enjoyed this movie have some sort of special powers that the haters don't, the ability to enjoy more out of life. and if that means that i have "low standards" well that just makes me able to enjoy more. sometimes the tension in this place is so thick that if we were all in the same room and there were guns on the shelf, some of you would actually put a bullet in someone's head for liking this movie. sure bay films aren't thick on plot, but his strength (IMO) is action. if you like to eat fillet mignon and you decide to try STEAK-UMMS, don't eat it and then get pissed off because it doesn't taste like your precious fillet. what were you expecting? it's STEAK-UMMS! and for the people who are saying stuff like "we need to rise up and show hollywood that we won't except this garbage anymore!"
do the people that actually enjoyed themselves have to join your crusade as well? cuz if you're looking for numbers then you will need us too! good luck with that! -
Based on that completely random and unrelated reply I'm starting to understand why movies like this get an audience.
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I know we've all got Oldboy in our collections. Great movie. please just review movies like this. If i read a vern Tango & Cash review I would have been pissed I didn't see it in the movies because of his review. we all know T&C is a summer movie classic! The saddest thing is you waste your time when you go to a movie knowing you're not going to like it.
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Is if there are any female robots in the movie. Is Optimus married, or is he too busy to even date? What is his favourite color? When was the last time he cried?...
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random and unrelated? get your issues straight. This review is nothing but biased propaganda just like foxnews' agenda against democrats and the left wing and their pro bush garbage. if you don't see the lines than you're part of the bias. Hope you're proud. you guys are putting artificial facts in your head and steering other people away from seeing the movie with a shit review because you have a bias against the film. did i spell it out enough or do we need more politics class?
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that takes the time to chime in solely to let someone that felt dirty know that they "supposedly" don't have anything going on in their lives, REALLY, WITH CERTAINTY, does not have anything going with their's.
Cheers douchebag. -
The only thing that I hope in the sequel is that they get rid of the GM sponsorship. I wanna see Sideswipe and Sunstreak as a Lam and a Ferrari.
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Try a writing class, son. You're all over the fucking place with your point.
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"Hey Little Bitches, I'm just going sit right here""
FINALLY SOMEONE ANSWERED MY QUESTION. Thanks Phategod1 -
it was inevitable that one car brand would be used, it would cost waaaaay too much to feature many brands. its one thing to have cars in the background or the ones characters occasionally use....but a transformers movie featuring a bunch of cars from different manufacturers? wow....that would cost waaaay more than they'd be willing to spend. i agree it would be better but its just not realistic.
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who gets that mad over someone saying they don't have much going on in their life probably doesn't have much going on in their life. I feel dirty! Michael Bay raped my childhood! Waaaaaaaaa!
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whatever man. this is a biased review. wrap your head around it. foxnews is a super biased news station. movie reviews are news. you're the one who needs your head examined. not for disliking the movie but for supporting trash with out a cohesive point. I know why I like the movie. do you know why you disliked it? oh, michael bay sucks! cry me a damn river
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So PG-13 films cant contain sexual innuendos now if the theatre is full of kids and parents that "think" its a kid movie? wtf!! get your head out of your ass!
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Those are the names I was trying to remember.
If Bay is still directing those are guarenteed to stay the same. Unfortunatley so is the robot design. Oh well.
Just please oh please work on yur geography and camera placement Bay. Just a couple wide shots is all I ask. This was a fun manga kinda frankenstein teen flick that just worked enough for me to enjoy. Now correct those mistakes and make the great epic we hope you can rub our faces in. -
you ever seen the entourage where vince pisses off the nerdy dude who works for a website and has to send him hot women so he won't shit on the movie because the reviewer personally didn't like him? sound like politics... politics exists everywhere. even in dead end jobs.
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I haven't supported one of your posts yet. Vern on the other hand, stated why he didn't like the movie. He gave reasons and stuff. Apparently reasons for not liking this movie are all biased? Fuck almighty, this has some people so upset it's like Bay tattooed flames on their mothers.
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BOXOFFICESHOWSUCCESS. The movie sucked hard. Beyond many of our imaginations hard. It was a pathetic, ignorant, trashy, insulting piece of shit that tries to pretend it's cinema.
I seriously can't understand how this many people liked it enough to defend it. Are all of you under the age of 25, have ADD, and lack any basic level of common decency to the point that piss and fart jokes are actually amusing to you? Seriously, I was baffled that anyone actually raised the slighest smile, let alone laughed, at ANY of the tasteless, elementary school level, banal excuse for wannabe humor in this film. It was the most contrived filth ever. I just don't have words to describe it anymore.
We are steering people away from this film because we feel we have a duty to do so. When you actually feel this way about a film, it's because of one reason and one reason only. It was unthinkably horrendous. I have made it a point to tell everyone I have run in to, that will actually listen to me vent for so long, just how bad this film is and to not see it. I'm actually exhausted I've spent so much of my time over the last 24 hours doing so. The first thing I did when I got of the theater last night was go out to eat and I made it a point to tell everyone at the bar, the bartender, my server, you name it. I have NEVER done this before with any film. Seriously. Ever. That's how bad this film was to me. There was nothing to like about it, except for the credits rolling.
It literally made me sad to be an American, to know that this film was going to be seen worldwide and other countries would see Americans portrayed as this foolish, apathetic, and just downright fucking stupid. Regardless of whether it is "just a movie", influential little kids are going to see the actors in this film and think this kind of tasteless behavior is normal. -
that's a funny statement but at least I'm making my points. you haven't made one point with out supporting verns already made up mind. where is your opinion? Oh wait -- followers don't have opinions. go eat an onion and cry some more.
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you're an idiot. this movie ruined your life. why don't you buy some pussy and take it out on the whore. At least they're getting paid to hear your bullshit.
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I guess Sideswipe was a Lamborghini too. What GM cars can replace Lamborghinis?
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Seriously the racism is not even subtle in this film. The African Americans in this film were dancing and jive talking fools. It's unreal.
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danced in the cartoon bud
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wins! He has the best quote out of this entire feedback. "THe movie is overwhelming because it's something no one has seen before. go see it again because you're so off the mark." LMFAO. You couldn't be more right. I've never before seen a movie that was this overwhelmingly...bad. There's good and then there's bad. This was definitely the latter. Vern is SO on point it's scary.
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With every post you display an awesome disrespect for understanding and communication.
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it sounds like you are trying to take away people's right to choose. instead of launching a holy crusade against (a movie of all things?) why don't you just say "i didn't like it but if you think it looks good, check it out" without trying to bend people to your ways. don't try to convert people, let them decide for themselves. i guess you are doing what you're doing for the "good of society" or something?
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come on man. that post was weak. tell me what the worst part of the movie was? Acting? Set sequences? Camera shots? what was it smart guy? did you see the movie? I thought i was a little rude before with the hooker comment but now I think you deserved it. And you're right I do have the best quote," Why don't you buy some pussy and take it out on the whore, at least they're getting paid to hear your bullshit."
I'm an actual comedian so, good luck bruv -
God I'm going to miss his dancing in the sequel. LMFAO!
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you are right on. then again, what more could we expect from a film that was really one long non-stop GM commercial? the one brand that is responsible for the most backasswards, ethnocentrist based advertisting in the country. i bet people were walking out of the theater singing the "this is our country" jingle while making plans to go test drive a new H3 or Sky Redline. stfu and go watch transformers again you ignorant bitches.
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Some of my favorite films are "Seven Samurai", "The Good, The Bad, The Ugly", "Gone With The Wind", "2001" "The Big Lebowski", "West Side Story" , "Tokyo Story"
This movie will clearly not be in that category nor will it be in my top 100. But I enjoyed it. There was something fun and charming about a goofy movie made about energon. I really dug Optimus, but was bummed about Gen X autobots. Other than that no skin off my back. It was a fun movie. Bay just needed to back up his camera.
This is not the end of cinema. Just the other day I saw "Waitress". Wonderful film but sadly the writer/director died. Now that's sad news. "Ratatouille" is great kids film, but the funny thing is that film is waaaay more adult then Transformers. "Once" is playing down the street. Haven't seen it but plan on to.
This is far from the death of cinema. I believe Soderberhg has fallen in love with the new Red camera that will help him shoot films faster. It will allow him to be more hands on like Rodriguez. It's affordable camera for the low budge filmmaker with big ideas.
Proper Cinema will never die. -
at least the disrespect was awesome. no, i hear ya, but I feel there is a massive amount of disrespect in the way the hate mongers are portraying the movie. It's not a fucking UWE BOLL movie. Alone In The Dark isn't on trial here. Transformers is. I said it before, I know why I like it. Every one here defending the review that I'm lambasting doesn't give any inclination that they've even seen the movie for christ sakes. It's not a perfect film but it's a cool flick. I'm not a fanboy so maybe that's why i think so. I'm a filmmaker so maybe i see it differently. I don't know. But most of these posts are incredibly lacking.
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Look I'm not calling bay a racist But MCD did walk off the picture for "Creative Diiferences" I'm not saying im just saying.
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thank god. this is where i come from with the film. I'm just an asshole though
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I'm not sure you realize just how ignorant you are by fulfulling the stereotype I was tyring to portray. By making the whore comment I won checkmate. Someone that would actually say something like that, and find it amusing, is exactly the neanderthal mentally challenged mindset needed to enjoy this film. What was the worst part of the movie? Right when it cut to the classroom scene and you saw all the gay fucking cheesy film stereotypes conquered in one scene. The slut that's popular but has a conscience, the intellectual yet somewhat homely guy that always wins slut in the end, and the typical jock douchebag picking on the homely guy. It was downhill from there like you were on a triple black diamond slope. What wasn't stupid in this film? Seriously. The movie is called the Transformers for fuck's sake. The WHOLE movie should have been about the Transformers doing battle, not just the last 20 minutes. Who gives a shit about a double barrel carburetor? What was there to like? Seriously.
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Just passionate assholes. =)
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you're being absolutely ridiculous. "EVERYONE" agreeing with the review isn't given any indication that they've even seen it? wtf do we need to do to prove it to you? ask me anything at all about this tired pos and i'll get back to you in seconds, so you won't think i googled for the answer. honestly i almost feel the opposite. i can't believe the people defending the film actually saw the same one i did.
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I'm the entertainer. so i guess i'm ignorant enough to live off my art. and the whore joke was damn funny. i'll be back in a little while. I'm going to pick up some party favors. you guys want anything?
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simple minds need art to appreciate as well.
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Godforbid: I hope when the DVD comes out they use your quote: "black out, star scream, bonecrusher and barricade are pretty decipherable on the second viewing!" --Ain't It Cool News.
I'm glad you liked it but for me, the action scenes should kick my ass on the first viewing, and not only be passable after two. If Bay is really inventing a new kind of movie (and I think you're sort of right about that) I guess I will stick with the old kind.
Vezner: I'm very surprised at how many people took my "civilization is on the brink of collapse" line so literally, but oh well. I often do feel that way and the popularity of this movie is as good a symbol as any for the cultural changes going on. An expensive, loud mess with hundreds of blatant advertisements (barely addressed in my review) that even its biggest champions admit does not have good characters or story, is only about robots punching each other, but that you have to watch it twice in order to somewhat tell which robot is doing what to which other robot. If that's not the perfect STAR WARS for the Paris Hilton/text messaging/American Idol/my parents voted for Bush generation then I don't know what is. But like I mentioned in one talkback, there are plenty of smarter blockbuster movies that do have good ideas and storytelling that are equally popular, so I won't call this your STAR WARS. This will be your KRULL and you will quickly forget about it. We survived the civil war, hopefully we will survive Michael Bay.
Alpha: Wow, I'm surprised that you of all people are the one that's starting to see where I'm coming from. I agree with what you're saying, spending half the movie on the humans and half on the robots ends up ruining both halves. But I think Harry's wrong, you gotta focus on the robots. Everybody here wanted the robots to be good, few gave a shit about the humans.
I don't know about my childhood but most of the movies I mentioned in the review are ones that many kids loved at the time that are still great. Throw in BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA, E.T., maybe JURASSIC PARK, those Jim Henson fantasy movies. There are plenty of big popular good for the whole family movies that people still watch and enjoy on DVD. After your second viewing do you think TRANSFORMERS will stand the test of time? Is there a chance your kids will buy it on Super-Blu-Ray to show to their kids? -
I think soundwave should be a Stealth Bomber. I can't think of anything else he could be! The bomb compartment could be on his chest in robot mode and that's where the other robots could come from. Also, at least one robot should have a human looking face.
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let's say (hypothetically) you had a friend and that friend really enjoyed the movie. would you dump him/her because they were all of a sudden contributing to the downfall?
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And for those of you that thought it stood on a wall, tell me why we were supposed to give 2 craps about the hipster hackers who discovered the Deceptacons hacked the pentagon (with garageband apparently.) Did we really need a ANOTHER subplot to follow when we barely got introduced to the Transformers themselves? On the other hand, Shia did a great job despite Michael Bay's cam-nastics.
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Over 2/3rds of the movies you listed above as ideal summer entertainment were R-rated. This is Transformers. It's made for the kids and guys who still are kids. You're taking this way too seriously. Tranformers is the best movie of the summer. It's fresh, it's epic, it delivers an experience you've never seen before. Go suck off a fucking pg-13 Die Hard film you tried to get us all to boycott before Willis sucked your dick. I'll agree that Michael Bay might be a fucking socio-path with a bigger metal fetish than the freaks in D.C.'s Crash, but at least it's not Bruce taking down a fucking jet with the Mac kid.
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Things changed a little after the second viewing. The first time all you remember is that you saw real life looking transformers (except for you but you watch and criticize so many movies, your a trained professional) but after the second all i could remember how out of place the dialogue and especially the characterization of the transformers themselves. But when i watched star wars after the age of 25 i was surprised at how stupid the dialogue was and how the story didnt do it for me anymore. But it took almost 20 years to do that. So my kids will love this movie for a few years and they will buy the toys and get their sequels. question is, can this franchise be saved with sequels or is it doomed forever because too many hands were in the pie and it came out a little more generic than us adults would have liked to see? who knows but BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA is not a kids flick. muppets are not that cool when your older, i still have a problem with E.T. being too cutsie and not scary enough which i felt it should have been but thats me and JURASSIC PARK wasnt much better than this. smarter writing and of course the speilberg trademark. but speilberg could not have pulled off the action. we may have seen more robots, but it wouldve been more of the undesirable hiding-under-the-porch scenes than the destruction scenes. I still think you (and I, I admit it) were too old to see this movie and enjoy it. at least the 2nd time around for me. and im the biggest transformers fan ever.
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I came into this film with VERY low expectations. I'm well familiar with Bay, only like "The Rock" and think all his other movies are terrible. I didn't buy all the good reviews that came out. The only thing that made me go see this film was my love of Transformers as a child.
So, I saw the film and this is what you get: "Small Soldiers" mixed with "Armagedden", "The Rock", "Bad Boys"...(you know, Bay stuff) and a bit of "War of the Worlds" while trying to sell GM cars. Really think about Small Solider's here: 2 groups of "toys" interacting with humans, goverment screw ups, a character dying by getting ripped in half, teen love story, and Kevin Dunn as the dad. Even the way the Transformers moved reminded me a bit of the Commando Elite and Gorgonites. Bay does his usual: diverse group of ragtag military folk, epic rock n' roll soundtrack, military pulling guns on another military group, flyovers, hot chick slomos, things falling from the sky from space, vehicles going through buildings, people running long distances, military aircraft with the sun in the horizon, I can do this all day with this film. Obviously this film is GM, if not just US, car product placement, but there's also this laughable scene where they try to advertise the rest of their sponsors: The transforming Escalade, Mountain Dew machine, and Xbox 360(SHAMELESS).
I was shocked at the incoherent, shallow plot and illogical decisions (i.e. the military wants to save human lives, but their way of getting the allspark away from the Decepticons is to drive around LA w/o evacuating the city). The whole plunging the allspark into Prime or Megatron didn't make much sense. The whole disguising as objects or vehicles weren't even explained much either: this leaves room for marketing as they can have the same characters for the next few movies and just have them becoming different GM's. I was able get over these and the Herbie-esque humor throughout due to the fact that I told myself I would turn the brain off for this film.
So I think I've blasted this movie enough, how can I say I enjoyed it? I'll tell you how: I got goosebumps everytime I heard Peter Cullen's voice. IT'S OPTIMUS PRIME!!!! Seeing Prime transforming in a live action environment and uttering "One shall stand, one shall fall," made me forget about how many things are wrong with this film. ILM was this film, the transforming never got old. I find it hard to believe someone who wasn't a fan of Transformers to really like this film. -
Jul 05, 2007 10:01:32 PM CDT
KNEEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
by kneelbeforezod1
Spider man knelt before me, Jack Sparrow knelt before me, John Mclain knelt before me, Now it's your turn optimis Prime Kneel!!!! Kneel Before Zod!!!!!!!!!
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I like Eckhart and Zeta-Jones is okay in my book as well. I'll probably read a few reviews.
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This is the best review I have ever read on this site. Thanks for putting it so concisely.
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this movie is toast. They'd better start making TF2 right now before no one gives a crap.
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I'm probably the biggest Michael Bay fan in the world, so I'm not going to get in a long debate like I did last month. I can understand how people who did not like the jokes would complain about this movie, but this whining about pulling the camera back and stop shaking the camera is complete crap. I love all genres of movies, but my favourite things in a movie is an amazing score, combined with original camera work, and action. Hence my worship of The Bay. So the number one things I paid attention to in this movie were the camera work and music, which once again were both amazing. The only time I noticed the camera shaking was in the opening attack, and that was still twenty times easier to see than anything in The Bourne Supremacy, the fighting in Batman Begins, the attempt at action in the pitiful Resident Evil 2, and that piece of crap Blair Witch Project. There are many more, but these were at the top of my head. So, Tyrese runs and the camera shakes while some jeeps go flying through the air and you people complain. The wide angle complaint is ludicrous. Three or 4 wide shots were of Blackout smoking the base. Other amazing wide shots were of the plane as it finished off Scorponok, the shot that is even in the trailer of Starscream flying in backwards and wasting all the cars, the cars driving down the highway, the military starting up their jets, plus several more. The two best shots in the movie which beat anything put onto film since the Island were one, where Ironhide runs toward the woman, shoots into the ground, and flys over her in slow motion and two, the crazy camera shot sliding between the columns in the room where Frenzy was firing at the people and swooping around him as he leans against the wall. Complain about the jokes you didn't like, designs, etc, that's your opinion. However, anyone who complains about camera work loses all credibility.
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Did Aeon Flux get this much flack?
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Still can't understand what are the problems for anyone not to enjoy this movie. I also enjoyed Ratatouille, but in a different way, saw it the second time now...
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don't think it had quite the cultural effect of TF.
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I guess Aeon Flux had a smaller fan base, plus it was a much smaller movie. However, thinking about how they fucked that property up makes me a little sad.
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The matter of the fact is, there is no debate here. I mean that in the sense of- sure people can put the energy into countering your argument, but it doesn't mean that their opinion is justifiable. What we're dealing with here, is Transformers Sucks as the Sky is Blue. Anybody that tries to tell you otherwise is also trying to tell you the sky is a different color. Keep it up. Fight the good fight. Fuck these Paris Hilton watching, energy drink guzzling, I'll watch anything as long as there are flashing lights and noises dipshits. A shitty movie is a shitty movie. PEOPLE. A FUCKING MOUNTAIN DEW MACHINE TURNED INTO A TRANSFORMER. A CELL PHONE TURNED INTO A TRANSFORMER. AND A HACKER HAS MORE LINES THAN THE TRANSFORMERS. Those facts alone make the movie SHITTY. I can go on, but I don't need to. How about this? Fuck you if you "liked it" because YOU'RE fucking the country up.
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will be Transformers 2. Bwahahahahahaha!
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kind of an avatar. That sort of thing works in serials, but not so sure about film. Plus, could the design of that film get any more boring?
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I don't know how I mispelled that word. . .
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I always get really sad when people bring him up. I've been introducing my niece to the world of Henson. No one will ever come close.
"Matrix" is the closest thing I can think of being someones "Star Wars". "Transformers" was like a Manga with out the philosophy.
I admired the idea of the three converging stories, but it missed the mark. No one can deny that's Bay's fault. But I admired the cheesy teen flick meets robot alive film. If they just gave more class the rest of the autobots this film would have been 4 out 5 stars. Starscream was way more interesting then the gen x autobots and he was in the film for 5 minutes. I enjoyed this film like the cartoon you used to watch before going to school. It was the small packet of sugar in the lunch box. But I don't deny that we dodged a bullet. If Spielberg isn't available next time around and can't keep an eye on Bay, then I'll be a little worried. I like Bad Boys 1 and 2, but that doesn't mean I think Bay's a good director. I think he's competent in a certain area of filmmaking. He's like a kid that just wants to be really really liked. All "look at me, look at me". It's hit or miss, but I admire his gung ho atitude. He just needs to learn how to transfer what is stored inside his brain to the screen.
The scene where Optimus puts the breaks on to battle that Decepticon on the highway was a pretty cool moment until they actually started fighting. That should have been the "Holy shit" moment. I dug that set up. I dug that he didn't shy away from destruction of the city. I liked it was all about the energon cube thingy. He set up decent scenerios. I thought he did a decent job with Bumble Bee. I felt Bumble Bee was a good transition to Optimus. That was a cool moment when the little trooper calls out for buddies. Bay just needs to stop being so spastic. Maybe he just needs an editor that won't say yes.
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Who is with me?! I wish he had remained in Hulk.
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The TV show was unique and it was made by some very individualistic type artist. The biggest mistake the producers made was not asking them to have any part in the movie. I think if the creator of the original show was asked to write a treatment, things might have gone a lot differently. Yeh, the design in that movie was retarded.
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Stealth Bomber/Soundwave.
PS, why were all of the Decepticons idiots during the fights with the exception of Starscream and Blackout at the beginning...that was the most disappointing thing. The action sequences when it came to ACTUAL combat were subpar. Badly written = dumb Decepticon? After the awesomeness of the first scene with Blackout it was like they all got infected with the dumbass virus, with the exception of SS (far cooler and tougher than his G1 counterpart btw) who seemed to know that Megs was going to self-destruct.
And why was ironhide made into that puma/bird beastwars transformer sans wings?
Megs was the worst of all. Not a lick of leadership or coordination on his part. No G1 resonance at all. -
when you watch a movie like Planet Terror it tends to be amusing because the entire production is done so wittingly retard awesome; when you watch Transformers you don't know if this is retard awesome on purpose or if someone thought it was awesome awesome.
Hmmm...
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screenwriter, and make the Berg direct it. Make it about Circuitbreaker and have the lame genius/model/hacker storyline be the jumping on point.
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Starscream is ambitious, but not necessarily smart.
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I am a child of the 80's. I loved the cartoon and had way too many of the toys in retrospect. I was also one of the biggest critics of the production of this movie.
What do I think after seeing it. It was better than I expected it to be. I still have beef with Bay who could be something truly special if he just toned down the childish gags and military porn prevelent in all his films. The humor in the first half fell flat for me. All of the stuff in the backyard and Sector Seven could have been used to develop characters, human and transformer alike, instead of pumping out cheap laughs that add nothing to the story.
The action was incredible. At times it was hard to foloow but in war not everything is crystal clear. It's chaotic and Bay tapped into tha well I thought. The designs did hurt that factor though. Some were overly busy and it definitely is distracting in some moments.
In the end though Shia, who I think is genuinly talented and in the right hands can be amazing, and the grandeur of Peter Cullen voicework, won me over on this and made me feel as if the movie did some justice to the cartoon. Was it perfect? Fuck no. Rarely films are. And I make no apologies for the faults of this movie (overcommercialization, poor script, weak designs, lame humor, military phelation, lack of character development) but in the end, somehow, I was still able to enjoy myself more often than not. -
made that main driver in the second movie. Since they're on Earth now that means that they're going to run into trouble with world governments and they're probably going to be either captured or heavily persecuted. They really should've used the first movie to beef up the robot characters since that is what people are attached to. Shia is okay, but if Shia was not in another TF movie, I'm not sure anyone would care.
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I was happy when I heard Michael Bay was directing this for a few reasons. One is that I knew the movie was going to have a big budget. Another is that they could have hired some unproven director who would probably suck like the guys producing Halo are talking about doing. "Midnight Meat Train" is a short story by Clive Barker. The guy who directed this small japanese film called Versus is directing it. It's one of the cheesiest movies I've seen. "Midnight Meat train" will probably suck. At least with Bay you know the action scenes would be decent. Three, I never even thought that a Transformer movie would be made. I think stuff like how about if they made a GIJoe movie, or different comic book movies. I always thought Transformers would be impossible. I couldn't think of how they could put them in the real world without them seeming rediculous. I'm just happy they put out a Transformers movie with high production values. Paul WS Anderson could've been directing this!
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Decepticon, smarter than Megatron.
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Decepticon, smarter than Megatron.
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just that - scenes. Get Spielberg or someone else that can tell a story.
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look like two hours of hell?
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The number of weird racist things in this movie:
1. Indian stereotype phone operator
2. Bernie Mac threatening physical violence against his "classy" Momma.
3. The Black hacker living with his momma and being lazy playing video games. Then the guys running from the cops.
4. "Iranian scientists are too stupid to figure this out..."
5. Every single stereotypical thing that came out of Jazz's mouth.
6. "WE DONT SPEAK SPANISH! STOP IT!"
I am not just searching these things out here. I know Tyrese's character is strong and a warrior and the smartest hacker in the world is Anthony Anderson. However, AA never says anything intelligent and just eats donuts and cries.
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Seriously. How could you not enjoy this movie? I mean it's so funny. Really it is. Plus, the movie theater was packed tonight. ON A THURSDAY NIGHT!
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That's what sucks. He has a knack for putting color into his characters and an eye for destruction but...
5 Things Bay needs to do before becoming a director worth putting in the history books:
1)Stop using the 360 degree tracking shot. Not until he's able to build context to it.
2)As much as I like the fact he can make colorful characters he needs to move beyond caricatures.
3)Tension. He needs to sit down and watch a Hitchcock film or two. Even if the story is ludicrous, tension can go a long way.
4) Ease up on the musical cues.
5) Wide Shot. On sticks. I know it's very 1920's but it worked well for Buster Keaton.
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Scorponok crawls out of the sand and, although he can hack the defense network, can't seem to find a better weapon than bottle rockets to fire in random directions? I'm sure standing in one place above ground made sense, too, so he could be repeatedly strafed. It also made sense not to pursue the team into the village and just stand 100 yards off as a target. WTF, writing?
And Megatron? Hello? Military Leadership? Nah, just smash shit...
Devastator and his fantastic non-exploding tank rounds..but who cares, he'll transform and just stand there until he gets killed...and Blackout...forget the EMP supergun, bring a knife to this gunfight!
Ridiculous. -
Shockwave in part 3, please! Shockwave in part 2 would be too much.
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Uh, were any people that are... you know... ACTUALLY African American offended by this movie? I'm curious, cause I'm pretty sure Vern is white. And all the assholes typing Minstrel Robot are probably white too. Maybe you guys are the ones who are racist.
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I am still wondering ...what happened to Barricade (the cop car)? Also why would starscream fly in front of all those jets instead of destroying them all from behind...there was no logic applied anywhere in this script.
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LOL. I am racist for noticing blatant racial stereotypes on several occassions in a movie? Thats flimsy, really fucking flimsy. Also read through the talkback, some African Americans were offended by the characterizations and voiced their opinion here. Did I take any of those things out of context? I quoted half of my points as close as I could to the actual lines.
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I really couldn't figure this shit out. My friend and I saw it and we both could not get over how goshdarn retard awesome this movie was and we also couldn't get over how it practically all the characters were stereotypes.
People write trash all the time and when it is done deliberately and is self aware it can be a good time, when it is done unwittingly it can be even a greater time because you marvel at the idiocy on display.
I can't tell with Transformers.
...And yet somehow, life goes on. -
do live action beyond Disney. This would be interesting to see him take over. But I can't see that happening.
He really has a wonderful way of pulling you into his world. The scene in Ratatouille where Remy is trying to escape the kitchen is amazingly done. You feel the wait of the shoes dropping down upon him. Your suddenly thrust into this moment of sheer terror for a mouse. He easily balanced that out with introducing the human characters. Truly amazing.
He obviously can do action. I would love to see him do something like Transformers. -
I think he's like the old dude that thinks he's hip to it.
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Black guy dies in Alien. Is that Racist? There are no black people in Steven Spielberg's early films. Is he racist?
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How many films does he make about whitey? Huh?
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You know it's comin, can't you feel it?!
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speak in cheesy mid nineties slang and run from the police? Did he threaten to "Slap a bitch"? If so then yes, that movie is fucking racist too.
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I'm a huge G1 fan. It was a BIG part of my childhood just as G.I. Joe, Star Wars, M.A.S.K, etc. were. So I DON'T take Transformers lightly. But I'm also a film buff. I love movies. And I understand that in order to get a Transformers movie made, things had to be reimagined in order to reach the mass audience. You can't just take the G1 cartoon, transfer it to film, have it be all transformers, and expect the movie to be a success in this day and age.
It had to have mass appeal.
THE BAD? John Turturro. He was acting in another movie. A real shitty one. Sector 7? Axe Turturro and put the guy in the mustache in charge and then its fine. The sequence with the Autobots at Sam's house? A misstep to be sure. The comedy that WORKED was showcasing Sam's reactions to the Transformers. The comedy that DIDN'T work was using the Transformers for comic relief and thankfully that really only happened in this sequence. Hearing Prime say "My Bad" was terrible. Almost like hearing Darth Vader say, "But what about Padme? Noooooo!!!!" That annoying little Decepticon was borderline Jar Jar-ish. But not a HUGE issue. Jazz. I didn't mind the dancing shit because that was true to the show, BUT the voice actor and dialogue were a terrible sterotype. Scatman Crothers voiced Jazz in the G1 cartoon, and yes he's black and ethnic sounding, but he wasn't a stereotype like that. Only Autobot I didn't like. Missed opportunity in regards to Starscream and Megatron. Only good lines came when they first appeared together... classic. But then again it is an origin film somewhat, so I'm sure the sequel will get them right.
All that aside... THE GOOD? The long pissed on concept of the BOY AND HIS CAR central storyline plays VERY well. It works. Shia saved this movie in many ways. Interesting how many TBers are now saying that the film should have focused more on that aspect when weeks before they were pissing on that concept.
Every Decepticon (besides that little shit) is pretty badass! Yeah, Starscream and Megatron were left nearly untouched overall, but that's what a sequel can benefit from. The Autobots, sans the sitcom sequence at Sam's house (which was about only five minutes of screen time people) and Jazz, were excellent. The scenes of them coming to Earth and scanning their vehicles was a G1 fan's dream come true. Prime frickin' rocked despite the lips, which I had no problem with. The action????? Whoever said in the earlier post above that the Transformers only came into action in the last 20 minutes HASN'T SEEN THE MOVIE. Action was everywhere. The Special Forces unit was underused in my opinion. But the scenes they did have were true to the military. In so many other films, they fuck up special forces units... Bay at least got that right (lasering targets for airstrikes is about 70% of what they do in real world scenarios). The soldiers were smart and educated... not gung-ho trigger happy idiots that other flicks portray them to be. Anyway, the action is intense. ONLY issue I had was that Bay needs to pull the camera out more. The money shots are the ones where that happens and we see the context of the battles (Bonecrusher vs. Prime on the highway), and there's plenty of those mind you, but it wasn't 100% like it should have been. This mostly happened in the last 45 minutes action sequence.
And the effects? Wow. Breathtaking and something we've never seen before. A dream come true for a G1 fan... even if you didn't like some of the new character designs. To those who loved this flick: did you not drive home after seeing it and finding yourself looking at trucks and cars a whole different way??? Really brought the kid out in me.
Those are the broad strokes for me.
Movies can not and should not be BLACK or WHITE. I can say, "I loved that fucking movie... except for Turturro and that house sequence." Finding a movie in any genre that is flawless is nearly impossible. Why? Because a whole unspoken of part of cinema is the viewer and what the viewer brings.
I have 100% no problem with someone saying, "I didn't like it and this is why." But to hear what Vern and others say about people who do like it?? Fucking stupid. Like someone said before, why not just say "I didn't like it and this is why" instead of making it your damned duty to shit all over it and those who liked it. Kind of a waste of time isn't it? I can guarantee that if Vern or some of these TBers listed their top 30 favorite movies (and did so honestly), we could all pick some apart for various reasons. They could do the same to ours (I can watch frickin' "Sideout" any day of the week and twice on Sunday and enjoy it for some odd reason).
Who cares? Fuck it in the long run. I just wasted how many minutes writing this shit:)? I loved it. Tons of fanboys loved it. And apparently the mass audience loved it. Why? Who fucking cares? They did and you didn't. Doesn't make you or anyone else that didn't like this flick some cinema guru. It's entertainment. "You take the good, you take the bad, and there you have... the facts of life." GOD, I JUST QUOTED FACTS OF LIFE!!!! Nooooo!!!
For the record... big dumb popcorn flicks I didn't like; WAR OF THE WORLDS (despite being a huge Spielberg fan), KING KONG, SPIDER-MAN franchise, BATMAN AND ROBIN (Vern, Transformers was not as bad as that shit pile, not even close), GODZILLA, ARMEGEDDON, BAD BOYS 2, THE ROCK, etc. etc.
Can't wait for the sequel! I liken Transformers to the original X-Men as far as the fact that they both had flaws, but at the same time they did a lot of shit right which overshadowed those flaws. With X-Men we got the much more focused X-Men 2. So there's hope for the haters yet;) -
Ok here's my point of View the Only scene I found A little apprehensive was when the Agents Stormed in Anthony Anderson house and his cousin Ran like he was on a episode of cops That to me says Bay interpretation of Black people is when we see Cop-like figures come We go running like Carl Lewis at a track meet. Everything else I took as Ignorant Stereotypes, and black people are not the only stereo types in this movie so I just pegged it as Bays Social In-articulation Not Racism.
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Box Office Guru Preview: "Transformers" Already Dominating Holiday Week
Posted by RT-News on Thursday, Jul. 05, 2007, 04:39 PM
Gitesh Pandya writes: "Megatron and his sinister robot chums invade the North American box office aiming to extract riches from the multiplexes over the extended Fourth of July holiday week with the tentpole action vehicle "Transformers."
Transformers (2007)
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Also entering the marketplace, but likely to gross only a fraction of the cash, is the comedy "License to Wed" starring Robin Williams. With Independence Day falling on a Wednesday, moviegoers have all different kinds of schedules with some having only one day off from work while others are taking extra time for themselves. That will make for a tricky box office trajectory since ticket buyers have many films to choose from and many days to make their trip to cinemas.
Paramount sets off the fireworks with "Transformers" which already got an early start to the holiday week with a strong $8.8M in ticket sales on Monday night with shows beginning at 8pm. The PG-13 film from director Michael Bay is adapted from the popular toys and cartoon series that became a cult favorite in the 1980s, but instead has been geared up to fit modern summer movie standards with action, humor, and plenty of special effects. Shia LaBeouf stars alongside Tyrese Gibson, Jon Voight, Anthony Anderson, and John Turturro.
[Editor's Note: "Transformers" broke records for having the biggest opening on a Tuesday at $27.9 million, according to Boxofficemojo.com. As of Wednesday night (the original "official" release date), "Transformers" had raked in $36.7 million at the box office -- a figure that grants the flick the title of Best 4th of July opening ever. That number (what many have pointed out amounts to over $36 million in 36 hours of release, or $1 million per hour and $16,666 per minute) results from the Paramount release's $8.8 million Monday night take combined with $27.9 million on Tuesday. An additional $29.1 million from Wednesday's moviegoers bumps the current "Transformers" box office to $65.7 million -- and there are four more days to go.]
"Transformers" is trying hard to follow in the footsteps of "Independence Day" which eleven years ago this week wreaked havoc on the box office with a Fourth of July opening week gross of $96.1M over five and a half days beginning with Tuesday night shows starting earlier at 6pm. That would amount to about $125M at today's ticket prices from 1,129 fewer theaters than what the robots in disguise now control. Both films are essentially disaster pictures about alien forces that invade Earth that are driven by amazing special effects and feature ensemble casts with no huge stars.
The fanboy crowd has been energized for months for "Transformers" so that vote is locked in. To really see the grosses soar, Paramount and DreamWorks will need non-fans to pony up the dough and take interest not because they remember watching the cartoon as a kid, but because it looks and feels like good escapist summer fare. Luckily the pic delivers on that. Appeal to teens and young adults is potent but older adults looking for action may be tempted to buy a ticket for Bruce Willis in the latest "Die Hard" sequel. In addition, younger children afraid of mean transforming robots will instead line up for "Ratatouille." But so far reviews have been pretty good for its genre and fans are giving high marks too as witnessed by the encouraging A- average grade from over 6,000 votes on Yahoo Movies.
Other effects-driven sci-fi action tentpoles opening over this extended holiday week include 2002's "Men in Black II" with $87.2M over five days, 2003's R-rated "Terminator 3" with $72.4M over five and a half days, and $100.5M over five days for "War of the Worlds" in 2005. Optimus Prime should soar higher since it has a full six and a half days of play this week by the time Sunday night arrives. Invading 4,011 theaters, "Transformers" might gross about $67M over the Friday-to-Sunday period and a stellar $130M from Monday night through Sunday.
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25th Hour, Spike's best movie imo is about whitey as well.
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Bay's Social In-articulation might be a better way to describe what was on screen. But they were still stereotypical and wholly unneccesary...
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One about a racist white drug dealer. The other about a psycho white serial killer. What can I say? Spike Lee LOVES THE WHITE MAN!
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Did anyone notice his name is listed for directing the sequel? It's IMDB, but it looks legit.
Even though I enjoyed this outing I'm still apprehensive about him doing the sequel. I feel it wasn't a bad beginning, but would like to see something more and a little different for the sequel. More awe than wow. -
A long time ago Bay mentioned he would like to make this his franchise...
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You're a little shit you know that? Did you even see 25th hour? And your giving my favorite show a bad name so fuck off.
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My post was fucking LOOOOOONG. My bad. I get all worked up when we're talking Transformers;)
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He was just a thief. But all other whities were questionable save for Defoe and the pizza guy.
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"Bust this. Those movies are all about keeping the black man down. Even in a galaxy far, far away."
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Barricade got his ass handed to him by Bumble Bee I dont care what version of Bumble Bee You are If your not ravage or Lazerbeak and you got beat by Bumble Bee your a Pussy, that scene on freeway with prime and Bonecrusher lasts all of 45 seconds and Bonecrusher gets Voltroned By Primes Wack ass "Blazing Sword" that looks like a reject sword from Power Rangers. Starscream never even fought a autobot from what I remember. The helicopter Again taken out by Bumble Bee and Megan Fox. Megatron was the only one who was bad ass And I'm pretty sure that was due to the fact he's twice the size of Optimus Prime.
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Did you see it yet? Just curious as to what your POV was.
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Want some steroids? Come on, it'll pump you up!
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Trying to ignore the point. Transformer had some really questionable stereotypical scenes. Bring up all the other movies you want. Fine could care less. Transformers is what were talking about. Are you trying to say since other films feature racial stereotypes that is ok to do that then? Bad arguement form, try again. I am was stating those certain scenes in those contexts in a bulletted list. Saying it is a little weird that these things are featured in a movie.
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Hadn't watched it yet, cause so many said it sucked. Spike Lee is all over the place. Either it will be a masterpiece...or a piece of shit. There's no in between.
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hope that Bay can actually evolve as a filmmaker in 2 years?
He tried. He tried so hard with "The Island" but failed in my eyes.
I'm actually trying to think of one scene from any of his films that was actually well crafted beyond the haa haas and boom booms. I mean one scene that showed that he can truly take a character and make him human. One scene that actually is sooooo full of tension that my bunghole closes shut. Just one.
,br>
I really dig his light show, but I would like him to move beyond that. I would like to know that the Transformer universe will actually mold into living breathing world unto it's own. -
Those stupid aliens from outer space. DAMN YOUUUUUU!
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Transformers is the worst movie ever! It's completely racist! It has stupid childish jokes! Micahel Bay is a coke snorting asshole! This movie has no respect for G1 lovers! I hope this movie doen't make any money! And if it does, then EVERYBODY is stupid! There. Can we be friends now?
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Wow. Putting words in mouth. Nice. I projected the black guy threatening to "slap a bitch"...I coulda swore it was the actual projector that did that. I didnt see John Turturro play into any racial stereotypes. I saw him act poorly and phone in his performance though.
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Bumblebee would want you to.
Hee hee. Optimus rules. -
You seem level headed. I think you'll like it. I can't argue with the criticisms above. They are in fact true, but it's still enjoyable. Stupid fun, if that makes any sense. Oh, and I can definately see why people who read the script, like yourself, would hate it. I think this film has to be watched, and not read. Best Script I Ever Read On The Internet: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. The movie kinda dissappointed me, but only a little.
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It's not perfect by any means but it's exactly what I expected and wanted. Bring on Soundwave in TF2!
http://tinyurl.com/23fzv5 -
I'm sure I'll like parts of TF. I am definitely not a fan of Bayisms, though.
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Viral marketing on the scale of LOST. I love it!!!
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I dug it and feel the same way as lost.rules. If you take the philosophy out of Manga you got Transformers. It's preteen horny toad robot madness.
That's what it is. -
There are moments that work really well. The Optimus/Bonecrusher fight is great. Starscream destroying the fighter jets. A couple of the shots in the melee battle on the ground. The ones where you can tell what is going on. And Shia really does do a great job of carrying this movie as far as he can. Some of the initial attack in Qatar...which I believe is in the middle east, I heard that somewhere. Out of the 2 1/2 hour movie you get a great 3 minutes.
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http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/50216886/ ...
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I know Vern wanted some, So here I go. 1. Shia Lebouf. He's good. He's very likeable, and in many ways carries the movie with his performance. 2. Petter Cullen's voice. I know it sounds silly, but it's very effective. He speaks with authority. 3. Bumblebee. I loved him. He get's pissed off when Megan Fox insults him, so he changes into a new Camaro. He just kicked ass the entire film. 4. The humor. It's campy fun, and the actors really seem to enjoy it. 5. Megatron. Sorry, but those 15 minutes he's actually awake...well... I AM MEGATRON!!! Don't fuck with him. 6. Soundwave? I dunno. Whatever that little Transformer was. He was funny, and vicous. Certainly a homage to Gremlins. I could go on, but I'm getting tired. Nite all. ALL HAIL MEGATRON!!!!
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when the autobots are coming to earth and picking their vehicles and it builds up to the introduction of Prime, it was really just amazing. spielberg could have directed that part. the music was perfect, i just got this amazing feeling when the little alien asteroids were coming and the fat kid made the great joke about armageddon. great fun shit. awesome
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Im white. A college graduate (god forbid, right?) and male. Obviously I have faced ALOT of racial persecution in my time...Get this though. I was criticing the movie. Based on its *gasp* content. It just so happens to include some ridiculous racial caricatures that are, get this, detrimental to the movie viewing experience in my opinion. I know, discussing a film's content on a film review site, tsk tsk. I am not advocating a strike or protest or saying Michael Bay is a racist. I am saying the tone of those scenes are questionable...and racially charged. The context of the remarks felt out of place and unneccessary. So whether your father-in-law found those things racism is of no concern to me. Just pointing out a few things. Fuck, Im sorry that I am white and was mildly observant. I'll try to either not notice such blatant things or be black next time. My bad.
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Thank god Fox got my money instead they seem like there strapped for cash any ways.
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Thank god Fox got my money instead they seem like there strapped for cash any ways.
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I am going to bed now. Its late and I am tired.
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Wow. Now you see? Vern is a true motherfucker. He couldn't have said any of this better than anyone on here, including myself. I have one big ego. I'm going to post it here again...
Verns Response
"Godforbid: I hope when the DVD comes out they use your quote: "black out, star scream, bonecrusher and barricade are pretty decipherable on the second viewing!" --Ain't It Cool News.
I'm glad you liked it but for me, the action scenes should kick my ass on the first viewing, and not only be passable after two. If Bay is really inventing a new kind of movie (and I think you're sort of right about that) I guess I will stick with the old kind.
Vezner: I'm very surprised at how many people took my "civilization is on the brink of collapse" line so literally, but oh well. I often do feel that way and the popularity of this movie is as good a symbol as any for the cultural changes going on. An expensive, loud mess with hundreds of blatant advertisements (barely addressed in my review) that even its biggest champions admit does not have good characters or story, is only about robots punching each other, but that you have to watch it twice in order to somewhat tell which robot is doing what to which other robot. If that's not the perfect STAR WARS for the Paris Hilton/text messaging/American Idol/my parents voted for Bush generation then I don't know what is. But like I mentioned in one talkback, there are plenty of smarter blockbuster movies that do have good ideas and storytelling that are equally popular, so I won't call this your STAR WARS. This will be your KRULL and you will quickly forget about it. We survived the civil war, hopefully we will survive Michael Bay.
Alpha: Wow, I'm surprised that you of all people are the one that's starting to see where I'm coming from. I agree with what you're saying, spending half the movie on the humans and half on the robots ends up ruining both halves. But I think Harry's wrong, you gotta focus on the robots. Everybody here wanted the robots to be good, few gave a shit about the humans.
I don't know about my childhood but most of the movies I mentioned in the review are ones that many kids loved at the time that are still great. Throw in BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA, E.T., maybe JURASSIC PARK, those Jim Henson fantasy movies. There are plenty of big popular good for the whole family movies that people still watch and enjoy on DVD. After your second viewing do you think TRANSFORMERS will stand the test of time? Is there a chance your kids will buy it on Super-Blu-Ray to show to their kids?"
This is why you are a commodity here for AICN. I frequent all the sites everyday and this is the first time I've registered to AICN because of a review. You agreed with the fact that Transformers was a new kind of film which is THE reason I liked it so much. I though Shia Lebeouf is brilliant in everything he does and can't wait to work with him someday. Yes, things weren't what as well done as they could've been but when you introduce a new type of film you introduce a whole new set of problems to perfect them. The way he quoted me on the Decepticons being decipherable on the second viewing is probably the first thing they need to work on in the sequel. I let that go on the first viewing because I just loved the fact that it was BIG FUCKING ROBOTS BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER! These are the types of posts I like because he respects the way I see things but is able to explain the reason why he feels the opposite with what I didn't see or ignored but also thought was flawed.
My name is Dallas Coyle. I'm a producer and musician.
If you like metal check out:
www.myspace.com/god4bid
If you like internet comic books check out:
www.youtube.com/gftv
Nice to meet all of you guys. I'll be seeing more of you.
Thanks.
Oh by the way, VERN IS THE SHIT!
FREEDOM haters. LICK BALLS.
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People throw it up and down and toss it around like a little magical wand.
It's ridiculous.
The fact is, at least in my theater, the audience consisted of a wide array of races. Black, white, Hispanic, Asian, etc. And when Bernie Mac made his slap the bitch comments, the people that laughed the most were black. No joke. A good friend of mine is Indian and he laughed his ass off during the scene with the Indian customer service rep. It's a reflection of our society and stereotypes exist for a reason... because they actually in fact do exist in those cultures. In ALL races... even white (how many movies are out there with racist white cops and dumb country hicks?). Usually the people that cry racism in these cases are the white idealistic blow horns that want to hear themselves talk. If Spike Lee directed that scene, these people would call it "a reflection of a black man's upbringing in an ethnic environment." But when a white boy directs it, it's "racism", "offensive", etc. -
and I loved it. I drove home wondering which cars on the freeway with me were autobots. I swear a UPS truck winked at me.
I haven't liked a single Micheal Bay film before. (Almost liked The Island)
I'm an educated, well read person.
I hated King Kong 05
I couldn't tell which robot was which except Bumblebee and Prime.
I was bored to death with the 80's Transformers: The Movie.
I know Vern and I saw the same movie, but I don't understand how he hated it THAT much.
Oddly enough, Vern's impressions of Transformers are exactly that of my impressions toward King Kong.
Anyway, I'm buying the DVD when it comes out. Anybody know if I should go for BlueRay or HD DVD? -
how come nobody mentioned the free comic book? My kid and I read that tonight and then my kid made a cool robot out of paper and tape. Then he called a yellow Subaru BumbleBee and we giggled together. He's only 17. Cute.
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That pretty much sums it up.I'll probably never get the Bay-hate on this site. This guy's surely no great director, but he surely makes far better movies than Dominic Sena, Nick Hamm, Sheldon Lettich, Joseph Zito, Uwe Boll, Paul WankShit Anderson, Stuart Baird, McG, Danny Cannon, Dwight H. Little, Luis Llosa, Albert Pyun, Brett Leonard, Stephen Sommers, Sam Firstenberg, Aaron Norris and dozen others.
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Did he take the LT or what.
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Capcom has dropped their contract for the PS3 and have opted to starting making games for the 360 which supports HD-DVD, AND the Blu-Ray discs are now experiencing what is called "disc rot". In addition since the price drop of the HD-DVD players the sales have been healthy. The quality over all is just better on HD-DVD and for the price what have you got to lose really?
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Jul 06, 2007 1:33:16 AM CDT
Just got back from my 2nd screening on Transfomers.
by allpowerfulwizardofoz
I took a friend. She loved it. This time around I was able to follow some of the battle scenes A LOT more then the 1st go around and it didn't mess with my eyes. I still will complain about some of the same peeves I had from my first viewing. That is the movie over all did not need to be as long as it was. I wish there was more of the robots and less of the humans. The whole Sector 7 thing was to ID4ish. But I am not going to be nit picky as I got what I expected from this movie with Bay at the helm. A big dumb fun Summer movie and nothing more. Anyone who is so hate filled towards anyone who enjoyed themselves really needs to evaluate their mental state and think about what's really important in life.
If I was 10 years old I would be going apeshit so let the kids have their fun. It's for them and for the kid inside.
Is it life changing? Fuck no. Was it the best movie so far this Summer in terms of the "blockbusters", yes. I did not see SP3 twice or POTC3. I did chose to see Transformers twice. Will I got a 3rd time like I did with the LOTR movies. No. -
i've been here reading for years, this is my first post. no huge transformers animated fan although i did watch it as a young teen. did anyone notice how quickly it turned from day to night particularly in the first army encounter and during the car chase with the cop car and bumble bee? i think there were more scenes like that as well....
also i think that the "soundwave" robot was voiced by the guy who voiced Watto in the new star wars trilogy...
I could have done without most of the films first two hours but will go see it again on the big screen for the last 30 minutes of robot transforming warfare. "ASS" indeed... 2 and one half hours of robots fighting is what i wanted. -
Man, did they SUCK! Seriously, G1 lovers. How could you watch that shit? Moriarty was right. take off the Nostalgia Goggles and see it for what is was. A long Toy commercial. "We'll convert this oil into energon cubes." DAMN YOU MEGATRON!!!!!!
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power. people are loving it, i love it. everyone on this site just tries too hard to be a damn movie critic, and tears everything to pieces. fuck that
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I watched those same 3 episodes and Looked for something to hate something that desperately needed to be changed and I couldn't find it I could not find a reason why this could not have translated onto the big screen and The Only reason it wasn't is because Bay had 100% control over this Bay himself said He never had any discussions with the liar mighty Murphy, and Told Desanto to Fuck Off. I'm sure there both happy that Bay "was on there short list of Directors," But that what happens when you hire pitcher instead of a catcher.
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haters oh haters where are you now?where? AHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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at the end of the weekend. Impressive.
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Considering the chopped-up quotes so common in most print ads these days, I expect to see this in the paper: "...awe-inspiring...minding-numbing... an instant... classic. it makes INDEPENDENCE DAY look like 2001."--AICN Talk about minding-numbing...
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http://tinyurl.com/2anboc
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Jul 06, 2007 2:30:00 AM CDT
AND get all your G1 Transformers right here in DIVX
by allpowerfulwizardofoz
http://tinyurl.com/2q9j2g
Enjoy! -
Look folks, I honestly dont fault you for having a good time. Honestly. But you can't call it a big dumb movie with tons of flaws and then say it was a good movie in the same post. It's a guilty pleasure. Fine. We all have 'em. And thats ok. But where we turn a corner is where we try to make our guilty pleasures something of quality. Transformers isn't quality. And don't take that to mean "Transformers isn't Citizen Kane." I know it isnt and wasnt supposed to be. But Transformers isnt even a good genre film. Its bad filmmaking, writing (you cant blame any bad actors with a script this shit), and editing. It has good special effects yes but quality never came of good special effects alone. Its a bad film. You liked it, fine. Just ADMIT it was bad. ANd dont try to explain it away by saying it was supposed to be bad. That is no excuse, it could have been a genuinely great movie. And that's what most of us are angry about. The possibilities. And once again, just to be clear, I don't mean Lawrence of Arabia good, I mean Terminator 2 good. Predator good. Jurassic park good.
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as if success is any indication of quality. Was Van Gough's art better after he died simply because they sold for more? No. Is someone who makes more money than you a better person? No. Well the same goes for movies.
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there are movies that are fun to watch and theres movies you submerge yourself into.get over it.
The director who happened to get the movie is a visual-popcorn director.
This brings up when HULK came out and people were like . "not enough action why is there so much human emotion and talking" I want hulk to smash and thats it.
those same people bash Transformers for being what they wanted out of hulk. Big Things saying cheesy tag lines smashing shit. -
I don't want to make a huge deal out of the racism thing but are you REALLY with a straight face telling me that you don't find the "black robot" introduction just a LITTLE BIT of a racist stereotype? I haven't seen anybody argue that it was a deliberate parody of racist stereotypes in movies - if somebody takes that stance I will listen. Otherwise you can't get around it, man. I mean seriously? You have no problem with that part?
Anthony Anderson's character is also kind of a minstrel show, but that's not something unique to this movie. There's a fine line between being a black comedian and being a buffoon, I'm not the one to draw that line, and it is treaded on by many other black actors besides him. And he is famous for playing that exact character in most of his movies (including that trilogy of ROMEO MUST DIE, EXIT WOUNDS and CRADLE 2 THE GRAVE. I wonder why he didn't bring Tom Arnold with him for this one?). It's too bad because he is pretty charismatic and is still good in his more dignified roles in HUSTLE & FLOW and THE DEPARTED. Some day maybe he'll break away from that trap.
Anyway, I thought BAD BOYS 2 was more offensive because of Martin Lawrence's character who refers to his blackness even more often than Will Smith and is supposedly a cop but whenever he's in danger ends up crying, running or surrendering. I felt that "Minstrelbot" was sort of the cartoon version of a black person as seen by somebody who grew up watching BAD BOYS 2 over and over again. -
I'm one of the people who hated Hulk, but it had nothing to do with not enough action and too much talking. It had everything to do witht he talking it had being complete garbage and the action (give or take a scene) was ridiculous Hulk vs. a Giant Poodle or Hulk vs. Gellatinous man with no shape that just seems to disappear for no reason. It drove me nuts to hear the film get praised for being a comic book film that dealt with child abuse. It didn't DEAL with anything maturely, it simply had those elements in it, the fact that those elements were complete crap is what ruined it. If they worked better, the film would have worked better, lack of action not withstanding. Nick Nolte was so over the top he makes Jeremy Irons in Dungeons and Dragons look like a valium addict. Not to mention the ridiculously hokey little clips of molecules in between shots just to drive home that it's a comic book film. Despite it's guise it was no more intelligent than any other Spider-Man 3-like comic book crap. SO don't try to pin it on something as simple as a lack of action.
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One hard ass role in the Shield No Comedy at all.
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"What's Crackin' LIL' Bitches!!"
That Really made me Cringe. -
Do I really need a witty comment for that?
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Well I am black and I did not think it was racist...just extremely lazy and stupid. The jazzbot was straight out of a bad UPN/CW sitcom and Anthony Anderson was just playing the same stupid role he always plays. It was not racist just lazy stereotypes because everything about this movie was lazy...except the CGI.
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And I am voting NO on proposition Transformers. I am not going to see this film. Phew, it feels good to have made a decision.Obviously, everyone is entitled to their opinion, and I mean no disrespect to those who enjoyed this one. That said, I have read pretty much every post in this TB (yes, I am that bored) and I am baffled by the number of posters who list a litany of problems with the film and then say, "But it was great, I loved it. Giant robots and whatnot! WOO-HOO!!" That is a mindset that I simply cannot comprehend. You can explain it and explain it and explain it and I still won't get it. I understand liking a shit film on an ironic level, but this Transformers business is some whole new thing that I am apparently not equipped to understand."It was shit in about fourteen different ways, but I loved it on account of robots and for no other good reason."No, I still don't get it, and I choose to not be associated with those people. My best wishes to you all, but I do not want to sit next to you on the Transformers bus. I think I will go to the pub and get drunk instead.
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I was not trying to excuse this oh-so-bad movie. Just voicing my opinion about the loads of cash this big animated junkyard rakes in.
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the box office success means only thing.that the movie succeed in entertaining the people.and thats what matters most.and kudos to bay for that.
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It sucked next to Transformers...I still have yet to see Transformers, but man, did this [new] Die Hard really suck.Honestly, Vern, how could you back that pile of shit? Allot of people laughed, but at the end they were really wondering how come concrete doesn't faze a human... Maybe, I just expected too much, like having a plausible scenerio (like a british guy blowing up shit in New York).
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I can't believe I'm saying this, but I kind of think you should watch this when it comes out on DVD, if you can get the bad taste out of your mouth from all the people singing its praises for giving them cinematic lobotomies. If you enjoyed GHOST RIDER, this movie is ten times more asinine and insane. I thought GHOST RIDER would be funny, but it ended up mostly boring (I only really laughed when his dad died). TRANSFORMERS is an even dumber mentality with the same kind of constant, embarrassing attempts at humor but with much more frequent WHAT THE FUCK? moments. It's just more crazy and stupid in every department, plus if you pause it you will probaly be able to see some good special effects rendering of ugly robots.
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This was TRANSFORMERS. Regardless of how much Bay assfucked the franchise and it's fans, IT WAS ALWAYS GOING TO MAKE MONEY BECAUSE OF IT'S ORIGINAL POPULARITY. If Bay had filmed a lump of dog shit (360-degree tracking shot of course) for 2 hours+ it would have made this much money, because PEOPLE LOVE TRANSFORMERS. By all sensible and reasoned accounts the dog-shit version would have made a better picture, but anyway... Also, for the benefit of the next PRICK who comes on claiming that "expectations" should have been "lowered" before watching the film, I have this question to ask, and would dearly love an answer: "WHY SHOULD BAY MOVIES BE RATED ON THEIR OWN SCALE?"
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Here I am, finally making a proper decision like a grown-up, and in you come to abuse my respect for you by encouraging me to see it anyway! That is a low blow.With Ghost Rider, I laughed all the way through it, from the absurd pointlessness of the Devil showing up for no good reason and then screwing over Johnny Blaze, to Cage's ludicrous Elvisisms and other random idiosyncrasies, Eva Mendez's dire acting, the part where Sam Elliott expended the last of his flamey head powers to ride out into the middle of nowhere and then just turn around and go home again, and finally Blaze's clever plan to defeat Blackheart by simply holding on very tightly to that scroll thing. Also, I seriously doubted my own sanity when Mendez pulled out a magic 8 ball in a restaurant. What the fuck?Anyway, if I can't appreciate Tranformers sincerely, I would like to enjoy it on a Ghost Rider/Fantastic 4 level, but there's something about Bay's films that stops me from doing that. I can't put my finger on exactly what it is, but they have a hateful, obnoxious quality to them that turns me right off. Bad Boys II, especially.Still, I am taking your advice. If I see it for rent in my local 99p rental place, I'll give it a go.
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Nothing beats Nicholas Cage when he just fucking gives up any sense of dignity. Have to catch up with GR/Wicker Man.
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The story of a burning skeleton motorcyclist powered by jellybeans. Another thing that was funny about that movie was how he didn't even actually sign the Faustian contract, he just got a paper cut and bled on it accidentally. Even in Hell I don't think that would hold up in court.
Sorry Franklin, you're probaly right. I feel the same way about Michael Bay movies, they just rub me the wrong way so it's hard to get a kick out of them. So maybe I should not have suggested watching it. But if there is one that is worth watching for laughs it is definitely this one. It's his most inept but in the most interesting way, in my opinion. There are definitely parts that you would laugh (but not the many, many parts where you are supposed to laugh). -
I posted this yesterday but he's up to his old tricks again:1) quoting box office
2)Capitalised phrases such as EAT THIS YOU HATERS
3)Being called ominus.I'm going to wait for this on DVD, get in a shit load of beer and then put it on when my brain has degenerated into a slightly mushy state. If it still blows then Bay really is hopeless. -
There'd be some dignity to Jazz.
I for one thought Martin Lawrence was hilarious. I didn't see it as "blackness" at all. I saw a man doing a caracature of a man trying to hold it together.
The Anthony Anderson thing didn't bother me. The only things that bothered me were the fact he's just coasting and doing the same schtick other actors have done before him. Also the geek living in there parents or Grandma's place is waaaaay over used. I want to see the real geek dude that lives in the shadows of his own damn apartment. -
Haven't seen it, won't see it... and I feel proud and DAMN GOOD about it. Michael Bay can suck a dick, he won't get a penis from me... I mean a penny.
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I first saw the original back in 85' at the theatre. I was pretty happy with the movie. It made 5 mil. This movie will make much much more. For the summer movie crowd it will hit home for an action packed funny movie and will probably do great on DVD blu ray or HD dvd whatever wins that fight. My problems with the movie are these being a big fan of TF. I wanted more interaction with the Autobots and Decipticons. I wanted to see Megatron and Starscream argue til Starscream stabs Megatron in the back. I wanted Frank Welker to be Megatron's voice. It should not have been that big a deal to do in this movie since talking was at a min in the movie anyway for all TF's. The story was fine. I was Op mentioned the Matrix of leadership inside him. I also wanted a mention of Unicron for the next movie or future movie. I did love the big fight scene in the end of the movie. Michael Bay really knows visuals but he was not a true TF fan but I don't think the world will care and hopefully this takes a shot at beating Spider-man for the B.O.
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I've added Ghostrider to my Netflix queue. I have high hopes that I'll be shaking my head in disbelief as to what I'm watching. What is most interesting, and has provided me with real hope that this will be such an utter disaster, is what movie came up under "Other Movies You Might Enjoy". None other than Batman and Robin of course!Good to hear your "arguments" again ominus! Get that time machine yet? (crossing fingers)
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Haven't you people ever seen a movie before? The reason why the audience laughs at those scenes is because we've all seen these things a million times before, and no one takes them seriously, they know that Bay is not making any racial comments. There's always someone who's gonna be misrepresented. If it's not the token black guy it's the gay comic sidekick, or the evil Chinese guy, Armageddon had that weird Russian guy who blew up the space station. Hell, white guys are portrayed as evil in a lot of movies. That doesn't mean that the filmmakers want to say that an entire race is like that, come on. Should they make a detour in every movie and show us scenes of people who don't act like that? But people here are acting like they just made some shocking discovery. Like Vern, who found racism in Bad Boys 2 because Martin Lawrence was crying. Wow. From now on all the characters should act like Will Smith and there can be no humor at all. In 300 the Pesians were presented as some evil monsters and you all defended that decision then using that "Never let the truth get in the way of a good story" line, and now you all scream "racist!". No wonder they are turning Ming into a blonde caucasian guy, people are getting WAY too sensitive these days.
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[b]Note:[/b] I've been coming to this site for a while now, but only recently registered. What really sealed it for me was Vern's review on Transformers. Simply put. It gave me hope that there are still people out there who will not voluntarily have garbage shoved down their throats. In any case, thank you Vern for restoring my faith. Anyways, this is my review of Transformers, it's the one I've already posted over at joblo.com. Also, keep in mind that I wrote this review far before I came across Vern's review.
[SIZE=3][b][u]A Transformation Into Catastrophe (No Spoilers)[/u][/b][/SIZE]
Like many others on this forum, I grew up with the Transformers. So understandably, they hold a special place in my heart. Imagine my excitement when I first heard they were announcing a live action flick for my beloved Transformers. Imagine my despair when I heard Michael Bay was on board to direct. Despite my perpetual distrust of Michael Bay's directing abilities, I wanted to cut the guy a break and trust that he would come through with a great movie in Transformers. That confidence came largely due to Steven Spielberg's endorsement of Michael Bay.
In the end however, my initial instincts were right. Simply put, the film was a disappointment. Michael Bay's Transformers suffers from the same ailment that all other Michael Bay films suffer from: A lack of character development. A lack of story development. A lack of proper editing. A lack of proper dialogue. An over indulgence in jittery camera work. As in any other prototypical Michael Bay affair. The magnificent effects, the amazing explosions and the "jitter cam" are simply hiding the gaping holes within the film...It's complete exclusion of anything coherent. At no point did I feel I was fully invested in either the story or in any of the characters.
Shia LaBeouf does an admirable job with Sam. Given the painfully limited capacity in which he is used, Peter Cullen as Optimus Prime is affective as well. Meagan Fox is nothing but eye candy, all be it, a very beautiful piece of candy. Josh Duhamel, Tyrese Gibson and company are mere pawns with little purpose. The likes of Jon Voight and John Turturro are sparsely used to forward a plot that is already clinging for dear life. It is a talented cast, if you read some of those names back yourself, but nothing in Transformers is fully fleshed out. Therein lies the problem.
Expecting a high end drama or Oscar material from your usual summer "blockbuster" release is foolish, I'm very much aware of that. Still, I expect some portion of intelligent thought in my summer blockbusters meals. The kind I could wryly shrug at, all the while, just as easily, admitting it was a lot of fun.
My friend. You're preaching to the choir here. For every single ounce of life in me, I cannot fathom how this film is getting rated 9 on 10's or 8 on 10's. Which essentially means, people are placing this utter example of garbage film-making, right up there with the likes of: The Matrix, Star Wars, Alien, Terminator, Gladiator e.t.c. Now that is amazing!
When it comes to films like Transformers, I've heard people say "I didn't even have to use my brain. That's what made it great!" I can understand this to a degree, watching dramas all the time isn't fun either. But putting your faculties on hold altogether, is simply asking for far too much. Filmmakers like Michael Bay all to often try to peddle "flash and bangs" under the guise of "summer blockbuster" or "popcorn films." While conveniently and completely disregarding mere basic tenants of film-making.
Take for example Star Wars. The film that started the whole summer blockbuster tradition, the mother of all popcorn films so to speak. Yet it's still a film that stands head and shoulders above the likes of Transformers. Why you ask. The reason is simple. George Lucas was wise enough to develop a good story and flesh out the characters. If you think about it, films such as Star Wars, Alien and The Matrix take place in an equally preposterous universe. Although, in each instance, their filmmakers decided on creating a believable storyline and believable characters. A skill that Michael Bay, rather unfortunately, is desperately lacking.
I've nothing personal against Michael Bay or Transformers. I take no pleasure in giving Transformers a bad score or giving Michael Bay a hard time of it. I do happen to think that there is talent within Bay. He does have a knack for action sequences and all things combustible. Still, his absolute disregard for everything else hampers the impact of what he has managed to do right.
The film isn't without a few positives (few being the operative word). There are some very nice effects on display here. It's obvious that a great deal of care went into creating all the robots. The skill with which the CGI interact with their environments is amazing. The stunt work and pyrotechnics within the film are top notch as well. Yet again, with Michael Bay's incessant need to use jittery camera work and disorienting edits, one isn't able to fully appreciate the aesthetics in their full glory.
To be honest, I really did want to like this film. God knows I tried my best. I kept holding out for something, but the end credits rolled on and the proverbial fat lady had sung. Very loudly and very badly it would seem. Ultimately, It's a very shoddy and an extremely mishandled piece of film-making. I can put up with the jittery camera movement Bay is so fond of. I can put up with the disorienting edit jobs. I can even put up with the horrible dialogue. What I can't put up with, is a poorly conceived storyline and atrocious character development. Even if it is for a "blockbuster/popcorn" film. Michael Bay's Transformers is akin to a huge state of the art luxury cruise liner, all the bells and whistles attached. With a crucial exception. The engine needed to power it.
Thumbs Down or 3/10
[FONT=times new roman][b]NOTE:[/b][/FONT] The critic [url=http://www.reelviews.net/movies/t/transformers.html][b]James Berardinelli[/b][/url] sums it up quite nicely with a bit more detail. Something that I didn't want to get into on account of spoilers. -
I'll just apologise in advance in case you hate it and want to stab me. Although, that is the benefit of this internet, I think - stabbings are rare.I'm fascinated to know how this recommendation process works. We don't have Netflix in England, but Amazon have a similar service so I use that. Currently, they are suggesting I try Last King Of Scotland, Hot Fuzz, Blood Diamond, and... Bring It On: All Or Nothing. I don't know where the hell they got that last one from. Honest.
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A Transformation Into Catastrophe (No Spoilers)
Like many others on this forum, I grew up with the Transformers. So understandably, they hold a special place in my heart. Imagine my excitement when I first heard they were announcing a live action flick for my beloved Transformers. Imagine my despair when I heard Michael Bay was on board to direct. Despite my perpetual distrust of Michael Bay's directing abilities, I wanted to cut the guy a break and trust that he would come through with a great movie in Transformers. That confidence came largely due to Steven Spielberg's endorsement of Michael Bay.
In the end however, my initial instincts were right. Simply put, the film was a disappointment. Michael Bay's Transformers suffers from the same ailment that all other Michael Bay films suffer from: A lack of character development. A lack of story development. A lack of proper editing. A lack of proper dialogue. An over indulgence in jittery camera work. As in any other prototypical Michael Bay affair. The magnificent effects, the amazing explosions and the "jitter cam" are simply hiding the gaping holes within the film...It's complete exclusion of anything coherent. At no point did I feel I was fully invested in either the story or in any of the characters.
Shia LaBeouf does an admirable job with Sam. Given the painfully limited capacity in which he is used, Peter Cullen as Optimus Prime is affective as well. Meagan Fox is nothing but eye candy, all be it, a very beautiful piece of candy. Josh Duhamel, Tyrese Gibson and company are mere pawns with little purpose. The likes of Jon Voight and John Turturro are sparsely used to forward a plot that is already clinging for dear life. It is a talented cast, if you read some of those names back yourself, but nothing in Transformers is fully fleshed out. Therein lies the problem.
Expecting a high end drama or Oscar material from your usual summer "blockbuster" release is foolish, I'm very much aware of that. Still, I expect some portion of intelligent thought in my summer blockbusters meals. The kind I could wryly shrug at, all the while, just as easily, admitting it was a lot of fun.
My friend. You're preaching to the choir here. For every single ounce of life in me, I cannot fathom how this film is getting rated 9 on 10's or 8 on 10's. Which essentially means, people are placing this utter example of garbage film-making, right up there with the likes of: The Matrix, Star Wars, Alien, Terminator, Gladiator e.t.c. Now that is amazing!
When it comes to films like Transformers, I've heard people say "I didn't even have to use my brain. That's what made it great!" I can understand this to a degree, watching dramas all the time isn't fun either. But putting your faculties on hold altogether, is simply asking for far too much. Filmmakers like Michael Bay all to often try to peddle "flash and bangs" under the guise of "summer blockbuster" or "popcorn films." While conveniently and completely disregarding mere basic tenants of film-making.
Take for example Star Wars. The film that started the whole summer blockbuster tradition, the mother of all popcorn films so to speak. Yet it's still a film that stands head and shoulders above the likes of Transformers. Why you ask. The reason is simple. George Lucas was wise enough to develop a good story and flesh out the characters. If you think about it, films such as Star Wars, Alien and The Matrix take place in an equally preposterous universe. Although, in each instance, their filmmakers decided on creating a believable storyline and believable characters. A skill that Michael Bay, rather unfortunately, is desperately lacking.
I've nothing personal against Michael Bay or Transformers. I take no pleasure in giving Transformers a bad score or giving Michael Bay a hard time of it. I do happen to think that there is talent within Bay. He does have a knack for action sequences and all things combustible. Still, his absolute disregard for everything else hampers the impact of what he has managed to do right.
The film isn't without a few positives (few being the operative word). There are some very nice effects on display here. It's obvious that a great deal of care went into creating all the robots. The skill with which the CGI interact with their environments is amazing. The stunt work and pyrotechnics within the film are top notch as well. Yet again, with Michael Bay's incessant need to use jittery camera work and disorienting edits, one isn't able to fully appreciate the aesthetics in their full glory.
To be honest, I really did want to like this film. God knows I tried my best. I kept holding out for something, but the end credits rolled on and the proverbial fat lady had sung. Very loudly and very badly it would seem. Ultimately, It's a very shoddy and an extremely mishandled piece of film-making. I can put up with the jittery camera movement Bay is so fond of. I can put up with the disorienting edit jobs. I can even put up with the horrible dialogue. What I can't put up with, is a poorly conceived storyline and atrocious character development. Even if it is for a "blockbuster/popcorn" film. Michael Bay's Transformers is akin to a huge state of the art luxury cruise liner, all the bells and whistles attached. With a crucial exception. The engine needed to power it.
Thumbs Down or 3/10
NOTE: The critic James Berardinelli over at Reelviews.net sums it up quite nicely with a bit more detail. Something that I didn't want to get into on account of spoilers. -
Bring It On indeed...Don't worry Frankie, violence is never the answer. I may just call you a poop head or something equally nasty... Oh, and Blood Diamond was decent, have not seen the other two.
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I the damned page won't allow me to properly space out the paragraphs. I put in three spaces!! Between each paragraph. Oh well.
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You have to add The Island to that list. It is so bad it is almost good. I would use it as Exhibit A in the Fans of Good Action vs M. Bay case.
Basically it's Bay's idea of a smaller-scale, plot driven thriller. It is his attempt to temper his "style" into something a bit more comprehensible. But what you end up with is still nonsense because the man has no story sense whatsoever. Instead of being crude and sensationalist, it is misjudged and dull.
It is pretty boring because, without constant sensory attack, Bay has no other tricks or talents with which to hold attention.
But I still recommend it on DVD (cos you can fast forward) for the insight into Bay's conception of a smart, ideas based movie. Which he then throws out of the window with the stupidest chase scene in recent memory. Out of nowhere, all of a sudden, the apparently near-future world is full of jet bikes! Not (maybe more acceptable) hover bikes, but bikes that can fly up around sky-scrapers, chased by helicopters. And Ewan (awful in this), whose character in the movie is essentially a 7 year old, instantly becomes an expert jet biker. This is all straight after a freeway sequence lifted straight from BB2, and they are pretty much the only action in the film. Pacing..? Not so much.
But the cake is really taken when they come crashing off the top of the sky scraper on a big Logo, fall a long way down, and are then caught by some nets that just happened to be there. How we did laugh.
Dreamworks made that one too, which is what worried me about Transformers from the start.
Timeline is pretty hilarious too, if woeful acting, directing, etc is your bag... -
2 fast 2 furious dude...band of brothers dude...Prof Lupin. Yes, that was indeed a bad movie. Those are the true nuggets, the ones with actual actors (besides Paul Walker of course) who band together and make a horrendous movie. I've had the Island in my queue for a long time now, just can't get myself to pull the trigger and have it actually arrive at my door.
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... seem to criticize so much, with such ferocity, the main thing that one gets from such a review is that you don't do this for a living.
I'd love to see your cinematic efforts. Where may we find them, Vern?
There's criticizing a movie on a general level, and then there's criticizing every elbow and toenail to the extent that it makes you look like you have a vendetta against Michael Bay.
If that's the case, then say so up front, and spare us the diatribe of pointing out every nuance of how Michael Bay did everything he could to purposely fuck up this film.
To be so angry with everything makes it seem like 'fake outrage'.
Y A W N . -
except it should not have any spaces between the letters. This creates a new paragraph.
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"You liked it, fine. Just ADMIT it was bad. ANd dont try to explain it away by saying it was supposed to be bad."
"And stop mentioning the box office for god sakes"
Translation: "Waaaaah! Stop saying you like it! Stop saying it's going to be successful! You have to hate it!"
Sorry mate, but it looks like this film will be HUGELY successful, and although popular isn't the same as good, it must be doing SOMETHING right. Perhaps people just fancy an entertaining, escapist thrill ride?
As far as I'm aware, I personally have not said the film is SUPPOSED to be bad, and I can't remember any other 'apologists' saying this either - we're just not gonna go into it with our expectations off the charts.
I personally just want to be entertained in a primal, basic way by this film.
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jpt - Okay, in a grand gesture of transatlantic good will, I have added Blood Diamond to my queue. That way, if I hate it and you hate Ghost Rider, we will be even. This is good. We will show those dirty politicians there is more the English and the Americans can acheive together besides invading other people's countries!TELF - I saw The Island and I have to say (and this reveals how shallow I can somtimes be) I was so mesmerised by how beautiful Scarlett Johansson was in it, I cannot remember a single thing that happened in the film. Anyway, in a similar gesture - although this time a transUK goodwill kind of thing - I have also added Timeline to my queue. I hope Paul Walker says 'Bro' at least six times in it. I believe he has that written into his contract for every film.
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It has a kind of perfect storm misjudged movie elements. The tone, performances and pace are all over the place. All the acting is so achingly sincere, but the world they inhabit is just utterly absurd. The cast all look like they just met, in every scene! It just doesn't seem like the work of professionals. When I saw this and Rollerball I was just in shock that the guys who made Lethal Weapon and Die Hard could fall so far. Shows you how important good producers can be to the whole process.
But the Island is pretty special in that regard. It's the irony of Bay consciously trying to make a smart film and, in doing so, making arguably his dumbest. -
because it shows the man just can't pull of a real straight and narrow film. I mean that movie should have been cake walk for him. He had the means and the actors to pull it off. It just goes to show he substitutes camera angles for tension and musical cues for emotion.
It's pretty sad.
By the way netflix RULES!!! Harry and the guys should set up an account so we can join in and have a dvd renting community. That would be actually pretty cool. -
which in turn would be no fun at all.
Are you sure you want to sit through Timeline? You might as well watch Ultraviliot. Hee hee. After the first ten minutes I couldn't stop laughing at the screen. then ten minutes later I started to cry knowing there was 2 hours left and I had waisted 9 bucks. Should have left but I was mesmerized by the shear awfullness flickering before. It would be the equivalent of watching a person in a chair thats repeatedly getting steaming piles of shit thrown at their face.
You know you should stop watching but you're amazed that something like that was actually consented. -
Mmmmm. Only thing I went to see it for. I just wish Bay would stick to cameras. He's a great DP. Like Jan De Bont was. Leave the directing to the pros, guys.
Re. Paul Walker in Timeline. It's even better because he is trying to NOT be the guy who says "bro" all the time. That would his Day-Lewis style prep for the role: Slowly, with great willpower, attempting to go, for perhaps hours at a time, without saying "bro" or "Brah". Unfortunately you can see the strain in film... -
"Ultimately, It's a very shoddy and an extremely mishandled piece of film-making. I can put up with the jittery camera movement Bay is so fond of. I can put up with the disorienting edit jobs. I can even put up with the horrible dialogue. What I can't put up with, is a poorly conceived storyline and atrocious character development."
So you can put up with the jittery camera movement Bay is so fond of, you can put up with the disorienting edit jobs, you can even put up with the horrible dialogue? But it's the storyline and character development that upset you? And you're a fan of the original cartoon, which never really had either of those to any massive degree, did it?
Are you going to be expecting the Thundercats film to be on a par with LOTR, then?! -
Totally. You just keep having to remind yourself that these people had actually made films before. It's such a strange film in so many ways.I love the script. That bit early on where they are trying to set up Butler as loving history and Walker as having no interest. So they basically have him say, immediately, "I'm into what's happening now" and Butler replies "No man, the past is where it's at!" It is just so on the nose. They should of just had them wear T-shirts with Proor or Con History's Value slogans on them. But I don't remember any big studio film so miscast as regards chemistry. You get no sense of any connection between these people, be it familial, romantic or whatsoever. The best of these being Walker trying to out stare O'Connor during their courting. God, it's brilliant.
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(sings to the tune of the Transformers theme...)
"Mi-chael Bay! Jacks off in your eyes!" -
(sings to the tune of the Transformers theme...)
"Mi-chael Bay! Jacks off in your eyes!" -
That's good stuff. It's amazing the people that constantly get work in Hollywood.
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...is like saying, "I eat pieces of shit, like you, for breakfast!". Yep, it was a bad piece of work, but 98% of the viewing world knew that going in. Same goes for any Michael B-b-b-b-bay flick. In fact, they outta just stick a brain-deposit can right at the theater entrance.
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A Transformation Into Catastrophe (No Spoilers)
Like many others on this forum, I grew up with the Transformers. So understandably, they hold a special place in my heart. Imagine my excitement when I first heard they were announcing a live action flick for my beloved Transformers. Imagine my despair when I heard Michael Bay was on board to direct. Despite my perpetual distrust of Michael Bay's directing abilities, I wanted to cut the guy a break and trust that he would come through with a great movie in Transformers. That confidence came largely due to Steven Spielberg's endorsement of Michael Bay.
In the end however, my initial instincts were right. Simply put, the film was a disappointment. Michael Bay's Transformers suffers from the same ailment that all other Michael Bay films suffer from: A lack of character development. A lack of story development. A lack of proper editing. A lack of proper dialogue. An over indulgence in jittery camera work. As in any other prototypical Michael Bay affair. The magnificent effects, the amazing explosions and the "jitter cam" are simply hiding the gaping holes within the film...It's complete exclusion of anything coherent. At no point did I feel I was fully invested in either the story or in any of the characters.
Shia LaBeouf does an admirable job with Sam. Given the painfully limited capacity in which he is used, Peter Cullen as Optimus Prime is affective as well. Meagan Fox is nothing but eye candy, all be it, a very beautiful piece of candy. Josh Duhamel, Tyrese Gibson and company are mere pawns with little purpose. The likes of Jon Voight and John Turturro are sparsely used to forward a plot that is already clinging for dear life. It is a talented cast, if you read some of those names back yourself, but nothing in Transformers is fully fleshed out. Therein lies the problem.
Expecting a high end drama or Oscar material from your usual summer "blockbuster" release is foolish, I'm very much aware of that. Still, I expect some portion of intelligent thought in my summer blockbusters meals. The kind I could wryly shrug at, all the while, just as easily, admitting it was a lot of fun.
My friend. You're preaching to the choir here. For every single ounce of life in me, I cannot fathom how this film is getting rated 9 on 10's or 8 on 10's. Which essentially means, people are placing this utter example of garbage film-making, right up there with the likes of: The Matrix, Star Wars, Alien, Terminator, Gladiator e.t.c. Now that is amazing!
When it comes to films like Transformers, I've heard people say "I didn't even have to use my brain. That's what made it great!" I can understand this to a degree, watching dramas all the time isn't fun either. But putting your faculties on hold altogether, is simply asking for far too much. Filmmakers like Michael Bay all to often try to peddle "flash and bangs" under the guise of "summer blockbuster" or "popcorn films." While conveniently and completely disregarding mere basic tenants of film-making.
Take for example Star Wars. The film that started the whole summer blockbuster tradition, the mother of all popcorn films so to speak. Yet it's still a film that stands head and shoulders above the likes of Transformers. Why you ask. The reason is simple. George Lucas was wise enough to develop a good story and flesh out the characters. If you think about it, films such as Star Wars, Alien and The Matrix take place in an equally preposterous universe. Although, in each instance, their filmmakers decided on creating a believable storyline and believable characters. A skill that Michael Bay, rather unfortunately, is desperately lacking.
I've nothing personal against Michael Bay or Transformers. I take no pleasure in giving Transformers a bad score or giving Michael Bay a hard time of it. I do happen to think that there is talent within Bay. He does have a knack for action sequences and all things combustible. Still, his absolute disregard for everything else hampers the impact of what he has managed to do right.
The film isn't without a few positives (few being the operative word). There are some very nice effects on display here. It's obvious that a great deal of care went into creating all the robots. The skill with which the CGI interact with their environments is amazing. The stunt work and pyrotechnics within the film are top notch as well. Yet again, with Michael Bay's incessant need to use jittery camera work and disorienting edits, one isn't able to fully appreciate the aesthetics in their full glory.
To be honest, I really did want to like this film. God knows I tried my best. I kept holding out for something, but the end credits rolled on and the proverbial fat lady had sung. Very loudly and very badly it would seem. Ultimately, It's a very shoddy and an extremely mishandled piece of film-making. I can put up with the jittery camera movement Bay is so fond of. I can put up with the disorienting edit jobs. I can even put up with the horrible dialogue. What I can't put up with, is a poorly conceived storyline and atrocious character development. Even if it is for a "blockbuster/popcorn" film. Michael Bay's Transformers is akin to a huge state of the art luxury cruise liner, all the bells and whistles attached. With a crucial exception. The engine needed to power it.
Thumbs Down or 3/10
NOTE: The critic James Berardinelli at Reelviews.net sums it up quite nicely with a bit more detail. Something that I didn't want to get into on account of spoilers.
Vern: I've been coming to this site for a while now, but only recently registered. What really sealed it for me was your review on Transformers. Simply put, it gave me hope that there are still people out there who will not voluntarily have garbage shoved down their throats. In any case, thank you Vern for restoring my faith.
kikuchiyoboy: Thank you my friend. I appreciate the help. :)
Pawprint: It's the extent to which I'm willing to go, in order to just see a modicum of coherence and tangible film-making from the likes of Michael Bay. As for Transformers originally being a bit kidd'ish. Well of course it was, but when one is making a transition onto live action. The treatment also requires to be tweaked.
Take the X-Men and Spiderman movies for example. They started out as comics and cartoon shows as well. Do you see their film-makers making complete and literal translations. No. Why...because making a literal translation would turn out to be an out of date, non-sensible and inconsistent movie. A movie that would be, as Transformers is, a running joke of amateurish film-making.
There is a big difference between keeping the spirit of what the original sources were within a film, to the sheer ignorance of any binding thoughts of intelligent film-making.
Transformers and Michael Bay are perfect examples of everything that's wrong in movies today. In all the films I've watched, Bad Boys II was the only damned movie that gave a massive f'ing migraine. At no point did I think I could encounter a film that would ever match that migraine. But leave it to Michael Bay to prove me wrong. -
I give up trying to fix this. Won't bother anymore.
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Check out Cthulu on Wiki...that is your monster
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*Cthulhu*
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Take out the spaces between Do a test and it should look like
this. -
but you just know this type of goodwill does NOT belong in a Transformer TB. It's like a (blood) diamond in the rough..heh-heh-heh...TELF, you are absolutely right. If someone could be farther out of their 'bro' element than Mr. Walker, I'm not sure who it could be.
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"Transformers Sucks as the Sky is Blue. Anybody that tries to tell you otherwise is also trying to tell you the sky is a different color."
here's the problem..
sky is blue = fact
transformers sucks = opinion.
confusing the 2 just makes you look like you are just grasping at straws in attempt to fuel your argument. -
that actually thought I'd be entertained by it's absurdity. I knew it wasn't going to be good. My cousin wanted to see it so I was like "what the hey". But I didn't think it would be that outragous. They really thought Yakuza that only run the tops of buildings would be cool? Transformers I actually enjoyed because it felt like a hyper saturday moring cartoon like the reinvention of Mighty Mouse was. I thought that Ultraviolet would be just complete silly fun.
Boy was I wrong. It got old fast. -
If Cthulhu was the monster, I would literally have a heart attack - we'd never be that lucky, would we?
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I know dude it would be crazy....I was just posting the connection from "The Class." Probably some dudes idea of prank but if you check out the Wiki summary of Ethan Hass it mentions Cthulhu..crazy huh?
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I just read that Wiki listing - makes me wish I'd watched that show once. Hearing Cthulhu mentioned on a CBS sitcom? That's a big head-scratcher right there.
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You know, that could very well be someone screwing around - but it's so obscure, perhaps it's a bit of viral marketing? I sure wouldn't put it past the Bad Robot folks to hide some stuff throughout the internet, little tidbits about the movie like this might possibly be.
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that sentence almost seems inserted out of no where, but still it is an interesting connection
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Jul 06, 2007 9:13:52 AM CDT
you are are talking about cloverfield? is it cthulhu?
by ricky henderson
That would freaking rock. Although I'm predicting something more akin to the Locust Horde in Gears of War--an alien race that suddenly pops out from underground and just starts wreaking havoc. Imagine: MOLEMEN!
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Thanks bud. Hehe...didn't know that I had to take the spaces out. My fault really. I've gotta run for training now. I'll post the fix and test later on.
Thanks again bro. :) -
I LOVED it - my wife and I joked afterwards about how J.J. sold this movie to the studio. "OK, I want you guys to picture Felicity meets War of the Worlds..."
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If you listen closely to the trailer while the people are out on the street, you'll hear someone say that the creature is a big "lion".A buddy of mine who frequents the LOST messageboards told me that the buzz they're getting is that the creature was created by the US and set loose to destroy one of its major cities. The goal being that it would ultimately unite the world in harmony after dealing with this common threat. (Obviously, none of this is confirmed.)The funniest thing about the trailer when I saw it in the theater was the number of people GROANING.
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...it was pretty funny stuff. But then again, most of those morons don't know what the hell Bad Robot is capable of pulling off. How the hell does a big lion cause an explosion like that? I far prefer MOLEMEN!
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I dunno, I think good will is exactly what we need here.
I'm still astounded at the things some people are able to take personally. -
It's a giant Hurley.
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That's it, I can't think of another thing to say about this Transformers. I am bowing out, even if AICN has not given us any new cool news in a couple of days now.I wish good weekend cheer to the Transformers fans, good weekend cheer to the non Transformers fans, and even good weekend cheer to those folks who sometimes pop up and say stuff like, "Come on, guys, don't fight. It's just a movie!."We better have some new shit to make sarcastic comments about next week, though...
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He said "it's ALIVE." At least, that's what I heard. And that makes more since then saying it's a big Thundercat.
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That message board premise sounds a lot like Watchmen...I don't think JJ would so obviously rip something like that, do you?
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...it might as well be Lion-O!!!
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...that this talkback has finally come to a consensus on the Transformers movie. Now I can go back to wearing my wife beater shirt and drinking beer while sitting on my ratty old couch on the patio. Jeff Foxworthy is coming on and I've got sweat stains to make.
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the aftermath of Transformer talkbackers taken to the streets and unleashing their anger/hostility?I've started the campfire TELF, and I'm awaiting everyone to gather around and sing kumbaya...
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Like the WATCHMEN? No, I doubt he would do something that blatant. But it's hard to say. JJ Abrams is a pretty clever guy, I suppose. For those already interested in the movie, I hope he's brewed up something worthwhile.
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Zedd is wrecking havoc in downtown NYC while Rita Repulsa is waiting on the spaceship.
Seriously though, I would be quite pissed if they told a godzilla/voltron movie through shaky camcorders. -
Because I could talk about the big guy ALL DAY. JJ LOVES Stephen King...and King LOVES H.P. Lovecraft. Any big King fan who knows about the author's inspirations will know of his affection for Cthulhu and the Elder Gods and all that...and if JJ is as big a King fan as me (he may be an even bigger one) then he's got some love for Lovecraft too. We can only hope, because if it's Godzilla I'll throw up through my nose.
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http://www.1-18-08.com/ This is the website for "Cloverfield" For those who don't know.
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That review is pure excellence. A pleasure to read and right on the money yet again.
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I thought this flick was going to set records, bring in records amounts of cash. Amazing how the GayBay fans have gone from, "this movie will be the biggest thing since the Matrix!" to "This movie will be the biggest movie of the year!" to "This movie will be the biggest movie of the summer