Hey, everyone. ”Moriarty” here.

Surrender to Michael Bay.

I’ll have my own review of TRANSFORMERS up later today, but for now, I’m just going to suggest you wave the white flag and prepare yourself, because resistance is futile.

I know, I know... you don’t believe me. I understand. After all, you guys have been ranting in talkbacks for months now about everything they’ve gotten wrong and there’s no way the film works... right?

Well, let’s check in with Messi, one of the most vocal of the talkback detractors, and the first of them to see the film:

Damn you Michael Bay.

So I'm one of the known detractors of this movie (a dickwad according to Michael Bay). I will address all the issues brought up on AICN. It's a shame all my posts got deleted but I'm back.

Transformers has been the most controversial movie on AICN for a while, the threads are always huge, being near Aqu@fag like levels and not being incoherent rambling. Is this movie TINO? Is Michael Bay Damned? All will be addressed but first I want to say this. I always said that I was sure it was going to be a fun summer movie but I didn't just want that. I want Transformers. So is this Transformers or TINO(Transformers in Name only)? Yes and No. I also said that the Nostalgia crowd is the biggest demographic and people (idiot transformers fans on the official movie site (wishfulthinking) and tfw2005.com (redsquadron) and here too) lambasted me for this, saying "get over it, it needs to move forward and isn't aimed at us, it's aimed at kids", well you were proven wrong. I went to a midday screening on a weekday and the theatre was half packed(which means people are interested and for an early screening on a weekday it's huge) and I look around, and not 1 child, everyone was in their 20's at least. I walk out and the line for the next session had 3 kids and then a bunch of adults. This is banking on the nostalgia factor but after seeing the movie, I think I may be wrong in the designs having THAT much of an impact, i'm sure the box office would be a little bigger but it won't take as much a hit, I don't see people being as angry about the flames or Megatron being a tribal tattoo.

This movie is Huge. It's probably the second biggest most expensive looking movie i've ever seen after Return of the King. It makes At World's End look like some student Film from UCLA. Michael '12 Action set pieces' Bay Denis knows how to use his cash, which makes my mind boggle at how Superman Returns cost 200 mil when this supposedly cost less, yet this seems as big as the LOTR films and doesn't come off as a Will and Grace episode. This also makes me think that unless there is a Transformers 2 with Devastator (unlikely now, explained later) and the Dinobots, or a Simarillion series of movies or an Infinite Crisis movie, I can't see any movie being bigger than this for along time, not even a JLA movie.

Is it a good fun summer ride movie? No, it's a pretty great fun summer ride movie. Totally shits on the other blockbusters out this year and last. I mean I thought it'd be cool and I was excited but I was surprised I had so much fun, that it was such an entertaining movie. I've been waiting 18 years for this movie, Transformers is quite possibly the first thing I ever liked. Before Star Wars, before Superman. The coolest thing a child could ever have was what happened to me, when my dad came home and I ran down the stairs of our apartment block to meet him and he had bags which I thought were groceries but they were Transformers, he bought me bags, bags of transformers, it had a headmaster in it. Awesome. So Transformers means alot to me, and it's not just Nostalgic, because I have seen the cartoon and the animated movie and they are really enjoyable. Optimus Prime was my hero, he is the one that taught me about mortality, when he died, I realized I could die. And along with Superman and Luke Skywalker, he was the first noble person I ever saw. A good guy.

Am I converted? Not really, like I said I knew it was going to be fun but I am frustrated at the wasted opportunities. I'll get to these soon.

The Bayisms are there, but not as frequent. STOP MOVING THE CAMERA IN NON ACTION SHOTS! If anything this feels like a mixture of a typical Bay movie, an 80's Spielberg movie, a mega blockbuster event movie and a Transformers movie. With a fair bit of comedy thrown in that actually works.

The thing with this movie and alot of fans, is that many of us know it will be at least an ok movie, but if you hit the right notes and it's a great movie I will not see it once, but multiple times, like Batman begins which i watched 13 times. Even though it's not totally a Transformers movie or if to you it doesn't feel like Transformers. It's still a really fun movie. However that does not mean that it doesn't have it's problems, and sometimes they get overshadowed by a movie being real good, but the issues always brought up on AICN do stand out at least to me, but it doesn't really take away from the movie much. There are few perfect movies (the two towers, children of men, batman begins, the lives of others, empire and a new hope are perfect in my eyes) but cmon, the dog peeing on the robot? Bumblebee's golden shower? So TINO? Bayformers? Yes and No. The action or BAYHEM is absolutely insane, they do move and look in action as Transformers. Out of all of them, Optimus is the closest one to the Optimus we all know, heroic, noble, a leader.To all the people saying they won't see it(Industrykiller I believe). I think you should because it's a good movie, I mean I was entertained, frustrated at times but Entertained thoroughly. I mean i'm not sure everyone will see it multiple times but to not see it once would be foolish.

The CGI is incredible (though WETA is still better, their digital character rendering is still the best), it has already won next year's academy award. ILM has come such a long way, ROTS had alot of flaws in the CGI and the digital characters were badly rendered in some parts. The stuff they do here is amazing. Some of the craziest action sequences i've ever seen. The first time I got the sensation that this will be a big hit is in the scene where Bumblebee fights Barricade the cop car, the first big Transformer fight scene. After a bit of a scuffle Bumblebee drives off with the kids then Barricade transforms and chases them but in that shot when he transforms to chase them, people clapped and some people went 'wooo' because they knew it was going to be a big scene and it was just starting. Thinking about the Bayhem now, I think watching it, many of you are not going to believe the action sequences, they really are impressive and I was really surprised that there is so much action. I didn't think it was possible without having to spend the GDP of a small country, then again ROTK proved me wrong, but really, the action is so constant in one part where you think "surely that must be it" because you think it wouldn't be possible budget wise at least, and then this insane air battle involving Starscream takes place and you think "how the fuck did they afford all this?".

Here's some little fanboy things. Jazz does a semi breakdance when he transforms. Optimus says the line which was won in a competition "Freedom is the right of all sentient beings" and surprisingly he also says his mega famous line from the animated movie and it's not "Till all are one". Also this was awesome, Optimus opens part of his chest and you see THE MATRIX! Yes Fanboy joy.

The first 2 shots when the movie starts after it's prologue are fine, the third, fourth and fifth shots are pure Michael Bay. That already bugged me. There are alot of Bayisms in the movie, but not as many as I thought, they do stand out when they are on, but at the same time you sort of get the sense that Bay even knows his own Bayisms that he's toned them down. Ie there are those slow mo shots of people moving but they aren't as frequent, but they still annoy me when they are on. But yes I will say it, the first action sequence is very impressive, it's quite incredible, and the fact so many shots are from far where you see Blackout and you can't see the full detail so he looks like a real Transformer, that part does feel like Transformers, that scene feels like Transformers has been brought to life. Did I feel like a kid again? That kid who would rush home in first grade after school(Transformers was popular for a few years) running fast because his father was flirting with the teacher so I walked in 5 minutes late in an episode with BRUTICUS. A few times.... when Optimus makes his grand entrance, it's magical, then the rest of the autobots make their entrance it's awesome to watch because it feels like the old blockbusters.

Optimus is Optimus, for the most part, it's the Optimus we all grew up with put on screen, Cullen's voice is different, bassier, more robotic, but he does act and sound like Optimus for the most part. He is a badass when he fights Bonecrusher. Don't really want to say much in his fight or lack of fight(from his side) with Megatron.

Shia Lebeouf was good, I mean he does the job, and he does it well, you can tell this kid's going to be a movie star, the charisma etc, I mean. whatever to me, i'm just saying from a general public point of view, this kid will be a movie star. He's funny and that's the main part of his character, he isn't very heroic, he just does things and takes things humorously all pining for the affection of Mikaela, the hottest girl in school and i'm actually surprised that the love story between them isn't as cheesy, they must have worked on it.

I thought Megan Fox was hot on TV, and I thought not so hot in print, but she's one of the hottest things i've ever seen in some parts of this movie (Erica Durance beats her though), and she surprised me because she's not a bad actress as Mikaela, I mean she isn't great, her character doesn't have anything to be great, it's a blockbuster of course, but she's not wooden, not sleepwalking through this role. Ie I didn't cringe. And she's hot.

The Issues.

Wasted Opportunities. First I have to say they don't take that much away from the movie, I mean I know some talkbackers are going to hate this movie regardless and some will see one thing they don't like and suddenly the whole movie is shit. Be reasonable, the good parts are good, the bad parts are annoying. Spider-man 3 was a wasted opportunity, it just bugs me (ha a pun) when people have a choice yet they do something else when there is no reason why it couldn't have been done the other way, there is nothing forcing it to compromise(ie Lucas couldn't do the battle of Coruscant in ROTJ because it just wasn't possible). I mean Venom was totally wasted. But the things in Transformers are minor.

The designs. - I hated them when they were unveiled, they aren't as bad onscreen as I thought, but at the same time, I don't see how the original designs wouldn't have worked. They didn't have to be the same, I don't know why people think bringing them to life would mean you'd get 8 cubes. No, I wanted them to be the way these ones were rendered but thicker, think of the dreamwave drawings but with lots of the big metal bits and lines and that would have been great. I say this because there is absolutely no reason why it wouldn't have worked. With these designs, they aren't horrible but it's frustrating because you know the others could have worked too (look at the sideswipe transformation vid aka the fake ILM footage). A few times I and others have said, you won't be able to tell what's going on. It's just more that i'm annoyed by the fact Bay and co did this just because they felt they can, there is just is no reason. I don't see how it's any more realistic. That realistic angle doesn't work, the argument doesn't stick. As long as they look real through lighting it can be real. The only good I see from these designs is that the few times you see them transform, the scrap metal look does look spectacular.

Mass shifting. - Ok the first issue addressed was Megatron couldn't be a gun because it's stupid (i'm ok with that but he could have been a badass cannon) and Soundwave can't be a boom box and then the All Spark cube mass shifts? What the fuck man? It goes from being the size of a small warehouse to Sam being able to carry it. So much for the mass shifting argument, they used the fucking thing.

Ratio of robots to humans. Human prominent story. - This was a big concern, that it was from the humans point of view and too much time would be devoted to the humans, in the first half, pretty much, but even though the script has it prominently human, the robots figure heavily in the second half and are in it alot more than the script suggests. So there is little to worry about. It's been evened out.

The script/Story. - Alot of people have read the script and many have said it's a shit script. It's not as bad as it read, the cheesy parts have for the most part been cut out, alot of other stuff has been toned down(the lake sequence where Sam is trying to pick up Mikaela). The biggest problem I had was the stuff with the government, it's not as prominent as it was in the script, it isn't frustrating, I hated hated those parts of the script, but they seem to have trimmed it down and with the fact the robots get more screen time than originally thought, it doesn't seem as bad. More than meets the eye is used once.

Flames on Optimus = nipples on an unnessasery. I don't get it, it serves no purpose. Bay himself kind of spat in the face of fans and said Optimus has flames because he wanted him to have flames. yes I wanted to punch him. It doesn't take away from Optimus visually, it's just the fact it's there, it's stupid. It's unnessasery and I can only think that either Bay loves Flames or he thinks more Toys are going to be sold or more tickets are going to be sold because a human will see it and go 'coooool'.

Lips on Optimus = This year's little miss why? He hardly ever has the mouthguard on and you barely see it anyway. That sucks. I hate that. I don't think there was one single shot where you just see him in his glory with the mouthguard up, 80% of the time you see the lips. Now the animation looks impressive and it does look cool, but it's just unnessasery, Why? This is what frustrates me, and what frustrated me in Spider-man 3, just dumb decisions when you have a good decision open to you. The other robots have lips, why not have Optimus just have the mouthguard on? Was it to convey emotion? If you still want the lips, then at least have it on half the time, it's not even that and then you barely see it. You don't see Prime in a single close up shot with the mouthguard on and have him say something, like the original cartoons or it's assuck like follow ups. that's a shame.

Megatron. - He looks like ass. He looked like ass on the designs, he looks like Ass on screen. When he fights Optimus at some parts it's cool and some parts it looks like you're in a laundry dryer with a crumpled car. He is brutal though, but he doesn't feel like Megatron, he is just this powerful bad guy, but he doesn't have any character and he definitely is MINO. Which sucks since Optimus was Optimus. He fires a cannon once or twice but you can't even tell. Bay and his team really fucked up on this, it's cool yeah but it could have been alot better. He should have looked more like Megatron and acted like Megatron, Devious Megalomaniac with a motherfucking badass arm cannon ON ALL THE TIME. The closest he gets to megatron is when he sees Prime and says "Prime" like he said in the cartoon, that's it. To the general public he'd be ok, but as a fan we all know he could have been Megatron and also look like Megatron instead of looking like he'd transform into a chandelier. Change for the better is always good, but the Megatron of the cartoon is classic and way cooler than this Megatron, add the brutality of this Megatron to the real Megatron and I would have been overjoyed. The thing is even with all this negativity, the action scenes involving him are still visually impressive to watch.

What was the point in getting Hugo Weaving? Why Bay? He doesn't sound anything like Hugo Weaving, only in about 3 words he sounds like him, Frank Welker should have been used because Megatron would have felt more like him with that sneering voice. Megatron's voice = This year's little miss fuck you.

Use of music. Bay seems so uncultured at times, doing things because they're cool when in fact they are cheesy, he seems like a very mainstream person, it's as if he's never seen an arthouse film or listened to music on an independant label. Using the musical theme of Oren Ishii from Kill Bill when she walks into the Sushi Restaurant, you know the one, well using that when Bumblebee shows his new do as the new Camaro. Overdone. But there are worse ones. I also noticed that there has been an attempt to imitate the inspiration/building two note motif theme from Batman Begins also known as Vespertillio. I love that theme and how it was used, it makes Batman seem so epic and feel important like something important was unraveling before your eyes. They do a similar theme in Heroes and they do one here too. It's okay, but it quickly gets overshadowed by typical Bay score and of course being a Bay film it also needs to be overscored.

There is a small right wing jingoistic line which the secretary of defense says about the soldiers(something like 'they sure as hell don't like to lose') in Hoover damn. Lame. And another Line about bringing them home cut with Bay shots of the soldiers running. Lame.

Bumblebee's golden shower. People laughed. I thought it was stupid.

The dog peeing on Ironhide. People Laughed. I thought it was forced and stupid.

The Bumblebee radio thing. it's tolerable and isn't overdone, what I hated is when Bumblebee finally speaks, he sounds ridiculous. Some high class British guy. I don't get it, what was wrong with Dan Gilvezan's vulnerable voice for Bumblebee? Bumblebee is a great character though, he is Sam’s guardian and tougher than the G1 version but still has that vulnerability and compassion.

Ratchet. Why does he have a voice like a creepy English butler? He is nothing like the Ratchet we all knew, RINO.

Ironhide is a cowboy but he doesn't feel that much like the badass he was, the one that was itching to get a fight, he is the weapons expert and wants to shoot things but the voice just doesn't fit. He’s actually pretty good, I just wish he was a lot tougher. I hope if they use Cliffjumper they don't do the same to my favourite Autobot Hardass that isn't Grimlock.

Jazz is a modern version of the old jazz, so what does that mean? Gangsta. Luckily it's not overdone. I don't see the point in making Jazz have a visor if you don't even see it, I only knew he had one because of the pictures.

The tank was called Devastator in the script and was known as a temp name and then was officially called Brawl, then imagine my surprise when he rocks up and in subtitles says "Devastator here". That sucks. How the fuck are you going to have the most badass decepticon on screen and call him by his badass name in a sequel, so much for the constructicons and calling him Devastator.

Frenzy is a suckass robot. Who the fuck designed that robot? The way he is used is awesome however, but why couldn't he look more like Rumble, he could have done the same things but not looked like some knife set.

The decepticons. They are hardasses, that they are, they aren't as malicious and devious as in the cartoon but they are brutal, the problem is they aren't as devious since they hardly have any screen time, no character, no personality AT ALL, that's fine for the secondary characters that are just there to be pieces for action scenes(Devastator, Bonecrusher), but for STARSCREAM! BLASPHEMY! He shows up near the end(WHAT!!!) and he does have this incredibly awesome flight action sequence, but he looks nothing like Starscream, he acts nothing like Starscream because he only has 1 fucking line. He is brutal though, but all of them are, they are just hardasses and we know they are bad, we are told that and they go to fight the autobots and waste humans but god I hate that Starscream is just another robot with a name that everyone knows(you can tell, in my screening people went 'ooohh' when they show the jet and Starscream says in subtitles 'this is Starscream'). I mean Bay knows Starscream is one of the Iconic characters so why waste him in a character sense, give him some lines dammit. He's the most badass decepticon after Megatron and he's given his screen time action wise and we know he is something more than the other decepticons but say something! He might as well have been that Leader 1 from Go Bots. Megatron does say "you have failed me yet again Starscream" but that's not enough. And his voice is just stupid. SINO GOTTA EAT. Awesome SINO though. The air battle he has is amazing, best sequence of the year.

The autobots however are awesome in some ways, and lame in others, lame because they aren't much like the characters we know them as(exception being Optimus) but they do things like in the final battle where they realize it's Starscream who is the jet, Ironhide screams "it's Starscream" but no one knows what that means, they also work as a team, help each other out, act as soldiers(guarding Sam). They also have great weapons and Bay has definitely used his imagination in the mega action sequences. The Autobots have great interaction and are real characters, it’s just the characters themselves(only a few) should have been fleshed out more(Jazz) or been more like G1(Ratchet and Ironhide) because they were in fact better characters.

Good lord I have a headache. The crazy transformations and direction. An Evangelion movie is waiting around the corner.

I'm laughing at the mega talkback on that crappy Linkin Park theme, don't worry, it's nowhere to be heard at all.

Judging by the crowd(those with the pockets), the interest, the positive reaction and the positive reviews, this movie is looking to be Huge and I wouldn't be surprised if it ends up as one of the biggest hits of the year, probably second to Spiderman.

Parts of this movie were TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION. And some parts were ASS or Ganymede as I like to call it, but the good outweighs the bad.

My views haven't really changed but I really enjoyed it and might watch it a few more times.

As everyone else is saying... BRING ON THE DARK KNIGHT.... Cunce (I've toned down on the vulgarities so the review can get posted)

Messi

Here’s “Coach Clyde” with his take on it.

I was lucky enough to get into the Zeigfeld last night to see “Transformers”.

Not only do I enjoy Michael Bay movies, but I also really enjoy when cars turn into robots and then do karate.

A common criticism you¹ll hear about movies of late is that they’re like watching someone play a video game for two hours.

And this is very true with Transformers.

But the video game you are watching someone play for two hours is fucking awesome.

This movie is exactly what you can imagine you’ll get when you have Michael Bay directing a Transformers movie.

I don’t really know how to review it. The critics sitting near me had notepads and pens out, but I think they mostly used them to draw pictures of Michael Bay’s gigantic balls because the movie is so awesome.

So instead of breaking it down thematically and pointing out the “Prime As Christ” references and the like, allow me to just list some things I noticed between explosions and robot sounds and jokes where robots pee on John Turturro:

The plot is similar to what you would have come up with while playing with your Transformer toys in the basement when you were 8.

Megan Fox is like a young Jennifer Connelly. If, when Jennifer Connelly was young, she was much hotter and more slutty-looking and not as good of an actress.

That guy from “Las Vegas” shoots stuff and runs a lot.

And that kid from “Disturbia” and “Boy Meets World” is really good.

There are a lot of what Michael Bay thinks are jokes that get their fair share of laughs. For instance, Bernie Mac’s character is given the finger by his grandmother. So, the movie has that going for it.

Most of the dialogue is like, “These guys don’t like to lose,” and “Oh... (long dramatic pause) ...my... (long dramatic pause) ...God,” and “Look out!!”

The special effects are crazy. And because they’re added into real filmed footage of stuff blowing up and/or exploding, they are about 1,000 times more convincing than the stuff we saw in the most recent Star Wars movies and that new Spider-man, which have action scenes that are about as realistic as watching old animated Count Chocula commercials.

*Note that ILM’s greatest achievement is the very realistic animitronic puppet of Jon Voight that plays the Secretary of Defense.

The sound design will boggle your mind. And your colon.

There is some really annoying boombox named Frenzy or something that is this movie’s Jar Jar.

There are a crazy amount of Transformers references throughout the film. In fact, Prime actually says, “One shall stand, one shall fall,” before the final fight scene. Which is pretty awesome.

Unlike in Bay’s crappy “The Island”, the big car chase in “Transformers” is not a shot-for-shot remake of the car chase from “Bad Boys 2.” But it is equally as awesome. (That rollerblading nonsense only lasts for as long as we’ve seen it in those clips online.)

The character development is usually left to one or two sentences. Like, that guy wants to get home from Qatar to see his baby girl or that guy is a cheapskate or that guy has a beard.

There is even less robot character development than there is human character development. And by that, I mean, usually they just put up a title underneath the truck or tank or whatever it is that says, “Bonecrusher” or ”Starscream.” Which, I guess is pretty descriptive of their personalities on the whole, as I know that Bonecrusher mostly just crushes bones so maybe you can’t fault Michael Bay there.

So, as you can see, this is Michael Bay¹s most entertaining film to date.

With “The Rock” and “Bad Boys” being on one end of the entertaining-as-shit side spectrum and “The Island” and the last four hours of “Pearl Harbor” on the other side, where I want to drive to Michael Bay’s house and key his Ferrari.

Now, you certainly could argue that “The Rock” is a better film than “Transformers”, but then you would sound like an idiot because you’d be arguing about Michael Bay movies.

In the end, this is a blockbuster built like a blockbuster. Incredibly entertaining, wildly creative, real stupid, and with only one or two spots during the two hours where you can get up and pee.

-Coach Clyde

It’s funny... there are people who keep saying to me, “You don’t get it because you’re not a fan.” That’s true... I don’t understand the affection some of you have for the old program, and I’m not sure what’s been changed and what hasn’t. But all I can judge is the movie as a movie, and I think more viewers are in my camp than in the “rabid fans keeping track of every change” camp.

Still, it seems like even the hardcore fans are having a good time, like this guy:

Greetings Programs,

Geek in the City here in Portland, OR... The accepted home of the Autobots! (Most folks accept The Ark crashed into Mt. Hood)... Anyway, just got back from a Transformers screener... How was the film? Read on...

The Transformers – A Spoiler Free Review

Well, as spoiler free as possible… I mean, come on, this is the friggen Transformers… How can I spoil a plot that hasn’t changed since 1983…? They come to Earth from space. Autobots are good. Decepticons are bad. They both change from vehicles to robots. They both need this bizarre power source. Decepticons kill humans. Autobots save humans. Some military folks to die and then help the good Autobots defeat the evil Decepticons. Rinse, repeat.

Anyway, I was going to attempt some heartfelt Gen X essay about the nature of childhood heroes and memories coming to life. About how Transformers transcended their simple toy line roots and become a cultural icon. Well, enough like-minded writers and VH-1 have done the same, so why rehash it all over again. Face it friends, The Transformers is a movie about giant friggen robots that fight each other and crap blows up in slow motion. Thankfully, Michael Bay and company do not sway very far from this tried and true pattern.

Was this film more than meets the eye? (What? This review gonna’ be stuffed with cheese)

No, it wasn’t. The Transformers is exactly what you expect… a big ass summer blockbuster with giant transforming robots that beat the crap out of each other, mixed in with some weak (but not annoying) human elements. Transformers is an honest return to the over the top Hollywood blockbuster. While you don’t need to check your Headmaster at the door, you also shouldn’t go looking for any deep thoughts. As much as it pains me to type this, Michael Bay was the only director to pull this flick off. (Although I am certain the guiding hand of producer Steven Spielberg helped a lot). No one pulls off those gorgeous slow motion shots of giant robots dodging and firing missiles like Michael Bay, there simply isn't. Yes, all the cliché "Bay’isms" are there: Everyone walks in slow motion with the sun setting behind. The wind is always whipping through the hair of sexy women. The camera always pans a full 360 degrees while rising from feet to head for no reason. Characters pause to gaze lovingly into each others eyes as the world comes apart. But dammit, in Transformers is just works. It does. There, I’ve said it.

Aaron, quit yapping and tell us if the Robots in Disguise kicked ass!

Hells yes they did! I’ve gotten past the fact that none of my favorite characters looked like their Hasbro counterpart. Watching the film, I am glad. The robots on screen work. They look 100% realistic and believable. Shoot, The Transformers gave some of the best performances in the film. You genuinely believe the Autobots want to help humanity, just as you genuinely believe the Decepticons want to destroy anything with a pulse. How about ‘ol Optimus Prime? Dude, it was Optimus Prime voiced by the one and only Peter Cullen! The character is fantastic. Prime says all his iconic lines. Each one eliciting a roaring applause from an audience that ranged from 8 to 48… Though the dude to chick ratio was a tad skewed, I know big shock. Shoot, even my attempt to not "geek out" next to a "real" member of the media failed when Optimus Prime (while facing off against the fantastically evil Megatron) uttered… "One shall stand, one shall fall". Come on! It can’t get any better… This was my childhood brought to glorious life!!!

What about them humans?

Like I said, not as interesting as the robots. Indeed, the robots were more compelling than the humans were. Says a lot about Michael Bay as a director when the CGI characters turn in better performances than the flesh and blood characters. Shia Labeouf has a strong screen presence, just enough pretty boy looks without being annoying, and a good comedic sense of timing. That guy is going to go far and I’m not as concerned about his role in Indy 4 as I was. Megan Fox is hot, um, that’s about it. She doesn’t get much to do other than stand in sexy poses as Michael Bay zooms in tight on her glistening midriff / chest / booty. considered her limited role, she did well.

That dude from Vegas was cool and made me want to join the military. (Side note, why doesn’t Michael Bay shoot recruitment videos? That guy makes military life out to be the biggest badass way to live your life… I’m not saying it isn’t, but damn does he make it look awesome and even a little sexy). John Voight looked a little lost and confused. I imagine him wandering around the set asking folks what this movie was about… But, towards then end, he kicks it into high gear and gets to the robot butt kicking. Then we have John Turturro … Wait, that John Turturro? Yes, same one… I won’t give away his character, but he turns in a fun scene or two. As for the rest of the actors, not bad… They help move the story, but don’t get in the way. What more can you ask of humans in a movie about giant transforming robots that beat the crap out of each other?

The movie is just fun, pure and simple.

This is what I want from a summer blockbuster. I want crap that blows up. I want cheesy, but not gut wrenching, one-liners. I wanted to say "oohh" and "awww" every 10 minutes or so. I want just enough plot and logic to not distract me from the slow motion explosions and transforming robots. I want the good guys to win and the bad guys to get what they deserve. I want love to blossom in extreme events, but don’t get too mushy…No one needs animal crackers on Liv Tyler’s belly (unless I’m the one holding said animal cracker). What I didn’t expect and was pleasantly surprised with was the amount of heart found in The Transformers. You can’t help but root for Optimus Prime and his noble Autobots. Not because you’re supposed to, but because you want to. The same reason why I loved those robotic defenders as a child is the same reason I whooped and hollered as an adult.

Go see this film. See it multiple times. Remember how it felt when Optimus Prime gave you simple black and white life lessons… Somehow, against all odds and Michael Bay, The Transformers reminds you how to be a kid, without acting like a child. Is The Transformers perfect? No, it probably isn’t even “good” from a cinematic level… Is The Transformers the best time I’ve had at the theater this summer? Hell yes!

Roll out and catch this flick… Just check your damn Gen X cynicisms at the door.

Geek in the City gives The Transformers 4 out of 5 Critical Hits! (I would have given it 5 out 5 if we got some Stan Bush or Lion).

And then there’s this guy, who surrendered completely:

Hey Harry, I attended a screening of Transfomers here in Salt Lake last night and, well, I felt compelled to write this. It is not your typical review, but it is from the heart. If you use, my name is Marcus....

More than meets the eye... much more!

Alright, how do I begin? How do you put into words the culmination of years of anticipation, speculation, doubt, excitement, more doubt, more excitement and finally an overwhelming sense of “can’t wait any longer!”? This is what has been bothering me all night long. I have sat here with my laptop on my lap trying to find a place to start. I guess I will start at, well, the start, so here goes…

As most people who know me know, I am a Transformers fan. I am a product of the 80’s. I grew up, like most kids my age, watching Transformers after school everyday. Let me clarify that I was never the kid who nitpicked the lore. I was never the guy who debated between G1 and Beast Wars. I was the kid who loved the idea that giant alien robots could turn into things that I knew; cars, planes, boom boxes, this is what kept me watching, but as I grew, I realized there was more to them than, well, met the eye.

You see, here was an advanced culture, an alien race that, if they wanted to, could easily enslave and control our world and all its inhabitants. Granted, some of them wanted to do just that, but there were some who dedicated their existence to protecting us. Heroes. I know that may sound a bit cheesy, but hey, it was a Reagan era cartoon, and, as most of us 30-somethings know, that is what the 80’s were about, heroes and villains, good vs. evil, right vs. wrong.

So, here I am, 30 years old, a 30 year old kid, but still. A bit older, a bit wiser, perhaps a bit more skeptical, but definitely a bit harder to impress, so, when the announcement of a live-action Transformers movie was posted on AintItCoolNews.com just about 3 years ago the kid in me rejoiced while the adult in me said “What?! Come on! Really?”

I watched the movie go from rumor to pre-production. I followed the rumors from Robert Zemeckis to John Woo, and finally shrugged and said “eh, interesting” when it was finally announced that Mr. Michael Bay would be pulling this giant, possible catastrophe together. Let me state that I have never been a Bay Naysayer. I liked The Rock. Liked Bad Boys 1, loved Bad Boys 2, dislike the tone of Pearl Harbor, hate the second half of Armageddon, and thought that The Island was fun. I think that his sense of action and camera movement is impeccable (Bad Boys 2 car chase and Jamaican house shoot out scenes, I am talking to you).

I watched as the early robot designs started to pop up online. I took them as works in progress. I was never that much of a purist. I knew that things had to change. Let’s face it, you can’t have your main bad guy turning into a giant gun that someone else has to use. I never minded the flames on Optimus, it just never was that big of a deal. I never was that against the new look of the robots because at the end of the day, if you were an advanced robot culture that was thousands of years ahead of anything else out there, wouldn’t you look as bad ass as you could? Sure you would.

Also, the first look at the lips on Optimus Prime, not a big deal for me. It made sense because these are NOT robots, they are organic creatures made of metal. Artificial intelligence. They have emotion and feeling. They have to be able to show that and if that helped convey that, than why not. I never understood all the hate that was being aimed at this movie.

I would read the comments left by people online and it was so negative, but they all seemed to miss the point. There was never a line between flames on Optimus and, well, let’s say nipples on a bat suit. This was a film where giant robots would be fighting each other on earth! This was a movie based on a cartoon based on toys! It is supposed to be cheesy and fun and exciting. Why all the hatred and doubt? Leave your brains at the door and just have fun, and this was how I have approached Transformers from the beginning….

…but then things changed. I saw the trailers. I saw the TV spots. I was in awe. I was floored by what I saw. This film was shaping up to be a breathtaking spectacle, something new and exciting in a world of rehashed sequels, a new breed of heroes to believe in. What can I say, the kid in me woke up.

The hype surrounding the movie started to intensify. The groups were completely polarized. There was no one who was just mildly interested. It became the believers vs. the haters, and it got ugly. I started to read the talk balks and message boards less and less. I wanted to believe. I watched the trailers and TV Spots frame by frame, analyzing the look and feel of this film as best I could 90 seconds at a time. The countdown clock could not go fast enough and the kid in me sat up in bed and stretched.

Then, the unthinkable. My friend Sean, a Transformer fan of epic proportions won the Transformer Fanaticon contest and asked me to be his “plus one” on a trip to ILM in San Francisco to go behind the scenes and see how the magic for Transformers was done. A trip to the nerd holy land, if you will. The house that George built, and we were going to be able to look behind the curtain, and the kid in me rubbed his eyes and got out of bed.

The trip, OH THE TRIP, what can I say. It was a once in a lifetime experience. I saw things that I never thought I would see. The tour was remarkable, but more importantly, it was personal. Throughout the day, we were joined by the people who worked on the film. Animators who spent hundreds, nay, thousands of hours painstakingly making this film what it is. Guys who were no older than I am. These were fans. Fellow geeks who grew up watching Star Wars and loving it so much that they did everything they could to create that same magic for the next generation, guys who within the walls of ILM were having the same debates that were going on on the message boards online.

These guys were not all Bay fans. They didn’t all like the lips. They weren’t all fans of the flames, and believe me, they tried it all. As we sat in the big screening room at ILM, which is something I will take with me to the grave, they sat with us. As we watched scene breakdowns, they watched and explained. They showed us fully rendered 3D models and told us why. They showed us things that didn’t work and what they did to make it better. They gave us an insight to the process that made me gasp. There was so much love and dedication to wanting to get this right, that they put aside what they thought would be best and did what eventually turned out to be what was actually best.

They answered every question. We had the debate about Prime’s face plate, we talked about flames, they fielded questions about G1 vs. the new designs, and they convinced me, although it didn’t take much when they showed us a 10 minute reel of footage that brought me to my feet. It was stunning. Absolutely stunning.

As I left ILM with a new sense of just how much went into this film, the 100’s of people, the 1000’s of hours, my brain was swimming. I couldn’t really wrap my mind around what I had seen. I couldn’t make it make sense. I had seen Prime in all his glory 40 feet tall and he was real, as real as I had ever wanted him to be. I started to believe that it was all going to be alright, and the kid in me walked to the window and felt the sun on his face.

As I sat on the plane coming home, replaying the images in my head. Re-experiencing the whole day again and again, I started to realize exactly what lay in store. I started to get it. It was a movie based on toys, but it was more. It was a second coming of childhood. I remembered how Superman made me believe a man could fly and now, I started to believe that diesels could transform. I know, it sounds juvenile, but why not? This was my childhood rushing back. This was memory lane in full THX surround sound. This was a time capsule reopened in digital widescreen. This was a moment for me and I only had 2 weeks more to wait. The kid in me started to pace in his room.

I went the day they were available and bought my tickets for the 8:00 first showing on Monday, July 2nd. They wait was counting down…but then I ran into a friend of mine who works in a local comic book store. My transformer fandom is quite legendary here in town and he asked me if I had my passes yet? “Passes” What passes?” I inquired. He proceeded to hand me passes to an advanced screening of Transformers. All of the sudden, my wait had been cut nearly in half, and the day of reckoning was just around the corner and the kid in me got dressed and put on his shoes.

Cut to yesterday, I woke up with a sense of excitement that I had not felt since Christmas of 89 when I got my first BMX bike! It was the day. I had made arrangements with all my family, this was a grand affair. I got there early to save a place in line. Spend time with my fellow geeks. Show time was 7, I got there at 1. The line was forming. These are my people, I thought. I scanned the crowd. 30-something guys wearing transformers shirts were abundant, but how strange, the line also contained teenagers, small children, older couples, people of all ages standing together with a sense of excitement so thick you could feel it in the air. The child in me could barely be contained.

When I got into the theatre, the buzz was overwhelming. It was time. It was the end of the road. The moment I had been waiting for. It was here. I was finally here. I sat down and surrounded myself with my family and friends, people who knew what the wait was like for me, people who had literally been tortured with every new announcement and development. It was at that moment that they realized what it meant, what it really meant, because as I buckled in for the show, they realized that I was no longer the jaded, cranky 30 year old, no, as I sat back in my seat and the lights went down and the film rolled, the kid in me could be contained no longer and leapt out and from that point on, I was 8 years old again for the rest of the night.

What can I say about the film…? How can I possibly put into words what I saw and felt? I am still struggling. I know that sounds ridiculous. I know it sounds absurd. You may be thinking, “Dude, it’s just a movie!”, but it wasn’t. It was more, so much more. We all know the plot, the source of all the Transformers power had ended up on earth and they have all come to get it, some for Good, some for Evil. Their war, our world, hell it was on the poster. The film opens up with a breathtaking attack and never lets up. I have to say that I have never been in a screening that got this many applause breaks. People cheered throughout this entire film, from beginning to end.

The effects were amazing. The look of the film is beautiful. The pacing is great. The actors are all very good. It was everything that I wanted and as I sit here, the film replaying in my head, I wouldn’t even know where to start. The Robots? The action? The plot? Where do I begin? Answer, I don’t. The film opens in 3 days and I am sure that if you have read this, you are a fan and will be going anyway and don’t need me to spoil it for you. Although, I think that there is no way that my words could do it justice. This film is incredible, but it also heroic. It is emotional. It is about good vs. evil, but it is also about understanding and sacrifice. It is about explosions, but it is also about connection. It is filled with action and excitement, but it also filled with love and respect.

Sure, this is a movie where giant alien robots come to earth and blow stuff up, it is about things that transform, but it is more, it is an opportunity to be transformed yourself. Transformed to a simpler time where flames and lips and new concepts weren’t that big of a deal. It is a chance to be transformed to a time when mouth made sound effects were enough. A time when my Mom’s broom was the best lightsaber around. A time when my own imagination was the best special effects studio in the world. A time when innocents was innovation.

I know that a lot of you are skeptical. I know that there are people who want to hate this movie, and you know what, you will. You will find things to nitpick and complain about. You will see things that you don’t think look real. You will laugh. You may even leave the theatre pissed off, but you will be missing the point. It isn’t meant to Best Picture next year. This film isn’t supposed to be historically accurate, because the history of this film lives inside the personal experience of every kid who played with these toys in his backyard. This film is not meant to be analyzed and cross-examined, it is meant to entertain and amaze.

I think that this film will affect us differently. It will be the great action movie that you are expecting. It will be funny. It will make you cheer. It may even make you cry, but if you’re lucky, and I feel lucky today, it will make you believe. I implore all of you to walk into this film looking through the eyes that you had when you were just a kid. I did, and I walked out of that theatre in awe. I believed again. I looked twice at every car on the way home, hoping to see something out of the ordinary. I looked at every diesel, hoping that I would be the next one to be chosen. I wanted it to be real, and to the child in me, it was, and that is all that really matters.

So here I am, at home. The show is over and it is late. I am sure that this is not the review you all expected. Don’t worry, next week we can all hang out and discuss specifics. We can talk about the fights and the scenes that made us cheer, but for right now I am exhausted and need to get some sleep. I wish this same experience for you all.

…and the kid in me drifts to sleep with a big smile on his face.

m.

Maybe lowered expectations are a good thing. This guy walked into it expecting nothing, and got...

Hey Harry, I've been a reader on your site for a while now, and just wanted to say to everyone keep up the good work. This site has become my go to for movie news, and I can't thank you enough for that. I got to see an advance screening of Transformers last night at the Regal on 42nd Street in Manhattan. It was hosted by one of the NYC radio stations, KROCK I think. Anyways, I wasn't even aware of this until my roomate gave me his ticket for it. He couldn't go due to school issues, so he let me go in his stead. Anyways, here is my first review...

Now I've been a Transformers fan ever since I was a wee child. The cartoon movie came out the year I was born, but I remember goin to the video store with my Pops when I was around 4 or 5 and renting that movie every week. I loved it! As a kid, I thought the movie was so epic, it really shaped a lot of my childhood. Then about 2 years ago I heard that they were making a live action Transformers movie. Needless to say I was intrigued.

I didn't have high expectations for this movie, even when I saw the kick ass trailers. I love Micheal Bay as a guy who can make shit go BOOM, but I, like many others, feel that all of his movies underachieve. And so far this summer has been filled with movies that have already let my hopes down. Underwhelming sequel after underwhelming sequel. This is why I was hoping that Transformers would amount to something, and boy it sure did.

This movie is fuckin balls to the wall amazing. It is the most entertaining film I've seen in a very long time, and I'm going to go see it again. Not since Casino Royale has a movie compelled me enough to go check it out again, but this movie is so worth the price of admission. The action sequences throughout are Bay-ified, and you gotta admit this guy knows how to shoot action scenes. I particularly liked the last battle sequence, when after all the tension that Bay has built up, it climaxes and a full out fuckin war erupts between Autobots and Decepticons in a southwestern city with humans in the middle of it. When the action went to slow mo and you just see these huge robotic entities spinning around in midair, why it's enough to make a Transformer fanboy like myself get a chubby. Like others have already stated, the transformations are sooooo sick. I mean, the first time you see it happen, you will just sit there in awe. It looks so fluid and natural that it makes your jaw drop.

Acting throughout is pretty good, the notables being Josh Duhamel as the no-nonsense military guy who wants to take these things out, and Shia Labeouf, who I thought practically stole the show from his huge robotic counterparts. I didn't think the movie was going to be this funny, but there were many scenes, most of them involving Shia, that I was laughing my ass off at. The kid has got talent, and I'm already excited to see him in next year's Indy IV. And great move by Bay and the producers to bring back Peter Cullen as the voice to Optimus, it might not seem like a big deal but this move satisfied fanboys everywhere. When Optimus spoke, the whole crowd in the theater was silent. I mean, if somebody else did Prime, it just wouldn't of been the same.

Of course, it is a Michael Bay movie, so there are plot holes and some cheesy lines of dialog. But, strange thing is, it doesn't matter that much to me in this movie. I mean, there are GIANT FUCKIN ROBOTS SHOOTING MISSLES AND BULLETS AND BODY SLAMMING EACH OTHER!!!!!! This is a movie that you can't take seriously, there isn't an ounce of realism in giant alien robots coming to Earth in search of their sacred power source. You just gotta accept it for what it is, and it is a very, very entertaining summer flick that almost anyone should enjoy. It's got a little something for everybody. I could go on and on, but I don't want to repeat what others have already said. This movie will blow your mind, and in my opinion it's the only movie this summer that has lived up to the hype.

So I would like to end by thanking Michael Bay for not screwing up my childhood vision of Transformers. He created a movie that all Transformer fans, new and old, will love. If you use this, call me Teh Decimator. Till next time......

Now, if you’ve been following our posts about CLOVERFIELD, the top-secret JJ Abrams film, then you know that the film’s going to have its first trailer attached to TRANSFORMERS. I’m getting letters from people reacting to the trailer almost as enthusiastically as the movie itself. Check this out:

Moriarty,

I attended a Transformers sneak preview last night in Scottsdale, Arizona and wanted to tell you that, sure enough, you were right about the Cloverfield trailer. It was the first preview that played. While I'm sure plenty of people will continue to write in with their take on Bay's latest, I wanted to give you the play by play of this amazing new trailer.

The entire thing takes place from the perspective of a party goer with a camera, waiting to surprise their friend, Rob. It's basically a nice, big bon voyage party between friends. The entire thing feels incredibly real and like plenty of parties I've been to myself--people mingle, munch on chips, chatter, etc. Rob arrives, everyone yells surprise, the camera person interviews people for anything they have to say to Rob before he leaves.

After probably 30 seconds or a little longer, the apartment shakes, the lights flicker, people scream and head to the roof. A crowd approaches the edge of the roof immediately as a massive explosion miles away takes place. People scream and start scrambling back to the stairs. Right before they enter the stairwell, something like a comet (a piece of the previous explosion) comes flying near the people and the roof. The camera is very jumpy and cuts in and out as people make their way down a darkened stairwell to the street. At this point, I can't remember if the screen cuts to black and says "From producer JJ Abrams..." or if that happens once they're all on the ground. Either way, it's at a good moment and is the first inkling as to what we're watching.

Once on the ground, some people are running in hysteria while others look into the distance trying to figure what's happening. Pieces of the explosion start flying towards the ground and hitting buildings all around. The people that were just looking into the distance finally start moving. At that moment, a massive piece of the explosion starts heading towards the camera. It flies right by and skids down the middle of the city street, hitting some people along the way. The piece finally slows down, rocks back towards the camera, and there she is--Lady Liberty's face, in flames and destroyed. Cut to black. Hitting theatres January 2008 (I think it was 01/18/08).

In my opinion this is one of the most effective trailers I've ever seen. It's not polished like most big budget film trailers, but it felt huge. It had people in the theatre chattering, wondering what the heck this is and when it's coming. The entire trailer had a verisimilitude to it. It felt like it was happening... like we were there. In short, it did it's job and then some. Surprisingly, they didn't say what the name of the film was in the trailer. Whatever it's called in the end though, I'm there.

This preview had me more tense and excited than anything I saw in Transformers. And heck, I even liked Transformers in all its Bayish ridiculousness.

If you use this, call me ThatGuy.

Here’s another guy who was spurred to write in after his viewing:

Hey Guys,
This is the first review I have ever done, so bear with me. I was in attendance last night at the Hasbro Transformers charity premiere event (It was in support of 4 different local Rhode Island Charities) and I must say it was an amazing experience for me; I have never been to such an event! Upon entering the theater, we were redirected to the back of the theater where a red carpet welcomed us into an archway with a large Optimus Prime stand up to the left and the Transformers logo above the door. Inside the pre-party there were tables with plenty of food and drink on the house, in the corner it looks like pictures were being taken and it turned out the lovely Rachael Taylor and Tyrese Gibson. Anyway, the even was fun and totally sponsored by Hasbro, so kudos to them for doing such a great job. As for the film, it’s EXCELLENT. It’s everything you could want from an adaptation of an 80’s cartoon. I am sure you’ll be getting several reviews with specific details on the story and plot, so I wanted to state some points that I know true Transformers fans would want to know (being a regular on the Transformers message boards, I know a lot of people who hold this property dear fear for the quality of this film.)
All the Autobots are EXCELLENT representations of the G1 counterparts. All of Prime’s qualities from the original animated series are in tact. Leader, Warrior, Peacekeeper and always humble ready to do what’s necessary in his actions The Decepticons do get gypped a bit on screen time. However when they make their respective appearances, it’s awesome. They lay EVERYTHING to waste in their ruthless nature. Blackout (the helicopter) has an excellent sequence very early in the movie as he takes out the military base in Qatar in an attempt to hack into the government’s national defense network to find a lead on discovering Megatron who was lost in the artic in a solo search for the allspark cube. Each evil bot get’s their own scene to show off their transformations and stir up trouble. Starscream, Devastator (the tank, which was originally supposed to be called Brawl) and Megatron don’t really get to do much until the 30 minute melee at the end. And Frenzy and Scorponok, the two cons that eject from the other bots have great scenes, but easily you can tell these were put in place for kids.

All the voices of the bots are great. Peter Cullen does an excellent job returning to the voice of Optimus Prime, and while it’s a little deeper in tone its still very much Peter Cullen. Hugo Weaving seemed like a decent choice for Megatron, although we all wanted the original Megatron Frank Welker, Hugo does an excellent job and they filter his voice well enough to give a good supplement to the ruler of the Decepticons. All the Autobots are given the chance to be very vocal, and for the most part so do most of the Cons too.

The humans do a great job of helping the story along and are quite funny too. I heard a lot of people who felt opposed to having Bernie Mac and Anthony Anderson in there, but their roles work and they are HILLARIOUS. Especially the little bit between Bernie Mac and his mammy, its just plain funny.
The ending is sort of bleak, which gives it a kind of Empire Strikes Back feel, the battle was won (at a cost), but the war is far from over. And be sure to stay during the credits to check out a few cool tags they added.

All in all Transformers is a great summer action popcorn flick, much better than any of the other highly anticipated movies this year so far and I could see this making A LOT of money as its truly a film for almost all ages. Actress Rachael Taylor herself said it while introducing the film; she said she hadn’t been blown away or in awe of such a marvelous film since the first Jurassic Park . I whole heartedly agree.

I have proof of attendance if necessary; I’ll send a scan of my commemorative ticket from last night. If you use this, Call me “Optimus John”.

And, look, even with this sort of glowing recommendation pouring in, it’s obvious the film’s not perfect. This guy’s able to sort out what he thinks of both the good and the bad fairly clearly:

Im a longtime reader, first time writer to the site. I am an absolute movie geek in every sense, but I have never had the chance to see movies early due to my location (hence never having sent in a review). However, let me give some background on how I managed to see Transformers.

Considering that an employee just got fired over this, I will try to be as vague as possible when I explain how I saw the movie and how I will see other’s early in the future. Long story short, over the summer I got a job with a prominent radio broadcasting company that sponsors screenings locally a couple days to a few weeks before the movie is released. Transformers happened to be screening yesterday, Thursday the 28th. So if anybody wants to questions my credibility, considering I am a first time writer, there’s your explanation. Now, onto the review…

Let me preface this by saying I grew up with Transformers, had every single toy, and was a huge fanboy. I never read the comics, but I did watch the cartoons and I own the movie. My connection is that with G1, however, I understand that plot elements, designs, etc. need to be changed for a movie adaptation of any sort. Especially with subject matter such as this, watching big blocky robots running around looking like they did in my childhood would look silly. I feel that when your trying to make a summer blockbuster, like Michael Bay, there needs to be a sense of realism in order to feel genuinely frightened, excited, or any other emotion that the film tries to evoke. I’ll be the first to admit (and hold the veggies, please) that I like Michael Bay, but that’s not to say I don’t hate his shortcomings. He is pitiful when it comes to character interaction and uses tons of clichés to draw emotion out of the audience. However, when it comes to action, he is top notch, and what I most enjoy is how he bases his set pieces around live-action stunts, and then uses CGI to fill in the gaps. Again, this adds more realism.

I know I am taking long to get to the actual movie, but I want people to know where I am coming from. So, how was it? Awesome. The action scenes are top notch and the special effects are a spectacle to the likes that nobody has ever seen. When Transformers begins, it gets started right away with Blackout terrorizing Qatar, leaving no survivors except a select group of soldiers (Josh Duhamel and Tyrese Gibson). However, the movie then shifts to the human element, focusing on Sam Witwicky (Shia Lebeouf), and his infatuation with getting a car and his dream girl, Mikaela (Megan Fox). Skip a couple scenes, and he has Bumblebee saving him from Barricade and the movie starts to pick up. Sam eventually meets the other Autobots, Optimus Prime included, and he discovers that his great, great grandfather actually discovered Megatron in the polar icecaps, and his glasses (which Sam is trying to sell on E-Bay) have been imprinted with the location of the Allspark (energy source for the transformers, think energon cubes, only one, big, main one). Save a few scenes, Sam, his parents, Mikaela, and Bumblebee are transported to Sector 7, a top secret government agency that resides inside the Hoover Dam, where they have cryogenically frozen Megatron and are holding the Allspark.

To me, the part of the movie described above contained much more of the human element than Michael Bay action sequences. There is a lot of humor in the movie. When I heard this was the case, I expected a couple jokes here and there, kind of like Independence Day. However, that type of humor (short, intelligent quips and responses) is completely reserved for Shia Lebeouf, who pulls it off wryly with a dry sense of humor that works great. His portrayal of Sam is excellent and he really carries the movie. The rest of the movie’s humor, though, sadly is very cheesy. Some of the dialogue by the Autobots attempting to be humorous is downright awful (I didn’t think I would mind Optimus Prime saying “my bad,” but it really got to me). I loved John Turturro as the main Sector 7 agent, and plays his character tongue-in-cheek, like he has a self-realization of how ridiculous he is. He was absolutely hilarious (especially when he has to strip to his underwear, I won’t ruin that for you), but there’s one problem… that type of humor did not belong in this type of movie. A lot of the humor didn’t in my opinion. I wanted it to be funny, but not cheesy kiddy funny, but smart adult funny. Sadly, the humor is hit or miss. When it hits, it’s great. When it misses, it’s absolutely horrible.

Some of the character interactions have great chemistry, and others are completely pitiful. Contrary to what most reviews have said, Sam and Mikaela’s chemistry is not bad at all. It’s not going to wow you, but it’s very serviceable for a movie like this. Sam and his parents have a couple good scenes together, but they are mostly forgettable. Although there is little screen time spent to develop the relationship between Bumblebee and Sam, it turns out to be very deep and hits home with the audience, probably more so than Sam and Mikaela. The best, however, is how the Autobots react with each other when they are first introduced. Although it is only for a couple seconds, you can tell each one’s personality from their very small introduction, and the little time they have to interact with each other when they are not blowing things up. Starscream and Megatron really only have one scene together, but it is ripped right out of the cartoon/movie, so fans will be very pleased. The rest of the characters are pretty much throwaways, anybody could have played them and it really would not have mattered. I can only assume the reason why bigger names were brought into the project was to give it some brevity. Josh Duhamel has always been one of my favorites (I love Las Vegas, call me cheesy), and he’s good in the movie, with his sever lack of screentime. Tyrese and Jon Voight are forgettable.

Now, let’s get to the part everybody want’s to hear: the action. As stated above, Sam and the crew have been escorted to Sector 7 where they meet up with every other human character from the film. Frenzy, a Decepticon that can transform into little gadgets (boombox, IPOD, etc) has transformed into Mikaela’s phone to gain access to the base. He in turn secretly informs the Decepticons of the location of Megatron and the Allspark. Frenzy then frees Megatron and this is where the real fireworks begin. They free Bumblebee and “securely” move the Allspark to the city to hide it. The Autobots catch up and now we have a full team rolling. This is the chase from the previews where Optimus is tackled by Bonecrusher, etc. Let’s just say that this is where Optimus Prime secures the fact that he is a total badass. They eventually reach the city, and all hell breaks loose, with all the Decepticons and Autobots in full battle with the humans trying their best to get the Allspark airlifted out of the city.

This is where Michael bay really shines. Cars fly everywhere, buildings are destroyed, Transformers are ripped in half, it’s completely carnage at its best. This is the part I really don’t want to ruin to I won’t go into details, besides saying that it is completely awesome. Michael Bay honestly may have set the bar so high with this action sequence and the special effects that it may not be challenged by another movie until the sequel comes out. Things that stand out? The Autobots have a great scene where they exhibit their teamwork. Ironhide in hot pursuit of devastator. Transformations mid-battle as an effective tool rather than a clunky one. My personal favorite though is Starscream, who in my opinion has the best (and longest) action sequence against a fleet of F-22 Raptors (which I still say are better aircraft than the F-35 from Live Free or Die Hard, but that’s just a personal opinion). This scene is epic in proportions, and anybody that says it’s too long just doesn’t appreciate good action, it alone warrants the 9 plus dollars you might have to spend to see the movie.

Sadly, none of the action sequences really compared to this one. They are good, don’t get me wrong, but they just don’t exhibit that spectacle that the last one does. It’s not like the finale ruined the other for me, I was thinking this as I was watching the film. I mean, this is a Transformers movie, with Michael Bay, not swashbuckling pirates or spidey, this is Michael Bay with giant robots. I guess I just expected a little more with the set pieces littered throughout the film to break up the human element. Basically, they are great action sequences, probably better than most in any other movie, but I feel like they could have been done better, almost as if Bay spent 75% of his time on the finale and 25% on the other 6 sequences put together.

That being said, Transformers fans like me (fanboys, not fanatics), will have a lot to be please about. There are a lot of nods to the cartoon and the movie. In fact, I caught about 10 lines that were ripped straight from the cartoon/movie and used between the Autobots and Decepticons. Optimus Prime and Megatron have their showdown, which is eerily similar in feel (not visually) to the movie, which I loved. Basically, they nailed the mysticism of the Transformers perfectly. If anybody has problems with the designs, I don’t have any sympathy for them, because it was absolutely necessary to make the movie believable. The realism works, and just because it’s not how you remember them it doesn’t mean that they aren’t the same characters. These are the same Transformers that you grew up with, just a lot more complicated and with better action sequences that you could ever act out with the toys in your basement. Overall, absolutely excellent summer popcorn extravaganza. It has it’s problems, but I am sure they will be addressed in the sequel (to an extent).

If you use this, call me
PhillyFilmgoer

Still not convinced?

My first thought in hearing about Transformers was, "Can it work?" Would it just be a "toy movie" or some lame commercial tie-in for kids. Being a child of the '80s I loved me some Transformers when growing up. So to hear they were making a live-action Transformers movie was a childhood dream come true. But I had doubt. Then I heard Steven Spielberg was producing, and Michael Bay was directing. I wasn't exactly sold on Bay directing, but with Spielberg behind him, I had faith.

That faith was well placed. This is not a toy movie - regardless of what it is based on. Transformers draws from just about every action/sci-fi film that's come before it. It's part Godzilla (man-in-suit), part Independence Day, part War of the Worlds, part Armageddon, part ET, part Close Encounters, part Invasion of the Body Snatchers, heck - even part Star Wars, or maybe more appropriately, Star Trek.

Let's start with Shia Lebouf as Sam Whitwicky. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, this kids gonna be a star. He's pitch perfect in this movie. Sam is the everyman, or every-teenage-boy in the flick. He's the kid who just wants a car and a girl to go with it. He's funny, charming, and not exactly the hero type, making his interaction with these giant robots perfect.

Then there's Megan Fox. She's tough, a bit of a Tomboy, and smoking hot. If you have a girlfriend/wife/sister who's on the fence about this movie, Fox's character will probably be who she identifies with. They do her justice because she's the character that had to be sold on the believability of the circumstances - much like how my girlfriend had to sold on the movie's premise. And just for the guys, Bay knows how to cast'em pretty.

Actually, that's not to say there's not a lot of eye candy in this film in more than one way. Josh Duhamel and Tyrese Gibson are good looking guys, but sell their characters well. In fact, and this is something Bay doesn't get enough credit for in his other flicks, the film is populated with diverse characters - human and robot - that really flesh out (no pun intended) the flick.

I'm sad to report the worst acting came from the veterans - Jon Voight and John Turturro. Voight was adequate, but Turturro completely pulled me out of the movie. His character, and the story surrounding it, were completely unnecessary. It's one of those story elements that probably sounded good on the page, but just didn't work on screen.

Now, back to that "eye candy" comment - that's pretty much what this whole movie is. The story can't be called on as one of the greatest, but the scope - the magnitude of the events was amazing. The robots are completely believeable and look gorgeous on screen. Fans had problems with flames painted on Optimus Prime (leader of the good guys), but they help him stand-out, which was a actually a problem for other bots.

The sequences are so immense, sometimes it's hard to follow what robot's doing what, and a lot of the bots weren't that colorful, so you couldn't tell them apart. There's irony. I guess I'm arguing there should have been more crazy paint jobs so we could tell everyone apart better. Regardless, the effects and action are worth a ticket alone.

Oh, and these robots are characters. The bots are a huge part of the movie and Bumblebee, our introduction into their universe, sells the whole flick. Without him, it simply wouldn't have worked, but he draws us further and further into their world. He has some of the funniest scenes in the movie, and every time he was on screen, I was grinning ear to ear. And that's not just because he's funny, they just made him extremely likeable.

"Yes," this movie is incredibly funny, but in a good way. There's a lot of tongue-in-cheek humor, but also some sincerely funny moments. Also "yes," there is a fair amount of cheesey-ness to the flick, but it usually is followed by something so amazing or so funny you forget/forgive immediately.

And, this movie earns its PG-13. If you're an adult worried about whether or not this will suit you - it will. They just don't finish their F-words, and don't show a lot of blood. HOWEVER - lots-o-people-die! And die in really painful ways. This IS an alien invasion movie and the bad guys do not care for us. Within the first 30 minutes I started looking at every machine on the screen suspiciously. That's when I knew Bay had sold me.

If you're looking for a good, fun summer movie - Transformers is it. Hands down this is the best movie I've seen this summer. It has the heart of every Pixar animated movie I've ever seen, the slick action only Michael Bay can deliver, and that infamous Steven Spielberg sense of wonder. I can't give this movie 5 stars (even though I loved it immensely) because in the end, it really is a B movie with A movie work put into it - which I guess makes it a B+ movie... aw, heck. I'll give it the benefit of the doubt and call it an A-. You know - it's still an A.

Fearless Jay

Not every review’s going to be a good one, of course. And I’m interested in hearing well-organized arguments about why the film didn’t work for some people:

Hey Harry, I caught Michael Bay's Transformers at a sneak in Indianapolis with my wife and thought I would offer you up a review from two people that didn't grow up obsessively playing with Autobots...

Transformers is a mixed bag that tries to be three movies at once. It never quite makes any of them work, but it offers up enough promising moments along the way to keep you hoping that it will.

First, and probably most effectively, it's a movie about a kid and his first car. From what I understand, this is how Spielberg pitched the movie to Bay and his influence shows. The characters and writing are played very broad (think Jurassic Park) but Shia LaBeouf takes the plastic character and makes it his own. Watching LaBeouf act within these restraints has me excited about Indiana Jones having a son. He's the only character in the movie that feels real.

Once you move past Shia as the kid with his first car, you get a quasi-serious movie that seems one part Independence Day, one part Armageddon, and one part Jaws…lots of dramatic music with very serious looking paper-thin characters and slow motion shots of military operations. Here the Transformers are shadowy, shark-like creatures that are a direct threat to our way of life. We don't understand them, we can't communicate with them, and we certainly have no idea how to stop them. This storyline plays out through the first half of the movie and works surprisingly well with the kid and car.

So, why is it a mixed bag?

There's an over the top crapfest of excess waiting just beyond these two storylines. Someone needs to put Bay in a straitjacket and take away some of his toys. Just when one of the first two storylines starts to suck you in he betrays all his hard work with seven year old jokes, mind bending coincidences, planet sized plot-holes, and over the top action. The problems are just too numerous to list. By the time we get to the final battle, the whole thing has fallen apart and we're stuck in a digital landscape (think Phantom Menace ground battle) that's incredibly heavy on SPECTACLE and offers zero drama or logic.

The movie has some genuine moments, mainly thanks to LaBeouf, but they aren't enough to make it a worthwhile movie unless you were addicted to the Hasbro toys as a kid. Big fans are going to geekgasm all over it. Everyone else should just find a better summer blockbuster. If you end up using this, call me Reaver.

Some people are going to be incredibly forgiving of the flaws they see:

Guys—
So why does someone go to a movie like Transformers, anyway?

Most importantly, no matter why you would go, you MUST see this on a big screen if at all possible!

The theatre in Minneapolis was packed last night, and they mentioned that the movie will be available on Monday now, rather than Wednesday: expect to enjoy the smell of the geek next to you for 2:15, cause there won’t be much open space this week…

My only hesitation in calling out praises to Michael Bay this morning was that at times, this film didn’t quite know what it wanted to be: a comedy, a geek flick, or a normal old summer blockbuster with the classic formula.

Mind blowing, fast paced action scenes had slow motion hand holding interspersed…the Sci Fi story unfolding was distracted by one-liners and teenage pranks…I found myself checking whether I should be finding a moment funny, cool, or absurd more than once.

However, I’ve resolved that a person goes to see a movie like Transformers expecting all of those types of movies out of it, and in that it delivered well. In fact, the absurdity was often intended, given that I don’t think there’s any other way for a 50 foot robot to say “Autobots, roll out” and maintain credibility…the way the cartoon-ish portions of the source material were handled is pure genius.

If it were my movie, I would have cut a good 10 minutes out of the girl’s whiney “my daddy’s in jail” subplot, and a couple more from the parents’ dialogue. However, as is, those aspects leant to the overall lighthearted mode set by Shia, who did an outstanding job. The kid seems natural throughout the entire thing, whether cracking one-liners, running away terrified, or trying to awkwardly explain the predicament to the cops…

Fight Scenes: I felt a lot like I remember feeling during King Kong…giddy, laughing, eyes like saucers. The effects were INCREDIBLE, and the action intense. The military stands up for this film and really kind of kicks ass at times, rather than being all pansy frightened worthless punching bags.

Acting: Two gold stars for Shia…cameos abound and are welcome…John Voight rocks as the Secretary of Defense…both leading females are mediocre, though Megan Fox turns in a sold performance given the lines she has to work with…John Turturro (sneaky sneaky) is hilarious…

Plot: Ya know…there isn’t much depth to the plot in the original Transformers, is there? A thin explanation of where they came from and why they’re here opens the door for massive battle scenes in a race to save earth; works for me. They built so much FUN into this thing that we can’t be troubled by a little thing like lack of depth, right?

Node-Z

And here’s another guy still trying to wrap his head around the CLOVERFIELD trailer:

Hey Harry,

Went to the Transformers movie last night and was not disappointed!

I'm not submitting a review or anything, there are much more talented guys and gals out there. What I am writing about, is the teaser trailer at the begining.

It was a party scene, done from the view of someone with a camcorder. The cameraman is going from person to person to get soundbites for their friend who is getting ready to leave for Japan. Suddenly, there is a huge explosion and the ground shakes.

People run to the top of the building to see whats going on when another explosion happens. The camera turns to downtown NY to a rising firball. Panic in the street! People running everywhere, friends trying to find each other, more explosions. The camera watches as something flies through the air and smashes off the side of a building before falling to the street nearby our camera man. The object turns out to be the head of the Statue of Liberty!

Then the screen goes black and only a date appears: 1-18-08 (I think)

Any idea what this could be? Could you ask some of your insiders to see if they know what this is?

-rook187

Other guys mention CLOVERFIELD, but really want to talk about the giant robots:

Hey guys!

Here is a review of Transformers for you. I previously sent in a review for Blades of Glory. Enjoy.

I saw Transformers last night here in Chicago at the AMC River East. First off, let me say that this movie is going to be huge. The “free” screening I attended was completely over sold. That is, there were way too many passes distributed to the public. Due to traffic coming in from the burbs to downtown, I found myself waiting in line with a group of 200 or so people. that I wasn’t worried until some lady said that only 10 of the 200 people would be admitted since they already let in over 300 people a couple hours ago. Who lines up for a free screening 3-4 hours before the movie begins? Fortunately, my friends and I bought tickets to 1408 and a Mighty Heart to get ourselves access to the theater where we ended up just walking in. We didn’t even have to show our passes. By the time the lights went dark, the house was packed solid. We did get one preview, which was strange since this was an advance screening. Anyways, the preview was for some monster/disaster movie shot from the point of view of one unlucky party-goer who brought his hand held camera out for his friends going away party. I didn’t catch the name of the movie, but it looked really interesting. However, for some reason half the audience laughed at the end of the trailer. I am not sure what they found so funny.

The laughter immediately stopped when Optimus’ voice starting pounding over the surround sound speakers. Any fan of the cartoons will automatically get chills when you here his voice. It is just so damn cool to actually have a full fledge Transformers movie 20 or so years later since I was kid playing with the toys. After the opening credits the movie truly begins with a bang with the black hawk down scene we know from the previews. It does not disappoint. I have to give credit to Bay here because he actually did a good job building suspense. I knew what was coming, but I was still on the edge of my seat. Some credit should also go to the score, which is classic Bay, but did a very good job of keeping up the energy.

The next hour or so primarily focuses on Shia while there are a few cuts back to the desert to see how Josh and his troops are coming along. I really enjoyed all the desert action sequences. Bay steps up his game again with the staging of the action and the incredible points-of-view shots. My favorite being the shot where the camera is up in the air behind some huge airplane which rains fire down on the scorpion transformer. This shot reminded of the types of angles Bay chose to shoot the action in Pearl Harbor.

Amongst all the action, we do get plenty of downtime to hang with Shia and his quest to get the girl. I have always been a fan of Shia since Project Greenlight, but I was a little turned off by his on-set AICN interview where he seemed to be on coke. However, all is now forgotten. Shia is hilarious and definitely earns the good press he has been receiving regarding the comparisons to a young Tom Hanks circa Splash (what happened to that Hanks – I miss him). All the scenes with Shia, the girl, and Bumblebee are great, especially the much talked about scene where Bumblebee chooses different songs to help Shia get the girl. I am still skeptical of Shia’s inclusion in Indiana Jones, just because Harrison doesn’t need a sidekick. Regardless, I know Shia will bring his A-game and will make the best of the material he is given.

Eventually, the story leads us to the final action set piece of the movie, which is outstanding. The action does tend to get a little confusing, but this only makes me want to see the movie again to figure out who is beating the hell out who. Everything does look amazing. The robots themselves blend right into the scenery and never look fake. Actually, the only scene my friends and I had a gripe about was Josh sliding his motorcycle underneath the transformer and not breaking his legs (it did look cool though and got a lot of cheers from the audience).

The movie could have used more interaction between the Decepticons. We needed to see more of Megatron and his minions. The lack of Soundwave also hurt. Thankfully, Starscream was a complete badass in his few scenes, but he only gets one line of dialogue. My favorite scene is where a squad of fighter jets our flying into the city to take out Megatron when suddenly one of the jets transforms mid-flight and jumps onto the back of another jet shooting holes into the wings. Starscream proceeds to jump off the destroyed jet and transforms back into a jet, shoots a couple more good guys, then transforms back. This is all done while weaving in between buildings.

I have to say that I was really impressed with Michael Bay . Don’t get me wrong though. Transformers is classic Bay, but that is exactly what I was hoping for. The action was relentless and the comedy was cheesy goodness. The audience ate this movie up. Bay also put in enough lines of dialogue and visuals gags to please the hard core fans. You can always tell when these things occur on screen because you get about 10% of the audience laughing or cheering while the other 90% wonders what the hell they missed.

Best lines…“You have failed me again Starscream.” “One shall stand, one shall fall.”

The sequel will be green lit by mid-next week.

On another note, this movie really did destroy Spidey 3 and Pirates 3 in terms of pure entertainment. Both of those summer “blockbusters” forgot how to be fun.

DarthEnder

This is a calm, even-headed recommendation:

As a long time fan of your site, I thought I'd drop you my review of Transformers.

I managed to score 2 sneak preview passes to a sneak/advanced screening of Transformers last night (June 28, 2007). Anyway, I got to the theater and it was packed at 6:30, for the 7:00 show. Most people were either in the 20s-30s age range, with a few kids (most notably, the 11 year old next to me who was complaining to his...um...dad? about the price of his cell phone plan. Weird world.)

Quick Plot: Transformers (individual and independent thinking robots that can change their form) have come to the Earth looking for something of great power and fight a lot to get control of it. Shia LaBeouf helps them get it and Megan Fox spends most of the movie looking sweaty. The good guys are the Autobots and the bad guys are the Decepticons.

Quick Review: This was a great film; I don't know much about particular directors, but Michael Bay made a highly entertaining film that does not distort my childhood memories of the television show. In fact, it was as if the show had grown up along with me and now appealed to the adult "BrennanSea." It helped that Peter Cullen voiced Optimus Prime, though it is clear that 20 years have passed since he last voiced the role.

Notes and thoughts:

* The transformation process was excellent and, oddly enough, fairly realistic. No randomly disappearing trailers and no sudden shifts in size. (A giant robot becomes a normal sized gun? Come on.) I felt that the Autobots and Decepticons looked like what they 'should.'
* The plot is thin, but who cares? This is an action/adventure movie. Just enjoy yourself. There is a quick opening voice over that explains everything and you just jump into the movie. I thought that was a great way to do it.

* Shia LaBeouf is clearly on his way up. If he can transition himself from the teen films to young man roles successfully, we may be witnessing the development of a new generation of "earnest guy" actors, a la Tom Hanks. His reactions were honest and probably were just how we all hope we would react in his situation.

I had no idea John Turturro was in the movie and he provided some excellent comic relief, while not sticking to the whole "adult in authority" standard role.

Megan Fox as Mikaela is both attractive and good for the role. She wasn't a heroine in distress, but she also isn't 'Trinity'. She isn't hard on the eyes, either.

The supporting actors did just what they should - support. They didn't detract from the main players; Bumblebee, Spike ::ahem:: Sam Witwicky, Optimus, and Mikaela clearly were the stars and the supporting cast helped give the main characters depth without 20 minutes of monologue or some other nonsense.

The action is fast but not overdrawn, with appropriate 'slow downs' in between the major action scenes. The movie was surprisingly long at 2:23, but never dragged.

The humor is laugh out loud funny, and occasionally that whole "uncomfortable for the actor on the screen" humor, but it works.

There were just enough touches from the television show (and movie) to link the two, without the new movie trying to be a recreation of the original product. If you're a fan of the show, you'll appreciate this quite a bit - Bay and the sound f/x guys really honor the original.

This movie also had a good bit of heart. Bumblebee really is an interesting character, both witty and courageous; the scenes of his capture/torture, really did draw at the ol' heart strings. Prime leads and acts on his convictions, without sounding ridiculous.

Keep in mind that this is PG-13, and not just for a bit of swearing. People die. And they die ugly. I don't think this movie is a way to bond with your 7-year-old.

Final Thoughts: This is a great movie for those looking for an action movie without too deep of a plot; pure, enjoyable entertainment. This is also a great movie for those who were fans of the original product, though you do not have to be a fan of the original to enjoy the enhanced. I'd give this 3 to 3 1/2 stars.

P.S.: A sequel is not only possible, but probable. Just stay to the end.

If you use this review, call me BrennanSea.

And here’s a guy who found nothing to like in the film at all:

Not good.

Spoilers ahead.

Mike Judge is a genius. In 500 years from now Transformers will be known as a movie called "Ass". Seriously, this movie is a train er... car wreck. First, I have to say that, MMCVXII or whatever your name was, you've been vindicated my son. Damn You indeed Michael Bay.

From beginning to end this movie stinks. But that's not what the audience thought.

They laughed loudly at every piss joke: the dog pissing on Prime, Bumblebee pissing on the government agent, and at every fart joke, and every time the robots said something funny: Optimus saying "My bad" and Soundwave saying "Oh shit"

The story is virtually non-existent and UTTERLY preposterous, even considering the nature of the movie.
Megatron landed on earth in search of the cube, the prime spark, 5,000 years ago but was frozen in the arctic circle until he was found (get this) in 1935 by Sam's Witwicki (Shia the Beef)'s great-great grand father. Who accidental activated Megatron's navigation system which etched a map to the cube on the old man's glasses (you get that?).
After being discovered, Megatron was WAS KEPT FROZEN until now. From 1935. Kept frozen in a government facility. From 1935. Dumb huh? Well, it gets better.
Today, Sam (Shia The Beef), is getting a car, which everyone knows by now is Bumblebee. Bee's job is seems is to be cute by queuing up classic rock tunes that Beef uses to get his 18-year-old girlfriend Mikela Banes (Megan Fox), and summon the other autobots after a decepticon attacks a base in Quatar.

The base attack it seems was a ploy to get Soundwave into the base to download files which contain the coordinates of Megatron and the cube. Skorpinock is a throw-away character put in there to appease the fans, BTW.
Soundwave is the Jar-Jar Binks of this franchise. Except Jar-Jar never gave the finger or said "shit"
So, the Autobots get to earth and spend a good 2 minutes sneaking (yes that's right) sneaking around Beef's back yard while he tries to find his ancestor's glasses that he inherited. In the WORST cameo of the past decade, John Tuturro plays a government agent who arrests the Beef and his hot girl and thus gets peed on by Bumblebee. John. Please. Go back to the Cohens, hat in hand and apologize for this crap. It's sad to watch a great actor reduced to this.

Meanwhile, a hot Aussie actress, Rachel Taylor is brought in to crack the sound of the Transformers and ends up being arrested by the same lame group of government agents that arrested The Beef.

It's a mess after this point.

Enough with the plot, lets get to the robots.

I can't lie, they look awesome. Seriously. Kudos to the FX dudes who did the work. They have GOT to get an award. That being said, there were some parts about the 'bots that kinda sucked. Like mouths. why do non-carbon based life forms need LIPS? And a lot of the 'bots were so detailed that it was hard to figure which one was which, except Prime. If it weren't for his colors, you would have no idea who was Megatron and who was Prime.

The Transformers are all mostly 1st Gen. I think. I remember from when I was a kid, Jazz (the sassy black voice robot who is the first to die. Brothers can't GET a break!), Starscream, Ratchet, Ironhide, Barricade, Bonecrusher, Soundwave, and Frenzy.

Out of 2.5 hours of movie Ratchet has the best line (which I won't give away) and Optimus the worst ("My Bad" It was like hearing Orson Welles say, "What up dawg")
The end is a mishmash of headache inducing fight scenes that make no sense. As the movie nears climax, the writing gets progressively worse to the point of being ridiculous.
Like having The Beef CARRY the cube (which looked like a torched Christmas package at this point) like a football and run from the Transformers. Bare in mind that a scene before the cube was as big as a building and being kept beneath the Hoover Dam!

The script (which is an insult to the word) is peppered with Bay-like platitudes like: "No victory without sacrifice" and Prime's speech about freedom. In the end the movie is a bad script sandwiched in a series of GMC, Panasonic (the Aussie chick actually TURNS a Panasonic flash card so the camera can get a better look at it!), and Nokia commercials.

No doubt this movie will make SERIOUS cash, because the sheeple love fart jokes, the word shit, and middle fingers. That's what our scripts have been reduced to and that's what we'll be watching 500 years from now. A farting ass of a film.

Pros:
The FX. That's it.

Cons:
HORRIBLE script
HORRIBLE acting
Serious product placement

If you use this dude, call me Greenhouse

Here’s another talkbacker who’s had a chance to catch the film in Australia, and I think he lays out his feelings pretty well:

Hi Harry and the AICN crew,

I thought I’d send you this Transformers review from across the world, seeing as we got it a full week before you guys (for a change) and the Transformers hype-meter seems to of inexplicably fallen back into the safe zone this week. Beware, spoilers ahead!

First of all, let me preface this review by saying I’m a massive fan of the original Hasbro G1 Transformer series. I had Prime, Ultra Magnus, Blurr, Scorponok... I stole money from my mom’s purse so I could buy Megatron and all the accessories (scope, stock etc) off an older kid at school.

Hey, 15 years later I’m not proud of that, but whatever. I truly loved this series as a kid, and I pretty much knew the script for the original cartoon movie word-for-word in my younger days and had all the episodes on VHS. When I was getting hyped about the new film a few months ago, I did find myself watching the cartoon one again and I pretty much know all the words even now.

So, bullshit validation out the way, I’ll start on the movie proper by saying as more and more shots and footage came out about the new film I was getting more and more excited about it. I'd watched the development over the last couple of years and felt it was going to work. I also really didn’t mind that Bay was directing; I loved The Michael Bay that did The Rock and Bad Boys, I didn’t mind the Michael Bay that did Armageddon and Pearl Harbor, and even the Michael Bay that did The Island - shit-fest movie that it was - it still looked fucking amazing. So, with the odds pretty much even for an average scripted and directed film, at least we knew the battles would go off with a big fucking bang right? RIGHT!

From the first scene, which anyone with an ounce of shit between their heads knows is the Blackout scene, this film looks incredible. In fact I’d say this first scene is one of the best. By the time Aaron Pierce cuts those wires you’re already thinking this is going to be a fucking nuts couple of hours.

Scorponok’s scenes are also good, as he takes a pounding from the soldiers and they just do not know what to do without calling in air support. Such is the lack of emotion for the soldiers, when Scorponok got semi-destroyed I found myself still wanting him to kick the crap out of these dumb bastards but no, they get away, while Scorponok burrows back into the sand never to be seen again in the film.

There are endless further highlights and there’s also a lot more in here from the original series than I expected, 90% of which is good. The banter between the Autobots when they finally appear together, for example, or Jazz being agro and having a car grill as his chest plate (just like the Porsche!), Bumblebee being the good guy, Prime being the leader., the way they transform – even if it is a bit more complex and slower.

What I didn’t think was necessary from the original was Megatron’s one line of disgust with Starscream as a nod because it’s out of context, but this was cancelled out by Megatron’s overall attitude which was spot on. However, saying that, there’s also the needless reveal that Prime and Megatron are brothers - they don’t develop that at all (and it’s right at the end too). Cullen also sounds almost like he did all those years ago, but it’s not identical. As for Weaving as Megatron, you really wouldn’t know it. I only remembered right in the final Megatron scene that it was him. Could have been anyone. Lips on Optimus? No worries. Teeth on Megatron? Bit weird.

As a plot and story, it was average. Drawing on the original concept was cool, mentions to Cyberton, Megatron’s betrayal etc, and I think overall it’s simply OK. It’s never really explained how Bumblebee turns up in the right place, but the whole Witwiki family (Shia's family) connection is satisfying enough as the backbone of the whole plot and it rolls on and comes together in predictable fashion.

On the subject of the Witwikis, Shia is a major victory for this movie. I don’t know if someone separately wrote his lines to the rest of the script or if it was just him doing what he does, but he’s head and shoulders the best real person in this film. He’s the only one, aside from the brief scenes with his parents (which are funny), that feels like they know what the fuck acting is. I’d say based solely on this film and nothing else, nobody else in this film is worth employing in the future. But hey, it’s Hollywood, so who cares.

And for what it’s worth, I really like the little Transformers, such as the one in Air Force One that hacks the system, although they do sound like ewoks and that’s never a good idea. They did have the attitudes that some of the little ones did in the orginal series though, and that for me is a great hat-tip. I could have done with some piledrivers somewhere but am willing to forgive it.

I also really thought Barricade as a Mustang completely rocked, Blackout was incredible, Starscream was good but underused, and Megatron is an evil motherfucker - much more so than he could be in the cartoon just because of the audience. There’s lots of implied jokes, open jokes, some brutal deaths given the rating - Megatron flicking a human like a peanut, and people getting stamped on for example, and also a lot of stuff that sounds just like the cartoon. A lot of ideas are there that you’ve seen before (I think Terminator 2 registered at least twice) but again, not really an issue.

Make no mistake though, this film is about big, fuck off robots having a fight and the spectacle, as many have said already is just that. I came out of the theatre at the end seriously needing to calm down. It was crazy, seriously loud and as a tour de force in what you can do in modern film-making and special effects, this is the absolute pinnacle. Maybe with the shrinking energon cube they were attempting too much, but with the rest of it you cannot honestly tell it’s CGI and I’ve never, ever thought that before. Even with Jackson’s King Kong there were several distinctly dodgy bits of programming. In this, 99.9% of it is absolutely amazing.

Ok so what are the downsides? Well, first off, John Voight is a travesty – both of himself and of acting in general. Where he felt this character came from or what his motivations were I don’t know. I thought he was nearly as much of an ass-hat as that real guy you guys used to have over there in defence, Rumsfeld is it? Maybe he was being too realistic. Anyway, I felt from the trailers he’d be a blight on the film and I was right, I just wish he’d played steely, HEAT Jon Voight and not lampoon, stupid John Voight. Bah.

Next up, while the good scenes are really good, mindblowing in fact, you can’t help but cringe at some of the more typical Bay actor profile shots and slo-mo sections. The former mainly come from Megan Fox and Duhamel, but they’re scattered throughout. You just get the feeling when there was a Fox or Duhamel shot, Bay stood there and said “look like me” *pose*. It’s just bullshit directing and photography and against the good bits, it’s like he had some days where he didn’t drink enough Jack Daniels or the bench was directing.

There’s also some ludicrous scramble times for some of the responses from military forces that go beyond “that was damn quick” to, “that’s just bad editing” and considering a few people this summer have noticed the editing of LFODH too, I’d say this is a worrying trend amongst super-budget films. And, also, on the point of stupid, why the hell does Blackout attack Qatar when the rest of the film happens in the US? Why not just have Blackout attack a US base? Why have it in Qatar? Makes absolutely no sense at all.

The hackers involved are also completely peripheral. The Australian chick, hot as she is (and there’s plenty of them here) is mildly believable up to a point, the rest of it is just a bit pointless and could have been done a lot
better.

Also, if you watch this film more than once I think you’re going to find so many plot holes it’ll end up looking like half a ton of swiss cheese. And the discontinuity sucks too. Seriously, did Starscream actually get shot down? Did the Sucre guy get killed at the beginning? I can’t remember. How the hell can Bumblebee can speak at the end? And why do they only use the original “transform sound” once at the beginning? Who knows…

But, these are issues of a level I expected. Overall, everyone knew you’d be able to blow holes in this movie if that’s what you want to do. It’s not perfect by any means, but it does deliver on being a as much a live action Transformers film as I could possibly hope for in this day and age (with these studios, directors and so on).

Honestly, as a big Transformers fan as a kid and now a 25-year-old guy, I really did enjoy this film, and I enjoyed it more than many, many other films I’ve seen in maybe the last three or four years. Lord of the Rings probably sticks it as the most enjoyable but to be honest that’s a whole different experience. I doubt any director out there would have done a better job overall (scoring over the odds for fight scenes/explosions etc etc, and under the odds for script and general direction).

And, I guarantee, that if you were expecting to like this film, it will deliver by a long way. If you weren’t, and hated the idea of flames on Optimus (seriously, you only see them once or twice) then you’ll be able to walk away satisfied in your own crappy little, angry life. I know how I felt, and I’m more than happy with the result.

THE END

If you use this, please just call me by my talkback name - Pistolwhipper

I’m not sure I’m as crazy about the movie as this guy is, but he reeeeeeeeeally likes what he saw:

Saw transformers in Cincinnati last night…

OK. So let me just start off by saying this is now easily one of my favorite movies ever. Seriously. It is fantastic. It is by far Michael Bay’s best movie. It is Transformers. If you are any at all familiar with TF, then you won’t be sad. There are changes made…but the changes make sense in 2007 vs. 1984. Every character is spot on their counterpart. Yes, Megatron isn’t a gun, and Bumblebee isn’t VW Beetle… but who cares? They are still very much the characters we have come to love over the years.

The movie opens with a VO of Optimus Prime describing Cybertron (yes, you see Cybertron….very cool), how the race of Transformers came to be, the war, and why they are scattered all over the galaxy. There is a something called a ALL SPARK cube which is an alien artifact responsible for creating a sentient race of robots. Thousands of years ago, a group of them called DECEPTICIONS, led by Megatron wanted the All Spark cube to ”take over the galaxy” which started the war. The planet was decimated and the cube was lost into the far reaches of space. (guess where it landed?) So, the Decepticons track it down, and the Autobots follow in pursuit. START MOVIE, etc……..

I was afraid that Bay would PEARL HARBOR this movie, and by that I mean he would get caught up in the human drama that he would forget the robots…much like his PEARL HARBOR movie…which to me was like a 3 hour long distance phone call commercial.

All the human characters are great. They fit. If you are supposed to like them, you really do. If they are supposed to be funny…they are. If they are supposed to be an ass…they are. Even the dialogue isn’t as corny as you would expect it to be. By far, the MOST intense dialogue comes from Prime himself. He is a military leader….knows good from bad, right from wrong. Some of his dialogue is simply amazing. And the fact that its PRIME’S voice from our youth makes you all giddy! And if you are in ANY way a fan of the 1986 animated movie, then you will be VERY VERY VERY happy with some of the dialogue!!

Shia LeBeouf is now one of my favorite actors. His sense of comedic timing is spot on. One to watch to be sure. Megan Fox…is a fox…but can ACT AS WELL. Although she plays a fox…so maybe that isn’t a stretch for her. Tuturro is great comedic relief.

The CGI….wow. These things transform at 90MPH. It is amazing. They tear up asphalt…its look good. Too good. So much EYE CANDY!

And the SOUND…THE SOUND IS THERE. KKEEE KOOO KOOOO KEEE KEEEEE……

Where there things wrong with it? Of course. There are some plot holes, sure. Sometimes the action is SO fast that you get lost in it. It’s hard to see who is fighting who. And there is not enough time spent with the robots. Of course, this movie was full of a LOT of development and exposition…so perhaps for the inevitable sequel…..

All told…I am more than surprised about how much I like this movie. DO NOT miss this in theaters. I can’t wait to see it again!

And it is ok to get goose bumps when you hear Optimus say “ AUTOBOTS….ROLL OUT!”

Call me Bumblebakes

And another talkbacker weighs in:

Hi Harry & Friends,

Wadi77 here. I've sent you this before, but I guess you didn't get it.

Long time reader, recently active talkbacker, first time trying to write a review, and first time trying to get you print my review. So sorry if my review seems uneven and all over the place. No, you don’t have t hide my username (you know, Memflix Effect), the movie already released here in my country, so don't even start calling me a plant, TBers.

I know you must be getting a lot of reviews now for “Transformers”, but maybe this time you might want to hear what a dude from the far side of the world has to say for a change. I can only say I live in the country with the tallest twin towers in the world. So I’m not American, so I may be not up-to-date to what you guys are saying now, like chest bumps or what else.

You probably surrounded with guys like me. Movies are what keeping me alive. I can’t live without them. All right, OK, actually my wife and kids are still number one. But really, I love movies. What I’m trying to say is that I love every kind of movie there is. No matter if it's a drama movie, musical, talky-talky, action, comedy, film noir, etc, you name it. That being said, I enjoyed “Transformers” very much.

All right, now on to review. I love Michael Bay. He gives me what I need after days and days of work stress in the office. He knows how to let you forget the real world. That said, he knows how to make us ignore any plot holes or whatever. And it’s fine. He gives you entertainment, and that’s what you get. Plus the feelings of adrenaline that you have when you do extreme sports? You can get that just by sitting in the movie theater watching this movie. Just awesome.

Now, where do I begin, the story? Yes, geeks, the leaked script? It’s all there. But seeing the characters (robots included) acting it out is so much better than reading. Movie opened with Optimus Prime telling you a bedtime story, once upon a million years ago, a robot world being destroyed because of greed, that it’s all because of this Allspark cube that Megatron is crazily in love with it. On screen we see the cube, bouncing through space and found its way to Earth. The survivors are scattered all over the stars, trying to survive and looking for the cube. Megatron found the location of the cube first, but crash landed in the arctic instead, frozen. His fellow Decepticons, not knowing what to do, just stay in hibernated disguise for million years until Megatron is unfrozen again.

OK, maybe I make that up a little bit. But you see, in this movie, the robots weaknees is extreme temperatures. If it’s too cold, their motor functions aren’t working, if it’s too hot, well, they burn and die. I’m talking about extreme heat here, like sabot guns.

Cut to Decepticons’ Blackout with Scorponok running amok at a Qatar US base (great action piece, great sound), and that little gremlins robot (his voice sounded like one) on Air Force One. All this is because the Decetpticons were trying to hack the US Defense database to look for the cube, which a government agency Sector 7 found and built the Hoover dam around it, and they also brought the Sam’s grandpa discovery there too. This is so secret even Donald Rumsfeld didn’t know anything about it.

Now Sam’s first scene was at school, when he was trying to sell his grandpa’s old stuff at his show and tell sessions. Which we go on flashbacks of how his grandpa discovered something in the arctic. You know, Sam’s story is about getting his first car, trying to impress a girl, and that he has something that the robots want.

Sam got the car (really funny Bernie Mac), then his car’s “stolen”, Sam gave a chase, giving order to police, you know like “bring backup, bring whole squadron”, so funny. I smiled to see Bumblebee “batman-signalling” the Autobots that he has found the kid with the glasses. Sam got caught by cops, another funny scene about drugs.

Then Decepticons’ Barricade (got information about the glass from eBay) and Bumblebee got to play the “Terminator 2” scenes. And the girl, Mikaela got tagged along to give him “emotional’ support. They did give the girl some backstory too, and Sam kind of saved her father. Great performance from Shia LaBeouf, great eye-candy for Megan Fox (drools). Then Autobots arrived (great reference to “Armageddon” by one kid), Sector 7 (over-the-top John Turtoro is a joy to watch) arrived, and both groups created some chaos at Sam’s house. All of these are really funny stuffs! People were laughing all through these scene. Actually almost the whole movie. The “My bad” and dog peeing scenes were there, but they were not that bad. Sam’s parents were fun to watch too (Ironhide asked for permission from Prime to shoot the parents, because they are so annoying!).

Sure they cut back to military stuff time to time, introducing us to young computer experts/geeks/hackers hired by the US Defense to decipher the only clue they got from the attacks. OK performance from the British girl, hilarious Anthony Anderson as usual.

Not too long story cut short, Bumblebee got caught by the government. Sam & the girl, Donald Rumsfeld & the military, John Turtoro and Sector 7, the computer geeks, and Bumblebee were all brought to the Hoover Dam. We see Megatron, the cube, which can turn things to life and gets nasty. But that little gremlin robot were there too, and sent for support. We see Donald Rumsfeld actually pick up a rifle and go “John Ramnbo”, so I guess he didn’t just talk all through the Iraq war. Starscream arrived, Megatron awakens, and the real “Bayhem” begins. Megatron’s first words? “YOU FAILED ME YET AGAIN, STARSCREAM!!” Boy, I was a 12-year-old again!

And I really mean “Bayhem”. Well, I’ve spoiled everything, did I? But the finale is the most unfair part to spoil. Freeway chase, tanks, buildings collapsing, explosions, explosions, robots changing to vehicle form in high speed and chage back again. Starscream on air fight with other jet planes, mind boggling. I mean, on the air, change to robot, turn around and shoot, change to jet, resumes dogfight, it’s crazy. I almost stand and open up my arm, you know, like Nic Cage did in “The Rock”. Prime fought Megatron, awesome. Remember a scene from Superman 2, something about crashing through building straight to the other end? Well, let your imagination do the job for now until you see it.

Yes, this is the story about the robots. Sam’s story was good and fun too, but they are something to keep the plot going, and to have some attachment to the real world, without it, it won’t work. We see the Autobots discussing about letting Bumblebee to be caught by the government, why they can’t harm the humans, soldier’s codes, etc. And each one of the robots has their own character, really love the scene where Prime introduced the Autobots, how each of them trying to show off what they can do, Ironhide with his guns, Jazz with his attitude (love his final words to Megatron: “WANNA PIECE OF ME? HUH? WANNA PIECE OF ME??”)

I guess, to sum it all up, I rarely had fun at the movies like this. It’s just awesome. Great cinematography, music, the VFX & sound will win the Oscar. Steven Spielberg was right, Michael Bay was born to direct this movie.

I'm sorry for those who didn't enjoy the movie. For once, try to relax and enjoy what's on screen. This is what you need to release yourself from the real world. It's not your job to look for plot holes, etc, it's the critique's job. Let them suffer for it.

So don't lie to yourselves people! If you are willing to pay for the show, get the most of it. Enjoy it. I did. And, oh, please stay through the end credit, there’s some bonus scenes for you. I’ll try to answer questions in the TB below.

Cheers,
wadi77

Here’s another strongly negative reaction:

“I fear the wounds are… fatal.”

-Perceptor, TRANSFORMERS: THE MOVIE (1986)

I knew, immediately upon seeing the debut of the new flame-driven design of Optimus Prime, that Michael Bay’s TRANSFORMERS would be difficult to swallow as a genuine text in the comprehensive tome of Transformers lore. At least Prime had SOME semblance of the robots I grew up loving through the toys, cartoon series and – the crown jewel of the franchise – THE MOVIE. However, more and more of the new character designs began to emerge, and it became dishearteningly obvious that the long-awaited live action incarnation of the beloved franchise would share little more with its original source other than its title, the names of a few of the characters, as well as a handful of key plot-points.

After seeing 20 minutes of TRANSFORMERS footage at a Hasbro-sponsored event back in March, this idea was further confirmed, and I knew that I would have to go into this movie sans any expectations that it would serve as a credible continuation of the beloved TRANSFORMERS saga that died out in the 1980s.
I saw it last night at the Ziegfeld Movie Palace , which featured Digital Sound and Projection. Although these technical amenities definitely provided the best possible way to experience the picture, they couldn’t redeem the filmmakers’ (particularly the screenwriters’) utter disregard for the history of the franchise. Imagine New Line Cinema – fresh from acquiring the rights to LORD OF THE RINGS, offering the project to Peter Jackson, who reluctantly accepts, stating that he’ll do the project… only after a few changes are made to things ‘he doesn’t really like,’ such as the names and attributes of major characters and entities that make up the foundation of the story.

That is what HAS happened with TRANSFORMERS. It is not the live-action adaptation of the show, comic or movie we grew up with. It is a mish-mashed amalgam of elements from the franchise scattered among the pages of a screenplay about a boy and his first car. That aspect of the film, however, is the best thing about it. Shia LeBeouf finally earns substantial credibility as a movie-star with his role as Sam Witwicky, a high school student who gets his long-awaited first set of wheels, only to find out that he has become the proud owner of a giant, sentient robot whose race has arrived on Earth in order to acquire the Energon… oh wait, did I say Energon? I meant ALLSPARK. See, that’s an example of the way in which the screenwriters have twisted the foundational elements of the TRANSFORMERS saga for seemingly no reason at all.

The BASIC premise of the original show saw the Autobots and Decepticons fighting over ENERGON CUBES, which provide the energy the robots must have in order to reclaim their home planet of Cybertron. That’s what we have here, except, the Energon Cubes are now referred to as ‘Allspark’ for some reason, and there’s only one of them… and it doesn’t glow. DAMMIT. I wanted my live-action glowing ENERGON CUBES!!!
This is my biggest complaint about Michael Bay ’s TRANSFORMERS: the fact that it is 10% faithful to its source material, which is beloved not only by me, but by millions of fans worldwide.

What does work in the movie, aside from the basic Witwicky premise (not the one involving his great-grandfather’s encounter with the robots), are – as expected – the action-sequences, or at least parts of them. The opening attack on a Qatar air-force base by a helicopter Decepticon I’ve never heard of is very impressive – the transformation effects are well done, but again, not faithful to the original material, since the familiar ‘transforming sound’ isn’t heard, except for once or twice – not consistent at all.

There’s a fight early on between Bumblebee and Barricade (the police car Decepticon) that – honestly – wasn’t storyboarded very well. In some of the early reviews, people have complained that the action in the last 40 minutes of the movie is way too tough to comprehend. I’d argue that this sequence is the sloppiest of all. Additionally, we leave the action halfway through the fight to follow Witwicky, and then we cut a few minutes later to see how the throw-down ended, without any real visual payoff. Eh..

Subsequent to that set-piece, the only transformer action we get in the middle of the movie comes from the scenes where the Autobots are following Witwicky around, and most of these scenes are played for humor and as opportunities for the CGI artists to show off their busy creations. While the designs are complex, intricate and definitely worth staring at, I felt that IN MOST SHOTS (especially in night scenes) they weren’t as PHOTO-REALISTIC as Michael Bay has been touting for so long. In fact some of the CGI work could pass for Pixar-safe. I’m specifically referring to the big Autobot debut in the alley, and the slapstick-driven backyard sequence.

And of FRENZY, the sneaky recon-oriented robot that might have emerged from SOUNDWAVE, had he been included in the movie at all, I’ll simply say this: his design is a flat-out disgrace to the TRANSFORMERS robots, and hardly registers as a passable BATTLEBOT. The original designers should not be pleased with this character, who looks like Johnny-5 with sharp teeth.

The robots look MUCH better in the daylight, namely during the final 40 minutes or so, when they battle it out in the streets and skies of LA. Did I forget to mention that none of these robots (except for Starscream, a jet) can fly – again another inconsistency with the source material, in which they could levitate at a moment’s notice.

I’m sorry,but these Orci and Ortzman dudes are straight-up JOKERS.

Yes, the effects do reach their peak with the robot-fighting in the last part of the movie. The highlight was definitely the sequence where Starscream takes on a fleet of F-22 fighter jets in midair. BADASS.

***MINOR SPOILER***

***MINOR SPOILER***

***MINOR SPOILER***

However, Bay shames himself when the camera holds on a Mountain Dew machine that suddenly transforms into a Decepticon. Yes it’s true. I threw up a little bit in my mouth.

***END SPOILER***

***END SPOILER***

***END SPOILER***

The Megatron character is a disaster of both design and execution. He comes into the picture two hours into its running time, and the filmmakers expect us to treat it with awe and respect, even though he’s been cryogenically frozen throughout the entire movie. Megatron should have had a major part throughout the film, planning and scheming on how to find the Energon – er, Allspark and verbally duking it out with Starscream. Those two have one exchange before the battle sequence, and it only makes you wish there could have been more prior to this one scene. The cryogenically-frozen robot probably would have worked better with the plot-angle of it being Megatron’s secret weapon, or something like that (Devastator, maybe?).

Speaking of Devastator, one of the Decepticons we’ve never seen or heard of before – a tank – is named DEVASTATOR. And no Constructicons are involved. What a joke.

Although the ending screams SEQUEL, it’s hard to be optimistic since the box-office success of this film will likely call for the same writers to come back on board.

Michael Bay’s TRANSFORMERS is, overall, a light, silly action film with great CGI and sound (for which it is the frontrunner to win the Oscar). However, it is a major INSULT to TRANSFORMERS fans – an insult that I take very personally. We can only hope that, for the first sequel or the next one, a screenwriter with the required respect for this franchise will come along and light our darkest hour.

BadMrWonka’s a familiar screen name for anyone who spends time in Talkback, and here’s his take on the picture:

Hey guys, BadMrWonka here. got to see an early showing of Transformers here in LA tonight, and I thought I'd weigh in. hopefully you can use it. I am going to reference a lot of things from the movie, but I'll try to be vague so as to not spoil too much...

First off, since this is such a divisive movie, I should let you know briefly where I stood before seeing the movie. Although I'm the prime age range, I never really got into Transformers as a kid. I saw the cartoons, and I remember having a couple toys, but it sort of passed on by without leaving too much of a lasting impression. So I hold no glorious standards for the source material. If that differs from your take on it, hopefully you'll take that into account when reading my review. On the other hand, I really don't care for Michael Bay that much. I don't hate his films, I just don't like them very much. I don't like the fact that I can see little cliched moments that are virtually identical in every one of his movies, I don't like that he seems like a dick in real life, I don't like his little beard. But I also don't expect his movies to be anything other than what they are. I just hope they're not quite as bad as the one before. I don't think Micheal Bay has ever ruined a movie...he simply chooses projects, or develops them, or has them developed for him, that are innately unsalvageable as "real" films. (Tell me how Bad Boys, as a concept, could have been an Oscar contender...) Well, maybe Pearl Harbor could have been good...

So anyway, on with the show. I got no intro whatsoever for the film, no one said a word. Which isn't surprising since it's obviously finished by now. The first action sequence is amazing, the sound is incredible. After a few cliched characters giving a few cliched lines in the midst of cliched moments, it begins in earnest, and knocks the wind out of you. Then we get onto Shia's story, and it's actually good! The jokes are funny, the car buying sequence is hilarious...everything is actually WORKING! There's a Judd Apatow reference?!?! Are you kidding me? Transformers? good? Even VERY good?

Then it all kind of goes to shit. The inevitable diarrhea you were expecting from eating a Michael Bay-rrito starts to rumble in your stomach. The glimpse of a well-made movie that could have been, falls by the wayside as we get into the "plot" of the film. The traditional Bay stereotypes are all there, saying all the same crapola you've heard them say a million times. There's the hot girl with obscene amounts of knowledge on a specific topic, and yes it comes in handy. There's the black stereotype, yelling at the top of his lungs, because that's what black stereotypes do. There's the military guy who just wants to see his wife and kid. There's BadMrWonka burying the hopes he had in the first 20 minutes.

As the movie plods along, it can't seem to decide whether to take itself seriously or not. There are a host of in-jokes, from references to the old series, to actual references to other Michael Bay movies. I am NOT joking. It's truly cringe-worthy. But the worst part is how awkaward the explication is. When Megatron gives the all important "this is what the hell's going on" speech, it's the same as the audience got in the opening intro before the title. So we're sitting there going, "yeah, we got it, are you going to DO something?" And then they fart around in Shia's yard for 20 minutes. A house being accidentally destroyed was funny in Harry and the Hendersons. Here, it goes on WAY too long.

The rest of the movie is a huge fight scene, wrapped around a couple twists in the plot that are so silly, I half expected a new character to be named "Deus ex machina" (perhaps in the sequel?). There are HUGE gaping plot holes, and things that make no sense plot-wise. And here's a tip, if you have robots that can't really emote in their faces, and you want to have a touching moment, and Michael Bay is directing, and Steve Jablonsky is doing the music? Just go ahead and shoot yourself. Cause it ain't happening.

It seems, when the Transformers are first arriving to earth, that they simply choose the first car/truck they see, and change into that. and when Bumblebee is made fun of by Shia's girl for being a junky old car, he transforms into a snazzy new version. so it seems they can change into anything at will. so then why does it matter if, say, your legs get cut off? make new ones! why not be a different car, if someone is chasing you and knows what you look like?

The worst part is they do what I REALLY hate about this big movies, they SHOVE them full of smaller characters, introduce them, give them a little personality trait and a little thing to do, and then we NEVER get any resolution to their story. Only Shia and his chick and one other character get ANY kind of resolution.

So, what you really want to know:

The fights: they are pretty cool, but there is SO much going on, and SO quick a pace, and the camera is SO shaky and in need of Ritalin, it's hard to make out what is happening a lot of the time. And then, after 10 minutes of flying pixels and explosions, and one-liners, there will be a long, EXTREMELY slow shot with a Transformer doing some maneuvre over a pedestrian as the "camera" pans just right to catch it all. Isn't there anything in between the frenetic, what the fuck did I just see, type of shots, and the "ok, I get it, you spent a lot on this film's FX" shots? christ.

The acting: Shia, again, ESPECIALLY in the first 20 minutes, is gold with the funny lines. he's really good, honestly. I would seriously challenge anyone to say otherwise. when he has to be tough, well, he's not really tough. But neither is his character. Other than that, he just runs a lot. When he has to deliver the funny, it's not bad. Overall, I doubt any young actor could have done any better, and a lot could have done worse. He is in NO WAY the problem with this movie.

John Turturro seems like he's drunk. Literally, I mean that I think he may have been drunk while filming some of the scenes. But it works, and he has some funny lines and bits. It feels like one of those things where he said, "yeah I'll do it, but only if I get to be quirky". better than being a Bay cliche, I guess. Everyone else hams it up. The girls are hot, and uninteresting. Voight is wrinkly. Duhamel is not really acting, just yelling military jargon and shooting. Except for delivering the dumbest line of the movie to Shia. The entire theater actually groaned and chuckled in what was supposed to be a serious moment. Then he does the most unthinkably ridiculous and implausible (yes, even for a movie with giant fighting robots) stunt I can recall seeing in a movie in a long time. And he goes a little crazy for a second. And then he goes back to his jargon immediately.

The source material: it felt, to me, like they tried to make up for the fact that all the Transformers look completely different from their 80's counterparts, by making them talk and act EXACTLY like their 80's counterparts. Which, to me, seemed silly. But people I was with, who read comics and had more affinity for the original series, said the dialogue rang true. I just thought it was silly. To me, the old cartoons saying these completely unrealistic lines was fine. When you have this new, sleek, fast machine, saying things that are, at best, cheesy. It sounds ultra-cheesy.

is it a boy and his car? well yes and no, but if you're afraid that's all it is, don't worry. plenty of robot on robot fighting...well...blurring past the digitally created camera at super speeds, to be exact. Shia's relationship with Bumblebee is actually fairly decently done, and it didn't feel like it was too much. The house/garden scene was, though.

Overall, I think Spielberg directed the first 20 minutes, stuck his name on, and never looked back. I simply do not see him in this movie after the beginning. It's all Bay all day every day. And they stole a line exchange from From Dusk til Dawn. fuck that.

If you are predisposed to like this movie, you will find plenty to like, and a little to bemoan. If you are predisposed to hate it, you'll find plenty to hate, but I gaurantee you'll laugh a few times in the beginning and get your ass kicked by the first fight scene. And Scott Farkus is in it.

If you're in the middle, well, it will depend on how patient you are with Bay. Did you see Bad Boys, Armaggedon, The Rock and Pearl Harbor? Ever want to see them again, but with gigantic robots from space? Transformers is playing at your local theater.

BadMrWonka

And another...

Hey, Moriarty, I'm sure you're getting a bunch of these tonight if the line of people at the Transformers screening was any indication. But I'll add my two cents. I saw it tonight at the Grove thanks to the fine folks at the Golden Apple who were giving out passes.

The place was packed, of course, and filled with varying levels of dorks. KROQ hosted the thing (complete with god awful music) and did some trivia to start off the night. At one point my girlfriend asked if she was going to be completely lost trying to watch the movie, as the trivia questions were pretty old school.

But she shouldn't have been worried.

In fact, I think she might have liked it more than me, and she's not a fan of these types of movies.

It really is a good flick. Shia LeBeouf is great from the very start. He's clearly an outcast at high school, but not a hopeless one. Of course the object of his affections is dating some jock, but they nip that storyline in the bud fast enough so you don't dwell on the cliche for too long.

Anyway, the base in the Middle East gets attacked, Sam (Shia) buys a car, things start to get weird. The NSA bring in some young experts to help them crack a code -- this was something of a secondary plot that never really goes anywhere, aside from bringing some variety to the cast. Tom Lenk aka Andrew of Buffy the Vampire fame has a small part as an analyst, but he's overshadowed by blonde Australian girl. Just why is that a) an Australian girl is helping the U.S. government and b) why there can be attractive female analysts but never attractive male ones is never made clear.

A lot happens, including Megatron being the basis for all technology on earth (an idea best left alone, as thinking about reveals giant holes in logic), blonde Australian girl going to Anthony Anderson for help (the scene where the FBI busts in is pretty funny, actually -- the film has lots of funny moments, in fact), Sam and his dream girl Mikaela (Megan Fox, who is bound to be googled a billion times in the next week) discover that Sam's new car is a robot in disguise, Optimus Prime gives exposition, and eventually the U.S. government's super secret Section Seven joins the fun. Oh, and a bunch of marines fight giant robots, including a scorpion robot.

This is all in an effort to get/use/safeguard the Spark, which is a cube that basically animates anything mechanical. The Decepticons want it so they can take over earth and then the universe. The Autobots want it to revive their home planet, or at the very least keep it out of Megatron's hands.

Ultimately, everything comes together at Hoover dam (yes, Hoover dam), although the final fight moves to a town 22 miles away that looks an awful lot like Los Angeles.

Transformers live, Transformers die, and in the end the good guys win.

All in all, though, it was a fun movie. There were some cringe worthy Bay moments, but there were enough quirky character moments to overshadow those.

Oh, and John Turturro is hilarious.

Oh, also I should mention the ONE trailer. There was no name given. It starts with someone video taping a guy's going away party. Right in the middle, the building shakes and you hear this loud growl of some kind. We then see the TV on and a new report that doesn't give much info, aside from the fact that they're in NY.

The group of party goers run to the roof and see a giant explosion in the distance, complete with flaming debris. They all head down the streets.

Shots of people running away from SOMETHING, more flaming debris and general terror. And then another loud growl, although it's hard to make out really.

It ends with something along the lines of "From JJ Abrams" and a date for sometime next year.

Honestly, my first thought was Godzilla, but I really have no idea. It doesn't seem to gel with anything on his IMDB as in production. Looked cool, though.

If you use this, just call me KG.

And another...

Hi Harry,

Been sending a few tidbits on the Asian movie industry, but this would be the first time I send in my comment on a film. Having watched Transformers twice (it premiered in Indonesia on Thursday 28th June, a week earlier than its US release), I have to say that it’s the best summer movie this year and maybe it’s gonna be the most enjoyable film to watch this year as I really don’t think that any other films can top what Michael Bay has done with this film. I
don’t hate or love Michael Bay. I like Armageddon and the Bad Boys series for what they are (they were made for audience who want to have a great time in the theatre and Bay succeeded in doing that). Those movies were not perfect, but I think they’re worth it. For me Transformers is the best movie that Bay has ever made so far. It didn’t feel long (considering its running time), I found the jokes to be funny and the film takes itself to a point where the plotlines aren’t pretentious and overly complicated just for the sake of being complicated. The second best summer movie for me is Ocean’s thirteen and I can honestly say that I enjoyed watching it a whole lot more that Pirates, Shrek and Spider-man. The only drawback that I can categorically say is its longevity as lots of reference to pop culture and today’s technology may be yesterday’s news in a few years’ time (e-bay, google, nokia etc).

Spoiler ahead

As most of you may have known, the film itself tells the story of the war between Decepticons and Autobots on earth. They both want to get hold of all spark, a cube of raw energy that can bring life to any object. Through it all a boy was caught in the middle of the war because he happened to buy a car which turned out to be one of the autobots (Bumble Bee)

Spoiler end.

As for most fanboy criticism of the Optimus flame and mouth, they’re actually not that destracting and the thing that I actually find a bit distracting is
Optimus’ nose as he happened to have one. I got the reason why Megatron transformed into a some sort of a jet plane and not a gun as over the top the film may be, transforming Megatron may look cool in the cartoon but would make the movie ridiculous. The camera work is crazier than Bourne Supremacy and I think Bay is trying to make the audience be a part of the film. Sure watching long shot battles between the robots would’ve been easier to follow but the impact wouldn’t have been the same. Shia shone in this film, he didn’t become the annoying kid who owned a transformer but we became invested in his struggle throughout the movie. I also found Anthony Anderson to be funny whenever he’s on screen. The CGI was seamless and as silly as it may sound I never felt like I’m watching a CG creature or an actor acting in front of a blue screen…It’s so good and it’s much more special than any films that I’ve seen (LOTR, King Kong, Pirates or Spider-man … as good / great as these films are, there are some scenes in them where you noticed the CG (all credits to ILM & Bay for this). It never happened while I’m watching Transformers. One advice for any potential movie goers who wanna see this film is try to get the largest screen available in your town)

To sum it all up, I wasn’t one of the original Transformers fans (it was aired several years after my time) and Bay’s name attached to it didn’t mean that
much to me back then. I wasn’t exactly waiting for this film this summer. I was more interested in other films, but this film is going to be the one that I
will be remember for years to come as a special film in the class of Superman: the movie, Spider-man 2, or dare I say LOTR. It will make you believe that the kind of reality in this film is possible. It wasn’t made to win any awards aside from the technical areas but it will inspire children to become filmmakers. Go and watch it and I don’t think you’d be disappointed.

Yohan
Indonesia

PS. I sent it a scoop a couple of months ago about 'Ekskul' the film that won Indonesia's best film in the Indonesian Film Award despite copying Gladiator's score. After several months of dispute BP2N (Indonesia's film monitoring body) finally annuled the film's awards.

And another...

Okay Okay let me collect my thoughts breath in then out good now i'm set.

I had a chance tonight to see Transformers, and all I have to say is WOW. Not only is the best summer movie so far, but I was litteraly left in my seat exhausted after it ended. It's that good.

I like most people where really aprehensive at first I like Michael Bay, but don't like some of the things he does his action is a little too off the wall sometimes for me. So when the trailers for Transformers rolled out I was like eh whatever then the what third trailer rolls out, and I'm like damn this could be something, then the pictures came and the fourth trailer rolls out and I'm like zing I can't wait for this well let me tell you I was not dissapointed.

I'll stay low on the spoilers, but what I will say is that this might be the most intense, actionging, awsome geek movie I've ever seen. Some of the things ILM does in this movie is incredible plus the robots well there better than ol Davey Jones. I give kudos to ILM to do what they can do is like Pixar and what they can do it's just amazing.

My favorite scene inolves F22 raptors and a certain decepticon duking it out on top of the city. That scene was so incredible that I literaly blew my geek load right there and then. Other things that the transformers do in the movie is incredible from how they transform in the middle of combat to how they act in combat with there weapons is amazing and pretty to look at.

The only problem I had though which isn't really a problem more of a this isn't why you go see a Michael Bay movie or a Transformers movie is some of the dialouge is straight out corny I felt bad for John Tutorro because he just hams up the screen to me same with Jon voight, But like I said who sees a Transformers movie for the script. If your me you want big ass robots fn things up. I acutally renamed the movie Big Fn Robots Destroy Fn City with FN Hot Chicks. Like I said the geek factor.

All in all this is a movie that if it cost me 20 dollars to see I would pull out my 20 and prepare myself for the mother of all summer movies. Watch out Pirates here come the Transformers. Autobots Roll Out and Kick some ass.

If you use this my name is Nomadius.

And, yes, another...

Don't know if you need anymore Transformers reviews, but I just got back from a preview screening and wrote up a few thoughts.

I just saw Transformers, and holy fucking shit was it awesome. It was perfectly paced, the plot was simple but good, there's a lot of good, funny lines, and most importantly, IT'S HUGE FUCKING TRANSFORMING ROBOTS BLOWING SHIT UP EVERYWHERE!

On the ride home I realized that if you're like me and are old enough to remember the cartoon you just have to understand one thing: the original cartoon was made to sell toys to kids in the 80's, and the movie is mostly made to sell toys to kids in the 00's. There's a few things in for nostalgia's sake, but a lot is updated to make it current. I've heard people complaining because Optimus Prime has a mouth, or because they have him say "my bad", but it's really minor when you consider IT'S HUGE FUCKING TRANSFORMING ROBOTS BLOWING SHIT UP EVERYWHERE!

No matter how old you actually are, watching this movie will turn you 12 at the awesome specacle of it all. They must have had about 50 shots of robots transforming back and forth at full speed and it never once got old. About halfway through the movie I almost got a little annoyed at how often they were made the butt of a joke, but then the jokes were mostly funny and it was right around then that they got serious and started kicking some Decepticon ass. I think my one small complaint is just that a lot of it is shot so close up that you can't fully appreciate the HUGE FUCKING TRANSFORMING ROBOTS BLOWING SHIT UP EVERYWHERE!

So yeah, I'd reccomend it. The 30 or so minutes of actual plot is above average for a big summer action movie, and just to make sure I'm clear, the most important part is that IT'S HUGE FUCKING TRANSFORMING ROBOTS BLOWING SHIT UP EVERYWHERE!

Pope Corky

Gee, I wonder if I can come up with one more for you guys...

Just got out of a Transformers advance screening. It was good. Walking across the parking lot after the movie, every car parked there turned into a robot. In my mind, anyway. So, yeah, definitely good.

Long as hell, too. I wasn't expecting two and a half hours. But it goes fast. This was one of the few movies I've sat through without feeling the need to check my watch.

Now, I wasn't a huge fan of the cartoon, but I still remember the gist of it, some of the secondary characters and their names. And some of that came back during the movie, so they were obviously doing something right. Then again, every now and again my brother would lean over and go "Aw, what the hell was that?" though, so maybe everything wasn't perfect. I sure as hell didn't care.

So. On to the movie itself. It was definitely playing to the kids, which is all well and good, but there were a couple of clumsy dialogue edits--a few motherfizzles, if you will--that had me thinking they were considering an R at some point. That would've been something. But, hey, I got nothing against this one. Sure, there was some cheesy dialogue and a couple of eye-rolling one-liners, but there were a handful of good jokes, too. A decent part of the plot was telegraphed from a mile away--a huge chunk of it was blatantly cribbed from Independence Day--but it was serviceable. The love interest was definitely fun to watch. Oh, and, also? THERE WERE GIANT FUCKING ROBOTS BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER.

And, you know, THAT's why I went to see it. Screw award-winning cinema, screw childhood daydreams come to life, I just wanted to see some CG robot-on-robot mayhem. And it was fucking awesome. The very first action piece was unreal. I just smiled ear to ear. Couldn't believe how perfect it was. Then the movie started and it had its ups and downs and what-not, but, the second those robots came to life, the second you heard that noise, every time, I stopped caring. The filler could've been the most ham-fisted, tear-baiting chick flick in the world and I'd have stopped caring. The sheer awesomeness of that half of the flick made up for anything lackluster.

So, yeah. If you want giant robots and explosions and buildings collapsing, you've found your movie.

On the off chance you use this, call me GoatSniper.

Now, I’m sure we’ll see more comments like this one in the talkbacks, and I’m running it because I wonder if this guy thinks this really adds anything to any conversation. I also wonder if he truly believes the hyperbole, or if this is the only way he knows how to quantify things anymore...

THE WORST PIECE OF MINDLESS FUCKING, WASTE OF COCKSTAIN, DISEASED ELEPHANT SHIT THAT HAS EVER DISGRACED A RETINAL NERVE. That is my full review. You are all now forewarned. I wasted two and a half hours of my life. All I want is for AICN readers to avoid suffering the same fate. Life is too precious and short to not heed my advice. But you'll all pay ten bucks anyway. Prove me wrong.

If you use this call me F--kMichaelBay. He and Kurtzman/Orci should be ashamed of themselves.

It's going to air on TNT in 2012 or 13. You can wait 'til then...I believe in you!

I’m more inclined to believe people who can express themselves and who are able to discuss both positives and negatives in what they see...

Hey Harry.

Long time reader, first time poster. I thought I'd give you a heads up on Transformers.

I saw it last night in Australia in a packed theatre. Here are my impressions. I'll try for little or no spoilers with no plot, just some of the things I liked and disliked.

I am not a big fanboy of Transformers. When it was big in the early 80's I was working in a toy shop, and I remember the frenzy that accompanied the whole thing. Optimus prime was what every kid wanted for Christmas, and I remember them sellling like hotcakes. I was about 18 at the time. So I have no opinion on the "flames on optimus" stuff.

I think the first 2/3's of the film are great. What surprised me were the human characters were well fleshed out and funny. Shia is going to be a huge star that's for sure. Megan Fox is very hot, although I think she looked a little to old to be a school kid.

The first introduction to the Transformers themselves are great. The Decepticons are very hard and have no qualms about destroying and killing to get to the "cube". The Autobots are fine, although I think if the face shields had been kept down, when they talked, they would have been more effective. They move so fluidly and this is where the movie both shines, and falls flat for me.

The problem I have is that in the battles at the end often there is so much happening on screen, that it's hard to take it all in. You know that its two bots going toe to toe, but Bay employs fast cuts, and the dreaded shaky cam too often, and it becomes a blur (the exception being the fight between Prime and BoneCrusher, where Prime ruthelessly shows how well he can fight (which is kinda strange, because he shows nothing of that fighting prowess when he takes on Megatron). When Bay slows it down, and pulls the camera back so we can see the whole thing, then it's indeed a thing of beauty. They seem to have captured the weight of the bots really well.

Where it falls down storywise for me is the introduction of sector 7 (headed up by John Turturro). This was unnecessary. If they left that out, it would have been for the better.

Overall I went in expecting a big dumb action film, and was pleasantly surprised by the script's wit and very likeable leads. Bay just needs to realise that shaky cam is not what everyone wants. Lets hope that Nolan ditches that style for the next Batman.

This next guy (who is not Memflix, swear to god) really couldn’t wait to see the movie:

Hey Harry,

First time contributor here. Not sure if you have too many Transformer reviews yet, but I went to some lengths to see it today so I thought I would drop a line on what I thought.

Seeing the movie was a bitch, because the distributor sent the film to my theatre in the normal cases, but with a lock on them! The distributor is gonna call us on Monday and let us know the combination to the lock. But we said "Fuck that" and took the hinges of the back of the container and reeled that bad boy up.

And this is a review from someone who never really watched the show. When I started reading stuff about the flames on Optimus I was like "Uhhhh........ok". Not really getting it I guess. And I guess I might not be as biased as some folk will be to this movie. I won't get into any spoilers just to make sure I don't piss any one off.

I really enjoyed it. After seeing Spidey 3 and being dissapointed, as well as Pirates 3. I did like the new Die Hard better than I thought I would. This movie is right up there with Die Hard. Your expecting some greatness and it delivers sometimes, but the punches it does connect with the audience are bad ass! It really has a dark edge to it that I liked. Shea Labouf kept your attention even after some akwardly long conversations. The Vegas guy (Josh Duhmal or something like that) wasn't that big of a part as I was thinking. And if you do get tired of watching the CG robots, then you have one of the hottest new actresses around for eye candy.

I walked out of the auditorium with a smile. The rest of the crew of the theatre is watching it later tonight, and to tell you the truth, I'm gonna sit in on it again. If nothing more than 3 action scenes in particular and the fact I know when the good pissing times are gonna be. Escpecially were they come to the moment of "explination" that comes in every movie.

I give it a generous 3 stars outta four. And that's counting the fact I didn't have to pay to see it. I wouldn't buy the DVD either.

If you use this call me Nutbag McGee. BONG!

Sounds like this next guy had his ass handed to him a bit:

It's been awhile since I was really anxious to see a movie. Even Spider-Man 3, one of, if not the most-anticipated movie of the summer for me, didn't get me as amped as I expected it to. And what a lackluster movie Spidey 3 turned out to be, all over the place thematically, and full of wasted time, wasted characters, and useless scenes that dragged on forever until we got to one of the most underwhelming, slap-in-your-face finales to a mega-franchise since that stupid robot in Episode III who couldn't explain why Padme was dying. Since then, I found my expectations for summer fare beginning to plummet, and I didn't even set the bar all that high. I went on to skip Shrek 3, but enjoyed Pirates 3, F4:RotSS, and Hostel II for what they were -- predictable, fun to watch, decently-made sequels.

Don't get me wrong -- I don't have anything against sequels. But with the exception of Knocked Up, 28 Weeks Later, and Ratatouille, nothing this summer has really knocked my socks off...

Then, last night, I saw Transformers at the Los Angeles Film Festival.

Packed to the brim with industry-types, hardcore TF fans, and LAFFestival-goers, 4,000 people descended upon Westwood, CA to see the beloved toys from their childhood finally make their live-action debut on the big screen. And what a debut it was.

Before I go on to tell you how much I enjoyed the movie and all the big robot action, let's take a brief moment to talk about the man behind the explosions, the guy who loves that slow motion, the guy everyone loves to hate on, Michael Bay. Hey, I get it. He's not the subtlest filmmaker out there (isn't that the understatement of the year?). I'm no fan of Pearl Harbor or Bad Boys II (unless it's for the extreme, totally unrealistic comic-y action), and The Island manages to totally bypass its potential story-wise. But I love The Rock, Armageddon, and the first Bad Boys. I classify Bay in the "really, really good at covering action" category, a place where people like Paul WS Anderson, Brett Ratner, Len Wiseman, and Tim Story WISH they could be. Say what you will about Bay, but the guy knows how to shoot action, and more importantly, how to put it together so everything flows. He gives you impact when most others give you soft hits. He pushes the bar, and even when he fails, even when he fails BADLY, I believe he's trying. He's far from being anywhere near the upper echelon where filmmakers like James Cameron and Peter Jackson sit, but seriously –- those are tough people to compare ANY FILMMAKER to. With the other guys mentioned above –- what I consider the C-team list of directors who only get jobs in Hollywood because they're cheaper to hire and are probably better salesmen than they are directors –- I think they're either phoning it in, or they just don't have the skills to execute in a big, Michael Bay kinda way.

<>

With that said, I think Michael Bay was ultimately one of the few working filmmakers today who could pull of a live-action Transformers movie with such ease. He makes everything seem natural. This is like another day in the park for him, just with bigger, badder toys and more resources, perhaps even a strong guiding hand from Mr. Spielberg himself. It's as if all the movies he's made thus far have culminated in this one. His visual style –- including all the patented Michael Bay shots, like the slow-motion helicopter shot, or the steadicam wrap-around-our-hero shot, or the countless lens flares –- fits right into the live-action TF world, and it seamlessly integrates some of the most ambitious CG to ever be rendered on the screen. Never before have I so fully invested in such a large cavalcade of CG characters within a live-action film, nor have I ever seen actors who genuinely treat their CG costars as if they're really there.

Another thing that surprised me was how much was drawn from the cartoons and the animated movie. As a longtime TF fan, there were many aspects of the cartoons that I wanted preserved, outside of the design of the bots themselves (I quickly got over the flames on Optimus, and I thought the moving lips worked really well). We do get a glimpse of Cybertron. We get classic lines like "Roll out!" and "One shall stand, one, shall fall." We get Megatron's disappointment with Starscream's abilities as a leader in his absence. We get Megatron calling Optimus "Prime." We get all of Optimus' morality, protection, and belief that humans deserve to live freely and survive on their own terms, and we get Megatron's thirst for destruction, conquering, and all things that bring him closer to ruling the entire universe. But most importantly, TF captures that spirit of comradery, that deep sense of respect (for the Autobots) and fear (for the Decepticons) for those who are deemed leaders. For me, if I had to name one thing I loved about Transformers as a kid, it'd be that trust the Autobots have for their one true leader: Optimus Prime.

Shia LaBeouf carries the entire film. The bulk of the movie is about him and his first car. The alien invasion/adults-don't-know-jack plotline comes second. It's the connection between Sam and Bumblebee that drives the story forward and ultimately proves that the Autobots can be trusted. BB is the guardian figure, the Autobot who goes in to do recon and gather intel, and when he and Sam are finally separated right before we launch into the final city battle, you feel that separation anxiety. When BB gets thrashed, you feel Sam's dismay, and the urgency to complete the task of protecting the Allspark. The love story between Sam and Mikaela (Megan Fox, who looks slamming throughout the movie) is underdeveloped, but serves it's purpose well, giving Sam that extra boost for joining the fray. It doesn't feel forced or awkward in any way that it shouldn't inherently. Also, the overall theme of protection and "No victory without sacrifice" is something audiences everywhere will be able to associate with.

Peter Cullen is a voiceover GOD. I thought it was a great idea to bookend the movie with his narration. Optimus is definitely more pushy here than he ever was in the cartoon, but it's justified –- there is the urgency of beating the Decepticons to the punch, and he, himself is still uncertain as to how much he can trust the humans. But when Sam proves his worth and defends the right cause (as expected), Optimus fully realizes humanity's potential. Cullen gives us a performance so good that it's as if he's been practicing the voice for this very opportunity. His voice commands attention like any great leader should –- every time he spoke it sent chills down my spine. The other Autobots also capture that lightheartedness that we all love from the cartoons. You believe that each member of the team is a reliable friend who will fight to the death for Optimus. Hugo Weaving does an excellent job as Megatron, masking his voice so we don't immediately think of his agent character from The Matrix. There is, however, one line where he says the word, "compel," and that immediately made me think of Mr. Smith.

Like I said earlier, the CG is flawless, and there's a lot of it. ILM has provided some of the most creative, jaw-dropping sequences I've ever seen, delivering fast-paced action that exceeded my more reality-based expectations. I didn't want part of the movie to feel too much like an animated film. There had to be a strong sense of weight and how these massive robots moved, and I wanted to see damage on the bots as they fought throughout the movie. We get all of that. They've also set the bar pretty darn high for big robot action by establishing these scenes in settings I only dreamed about in the past. To set the final battle amidst heavily trafficked city streets is mighty impressive. I could nitpick the designs of each Autobot and Decepticon, but at the end of the day -- like the Tumbler in Batman Begins, for instance -- everything looks fantastic and works on-screen so I'm not going to spend too much time whining about minutiae. My only complaint about the complex designs is that it's often-times hard to tell what piece is going where, forcing you to suspend your disbelief that these vehicles can fit all these components inside the frame of a car or truck just a little bit further. They do make for some crazy cool transformation sequences, though, and are ultimately the right direction to go, regardless of how much I love the original designs from the cartoon. When Optimus stands upright, faceplate closed, he looks as he should. Also, when I saw some of these vehicles up close and personal at the afterparty, I definitely got a much better sense of just how big they can be.

Transformers gave me the same feeling movies like The Matrix, Batman Begins, and Spider-Man gave me when I first saw them –- not only a sense that I'll be rewatching the movie many times in the future, but also the feeling of unlimited potential. These first films in their respective franchises are not only well-executed themselves, but they also manage to make you anxious for the sequel. Just imagine now what they'll be able to do with a live-action Evangelion or Gundam movie. I went into Transformers with both high and low expectations, and the things I expected to see were there, and the things I worried about were either dashed with pleasant surprises or completely forgotten about. I had a blast and the little fanboy in me reverted back to childhood, my eyes wide, my jaw on the floor. Last, but certainly not least, Bay has cast an incredibly wide net for this film, and I think it will cross the usual demographic for genre films and spread to a substantial number of varying audiences. The movie is fun, funny, amazing to watch, and a true spectacle of summer blockbuster filmmaking on the grandest of levels. It doesn't take itself too seriously, and that translates well for the audience, making them cheer and clap -- something most other summer fare this year has failed to do.

Sounds like GM and Hasbro both threw big shindigs to celebrate the film’s release. Makes sense to me:

My friends and I went to a GMC sponsored preview of Transformers last night. Suffice to say we were all Generation Zero fans, most of us that went are in our late twenties to early thrities.

I have to agree with all the pre-reviews. While not a perfect film, I enjoyed the hell out of it. Peter Cullen could read insurance ads for two hours and I'd be captivated by the sheer power of his voice over. They could have done that and had the freaking semi roll aorund for the last hour and it would rock. That said, this movie did what I didn't think possible. It brought back Bad Boys Michael Bay and almost made me forget Pearl harbor Michael Bay.

The good -
Bumblebee's Autobot-Bat Signal
Any robot throwdown.
"One shall stand and one shall fall."
John Toturro
Peter "Optimus" Cullen

The Bad -
They kill the black transformer (why is it always the black guys who die?)
The love story
The military guys are prettymuch tacked on
Starscream has one whole line (as do most of the transformers other than Optimus), so not much Transformers character arcs
Sector 7 story line could have dropped
They only used the sound once (not Optimus like the trailer eaither)

The Nitpicky
Devestator is a tank?
Flames on Optimus?
Megatron isn't a gun?

So from the old school fans who saw it last night: Two Thumbs up.

Lycaeon

Then there’s this guy, “ThePartyPooper,” and he certainly seems determined to live up to his name:

Hi Harry. I'm a long-time reader, first-time contributor. I've been around AICN since the early or mid 90s back when it was one of the better places on the internet to get news on upcoming Disney animated projects (back around Aladdin and Lion King when that kind of news was actually exciting). The only other thing I've sent in before was a head's up about the Gargoyles cartoon series coming out on DVD. This isn't exactly a scoop, as I know you've already posted several reviews of Transformers from earlier screenings, but I felt I should mail this in anyway as all the reviews posted on your site thus far have been pretty poorly written and none of them were penned by actual fans of the Transformers.
For the sake of context, let me say that I am a big fan of the G1 Transformers series and the associated lore, particularly the original 1986 animated film. I am NOT, however, some ubergeek living in his mother's basement who wallpapers his room with mint-on-card action figures and obsesses about every little minor change from sacred canon whenever somebody creates a geek film. I understand the necessity to alter certain things when adapting comic books or novels or television shows to film. I, for one, thought it was a great decision to change Wolverine's costume from yellow spandex to black leather. I didn't have any major problems with the story changes in The Two Towers. I thought Jurassic Park the movie was better than Jurassic Park the novel. I even liked Superman Returns.

I am not a fan of Michael Bay. I find his films both overhyped and hollow, his directing style simultaneously overblown and dull. That said I was willing to give him some benefit of the doubt. The Rock was fairly entertaining. I always felt that bringing this property to the big screen would be a pretty much fool-proof exercise in creating something truly ass-kicking.

Unfortunately, as fool-proof as the basic premise behind Transformers may have been, it was not Bay-proof. Or Don Murphy-proof. I write these words now with a heavy heart. I went into the theater tonight, IMAX screen 5 at the Yongsan CGV in Seoul, with high hopes and (albeit heavily guarded) optimism. Sadly, I am here to tell you that all the "haters" out there are one hundred percent right in their concerns. Every fear has come to fruition, every promise by the film's producers has gone unfulfilled. If you vaguely remember Transformers from your childhood and think transforming robots are neat but can't actually remember any characters except Optimus Prime, or if you thought Armageddon and Pearl Harbor were really entertaining films, maybe you'll get something out of this. If, on the other hand, you are a TRUE fan of the mythos and characters of The Transformers, or if you have even an iota of taste in film, I think you're going to be hugely disappointed. If you have some reservations about how good this film is going to be based on whatever you've seen or heard- trust your instincts. Abandon hope. This film is a turd sandwich and all of the fancy condiments in the world that the F/X wizards at Industrial Light & Magic have slathered on top of it doesn't make it anything less than a turd sandwich. It certainly bears repeating: "Damn you, Michael Bay." "F.U. Don Murphy."

Why is this film bad? My head swims at the notion of trying to pick a place to start. I suppose I could begin with one of the most commonly circulating complaints on the internet as a springboard: absolutely abysmal character design. Fanboys complained that they changed the look of their favorite characters. Bay apologists dismissed this complaint as nostalgia-fueled whining. I don't mind that they wanted to update the look of the characters. I think Starscream probably works better as an F-22 than as an outdated F-15. But if you thought the designs of these characters looked overbusy and confusing in stills then you're going to think they look even worse in action. I'm super thrilled that ILM has computers capable of rendering fifty million moving parts all at once, but am I really supposed to relate to that? Was it really necessary? I found the super shiny multiple moving robot parts in every nook and cranny to be highly distracting. There is also very little to distinguish one robot from the next. Because they are brightly colored, Bumblebee and Prime stand out fairly well but any of the others easily get lost in a crowd. I really don't understand what is so awful about this iconic design, but if they were going to ditch it anyway, at least they could have come up with something where individual robots were easily recognizable. The fact that they are not is just plain sloppy design.

The design of the Transformers in a movie called "Transformers" seems like a big deal to me, though I realize it may seem like a minor gripe to some. In the grand scheme of things, I will also admit, this is not the biggest thing bringing this picture down. I could easily forgive turning Bumblebee into a sports car. I could somewhat less easily forgive making all the Transformers look like they just walked off the Bionicle TV Show. I could probably forgive the big teeth on Starscream and Megatron and the lips and eyelids on Prime, I could begrudingly forgive wrecking my hopes for an awesome scene with Constructicons merging to form Devastator since they already used that name up on some completely forgettable stupid tank character. I could even let slide the ridiculous looking flames on Optimus Prime. That is, I could forgive all those things, if there was something here truly entertaining. This movie is boring. Dead freaking boring. The expository build up takes what seems like forever and you won't care about any of it. The first robot-on-robot fight happens quite a ways into the movie, and I perked up a bit when this scene was coming, but then it all happens off screen. The next big action sequence doesn't take place until over an hour later and by then I was squirming in my seat. I perked up a little bit more when the film was ramping up to its big finale: an all-out brawl in a city near the Hoover Dam... but as long as I waited for something cool to happen few things actually did.

Part of the reason for the film's action scenes being so dull is Bay's atrocious directing style. You know something exciting is supposed to be happening because everyone is yelling and the camera is shaking all over the damned place but it's next to impossible to actually tell what's going on. One notable exception is when Starscream, in the middle of a wing of USAF F-22 Raptors (the same design as his new alt-mode), begins changing into a robot to rip one jet to shreds, morphs back into a plane to blend in with the pack, transforms again to take out the next jet, and so on. Even that scene, though, could have been much better directed and edited.

In addition to the piss poor visual style, there's the fact that you simply couldn't possibly care less about any of these characters. Somehow in making the leap from cell animation to live action this franchise has become even more two-dimensional. The robots have no discernible personality at all. The human characters that we were told were there to draw us in to the story are little more than laughably strung together cliches. Sam Witwicky is the closest thing to a sympathetic character in this story and even he feels underdeveloped. His girlfriend Mikaela may as well have been a life-sized blow-up sex doll that Sam carried around with him, her character would have served about the same purpose. Aside from those two main characters I honestly can't remember the name of a single other human character in the film nor would I want to.

Murphy and Bay went on record plenty of times to say they didn't want this to be a film about giant robots talking to each other, and that they wanted the story to be more relatable by having human characters be the core of the film. They later retracted some of those statements after a justified angry backlash, and tried to cover their asses by saying "yeah of course we're going to have Transformers in a film called Transformers." They were lying. The robots here are little more than props. Mikaela is in this film so that Sam will have someone to talk to. Bumblebee, the one Transformer that gets more screen time than any other, isn't even able to speak. Many of the Decepticons have ZERO dialogue in the entire film. In fact I believe Megatron is the only one on their team with more than a single line. Barricade may have said two or three things but I can't recall any of them.

Transformers is a property that has survived so long and remained so popular, and so extremely commercially viable (as I'm sure will be evinced after the numbers from opening weekend come in), because of it's characters. I'll readily admit the original cartoon series had plenty of bad episodes. After all, what cartoon in the 80s didn't? If that's the only thing you see in this franchise though you are completely missing the point. Transformers exists well beyond the realm of the original cartoon series. There was the very influential film in 1986. There was the arguably much richer and better written G1 comic book series. There are the dozens of shows and graphic novels and various spin-offs that have followed the G1 series. Beyond that whole realm though, Transformers exists in the minds of its fans. There, the flaws disappear. Certain parts of the original series may have been forgettable, but the characters and the core story was enduring and timeless. That's why the series wasn't discarded and completely forgotten twenty years ago. That's why this movie ever had a chance to get made in the first place. Yet there is precious little here to like that in any way resembles what contributed to the franchise's original longevity.

I followed the development of this movie from the very beginning. I was hyped to hear Don Murphy talk about it early on on his message board. I was even more excited by the fan speculation on all the things this picture could have been. I started to become disheartened as Don said more and more things about his vision for the movie. When Bay came on board he seemed to echo Murphy's thoughts. Their complete and utter disdain and naked contempt for the original series was obvious and begged the question why were they doing this in the first place? Murphy said that he had learned from his mistakes making League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, when the negative reaction from the property's original fans came out after the release of the film. He so obviously hadn't learned anything, though. Pretending at first to care about fan input, he eventually broke down into regular immature ranting about how he couldn't please all the fanboys and he was going to do things the way he wanted, about how his movie wasn't going to be some damned kids' cartoon, about how his movie wasn't going to be about giant robots talking to each other. Spielberg went on record saying he was immediately a fan of the original Transformers and always thought there was a movie there, I suppose implying that the beloved '86 film wasn't good enough? All of the top talent associated with this film seemed to be attached to it for the wrong reasons, and none of them seemed to care one whit about the classic characters that made the series.
My hopes were somewhat revamped recently when I saw an interview with some of the screenwriters that worked on the script. In that interview they talked about individual characters as if they each had unique personalities and motivations. They talked about the interesting dynamic between the characters of Starscream and Megatron. They talked about Transformers as if they actually liked Transformers. Wow, what a concept. Somebody involved on this project that didn't hate it.

All of the hope I got from this interview was completely misplaced. The Autobots in this film have the emotional depth of a contact lens and as much personality as a pet rock. The Decepticons have about as much character as my microwave. I'm also dying for someone to explain to me how you can claim to have an interesting dynamic between two characters who only share a single ten second scene together.

When one of the Autobots is killed late in this movie, whose namesake was one of the most beloved and long-lived characters in the original series, it happens so totally unceremoniously you'd be hard pressed to even notice it. You'd be even harder pressed to actually care.

The producers of this film about giant robots mysteriously felt that robots were unrelateable. I understand now why they thought that, because if you turn them into special FX movie monsters, with no distinguishable qualities, no personalities, precious few lines, and big computer-y sounding voices, then yes... giant robots are in fact unrelateable. When Optimus spoke in the original movie I got goosebumps. When any robot uttered something in this film I found myself actually somewhat glad there wasn't much robot dialogue. I was disappointed they passed on Welker playing the part of Megatron, but Hugo Weaving is barely recognizable under all the post-production alterations they did to the voices. It could just as easily have been Welker or any other character actor in Hollywood. The end result is obnoxious. When Prime died in the original movie, my thirty eight year old mother cried. When an Autobot dies in this film, it's difficult to stifle a yawn.

I know the '86 film killed far more beloved characters in total, but at least when they did it the characters went out with a bang, with deaths befitting heroes we had grown to love or villains we had come to loathe.

It infuriates me that they would bother making a movie like this and give it to someone like Bay who claims that his contempt for the source material made the picture better by making it accessible to the non-fan. This kind of asinine thinking is what has destroyed so many other similar films. When Raimi directed Spider-man, Synger directed X-Men, and Jackson directed the Lord of the Rings, they did so with love and respect for the material they were working with and met with spectacular results generating huge box office while satisfying fans and critics alike. Yet invariably nobody learns from this formula. There always has to be some hack like Bay who comes along and has the gall to think they can take something and make it better. Then the final product comes out and its a mediocre shadow of what it could have been.

I know there are a lot of geeks out there confused by the outrage over Transformers being altered beyond recognition. They may not have ever been big fans themselves. Let me try and make it understandable with a perfectly apt analogy. Imagine a Spider-man movie with no Peter Parker. The picture instead centers on a Margaret Janet Watson, who bears a passing resemblance to some other MJ, and it's all about her and her friend Antwan. There are several other characters in the movie who have never once appeared in the Marvel universe, and they take up the majority of screen time. Peter Parker has no lines and never appears out of costume. Spider-man doesn't actually show up himself until 2/3rds of the way into the picture. He has eight arms, can fly, and is dressed in a purple costume with a yellow cape. He's 35 years old and something of a curmudgeon with no sense of humor. Sound good?

This is what they've done to Transformers. The Transformers are completely unrecognizable. The main characters of the film are humans. One of which is based loosely on a character from the G1 show but who goes by a different name. Every other human character is completely new, and yet almost all of them get more screen time and more lines than Jazz or Ironhide or Starscream or Ratchet. When most of the Transformers do show up, the movie is almost over anyway. The tiny handful that have any personality at all sometimes act in ways completely contrary to what their original characters were supposed to be like. The majority, however, have no development whatsoever. They might as well be Spider-mans with no Peter Parker in the costume.

The completely unrelatable characters and the dull action scenes they find themselves caught up in may have been unforgivable but the biggest sin of this film by far is all the unrealized potential. It could have been so much more. Imagine the Spiderman movie I described above. Sure it would piss off all those geeky fanboys... but maybe it would be slightly entertaining. Then compare it to Raimi's Spiderman 2. Can you see the difference? The unrealized potential of this franchise would have been that Spiderman 2. A movie with characters you gave a crap about. A movie with action scenes you could actually follow that had outcomes you actually wanted to see.

I realize the original show had it's flaws. However, as much disdain as the producers of this film have for that show they've done very little to elevate themselves. They criticized it for being a cartoon, yet their film has less emotional heft than that cartoon had. They criticized it for being a toy commercial, yet I don't think ten minutes goes by in the new Transformers film without some huge GMC, Chevrolet or Cadillac logo shoved in your face.
I haven't even touched on the faults in the film that even the "positive" reviews out there seem to like to mention. I've seen it pointed out that all of these so-called "positive" reviews seem to come with disclaimers such as "well, sure, it's dumb... but at least it's fun." Is this movie stupid? Hell yes, it's stupid. There are plot holes big enough to drive a large red flat-nosed semi-truck through. The Transformers in this film are remarkably susceptible to heat and even more suceptible to cold, and yet they do just fine flying around in space where temperatures are close to absolute zero and they also seem to handle the heat of entering the earth's atmosphere just fine as well. Characters in the film inform us that all of mankind's modern technological advancements, including the automobile, were reverse-engineered from a frozen Megatron they've been keeping on ice under the Hoover Dam since the 1930s. Strange, then, that Europeans were building automobiles as early as the 1800s. Those are just a couple. It's really quite irritating that so much of the film is wasted on idiocy like super secret government organization "Sector Seven" and walking around "Area 53" (from the original script- thank god they didn't actually call it that in the movie). These things aren't even remotely compelling and they're all complete inventions of the film makers.

The humor in the film has been talked about a lot, including Bay's much lauded contribution in giving Prime a sense of humor. I didn't notice that he had one, though he does in fact say "my bad" at one point. The jokes here are pretty hit or miss, leaning heavily toward miss most of the time. Some of the high brow hijinks they've written in include Bumblebee pissing on a government agent (I'm not kidding), Sam's dog pissing on an Ironhide (to which he mysteriously quips, even with his regenerative capabilities and force fields, "I'll rust"), and at least one fart joke. To the film's credit, there are relatively few (for a Bay picture) scenes that will make you grimace and groan. One that springs to mind though is Mikaela in the middle of a battlefield remarking to Sam, "whatever happens, I'm glad I got into that car with you." The girl sitting next to me during that line openly guffawed. Good work on making this film appeal to girls, Bay. You freaking tool.

Finally, I would mention that the score here, which sounds very reminiscent of other Bay picture like Pearl Harbor and The Rock, is extremely out of place. It doesn't enhance the film's action at all. This is quibbling though. Pointing out the bad score in this movie is sort of like fussing over which side the Elephant Man parted his hair on.

In short, damn you Michael Bay. I know you've already heard this many times, but you have raped my childhood. You too, Don Murphy. You took a wonderful property and shat all over it to make a quick buck. It's completely unfair that this movie will make boatloads of money, in no small part because of the marquis title attached to it, when it really has nothing at all to do with the title that it is shamelessly exploiting. Anyone reading this, I implore you not to waste money on this movie. The producers don't deserve it. If you can't wait until DVD, find some other way to see it rather than paying at the theater. I wouldn't openly endorse piracy, even in a place like Korea where it's ridiculously common, but at least buy a ticket to Ratatouille or something else that deserves it and then sneak into the theater if you can't resist the urge to go.

If you post this you can call me The Party Pooper.

I am sorry the film didn’t work for him. Especially since he’s so obviously devoted to the property overall. How about this next guy, who’s not particularly a fan of the old show?

I received an invitation to a special Transformers screening for GM employees (although I am not a GM employee) at the Barry Woods 24 AMC in Kansas City last night.

I was not a Transformers fan growing up, so I went into this without any background knowledge/preconceptions except for knowing who Optimus Prime and Megatron are.

I wanted to share a brief (basically spoiler-free), but positive review.

I heard comparisons to Independence Day going in, and I will say that they are true to a point. I believe the acting, especially by Shia (Sam) is much better than “ID4”(sorry Will Smith), and obviously the special effects are light years ahead. Tone-wise and story-wise the average moviegoer will notice the similarities in plot and overall atmosphere.

The movie does start off with the incredible action sequence in the desert that captures both the best of the sci-fi element along with the patriotism of a Top Gun. Actually seeing the robots transform on the screen was a thing of wonder similar to the first realistic CG dinos in Jurassic Park . I could watch that effect 100’s of times in the movie and it would never get old. The only GC moment that really looked “GC” was the depiction of the robots homeworld, but does not detract at all.

The sound effects and sound editing are top notch, and I think Transformers will be remembered in these categories come Oscar time. There is a high level of detail in the sounds that the robots make and each transformation sound is unique.

The domestic scenes with Sam at home felt very 80’s Spielberg- and that is a good thing. There was actually a lot of laugh out loud moments- way more than expected. These introductory scenes were not just filler to get to the action, but actually contribute some good humor and get us in touch with the characters that are going to spend the next 2 hours basically running for their lives.

Bay’s action sequences in this are second to none, and the highway battle/chase is simply something that must be seen on the big screen- I’d say it easily tops Matrix:Reloaded in that category. We even get some slo-mo shots of transformation/firing of weapons that are too awesome to be described on the page.
Be on the lookout for a scene with dialogue that includes “more than meets the eye.” It is not what you expect and got a good laugh from the audience.
I took my 6 year old daughter with me and she also enjoyed it and had a good time, so not too scary for the little ones. She loved all of the robots as well as Shia’s pet Taco Bell dog, which is good for his share of laughs too.

Overall- highly recommended seeing on the big screen, and I can’t wait to see it again.

If you use this call me youngluke….

Thanks!!

Lots of people seeing it overseas already:

Hello Harry,

Today I saw Transfomers at a Dutch preview premiere (check here for confirmation if you wish: www.bios.nl Amsterdam, Pathe Tuschinski theatre) and here are my thoughts. In short: I liked it very much and I`m looking forward to the inevitable sequel.

I`m not a big Michael Bay fan. I`ll see his films in cinema, but I never feel the need to see them again, I just like the carnage once and that`s it.(Strangely enough I like Armageddon right untill they board the shuttles for the mission). Not so with Transformers.

Spoilers:

The plot is simple: Cybertron has been destroyed but there is a cube-machine which can reshape planets to resemble Cybertron amd all the Transformers are looking for it. Megatron`s first to arrive here on earth in the 18th century and present day more robots show up. Sam Witwickys great-great grandfather discovered a frozen Megatron with the cube and now they are after Sam. Sounds a bit lame, but it is not distracting and works quite well.

Spoilers end.

The film is two and a halve hours long, but never feels dull. Shia Labeouf is quite funny, Megan Fox is nice eyecandy and the pacing of the film is tight.

Now for the real stars: The transformers, they look absolutely amazing!! Everyone of them looks and feels real. I am a very big fan of the cartoon but I don`t have problems with the flames on Prime nor the lips on their faces.

It just looks great on film and to finally see them transform and cause all kinds of mayhem, is stunning.

It is a very fine Summer blockbuster and completely made me forget the boring hell which the last Pirates of the Caribbean was. I`ll catch this one again in theatres and ond dvd.

7.9/10

Regards,

Roy Amsterdam, Netherlands

Then there’s this guy, a fanboy of the highest order:

Hello Harry,

Last night I had an unexpected opportunity to see the new Transformers movie. It was a late night, and as I sit here at work I am still reeling at what I witnessed. To give some history, I worked in the theatre industry for 10 years, I have been out for nearly five, however I still have some theatre connections. I am 33, grew up on a steady stream of Starblazers, Robotech, Voltron, Transformers, GI. Joe, Thundercats, and of course Star Wars. I severely miss JLU, love BSG, hoping 24 recovers from a dreadful season, and have renewed hope in Lost, now back to Transformers!

When I first heard this movie was coming out, (On your site) I was very intrigued. As more information leaked out, and as work permitted I enjoyed reading the talkbacks, or rather battles over every tidbit released. Flames on Optimus, T.I.N.O, the blasting of Bay, and an endless list of concerns and worries. I must say that I agreed with many of the comments that this movie was going to blow some major ass, and thought there is probably no way I can even give it a chance. So when a call came out of the blue last night to see this movie I went in with no expectations, hoping that I would come out maybe a little surprised. I expected nothing, and I received nothing!

Maybe I am biased from the talkbacks, however I would have to agree that our childhood has been raped, and this movie is T.I.N.O. It truly is a Michael Bay action movie, with giant robots, geared more for kids, and then slapped with the Transformers name. Sure it has a tremendous amount of action, and is not a pure kids movie, but it is not hard to tell who this is aimed for. I can live with the story, I can live with Shia, I can actually can live with the looks of the transformers themselves. (Although I hate how I can't tell nearly anyone apart once transformed). Everything I saw leaked on the boards was there, the dog joke, the optimus jokes, however I never really laughed. My friends and I just keep turning to each other and saying, wow this is really really bad! The few lines that tried to link to any kind of transformers past I found myself thinking jeez, that was horrible. I am sure they could have worked in "One shall stand and one shall fall", and "More than meets the Eye", without making my body curl up into a ball and wither. You would think that some familar phrases would bring a laugh or sentimental thought, however they just made me cringe. Not because they sound bad, but because they just really sounded like they were there to try and apease someone who grew up with G1, instead of actually being part of the movie. I also had no idea the Autobots had there own version of the Bat Signal. Who knew? As for Optimus, at least the voice sounded ok. However I must say the way it was modified made Cullen sound more like his intro to Voltron, than the Optimus I remember. Not really an issue considering how many cartoons he voiced when I grew up, but to me I kept thinking Voltron, especially in the opening and closing speeches.

I am not a reviewer, so I apologize for the generalization and lack of more specific details. In the past with friends my review analysis usually broke down as follows, I would buy it on DVD, or I wouldn't. Needless to say I am glad I did not pay for this movie, nor will I ever pay anything to see this movie again. No repeat views, no DVD's, no nothing. Between this and the recently announced (Shittiest idea ever) CN Transformers animated project any hope for something good with the name Transformers on it seems impossible. The biggest let down for me has to be the true potential of this franchise that was lost, and now will never be seen. If this was not based on anything, if it was an original story, and just a one time event, I am sure I could say it was at least entertaining. However, it came out as Transformers, and while I am sure this movie will have its fans, I am not one of them. I look forward to reading the talkbacks once some real reviews come out, however if you use this, you can call me "Primus"

P.S. I can confirm that the Cloverfield trailer will be with this movie. When I saw it I had no idea what the hell it was, until I saw the recent post. I don't know if it will be any good, but I can say it got my interest. I had no clue what I was seeing, and definitely want to know more.

Or this guy, who went to the Australian premiere:

Hey Harry,

This is Emperor reporting you from the Aussie (Sydney) premiere of Transformers.

I watched it in a packed crowd of people of various ages and personalities…

This review contains spoilers throughout. You have been warned.

Let me tell you right now, this is a HUGE crowd pleaser. I actually liked it quite a bit. I honestly did not find a lot of flaws with it. The movie is quite funny and it’s for the very large part intentional comedy. Michael Bay sure does know how to blow a lot of shit up.

The movie drew a lot of cheers and laughs, especially when Optimus Prime first made his grand entrance, amongst other scenes. I think the biggest flaw in the movie is that fast-edited shaky camera approach Bay takes in a lot of scenes. It really pissed me off to the point where it got annoying. I mean there are a lot of big scenes, where you can actually see what’s going on, however, I just don’t understand why these music video edits are still apparent in movies in general, not just Bay’s films. What’s the point? I mean perhaps in a gritty war movie, maybe…like private ryan? But c’mon, transformers is a pg-13 movie for kids and adults alike…What impact are these shaky edits supposed to have, besides annoyance and convolution?

Anyway…this movie is quite pleasing overall, from beginning to end. The film starts off with a brief introduction, voiced by Optimus Prime. After that we get the usual baffling explosions from mike bay in an attack scene at Qatar base…You have the usual government/military officials pacing about, throwing around some technical mumbo jumbo, frantically making phone calls, crowding around some computer screen, trying to decipher the meaning of the events unfolding…Pretty much standard (but decently executed I’d say) stuff. The best thing about this movie is that it really doesn’t take itself too seriously. I think that’s a very strong point with this sort of movie. I think if I heard correctly, Mike Bay even makes fun of himself or at least references himself within the movie (see if you can find it). Anyway, we then cut to this pretty funny scene of this typical, average looking nerdy type guy, played competently by Shia LaBeouf (not sure if he is supposed to be a nerd or not) giving some project at school, which basically builds up the premise of his quest to win the “hot” chick (Megan Fox) watching him with the typical square jawed jock dickhead sitting next to her in class. Even though this is all cliché, it’s really never embarrassing or doesn’t come across as tired. I think Michael Bay really excels in recycling cliché’s and presenting them in a seemingly fresh and entertaining (crowd pleasing) manner in this film. He does, however, take steps back in the movie to actually develop some epic and important themes in the movie, which I think does work for the most part. Yes, some of it rings as pretentious “humans are significant in the universe after all” bullshit, but what do you expect? Just swallow it down and accept it. Moving on, eventually the kid finds out the car (bumble bee) his dad purchased for him is “alive” and seemingly dangerous. There are quite a few good scenes involving this camerro. Eventually bumble bee takes the kids (the guy and the hot chick) to meet his fellow autobot transformers, where we are given a more detailed account of what is actually going on. We get this back story on how the Autobots and Decepticons are at war with each other, in order to find this cube that can prove to be devastating to the universe, if in the wrong hands (Megatron, leader of the Decepticons).

We then find out that basically the fate of the universe resides within these glasses that the nerd inherited from his grandfather (Don’t ask me why). So then we have this tedious (and I must say weakest scene in the entire film) scene where Bay wastes some time on the boy trying to find the god damned glasses in his bedroom. The Autobots are in the backyard, making a mess of the kid’s dad’s garden, which is supposed to be funny. I thought it was a bit lame, especially ‘cause Bay was milking this for the best part of 10 minutes. Okay, the Autobots are big and powerful, and break stuff without really wanting to. We get it. Do we really need to be reminded of this for 10 minutes? It gets old and silly quickly…Get back to blowing shit up please, sir.

Anyway, eventually the glasses are found in this hot chick’s purse and we have a scene involving these “Sector 7” guys, where John Turturro is their head. I am not sure if he is supposed to be funny or annoying or both. Either way, I am not sure if his presence in the film worked or not. I can’t say that he was annoying, or funny. I think he just seemed to be out of place in this film. Either way, he did come across as weird and eccentric. Anyway, soon we move to this top secret, classified place, where Sector 7 has been carefully guarding the frozen Megatron for several decades…Eventually we find out that this Decepticon leader is responsible for much of the industrial and electronic revolutions in human history. Indeed, his discovery is supposed to be one of the greatest ones by Mankind. Is this silly? Of course it is. It’s completely ridiculous and seemingly pointless, but let’s move on. Eventually Megatron is “awoken”, and from that moment forth, the action is loud, big, at times choppily edited, expensive, and ongoing. Overall the action is well directed and we are constantly reminded that this movie is expensive. It’s quite stylish too. You have the typical bay flipping car explosions (he loves that shit doesn’t he?) And then more cars flip…they flip backward, side-ways, semi-sideways, front-forward…You name it, cars flip everywhere from here on in. Optimus Prime reminds the audience several times how precious they (the audience) are, and how the humans are to be protected. He even suggests that he will sacrifice himself (and allow bumble bee, who was captured earlier on by the sector 7 agents to sacrifice himself to a worthy cause)—to save humans. Yeah, I am not sure if this is how it goes in the cartoons (never was much of a fan, although I liked the theme song as a kid), but in any case, this is how it plays out in the movie.

So by this point we have a lot of explosions and decepticons/autobots smashing each other up, while the hot chick successfully manages to save bumble bee from the evil clutches of the decepticons.

There is a subplot (rather funny one I must say) of hackers (hot aussie blonde babe Rachael Taylor and some funny black dude, played by Anthony Anderson). This was one of the crowd pleasing sub plots, because almost every scene that involved him was funny. I guess it’s to be expected that in this sortof movie you will have funny black guys…I mean you have to have at least ONE funny black guy in a Bay movie. So this is him.

We have Josh Duhamel, the good looking army dude, who doesn’t do much except look good and shoot his gun around, mostly missing the target it would seem, although he does have a nice scene where he takes down one of the main decepticons.

Then there’s Jon Voight, playing the secretary of defense of the U.S.A. He is solid as always, albeit bland in this movie. He basically just walks around giving expository/instructional dialogue throughout the film. I don’t see how he compares to Donald Rumsfeld, which is by all means a good thing. I’ve read how he is supposed to represent him in some way…

Well, that’s pretty much it. I mean, in the end, the kid pushes the *magic* Cube into Megatron, who, it would seem, dies. In any case, he is placed under the ocean, in order to hide his (former) existence.

The ending pretty much confirms that there will be a sequel and the fact that this film is a kick-ass movie which implies it will generate heaps of cash, pretty much guarantees there will be a sequel. So now, with the head Decepticon seemingly vanquished, and the cube destroyed, the Autobots decide to stay on Planet Earth, and protect the human race.

In summary, this is the best summer flick so far. I repeat that this is a huge crowd pleasing film. I am not sure if it’s a movie to be watched several times. It is quite exhausting after all that shit Bay blew up throughout the film. I must say, congratulations to Mike Bay and crew for *finally* getting their shit together, and making a pretty good movie on its own terms, be it summer or not. But to be fair, this is a movie that’s hard to go wrong with, given current technology. I actually think the dialogue was pretty decent throughout the film. There were next to none cringe worthy sentences uttered throughout, and that’s a great achievement for Mr. Bay. But Bay really does show some nice scenes here. His trade mark slow-motion shots at odd/unexplainable moments are still there, but not nearly as cringe worthy as the shit he pulled in movies like Armageddon, not to mention Pearl Harbor. Good work sir. I left the theater thinking that this could be *the* movie of Mike Bay’s career. Is it as good as “the rock”? I think that’s debatable. But it’s right up there.

This is Emperor signing out, a pleasantly surprised believer in Mike Bay (once again).

Or this guy, who saw it in Asia:

Hi Harry,

As you know, Transformers began in most Asian countries on June 28, and it's been what I've hoped for.

Finally, this summer has a sequel/remake that is well worth waiting for.

Quick plot summary, energon cube lands on earth and both the autobots and decepticons come here looking for it.

The Good:

1. Robots. Man, they are great. Although their transformation is quite complicated and hard to follow, you are simply mesmerized by it.

2. Action sequence. While the trailers make you excited, they do not show you everything, unless most movies nowadays. Autobots vs. Decepticons. Awesome. Decepticons vs. humans. Crazy stuff.

3. Tempo. We don't waste too much time on back story, unlike most comic/video game movies.

4. Trivia stuff. There's quite a few of them, and it's fun locating them. Although I had to keep explaining to my wife what they mean.

5. Un-Michael Bay style. Although I liked all of Michael Bay's movies, including Armageddon and Pearl Harbor, it was good to not have to see too many of those crane up and down camera movements. Aside from the GM commercial moment.

6. Ending. Cam't wait for the sequel. If sectorseven.org has those dinobots footage, then T2 better have them.

The Bad:

1. Humor. Although I laughed at the stereotypes for what it is, I'm sure that many groups will have backlash about it.

2. Romance. While Sam and Mikaela are interesting leads, the love story seems forced.

3. Music. Not the Bumblebee and Sam and Mikaela part. That was kinda funny. The composed music kept giving me flashbacks of Pearl Harbor, Armageddon, Bad Boys, The Rock. Maybe it's time for Michael to find a new composer.

4. Product placement. Too much. And I was hoping to see Bumblebee as a Beetle.

Well, it's been a fun movie, well worth it. Most of the bad parts are only minor distractions, and all the good stuffs reminds me what summer movies are supposed to be.

That's it for me. You guys get to experience this in six days. Prepare to be transformed.

Best Regards,
Film Addict

Or this other guy who saw it in Asia:

Yo Harry,

Sir Greg in big, bad Bangkok, where we're lucky enough to get movies 12 hours before you guys in 'Merica do. Just got back from a screening of Transformers and below is a short review.

Overall, it's pretty badass, and just what you expect a Bay/Giant fucking robots movie to be - crazy action, flawless effects, rockin' soundtrack. Starts kind of slow and builds to a ridiculously over the top climax (standard Bay) where they nearly destroy an entire city kicking the shit out of each other. The actors all do a fine job - LaBeouf is pretty good - funny and believable as a kid stuck in the middle. Voigt phones his role in and the rest just kind of blend into the background.
My gf really liked it, and when I told her some of the complaints I had from a GEEK perspective, she said "Yeah, but that's something that the average filmgoer - like me - wouldn't understand." She thought they set things up pretty well.

From a geek point of view - I think they fucked with the origin storyline a bit too much, adding some hokey 'magic glasses' subplot that was totally unnecessary. The 'ship in a volcano' origin would have been fine, and it would have explained the 'adapted transformations' a bit better - as it is, the robots just scan something and can immediately (like, IMMEDIATELY) transform into it, which was a bit stupid. Prime's lips.. ehhh, no (and why did he have eyelids that blinked?) And this might sound dumb considering Bay's always being hammered for having cardboard characters, but I wish they had focussed on the robots a bit more. They come with such a cool built-in mythology. The power-struggle between Megatron and Starscream, the Cybertronian War, energon cubes, etc. They touch on most of this stuff, but it's quick, usually in voice-over and could have used a bit more attention.
Scriptwise, it's a bit heavy, with a bit too much 'cutesy' funny moments (some work, some don't). The Anthony Anderson/Rachael Taylor hacker subplot could have been completely eliminated, etc, but it's a small price to pay to see GIANT FUCKING ROBOTS. Overall, it works. For some, it'll work more than others, but it's a fair compromise for all sides of the camp.

I like this one a lot:

Harry, Moriarty…. Quint? VERN!! fellow Ain’t it coolers & whom ever reads. I’ve just seen Transformers and I want to give insight for those who will not see it for another week.

Michael Bay is insane.

But what does that mean exactly? Is the film Good? Well, short answer ‘Yes’. Long answer ‘not really’. But I always felt this way about Transformers. Don’t get me wrong, I grew up on transformers. But something always struck an uneven cord with me even as a child.

In fact, if you seriously ask me, The Decepticons were the good guys and the Autobots just wouldn’t leave them the fuck alone. And when the Autobots rounded up a couple human helpers, that’s when they thought they were really top shit. No wonder Megatron always retreated. Starscream rightfully SHOULD have had his job. Don’t even get me started on the episode where the Decepticons were all getting high while the Autobots spied from the trees. Those Autobots were just closet cases.

Which brings us to the new film. Actually it brings us to the old film. THAT Transformers film was a little out of my league. It wasn’t what I was expecting, to say the least. That’s no ones fault but my own. But for me it just seemed a little too…….

Insane.

Michael Bay is a great film maker. At least, he might be. I’m just not entirely sure. I mean, I loved Armageddon. Shoot me down for saying that, I don’t care. I was in the mood for that film when it came out and I stand by my euphoria. I’ve since seen it and thought it was trash. But I still watched it right through. What does that tell us? Well it tells us that Michael Bay is a great filmmaker, because I don’t watch trash from bad filmmakers.

THIS then is my issue with the new transformers film. Cinematography. This is a hard film to watch. This is a hard film to watch. And on a psychological level when everyone starts to flame this film – and they will – it’s all because of the cinematography. Is it too much to ask for a shot that isn't shaking and so close to the actors face and lasting a little longer than 1 second. At least the slow motion shots get about 2 seconds.

Go see it purely for the special effects. The special effects are, without a doubt, mind blowing. But there was one shot that bothered me, and this is a spoiler... there is a nice fully CGI golden shower in this film. Now THAT raised my eyebrows.

If you use this, can you call me youtube.com/timefilm

All the best

This sort of 733t-speak makes me mental, but since so much of the debate about this film will be phrased this way, thought I’d throw this one in, too:

Hey Harry and gang

Have been visiting ya site for like 10years now, great site, ya have a good fanbase downunder, keep up the good work.

Anyway, this is the 1st time ive written in, and most probably last time too. The reason being i have a review of a huge summer blockbuster that we Aussies seemed to have gotten a week before u guys. Ya see, where u guys r getting the new Die Hard FLACID, we got Transformers, and I must just start off, by saying its worth all ya pretty pennys and I would have prime v megatron any day over old man mclaine v ummm...who exactly? so please...let me enjoy this time...i mean comon, we havnt even got grindhouse here yet

Well, i must say, that I am a huge transformer nut, loved it as a kid, loved the cartoon movie, just loved everything about it. When i read that Michael Bay was doing the live action version, I went mad, and thats mad in a good way. I also love Michael Bay movies, and if that kills my cred as a reviewer, than ya better stop reading right now, cause the rest of this review might get ugly. I felt that he was one of only about a handfull of directors that could have handled this movie. The reason being the ACTION SCENES!! Hes not hunting for an oscar, never ever will even come close, but he blows ya head....clean off, in his action scenes. And that is where tranformers absolulty kicks ass in.

SPOLIERISH stuff ahead

The movie opens with a prime talkover, and i was giggling at hearing the voice "a little older" but prime never the less. Then the barraks scene begins, with the big black hawk chopper flying in and planting it self down in the middle of the army base. All the commanders in the control tower are shitting themseleves, not being able to identify the chopper, then it starts to change and its on.....it totally EMP's the place.....wiping out tanks and people. Totally excellent way to kick a movie about huge robots off.

Then we hit the main part of the movie, the human part. Now, some could say its boring, or kiddie, but to me, these scenes are just plain old fun. Shia labouf, gettin his 1st car, and trying to get laid for the 1st time is actually pretty fun, not brain surgery, or as i mentioned earlier, not oscar contending stuff, just fun. I mean cmon, this is the spike character and bumblebee, and a total hottie for shia's love interest and it totally gets ya through to the good stuff. Theres the usual hijinx attached to this part of the movie, that usually happens in most big blockbusters, and the crowd i saw it with totally were into it.

So this part travels along, add some kind of alien box, an secret government agency and the arrival of the autobots, and ya get up to the part id been waiting for...like 20 years. The fights!!! The battle lines get drawn and the 2 waring sides take it out on each other in the downtown section of the city. This is where bays seal of approval comes. He lets us see giant robots pounding on each other like ya could never imagine. Theres is no one better fight than the other, highlights are prime v megatron, starscream takin out a squadren of planes, and the action that leads to bumblebee loosing his legs. This battle last a good 20mins. The whole way through it i was gettin shivers down my back, and had a huge grin on my face the whole way through it. I felt the voices were good, the CG work totally amazing, and the intesity of the fighting brilliant!

If anything let me down it was how out of no where megatron bit the dust, but im guessing at the previous 20mins of destruction the budget might have been down to speilbergs last 20million or so, but thats cool, i can live with it.

Overall, I saw it with 8 mates, and everyone walked out totally satisfied, and id say 5 of them are def Micheal Bay haters. I would def see this movie again on the big screen. IF anyone decided to read my 1st review to the end, do yaself a favour, just go see the movie, the action wins in the end, and its been quite a while since action ruled the day!

Hopefully u guys enjoyed it as much as I did, Blockbuster of the year so far!

And just in case we aussies get another blockbuster 1st, Ya can call me

Vic!

Here’s another review from Australia:

Hey Harry,

This of course opened in Australia this morning. I saw it with my girlfriend and we haven't stopped talking about it. I'm 30... I had the toys but have no real adult attachment to the whole thing. But fuck me this was one of the most fun, awesome experiences I've had in a theatre for a long time. Wanted to add some buzz, because this thing is going to be absoultely huge and in a week's time a lot of angry folks will be eating crow and making apologies. I wrote this review for a completley non entertainement related site that I frequent so it is very loose and casual because the folks know me. If you do use any of it then call me The Punchbunny,

Thanks-

Luke. (Hey I just watched all of Sealab. Is that supposed to be you? You don't have to put up with that, man).

Holy shit it was an awesome movie. I'm really not exaggerrating- that was one of the most fun theatre experiences I've had in a very long time. The trailers give away so very little- there is so much awesomeness packed into this movie that I left the theatre feeling shell-shocked. I don't even know where to begin...

Okay firstly I'm pissed off that I've read a year of nerds bitching about how terrible this movie will be. There are going to be a lot of hasty retractions in a week. I don't know how anyone, whether they are a hard core fan or not, would not have an absolute blast at this movie. I've heard people complain about every aspect of this film leading up to it's release and predicting what a huge flop it will be and they could not be any more wrong. In fact it's a great indicator of how pissing and moaning about stuff you haven't even seen yet is absolutely foolish and counterproductive.

This movie is going to be huge. This will be the biggest movie of the year. It's like nothing you have ever seen before. It's that same sort of fantastical rush like seeing Jurassic Park for the first time- when you're just looking at the screen thinking "what the fuck am I seeing here?? How is this all happening?". I was abasolutely riveted. There are so many amazing shots and scenes that the filmmakers have wisely kept underwraps until you see it on the screen. This film is many times better than Spider-Man or Pirates. Fantastic Four doesn't have 5% of the action, or characterisation, or heart of this film.

I really don't want to spoil it. I just want you to see it and go on the journey I just went on because it is full of all sorts of fun surprises and jaw dropping moments. Yeah, it all sounded dodgy on paper, but when you see it in action and see how they've handled it, it is all just so much fun. HUGE asskicking fun that just keeps escalating and escalating.

Let me alleviate some concerns:

SHIA- Is actually awesome. He's extremelly likeable in this role, and I'm jazzed he will be Indy's son. He aquits himself very well. You'll want him to succeed and he will make you laugh when you need to and make you care when its important. But his parents are the real surprise. There's a great scene half way through that really works for me. You'll see.

THE DESIGNS- Stills have not done this film justice. In motion the designs are great. In full action mode they are busy but they are very very clear when the bots are casually interacting. The vehicle components are clear. the personalities are present. I never had any trouble at all telling them apart or following what is going on. You won't see all of the autobots assembeld until about an hour in but when you do it is a sight to behold. They look great and they all have significant screentime. You will see Ratchet and Ironhide and Jazz doing all sorts of cool things throughout the movie. These aren't those five second Star Wars style cameos.

And I shit you not, even Megatron looks good. When you see how he is used and revealed and what he does you will realise that the design actually works very well. He is as menacing as all fuck, and his throw down with Prime is brutal and amazing to watch.. in fact the whole last half hour will just blow you away. (And I'm surprised and how in tune with the orignal characters the new versions actually are- there's dialogue and interactions there that do capture the G1 spirit. People have been a little too quick to judge).

The movie is surprising on a lot of levels for me. It's been a Summer of movies where it feels like everythings gotten dumber. Spiderman, Pirates, and particularly FF4 were all really dumb mainstream movies with hammy dialogue and long stretches of nothingness. There's a degree of formula to Transformers, and everyone is chasing after an object that you won't understand or give a shit about, yet there's real fun and freshness to Transformers that you won't find in those other films. Everyone looks like they're having a great time- like they know they're onto something big. And its those little irreverent twists to scenes that would otherwise be cliche that really made this fun. (e.g. when i heard Benrie MAc would play a comedic used car salesman I groaned and pictured the worst. But when Bernie Mac's character responds to his mother with, "If I had a rock I'd bash your head in with it, bitch" I couldn't help but laugh. You realise then, if you haven't already, that this isn't necessarily going to be the film you thought it was).

So fuck the nerd rage. People need to relax and enjoy shit again. (there's some fun nods to the nerds.... Bernie Mac tries to sell Shia a beat up yellow VW Beetle much to the adjacent Camaro's protests, and when all shit breaks loose in the middle, a greasy fat sweaty nerd with a camera excitedly comments that this is, "Ten times better than Armaggedon". Fatty sells it short. It's about fifty times better at least.

I am so excited by this movie. Will see it again in the cinema. It's a great ride. I'm excited for you because you're going to enjoy it.

Here’s Tommy five-tone, an occasional contributor, with his take:

tommy five-tone's take on Transformers:

Isn’t it always the way? You buy yourself a car - a little run-down and beaten-up, sure, but heaps of cool potential - and it turns out to be a robot from a faraway planet.

Oh, and as if that wasn’t enough, it ends up entangling you in a massive battle between two feuding mechanical armies, with the fate of all mankind hanging in the balance. Jeez, and all you wanted to do was go cruising.

Now there’s a very good chance you zoned out at the sight of the words “feuding mechanical armies”. But there’s also a chance that you felt your pulse start to race, your palms start to tingle and your adrenalin level start to rise. In that case, Michael Bay’s Transformers is the movie for you, sparky.
Of course, this movie already has a built-in audience. There’s a whole generation of youngsters - mostly boys, I’m thinking - who grew up playing with toys that had names like Optimus Prime, Megatron, Bumblebee and Starscream.

These were toys that looked like your typical cars and trucks but - ta-da! - transformed into supercool robots with a few flicks of the wrist.

And Hollywood is clearly hoping that the kids who played with these Transformer toys in their youth are now eager to see them brought to life on the big screen, thanks to all the high-tech bells and whistles at the command of Bay, the demolition man behind rock ’em-sock ’em blockbusters like Armageddon.
Bay’s the ideal director for a movie like this - he knows how to make on-screen carnage and chaos look just exquisite, and he’s not especially concerned with minor details like plot or characterisation that might get in the way of his big-bang theory.

In Transformers’s defence, though, a minimum of depth is all that’s really required.

Once you’ve got your set-up (in this case, two robot armies willing to destroy plenty of property as they search for a vital power source) and introduced a few flesh-and-blood characters (in this case, the very likeable Shia LaBeouf as Sam, whose first car turns out to be more than meets the eye), you really just have to sit back and let it rip.

So you’ve got a few terrific car chases, some well-choreographed scenes of desert warfare and a final showdown that starts off exciting and ends up wearying as the streets of Los Angeles are reduced to rubble, all of which will keep the spectacle junkies and special-effects admirers happy.
Unfortunately, when the pace slows down, you’re also treated to a tepid love story between Sam and requisite hottie Mikaela (Megan Fox), some flaccidly macho heroics from military strongmen Josh Duhamel and Tyrese Gibson and some dopey comedy from computer hacker Anthony Anderson.
Luckily, John Turturro is on stand-by to inject some oddball humour into the proceedings with his off-the-wall turn as a slightly sinister secret agent.
But the humans are very much supporting players here. The real stars of the show are the Transformers themselves, and they really are a top-shelf example of the movie’s mega-budget at work.

Not only do they break stuff real good, they demonstrate much more presence and charisma than the majority of their flesh-and-blood co-stars. And they may be compelling enough to kick-start the whole Transformers craze into high gear once again.

And here’s a guy in Australia who really didn’t like it at all:

Mostly Negative Transformers Review

Over here in Oz we got the film early, don’t know how Australia ranks before the U.S. for opening day, must be part of the deal Howard (Prime Minister) made with Bush.

I’m going to keep this a short spoiler free review.

I’m conflicted with this film. I’m conflicted with this director. (Despised Pearl Harbour, loved Armageddon.) There are parts of this film that work perfectly, but I’m afraid, for me and my wife at least, there’re outweighed by the things that didn’t.

The main thing that ruined the experience of seeing massive robots beat up other massive robots was the direction of the action.

This is Michael Bay, who supposedly knows how to make it work. But this is Alien VS Predator all over again. The final battle is shot almost entirely in close ups so it’s impossible to work out what it is you’re seeing. (“There’s an arm there, punching something, think it was Prime. No, someone else. Wait, now someone’s transforming, who is it? No, too quick, already gone.” etc.) It’s like they get a kick out of you guessing what the hell is going on. Then they pull back for a wide, just long enough to let you get your bearings, (“Oh, it was Starscream. Cool.”) Then back into close ups again.

I mean, I understand that sort of direction for special effects that you kind of need to hide. Rob Bottin’s “The Thing” (Carpenter) for example. You show that baby in full light/wide shot, you’ll ruin the illusion. But it doesn’t make sense here! They’ve got the CG mesh! They’ve got the robot. Why don’t you just pull back to at least a mid shot so we can enjoy the film!

And the other thing that really annoyed me was the missed opportunities. There were TONNES of times that something happened and it just didn’t work as well as it could. If they’d done it this way it would’ve gotten cheers from the audience rather than just a murmur.

Quick example. First time we see prime. There’s no build up. There’s nothing. Robot. Then truck. Over. This is the GOLD. Use it! Should’ve started with the wheels, then pull back, we see there’s two sets of wheels side by side. We know it’s a truck, pull back further. (You see what I mean, right? Build it up! Play on expectations! Make ‘em SCREAM for it!)

And that’s another thing. I’m sure I read that Prime DIDN’T have lips in the end. It was a test shot or something. I’m sure I read that. Was it April Fools Day? Was I duped? Cause he’s got a massive set and only loses them in the final battle. (To be honest, I didn't care too much about them, I'm not a die hard fan. I didn't care that Bumblebee wasn't a Volkswagon. Whatever, just make a good film!)

The things that worked.

The opening sequence. There’s a few shots, (wide) where you see the thing from a distance just destroying all in its path. Had me jumping up and down like a kid.

Megatron. The big bad boss is too cool. And his (short) discussion with Starscream is absolutely spot on.

Shia – Thought I’d hate the humans. I ended up caring more about him than I did the autobots. At least the humans were shot in wide shots, not (“Is that Shia’s hand? Can’t tell.”)

I enjoyed it. I did. The plot was wafer thin, but who cares. BIG ROBOTS! But for every great shot that had me smile there were fifty-odd that had me staring at the screen confused and growing increasingly irritated.

What Bay needed to do was take a deep breath. Pick up the camera, move it back about fifty yards, then shoot again.

I’m hoping he does that for the (inevitable) sequel. (Which I will of course see on opening night.)

holden

And, finally, to wrap things up for today, here’s “Yackbacker.” Like Messi, he’s one of the most rabid of the anti-Bay talkbackers, and he’s been quite vocal for the past year or so about why this film most like was going to stink.

His final take on it? Let’s see...

Hey Quint,

I got to see an advanced screening this week. Since I am one of the more notorious haters of this movie going into it, I think it would be interesting to TBers that I really enjoyed the movie! Anyway, here's my review:

Tonight, thanks to my generous boss who felt bad keeping me late at work, I had the opportunity to see an advance screening of TRANSFORMERS. Before I get into my review, let me preface this by saying I am a "Bay hater." I don't like his movies, I think he lacks storytelling skills and relies way too much on gimmicky filmmaking. When he was announced as the director of this movie, I felt like all hope was lost for TRANSFORMERS. Well, this "hater" has a platter of crow to eat-- this movie was really fun.

Like many talkbackers, I read the infamous leaked script last year and found myself completely devastated by its approach to my beloved 1980's cartoon series. Gone were the robots, I feared. In their place, a slew of cheesy, ridiculous human characters infested the film. I took my war against "BayFormers" to the talkbacks-- fighting PharteGodd Prime, ganymede and others in what I believed was "the good fight" to protect my beloved childhood fable. People, I wasted my fucking time.

Let's get to the movie itself- the movie starts with Optimus Prime giving us a broadstroke introduction to the Cybertronian Wars and the search for the Allspark. Starting the movie off with Peter Cullen's distinctive voice set the mood for me. My hate level dropped from the get-go. After a quick scene with the soldiers at the Army base in Qatar, the action kicks in when a rogue helicopter comes in and (you guessed it) transforms into a Decepticon. What read like a very brief action sequence on paper was quite extensive onscreen. The Decpticon wreaks unholy damage on the Army base-- taking out rows of gunships and aircraft as it seeks to link itself to the United States Defense network. The action here was exhilarating. Just seeing a 40 ft. tall robot take down all that property was off the charts fun. After the first ten minutes, I was knee-deep in Transformers. And just as quickly, I was swept up in the fun.

I won't go on and detail the rest of the movie (others can do that, I'm sure) so instead, here's a quick rundown of the major categories for this movie:

ACTION: Without a doubt, this was the movie's biggest strength. It is not a wall-to-wall action movie, but the scenes are properly spaced-out over the entire show. You had your staples- car chases, explosions and all-out mayhem. Some stuff could have used a little more fleshing out (The bulk of the Decepticons show up in the third act and start breaking shit in minutes-- I would have liked to have seen a scene or two building up the tension of their arrival-- like Starscream hunting down our heroes actively). But overall, the movie moves so fast, that you don't think about it too much. And when the third act does go down, it's REALLY satisfying stuff. We're talking robot-on-robot smashing the likes of which you will all enjoy. See, as I was watching this, I thought to myself "this is just fun," The Variety review said it best- you will feel like a ten year-old kid watching this movie.

ACTING: Surprisingly okay. The humans get a ton of face-time here. Shia LaBeouf was well-cast. He's got good comic-timing and he's a likable dork. That's Sam's job for the audience- to be the not-so-cool wide-eyed kid who happens to come across the coolest thing to ever hit this planet. Megan Fox was also holding down the fort as Sam's extremely hot lady friend. She is also likable in her role. See, this is the biggest thing that surprised me about the actors in this movie-- they all had a degree of charm. And that overcame the biggest weakness of this film...

SCRIPT: Yep, I didn't like the script when I read it last year, and its mostly intact in this movie. The script was riddled with cheesy diversions-- things that you usually find in Mike Bay movies. But guess what- I would say that 80% of those "awful" script moments either didn't piss me off or actually were helpful additions to the movie. Let's get to one line that killed me when I heard about it- Prime saying "my bad." It was actually a goofy moment and it worked. I would say that the humor in this movie parallels the "fish-out-of-water" approach that was used for STAR TREK IV: THE VOYAGE HOME. Here we have a bunch of robots who are totally out of their element, like the Enterprise crew coming back to 1986 Earth. That awkwardness made the Autobots charming. It makes sense that they don't know what to make of humans. Prime sees their potential. As does Bumblebee. But the other Autobots (weary of thousands of years of war, etc.) are more defensive. And they don't know what they should make of their situation. But, noble heroes that they are, the Autobots come around and all become devoted protectors of Sam and Mikaela as they help one another survive the onslaught of the Decepticons. But back to the script- I would say that G1 fans will find a lot of things in the movie that evoke old connections to the original show. Megatron is Megatron, despite his awful appearance. Starscream is a non-entity, but again, you get shades of his dysfunctional relationship with his boss. The other Decepticons are all muscle. They don't talk, they just break shit. And while on paper that pissed me off, onscreen, I found myself wanting to get right to the battle. "Bring the rain" was a tagline used a couple of times by our war-worn Army team, and that's exactly what Bay and his explosive-happy crew managed to supply his audience.

ROBOTS: As mentioned above, you get shades of some robots and more personal characterizations of others. Prime and Bumblebee are front and center. The other Autobots are there in less detail character-wise, but if you remember and love the old show like I do, you can easily transpose your memory of those old characters on these newfangled bots. Jazz is some version of an urban stereotype. Ironhide is a "let's blast 'em" warrior and Ratchet is... well Ratchet is kind of a nobody in this movie. Oh well, Bay and Co. did miss little opportunities to beef up the Autobots' interactions. On the Decepticon side, Megatron is pure evil (mostly because Prime tells us so early on). You get exposition showing Megs' bad-assery about midway through, so his eventual appearance is anticipated. I did miss Frank Welker's voice work (Hugo Weaving did a good job, but it just ain't the same, especially with Cullen doing his thing so well). And as mentioned above, the rest of the Decepticons were just chaotic events. Oh, but there is that one guy that got all the screentime-- Frenzy. He kind of sucked but he didn't drag down the show. He is not the Jar Jar Binks of this movie. He's basically one of the Pit Droids from EPISODE 1 on crack. In fact, I think ILM threw in some of the Pit Droid sound FX into the soundtrack for him,

Okay, so here's where I eat crow. Like I said before, I was a hater from the early days-- I hated the script, I hated the robot designs (I still don't like them, but ILM rocked them hardcore) and I hated the cast. And after seeing it all come together onscreen, I finally understood what I was missing: the movie has charm. That sort of thing is hard to anticipate in the face of so many negatives going in. And the same charm is what brought me into the fold as a TransFormers fan back in the 80s. That's why this show, not GO-BOTS, lasted so long. A lot of TBers discounted the "haters" for defending a silly toy-commercial show from the 80s. I took issue with it then and I take issue with it again here in the context of this movie. It isn't robots-smashing-robots that makes TRANSFORMERS stick to the ribs-- it's the fact that the whole package is a fun time. The movie's humor is cheesy, but it fits. The script is not good, but it doesn't drag down the fun. This is a tight, straight-forward popcorn flick. Go with the knowledge that this hater has been proven wrong.

You can call me "YackBacker"-- that's right, this ain't no plant. As Mr. Spock told Jim Kirk "Only Nixon could go to China." This is me telling my fellow haters that you can lay down your arms and rejoice in a fun, eye-popping action-adventure.