Hey, everyone. ”Moriarty” here. Surrender to Michael Bay. I’ll have my own review of TRANSFORMERS up later today, but for now, I’m just going to suggest you wave the white flag and prepare yourself, because resistance is futile. I know, I know... you don’t believe me. I understand. After all, you guys have been ranting in talkbacks for months now about everything they’ve gotten wrong and there’s no way the film works... right? Well, let’s check in with Messi, one of the most vocal of the talkback detractors, and the first of them to see the film:
Damn you Michael Bay. So I'm one of the known detractors of this movie (a dickwad according to Michael Bay). I will address all the issues brought up on AICN. It's a shame all my posts got deleted but I'm back. Transformers has been the most controversial movie on AICN for a while, the threads are always huge, being near Aqu@fag like levels and not being incoherent rambling. Is this movie TINO? Is Michael Bay Damned? All will be addressed but first I want to say this. I always said that I was sure it was going to be a fun summer movie but I didn't just want that. I want Transformers. So is this Transformers or TINO(Transformers in Name only)? Yes and No. I also said that the Nostalgia crowd is the biggest demographic and people (idiot transformers fans on the official movie site (wishfulthinking) and tfw2005.com (redsquadron) and here too) lambasted me for this, saying "get over it, it needs to move forward and isn't aimed at us, it's aimed at kids", well you were proven wrong. I went to a midday screening on a weekday and the theatre was half packed(which means people are interested and for an early screening on a weekday it's huge) and I look around, and not 1 child, everyone was in their 20's at least. I walk out and the line for the next session had 3 kids and then a bunch of adults. This is banking on the nostalgia factor but after seeing the movie, I think I may be wrong in the designs having THAT much of an impact, i'm sure the box office would be a little bigger but it won't take as much a hit, I don't see people being as angry about the flames or Megatron being a tribal tattoo. This movie is Huge. It's probably the second biggest most expensive looking movie i've ever seen after Return of the King. It makes At World's End look like some student Film from UCLA. Michael '12 Action set pieces' Bay Denis knows how to use his cash, which makes my mind boggle at how Superman Returns cost 200 mil when this supposedly cost less, yet this seems as big as the LOTR films and doesn't come off as a Will and Grace episode. This also makes me think that unless there is a Transformers 2 with Devastator (unlikely now, explained later) and the Dinobots, or a Simarillion series of movies or an Infinite Crisis movie, I can't see any movie being bigger than this for along time, not even a JLA movie. Is it a good fun summer ride movie? No, it's a pretty great fun summer ride movie. Totally shits on the other blockbusters out this year and last. I mean I thought it'd be cool and I was excited but I was surprised I had so much fun, that it was such an entertaining movie. I've been waiting 18 years for this movie, Transformers is quite possibly the first thing I ever liked. Before Star Wars, before Superman. The coolest thing a child could ever have was what happened to me, when my dad came home and I ran down the stairs of our apartment block to meet him and he had bags which I thought were groceries but they were Transformers, he bought me bags, bags of transformers, it had a headmaster in it. Awesome. So Transformers means alot to me, and it's not just Nostalgic, because I have seen the cartoon and the animated movie and they are really enjoyable. Optimus Prime was my hero, he is the one that taught me about mortality, when he died, I realized I could die. And along with Superman and Luke Skywalker, he was the first noble person I ever saw. A good guy. Am I converted? Not really, like I said I knew it was going to be fun but I am frustrated at the wasted opportunities. I'll get to these soon. The Bayisms are there, but not as frequent. STOP MOVING THE CAMERA IN NON ACTION SHOTS! If anything this feels like a mixture of a typical Bay movie, an 80's Spielberg movie, a mega blockbuster event movie and a Transformers movie. With a fair bit of comedy thrown in that actually works. The thing with this movie and alot of fans, is that many of us know it will be at least an ok movie, but if you hit the right notes and it's a great movie I will not see it once, but multiple times, like Batman begins which i watched 13 times. Even though it's not totally a Transformers movie or if to you it doesn't feel like Transformers. It's still a really fun movie. However that does not mean that it doesn't have it's problems, and sometimes they get overshadowed by a movie being real good, but the issues always brought up on AICN do stand out at least to me, but it doesn't really take away from the movie much. There are few perfect movies (the two towers, children of men, batman begins, the lives of others, empire and a new hope are perfect in my eyes) but cmon, the dog peeing on the robot? Bumblebee's golden shower? So TINO? Bayformers? Yes and No. The action or BAYHEM is absolutely insane, they do move and look in action as Transformers. Out of all of them, Optimus is the closest one to the Optimus we all know, heroic, noble, a leader.To all the people saying they won't see it(Industrykiller I believe). I think you should because it's a good movie, I mean I was entertained, frustrated at times but Entertained thoroughly. I mean i'm not sure everyone will see it multiple times but to not see it once would be foolish. The CGI is incredible (though WETA is still better, their digital character rendering is still the best), it has already won next year's academy award. ILM has come such a long way, ROTS had alot of flaws in the CGI and the digital characters were badly rendered in some parts. The stuff they do here is amazing. Some of the craziest action sequences i've ever seen. The first time I got the sensation that this will be a big hit is in the scene where Bumblebee fights Barricade the cop car, the first big Transformer fight scene. After a bit of a scuffle Bumblebee drives off with the kids then Barricade transforms and chases them but in that shot when he transforms to chase them, people clapped and some people went 'wooo' because they knew it was going to be a big scene and it was just starting. Thinking about the Bayhem now, I think watching it, many of you are not going to believe the action sequences, they really are impressive and I was really surprised that there is so much action. I didn't think it was possible without having to spend the GDP of a small country, then again ROTK proved me wrong, but really, the action is so constant in one part where you think "surely that must be it" because you think it wouldn't be possible budget wise at least, and then this insane air battle involving Starscream takes place and you think "how the fuck did they afford all this?". Here's some little fanboy things. Jazz does a semi breakdance when he transforms. Optimus says the line which was won in a competition "Freedom is the right of all sentient beings" and surprisingly he also says his mega famous line from the animated movie and it's not "Till all are one". Also this was awesome, Optimus opens part of his chest and you see THE MATRIX! Yes Fanboy joy. The first 2 shots when the movie starts after it's prologue are fine, the third, fourth and fifth shots are pure Michael Bay. That already bugged me. There are alot of Bayisms in the movie, but not as many as I thought, they do stand out when they are on, but at the same time you sort of get the sense that Bay even knows his own Bayisms that he's toned them down. Ie there are those slow mo shots of people moving but they aren't as frequent, but they still annoy me when they are on. But yes I will say it, the first action sequence is very impressive, it's quite incredible, and the fact so many shots are from far where you see Blackout and you can't see the full detail so he looks like a real Transformer, that part does feel like Transformers, that scene feels like Transformers has been brought to life. Did I feel like a kid again? That kid who would rush home in first grade after school(Transformers was popular for a few years) running fast because his father was flirting with the teacher so I walked in 5 minutes late in an episode with BRUTICUS. A few times.... when Optimus makes his grand entrance, it's magical, then the rest of the autobots make their entrance it's awesome to watch because it feels like the old blockbusters. Optimus is Optimus, for the most part, it's the Optimus we all grew up with put on screen, Cullen's voice is different, bassier, more robotic, but he does act and sound like Optimus for the most part. He is a badass when he fights Bonecrusher. Don't really want to say much in his fight or lack of fight(from his side) with Megatron. Shia Lebeouf was good, I mean he does the job, and he does it well, you can tell this kid's going to be a movie star, the charisma etc, I mean. whatever to me, i'm just saying from a general public point of view, this kid will be a movie star. He's funny and that's the main part of his character, he isn't very heroic, he just does things and takes things humorously all pining for the affection of Mikaela, the hottest girl in school and i'm actually surprised that the love story between them isn't as cheesy, they must have worked on it. I thought Megan Fox was hot on TV, and I thought not so hot in print, but she's one of the hottest things i've ever seen in some parts of this movie (Erica Durance beats her though), and she surprised me because she's not a bad actress as Mikaela, I mean she isn't great, her character doesn't have anything to be great, it's a blockbuster of course, but she's not wooden, not sleepwalking through this role. Ie I didn't cringe. And she's hot. The Issues. Wasted Opportunities. First I have to say they don't take that much away from the movie, I mean I know some talkbackers are going to hate this movie regardless and some will see one thing they don't like and suddenly the whole movie is shit. Be reasonable, the good parts are good, the bad parts are annoying. Spider-man 3 was a wasted opportunity, it just bugs me (ha a pun) when people have a choice yet they do something else when there is no reason why it couldn't have been done the other way, there is nothing forcing it to compromise(ie Lucas couldn't do the battle of Coruscant in ROTJ because it just wasn't possible). I mean Venom was totally wasted. But the things in Transformers are minor. The designs. - I hated them when they were unveiled, they aren't as bad onscreen as I thought, but at the same time, I don't see how the original designs wouldn't have worked. They didn't have to be the same, I don't know why people think bringing them to life would mean you'd get 8 cubes. No, I wanted them to be the way these ones were rendered but thicker, think of the dreamwave drawings but with lots of the big metal bits and lines and that would have been great. I say this because there is absolutely no reason why it wouldn't have worked. With these designs, they aren't horrible but it's frustrating because you know the others could have worked too (look at the sideswipe transformation vid aka the fake ILM footage). A few times I and others have said, you won't be able to tell what's going on. It's just more that i'm annoyed by the fact Bay and co did this just because they felt they can, there is just is no reason. I don't see how it's any more realistic. That realistic angle doesn't work, the argument doesn't stick. As long as they look real through lighting it can be real. The only good I see from these designs is that the few times you see them transform, the scrap metal look does look spectacular. Mass shifting. - Ok the first issue addressed was Megatron couldn't be a gun because it's stupid (i'm ok with that but he could have been a badass cannon) and Soundwave can't be a boom box and then the All Spark cube mass shifts? What the fuck man? It goes from being the size of a small warehouse to Sam being able to carry it. So much for the mass shifting argument, they used the fucking thing. Ratio of robots to humans. Human prominent story. - This was a big concern, that it was from the humans point of view and too much time would be devoted to the humans, in the first half, pretty much, but even though the script has it prominently human, the robots figure heavily in the second half and are in it alot more than the script suggests. So there is little to worry about. It's been evened out. The script/Story. - Alot of people have read the script and many have said it's a shit script. It's not as bad as it read, the cheesy parts have for the most part been cut out, alot of other stuff has been toned down(the lake sequence where Sam is trying to pick up Mikaela). The biggest problem I had was the stuff with the government, it's not as prominent as it was in the script, it isn't frustrating, I hated hated those parts of the script, but they seem to have trimmed it down and with the fact the robots get more screen time than originally thought, it doesn't seem as bad. More than meets the eye is used once. Flames on Optimus = nipples on an unnessasery. I don't get it, it serves no purpose. Bay himself kind of spat in the face of fans and said Optimus has flames because he wanted him to have flames. yes I wanted to punch him. It doesn't take away from Optimus visually, it's just the fact it's there, it's stupid. It's unnessasery and I can only think that either Bay loves Flames or he thinks more Toys are going to be sold or more tickets are going to be sold because a human will see it and go 'coooool'. Lips on Optimus = This year's little miss why? He hardly ever has the mouthguard on and you barely see it anyway. That sucks. I hate that. I don't think there was one single shot where you just see him in his glory with the mouthguard up, 80% of the time you see the lips. Now the animation looks impressive and it does look cool, but it's just unnessasery, Why? This is what frustrates me, and what frustrated me in Spider-man 3, just dumb decisions when you have a good decision open to you. The other robots have lips, why not have Optimus just have the mouthguard on? Was it to convey emotion? If you still want the lips, then at least have it on half the time, it's not even that and then you barely see it. You don't see Prime in a single close up shot with the mouthguard on and have him say something, like the original cartoons or it's assuck like follow ups. that's a shame. Megatron. - He looks like ass. He looked like ass on the designs, he looks like Ass on screen. When he fights Optimus at some parts it's cool and some parts it looks like you're in a laundry dryer with a crumpled car. He is brutal though, but he doesn't feel like Megatron, he is just this powerful bad guy, but he doesn't have any character and he definitely is MINO. Which sucks since Optimus was Optimus. He fires a cannon once or twice but you can't even tell. Bay and his team really fucked up on this, it's cool yeah but it could have been alot better. He should have looked more like Megatron and acted like Megatron, Devious Megalomaniac with a motherfucking badass arm cannon ON ALL THE TIME. The closest he gets to megatron is when he sees Prime and says "Prime" like he said in the cartoon, that's it. To the general public he'd be ok, but as a fan we all know he could have been Megatron and also look like Megatron instead of looking like he'd transform into a chandelier. Change for the better is always good, but the Megatron of the cartoon is classic and way cooler than this Megatron, add the brutality of this Megatron to the real Megatron and I would have been overjoyed. The thing is even with all this negativity, the action scenes involving him are still visually impressive to watch. What was the point in getting Hugo Weaving? Why Bay? He doesn't sound anything like Hugo Weaving, only in about 3 words he sounds like him, Frank Welker should have been used because Megatron would have felt more like him with that sneering voice. Megatron's voice = This year's little miss fuck you. Use of music. Bay seems so uncultured at times, doing things because they're cool when in fact they are cheesy, he seems like a very mainstream person, it's as if he's never seen an arthouse film or listened to music on an independant label. Using the musical theme of Oren Ishii from Kill Bill when she walks into the Sushi Restaurant, you know the one, well using that when Bumblebee shows his new do as the new Camaro. Overdone. But there are worse ones. I also noticed that there has been an attempt to imitate the inspiration/building two note motif theme from Batman Begins also known as Vespertillio. I love that theme and how it was used, it makes Batman seem so epic and feel important like something important was unraveling before your eyes. They do a similar theme in Heroes and they do one here too. It's okay, but it quickly gets overshadowed by typical Bay score and of course being a Bay film it also needs to be overscored. There is a small right wing jingoistic line which the secretary of defense says about the soldiers(something like 'they sure as hell don't like to lose') in Hoover damn. Lame. And another Line about bringing them home cut with Bay shots of the soldiers running. Lame. Bumblebee's golden shower. People laughed. I thought it was stupid. The dog peeing on Ironhide. People Laughed. I thought it was forced and stupid. The Bumblebee radio thing. it's tolerable and isn't overdone, what I hated is when Bumblebee finally speaks, he sounds ridiculous. Some high class British guy. I don't get it, what was wrong with Dan Gilvezan's vulnerable voice for Bumblebee? Bumblebee is a great character though, he is Sam’s guardian and tougher than the G1 version but still has that vulnerability and compassion. Ratchet. Why does he have a voice like a creepy English butler? He is nothing like the Ratchet we all knew, RINO. Ironhide is a cowboy but he doesn't feel that much like the badass he was, the one that was itching to get a fight, he is the weapons expert and wants to shoot things but the voice just doesn't fit. He’s actually pretty good, I just wish he was a lot tougher. I hope if they use Cliffjumper they don't do the same to my favourite Autobot Hardass that isn't Grimlock. Jazz is a modern version of the old jazz, so what does that mean? Gangsta. Luckily it's not overdone. I don't see the point in making Jazz have a visor if you don't even see it, I only knew he had one because of the pictures. The tank was called Devastator in the script and was known as a temp name and then was officially called Brawl, then imagine my surprise when he rocks up and in subtitles says "Devastator here". That sucks. How the fuck are you going to have the most badass decepticon on screen and call him by his badass name in a sequel, so much for the constructicons and calling him Devastator. Frenzy is a suckass robot. Who the fuck designed that robot? The way he is used is awesome however, but why couldn't he look more like Rumble, he could have done the same things but not looked like some knife set. The decepticons. They are hardasses, that they are, they aren't as malicious and devious as in the cartoon but they are brutal, the problem is they aren't as devious since they hardly have any screen time, no character, no personality AT ALL, that's fine for the secondary characters that are just there to be pieces for action scenes(Devastator, Bonecrusher), but for STARSCREAM! BLASPHEMY! He shows up near the end(WHAT!!!) and he does have this incredibly awesome flight action sequence, but he looks nothing like Starscream, he acts nothing like Starscream because he only has 1 fucking line. He is brutal though, but all of them are, they are just hardasses and we know they are bad, we are told that and they go to fight the autobots and waste humans but god I hate that Starscream is just another robot with a name that everyone knows(you can tell, in my screening people went 'ooohh' when they show the jet and Starscream says in subtitles 'this is Starscream'). I mean Bay knows Starscream is one of the Iconic characters so why waste him in a character sense, give him some lines dammit. He's the most badass decepticon after Megatron and he's given his screen time action wise and we know he is something more than the other decepticons but say something! He might as well have been that Leader 1 from Go Bots. Megatron does say "you have failed me yet again Starscream" but that's not enough. And his voice is just stupid. SINO GOTTA EAT. Awesome SINO though. The air battle he has is amazing, best sequence of the year. The autobots however are awesome in some ways, and lame in others, lame because they aren't much like the characters we know them as(exception being Optimus) but they do things like in the final battle where they realize it's Starscream who is the jet, Ironhide screams "it's Starscream" but no one knows what that means, they also work as a team, help each other out, act as soldiers(guarding Sam). They also have great weapons and Bay has definitely used his imagination in the mega action sequences. The Autobots have great interaction and are real characters, it’s just the characters themselves(only a few) should have been fleshed out more(Jazz) or been more like G1(Ratchet and Ironhide) because they were in fact better characters. Good lord I have a headache. The crazy transformations and direction. An Evangelion movie is waiting around the corner. I'm laughing at the mega talkback on that crappy Linkin Park theme, don't worry, it's nowhere to be heard at all. Judging by the crowd(those with the pockets), the interest, the positive reaction and the positive reviews, this movie is looking to be Huge and I wouldn't be surprised if it ends up as one of the biggest hits of the year, probably second to Spiderman. Parts of this movie were TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION. And some parts were ASS or Ganymede as I like to call it, but the good outweighs the bad. My views haven't really changed but I really enjoyed it and might watch it a few more times. As everyone else is saying... BRING ON THE DARK KNIGHT.... Cunce (I've toned down on the vulgarities so the review can get posted) Messi
Here’s “Coach Clyde” with his take on it.
I was lucky enough to get into the Zeigfeld last night to see “Transformers”. Not only do I enjoy Michael Bay movies, but I also really enjoy when cars turn into robots and then do karate. A common criticism you¹ll hear about movies of late is that they’re like watching someone play a video game for two hours. And this is very true with Transformers. But the video game you are watching someone play for two hours is fucking awesome. This movie is exactly what you can imagine you’ll get when you have Michael Bay directing a Transformers movie. I don’t really know how to review it. The critics sitting near me had notepads and pens out, but I think they mostly used them to draw pictures of Michael Bay’s gigantic balls because the movie is so awesome. So instead of breaking it down thematically and pointing out the “Prime As Christ” references and the like, allow me to just list some things I noticed between explosions and robot sounds and jokes where robots pee on John Turturro: The plot is similar to what you would have come up with while playing with your Transformer toys in the basement when you were 8. Megan Fox is like a young Jennifer Connelly. If, when Jennifer Connelly was young, she was much hotter and more slutty-looking and not as good of an actress. That guy from “Las Vegas” shoots stuff and runs a lot. And that kid from “Disturbia” and “Boy Meets World” is really good. There are a lot of what Michael Bay thinks are jokes that get their fair share of laughs. For instance, Bernie Mac’s character is given the finger by his grandmother. So, the movie has that going for it. Most of the dialogue is like, “These guys don’t like to lose,” and “Oh... (long dramatic pause) ...my... (long dramatic pause) ...God,” and “Look out!!” The special effects are crazy. And because they’re added into real filmed footage of stuff blowing up and/or exploding, they are about 1,000 times more convincing than the stuff we saw in the most recent Star Wars movies and that new Spider-man, which have action scenes that are about as realistic as watching old animated Count Chocula commercials. *Note that ILM’s greatest achievement is the very realistic animitronic puppet of Jon Voight that plays the Secretary of Defense. The sound design will boggle your mind. And your colon. There is some really annoying boombox named Frenzy or something that is this movie’s Jar Jar. There are a crazy amount of Transformers references throughout the film. In fact, Prime actually says, “One shall stand, one shall fall,” before the final fight scene. Which is pretty awesome. Unlike in Bay’s crappy “The Island”, the big car chase in “Transformers” is not a shot-for-shot remake of the car chase from “Bad Boys 2.” But it is equally as awesome. (That rollerblading nonsense only lasts for as long as we’ve seen it in those clips online.) The character development is usually left to one or two sentences. Like, that guy wants to get home from Qatar to see his baby girl or that guy is a cheapskate or that guy has a beard. There is even less robot character development than there is human character development. And by that, I mean, usually they just put up a title underneath the truck or tank or whatever it is that says, “Bonecrusher” or ”Starscream.” Which, I guess is pretty descriptive of their personalities on the whole, as I know that Bonecrusher mostly just crushes bones so maybe you can’t fault Michael Bay there. So, as you can see, this is Michael Bay¹s most entertaining film to date. With “The Rock” and “Bad Boys” being on one end of the entertaining-as-shit side spectrum and “The Island” and the last four hours of “Pearl Harbor” on the other side, where I want to drive to Michael Bay’s house and key his Ferrari. Now, you certainly could argue that “The Rock” is a better film than “Transformers”, but then you would sound like an idiot because you’d be arguing about Michael Bay movies. In the end, this is a blockbuster built like a blockbuster. Incredibly entertaining, wildly creative, real stupid, and with only one or two spots during the two hours where you can get up and pee. -Coach Clyde
It’s funny... there are people who keep saying to me, “You don’t get it because you’re not a fan.” That’s true... I don’t understand the affection some of you have for the old program, and I’m not sure what’s been changed and what hasn’t. But all I can judge is the movie as a movie, and I think more viewers are in my camp than in the “rabid fans keeping track of every change” camp. Still, it seems like even the hardcore fans are having a good time, like this guy:
Greetings Programs, Geek in the City here in Portland, OR... The accepted home of the Autobots! (Most folks accept The Ark crashed into Mt. Hood)... Anyway, just got back from a Transformers screener... How was the film? Read on... The Transformers – A Spoiler Free Review Well, as spoiler free as possible… I mean, come on, this is the friggen Transformers… How can I spoil a plot that hasn’t changed since 1983…? They come to Earth from space. Autobots are good. Decepticons are bad. They both change from vehicles to robots. They both need this bizarre power source. Decepticons kill humans. Autobots save humans. Some military folks to die and then help the good Autobots defeat the evil Decepticons. Rinse, repeat. Anyway, I was going to attempt some heartfelt Gen X essay about the nature of childhood heroes and memories coming to life. About how Transformers transcended their simple toy line roots and become a cultural icon. Well, enough like-minded writers and VH-1 have done the same, so why rehash it all over again. Face it friends, The Transformers is a movie about giant friggen robots that fight each other and crap blows up in slow motion. Thankfully, Michael Bay and company do not sway very far from this tried and true pattern. Was this film more than meets the eye? (What? This review gonna’ be stuffed with cheese) No, it wasn’t. The Transformers is exactly what you expect… a big ass summer blockbuster with giant transforming robots that beat the crap out of each other, mixed in with some weak (but not annoying) human elements. Transformers is an honest return to the over the top Hollywood blockbuster. While you don’t need to check your Headmaster at the door, you also shouldn’t go looking for any deep thoughts. As much as it pains me to type this, Michael Bay was the only director to pull this flick off. (Although I am certain the guiding hand of producer Steven Spielberg helped a lot). No one pulls off those gorgeous slow motion shots of giant robots dodging and firing missiles like Michael Bay, there simply isn't. Yes, all the cliché "Bay’isms" are there: Everyone walks in slow motion with the sun setting behind. The wind is always whipping through the hair of sexy women. The camera always pans a full 360 degrees while rising from feet to head for no reason. Characters pause to gaze lovingly into each others eyes as the world comes apart. But dammit, in Transformers is just works. It does. There, I’ve said it. Aaron, quit yapping and tell us if the Robots in Disguise kicked ass! Hells yes they did! I’ve gotten past the fact that none of my favorite characters looked like their Hasbro counterpart. Watching the film, I am glad. The robots on screen work. They look 100% realistic and believable. Shoot, The Transformers gave some of the best performances in the film. You genuinely believe the Autobots want to help humanity, just as you genuinely believe the Decepticons want to destroy anything with a pulse. How about ‘ol Optimus Prime? Dude, it was Optimus Prime voiced by the one and only Peter Cullen! The character is fantastic. Prime says all his iconic lines. Each one eliciting a roaring applause from an audience that ranged from 8 to 48… Though the dude to chick ratio was a tad skewed, I know big shock. Shoot, even my attempt to not "geek out" next to a "real" member of the media failed when Optimus Prime (while facing off against the fantastically evil Megatron) uttered… "One shall stand, one shall fall". Come on! It can’t get any better… This was my childhood brought to glorious life!!! What about them humans? Like I said, not as interesting as the robots. Indeed, the robots were more compelling than the humans were. Says a lot about Michael Bay as a director when the CGI characters turn in better performances than the flesh and blood characters. Shia Labeouf has a strong screen presence, just enough pretty boy looks without being annoying, and a good comedic sense of timing. That guy is going to go far and I’m not as concerned about his role in Indy 4 as I was. Megan Fox is hot, um, that’s about it. She doesn’t get much to do other than stand in sexy poses as Michael Bay zooms in tight on her glistening midriff / chest / booty. considered her limited role, she did well. That dude from Vegas was cool and made me want to join the military. (Side note, why doesn’t Michael Bay shoot recruitment videos? That guy makes military life out to be the biggest badass way to live your life… I’m not saying it isn’t, but damn does he make it look awesome and even a little sexy). John Voight looked a little lost and confused. I imagine him wandering around the set asking folks what this movie was about… But, towards then end, he kicks it into high gear and gets to the robot butt kicking. Then we have John Turturro … Wait, that John Turturro? Yes, same one… I won’t give away his character, but he turns in a fun scene or two. As for the rest of the actors, not bad… They help move the story, but don’t get in the way. What more can you ask of humans in a movie about giant transforming robots that beat the crap out of each other? The movie is just fun, pure and simple. This is what I want from a summer blockbuster. I want crap that blows up. I want cheesy, but not gut wrenching, one-liners. I wanted to say "oohh" and "awww" every 10 minutes or so. I want just enough plot and logic to not distract me from the slow motion explosions and transforming robots. I want the good guys to win and the bad guys to get what they deserve. I want love to blossom in extreme events, but don’t get too mushy…No one needs animal crackers on Liv Tyler’s belly (unless I’m the one holding said animal cracker). What I didn’t expect and was pleasantly surprised with was the amount of heart found in The Transformers. You can’t help but root for Optimus Prime and his noble Autobots. Not because you’re supposed to, but because you want to. The same reason why I loved those robotic defenders as a child is the same reason I whooped and hollered as an adult. Go see this film. See it multiple times. Remember how it felt when Optimus Prime gave you simple black and white life lessons… Somehow, against all odds and Michael Bay, The Transformers reminds you how to be a kid, without acting like a child. Is The Transformers perfect? No, it probably isn’t even “good” from a cinematic level… Is The Transformers the best time I’ve had at the theater this summer? Hell yes! Roll out and catch this flick… Just check your damn Gen X cynicisms at the door. Geek in the City gives The Transformers 4 out of 5 Critical Hits! (I would have given it 5 out 5 if we got some Stan Bush or Lion).
And then there’s this guy, who surrendered completely:
Hey Harry, I attended a screening of Transfomers here in Salt Lake last night and, well, I felt compelled to write this. It is not your typical review, but it is from the heart. If you use, my name is Marcus.... More than meets the eye... much more! Alright, how do I begin? How do you put into words the culmination of years of anticipation, speculation, doubt, excitement, more doubt, more excitement and finally an overwhelming sense of “can’t wait any longer!”? This is what has been bothering me all night long. I have sat here with my laptop on my lap trying to find a place to start. I guess I will start at, well, the start, so here goes… As most people who know me know, I am a Transformers fan. I am a product of the 80’s. I grew up, like most kids my age, watching Transformers after school everyday. Let me clarify that I was never the kid who nitpicked the lore. I was never the guy who debated between G1 and Beast Wars. I was the kid who loved the idea that giant alien robots could turn into things that I knew; cars, planes, boom boxes, this is what kept me watching, but as I grew, I realized there was more to them than, well, met the eye. You see, here was an advanced culture, an alien race that, if they wanted to, could easily enslave and control our world and all its inhabitants. Granted, some of them wanted to do just that, but there were some who dedicated their existence to protecting us. Heroes. I know that may sound a bit cheesy, but hey, it was a Reagan era cartoon, and, as most of us 30-somethings know, that is what the 80’s were about, heroes and villains, good vs. evil, right vs. wrong. So, here I am, 30 years old, a 30 year old kid, but still. A bit older, a bit wiser, perhaps a bit more skeptical, but definitely a bit harder to impress, so, when the announcement of a live-action Transformers movie was posted on AintItCoolNews.com just about 3 years ago the kid in me rejoiced while the adult in me said “What?! Come on! Really?” I watched the movie go from rumor to pre-production. I followed the rumors from Robert Zemeckis to John Woo, and finally shrugged and said “eh, interesting” when it was finally announced that Mr. Michael Bay would be pulling this giant, possible catastrophe together. Let me state that I have never been a Bay Naysayer. I liked The Rock. Liked Bad Boys 1, loved Bad Boys 2, dislike the tone of Pearl Harbor, hate the second half of Armageddon, and thought that The Island was fun. I think that his sense of action and camera movement is impeccable (Bad Boys 2 car chase and Jamaican house shoot out scenes, I am talking to you). I watched as the early robot designs started to pop up online. I took them as works in progress. I was never that much of a purist. I knew that things had to change. Let’s face it, you can’t have your main bad guy turning into a giant gun that someone else has to use. I never minded the flames on Optimus, it just never was that big of a deal. I never was that against the new look of the robots because at the end of the day, if you were an advanced robot culture that was thousands of years ahead of anything else out there, wouldn’t you look as bad ass as you could? Sure you would. Also, the first look at the lips on Optimus Prime, not a big deal for me. It made sense because these are NOT robots, they are organic creatures made of metal. Artificial intelligence. They have emotion and feeling. They have to be able to show that and if that helped convey that, than why not. I never understood all the hate that was being aimed at this movie. I would read the comments left by people online and it was so negative, but they all seemed to miss the point. There was never a line between flames on Optimus and, well, let’s say nipples on a bat suit. This was a film where giant robots would be fighting each other on earth! This was a movie based on a cartoon based on toys! It is supposed to be cheesy and fun and exciting. Why all the hatred and doubt? Leave your brains at the door and just have fun, and this was how I have approached Transformers from the beginning…. …but then things changed. I saw the trailers. I saw the TV spots. I was in awe. I was floored by what I saw. This film was shaping up to be a breathtaking spectacle, something new and exciting in a world of rehashed sequels, a new breed of heroes to believe in. What can I say, the kid in me woke up. The hype surrounding the movie started to intensify. The groups were completely polarized. There was no one who was just mildly interested. It became the believers vs. the haters, and it got ugly. I started to read the talk balks and message boards less and less. I wanted to believe. I watched the trailers and TV Spots frame by frame, analyzing the look and feel of this film as best I could 90 seconds at a time. The countdown clock could not go fast enough and the kid in me sat up in bed and stretched. Then, the unthinkable. My friend Sean, a Transformer fan of epic proportions won the Transformer Fanaticon contest and asked me to be his “plus one” on a trip to ILM in San Francisco to go behind the scenes and see how the magic for Transformers was done. A trip to the nerd holy land, if you will. The house that George built, and we were going to be able to look behind the curtain, and the kid in me rubbed his eyes and got out of bed. The trip, OH THE TRIP, what can I say. It was a once in a lifetime experience. I saw things that I never thought I would see. The tour was remarkable, but more importantly, it was personal. Throughout the day, we were joined by the people who worked on the film. Animators who spent hundreds, nay, thousands of hours painstakingly making this film what it is. Guys who were no older than I am. These were fans. Fellow geeks who grew up watching Star Wars and loving it so much that they did everything they could to create that same magic for the next generation, guys who within the walls of ILM were having the same debates that were going on on the message boards online. These guys were not all Bay fans. They didn’t all like the lips. They weren’t all fans of the flames, and believe me, they tried it all. As we sat in the big screening room at ILM, which is something I will take with me to the grave, they sat with us. As we watched scene breakdowns, they watched and explained. They showed us fully rendered 3D models and told us why. They showed us things that didn’t work and what they did to make it better. They gave us an insight to the process that made me gasp. There was so much love and dedication to wanting to get this right, that they put aside what they thought would be best and did what eventually turned out to be what was actually best. They answered every question. We had the debate about Prime’s face plate, we talked about flames, they fielded questions about G1 vs. the new designs, and they convinced me, although it didn’t take much when they showed us a 10 minute reel of footage that brought me to my feet. It was stunning. Absolutely stunning. As I left ILM with a new sense of just how much went into this film, the 100’s of people, the 1000’s of hours, my brain was swimming. I couldn’t really wrap my mind around what I had seen. I couldn’t make it make sense. I had seen Prime in all his glory 40 feet tall and he was real, as real as I had ever wanted him to be. I started to believe that it was all going to be alright, and the kid in me walked to the window and felt the sun on his face. As I sat on the plane coming home, replaying the images in my head. Re-experiencing the whole day again and again, I started to realize exactly what lay in store. I started to get it. It was a movie based on toys, but it was more. It was a second coming of childhood. I remembered how Superman made me believe a man could fly and now, I started to believe that diesels could transform. I know, it sounds juvenile, but why not? This was my childhood rushing back. This was memory lane in full THX surround sound. This was a time capsule reopened in digital widescreen. This was a moment for me and I only had 2 weeks more to wait. The kid in me started to pace in his room. I went the day they were available and bought my tickets for the 8:00 first showing on Monday, July 2nd. They wait was counting down…but then I ran into a friend of mine who works in a local comic book store. My transformer fandom is quite legendary here in town and he asked me if I had my passes yet? “Passes” What passes?” I inquired. He proceeded to hand me passes to an advanced screening of Transformers. All of the sudden, my wait had been cut nearly in half, and the day of reckoning was just around the corner and the kid in me got dressed and put on his shoes. Cut to yesterday, I woke up with a sense of excitement that I had not felt since Christmas of 89 when I got my first BMX bike! It was the day. I had made arrangements with all my family, this was a grand affair. I got there early to save a place in line. Spend time with my fellow geeks. Show time was 7, I got there at 1. The line was forming. These are my people, I thought. I scanned the crowd. 30-something guys wearing transformers shirts were abundant, but how strange, the line also contained teenagers, small children, older couples, people of all ages standing together with a sense of excitement so thick you could feel it in the air. The child in me could barely be contained. When I got into the theatre, the buzz was overwhelming. It was time. It was the end of the road. The moment I had been waiting for. It was here. I was finally here. I sat down and surrounded myself with my family and friends, people who knew what the wait was like for me, people who had literally been tortured with every new announcement and development. It was at that moment that they realized what it meant, what it really meant, because as I buckled in for the show, they realized that I was no longer the jaded, cranky 30 year old, no, as I sat back in my seat and the lights went down and the film rolled, the kid in me could be contained no longer and leapt out and from that point on, I was 8 years old again for the rest of the night. What can I say about the film…? How can I possibly put into words what I saw and felt? I am still struggling. I know that sounds ridiculous. I know it sounds absurd. You may be thinking, “Dude, it’s just a movie!”, but it wasn’t. It was more, so much more. We all know the plot, the source of all the Transformers power had ended up on earth and they have all come to get it, some for Good, some for Evil. Their war, our world, hell it was on the poster. The film opens up with a breathtaking attack and never lets up. I have to say that I have never been in a screening that got this many applause breaks. People cheered throughout this entire film, from beginning to end. The effects were amazing. The look of the film is beautiful. The pacing is great. The actors are all very good. It was everything that I wanted and as I sit here, the film replaying in my head, I wouldn’t even know where to start. The Robots? The action? The plot? Where do I begin? Answer, I don’t. The film opens in 3 days and I am sure that if you have read this, you are a fan and will be going anyway and don’t need me to spoil it for you. Although, I think that there is no way that my words could do it justice. This film is incredible, but it also heroic. It is emotional. It is about good vs. evil, but it is also about understanding and sacrifice. It is about explosions, but it is also about connection. It is filled with action and excitement, but it also filled with love and respect. Sure, this is a movie where giant alien robots come to earth and blow stuff up, it is about things that transform, but it is more, it is an opportunity to be transformed yourself. Transformed to a simpler time where flames and lips and new concepts weren’t that big of a deal. It is a chance to be transformed to a time when mouth made sound effects were enough. A time when my Mom’s broom was the best lightsaber around. A time when my own imagination was the best special effects studio in the world. A time when innocents was innovation. I know that a lot of you are skeptical. I know that there are people who want to hate this movie, and you know what, you will. You will find things to nitpick and complain about. You will see things that you don’t think look real. You will laugh. You may even leave the theatre pissed off, but you will be missing the point. It isn’t meant to Best Picture next year. This film isn’t supposed to be historically accurate, because the history of this film lives inside the personal experience of every kid who played with these toys in his backyard. This film is not meant to be analyzed and cross-examined, it is meant to entertain and amaze. I think that this film will affect us differently. It will be the great action movie that you are expecting. It will be funny. It will make you cheer. It may even make you cry, but if you’re lucky, and I feel lucky today, it will make you believe. I implore all of you to walk into this film looking through the eyes that you had when you were just a kid. I did, and I walked out of that theatre in awe. I believed again. I looked twice at every car on the way home, hoping to see something out of the ordinary. I looked at every diesel, hoping that I would be the next one to be chosen. I wanted it to be real, and to the child in me, it was, and that is all that really matters. So here I am, at home. The show is over and it is late. I am sure that this is not the review you all expected. Don’t worry, next week we can all hang out and discuss specifics. We can talk about the fights and the scenes that made us cheer, but for right now I am exhausted and need to get some sleep. I wish this same experience for you all. …and the kid in me drifts to sleep with a big smile on his face. m.
Maybe lowered expectations are a good thing. This guy walked into it expecting nothing, and got...
Hey Harry, I've been a reader on your site for a while now, and just wanted to say to everyone keep up the good work. This site has become my go to for movie news, and I can't thank you enough for that. I got to see an advance screening of Transformers last night at the Regal on 42nd Street in Manhattan. It was hosted by one of the NYC radio stations, KROCK I think. Anyways, I wasn't even aware of this until my roomate gave me his ticket for it. He couldn't go due to school issues, so he let me go in his stead. Anyways, here is my first review... Now I've been a Transformers fan ever since I was a wee child. The cartoon movie came out the year I was born, but I remember goin to the video store with my Pops when I was around 4 or 5 and renting that movie every week. I loved it! As a kid, I thought the movie was so epic, it really shaped a lot of my childhood. Then about 2 years ago I heard that they were making a live action Transformers movie. Needless to say I was intrigued. I didn't have high expectations for this movie, even when I saw the kick ass trailers. I love Micheal Bay as a guy who can make shit go BOOM, but I, like many others, feel that all of his movies underachieve. And so far this summer has been filled with movies that have already let my hopes down. Underwhelming sequel after underwhelming sequel. This is why I was hoping that Transformers would amount to something, and boy it sure did. This movie is fuckin balls to the wall amazing. It is the most entertaining film I've seen in a very long time, and I'm going to go see it again. Not since Casino Royale has a movie compelled me enough to go check it out again, but this movie is so worth the price of admission. The action sequences throughout are Bay-ified, and you gotta admit this guy knows how to shoot action scenes. I particularly liked the last battle sequence, when after all the tension that Bay has built up, it climaxes and a full out fuckin war erupts between Autobots and Decepticons in a southwestern city with humans in the middle of it. When the action went to slow mo and you just see these huge robotic entities spinning around in midair, why it's enough to make a Transformer fanboy like myself get a chubby. Like others have already stated, the transformations are sooooo sick. I mean, the first time you see it happen, you will just sit there in awe. It looks so fluid and natural that it makes your jaw drop. Acting throughout is pretty good, the notables being Josh Duhamel as the no-nonsense military guy who wants to take these things out, and Shia Labeouf, who I thought practically stole the show from his huge robotic counterparts. I didn't think the movie was going to be this funny, but there were many scenes, most of them involving Shia, that I was laughing my ass off at. The kid has got talent, and I'm already excited to see him in next year's Indy IV. And great move by Bay and the producers to bring back Peter Cullen as the voice to Optimus, it might not seem like a big deal but this move satisfied fanboys everywhere. When Optimus spoke, the whole crowd in the theater was silent. I mean, if somebody else did Prime, it just wouldn't of been the same. Of course, it is a Michael Bay movie, so there are plot holes and some cheesy lines of dialog. But, strange thing is, it doesn't matter that much to me in this movie. I mean, there are GIANT FUCKIN ROBOTS SHOOTING MISSLES AND BULLETS AND BODY SLAMMING EACH OTHER!!!!!! This is a movie that you can't take seriously, there isn't an ounce of realism in giant alien robots coming to Earth in search of their sacred power source. You just gotta accept it for what it is, and it is a very, very entertaining summer flick that almost anyone should enjoy. It's got a little something for everybody. I could go on and on, but I don't want to repeat what others have already said. This movie will blow your mind, and in my opinion it's the only movie this summer that has lived up to the hype. So I would like to end by thanking Michael Bay for not screwing up my childhood vision of Transformers. He created a movie that all Transformer fans, new and old, will love. If you use this, call me Teh Decimator. Till next time......
Now, if you’ve been following our posts about CLOVERFIELD, the top-secret JJ Abrams film, then you know that the film’s going to have its first trailer attached to TRANSFORMERS. I’m getting letters from people reacting to the trailer almost as enthusiastically as the movie itself. Check this out:
Moriarty, I attended a Transformers sneak preview last night in Scottsdale, Arizona and wanted to tell you that, sure enough, you were right about the Cloverfield trailer. It was the first preview that played. While I'm sure plenty of people will continue to write in with their take on Bay's latest, I wanted to give you the play by play of this amazing new trailer. The entire thing takes place from the perspective of a party goer with a camera, waiting to surprise their friend, Rob. It's basically a nice, big bon voyage party between friends. The entire thing feels incredibly real and like plenty of parties I've been to myself--people mingle, munch on chips, chatter, etc. Rob arrives, everyone yells surprise, the camera person interviews people for anything they have to say to Rob before he leaves. After probably 30 seconds or a little longer, the apartment shakes, the lights flicker, people scream and head to the roof. A crowd approaches the edge of the roof immediately as a massive explosion miles away takes place. People scream and start scrambling back to the stairs. Right before they enter the stairwell, something like a comet (a piece of the previous explosion) comes flying near the people and the roof. The camera is very jumpy and cuts in and out as people make their way down a darkened stairwell to the street. At this point, I can't remember if the screen cuts to black and says "From producer JJ Abrams..." or if that happens once they're all on the ground. Either way, it's at a good moment and is the first inkling as to what we're watching. Once on the ground, some people are running in hysteria while others look into the distance trying to figure what's happening. Pieces of the explosion start flying towards the ground and hitting buildings all around. The people that were just looking into the distance finally start moving. At that moment, a massive piece of the explosion starts heading towards the camera. It flies right by and skids down the middle of the city street, hitting some people along the way. The piece finally slows down, rocks back towards the camera, and there she is--Lady Liberty's face, in flames and destroyed. Cut to black. Hitting theatres January 2008 (I think it was 01/18/08). In my opinion this is one of the most effective trailers I've ever seen. It's not polished like most big budget film trailers, but it felt huge. It had people in the theatre chattering, wondering what the heck this is and when it's coming. The entire trailer had a verisimilitude to it. It felt like it was happening... like we were there. In short, it did it's job and then some. Surprisingly, they didn't say what the name of the film was in the trailer. Whatever it's called in the end though, I'm there. This preview had me more tense and excited than anything I saw in Transformers. And heck, I even liked Transformers in all its Bayish ridiculousness. If you use this, call me ThatGuy.
Here’s another guy who was spurred to write in after his viewing:
Hey Guys, This is the first review I have ever done, so bear with me. I was in attendance last night at the Hasbro Transformers charity premiere event (It was in support of 4 different local Rhode Island Charities) and I must say it was an amazing experience for me; I have never been to such an event! Upon entering the theater, we were redirected to the back of the theater where a red carpet welcomed us into an archway with a large Optimus Prime stand up to the left and the Transformers logo above the door. Inside the pre-party there were tables with plenty of food and drink on the house, in the corner it looks like pictures were being taken and it turned out the lovely Rachael Taylor and Tyrese Gibson. Anyway, the even was fun and totally sponsored by Hasbro, so kudos to them for doing such a great job. As for the film, it’s EXCELLENT. It’s everything you could want from an adaptation of an 80’s cartoon. I am sure you’ll be getting several reviews with specific details on the story and plot, so I wanted to state some points that I know true Transformers fans would want to know (being a regular on the Transformers message boards, I know a lot of people who hold this property dear fear for the quality of this film.) All the Autobots are EXCELLENT representations of the G1 counterparts. All of Prime’s qualities from the original animated series are in tact. Leader, Warrior, Peacekeeper and always humble ready to do what’s necessary in his actions The Decepticons do get gypped a bit on screen time. However when they make their respective appearances, it’s awesome. They lay EVERYTHING to waste in their ruthless nature. Blackout (the helicopter) has an excellent sequence very early in the movie as he takes out the military base in Qatar in an attempt to hack into the government’s national defense network to find a lead on discovering Megatron who was lost in the artic in a solo search for the allspark cube. Each evil bot get’s their own scene to show off their transformations and stir up trouble. Starscream, Devastator (the tank, which was originally supposed to be called Brawl) and Megatron don’t really get to do much until the 30 minute melee at the end. And Frenzy and Scorponok, the two cons that eject from the other bots have great scenes, but easily you can tell these were put in place for kids. All the voices of the bots are great. Peter Cullen does an excellent job returning to the voice of Optimus Prime, and while it’s a little deeper in tone its still very much Peter Cullen. Hugo Weaving seemed like a decent choice for Megatron, although we all wanted the original Megatron Frank Welker, Hugo does an excellent job and they filter his voice well enough to give a good supplement to the ruler of the Decepticons. All the Autobots are given the chance to be very vocal, and for the most part so do most of the Cons too. The humans do a great job of helping the story along and are quite funny too. I heard a lot of people who felt opposed to having Bernie Mac and Anthony Anderson in there, but their roles work and they are HILLARIOUS. Especially the little bit between Bernie Mac and his mammy, its just plain funny. The ending is sort of bleak, which gives it a kind of Empire Strikes Back feel, the battle was won (at a cost), but the war is far from over. And be sure to stay during the credits to check out a few cool tags they added. All in all Transformers is a great summer action popcorn flick, much better than any of the other highly anticipated movies this year so far and I could see this making A LOT of money as its truly a film for almost all ages. Actress Rachael Taylor herself said it while introducing the film; she said she hadn’t been blown away or in awe of such a marvelous film since the first Jurassic Park . I whole heartedly agree. I have proof of attendance if necessary; I’ll send a scan of my commemorative ticket from last night. If you use this, Call me “Optimus John”.
And, look, even with this sort of glowing recommendation pouring in, it’s obvious the film’s not perfect. This guy’s able to sort out what he thinks of both the good and the bad fairly clearly:
Im a longtime reader, first time writer to the site. I am an absolute movie geek in every sense, but I have never had the chance to see movies early due to my location (hence never having sent in a review). However, let me give some background on how I managed to see Transformers. Considering that an employee just got fired over this, I will try to be as vague as possible when I explain how I saw the movie and how I will see other’s early in the future. Long story short, over the summer I got a job with a prominent radio broadcasting company that sponsors screenings locally a couple days to a few weeks before the movie is released. Transformers happened to be screening yesterday, Thursday the 28th. So if anybody wants to questions my credibility, considering I am a first time writer, there’s your explanation. Now, onto the review… Let me preface this by saying I grew up with Transformers, had every single toy, and was a huge fanboy. I never read the comics, but I did watch the cartoons and I own the movie. My connection is that with G1, however, I understand that plot elements, designs, etc. need to be changed for a movie adaptation of any sort. Especially with subject matter such as this, watching big blocky robots running around looking like they did in my childhood would look silly. I feel that when your trying to make a summer blockbuster, like Michael Bay, there needs to be a sense of realism in order to feel genuinely frightened, excited, or any other emotion that the film tries to evoke. I’ll be the first to admit (and hold the veggies, please) that I like Michael Bay, but that’s not to say I don’t hate his shortcomings. He is pitiful when it comes to character interaction and uses tons of clichés to draw emotion out of the audience. However, when it comes to action, he is top notch, and what I most enjoy is how he bases his set pieces around live-action stunts, and then uses CGI to fill in the gaps. Again, this adds more realism. I know I am taking long to get to the actual movie, but I want people to know where I am coming from. So, how was it? Awesome. The action scenes are top notch and the special effects are a spectacle to the likes that nobody has ever seen. When Transformers begins, it gets started right away with Blackout terrorizing Qatar, leaving no survivors except a select group of soldiers (Josh Duhamel and Tyrese Gibson). However, the movie then shifts to the human element, focusing on Sam Witwicky (Shia Lebeouf), and his infatuation with getting a car and his dream girl, Mikaela (Megan Fox). Skip a couple scenes, and he has Bumblebee saving him from Barricade and the movie starts to pick up. Sam eventually meets the other Autobots, Optimus Prime included, and he discovers that his great, great grandfather actually discovered Megatron in the polar icecaps, and his glasses (which Sam is trying to sell on E-Bay) have been imprinted with the location of the Allspark (energy source for the transformers, think energon cubes, only one, big, main one). Save a few scenes, Sam, his parents, Mikaela, and Bumblebee are transported to Sector 7, a top secret government agency that resides inside the Hoover Dam, where they have cryogenically frozen Megatron and are holding the Allspark. To me, the part of the movie described above contained much more of the human element than Michael Bay action sequences. There is a lot of humor in the movie. When I heard this was the case, I expected a couple jokes here and there, kind of like Independence Day. However, that type of humor (short, intelligent quips and responses) is completely reserved for Shia Lebeouf, who pulls it off wryly with a dry sense of humor that works great. His portrayal of Sam is excellent and he really carries the movie. The rest of the movie’s humor, though, sadly is very cheesy. Some of the dialogue by the Autobots attempting to be humorous is downright awful (I didn’t think I would mind Optimus Prime saying “my bad,” but it really got to me). I loved John Turturro as the main Sector 7 agent, and plays his character tongue-in-cheek, like he has a self-realization of how ridiculous he is. He was absolutely hilarious (especially when he has to strip to his underwear, I won’t ruin that for you), but there’s one problem… that type of humor did not belong in this type of movie. A lot of the humor didn’t in my opinion. I wanted it to be funny, but not cheesy kiddy funny, but smart adult funny. Sadly, the humor is hit or miss. When it hits, it’s great