Hey, everyone. ”Moriarty” here.

Surrender to Michael Bay.

I’ll have my own review of TRANSFORMERS up later today, but for now, I’m just going to suggest you wave the white flag and prepare yourself, because resistance is futile.

I know, I know... you don’t believe me. I understand. After all, you guys have been ranting in talkbacks for months now about everything they’ve gotten wrong and there’s no way the film works... right?

Well, let’s check in with Messi, one of the most vocal of the talkback detractors, and the first of them to see the film:

Damn you Michael Bay.

So I'm one of the known detractors of this movie (a dickwad according to Michael Bay). I will address all the issues brought up on AICN. It's a shame all my posts got deleted but I'm back.

Transformers has been the most controversial movie on AICN for a while, the threads are always huge, being near Aqu@fag like levels and not being incoherent rambling. Is this movie TINO? Is Michael Bay Damned? All will be addressed but first I want to say this. I always said that I was sure it was going to be a fun summer movie but I didn't just want that. I want Transformers. So is this Transformers or TINO(Transformers in Name only)? Yes and No. I also said that the Nostalgia crowd is the biggest demographic and people (idiot transformers fans on the official movie site (wishfulthinking) and tfw2005.com (redsquadron) and here too) lambasted me for this, saying "get over it, it needs to move forward and isn't aimed at us, it's aimed at kids", well you were proven wrong. I went to a midday screening on a weekday and the theatre was half packed(which means people are interested and for an early screening on a weekday it's huge) and I look around, and not 1 child, everyone was in their 20's at least. I walk out and the line for the next session had 3 kids and then a bunch of adults. This is banking on the nostalgia factor but after seeing the movie, I think I may be wrong in the designs having THAT much of an impact, i'm sure the box office would be a little bigger but it won't take as much a hit, I don't see people being as angry about the flames or Megatron being a tribal tattoo.

This movie is Huge. It's probably the second biggest most expensive looking movie i've ever seen after Return of the King. It makes At World's End look like some student Film from UCLA. Michael '12 Action set pieces' Bay Denis knows how to use his cash, which makes my mind boggle at how Superman Returns cost 200 mil when this supposedly cost less, yet this seems as big as the LOTR films and doesn't come off as a Will and Grace episode. This also makes me think that unless there is a Transformers 2 with Devastator (unlikely now, explained later) and the Dinobots, or a Simarillion series of movies or an Infinite Crisis movie, I can't see any movie being bigger than this for along time, not even a JLA movie.

Is it a good fun summer ride movie? No, it's a pretty great fun summer ride movie. Totally shits on the other blockbusters out this year and last. I mean I thought it'd be cool and I was excited but I was surprised I had so much fun, that it was such an entertaining movie. I've been waiting 18 years for this movie, Transformers is quite possibly the first thing I ever liked. Before Star Wars, before Superman. The coolest thing a child could ever have was what happened to me, when my dad came home and I ran down the stairs of our apartment block to meet him and he had bags which I thought were groceries but they were Transformers, he bought me bags, bags of transformers, it had a headmaster in it. Awesome. So Transformers means alot to me, and it's not just Nostalgic, because I have seen the cartoon and the animated movie and they are really enjoyable. Optimus Prime was my hero, he is the one that taught me about mortality, when he died, I realized I could die. And along with Superman and Luke Skywalker, he was the first noble person I ever saw. A good guy.

Am I converted? Not really, like I said I knew it was going to be fun but I am frustrated at the wasted opportunities. I'll get to these soon.

The Bayisms are there, but not as frequent. STOP MOVING THE CAMERA IN NON ACTION SHOTS! If anything this feels like a mixture of a typical Bay movie, an 80's Spielberg movie, a mega blockbuster event movie and a Transformers movie. With a fair bit of comedy thrown in that actually works.

The thing with this movie and alot of fans, is that many of us know it will be at least an ok movie, but if you hit the right notes and it's a great movie I will not see it once, but multiple times, like Batman begins which i watched 13 times. Even though it's not totally a Transformers movie or if to you it doesn't feel like Transformers. It's still a really fun movie. However that does not mean that it doesn't have it's problems, and sometimes they get overshadowed by a movie being real good, but the issues always brought up on AICN do stand out at least to me, but it doesn't really take away from the movie much. There are few perfect movies (the two towers, children of men, batman begins, the lives of others, empire and a new hope are perfect in my eyes) but cmon, the dog peeing on the robot? Bumblebee's golden shower? So TINO? Bayformers? Yes and No. The action or BAYHEM is absolutely insane, they do move and look in action as Transformers. Out of all of them, Optimus is the closest one to the Optimus we all know, heroic, noble, a leader.To all the people saying they won't see it(Industrykiller I believe). I think you should because it's a good movie, I mean I was entertained, frustrated at times but Entertained thoroughly. I mean i'm not sure everyone will see it multiple times but to not see it once would be foolish.

The CGI is incredible (though WETA is still better, their digital character rendering is still the best), it has already won next year's academy award. ILM has come such a long way, ROTS had alot of flaws in the CGI and the digital characters were badly rendered in some parts. The stuff they do here is amazing. Some of the craziest action sequences i've ever seen. The first time I got the sensation that this will be a big hit is in the scene where Bumblebee fights Barricade the cop car, the first big Transformer fight scene. After a bit of a scuffle Bumblebee drives off with the kids then Barricade transforms and chases them but in that shot when he transforms to chase them, people clapped and some people went 'wooo' because they knew it was going to be a big scene and it was just starting. Thinking about the Bayhem now, I think watching it, many of you are not going to believe the action sequences, they really are impressive and I was really surprised that there is so much action. I didn't think it was possible without having to spend the GDP of a small country, then again ROTK proved me wrong, but really, the action is so constant in one part where you think "surely that must be it" because you think it wouldn't be possible budget wise at least, and then this insane air battle involving Starscream takes place and you think "how the fuck did they afford all this?".

Here's some little fanboy things. Jazz does a semi breakdance when he transforms. Optimus says the line which was won in a competition "Freedom is the right of all sentient beings" and surprisingly he also says his mega famous line from the animated movie and it's not "Till all are one". Also this was awesome, Optimus opens part of his chest and you see THE MATRIX! Yes Fanboy joy.

The first 2 shots when the movie starts after it's prologue are fine, the third, fourth and fifth shots are pure Michael Bay. That already bugged me. There are alot of Bayisms in the movie, but not as many as I thought, they do stand out when they are on, but at the same time you sort of get the sense that Bay even knows his own Bayisms that he's toned them down. Ie there are those slow mo shots of people moving but they aren't as frequent, but they still annoy me when they are on. But yes I will say it, the first action sequence is very impressive, it's quite incredible, and the fact so many shots are from far where you see Blackout and you can't see the full detail so he looks like a real Transformer, that part does feel like Transformers, that scene feels like Transformers has been brought to life. Did I feel like a kid again? That kid who would rush home in first grade after school(Transformers was popular for a few years) running fast because his father was flirting with the teacher so I walked in 5 minutes late in an episode with BRUTICUS. A few times.... when Optimus makes his grand entrance, it's magical, then the rest of the autobots make their entrance it's awesome to watch because it feels like the old blockbusters.

Optimus is Optimus, for the most part, it's the Optimus we all grew up with put on screen, Cullen's voice is different, bassier, more robotic, but he does act and sound like Optimus for the most part. He is a badass when he fights Bonecrusher. Don't really want to say much in his fight or lack of fight(from his side) with Megatron.

Shia Lebeouf was good, I mean he does the job, and he does it well, you can tell this kid's going to be a movie star, the charisma etc, I mean. whatever to me, i'm just saying from a general public point of view, this kid will be a movie star. He's funny and that's the main part of his character, he isn't very heroic, he just does things and takes things humorously all pining for the affection of Mikaela, the hottest girl in school and i'm actually surprised that the love story between them isn't as cheesy, they must have worked on it.

I thought Megan Fox was hot on TV, and I thought not so hot in print, but she's one of the hottest things i've ever seen in some parts of this movie (Erica Durance beats her though), and she surprised me because she's not a bad actress as Mikaela, I mean she isn't great, her character doesn't have anything to be great, it's a blockbuster of course, but she's not wooden, not sleepwalking through this role. Ie I didn't cringe. And she's hot.

The Issues.

Wasted Opportunities. First I have to say they don't take that much away from the movie, I mean I know some talkbackers are going to hate this movie regardless and some will see one thing they don't like and suddenly the whole movie is shit. Be reasonable, the good parts are good, the bad parts are annoying. Spider-man 3 was a wasted opportunity, it just bugs me (ha a pun) when people have a choice yet they do something else when there is no reason why it couldn't have been done the other way, there is nothing forcing it to compromise(ie Lucas couldn't do the battle of Coruscant in ROTJ because it just wasn't possible). I mean Venom was totally wasted. But the things in Transformers are minor.

The designs. - I hated them when they were unveiled, they aren't as bad onscreen as I thought, but at the same time, I don't see how the original designs wouldn't have worked. They didn't have to be the same, I don't know why people think bringing them to life would mean you'd get 8 cubes. No, I wanted them to be the way these ones were rendered but thicker, think of the dreamwave drawings but with lots of the big metal bits and lines and that would have been great. I say this because there is absolutely no reason why it wouldn't have worked. With these designs, they aren't horrible but it's frustrating because you know the others could have worked too (look at the sideswipe transformation vid aka the fake ILM footage). A few times I and others have said, you won't be able to tell what's going on. It's just more that i'm annoyed by the fact Bay and co did this just because they felt they can, there is just is no reason. I don't see how it's any more realistic. That realistic angle doesn't work, the argument doesn't stick. As long as they look real through lighting it can be real. The only good I see from these designs is that the few times you see them transform, the scrap metal look does look spectacular.

Mass shifting. - Ok the first issue addressed was Megatron couldn't be a gun because it's stupid (i'm ok with that but he could have been a badass cannon) and Soundwave can't be a boom box and then the All Spark cube mass shifts? What the fuck man? It goes from being the size of a small warehouse to Sam being able to carry it. So much for the mass shifting argument, they used the fucking thing.

Ratio of robots to humans. Human prominent story. - This was a big concern, that it was from the humans point of view and too much time would be devoted to the humans, in the first half, pretty much, but even though the script has it prominently human, the robots figure heavily in the second half and are in it alot more than the script suggests. So there is little to worry about. It's been evened out.

The script/Story. - Alot of people have read the script and many have said it's a shit script. It's not as bad as it read, the cheesy parts have for the most part been cut out, alot of other stuff has been toned down(the lake sequence where Sam is trying to pick up Mikaela). The biggest problem I had was the stuff with the government, it's not as prominent as it was in the script, it isn't frustrating, I hated hated those parts of the script, but they seem to have trimmed it down and with the fact the robots get more screen time than originally thought, it doesn't seem as bad. More than meets the eye is used once.

Flames on Optimus = nipples on an unnessasery. I don't get it, it serves no purpose. Bay himself kind of spat in the face of fans and said Optimus has flames because he wanted him to have flames. yes I wanted to punch him. It doesn't take away from Optimus visually, it's just the fact it's there, it's stupid. It's unnessasery and I can only think that either Bay loves Flames or he thinks more Toys are going to be sold or more tickets are going to be sold because a human will see it and go 'coooool'.

Lips on Optimus = This year's little miss why? He hardly ever has the mouthguard on and you barely see it anyway. That sucks. I hate that. I don't think there was one single shot where you just see him in his glory with the mouthguard up, 80% of the time you see the lips. Now the animation looks impressive and it does look cool, but it's just unnessasery, Why? This is what frustrates me, and what frustrated me in Spider-man 3, just dumb decisions when you have a good decision open to you. The other robots have lips, why not have Optimus just have the mouthguard on? Was it to convey emotion? If you still want the lips, then at least have it on half the time, it's not even that and then you barely see it. You don't see Prime in a single close up shot with the mouthguard on and have him say something, like the original cartoons or it's assuck like follow ups. that's a shame.

Megatron. - He looks like ass. He looked like ass on the designs, he looks like Ass on screen. When he fights Optimus at some parts it's cool and some parts it looks like you're in a laundry dryer with a crumpled car. He is brutal though, but he doesn't feel like Megatron, he is just this powerful bad guy, but he doesn't have any character and he definitely is MINO. Which sucks since Optimus was Optimus. He fires a cannon once or twice but you can't even tell. Bay and his team really fucked up on this, it's cool yeah but it could have been alot better. He should have looked more like Megatron and acted like Megatron, Devious Megalomaniac with a motherfucking badass arm cannon ON ALL THE TIME. The closest he gets to megatron is when he sees Prime and says "Prime" like he said in the cartoon, that's it. To the general public he'd be ok, but as a fan we all know he could have been Megatron and also look like Megatron instead of looking like he'd transform into a chandelier. Change for the better is always good, but the Megatron of the cartoon is classic and way cooler than this Megatron, add the brutality of this Megatron to the real Megatron and I would have been overjoyed. The thing is even with all this negativity, the action scenes involving him are still visually impressive to watch.

What was the point in getting Hugo Weaving? Why Bay? He doesn't sound anything like Hugo Weaving, only in about 3 words he sounds like him, Frank Welker should have been used because Megatron would have felt more like him with that sneering voice. Megatron's voice = This year's little miss fuck you.

Use of music. Bay seems so uncultured at times, doing things because they're cool when in fact they are cheesy, he seems like a very mainstream person, it's as if he's never seen an arthouse film or listened to music on an independant label. Using the musical theme of Oren Ishii from Kill Bill when she walks into the Sushi Restaurant, you know the one, well using that when Bumblebee shows his new do as the new Camaro. Overdone. But there are worse ones. I also noticed that there has been an attempt to imitate the inspiration/building two note motif theme from Batman Begins also known as Vespertillio. I love that theme and how it was used, it makes Batman seem so epic and feel important like something important was unraveling before your eyes. They do a similar theme in Heroes and they do one here too. It's okay, but it quickly gets overshadowed by typical Bay score and of course being a Bay film it also needs to be overscored.

There is a small right wing jingoistic line which the secretary of defense says about the soldiers(something like 'they sure as hell don't like to lose') in Hoover damn. Lame. And another Line about bringing them home cut with Bay shots of the soldiers running. Lame.

Bumblebee's golden shower. People laughed. I thought it was stupid.

The dog peeing on Ironhide. People Laughed. I thought it was forced and stupid.

The Bumblebee radio thing. it's tolerable and isn't overdone, what I hated is when Bumblebee finally speaks, he sounds ridiculous. Some high class British guy. I don't get it, what was wrong with Dan Gilvezan's vulnerable voice for Bumblebee? Bumblebee is a great character though, he is Sam’s guardian and tougher than the G1 version but still has that vulnerability and compassion.

Ratchet. Why does he have a voice like a creepy English butler? He is nothing like the Ratchet we all knew, RINO.

Ironhide is a cowboy but he doesn't feel that much like the badass he was, the one that was itching to get a fight, he is the weapons expert and wants to shoot things but the voice just doesn't fit. He’s actually pretty good, I just wish he was a lot tougher. I hope if they use Cliffjumper they don't do the same to my favourite Autobot Hardass that isn't Grimlock.

Jazz is a modern version of the old jazz, so what does that mean? Gangsta. Luckily it's not overdone. I don't see the point in making Jazz have a visor if you don't even see it, I only knew he had one because of the pictures.

The tank was called Devastator in the script and was known as a temp name and then was officially called Brawl, then imagine my surprise when he rocks up and in subtitles says "Devastator here". That sucks. How the fuck are you going to have the most badass decepticon on screen and call him by his badass name in a sequel, so much for the constructicons and calling him Devastator.

Frenzy is a suckass robot. Who the fuck designed that robot? The way he is used is awesome however, but why couldn't he look more like Rumble, he could have done the same things but not looked like some knife set.

The decepticons. They are hardasses, that they are, they aren't as malicious and devious as in the cartoon but they are brutal, the problem is they aren't as devious since they hardly have any screen time, no character, no personality AT ALL, that's fine for the secondary characters that are just there to be pieces for action scenes(Devastator, Bonecrusher), but for STARSCREAM! BLASPHEMY! He shows up near the end(WHAT!!!) and he does have this incredibly awesome flight action sequence, but he looks nothing like Starscream, he acts nothing like Starscream because he only has 1 fucking line. He is brutal though, but all of them are, they are just hardasses and we know they are bad, we are told that and they go to fight the autobots and waste humans but god I hate that Starscream is just another robot with a name that everyone knows(you can tell, in my screening people went 'ooohh' when they show the jet and Starscream says in subtitles 'this is Starscream'). I mean Bay knows Starscream is one of the Iconic characters so why waste him in a character sense, give him some lines dammit. He's the most badass decepticon after Megatron and he's given his screen time action wise and we know he is something more than the other decepticons but say something! He might as well have been that Leader 1 from Go Bots. Megatron does say "you have failed me yet again Starscream" but that's not enough. And his voice is just stupid. SINO GOTTA EAT. Awesome SINO though. The air battle he has is amazing, best sequence of the year.

The autobots however are awesome in some ways, and lame in others, lame because they aren't much like the characters we know them as(exception being Optimus) but they do things like in the final battle where they realize it's Starscream who is the jet, Ironhide screams "it's Starscream" but no one knows what that means, they also work as a team, help each other out, act as soldiers(guarding Sam). They also have great weapons and Bay has definitely used his imagination in the mega action sequences. The Autobots have great interaction and are real characters, it’s just the characters themselves(only a few) should have been fleshed out more(Jazz) or been more like G1(Ratchet and Ironhide) because they were in fact better characters.

Good lord I have a headache. The crazy transformations and direction. An Evangelion movie is waiting around the corner.

I'm laughing at the mega talkback on that crappy Linkin Park theme, don't worry, it's nowhere to be heard at all.

Judging by the crowd(those with the pockets), the interest, the positive reaction and the positive reviews, this movie is looking to be Huge and I wouldn't be surprised if it ends up as one of the biggest hits of the year, probably second to Spiderman.

Parts of this movie were TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION. And some parts were ASS or Ganymede as I like to call it, but the good outweighs the bad.

My views haven't really changed but I really enjoyed it and might watch it a few more times.

As everyone else is saying... BRING ON THE DARK KNIGHT.... Cunce (I've toned down on the vulgarities so the review can get posted)

Messi

Here’s “Coach Clyde” with his take on it.

I was lucky enough to get into the Zeigfeld last night to see “Transformers”.

Not only do I enjoy Michael Bay movies, but I also really enjoy when cars turn into robots and then do karate.

A common criticism you¹ll hear about movies of late is that they’re like watching someone play a video game for two hours.

And this is very true with Transformers.

But the video game you are watching someone play for two hours is fucking awesome.

This movie is exactly what you can imagine you’ll get when you have Michael Bay directing a Transformers movie.

I don’t really know how to review it. The critics sitting near me had notepads and pens out, but I think they mostly used them to draw pictures of Michael Bay’s gigantic balls because the movie is so awesome.

So instead of breaking it down thematically and pointing out the “Prime As Christ” references and the like, allow me to just list some things I noticed between explosions and robot sounds and jokes where robots pee on John Turturro:

The plot is similar to what you would have come up with while playing with your Transformer toys in the basement when you were 8.

Megan Fox is like a young Jennifer Connelly. If, when Jennifer Connelly was young, she was much hotter and more slutty-looking and not as good of an actress.

That guy from “Las Vegas” shoots stuff and runs a lot.

And that kid from “Disturbia” and “Boy Meets World” is really good.

There are a lot of what Michael Bay thinks are jokes that get their fair share of laughs. For instance, Bernie Mac’s character is given the finger by his grandmother. So, the movie has that going for it.

Most of the dialogue is like, “These guys don’t like to lose,” and “Oh... (long dramatic pause) ...my... (long dramatic pause) ...God,” and “Look out!!”

The special effects are crazy. And because they’re added into real filmed footage of stuff blowing up and/or exploding, they are about 1,000 times more convincing than the stuff we saw in the most recent Star Wars movies and that new Spider-man, which have action scenes that are about as realistic as watching old animated Count Chocula commercials.

*Note that ILM’s greatest achievement is the very realistic animitronic puppet of Jon Voight that plays the Secretary of Defense.

The sound design will boggle your mind. And your colon.

There is some really annoying boombox named Frenzy or something that is this movie’s Jar Jar.

There are a crazy amount of Transformers references throughout the film. In fact, Prime actually says, “One shall stand, one shall fall,” before the final fight scene. Which is pretty awesome.

Unlike in Bay’s crappy “The Island”, the big car chase in “Transformers” is not a shot-for-shot remake of the car chase from “Bad Boys 2.” But it is equally as awesome. (That rollerblading nonsense only lasts for as long as we’ve seen it in those clips online.)

The character development is usually left to one or two sentences. Like, that guy wants to get home from Qatar to see his baby girl or that guy is a cheapskate or that guy has a beard.

There is even less robot character development than there is human character development. And by that, I mean, usually they just put up a title underneath the truck or tank or whatever it is that says, “Bonecrusher” or ”Starscream.” Which, I guess is pretty descriptive of their personalities on the whole, as I know that Bonecrusher mostly just crushes bones so maybe you can’t fault Michael Bay there.

So, as you can see, this is Michael Bay¹s most entertaining film to date.

With “The Rock” and “Bad Boys” being on one end of the entertaining-as-shit side spectrum and “The Island” and the last four hours of “Pearl Harbor” on the other side, where I want to drive to Michael Bay’s house and key his Ferrari.

Now, you certainly could argue that “The Rock” is a better film than “Transformers”, but then you would sound like an idiot because you’d be arguing about Michael Bay movies.

In the end, this is a blockbuster built like a blockbuster. Incredibly entertaining, wildly creative, real stupid, and with only one or two spots during the two hours where you can get up and pee.

-Coach Clyde

It’s funny... there are people who keep saying to me, “You don’t get it because you’re not a fan.” That’s true... I don’t understand the affection some of you have for the old program, and I’m not sure what’s been changed and what hasn’t. But all I can judge is the movie as a movie, and I think more viewers are in my camp than in the “rabid fans keeping track of every change” camp.

Still, it seems like even the hardcore fans are having a good time, like this guy:

Greetings Programs,

Geek in the City here in Portland, OR... The accepted home of the Autobots! (Most folks accept The Ark crashed into Mt. Hood)... Anyway, just got back from a Transformers screener... How was the film? Read on...

The Transformers – A Spoiler Free Review

Well, as spoiler free as possible… I mean, come on, this is the friggen Transformers… How can I spoil a plot that hasn’t changed since 1983…? They come to Earth from space. Autobots are good. Decepticons are bad. They both change from vehicles to robots. They both need this bizarre power source. Decepticons kill humans. Autobots save humans. Some military folks to die and then help the good Autobots defeat the evil Decepticons. Rinse, repeat.

Anyway, I was going to attempt some heartfelt Gen X essay about the nature of childhood heroes and memories coming to life. About how Transformers transcended their simple toy line roots and become a cultural icon. Well, enough like-minded writers and VH-1 have done the same, so why rehash it all over again. Face it friends, The Transformers is a movie about giant friggen robots that fight each other and crap blows up in slow motion. Thankfully, Michael Bay and company do not sway very far from this tried and true pattern.

Was this film more than meets the eye? (What? This review gonna’ be stuffed with cheese)

No, it wasn’t. The Transformers is exactly what you expect… a big ass summer blockbuster with giant transforming robots that beat the crap out of each other, mixed in with some weak (but not annoying) human elements. Transformers is an honest return to the over the top Hollywood blockbuster. While you don’t need to check your Headmaster at the door, you also shouldn’t go looking for any deep thoughts. As much as it pains me to type this, Michael Bay was the only director to pull this flick off. (Although I am certain the guiding hand of producer Steven Spielberg helped a lot). No one pulls off those gorgeous slow motion shots of giant robots dodging and firing missiles like Michael Bay, there simply isn't. Yes, all the cliché "Bay’isms" are there: Everyone walks in slow motion with the sun setting behind. The wind is always whipping through the hair of sexy women. The camera always pans a full 360 degrees while rising from feet to head for no reason. Characters pause to gaze lovingly into each others eyes as the world comes apart. But dammit, in Transformers is just works. It does. There, I’ve said it.

Aaron, quit yapping and tell us if the Robots in Disguise kicked ass!

Hells yes they did! I’ve gotten past the fact that none of my favorite characters looked like their Hasbro counterpart. Watching the film, I am glad. The robots on screen work. They look 100% realistic and believable. Shoot, The Transformers gave some of the best performances in the film. You genuinely believe the Autobots want to help humanity, just as you genuinely believe the Decepticons want to destroy anything with a pulse. How about ‘ol Optimus Prime? Dude, it was Optimus Prime voiced by the one and only Peter Cullen! The character is fantastic. Prime says all his iconic lines. Each one eliciting a roaring applause from an audience that ranged from 8 to 48… Though the dude to chick ratio was a tad skewed, I know big shock. Shoot, even my attempt to not "geek out" next to a "real" member of the media failed when Optimus Prime (while facing off against the fantastically evil Megatron) uttered… "One shall stand, one shall fall". Come on! It can’t get any better… This was my childhood brought to glorious life!!!

What about them humans?

Like I said, not as interesting as the robots. Indeed, the robots were more compelling than the humans were. Says a lot about Michael Bay as a director when the CGI characters turn in better performances than the flesh and blood characters. Shia Labeouf has a strong screen presence, just enough pretty boy looks without being annoying, and a good comedic sense of timing. That guy is going to go far and I’m not as concerned about his role in Indy 4 as I was. Megan Fox is hot, um, that’s about it. She doesn’t get much to do other than stand in sexy poses as Michael Bay zooms in tight on her glistening midriff / chest / booty. considered her limited role, she did well.

That dude from Vegas was cool and made me want to join the military. (Side note, why doesn’t Michael Bay shoot recruitment videos? That guy makes military life out to be the biggest badass way to live your life… I’m not saying it isn’t, but damn does he make it look awesome and even a little sexy). John Voight looked a little lost and confused. I imagine him wandering around the set asking folks what this movie was about… But, towards then end, he kicks it into high gear and gets to the robot butt kicking. Then we have John Turturro … Wait, that John Turturro? Yes, same one… I won’t give away his character, but he turns in a fun scene or two. As for the rest of the actors, not bad… They help move the story, but don’t get in the way. What more can you ask of humans in a movie about giant transforming robots that beat the crap out of each other?

The movie is just fun, pure and simple.

This is what I want from a summer blockbuster. I want crap that blows up. I want cheesy, but not gut wrenching, one-liners. I wanted to say "oohh" and "awww" every 10 minutes or so. I want just enough plot and logic to not distract me from the slow motion explosions and transforming robots. I want the good guys to win and the bad guys to get what they deserve. I want love to blossom in extreme events, but don’t get too mushy…No one needs animal crackers on Liv Tyler’s belly (unless I’m the one holding said animal cracker). What I didn’t expect and was pleasantly surprised with was the amount of heart found in The Transformers. You can’t help but root for Optimus Prime and his noble Autobots. Not because you’re supposed to, but because you want to. The same reason why I loved those robotic defenders as a child is the same reason I whooped and hollered as an adult.

Go see this film. See it multiple times. Remember how it felt when Optimus Prime gave you simple black and white life lessons… Somehow, against all odds and Michael Bay, The Transformers reminds you how to be a kid, without acting like a child. Is The Transformers perfect? No, it probably isn’t even “good” from a cinematic level… Is The Transformers the best time I’ve had at the theater this summer? Hell yes!

Roll out and catch this flick… Just check your damn Gen X cynicisms at the door.

Geek in the City gives The Transformers 4 out of 5 Critical Hits! (I would have given it 5 out 5 if we got some Stan Bush or Lion).

And then there’s this guy, who surrendered completely:

Hey Harry, I attended a screening of Transfomers here in Salt Lake last night and, well, I felt compelled to write this. It is not your typical review, but it is from the heart. If you use, my name is Marcus....

More than meets the eye... much more!

Alright, how do I begin? How do you put into words the culmination of years of anticipation, speculation, doubt, excitement, more doubt, more excitement and finally an overwhelming sense of “can’t wait any longer!”? This is what has been bothering me all night long. I have sat here with my laptop on my lap trying to find a place to start. I guess I will start at, well, the start, so here goes…

As most people who know me know, I am a Transformers fan. I am a product of the 80’s. I grew up, like most kids my age, watching Transformers after school everyday. Let me clarify that I was never the kid who nitpicked the lore. I was never the guy who debated between G1 and Beast Wars. I was the kid who loved the idea that giant alien robots could turn into things that I knew; cars, planes, boom boxes, this is what kept me watching, but as I grew, I realized there was more to them than, well, met the eye.

You see, here was an advanced culture, an alien race that, if they wanted to, could easily enslave and control our world and all its inhabitants. Granted, some of them wanted to do just that, but there were some who dedicated their existence to protecting us. Heroes. I know that may sound a bit cheesy, but hey, it was a Reagan era cartoon, and, as most of us 30-somethings know, that is what the 80’s were about, heroes and villains, good vs. evil, right vs. wrong.

So, here I am, 30 years old, a 30 year old kid, but still. A bit older, a bit wiser, perhaps a bit more skeptical, but definitely a bit harder to impress, so, when the announcement of a live-action Transformers movie was posted on AintItCoolNews.com just about 3 years ago the kid in me rejoiced while the adult in me said “What?! Come on! Really?”

I watched the movie go from rumor to pre-production. I followed the rumors from Robert Zemeckis to John Woo, and finally shrugged and said “eh, interesting” when it was finally announced that Mr. Michael Bay would be pulling this giant, possible catastrophe together. Let me state that I have never been a Bay Naysayer. I liked The Rock. Liked Bad Boys 1, loved Bad Boys 2, dislike the tone of Pearl Harbor, hate the second half of Armageddon, and thought that The Island was fun. I think that his sense of action and camera movement is impeccable (Bad Boys 2 car chase and Jamaican house shoot out scenes, I am talking to you).

I watched as the early robot designs started to pop up online. I took them as works in progress. I was never that much of a purist. I knew that things had to change. Let’s face it, you can’t have your main bad guy turning into a giant gun that someone else has to use. I never minded the flames on Optimus, it just never was that big of a deal. I never was that against the new look of the robots because at the end of the day, if you were an advanced robot culture that was thousands of years ahead of anything else out there, wouldn’t you look as bad ass as you could? Sure you would.

Also, the first look at the lips on Optimus Prime, not a big deal for me. It made sense because these are NOT robots, they are organic creatures made of metal. Artificial intelligence. They have emotion and feeling. They have to be able to show that and if that helped convey that, than why not. I never understood all the hate that was being aimed at this movie.

I would read the comments left by people online and it was so negative, but they all seemed to miss the point. There was never a line between flames on Optimus and, well, let’s say nipples on a bat suit. This was a film where giant robots would be fighting each other on earth! This was a movie based on a cartoon based on toys! It is supposed to be cheesy and fun and exciting. Why all the hatred and doubt? Leave your brains at the door and just have fun, and this was how I have approached Transformers from the beginning….

…but then things changed. I saw the trailers. I saw the TV spots. I was in awe. I was floored by what I saw. This film was shaping up to be a breathtaking spectacle, something new and exciting in a world of rehashed sequels, a new breed of heroes to believe in. What can I say, the kid in me woke up.

The hype surrounding the movie started to intensify. The groups were completely polarized. There was no one who was just mildly interested. It became the believers vs. the haters, and it got ugly. I started to read the talk balks and message boards less and less. I wanted to believe. I watched the trailers and TV Spots frame by frame, analyzing the look and feel of this film as best I could 90 seconds at a time. The countdown clock could not go fast enough and the kid in me sat up in bed and stretched.

Then, the unthinkable. My friend Sean, a Transformer fan of epic proportions won the Transformer Fanaticon contest and asked me to be his “plus one” on a trip to ILM in San Francisco to go behind the scenes and see how the magic for Transformers was done. A trip to the nerd holy land, if you will. The house that George built, and we were going to be able to look behind the curtain, and the kid in me rubbed his eyes and got out of bed.

The trip, OH THE TRIP, what can I say. It was a once in a lifetime experience. I saw things that I never thought I would see. The tour was remarkable, but more importantly, it was personal. Throughout the day, we were joined by the people who worked on the film. Animators who spent hundreds, nay, thousands of hours painstakingly making this film what it is. Guys who were no older than I am. These were fans. Fellow geeks who grew up watching Star Wars and loving it so much that they did everything they could to create that same magic for the next generation, guys who within the walls of ILM were having the same debates that were going on on the message boards online.

These guys were not all Bay fans. They didn’t all like the lips. They weren’t all fans of the flames, and believe me, they tried it all. As we sat in the big screening room at ILM, which is something I will take with me to the grave, they sat with us. As we watched scene breakdowns, they watched and explained. They showed us fully rendered 3D models and told us why. They showed us things that didn’t work and what they did to make it better. They gave us an insight to the process that made me gasp. There was so much love and dedication to wanting to get this right, that they put aside what they thought would be best and did what eventually turned out to be what was actually best.

They answered every question. We had the debate about Prime’s face plate, we talked about flames, they fielded questions about G1 vs. the new designs, and they convinced me, although it didn’t take much when they showed us a 10 minute reel of footage that brought me to my feet. It was stunning. Absolutely stunning.

As I left ILM with a new sense of just how much went into this film, the 100’s of people, the 1000’s of hours, my brain was swimming. I couldn’t really wrap my mind around what I had seen. I couldn’t make it make sense. I had seen Prime in all his glory 40 feet tall and he was real, as real as I had ever wanted him to be. I started to believe that it was all going to be alright, and the kid in me walked to the window and felt the sun on his face.

As I sat on the plane coming home, replaying the images in my head. Re-experiencing the whole day again and again, I started to realize exactly what lay in store. I started to get it. It was a movie based on toys, but it was more. It was a second coming of childhood. I remembered how Superman made me believe a man could fly and now, I started to believe that diesels could transform. I know, it sounds juvenile, but why not? This was my childhood rushing back. This was memory lane in full THX surround sound. This was a time capsule reopened in digital widescreen. This was a moment for me and I only had 2 weeks more to wait. The kid in me started to pace in his room.

I went the day they were available and bought my tickets for the 8:00 first showing on Monday, July 2nd. They wait was counting down…but then I ran into a friend of mine who works in a local comic book store. My transformer fandom is quite legendary here in town and he asked me if I had my passes yet? “Passes” What passes?” I inquired. He proceeded to hand me passes to an advanced screening of Transformers. All of the sudden, my wait had been cut nearly in half, and the day of reckoning was just around the corner and the kid in me got dressed and put on his shoes.

Cut to yesterday, I woke up with a sense of excitement that I had not felt since Christmas of 89 when I got my first BMX bike! It was the day. I had made arrangements with all my family, this was a grand affair. I got there early to save a place in line. Spend time with my fellow geeks. Show time was 7, I got there at 1. The line was forming. These are my people, I thought. I scanned the crowd. 30-something guys wearing transformers shirts were abundant, but how strange, the line also contained teenagers, small children, older couples, people of all ages standing together with a sense of excitement so thick you could feel it in the air. The child in me could barely be contained.

When I got into the theatre, the buzz was overwhelming. It was time. It was the end of the road. The moment I had been waiting for. It was here. I was finally here. I sat down and surrounded myself with my family and friends, people who knew what the wait was like for me, people who had literally been tortured with every new announcement and development. It was at that moment that they realized what it meant, what it really meant, because as I buckled in for the show, they realized that I was no longer the jaded, cranky 30 year old, no, as I sat back in my seat and the lights went down and the film rolled, the kid in me could be contained no longer and leapt out and from that point on, I was 8 years old again for the rest of the night.

What can I say about the film…? How can I possibly put into words what I saw and felt? I am still struggling. I know that sounds ridiculous. I know it sounds absurd. You may be thinking, “Dude, it’s just a movie!”, but it wasn’t. It was more, so much more. We all know the plot, the source of all the Transformers power had ended up on earth and they have all come to get it, some for Good, some for Evil. Their war, our world, hell it was on the poster. The film opens up with a breathtaking attack and never lets up. I have to say that I have never been in a screening that got this many applause breaks. People cheered throughout this entire film, from beginning to end.

The effects were amazing. The look of the film is beautiful. The pacing is great. The actors are all very good. It was everything that I wanted and as I sit here, the film replaying in my head, I wouldn’t even know where to start. The Robots? The action? The plot? Where do I begin? Answer, I don’t. The film opens in 3 days and I am sure that if you have read this, you are a fan and will be going anyway and don’t need me to spoil it for you. Although, I think that there is no way that my words could do it justice. This film is incredible, but it also heroic. It is emotional. It is about good vs. evil, but it is also about understanding and sacrifice. It is about explosions, but it is also about connection. It is filled with action and excitement, but it also filled with love and respect.

Sure, this is a movie where giant alien robots come to earth and blow stuff up, it is about things that transform, but it is more, it is an opportunity to be transformed yourself. Transformed to a simpler time where flames and lips and new concepts weren’t that big of a deal. It is a chance to be transformed to a time when mouth made sound effects were enough. A time when my Mom’s broom was the best lightsaber around. A time when my own imagination was the best special effects studio in the world. A time when innocents was innovation.

I know that a lot of you are skeptical. I know that there are people who want to hate this movie, and you know what, you will. You will find things to nitpick and complain about. You will see things that you don’t think look real. You will laugh. You may even leave the theatre pissed off, but you will be missing the point. It isn’t meant to Best Picture next year. This film isn’t supposed to be historically accurate, because the history of this film lives inside the personal experience of every kid who played with these toys in his backyard. This film is not meant to be analyzed and cross-examined, it is meant to entertain and amaze.

I think that this film will affect us differently. It will be the great action movie that you are expecting. It will be funny. It will make you cheer. It may even make you cry, but if you’re lucky, and I feel lucky today, it will make you believe. I implore all of you to walk into this film looking through the eyes that you had when you were just a kid. I did, and I walked out of that theatre in awe. I believed again. I looked twice at every car on the way home, hoping to see something out of the ordinary. I looked at every diesel, hoping that I would be the next one to be chosen. I wanted it to be real, and to the child in me, it was, and that is all that really matters.

So here I am, at home. The show is over and it is late. I am sure that this is not the review you all expected. Don’t worry, next week we can all hang out and discuss specifics. We can talk about the fights and the scenes that made us cheer, but for right now I am exhausted and need to get some sleep. I wish this same experience for you all.

…and the kid in me drifts to sleep with a big smile on his face.

m.

Maybe lowered expectations are a good thing. This guy walked into it expecting nothing, and got...

Hey Harry, I've been a reader on your site for a while now, and just wanted to say to everyone keep up the good work. This site has become my go to for movie news, and I can't thank you enough for that. I got to see an advance screening of Transformers last night at the Regal on 42nd Street in Manhattan. It was hosted by one of the NYC radio stations, KROCK I think. Anyways, I wasn't even aware of this until my roomate gave me his ticket for it. He couldn't go due to school issues, so he let me go in his stead. Anyways, here is my first review...

Now I've been a Transformers fan ever since I was a wee child. The cartoon movie came out the year I was born, but I remember goin to the video store with my Pops when I was around 4 or 5 and renting that movie every week. I loved it! As a kid, I thought the movie was so epic, it really shaped a lot of my childhood. Then about 2 years ago I heard that they were making a live action Transformers movie. Needless to say I was intrigued.

I didn't have high expectations for this movie, even when I saw the kick ass trailers. I love Micheal Bay as a guy who can make shit go BOOM, but I, like many others, feel that all of his movies underachieve. And so far this summer has been filled with movies that have already let my hopes down. Underwhelming sequel after underwhelming sequel. This is why I was hoping that Transformers would amount to something, and boy it sure did.

This movie is fuckin balls to the wall amazing. It is the most entertaining film I've seen in a very long time, and I'm going to go see it again. Not since Casino Royale has a movie compelled me enough to go check it out again, but this movie is so worth the price of admission. The action sequences throughout are Bay-ified, and you gotta admit this guy knows how to shoot action scenes. I particularly liked the last battle sequence, when after all the tension that Bay has built up, it climaxes and a full out fuckin war erupts between Autobots and Decepticons in a southwestern city with humans in the middle of it. When the action went to slow mo and you just see these huge robotic entities spinning around in midair, why it's enough to make a Transformer fanboy like myself get a chubby. Like others have already stated, the transformations are sooooo sick. I mean, the first time you see it happen, you will just sit there in awe. It looks so fluid and natural that it makes your jaw drop.

Acting throughout is pretty good, the notables being Josh Duhamel as the no-nonsense military guy who wants to take these things out, and Shia Labeouf, who I thought practically stole the show from his huge robotic counterparts. I didn't think the movie was going to be this funny, but there were many scenes, most of them involving Shia, that I was laughing my ass off at. The kid has got talent, and I'm already excited to see him in next year's Indy IV. And great move by Bay and the producers to bring back Peter Cullen as the voice to Optimus, it might not seem like a big deal but this move satisfied fanboys everywhere. When Optimus spoke, the whole crowd in the theater was silent. I mean, if somebody else did Prime, it just wouldn't of been the same.

Of course, it is a Michael Bay movie, so there are plot holes and some cheesy lines of dialog. But, strange thing is, it doesn't matter that much to me in this movie. I mean, there are GIANT FUCKIN ROBOTS SHOOTING MISSLES AND BULLETS AND BODY SLAMMING EACH OTHER!!!!!! This is a movie that you can't take seriously, there isn't an ounce of realism in giant alien robots coming to Earth in search of their sacred power source. You just gotta accept it for what it is, and it is a very, very entertaining summer flick that almost anyone should enjoy. It's got a little something for everybody. I could go on and on, but I don't want to repeat what others have already said. This movie will blow your mind, and in my opinion it's the only movie this summer that has lived up to the hype.

So I would like to end by thanking Michael Bay for not screwing up my childhood vision of Transformers. He created a movie that all Transformer fans, new and old, will love. If you use this, call me Teh Decimator. Till next time......

Now, if you’ve been following our posts about CLOVERFIELD, the top-secret JJ Abrams film, then you know that the film’s going to have its first trailer attached to TRANSFORMERS. I’m getting letters from people reacting to the trailer almost as enthusiastically as the movie itself. Check this out:

Moriarty,

I attended a Transformers sneak preview last night in Scottsdale, Arizona and wanted to tell you that, sure enough, you were right about the Cloverfield trailer. It was the first preview that played. While I'm sure plenty of people will continue to write in with their take on Bay's latest, I wanted to give you the play by play of this amazing new trailer.

The entire thing takes place from the perspective of a party goer with a camera, waiting to surprise their friend, Rob. It's basically a nice, big bon voyage party between friends. The entire thing feels incredibly real and like plenty of parties I've been to myself--people mingle, munch on chips, chatter, etc. Rob arrives, everyone yells surprise, the camera person interviews people for anything they have to say to Rob before he leaves.

After probably 30 seconds or a little longer, the apartment shakes, the lights flicker, people scream and head to the roof. A crowd approaches the edge of the roof immediately as a massive explosion miles away takes place. People scream and start scrambling back to the stairs. Right before they enter the stairwell, something like a comet (a piece of the previous explosion) comes flying near the people and the roof. The camera is very jumpy and cuts in and out as people make their way down a darkened stairwell to the street. At this point, I can't remember if the screen cuts to black and says "From producer JJ Abrams..." or if that happens once they're all on the ground. Either way, it's at a good moment and is the first inkling as to what we're watching.

Once on the ground, some people are running in hysteria while others look into the distance trying to figure what's happening. Pieces of the explosion start flying towards the ground and hitting buildings all around. The people that were just looking into the distance finally start moving. At that moment, a massive piece of the explosion starts heading towards the camera. It flies right by and skids down the middle of the city street, hitting some people along the way. The piece finally slows down, rocks back towards the camera, and there she is--Lady Liberty's face, in flames and destroyed. Cut to black. Hitting theatres January 2008 (I think it was 01/18/08).

In my opinion this is one of the most effective trailers I've ever seen. It's not polished like most big budget film trailers, but it felt huge. It had people in the theatre chattering, wondering what the heck this is and when it's coming. The entire trailer had a verisimilitude to it. It felt like it was happening... like we were there. In short, it did it's job and then some. Surprisingly, they didn't say what the name of the film was in the trailer. Whatever it's called in the end though, I'm there.

This preview had me more tense and excited than anything I saw in Transformers. And heck, I even liked Transformers in all its Bayish ridiculousness.

If you use this, call me ThatGuy.

Here’s another guy who was spurred to write in after his viewing:

Hey Guys,
This is the first review I have ever done, so bear with me. I was in attendance last night at the Hasbro Transformers charity premiere event (It was in support of 4 different local Rhode Island Charities) and I must say it was an amazing experience for me; I have never been to such an event! Upon entering the theater, we were redirected to the back of the theater where a red carpet welcomed us into an archway with a large Optimus Prime stand up to the left and the Transformers logo above the door. Inside the pre-party there were tables with plenty of food and drink on the house, in the corner it looks like pictures were being taken and it turned out the lovely Rachael Taylor and Tyrese Gibson. Anyway, the even was fun and totally sponsored by Hasbro, so kudos to them for doing such a great job. As for the film, it’s EXCELLENT. It’s everything you could want from an adaptation of an 80’s cartoon. I am sure you’ll be getting several reviews with specific details on the story and plot, so I wanted to state some points that I know true Transformers fans would want to know (being a regular on the Transformers message boards, I know a lot of people who hold this property dear fear for the quality of this film.)
All the Autobots are EXCELLENT representations of the G1 counterparts. All of Prime’s qualities from the original animated series are in tact. Leader, Warrior, Peacekeeper and always humble ready to do what’s necessary in his actions The Decepticons do get gypped a bit on screen time. However when they make their respective appearances, it’s awesome. They lay EVERYTHING to waste in their ruthless nature. Blackout (the helicopter) has an excellent sequence very early in the movie as he takes out the military base in Qatar in an attempt to hack into the government’s national defense network to find a lead on discovering Megatron who was lost in the artic in a solo search for the allspark cube. Each evil bot get’s their own scene to show off their transformations and stir up trouble. Starscream, Devastator (the tank, which was originally supposed to be called Brawl) and Megatron don’t really get to do much until the 30 minute melee at the end. And Frenzy and Scorponok, the two cons that eject from the other bots have great scenes, but easily you can tell these were put in place for kids.

All the voices of the bots are great. Peter Cullen does an excellent job returning to the voice of Optimus Prime, and while it’s a little deeper in tone its still very much Peter Cullen. Hugo Weaving seemed like a decent choice for Megatron, although we all wanted the original Megatron Frank Welker, Hugo does an excellent job and they filter his voice well enough to give a good supplement to the ruler of the Decepticons. All the Autobots are given the chance to be very vocal, and for the most part so do most of the Cons too.

The humans do a great job of helping the story along and are quite funny too. I heard a lot of people who felt opposed to having Bernie Mac and Anthony Anderson in there, but their roles work and they are HILLARIOUS. Especially the little bit between Bernie Mac and his mammy, its just plain funny.
The ending is sort of bleak, which gives it a kind of Empire Strikes Back feel, the battle was won (at a cost), but the war is far from over. And be sure to stay during the credits to check out a few cool tags they added.

All in all Transformers is a great summer action popcorn flick, much better than any of the other highly anticipated movies this year so far and I could see this making A LOT of money as its truly a film for almost all ages. Actress Rachael Taylor herself said it while introducing the film; she said she hadn’t been blown away or in awe of such a marvelous film since the first Jurassic Park . I whole heartedly agree.

I have proof of attendance if necessary; I’ll send a scan of my commemorative ticket from last night. If you use this, Call me “Optimus John”.

And, look, even with this sort of glowing recommendation pouring in, it’s obvious the film’s not perfect. This guy’s able to sort out what he thinks of both the good and the bad fairly clearly:

Im a longtime reader, first time writer to the site. I am an absolute movie geek in every sense, but I have never had the chance to see movies early due to my location (hence never having sent in a review). However, let me give some background on how I managed to see Transformers.

Considering that an employee just got fired over this, I will try to be as vague as possible when I explain how I saw the movie and how I will see other’s early in the future. Long story short, over the summer I got a job with a prominent radio broadcasting company that sponsors screenings locally a couple days to a few weeks before the movie is released. Transformers happened to be screening yesterday, Thursday the 28th. So if anybody wants to questions my credibility, considering I am a first time writer, there’s your explanation. Now, onto the review…

Let me preface this by saying I grew up with Transformers, had every single toy, and was a huge fanboy. I never read the comics, but I did watch the cartoons and I own the movie. My connection is that with G1, however, I understand that plot elements, designs, etc. need to be changed for a movie adaptation of any sort. Especially with subject matter such as this, watching big blocky robots running around looking like they did in my childhood would look silly. I feel that when your trying to make a summer blockbuster, like Michael Bay, there needs to be a sense of realism in order to feel genuinely frightened, excited, or any other emotion that the film tries to evoke. I’ll be the first to admit (and hold the veggies, please) that I like Michael Bay, but that’s not to say I don’t hate his shortcomings. He is pitiful when it comes to character interaction and uses tons of clichés to draw emotion out of the audience. However, when it comes to action, he is top notch, and what I most enjoy is how he bases his set pieces around live-action stunts, and then uses CGI to fill in the gaps. Again, this adds more realism.

I know I am taking long to get to the actual movie, but I want people to know where I am coming from. So, how was it? Awesome. The action scenes are top notch and the special effects are a spectacle to the likes that nobody has ever seen. When Transformers begins, it gets started right away with Blackout terrorizing Qatar, leaving no survivors except a select group of soldiers (Josh Duhamel and Tyrese Gibson). However, the movie then shifts to the human element, focusing on Sam Witwicky (Shia Lebeouf), and his infatuation with getting a car and his dream girl, Mikaela (Megan Fox). Skip a couple scenes, and he has Bumblebee saving him from Barricade and the movie starts to pick up. Sam eventually meets the other Autobots, Optimus Prime included, and he discovers that his great, great grandfather actually discovered Megatron in the polar icecaps, and his glasses (which Sam is trying to sell on E-Bay) have been imprinted with the location of the Allspark (energy source for the transformers, think energon cubes, only one, big, main one). Save a few scenes, Sam, his parents, Mikaela, and Bumblebee are transported to Sector 7, a top secret government agency that resides inside the Hoover Dam, where they have cryogenically frozen Megatron and are holding the Allspark.

To me, the part of the movie described above contained much more of the human element than Michael Bay action sequences. There is a lot of humor in the movie. When I heard this was the case, I expected a couple jokes here and there, kind of like Independence Day. However, that type of humor (short, intelligent quips and responses) is completely reserved for Shia Lebeouf, who pulls it off wryly with a dry sense of humor that works great. His portrayal of Sam is excellent and he really carries the movie. The rest of the movie’s humor, though, sadly is very cheesy. Some of the dialogue by the Autobots attempting to be humorous is downright awful (I didn’t think I would mind Optimus Prime saying “my bad,” but it really got to me). I loved John Turturro as the main Sector 7 agent, and plays his character tongue-in-cheek, like he has a self-realization of how ridiculous he is. He was absolutely hilarious (especially when he has to strip to his underwear, I won’t ruin that for you), but there’s one problem… that type of humor did not belong in this type of movie. A lot of the humor didn’t in my opinion. I wanted it to be funny, but not cheesy kiddy funny, but smart adult funny. Sadly, the humor is hit or miss. When it hits, it’s great. When it misses, it’s absolutely horrible.

Some of the character interactions have great chemistry, and others are completely pitiful. Contrary to what most reviews have said, Sam and Mikaela’s chemistry is not bad at all. It’s not going to wow you, but it’s very serviceable for a movie like this. Sam and his parents have a couple good scenes together, but they are mostly forgettable. Although there is little screen time spent to develop the relationship between Bumblebee and Sam, it turns out to be very deep and hits home with the audience, probably more so than Sam and Mikaela. The best, however, is how the Autobots react with each other when they are first introduced. Although it is only for a couple seconds, you can tell each one’s personality from their very small introduction, and the little time they have to interact with each other when they are not blowing things up. Starscream and Megatron really only have one scene together, but it is ripped right out of the cartoon/movie, so fans will be very pleased. The rest of the characters are pretty much throwaways, anybody could have played them and it really would not have mattered. I can only assume the reason why bigger names were brought into the project was to give it some brevity. Josh Duhamel has always been one of my favorites (I love Las Vegas, call me cheesy), and he’s good in the movie, with his sever lack of screentime. Tyrese and Jon Voight are forgettable.

Now, let’s get to the part everybody want’s to hear: the action. As stated above, Sam and the crew have been escorted to Sector 7 where they meet up with every other human character from the film. Frenzy, a Decepticon that can transform into little gadgets (boombox, IPOD, etc) has transformed into Mikaela’s phone to gain access to the base. He in turn secretly informs the Decepticons of the location of Megatron and the Allspark. Frenzy then frees Megatron and this is where the real fireworks begin. They free Bumblebee and “securely” move the Allspark to the city to hide it. The Autobots catch up and now we have a full team rolling. This is the chase from the previews where Optimus is tackled by Bonecrusher, etc. Let’s just say that this is where Optimus Prime secures the fact that he is a total badass. They eventually reach the city, and all hell breaks loose, with all the Decepticons and Autobots in full battle with the humans trying their best to get the Allspark airlifted out of the city.

This is where Michael bay really shines. Cars fly everywhere, buildings are destroyed, Transformers are ripped in half, it’s completely carnage at its best. This is the part I really don’t want to ruin to I won’t go into details, besides saying that it is completely awesome. Michael Bay honestly may have set the bar so high with this action sequence and the special effects that it may not be challenged by another movie until the sequel comes out. Things that stand out? The Autobots have a great scene where they exhibit their teamwork. Ironhide in hot pursuit of devastator. Transformations mid-battle as an effective tool rather than a clunky one. My personal favorite though is Starscream, who in my opinion has the best (and longest) action sequence against a fleet of F-22 Raptors (which I still say are better aircraft than the F-35 from Live Free or Die Hard, but that’s just a personal opinion). This scene is epic in proportions, and anybody that says it’s too long just doesn’t appreciate good action, it alone warrants the 9 plus dollars you might have to spend to see the movie.

Sadly, none of the action sequences really compared to this one. They are good, don’t get me wrong, but they just don’t exhibit that spectacle that the last one does. It’s not like the finale ruined the other for me, I was thinking this as I was watching the film. I mean, this is a Transformers movie, with Michael Bay, not swashbuckling pirates or spidey, this is Michael Bay with giant robots. I guess I just expected a little more with the set pieces littered throughout the film to break up the human element. Basically, they are great action sequences, probably better than most in any other movie, but I feel like they could have been done better, almost as if Bay spent 75% of his time on the finale and 25% on the other 6 sequences put together.

That being said, Transformers fans like me (fanboys, not fanatics), will have a lot to be please about. There are a lot of nods to the cartoon and the movie. In fact, I caught about 10 lines that were ripped straight from the cartoon/movie and used between the Autobots and Decepticons. Optimus Prime and Megatron have their showdown, which is eerily similar in feel (not visually) to the movie, which I loved. Basically, they nailed the mysticism of the Transformers perfectly. If anybody has problems with the designs, I don’t have any sympathy for them, because it was absolutely necessary to make the movie believable. The realism works, and just because it’s not how you remember them it doesn’t mean that they aren’t the same characters. These are the same Transformers that you grew up with, just a lot more complicated and with better action sequences that you could ever act out with the toys in your basement. Overall, absolutely excellent summer popcorn extravaganza. It has it’s problems, but I am sure they will be addressed in the sequel (to an extent).

If you use this, call me
PhillyFilmgoer

Still not convinced?

My first thought in hearing about Transformers was, "Can it work?" Would it just be a "toy movie" or some lame commercial tie-in for kids. Being a child of the '80s I loved me some Transformers when growing up. So to hear they were making a live-action Transformers movie was a childhood dream come true. But I had doubt. Then I heard Steven Spielberg was producing, and Michael Bay was directing. I wasn't exactly sold on Bay directing, but with Spielberg behind him, I had faith.

That faith was well placed. This is not a toy movie - regardless of what it is based on. Transformers draws from just about every action/sci-fi film that's come before it. It's part Godzilla (man-in-suit), part Independence Day, part War of the Worlds, part Armageddon, part ET, part Close Encounters, part Invasion of the Body Snatchers, heck - even part Star Wars, or maybe more appropriately, Star Trek.

Let's start with Shia Lebouf as Sam Whitwicky. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, this kids gonna be a star. He's pitch perfect in this movie. Sam is the everyman, or every-teenage-boy in the flick. He's the kid who just wants a car and a girl to go with it. He's funny, charming, and not exactly the hero type, making his interaction with these giant robots perfect.

Then there's Megan Fox. She's tough, a bit of a Tomboy, and smoking hot. If you have a girlfriend/wife/sister who's on the fence about this movie, Fox's character will probably be who she identifies with. They do her justice because she's the character that had to be sold on the believability of the circumstances - much like how my girlfriend had to sold on the movie's premise. And just for the guys, Bay knows how to cast'em pretty.

Actually, that's not to say there's not a lot of eye candy in this film in more than one way. Josh Duhamel and Tyrese Gibson are good looking guys, but sell their characters well. In fact, and this is something Bay doesn't get enough credit for in his other flicks, the film is populated with diverse characters - human and robot - that really flesh out (no pun intended) the flick.

I'm sad to report the worst acting came from the veterans - Jon Voight and John Turturro. Voight was adequate, but Turturro completely pulled me out of the movie. His character, and the story surrounding it, were completely unnecessary. It's one of those story elements that probably sounded good on the page, but just didn't work on screen.

Now, back to that "eye candy" comment - that's pretty much what this whole movie is. The story can't be called on as one of the greatest, but the scope - the magnitude of the events was amazing. The robots are completely believeable and look gorgeous on screen. Fans had problems with flames painted on Optimus Prime (leader of the good guys), but they help him stand-out, which was a actually a problem for other bots.

The sequences are so immense, sometimes it's hard to follow what robot's doing what, and a lot of the bots weren't that colorful, so you couldn't tell them apart. There's irony. I guess I'm arguing there should have been more crazy paint jobs so we could tell everyone apart better. Regardless, the effects and action are worth a ticket alone.

Oh, and these robots are characters. The bots are a huge part of the movie and Bumblebee, our introduction into their universe, sells the whole flick. Without him, it simply wouldn't have worked, but he draws us further and further into their world. He has some of the funniest scenes in the movie, and every time he was on screen, I was grinning ear to ear. And that's not just because he's funny, they just made him extremely likeable.

"Yes," this movie is incredibly funny, but in a good way. There's a lot of tongue-in-cheek humor, but also some sincerely funny moments. Also "yes," there is a fair amount of cheesey-ness to the flick, but it usually is followed by something so amazing or so funny you forget/forgive immediately.

And, this movie earns its PG-13. If you're an adult worried about whether or not this will suit you - it will. They just don't finish their F-words, and don't show a lot of blood. HOWEVER - lots-o-people-die! And die in really painful ways. This IS an alien invasion movie and the bad guys do not care for us. Within the first 30 minutes I started looking at every machine on the screen suspiciously. That's when I knew Bay had sold me.

If you're looking for a good, fun summer movie - Transformers is it. Hands down this is the best movie I've seen this summer. It has the heart of every Pixar animated movie I've ever seen, the slick action only Michael Bay can deliver, and that infamous Steven Spielberg sense of wonder. I can't give this movie 5 stars (even though I loved it immensely) because in the end, it really is a B movie with A movie work put into it - which I guess makes it a B+ movie... aw, heck. I'll give it the benefit of the doubt and call it an A-. You know - it's still an A.

Fearless Jay

Not every review’s going to be a good one, of course. And I’m interested in hearing well-organized arguments about why the film didn’t work for some people:

Hey Harry, I caught Michael Bay's Transformers at a sneak in Indianapolis with my wife and thought I would offer you up a review from two people that didn't grow up obsessively playing with Autobots...

Transformers is a mixed bag that tries to be three movies at once. It never quite makes any of them work, but it offers up enough promising moments along the way to keep you hoping that it will.

First, and probably most effectively, it's a movie about a kid and his first car. From what I understand, this is how Spielberg pitched the movie to Bay and his influence shows. The characters and writing are played very broad (think Jurassic Park) but Shia LaBeouf takes the plastic character and makes it his own. Watching LaBeouf act within these restraints has me excited about Indiana Jones having a son. He's the only character in the movie that feels real.

Once you move past Shia as the kid with his first car, you get a quasi-serious movie that seems one part Independence Day, one part Armageddon, and one part Jaws…lots of dramatic music with very serious looking paper-thin characters and slow motion shots of military operations. Here the Transformers are shadowy, shark-like creatures that are a direct threat to our way of life. We don't understand them, we can't communicate with them, and we certainly have no idea how to stop them. This storyline plays out through the first half of the movie and works surprisingly well with the kid and car.

So, why is it a mixed bag?

There's an over the top crapfest of excess waiting just beyond these two storylines. Someone needs to put Bay in a straitjacket and take away some of his toys. Just when one of the first two storylines starts to suck you in he betrays all his hard work with seven year old jokes, mind bending coincidences, planet sized plot-holes, and over the top action. The problems are just too numerous to list. By the time we get to the final battle, the whole thing has fallen apart and we're stuck in a digital landscape (think Phantom Menace ground battle) that's incredibly heavy on SPECTACLE and offers zero drama or logic.

The movie has some genuine moments, mainly thanks to LaBeouf, but they aren't enough to make it a worthwhile movie unless you were addicted to the Hasbro toys as a kid. Big fans are going to geekgasm all over it. Everyone else should just find a better summer blockbuster. If you end up using this, call me Reaver.

Some people are going to be incredibly forgiving of the flaws they see:

Guys—
So why does someone go to a movie like Transformers, anyway?

Most importantly, no matter why you would go, you MUST see this on a big screen if at all possible!

The theatre in Minneapolis was packed last night, and they mentioned that the movie will be available on Monday now, rather than Wednesday: expect to enjoy the smell of the geek next to you for 2:15, cause there won’t be much open space this week…

My only hesitation in calling out praises to Michael Bay this morning was that at times, this film didn’t quite know what it wanted to be: a comedy, a geek flick, or a normal old summer blockbuster with the classic formula.

Mind blowing, fast paced action scenes had slow motion hand holding interspersed…the Sci Fi story unfolding was distracted by one-liners and teenage pranks…I found myself checking whether I should be finding a moment funny, cool, or absurd more than once.

However, I’ve resolved that a person goes to see a movie like Transformers expecting all of those types of movies out of it, and in that it delivered well. In fact, the absurdity was often intended, given that I don’t think there’s any other way for a 50 foot robot to say “Autobots, roll out” and maintain credibility…the way the cartoon-ish portions of the source material were handled is pure genius.

If it were my movie, I would have cut a good 10 minutes out of the girl’s whiney “my daddy’s in jail” subplot, and a couple more from the parents’ dialogue. However, as is, those aspects leant to the overall lighthearted mode set by Shia, who did an outstanding job. The kid seems natural throughout the entire thing, whether cracking one-liners, running away terrified, or trying to awkwardly explain the predicament to the cops…

Fight Scenes: I felt a lot like I remember feeling during King Kong…giddy, laughing, eyes like saucers. The effects were INCREDIBLE, and the action intense. The military stands up for this film and really kind of kicks ass at times, rather than being all pansy frightened worthless punching bags.

Acting: Two gold stars for Shia…cameos abound and are welcome…John Voight rocks as the Secretary of Defense…both leading females are mediocre, though Megan Fox turns in a sold performance given the lines she has to work with…John Turturro (sneaky sneaky) is hilarious…

Plot: Ya know…there isn’t much depth to the plot in the original Transformers, is there? A thin explanation of where they came from and why they’re here opens the door for massive battle scenes in a race to save earth; works for me. They built so much FUN into this thing that we can’t be troubled by a little thing like lack of depth, right?

Node-Z

And here’s another guy still trying to wrap his head around the CLOVERFIELD trailer:

Hey Harry,

Went to the Transformers movie last night and was not disappointed!

I'm not submitting a review or anything, there are much more talented guys and gals out there. What I am writing about, is the teaser trailer at the begining.

It was a party scene, done from the view of someone with a camcorder. The cameraman is going from person to person to get soundbites for their friend who is getting ready to leave for Japan. Suddenly, there is a huge explosion and the ground shakes.

People run to the top of the building to see whats going on when another explosion happens. The camera turns to downtown NY to a rising firball. Panic in the street! People running everywhere, friends trying to find each other, more explosions. The camera watches as something flies through the air and smashes off the side of a building before falling to the street nearby our camera man. The object turns out to be the head of the Statue of Liberty!

Then the screen goes black and only a date appears: 1-18-08 (I think)

Any idea what this could be? Could you ask some of your insiders to see if they know what this is?

-rook187

Other guys mention CLOVERFIELD, but really want to talk about the giant robots:

Hey guys!

Here is a review of Transformers for you. I previously sent in a review for Blades of Glory. Enjoy.

I saw Transformers last night here in Chicago at the AMC River East. First off, let me say that this movie is going to be huge. The “free” screening I attended was completely over sold. That is, there were way too many passes distributed to the public. Due to traffic coming in from the burbs to downtown, I found myself waiting in line with a group of 200 or so people. that I wasn’t worried until some lady said that only 10 of the 200 people would be admitted since they already let in over 300 people a couple hours ago. Who lines up for a free screening 3-4 hours before the movie begins? Fortunately, my friends and I bought tickets to 1408 and a Mighty Heart to get ourselves access to the theater where we ended up just walking in. We didn’t even have to show our passes. By the time the lights went dark, the house was packed solid. We did get one preview, which was strange since this was an advance screening. Anyways, the preview was for some monster/disaster movie shot from the point of view of one unlucky party-goer who brought his hand held camera out for his friends going away party. I didn’t catch the name of the movie, but it looked really interesting. However, for some reason half the audience laughed at the end of the trailer. I am not sure what they found so funny.

The laughter immediately stopped when Optimus’ voice starting pounding over the surround sound speakers. Any fan of the cartoons will automatically get chills when you here his voice. It is just so damn cool to actually have a full fledge Transformers movie 20 or so years later since I was kid playing with the toys. After the opening credits the movie truly begins with a bang with the black hawk down scene we know from the previews. It does not disappoint. I have to give credit to Bay here because he actually did a good job building suspense. I knew what was coming, but I was still on the edge of my seat. Some credit should also go to the score, which is classic Bay, but did a very good job of keeping up the energy.

The next hour or so primarily focuses on Shia while there are a few cuts back to the desert to see how Josh and his troops are coming along. I really enjoyed all the desert action sequences. Bay steps up his game again with the staging of the action and the incredible points-of-view shots. My favorite being the shot where the camera is up in the air behind some huge airplane which rains fire down on the scorpion transformer. This shot reminded of the types of angles Bay chose to shoot the action in Pearl Harbor.

Amongst all the action, we do get plenty of downtime to hang with Shia and his quest to get the girl. I have always been a fan of Shia since Project Greenlight, but I was a little turned off by his on-set AICN interview where he seemed to be on coke. However, all is now forgotten. Shia is hilarious and definitely earns the good press he has been receiving regarding the comparisons to a young Tom Hanks circa Splash (what happened to that Hanks – I miss him). All the scenes with Shia, the girl, and Bumblebee are great, especially the much talked about scene where Bumblebee chooses different songs to help Shia get the girl. I am still skeptical of Shia’s inclusion in Indiana Jones, just because Harrison doesn’t need a sidekick. Regardless, I know Shia will bring his A-game and will make the best of the material he is given.

Eventually, the story leads us to the final action set piece of the movie, which is outstanding. The action does tend to get a little confusing, but this only makes me want to see the movie again to figure out who is beating the hell out who. Everything does look amazing. The robots themselves blend right into the scenery and never look fake. Actually, the only scene my friends and I had a gripe about was Josh sliding his motorcycle underneath the transformer and not breaking his legs (it did look cool though and got a lot of cheers from the audience).

The movie could have used more interaction between the Decepticons. We needed to see more of Megatron and his minions. The lack of Soundwave also hurt. Thankfully, Starscream was a complete badass in his few scenes, but he only gets one line of dialogue. My favorite scene is where a squad of fighter jets our flying into the city to take out Megatron when suddenly one of the jets transforms mid-flight and jumps onto the back of another jet shooting holes into the wings. Starscream proceeds to jump off the destroyed jet and transforms back into a jet, shoots a couple more good guys, then transforms back. This is all done while weaving in between buildings.

I have to say that I was really impressed with Michael Bay . Don’t get me wrong though. Transformers is classic Bay, but that is exactly what I was hoping for. The action was relentless and the comedy was cheesy goodness. The audience ate this movie up. Bay also put in enough lines of dialogue and visuals gags to please the hard core fans. You can always tell when these things occur on screen because you get about 10% of the audience laughing or cheering while the other 90% wonders what the hell they missed.

Best lines…“You have failed me again Starscream.” “One shall stand, one shall fall.”

The sequel will be green lit by mid-next week.

On another note, this movie really did destroy Spidey 3 and Pirates 3 in terms of pure entertainment. Both of those summer “blockbusters” forgot how to be fun.

DarthEnder

This is a calm, even-headed recommendation:

As a long time fan of your site, I thought I'd drop you my review of Transformers.

I managed to score 2 sneak preview passes to a sneak/advanced screening of Transformers last night (June 28, 2007). Anyway, I got to the theater and it was packed at 6:30, for the 7:00 show. Most people were either in the 20s-30s age range, with a few kids (most notably, the 11 year old next to me who was complaining to his...um...dad? about the price of his cell phone plan. Weird world.)

Quick Plot: Transformers (individual and independent thinking robots that can change their form) have come to the Earth looking for something of great power and fight a lot to get control of it. Shia LaBeouf helps them get it and Megan Fox spends most of the movie looking sweaty. The good guys are the Autobots and the bad guys are the Decepticons.

Quick Review: This was a great film; I don't know much about particular directors, but Michael Bay made a highly entertaining film that does not distort my childhood memories of the television show. In fact, it was as if the show had grown up along with me and now appealed to the adult "BrennanSea." It helped that Peter Cullen voiced Optimus Prime, though it is clear that 20 years have passed since he last voiced the role.

Notes and thoughts:

* The transformation process was excellent and, oddly enough, fairly realistic. No randomly disappearing trailers and no sudden shifts in size. (A giant robot becomes a normal sized gun? Come on.) I felt that the Autobots and Decepticons looked like what they 'should.'
* The plot is thin, but who cares? This is an action/adventure movie. Just enjoy yourself. There is a quick opening voice over that explains everything and you just jump into the movie. I thought that was a great way to do it.

* Shia LaBeouf is clearly on his way up. If he can transition himself from the teen films to young man roles successfully, we may be witnessing the development of a new generation of "earnest guy" actors, a la Tom Hanks. His reactions were honest and probably were just how we all hope we would react in his situation.

I had no idea John Turturro was in the movie and he provided some excellent comic relief, while not sticking to the whole "adult in authority" standard role.

Megan Fox as Mikaela is both attractive and good for the role. She wasn't a heroine in distress, but she also isn't 'Trinity'. She isn't hard on the eyes, either.

The supporting actors did just what they should - support. They didn't detract from the main players; Bumblebee, Spike ::ahem:: Sam Witwicky, Optimus, and Mikaela clearly were the stars and the supporting cast helped give the main characters depth without 20 minutes of monologue or some other nonsense.

The action is fast but not overdrawn, with appropriate 'slow downs' in between the major action scenes. The movie was surprisingly long at 2:23, but never dragged.

The humor is laugh out loud funny, and occasionally that whole "uncomfortable for the actor on the screen" humor, but it works.

There were just enough touches from the television show (and movie) to link the two, without the new movie trying to be a recreation of the original product. If you're a fan of the show, you'll appreciate this quite a bit - Bay and the sound f/x guys really honor the original.

This movie also had a good bit of heart. Bumblebee really is an interesting character, both witty and courageous; the scenes of his capture/torture, really did draw at the ol' heart strings. Prime leads and acts on his convictions, without sounding ridiculous.

Keep in mind that this is PG-13, and not just for a bit of swearing. People die. And they die ugly. I don't think this movie is a way to bond with your 7-year-old.

Final Thoughts: This is a great movie for those looking for an action movie without too deep of a plot; pure, enjoyable entertainment. This is also a great movie for those who were fans of the original product, though you do not have to be a fan of the original to enjoy the enhanced. I'd give this 3 to 3 1/2 stars.

P.S.: A sequel is not only possible, but probable. Just stay to the end.

If you use this review, call me BrennanSea.

And here’s a guy who found nothing to like in the film at all:

Not good.

Spoilers ahead.

Mike Judge is a genius. In 500 years from now Transformers will be known as a movie called "Ass". Seriously, this movie is a train er... car wreck. First, I have to say that, MMCVXII or whatever your name was, you've been vindicated my son. Damn You indeed Michael Bay.

From beginning to end this movie stinks. But that's not what the audience thought.

They laughed loudly at every piss joke: the dog pissing on Prime, Bumblebee pissing on the government agent, and at every fart joke, and every time the robots said something funny: Optimus saying "My bad" and Soundwave saying "Oh shit"

The story is virtually non-existent and UTTERLY preposterous, even considering the nature of the movie.
Megatron landed on earth in search of the cube, the prime spark, 5,000 years ago but was frozen in the arctic circle until he was found (get this) in 1935 by Sam's Witwicki (Shia the Beef)'s great-great grand father. Who accidental activated Megatron's navigation system which etched a map to the cube on the old man's glasses (you get that?).
After being discovered, Megatron was WAS KEPT FROZEN until now. From 1935. Kept frozen in a government facility. From 1935. Dumb huh? Well, it gets better.
Today, Sam (Shia The Beef), is getting a car, which everyone knows by now is Bumblebee. Bee's job is seems is to be cute by queuing up classic rock tunes that Beef uses to get his 18-year-old girlfriend Mikela Banes (Megan Fox), and summon the other autobots after a decepticon attacks a base in Quatar.

The base attack it seems was a ploy to get Soundwave into the base to download files which contain the coordinates of Megatron and the cube. Skorpinock is a throw-away character put in there to appease the fans, BTW.
Soundwave is the Jar-Jar Binks of this franchise. Except Jar-Jar never gave the finger or said "shit"
So, the Autobots get to earth and spend a good 2 minutes sneaking (yes that's right) sneaking around Beef's back yard while he tries to find his ancestor's glasses that he inherited. In the WORST cameo of the past decade, John Tuturro plays a government agent who arrests the Beef and his hot girl and thus gets peed on by Bumblebee. John. Please. Go back to the Cohens, hat in hand and apologize for this crap. It's sad to watch a great actor reduced to this.

Meanwhile, a hot Aussie actress, Rachel Taylor is brought in to crack the sound of the Transformers and ends up being arrested by the same lame group of government agents that arrested The Beef.

It's a mess after this point.

Enough with the plot, lets get to the robots.

I can't lie, they look awesome. Seriously. Kudos to the FX dudes who did the work. They have GOT to get an award. That being said, there were some parts about the 'bots that kinda sucked. Like mouths. why do non-carbon based life forms need LIPS? And a lot of the 'bots were so detailed that it was hard to figure which one was which, except Prime. If it weren't for his colors, you would have no idea who was Megatron and who was Prime.

The Transformers are all mostly 1st Gen. I think. I remember from when I was a kid, Jazz (the sassy black voice robot who is the first to die. Brothers can't GET a break!), Starscream, Ratchet, Ironhide, Barricade, Bonecrusher, Soundwave, and Frenzy.

Out of 2.5 hours of movie Ratchet has the best line (which I won't give away) and Optimus the worst ("My Bad" It was like hearing Orson Welles say, "What up dawg")
The end is a mishmash of headache inducing fight scenes that make no sense. As the movie nears climax, the writing gets progressively worse to the point of being ridiculous.
Like having The Beef CARRY the cube (which looked like a torched Christmas package at this point) like a football and run from the Transformers. Bare in mind that a scene before the cube was as big as a building and being kept beneath the Hoover Dam!

The script (which is an insult to the word) is peppered with Bay-like platitudes like: "No victory without sacrifice" and Prime's speech about freedom. In the end the movie is a bad script sandwiched in a series of GMC, Panasonic (the Aussie chick actually TURNS a Panasonic flash card so the camera can get a better look at it!), and Nokia commercials.

No doubt this movie will make SERIOUS cash, because the sheeple love fart jokes, the word shit, and middle fingers. That's what our scripts have been reduced to and that's what we'll be watching 500 years from now. A farting ass of a film.

Pros:
The FX. That's it.

Cons:
HORRIBLE script
HORRIBLE acting
Serious product placement

If you use this dude, call me Greenhouse

Here’s another talkbacker who’s had a chance to catch the film in Australia, and I think he lays out his feelings pretty well:

Hi Harry and the AICN crew,

I thought I’d send you this Transformers review from across the world, seeing as we got it a full week before you guys (for a change) and the Transformers hype-meter seems to of inexplicably fallen back into the safe zone this week. Beware, spoilers ahead!

First of all, let me preface this review by saying I’m a massive fan of the original Hasbro G1 Transformer series. I had Prime, Ultra Magnus, Blurr, Scorponok... I stole money from my mom’s purse so I could buy Megatron and all the accessories (scope, stock etc) off an older kid at school.

Hey, 15 years later I’m not proud of that, but whatever. I truly loved this series as a kid, and I pretty much knew the script for the original cartoon movie word-for-word in my younger days and had all the episodes on VHS. When I was getting hyped about the new film a few months ago, I did find myself watching the cartoon one again and I pretty much know all the words even now.

So, bullshit validation out the way, I’ll start on the movie proper by saying as more and more shots and footage came out about the new film I was getting more and more excited about it. I'd watched the development over the last couple of years and felt it was going to work. I also really didn’t mind that Bay was directing; I loved The Michael Bay that did The Rock and Bad Boys, I didn’t mind the Michael Bay that did Armageddon and Pearl Harbor, and even the Michael Bay that did The Island - shit-fest movie that it was - it still looked fucking amazing. So, with the odds pretty much even for an average scripted and directed film, at least we knew the battles would go off with a big fucking bang right? RIGHT!

From the first scene, which anyone with an ounce of shit between their heads knows is the Blackout scene, this film looks incredible. In fact I’d say this first scene is one of the best. By the time Aaron Pierce cuts those wires you’re already thinking this is going to be a fucking nuts couple of hours.

Scorponok’s scenes are also good, as he takes a pounding from the soldiers and they just do not know what to do without calling in air support. Such is the lack of emotion for the soldiers, when Scorponok got semi-destroyed I found myself still wanting him to kick the crap out of these dumb bastards but no, they get away, while Scorponok burrows back into the sand never to be seen again in the film.

There are endless further highlights and there’s also a lot more in here from the original series than I expected, 90% of which is good. The banter between the Autobots when they finally appear together, for example, or Jazz being agro and having a car grill as his chest plate (just like the Porsche!), Bumblebee being the good guy, Prime being the leader., the way they transform – even if it is a bit more complex and slower.

What I didn’t think was necessary from the original was Megatron’s one line of disgust with Starscream as a nod because it’s out of context, but this was cancelled out by Megatron’s overall attitude which was spot on. However, saying that, there’s also the needless reveal that Prime and Megatron are brothers - they don’t develop that at all (and it’s right at the end too). Cullen also sounds almost like he did all those years ago, but it’s not identical. As for Weaving as Megatron, you really wouldn’t know it. I only remembered right in the final Megatron scene that it was him. Could have been anyone. Lips on Optimus? No worries. Teeth on Megatron? Bit weird.

As a plot and story, it was average. Drawing on the original concept was cool, mentions to Cyberton, Megatron’s betrayal etc, and I think overall it’s simply OK. It’s never really explained how Bumblebee turns up in the right place, but the whole Witwiki family (Shia's family) connection is satisfying enough as the backbone of the whole plot and it rolls on and comes together in predictable fashion.

On the subject of the Witwikis, Shia is a major victory for this movie. I don’t know if someone separately wrote his lines to the rest of the script or if it was just him doing what he does, but he’s head and shoulders the best real person in this film. He’s the only one, aside from the brief scenes with his parents (which are funny), that feels like they know what the fuck acting is. I’d say based solely on this film and nothing else, nobody else in this film is worth employing in the future. But hey, it’s Hollywood, so who cares.

And for what it’s worth, I really like the little Transformers, such as the one in Air Force One that hacks the system, although they do sound like ewoks and that’s never a good idea. They did have the attitudes that some of the little ones did in the orginal series though, and that for me is a great hat-tip. I could have done with some piledrivers somewhere but am willing to forgive it.

I also really thought Barricade as a Mustang completely rocked, Blackout was incredible, Starscream was good but underused, and Megatron is an evil motherfucker - much more so than he could be in the cartoon just because of the audience. There’s lots of implied jokes, open jokes, some brutal deaths given the rating - Megatron flicking a human like a peanut, and people getting stamped on for example, and also a lot of stuff that sounds just like the cartoon. A lot of ideas are there that you’ve seen before (I think Terminator 2 registered at least twice) but again, not really an issue.

Make no mistake though, this film is about big, fuck off robots having a fight and the spectacle, as many have said already is just that. I came out of the theatre at the end seriously needing to calm down. It was crazy, seriously loud and as a tour de force in what you can do in modern film-making and special effects, this is the absolute pinnacle. Maybe with the shrinking energon cube they were attempting too much, but with the rest of it you cannot honestly tell it’s CGI and I’ve never, ever thought that before. Even with Jackson’s King Kong there were several distinctly dodgy bits of programming. In this, 99.9% of it is absolutely amazing.

Ok so what are the downsides? Well, first off, John Voight is a travesty – both of himself and of acting in general. Where he felt this character came from or what his motivations were I don’t know. I thought he was nearly as much of an ass-hat as that real guy you guys used to have over there in defence, Rumsfeld is it? Maybe he was being too realistic. Anyway, I felt from the trailers he’d be a blight on the film and I was right, I just wish he’d played steely, HEAT Jon Voight and not lampoon, stupid John Voight. Bah.

Next up, while the good scenes are really good, mindblowing in fact, you can’t help but cringe at some of the more typical Bay actor profile shots and slo-mo sections. The former mainly come from Megan Fox and Duhamel, but they’re scattered throughout. You just get the feeling when there was a Fox or Duhamel shot, Bay stood there and said “look like me” *pose*. It’s just bullshit directing and photography and against the good bits, it’s like he had some days where he didn’t drink enough Jack Daniels or the bench was directing.

There’s also some ludicrous scramble times for some of the responses from military forces that go beyond “that was damn quick” to, “that’s just bad editing” and considering a few people this summer have noticed the editing of LFODH too, I’d say this is a worrying trend amongst super-budget films. And, also, on the point of stupid, why the hell does Blackout attack Qatar when the rest of the film happens in the US? Why not just have Blackout attack a US base? Why have it in Qatar? Makes absolutely no sense at all.

The hackers involved are also completely peripheral. The Australian chick, hot as she is (and there’s plenty of them here) is mildly believable up to a point, the rest of it is just a bit pointless and could have been done a lot
better.

Also, if you watch this film more than once I think you’re going to find so many plot holes it’ll end up looking like half a ton of swiss cheese. And the discontinuity sucks too. Seriously, did Starscream actually get shot down? Did the Sucre guy get killed at the beginning? I can’t remember. How the hell can Bumblebee can speak at the end? And why do they only use the original “transform sound” once at the beginning? Who knows…

But, these are issues of a level I expected. Overall, everyone knew you’d be able to blow holes in this movie if that’s what you want to do. It’s not perfect by any means, but it does deliver on being a as much a live action Transformers film as I could possibly hope for in this day and age (with these studios, directors and so on).

Honestly, as a big Transformers fan as a kid and now a 25-year-old guy, I really did enjoy this film, and I enjoyed it more than many, many other films I’ve seen in maybe the last three or four years. Lord of the Rings probably sticks it as the most enjoyable but to be honest that’s a whole different experience. I doubt any director out there would have done a better job overall (scoring over the odds for fight scenes/explosions etc etc, and under the odds for script and general direction).

And, I guarantee, that if you were expecting to like this film, it will deliver by a long way. If you weren’t, and hated the idea of flames on Optimus (seriously, you only see them once or twice) then you’ll be able to walk away satisfied in your own crappy little, angry life. I know how I felt, and I’m more than happy with the result.

THE END

If you use this, please just call me by my talkback name - Pistolwhipper

I’m not sure I’m as crazy about the movie as this guy is, but he reeeeeeeeeally likes what he saw:

Saw transformers in Cincinnati last night…

OK. So let me just start off by saying this is now easily one of my favorite movies ever. Seriously. It is fantastic. It is by far Michael Bay’s best movie. It is Transformers. If you are any at all familiar with TF, then you won’t be sad. There are changes made…but the changes make sense in 2007 vs. 1984. Every character is spot on their counterpart. Yes, Megatron isn’t a gun, and Bumblebee isn’t VW Beetle… but who cares? They are still very much the characters we have come to love over the years.

The movie opens with a VO of Optimus Prime describing Cybertron (yes, you see Cybertron….very cool), how the race of Transformers came to be, the war, and why they are scattered all over the galaxy. There is a something called a ALL SPARK cube which is an alien artifact responsible for creating a sentient race of robots. Thousands of years ago, a group of them called DECEPTICIONS, led by Megatron wanted the All Spark cube to ”take over the galaxy” which started the war. The planet was decimated and the cube was lost into the far reaches of space. (guess where it landed?) So, the Decepticons track it down, and the Autobots follow in pursuit. START MOVIE, etc……..

I was afraid that Bay would PEARL HARBOR this movie, and by that I mean he would get caught up in the human drama that he would forget the robots…much like his PEARL HARBOR movie…which to me was like a 3 hour long distance phone call commercial.

All the human characters are great. They fit. If you are supposed to like them, you really do. If they are supposed to be funny…they are. If they are supposed to be an ass…they are. Even the dialogue isn’t as corny as you would expect it to be. By far, the MOST intense dialogue comes from Prime himself. He is a military leader….knows good from bad, right from wrong. Some of his dialogue is simply amazing. And the fact that its PRIME’S voice from our youth makes you all giddy! And if you are in ANY way a fan of the 1986 animated movie, then you will be VERY VERY VERY happy with some of the dialogue!!

Shia LeBeouf is now one of my favorite actors. His sense of comedic timing is spot on. One to watch to be sure. Megan Fox…is a fox…but can ACT AS WELL. Although she plays a fox…so maybe that isn’t a stretch for her. Tuturro is great comedic relief.

The CGI….wow. These things transform at 90MPH. It is amazing. They tear up asphalt…its look good. Too good. So much EYE CANDY!

And the SOUND…THE SOUND IS THERE. KKEEE KOOO KOOOO KEEE KEEEEE……

Where there things wrong with it? Of course. There are some plot holes, sure. Sometimes the action is SO fast that you get lost in it. It’s hard to see who is fighting who. And there is not enough time spent with the robots. Of course, this movie was full of a LOT of development and exposition…so perhaps for the inevitable sequel…..

All told…I am more than surprised about how much I like this movie. DO NOT miss this in theaters. I can’t wait to see it again!

And it is ok to get goose bumps when you hear Optimus say “ AUTOBOTS….ROLL OUT!”

Call me Bumblebakes

And another talkbacker weighs in:

Hi Harry & Friends,

Wadi77 here. I've sent you this before, but I guess you didn't get it.

Long time reader, recently active talkbacker, first time trying to write a review, and first time trying to get you print my review. So sorry if my review seems uneven and all over the place. No, you don’t have t hide my username (you know, Memflix Effect), the movie already released here in my country, so don't even start calling me a plant, TBers.

I know you must be getting a lot of reviews now for “Transformers”, but maybe this time you might want to hear what a dude from the far side of the world has to say for a change. I can only say I live in the country with the tallest twin towers in the world. So I’m not American, so I may be not up-to-date to what you guys are saying now, like chest bumps or what else.

You probably surrounded with guys like me. Movies are what keeping me alive. I can’t live without them. All right, OK, actually my wife and kids are still number one. But really, I love movies. What I’m trying to say is that I love every kind of movie there is. No matter if it's a drama movie, musical, talky-talky, action, comedy, film noir, etc, you name it. That being said, I enjoyed “Transformers” very much.

All right, now on to review. I love Michael Bay. He gives me what I need after days and days of work stress in the office. He knows how to let you forget the real world. That said, he knows how to make us ignore any plot holes or whatever. And it’s fine. He gives you entertainment, and that’s what you get. Plus the feelings of adrenaline that you have when you do extreme sports? You can get that just by sitting in the movie theater watching this movie. Just awesome.

Now, where do I begin, the story? Yes, geeks, the leaked script? It’s all there. But seeing the characters (robots included) acting it out is so much better than reading. Movie opened with Optimus Prime telling you a bedtime story, once upon a million years ago, a robot world being destroyed because of greed, that it’s all because of this Allspark cube that Megatron is crazily in love with it. On screen we see the cube, bouncing through space and found its way to Earth. The survivors are scattered all over the stars, trying to survive and looking for the cube. Megatron found the location of the cube first, but crash landed in the arctic instead, frozen. His fellow Decepticons, not knowing what to do, just stay in hibernated disguise for million years until Megatron is unfrozen again.

OK, maybe I make that up a little bit. But you see, in this movie, the robots weaknees is extreme temperatures. If it’s too cold, their motor functions aren’t working, if it’s too hot, well, they burn and die. I’m talking about extreme heat here, like sabot guns.

Cut to Decepticons’ Blackout with Scorponok running amok at a Qatar US base (great action piece, great sound), and that little gremlins robot (his voice sounded like one) on Air Force One. All this is because the Decetpticons were trying to hack the US Defense database to look for the cube, which a government agency Sector 7 found and built the Hoover dam around it, and they also brought the Sam’s grandpa discovery there too. This is so secret even Donald Rumsfeld didn’t know anything about it.

Now Sam’s first scene was at school, when he was trying to sell his grandpa’s old stuff at his show and tell sessions. Which we go on flashbacks of how his grandpa discovered something in the arctic. You know, Sam’s story is about getting his first car, trying to impress a girl, and that he has something that the robots want.

Sam got the car (really funny Bernie Mac), then his car’s “stolen”, Sam gave a chase, giving order to police, you know like “bring backup, bring whole squadron”, so funny. I smiled to see Bumblebee “batman-signalling” the Autobots that he has found the kid with the glasses. Sam got caught by cops, another funny scene about drugs.

Then Decepticons’ Barricade (got information about the glass from eBay) and Bumblebee got to play the “Terminator 2” scenes. And the girl, Mikaela got tagged along to give him “emotional’ support. They did give the girl some backstory too, and Sam kind of saved her father. Great performance from Shia LaBeouf, great eye-candy for Megan Fox (drools). Then Autobots arrived (great reference to “Armageddon” by one kid), Sector 7 (over-the-top John Turtoro is a joy to watch) arrived, and both groups created some chaos at Sam’s house. All of these are really funny stuffs! People were laughing all through these scene. Actually almost the whole movie. The “My bad” and dog peeing scenes were there, but they were not that bad. Sam’s parents were fun to watch too (Ironhide asked for permission from Prime to shoot the parents, because they are so annoying!).

Sure they cut back to military stuff time to time, introducing us to young computer experts/geeks/hackers hired by the US Defense to decipher the only clue they got from the attacks. OK performance from the British girl, hilarious Anthony Anderson as usual.

Not too long story cut short, Bumblebee got caught by the government. Sam & the girl, Donald Rumsfeld & the military, John Turtoro and Sector 7, the computer geeks, and Bumblebee were all brought to the Hoover Dam. We see Megatron, the cube, which can turn things to life and gets nasty. But that little gremlin robot were there too, and sent for support. We see Donald Rumsfeld actually pick up a rifle and go “John Ramnbo”, so I guess he didn’t just talk all through the Iraq war. Starscream arrived, Megatron awakens, and the real “Bayhem” begins. Megatron’s first words? “YOU FAILED ME YET AGAIN, STARSCREAM!!” Boy, I was a 12-year-old again!

And I really mean “Bayhem”. Well, I’ve spoiled everything, did I? But the finale is the most unfair part to spoil. Freeway chase, tanks, buildings collapsing, explosions, explosions, robots changing to vehicle form in high speed and chage back again. Starscream on air fight with other jet planes, mind boggling. I mean, on the air, change to robot, turn around and shoot, change to jet, resumes dogfight, it’s crazy. I almost stand and open up my arm, you know, like Nic Cage did in “The Rock”. Prime fought Megatron, awesome. Remember a scene from Superman 2, something about crashing through building straight to the other end? Well, let your imagination do the job for now until you see it.

Yes, this is the story about the robots. Sam’s story was good and fun too, but they are something to keep the plot going, and to have some attachment to the real world, without it, it won’t work. We see the Autobots discussing about letting Bumblebee to be caught by the government, why they can’t harm the humans, soldier’s codes, etc. And each one of the robots has their own character, really love the scene where Prime introduced the Autobots, how each of them trying to show off what they can do, Ironhide with his guns, Jazz with his attitude (love his final words to Megatron: “WANNA PIECE OF ME? HUH? WANNA PIECE OF ME??”)

I guess, to sum it all up, I rarely had fun at the movies like this. It’s just awesome. Great cinematography, music, the VFX & sound will win the Oscar. Steven Spielberg was right, Michael Bay was born to direct this movie.

I'm sorry for those who didn't enjoy the movie. For once, try to relax and enjoy what's on screen. This is what you need to release yourself from the real world. It's not your job to look for plot holes, etc, it's the critique's job. Let them suffer for it.

So don't lie to yourselves people! If you are willing to pay for the show, get the most of it. Enjoy it. I did. And, oh, please stay through the end credit, there’s some bonus scenes for you. I’ll try to answer questions in the TB below.

Cheers,
wadi77

Here’s another strongly negative reaction:

“I fear the wounds are… fatal.”

-Perceptor, TRANSFORMERS: THE MOVIE (1986)

I knew, immediately upon seeing the debut of the new flame-driven design of Optimus Prime, that Michael Bay’s TRANSFORMERS would be difficult to swallow as a genuine text in the comprehensive tome of Transformers lore. At least Prime had SOME semblance of the robots I grew up loving through the toys, cartoon series and – the crown jewel of the franchise – THE MOVIE. However, more and more of the new character designs began to emerge, and it became dishearteningly obvious that the long-awaited live action incarnation of the beloved franchise would share little more with its original source other than its title, the names of a few of the characters, as well as a handful of key plot-points.

After seeing 20 minutes of TRANSFORMERS footage at a Hasbro-sponsored event back in March, this idea was further confirmed, and I k