Hey, everyone. ”Moriarty” here.

I saw that report that came in yesterday, and I didn’t post it because (A) the film’s done now and in a comedy like this, I’m not sure reading the script is going to give you a real hint of what the film will be like and, more importantly, (B) I rabidly disagreed with the guy’s take on the script.

Then again, I didn’t care for the first HAROLD & KUMAR, either. I know they threw a big shindig in Austin and the boys down there had a good time with it, but I thought the movie was pretty much a dud. Even so, the first film was a classic compared with the script for the second film, which felt like empty shock for the sake of it, as witless about pushing buttons as Uwe Boll’s POSTAL script, another example of someone trying to turn intentional outrage into comedy gold.

So I have to say, I’m not really surprised to see this show up tonight, and I’m offering it as a counterpoint to the piece yesterday:

Dear Harry,

Hey, I just read a mind-numbingly positive review of Harold and Kumar 2, and I felt the urge... nay, the civic duty to right this terrible wrong. Warner Bros./New Line held a screening on Tuesday night on the WB lot. The film is still obviously far from finished/polished, but what is on screen is not only one of the least funny movies since "Date Movie," it might be one of the most offensive and terrifying.

As a precursor, I am a fan of the original. Any film that can take the canned "pot road movie" and infuse a sense of not only new, inspired Dadaist comic sequences and social commentary deserves serious kudos. Whereas the original is, well, original, the sequel reminds me of "American Pie 2" in that both follow the EXACT SAME BEATS as their respective originals while utterly corroding any goodwill earned during the first films for the characters or their situations. The film has all the elements to be funny, but the punch-lines are either non-existent or so poorly written or timed that I found my head in hands shaking more than my mouth open laughing (I laughed, I believe, 5 times, one of which was for a ludicrous continuity cut between the boys driving through rain to an exterior of the brightest town this side of "The Truman Show").

As for the terrifying, even horrifying, aspects of the film. The original pointed out and critiqued societal prejudices and flaws: how police treat minorities (particularly black people), how mindless, pedantic, selfish, spoiled, and sheltered America's youth is (i.e. cell phone left gag), how being in a church and practicing the faith are two different things, how the media portrays minorities, etc.

In the sequel, societal flaws are pointed out (Gitmo, war on terror, racism, classism), but instead of being tweaked, these horrible truths of America are spotlighted and then, if not outright celebrated, shrugged off (SPOILER: by "GEORGE W. BUSH" (if you squint and don't notice the make-up)) as, "Oh, well, that's America fer ya'. Still, ya gotta love it!"

And, no, "Harold and Kumar 2" and the frattish brain trust in the back, I don't have to love it or even like it. Gitmo is real, torture there is real, racism is real. A cock-sucking joke does not point out how ridiculous they are. It only points out how ignorant America wants to remain (particularly young America). This film wallows in all the American ills that the rest of the world hates us for. Rather than acknowledge how wrong America may be, or even acknowledge that a world exists around these very real socio-political issues, the film cops out by using the word "fuck" as a joke or more homo-erotic (and homophobic) "cock" jokes.

Someone at the end of the screening called out at the end, "Gitmo is a real place. People are tortured there. It's not funny." Most of the audience thought it was funny though. Which was the scariest part of all.

Finally, the film ends (for the second or third time, but not the last) on an unabashed Amsterdam ad, the only nod to a real outside world, which is insulting and blatantly commercialistic but also slightly refreshing as you don't see anyone native of that country demeaned to a moustache and homemade boat (as are Cubans). There's a big difference between a "pot road movie" and a social satire. And, sorry, boys, but "Harold and Kumar 2" shows that these writer/directors cannot handle much outside of a bong (and a phallus).

If you use this, you can call me, oh, I don't know, Moe.

Thanks.