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Andromeda cheated on Kraken and the evidence is the STARDUST in her hair!

Hey folks, Harry here... The following reviewer is the lovely Andromeda. She's married to Kraken - and allows him his "illicit adventures" with Quint. That said, you've probably seen Andromeda before. She was the blonde that King Kong picked up that screamed so magnificently in Peter Jackson's remake. That said, she had no part in STARDUST, though I'm betting she would've killed 7 or 8 close friends just for the honor. There were 3 moments during the film where she caught my attention during the movie. She was absolutely transported by the film... so much so, that she did something she hasn't done -- she wrote up her feelings on this movie. Here you go...

Hey guys! Here's my review of "Stardust" a.k.a. Afterglow: The Movie. First of all, you should know that I really loved the book. There are a lot of changes from the book and that normally drives me mad with a lot of movie adaptations. But in this case, the deviations they made from the book made it more interesting, at least cinematically. They kept to the true spirit of the book, which I'm sure was helped by the fact that Neil Gaiman was involved in the process and friends with the director. I'm going to try to keep this as spoiler light as possible, but no promises. The main premise of the story is about a young man, Tristran (played by Charlie Cox), who in order to win the heart of a girl from his small town of Wall, England goes on a journey to find a star that his beloved saw falling and said that if he could bring back to her by her birthday, she would marry him instead of a local rich boy. Wall is named for the fact that it is next to a long wall that separates England from the magical realm beyond and it is their job to keep people from going into the magical realm. Tristran's father is the only other person from Wall that ever went to the other side. He went 18 years ago and met a woman, fell in love, and 9 months later, Tristran was left for him at the wall to raise. What Tristran doesn't know is that in the magical realm (Stormhold), the king just died and as his last act, he threw his kingly pendant into the far reaches of the night and told his only remaining sons that whoever finds it shall be the next king. The pendant knocks a star out of the sky (the one Tristran sees with his fickle young woman) and is also seen by 3 witch sisters. What we come to find out is that the star takes on human form once on Earth (Claire Danes) and that if one cuts out the heart of a star and eats it, they have eternal life. So we have a race to find the star. Tristran finds her first and the rest of the story is about him trying to get her to Wall without falling into the hands of one of the princes of Stronghold, the witch sisters, or any of the many other people that would kill the Yvaine the Star along the way. That's as much as I'm going to say about the story line, because you really have to see it to appreciate it. I'm going to move on to other things - the casting. The casting was truly inspired - young Charlie Cox does a wonderful job of transforming from a simple shop boy into a young man that has embraced his true self and has had his horizons broadened by his adventures. Yvaine the Star is played by Claire Danes and even though I'm not usually a huge fan of her work, she played Yvaine with such sweetness and simplicity and purity she won the hearts of everyone in the theater. The princes of Stormhold that had the most focus were played by Jason Flemyng and Mark Strong, although sometimes the ghosts of their other brothers stole the scene. The witch sister that was chosen to find the star was magnificently played by Michelle Pfeiffer - she looked absolutely gorgeous and was deliciously evil. The other two sisters played a much larger part than they did in the books and were also delectable in their desire for their sister to succeed - their remorseless butchering of animals to read the entrails for directions was very well done. We also had some wonderful cameos - Ricky Gervais (of the BBC's "The Office" and "Extras") made a fun appearance that any fan of his will enjoy thoroughly. The most notable, however, was the amazing Robert De Niro - he played Capt. Shakespeare and I will not say anything more about him because in my opinion, if you don't want to see the movie for the story, go see it for him. He's hilarious and touching and perfect. This was one of the things in the movie that was quite different from the book and I loved it. The extended character worked beautifully and was one of my favorite parts. His crew was also wonderful, headed up by Dexter Fletcher (who you'll probably not know his name if you're from the States, but will know his face). As far as the technical aspects - I was blown away by the score, which was done by Ilan Eshkeri and it was also beautifully shot by cinematographer Ben Davis (both had worked with director Matthew Vaughn on Layer Cake). The whole thing was put together beautifully, from costume and makeup to sound design and everything else. I wish I could name every department separately so they'd all get the credit they deserve. A project like this can't be pulled off this smoothly without a lot of hard work from a lot of people. They built a very believable and beautiful world that welcomes you with open arms and you don't want to leave when it's over. I'd like to address something that was said about the movie, and this will have some MAJOR spoilers, so beware: It was said that Tristran wasn't a very effective hero. This is what I have to say to that - you're missing the point. It wasn't about him becoming a bad-ass. It was about his journey into manhood and discovering what true love is, who he truly is, and having to courage to face the witches in the first place. It was said that all he did was let some animals loose. For one of them, yes, but he had to get there in the first place and he was willing to fight for his love. It may not have been a flashy fight in some places, but it was smart. I mean, really, he's 18 years old and he just learned to use a sword over a course of 2 days (remember, he only had a week until Victoria's birthday). He's going against 3 witches that have been around literally for hundreds of years. What did you expect him to do - charge them with his sword? That's what Septimus did and look where it got him. Speaking of which, one of the things he had to do was fight a zombie swordsman! I think that was pretty heroic. In another part, again, he used his brain instead the hair on his chest and tried to kill one of the witches with bottled lightning. Pretty smart - I would've thought that would work. And yes, in the end it wasn't him that vanquished the last standing sister, but the Star, but that made sense to me because she is unearthly and it would take an unearthly power like that to finish such a powerful force (which, by the way, she wouldn't have been able to do without Tristran's courage). Okay - I'm done with my rant. GO SEE THIS MOVIE AS SOON AS YOU CAN!!! Harry, thanks for bringing this in for HALF-ASS-ATHON - as soon as I saw it was Matthew Vaughn on the intro video, I got giddy. I've been anxiously awaiting this movie for awhile now and it was worth the wait. -Mrs. Andromeda Kraken (don't believe the hype, Perseus lost)

Readers Talkback
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  • June 25, 2007, 9:16 p.m. CST

    Sounds good.

    by Octaveaeon

    Just borrowed a book by Gaiman from a friend. THink I'll give it a look..

  • June 25, 2007, 9:23 p.m. CST


    by duct tape wallet


  • June 25, 2007, 9:27 p.m. CST


    by blackwood

    Nicely put.

  • June 25, 2007, 10:15 p.m. CST

    Puppy Shit, I take great offense to that...

    by Kraken

    ...she keeps her Gandalf t-shirts very clean.

  • June 25, 2007, 10:17 p.m. CST

    Half-Assed is right on the money.

    by Nate Champion

    This was the big draw? Yeesh. I'd rather watch all three Pirates of the Carribean movies with my eyelids taped open ala Clockwork Orange than watch DeNiro debase his reputation even further.

  • June 25, 2007, 10:21 p.m. CST

    "Hocus Pocus" meets "The 5th Element"

    by Mike_D

    sorry, had to say it again. Does this mean that AICN will start promoting this film full-blown now?

  • June 25, 2007, 10:30 p.m. CST

    wait a minute.....

    by Hella

    Naomi Watts wrote this review?

  • June 25, 2007, 10:31 p.m. CST

    wait a minute

    by ciroslive

    this review was written by Naomi Watts? That's cool I guess...

  • June 25, 2007, 10:32 p.m. CST

    Adrian Brody chose HD-DVD and here's why...

    by Hella

    cause only in HD can you see the stardust on his nose hair

  • June 25, 2007, 10:33 p.m. CST


    by Hella

    CIROSLIVE...... are you behind me????

  • June 25, 2007, 10:40 p.m. CST


    by ciroslive

    Are you behind ME?!

  • June 25, 2007, 10:41 p.m. CST

    Best Thing Since Sacking Ledger

    by georges garvaren

    this review is. Good on ya, Watts.

  • June 25, 2007, 11:03 p.m. CST

    Is this really Watts?

    by Christopher3


  • June 25, 2007, 11:22 p.m. CST


    by Little_Alex

    Not Watts. I presume Harry's referring to the actress who plays the Ingenue in the stage show Denham puts on, upon returning to NY with Kong!? (You're actually supposed to think it's Watts at first in the scene, before the reveal.)

  • June 26, 2007, 12:05 a.m. CST

    Not watts or stage girl

    by Kraken

    She's the first girl Kong grabs outside the theater.

  • June 26, 2007, 12:20 a.m. CST

    Ak ok....that's cool. So how

    by Little_Alex

    Ak ok....that's cool. So how did that come about?

  • June 26, 2007, 12:21 a.m. CST

    *Ah* ok....

    by Little_Alex

    Sorry. Typo.

  • June 26, 2007, 2:07 a.m. CST

    "Remorseless butchering of animals"???

    by TheGhostWhoLurks

    Why should they feel remorse? They're ANIMALS. That's what they're there for... to eat, wear and dance for our pleasure. If they're lucky, we may let them actually live in our homes to make us smile after a hard day at work.<p>Man... now I'm hungry...

  • June 26, 2007, 2:30 a.m. CST

    you guys aren't too quick

    by BadMrWonka

    if Naomie Watts wrote this review, then Kraken would have to be Liev Schreiber, wouldn't he?<p>and we know that's not true. (no offense buddy...)<p>think things through guys...great review though, I'm looking forward to seeing this one...

  • June 26, 2007, 2:35 a.m. CST

    They... Mentioned... Peter... Jackson...

    by UltimaRex

    ...Must stop myself... Reason failing... Fanboy rising... ...Must... ...Stop... AAAAHHHHHH!!! Peter Jackson for JLA! Peter Jackson for JLA! Peter Jackson for JLA! (oh yeah, nice review BTW) Peter Jackson for JLA! Peter Jackson for JLA! Peter Jackson for JLA!

  • June 26, 2007, 2:44 a.m. CST

    so I guess it wasn't written by Watts

    by ciroslive

    You made me read for nothing!

  • June 26, 2007, 4:39 a.m. CST


    by thinboyslim.

    only jesting.

  • June 26, 2007, 6:29 a.m. CST


    by Kamala

    Are they going to play some old school Genesis in the movie? The whole "In the Cage" melody. For those younger folks who don't know what I am talking about, please go back to listening to "hips don't lie"

  • June 26, 2007, 9:47 a.m. CST

    Is this the sequel to "STARCRASH"???????

    by MIghtySABO

    The plot is way too similiar, but there's no Hasslehoff...that guy iz Tits!

  • June 26, 2007, 10:15 a.m. CST

    Take This you Mother Fu(sword sound) Witches.

    by Diagnostic

    Can they make a prequel?

  • June 26, 2007, 10:53 a.m. CST

    I AM THE LEGMAN and . . .

    by GreatWhite

    I just want to reiterate that I really did love Stardust. I'll see in in the theater at least once more, recommend it to everyone, and buy it on DVD. However, I did have that one quibble, which I won't repeat here because I don't have invisotext. But no, to me just showing up isn't enough. But that's a small thing, and unlike Messawyrm I really did dig the movie.

  • June 26, 2007, 11:59 a.m. CST

    I don't get it

    by Nuck81

    Who is this girl?

  • June 26, 2007, 12:05 p.m. CST

    So you are trying to say...

    by Monki

    ...a night with Stardust is better than a night with Kraken...Yeah, sounds about right.

  • June 26, 2007, 3:31 p.m. CST

    Peter Jackson should do a "Kingdom Come" story, not JLA

    by Mike_D

    Peter Jackson is too epic for a JLA movie, he needs to do a graphic novel.

  • June 26, 2007, 3:34 p.m. CST

    You're all wrong...

    by Kirbymanly

    There's a part where Kong picks up a random blonde on the street while looking for Watts. THAT'S her.

  • June 26, 2007, 4:44 p.m. CST

    Now c'mon Monki!

    by mrs_kraken

    You know I love my big sea monster - nothing is better than a night with him!

  • June 26, 2007, 5:52 p.m. CST

    Oh trust me, Monki already knows...

    by Kraken

    ...what a night is like "releasing the Kraken". You don't think we really play poker on poker night do you? Woah!

  • June 26, 2007, 7:40 p.m. CST

    the real question is...

    by BadMrWonka

    does Monki ever end up with "stardust" in HIS hair after a night with Kraken?

  • June 27, 2007, 2:42 p.m. CST

    Oh don't be such a hardman, Flip63Hole

    by Talkbacker with no name

    It sounds good to me. Go see it and let your feelings out, man. You might even shed a tear. Go on, it will be good for you. You might even pluck up the courage to go out in public in your mum's dresses, if you can let out that feminine side you are trying hard to keep hidden.

  • June 28, 2007, 3:54 p.m. CST

    worst written headline ever

    by blacklodgebob

    I generally love the "cheesey headline" thing that you guys do here, but this one was just bad. I'm still confused.

  • June 29, 2007, 12:57 a.m. CST

    Gaiman's filmic Spanish Fly

    by CornsilkSW

    this particular story isn't for callous assholes or guys who bury their feelings deep below their dunlap guts where they fester into ulcers. It's for people who like and get girls, and especially female emotions. That said, I can see why many of the Talkbackers are lashing out in multiple talkbacks at the praise for the film. in the words of Captain Jack: "You need to get a girl, mate."