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Fox's ON THE LOT Stealthfully Soldiers On!!
I am – Hercules!!
Not many are watching Fox’s filmmaking competition “On The Lot,” but those who are watching are voting admirably. More admirably, I’d gauge, than the show's judges and the contestants.
Last week viewers kicked out “resident cutie” Trevor James, whose ham-handed blind-date short severely tested everyone's patience.
Here’s how I rank last week’s (generally much better) crop.
1) “So. I think we should talk about slipstream.” David May’s “Love At First Shot,” about the tardy cupid, demonstrated sharp comic sensibilities and gets big points for its authentically nerdy dialogue discourse on warp drive vs. transwarp. The Jack Bauer-ish take on cupid was a great idea too.
2) Shira-Lee Shalit’s “Beeline” suffered from a shaky premise and terrible lapses in execution and logic, but there was something inspired about a slutty mom revealing the depths of her post-split horniness by racing around town in a giant down coat.
3) Andrew Hunt’s “Polished”, about the maintenance man who used his floor-waxer as a instrument of vengeance, was a bit of a botch. It would have been funnier if he baited his victims with something more valuable and alluring than free hamburgers, and the mad rush may have made more sense if he announced the giveaway on a public-address system instead of via flyers. The fade in on the huge pile of victims was pretty funny though, so give the guy points for a solid visual punchline.
4) Marty Martin caught a lot of undeserved shit and bad advice from the judges a few weeks ago because his snazzy earlier effort was a mock-trailer. His follow-up, the handsome but narratively famished “Dance With The Devil,”, was about a guy whose criminal past claims his love, and induced a lot of shrugging.
5) Kenny Luby’s “Edge on The End” was about a guy who, apparently reeling from a death of a loved one, wanders drunkenly in the snow as a lot of bad rock music plays. It was so plainly awful Carrie Fisher had to blunt her complete lack of enthusiasm by complimenting Luby on his looks. Luby, a veritable filmmaking Sanjaya, also made the incomprehensible short about the laughing cabdriver. This guy has got to go go gooooooooo.
Tonight heralds the return of frozen-coathanger guy.
8 p.m. Tuesday. Fox.
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...ever?
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where I go can and *have* made better shorts than these. These are freakin' terrible.
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That would increase the ratings tenfold . Vote the judges out and pick new ones for next weeks contest.
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old white people dont know ANYTHING. seriously. this show speaks so much to the PROBLEM of movies and music in general, that old white people try and tell artistic creative people whats GOOD, while the audience behind them boos them and says they enjoy what they saw. its all right there, a fucking testimonial to how fucked up shit is. get rid of the old white people, bring in younger directors of differnt RACES, i mean god forbid we see spike lee on this shit. while bay was the best so far, dude is a lil racist. but yea, get rid of fisher and that old fuck marshall.
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got rid of Chelsea Handler, I was out. She's funny and slutty all in one dirty sexy package. The new girl couldn't think her way out of wet paper bag.
Project Green light was at least entertaining from time to time, watching movies get made is a lot like watching paint dry. This method they use on "On The Lot" is lousy. This is just a show that never should have been done. -
...go fuck yourself. I am so sick of your bullshit. Simple fact: Regardless of whatever your particular race might be, you are the most prejudiced, racist motherfucker on AICN, period.
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Yeah I know - it's an oldie but a goodie.
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The three word review of on the lot
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Almost moreso than the judges, Adrianna Costa needs to go. She actually siphons energy off the screen. I call her out at levyonteevee.blogspot.com
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What a HORRIBLE host. Period.
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where i went, can and *have* made some of the worst shorts i've ever seen.
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For crimes against style and intelligence, Marty Martin deserves the hook. Every film last week was bland to horrible. This show is like train wreck TV.
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I was looking forward to this show before it started and really liked the first couple eps. But after cutting out an important 3rd ep and now doing only American Idol style shows is really making impossible for me to care. This show was supposed to be about making movies. INstead they are all being judged on the movies they were already judged on...their entrance videos! Come on. And to stretch this out for three or four episodes is brutal. NOw they are in a position where they have lost the viewers looking for a show about MAKING movies, and if they ever switch back to that premise they will lose what little audience they have now. So what happens when they run out of used movies? Are we going to see their first film ever and judge them on that? Are they going to get a task we won't get to watch? Or are they going to change format again? Regardless, they're pretty much screwed.
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Was Chris Moore. Without an angy Irish producer, On the Lot is hopeless.
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I really hate Marty Martin. Marty Martin. I hate his attitude. Marty Martin. And I hate that he continues to repeat his name ad nauseum. Marty Martin.
I also despise the little weasel Marty Martin for stealing wholesale from the films of Tony Scott. Marty Martin. That little shit Marty Martin doesn't find inspiration from his hero. Marty Martin. He just finds shots and concepts that he can steal. Marty Martin. Handsome, my ass. Marty Martin.
Marty Martin AND the asstard Kenny Luby MUST GO. -
but it doesn't. I keep watching hoping to see some genius in any of these people, but so far...nothing.
Maybe some changes to the format of the show will help if they get a second season, because right now something about this just doesn't click like it should. And yes, Kenny needs to go. -
his critiques were easily the highlight of the show's entire run thus far.
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...probably to anyone who has worked/volunteered in a film festival, or had their film play in one, or even just attended one. Filmmaking is the one art craft that many people have at least entertained thoughts about working in (I'm looking at every one of you, my fellow Talkbackers).
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Because his pretentiousness thought it was cooler to make a mock trailer than to do the assignment and tell a one-minute story. Marty Martin and that Cabby M'F both need to be schooled in telling stories after they egt voted off the island.
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in comparison to Project Greenlight. PG was intriguing because it takes a behind the scenes look and shows you what goes into the film making process. this show, on the other hand, takes a very American Idol spin and just shows you completed short films, most of which completely suck. i don't care about seeing the finished product, i'm FAR more interested in seeing how it came to be.
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with Season 1 of Project Greenlight: It is very hard to find an unknown who is both a talented writer and a talented director.The contestants should all be directing the same script. Sure, we would be seeing the same story 5 or 6 times for each group each week, but we would get to see each person's interpretation of that script. And a director's interpretation of the material he is presented with is, in my opinion, the best way to tell which of these yahoos is good, and which ones are great (and which ones don't even deserve to be there in the first place, Kenny).
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He should stick to making homemade skateboarding music videos.
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Big Jim is right on...they should all be given the same script to direct. Watching the directorial differences would make this much more interesting.
Marty Martin is good? Really, Hercules? Really? The only thing I can say is, he's not as bad as Kenny.
The second batch was superior to the first? Really, Hercules?
CQuest may be racist, but he/she has a point. Garry Marshall is just awful. And I actually don't think he's directed any good movies, unless you want to call Pretty Woman "good." Carrie Fisher is disappointing, and Michael Bay was the bomb (I can't believe I just typed that, but it's tru). -
I don't go there, but it's my hometown. Greatest crappy place ever. I went to NYU - and by the way, I know film school gets a bad rap from a lot of people, but I've seen some really talented stuff there. Stuff much better than most of what's on this show.
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When I saw the comedy Big Bad Heist It was hilarious. I hoped he'd give the judges what they wanted but he can't make shit.. he is reduced to making shitty trailers. at least the others had some actual story..
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I have to say watching this thing literally IS groan inducing. Even worse, in terms of TV, it's far too tedious as well. As others have noted, it really is like watching paint dry. I'm no fan of reality shows, but I thought they'd keep my attention with one centered on filmmaking. Instead they've bored me to tears.My problem with the show? In the end, there's just too many variables at work. Look, if you watch something like AMERICAN IDOL it comes down to two things and only two things: First, you make an initial judgment on how the person looks and if you'll want to root them on (yes, I know that's shallow, but let's face it, that IS what everyone does)...and then second, the moment they open their mouths to sing, you simpl judge their talent. You only have two choices. You can say "Hey, not bad. They actually carried the tune" OR -- and let's face it again, this is what you're REALLY hoping to see on national TV -- you're hoping they'll be another major embarrassment (like a William Hung) at which point you have the fun of saying "How the fuck did this person get to the finals? Why are THEY on TV?!?" And to be honest, part of that is psychological -- its a way of bracing ourselves up a bit and saying "Pfft! If only I had a chance, I could have been better than them. If that's what they think is good, I guess I am better off doing my normal job since obviously these people controlling things have no taste." The end result being we then feel better about what we "do" for a living or for not actually trying to go for the brass ring at times.Which leads to another big problem with ON THE LOT. One of my favorite things of late is Paul Potts, the British car phone salesman who has been tearing up YouTube and who just won the BRITAIN'S GOT TALENT show. If you haven't seen it, you should. It's a great emotional bit of TV. He was the guy who came out on stage to audition looking totally dumpy. He had an ill-fitting suit, was heavy set, horrible haircut, chipped teeth. So the minute you saw him you were like "Who is this???" And when he said he was going to sing Opera, like the judges, you were sitting there rolling your eyes and thinking "Oh brother! Here comes Willian Hung Part 2"...at which point he opened his mouth and he showed he has the voice of an Angel. The clip on YouTube is great if you haven't experienced it. You think he'll be bad, but then he turns out to be GREAT...the crowd goes wild...and it goes from being this moment of "I feel bad for the poor fat guy who's about to make a fool of himself on TV" to "Yeah! You go, man! You win it all! It's Rocky-esque! I hope you can win it all!!!"And that's another problem with ON THE LOT. Since Day One no one's fit that "underdog you want to root for" label (least not to me) nor has anyone really displayed any real, real stunning talent that you wouldn't find at pretty much any film school. In short, they all seem pretty damn exceedingly average. I think more often then not, viewers were looking at these people and left saying "THIS is the best you could find?"...at which point the tuned out. Not to mention filmmaking IS such a slow and tedioius process, that while you're watching these people go through the motions they'd BETTER have great, shining personalities (or at least sympathetic ones) to keep you watching. But no one really fit that bill either.And then by the time you get to their films, it looks like amateur hour and feels like amateur hour, so you care even less because, let's face it, it IS amateur hour. On AMERICAN IDOL the equataion works far easier. The person now gets to sing, but he's dressed up first rate...on a first rate stage...backed by a first rate band...so now it's just a simple evaluation of their voice and that's that. Call in you vote, game over.So like I said, ON THE LOT was an interesting idea, but it just had too many variables going into it that just didn't work as a contest per se. And if you were interested in a show about filmmaking, then PROJECT GREENLIGHT was still better because at least it was more focused all along the way -- so at least you felt like you were watching someone, or getting an actual peek into the process over the long haul.Frankly, the biggest problem with ANY show about filmmaking is that -- more often than not -- it's all going to be about "taste" anyway. As you watch ON THE LOT or even GREENLIGHT, to often you're left sitting there thinking "Who the fuck thinks this makes for a good movie? You call THAT dialogue and good writing, even for a short? Why the hell would you shoot it that way? Wait, you thought THAT person could act? Hold on, THAT'S how you're going to edit it?!?" For crying out loud, we have those arguments over professional films ad nauseum, so OF COURSE we're going to look down our noses on these guys and and rip them to bloody pieces.In fact, that's the biggest gripe I now have with this thing. The fact that they're so exceedingly average. And when its over one of these clods is going to get a million dollar development deal -- and so far I've yet to see anyone who would even warrant a second meeting on a studio lot...
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He has no style and his "stories" are pretentios shit. The mad cabdriver was the worst short in that round but it get me curious for his next short. He might be a wannabe Lynch. Unfortunatly the next short was even worse. Any depressed teen could film that kind of selfimportant shit.
Luby can't handle a Mio. Dollar Budget.
Marty Martin has at least a good eye for copying Tony Scott. Remember: They are searching for a director not a screenwriter! If he gets a better script and help from a experienced producer he should be able to make a watchable Thriller or Horrormovie.
The best short in the last round was the one with the cupid. Blind Date wasn´t that bad either. Frank Marshall just doesn´t get the point that the guy imagined the worst possible dates. of course they had to be clichees and not multi dimensioned characters. especially in a 2.5 minute short. -
Not as much as Kenny's fucktarded films though. Not sure why I keep watching, but I'll probably stick around until the end. Okay, I'm watching it because of Adrianna Costa. And to see how bad the films are. Bad films + mediocre judges + Adrianna Costa = entertaining. Not sure how that equation works out, but it does.
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That's not saying much since I don't find Sarah Silverman any good either.
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Take a shot of whiskey everytime Adrianna Costa flubs a line. I guarantee you'll die of alcohol poisoning.
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As opposed to a SNL Digital Short which most of these films are.
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Might as well watch....
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You won't be missed, douchebag!
3/5 of this night's films were terrible. And I'm glad Carrie and Wes Craven told them so. -
I only count 2/5 (Jason and Jess). Who's your third? Because I thought the other 3 were pretty damn good.
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Major points for having David May's film as the best last week... All the judges gave him crap but I thought it was great...
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These judges seem to be more aiming at what will be popular and mainstream than what's good filmmaking. Marshall actually comes out with some smart insights, but they tend to be about what will sell. Arguably, that's not a bad thing. But on this episode he said something along the lines of the protagonist's wifebeater shirt in the movie made him less likeable. He doesn't seem to think that maybe the "hero" of the film can be less than a nice guy. Um, the protagonists in the Godfather are murderers, Gary. Expand you horizons. I also hate Wes Craven's "Horror needs blood" comment. Pretty mindless concept from the "Master of Horror".
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don't work and aren't popular is because, in general, most people outside of us, just don't care much how movies are made. Which is also why movies about the movie business almost always tank at the BO. THE PLAYER was a great movie and a critical favorite but it was hardly a huge box-office draw. Again, most of the general public finds the behind the camera aspect of moviemaking pretty boring. I'm not talking here about the Entertainment Tonight type shows; those are just live action versions of gossip rags.
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Can we just give the special effects guy the prize and save everyone the embarrassment?
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He has the most potential and most imaginative material I've seen in terms of amateur shooting. The guy is amazing with what he does. He makes idiots like Michael Bay look like utter shit. But then again anyone makes Michael Bay look like utter shit. No this guy is just awesome. That is all.
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I've seen better stuff come out of freshmen film classes. No shit. I don't know how they selected these people, but 90% of them couldn't direct themselves out of a paper sack. Can we get a moratorium on anything to do with peepee or poopoo? How old are these idiots? The glass eyeball short had potential, but of course the jackass had to resort to a poopoo joke. And I can only assume that Kenny is being assisted by some vote for the worst campaign.
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http://www.votefortheworst.com/
That explains Kenny. -
every week they change the shit up. one week they ask everyone if they thought a film sucked, awkward pause, then next week nothing. one week they reveal who goes home at the beginning, next week at the beginning. they used to let us actually WATCH the contestants (contestants? why not call them fuckin directors) film shit, which was actually COOL, to see personalities clash and see them struggle with writing or with deadlines...now its just them sittin in some fuckin chairs while we watch what they made without knowing what they put into it. and of course, the shitty judges. fisher and marshall are HORRIBLE. and why was wes craven booked TONIGHT, when they have horror week coming soon? why not save him for that? these fuckers have absolutely NO IDEA what they are doing. they literally must be coked the fuck out of their heads to be running this shit the way they are. however, all would be forgiven if the host would just flash her tits once. or twice. or all episode just have em hanging out her blouse. yeaaaaaa. quality tv right there!
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do filthy, filthy things to that host.
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Say she is from Brooklyn, when she is from York, PA? She may live in Brooklyn now, but she is not from there.
I'm a native New Yorker, nothing pisses me off more then the posers that have lived in this city for a day and claim to be NY 4 life and know the apple better then anybody. -
I thought that was clever except for one thing, why was he covering the wrong eye, shouldn't he cover the good eye instead of the hollow one to see what the glass eye sees?
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clock is ticking. SS MUST have promised network SOMETHING to keep this turkey past this week. Ratings are an ad rate bloodletting.
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Damn coffee
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What's with no visible rack???
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Especially after last week's magnificent outfit. As for being pregnant, maybe she is carrying Kenny's talentless spawn. If he is nailing her, that's a 3-minute movie he could make that might be worth watching (unlike everything he has done so far).
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