While I'm working up a few reviews left over from the fest, as well as watching every last minute of Kirk Alyn Superman Serials, I'll post up the latest two installments from that arrogant pirate Peter Blood. Personally, I'm sure he's going to run into Captain Levasseur and that'll be his end.... probably some gleeful duel over a brazen hussy, but well... we've bled him for film info, and his blood tastes good... don't ya think? (Sorry, saw RAVENOUS tonight. Short=decent bloody movie) And now... Here's Peter Blood...

Day 5: Good day, eh and welcome to day five. Oh wait, I'm an upper crust
English doctor turned heroic pirate, not a beer swigging Canuck. Maybe
Harry should have named me Billy Milligan instead. Anyway, one of the
panels I attended on Tuesday should be of interest to all AICN readers. It
was called "Alternative Exhibition or Why Can't My Town Show Cool Movies?"
Really; I wouldn't make that up. I live in Austin now, so my primary reason
for going to the panel was to get some information and suggestions I could
relay to you loyal AICN readers. Director Richard Linklater was on the
panel because of his involvement with the Austin Film Society (like...
starting it). Also there were representatives from Atlanta, Baltimore,
Houston and New York. The gist of the panel was how to get non-mainstream
Hollywood fare out to the masses. To be honest, the basic message they had
was "keep trying." Eventually it may work. Richard recounted that after a
pretty good start, the AFS was VERY close to shutting down for a couple of
years. One of the organizations they recommended contacting to get prints
of classics was the Museum of Modern Art in NY (www.moma.org). They also
mentioned that if you're planning on creating a non-profit group like
Austin's, get in touch with the National Alliance for Media Arts and Culture
(www.namac.org). This group can help with planning events and fundraising.
Having a venue also seemed to be a hot topic at the panel, although several
people in attendance told stories of showing films in churches, bars and
pretty much anywhere people could sit. The main thing is letting all your
friends and their friends know so they can attend... in other words,
advertise. Otherwise, you'll be sitting in an empty church watching that
copy of Lawrence of Arabia by yourself.

Later in the day, after a brief respite, I braved the harried crowds of the
Dobie Mall to catch an early glimpse of Go (www.spe.sony.com/movies/go/),
the new film from Swingers director Doug Liman that should be hitting all
the multiplexes April 9th. First off, Go is about as far from Swingers as
you can get. Go covers the events of a Christmas rave, a trip to Vegas, and
a drug deal intertwining over the course of one evening. The most jarring
difference is the violence. At one point I was sure everyone in the film
would be dead by morning. That doesn't happen, but it's still a long way
from the playfulness of Swingers. Liman continues to ape his deity Quentin
Tarantino, this time borrowing mostly from Pulp Fiction rather than
Reservoir Dogs this time. Go's narrative structure is the most obvious
homage/rip-off, playing the story out through the eyes of four characters
one at a time (well, o.k. two at once for a while).

Sarah Polley stars in the first segment as Ronna, a world-weary grocery
checker about to be evicted from her apartment. She's desperate and not too
bright, so it's really hard for the audience to root for her. She tries to
mediate a drug deal to get her rent money, roping her friends Claire (the
always delicious Katie Holmes) and Mannie (Nathan Bexton) into helping her.
The highlight here is Timothy Olyphant (Scream 2) as the drug dealer Todd
Gaines who we all know will eventually come after Ronna. He exudes a
menacing, but fun smarminess that this segment of the film should have had
more of. Instead, what we continually get from Ronna is the message
(quoting the Dead Milkmen) that "Life is Shit" and her life especially.
Sure, there are many comic moments to lighten the load, but only the
hallucination of an OD-ing Mannie talking to cats comes across as truly
inspired.

Next we follow Simon (Desmond Askew) as an English-accented fellow clerk who
needs Ronna to take his shift so he can go to Vegas with friends. This
segment revels in it's Pulp-ishness, and as such, is the most fun to watch.
Taye Diggs plays Marcus, Simons "black friend" who rips him with dialog like
"If you were any less back, you'd be clear." The brightly lit insanity that
is Vegas is the perfect backdrop for this tale of friends who just keep
getting in deeper. The strip club scene probably had great dialog, but
everyone in the audience was laughing so hard, it was difficult to tell.
Eventually Simon winds up on the run too, being chased by the strip joint
owner and bouncer. Suffice it to say, the danger here seems more comic and
less real, allowing the audience a breather from the tension of the first
segment.

From there we go to the story of Adam and Zack, who we already know a little
about from the first segment, but who wind up a little more complex than we
thought. William Fichtner, a great character actor last seen in Armageddon,
plays police lieutenant Burke, another menacing force who winds up providing
most of the laughs. Think of him as Go's version of Christopher Walken in
True Romance. Adam and Zack aren't on the run, but simply can't escape.
Once they do, things get worse, smacking back into the story from the first
segment.

Finally, dawn comes, and we follow Claire through the aftermath that for a
while reminded me of the classic "Rabbit Season" cartoon with Daffy & Bugs.
"O.K., Doc. Would you like to shoot me now or wait till you get home?"
Claire, being the only sane person we've seen all night, goes home in
disgust. Then, as Geoffrey Rush says in Shakespeare in Love, "Strangely
enough, it all turns out well." What the audience is left with is a new
kind of movie, the art-house ride film. It's not as compelling or
fascinating as Swingers, nor is it as cool, but it makes for one hell of an
evening in a darkened theater after you get past the bumpiness at the start.

Day five concluded with the SXSW Conference closing party at Liberty Lunch
(The fest continued all week). Because of Go, I arrived after the awards
ceremony, but managed to have a nice long conversation with my good buddy
Jim Beam. The highlight this night was seeing Perfect Specimen's Alicia
Corbett, who is even more enchanting in real life than on the screen. I
asked Annette Kellerman and Johnny Wadd who won the awards, but the only one
they could recall was Wadd: the Life and Times of John C. Holmes winning the
documentary award. It doesn't really matter though, does it? When an
Italian comic can beat Sir Ian McKellen's performance of a lifetime for the
world's top acting honor, awards seem a little more insignificant.

Since the conference was over, day six had no morning sessions, so it was
straight off to the Dobie at noon for There's No Fish Food in Heaven
featuring the babelicious Fairuza Balk (The Waterboy, The Craft) as bohemian
painter Mona in what is easily the most bizarre film I saw throughout the
fest. It also had the highest Babe Factor with the aforementioned Balk,
Debi Mazar as her pregnant cousin Rosie and Tea Leoni as her boss (at what
should obviously be the most popular pet shop in L.A.) The only way I can
begin to describe this film is to tell you to imagine Truly, Madly, Deeply
and After Hours put in a blender and co-directed by Terry Gilliam and Tim
Burton. It's that whacked. Our other characters in confusion include indie
veteran Noah Taylor as Jeff, Mona's boyfriend who...well, ya gotta see it,
Patrick Dempsey as a tall dark stranger who never speaks and may be either
an Angel (Angels seem big this year) or a Demon, Jeffery Jones as a
fame-hungry Priest/Minister, and James LeGros as a friendly car-jacker. We
also get a death by falling angel, talking dogs, an S&M club where Balk
wears nothing on top but electrical tape (there's your $8 worth right
there!), decoupage, visions, church sex, and a transvestite who sleeps with
serial killers. In short, this is your movie on drugs. All that aside, it
was entertaining to watch, and there's no way you can predict everything
that's going to happen. It had a higher body count than the previous
evening's Go, but was so much less sinister and violent, that I must admit I
had more fun watching it. If you're yearning for anything remotely rooted
in reality, this will not satisfy your thirst. From what I understand, so
far this has no US distribution. That's really a shame, because it's a very
fun little flick (and of course, there's the electrical tape scene!) that
midnight audiences will probably really dig. If it plays at a fest near
you, seek it out. It's worth a look.

Day 6 continues in Part IV (EDtv Premiere)

Which due to the miracles of deadlines and editting I (Harry) will bring you right now!

Day 6 was supposed to continue with the new Mary Stuart Masterson weeper
Book of Stars. Everyone I spoke to who went to the first showing said it
was fantastic. I didn't wind up making it, but I REALLY want to see this
movie. I hope someone picks it up for distribution so I get the chance. So
why didn't I make it? Let me back up a bit and start with an invitation I
received in the mail about a week prior to SXSW. It was an invitation from
the Austin Film Society (of which I'm a member) to purchase tickets to the
Austin Premiere Screening and Premiere Party for EDtv, with Matthew
McConaughey, Woody Harrelson, Elizabeth Hurley, Martin Landau, director Ron
Howard, and others scheduled to be in attendance The price for these tix
was $150 and $200 with proceeds going to the Texas Filmmakers Fund. To be
fair, that's not bad for a star-studded premiere and it's certainly a worthy
cause, but this pirate doesn't have enough booty lying around to fork over
that kind of dough after already shelling out 195 doubloons for the
conference itself. The timing was also rather annoying, coming 4 days AFTER
a sneak preview for the film played in multiplexes across the country (and
another was scheduled for the next weekend.) During the first couple days
of the fest, I learned that my SXSW badge would allow me to purchase a
ticket for the Screening for a mere 25 gold coins, and it was rumored that
if there were any seats left, any SXSW badge wearers waiting in line would
be let in. After a little inner debate, I decided that wasn't too bad,
(it's not often I get to be in the presence of Ron Howard) so I planned to
stop by the Paramount on my way to Book of Stars and drop 25 clams, go see
Book of Stars, return to see EDtv, finally progressing on to Mating Habits
of the Earthbound Human afterwards. What happened, though was as follows...

I arrived in the port of the great Paramount theater in Austin around 4:30pm
local time. The premiere wasn't due to start until 7pm (and these things
NEVER start on time) so I was a bit surprised to see a throng of about 50
avid film fans already standing in line. Back towards the end of the line
were Harry and Father Geek, having arrived a short while earlier. I strayed
from my intended course of the box office window, veering instead towards my
comrades. Harry told me that they were guaranteeing 350 SXSW Badge holders
would be able to get into the Screening, the first 350 in line of course.
Harry and Father Geek already had tickets to the screening and the party as
well, but Harry said they needed to pick a ticket up for the lovely Cora
Smith, (who, were I less attached, I would love to deliver mail to.) I
think Harry also wanted to bask in the warmth of the film lovers as much as
possible. I know I sure enjoyed it. Yes, I decided to forgo Book of Stars
to wait for 3 hours in a line with fellow movie geeks and pirates for a
movie I could have seen the previous weekend. But, I'm glad I did. Harry,
Father Geek and I were shortly joined by Tom Joad, Annette Kellerman, Quint
and the already mentioned Cora Smith. As we waited we discussed the films
we had seen so far, what was great, what was lame, what we still needed to
see. During this time, the line behind us grew, but not into the sprawling
mass I expected it to, and Harry was interviewed by every person with a
Betacam and a Mic within 4 blocks. They passed tickets out to those of us
in line sometime between 6 and 6:30. Harry and Father Geek's tickets were,
of course 5th row center, as expected. Quint wound up about 5 or 6 rows
further back, just to the left. The rest of us were in the front of the
balcony, with Tom Joad and I on the far left and Annette and Cora, far
right.

About the same time we were let into the theater, the stars started
arriving, causing a mass of geeks to form at the ropes along the red carpet
for their arrival. Not being a lover of imitating a sardine, I segued into
the main part of the theater to chat with Quint and Father Geek while Tom,
Cora and Annette hung out "on the ropes." We moved from the aisle as
Elizabeth Hurley rushed past towards a front vestibule in a stunning pink
gown and what appeared to be nothing at all underneath it. Needless to say,
Quint, Father Geek and I were left speechless for a moment. Guillermo del
Toro was already seated and talking to Harry. Lauren Holly was seated
toward the back. None of the three of us knew at the time, but I heard
later that she and Matthew McConaughey were "close friends." Ellen
DeGeneres and Anne Heche sat just behind her. Robert Rodriquez came in and
sat with Guillermo. Clint Howard came in and appeared to have the seat
right in front of Quint's. Throughout all the arrivals, Elizabeth Hurley
walked past us, always smiling, at least two more times, then finally,
showing her tickets to an usher, she was escorted to where the three of us
were standing. Ooops. I stepped out into the lobby to grab a drink and
returned to find Quint chatting with Toby "Chainsaw" Hooper. Then I saw
Martin Landau coming in and I knew this would be a great evening. I decide
not to wait any longer, proceeding to my seat upstairs as the crowd whooped
when Woody Harrelson came in. I missed Johnny Wadd, who arrived about this
same time to take his $25 floor seat, having purchased it the night before.

After a very brief intro by SXSW Kingpin and Austin Chronicle Editor Louis
Black, EDtv began. Since the film comes out this weekend, I won't go into a
detailed synopsis. All you need to know is a 31 year old video store clerk
named Ed played by Matthew McConaughey agrees to have his life put on the
air 24-7 on a low-rated cable TV network. He's a Texas everyman living in
San Francisco Along for the ride are Woody Harrelson as his brother Ray,
Jenna Elfman as Ray's girl, Shari, Viveka Davis as the sister and Sally
Kirkland and Martin Landau as their Mom and Step-dad. The real treat here
in my opinion was Ellen Degeneres as the show's producer, Cynthia. This
almost makes up for Mr. Right. Clint Howard spends most of the film in a
satellite truck as a network technician. Unlike Truman Show, the cameramen
have to follow Ed around all over the place. The first day, things look
pretty bad. After all, Ed's life, like most of our own, is rather boring.
See Ed wake up with morning wood. See Ed scratch himself. See Ed rent
videos. See Ray try to upstage Ed at the local bar where they hang out.
The network execs (including Rob Reiner as a perfect corporate putz) are
ready to pull the plug, but Cynthia talks then into letting her have a week.
Well, wouldn't you just know it, on the evening of day two (or maybe three;
I can't recall exactly), Ed wanders over to Ray's apartment to watch a
ballgame, finding Ray with a woman that isn't Shari. Then, things start to
happen between Ed and Shari when he goes over to console her. Needless to
say, suddenly Ed's life is suddenly very popular viewing. Shari can't deal
with the fame, however, so she tells Ed it's over till after the show.
Elizabeth Hurley pops in later as Ed's potential girlfriend as does Dennis
Hopper as his estranged father. Wackiness ensues.

Most of the film is played strictly for laughs, but with nary a venture into
the shock humor of Something About Mary that is so popular right now. It
comes across as truly genuine because of it. There's a romance and a few
lessons thrown in (being famous sometimes sucks, value your privacy, family
is everything, love conquers all) but none of them ever get pounded into
your skull or get in the way of the point of the film which is making us
laugh. The lessons are there if you want them, but if not, just sit back
and enjoy. To be honest, I was beginning to tire of Ron Howard. I thought
Apollo 13 was way too slow, and Ransom was a muddled mess. EDtv has
restored my faith; it's Howard's purest comedy since Night Shift, showing
impeccable comic timing and a sense of fun throughout the whole film that
most directors would be lucky to get twice in one film. I have to go see
the film again, because I know I missed several lines due to uncontrollable
audience laughter (Especially Ellen's speech in the boardroom scene near the
end.) Nothing overly sophisticated, nothing overly tacky, just a lot of
laughs from a top notch cast working in perfect sync under the direction of
one of the best.

Afterwards, all the stars I mentioned making their entrances (well, the ones
in the film), along with Howard, Viveka Davis and McConaughey took the stage
for a Q & A session hosted by Austin's own Richard Linklater. Everyone was
a delight and you could tell they had a ball making this movie. The
highlight was a question from a woman who said she had heard in a TV
interview with (Sandy Bullock, Jenna Elfman, Elizabeth Hurly; damn, I can't
remember who) that Matthew was a great kisser and she was wondering if there
was any way he could prove that to her personally. With goading from Woody,
she was escorted up on stage for her proof. At this point, it was after
10pm and I had missed the start of Mating Habits, so I sauntered with the
AICN entourage (save Johnny Wad who really missed out) over to Antones where
the after-Party was being held.

Harry and Father Geek were ushered in since they had passes, while the rest
of us bumped into Elijah Wood who was leaning against a car out front.
Harry was planning on trying to find a way to get us in, but it didn't look
good. We chatted with Elijah for a while, because most of the other AICNers
knew him from when he was down in Austin filming the Faculty last year. He
wasn't in town for the films, but the music part of SXSW, which of course
was what started the whole thing anyway. Everyone was ordered away from the
door several times by the bouncers, but we stayed close to Elijah and
escaped ejection. Elijah had to go so he wouldn't be late for a show, Quint
was underage and knew he couldn't get in, so we four were left on our own.
It didn't look like Harry was going to pull some passes out of his hat (a
green bowler if you're interested; it was St Patty's Day afterall), so we
were about to depart. Then, from out of the smoky mists, a figure
approached. It was non other than SXSW Master Louis Black. Louis was lured
over to our party by the effervescent sensuality of our own Annette
Kellerman. She batted her eyes as Louis approached. "You guys having
trouble getting in?" Dumb nods from myself and Tom Joad. "How many?" "Four"
we chanted like maniacal golfers. He reached into his magic coat and
brought forth four golden ticket. (O.k., more like tan, but you get the
picture.) Then, with a collective bow and shouts of praise and thanks to
Louis, we entered Mecca Cha-Ching!

We found our fearless leader Harry soon enough, after fighting through a
gaggle of gigglers surrounding Matthew. I looked for my good friend Jim
Beam, but was told he was not in attendance However, his buddies Jack
Daniels and Johnny Walker were more than happy to pick up my tab. Ah, this
is what movies are all about; free food, free drinks, movie stars, and Jimmy
Vaughn on stage. Whoa, Jimmy Vaughn; can this get any cooler? Robert
Rodriguez is there, paying homage to guitar-master Vaughn. I spot Woody
making his way through the crowds. At one of the bars, Lauren Holly and
Elizabeth Hurley hang out with us commoners. BTW, let me just say that
although I hadn't realized it at the theater, Lauren Holly was smokin' that
evening! She had on what appeared to be a finely woven slightly tight silk
t-shirt, and although it was quite warm in there, part of Lauren's anatomy
sure looked cold, ifyouknowwhatImean. At one point, when I was returning
from the little swashbucklers room, she quickly spun from the bar plowing
right into me. She apologized and went on her way, but I'm sure I stood
there stunned with drool hanging off my lower lip for a good minute and a
half. I probably I talked to several other people, but after the Lauren
incident, one other event eclipsed everything for the evening for me.
Finding myself next to him near the bar, I shook hands with Martin Landau,
thanking him for his great gift to film and television. Here I was, shaking
hand with Commander Koenig, and it's 1999. Whoa, toooooo cool! I remember
Lauren, Matthew, Woody and Elizabeth dancing on stage. I remember last call
occurring WAY too early. This 2am deal just doesn't suit pirates well at
all. I remember talking to Jack Daniels at length. Everything else is a
blur.

Tune in for my next and final installment of my search for treasure at SXSW
where I'll babble on at length about the best film of the fest and so far,
the best I've seen this year.