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Massawyrm Sees FANTASTIC FOUR: ROTS And Declares: MEMFLIX WAS RIGHT!!

Hola all. Massawyrm here. The rumors are true and the bets are being settled. Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer is an astounding, unbelievable, monumental…piece of shit. No, really. When Bill O’Reilly gets around to seeing this, he’s going to tender his resignation the moment he realizes that Fox not only sanctioned, but paid for, an abortion. Unlike its predecessor, this movie starts off bad and continues to get worse. So let’s lay our cards on the table, shall we? If you are not a comic book fan, a comic book movie fan or have share no love of the Fantastic Four outside of the previous film and maybe a cartoon series…the following review is NOT FOR YOU. Seriously. I’m a fanboy. I rant, I rave, I spray nerd juice all over the fucking place. If you’re the type of person who thought X-Men 3 was a Fun summer blockbuster or Okay for what it was or that the first Fantastic Four movie was a fun film, I highly recommend you back out of this window now – or at least jump to talkback, share your snark and then continue on your merry way. We will not see eye to eye on this and my review will be completely useless to you. Okay? There. I have been completely honest with you. This review is coming to you through dork-tinted glasses. When it comes to the original Fantastic Four, I tend to fall dead even with the general consensus. It got as much right as it got wrong. So imagine my surprise when this movie not only starts off on the wrong foot, but hops on it the whole way. There is so much wrong with this that it has to be seen to be believed – not that I’d recommend that to anyone but my most fervent of enemies. The first act is entirely a series of terrible slapstick jokes about being members of the Fantastic Four. We’re talking gawd-awful shit so bad you expect some old vaudevillian/Hanna Barbara sound effects and a rim shot to follow each of them up. They even sink so low as to hit you with a Thing’s Dork made of Rock joke. Such is the juvenile, complete disrespect of the material. And that’s just how this begins. Then, once they’ve gotten through the initial set up and finish explaining that they give exactly fuck and all about the material they’re handling, they introduce the Silver Surfer, the one redeeming aspect of the whole film. The five to ten minutes we spend with Lawrence Fishburne’s Norrin Radd is about the only moments of the film that are tolerable, if not enjoyable. They get him right. Of course, he’s not on screen long enough to get fucked up, nor does he ever crack one of the tasteless, puerile jokes. The rest of the Fantastic Four fare about the same. Ioan Gruffudd is still struggling at his feeble attempt at Reed Richards. And Jessica Alba – well, as hot as she may be, in a town full of fucking blondes, they hired the only Brunette – and the worst part of her playing Sue Storm is that when she's not just totally wrong for the part, you just can't take your eyes off of her creepy fake ass blue contacts. Seriously guys. If you care so little about getting Sue right, does her eye color really fucking matter that much? And the Thing still looks fake as all hell. So much for the theory that they'd make him rockier over time. And does Chiklis have it in his contract somewhere that he has to appear without makeup in so many scenes in each film? Because I don't think in over 500 issues the Thing has turned human as many times as he has in this two movie series. Once again, the only character that hits the mark is Chris Evans Johnny Storm. But even he gets a bit too bogged down in one-liners, as well as plays party to all the very worst moments in the film. Really, this feels like a terrible parody of this famed super team. I don't care how goofy and kitschy the Fantastic Four got in the comics at times. They were never a Warner Brothers cartoon. This might as well be – without actually being funny like a WB cartoon. So bad was this at times that I was waiting for the Mad TV actors to appear, playing major roles. And if you doubt me, wait until you see the scene in which the Fantastic Car shows up. Oh lord, just you wait. There is such a sacrilegious setup, such a you just wouldn't believe it if I told you moment, that IT WILL BECOME LEGENDARY. Guys – this is nipples on the batsuit bad. And really, that's what kills this movie. Sure, fine, whatever – turn Galactus into a giant space tornado and don't let him appear at all. Keep Dr. Doom shooting balls of electricity. Have the military treat reed Richards like shit every time they need his help to a point at which it makes no sense. That's the kind of shit you could get away with if you got the soul of the movie right. But they don't. They fail, once again, to get the soul right – only this time, they don't even appear to be trying. So things like Giant Space Tornado, Eater of Worlds (AKA Sir Not-Appearing-in-this-Film) kind of sticks out like a cold sore on a stripper. Could this movie be worse? Only a bit. It could be a bit more boring, and piss you off just a slight bit more. But that would require effort. Something this franchise has shown very little of. Not Recommended. Not even a little bit. Until next time friends, smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em. Massawyrm
I'd like to let the filmmakers know that my sack is available for their gargling pleasure anytime.

>


Readers Talkback
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  • June 15, 2007, 8:29 a.m. CST

    FIRST!!!

    by Jellylover

    And crap...I really had hopes for this one. Atleast the new bat-suit looks bad ass or my day would be normal...what?

  • June 15, 2007, 8:32 a.m. CST

    MEMFLIX is da F----n' MAN!!!

    by C00L DUD3

    Second is the best...

  • June 15, 2007, 8:33 a.m. CST

    O.k

    by killing joker

    This is getting very confusing. Is this film shit or not. No matter, I only go to the flicks once a month at best, I'll stick with transformers. Oh, and I rewatched the first one a couple of nights ago and I actually enjoyed it. Am I going insane?

  • June 15, 2007, 8:34 a.m. CST

    lol

    by supercowbell 4 cant stop the cowbell

    "So imagine my surprise when this movie not only starts off on the wrong foot, but hops on it the whole way." hilarious

  • June 15, 2007, 8:34 a.m. CST

    Memflix and the 7000 MySpace friends of doom

    by NachoNegro

    Hate me for saying this if you want, but he signed a contract specifically agreeing we wouldn't do it, and he f*cking ignored it and went ahead and did it anyway. Fox were harsh, but perfectly within their rights to ask for his removal. I'm sorry Memflix, but there's a lesson here - don't sh1t on your own doorstep.

  • June 15, 2007, 8:34 a.m. CST

    Look, you don't need to be...

    by Oceanlizard

    a fan to know that there are severe problems with FF:ROTS. So please stop talking down to those of us who are not fanboys of every damn movie that comes out.

  • June 15, 2007, 8:36 a.m. CST

    Still Going...

    by BanAllFIRSTPosters

    It's like a car wreck, I just can't look away.

  • June 15, 2007, 8:36 a.m. CST

    It sucks? How shocking.

    by Movietool

    You mean they couldn't salvage the steaming turd of a setup from the first movie into something good? Amazing.

  • June 15, 2007, 8:37 a.m. CST

    so who do we believe Harry or Massa?

    by ilander66

    lets see Harry liked the film hes an uber geek and knows loads about film etc. hang on he thought that Jar Jar Binks was cool and did not ruin Star Wars....I think that says it all.

  • June 15, 2007, 8:37 a.m. CST

    Thought so...

    by Jakes Nel

    Can't wait to see it. I love bad movies.

  • June 15, 2007, 8:37 a.m. CST

    I will see this...but I don't really want to

    by Sparhawk38

    I don't even like the cg look of the SS. I think Massawyrm is right. Films have to get the soul right on these iconic stories and characters. Miscasting and mediocre scripts kill it. eeewww...Mr. Happy rock joke...blek

  • June 15, 2007, 8:38 a.m. CST

    F4 was a fun film and X3 was a fun summer blockbuster

    by UserIDGoesHere

    I feel so sorry for people who can't see that. Already got my ticket for F42 tonight!

  • June 15, 2007, 8:38 a.m. CST

    Really, did we expect anything else?

    by greyspecter

    If it turns out to be even half as good as the first two chapters in Spiderman or the Xmen series, or Batman Begins, I would have dropped dead on the spot. Here's a thought: have a comic book fan do the movies, not a movie maker who's totally soul-sold to Hollywood.

  • June 15, 2007, 8:38 a.m. CST

    memflix is an asshole and so are you..........

    by JeanLuc Dickhard

    of course everyone on this site will back what memflix was saying.... did massa like hostel 2 as well ?

  • June 15, 2007, 8:39 a.m. CST

    like we all didn't see this

    by nostatic

    like we all didn't see this coming.

  • June 15, 2007, 8:40 a.m. CST

    ilander66

    by NachoNegro

    Harry has not written a credible review on this site for 5 years plus. His reviews are bought by the highest bidder - no doubt Tim Story offered to let Harry get him a coffee, and all of a sudden Harry loves the film. At least Massa has got the bollocks to stand up and say the film was shit - Harry will never tell you that, because he's too busy being Spit-roasted by Tim Story and Eli Roth. Bottom line - listen to Massas review.

  • June 15, 2007, 8:41 a.m. CST

    I'm not getting on this wagon...

    by somaobi

    Is the movie perfect, not even a little bit...they still have yet to make one of the most badass villians ever the Dr. Doom we deserve to see, but all things considered, I was thoroughly entertained and surprised by this FF. I thought the whole cast was better, I didn't want to barf on my dick due to any particularly terrible dialogue, and over-all, I simply had fun with this not-9-hour-long popcorn fare. It was certainly a million times better than the abortion that was Spider-Man 3... PS -- Wah wah to Memflix...who gives a shit...

  • June 15, 2007, 8:45 a.m. CST

    I am not seeing this.

    by tile_mcgillus

    Not after Spider-man 3. I don't need anything else to ruin my summer. What the fucking hell happened marvel. Fuck this I'm out! <p> If Jonnie Fauvs fucks up Iron Man I am quitting the world.

  • June 15, 2007, 8:45 a.m. CST

    MEMFLIX....

    by lost.rules

    Victory Will Be Yours!!!!! Let's hope it has a shitty weekend at the box-office. ALL HAIL MEMFLIX! Oh, and FUCK FOX!

  • June 15, 2007, 8:46 a.m. CST

    I keep telling everybody this will suck

    by vanfan

    Or, at least I meant to tell them. Blame on

  • June 15, 2007, 8:50 a.m. CST

    ROTS? i didnt know the sith was in fantastic four!

    by supercowbell 4 cant stop the cowbell

    when did this happen?

  • June 15, 2007, 8:51 a.m. CST

    What's wrong with a little "Thing's dork is made

    by Borgnine JR

    of Rock" joke? Personally I'm more curious about what his poop looks like. As far as this review goes, Massa has always been a Film Fundamentalist so take it witht he proverbial grain.

  • June 15, 2007, 8:52 a.m. CST

    More polarizing than The Sopranos finale?

    by tonagan

    (alternate subject header: "Waaaah!")

  • June 15, 2007, 8:52 a.m. CST

    Best review I've read yet!

    by Franklin T Marmoset

    Nice work, Massawyrm. The more it pisses off the comic geek types, the more I know I'll like it. Gods bless and praise you, Tim Story, for not giving a fuck about the 'soul' of this silly bunch of nonsense. Less than two hours until I see FF 2 and I'm already excited about FF 3!

  • June 15, 2007, 8:52 a.m. CST

    Maybe they should cancel this and turn it into a comic.

    by tonagan

    Oh wait...

  • June 15, 2007, 8:53 a.m. CST

    I don't generally trust Massa...

    by stones_throw

    I think he tends to write reviews for the effect they'll have. I'm willing to trust Harry that this is a solid 3 out of five. From the trailers it seems they've at least got the Surfer and the threat to the Earth right.

  • June 15, 2007, 8:56 a.m. CST

    If you want to see a far superior version...

    by greyspecter

    ...of Marvel's First Family, watch the Incredibles. Still remains in my top five of comic book superhero movies. Captures the fun and the serious aspects so much better than 9-10ths of the offal shoveled down our throats by Hollywood.

  • June 15, 2007, 8:57 a.m. CST

    Sir Not-Appearing-in-this-Film...

    by jimmy rabbitte

    ...I'm still laughing, Massawyrm.<p> As I figured this film lacks all entertainment value. Why wouldn't it? The first one absolutely sucked. Atleast I had a good time reading your review. <p> The problem is, this movie will likely be in one of the top two spots for the weekend. Well... there's no accounting for taste. Maybe, in the next one, they can have The Thing go all "Vic Mackey" on someone.

  • June 15, 2007, 9:07 a.m. CST

    well spidey 3 had a great first half and great action

    by supercowbell 4 cant stop the cowbell

    but the whole black suit potrayed as a dancing abilty enhancer is when things got weird

  • June 15, 2007, 9:07 a.m. CST

    If you want to see a funnier version...

    by Franklin T Marmoset

    of Marvel's first family, check out the Roger Corman-produced film. Dr Doom is hilarious in that one. Whoever's playing him can't act with his mask on, so he compensates by gesturing wildly with his arms a lot and then wiggling his fingers about for emphasis. Very funny.<p>Also, if you're a Buffy fan, Mercedes McNab is in it. She's quite young, though, so no looking at her boobs.

  • June 15, 2007, 9:07 a.m. CST

    ^ as i just said in the other rotss talkback

    by supercowbell 4 cant stop the cowbell

  • June 15, 2007, 9:09 a.m. CST

    Indeed...

    by Quintus_Arrius

    .. I am sad. I hoped that this movie wouldn't suck... Alas.

  • June 15, 2007, 9:13 a.m. CST

    Doesn't Buick make the Fantastic Car?

    by DarfurOnTheRocks

    I was talking to my brother and we discussed the state of the Big 3. The main problem is that their cars are still not to the level of Toyota or Honda. The other problem is that EVERY F*&king car commercial of theirs have the cars driving up walls, falling through the Earth, and generally doing shit that so fantastical that they do not showcase the true car capabilities at all. I will not be watching this movie in honour of Memflix. Fox can eat a dick....straight up.

  • June 15, 2007, 9:14 a.m. CST

    the roger corman version is hilarious!

    by supercowbell 4 cant stop the cowbell

    dr doom spells out words with his fingers, mr.fantastic trips people by stertching his legs,then looks around in a very stupid way like he didnt do it, theres a shot from alcia masters point of view. nice idea for a low budget movie, BUT ISNT SHE FUCKING BLIND?!?!? and the human torch races a laser, which makes absolutely no fucking sense at all. SINCE WHEN CAN A PERSON TRAVEL FASTER THEN THE SPEED OF FUCKING LIGHT?

  • June 15, 2007, 9:18 a.m. CST

    and when sue storm discovers shes invisble

    by supercowbell 4 cant stop the cowbell

    the lower half of her body is invisble and the upper half isnt and it looks like shes 8 feet tall.

  • June 15, 2007, 9:18 a.m. CST

    and when sue storm discovers shes invisble

    by supercowbell 4 cant stop the cowbell

    the lower half of her body is invisble and the upper half isnt and it looks like shes 8 feet tall.

  • June 15, 2007, 9:20 a.m. CST

    A message to DC Comics/Warner Bros....

    by Abin Sur

    ...beat 'em while they're down! With the so-so Spiderman 3 and what looks to be a very lousy FF2, NOW is the time to slap around Marvel Comics with some kickass movies - Dark Knight, for sure, hopefully Superman: The Man of Steel (if Singer's promise to go Wrath of Khan is true) and speed up production on the Justice League and Teen Titans movies (with GOOD talent attached to direct, PLEASE GOD). DC has always had more EPIC heroes, so lets see some EPIC movies!

  • June 15, 2007, 9:21 a.m. CST

    Jessica Alba: Sellout of the Year?

    by TheGhostWhoLurks

    Maybe they can put her in blackface to play Storm in the next X-Men flick. It's the same thing.<p>What a pathetic waste of a perfectly hot latina...

  • June 15, 2007, 9:26 a.m. CST

    As much as I wanted to see this...

    by mr dark

    I won't be there this weekend or next... Giving Fox your duckets is like handing your rapist a jar of vaseline... It wont hurt as much but your still getting fucked. MEMFLIX LIVES....

  • June 15, 2007, 9:28 a.m. CST

    TheGhostWhoLurks

    by Rupee88

    Jessica Alba is not a "sellout"...you have to be an artist to sell out. She's been a cute little whore from the start and that's what she still is. Nothing wrong with whores...I love them and I pay them sometimes, but they are still whores.

  • June 15, 2007, 9:28 a.m. CST

    chiklis

    by blacklodgebob

    I saw an interview where he said he had to go into therapy in order to deal with being in the thing costume, and that it was a huge strain on his family. I'm betting it totally is in his contract to turn back to human a certain amount.

  • June 15, 2007, 9:34 a.m. CST

    Did anyone really think it would be good?

    by ls420

    i mean come on, this is the "wal-mart" of comic book movies.

  • June 15, 2007, 9:36 a.m. CST

    I just watched Ghost Rider

    by eric haislar

    And holy shit was that just god awful talk about taking a character and showing him no love at all. everything about that movie blew. Except Sam Elliott. I could watch that man read a cereal box. FF$ 2 has to be better then that trash.

  • June 15, 2007, 9:38 a.m. CST

    Let Fox burn in hell

    by jro123

    This is indeed a slap in the face to fans and regular movie-goers. I hope this bombs at the box office so the can finally remake this franchise the right way

  • June 15, 2007, 9:40 a.m. CST

    Of course it's crap! It looked it from the start!

    by kevred

    Every moment of every trailer has told us all that it's crap! I'm glad to see we're finally getting confirmation, but for chrissakes...you could tell from the first glance at the first footage of the first film that they had completely screwed up the FF, launching it as a second-rate, no-name popcorn franchise when it could have (and should have) been the jewel in the crown of Marvel flicks.<p>Imagine this Tim Story bullshit had never happened, and we had a top-drawer film with A-list acting talent, a talented director who really got it, and effects that were better than Sci-Fi Channel quality.<p>Haven't X-Men, Spidey, and Batman Begins taught the studios anything? You get what you pay for!

  • June 15, 2007, 9:44 a.m. CST

    Solarbabies

    by Spandau Belly

    just putting it out there again.

  • June 15, 2007, 9:46 a.m. CST

    MASSA gives the comicFan review, which is important

    by George Newman

    With comic movies, there is always a standard(the original books) to hold the films to. <p>Harry, often contradicting himself, will separate book from film. It shows the movie GRACE when viewers should not have to be gracious in the first place. It is a testament to the film's weakness and failures if a viewer is going to first have to have a forgiving mindset, before entering the theater. <p> IT'S A BUNCH OF CRAP. <p> Make a good movie!

  • June 15, 2007, 9:48 a.m. CST

    yeah ok...

    by radjac33

    Its still better than Emo-Man 3.

  • June 15, 2007, 9:51 a.m. CST

    Massawyrm you are vile

    by kafka07

    and that's why we worship you. Hail the Massawyrm!

  • June 15, 2007, 9:53 a.m. CST

    why is this the only thing coming out this weekend?

    by torontoxic

    Who blew who to lock that down?

  • June 15, 2007, 9:53 a.m. CST

    better than Emo-Man 3 but

    by kafka07

    not as good as Encino-Man

  • June 15, 2007, 9:54 a.m. CST

    When Marvel gets to Captain America ...

    by Boris Baddenov

    As a movie, I pray that they don't try to steer him stupid, like make him the Red Skull's long-lost twin brother, or (hasn't this been done ALREADY?) spend most of his heroics *in street clothes*, eh, Matt Salinger???

  • June 15, 2007, 9:55 a.m. CST

    Memflix's 7000 MySpace friends...

    by NachoNegro

    ...had best club together to buy him a new projector. That is all I have to say about that.

  • June 15, 2007, 10 a.m. CST

    I am very suprsed(not) that site didnt cover the news

    by emeraldboy

    that one Marvels founders, Stan lee has just signed a deal to make movies with Disney. A Marvel and Miramax team up. WOW!

  • June 15, 2007, 10:02 a.m. CST

    DC might over take marvel

    by supercowbell 4 cant stop the cowbell

    with the spidey franchise looking finshed for a while, x-men lost, fantasic four considered shit by fans, even blade done, daredevil, elektra, and ghost rider with all shitty movies, it looks like its time for dc to be crowned king. with two great no AMAZING batman and (yes ill say it even though you aicn guys will hate me for it) superman entries and making bank (bb 205mil u.s. 371 worldwide, sr 200 mil u.s. 391 worldwide) tdk looking great, and superman getting ready to throw a punch for the first time in years and many more movies starting up DC IS LOOKING GREAT.

  • June 15, 2007, 10:02 a.m. CST

    Hmmm...

    by Colin62

    The movie was cheesy. But not half as cheesy as the fucking comic. Guys this is a super hero team with a cheerleader handshake. And at least Galactus wasn't wearing a penis outfit like he does in the comics.

  • June 15, 2007, 10:03 a.m. CST

    AND MARVEL HELP YOURSELF BY CASTING TERRY CREWS AS

    by supercowbell 4 cant stop the cowbell

    luke cage not fucking tyresse

  • June 15, 2007, 10:03 a.m. CST

    "this movie not only starts off on the wrong foot,

    by Farley Flavors

    but hops on it the whole way." Great line, Massa.

  • June 15, 2007, 10:04 a.m. CST

    GurEzon

    by emeraldboy

    in repsonse I would add that Universal tried that with Ang Lees Hulk. ANd look at the audience repsonse: Minority(loved it) Majority(hated it). Now the Majority are going to get a less sophisticated Hulk film.

  • June 15, 2007, 10:07 a.m. CST

    Jessica Alba does not want to be Latin (quotes)

    by JeanLuc Dickhard

    My grandfather was the only Mexican at his college, the only Hispanic person at work and the only one at the all-white country club. He tried to forget his Mexican roots, because he never wanted his kids to be made to feel different in America. He and my grandmother didn't speak Spanish to their children. Now, as a third-generation American, I feel as if I have finally cut loose." "My whole life, when I was growing up, not one race has ever accepted me, ... So I never felt connected or attached to any race specifically. I had a very American upbringing, I feel American, and I don't speak Spanish. So, to say that I'm a Latin actress, OK, but it's not fitting; it would be insincere." "My grandfather was the only one in our family to go to college. He made a choice not to speak Spanish in the house. He didn't want his kids to be different." "George Lopez starts speaking to my father in Spanish, and my dad says, 'I don't speak Mexican.' I turned purple. I love my papa. But he has no filter. I probably acquired that characteristic from him." "Alba is my last name and I'm proud of that. But that's it. My grandparents were born in California, the same as my parents, and though I may be proud of my last name, I'm American. Throughout my whole life, I've never felt connected connected to one particular race or heritage, nor did I feel accepted by any. If you break it down, I'm less Latina than Cameron Diaz, whose father is Cuban. But people don't call her Latina because she's blonde." in my opinion this is a fucked up attitude to have ....

  • June 15, 2007, 10:08 a.m. CST

    FF was juvenile in the first place...

    by Batutta

    ...as are most comic books. I'm not defending this movie, or the piece of crap first one, but let's be honest. What's more juvenile than films based on cartoons and comic books? Criticizing a comic book movie for being juvenile is like criticizing a porno film for being too explicit. I know we try and delude ourselves with films like Batman Begins and 300 that make us think we're adults when we watch this stuff, but we're still getting off on a guy dressed up as a bat beating people up and a bunch of men playing with swords.

  • June 15, 2007, 10:08 a.m. CST

    Americans have no taste and no culture

    by Gothmoth

    ... no wonder that these brainless idiots will love such a stupid movie.

  • June 15, 2007, 10:11 a.m. CST

    The way things are going with DC comic book movies

    by emeraldboy

    and with Joss Whedon off the Wonderwoman movie(thank god) and potential franchise in the offing and supergirl landing in smallville(giver her a spin off series). DC are beating Marvel to a pulp. Taking back the characters to thier roots is perhaps the best idea in the long run for comic books movies and I know how some hate that but I think its a great idea.

  • June 15, 2007, 10:11 a.m. CST

    Whose photo is that?

    by Stalin vs Predator

    The one on the wall... Is that Galactus?

  • June 15, 2007, 10:13 a.m. CST

    Oh God LOL

    by Robots In Das Guys

    Great review, Massa, I know that Harry is probably full of shit, I'm about to read his review of this crap!!

  • June 15, 2007, 10:13 a.m. CST

    im puerto rican and i love it

    by supercowbell 4 cant stop the cowbell

    its pretty cool

  • June 15, 2007, 10:13 a.m. CST

    GurzEon

    by NachoNegro

    Ang Lee's Hulk was a troubled film, but I'd hardly call it a clusterf*ck. With that one comment, you have just revealed yourself as a complete and total tool.

  • June 15, 2007, 10:15 a.m. CST

    Some of the imagery makes me want to see it

    by superninja

    but they're putting the best stuff in the trailers. Ioan was doing a promo interview and it was like the guy couldn't even really find anything meaningful to say about his character. And the guy is so likeable, he's talking about HOPING Reed evolves into a real man and a real hero. Well, that was the character originally, Ioan, so you're on to something! What a shame.

  • June 15, 2007, 10:16 a.m. CST

    Dem shud have let da Bay direct tis'

    by Kragmose

    Den dem jerks wuld not be in dis mess-a

  • June 15, 2007, 10:17 a.m. CST

    Even as a child

    by DeadPanWalking

    I found the fantastic 4 to be rediculous. Didn't the thing turn into Blackbeard the pirate in one of the first issues? Didn't they fight gorilla versions of themselves on the moon? I always thought it asked for a laughable amount of suspended disbelief. I don't understand why this material is so revered. It always screamed "goofy" to me. Don't get me started on the Silver Surfer and (and I'm having trouble restraining my laughter here) Galactus. Did anyone really expect this comic to translate to film as a broodingly serious examination of whatever it's supposed to stand for (I guess some sort of family angle but The Incredibles handled this well enough to just shelve any further attempts, and still in both cases this plays straight to children.)Anyway, the only good way to make a movie about these characters is to go psychodelic and hire Gilliam or something and don't even TRY to make them exist in any sort of realistic world. Bring in the Skrull cows and H.E.R.B.I.E. and let em take on the gorillas and the giant purple planet eater and why not introduce the kid that Reed and Sue have and give him some pod races or something.

  • June 15, 2007, 10:21 a.m. CST

    Jean Luc Dickhard--

    by Batutta

    That's not a fucked up opinion, she's just being brutally honest. I myself am Dominican, but grew up in a white predominantly Jewish suburb. My parents never hid their heritage or were ashamed of it the way Alba's parents were, but I never grew up feeling like I "belonged" to any one race. I was just an individual, and the place I grew up in and the friends I had (white, black, Japanese, mexican) made me much more who I am than my race. This is a common sentiment among many young people who grow up in the de-racinated suburbs of today's America.

  • June 15, 2007, 10:22 a.m. CST

    Fantastic Four for kids = Nipples on Memflix

    by NachoNegro

    No way. The FF had their dodgy moments, as did all the silver age heroes. But the "coming of Galactus" arc is one of the most revered stories in the genre, and for good reason. And they've f*cked it up - just as they f*cked up the Dark Phoenix storyline. You have to understand, they don't need to pay proper homage to the characters. THEY KNOW YOU'LL BUY THE TICKET ANYWAY EVEN IF THEY DON'T. So why should they bother?

  • June 15, 2007, 10:25 a.m. CST

    DeadPanWalking, because for all of the corny

    by superninja

    moments every comic book character has (and they all have them) there are some really great stories in there that stand the test of time and are akin to modern myths. They resonate with people and the thoughts they generate and the ideas they represent have actually inspired people.

  • June 15, 2007, 10:27 a.m. CST

    Flames on GurzEon = Memflix's 7000 MySpace friends

    by NachoNegro

    I'm not defending the Hulk - there was a lot wrong with it - a LOT. But it wasn't a complete clusterf*ck. The comic book split screen style I liked, Sam Elliot was fantastic, And I didn't mind the general thrust of where Lee was going with the film. I just think he screwed up too many things - The Absorbing Man, Hulk Dogs, etc., and tried to be a little *too* clever. But a clusterf*ck? No. I won't have that. It could have been an awful lot worse.

  • June 15, 2007, 10:28 a.m. CST

    Meh.

    by Pompoulus

    My father's a F4 fan, if he insists I'll see it. If not, not. Still haven't seen the first one-- I actually warned him not to bother BECAUSE he's a F4 fan. I would hate to see him on here TBing about how his childhood was raped, that would be truly therapy-inducing.

  • June 15, 2007, 10:32 a.m. CST

    GurzEon's flaming nipples = Harry's Hostel 2 Review

    by NachoNegro

    PLANT!

  • June 15, 2007, 10:32 a.m. CST

    Alba looks stupid. She is much prettier just

    by superninja

    looking like herself and I agree with Mass they should've just let it go and created an actual character for her instead of focusing on her appearance.

  • June 15, 2007, 10:35 a.m. CST

    Alba looks like she lives on the dark side of

    by superninja

    the moon in this movie.

  • June 15, 2007, 10:37 a.m. CST

    ALBA IS STILL FUCK WORTHY IN THIS MOVIE

    by supercowbell 4 cant stop the cowbell

    admit it. wait dont admit, because we all know its true.

  • June 15, 2007, 10:38 a.m. CST

    Demand a remake!

    by jro123

    Guys lets get together like we did after Batman and Robin and demand a real F4 movie, with a real director a good screenwriter and good actors. If we show Fox that this is what fans want to see they'll make it happen. They would never turn down a new franchise

  • June 15, 2007, 10:43 a.m. CST

    DeadPanWalking

    by SlickyVonBoner

    Right on. Everyone wants there favorite cartoon/comic book to be the next Lord of the Ring Trilogy or something. Lets face it, somethings don't translate well to the big screen and the writers and directors are trying to make fun summer movies. They are also introducing these stories and characters to a new generation of kids that don't read comic books. I also like how everyone's busting on Harry for liking a movie none of them have seen yet. Fuck, some of you people just try to damn hard to hate.... anything.

  • June 15, 2007, 10:45 a.m. CST

    im sorry but the first half of spidey 3 and all of the

    by supercowbell 4 cant stop the cowbell

    action makes it better than f4 2 by default. sorry! it was a soul crushing dissapointment though.

  • June 15, 2007, 10:51 a.m. CST

    your review is funny....

    by yeah i'm a jerk!

    but it seems that I disagree with you. FF2 is a fun movie, not perfect, not the greatest ever, but a fun movie. Julian McMahon sucks more than any other actor on the planet, Fuck him! but other wise the film was enjoyable.

  • June 15, 2007, 10:51 a.m. CST

    I've never been a fan of Marvel...................

    by lobo44319

    but, I went to the midnight showing and I thought it was the best Marvel movie yet. I've always been a DC guy but I know who the Fantastic 4 and Silver Surfer were going in. I also thought X3 was the best of the mutant movies. The first two were as boring as watching The Sopranos on Bravo.

  • June 15, 2007, 10:53 a.m. CST

    This TOTALLY captured the spirit of $s 48-50...

    by lettersoftransit

    ...but by that I mean episodes of Hannah Montana

  • June 15, 2007, 11 a.m. CST

    Oh NO, more people enjoyed the movie

    by SlickyVonBoner

    The bane of any true hater. They can't stand to see anyone enjoy... anything. Fucking crybabies.

  • June 15, 2007, 11:07 a.m. CST

    I agree with GurzEon

    by rogmel

    Tim Story is a hack, as is that douche who made Daredevil, then turned around and made Ghost Rider. Everyone here bitches about Bay (and for good reason), but these two seem to always be given slack for thier incompetence. As long as Marvel keeps giving these guys the reins and a check, they'll keep producing crap.

  • June 15, 2007, 11:11 a.m. CST

    Yeah, gee whiz.

    by Pompoulus

    Free market's a bitch ain't it.

  • June 15, 2007, 11:11 a.m. CST

    Yeah, I can't wait to pay my $10

    by SlickyVonBoner

    I'll smile and laugh the whole movie knowing GurzEon is crying like a baby that shit himself.

  • June 15, 2007, 11:16 a.m. CST

    The Fantastic Car is...........

    by downtheriver3

    made by Dodge........nice Dodge logo in front and on the seats..they must have financed half the film to get the chance to this product placement...Johnnie even asks if it has a Hemi?, which Reed replies and says ..........YES!........funny

  • June 15, 2007, 11:18 a.m. CST

    I believe in you, Massawyrm.

    by MC Vamp

    I blame Fox and the morons who pay to see this crap. THIS is why we'll never see another Raiders of the Lost Ark, Ghostbusters, or Terminator 2. You can cut off your balls in Hollywood, film a pile of shit for two hours and still make bajillions. OW MY BALLS!

  • June 15, 2007, 11:19 a.m. CST

    Alba

    by downtheriver3

    Alba is hot but she is too "ethnic" to play the invisible girl. Nothing wrong with that look, in fact, it is hot but just not right for the part. The thing is too short and the guy that plays Mr. Fantastic is a boob. Johnnie Storm is the most right of all the characters.

  • June 15, 2007, 11:21 a.m. CST

    LOBO????????

    by downtheriver3

    ..the best Marvel movie yet?????are you kidding me? How ignorant are you?????

  • June 15, 2007, 11:28 a.m. CST

    Keep payin'-Keep eatin shit sandwiches

    by revenge_flicks

    everyone who plans to fork over $$$ for this turd this weekend: go ahead and keep getting shit sandwiches like: I AM Legend; starring Da Fresh Prince...huh? who the in the hell was monitoring my fondest childhood memories and decides to ass-rape them for a buck??? OH! you say you like Romero movies?? Don't cha worry cuz we gonna make a cheap remake of all his films, got you covered, cuz these idiots will line up to see this crap! What is that? Give Romero a budget and let him make a film??? Naaaaahhhh!

  • June 15, 2007, 11:29 a.m. CST

    .......can't wait........

    by downtheriver3

    ...to see Robert Downey Jr. as Iron Man...........(shaking my head)

  • June 15, 2007, 11:30 a.m. CST

    COULD SOMEONE ANSWER ME THIS QUESTION???

    by i eat cannibals

    Why in gods name would you give a kick ass comic book series to a no talent hack that directed TAXI and BARBER SHOP???????? Who thought this was a good idea??

  • June 15, 2007, 11:30 a.m. CST

    Lobo

    by downtheriver3

    Did you know they made 3 Spider-man movies???

  • June 15, 2007, 11:33 a.m. CST

    blacklodgebob: chiklis

    by ByTor

    Therapy for wearing a costume? Jesus Christ. I mean, I think Chiklis rocks on The Shield, and I even enjoyed him when he was on the light-hearted "Commish" series ages ago. But I never realized what a pussy he is. Hey, Chiklis? IT'S A FUCKING COSTUME. PUT IT ON, READ YOUR LINES, AND SHUT THE FUCK UP.

  • June 15, 2007, 11:35 a.m. CST

    I agree with MC Vamp...

    by andrew coleman

    We won't see another classic movie like hat ever again thanks to fucktards who buy tickets to movies like this. I like how idiots think they are cool for defending stupid as fuck movies, but it's okay because they just come off looking like ass holes.

  • June 15, 2007, 11:35 a.m. CST

    Oh Massa....

    by Grendy

    ...you make me crack up sometimes. I miss your puerile ways. No,I don't. They were right there on screen to see. (grin) I almost got talked (dragged) into a show last night and I am so glad that my friendship doesn't have to be tested like that. I took a 5 year old to see the first one, and still damn near walked out. Oh, rocky Thing-dork. Have we sunk so low. As for Posehn, I know he's a huge comic book fanboy, and that's why he's in it, so I can be okay with it. Do you expect anyone to actually be good in this movie? And I like Ioan and Michael C. Someone I know mentioned that since Galactus takes the form of whoever percieves him, does that mean that the clouds on Earth are sentient? As for Memflix... he can tell Fox to go screw. A $7 job and they take it away like petulant children? If maybe the theater chains paid a reasonable amount of money he might not have 'had' to suppliment his meager earnings. I loved Mori's response to the whole thing. I remember when watching movies that the Fox theme music coming onscreen would make me all giddy. I know it was purely the original association with me watching the Star Wars movies as a kid, but that's what I loved about Fox films. You knew it was going to be awesome. I am equating FF #1 with the fine quality of a Golan-Globus film. Sigh. If anyone at Fox takes you up on the scrote-gargling... please let us know. I would love it if there were pictures. Oh wait. No I wouldn't. I'll probably get dragged to the damn second one.

  • June 15, 2007, 11:35 a.m. CST

    Tegujai Batir: contacts

    by ByTor

    Sir, your post was the funniest goddamned thing I've read in a TB since Idon'tknowwhen. "a five foot tall Thing that looks like a crusty, silly-putty turd." Plus the whole knobber-from-Alba thing. Hilarity!

  • June 15, 2007, 11:40 a.m. CST

    Ok, that's it...

    by cornponious

    I've been talking back for several months, and usually don't get much of a rise from anybody based on what I say in these here talkbacks. That's usually because I only make smart-assed little quips here and there, and don't usually pour out my heart and soul about these moving pictures that we all either adore or abhor. <p> I also really hope these HTML tags I'm inserting will give me paragraphs. <p> I've been a marvel comic reader for most of my life, off and on. I was always a fan of the FF, and most other marvel heroes (and villains), namely Hulk, Wolverine, shogun warriors. Hell, I was even a fan of the short Howard the Duck stories I found in the back pages of my prized Man-Thing comics. So, I would like to state my opinion on what it takes to make a comic book movie work, listed in order. <p> 1. The director or screenwriters (or both hopefully) must be knowledgeable of the material, preferably fans of the material. <p> 2. If the director or screenwriter(s) are not fans of the material, then there MUST be someone involved in production or direction who knows the material AND APPRECIATES IT, and who can simply speak and make necessary changes without flak from the studio execs. <p> 3. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY - The makers of the film must fully recognize that the COMIC IS CANON, and there must be certain elements of the story/characters that must be brought to film INTACT, things that the fans will absolutely WANT to see. <p> This is what I believe to be the basics for bringing a comic to life on the big screen. When I saw X3, I came out of that theater very, VERY ANGRY. They took something I cherished and loved, something that I spent much time reading over and over, something that, had it been cared for and respected, could have been brought to the screen as something monumental and memorable. <p> I know I'm not really anybody here, and you can take my opinion and crucify me or suck my cock over it. But this is what I believe to be true.

  • June 15, 2007, 11:44 a.m. CST

    Yeah is Jessica Alba Black, Latin or Blatin?

    by Darkcityuk

    not that its important when your having a look at her arse.

  • June 15, 2007, 11:45 a.m. CST

    DisplayTable ?

    by NunPuncher

    What I want to know is. Do they show a FF toy and merchandise table anywhere in the movie.

  • June 15, 2007, 11:49 a.m. CST

    Still...

    by ewokstew

    gonna see it.

  • June 15, 2007, 11:58 a.m. CST

    Saw it last night. It was pretty good.

    by Freakemovie

    Actually, I enjoyed it a lot. Much more than I thought I would.<br><br>That's all.

  • June 15, 2007, 12:06 p.m. CST

    I have a question

    by davida4348

    Does The Thing shit rocks and pebbles?

  • June 15, 2007, 12:09 p.m. CST

    Brilliant

    by Johnny_Boy

    Just been to London's Leicester Square to see 4-RotSS and I really enjoyed it. Bring on number 3! The acting and the camaraderie was top notch. CGI is up there with Spidey 3. Fantastic!

  • June 15, 2007, 12:16 p.m. CST

    DeadPanWalking's heavy lifting...

    by frostyxc

    Way to lift the Onion Av Club's Top 10 list about the Fantastic Four verbatim in your "reminiscence" of how silly the old Fantastic Four was in the old comics. Those were some whacked-out story ideas, though. <P> I guess I will be seeing Surf's Up this weekend.

  • June 15, 2007, 12:17 p.m. CST

    nice review massa

    by thekylegassproject

    well spoken. i grew up on cartoons not comics and even i can tell there is something seriously wrong with this franchise...fucking lame.

  • June 15, 2007, 12:18 p.m. CST

    No Culture in America?

    by Bluejack

    Whoever said that is an idiot. Stop listening to Jazz, Rock and Blues. People the whole world over consume crap like X-Men3 and Spider-Man 3. Just take a look at the international box office take.

  • June 15, 2007, 12:18 p.m. CST

    this is a great movie

    by sunwukong86

    if you know jack shit about the source material or you're 8 years old

  • June 15, 2007, 12:19 p.m. CST

    Massawyrm's review is negated by two things...

    by Err

    1.) The fact that he's pissed about the Memflix situation which influenced him.<br><br> 2.) The Dr. Pepper can in his picture. What a stupid drink.

  • June 15, 2007, 12:22 p.m. CST

    Peter Jackson for JLA!

    by UltimaRex

    Peter Jackson for JLA! Seriously, when a setup this sweet gets so royally screwed and I mean F**KED y'know what? I get nervous. Peter Jackson for JLA! Peter Jackson for JLA! Peter Jackson for JLA! Peter Jackson for JLA!...

  • June 15, 2007, 12:22 p.m. CST

    I think they fixed it this time around!!!!

    by abbottcostello

    I wasnt all that impressed with FANTASTIC FOUR Pt1 so I wasnt a little hesitant to get excited about this sequel and now having seen it I am afraid the only thing I can honestly say is WHOOOOOOO---HOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! This movie totally ROCKS!!!! Eveything and I mean EVERYTHING they got wrong in the first film they fix in this movie. This is not a pussyfied version like the first movie this is EMPIRE compared to A NEW HOPE!!! IT-IS-THAT-MUCH-BETTER!!!!!!!!! I LOVED this movie and the Surfer is a total BAD-ASS!!! And the real Dr Doom finally shows up and not the stupid metal skinned guy from Pt 1. So this is my appraisial of this film!!!!

  • June 15, 2007, 12:31 p.m. CST

    "the Memflix situation"

    by Fabulous Freak

    I come and go from this site, so forgive my ignorance, but what happened with Memflix?? Is there a link to a story where i can find this out? Hook a cubical drone up...

  • June 15, 2007, 12:41 p.m. CST

    Hey Fabulous Freak

    by davida4348

    Here's a link to the story: http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/Movies/06/14/film.projectionist.reut/index.html

  • June 15, 2007, 12:41 p.m. CST

    yep. memflix was right.

    by mrdinky

    saw the midnight show last night. everything memflix said about the movie was accurate. whether it was bad or not, I guess that depends. I HATE the fantastic four but I like comics. So I have no deep seated interest in the movie (the way I do for x-men/spidey/transformers). anyway, I thought the first F4 movie was forgettable but fun and pretty much as good as F4 was going to get. The sequel is less good, but still basically harmless and forgettable with a little comedy. the basic plot of the movie is GREAT. if I were making a good F4 movie, this would be it. the execution was horrible though. the script jumped around like crazy. it's like there's a frame of a meaningful movie that they never bothered to fill with...anything. the surfer looked cool. doom looked kick ass in his new armor (although it's not much a part of the movie). and for the biggest FUCK YOU ALL to everyone in the cinema, memflix was right: surfer flies into a giant cloud and then it blows up. that's just retarded. AND it's the same retardedness that DIDN'T work in THE HULK, a far more sophisticated flop (the killer poodle didn't help its cred either). chris evans is entertaining with his wtf? facial expressions. everyone else is a turd. and alba's hair was just so fecking wrong, I don't know where to begin. let's just say that when the hair was down, I thought I was looking at Cousin It form the ADDAMS FAMILY.

  • June 15, 2007, 12:42 p.m. CST

    cornponious hit the nail on the head !!!

    by paulyd30

    Excellent and well put take dude. IF the people involved don't even respect the source material then the movie is (excuse the pun) DOOMED !! I have been reading Marvel and DC for over 30 years and I can tell you how matter how much money you throw at movies like Batman and Robin, X3, and FF4 they are a pile of flaming crap because the director could give a ratts ass about the characters. I don't think Spidey 3 was too bad but they to fit in too much enough for 3 movies. Getting back to the crap fest which is FF41&2, being a true fan I cannot get past the Thing and Alba they are totally wrong and something resembling a bad TV movie not even up to smallvile standards. IT is disgusting on how you can disrespect such loved characters. Casting is everything and they have missed the boat. Say what you want about the HULK but at least the Hulk was 10 feet of kick ass fury exactly like he drawn in the comics it was a beautiful sight to behold not like the burnt crispy pile of weak ass dog shit which is supposed to be the Thing in the FF4 movies. One disgusted Fan here.. DC films seem to be on the right track now and the Marvel films after Spidey 2 have gone down hill.

  • June 15, 2007, 12:43 p.m. CST

    the not so mysteriouss mystery of Memflix

    by Kizeesh

    He was some due who posted an early review. thats all. <p> As to the FF4: ROTS reviews, I tend more towards Harry. Mainly as I've never really liked the comic, being that it's the goofiest most schlocky 50s type comic I've ever read. I mean the X-Men grew up, Superman and Batman got serious, even The Flash tried. But the 4 always remained this "child's comic" type that the rest to some extent have moved past. I was pleasantly surprised to see the original film recently, as it at least tried to inject a sense of modernity without taking itself seriously at all. That's all I'm hoping for.

  • June 15, 2007, 12:50 p.m. CST

    thankyou david

    by Fabulous Freak

    very interesting. I bet he REALLY hates the movie now...

  • June 15, 2007, 12:51 p.m. CST

    Is anyone surprised?

    by ZombieKeef

    That this movie will lick balls because it in fact, licks balls.

  • June 15, 2007, 12:55 p.m. CST

    the comic book is, umm...

    by JoeBoozio

    I mean, yeah, the movie looks shitty. Right. But, those of us that didn't read the comic as a kid, does it look THAT different from the books? The books were a little schlocky, way over the top, and definitely more geared to children. So, this movie is geared for children. Whaaaaaat?!?! Really?!? I guess, I think, if you want a badass film featuring a guy that "flames on", a guy that stretches, a guy that's an orange man made out of stone, and a woman who, although called the invisible woman, seems to help out the most by making forcefields, give up. If you want true badassery, go see the new Coen Bros. film when it comes out. Go Javier!

  • June 15, 2007, 12:58 p.m. CST

    The real problem with FF...

    by shitstorm23

    Is that the Incredibles got it so right. If the story can be fun, entertaining and cool all at the same time, why the fuck couldn't they do it with the REAL Fantactic Four? I never liked the FF comics, Marvel just never got the right artist/writer for that book, but I always thought they could make a decent movie out of it and if done correctly the whole SS/Galactus thing could be done. But, this makes me lose hope in comic book properties. I have no hope for a good JLA movie, Batman/Superman movie, or my favorite, a future Batman or Superman movie. Have some balls and do an "Elseworlds" type story. As long as it isn't done by Tim Story or that jackass that ruined DD & Ghost Rider. It won't ruin characters or continuity. Fuck, they just get reloaded every 10-15 years anyway.

  • June 15, 2007, 1:09 p.m. CST

    Massawyrm, Have You Ever Read A FF Comic?

    by Buzz Maverik

    Especially from the Lee/Kirby days? They were filled with humor, slackstick and otherwise (my favorite, Kirby devotes a whole page to the Thing trying to restore an antique car, only to end up destroying it). Even "rock dork" jokes or "no dork" jokes have uh...cropped up in recent years, such as in Mark Waid/Mike Weiringo's run.<p>Comics only got self important, and largely humorless, in the last ten years or so.

  • June 15, 2007, 1:11 p.m. CST

    memflix

    by El Borak

    either way i hope memflix gets a better job and makes it through this relatively unjaded. "there are still some people out there who aren't pricks!... just not in hollywood it would seem. oh well... film companies! wet and sloppy!!!!!!!"

  • June 15, 2007, 1:17 p.m. CST

    Is MEMflix a god?

    by Crazy_Ralph_07

    Some people are sure acting like it... It's like: A) If you thought the movie is shit, your opinon counts. Viva La Memflix. B) If you enjoy the movie, you're a plant or full of shit. C) Regardless of lack of information regarding the event that occured, Fox is the bad guy and Memflix is the good guy. I'm not a fan of Fox at all, since 'Live Free or Die Hard' has been offically rated PG-13 (Visit the offical website), but I'm not going to judge a movie just because of the studio. I don't belive Memflix is all that innocent, and I don't blame the studio completley for a shitty movie. I blame the people who made the shitty movie. The thing with the new Fantastic Four movie is, it's going to get a lot of negative reviews, but most are from people who don't even want to give it a chance. I can't imagine many good reviews here on this site about this movie, since most made their minds up before seeing the movie.

  • June 15, 2007, 1:17 p.m. CST

    Massawyrm's reviews absolutely blow...

    by Err

    His reviews remind me of crap that I see in papers put out by middle school children and high school children. And this is not cause he panned F4: ROTSS. I expected the film to suck balls, but his reviews on this site have been utter shit. Massawyrm needs to learn how to write a decent review and then get back with us.

  • June 15, 2007, 1:24 p.m. CST

    well la di da

    by McClane_Corleone

    because you're not a hardcore fanboy if you thought X3 was "good for what it was." Elitist much? Extend that pinky.

  • June 15, 2007, 1:25 p.m. CST

    Memflix is a retard

    by downtheriver3

    ..nuff said

  • June 15, 2007, 1:29 p.m. CST

    Polarized Reviews = Fanboy Mentality.

    by Buzz Maverik

    I used to be one of the comic book reviewers on AICN until I realized it was making me hate comics. I never want to hate comics. But one thing it taught me is that fanboys, especially comic book fans, either love something with all their hearts or hate it to the depths of their souls. Nothing is ever just "okay" or "flawed" or "good but with room for improvement". I admire this because of the passion involved, but shades of grey exist in every medium, even the four color ones.

  • June 15, 2007, 1:29 p.m. CST

    bleah

    by LabattsBleu

    seriously, after the first film, i don't know how anyone could have expected too much from the sequel...FWIW, the comic DID grow up, when John Byrne left the X-Men to pencil FF, and it was great...Of course, there were people on this site that like T3 better than T2, so there's no accounting for taste (nor brains) obviously

  • June 15, 2007, 1:30 p.m. CST

    BTW, Me Reviewing Comics Here...

    by Buzz Maverik

    ...and $59.95 will get me a cup of coffee and an ex-Beatle CD at Starbucks. Didn't mean to come off as full o' myself, etc.

  • June 15, 2007, 1:34 p.m. CST

    Well

    by Crazy_Ralph_07

    I find it funny that people trash X3 for not being close to the comics, when in fact, neither where the first two. Hell, no movie based on any super hero has been close to its source material. Richard Donners Superman,Superman 2, Batman, Batman Returns, Batman Begins, SPider-Man, Spider-Man 2, Hulk, Fantastic Four, The Punisher, Daredevil, Ghost Rider... all of which have changed enough. While some are better than others, complaining about "Being close to the comics" is just about as useless as it comes when talking about comic book movies (Unless it's graphic novels like Sin City or 300)

  • June 15, 2007, 1:39 p.m. CST

    Tim Story deserves an Oscar . . .

    by Dr.Sonus

    ...If this movie gets Bill O'Reilly to resign. Yeah, I said it.

  • June 15, 2007, 1:43 p.m. CST

    Alba as Sue Storm...

    by Kid Z

    ... wonder why there's not some, like Swede version of Jesse Jackson all up in arms over this... "just go to Minnesota, yah? There's a veritable plethora of blonde actress in Minesota just waiting for a break. I cannot believ the producers of this film hired a non-nordic type to play blue-eyed blonde. It's outrageous... degrading... disgusting!"

  • June 15, 2007, 1:44 p.m. CST

    HAHA!!!! BAY WILL FUK YUR EYES IN 2 WEEKS!!!!!

    by GARTHIMUS

    fanstatic 4 not so fanstatics!!!! Bay wil OWN yur fanboy ASS in 2 weks!!! he wil makes u SHITS YUR PANTS like no movie tis sumer befor!!!!!! VIVA LA TRANSOFORMERS!!!!! EATS SHITTLES FANTASOTIC FLOP!!! ha ha bitches!!!

  • June 15, 2007, 1:45 p.m. CST

    I WANT MY 2 HOURS BACK

    by aPo

    That was the worst piece of shit movie i ever seen. Seriously, The Punisher with Dolph Lunghead was better than this piece of shit. Worst super hero film ever. Well, at least the silver surfer film will have potential to be good.

  • June 15, 2007, 1:49 p.m. CST

    Vastly improved

    by darquelyte

    While flawed (but what isn't )this one was actually more in the second tier of Superhero movies it, whereas the first FF was in the bottom tier like Elektra and Ghost Rider. I thought McMahon was ok as Doom, not as bad as Harry and others have written. I'm not a regular viewer of Nip Tuck, but I've seen it and he does a good job there too, and he was good in Profiler back in the day. The movie was lacking a little, but still was light years ahead of the first one. Much more true to the FF I remember reading off and on when I was a kid.

  • June 15, 2007, 1:50 p.m. CST

    FF2 was an improvement over the first

    by DeusExMachina

    I saw the first one on opening night and was totally pissed off. The only aspect of the first movie that I did enjoy was Johnny Storm. I just got back from seeing FF2 and I liked it a hell of a lot better. Was it perfect? By no means it wasn't. Is it better than X3, Spider-Man 3, Daredevil, Ghost Rider, and Elektra? Yes. Dr. Doom still sucked and I was glad that he didn't have a lot of screen time. I hope when they decide to use him again that they go for a different actor. Other than Doom and a couple other issues, I can't see why people are hating this movie so much. I honestly think that some of you are expecting way way too much. The movie was fun. It fits with the silver age FF stories. I swear, I think some of you like to bitch about shit just to bitch about shit.

  • June 15, 2007, 1:54 p.m. CST

    You take this shit seriously don't you?

    by metaluna

    I can tell. Get over it. It's a superhero movie. Who cares? My mother threw my comic books out when I was 16. Best thing she ever did for me :D

  • June 15, 2007, 2:04 p.m. CST

    Did anyone else watch those old FF4 cartoons?

    by The Dum Guy

    I remember one that had Magneto as the villain and the kept pronouncing his name "Mag-net-oh", and the way they caught him was by having Reed use a gun made of wood to make him believe his magnetic powers were failing him... I haven't seen that since I was like five or six, funny what you remember "Mag-net-oh".

  • June 15, 2007, 2:05 p.m. CST

    MEMFLIX A GOD?

    by mr dark

    No Crazy_Ralph_07 he's just a guy who likes to review films. He tried to give all of us who come to this site what we want, early word on our interests.. If you take the time to examine what happened to him you'll see he was within his rights to write this one up..He signed no N.D.A. and his employer was well aware of his outside activities.. No not a God only a mere mortal who got taken to the woodshed by a huge , media giant..Who are so unsure of their own decisions they are to the point of being paranoid over a small time web reviewer... Well this one blew up in their faces just a bit.. No one could have expected this to gain the exposure it did.. I can even understand Harry not sticking his balls out for this but I admire Moiarty for placing his testes out their for all to see.. I can admire someone who has something to lose and STILL stands by their beliefs...I know MEMFLIX holds all of the people who belived in his cause in high regard..I was at his site today and their were unexpected kind words for myself and the great Bringingsexback.. I want to thank Memflix for fighting the good fight .. and don't worry MEMFLIX when your right good folks will come out of the woodwork to help.. I hope you find what you seek and learn from this journey...Oh yeah I almost forgot Long Live MEMFLIX... Hard to say what Memflix's future holds..

  • June 15, 2007, 2:09 p.m. CST

    Metaluna

    by trombone

    Yes. We want these movies to be taken seriously and to be done well, FOR WHAT IT IS. It IS a super-hero movie, and it IS possible to take it seriously as a super-hero movie. But from what I have heard, THIS MOVIE SUCKS.

  • June 15, 2007, 2:10 p.m. CST

    Thanks Massa!

    by trombone

    I will save my money and my time. In the New York Metro today:<br> "Alba and Gruffudd show as much chemistry as the curriculum at Juilliard. And that's the only way you'll see Alba and Juilliard in one sentence."

  • June 15, 2007, 2:17 p.m. CST

    MEMFLIX likes Penis

    by milak83

    He told me so. Fanstastic Four 2 rocks. One of the most fun films this year and a much better improvment over the first.

  • June 15, 2007, 2:21 p.m. CST

    First off, I think what Memflix did was wrong..

    by glodene

    He was put in position of trust and spit on it. As a 29 year old, he should've known better. As far as Fox is concerned, I get the impression that Tom Rothman & Co. obviously has total contempt for the comicbook genre (DareDevil, Electra, X3 & both FF movies) and should cease adapting anymore source material. I'm a true believer that when adapting any comicbook to film that you should respect the source material and if you can't, be decent about it and back-off instead of desecrating its mythology to fill your coffers. SHAME ON FOX.

  • June 15, 2007, 2:28 p.m. CST

    FF42 BETTER THEN EMO SPIDEY

    by milak83

    I would place this movie over Pirates 3, Spiderman 3, and Shrek 3. Silver Surfer is that COOL of a character. He almost reminds me of Darth Maul with more screen time.

  • June 15, 2007, 2:29 p.m. CST

    RE: Jessica Alba does not want to be Latin

    by Prof. Brainiac

    It's interesting that she says that she doesn't speak Spanish. If I remember correctly, there is a behind-the-scenes bonus on the FF disc (yes I own it) that has Miss Alba video taping herself going about her business to promote the first movie. One scene has her and friends/family members in a dressing room or in a green room, and she is speaking Spanish. If I'm wrong please correct me, but I didn't recognize a good many phrases she was using as English. Has anyone else seen this? I couldn't give two squirts of Smurf piss as to whether she speaks Spanish or not. Just makes it look like she's a two-faced liar.

  • June 15, 2007, 2:34 p.m. CST

    aportee

    by downtheriver3

    ..you must not have seen very many hero movies.........there are a lot worse

  • June 15, 2007, 2:36 p.m. CST

    Transformers at its best...........

    by downtheriver3

    ...SUCKS!!!!!!!!!

  • June 15, 2007, 2:37 p.m. CST

    Glodene: Fox shits on ALL it's franchises now

    by Jack Burton

    Die Hard, Alien, Predator, they simply don't care. 20th Century Fox has become like Fox TV, the majority of the programming is aimed at lowest common denominator. Anything else is just a fluke or held over from the previous regime. The Fox fanfare before the movie used to signify a quality experience, now they are the new Paramount. I am referring to the Paramount that made Tomb Raider 1 & 2, League of Extraordinary Gentleman, Timeline, Congo, Sky Captain, Sphere (notice a Crichton pattern?), and dozens of other flicks that actively kill brain cells while watching. Lest we forget The Punisher was Fox too.

  • June 15, 2007, 2:37 p.m. CST

    GARTHIMUS

    by downtheriver3

    Please redirect any funds you plan on using to pay for the cinema towards English courses.

  • June 15, 2007, 2:41 p.m. CST

    Actually...

    by avenger147

    FF4 was pretty good! It was way better than the 1st one by FAR!!!

  • June 15, 2007, 2:44 p.m. CST

    glodene WTF?

    by trombone

    What are you talking about? "position of trus"? You make it sound like he's a doctor or a pre-school teacher. He DOES have a repsonsibility, and that is to tell the truth about the crap these studios are turning out. Did you read ANY of the news? Memflix has been doing this FOR YEARS and his EMPLOYER new about it all the time. He got fired AFTER he posted the review. And how, exactly, was he "put in a position of trust"? Are you a fucking Fox plant? Lick the balls of Rothman, do we?

  • June 15, 2007, 2:46 p.m. CST

    Just seen it

    by Wyrdy the Gerbil

    Memflix is a prick ...not a total prick because some of his musing`s were right but still a prick

  • June 15, 2007, 2:52 p.m. CST

    This is not better than Spider-Man 3

    by BrowncoatJedi

    Seriously, you guys are retarded if you really think that.

  • June 15, 2007, 2:57 p.m. CST

    Waaaaaaaay better then Spider-man 3

    by milak83

    So you have to be retarded Browncoatjedipoodu

  • June 15, 2007, 3:12 p.m. CST

    Massa

    by mr dark

    lIke the drawing but that isn't the old dick in the popcorn bag thing goin on is it?

  • June 15, 2007, 3:16 p.m. CST

    This mans not far wrong

    by drunkenmonkey73

    Try this folks http://tinyurl.com/28cfdw

  • June 15, 2007, 3:16 p.m. CST

    REMEMBER THE MEMFLIX

    by Leafy McPlantsalot

    That's the review i was waiting for!!!!

  • June 15, 2007, 3:21 p.m. CST

    Master Worm has chosen HD-DVD...here's why...

    by Atticus Finch

    He needs all the payola from TOSHIBA he can get after this review!

  • June 15, 2007, 3:21 p.m. CST

    Great Movie! (Or: I Can't Believe I Said That)

    by topaz4206

    Remember folks, this is the reviewer that thought "Happy Feet" was TOO POLITICAL. Dude must be a blast at parties.<br><br>There are at least 20 corny kid-jokes in this movie, but other than that, I had a great time. Probably the most epic-feeling of all the modern Marvel movies as well. It really FELT like the Earth was about to get gobbled up. The Surfer was, to reiterate everyone's point, phenomenal.<br><br>And also, another unoriginal opinion: quite a bit better than Spider-Man 3.<br><br>*Buys a round of Silver Patron for the Talkback Room*

  • June 15, 2007, 3:26 p.m. CST

    Wait a minute, what did the first one get RIGHT?

    by Vern

    I thought the fan-nerds were supposed to be more negative about this type of shit than the civilians, but did I understand that correctly that there were parts of the first one he LIKED? I'm thinking it through and I can't figure out what would be considered "the good part" in that awe inspiring parade of ineptitude. I'm not trying to be over-the-top here, I just thought that was pretty clearly up there with the very most embarrassing of all comic strip movies. After I saw it somebody asked me if it was worse than DAREDEVIL, and I had to say yes just because I was able to say "well, Michael Clarke Duncan was pretty good in DAREDEVIL" and things like that if I was looking for something nice to say. For FANTASTIC FOUR I can't even say the effects are good or they did a good job on the costumes or Jessica Alba seemed like she knew how to read. In alot of ways it doesn't even seem like a real movie that somebody would release into theaters. I guess that is its one redeeming factor, it was kind of fascinating to watch and just scratch my head wondering what in God's name these freakos thought was appealing about this crap.<P> Anyway, if I was to read the comic strips, which part would I learn how to like?

  • June 15, 2007, 3:34 p.m. CST

    This Movie was a worthless waste of 2 hours.

    by ShiniGamiSan

    What a let down. No Galacticus , just a cloud, no Watcher, no Cosmic Nullifier. My kids have seen the FF cartoons from the late 60's and said the same thing. I guess we can't have a done FF13 and 26, and introduce the Watcher, then do 48/49, and then move on to the inhumans. How Avi let this happen I have no idea. I'm not going to SDCC this year (I used to manage Marvel toy lines for Toy Biz, but only go to SDCC if I have to), otherwise I'd tell him off. Quit riding around on your Harley and make these Marvel franchises work. And somebody kick Tim Story in the balls till he quits films and gets a job at Mickey D's. Really sad part is, some people actually clapped at the end of the screening. My favorite comics of all time are reduced to worthless BS. Couldn't they have just followed the comics? In the next one, the Pogo Plane will be a rocket powered pogo stick and the Mole Man will look like Splinter.

  • June 15, 2007, 3:41 p.m. CST

    Good Call Vern

    by dixieflyer

    There is nothing in the comic books that would make you like FF1 better. Actually the opposite is true for me. I had always thought Dr. Doom was one of the best villains ever developed, however the FF movie depiction of him seemed weak and contrived. This made the first film even worse for me.

  • June 15, 2007, 3:52 p.m. CST

    I just got back from seeing it....

    by Magic Rat

    God, it was bad. An hour and a half of useless, boring, 5th grade adventure/humor. I might have liked this movie when I was 10, but nobody past puberty should bother watching this. It made Ghost Rider look like Lord of the Rings.

  • June 15, 2007, 4 p.m. CST

    Vern is my hero

    by ByTor

    Summed it up nicely, Vern.

  • June 15, 2007, 4 p.m. CST

    Re: Tim Story desreves an Oscar...

    by mr dark

    Well its got to be an Oscar Meyer hot dog in the poop shoot... But wait this just in Tim Story nominated for best actor performance for Roy Stalin

  • June 15, 2007, 4:28 p.m. CST

    I guess if you don't think ever movie sucks...

    by Angelus_420

    ...Don't read this review is that what your saying in the long winded beginning to this review?? How come every review on this site lately is negative? I think I've read 2 postive or constructive reviews in the past few months. I'm almost postive that I've seen this or it's been printed on the site before but: Why don't you guys make movies if every movie sucks? Oh I know because those that can't do bitch about those that can. I normally only stick to the comic and television reviews because they are way more balanced and not so negative but lately I've been reading the movie reviews and they just suck balls big time!! It seems that you all go into movies to hate them because a director that you wanted didn't do it or an actor that you don't agree with was cast. Out of the movies I've seen that you all have reviewed in the past few months myself and a few others have felt you all were way off and had no idea what your talking about. Stop hating it's lame. If I were going to review you guys to be poor or crap out of 10 a weak 3/10 and most of those marks are for the effort of writing all the hate. Is FF 2 as bad as you say I don't know yet but I doubt it.

  • June 15, 2007, 4:30 p.m. CST

    Ioan Gruffudd?

    by Nodwick

    Ioan? Seriously, this guy needs a stage name stapled to him pronto.

  • June 15, 2007, 4:36 p.m. CST

    Soooo.....

    by mrwilson2000

    I still laugh my ass off at "Whoa! Wolfman has nards!", still enjoy Brody's diatribe about "Supreman banging regular chicks", but I'm gonna hate crotch jokes about The Thing? C'mon, it sounds like dick and fart jokes are the only thing this movie has going for it. Although to be fair, Batnipples? Yeah, they still aren't funny.

  • June 15, 2007, 4:36 p.m. CST

    one more thing

    by drunkenmonkey73

    too make an omelette, use 2 eggs not 3.

  • June 15, 2007, 4:37 p.m. CST

    High Hopes

    by mrjoker

    I had high hopes for this movie. The story of Silver Surfer and Galactus is amazing in its own right, to bad they f'd it all up in this one. A swirling cloud? Why can't they have just made GALACTUS!!! Someone should just make a Noran Radd movie and make it a tragedy.

  • June 15, 2007, 4:40 p.m. CST

    What they got right:

    by PervOmatic

    Four people with super powers and one is chick. One is made of orange rock. They wear blue uniforms. That is it....

  • June 15, 2007, 4:42 p.m. CST

    Pedestrian - Defintion; See Tim Story

    by Batutta

    The first 45 minutes of this movie made me want to kill myself. The lamest directing and writing I've ever seen in a big budget movie. Once the Silver Surfer becomes a real character, the film got slightly more interesting, but it's saying something when an inexpressive hunk of metal(?) is the most compelling person in your film. Tim Story should be directing episodes of Girlfriends. You know who deserves an award is his agent, for giving this hack a career.

  • June 15, 2007, 4:44 p.m. CST

    Here's the part you'd like Vern

    by ChiTownsBest

    The credits!! It was the only redeeming factor in the first one. The fact that that pos had ended made my day. The funny part about all this is that this one will make more then the first one. I was talking to some friends who said that they really wanted to see this movie because the ads looked so good. It seems that nobody has noticed that the movie is rated PG this time around. When I pointed this out to them and told them that this means the movie will be even more silly then the first, they all got silent. Guess what? This is the reaction that the general public will have after watching this movie and realizing that they have just been had by the marketing machine once again. It'll be too late by that point since this movie will most likely make close $80-$90 million in the first week.

  • June 15, 2007, 4:48 p.m. CST

    These reviews, positive and negative alike, are crap

    by ScamsAndFlams

    Is there anyone on this site anymore that can actually write what might be regarded in some circles as film criticism?<br><br>The Filthy Critic is infinitely funnier and far more puerile and yet, gasp, he actually makes an interesting or constructive point about each film. Vern is the only person on this site who comes anywhere near that sort of ability.

  • June 15, 2007, 5:02 p.m. CST

    peurile? Dude, your chosen avatar is a guy sitting on

    by Snowden's Secret

    a toilet, with a confederate flag t-shirt, and a giant foam middle finger. To quote Inigo Montoya, "you keep using dat word. I do not think it means what you think."

  • June 15, 2007, 5:23 p.m. CST

    Yeah yeah piece of shit...RIGHT.

    by LordEnigma

    Seriously, you are a dark and bitter fucking man, that does not even have a clue. So why dont you shut your fucking mouth, or stuff it with some fucking food. Whatever you do. Please stop discussing this flick as if it's like every other comic book flick. SOme of us get that it's different, and do not decry it because of it's difference. Maybe you need a deeper shade of soul douche. Maybe that's what you need.

  • June 15, 2007, 5:31 p.m. CST

    My Balls itch

    by dramirezs23

    and this movie does look like crap (except for the surfer). But who am I kidding, I'm going to watch it anyway and have a couple of my I.Q. points knocked the fuck down.

  • June 15, 2007, 5:32 p.m. CST

    Ghost Rider wasn't THAT bad.......

    by Jimmy Jazz

    I love watching Nic Cave ham it up. The only problem I had was the absolutely lame villain. Seriously. A mascara-wearing Wes Bentley acting like a 14 year old emo kid who hangs out in front of the Hot Topic is not the stuff of nightmares.

  • June 15, 2007, 5:40 p.m. CST

    Vern

    by HeWhoCannotBeNamed

    I haven't seen either film due to the director, Doom and Alba. But, I did enjoy the stories that Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa wrote (simply titled "4" or "Marvel Knights Four"). I don't really like FF, but I dug those stories. McNiven's art was the reason I picked them up, but I stuck around after he left. Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa kept me coming back. Any one else enjoy those stories? <P> I cannot fathom how and why someone would give Story the director's chair for The Losers. I love the shit out of that title and this TB is the first I have heard of it. Expect that film, should he remain director, to be nothing like the comic. Assholes.

  • June 15, 2007, 5:48 p.m. CST

    At least they got the names right...

    by LargoJr

    thats something ... right..? Right guys?.. (tap tap..) this thing on? Guys?

  • June 15, 2007, 5:49 p.m. CST

    Can someone tell me in the comic how Surfer ....

    by Defiant

    In the comic how did the Surfer get rid of Galactus at the end? Also I am aware there is a story where Doom stole the Surfer's powers. How did Doom do that cause in the movie both seemed ridiculous.

  • June 15, 2007, 5:58 p.m. CST

    I'm sick

    by dramirezs23

    of superhero movies. This genre slowly but surely is burning itself out FAST. These types of movies are what people are going to talk about as stupid trends of the decade a couple of years from now. I never thought I could be bored by the concept of seeing Venom or The Silver Surfer on screen when I was younger, I miss those days sometimes.

  • June 15, 2007, 6:01 p.m. CST

    FF2 was shit from the start- we all knew it!

    by Violator90

    People, lets face the cold hard facts; Hollywood (particularly Marvel) is FUCKING up every single comic-book movie that is coming out with little to no regards to the property or the fans. WE ALL KNEW that this movie was going to be shit! We we just grasping at straws that some miricle Hollywood and Marvel would redeem themselves for AT MOST a decent FF2. But to no one great surprise we get YET ANOTHER heaping pile of shit! Some one mentioned that just start from the very start is the way to go. Look at BATMAN BEGIN; even James Bond is starting from the very beginning, look at how fucking great CASINO ROYALE was. Hollywood/Marvel, if you dumb fucks can't follow a SIMPLE storyline that the comics MAKE it easy to follow. Hell! EVERYTHING IS PLANNED OUT FOR YOU IN THE COMICS!! How fucking retarded to you guys have to be NOT to be able to follow it?!?!? (DARE DEVIL, ELECTRA, SPIDY3, GHOST RIDER, FF) Oh, never mind. People, our dreams of watching our favorite comics coming to life on the big screenbeing AND being treated and MADE right are-no pun intended but-DOOMED! Wow! DARK KNIGHT and IRON MAN are really our last hopes. Geez! Its really tragic being a fan of so many thing that Hollywood is shitting on.

  • June 15, 2007, 6:09 p.m. CST

    Violator90

    by dramirezs23

    It's all about money. It will be until these stupid movies stop making millions. You have to remember that these movies aren't really aimed at fans. When a good comic book movie makes a huge load of money (Spider-man) every studio is going to want to make one. Pretty soon these studios get lazy and don't see it as a movie but as a product. That's all these movies really are anymore, products and product placement.

  • June 15, 2007, 6:10 p.m. CST

    VERN

    by supercowbell 4 cant stop the cowbell

    the first one got the torch and thing chemistry right and actually evans and chiklis actually knew how to play their roles.

  • June 15, 2007, 6:12 p.m. CST

    IF I COME OUT THINKING THIS MOVIE WAS BETTER THAN

    by supercowbell 4 cant stop the cowbell

    spiderman 3, i am going to be seriously pissed, and extremly suprised

  • June 15, 2007, 6:13 p.m. CST

    Why, why, why?

    by new alien

    I can't say this movie sucks yet as I have not seen it, but after the first one and everything I read I feel like why bother to check it out. Sure the source material has been uneven through the years, but heck go back to some of the great Jack Kirby FANTASTIC FOUR issues and you have some cool material to work with. Seems like something go lost in translation big time. I do feel the best FANTASTIC FOUR film out there is call THE INCREDIBLES! I guess the visions in my mind of a wild and cool live FF film will have to stay in the mind. Here is to a great reboot sometime!

  • June 15, 2007, 6:16 p.m. CST

    Best Quote

    by Pompoulus

    "Maybe you need a deeper shade of soul douche." That's absolutely priceless.

  • June 15, 2007, 6:19 p.m. CST

    Sorry to interrupt

    by Mockingbuddha

    But I just read that Keanu Reeves will not be in Watchmen, and I can't stop sobbing for joy. So far two out of my three, "Actors that ruin all they touch" have been eliminated from this movie. The first was Tom Cruise. I won't say the name of the third so I don't give them any ideas. For now, all is right with the world.

  • June 15, 2007, 6:26 p.m. CST

    Disagree

    by Roboteer

    Where's a truth detector when you need one? Then we could check a box for who's actually seen this and toss 75% of comments out. I'll put my FF geek credentials up against anyone's and say UNEQUIVOCABLY this was much better than FF1 (most critics agree on that)and if it stumbled a lot on the plot development, it still pretty closely reflected the early FF. It captured the familiality and the relationships were pretty spot on. No way was it boring and the acting was improved some as well. The ending was crap no doubt, but it may actually be preferable to Reed slapping together some super weapon in a few hours. Don't think that comic ending would have worked either. A lot of this rant reeks of your SM3 review in nit pickiness. As with that comic, the WORLD'S GREATEST wasn't always so great either in spinning a perfect plot. No, it isn't how I envisioned a great FF movie, but it was at least within shotgun distance this time. I thought it was an entertaining 90 minutes and should really hit the market they're aiming for. If this didn't have all the angst of Spidey, too bad. This wasn't the same type of comic. After One, I felt like I wished they'd never made an FF movie, but this one I can accept. In fact I intend to see it again. P.S. DC doesn't have the chops to overtake Marvel. They got their ass kicked in the Silver Age and it's getting kicked at the box office now.

  • June 15, 2007, 6:28 p.m. CST

    Read this off the CNN article

    by dramirezs23

    Drew McWeeney, known as "Moriarty" on the Ain't It Cool site, picked up Morrison's cause. OH My GOD what a horrible name! No wonder Moriarty has an alias, can you imagine how many times he got his ass kicked in high school?

  • June 15, 2007, 6:31 p.m. CST

    The Reason Jesse was fired

    by MEMFLIXsFormerBoss

    My name is "Tom" I was Jesse Morrisons former employer and the one and only person responsible for the decision to fire him.Jesse was a projectionist here for two years but had several lapse of judgement that led to his being fired the Silver Surfer review was only the final one.Jesse took advantage of his position here after signing a contract and being warned numerous times not to blog or make public any spoilers or any reviews.This was a direct violation.Fox was aware of his transgression but made no request of the Malco Theatre chain or this particular theatre in Memphis.We recieved a memo from Fox that said what was believed to have happened and requested we renew our vigilance in stopping this.No threat or termination request was made.Mr.Morrisson had been warned by me several weeks prior when I recieved complaints that a screening of Oceans Thirteen had stopped cold halfway through.I made my way to the projection room to find Mr. Morrisson on his knees peeking through the projection window with his pants around his ankles imploring Brad Pitt to "adopt me" while vigorously clutching his genitalia.Mr.Morrisson did two weeks of rehab and was given a second chance.I wish Jesse luck in his future endeavors as I still consider him a friend and only want what is best for him.

  • June 15, 2007, 6:45 p.m. CST

    downtheriver3

    by aPo

    I seen every superhero film to be seen and agree, punisher is a piece of shit film and ff4 was better, not by much. However, only kids under 10 will love this film. Piece of shit film.

  • June 15, 2007, 6:50 p.m. CST

    memflixs boss -your probably not even his former boss

    by supercowbell 4 cant stop the cowbell

    i can see how he got fired for violating a contract but i have this feeling that theres a "spoiler contract" because fox doesnt want people to know about the cloud thing. there was spoilers all over shh forums before the film was released, everyone there still has a job. (p.s. if you keep posting the same thing everywhere, i am gonna keep posting my response.)

  • June 15, 2007, 7:01 p.m. CST

    NEVERMIND

    by supercowbell 4 cant stop the cowbell

    lol and here i was being serious like a retard lol i did not see the part about memflix and his brad pitt fantasties lol

  • June 15, 2007, 7:07 p.m. CST

    One shitfest down... Transformers next!!

    by football

    Then Die Hard 4. You've been warned puerile movie lovers.

  • June 15, 2007, 7:09 p.m. CST

    FF2..

    by 69DUDE

    If Tim Story is reading any of this shit, I hope he has the sense to ignore almost every word of it. Now, I haven't seen FF2 yet, but I've read enough of this talkback to realise it's just another chance for all the pissy-pants whiners, and feet-stomping cry-babies to randomly vent their rage again. I'm sure this has been said before, but the FF was always the most light-hearted of the Marvel crop. It really should NOT come as a surprise that when they make a movie version its....yep, light-hearted. Finally, for all those STILL bitching and squealing about the so-called letdown - Spider-Man 3 - you really have no idea what a shit movie is like. You really don't. Get out more and discover just how shit a movie can be. As for FF2, I'm sure it's a good enough family-oriented superhero flick. Nothing more.

  • June 15, 2007, 7:12 p.m. CST

    transformers will be action fuckin packed

    by supercowbell 4 cant stop the cowbell

    and ill love it

  • June 15, 2007, 7:16 p.m. CST

    How the comics ended

    by ShiniGamiSan

    First, the Watcher tried to hide the earth by surrounding it with floating debris, then the Surfer Appears. He's befriended by the FF, and regains the nobility he had when he was Norin Radd. He decided to help the FF, who keep trying to destroy the machine Galactus is assembling to drain the energy out of the Earth. They are basically insects to Galactus. But the Watcher sends Johnny to retrieve the Cosmic Nulifier, a weapon that can destroy Galaxies, and Galactus. Reed shows Galactus he has the weapon in his stretched out had, and Galactus says he will leave. But he blasts the Surfer with Cosmic Energy, and imprisons him on Earth with a force shield that only effects the Surfer.<P> You know, just like the Movie that opened today. Pretty sad when the Fantastic Four 60's cartoon episode for these issues is a million times better than this piece of crap I just wasted 2 hours on. And they do a better job in 20 minutes.

  • June 15, 2007, 7:19 p.m. CST

    You know what REALLY pisses me off?

    by Cotton McKnight

    That a piece of SHIT like Superman Returns gets a free pass SOLELY because of who directed it. Bryan Singer "loves" Superman and is a "real" director, so therefore it MUST be better, huh? Well I will tell you what- I haven't seen F42 yet but I ALREADY know that its better, in every concievable way, than Superman Returns. Why? Because anything NOT called Superman Returns is automatically better than Superman Returns.

  • June 15, 2007, 7:23 p.m. CST

    Cotton McKnight

    by The Dum Guy

    Does that go for House of the Dead?

  • June 15, 2007, 7:44 p.m. CST

    The Dum Guy...

    by Cotton McKnight

    Yes, House of the Dead is better than Superman Returns. Why? Because that was a movie nobody cared about being made, so therefore it didn't matter if it was terrible. Superman Returns was not only terrible, it was an abomination and a disgrace to one of the most beloved characters ever created. The stakes were much much higher, and it was REALLY important that Singer get it right. He didn't.

  • June 15, 2007, 7:56 p.m. CST

    Superman Returns was a good movie

    by Forestal

    Second best Superman movie tied with Superman II. Eat it SR haters.

  • June 15, 2007, 8:05 p.m. CST

    Awesome Movie

    by jimmyc

    I have just got back from seeing the movie and have to say you got it all wrong it was awesome. Here are the highlights for me; Hugh grant looks a little different but is incredible as the stretchy fella especially when he was dancing – boy, can that man dance, it put his skit in music and lyrics to shame. I don’t want to spoil it for anyone that hasn’t seen it yet but the general plotline is that Hugh wants to marry the girl from the “Spec Savers” spectacles commercial but has to duck out at the last minute cause skinny silver Morpheus from the Matrix wants him to go surfing - Spec Saver girls brother “Blow Torch Boy” tries to chase Skinny Silver Morpheus away and they race to the ozone layer before Skinny Silver Morpheus gets pissed and throws Blow Torch Boy in the desert where he burns a poor campers tent down. Vic Mackey from the shield is in the movie except he has really bad acne all over his face and body. I’m a big fan of Vic but he needs to get help, he has really let himself go and looks literally like a piece of shit in this movie. Anyway it turns out that skinny Morpheus’ real name is Norman (or something like that) and Norman works for a cloud of smoke that wants to eat the Earth. The military manage to get Hugh and the fantastic team to help them catch Norman but then they take him to Guantanamo to have a chat and inject his alien body with some chemicals that they usually use to make humans talk. Anywho Spec Savers Girl manages to talk to Norman and convince him that although he has spent an eternity working for the cloud of smoke, and his loved ones life depends upon his obedience, he should give it up and help the fantastic team instead. I think she used her amazing power of “tits and ass” to achieve this as it took her about 3 minutes. This was almost as impressive as her other powers which included turning almost invisible and using a form of Tai chi to stop a big wheel falling over in London. Anyway Mr. Doom from the first movie - played here by Super Market Sweeps, Dale Winton – returns to steal Normans surf board and encourages the cloud of smoke to get really really really close to Earth. He also chucks a stick through Spec Saver girl’s chest, which penetrates her impenetrable Tai chi shield and nearly kills her. Hugh gets a bit upset about this but he lets Norman “tit her up” for a bit which brings her back to life. At this point in the movie Hugh and the team have had enough and decide to let Blow Torch Boy take out Mr. Doom on his own, they help him by giving him all their powers. This is where the movie changes from the Fantastic Four to the Fantastic One and there is a good sequence where Blow Torch Boy turns stretchy invisible and hits Mr. Doom with an acne ridden fist of fire. The film ends when Norman gets his surf board back, he flies to the centre of the cloud of smoke where it looks like he takes a really long dump on his board before turning into Jesus and blowing the annoying cloud away. We all cheered when that happened. The best line in the movie for me was when Spec Saver Girl said to Mr. Doom that she could put something inside him that would explode – I think this was a mistake and that she took his line. The only thing I didn’t understand is why it was called the fantastic four - Vic Mackey’s girlfriend was blind but actually had the ability to smell anybody in the room – if that aint a superpower I don’t know what is, surely that makes them the fantastic five?

  • June 15, 2007, 8:30 p.m. CST

    Superman Returns was not a good movie. At all.

    by TallBoy66

    Lets make a 2 and a half hour boring drag-a-thon where Supes stalks Lois, comes off as a deadbeat dad, and all he does is lift and/or catch shit. Seriously, what fucking planet are you living on qualifying that as entertainment? Yeesh.

  • June 15, 2007, 8:35 p.m. CST

    tallboy66-i live on earth

    by supercowbell 4 cant stop the cowbell

    theres no life form on other planets stupid! let alone a great movie like superman returns! your so zany! another planet heh heh heh heh your so wacky!

  • June 15, 2007, 8:40 p.m. CST

    No FF3! Start the franchise over! Finale SPOILER ahead

    by strosmer

    Totally agree Massa. I went to see this today with the idea it'd be bad-but-fun, but I couldn't find one redeemable aspect to it. Ok, Silver Surfer was done well enough to be carried over to his own movie, but they need to restart this franchise over already. They did nothing right with these two productions. The scope of the stories the FF are involved in demand a bigger budget to pull off in live action, and since no one cares about FF except their fan base, we won't see this happen anytime soon. Actually, there's no excuse is there? The technology is here now to pull off a cosmic storyline economically. All the more frustrating these movies aren't better than they are, isn't it? They just need more heart behind them. Thing should be CG. Reed and Sue need to be older and more sophisticated (I always thought Marg Helgenberger would make the perfect Invisible Woman, though she's getting up there in age). I hated every fucking scene with Mr. Fantastic. The CG on his powers looks like it was made in 1990. There was just no excuse for it looking that bad. Even Galactus could have been pulled off convincingly (helmet and all). I wanted nothing more than to see his 1000-foot-tall frame towering over skyscrapers, or wading just offshore of NY while the FF and SS pounded on him. What a blown opportunity to push the cinematic experience. For the record (and here's the MAJOR SPOILER), it is ambiguous as to whether or not Galactus was merely a cloud. They did show the shape of the helmeted head, and they could have saved the character for a full reveal in the SS spin off. They just wanted to get little kids with their parents in the seats on this one. You'll make your money Fox. Great job, dickholes. It's wishful thinking, but it'd be great to see this franchise get an overhaul (Batman Begins-style) where a more dignified approach is taken to the material. I thought this could be a halfway tolerable movie with the Silver Surfer in it, but no. F- on this one all the way.

  • June 15, 2007, 8:41 p.m. CST

    Tegujai Batir (this post is way up there)

    by supercowbell 4 cant stop the cowbell

    i know i didnt see it yet im just saying spiderman 3's first half was so good and it had good action that it could still be better than f4 2

  • June 15, 2007, 8:48 p.m. CST

    This movie sucked BUT....

    by D'Jesus

    at least it was better than that fucking shitty ass comic series.

  • June 15, 2007, 8:48 p.m. CST

    This movie sucked BUT....

    by D'Jesus

    at least it was better than that fucking shitty ass comic series.

  • June 15, 2007, 8:50 p.m. CST

    How did Doom steal the Surfer's powers in the comic?

    by Defiant

    I know there was a story about that, but i found the reasoning in the movie to be ridiculous even for a comic book.

  • June 15, 2007, 8:51 p.m. CST

    Was there a comic story of them switching powers?

    by Defiant

    I found that lame in the movie and in the end defeated the purpose of a team story. Curious if that was taken from a fantastic 4 story or not.

  • June 15, 2007, 8:58 p.m. CST

    Best Superhero Movie this year!

    by Stankirby1

    This film was like reading an old Kirby and Lee FF classic actually 11 separate issues combined into this Story version -No Galactus or Watcher but we did get a version of the Super Skrull!

  • June 15, 2007, 9:11 p.m. CST

    Is anyone else as pissed off about the Memflix thing

    by trombone

    as I am? Cause that really makes me mad. Or is this just old hat?

  • June 15, 2007, 9:14 p.m. CST

    Super Skrull deserves better

    by HeWhoCannotBeNamed

    bah! (as MNG would say)

  • June 15, 2007, 9:18 p.m. CST

    trombone

    by HeWhoCannotBeNamed

    No, it's not old hat, at least it's not to me. Hate to sound ignorant and vulgar, but it's total fucking bullshit that he writes a review, a honest one, and then "coincidentally" gets fired.

  • June 15, 2007, 9:24 p.m. CST

    Not a troll, not a plant, Big time comic book geek...

    by W3bzpinn3r

    And I loved the Fantastic Four movies. Both of 'em. Sure, they aren't perfect, but they were a lot better than Spider-Man 3, Daredevil, or Blade 3. Even as a comic geek, I'm glad they don't have Galactus as a huge purple man with a geeky helmet. That would look beyond bizarre. I like Julian as Doom. He plays him as a stuck-up ahole who is used to getting what he wants, which is what the Comics Doom basically is, 'cept Comic Doom only talks in lame 3rd person. Chiklis rocks as Thing (pun intended). Mr. Fantastic I always thought of as a major nerdy loser (much like Cyclops - a moodly bossy guy) so the personality they put into him in the movies is welcoming to me. For the first time in my life, I actually agree more with Harry's review than I do with Massawyrm. Harry should make a banner out of that fact alone. Wonder what Mori thought of it, coz he and I see things so alike it's almost eerie.

  • June 15, 2007, 9:27 p.m. CST

    I'm an Uber FF Fan...

    by dark_mullet

    And I was completely satisfied with this movie. It was fun, entertaining, and there wasn't anything too wrong with it. Honestly, there isn't any major negative aspects to this aside from being a little hollow. But it's still Citizen Kane compared to Spider-Man 3.

  • June 15, 2007, 9:57 p.m. CST

    Bad

    by Cobbio

    Thanks for the review, Massawyrm. Good stuff. And pretty much exactly what I thought this film would be: a chunk of stupefyingly braindead shit. Tim Story's directed some of the most screamingly atrocious movies ever, so I expected as much here.<p> I also expect "Silver Surfer" to bank big at the box office. Nothing I can do about it.<p> Goddamn I'm sick of pathetically bad super hero movies.

  • June 15, 2007, 10:21 p.m. CST

    Why I Fired Memflix

    by MEMFLIXsFormerBoss

    My name is "Tom" I was Jesse Morrisons former employer and the one and only person responsible for the decision to fire him.Jesse was a projectionist here for two years but had several lapse of judgement that led to his being fired the Silver Surfer review was only the final one.Jesse took advantage of his position here after signing a contract and being warned numerous times not to blog or make public any spoilers or any reviews.This was a direct violation.Fox was aware of his transgression but made no request of the Malco Theatre chain or this particular theatre in Memphis.We recieved a memo from Fox that said what was believed to have happened and requested we renew our vigilance in stopping this.No threat or termination request was made.Mr.Morrisson had been warned by me several weeks prior when I recieved complaints that a screening of Oceans Thirteen had stopped cold halfway through.I made my way to the projection room to find Mr. Morrisson on his knees peeking through the projection window with his pants around his ankles imploring Brad Pitt to "adopt me" while vigorously clutching his genitalia.Mr.Morrisson did two weeks of rehab and was given a second chance.I wish Jesse luck in his future endeavors as I still consider him a friend and only want what is best for him.

  • June 15, 2007, 10:23 p.m. CST

    I dont get it...that was a BADASS movie!!

    by jojo-pimp

    I mean really...you are talking about the FF4...which was never that serious or dramatic of a comic to begin with...but everyone wants it to be dark and serious. Come on!! you have a dude with the powers of plastic man for christ sakes! But still...even all that aside...ten times better than the bigger budgeted and over hyped Spiderman 3! Silver Surfer frickin rocked!

  • June 15, 2007, 11:37 p.m. CST

    Wow, and people are comparing FF to Spidey 3?

    by rbatty024

    Thank you, because now I can completely ignore your opinion. You might think Spidey 3 sucked but the last thing you could accuse it was lack of ambition or unable to take risks. I'll take a film that tried and failed over a movie that could have been written by a seven year old and all the actors looked like they were sleeping through the film so they could bide their time until they receive their paycheck.

  • June 16, 2007, 12:05 a.m. CST

    Rediculous even for a comic book?

    by Pompoulus

    Batman once acquired a superpowered punch by dipping his hands in a chemical that was intended to termite-proof wood. I shit you not.

  • June 16, 2007, 12:05 a.m. CST

    Get a fucking life

    by MatchesMalone

    "They didnt respect the source material" blah blah blah.. fucking eat it..Thats why some directors wont even bother with comic book movies, "her eyes were too blue?" c'mon man!! You really wanted a giant guy with a purple band hat with horns?? that wouldnt look fucking ridiculous at all right?? Just like Jackman should wear yellow spandex to be faithful to the material?? Its fucking sick.. I just came from the theater and have to tell the "reviewer" to go fuck himself... Im a "fanboy" as much as any other and been reading the book for years, still idiots like that will never be happy unless they pull every scene from the book and put it in the movie, and that will not happen and if it did, IT WOULD BE FUCKING STUPID!! GALACTUS HAD SHORTS ON THE FIRST TIME HE SHOWED UP..The movie was very well done, it wasnt perfect but leaps and bound over the original one, Surfer was fantastic,even the super skrull thing was awesome.. Comic book movies will be MOVIES, if you want it to be like the comic book, just stay in your cave, room, apartment locked up and re reading your old comic books instead of spewing venom on a movie that was a lot better then a most of whats out there right now..

  • June 16, 2007, 12:06 a.m. CST

    It's cool when Doom talks in third person and

    by superninja

    not like he just got his chest waxed and read Details for tips on how to pick up chicks.

  • June 16, 2007, 12:29 a.m. CST

    Well, ideally--

    by Pompoulus

    -- you're paying to give it a chance. But the reality is, for better or worse, you've cast your vote in favor of a sequel. I agree, either wait for DVD or read reviews people.

  • June 16, 2007, 12:44 a.m. CST

    I'm going with the no willpower.

    by superninja

    Some people want to see Silver Surfer on screen that badly.

  • June 16, 2007, 1:10 a.m. CST

    You wanna see the Silver Surfer...

    by TheGhostWhoLurks

    just download the previews, idiots. That's what they're for. Or, download the crummy film off the internet for FREE!<p>JUST STOP PAYING TO WATCH THESE CRAPPY COMIC MOVIES!<p>All you're doing is DOOMING all future films to follow suit and be made with the same half-assed care as the crap you turned into "summer blockbusters" by being such impatient and undisciplined comic-dorks.<p>Do you WANT Tim Story and Joel Schumacher to keep hired to rape your childhoods???

  • June 16, 2007, 1:16 a.m. CST

    But being undisciplined is a hallmark of

    by superninja

    our high culture.

  • June 16, 2007, 1:53 a.m. CST

    If you want to see the real

    by Mockingbuddha

    Fantastic Four, true to the source and all that, go watch The Incredibles again, that's what I do.

  • June 16, 2007, 2:16 a.m. CST

    beyond horrible

    by bitemeballs

    i don't expect hollywood to follow the comic book that close, but at least try. surfer doesn't get his power from the dumb board. galactus isn't a cloud. where was the watcher, the ultimate nullifier. the surfer turns into a punk when not on his board, he isn't even silver. timstory f'ed up.

  • June 16, 2007, 2:46 a.m. CST

    Did anyone else notice this product placement?

    by InstantClassic

    The scene when they find out Doom is back is a big advertisment for FX. You have the stars of Nip/Tuck, The Shield and Theif on the screen. I was waiting for Denis Leary to show up to make it the whole FX line up.

  • June 16, 2007, 2:53 a.m. CST

    THIS MOVIE SUCKED A FAT BABIES BALLS

    by supercowbell 4 cant stop the cowbell

    IF YOU SAY THIS MOVIE IS BETTER THAN SPIDERMAN 3 , YOUR ARE A FUCKING IDIOT. FUCK THIS MOVIE. SUCKS ASS.

  • June 16, 2007, 5:32 a.m. CST

    this guy on imdb makes sense of the galactus cloud

    by supercowbell 4 cant stop the cowbell

    "I just saw this a few hours ago and I have to say that this movie was a big improvement over the first FF film, which I found pretty forgettable (although it wasn't DAREDEVIL-level bad). I know everyone seems to be furious over the way Galactus is portrayed in this, but, I thought it was done alright. First off, he's not a "cloud." What we see of Galactus is a ferocious, swirling maelstrom of gas and debris that is so vast that it casts a shadow (a suspiciously horned shadow, actually...) over the face of Saturn. That's Saturn the GIGANTIC PLANET, folks. So to begin with, all of these posters are being misleading about the size of this thing. It/he is enormous. Secondly, it's never actually said WHAT Galactus is. He's only referred to cryptically as the "Destroyer." At the film's end, the Surfer flies up to penetrate the outer layer of the Galactus storm, and he flies in to its core, where we see shifting energy fields. Now, some people say you can see a face starting to form, I myself didn't see anything concrete like that. Maybe it's open to interpretation, but, I think people were seeing what they wanted to. But the point is that the storm itself WAS NOT GALACTUS...the Surfer flew towards the heart of it, and confronted Galactus as a pulsing heart of energy. THIS was Galactus. The storm (again, a planet-sized storm) could have been the effect of an immensely powerful cosmic being ripping through space, or, it could have been a "vessel" of sorts in which he travelled. I'm thinking of the V'Ger cloud from STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE here. Galactus has no "true" form perceivable by humans; we see him as a giant man, whereas Skrulls see him as a giant Skrull, Shi'ar as a giant Shi'ar, etc. He's a cosmic being who can change his form at will and perhaps has no need of a corporeal form. Is it so hard to buy that while still in space, travelling interstellar space between feedings, that Galactus (or at least movie-Galactus) is formless, that he exists purely as energy? It's a lot easier to travel through space as energy than to exist as a gigantic human, isn't it? We can assume that when Galactus chooses to manifest itself on a world he is preparing to consume, that his "human" aspect would be seen, as a godlike being (probably a defense mechanism to awe the natives and keep them from impeding his final preparations). As it is, the only one to see him in the film is the Surfer, who as his herald most likely would not need to perceive Galactus with a humanoid aspect. "But that's still wrong!" you say. "The cloud!!! Wahh!" Well, yes. But in the comics, Galactus travelled around in a spaceship the size of our solar system. It's so big that it has planets orbiting it. I have to say that that just wouldn't work on film, sorry. I know that superhero stories are essentially ridiculous and that you need to suspend disbelief, but, what was "believable" in a 1960s comic book would just not work on screen in a 2000s movie. In a way, the level of detail and animation allowed by modern CGI limits what can be depicted in film now. The original comics as drawn by Kirby are amazingly inventive and bizarre but are in no way "lifelike;" one doesn't look at a Kirby drawing of the Thing and marvel that a human being has turned into a monster, and one doesn't see a Kirby drawing of Reed or Sue and assume they are looking at a photograph. There's a certain crudity to the art that actually serves the unreal nature of what's being drawn. But in the flesh, so to speak, you can show a lot more, and a lot less at the same time. Yes, you COULD show a 200-foot-tall man with purple antlers floating over Manhattan...but in perfect, human detail, it wouldn't look iconic. It would look hokey, and stupid. It would be very difficult to make that work. I know most of the fanboys are complaining, but I guarantee that if they gave us purple suited Galactus, 99.9 percent of the fans would be complaining "Galactus looks so fake!!!!!" Of course he does. He's a ridiculous-looking character, away from the comic page. I wouldn't say that the idea of Galactus as a disembodied space storm made me stand up and cheer, but it didn't ruin the film either. This was just the briefest of introductions to Galactus; were an FF3 to show his return, they could easily incorporate more of the classic comic images, if they wanted. Since the FF themselves never confronted Galactus (he never makes it to Earth, the Surfer "destroys" him in space, or believes he does anyway), there was no need to show him. If the story had been about Galactus, it would have made more sense to show him on Earth and choose a physical form for him then. But the film was more about dealing with the Surfer, the team's evolution as a family, and the return of Doom. Galactus is just a plot element here, not a character. So don't freak out and dismiss the movie before you see it. I thought it was great for the most part. "

  • June 16, 2007, 7:53 a.m. CST

    Silver Surfer Movie Screenplay

    by WASPFAN

    Already turned in by JMS... Can't be much worse than this drek

  • June 16, 2007, 9:06 a.m. CST

    SURFER WAS GREAT

    by supercowbell 4 cant stop the cowbell

    but he didnt do much.

  • June 16, 2007, 2:07 p.m. CST

    supercowbell 4 cant stop the cowbell is TOTALLY RIGHT

    by JT Styler

    Spidey 3 is a flawed movie, a fascinating failure. Raimi reached for far too much. At least he tried.. AND he has Spidey 1 and 2, great movies to his name. Tim Story has f*cked up twice now and you people are going to end up swallowing his shit and we will have to suffer through another FF movie with this mediocre, visionless hack at the helm. Lord, sometimes I think we as a community of geeks do not deserve the likes of Raimi, Nolan, Donner, and yes, I will say it Singer. Me, FF3 - no thanks. The rest of you can bend over and take it from hacks like Ratner, Story and Mark Steven Johnson. Favreau and Nolan, please don't strike out.

  • June 16, 2007, 3:10 p.m. CST

    It's the FF in a Barbershop world

    by jorson2

    Literally... Tim Story did the Barbershop movies, but I don't really know what else. Those did well at the box office, but having just seen a few minutes of the beginning of the first one, it's not even as good as I expected, and I had low expectations. I think Fox just couldn't attract any big name or artsy director so they went with the next best thing -- the guy that did the most recent successful urban comedy. But that's the problem. I've got nothing against changing the race of a few minor characters, or even turning the material upside down, but the FF feels like a White-American movie done by a director trying to get as much of his own ethnic sensibilities in as possible. Hip hop music for Reed to dance to, as well as the same throughout the first film. Jessica Alba is not only a brunette but, as far as I can tell, mixed-race. She's a darker, shorter Mariah-Carey made to unsuccessfully look like the kind of brainy, icy-cool blonde that the bland, English Reed would go for. The general constantly fighting with Reed is a rougher, loud-mouthed Colin Powell with what seems to be fairly right-wing ideas about how to go about everything. I'm right wing, but even I think it's ridiculous. Whether it's intentional or not, it's an insult to Colin Powell himself, who's been mimicked onscreen numerous times before, regardless of Andre Braugher's acting ability. Again, I don't mind switching the races with the minor characters. I'm no big FF afficionado. An African American Alicia Masters never bothered me anyway, and I at least knew that the character is white in the comics (which may just be chalked up to it being done in the early sixties). Still, the source material is what it is, and the movies betray that with no justification.

  • June 16, 2007, 5:05 p.m. CST

    Best Movie Ever!

    by fedrich519

    Says my 9 year old! I wasn't disappointed in it either, I went in expecting crap and that's what I got, a big steaming pile of shit. I just focused on lusting after Alba and enjoying the few action scenes that were decent. The FX was really shabby in places, the dance scene at the bachelor party was downright awful. Dr. Doom just seemed pointless, The Thing hardly did anything at all except make childish jokes. The writing was roll-your-eyes corny. Nothing but a summer popcorn movie, I enjoyed it because I expected nothing less than a popcorn movie and an Alba lust session.

  • June 16, 2007, 6:29 p.m. CST

    surfer captured by the U.S. military!

    by bitemeballs

    you know the movie sucksballs if the silver surfer, considered the most powerful hero in the marvel universe, with the power cosmic, is captured and tortured by our military. because according to tim story and his braintrust, surfer is powerless without his surfboard. f'n retarded. and a CG Galactus would work. if anyone here has played marvel ultimate alliance for PS3 or 360, the CG scenes of Galactus were better than any CG in this turd of a film. So Galactus' form would look great on film if there are competant people out there at Fox that know anything.

  • June 16, 2007, 6:41 p.m. CST

    I watched it.. AND LIKED IT!!!

    by nrn

    Forget about the non-galactus showing (which both me and my wife screamed about when the silver surfer was like im yours no more). The movie was GOOD. Not Batman Begins good, but sure as hell better then X3 and Spider3. I give it a solid 7/10.

  • June 16, 2007, 8:33 p.m. CST

    Make your own movie

    by tormys

    I just got done watching the movie with my wife and we both enjoyed it. It was a good movie. I'm definitely sure why no of you knuckleheads liked it, but screw you all. Instead of sitting here talking shit, get together and make your own movie. Yea that's what I thought.

  • June 16, 2007, 10:59 p.m. CST

    I Must Admit.... I Liked It!

    by DarfurOnTheRocks

    I had a pass and decided to check this movie out. I am must say that the movie was solid. I was expecting to see silly product placements, and a stupid looking Galactus, yet those things are not to the level that certain reviewers made it out to be. This movie served its purpose as being a solid piece of summer entertainment. I am sorry that comic fans are outraged because of Galactus's appearance. To those individuals I challenge them to show me how the climax of the story could be heightened with a huge purple man wearing a hat would work.

  • June 16, 2007, 11:02 p.m. CST

    I kinda enjoyed it

    by GregoryHarbin

    Well worth my $7. I won't be buying the DVD, but I had a good time.

  • June 17, 2007, 12:16 a.m. CST

    It was a fun movie

    by V-man

    It's based on a comic book, right? You see any pulitzer winning comics lately? They aren't supposed to be life changing. They are supposed to be ENTERTAINING. FF2 was fun. I liked the movie just fine. It isn't Citizen Kane. It isn't suposed to be. A giant world eating tornado sure makes more sense than a 12' tall guy in a purple helment (you know the planet is a LOT more than 12 feet across, right? how does he get all that inside him?). Here is some insight for you... COMIC BOOKS ARE DIFFERENT THAN MOVIES. You can't crank out 12 movies a year. Actors get older, fatter, and hurt (can't have Superman flying around with a big shiner from where the car hit him or something). The stories you try to tell are different. Lines that are funny in one medium fall flat in the other. Get over it. And for memflix...he signed a contract, then broke it, what did you think Fox would do ESPECIALLY if they didn't like what he had to say?

  • June 17, 2007, 7:15 a.m. CST

    Weel thats saved me both time and money.

    by Reelheed

    Wow sounds horrible. Thanks for going through this on our behalf Mass.

  • June 17, 2007, 9:33 a.m. CST

    No Joe Satriani

    by Rikrik the White

    Alas, the film does not contain the Joe Satriani ode to the Silver Surfer, "Surfing with the Alien". I was hoping it would, but no.

  • June 17, 2007, 10:23 a.m. CST

    Write a better one Fanboy

    by Seasonalalrg

    Why don't you put down your Funions and Pepsi, and wirte a better comic movie then...fanboy douche nozzle.

  • June 17, 2007, 12:02 p.m. CST

    He's right...what shit! Silver Surfer though...

    by FrankTheCrank

    The only redeeming portion of this film was the Silver Surfer. I've never read anything about this character, so I knew nothing about him, I came away even more interested. I hope FOX does a movie, a good one, dedicated to this character. I want more Silver Surfer!! The rest of the movie was your typical Hollywood shit bomb with extra stink on top. Product placement was horrendous. The Thing drinking a slurpee. The Dodge vehicle with The Human Torch asking if it had a HEMI. More like, am I a homo? Jessica Alba looked horrible. Overtanned, glossy, fat lips and fake blue eyes...she looked like your typical Hollywood platinum blonde TRASH.

  • June 17, 2007, 1:50 p.m. CST

    Hell...

    by new alien

    Give me a giant ass Galactis. It could work. Funny as how real is a Silver Surfer, a guy who stretches, etc. It is all a frickn fantasy film. Use the great Kirby tales as a template! These FF films could of been so much cooler! Fun, funky and kick ass! Oh well it least there is THE INCREDIBLES. Oh yes not to be totally negative they did get the look of the Surfer correct and the FF uniforms were pretty much spot on. Other than that it was asleep at the wheel time.

  • June 17, 2007, 2:11 p.m. CST

    This what I have been saying for YEARS!

    by crispyman

    There is NOT a single director or producer in Hollywood short of the latest Spiderman trilogies people that has ANY idea whatsoever of how to make a movie of this genre correctly. That's right- no one. That is because the movies are ran by extremely Low-IQ movie morons who don't care if the movie will work or not- just if they can get the most popular and famous people to be in the movie. This is why most, if not all, the comic book superhero movies have ALL FAILED in the last 40 years. They are all very poorly casted, acted, directed, scripted, and produced by movie studios who don't know what the hell they are doing. The list of absolutely horrible superhero movies is a long one: 1) Fantastic 4- Both movies 2) Electra- (Jennifer Garner? What idiot cast that crappy actress?) 3) Daredevil- (Ben Affleck? That horrible actor cannot act his way out of a paper sack. Enough said) 4) Superman (The one from last year) 5) Batman- (George Clooney? Are you kidding me????) 6) Batman- (Michael Keaton? The guy is only 5'6 for goodness sakes! Horrible choice) The list goes on and on. This is why no one will see these movies a second and third time, after wasting their to see it the first time. Until Hollywood movie studios get rid of the stupid bean-counters who green-light these movies without even so much as any regard to who is going to produce and direct them, we are only going to continue to see more of these awful pieces of crap being made in the future. Someone has to make these people who are running the studios at Warner Brothers, Sony Universal, and Paramount to get a new job, and leave these movies to those of us who KNOW how to make a good movie! When will this bad movie madness end? When will one of these movie studio idiots do the right thing and resign like they should?

  • June 17, 2007, 6:52 p.m. CST

    Spielberg was born to do FF

    by bitemeballs

    He's the only guy i can think of that would make a truly cosmic FF movie. 2 1/2 hours of an epic movie. FF+Galactus needs to be EPIC.

  • June 19, 2007, 11:49 p.m. CST

    what is it with this site???

    by markmerlin

    Is there some rule that every comment has the F word in it?? Have I stumbled into the Juvenile fanboy alternate universe? Please keep your comments to yourself if a) you can't spell Galactus, B) don't know who Jack Kirby is, C) you giggle at your own coolness every time you type the words "fuck" or "shit", and especially D) you have not seen the film, which is probably 80% of you. If Galactus appeared in the film, in all his short-pants and giant antlers glory, it would have only ended in uproarious laughter from the audience. The decision to go with an entity that looks like it might actually be able to eat a planet was the right one. The FF's personalities were right on (the Thing makes childish jokes in the comics, that is what he does). Sure it is not perfect; Dr. Doom is horrible and parts of the movie were uneven, but they blended tweo classic FF stories vwery nicely. Was it short? After watching marathons like Spidey 3 and Pirates 3, it seemed short, but it was actually just a regular length movie. Try reading Harry's review, from someone who actually knows the background of these comics and stories, and someone who focuses on what worked in the movie, instead of nitpicking what he didn't like. Guess what... hate ain't cool.