I am – Hercules!!


I can’t handle a steady diet of “American Idol,” but I can’t get enough of “On The Lot” (even when Michael Bay is guest judge)!

Last week was a good week for frozen-coathanger boy.

I gather the filmmakers only had five days to shoot their shorts, which goes a long way toward abating hatred, but not quite all the way. IF you know what I mean.

Here’s how I’d rank last week’s sorry lot:

1) Sam Friedlander’s “Broken Pipe Dreams” I think satirized bomb-defusing scenes. It looked amazing, but seemed fundamentally ill-conceived. What are the chances a guy would entangle both his sleeves in the threads of two hand towels the moment his engagement ring lands in the toilet? It was the best of last week’s five, but I think the whole thing would have worked a lot better had Friedlander simply framed the whole thing as a stress dream.

2) Hilary Graham’s “The First Time I Met The Finklesteins,” about the Irish girl who meets her boyfriend’s obnoxious Jewish parents, probably went in looking for a Woody Allen vibe, but came out looking like Nazi propaganda. “If I wanted an Irish girl on my food, I’d have Kelly straddle a brisket!”

3) Adam Stein’s inert “Dough: The Musical” needed a lot more dancing, and the only idea in its head seemed to be that the word “dough” could mean money or cooking matter.

4) Shalini Kantayya’s piece-of-shit (documentary? docudrama?) “Laughing Out Loud: A Comic Journey,” about the bald homosexual unfunny Indian comedian, probably should have had a laugh in it. “You have to believe in yourself,” the comedian advises. “And you have to be bold and be yourself.” Such bravery. Such insight.

5) “Resident cutie” Trevor James’ “Teri,” about the (Australian?) guy who fantasizes about what his blind date will be like, was badly written, badly directed, badly acted and punchline-free.

Here’s how the pre-voting went:

“Broken Pipe Dreams” got Carrie Fisher’s vote.

“Dough” got Garry Marshall’s vote.

“Laughing Out Loud” got Michael Bay’s vote, and the votes of the most contestants (four) not competing last week.

“The First Time I Met The Finkelsteins” was voted as least favorite by the most contestants (four) not competing last week. (I think. The contestants didn’t raise their hands very high.)

***

Also on the reality front, I point out that something called “Bad Girls Road Trip,” starring three of the 10 girls from “Bad Girls Club,” premieres tonight on Oxygen, which I think is one of those shameful women’s channels. I’ve never seen an episode of “Bad Girls Club,” but the clips on E!’s “The Soup” always looked hilarious. Oxygen is marathoning, I believe, 21 half-hour episodes of “Bad Girls Club” today immediately prior to the premiere of “Bad Girls Road Trip.”

And I remind Kathy Griffin’s six other AICN fans that “My Life on the D-List” airs its second episode tonight. Kathy insists she is not gay, but I believe she could teach the bald Indian fellow something about homosexual comedy.

"On The Lot" 8 p.m. Tuesday. Fox.
"Bad Girls Road Trip" 10 p.m. Tuesday. Oxygen.
"My Life On The D-List" 10 p.m. Tuesday. Bravo.

Warner’s Insano Movie Sale!!