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Capone Says OCEAN'S 13 Is Like Perfect, Well-Timed Sex!!

Hey everyone. Capone in Chicago here. I'm not exactly sure why, but one or two people on the planet we're real big fans of OCEAN'S TWELVE. I happened to think it was a scream, and even upon a repeat viewing recently I was captivated by the free-for-all attitude of the piece. It was always my feeling that the whole point behind the OCEAN'S series is that director Steven Soderbergh and his marvelous collection of mega stars and lesser-known actors was this playful, unconventional approach to storytelling. The scripts were always loose, while the stories were complex (or at least pretended to be complex), but the real point of the plot was to give the actors a place to show us that they could be goof balls and look great doing it. I love that throughout these films, we catch the ends of conversations or just the punchline of a joke, leaving us to wonder what the hell these guys were talking about that led them to that particular line of dialog. Forcing your imagination to run wild like that over things that have nothing to do with the main storyline is just one of the reasons I've enjoyed this series so much. Oh, and I should probably mention at this point that OCEAN'S THIRTEEN is far and away the best of the bunch. Just to give a quick overview of the proceeding (the fun of this film is in the details, and I'm not spoiling those), the gang is re-assembled in Las Vegas once again, this time to avenge a swindle perpetrated against one of their own (Elliott Gould's Reuben) by the city's most powerful and feared hotel giant Willie Bank (young newcomer Al Pacino, sporting a hair color that scares me in its Trump-like manner). He's about to open the most ornate and exclusive hotel on the strip (The Bank, which is beautifully CG'd right into the heart of Vegas). The gang is warned that revenge scams are dangerous, but they are determined not so much to rob Bank of his wealth for their own gains, but simply ruin him as a businessman by rigging nearly every gambling game in his casino at the Grand Opening so that the house never wins. So, where are Tess Ocean (played by Julia Roberts in the first two films) and Isabel Lahiri (Catherine Zeta Jones)? In one line of dialog, we are told that this is not their fight. Nothing else needs to be said on the matter, and their presence is not missed. I find it ironic that my biggest complaint about other three-quels this summer has been the overcrowding of their stories. But for some reason the fairly crowded OCEAN'S THIRTEEN doesn't feel too bloated. The characters are stepping over each other, and each crewmember's storyline is largely kept separate from the others as they work on their part of the scam against bank. By removing two key players from the last film (Roberts and Jones) and replacing them with Pacino and his right-hand bombshell Ellen Barkin, the cast size really hasn't grown at all. And there are a few unexpected players in this film, some of whom appeared in previous films and whose presence hasn't exactly been advertised. Do yourself a favor, and don't go to IMDB to ruin the fun. One of the more impressive plot points is bringing Andy Garcia's Terry Benedict back into the fold as a part of the scam against Bank (the gang needs his financial backing). It's not surprising that he'd want to bury a competitor, but don't think for a second he's not looking for a way to get back at Ocean even while he's assisting them. I've gone this far without mentioning George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon or any of the other regulars, all of whom absolutely rock here. For some reason, it's always Damon's characterization of the insecure Linus that I find most fascinating. He's so desperate to prove himself and rise from the shadow of his legendary, previously unseen father (who is finally revealed here) that he provides a nice counterbalance to the cocky nature of the some of his comrades. In other words, he's the most human. But putting Clooney and Pitt in a room together always makes me laugh. You probably have seen the scene in the trailer where Rusty (Pitt) catches Danny (Clooney) in his hotel room watching "Oprah." But that's just the beginning of a scene that gets funnier by the second. And in the film's final moment, which takes place at an airport, these two men deliver one line of dialog apiece aimed at each other that will make your ears do a doubletake. I have to give director Soderbergh credit for getting a fairly subdued performance out of Al Pacino, whose volume rarely gets above normal conversational levels. The only thing scarier that a dangerous man screaming is one who isn't, and that's how Pacino plays Bank. Of course the film gets silly and outrageous, but that's part of its charm. It makes the ridiculous seem plausible and even preferable. I know that Soderbergh and Co. have said they made this film to make up for any shortcomings the last one may have had, and that they wanted to go out on a high note. If that's the case, mission accomplished. But this is one of the few franchises I would love to see continue. Every element of this movie works in perfect unison with every other. It's like watching a well-choreographed dance routine or having perfect, well-timed sex. OCEAN'S THIRTEEN is as carefree as it is ambitious, and its nearly two-hour running time flies by in an instant. When it's over, you'll find yourself desperate for more. All sequels should try this hard to be great.


Readers Talkback
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  • June 8, 2007, 9:34 a.m. CST


    by vezner2007

    DAMN, FROST, FRIST...whatever. Oceans of suck, that's what this is.

  • June 8, 2007, 9:37 a.m. CST

    I would still absolutely do Ellen Barkin

    by Abominable Snowcone

    Liked her in Buckaroo Banzai and Sea of Love. Just something about her, that funny mouth. Sexy.

  • June 8, 2007, 9:40 a.m. CST

    it's funny you should mention that Abom...

    by just pillow talk

    She'll be swinging by your house this evening. I'm all through buckarooing her...

  • June 8, 2007, 9:41 a.m. CST

    Man, this movie scares me.

    by GrantChastain

    I've heard nothing but positives this far, but I also heard nothing but positives about O12 and that thing was an abomination. The worst thing you can do to these characters is take them out of Vegas, so I'm encouraged by the return... plus adding Pacino is rarely a negative. Still, has anybody else seen this thing? I'd like to hear a review from someone that hated Twelve the way I did, so I can know what I'm getting into.

  • June 8, 2007, 9:43 a.m. CST


    by Forrest75

    It does not count as a completed trilogy without a Topher Grace cameo, I'm sorry Definitely the best part of "Oceans 12." He will be missed this time around.

  • June 8, 2007, 9:43 a.m. CST

    Well-timed sex?

    by Franklin T Marmoset

    You mean, at the same time as a woman?<p>Ba-dum-TISH!

  • June 8, 2007, 9:44 a.m. CST

    Yeah, 12 sucked...

    by vezner2007

    and the reviewers all seemed to love it. Hell, even Ocean's 11 wasn't as great as some people would have you believe. It's ok but hardly worthy of the geekgasms that it seems to generate. I have little faith in Ocean's 13. I'll wait until it's out on DVD and then I'll rent it.

  • June 8, 2007, 9:48 a.m. CST

    Capone has chosen BlueRay... here's why...

    by NachoNegro

    Because he's not a fat schill who's got Eli Roth's dismembered tool shoved up his arse, that's why!

  • June 8, 2007, 9:49 a.m. CST

    Just saw it today

    by slfricky

    I'll say it's good, thought I think it suffers a little from them over-explaining most of their plan at the start of the movie, so it takes a bit of time for it to get going, but otherwise it's pretty fun to watch the scheme go down.

  • June 8, 2007, 9:55 a.m. CST

    Capone said what?

    by ByTor

    "I'm not exactly sure why, but one or two people on the planet we're real big fans of OCEAN'S TWELVE."<P>I keep trying to parse that sentence, Capone, and I keep failing. I'm guessing you're trying to convey the impression that not many people liked OCEAN'S TWELVE. Yes?

  • June 8, 2007, 9:59 a.m. CST

    Al Pacino has chosen HD-DVD..., and here's why:

    by Pound Sand


  • June 8, 2007, 10:02 a.m. CST

    Hitler has chosen's why..

    by Lour Reed luvs Frank Zappa

    It's a great way to watch all those Holocaust reinactments with PERFECT CLARITY and CRISP SOUND

  • June 8, 2007, 10:03 a.m. CST

    Topher Grace. Stupidest first name, ever?

    by Lour Reed luvs Frank Zappa


  • June 8, 2007, 10:03 a.m. CST

    Pound Sand

    by Franklin T Marmoset

    I'm not a huge fan of catchphrase humour, but that Al Pacino one you did up there is funny as hell. Thanks for that.

  • June 8, 2007, 10:04 a.m. CST

    Holy crap, Linus looks just like Matt Damon!!!!

    by Nice Marmot

    Hope they steer clear of that retarded idea this time around. Is anyone annnoyed by the wardrobe in these flicks? Man, I just look at the high fashion these pricks are always wearing and get pissed off. I know its dumb to harp on but the super materialism makes me see Soderberg as a lesser artist. Does that make any sense?

  • June 8, 2007, 10:05 a.m. CST


    by Franklin T Marmoset

    Short for Christopher, just like Xander is short for Alexander.<p>Don't hate the guy for being a little unconventional. Does the world need another Chris?

  • June 8, 2007, 10:05 a.m. CST

    "Lour" Reed bags on Topher's first name?

    by GrantChastain

    You may wish to Wikipedia the word "chutzpah".

  • June 8, 2007, 10:09 a.m. CST


    by Lour Reed luvs Frank Zappa

    You may want to apply that word to 7/8ths of the general talkback community. See: I have a firmly held belief about X. You have a firmly held belief about Y. Let's argue vigorously, effectively having a circle jerk of redundant arguments until we all come.

  • June 8, 2007, 10:09 a.m. CST


    by Lour Reed luvs Frank Zappa

    If I had to deal with seeing a major actor whose first name was Xander I would rag on him twice as much, sure it's different but it's also tastelessly stupid.

  • June 8, 2007, 10:11 a.m. CST


    by Lour Reed luvs Frank Zappa

    That's why actors take on stage names, he's not stuck with the first name Christopher (well now, probably)--he couldve chosen anything, and look what the final decision was.....

  • June 8, 2007, 10:12 a.m. CST


    by Lour Reed luvs Frank Zappa

    Like I care about having a typo in my name? All it does is amuse me by watching everyone who argues with me bring up a spelling error as proof of their superiorty. Ahh the OCD community

  • June 8, 2007, 10:17 a.m. CST

    hey lour

    by ByTor

    Do you really care this much? Because I gotta be honest, this is way more time than I ever planned to spend on some actor's first name.

  • June 8, 2007, 10:17 a.m. CST

    Lour Reed luvs Frank Zappa has chosen HD-DVD...

    by NachoNegro

    And here's why... because it comes with a free spellchecker that even a bent monkey with an IQ of 30 could use!

  • June 8, 2007, 10:20 a.m. CST

    Thanks nacho for proving my point

    by Lour Reed luvs Frank Zappa

    Take them pills before you try to claw at the screen and rearrange the letters! And Tor, I say it because the guy seems to have some sort of creepy rabid fanbase on this site, which I think is undeserved. It's just such a stupid name!

  • June 8, 2007, 10:23 a.m. CST

    Xander Berkeley has chosen HD-DVD... and here's why...

    by NachoNegro

    Because Topher Grace is his best mate!

  • June 8, 2007, 10:25 a.m. CST

    don't go to IMDB to ruin the fun

    by SlickyVonBoner

    don't worry I'm sure one of the know-it-all nerdlingers will spoil it soon enough, if they didn't already. Yep, Nerds just love to spoil things. Makes their meager worlds seem bigger.

  • June 8, 2007, 10:32 a.m. CST

    Clooney, Pitt, Damon et al...

    by Lacloake

    started sucking each other's dicks way too early with the 2nd and 3rd movies...,,2097605,00.html

  • June 8, 2007, 10:34 a.m. CST

    Sums up the Oceans perfectly

    by Angry Golfer

    I don't think a better piece summing up the Oceans could be written below. Absolutely spot on. These movies are as much about the characters as they are about the plots. "The scripts were always loose, while the stories were complex (or at least pretended to be complex), but the real point of the plot was to give the actors a place to show us that they could be goof balls and look great doing it. I love that throughout these films, we catch the ends of conversations or just the punchline of a joke, leaving us to wonder what the hell these guys were talking about that led them to that particular line of dialog. Forcing your imagination to run wild like that over things that have nothing to do with the main storyline is just one of the reasons I've enjoyed this series so much. Oh, and I should probably mention at this point that OCEAN'S THIRTEEN is far and away the best of the bunch."

  • June 8, 2007, 10:35 a.m. CST

    Damn you Link!

    by Lacloake

    Sorry all, link screwed up, but check out the review at film section; they got it right on the money...

  • June 8, 2007, 10:36 a.m. CST

    Lour: Topher's fanbase

    by ByTor

    Even so...I think he's a relatively decent actor, and I've liked his performances more often than not. Irrespective of his name. Hell, I like CCH Pounder on The Shield too, despite the annoyance of her first name being just initials. (I'm way more annoyed by "CCH" than I am by "Topher." And don't get me started on Ice-T, etc.)

  • June 8, 2007, 10:37 a.m. CST

    Perfect, Well-Timed Sex

    by palewook

    not the way to describe a movie full of dudes..

  • June 8, 2007, 10:46 a.m. CST

    Yeah, bullshit

    by shitstorm23

    Ocean's Twelve was terrible. Just completely gid awful. The dancing through the laser beam scene? What the fuck was that?

  • June 8, 2007, 10:47 a.m. CST

    Lour, we're not talking about the TB circle jerk...

    by GrantChastain

    ... we're talking about the fact that YOU possess a more ridiculous first name than the actor you're mocking. Discuss.

  • June 8, 2007, 10:48 a.m. CST

    Gid, God, whatever.

    by shitstorm23


  • June 8, 2007, 11:04 a.m. CST


    by JacksParasites

    Topher Grace better be around to complain about what to do now that he's been in Spiderman. But either way, I can't wait. I'm with Capone on this one. I've loved this series and its easygoing, pure fun nature.

  • June 8, 2007, 11:06 a.m. CST

    I wonder if "Sea of Love" will be playing

    by SkeletonParty

    in Ellen and Al's Las Vegas apartment? That would be funny. I sure hope so. Hah hah. Man, that would sure be funny. <p>love always, <p>Skeleton Party

  • June 8, 2007, 11:08 a.m. CST

    Well it is a stupid name, I admit..

    by Lour Reed luvs Frank Zappa

    But it makes me laugh, what more could I ask? It originated from my being a fan of both, and realizing that they hated each other, yet ironically lou(r) reed gave a speech at zappa's induction into the rock and roll hall of fame. So one day I decide to post on this site and type the moniker in with that in mind. The result? A misspelled first name and using inter-slang for love. I guess I'm guilty of a stupid name, but that only adds to the stupidity of it all. And as for Topher, I'd name a guinea pig Topher--but a person?! But really, if the guy ends up acting in a good movie I'll be there, but he's got more work to do than the edward nortons of the world to convince me. (topher... ohh man)

  • June 8, 2007, 11:12 a.m. CST

    Topher is a great name. It is a nickname for...

    by SkeletonParty

    "everyone just shut up about the name Topher". <p>It is true. I googled it.

  • June 8, 2007, 11:20 a.m. CST

    Is Barkin still a bombshell? Her body looks ..

    by Borgnine JR

    ...good but her face looks all melty, like she's made of grilled cheese, or Pizza the Hut from Spaceballs. Still do her doggie-style though.

  • June 8, 2007, 11:21 a.m. CST


    by NachoNegro

    How many friends have you got on MySpace? Because I would imagine that Topher Grace has got more. As Harry has taught us, MySpace friends = credibility, therefore compared to Topher Grace you are nothing. NOTHING I TELLS YA.

  • June 8, 2007, 11:23 a.m. CST

    Ocean's Next...

    by elizabeth hasselbeck

    Clooney already has the rights to Sinatra's "Robin & The Seven Hoods". This would be a great way for Ocean's style shenannigans to continue but would allow for a refreshed cast/crew and change of location.

  • June 8, 2007, 11:23 a.m. CST

    I hope they do an "Ocean's Infinity"

    by SkeletonParty

    where Danny Ocean and a cast of thousands plan to rip off 700 billion dollars from a secret moon base.

  • June 8, 2007, 11:26 a.m. CST

    Ellen Barkin is a sexy tomboy prizefighter.

    by SkeletonParty

    I mean that in the best way.

  • June 8, 2007, 11:27 a.m. CST

    lol SkeletonParty

    by NachoNegro

    I'd pay to see that film. I will put £5 into a bank account today, and (due to the miracle of compound interest), by the time the film comes out I'll have enough to buy a ticket!

  • June 8, 2007, 11:39 a.m. CST

    Nacho, let us start on a script.

    by SkeletonParty

    I'll buy the url.

  • June 8, 2007, 11:52 a.m. CST

    Don't get me wrong - I think Ellen Barkin is great

    by SkeletonParty

    She just looks like a sexy prize fighter. <p>PFILF Alert!!!!

  • June 8, 2007, 11:59 a.m. CST

    but... but....

    by Obscura

    Oceans 12 was so bad i dont know if i can bring myself to get over that! the first one was overall i think ill wait for dvd.... or tv...

  • June 8, 2007, 12:05 p.m. CST

    what, nobody laughed at PFILF?

    by SkeletonParty

    I thought PFILF was funny.

  • June 8, 2007, 12:05 p.m. CST

    I went to imdb and I didn't see Topher Grace.

    by gusborwig

    He isn't in the credits!!! I hope hes in the movie. They used him in the first and second movie, and I thought Pitt had some great moments with him in both movies. If they do make a 4th he should be the 13th guy. It would be hilarious. I could already see Damon try and teach Grace the tricks of the trade and Pitt and Clooney roll their eyes at the both of them. Hilarious.

  • June 8, 2007, 12:19 p.m. CST

    I felt that Ocean's 13 was the best of the three

    by Razorback

    It was much better paced than the other two, and had probably one of the funniest side plots I have seen in a while.

  • June 8, 2007, 12:22 p.m. CST


    by BizarroJerry

    In these flicks, Clooney and Pitt are a couple of smug sons o' bitches. I bet on set they both had debates about which one of them was great. One of the best reasons to like Matt Damon is that he is actually willing to play the "uncool" character, while Clooney and Pitt have to cast themselves as the coolest guys on Earth. I've said before that the best way they coulda ended the first one was by having Elliot Gould and Carl Reiner's characters pull a fast one and cheat all those young punks out of the money. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, didn't the original with Sinatra have them lose the money at the end?

  • June 8, 2007, 12:30 p.m. CST

    I met Barkin several times. She's a stereo-type.

    by Negative Man

    A self important Hollywood bitch that jumps ahead of people in line and says "Don't you know who I am?" Seriously, years back I worked at Universal Studios Theme Park in California and she pulled that crap. Even pulled a "I'm with Stephen's (Speilberg) kids and I don't have time to wait." Huge lines she pulled this on. Meanwhile Tim Robbins, Ron Jeremy, Ellen Burstyn, and so many others will wait their turn. Hell, even Speilberg had an assistant that waited in line for him, as did Michael Jackson. The only bigger Hollywood twat I've met was Rosie O'Donnell who stated to Shirley Jones (her then girlfriend), as they got on a ride that had been cleared of other people so they could ride alone, "I fucking hate my fans more and more each day. Why the fuck would I want to be around them." I just love this place.

  • June 8, 2007, 12:31 p.m. CST


    by michyfergi5

    Clooney just finished filming a movie here in South Carolina called "Leatherheads" and it's coming out in December. He directs, stars, and co-wrote it. I was a stand in on set for John Krazinski (of The Office fame). His name is Carter in the film. Anywho, Clooney is the coolest guy in the world. That's all there is to say. He's damn cool, and nice all the time. Here's one bit of info. He likes to give people Dutch Ovens when on set. He wore this huge orange coat while filming outdoor night scenes. It was cold as hell. Well, he'd go around putting that coat over your face and then he'd fart. It was his version of a Dutch Oven, and buy did that tickle him pink. He'd love to do that crap. He never got me thank God, but he did wipe a booger on me. Dude, that guy is crazy, but hilarious, and damn charming too. Okay, that's enough. Fuck off...

  • June 8, 2007, 12:43 p.m. CST

    Better Than 12 But Not By Much

    by genrefanboy

    Just saw it. Much better than 12 but still suffering a lot from sequelatis and the formula is starting to wear a little thin/tired. Too many subplots and overly complicated setup. Should have just made it a little more like 11 instead. Best thing about it is that all of the 11 characters from the first 2 movies slipped effortlesly back into character so it felt believeable in that respect. Brad Pitt had the best part but he sort of disappeared towards the end of the movie which was a little strange. Worth seeing but lower your expectations and you will not be too upset.

  • June 8, 2007, 12:55 p.m. CST

    There's nothing Topher than well-timed sex.

    by Snookeroo


  • June 8, 2007, 1:02 p.m. CST

    Ocean's 7,000 MySpace Friends

    by Dwide Shrewd

    Devise a fiendish plan to sabotage the production of BluRay technology. They've chosen HD-DVD... that's why.

  • June 8, 2007, 1:05 p.m. CST

    Ebert gave it 2.5 stars but you wouldnt know it........

    by Cotton McKnight

    going by his review. He trashed the series and I agree with him. I just can't sit there and watch these overpaid pretty boys "goof off" around a ridiculous and absurd plot. Seriously, read his review, he has some good insights.

  • June 8, 2007, 1:07 p.m. CST

    Wow, Negativeman, thats unbelievable.

    by Cotton McKnight

    Rosie O'Donnell has fans?

  • June 8, 2007, 1:23 p.m. CST

    Funny comment that makes me forget I suck in real life

    by gride9000

    i heart oceans 11,12, and will soon heart ocean's 13. Lets go see it, I will help us meet girls. No, I'll just go talk to them.

  • June 8, 2007, 1:30 p.m. CST

    Ocean's Twelve

    by Bob of the Shire

    was one of the worst movies I've ever seen.

  • June 8, 2007, 1:33 p.m. CST

    I picked lazerdisc, heres why:

    by gride9000

    Dead formats gotta eat!

  • June 8, 2007, 1:35 p.m. CST

    lets start a band called Cloony

    by gride9000

    It'll be like that pop-rock act Roony, but with more italian vacations and zany humor.

  • June 8, 2007, 2 p.m. CST

    George Clooney tribute act:

    by palimpsest

    Cloney. That is all.

  • June 8, 2007, 2:01 p.m. CST

    Topher Grace

    by Dopenose19

    Topher stated in an interview on rottentomatoes that he wanted to do Ocean's 13 but was filming Spiderman at the time, so is not in this installment. Which is wierd, since I would have assumed that his 5 minutes of SM3 could have been shot in about half an hour...

  • June 8, 2007, 2:27 p.m. CST

    My Dad has chosen Betamax...Here's why

    by boba_rob

    I don't really have a reason, just sounded funny.

  • June 8, 2007, 2:28 p.m. CST

    Ellen Barkin looks like the kind of woman

    by Borgnine JR

    that would kiss you with a mouth full of chewin' tobacco and then do you behind a 7-11 and then after she did you she would spit the tobacco juice on your forehead like Eastwood did to the dog in Outlaw Josey Wales. Then she'd light a match off your naked ass light up a cigar and "clean up" in the gas station john. At least that's my midnite fantasy.

  • June 8, 2007, 2:45 p.m. CST

    An Ellen Barkin cocktail

    by palimpsest

    Two shots THE BIG EASY, two shots JOHNNY HANDSOME, and a squeeze of SEA OF LOVE. Lordy, I'm showing my age...

  • June 8, 2007, 2:51 p.m. CST

    shoulda gone direct to dvd/vhs imho...

    by theonecalledshoe

    I'm not naysaying just saying.

  • June 8, 2007, 3:19 p.m. CST

    As someone who loved 11 but hated 12...

    by TheGreenStyle

    I loved 13<br> <br> First, something of a minor spoiler so you're not disappointed: No Topher. Confirmed.<br> <br> My reactions to the first 2 oceans were pretty mainstream. I loved the first one for it's engagingly cool characters and well constructed heist plot. I hated 12 because it lacked one central heist, featured to much commuting, and too much arguing, plus it got way pretentious over the whole Julia Roberts thing. (Didn't mind the euro setting though.)<br> <br> But this trilogy seems to be one of those few that, instead of blowing it's wad in part 2 and delivering a lackluster part 3, (which has happened to so many trilogies there's no point naming them, you know the same examples, both classic and contemporary, as I do) this is that kind of rare trilogy with a great first, a flagging middle and a re energized finale. It helps they're back in vegas, but it helps more that it more closely mimics the structure of the first. What we have finally gotten back to is a film with one central heist about a group of cool, clever people ripping off a vegas casino for reasons far more personal than financial. This movie is just a variation on the first. In that way, it's like going to your favorite theme park and riding two different wooden coasters. they are the same type of ride, but with different twists and turns.<br> <br> I dunno. Too many are accusing this of just being a hollywood frat party. That may have a lot to do with residual disappointment from part 2. Me, I was looking forward to seeing it as one of the few films this summer truly made for adults. Yeah, I love me the fantasy and sci-fi and superhero films too, but we gotta admit that most summer films these days are kids movies made at an adult level. This is one of the true adult movies.<br> <br> And don't worry. There's no more bullshit "The character looks exactly like the famous actor playing them!" shit going on in this one. So you're safe. If you liked part one, you can go ahead and see this one, and more or less forget part 2.

  • June 8, 2007, 3:30 p.m. CST


    by TheGreenStyle

    It took me a week and a half, but I finally got around to seeing pirates 3 last night.<br> <br> It sucked so hard it made part 2 look good. It all comes down to Davey Jones. Yeah Yeah, he's like one of the most impressive special effects ever, but a really sucky villain. In part 2, he really just doesn't have much to do. In part 3, he's the yes man to east india trading, and he seems mostly okay with that. Fuck him.

  • June 8, 2007, 3:48 p.m. CST

    Nice Marmot

    by BadMrWonka

    you wrote:<p> "Is anyone annnoyed by the wardrobe in these flicks? Man, I just look at the high fashion these pricks are always wearing and get pissed off. I know its dumb to harp on but the super materialism makes me see Soderberg as a lesser artist. Does that make any sense?"<p>not really. they wear nice clothes because they have to blend in with high class people in high class environments. if they were doing a heist in Buttplug Arkansas in the middle of no where stealing a Horse, they woulnd't be dressed so nicely. it's not like they keep wearing the suits when their scuba diving or repeling down elevator shafts. <p>what a silly complaint. and the comment about lowering Soderbergh's art have GOT to be kidding, right? putting 6 or 7 A-list actors in a heist movie? no problem. having them dress nicely? horrible.<p>take me through that logic maze...

  • June 8, 2007, 4:42 p.m. CST

    I hate to say this about Barkin...

    by BillEmic

    but I think the dude who said she's a "Prize Fighter I'd like to Fuck" is right. I had this image of her in my mind as this smokin hot, over 40 babe (probably influenced by Sea of Love + trailers for Ocean 13) but if you check out a few pictures of her on the red carpet, her face looks like it's casually sliding off. She's like a grandma (she's 53) who just so happens to be hot. GILF? Ugh, too horrifying to think about. So, keep your fantasies intact, boys, and don't check out these pics.

  • June 8, 2007, 5:20 p.m. CST

    like a guitar solo, this smacks of an indulgent jerkoff

    by HypeEndsHere

    this is Doritos for your mind, fatamerica.

  • June 8, 2007, 5:36 p.m. CST


    by BadMrWonka

    see my previous comments to other people getting worked up over a comedy/heist movie. the cast and crew have like 12 oscars between them, haven't they earned the right to make a few fun movies? <p>it's not going to make anyone fat. although I AM going to have popcorn when I see it tonight. so you, sir, can suck it.

  • June 8, 2007, 5:43 p.m. CST

    Fun vs. Self-indulgence

    by BillEmic

    I don't begrudge any of these guys for just making a fun movie inbetween serious projects like The Good German and, uh, the Bourne flicks...I think my main problem is with how the studio over-markets these films. You'd think a movie with Pitt/Clooney, etc. would sell itself, but the studios jam it down our throats like it's this mega blockbuster that will entertain you within an inch of your life with gorgeous stars and non-sequiturs. In other words, for a movie that's supposed to be made by and starring cool, hip people, the advertisements and promotion try way too hard to convince you that this IS a cool, hip movie. It gets a bit annoying.

  • June 8, 2007, 5:51 p.m. CST

    Barkin = LHBILF

    by Lando Griffin

    Line hopping bitch I'd like to fuck</p>PS - Usually I am up on all the talkback catchphrases but could someone please direct me to the "viggo's balls" origins.

  • June 8, 2007, 6:39 p.m. CST

    LHBILF = lol

    by SkeletonParty

    Yeah, what is up all the "Vigo's Balls" comments?

  • June 8, 2007, 6:48 p.m. CST

    Though I only find these movies mildly entertaining

    by superninja

    I do think people like them because they are about masculine camraderie. Not just looking cool, but the characters seem to have a genuine affection for one another, and that's because they do in real life. Of course, they're all criminals.

  • June 8, 2007, 7:33 p.m. CST

    Best Special Effects of the Year

    by Wed Vid Guy

    No shit. It's easy to do that fanasy stuff in Spiderman 3 but try to make a fictional casino look totally realistic among the other hotels? That's pretty amazing stuff. My hats off to the SFX peeps.

  • June 8, 2007, 8:21 p.m. CST

    So how much did they pay you for this?

    by Johannes

    Plenty I quess...seems everyone has his price afterall...shame really!

  • June 8, 2007, 8:50 p.m. CST

    "Hey, let me know if this Ocean's thing gets indulgent"

    by Pound Sand

    Will'ya? Thanks. Clooney out.

  • June 8, 2007, 8:58 p.m. CST

    Ocean's 12 was SHEEET

    by DarfurOnTheRocks

    At the end of the story, I felt more for the kick-ass French thief that schooled everyone, that Danny Ocean and his idiotic crew.

  • June 8, 2007, 11:31 p.m. CST

    I never saw these Oceans movies...

    by Orionsangels

    They look so boring and actors look like they're hamming it up for the audience. So If I go see Oceans 13, will not seeing the precious enteries effect my viewing of the film?

  • June 8, 2007, 11:31 p.m. CST

    previous not precious

    by Orionsangels

    like it matters hehe

  • June 8, 2007, 11:34 p.m. CST

    Frenchie was underutilized.

    by PirateEmery

    Just thought I'd throw that out there...

  • June 8, 2007, 11:52 p.m. CST

    Orion, if you are aware that Clooney, Damon and

    by superninja

    Pitt are pals in real life, then, no. Also, Julia Roberts not being in this one is a big plus in my book.

  • June 8, 2007, 11:58 p.m. CST

    I say good riddance to Roberts and her...

    by rbatty024

    awful set of frog lips. I'm looking forward to this one. I just saw the inept Pirates 3 and need something help with the disappointment. Well, something that's not alcoholic.

  • June 9, 2007, 12:45 a.m. CST

    Yeah, not too believable that Danny would go to

    by superninja

    all that trouble to get Tess back in the first one. Ya know?

  • June 9, 2007, 1:09 a.m. CST

    I loved her from "The Big Easy." I had a crush on her

    by GQtaste

    after that. Something about her was sexy as hell!

  • June 9, 2007, 1:54 a.m. CST

    Okay, the hotel was CGI

    by ewokstew

    I haven't been to Vegas in years and they throw up weird crap quickly all the time, but...I had a feeling it was fake but wasn't sure. Man...that was some seriously real CGI. Hats off.

  • June 9, 2007, 2:19 a.m. CST

    Was it the hotel that Clooney is

    by 9banned0.5furious

    funding with these movie to be build soon? A major complex with appartments and shit?

  • June 9, 2007, 3:35 a.m. CST

    Just got off the phone with Ocean's 14

    by Motoko Kusanagi

    they said they're on their way

  • June 9, 2007, 8:18 a.m. CST

    Can we please stop fetishizing movies?

    by Dominic-Vobiscum

    And by "we" I mean YOU (the AICN reviewers).<br><br> I love movies as much as anyone. Cut me and I bleeds celluloid. But no movie EVER is like any kind of sex. <br><br> It's not like perfect well timed sex. It's not like going down on a chick. It's not even like clumsy drunken fumbling on the couch.<br><br> They're stupid lazy analogies and it just helps reinforce the usually untrue stereotype that film geeks are basement dwelling virgins with no grounding in reality.

  • June 9, 2007, 11:21 a.m. CST

    Viggo's Balls...

    by Bass Bastardson

    Comes from the spy review of the new Cronenberg movie I believe. I think he does some naked fighting where his nuts swing to and fro. Someone feel free to correct me if I am wrong - I skipped over most of the review, cause i was worried the it would get too spoilery.

  • June 9, 2007, 11:23 a.m. CST

    Oh and Cotton...

    by Bass Bastardson

    I've always loved Ebert, but in my eyes he stopped being remotely relevant the second he gave Tomb Raider a good review.

  • June 9, 2007, 11:31 a.m. CST

    i agree with the above

    by mrjoker

    i agree with the above poster who said to stop fetishizing movies. Harry talking about creaming his pants and his balls bursting over Barbella is embarrissing. To say that Oceans 13 is anything like sex makes you sound as old as 13.

  • June 9, 2007, 11:39 a.m. CST

    Spiderman 3 is like getting fucked by a 300 pound

    by lost.rules

    black man. That's my review.

  • June 9, 2007, 11:41 a.m. CST

    POTC3 is like a blowjob from a saber tooth tiger.

    by lost.rules

    AICN taught me everything I know about reviews.

  • June 9, 2007, 12:30 p.m. CST

    Hey, here's a plot twist:

    by Jango Fart

    Somewhere in the middle make the guys realize that Danny Ocean bears a striking resemblance to George Clooney and use that in a clever way! O12 was an isult to O11, the viewers and was generally a giant turd from Heaven. How to I trust your reviews anymore, CAPONE?

  • June 9, 2007, 3:03 p.m. CST

    Lost.rules, please keep it coming

    by BillEmic

    I'm really hungover right now and your little comments are making me laugh like the killing joke.

  • June 10, 2007, 1:01 a.m. CST

    major typo in first phrase of article!

    by ulcer

    "were" not "we're", I guess?

  • June 10, 2007, 1:37 a.m. CST

    liked it

    by bluetunehead

    this one was much closer to the first than the second. in some ways it felt like a slightly mediocre version of the first. it was an interesting heist, but you just knew the entire time that they were going to succeed. they didn't make it difficult enough on the players.

  • June 10, 2007, 1:32 p.m. CST

    Worse than I was expecting...

    by a goonie

    ...and I had damn low expectations. I'm not a huge fan of the series at all, so it comes as little surprise that I didn't like the flick. But I was expecting it to be pretty stupid. In fact, it completely blew. It's terrible, complete with unfunny jokes and a maddening visual style in which it is made clear that the only colours Soderbergh is aware that exist are the primary ones. The whole movie jumps from 30 second scene to 30 second scene of one or more of the actors standing around trying to act cool and attempting to execute a lame gag. The whole flick is set-up built on a shaky framework of a plot, all leading up to a predicatable conclusion that just made me pray they'd stop making these movies.

  • June 11, 2007, 11:44 p.m. CST

    Compared to...

    by RichieRich

    the okay Spiderman 3 and the truly horrible and shitty Pirates of the Carribean, this movie actually met and passed my expectations.

  • July 2, 2007, 5:35 p.m. CST

    part 4 please


    ...a total family affiar: pacino (the american don), garcia (the new don and new c.e.o. of the corleone empire), scotty caan (sonny's son, the don's nephew), and also barkin coming along nicely as a contemporary angie dickinson reuniting with saint al from sea of love. more damon as the fans begged. i rarely heard a word of dialogue, so taken by the gorgeously colorful imagery soderbergh has captured. very cutting edge avante garde. the work of a true master of cinema...

  • Dec. 17, 2007, 6:54 a.m. CST

    a goonie is right...

    by just pillow talk

    Worse than I expected. It was not funny, nor did it even seem like it 'focused' on the characters being, well, the characters. It was crap. Warwick Davis should have been in it. <p>Ellen's cleavage wasn't bad though....

  • Dec. 17, 2007, 11:22 a.m. CST

    funny you should mention Buckaroo

    by just pillow talk

    I had just mentioned that movie in another talkback last week. I can't remember the last time I saw it.