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Scurvy SURVIVOR Substitute!! CBS and Mark Burnett Launch PIRATE MASTER!!
SPOILER ALERT !!
I am – Hercules!!
“Pirate Master” features 16 Americans out of their element, 33 days in a tropical setting, weekly eliminations and a million-dollar prize purse.
Just as “Starter Wife” doubtlessly seeks to fill the Thursday-night viewership vacuum left by the absence of fresh “Grey’s Anatomy” and “Ugly Betty,” so does the 13-episode “Pirate Master” - the latest from reality maven Mark Burnett - seek to mollify that demographic pining after Burnett’s “Survivor.”
Instead of a deserted beach, the contestants live aboard a 179-foot pirate ship as they use clues to find real gold worth real money. The “pirate master,” or last contestant standing, gets the grand booty of $500,000.
* Nine of the 16 prospective pirate masters are in their twenties;
* Five are in their thirties;
* The remaining two are in their forties.
* Two are bartenders.
* One is a male stripper/scientist.
* Eight are from California.
The cast:
Laurel Schmidt, 21, glass blower, Los Angeles;
Joy McElveen, 21, receptionist, West Columbia, S.C.;
Alexis Shubin, 26, publicist, Fountain Valley, Calif.;
Christa DeAngelo, 29, movie extra, Tamaqua, Pa.;
Nessa Nemir, 29, make-up artist, Berkeley, Calif.;
Jupiter Mendoza, 30, bartender, Los Angeles;
Cheryl Kosewicz, 35, deputy D.A., Reno, Nev.;
Kendra Guffey, 38, dive master, Los Angeles;
Ben Fagan, 23, musician, Charleston, S.C.;
John Lakness, 25, scientist/stripper, Carlisle, Mass.;
Azmyth Kaminski, 26, music producer, Los Angeles;
Sean Twomey, 27, bartender, Venice, Calif.;
J.D. Morton, 36, smokejumper, Fairbanks, Alaska;
Jay Hatkow, 37, auto parts salesman, Detroit;
Louie Frase, 43, marina owner, Fishing Creek, Md.; and
Christian Okoye, 45, ex-NFL player, Rancho Cucamonga, Calif.
Learn what they look like here.
8 p.m. Thursday. CBS.
The Unaired 73-Minute Pilot!!
50 Extended and Deleted Scenes!!
Loads Of Featurettes!!
Heroes: The Complete First Season!!
55% (Or More) Off Second Seasons!!
$12.14 Tru Calling 2.x * $13.49 Hill Street Blues 2.x * $17.99 Angel 2.x * $17.99 Arrested Development 2.x * $17.99 Buffy The Vampire Slayer 2.x * $17.99 Dark Angel 2.x * $17.99 Murder One 2.x * $22.49 The X-Files 2.x * $26.99 Boston Legal 2.x * $26.99 The Shield 2.x * $31.49 24 2.x * More!!
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first!
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This will be a waste of time unless they make losers walk the plank into shark-infested waters at the end of each show. They also need cutlass fights and scurvy.
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but will be a hit of course
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Could have called it that seeing how well that worked out for The Real Wedding Crashers.
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I'll probably catch the first episode at least. Looks like it could be fun.
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"Your skin milord! I'll wager it ne'er felt the lash of a cat, been rubbed with salt, and then flayed off by a pirate chief to make fine stockings for his best cabin boy."
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Pirates don't have masters. Karate students have masters. Collectively speaking, pirates are a bunch of miserable, undisciplined swabs that ever sailed the seven seas, rebellious to the core. To rule over that kind, you don't want some wussy Master. You want a Lord. although, i guess if they called it Pirate Lord, disney might threaten to sue.
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The winner from each show meets on the deck of a Chinese junk and they fight to the death.
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Are You Smarter Than a Pirate? National Pirate Bee. National Pirate Night. American's Funniest Home Pirates. America's Most Pirates. Extreme Makeover: Pirate Edition. Pirate Swap. Superpirate. Ex-Pirates Club. On The Pirate. Hell's Pirate. America's Got Pirates. Pirates Or No Pirates. American Pirates. The Next Best Pirate: Who Is The Greatest Pirate Impersonator?
And let's not forget the original that started it all: "Pirates".
"Bad Pirates, Bad Pirates, what'cha conna do...?" -
"Making the Grog: America's Search for the Next Pirate Boy-Band." If they're going to put together a shitty music group nobody wants to hear, they may as well just go so far over the top that it's memorable. Bring on the synthesizer sea shanties!
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....this has GOT to be better then those awful Pirates movies.
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May 31, 2007 4:05:25 AM CDT
This missed the boat AND jumped the shark already . . .
by the game master
As if it wasn't obvious, this so-called "reality" show has a bunch of young, cookie-cutter so-called stars for a cast. I know of many people who auditioned who were a thousand times better, not only in pirate appearance but also in pirate knowledge and pirate attitude! In other words, INTERESTING people. Having worked making independent film, theater, faires, parades and all other venues of pirates, I can say from a professional and informed viewpoint that this show really missed the boat AND jumped the shark ALREADY. They ignored a good half dozen kick-ass pirates because they weren't twenty years old and platinum blonde. This show will suck because while it professes to be something new, it's the same old shit in different packaging.
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The ship sunk and the contestants all nearly drowned and had to be airlifted.
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May 31, 2007 6:12:20 AM CDT
I'm also a Stripper/Scientist, as well as Tinker/Tailor
by flim springfield
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I thought this was a CBS reality show?!
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Corman know about this?
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you beat me to it, dude. Besides, if they'd wanted *real* pirates for their competition, they could have just sent a documentary crew to hang around the shipping lanes in the South China Sea. There's lots of actual pirates there - nothing like Long John Silver or Capn Jack Sparrow, a lot more like a bunch of asian guys on boats carrying AK-47s.
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they where reaching just to get people that looked "hot" on this show. They even called up the band leader of Abney Park, to do his whole pirate thing, not realizing they where a Steampunk band, and that when they talk about pirates, its AIR PIRATES they talk about.
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Someone had to say it
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...just kidding. I'm not really a phlebotomist.
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the Nigerian Nightmare is on this show? are you freakin' kidding me!?
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keyser that was my first thought too...actually my first thought was "how does a scientiest convince himself to be a stripper...isn't there more worthy pursuits to spend your time late at night in the lab, finding cures, working out theroms and scribbling on a chalkboard figuering out equations, getting himself blown up and in the process gaining superpowers" then I saw Christian Okoye and was like "that dude is either going to win or he's going to be the first one voted off" now watch I'll be wrong...shoot I thought Stephen Bladwin was going to win Celebrity Death fight 2000 or wahtever it was called with him and Corbin Bernsen being totally whakcos...ok it wasn't Celebrity Death Fight 2000 it was Celebrity Mole but Celebrity Death Fight 2000 would be a really cool show, 12 Celebrities, one arena only one can survive
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ARRRRRRRRRrrrrrrhhhhh!!
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What special ed student came up with the title for this show?
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Rupert was the original Survivor pirate, you can't have a pirate Survivor without Rupert, that's just wrong! If he doesn't make an appearance I'm gonna be disappointed. Come on Burnett, give us more Rupert!!! Oh yeah, damn you Michael Bay, nipples on Optimus = flames on the Joker, too soon, Probst gotta eat and all that.
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Isn't his NFL pension more than the booty?
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Screw you networks.
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The only three elements which could make this show a hit. And don't skimp on the sodomy.
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Now thats good pirate!
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Please tell me there will be at least one Tecmo reference on the show. Next to Bo Jackson, he was the freakin' man on that game.
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He's like the roach you can't get when it crawls under the fridge.
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That would be an interesting show, I betcha!
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If so I'm in.
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Have the contestants get confronted by real modern day pirates in the Phillipines. Now THATS some reality TV!
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I mean, dressing up like a pirate looking for treasure? Why don't we just call it what it is, a game show. That being said, I'm tempted to watch this just for the sheer stupidity of it.
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E. Arrrrrrrrr.
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How in the hell did this get greenlit? I loathe reality TV - the only show I sort of watch is Amazing Race (only because they at least visit some cool exotic locales and places I might never get the chance to see) - but a f'in pirate show? Seriously? And not even a real pirate show. Just regular people dressed up like pirates. So basically Survivor with pirate costumes.Is it really that easy to get a show on air??
Here's my new pitch to CBS:
Me: "We dress some people up like French royalty from the 15th century and put them all in a castle in the French countryside. They'll stay there and live together for a month and we'll film and observe the drama that unfolds. We call it - Sacrebleu."
TV EXEC: "That sounds exactly like the Real World but fancier. I love it. Here's 3 million dollars. Let's do this. We're gonna be rich"
Me: "Wait till the AICN talkbackers hear about this. I gotta get an Aston Martin."
Oh and I already registered it with the WGA so don't even think about stealing it. The next time I post it'll probably be from onboard my 120ft yacht in St Tropez. Peace bitches...
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Hopefully we will get a 2 hour show that re-introduces each and every contestant every 10 minutes. And a host that states after every commercial break what the winner gets.
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didn't PBS do something like that with their English show, where half the group is the royalty and half te group is the peasents and they had to live like that for a month?
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After watching every episode of the Tallship Chronicles I guess I'm going to have to watch at least one episode. They should have brought Andrew back for this too.
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Bueller?
;)
I can't believe ABC is devoting 2 hours of prime time to this crap. What, you couldn't give the evening to another installment of National Bingo Night? -
I'd watch. Otherwise, one more reason to deport Mark Burnett to Antarctica for foisting the whole reality genre on us. Preferably deport him to a global warmins-assisted melting glacier.
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*rolls eyes at self* :|
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This reminds me of that DaVinci Code ripoff reality game. What a total dearth of originality and creativity. Not, I supoose, that I should be expecting better from game shows. But this coattail-riding of popular movies is so transparently lame. Besides, is anyone even going to still give a good goddamn about pirates three months from now?
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"Pirate Master" is a game, and it looks like it might be fun to watch.
It seems no sillier to me than watching golf. -
Double major?
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Does he strip to pay the bills while he puts himself through Scientist School? Or is he a Scientist whose dream is to be a stripper, and it's the science gig that keeps him flush in banana-hammocks until his stripping career takes off?
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Ah, maybe I'm just thinking of that one season of Survivor with Rupert.
Oh well, if they can make the pirates as cool as the pirates in The Life Aquatic, this will rule. -
Funniest crap ever.
Joe: "I don't need your compasses."
John: "Well, which way's North?"
[Joe Don having to strain to look past his oversized Captain Crunch Hat looks up toward the overcast night sky]
Joe Don "I have no idea, but it's easier in the day to tell."
[Cut to dreadlocked hippie with a doubtful look.]
Everything in this pilot was so ridiculously bad that it immediately went on my Tivo Season Pass. -
You make me laugh.
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that it's fun to watch.
And heck, it's summer, ain't nothing else to watch.
I'm already rooting for the shipyard worker / Rupert looking guy.
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And I loved this horrible piece of garbage.
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Hollywood Video and Blockbuster carry it.
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so am i. i cannot believe how idiotic these people are. i LOVE (read: hate) the stupid little pirate costumes the "captain" and his "mates" wear. this show is unbelievably ridiculous. good times.
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May 31, 2007 11:23:30 PM CDT
Well, the scientist/stripper thing makes sense now...
by flim springfield
Seems like a guy trying to compensate for being a socially inept geek by working out and dancing for middle-aged cougars. For all his "booksmarts", he was a social moron.
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I thought we finally got a show about people who spend all day downloading music and movies on BitTorrent. The first challenge could be to locate a decent cam version of At World's End and sell copies to as many people as they can. The winner gets a 500 GB hard drive and a lifetime supply of DVD-Rs.
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think about it, scientiSTRIPPER, it flows together.... it all makes sense now.
POSSIBLE SPOILERS BELOW
I think it's funny they voted the one guy that might have helped them solve puzzles and win the scenarios, i mean, come on people he did win the first them the first treasure, who cares if he's a socially inept loser, they should have kept him on, used him for his knowledge a little bit longer, and then cast him aside. This show really seems so frakking ridiculously bad/silly that I feel a compulsury requirement to continue watching it... -
He didn't go to MIT, he went to F.U.
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this is the worst new reality show in a LONG time... really long time...
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Jun 01, 2007 6:47:26 AM CDT
Were the skeletons that were strewn about the landscape
by pizza the hut
...former executives of CBS? They must have more than a few in the closet.
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But so dumb it's fun? Yep! Those not giving this a chance are gonna miss 13 weeks of chumps trying their best to act like pirates. It's hilarious. Gonna be good times.
As far as the scientist/stripper my friend and I disagreed. He said he would give him the boot since he didn't like or trust him. I said he *was* smart so I would have kept him, used him to get the treasures. Then pretty much laugh at him when no one else was around how I'm taking half the treasure he finds. Would have been much funnier that way. -
I like the format and game setup, but good lord! Where the HELL did they find all these dumbasses? I can see the ad in the paper now - 'Recently blow an audition? Come on down to Pirate Master! We don't care!'
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Scientist/exotic dancer was the best! Why'd they vote him off first! Oh man, this show is terrible, but I gotta say it's kinda fun to watch the silliness. I think they really think they are pirates.
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At least that show had Stan Fucking Lee.
After watching the episode last night, I immediately thought that Burnett & CBS must have really loved Rupert as a pirate on SURVIVOR so much that turned the idea into an entire show and even cast his twin brother as one of the wannabe pirates.
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It's dumb, but eventually somebody had to say it.
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Scary thing is, it made more sense than On the Lot.
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That Rupert had a retarded brother? I thought Rupert WAS the retarded brother.
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sort of way. Those are some dumb people. They vote off the guy with the compass, in favour of a captain who wants to tell direction by putting a stick in the mud and waiting 30 minutes? These people are screwed! And we get to watch.
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Is the guy from the IHOP commercial a contestant?
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