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The Awfulness!! The Hotness!! Behold The Awfully Hot DOA!!

Merrick here...
Okay, so, I'm not really sure what to say about this. Truthfully, I haven't been following this project too closely, having long ago abandoned hope that we would ever see a reputable big screen adaptation of a video game. I do know the game itself, though - my kid kicks my ass at it using combo moves I can never seem to emulate. Little bastard. Anyways, there's a DOA movie out there, somewhere. Its entirety recently made a brief appearance on Google Video. I dutifully tried to watch it, but the picture quality was completely depressing. What little I could make out looked downright silly, and not the least bit tantalizing. The performances were...ah, who gives a shit about the performances? None the less, I suppose I'll give this a chance...for the impossibly hot babes with cool weapons, ya know. Here's what the film's trailer looks like, in case you haven't seen it yet.
Seems the movie is headed for a June 15 release, despite persistent rumors that it's been banished straight-to-video. In an amusing example of fetishistic synchronicity, DOA will open opposite NANCY DREW. Father Time sent in these posters - they're from DOA's international promotional campaign. They kind of speak for themselves. Thought you might like to take a look before we get bludgeoned by our own domestic marketing.


Readers Talkback
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  • May 29, 2007, 10:32 a.m. CST

    girl power!

    by just pillow talk

    woo-hoo!

  • May 29, 2007, 10:34 a.m. CST

    Uridium

    by Uridium

    Looks like the worst piece of tat I have ever seen.

  • May 29, 2007, 10:34 a.m. CST

    Silvio Simac

    by Coruscator

    WILL get an oscar for this film.

  • May 29, 2007, 10:34 a.m. CST

    straight to Bit Torrent more like it

    by Batutta

    I didn't even make it past the studio logo.

  • May 29, 2007, 10:35 a.m. CST

    What's exactly fetishistic about Nancy Drew?

    by SpencerTrilby

    at least the "actresses" in DOA are above legal age.

  • May 29, 2007, 10:37 a.m. CST

    one film to rule them all

    by Lane

    guess we'll have to wait 'til they re-launch this franchise. chris nolan where are you.

  • May 29, 2007, 10:38 a.m. CST

    awful doesn't begin to describe it

    by the grasshopper

    i saw this back in October of 2006 at a theatre in Korea. it was one of the worst movies i've ever seen. complete waste of time. everyone left the theatre fuming with regret. the performances are horrible, the effects are horrible, damn near everything is ridiculously bad.

  • May 29, 2007, 10:38 a.m. CST

    Like Karen Sisco once said..

    by brock landers baby

    Really,who gives a shit?

  • May 29, 2007, 10:38 a.m. CST

    Already was released in New Zealand, and guess what?

    by Canada's King

    Poor reviews, and bommmmmmmbbbed.

  • May 29, 2007, 10:38 a.m. CST

    confusion

    by Blondie Bear

    Dude this movie was released last year, its on the shelf in HMV lol

  • May 29, 2007, 10:40 a.m. CST

    Their tits are nowhere near big enough

    by Deus Vult

    Merrick my man if you've played that game as much as I think you have you know I'm right on the subject to this post. The only reason DOA was ever in my xbox library was b/c of the girls huge knockers.<p>Further to that, their hugs tits is what lead to the DOA Island Volleyball game in the first place! Speaking of which, I'd prefer a movie just of the DOA girls with boobs appropriately monstrous playing beach volleyball all day. I sure wouldn't have a problem sitting through two hours of that!

  • May 29, 2007, 10:44 a.m. CST

    Jesus, this is some f-ing old news

    by DynamixRo

    Seen this way back in Autumn. The only reason it hasn't been released in the US yet is because it sucks. But that's what you get when you have so many hot chicks in the cast and not even one of them gets naked. :(

  • May 29, 2007, 10:45 a.m. CST

    SEXTIME!!

    by wowsah156

    Yes now it is for the sextime for my girlies. Yes your sword is very pretty .Now attend to my "special needs"....

  • May 29, 2007, 10:45 a.m. CST

    Been out ages in Australia too...

    by Sledge Hammer

    ...so much so that the dvd is already on price reduction. And no, I haven't seen it, because frankly, who cares?

  • May 29, 2007, 10:45 a.m. CST

    Shotgun Shoulders

    by samuraidino

    trust me,after youv seen this piece of crap youl know what im talking about....

  • May 29, 2007, 10:49 a.m. CST

    Looks like Charlie's Angels * 2 - 1

    by mysteryperfecta

    ...for a total of five. At the very least this movie takes place in the same parallel universe (you know, the one with fickle physics and gravity).

  • May 29, 2007, 10:51 a.m. CST

    The envelope please...

    by bobster52

    And the Oscar goes to- Not to this film. Looks like it was made by a 13 year old.

  • May 29, 2007, 10:53 a.m. CST

    They should recut this as a Grindhouse flick

    by Garbageman33

    I'm sure it's already got the bad acting and cheesy effects. Just scratch up the film and claim you did the whole thing on purpose. It worked for Tarantino. Well, if you consider $40 million "working".

  • May 29, 2007, 10:55 a.m. CST

    Ain't It Exceedingly Old News?

    by newc0253

    sweet jesus, even the most cursory glance at IMDB will show that this has been out in the rest of the world for almost 9 months. Hell, the DVD's been sitting on the shelves of my local supermarket for at least the past month or so. I get that it's only just getting released in the States, but AICN is supposed to be way ahead of the curve, not limping far behind it.

  • May 29, 2007, 10:56 a.m. CST

    too bad

    by Second Wave Dave

    too bad this movie sucks like a mfker

  • May 29, 2007, 10:57 a.m. CST

    They aren't even that hot

    by Ninja_Master

    The girl that plays Christie is hot, but the others... eh. Especially the one that plays Nina, she's like 45.

  • May 29, 2007, 11:03 a.m. CST

    I just got off the phone to.....

    by Superfunhappyslide

    Joel Schumacher, his lost his Bat suit and was wondering if anyone had seen it in this movie?

  • May 29, 2007, 11:05 a.m. CST

    Came Out last year in the UK...

    by MachineHead

    to predictably dreadful reviews...

  • May 29, 2007, 11:06 a.m. CST

    wow....problems...

    by HitchCock'n'Balz

    If you don't think that Jaimie Presley is hot...then there really is something wrong with u..something terribly wrong

  • May 29, 2007, 11:06 a.m. CST

    Yeah, Right!

    by Ironmuskrat

    First of all no amount of special effects or clever editing will make me believe any of these bimbos could actually kick anyone's ass. Secondly, I am sure it won't have the one thing that would make me sit through a piece of crap like this,that being gratuitous nudity and sex. Oh well, no doubt I will stumble across this some night on Sci-Fi or Spike tv.

  • May 29, 2007, 11:10 a.m. CST

    wow, that looks bad... like Uwe Boll bad

    by TheBaxter

    and apparently the only hot chicks in the world are all blondes, according to this movie... except the japanese chick, and i'm surprised they didn't make her blonde too.

  • May 29, 2007, 11:13 a.m. CST

    WTF?

    by krodnoc

    It's like the internets just had a Lost-style flashback. I tried to watch this while drunk months ago and couldn't get past the 15 minute mark. It's beyond awful.

  • May 29, 2007, 11:14 a.m. CST

    DOA was downloaded months ago by anyone who was going

    by Walterego

    to watch it. It is far too late to release the movie in theatres.

  • May 29, 2007, 11:15 a.m. CST

    Two things:

    by redtom

    1) Holly Valance is just plain hot, goddammit<p> <p> 2) This film is just plain garbage, goddammit<p> <p>

  • May 29, 2007, 11:15 a.m. CST

    Pulp Fiction

    by PwnedByStallone

    Where's Uma's charcater? The one that was good with knives? And the black chick who was an expert in explosives? STUPID.

  • May 29, 2007, 11:17 a.m. CST

    Damn it.

    by PwnedByStallone

    Dr. Gonzo beat me to it. Nice.

  • May 29, 2007, 11:27 a.m. CST

    ranma

    by PwnedByStallone

    That chick is spanish???

  • May 29, 2007, 11:30 a.m. CST

    When did Ain't it Cool start covering pornos?

    by rbatty024

  • May 29, 2007, 11:32 a.m. CST

    I love how they're so unimaginative

    by Garbageman33

    That two of the five have the same skill. Unless I'm missing something and a pro-fighter is somehow different than a fighter. Couldn't they have cast hot chicks but then given them Mystery Men skills. For example, what if Devon Aoki was an awesome bowler? And Jamie Pressley was really good with a shovel?

  • May 29, 2007, 11:33 a.m. CST

    This has been downloadable for almost a year

    by Prague23

    or something like that. Discovered it when I was lookin for the Takashi Miike film, which was on YouTube for a while also, but w/o subs. That's not a confession, just an observation. Judge not lest ye be or something to that effect.

  • May 29, 2007, 11:34 a.m. CST

    And nobody thought they could top "Street Fighter"

    by Mr Incredible

    For a lame movie based on a videogame. Maybe this should be a double feature with BLOODRAYNE.

  • May 29, 2007, 11:34 a.m. CST

    If these bitches don't get naked...

    by Mosquito March

    ...what's the point?

  • May 29, 2007, 11:34 a.m. CST

    Hot Chicks With Swords!!!!!!!

    by lost.rules

    That's pretty much it.

  • May 29, 2007, 11:38 a.m. CST

    I thought

    by cookepuss

    Holly Valance was an Aussie born to Yugoslavian parents. Not hispanic at all, despite having played one on Prison Break.

  • May 29, 2007, 11:38 a.m. CST

    Is this a joke? What the hell?

    by Abominable Snowcone

    How can you even tell the blondes apart? Jesus, 'actresses' like this should be utilized for porn.

  • May 29, 2007, 11:39 a.m. CST

    So yeah, is it immature of me to think...

    by Antonius

    None of these chicks have nearly big enough jugs to be in a DOA movie?

  • May 29, 2007, 11:39 a.m. CST

    Who hired merrick?

    by bootle2

    I mean, this shit was almost news a YEAR ago. It most certainly is not "aint it cool" news. I admit the girls are easy on the eyes however. You know what? Nevermind, merrick rocks!

  • May 29, 2007, 11:40 a.m. CST

    Devon Aoki=Ugliest Japanese woman

    by Anna Valerious

    I love how Japanese people are beautiful, but she looks like her face is horribly squished. If you want beautiful, I'd say the ladies in Takarazuka, the new Miss Universe Riyo Mori and that girl from "The Last Samurai" are way more beautiful. And also, this isn't a good career move for Jamie Pressley.

  • May 29, 2007, 11:44 a.m. CST

    Devon Aoki

    by jae683

    Is just plain hot. Sigh.

  • May 29, 2007, 11:45 a.m. CST

    Ninja Princess?

    by Kragmose

    Come on

  • May 29, 2007, 11:46 a.m. CST

    The Idiots in Marketing

    by robotdevil

    No disrespect to Edmund Obrien or Dennis Quaid, but calling a movie "DOA" is like begging for a critical thrashing. Might as well call it "Dead in the Water".

  • May 29, 2007, 11:47 a.m. CST

    It's not old PEOPLE! DAMN!

    by GuitarAtomik

    If you actually read the article you would know that he tried to watch the movie on Google a few months back before they took it off. The "news" is that it actually has a release date now for U.S. theaters. Jesus people, read!

  • May 29, 2007, 11:48 a.m. CST

    I watched the entire thing

    by LouisCedar

    on google video and I nearly killed myself afterwords. It was terrible. And while it was somewhat entertaining in it's crappyness, not nearly enough to justify watching it again (or even for the first time). Now if there were some nudity? Perhaps that would have made it slightly more watchable. But not really.

  • May 29, 2007, 11:48 a.m. CST

    Yeah, the movie will suck.

    by jae683

    But then so did the games. Teenage kids played it for the 'jigglies." "She kicks high!" You know? Oh, and did I say Devon Aoki is hot?

  • May 29, 2007, 11:51 a.m. CST

    Holly Valance + Sarah Carter

    by hadez

    + no clothes + a Jello pool = a great movie!! However, this is a shit movie.

  • May 29, 2007, 11:52 a.m. CST

    What the fuck is Eric Roberts doing in this?

    by lost.rules

    That is him, isn't? And you were so close to redeeming yourself with Heroes. Better rebound with The Dark Knight, Eric.

  • May 29, 2007, 11:54 a.m. CST

    i'm not fan of the series....

    by Bouncy X

    but isnt the girl with pink hair asian in the games?

  • May 29, 2007, 11:58 a.m. CST

    I was actually looking forward to NANCY DREW

    by BillEmic

    Until I saw that the trailer was basically "Harriet the Spy" meets "Mean Girls." Bah. I'd say that "Mulholland Drive" remains the definitive Nancy Drew film for now.

  • May 29, 2007, 11:58 a.m. CST

    Out on DVD in the UK

    by supertoyslast

    Did it even get a cinema release here? I probably blinked and missed it.

  • May 29, 2007, 12:01 p.m. CST

    You know what would be better?

    by Anna Valerious

    If they made the Volleyball version of the game into a movie. And if it was directed by the Farrelly brothers.

  • May 29, 2007, 12:05 p.m. CST

    Damn shame this is the closest to a Ninja Gaiden film

    by JusticeSabre

    ...we're ever gonna get.

  • May 29, 2007, 12:08 p.m. CST

    Fun

    by ECWaenigma

    Had the region 2 DVD of this for 6 months (got it free). Surprisingly, it's a lot of fun and the fight scenes are entertaining. It's like "Street Fighter", but knows it's a turd. There is a volleyball scene and Jamie Pressley was a lot of fun it with Kevin Nash playing her dad. Entertaining more than I ever thought it could be and I'm a 30 year old who's favorite movie is "Vertigo".

  • May 29, 2007, 12:13 p.m. CST

    DOA?

    by RenoNevada2000

    Which chick has the Edmund O'Brian role?

  • May 29, 2007, 12:19 p.m. CST

    I can definitely see

    by 40ozToFreedom

    I can definitely see people's girlfriends seeing this trailer in the theater, and making their boyfriends go see it with them.

  • May 29, 2007, 12:20 p.m. CST

    Is it December again?

    by Angry Golfer

    People have been seeing this since Dec. With that said, they are some sexy girls fighting especially Valance and her accent!

  • May 29, 2007, 12:25 p.m. CST

    The director of The Transporter?!

    by mrsinister7381

    Holy fucking shit that was awful. I laughed until "from the director of The Transporter" popped up. NO! I thought, DON'T LET THIS BE THE MAN WHO IS DOING "THE INCREDIBLE HULK"!!!!!!! As luck would have it, it isn't. Hopefully this retard won't even be allowed on the set of the Hulk. Why are Asian directors always trying to fuck with my Incredible Hulk?! WHY?!

  • May 29, 2007, 12:27 p.m. CST

    Can you imagine Jamie Pressley

    by skimn

    after she gives birth, and those milk-filled funbags will be bursting at the seams? Sorry for the juvenalia, butthis is a DOA talkback....

  • May 29, 2007, 12:31 p.m. CST

    It should've gone straight to DVD

    by Magical Jew Eyes

    Honestly, it's going to open in less than a thousand theaters, receive no buzz, garner universally poor reviews, and leave theaters the next week. At least it's fun to watch at home so you can rip on it with your friends.

  • May 29, 2007, 12:33 p.m. CST

    saw this last year

    by Jarek

    And even though it is dumb, it knows it is. And is a lot of fun in that really stupid kind of way.

  • May 29, 2007, 12:35 p.m. CST

    ugh....good lord.

    by Datascream

    it's the "martial arts" version on Charlies Angels. This film is "Dead On Arrival". Har Har Har! I made funny!

  • May 29, 2007, 12:39 p.m. CST

    I feel bad for Helena...

    by Kevin Bosch

    She's just a "fighter". The other girls are ninjas, or assassins, with adjectives like master and princess. Even the other fighter is a "pro". Poor Helena is just a fighter.

  • May 29, 2007, 12:40 p.m. CST

    It lasted about a week...

    by pdennett316

    ...on UK cinema release, then was shat into bargain bins around the country a few months later. looks like shit, and smells a bit too.

  • May 29, 2007, 12:44 p.m. CST

    I've got a special fighting move

    by dramirezs23

    I've got a special move, its called the blinding spooge, I don't care what anyone says, I still want to see this if for no other purpose than to see some video game themed TnA.

  • May 29, 2007, 12:46 p.m. CST

    ERIC ROBERTS?!?!?!?

    by LHombreSiniestro

    I'm sold!!!...ok, not really....

  • May 29, 2007, 12:46 p.m. CST

    WTF, this has been out on DVD in the UK

    by DannyOcean01

    For a while now.....Am I supposed to feel proud now....

  • May 29, 2007, 12:48 p.m. CST

    Think this one even made Boll cry....

    by PoweredUpPacman

    I mean, even the hot chicks in bikini playing volleyball sucked! HOW IN THE SEVEN BLAZES OF HELL COULD YOU FUCK THAT UP?!?!

  • May 29, 2007, 12:48 p.m. CST

    It has that Mortal Kombat movie feel

    by Orionsangels

    Do these girls boobs jiggle and why does that ugly unusually flat faced asian girl keep getting work?

  • May 29, 2007, 12:50 p.m. CST

    It'S out on DVD in Germany since more than 6 months!!!

    by DerLanghaarige

    Don't tell me you still want reviews for it!

  • May 29, 2007, 12:59 p.m. CST

    Here's what happened at the pitch...

    by The Central Scrutinizer

    ...ok guys, here's my movie idea. Let's remake "Enter The Dragon" but with hot chicks and also loosely base it on some shitty volleyball video game. I love it!!! Greenlight!

  • May 29, 2007, 1:13 p.m. CST

    This was on Google video for free months ago.

    by jrbarker

    It is really really bad.

  • May 29, 2007, 1:13 p.m. CST

    Best Picture nominee!

    by Pagliacci

    I agree, they're not even that hot. Not that they're ugly by any means, but they don't seem that, uhh, "well-endowed" for this movie either. Why can't someone make a great video game-based movie? Is it that hard? Next try butchering Ico, a CG Super Mario, or Zelda. And have Shia LeBouf in all three!

  • May 29, 2007, 1:13 p.m. CST

    this was released....

    by lionbiu

    a year ago here in the UK. Watched it and cant remember a minute of it..lots of breasts and ass though.

  • May 29, 2007, 1:21 p.m. CST

    Godammit!

    by Dr Dischord

    When will we get an honest, realistic, gritty look at the day to day triumphs and struggles inherent in being a Ninja Princess? I, sir, AM a Ninja Princess and there is now way this "movie" tells the our whole story. And when will Hollywood stop glorifying evil deeds of the Master Thieves we all live in fear of? I'm a Ninja Princess, so I'm pretty capable in a staged fight, and I worry about walking down the street with all the Master Thieves running loose out there.

  • May 29, 2007, 1:25 p.m. CST

    So they waste money on tripe like this and...

    by Magical Jew Eyes

    Guilty Gear STILL hasn't been made into a movie. Boo Urns.

  • May 29, 2007, 1:32 p.m. CST

    This was a mistake

    by nicegoogly

    I love the DOA series. You can play the game or play with yourself, it really doesn't get better. One would think with all of the great video games that would make great movie premises, and would probably sell for cheap, take a well known fighting game, notoriously light on story, and throw millions at it. I am surprised there was not an anime based on this shit before. Given the breast physics, anime seemed the better way to go with this one. At least we could blame the shitty dialogue on the Japanese. We only have ourselves to blame for this one.

  • May 29, 2007, 1:41 p.m. CST

    Live action Pac-Man

    by B0D

    would be better than this. Get on it You Ball. DOA is fucking awful. Hot chicks fighting, takes a lot of effort to fuck that concept up. Somehow, they managed it...

  • May 29, 2007, 1:45 p.m. CST

    This is ME talking about WHAT'S SAD...

    by Brians Life

    There are people who are going to go see this SIMPLY because it's got 4 girls in it that are better looking than the one's they see on a daily basis. These are the same Proto-humans that would pay 10 bucks to see "ANYTHING WITH JESSICA ALBA"...anyone see IDIOCRACY? Not a GREAT movie...but ya ever wonder that we're not too far off from that?

  • May 29, 2007, 1:54 p.m. CST

    Hulk Smash

    by OctEgon

    Uhhh...Just so we're clear, this is NOT the guy directing the Hulk reboot...right?

  • May 29, 2007, 1:57 p.m. CST

    Hulk Smash

    by OctEgon

    Uhhh...Just so we're clear, this is NOT the guy directing the Hulk reboot...right?

  • May 29, 2007, 2:12 p.m. CST

    A Good DOA Flick Would Need...

    by mordiceius

    An R-Rating and excessive nudity IMO. <p> This flick is crap. It's just like any of those teen/college movies that make sexual allusions but are just crap that don't even push the line on ratings. <p> Only good part about the flick is Holly Valance.

  • May 29, 2007, 2:14 p.m. CST

    I'll stick to porn and Kill Bill

    by kikuchiyoboy

    <br>

  • May 29, 2007, 2:15 p.m. CST

    I saw this movie

    by s0nicdeathmonkey

    and it's WORSE than Kerr Boll.

  • May 29, 2007, 2:44 p.m. CST

    I cant believe they didnt get

    by tehgreekhammer

    Hulk Hogan to play that chicks father. I mean the character was basically a Hogan rip off from his NWA days. This movie is going to BLOOOW and not in a good way like Mortal Combat did.

  • May 29, 2007, 2:46 p.m. CST

    bloody awfull

    by philskynet

    its out on dvd in the uk and its sh*t...and i mean SHIT

  • May 29, 2007, 2:54 p.m. CST

    It was released months ago in my country

    by CuervoJones

    Quite stupid movie, but the girls are hot.

  • May 29, 2007, 2:55 p.m. CST

    Looks Like Soft Core Porn

    by God-Man

    I won't even bother to watch this on cable.

  • May 29, 2007, 3:03 p.m. CST

    how and why

    by El Borak

    how and why does this shit get made?

  • May 29, 2007, 3:05 p.m. CST

    Holly Valance

    by Dr. Frankenstein

    Droooooooool

  • May 29, 2007, 3:07 p.m. CST

    Are you guys only just getting this shit?

    by Mr Chuff

    Its not even worth one tissue...

  • May 29, 2007, 3:07 p.m. CST

    WTF? This one arrieved in brazil like five months ago!

    by Judge Doom

    And I had it downloaded from demonoid some time before it, I believe!

  • May 29, 2007, 3:08 p.m. CST

    No this is no joke

    by emeraldboy

    IT is the only Dvd that I had to stop watching due to its utter shiteness.

  • May 29, 2007, 3:11 p.m. CST

    I would like to see a hard R Pack Man Movie

    by dramirezs23

    Can you imagine? Pac Man played by a very drunk and loud Joe Piscapoe who is chased by the multi-colored ghosts of the victims he's raped and killed. Later he'll meet up with a 2 dollar whore who has a fetish for cake and blood. She'll eventually disembowel Pac Man and take his Place as Ms. Pac Man

  • May 29, 2007, 3:11 p.m. CST

    Wilhelm scream

    by bluebottle

    i like how the shittier the movie looks, the more likely you are to hear the wilhelm scream in the trailer for some kind of geek cred... that being said, sarah carter is too talented and hot for this movie.

  • May 29, 2007, 3:11 p.m. CST

    I would like to see a hard R Pac Man Movie

    by dramirezs23

    Can you imagine? Pac Man played by a very drunk and loud Joe Piscapoe who is chased by the multi-colored ghosts of the victims he's raped and killed. Later he'll meet up with a 2 dollar whore who has a fetish for cake and blood. She'll eventually disembowel Pac Man and take his Place as Ms. Pac Man

  • May 29, 2007, 3:18 p.m. CST

    Like an empty tin of pear halves

    by Golitsyn1

    a little Lacklustre!

  • May 29, 2007, 3:30 p.m. CST

    To porn or not to porn?

    by Subovon

    If I watched this flick, I'd get a pair of blue balls big like Saturn. Don't those girls look like they're posing the for the latest Vivid Video Pirates rip-off? Since Harry introduced me to youporn by dropping the site's name in a talk back - way to shut 'em up, Harry - I think I'll tick to that. No pun inteneded.

  • May 29, 2007, 3:30 p.m. CST

    :-( Golitsyn1

    by mordiceius

    LOL I am sitting here eating pear halves from a can as we speak. Thank you for making me feel like a lesser man for enjoying them.

  • May 29, 2007, 3:32 p.m. CST

    Subovon

    by mordiceius

    yeah there is a scene in the beginning where they could have tastefully put nudity in (the FBI busing in on Holly Valance getting out of the shower) but other than that, like I said it's like any other college flick, a big cocktease that should be ignored.

  • May 29, 2007, 3:51 p.m. CST

    Hope there's 'spolsions!!

    by Get_Me_An_18-Man_Fire_Team_In_12_Hours

    Did you see the rack on that assassin? It was like WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!!!

  • May 29, 2007, 3:52 p.m. CST

    Oops...meant 'splosions

    by Get_Me_An_18-Man_Fire_Team_In_12_Hours

    Damn ADD...uh, what was I saying again?

  • May 29, 2007, 3:55 p.m. CST

    Was mildly interested

    by Volstaff

    Till I saw Eric Roberts in it, and I knew it had to be shitty. That guy is the kiss of death for a film.

  • May 29, 2007, 4:03 p.m. CST

    Thought this had been released LONG AGO.

    by Prof. Pop-Cult

    Weird. I thought that this had been released on DVD months ago and forgotten. Yes, I did catch it on Google Video when someone put it there. I watched it all the way through, and felt like I wasted my time, even though it was less than 90 minutes. Some of the fight scenes were okay.

  • May 29, 2007, 4:06 p.m. CST

    Officialy the oldest news this site has ever posted.

    by Grando

    Been out in the cinema and out on DVD in the uk for fucking ages.

  • May 29, 2007, 4:15 p.m. CST

    Someone wants to be competition for Uwe Boll

    by Durendal

    That's what it looks like. This movie looks unbelievably bad. Look out Uwe Boll, you've got competition!

  • May 29, 2007, 4:15 p.m. CST

    This should've been directed by that guy

    by skimn

    who died a while ago, who always made cheesy action flicks with top heavy Playboy Playmates.

  • May 29, 2007, 4:18 p.m. CST

    Saw it on YouTube with the rest of the world

    by BurgerKing

    Not like this would make money in theatres but with it already having been on YouTube, it'll make even less. The most horrible part, they promote the sexuality, yet there is no nudity in the movie! WHATS THE POINT!!!!???

  • May 29, 2007, 4:24 p.m. CST

    I've Said it before nad I'll say it again!

    by Clonetrooper

    If you want to make a really kick-ass movie based on a video-game, you should stop looking at these god damned fighting, violent, bloodfests that run rampant in the video game world today, and take a look at some of the classics. I'm talking about the greatest video games ever created: LucasArts Adventure games. Who wouldn't want to watch a film version of Full Throttle? Or if some visionary director works up the balls to do it, Grim Fandango? These are the games that deserve to be turned into movies. Everything that happens in the games is to further the story. As opposed to the shoot-em-up games that serve only to create shitty action sequences with thinly vieled plots that only serve to set up shitty action sequences.

  • May 29, 2007, 4:35 p.m. CST

    Eh...

    by tie3456

    Only thing I find intriguing about this is Sarah Carter. Hoo-ray.

  • May 29, 2007, 4:35 p.m. CST

    Go and get the DVD at any swap meet

    by brodiemash

    This has been out for easily over a year now. Saw it bootlegged out at the good ole swap meet.

  • May 29, 2007, 4:39 p.m. CST

    Eurotrash: Please STFU

    by Fico

    Nobody cares that the movie was released in Belgium 6 months ago. Just put your Hasselhoff CD back in the player and leave us alone.

  • May 29, 2007, 4:48 p.m. CST

    Metroid and Castlevania are

    by Zach_Talks_Back

    Metroid and Castlevania are my first picks for VG Movies..... but for some reason the keep making them out of fighting games and horror games.

  • May 29, 2007, 4:49 p.m. CST

    Ain't It OLD News....

    by Tripman5000

    !

  • May 29, 2007, 4:50 p.m. CST

    Peter Jackson for JLA!

    by UltimaRex

    Peter Jackson for JLA.

  • May 29, 2007, 4:53 p.m. CST

    Oh and since when....

    by Tripman5000

    ...did AICN condone the viewing of PIRATE copies(Google Video??)? I remember the uproar on here when everyone sent in reviews of the workprint of "The Hulk". Which is why I haven't sent in my review of the workprint of"Hostel-Part Two"....fuck it-it's shite!

  • May 29, 2007, 5:05 p.m. CST

    It's actually kinda fun

    by photoboy

    And Holly Valance and Sarah Carter at least are fun to watch.

  • May 29, 2007, 5:21 p.m. CST

    Merrick referring to the Eric Roberts / Emma Roberts

    by CreasyBear

    father - daughter relationship, regarding "fetishistic"?

  • May 29, 2007, 5:26 p.m. CST

    Hey guys, some really 'Cool News'

    by Hyphin

    WB just announced that they are releasing OOTP early, on July 11th, not 13th. I think it's on Comingsoon.net. Anyways, seems more interesting than this. What do you think of that. Are they that confident?

  • May 29, 2007, 5:27 p.m. CST

    THIS YEAR'S LITTLE MISS BLOODRAYNE!!!

    by Err

    Only with more women but just as crappy.

  • May 29, 2007, 5:42 p.m. CST

    Deadly Little Miho...

    by CopOnTheEdge

    ...shouldn't be allowed to speak dialogue. Me love you long time, but me no speakee english goodee.

  • May 29, 2007, 5:43 p.m. CST

    This wire fu looks great!

    by CopOnTheEdge

    Almost as good as the first Charlie's Angels from...7 years ago? Flussssshhhhhh...

  • May 29, 2007, 5:53 p.m. CST

    mordiceius

    by Subovon

    <p class=MsoNormal>You mean Andy <span class=SpellE>Sidaris</span> movies? Like <span class=SpellE>L.E.T.H.A.L</span>. LADIES: RETURN TO SAVAGE BEACH? (Whatever that stands for, I don't know), or PICASSO TRIGGER? You jogged some long lost <span class=SpellE>Skinemax</span> memories, there, bro. <span class=GramE>Early 90's existence.</span> I'd just move to the <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">US</st1:place></st1:country-region>, and I discovered the cable channel and it's legendarily sleazy schedule... Those flicks had a hypnotic quality to them: like a Cops TV show episode. Can't believe it's so bad - can't believe people actually make this shit up - can't believe I'm still watching <span class=GramE>it <span style='mso-spacerun:yes'> </span>-</span> kind of sit-down... I just looked him up in <span class=SpellE>IMDb</span>, and the man died not three months ago. I think his son keeps the good (cough) name alive.</p> <p class=MsoNormal>Thanks for the <span class=SpellE>mammaries</span>!</p>

  • May 29, 2007, 6:01 p.m. CST

    Seen the movie 14 Sept , 2006!!!

    by wadi77

    My god, you guys in the States haven't seen it?<p> Don't bother though, just another crap with girls.<p> Ain't It Old News, indeed.

  • May 29, 2007, 6:04 p.m. CST

    Why did Russ Meyer have to die?

    by Spandau Belly

    He would've knocked this out of the park!

  • May 29, 2007, 6:10 p.m. CST

    I saw this film months ago

    by pjdon

    Made me smile all the way through and was also an exscuse to have a big wank.

  • May 29, 2007, 6:11 p.m. CST

    VERY OLD NEWS

    by TheGoodGerman

    The Movie was shown in Europe last Year, already. So these are very old news. The Story is poor, the Style is cool, the Fight Greats, and the Ladies damn damn hot. And it has Eric Roberts as the Main Villain. Its the Best BeatemUp Game Adaption out there atm.

  • May 29, 2007, 6:13 p.m. CST

    Looks like Andy Sedaris with a budget.

    by Barry Egan

    If "Malibu Express" had been made with $50 million it would have looked like that.

  • May 29, 2007, 6:29 p.m. CST

    The Chick From Black Sash Looks Great!

    by Colier Rannd

    Wow, all those hot women...my tv has no speakers so I have to use my stereo...won't be using it when I watch this.

  • May 29, 2007, 6:33 p.m. CST

    This Steaming Pile of Dog Shite

    by Fineus Fog

    went straight to dvd in New Zealand about 6 months where I hear its only rented by the terminally unemployed with nothing else to do than fiddle themselves into a frenzy over it It doesnt come with a laminated cover either.........

  • May 29, 2007, 6:40 p.m. CST

    This looks fucking...

    by Crimson King

    DUMB!

  • May 29, 2007, 6:49 p.m. CST

    I saw this like a year ago

    by godoffireinhell

    dumb fucking flick but it never takes itself seriously so that's OK, right? worth a rental if you get a free six pack with it.

  • May 29, 2007, 7:10 p.m. CST

    Say, Gus Van Rant,

    by Subovon

    You know Rosie O's a dude, right?

  • May 29, 2007, 7:11 p.m. CST

    I saw this a long time

    by Zach_Talks_Back

    I saw this a long time ago... so i just had to say that to prove how up to date on nerdy ass shit I am. How dare you post something I deem old, why do I even come here? To say shit is lame and old? Oh yeah I have no life.

  • May 29, 2007, 7:15 p.m. CST

    This movie fucking sucks

    by Harry Weinstein

    I saw this, and it's punishingly bad. People will try and tell you it's good, brain-dead fun. Don't listen to them, not for a second. They only want you to suffer as they have suffered. TRANSPORTER 2 - now THAT is good, brain-dead fun. DOA is bad, brain-dead, and no fun. The only things that could have redeemed this tripe are graphic sex and graphic violence, and you ain't getting none of that in this movie. Reading Maxim is like reading Playboy, minus the actual nudity and the quality writing. Watching DOA is the cinematic equivalent of reading Maxim - fucking pointless; it's mostly just painfully stupid, and there's way better stuff to jerk off to. This is most definitely not bad enough to be funny, but it's as bad as you can get without being bad enough to be funny, and that might be the worst bad of them all.

  • May 29, 2007, 7:18 p.m. CST

    Came out awhile ago here...

    by Tourist

    I liked it. It was shit on a stick, but in the same way Crank or The Transporter films were. Very stupid, very asian, and full of hot women. Although, strangely, very tame in the clothed T and A dept. Not enough lingering ass shot and such. But it's not Resident Evil bad or anything.

  • May 29, 2007, 7:23 p.m. CST

    How exactly does one become a "ninja princess"?

    by jalfredprufrock

    Is their a lengthy interview process?

  • May 29, 2007, 8:06 p.m. CST

    fuck this movie

    by roccotheripper

    i refuse to ever watch this crap no matter how hot the chicks are.

  • May 29, 2007, 8:17 p.m. CST

    Another Mind-fuck Captured On Celluloid!

    by Shub-Wankalot

    No really. I shit you not. Only masochists need apply.

  • May 29, 2007, 8:35 p.m. CST

    Mortal Kombat was a good movie.

    by spaceworlder

    What's with all this historical revisionism concerning the first Mortal Kombat movie? I remember a lot of people liking it when it first came out. Now it seems it's hip to diss Mortal Kombat when talking about video game movies.

  • May 29, 2007, 8:37 p.m. CST

    wow

    by Russman

    what a piece of crap. It'll make millions overseas though.

  • May 29, 2007, 8:45 p.m. CST

    Uwe Boll couldn't have made it worse

    by methosb

    it was that bad

  • May 29, 2007, 8:45 p.m. CST

    This movie was good fun

    by Power_Girl

    So bad it's good...The best of all the video game movies. I saw it last year at the movies.

  • May 29, 2007, 8:47 p.m. CST

    One question I'd like to ask...

    by spaceworlder

    Who's idea was it to cast a Norwegian chick as Ayane? The character's supposed to be *asian*.

  • May 29, 2007, 9:15 p.m. CST

    ??????

    by spiderwalk007

    So... this isn't from Uwe or P.S.?

  • May 29, 2007, 9:17 p.m. CST

    will it have..

    by nolan bautista

    ..a cum-shot recap on the DVD menu? I feel thats essential..

  • May 29, 2007, 9:21 p.m. CST

    I the Google Video

    by Phategod2

    this movie is DUMB DUMB DUMB If you think not I hope you cant wait for the fight scene finaly featuring Eric Roberts.

  • May 29, 2007, 9:21 p.m. CST

    This year's LITTLE MISS WANNABE SIN CITY!!!

    by Get_Me_An_18-Man_Fire_Team_In_12_Hours

    ...hot chicks = check; 'splosions = check; Miho = FUCKING CHECK!!! all the way to the bank...how are you gentlemen!!

  • May 29, 2007, 9:23 p.m. CST

    this movie makes Mortal Komabt look like the Matrix

    by Phategod2

    or enter the Dragon, SuperNinjas. 36 chambers, Citizen Kane, or any great cinematic masterpiece

  • May 29, 2007, 9:38 p.m. CST

    ..err...this is fucking ancient..

    by dekionplexis

    ..and it sucked..

  • May 29, 2007, 9:39 p.m. CST

    I thought it was straight to dvd, since...

    by AlwaysThere

    I saw it last December on DVD.

  • May 29, 2007, 9:41 p.m. CST

    Mortal Kombat rocked.

    by spaceworlder

    You haters suck.

  • May 29, 2007, 9:47 p.m. CST

    I saw this

    by McClane_Corleone

    When it was called Mortal Kombat. It had less tits then, though.

  • May 29, 2007, 9:50 p.m. CST

    In all seriousness though.

    by McClane_Corleone

    How does shit like this get the greenlight and yet I still don't have my Halo/Metal Gear Solid movie.

  • May 29, 2007, 10:21 p.m. CST

    Was this film produced by Maxim magazine? Jeesh.

    by Bronx Cheer

    I saw the trailer in the theater. Shite, pure shite.

  • May 29, 2007, 10:25 p.m. CST

    What the fuck? I saw this nearly a year ago...

    by Brundlefly

    It's a fairly shit film - there's some nice shots of Holly Valance's very fuckable ass - that's about it. I'm stunned that it's only now getting a US release.....

  • May 29, 2007, 10:32 p.m. CST

    slow news day?

    by WolfmanNards

    make something up. Dig up an old article.

  • May 29, 2007, 11:09 p.m. CST

    Does anyone know

    by Turd Furgeson

    If the copy of Harry Potter book 7 that's floating around the web is real?... That's AICN... Not this.

  • May 29, 2007, 11:09 p.m. CST

    Best Worst Movie ever

    by Maclovin

    This released in Australia last year.. if you wanna see something intelligent and profound, this movie is not for you... but if you wanna see hot girls fighting and playing a 10 minute long volleyball game with slow motion close ups on arse and tits, there's nothing better!!

  • May 29, 2007, 11:38 p.m. CST

    I'm sorry, I think this looks really fun.

    by where_are_quints_hobbit_set_reports

    Girls in bikinis kung-fu fighting? Come on, if you can't appreciate that, I don't know what to say to you.

  • May 29, 2007, 11:55 p.m. CST

    It was not fun it was Dumb

    by Phategod2

    there is one vollyball scene this movie is not chock full TnA You do a google image search on any of these chicks and you'll be more satisfied by what you see. I warn all of you do not pay to see this cinematic abortion (and yes I saw it already). the heart of this Game has always been T n A but I thought it would have been a little more graphic and with less camp this movie Reeks of Street Fighter only without the late great Raul Julia. (oh but Eric Roberts takes his place he better check his kool aid for a few months.)

  • May 30, 2007, midnight CST

    Looks like the acting is D.O.A.

    by closeencounter

    And maybe the movie itself.

  • May 30, 2007, 12:14 a.m. CST

    Haven't seen it, but......

    by Jimmy Jazz

    I've seen that clip with the naked Aussie chick on various sites since forever. It looked stupid before I knew where it was from and my knowledge of the source has not improved matters.

  • May 30, 2007, 12:20 a.m. CST

    Okay, if it's truly awful, I'll skip it.

    by where_are_quints_hobbit_set_reports

    Too bad, the basic concept of girls in bikinis kung-fu fighting seems like a sure-fire winner. I am not a leering maxim-reading kind of guy, but for instance I thought Blue Crush was an amazing movie. Girls in bikinis as the main characters, an exotic locale, excellent. <p> In fact Blue Crush changed my life, and since seeing it, my retirement plan is modelled on Blue Crush. I'm going to retire to Hawaii and live out my remaining years as a beautiful teenage surfer chick who eats nothing but junk food and never gets fat and spends her non-surfing time smoking weed and hanging out with my fellow beautiful teenage surf girls and maybe having the occasional tickle-fight. <p> Although I am a six-foot-two overweight male with bad knees and a busted spine, covered in badly done old heavy metal tattoos, my sheer force of will is going to make this retirement plan possible. You gotta believe!!! Blue Crush is not just a film, it is my destiny.

  • May 30, 2007, 12:27 a.m. CST

    i thought

    by ag 721

    grindhouse died in the 70's but its back

  • May 30, 2007, 12:30 a.m. CST

    Oh well. I had fun with it.

    by emjoi_gently

    It's plastic, and uses cliched Matrix editing, but what the hell. I found it kinda fun. What do you want? A Plot? A bunch of hot chicks kick butt. Isn't that enough?

  • May 30, 2007, 12:31 a.m. CST

    already have movie

    by mbm1975

    i had this movie since december on dvd. i thought it was getting released in december. it wasnt a great movie but the babes looked awesome.

  • May 30, 2007, 12:48 a.m. CST

    This film was so bad I turned it off with 10 mins to go

    by Azazyel

    I tried to forgive it and go with the flow, but I just couldn't...

  • May 30, 2007, 12:59 a.m. CST

    AWESOME!!

    by SkidMarkedUndies

    THIS IS SO HOT!!!

  • May 30, 2007, 1:56 a.m. CST

    Ahem..

    by smylexx

    Saw this about 8 months ago.. is this news? No, really?

  • May 30, 2007, 2:30 a.m. CST

    Well ComingSoon.net is also reporting on this...

    by ElectricDreams

    http://www.comingsoon.net/news/movienews.php?id=20693 in fact their story aired AFTER Merricks posted...so the studio must be pushing the domestic US release despite the fact that the rest of the world has been exposed and desensitized to it. No worries Merrick, I got your back! -ED

  • May 30, 2007, 3:35 a.m. CST

    Devon Aoki horribly miscast in this film...

    by Monkey_King

    and wasn't Christie South American? At least these girls got paid for acting in this miscast video game nightmare.

  • May 30, 2007, 4:53 a.m. CST

    I liked this film

    by Franklin T Marmoset

    Stupid as hell, but with the best of intentions. Also, hot chicks fighting each other and whatnot. I mean, you'd be pretty damn daft to go in expecting a well-crafted drama with proper acting and the like. It's like a porno, except no-one gets naked or fucked. Wait, that's not like a porno at all...

  • May 30, 2007, 5:29 a.m. CST

    This was so terrible that

    by emeraldboy

    it stank out my DVD player. and looks like we will be getting DOA 2. Seriously. WE will be getting DOA 2. I hear that Paul ws anderson and UWE boll are fighting it out to direct. at least if Paul Ws anderson does it he can cast his wife, to kick the crap of out of the cast and maybe give them a slap. Just like she to did kurt wimmer.

  • May 30, 2007, 5:41 a.m. CST

    this film was one giant rip off

    by emeraldboy

    For example the Beginnning was lifted from Hero and the house of flying daggers. but i give points for the fact that the background scenery looked and there were some nice visual moments. but it still stank. Who knew jamie pressly was actually a guy? Kidding but she still looks like one.

  • May 30, 2007, 6:24 a.m. CST

    Ahem...

    by smylexx

    So if this is 'latest news', then i suppose i'd better let you know that 2000 years ago there was this dude called Jesus who apparently can do a maic trick with three cups and a ball. One to look out for Harry. Oh, and did you know that There's another Star Wars film coming? I believe its gonna be called "The Empire Strikes Back' and apparently there's a big reveal at the end!

  • May 30, 2007, 6:40 a.m. CST

    Been out here in korea for about a year

    by Drworm2002

    hell, it's been on DVD for about thre e months

  • May 30, 2007, 6:42 a.m. CST

    Oh and the Korean Poster even says that...

    by Drworm2002

    it comes out in "October 2006"

  • May 30, 2007, 6:45 a.m. CST

    this has already been seen by everyone

    by hellnback

    damn. what the hell? this movie sux balls like a porn star. already seen it since it was avialable for download on torrents last year. i've had it in my collection for half a year now. this movie shouldn't even be released at all. it's crap, pure pure crap. but one thing i'll admit. the girls are hot.

  • May 30, 2007, 7:57 a.m. CST

    Welcome to 1802 B.C.

    by SmashedRat

    Say hello to Jesus' great great great great grandpa for me will you.

  • May 30, 2007, 8:10 a.m. CST

    i'm going to start going to cnn for my movie news.

    by DAS JANKE

    i can't believe AICN is running stories on DOA. this movie is gawd-awful and the quality of the version on google video wasn't bad.

  • May 30, 2007, 10:50 a.m. CST

    Just get them all in the shower together

    by Abominable Snowcone

    And film it. Anything else is a waste. God didn't make chicks this hot so we could listen to them talk.

  • May 30, 2007, 12:07 p.m. CST

    Charlies Angels 3

    by SlickyVonBoner

    Full Ass Throttle. WOW! That looks like the worst movie ever!

  • May 30, 2007, 1:11 p.m. CST

    oh good christ!

    by MarlowesDamnHonor

    i never exactly had very high hopes for this flick but...jesus fuckin christ. that was just hard to watch. and it has mijo from sin city! those bastards ruined a great character for me.

  • May 30, 2007, 2:10 p.m. CST

    The Weinsteins? God only knows.

    by Harry Weinstein

    If they had a lick of sense they'd have dumped this direct to video ages ago. If the rights were cheap enough, and they think they can milk a profitable opening weekend out of it without spending a fortune on promoting it, they may actually give it a half-assed release to theatres. The second weekend certainly isn't going to be profitable.

  • May 30, 2007, 2:26 p.m. CST

    This should've been rated R.

    by Motoko Kusanagi

    Unfortunately it wasn't. DOA 2 please!

  • May 30, 2007, 2:31 p.m. CST

    hmm... reads speech..disagrees

    by theonecalledshoe

    It's a Jamie Pressly movie. If you can't respect the sweet southern (fill in the blank.) then you should wake up and quit listening to you mother.

  • May 30, 2007, 10:40 p.m. CST

    As much as I can appreciate

    by Cold Winter Wind

    a moderately hot babe in chaps, with cameltoe'd undies, and edged weaponry, I think I'll give this one a 'Meh'.

  • May 30, 2007, 11:01 p.m. CST

    The tag line shoul,d not be "Wanna Play?" it should be

    by The Ghost of Scrappy Doo

    I'D HIT THAT! See, I can be a marketing genius for free.

  • May 31, 2007, 2:07 a.m. CST

    Thanks, but I already saw MORTAL COMBAT...

    by TheGhostWhoLurks

    and Cleopatra 2025. Ballet-fu STILL sucks.

  • May 31, 2007, 2:33 a.m. CST

    Okay we get it...

    by andrew coleman

    It came out in UK and most of Europe. Guess what hasn't come out in the States yet. I've never heard of this fucking movie till this post so it ain't so fucking old. Looks awful though they should go Grindhouse style and show this with Hostel 2 even though I'm pretty sure this will be a thousand times better than Hostel 2 still it would have a real Grindhouse feel. Also Mortal Kombat is the shit get drunk and watch that with friends=good times. And the Reptile fight is the shit.

  • May 31, 2007, 5:17 a.m. CST

    Ahem..

    by smylexx

    Regardless of wether this is just being seen in the states, this is a movie website. It's purpose is to give you a heads up of new films. There's plenty of coverage of this film, it's not a dark secret that it's out there. Any self respecting journalist, even a web-journo, could've reported this a year ago.