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Quint asks, ‘Do you want to read one more PIRATES 3 review, me harties?’

Ahoy, squirts! Quint here. Hopefully you haven’t read your fill of reviews yet. I haven’t read any that have popped up. At first it was because I didn’t want the spoilers and then today I haven’t read Capone, Du Pont, or Harry’s reviews because I wanted to form my own review independent of any else’s opinion. I’m assuming they loved the movie because we mostly agree and I thought the flick kicked some ass. Let’s back up a tad, though. One paragraph of background… CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL – loved it… It was an epic studio movie based on an amusement park ride and it never should have worked, but then they went and got some amazingly talented people in front of and behind the camera, had the balls to spice it up with some crazy undead pirates genre stuff and made a killer flick. Okay, two paragraphs… one per movie. DEAD MAN’S CHEST – artistically, an amazingly executed movie. The effects are the best ILM’s done in many years, the character of Davy Jones is fantastic, the Kraken was awesome… but they tinkered with Jack Sparrow. I didn’t like what they did to Jack. I pointed out in my review (with some insight from my buddy, Kraken – no relation) that the first flick had Jack Sparrow as a great pirate masquerading as a bumbling coward, but the second seemed to switch it up and had Sparrow as a bumbling coward masquerading as a great pirate. My main worry was that I’d continue to not dig on Sparrow, who is the glue of this franchise. Without Johnny Depp, these films wouldn’t work… with everybody else the same, it wouldn’t work. When I sat down to watch the flick last night all that was on my mind… along with the nagging feeling that it just didn’t feel right that AT WORLD’S END was coming out this week. Disney’s been really downplaying the marketing on this, keeping it from feeling like an event to me. I guess it is smart for them to keep their marketing costs low considering it’s following so closely off of DEAD MAN’S CHEST… I’m no money expert, but this not really feeling like an event was definitely on my mind. I was certainly excited for the movie, though. No doubt about it. AT WORLD’S END is huge, easily bigger than the first two movies… I mean, the whole last hour is non-stop action… and good non-stop action, too. The movie seriously gets into this hyper overdrive and the pacing is incredible, switching from boat action to character duels to cannon fights to giant creatures. That’s not to take away from the beginning and middle, though. My interest was never lost. I wouldn’t say DEAD MAN’S CHEST ever lost me, either, but it did feel its length, where this one shot like a… well, like a cannonball. For starters, the rescue of Jack Sparrow… it’s smart, it’s funny, it’s epic. You get a feel for the difficulty of traveling between Davy Jones’ locker and the living world, which is essential in keeping the movie from becoming a bad soap opera where there’s no real penalty for dying. And speaking of this purgatory, Davy Jones’ locker is something that’d make Terry Gilliam jump for joy (or scream in frustration that someone else did it). It’s so bizarre and stark… I actually loved this part of the movie. I don’t think the mainstream will because it is so weird and slow, but that’s exactly what I loved about it. Depp’s re-introduction is classic. The best thing I can say about this movie is that it felt like a true continuation from the first film. The tone, the character work and the pacing is all indicative of the first movie. Every single PIRATES character you want to see more of you see more of. There’s more Jack Sparrow than you’re prepared for, all the crew get great moments and I think the best move they made was making Geoffrey Rush a main character here. I think that helps a lot with bringing the same tone from the first movie, but on a much grander, epic fantasy scale. And God help me… this series has had both a midget and a monkey as side characters and they rock so hard in this movie… there’s a moment where the monkey is shivering… yes, cold shivering that I fucking loved. I don’t know why that scene tickled me, but there’s this whole sequence where the monkey is shivering, arms wrapped around its little body… but the scene lasts for minutes and every time the poor little bugger would end up in the background of this long scene, shivering away, I’d just crack up. I won’t go into super spoilers, but I have to commend the last act. There are so many great things going on… great character moments, great action and a genuinely surprising finale. I’ve heard that Gore Verbinski and Depp have agreed to come back for a fourth film. Believe me, you’ll want to see it when you finish watching this movie. AT WORLD’S END is one third installment that lives up to the previous movies and the expectation that comes when capping a trilogy. And it also has the best wedding I’ve ever seen on film. It's not perfect, there are moments you can pick apart, but none of that stood in the way of me enjoying the movie. Hell, even the 60 year old man sitting next to me who decided he wanted to take notes every 4 minutes with a flashlight-strength light-pen couldn't distract me from the movie. Cheer up, me harties. This one delivers the goods. -Quint

Readers Talkback
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  • May 24, 2007, 5:29 a.m. CST

    And what about the confused audience?

    by DerLanghaarige

    The film is longer than 120 minutes and got more than 3 main characters! It's confusing!!

  • May 24, 2007, 5:37 a.m. CST

    What direction do you want them to use in a 2nd trilogy

    by Greenflame0

    It's pretty obvious (if a 2nd POTC trilogy is made in a few years time) that Orlando and Kiera won't be in it (as they've probably had enough and are also too expensive) and the current screenwriters also probably won't be involved in the writing either, but does anyone have any ideas on what new directions you'd like to see a 2nd POTC trilogy (if there is one) go in, as they're hugely expensive films to make.

  • May 24, 2007, 5:39 a.m. CST


    by BanAllFIRSTPosters

    Thanks for not leading into the review with an overlong, masturbatory story about how you got there and whatnot. These reviews need to really get to the point.

  • May 24, 2007, 5:42 a.m. CST

    Right on

    by a rolling stone

    Sounds like its worth the cash.

  • May 24, 2007, 6:03 a.m. CST

    haha, only lame ass critcs get confused

    by Evil Hobbit

    cause they need to pick on something else they might turn out liking a big balls huge budget fx kino!! That can't happend! No, not brainless Hollywood/Bruckheimer/Disney fun, that's no cinema, nope we must find something. Ah yeah, it's to confusing!! Nubs.

  • May 24, 2007, 6:26 a.m. CST

    Wave at them as they pass by

    by Badger On A Bus

    It look like there'll be a real split audience on this one. Personally, I found Dead Man's Chest to be much more enjoyable on repeated DVD viewings, and I imagine that the same will apply for this one if it is as plot heavy as the early reviews imply. Anyway, it can't be as mind-numbingly awful as Spider-Man 3.

  • May 24, 2007, 6:28 a.m. CST

    Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley

    by kwisatzhaderach

    can't act. They're more wooden than a pirates plank. How are we supposed to invest emotionally with balsa? I think Mark Kermode said it best of 'Dead Man's Chest' - "symptomatic of the fall of western civilisation"

  • May 24, 2007, 6:48 a.m. CST

    Huh? I thought this movie was supposed to suck!

    by lost.rules

    But I usually trust Quint's opinon. I might actually have to go see this now.

  • May 24, 2007, 6:50 a.m. CST

    Oh, And Quint I gotta tell you.

    by lost.rules

    Can't wait for Order of the Phoneix to come out. That, and Deathly Hallows all in the same week. That is going to be one great week for us my friend.

  • May 24, 2007, 7:05 a.m. CST

    sounds to me like we have a split vote

    by just pillow talk

    Half of the reviews are negative, half positive. The common theme for the negative reviews have been too many characters and certain introductions go nowhere. I may have to wait until DVD for this one, we'll see...<p>lost.rules - I agree with you on Order of the Phoenix, all the previews look very good, and I'll be curious to find out how it all ends (Deathly Hallows).

  • May 24, 2007, 7:14 a.m. CST

    So, do Sparrow and Will fall in love?

    by lost.rules

    I bet Elizabeth ends up with that freaky black bitch. deee knoooow whhhhaaattt I'm sayyying Elizzabettt? Lick me down theeer

  • May 24, 2007, 7:16 a.m. CST

    Mark Kermode

    by yodalovesyou

    Mark Kermode said DMC was "symptomatic of the fall of western civilisation". I'm losing more and more respect for him as time goes on. This is a man who also said "drums ruined rock 'n roll". If I had my way, I'd shave that stupid quiff off his head and make him have an operation to take his head out of his own arse! It's religious nutters like him who are destroying civilisation, not movies whose main purpose is to entertain the masses and help them escape the general shiteness of their day to day lives. This is something people like him or Pete Travers cannot understand.

  • May 24, 2007, 7:16 a.m. CST

    Orlando Bloom

    by theyreflockingthisway

    Could he be the most boring actor ever to grace the silver screen? He was OK in Fellowship of the Ring, but since then he plays the same dull character in every film - including the Pirates series. <br><br> However I still love these films thanks to the great production team, Johnny Depp's fine acting (how do we have such a great character actor and such a dull one in the same film?), interesting story and great effects.

  • May 24, 2007, 7:18 a.m. CST

    Bless you, Quint!

    by Kragmose

    Havent seen it, but now when I do, my brain wont go "Oh, thats funny. No wait, the smart internet people thinks otherwise." And just one more review I would like to see now - Mori's.

  • May 24, 2007, 7:19 a.m. CST

    baiscally a fun movie

    by majortom25

    With half the reviews good and hallf bad it seems like this is your typiical decent summer block buster. Should be better then that garbage called spiderman 3.

  • May 24, 2007, 7:56 a.m. CST


    by Leafy McPlantsalot


  • May 24, 2007, 7:57 a.m. CST

    now that's the review we needed

    by filmcoyote

    Well thought out, not preaching. You swayed me, i'm going to give it a chance now. Good one Quint

  • May 24, 2007, 8:29 a.m. CST

    Mark Kermode Returns

    by Franklin T Marmoset

    He does go too far (especially with that silly "symptomatic of the fall of western civilisation" business), but I kind of get what he's saying. It makes my heart sink a little to hear people making excuses for the terrible writing on display in these Pirates films because they were dazzled by all the noise and goopy CGI shenanigans. Somehow, a line has been drawn in the sand - films with well written stories and believable characters on one side; entertaining blockbusters on the other. Maybe I'm asking too much, but can't we have both? Raiders has both. Jaws has both. Unprequeled Star Wars has both. Die Hard, Aliens, The Terminator, even The Matrix are spectacular films that are also well written. Good writing doesn't have to mean Shakespeare - it can just be a smoothly told story that grows out of the various character motivations.<p>Wow, I rambled a bit there. Sorry about, Pirate fans.

  • May 24, 2007, 8:47 a.m. CST

    Are they really poorly written Marmoset?

    by Frijole

    Or are they just not written to your liking? The general populace (I know, they're morons right?) and a VERY large faction of the geek community (slightly more sophisticated and discerning, right?) LOVE these movies. I know you weren't "attacking" POTC fans, but the gist of your post implies that those that DO enjoy them are only dazzled by spectacle and have no use for strong characters or story... which I totally disagree with. If I were simply a sucker for such things, I would love AOTC, Godzilla, the Matrix sequels etc... all of which I can't stand. As for POTC, I love the characters (most of them anyway), love the stories, love the tangents (whether crucial to the plot or not). If I didn't then the action and spectacle (grand, though they are) would exist in a soulless void for me. I'm not saying my opinion on the movies is more valid than yours. I'm just saying that to imply that anyone who DOES enjoy these movies is simply wowed by shiny objects and making excuses for weaknesses is going a bit far. There are many of us out there (yes, even outside the Joe Sixpack contingent) that love these things top to bottom.

  • May 24, 2007, 9:29 a.m. CST

    Hey, Frijole

    by Franklin T Marmoset

    You're reading a little too much into what I said. I'm not criticising people for liking the films (I loved the first one and thought DMC was a mess with enjoyable moments), just trying to articulate a feeling I have that more and more of the big summer blockbusters are shambolic and poorly written, like they've either made the story up as they shot it, or (more likely) awkwardly strung together a group of set pieces without enough thought to the story that connects it all together. There's often a natural flow that's missing from the story (Spider-Man 3 had a similar problem), and I also think there's an insecurity in that writers tend to cram in as much stuff as they can to compensate for weaknesses in other areas.<p>For example, did we really need those two comic relief guys back for Pirates two? Or Commodore Norrington? Did that entire cannibal island section add anything relevant to the story? The dice game? That thing Elizabeth did with the dress?<p>For me, there's way too many needless plot points, which reeks of television (where that kind of thing works because you're telling a story over an entire season), and is - in my opinion - bad writing for films.<p>Anyway, nice to talk to you. Do me a favour, though. This kind of comment - (I know, they're morons right?) - keep it to yourself, okay? You know I didn't say that.

  • May 24, 2007, 9:47 a.m. CST

    To be fair, you did say that

    by Frijole

    people who like the movies are making excuses for terrible writing due to the spectacle. So I don't think I was stretching there. But fair enough. OK. I still disagree that the writing is terrible in any way. Dense, yes. But I personally like it that way. To address some of your concerns though 1) I think Pintel and Rigetti are kind of the R2-D2 and C-3P0 of the series. Comic relief who are available to the story either for plot movement, exposition or any myriad of other reasons. In fact, if the series continues, I think they'll be the only characters that are in ALL the films. 2) Norrington has a great arc. He was one of the villains of the first movie. His character totally turned on its head by the actions of the "leads" in DMC and taken lower than any of the scum he vowed to protect Port Royal from. What's not to love about that? It's dynamic, it's interesting and I can't wait to see where it leads in AWE. 3) the Cannibal island debate has raged in the talkbacks for a year now and the camp is divided. I'm not going to get into it again, but I AM on the side that thinks that sequence WAS important to the story. 4) The dice game. What was NOT important about that? The method may have been secondary to its purpose and that was Will bargaining his own soul for that of his father's- who he is determined to help redeem. I don't see how that is superfluous at all. 5) The dress. A display of clever resourcefulness... that's it. There is MUCH more to come from Elizabeth Swan and that was just a precursor to what she is capable of. OK, that's enough. We may not agree on this stuff... but that's my piece. It's funny that you mention novels because I was just thinking about this stuff. It's the kind of character moments and subplots that really enrich books but generally don't make it into the film adaptations much to the chagrin of the die-hards (see any Harry Potter talkback). I'm on the side that thinks that these things work just as well in an original film as they would in a novel. Different strokes.

  • May 24, 2007, 9:51 a.m. CST

    Oh, you mentioned television, not books.

    by Frijole

    Sorry. Point still stands, but I did misread that part. Oops.

  • May 24, 2007, 10 a.m. CST

    Different strokes, indeed

    by Franklin T Marmoset

    The films definitely divide people. I don't hate them, but I do think a better writer (or writers) would have streamlined things a bit. All the reasons you gave above would work perfectly well for me if Pirates was a TV series or a novel, but it's not - it's a film. Plenty of people obviously like it, but it's too cluttered for me, and the more you jam into a story the less time you have to do each character or plot point justice. I'm a less is more kind of guy. With Pirates, I think by pouring on more and more stuff, they've ended up with a much shallower film than they would have had if they had exercised a little restraint.<p>Damn, that's it for today. Work is over. Thanks again for the chat.

  • May 24, 2007, 10:09 a.m. CST

    We'll see tonight and this weekend what is to come.

    by Frijole

    Good talk, Rusty.

  • May 24, 2007, 10:11 a.m. CST

    Arrgh not from you Quint!!

    by DigitalDong

    There's alot more credibility on this site than you.

  • May 24, 2007, 10:16 a.m. CST

    Sounds like you sat next to the CAP Alert guy...

    by TheLassiter

    It will be interesting to see how sinful this movie is compared to the first two.

  • May 24, 2007, 10:34 a.m. CST

    franchises getting better

    by Mr Gorilla

    If you've got a genuinely thought-out story (Star Wars 1-3, Harry Potter) your franchise can get better, even if your first episode stank. But Pirates DOES NOT HAVE a proper story arc, or mythology, it's all as if it's made-up-as-you-go-along by a 5-year-old boy. Which is why these films keep getting worse. Grow up.

  • May 24, 2007, 10:39 a.m. CST


    by Stuntcock Mike

    Just kidding.

  • May 24, 2007, 10:50 a.m. CST

    How do you know it doesn't have a proper story arc

    by Frijole

    when the series isn't completed? Based on the reviews from Harry, Mass and Quint it seems as though the arcs are rounded out quite well in this movie. Grow up? Quit being so condescending.

  • May 24, 2007, 11:13 a.m. CST

    Well, watching retards would be better than Pirates 2.

    by s00p3rm4n

    So I'm sure this third sequel just screams "quality" in comparison.

  • May 24, 2007, 11:13 a.m. CST

    Remember maties, the more characters..

    by Borgnine JR

    ...they put up on screen, the less time available for Orlando Bloom. Also Quint I believe it's spelled 'Hearties!" not Harties".

  • May 24, 2007, 11:23 a.m. CST


    by Mr Gorilla

    Frijole, you're right, I am getting a bit carried away. But Alexandra's review does suggest that there are lots of things that aren't satisfyingly paid off. A fantasy that's devoid of logic just unravels - which if you read the CHUD review is maybe what this does... but, you know, I won't be seeing this, and after this weekend it will be out of our faces, so I'm not complaining.

  • May 24, 2007, 11:38 a.m. CST

    I haven't read Dupont's review...

    by Frijole

    or the CHUD ones as I'm avoiding major spoilers. But I trust Quint more than I trust Harry, some fake fantasy-girl and the CHUD guys put together. None of it will matter within the next 48 hours when I've made up my own mind though.

  • May 24, 2007, 11:55 a.m. CST


    by Bishop6


  • May 24, 2007, noon CST

    At the end of the day...

    by Lemming

    Nothing will touch the first movie in terms of brilliant. It was fresh, ther timing was right and Sparrows 'arrival' in the film was just magnificiant. Dead Man's Chest had Nigy and the Kraken, but filled the film with alot of shit it didn't need. This one sounds like it's Dead Man's chest and a bucket of friend chicken, which is dissapointing for me, but I'm sure some will yum it up.

  • May 24, 2007, 5:56 p.m. CST

    Just Returned From World's End

    by Badger On A Bus

    And I loved every minute of it. As Quint rightly says, despite the relative lack of action during the first two thirds of the movie, it is never less than engrossing and entertaining. Highlights = Capt. Jack in Davey Jones's Locker and the climatic battle. A massive improvement over "Dead Man's Chest" . The shameless set-up for Part 4 was the only real negative for me.

  • May 24, 2007, 8:24 p.m. CST

    My take **SPOILERS**

    by onefatman

    Alexandra Dupont's review is so spot on that I reckon we saw the same film and everyone else saw a completely different one. This movie had some of the most amazing visuals in recent history covering up one of the lamest scripts in recent history. The second film made little things in the first one (like the compass and the brand on jack's arm) become major plot points to give the films continuity. This one scraps absolutely everything set up in the first two and just introduces a bunch of random new ones and it seems forced and fake. Kraken conveniently gone. All of a sudden there's some big pirate brethren council thing that has always existed. And 9 pieces of eight. And calypso. "AAAAARRRRGH! Did we farrget ta mention thaaat in the faaarst two mooooviess?" And then it introduces all this new stuff which goes absolutely nowhere. Calypso and Jones? It never plays out. Huge chunk of the film spent on talking about what's gonna happen when calypso gets unleashed? Nothing. A little whirlpool that doesn't do anything. The giant climactic battle with all of the brethren armies versus the british army? Everyone sits around while two ships fight. Elizabeth's Father? Nowhere. The rescue of Jack is lame - all you've got to do is sail until you fall of a waterfall and then he magically appears in front of you thanks to Calypso's crabs. Oh how convenient. And where's everyone else who died? Can't they go rescue everyone? How come they can save Jack and it's all good, but they can't save Elizabeth's father? And I think the "too many jacks" sequence that's funny for a minute but just goes way too long. And Chow Yun Fat over acting. So bad. And the lame cop-out ending. If you wanna know what the film's like read Alexandra's review. Because all the other ones are waaaaay off the mark.

  • May 24, 2007, 10:40 p.m. CST

    just got back, i loved it

    by wcoop893

    much better than the second one, the action was spectacular. too long. yeah sure it was, but what can you do.

  • May 25, 2007, 2:09 a.m. CST

    QUINT- Well said...

    by darshn22

    I held back reading any of these reviews until I saw the film. I hated what they did with Jack Sparrow in Pirates 2. But I loved Pirates 3. After reading these reviews, I think all you AICN guys got this one absolutely right... I haven't been so pleasanly surpised in the theaters in quite some time. They even made the damn love story work... This film parallels the first on so many levels. This is why I go to the movies...

  • May 25, 2007, 2:11 a.m. CST

    Did anyone else catch the Disneyland reference?

    by darshn22

    The screen goes black for a few seconds and the audio is from the Disneyland ride. Such a cool little moment....

  • May 25, 2007, 4:46 a.m. CST

    I didn't enjoy the second one, should I see this?

    by BenBraddock

    Or not?

  • May 25, 2007, 6:41 a.m. CST

    yeah darshn22

    by Evil Hobbit

    That was a lovely little touch, I could even feel the soft breeze of the rides airconditioning. It was probably from the theatre but as soon as I heared that audioclip it felt as if I was on the ride. Great stuff.

  • May 25, 2007, 6:54 a.m. CST

    It's funny how so many

    by caltsoudas

    It's funny how so many people are complaining about how "complicated" it was with all the different betrayal/alliance "plot points" but in fact the film actually felt like it had no plot at all. To me it felt way too simplified, because all of the double-dealings were so complimentary to eachother that it all just canceled itself out anyways, leaving the movie with no narrative thread to hold it together. Basically the plot is: They must rescre Jack and someone must kill Davey Jones's heart to defeat both him and the lord Becket guy. And it happens. The End... Ops! OR IS IT?--wink-wink--UM, who gives a crap? Not me. Dead Man's Chest an World's End could have easily been one three hour long movie with all of the unnecessary crap left out. *shrug*

  • May 25, 2007, 12:05 p.m. CST


    by darshn22

    You should check it out. I wasn't impressed with Pirates 2 either but I really enjoyed this one. They really let Johnny Depp do his thing again which were the best parts of the original.

  • May 26, 2007, 12:28 a.m. CST

    "there’s a moment where the monkey is shivering… "

    by xavier masterson

    Does this mean the curse has been lifted off of the monkey? I mean, why would an undead monkey be shivering from the cold? I think I prefer undead monkeys to living ones.

  • May 26, 2007, 2:53 a.m. CST

    At World's End sucks an incredible amount of ass.

    by DieFledermaus

    This movie makes no sense. The cause and effect chain is non-existent. Stupid stuff keeps happening for no reason. And it's too long. After LOTR, every director in Hollywood seems to think it's OK for his movie to last three hours. Even if it's shit.

  • May 26, 2007, 5:20 p.m. CST

    After the credits (Spoiler)

    by Zardoz

    Spoilerspoilerspoilerspoilerspoilerspoilerspoilersspoilerspoilerspoilerspoilerspoilerspolierspoiler...........................................Ready: After the credits we get a title card over a cliff-side, ocean scene: 10 years later. Walking along the edge of the cliff we see Elizabeth Turner and her 10 year old son, who are waiting for someone. As the sun sets, we see a flash of green light, and then a ship appears on the horizon. Cut to the figure holding on to the ship's mast: Will Turner, looking as handsome as ever. (meaning he's doing his job and ferrying souls, so he doesn't look like a squid.) Cue Bruckheimer logo, THE END.

  • May 27, 2007, 12:20 a.m. CST

    3 Hours Of My Life I can't Get Back (spoiler)

    by Wcwlkr

    That movie was whack as hell. How anyone could sit through that crap, and actually come out thinking that it was on level with the first or even the second is insane. I'm in total agreeson with an earlier talk backers point of, you set up stuff with the first and second and then throw it out the window introducing new stuff. No Kraken conviently gone which was one of the best things about the second. Chow Yun Fat introduced and gone as fast as introduced what was the point. And let's talk about Calipso she's all powerful supposedly, she's going to turn the tide, all she does is grow into a GIANT Bitch and gives the whole crew crabs! Then her great help I'm going to create a storm that does absolutely nothing and a whirlpool. DAMN that was great, and you have this big deal about Pirates deciding to go to war, and then when it actually happens that sit on their ass and watch, and this giant British Armada that's supposed to be so fearsome sit's on it ass and watches. Damn 3 hours I can't get back! Wait till it comes out on DVD, better yet wait until it comes out on Starz.