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Review

Harry sails along with PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: AT WORLD'S END!!!

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: AT WORLD’S END hasn’t yet come out, but there seems to be a trend to a lot of the criticism coming out thus far. Apparently the film was found to be confusing, convoluted and too complicated. Let me see if I can simplify this for you. The PIRATES trilogy is essentially about 3 characters. There are many other characters, but the only ones that will drive the plot are these three: Jack Sparrow. Elizabeth Swan. Will Turner. Now – two of those characters are entwined. When we first met Elizabeth and Will, they were be smitten with one another. They have only ever wanted to get married and live happily every after. The only real complication in their lives is that Will’s father is a slave, for all time, to Davy Jones. Will, of course, wants to free his father of this eternal obligation. Then there’s Jack Sparrow. He’s complicated. He wants to sail the seven seas upon his ship, The Black Pearl, and well… he wants to do this while enjoying rum, women and a long life. Wow. Complicated. Not really. There’s a simple rule to the Pirates series that will drive it forward. Jack will never have enough rum, women will always betray him and his life will always be in peril. Oh – and his ownership of the BLACK PEARL will always be in question. However, he’ll get a taste of all of these, but only enough to whet his appetite for an adventure with the endgame being – an abundance of everything he wants. Every other character in the series is there to make these three lose sight of their goals, to pursue that same dream or to seemingly help these characters on their way. The nice thing about it all is this though. All these other characters have their own motivations and desires. Tonight as I watched this third chapter of what will be a very long series, hopefully, I realized something really wonderful. The screenwriters, Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio are continuing to mix genres into their “Pirate” story to keep it fresh. This film is obviously fantasy and adventure. It’s very much, obviously, a pirate movie with a comedic bent. There’s also aspects of horror thrown in, but in this third film – there’s an awful lot of FILM NOIR thrown in. Is it overly complicated? Absolutely not. At least not for me. I find this film amazingly refreshing. I can say, with zero trepidations – I absolutely LOVE this film. This isn’t like SPIDER-MAN 3 – where I had the huge caveat about the Venom & Black Suit stuff. Here – I feel the film perfectly wraps up this first story. By the end of this film – you realize whose story this is, what that story was and how the series will go forward – and which characters need not go forward. I LOVE THAT. At the same time, it clarifies the direction and goals of the remaining characters, all of whom, I prefer to continue forward with. I also love how Jack Sparrow and Barbossa have developed. They’re a bit Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck… They function best with a common goal that they need each other for, but the second that they cease to be useful to each other – Daffy will turn on Bugs – but Bugs is always – just a few steps ahead. Oh – but that’s actually not quite right. Cuz – Jack Sparrow is Daffy Duck, but with Bugs Bunny’s luck… and Daffy’s lot in life. Barbossa is actually more of a combination of Elmer Fudd and Yosemite Sam. In AT WORLD’S END – we also get an answer about Jack Sparrow’s sanity. Jack is, in fact, insane. But he’s also a genius. He’s not straddling the fence, he’s very much madly mad and very much a brilliant genius. And I couldn’t be happier. Chow Yun Fat isn't a huge contributor to things here, rather - he's a character that adds wonder to the world these characters live in. He's color to Sparrow's history. He's there to help elevate Elizabeth's position in the events at hand, as without him, she never would have made half the impression that she does. The supporting cast of Jack Davenport, Jonathan Pryce, Lee Arenberg, Mackenzie Crook, Kevin McNally, Naomie Harris and especially Stellen Skarsgard - they add the exact amount of color and quality that continues to make this series an absolute wonder. Yes, I know I’m talking around things – that’s because I really don’t want to make this a spoiler review. There’s more than enough folks out there on the web, on AICN and elsewhere that are chomping at the bit to spoil the film. I’m not one of them. However – you do want to know more about how the various elements of the film work. Right? Right. The production design is just stunning. The cinematography is lush and beautiful… be it the shores of Singapore – the icy wastelands – out at sea – under them or in the whimsical and fantastical locales we find our characters in. The visual effects from ILM are just jaw-dropping. Consistently and throughout – I continually find myself stunned. The crew of the Flying Dutchman are just amazing. I remember as a small child watching STAR WARS – and it was so over-whelming when we found ourselves in the Cantina sequence. My brain just went into overload. All those creatures – sheer delight. Here, Gore Verbinski has absolutely captured that same sense of awe and wonder, but not in a galaxy far far away, but here… a long time ago. The Black Pearl is our modern day Millennium Falcon. The Flying Dutchman and Davy Jones are our new Death Star and Darth Vader. But instead of simplifying the story by making Will and Elizabeth siblings and related to Davy – they keep them able to be happily ever after without an “ewww” moment. And we continue to focus on the Han Solo character – but he didn’t soften and become lame with love, he still has the fastest hunk of junk in the Caribbean… You can continue to go through the film to find the parallels, but instead of it being a straight carbon copy, like ERAGON – Elliot and Rossio know that the films we really want… are the continuing adventures of Han Solo… and that’s what they want to give us. We love rogues and scoundrels… Men of questionable morals and shady dealings. But we love them to have a conscience and a sense of personal honor and by all means… a code to live by. That’s what makes Jack so fucking great. He’s one of the greatest cinematic clowns of all time – and like Chaplin and Keaton, he’s great because he has soul and desires that he’ll eternally pursue. But it’s this world… the pervasive glee of piracy. The naughtiness of it. The mischievous smile of satisfaction of being decently dastardly. The work is extraordinary. AT WORLD’S END isn’t a simplistic piece of product soullessly churned out for profit, even though profit is definitely in its future. I look at Jerry Bruckheimer as Richard Attenborough in JURASSIC PARK – he has spared no expense and created a miracle of creation. He’s turned a simple amusement park ride into a glorious mythology – by picking the right writers, the absolute right director and talent – and have let them have fun that is absolutely gleefully reeling out of the screen to us sitting in the audience. And the music... This time, fully scored by Hans Zimmer - I have to say - that as my ear heard it, this was the absolute best score yet for the series. The film is epic and huge - and that's reflected absolutely in the score. This is an amazing film. And how does it work for – oh – let’s say a nearly 7 year old? I took my nephew tonight – he’s been looking forward to it for… well, since the last film. The film never lost him, often times had him laughing gleefully and thrilling at each turn. After it was all over, I asked him if he liked it, he corrected my adjective by saying he LOVED it. And was so captivated by the film, that although he lost his front top tooth during the movie, he held on to it and didn’t even make mention of it, till the film was over. As he looked at me after the film and smiled that hilarious toothless grin of a child growing up, I could only envy the eyes with which he enjoyed this film. For him, he could still grow up to be a pirate, to swashbuckle and derring-do. The world is filled with wenches and treasure and amazing creatures. There’s a wonderful scene on a beach in this film, with an astonishing creature washed ashore. Barbossa looks upon the creature and says something to the affect, that the world is getting smaller. To which Jack looks at the creatures lifeless body and says with an unmistakable feeling of regret, “No, the world is still the same, there’s just not as much in it.” Or something close to that. I love that this film series exists, because as long as Jack Sparrow swigs some rum and navigates with his silly compass and continues to sail the seas – the world has some magic in it – and so do we. This is magic.

Readers Talkback
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  • May 24, 2007, 2:02 a.m. CST

    Good to hear, Harry

    by Cheif Brody

    Lookin forward to it.

  • May 24, 2007, 2:05 a.m. CST

    good

    by conbarba

    very good

  • May 24, 2007, 2:08 a.m. CST

    Everything is too complicated for todays audiences.

    by DerLanghaarige

    It seems like every film should have a narrator who explains every little detail to them. Otherwise they don'T like it.

  • May 24, 2007, 2:11 a.m. CST

    A cynic might think...

    by Alonzo Mosely

    This review from Harry arrived in perfect time to help weigh against the overall bad buzz this movie is creating, a buzz that might put a dent in those opening numbers... However I am not a cynic, so hoozahh, lets smackle my jib...

  • May 24, 2007, 2:11 a.m. CST

    Harry, that review was too long...

    by s0nicdeathmonkey

    Not that you can't have a lot to say on a film. Robin Wood gave "It's Alive" 40 pages in one of his many brilliant film theory books, it's just that it shows a distinct lack of discipline to let a review go on for that long. Did you ever take ANY journalism classes?

  • May 24, 2007, 2:12 a.m. CST

    Sounds great

    by mmaddox3

    and im 4th!...but will it be more harry bs...or has the big guy given it a fair shot

  • May 24, 2007, 2:13 a.m. CST

    Also is everyone seeing the McDonalds...

    by Alonzo Mosely

    "It's not just a job, it's a career' ads, or is the world trying to tell me something?

  • May 24, 2007, 2:15 a.m. CST

    Yeh, thats a review.

    by Seph_J

    Harry, this is the only review that reminds me that I want to see this film. Thankyou.

  • May 24, 2007, 2:16 a.m. CST

    GREAT review, Harry. One of your best in a long time.

    by BillEmic

    Harry puts the kabosh on America's attention-starved critics who don't know a Plot Point from a hole in the ground, and gets me excited to see the movie on opening night, all in one review. Bravo!!!

  • May 24, 2007, 2:19 a.m. CST

    Switzerland is watching you. :)

    by Kosmos

    Hello, I'm Kosmos. I'm living in Switzelrand and I heard about your website by a newspaper 2 days ago. I like your critic of the 3rd movie of Pirates of the Carabean!

  • May 24, 2007, 2:19 a.m. CST

    My thoughts on the movie

    by GobBluth06

    I thought the movie was good, but it did have its confusing moments. I understood everything, but some of the people left saying they didn't get some of it. I think the average moviegoer will find the FXs, action sequences, and most everything great, but I think the different plots in the film will confuse people enough to possibly turn them off. I know quite a few people that did not like Dead Man's Chest. I don't think this one will help. I did enjoy it more than Spiderman 3 though. Like I said, I thought the movie was good, but I don't have any real urge to watch it again until the dvd comes out. I do hope they continue the series in some fashion.

  • May 24, 2007, 2:19 a.m. CST

    Somebody Bless Harry

    by yodalovesyou

    Wow, after hearing all those negative reviews for the film written by supposedly intelligent people (aww, was the film too long and confusing for you), Harry's review, like his one for DMC last year, is like a huge counter weight tipping the balance in favour of the film I've been looking forward too for just under a year now. Thank you Mr. Harry

  • May 24, 2007, 2:21 a.m. CST

    Come one guys, this review was poorly thought out!

    by s0nicdeathmonkey

    first it's like daffy duck, then it's like star wars. the whole thing is a wash in simile and comparison. Granted, it's still a better review than many a Harry-rant-athon.

  • May 24, 2007, 2:24 a.m. CST

    This review was well thought out!

    by J-Dizzle

    Good review Harry, nice to see that you've managed to get your act back together.

  • May 24, 2007, 2:32 a.m. CST

    The short version of the review for SonicDeathMonkey

    by HEADGEEK

    First off - did you know that when STAR WARS first premiered at Grauman's Chinese Theater, that DUCK DODGERS starring DAFFY DUCK premiered before the film. So - Star Wars and Looney Tunes are more closely aligned than you would think. <BR><BR>but here's the short version of my review. If you can't sit still to read 1500 words about a film that you may be interested in. Stick to masturbating to YouPorn.Com - little 5 minute spank fests are your entertainment of choice. BTW - that Drunk Chick one is fucking bizarre.

  • May 24, 2007, 2:44 a.m. CST

    Harry

    by And Nicolas Cage as Fu Manchu

    Absolutely no one needed to know that you are familiar with YouPorn.com

  • May 24, 2007, 2:45 a.m. CST

    Oh

    by And Nicolas Cage as Fu Manchu

    And nice review BTW. ^^;

  • May 24, 2007, 2:50 a.m. CST

    I approve of this review

    by Kragmose

    Very much.

  • May 24, 2007, 2:53 a.m. CST

    It's not the review, it's the film that was too long !

    by Bellock

    Seen it yesterday night (in France) and I really think there's a useless hour in that movie...

  • May 24, 2007, 2:55 a.m. CST

    Comedy Gold.

    by Tourist

    Just as the critics can't seem to wrap their head's around the Pirates 3 plot, I can never quite decipher what thoughts you are trying to communicate to us through the written word. Good stuff though. I may never be able to understand just what it is your trying to say Harold, but I get a kick out of watching you try to say it. Like watching a chinaman trying to give directions to a frenchman. Perhaps large symbol cards are called for, like those they use to help educate special needs children. Even though I was a little dissapointed that this review was more coherent, and thus less hillarious, than your Super Bad revue it still included some Zingers. Keep it up. If not for me, than for the millions of others who abhor the English language, and wish to see it stomped into the ground by illiterate MTVese style grunts and text message speak. God willing, come the rainy season we will be able to critique the finer points of our popular culture with little more effort than pointing up, or down, a giant foam thumb. I guess there will the elitist few who will insist using words to communicate, but hopefully we can limit that to "Like, fuckin', totally, YES! My balls exploded, fuckin...what...YES!" Oh, the movie? I still haven't made it all the way through the second installment. Although, I did manage to make it two thirds of the way in, on two seperate occasions. The accusations leveled at this film seem to be similar to the issues that prevented me from finishing the second one, namely it being messy. Alot of stuffing, no meat. Just so I don't feel out of place though, I too would like to plough Keira Knightly.

  • May 24, 2007, 2:59 a.m. CST

    s0nicdeathmonkey, It's a big hollywood pirate movie!

    by Talkbacker with no name

    For fucks sake ,man! That's one of the shortest reviews I've seen here in quite a while and took less than 5 minutes to read! If the 'nephew' bit didn't make you want to go see it you really are on the wrong film site. <p>film theory books, journalism classes? you pretentious little twit!

  • May 24, 2007, 3 a.m. CST

    When will Moriarty and Massa give their POTC 3 analysis

    by BDuncan

    It'd be good to also read the POTC3 reviews from Mori an Massa.

  • May 24, 2007, 3:01 a.m. CST

    Shock

    by Fortunesfool

    Everyone hates it except Harry.

  • May 24, 2007, 3:04 a.m. CST

    Hey Harry! Thanks for the heads up about youporn.com!!!

    by Big_Bubbaloola

    Also, audiences really are dumbing down. I recently saw Idiocracy and I predict that 'Ass' the movie will be released in 10 years, let alone 100. I wonder if it would renamed 'Arse' in the UK though???

  • May 24, 2007, 3:08 a.m. CST

    POTC 3 Sucked... as did the second one

    by StrideX13

    This film is long and bloated. It's not that it's too complicated, it's that it leaves gaping holes all over the place. It doesn't allow things to live up to its potential. But at this point, the crowds are divided on this one. From this point on, there will be two types of people-- those who hold to the first, and those who relish in this horseshit that the sequels have been. YES it has its moments, YES I laughed and at times I even cared a little, but no way is this good filmmaking. I think the thing that most upsets me about Harry's review is he talks about the "Black Pearl" as a modern day Falcon and Sparrow as Solo... and he gets off his ass to tout this crummy film with its poor writing, while he shrugged off "Serenity" as just okay. LAME.

  • May 24, 2007, 3:27 a.m. CST

    We all deserve better

    by Captain Katanga

    I watched it last night at a packed screening and you could feel the boredom in the room. I cannot believe that what is meant to be a fun adventure film is dragged out to nearly 3 hours, and contains endless scenes of talky meetings. There are about 5 good jokes, and that's about it. I can't believe Harry's review.

  • May 24, 2007, 3:29 a.m. CST

    Is it (hopefully_ better then the 2nd one?

    by Blok Narpin

    ....cause that sucked!

  • May 24, 2007, 3:36 a.m. CST

    corriejamesunsigned, you said that in the last talkback

    by Talkbacker with no name

    But even if you think you do, so what? This is the last place geeks what to look at people who think they look like depp. I look like Gollum but you don't see me pimping my myspace to people here. There are better and more appropriate places for you to spam your band (I assume it's a band due to the unsigned bit) than here, mate.

  • May 24, 2007, 3:54 a.m. CST

    Pirates Of The Caribbean: Let's Make A Deal

    by lmoose

    This would have been a better title for the film cause thats all everyone does in the movie. Too much talk and not enough action. What ever happened to fighting yourself out of a bad situation?

  • May 24, 2007, 3:58 a.m. CST

    1... 2... 3!

    by metaluna

    Wasn't into the first one, kinda liked the second, looking forward to this one!

  • May 24, 2007, 4:03 a.m. CST

    For the love of God, corriejamesunsigned

    by henrydalton

    FUCK OFF. No one cares.

  • May 24, 2007, 4:05 a.m. CST

    jack solo

    by AllieJamison

    now..this is interesting. not the only review shedding light on han solo/rotj parallels. i likes the review...but it seems to be slightly forgiving. maybe that's a good thing...

  • May 24, 2007, 4:07 a.m. CST

    Say Whatever You Want, The Pirates Movies SUCK

    by grievenom

    Bloated, over-long, over-rated, irritating pieces of crap.

  • May 24, 2007, 4:18 a.m. CST

    Zero taste in movies

    by Mister McClane

    Harry, defending this movie makes me think you have zero taste in movies. The script is rambling, convoluted nonsense, the love story is unconvincing, not one character has any integrity, and therefore cannot be respected, and if you took away the amazing special effects (and the great Zimmer score, though not as good as the second film's score!) you would be left with a movie that no-one would want to see. What was the point of Calypso? Why did boring villan Beckett get the best shot of the movie? What exactly is the deal with Swann and Turner at the end? The Black Pearl is the new Millennium Falcon? GIVE ME A BREAK, that's like comparing Spider-Man 3 to Superman, they just don't belong in the same breath, AND YOU KNOW IT. I don't understand why you have to support what is obviously a poorly thought-out movie.

  • May 24, 2007, 4:26 a.m. CST

    This movie is a huge fucking pile of shit

    by Fatboy Roberts

    if the movie is so simple that you only need pay attention to 3 characters, then none of these movies need to be almost 3 hours long with 30 other characters wasting fucking time spinning their wheels going absolutely nowhere as loudly and pointlessly as possible. </br> </br> There is no GLEE in this movie. There is no FUN. There is tortured, laborious setting up of elements that go absolutely nowhere and take entirely too long to get to that point. There is ONE main character, his name is Jack Sparrow, and he's the only one invested with anything resembling a soul. Everything else is vapid, empty ciphers being filled by pretty, banal people who can't act and are given too much to chew through and make palatable. For god's sake at one point Elizabeth Swann gives a bullshit Bill Pullman from Independence Day speech to a BOAT FULL OF PIRATES and they get INSPIRED by her twiggy, screaming heap of bullshit. </br> </br> It looks pretty, it sounds pretty, but it completely nullifies most of two and almost obliterates any memory of how relatively simple and fun part 1 was. The movie is almost irredeemably fucking full of shit. Not magic. Shit and magic are two entirely different things, and hoping that this film will fill your nephew's head in magic is to insult the concept of magic by suggesting you can substitute it with loud, runny logs of shit and things will be just fine.

  • May 24, 2007, 5:09 a.m. CST

    Aren't "to like" and "to love" actually verbs?

    by We

    Maybe I missed something.

  • May 24, 2007, 5:28 a.m. CST

    Talkbacker with no name...

    by Napolean Solo

    That's exactly what I was thinking. Journalism classes? What an idiot! <br> Harry that review was one of your best. You have to remember that alot of peeps on this talkback specialize in hate. <br> BTW youporn.com is great. Go there and type in;<br> "Tollo Cristall" <br> You'll come back and thank me.

  • May 24, 2007, 5:28 a.m. CST

    Talkbacker with no name...

    by Napolean Solo

    That's exactly what I was thinking. Journalism classes? What an idiot! <br> Harry that review was one of your best. You have to remember that alot of peeps on this talkback specialize in hate. <br> BTW youporn.com is great. Go there and type in;<br> "Tollo Cristall" <br> You'll come back and thank me.

  • May 24, 2007, 5:32 a.m. CST

    This movie is weak!!!

    by TraumReiter

    I was never a real fan of the "Pirates of the Caribbean" movies. I liked the first one and thought the second was way better and I really enjoyed it. But number 3 is just bad. Not too complicated to understand but too complicated for this movie. It is just unnessecary! It's a summer blockbuster and I don't want to see pirates and monster talking for 2 hours. A lot of you will be dissapointed.

  • May 24, 2007, 5:35 a.m. CST

    What direction do you want them to go,in a 2nd trilogy?

    by Greenflame0

    It's pretty obvious (if a 2nd POTC trilogy is made in a few years time) that Orlando and Kiera won't be in it (as they've probably had enough and are also too expensive) and the current screenwriters also probably won't be involved in the writing either, but does anyone have any ideas on what new directions you'd like to see a 2nd POTC trilogy (if there is one) go in, as they're hugely expensive films to make.

  • May 24, 2007, 5:38 a.m. CST

    Harry, you brown noser

    by Steve Rogers

    a 3 hour pirate movie is total fucking indulgence. And the "naughtiness" of piracy? They're pillagers, rapists and murderers!

  • May 24, 2007, 5:41 a.m. CST

    First one good, second one...

    by Bruno Diaz

    horrible. This one, not too excited about seeing (2 hrs and 48 mins, Jesus). I like #1 because it was a pirate movie. The second one veered off into being some kind of weird Sarlacc pit sci-fi extravaganza and never recovered. It was also way too long and kind of boring. I don't have high hopes for Pirates 3, and I don't trust Harry anymore because I feel he's become like the kid in Almost Famous, "friends" with the talent he's supposed to be covering. But again, the first one was a lot of fun. Will someone please make a realistic pirate movie along the lines of Master and Commander please? Pirates were and are (in Indonesia, Malaysia and the Phillipines especially) very real, and there's plenty of cinematic adventure to bring to the screen. Blackbeard, the British Navy, the pirates of the Caribbean, all real-life brutal stuff...All without magic and Sarlacc monsters, and all probably much better than the sequels to this now tiresome franchise.

  • May 24, 2007, 5:43 a.m. CST

    Harry I'm looking for that porn...

    by TraumReiter

    Which one is it exactly? I read your whole review but I also wanna see the DRUNK CHICK! There are a lot of them. I guess I have to watch 'em all!

  • May 24, 2007, 6:03 a.m. CST

    Only watch the last 10 minutes...

    by Alex Trevelyan

    SPOILER WARNING!!!! Buy a ticket but only go in for the last 10 minutes. Its amazing. Robert De Niro has a cameo as Captain Cook. Its like Sean Connery as Richard the Third in Robin Hood Prince of Thieves. Also Will Turner gets the surprise of his life. Elizabeth Swan pulls a Crying Game on him. His eyes light up. He's delighted. When you think about it makes alot of sense. It may me want to watch all 3 again. Very clever writing. It gives the series great playability. I'd say Neil Jordan will be flattered. Jolly RODGER indeed.

  • May 24, 2007, 6:15 a.m. CST

    chow yun fat was a waste....

    by DarthBakpao

    ... the story was indeed kind of confusing... but the finale is great, especially regarding Will and Liz... i love it

  • May 24, 2007, 6:18 a.m. CST

    Another implausible review from Harry

    by Stollentroll

    You lost me when you made me see King Kong, Harry. At World's End sucks big time...and you know it!

  • May 24, 2007, 6:32 a.m. CST

    The Black Pearl is today's Millenium Falcon

    by kwisatzhaderach

    what the fuck? I can't believe anybody would say anything good about this corporate sludge. On the 30th anniversary of the greatest summer movie ever made how sad that this pile of crap will be astride the box office. Maddening. Oh and I keep saying this but Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley can't act. I can't invest emotionally in balsa.

  • May 24, 2007, 6:52 a.m. CST

    "This isn't like Spiderman 3"

    by lost.rules

    But didn't you love Spiderman 3 Big Man?

  • May 24, 2007, 6:58 a.m. CST

    Where's Bruce Willis?

    by Spandau Belly

    Did he give up on that Q&A? I mean, the first round of questions was called 'Round 1', so figured there would be more. But maybe, like Die Hard, there should've only been the first one.

  • May 24, 2007, 7:10 a.m. CST

    not churned out for profit

    by filmcoyote

    No, I expect like the classic Sony line "we'll keep making Spider-Man movies as long as there are good stories/scripts" Pirates 3 was made with no thought as to making a gazillion dollars! And a seven-year-old Harry? It's an adventure movie, of course he'll love it and not see the flaws. It's like when i took my 4 year-old niece to Happy Feet, she no clue what was going on in the second half with all the conservation message stuff but that didn't matter to her because she'd the perfect age to only see what she needed - dancing Penguins. So when asked what she thought she "loved it" and now has the DVD and NDS game. A 7 year old is only going to see fun and adventure so of course he likes it. That's why Star Wars originals ruled when we were kids but Star Wars prequels sucked when we were adults, because we noticed the crap between the entertaining bits. Sure, we can go back and notice the same crap in New Hope and, especially, Jedi now but we forgive - why? - because our childhood selves remind us they were cool. I have no doubt if I were seven now the wheel-bound sword fight etc in Dead Man's Chest would have helped me forgive the dull, slow, forced first hour but I'm not. And, lastly I promise, this is not the perfect end to this first story because, like Star Wars, Curse of The Black Pearl worked perfectly as a single self-contained story. These sequels were forcibly tacked on. They are essentially a new, second story only loosely a continuation of the first because they insisted on bringing back every last vaguely memory character no matter how contrived it was to jam them awkwardly into the story (I'm looking at you Arenberg, Crook). First defence of S-M3 now this, I'm losing all faith in you Harry. These aren't terrible films but to ignore they have deep routed flaws (especailly in comparison to earlier episodes - and i know you took issue with Venom but you know you let them off light with the massive characterisation abandonment and weak script on Spidey)smacks of cronyism.

  • May 24, 2007, 7:14 a.m. CST

    Excellent review Harry

    by ATARI

    Thanks for going the non-spoiler route.

  • May 24, 2007, 7:16 a.m. CST

    kwisatzhaderach's is dead on

    by filmcoyote

    Bloom and Knightley make Vinnie Jones look like Olivier. They are both dreadful. Bloom comes off especially badly in the PIrates movies as he's often sharing the screen with the irrepressably brilliant Johnny Depp. Give up on these two planks Hollywood, look to quality young British and Irish actors like Romala Garai, James McAvoy and Emily Blunt

  • May 24, 2007, 7:47 a.m. CST

    SonicDeathMonkey

    by beastie

    Are you the guy who, borders on troll, and frequents the Batman boards at IMDB?

  • May 24, 2007, 8:06 a.m. CST

    What?

    by Chilli815

    Harry, Swann didn't want to marry Will at the start of the first time. Eventually they became an item, but it wasn't as 'ooh, they be in love' as you make out.

  • May 24, 2007, 8:18 a.m. CST

    amazing review

    by champrachlin

    I'd like to say thanks to harry. ive been reading your reviews for about 3 years now and this is the only one ive felt like was an actual review. Not that im ass kissing but i just think you wrote it very well and it made me extremely excited for a movie that, if the trend follows the last 2 3rd movies, wont be good. but im pulling for it and im hpoping it will be good because i love this series

  • May 24, 2007, 8:42 a.m. CST

    I can't believe this movie is 3 hours and 5 minutes

    by Mr Incredible

    I hope it is entertaining. Either a lot's going on or that's some pretty long end credits.

  • May 24, 2007, 8:51 a.m. CST

    I just got off the phone w/Johnny Depp...

    by Russman

    He said that he saw this little elf come into his room and that the elf stole his hat and started dancing around. So, Johnny decided it was time to trash his hotel room.

  • May 24, 2007, 9:11 a.m. CST

    Harry's Taste

    by Mr Gorilla

    On this site Harry has introduced me to a great many FANTASTIC films. But don't forget that in 1999 he put down Jan de Bont's remake of The Haunting as one of his films of the year. NEVER FORGET THAT!!!!!

  • May 24, 2007, 9:17 a.m. CST

    HARRY YOU CUNT

    by ObiWanCon

    Harry how dare you even mention the words STAR WARS in relation to Pirates of the CRAPIBBEAN it's a fucking insult Harry and I've lost all respect for you, you sir are a FUCKING CUNT.

  • May 24, 2007, 9:40 a.m. CST

    Yeah I agree with the cunt remark...

    by NightArrows

    Harry you are fucked in the head for even lighting the match that would lead you to compare the Black Pearl to the Millenium Falcon, or the POTC dreck to the original Star Wars trilogy. I think you need an eye lift as some of your head fat is clouding your vision...

  • May 24, 2007, 10:02 a.m. CST

    Complicated

    by Bad Movie Year

    I never considered DMC to be too complicated. Convoluted, yes. But not complicated.

  • May 24, 2007, 10:11 a.m. CST

    Harry, thanks for

    by Lour Reed luvs Frank Zappa

    The porn site, id never heard of it until now. I think it's safe to say I've finally gotten something useful from what you've said.

  • May 24, 2007, 10:14 a.m. CST

    Harry liked The Haunting (1999) ?

    by kwisatzhaderach

    wow...that is one of the worst movies i've ever seen in my life, surpassed only by Speed 2...spot the connection.

  • May 24, 2007, 10:16 a.m. CST

    Finally.

    by Dragulf

    Nice to see you give as you have been given Harry. You educated him at the same time you took the wind out of his sails.

  • May 24, 2007, 10:17 a.m. CST

    Best. Review. Ever.

    by m4st4

    This is the best review ever, really. Film lovingly, without saying anything that could ruin our momentum...Film is magic, and you know it Harry, like we all do. Thank you. P.S. Jack Sparrow forever, in our kid-like eye, he'll allways be the rum for our mind...

  • May 24, 2007, 10:31 a.m. CST

    It might be time give up on movies

    by The Mothman

    Go away for a while, let them make a comeback. Millions upon millions of dollars, all the source material in the world, and what have we gotten lately? "Try wearing a corset?" Fuck this. Far too many moments like that these days, wannabe 'let's drive home this one-liner to the audience' moments that come across as fodder for teen scum to laugh at and make the modern movie-going experience worse than it already is. I'd encourage anyone who actually wants to move filmmaking ahead (or at least not drag it down any further) to get away from talkbacks and go do something, so maybe the next decade will have better results.

  • May 24, 2007, 10:36 a.m. CST

    The only worthwhile thing to take away from all this

    by Garbageman33

    youporn.com. Good god, that site has basically cut my productivity in half. And I wasn't too productive to begin with. I can't believe it hasn't been shut down yet. But I'm sure it will be soon. So I'm getting in my 6 hours a day while I can.

  • May 24, 2007, 10:41 a.m. CST

    The Mothman

    by kwisatzhaderach

    You're spot on. I'm away outside to enjoy the sunshine. I'll leave Harry and his pals to gush about the latest summer disaster. It wasn't Lucas and Spielberg that destroyed Hollywood as so many claim, it was Bruckheimer and Simpson. They introduced 'movie as product' and their legacy is on display all summer in your local theater.

  • May 24, 2007, 10:53 a.m. CST

    Harry the next 5 films you review I challenge you to...

    by IndustryKiller!

    not use your nephew as some sort of example of why the film was any good. You act like it's difficult to please a child. You could put pretty much any pirate movie on screen and a kid would love it. Hell they are just happy to be at the movies. This movie could have been so god awful that even you didnt like it (I shudder to think at what level of awful that would have to be) and your nephew would probably still love it. Why? He's a kid! A child's enjoyment of a film has no bearing on whether it has any merit.

  • May 24, 2007, 11:01 a.m. CST

    Mothman said "teen scum".

    by Borgnine JR

    I like it!

  • May 24, 2007, 11:12 a.m. CST

    "The Black Pearl is our modern day Millennium Falcon."

    by Rise Above Haters

    Oh no he di'n't! <p> Outrageous.

  • May 24, 2007, 11:16 a.m. CST

    I can't believe no one else has said it!

    by Borgnine JR

    But shouldn't a pirate movie be rated "AAAAARRRRRHHH!!!"?

  • May 24, 2007, 11:31 a.m. CST

    Agreed kwisatzhaderach

    by The Mothman

    The studio assembly line will occasionally still crank out something watchable, but the strike rate these days seems a lot worse than it was in the 90s. The problem with cashing in on these sequels is that, yes, some might have their moments, but they're not improving much on the original incarnations; they're bigger, but hardly ever better. Surely they can put a little more coin towards ideas like Titans by Michael France and Beached by Ted Griffin (you know, concepts that actually seem interesting) and let the public know that, hey, they're still interested in getting a wide variety of visions out there. Until that happens, I'm going the way of Truman Burbank and simply tuning out of "blockbusters" for a while.

  • May 24, 2007, 12:13 p.m. CST

    I love you AICN, but ...

    by Filou

    ... 'Dead Man's Chest' was just very poor storytelling and I wont even bother to see 'At World's End'. If I wouldn't love movies in general that much, I would hope some day filmmakers like these would tank without ever resurfacing. But then again: "Money makes the world go 'round, world go 'round, world go 'round ..."

  • May 24, 2007, 12:20 p.m. CST

    Thanks Harry

    by DarthMusashi2112

    Seeing it tonight, REALLY can't wait now!

  • May 24, 2007, 12:51 p.m. CST

    Harry's Nephew's Review Now Up!

    by Trav

    He gave this movie two filled diapers and a half of a wet Taco Bell shart.

  • May 24, 2007, 1:03 p.m. CST

    Will Turner

    by AlwaysThere

    That sucks.

  • May 24, 2007, 1:21 p.m. CST

    Harry, I take back all I said before...

    by PirateEmery

    ... about you and your fiance, etc. Thank you for the absolutely wonderful review, and I feel you have hit it dead-on, unless I'm proven wrong by some strange twist of events when I see the movie tonight.

  • May 24, 2007, 1:43 p.m. CST

    Harry, you took your nephew to see this?

    by Abin Sur

    What, was Hostel II sold out?

  • May 24, 2007, 1:46 p.m. CST

    This TB proves the sheep-like nature of you people

    by performingmonkey

    Blind love for the Original Trilogy, and now blind hate for the Pirates trilogy. I'm convinced half of you haven't even seen episodes IV-VI, you DEFINITELY haven't seen the original versions, and you didn't even see Dead Man's Chest because you were too busy texting and listening to your ipod in the theater. Your gonna hate At World's End because you don't even know the story from the second movie. And now there's 'universal' hate for the LOTR trilogy and Jackson is a 'hack' just because you were burned by Kong. Fuck you all.

  • May 24, 2007, 1:46 p.m. CST

    We Love Harry, but

    by Deandome

    ...three words: WHERE IS CUMPSTON??? We need his take on this.

  • May 24, 2007, 2:04 p.m. CST

    Uh oh. Harry likes it. It must suck.

    by Heckles

    Oh well. At least the geek analogies and rambling was at a minimum. Cheers. but Daffy Duck with Bugs' luck? Come on Harry, you're better than that.

  • May 24, 2007, 2:34 p.m. CST

    You people so offended over the Star Wars comparisons -

    by Lamerz

    Fucking tools. All of you. The Pirates movies have been great, as were several of the Star Wars movies. If your little minds cannot accept that there may be multiple properties that inspire imagination and thoroughly entertain millions of people, then just stay home and keep whacking off to your OOT videotapes and laserdiscs. Stupid fanboy bitches.

  • May 24, 2007, 2:45 p.m. CST

    performingmonkey/Lamerz

    by Chilli815

    I saw DMC, and I dug it first time, but the second time it dragged, because its a shock film - you enjoy it when you don't know where its going, but when you know the twists it has no replay value. And I felt ROTK was poor at the cinema, poor on DVD and poor on TV... and still miles better than Kong... Lamerz -I'll admit the OT had problems, but at least they had a tight structure and didn't spend thirty minutes on filler masquerading as plot points.

  • May 24, 2007, 3:08 p.m. CST

    Fuck that

    by Turnquest

    STAR WARS and Chaplin and Keaton references. In a PIRATES review. No, nuh-uh, you do not bring up the Holy Trilogy in this context sir. You've crossed a line and I fully demand (but do not expect) a retraction.

  • May 24, 2007, 4:15 p.m. CST

    I just want to know ...

    by ludmir88

    if the parrot owned by that muted crewmember survive the ride!!!! And please stop with the Star Wars analogy!!! Star Wars is NOT A GREAT MOVIE, it is just a lot of publicity!!! since the first day in cinemas!!! But i found funny the bugs bunny and duffy analogy stuff.

  • May 24, 2007, 4:51 p.m. CST

    once again

    by the_shogun_gunslinger

    all i hear is bitching...suprise suprise. <P> good review harry :) best in a while

  • May 24, 2007, 6:32 p.m. CST

    I knew the Millennium Falcon, the Millennium Falcon...

    by WONKABAR

    was a friend of mine. Black Pearl....you're no Millennium Falcon

  • May 24, 2007, 6:41 p.m. CST

    First good review of the year from Harry

    by Chiziola79

    If only for the fact that it didnt include titbits of Harrys sex life. If you didnt like the review then you have to question why you visit the site in the first place you fuckers

  • May 24, 2007, 7:24 p.m. CST

    I cant understand what the fuck their saying

    by Cherub of Justice

    These movies arent complicated, but I got a headache watching the second one in the theater because the dialogue was so muddled and accent heavy you couldnt make out what the fuck they just said. I watched the second one on DVD with the subtitles on recently just to find out what they actually said. These movies are boring and the only thing that made the first one somewhat watchable was Jack Sparrow, but it wasnt enough to save the second movie and Im sure the third one will be 3 hours more of unintelligble dialogue, excessively long sword fighting. Also whats wrong with Keira, shes lost so much weight from the first one shes gone from being hot to looking like a meth whore.

  • May 24, 2007, 8:33 p.m. CST

    a good review?

    by ErrantNight

    really? what was good about it? that he liked it? because it was poorly written... did not address the criticisms of the film (too complicated? did you READ any of the criticism of this film? it's not like people don't "get" the film... they just don't like it. well, i'm sure some found it too complicated, but i didn't read any reviews written by morons)... i don't know why i read talkback. or post. so pointless. a bunch of hackneyed assholes pissed off because harry dared to draw comparison to other fantasy series and a bunch of other idiots slobbering all over themselves because he managed to keep a review short. is the movie hugely and crassly commercial? is it marketed to people of all ages? yes? harry likes it. everyone else who has already decided they will like it will also like this review. other people who've already decided before watching the movie they won't like will dislike the review for stupid reasons and taunt those who do. anyone who speaks up and starts analyzing things in an intelligent rational manner will be insulted... probably by both sides. good times!

  • May 24, 2007, 8:45 p.m. CST

    I wonder if it was appropriate to recommend a porn site

    by Bronx Cheer

    using the authority of the Black Box? Just wondering...as Quint would say, "What do you folks think?"</p>

  • May 24, 2007, 8:57 p.m. CST

    Oh STF up ErrantNight!

    by SPACEHUNTER3-D

    Boohoohoo! You disgust me!

  • May 24, 2007, 9:09 p.m. CST

    Oh, and I don't need this film simplified for me...

    by Bronx Cheer

    Jeesum Crow, Harold, you're not reviewing a Bergman film. I'll give you credit when you write a good review (I did very recently in fact), but for the love of E.B. White, you are not allowed to create your own rules of punctuation! You long ago entered the ranks of professional writers; behave like one. And please don't talk down to me. I don't need you to break it down for me. I get it. Pirate. Dame. Hero. Blah blah blah.

  • May 24, 2007, 10:38 p.m. CST

    just got back, liked it a lot

    by wcoop893

    the action was really spectacular, and it was a huge improvemnt over the second one i think. and i may or may not have just posed this same thing in the other POTC TB's. i know

  • May 24, 2007, 11:18 p.m. CST

    didn't like 2, LOVED 3

    by The Only Woj

    I come to see Sparrow, and he's much more the focus of 3 than he was in 2. plus, 2 had a little too much "island of natives" + "long ass fight on giant wheel" for my liking. this movie was about Pirates and it had pirate stuff in it. yo ho!

  • May 25, 2007, 12:12 a.m. CST

    missed the after credits...

    by Ringer311

    I don't know what I was thinking. This is the first time I didn't stick around for after the credits. Anyone care to give some details??

  • May 25, 2007, 12:13 a.m. CST

    simple amusement park ride?

    by photoginit

    POTC is considered by many to be the best theme park ride ever created. It is as popular today as it was when it debuted 40 years ago. You seem to forget that these movies would be nothing if it wasn't for the so called "simple amusement park ride." Other than that great review. I enjoyed the movie esp. after the disappointment of Spiderman 3.

  • May 25, 2007, 1:26 a.m. CST

    After the Credits

    by Get_Me_An_18-Man_Fire_Team_In_12_Hours

    You really didn't miss too much... Spoiler: 10 years later...

  • May 25, 2007, 1:27 a.m. CST

    After the Credits: Redux

    by Get_Me_An_18-Man_Fire_Team_In_12_Hours

    To say any more would give away *way* too much of the film -_-'

  • May 25, 2007, 1:28 a.m. CST

    After the Credits: Electric Boogaloo

    by Get_Me_An_18-Man_Fire_Team_In_12_Hours

    And there's no need to give away what little plot there was to behold o_O ...whelp, looks like FF: ROTSS is officially this summer's blockbuster ...who knew??

  • May 25, 2007, 1:44 a.m. CST

    Totally agree with Harry

    by The Pusher

    Pirates 3 is 100% magic. Every reservation I had with Dead Man's Chest (which, honestly, were minor) were completely made up for by why Verbinski and Co. gave us here. Awe inspiring.

  • May 25, 2007, 1:45 a.m. CST

    "by what"

    by The Pusher

    I should say.

  • May 25, 2007, 2:19 a.m. CST

    I didnt find it confuseing at all

    by LeviDTinker

    i just got home from the 8pm showing tonight at the mann marketplace 4 in glendale. and i must say i really enjoyed the movie, it was a lot of fun, and it wasnt confuseing in the least. and the crowd was completely into the entire movie especially durring that spectacular battle towards the end. on a side note, i really liked the new version of the transformers trailer shown before it, but why wont they let us hear prime speak a line or two.

  • May 25, 2007, 4:16 a.m. CST

    Hey Harry youporn.com Is Not As Good As ..... xtube.com

    by Red Dawn Don

    When you go to www.xtube.com be sure to CLICK ON you are straight or gay and then click on the videos link at the TOP header. How does this relate to a pirate movie? Oh yeah PIRATES GOTTA EAT. I mean, PIRATES GOTTA MASTURBATE.

  • May 25, 2007, 5:07 a.m. CST

    Pirates 3....

    by Lost in Uranus

    Sucked big balls. There's no other way to articulate it. It just sucks big, fat, hairy, crab-infested, herpes-ridden balls. Still love the first one though. Its awesome.

  • May 25, 2007, 6:08 a.m. CST

    robertsilence, why don't you please let up on the abuse

    by Bronx Cheer

    Your words read like the ravings of someone who has gone off his meds. One FU should do it. Oh, I guess you have to go...here come the orderlies.

  • May 25, 2007, 11:59 a.m. CST

    YOUPORN.COM RAPED MY CHILDHOOD

    by Stuntcock Mike

    Thanks Harry.

  • May 25, 2007, 12:04 p.m. CST

    crap

    by loonigrrl

    Saw it last night, and I totally disagree with this review. I spent three hours looking at my watch. The pacing was pretty awful, the jokes were not funny and they movie itself has gotten way too self-indulgent. Plus, I hated the ending.

  • May 25, 2007, 12:24 p.m. CST

    Jack Sparrow ain't no fucking Han Solo.

    by Mosquito March

    Han Solo was relatable because he was an average guy in a bizarre galaxy of alien oddities who did what he could to avoid taking any responsibility. You actually know people like Han Solo. Sparrow, from the get-go, is a cartoon character in a cartoon world, and has nothing resembling an actual character arc - unlike Han, who actually learned, over three films, to care about people other than himself. While you couldn't call Han a "deep" character, his arc is good storytelling. Jack Sparrow is just the clown who never gets what he wants - and that's it. And, there is no reason to change, because these films have already decided for the characters in them that it's better to be a lying, cheating rogue than to stand up have some morals. Given that, why would Jack ever even need to change? He can just keep doing what he's been doing since the beginning and not suffer any ill will from th audience. There is no real conflict with this guy. But, as long as his wacky, two-movies-stale antics keep people chuckling, they let him get away with contributing nothing of value to the history of cinema. He's not a real character - he's essentially like a pirate version of a recurrent fart joke, thrown into an overly-plotted, everything-but-the-kitchen-sink series, a rodeo clown to keep people amused while waiting for something compelling to happen. I guess that does it for a hell of a lot of people, which I find amazing coming from people who claim to want better, tighter stories in their films.

  • May 25, 2007, 1:13 p.m. CST

    I liked it.

    by disfigurehead

    I read some reviews ahead of time so I was ready if it sucked. Not as good as1 but better than 2. Didn't seem like almost 3 hours. I'm waiting for the bootleg DVD which I know willl be out by next week if not tomorrow.

  • May 25, 2007, 2:29 p.m. CST

    Y0u complain cause it has to much of a PLOT??

    by LeviDTinker

    i find it funny people are complaining that the movie is overly plotted. when most movies have the problem of not haveing enough of a plot. in any case the movie was just good fun. It was a excellent popcorn movie,this is one of only a handfull of movies released in the last 10 years that i have actually had to pay to see,(between working 2 big movie theatres in the last 10 years ive gotten to see 98 percent of movies released in that time for free)let me tell you for me pirates was definately worth the 11.25 i paid to see it last night,the complete oppossite of how i felt after seeing spiderman III 3 weeks ago on its opening night which left me wishing i would have waited till the following monday when i could have seen it for free.

  • May 25, 2007, 3:30 p.m. CST

    HARRY HERE'S A REAL REVIEW

    by ObiWanCon

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/fivelive/entertainment/kermode.shtml Simple brilliant

  • May 25, 2007, 4:22 p.m. CST

    HARRY= NIPPLES ON FILM REVIEWS

    by mrsinister7381

    What the fuck is this, a fucking press release from Disney? What a load of shit.

  • May 25, 2007, 4:35 p.m. CST

    LeviDTinker

    by Mosquito March

    Just because you pack a movie the gills with characters and numerous reversals of fortune doesn't automatically make it a good movie. It all has to pay off in a meaningful way, and these guys spent so much time cramming everything they thought would be interesting to have in their pirate movies that they forgot how to tell a good fucking summer action-adventure story. Did RAIDERS have dozens of characters all plotting against one another and filling up space with meaningless antics and set pieces that don't advance the story? No, it had two sets of players focused on one goal, action scenes that moved the story forward, and it's still the best action-adventure movie ever made.

  • May 25, 2007, 5:02 p.m. CST

    Kermode

    by Bad Movie Year

    That man was on such form today it was staggering. The good Doctor is the funniest thing on he BBC at the moment. I am watching World's End tomorrow, girlfriend's insistance, but he nailed DMC bang on a year ago and I fear he has done the same with this one.

  • May 25, 2007, 5:25 p.m. CST

    does anyone...

    by ufoclub1977

    actually follow the story of these last two films? Does it make any kind of dramatic sense with regards to the established chracters and their goals? Or does it seem like some kind of Pirate Sillmarillion mirror smashed and gathered for us to look at in awe?

  • May 25, 2007, 6:49 p.m. CST

    i still say its a great summer popcorn movie

    by LeviDTinker

    I still had a fun and exciteing 3 hour experience watching it, and it was worth every cent of that 11.25 i spent. this movies purpose is to entertain you for 3 hours and guess what for 98 percent of the people who see pirates 3 it does just that. and what i was saying is that i found it funny people who usually complain about a movie not haveing a real plot are complaining that this has to much plot, makeing it confuseing. your right cramming your movie to the gils doesnt make a movie good. but unlike you, i witnessed a lot of good payoffs and resolutions in the story and characters when i watched it last night. i didnt walk away feeling cheeted like i did with spiderman 3, which also crammed a lot of stuff in but wasnt rewarding in the end. and as i said earlier everyone in the audience was responding positively to everything on screen all the way through the final scene after the credits.

  • May 25, 2007, 9:20 p.m. CST

    17 million from the thurday night screenings

    by LeviDTinker

    Well its being reported now that pirates made 17 million dollars from the thursday night screenings.

  • May 25, 2007, 11:16 p.m. CST

    i just got back from seeing it

    by Magic Rat

    and I think that basically everyone is right about this movie - the people who thought it was too complicated (true) - the people who thought it was too talky (true) - the people who thought certain parts and characters were unnecessary (true) - the people who said it's a great escapist summer film (true). This is a movie, IMO, you should just go watch and have fun with. Forget about plot holes and cut off plot points and characters that show up and do nothing and go nowhere. Just enjoy the movie for what it was - a summertime movie about pirates. It has great special effects, some good humor, one beautiful scene at the end, and Geoffrey Rush giving a balls-out insane performance as Barbosa. It's better than Spiderman 3. As a trilogy, taken together, this is better than the Matrix, better than Spiderman, but nowhere near as good as Lord of the Rings. You could do a lot worse on Friday or Saturday night than see this.

  • May 25, 2007, 11:21 p.m. CST

    It is certainly well worth seeing but not so much

    by superninja

    fun if you haven't seen the other two films. It's definitely not a stand-alone.

  • May 26, 2007, 12:40 a.m. CST

    Harry, Bruckheimer Says The Series Is OVER!

    by Darth Fabulous

    I heard him say it on a televised interview today. Yeah, like I would normally believe that given the mint he and Disney are making...it's just that he seemed dead serious. Getting Johnny Depp, Geoffrey Rush, et al to come back for a fourth film seems like a tall order. Obviously, cash wouldn't be an issue...I don't know. I want to see the continuing adventures of Sparrow, Barbossa, Gibbs, Pintel, Ragetti and Jack...

  • May 26, 2007, 12:46 a.m. CST

    ...Oh Yeah, DEAD ON REVIEW HARRY!

    by Darth Fabulous

    This has got to be the best review Harry's written in a long time, summing up my thoughts exactly. I cringed reading Ansen's Newsweek review after seeing the film today. Everyone in my theater was laughing their asses off at the "salt flats" hallucination sequence. I thought the surreal, "film noir" elements that Harry mentions in his review were genius. Go back through and watch all three films back to back when this comes out on DVD...there are absolutely no convoluted plot twists, holes or issues. The film was perfectly executed by Verbinski.

  • May 26, 2007, 1:29 a.m. CST

    Great review

    by FuzzyWhisper

    The Star Wars comparison doesn't work for me, Harry, but in general you captured my impression of the film quite accurately. People who called it bland, confusing or too long need to realize that the problem lies with them, not the movie. Those who love the thematic and stylistic core of the series--and the characters who tie it all together--will love Pirates 3. Those who don't won't, and the fans and fimmakers shouldn't be expected to apologize for that.

  • May 26, 2007, 1:35 a.m. CST

    Fun.

    by Lucasblows

    Wasn't perfect, but a hell of alot of fun.

  • May 26, 2007, 3:49 a.m. CST

    Great review Harry

    by Trader Groucho 2

    TY

  • May 26, 2007, 12:07 p.m. CST

    Sorry, Harry

    by Birdys Piano Teacher

    But this film is an incomprehensible hot mess. The second one was similarly convoluted but I loved it--this one not so much. I defy most people to explain the motives and the relationships without someone else's help. My roommate had the perfect one word summation--"kablooey". Lots of sound and furty signifying nothing. The first half of the film barely holds together and it's fairly strong, but the audience ends up spending too much time with characters we don't care about. It seems odd that the third film never has enough of Jack Sparrow--the iconic character who is the principal reason for the series' success. A missed opportunity.

  • May 26, 2007, 4:59 p.m. CST

    Captain Feng.

    by Tripman5000

    I must admit,I totally lost track-what happened to Captain Feng?

  • May 27, 2007, 12:14 a.m. CST

    Captain Feng

    by Birdys Piano Teacher

    I think he died, but who knows. Couldn't understand a damn thing he was saying anyways. Why did he think Knightley was Calypso? Everyone knew it was the other chick. Most of them were hard to understand--maybe the soundtrack was too loud.

  • May 27, 2007, 12:52 a.m. CST

    Harry have you started smoking Crack?

    by Wcwlkr

    I ask out of genuine concern, because I can't understand for the life of me how you can think this was actually a great movie. To say that this movie was better than the first 2 is insane. And at least Spiderman 3 had me entertained, unlike this peace of garbage that bored the hell out of me. There's 3 hours I won't get back, damn this movie sucked.

  • May 27, 2007, 2:04 a.m. CST

    Pirates 3 is horrible...

    by andrew coleman

    Ruined so many great chances. First off it was corny as all hell even more so than Spider-man 3. I liked what they did with Will and Elizabeth but there needed to be more. Davey Jones who single tentacled saved the second movie and barely kept this movie afloat. His story with Calypso never really concluded which is a shame. I dug that this movie was not for kids (SPOILER) Hanging a kid in the first couple minutes was daring. But the final battle scene just wasn't great at all. Two boats fighting with the "scramble cam" so none of the sword fights were filmed well. There was really no big climax and I thought it was very stupid to have an army of Pirates and an entire fleet of British ships face off and then the battle ends between two boats with everyone else cheering and celebrating even though they did nothing. This goes down as another horrible end to a trilogy. Empire was the best of the SW trilogy. Towers was the best of the LOTR. Spider-man 2 is clearly the best of the three Spider-man's and sadly Dead Man's Chest a highly flawed film is the best of this trilogy. Don't be tricked by Disney bought hype this movie is horrible save your 8-10 bucks.

  • May 27, 2007, 11:28 a.m. CST

    Three crappy sequels.

    by Orbots Commander

    If anything gets Hollywood off of the binge on sequels I hope it'll be the Summer of '07, because seriously Spider-Man 3, Shrek 3 and POTC 3, are some of the worst movies I've seen in a looooooong time. Yesterday afternoon, the GF, her little nephew and I went to catch the Pirates flick; she and I were bored until the third hour of the movie perked things up a bit. The kid was restless, then asleep inside of an hour. Harry, you seriously thought this was a good movie? Here's to hoping that the third Bourne movie and Knocked Up are good. I'm not even considering Transformers after the wretched experience of sitting through a feature length toy commercial, i.e. Shrek 3.

  • May 27, 2007, 1:19 p.m. CST

    As I said already

    by emeraldboy

    These movies have great production values and are very well made techincally. I liked the first one and the second, even thoug alot of people didnt. AS the emeniment film critic Philip French said in his column today. It was as if the guys in ILM mutineered and took over the running of the film judging by the interiminably long Credit list at the end. the third one had the wrost story. The film looked scrappy. It looked like a much longer film.

  • May 27, 2007, 1:30 p.m. CST

    The problem with these movies was that

    by emeraldboy

    despite all the geek hype surrounding Orlando Bloom as legolas. He is as boring as Knightley together they are just dull. She may have won a victory over the aneroxia story and it is none of my business whether she is or not. I am unconvinced. Look at her she just gets thinner and thinner. She may get all hissy and nasty about it with the press but the evidence is there. I saw little children on DVD and thought that Kate deserved her oscar nomination. For my money she is a much better actress then Keira Knightley. If Kiera gets the oscar for atonment and wins will she be able to carry the oscar off stage.

  • May 27, 2007, 2:03 p.m. CST

    The problem with these movies was that

    by emeraldboy

    despite all the geek hype surrounding Orlando Bloom as legolas. He is as boring as Knightley together they are just dull. She may have won a victory over the aneroxia story and it is none of my business whether she is or not. I am unconvinced. Look at her she just gets thinner and thinner. She may get all hissy and nasty about it with the press but the evidence is there. I saw little children on DVD and thought that Kate deserved her oscar nomination. For my money she is a much better actress then Keira Knightley. If Kiera gets the oscar for atonment and wins will she be able to carry the oscar off stage.

  • May 27, 2007, 8:46 p.m. CST

    $112 Million Friday to Monday...

    by jimmy rabbitte

    ...down from the $135 Million opening of Dead Man's Chest.<p> That is the final commentary on what everyone thought of the second installment. Even though the third film is better than the second; at almost three hours running time, most people are probably just going to wait for the DVD. <p> Who can blame them? I liked At World's End, but DMC was a real let down... I guess that sound we're hearing from Disney is... CHAAAA--...ching?... whoa... what happened? <p> Please let this be the last padded out "trilogy" a film studio tries to foist on the public...(I'm lookin' at you Columbia "we're gonna make three more Spideys" Studios)

  • May 27, 2007, 9:48 p.m. CST

    Hardly

    by Birdys Piano Teacher

    You have some odd reasoning there. Less people going to see it and worse reviews means its better. Not quite.

  • May 27, 2007, 10 p.m. CST

    uh... no

    by jimmy rabbitte

    ...after the second movie being such a let down, most people don't want to spend the ten bucks on a theater admission... regardless of the reviews... I did say the third film is better; but that's just my opinion... I *did* like it better... There's nothing odd about disagreeing with the reviews, people do it all the time.

  • May 27, 2007, 10:09 p.m. CST

    fair enough.

    by Birdys Piano Teacher

    but i have yet to meet someone who didn't at least like the second. and i know plenty who love it. there wouldn't have been talk about any records if the second had disappointed the public-at-large. but it's true that one man's trash is another man's treasure.

  • May 27, 2007, 10:17 p.m. CST

    I said it before and I'll say it again...

    by blindambition238

    Meh... Saw it today and while watching, Spider-Man 3 came to mind in the sense I think this movie was overstuffed as well. Where I found SM3 to be basically 2 different but potentailly great movies frankensteined together I found World's End to be a decent story and good fun weighed down by unecessary fluff material that I felt were useless to the movie and story, with a noticable amount of exposition scenes which basically explained the story rather than showing it (if that makes sense). I forgot which AICN reviewer said that they've been trying hard to make an actual mythology out of this series like the original Star Wars trilogy, but I totally agree with them, especially with the point that it has been at the simple expense of the simple fun and charm present in the first one. My biggest problem with the series is that I couldn't really give a damn about Will and Elizabeth. With both sequels I completely forgot why I was supposed to care about them when we first see them again. Like Harry says, the series revolves around Will, Liz, and Jack, but it is only the former 2 which the series seems to depend on for bringing the soul, drama, and meaning to the madness. But instead of trying to further develop them they opted to throw in more characters, gags, and more exuberant cgi battles; I guess it doesnt help that i find some scenes with them to be completely flat sometimes (insert Kiera joke). Was it fun? Yea, I enjoyed what I was seeing when the pirates were swinging over a whirlpool slashing and blasting at each other, but since I couldn't really care about these characters the finale just was that to me, random people getting gutted and blown up. It was a cool sight to see, but by the time the lights went back up I pretty much walked out of the theatre not able to give a damn for any of it.

  • May 27, 2007, 10:52 p.m. CST

    Birdys Piano Teacher

    by jimmy rabbitte

    No question. I'm in the opposite place from last summer. I didn't like a movie many did like. Now, I like one that many don't... things are just funny like that sometimes.

  • May 28, 2007, 3:41 a.m. CST

    It's Stellan!

    by Mneth

    Not Stellen, Harrie!

  • May 28, 2007, 10:42 a.m. CST

    Very Well Written Review

    by oogabooga

    For someone doing publicity for Disney. The movie sucked ass

  • May 28, 2007, 11:37 a.m. CST

    You nailed it Harry !

    by RobinP

    Kudos for taking the "attention span of a retarded guppy" mentally challenged audiences and critics of today. I loved this movie, as did the rest of my family - I admit it was convoluted, but not complicated, and it got there nicely in the end.

  • May 28, 2007, 12:42 p.m. CST

    This must be the world's ends...

    by tile_mcgillus

    People LOVE Spiderman 3 and HATE Shrek 3 and POTC 3? What the fuck!?! Seriously Spiderman 3 was an atrocity and the other two were great additions to their series. POTC 3 was a perfect conclusion to the series. I am kind of flabbergasted. I must be losing my geek mind...next someone is going to tell me Children of Men sucked and I will just fucking punch a bitch and roll up out.

  • May 28, 2007, 12:43 p.m. CST

    Oh...gret review Harry!

    by tile_mcgillus

    Sometimes the "ferrets in a sack" just miss the point.

  • May 28, 2007, 2:23 p.m. CST

    I found it to be...

    by cooterbrown

    exactly what the critics said. An hour too long. A story too convoluted. Unable to understand 40% of what Barbossa said. I came home and my wife asked what I thought ancd I replied that I wasnt sure. Which is sad because I was sure I probably witnessed the best action scenes ever in a movie - however something obviously robbed that thrill from me. It mikght have been the absolutley 2001 abstract DJ Locker scene - which if it werent for the crabs went right over the audience. Or it might have been any number of other strangedies withing the movie. Sorry I can't spill the hero worship or Harrys blind "if you don't get it - you just dont get it" fraternal order of the cool guys club. But - I left the movie wishing the previews were better they were so I'd have something to look forward too this summer other than Transformers.

  • May 28, 2007, 7:28 p.m. CST

    Fountain Of Youth.

    by Mr Soze

    Went this afternoon. It was Ok. Liked Jeffery Roush the best. If they do sequels keep Orlando and Knightley out and center around Cap'n Jack. Is it me or did Depp lose somethin with Sparrow after the 1st potc. Its almost like the writers forgot how to write Cap Jack. Pity.. The very 1st one was far and away better then 2 and 3. I don't think they used Depp in the character right. Waiting for Knocked up & Superbad.

  • May 28, 2007, 8:25 p.m. CST

    Agreed, Mr. Soze

    by Birdys Piano Teacher

    I like the way you think.

  • May 29, 2007, 1:24 a.m. CST

    I liked Spider-Man 3 better

    by wackedfuck

    Neither film was anything special, but if I had to choose which one I'd give repeat viewings, I'd choose Spidey. POTC 3 had a great finale and some amusing bits here and there, but most of the film was a bore. Oh, and did they forget about Jack? Even when he was there, he didn't really seem to be there, like Depp was just going through the motions this time. However, I will give Verbinski and crew credit for daring to start the film off on such a grim level. It was a brilliant way to establish just how evil the EIC was and I hope the scene is remembered years later.

  • May 29, 2007, 1:24 a.m. CST

    I liked Spider-Man 3 better

    by wackedfuck

    Neither film was anything special, but if I had to choose which one I'd give repeat viewings, I'd choose Spidey. POTC 3 had a great finale and some amusing bits here and there, but most of the film was a bore. Oh, and did they forget about Jack? Even when he was there, he didn't really seem to be there, like Depp was just going through the motions this time. However, I will give Verbinski and crew credit for daring to start the film off on such a grim level. It was a brilliant way to establish just how evil the EIC was and I hope the scene is remembered years later.

  • May 29, 2007, 4:48 a.m. CST

    not this is how I want my summer blockbuster threequel

    by Colonel_Blimp

    it was everything spider man 3 wasn't. apart from a few minor quibbles, aboslutely terrific, and a vast improvement on the second film. and probably the best cgi I've ever seen.

  • May 29, 2007, 4:50 a.m. CST

    not = now

    by Colonel_Blimp

    sorry, it's pre-lunch and my blood sugar level is low.

  • May 29, 2007, 8:50 a.m. CST

    Brilliant!

    by BeyondStatic

    The best way to wrap up a phenominally fun trilogy. Great film! Can we give Depp his Oscar now?... holding our attention for 5 straight minutes, single-handedly, against a near white background... sheer brilliance! BTW - love the Bugs Bunny/Daffy Duck parallel. Great Observation!

  • May 29, 2007, 3:07 p.m. CST

    I saw this last night...

    by stoptalking

    It was so bad I had to go to the hospital. You're an idiot, Harry.

  • May 29, 2007, 3:47 p.m. CST

    sonic death monkey

    by SCYTHEOFLUNA

    The review was too long for ya huh? 3 whole pages. The magnitude of your intellect and attention span is staggering. It's a good thing you made time to declare these inadequacies to the rest of us, or you might have fooled someone into thinking you had sense.

  • May 29, 2007, 3:49 p.m. CST

    yeah you really proved me wrong moriarity

    by jeromesage

    i predicted this review for this god awful movie then and held off comment until it posted. srtill have a problem with my "formula"?

  • May 29, 2007, 4:06 p.m. CST

    And how exactly was the second film a letdown?

    by SCYTHEOFLUNA

    I know it's fashionable to hate everything, but you people are so full of shit sometimes. The second film was a natural progression of the first, and the third ties the loose ends left in the first two. If you didn't like it your expectations were not reasonable, as the thematic material hasn't changed much from one film to the other. Period. If you're so fucking smart, pitch us a script. Write a script, or at least a plot summary and let us hear what Pirates 2 should have been about. Back up your talk with some talent, and tell everyone how Verbinsky should have done it. Anyone who talks smack about these movies had better back it up with some CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. I'm sick of people running their mouths with no feedback as to what should have been. I also think a bit of PERSPECTIVE is in order. These films are made by Disney, and they're an adaptation of a theme park ride. All that considered, and even all that aside, these movies are fucking great for what they are. They're not life changing films. This isn't high art, it's swashbuckling adventurous fun. It's supposed to be fun. Maybe if you weren't all such miserable cynical jerks, you might remember what it was like to watch movies for fun, rather than hyper analyzing and talking yourself into hating everything. Spewing bile about every film you see, meanwhile contributing exactly fuck -all other than hot air yourself, doesn't make you appear to be cool or talented, and it doesn't make your dick any bigger. Chicks will not be impressed with your amateur review shtick. Lighten hell up. Get over yourselves. These movies are exactly what they're supposed to be. If you don't get it, well, your loss.

  • May 29, 2007, 4:18 p.m. CST

    stoptalking should take his own advice.

    by SCYTHEOFLUNA

    You thought movie was that bad, and yet you still took the time to read the review, and comment. Wow. I don't waste time on pages about movies I didn't like. I guess that's 'cause I'm not an insecure douche. Be sure to keep frequenting this site, and make a habit of insulting the contributors though, it really makes you seem manly. We're all so impressed. Let me show you in simple terms why your behaviour is moronic and ridiculous: 'See I hate Shrek, and the show 24. I fuckin' hate Shrek,Shrek 2, all of it. I think 24 is a bunch of Hackneyed bullshit that rips off Tom Clancy on the regular. But am I wasting calories insulting people on the Shrek 3 page, or pissing all over the views of people who like 24? No, That would be laughable and pathetic, and I'd live in my moms basement instead of in my own apartment hundres of miles away. If you don't like something, try avoiding it. I don't like Shrek, so I stay the hell away from that shit. Avoidance.

  • May 29, 2007, 4:38 p.m. CST

    oops, that should have been "hundreds" of miles...

    by SCYTHEOFLUNA

    People who don't have intellectual ammunition are quick to point out typos, so I struck preemptively.

  • May 29, 2007, 5:47 p.m. CST

    interesting...

    by stoptalking

    you say you don't waste time on things you dislike, and yet you used 200+ words telling me why you dislike my attitude. Fascinating.

  • May 29, 2007, 6:12 p.m. CST

    I certainly didn't mean to offend...

    by stoptalking

    I mean, I'll be honest, it's really noble to come to the defense of this film and its reviewer. I'm glad you could put down your no doubt well-worn copies of Proust and DeTocqueville for but a moment to come - swashbuckling yourself no less! - to defend a film that made more money in one day then the assembled talkbackers on this site will in 20 years, so I'm sure you can feel good about that. Your actions will no doubt make the collected objet d'art in your elegantly appointed "apartment" sparkle with greater lustre. Truly, you are a king among men. I was just thinking, you know, that if you're so fervently anti-bile and the spewing of it, you may want to refrain from the activity, lest you be pulled down to the dregs yourself. Not that such a thing would ever happen.

  • May 30, 2007, 2:57 a.m. CST

    scytheofluna, get over it.

    by Colonel_Blimp

    film criticism isn't objective, and it is fully possible for people to have an opinion differing from your own without making them 'wrong' and you 'right'. and like it or not, they are in their right to come here and bitch about it.

  • May 30, 2007, 8:44 a.m. CST

    I just saw this...

    by mrsinister7381

    and it was a dud. A "C" level sequel at best. I think of the three I dig DMC the most. This was like 3 hours of people on boats talking. Strangely, now that all the crappy baggage has been stripped away, I would kinda like to see a part 4.

  • May 30, 2007, 11:43 a.m. CST

    Bugs and Daffy says you. Spike and Angel says I

    by CrichtonAstronut

    Every time Jack and Barbossa started bickering I thought of Spike and Angel in Angel season 5. Here Jack is quite obviously Spike, with his love of chaos, excerpt Sparrow is clearly the smarter of the two, between him and Barbossa. Barbossa is more diciplined and meticulous like Angel, and probably has more leadership skills as well. But he thinks to much in-the-box, and cannot make the creative leaps of Capt. Jack Sparrow.

  • May 31, 2007, 10:11 a.m. CST

    Gore Verbinski

    by SteffanLongdon

    Gore Verbinski should direct Steve Altan's MEG. Anyone agree?

  • May 31, 2007, 11:15 a.m. CST

    POTC: Attack of the Unending Dialog Scenes

    by NathanH

    Should have been the title, IMO

  • May 31, 2007, 12:46 p.m. CST

    But of course people have the right to spew venom

    by SCYTHEOFLUNA

    But that in no way makes it any less foolish to do so. As I said, if I detest something, I make a point of avoiding it, rather than seeking out discussions on the subject I despise so I can share my disgust with people who don't care. Coming to a Pirates review and bashing the movie or the person who wrote the review is no different than going to see a comic for the sole purpose of heckling them, or going to see a concert performance for a band you hate simply so you can throw shit at them. The point is, that intelligent, articulate people have better things to do. Sure they have the "right" to act like immature jackasses, but they have better ways to spend their time. And just because someone has the freedom to behave in an ignorant fashion, doesn't protect them from being called out on it. Stoptalking and his ilk clearly do not have anything better to do, or they'd be doing it. For the record I have no interest in defending the film. If you didn't like it, that's your problem. I just feel compelled to point out how pathetic it is for you to waste calories insulting the reviewer, and one would think that if you didn't like the movie, you'd have a better way to occupy your time. Clearly you don't. Carry on but don't get your panties in a wad if people point out how sad and lame you are from time to time.

  • June 1, 2007, 7:23 p.m. CST

    This might be the worst summer film ever made...

    by Pdorwick

    ...3 hours of mind-altering boredom interspersed with insanely overdone EFX sequences. Did I mention the boredom? End this shitty series now.

  • June 4, 2007, 7:09 a.m. CST

    Wow! It's one hell of a fun film.

    by ExcaliburFfolkes

    Could they have packed any more plot, action, and excitement into three hours? Doubtful.

  • June 4, 2007, 7:20 a.m. CST

    One simple scene could have straightened out the climax

    by ExcaliburFfolkes

    There should have been a scene at the beginning of the final naval battle where both fleets try to sail forward and engage each other, but are immediately blown backwards by fierce winds. The British sailors could have been shown in confusion, and the pirates recognizing that it was the work of Calypso forcing a one-on-one battle between the Black Pearl and the Flying Dutchman (which is what I think the moviemakers were implying anyway). In this way everything in the climax would have been seemlessly tied together.

  • June 4, 2007, 7:36 a.m. CST

    An option the pirates could have considered.

    by ExcaliburFfolkes

    Since the pirates were systematically being hunted down Lord Beckett and his supernatural henchman, Davy Jones, the pirates might have weighed the option of turning some of their own into supernatural creatures by way of the cursed Aztec gold from the first movie. Barbossa once mentioned that the chest contained 500 or more pieces of the cursed gold, which means it could have been used to make 500 or more ghost pirates (at one piece per pirate), enough to man a small fleet of pirate ships. These ghost pirates could have fought Davy Jones and his crew to an impass (since no one in either group would be able to die) and wrecked havok on Lord Beckett's fleet, before returning the cursed Aztec gold and becoming human again. It's not the prettiest of options, but since the pirates were facing annihilation anyway, it would have been something for them to seriously consider.

  • June 4, 2007, 10:34 a.m. CST

    re:ExcaliburFfolkes

    by jimmy rabbitte

    They actually did cover themselves on this point somewhere in the almost six hours of sequel story. They established ( I believe at the beginning of DMC ) that the crew of 'The Black Pearl' are upset with Jack because they aren't doing any plundering; and they don't have any treasure since 'Isla de Muerta' sank into the ocean and was no longer reachable. <p> It was a small point that was buried early on during the second movie. It was very easy to miss or forget about without a recent re-viewing of DMC. ... but I like your idea better, it would've made things a bit more interesting along the way.

  • June 4, 2007, 11 a.m. CST

    Harry, Just re-read this

    by beastie

    and it's easily, the best review that I've read from you.

  • June 4, 2007, 5:17 p.m. CST

    Pirates?

    by GOB Adama

    In three movies, do we actually get to see any actual piracy? <p> There is that raid in the first movie, but that's more pillaging... <p> This isn't hate, I am rather fond of the films. I wish I could be an 8-year-old so I could want to be Capt. Barbossa when I grow up. I just think it's funny that we get 0 piracy, is all. C'mon! <p> Unless I am mistaken... which I often am.

  • June 5, 2007, 3:21 p.m. CST

    YOU TUBE WILL TURNER AND JACK???

    by herz19

    Well said on the review. I think with the ADD society we are living in people cant handle a somewhat complex story. The pirate movies are well written and I think they will hold their own in the years to come. Have a look at these Infamous youtube pirates. Will, Jack and others.... www.youtube.com/herzbergfillms

  • June 5, 2007, 3:21 p.m. CST

    YOU TUBE WILL TURNER AND JACK???

    by herz19

    Well said on the review. I think with the ADD society we are living in people cant handle a somewhat complex story. The pirate movies are well written and I think they will hold their own in the years to come. Have a look at these Infamous youtube pirates. Will, Jack and others.... www.youtube.com/herzbergfilms

  • June 11, 2007, 11:34 p.m. CST

    Harry's actually right, this time.

    by ElGuapo

    I never 100% agree with Big Ginger. But this is exactly how i felt about the movie, and the trilogy. And I also had to suffer the same slings and arrows from my peers for daring to make the same comparisons. I was even going to write a letter to Mr V, congratulating him on his deft handling of the whole affair...

  • June 14, 2007, 10:54 a.m. CST

    This is probably among the worst films ever made

    by mr blandings

    I'm sorry, but this was a truly awful film. I was so spectacularly bored, and two of my friends fell asleep. Orlando is one of the biggest pussies on the planet and attempts to make him baddess looked stupid. Johnny Depp is a genius and his character is fantastic, but it got too silly with the over the top action set pieces. The scale was far too big and the characters just got lost. Every seen was too jam-packed, as usual with films these days. I really wish studios could just say "just because it's a sequel, doesn't mean we need MORE of anything - there's a reason why the first in most series tend to be the best!" Not that there wasn't a good film in there trying to get out. But all we really want to see is DEVELOPMENT of the characters, not just everyone doing the same thing and talking balls in different scenarios. And GIVE THE FILM ROOM TO BREATHE! The cuts came much too fast, nearly every scene was too short and you just feel they wasted a lot of money. Oh yes, and Keira is actually a giraffe.

  • June 15, 2007, 6:56 a.m. CST

    fuckin great BUT

    by supercowbell 4 cant stop the cowbell

    dragged in the middle. but the last 35-45 minute fight scenes really helped the film out.

  • June 15, 2007, 1:36 p.m. CST

    AWSOME AWSOEM AWSOME

    by movie-fan-carnie

    This movie was a totaly joy to watch ive seen it 5 times and it jst gets better!! i dont think ive enjoyed a film this much in ages!!

  • June 17, 2007, 5:30 a.m. CST

    forgot about this

    by supercowbell 4 cant stop the cowbell

    http://i124.photobucket.com/albums/p39/reviewable/POTC3.jpg so they were fake huh

  • June 20, 2007, 11:38 p.m. CST

    Harry you are so right with this review...

    by Jon E Cin

    Yet your fantastic four review is dead wrong. Pirates was an epic joy!!!

  • July 3, 2007, 5:39 a.m. CST

    Bitch, Bitch, Bitch, that's all i hear

    by I Fucked Your Girl Twice

    First of all, you cant say Pirates was overstuffed like Spiderman3 if Pirates was almost 3 hours long....and quit fuckin saying the movie was too long.....Citizen Kane was too fuckin long (6 hours), The Godfather was too fuckin long (4 hours). those of you who bitched that Pirates was too long are also the same assholes who had NO PROBLEM watching LOTR: Return of the King (3 hours, 25 minutes). dont blame the filmmakers for YOUR shortass attention span. Stop saying the story had too many gaps....everything was RIGHT there for you to figure out. These are the same jack-offs who watched the last episode of The Sopranos and still wonder whether or not Tony got shot.

  • July 8, 2007, 6 a.m. CST

    Garbage

    by Virdon

    This was a butt-numb-a-thon and a half. I couldn't stop looking at my watch and praying it would end. Self indulgent CGI ADD waste of time and money. The story made no sense. Spiderman 3 was much better.

  • Aug. 3, 2007, 7:51 a.m. CST

    Mixed Opinions

    by loveripblade

    I liked it but at the same time i was a little disappointed. See what i mean here - http://ripbladereviews.blogspot.com/2007/07/good-luck-captain-jack-final-at-moment.html

  • Sept. 1, 2007, 12:33 a.m. CST

    Lame

    by JDinDahouse

    So many times you get a cute movie that has a cast, crew and director that with little expectation comes up with a "fun" movie that is no more than enjoyable but gets over praised when it doesn’t suck as expected. then they over think, overwrite, overact and over produce(with boat loads of money) the sequel. Forgettable, soulless crap...

  • Sept. 15, 2007, 1:32 p.m. CST

    You must be joking

    by MaxDembo1

    How anyone could actually be a fan of these overblown commercials designed to sell happy meals is beyond me.

  • Dec. 26, 2007, 4:49 a.m. CST

    Last

    by 2LeggedFreak

    Came to this film after being disappointed enough by Pirates 2 to wait for the DVD.<p> I have to say that Pirates 3 was a lot better than Pirates 2. The action seemed to be more relevant <font color=#FF0000> no ridiculous scenes of people fighting on big rolling wheels <font color=#000000> ) and the stroy less complicated <p>There were some bothersome bits like the build to the release of Calypso who then basically did nothing. But overall it was an ok movie.

  • April 14, 2011, 12:36 a.m. CST

    No, I'm Last! HA!!

    by Raggles Wimpole

    Because I am posting on the talkback of a 4-year-old movie review, I doubt anyone will read this. But if anyone does, know that I have cherished the time I've spent waltzing carelessly upon this big, blue spinning marble. Let me leave you all with four little words of soothing encouragement: mittens, kittens, assholes & beer. I do not go into the darkness for this is not a call for help, but rather a man with nothing to do, stoned, at 1:36 a.m. sitting in front of his computer in Hamilton, Ohio hoping that someone, someday, will read this. If not, well, then I've just wasted my time & I look like an idiot typing & drifting off into the ethereal stream-of-consciousness. Farewell to thee & goodnight.