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Alexandra DuPont Finds Her Way To World’s End With PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN III!!

I am – Hercules!!
Alexandra DuPont has unexpectedly un-retired - again - to share her thoughts on the new adventures of Capt. Jack Sparrow, et al. As you read, it might help to keep in mind the high adventure that categorizes Lexy's own life. I’ve spoken of her many times in the past. I guess I should admit at this point I’m kind of crazy in love with Alexandra. The first time I met her she was a skinny punk pixie in a black miniskirt with maybe nine ounces of mascara under her giant Winona Ryder eyeballs. We were at a sprawling videogame expo in downtown Los Angeles, and she introduced herself by literally pushing me out the revolving doors to the valet area so she could talk about movies and smoke cigarettes. Her parents, she said, moved around a lot and she grew up without a TV and was just starting to devour Keaton and Kurosawa and Kubrick. She was in the middle of asking the last of three dozen questions about "Killer's Kiss" when she looked at her watch and changed the subject to passports and luggage restrictions and how her travel schedule was getting in the way of her completing her master’s thesis. Even in those days, the vixenish Lexy had already acquired a near-maddening mystique. Only weeks earlier she had dumped her longtime boyfriend, a high-school baseball star turned part-time West Hollywood bartender who at that time had just landed on a short list for the male lead in an (ultimately failed) WB pilot. The bad news was she herself was about to hop a plane to Antwerp with her mom (who herself looked like a movie star and spoke maybe nine languages and had just quit the U.S. diplomatic corps to join the board of a very famous pharmaceutical manufacturer). A few minutes after Lexy's cab sped away, I was politely informed that young Alexandra DuPont was still months shy of her 15th birthday. "Ah," I replied, not at all wistfully. The second time I saw Lexy she was drunk and half-naked beside her beautiful, drunk, half-naked lesbian friend and maybe six other drunk, beautiful half-naked lesbian girlfriends at a party in Malibu, capably and repeatedly hammering away at "Gimme Shelter" on (somebody else's) vintage electric piano. It was almost three years later, she had grown something like nine inches taller and her face was weeks from finding its way onto the cover of Teen Vogue for the third time. When she finally got around to handing me her business card in the parking lot, it read "Dr. Alexandra DuPont," thanks, I've since been told, to some extraordinarily helpful coherent light experiments she'd helped brainstorm in La Jolla for the Human Genome Project. Lexy turns 26 in two months, which means she’s already gained access to the bulk of the planet's 17th-largest trust fund. Her divorce, from a freshman U.S. congressman she claims she's spoken to exactly once since his term began, became final more than a year ago. Just before she claimed her massive inheritance, she rocketed down to last year’s San Diego Comic Con. She claimed her objective was to slip into a Princess Leia slave-girl outfit, "and meet me some really nerdy nerds." One hears she found a few. She says she saw “Pirates III” at Disneyland, so I guess she might be back here in Southern California. You've been warned. Ladies and gentlemen, Ms. Alexandra DuPont: Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End FAQ _____

Q. So you saw "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End."

A. I did.

Q. Describe the movie in a single word!

A. "Plotty."

Q. What's the story?

A. A direct continuation of the last film. Our heroes rescue Jack from Hell. Everyone sells everyone out in the service of their own agendas. There's a big summit on Shipwreck Island featuring every pirate ever. There's a throw-down with the East India Trading Co. and "Pirates 2" supervillain Davy Jones. A couple of people get radical new job descriptions.

Q. Is it better or worse than "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest"?

A. Well, I'd argue it's "better" than "Pirates 2" -- which I'm on record as hating for all its confusing, retina-molesting excess.

Specifically: "At World's End" is "better" in the sense that someone convinced Gore Verbinski to lock down his camera and stop filling every. Single. Frame of the picture with drama-smothering noise and overkill. I can actually distinguish drama from action this time out, which is nice.

It's also a little "better" in the sense that Jack Sparrow is actually slightly funny again. And it's "better" in the sense that it actually puts its best (well, only) action set piece at the end of the movie. I can honestly say I was mildly diverted.

Unfortunately, "World's End" is also saddled with carrying on a horrible, horrible two-film story. Taken together, the two sequels are one big bloated "Three's Company" episode with pirates -- with something like two dozen betrayals and pointless shifts in allegiance and too many new characters and mythologies that feel half-developed and half-assed.

Again, I more or less enjoyed myself while I was watching it, due to lowered expectations. But it's fallen in my estimation since then, and a small portion of the audience seemed kind of deflated at the end. This is partly, I think, because the check's finally coming due for all the sublimated disappointment audiences had for "Dead Man's Chest," but maybe that's just me.

But they also seemed deflated because

(a) the movie's nearly three bloody hours long, and there's only one or two real-live full-blown action scenes bracketing an endless series of negotiation meetings in offices and captain's quarters;

and (b) for all the money that was clearly hurled at the screen, the "Chest"/"World's End" story has this uncanny knack for setting up big payoffs it never delivers, or delivers lamely.

Ted Elliott? Terry Rossio? You tried, and Gore Verbinski tried harder, but your two-film megascript is sprawling and undisciplined. I can't really fathom the sort of pressure you guys were under. But I also can't believe your script(s) were filmed in this kind of shape.

Q. "Undisciplined"? "Big payoffs it never delivers"? I need examples!

A. Oh, I could go on and on. Spoilers ahoy:

(1) Let’s say you go to a lot of trouble to set up an epic final showdown between the free-thinking pirates and the monolithic capitalists of the East India Trading Company. Let's say you line up something like 80 ships -- brimming with thoroughly art-directed pirate captains -- for that final battle. And let's say you have characters promising other characters that they'll get to blast their enemies to smithereens during that final battle.

This confrontation is set up as, quite literally, the ultimate payoff for these two sequels.

Now. Is it REALLY the best idea to then leave all those ships sitting on the sidelines, lined up like unused Stratego pieces, while the whole thing gets settled by two vessels that sail out and have a skirmish around a whirlpool? I understand how too many ships in the water might be confusing for the audience (and expensive for the studio), but still: weaksauce.

(2) Also: Let's say you set up a tragic love story between Davy Jones and the angry sea goddess Calypso. Let's say you set this up to the degree that the pirates are constantly fretting and arguing about Calypso and what happens if she's un-bound from human form and released into the world without any guarantee she'll take your side in the final battle.

And then let's say you include one bathetic scene shortly before that final battle, where Davy talks to Calypso through prison bars, and they declare their ill-fated love for one another.

Shouldn't you maybe pay all that off at the appropriate moment?

Not if you're Elliott and Rossio, you don't. No, if you're Elliott and Rossio, your big payoff is that you turn Calypso into a giantess straight out of a drive-in movie for like 30 seconds; have her yell a bunch of incoherent nonsense; and then send her scurrying into the sea, never to be seen again. Which totally shafts Davy Jones' "tragic" character arc in the process. (When this all went down, my audience seemed to let out a collective "Uh, that's it?" It was weird and palpable, like a big angry shrug.)

(3) Oh, and you may recall Elizabeth Swann yearning for the pirate life here and there during the last two films. "Girl power" and dressing like a boy and all that. Well, I'm not really spoiling anything when I report that Miss Swann does, in fact, become a real live pirate at some point "At World's End."

But the way she becomes a pirate? Totally lame.

She basically lucks into the gig. Repeatedly. Someone more or less tries to rape her, feels bad about it, and gives her a command. Elizabeth then catches Jack Sparrow in a rare moment of self-interested loyalty, and she lucks (again) into a sort of union presidency that's really just an excuse to let her give a single big speech of which I can remember not a single word.

And then -- in the ultimate insult to two films' worth of "girl power" -- we never actually get to see her use any of this ill-gotten pirate street cred. In fact, if you stay all the way to the post-credits "stinger," you'll wonder if Elizabeth even sets foot on a sailing vessel again. It's kind of stunning.

(4) And now then there's the matter of Jack Sparrow. You may recall that he died in the last film. This time around, a very big, Gilliamesque, time-consuming deal is made of getting Jack out of the purgatory of Davy Jones' Locker. And when he's rescued, nothing about him changes. Hell, he doesn't even change his clothes. (That production still of Jack in Chinese pirate garb? Not in the movie.) He tends to talk to himself a little more, and he thinks taking Davy Jones' job might be fun, and he talks a little more about living forever, but he's still basically double-crossing everyone and slurring a lot. Only his lines aren’t as funny as they were in "Curse of the Black Pearl."

There are a few other examples I could name, but you get the idea. The Kraken is killed offscreen, between films. And don’t even get me started on a certain incident involving Elizabeth's ex-boyfriend Norrington and Will's father "Bootstrap Bill"; all I'll say is that it guarantees some very awkward future dinner conversations with the in-laws.

I'd also like to point out that these aren't nit-picky fangirl comments like, "They didn't explain the dice game." This is some serious, Merovingian-level rug-pulling. These are careless fuckings-about with major character arcs.

Q. So -- what? -- is the Internet is going to go all "Matrix: Revolutions" on this thing?

A. It's hard to say. Probably not. I thought "Dead Man's Chest" was noisy junk, and it made a billion dollars. A friend of mine put it perfectly the other day in an e-mail: "I personally think Gore Verbinski bought himself an entire movie's worth of goodwill introducing Jack the way he did -- entering the harbor on a sinking ship. After that, we were willing to forgive him all the other stuff." Whether that goodwill extends for two less-funny sequels will soon be a matter of public record.

I will say this: Kids loved the ADD stylings of "Dead Man's Chest" -- it was audio-visual crack, like a more expensive "Mummy Returns" where they actually got to finish the special effects. But "At World's End" forces you to focus on its story during its first two conversation-packed hours -- and the fundamental emptiness of that story means those ADD-loving kids are probably going to be glancing at their Mickey Mouse watches by roughly an hour-ten. Because despite the obvious hard work (which by all accounts damn near killed the talented Mr. Vebinski), this is ultimately an empty, confusing exercise in endless betrayals. It generates a lot of mayhem, but burns no calories. And it leaves things almost exactly as they were at the start of "Curse of the Black Pearl" -- only now we're supposed to think the pirates are cool instead of scary.

(I've personally a little shocked at how blithely Rossio and Elliott asked us to forget that killing redcoats was sort of a bad thing in the first film -- much like they asked us to forget that supernatural monsters were once considered more exotic than hired help.)

Anyway. I'm no box-office guru, but I wouldn't be shocked if this dips as hard as "Spider-Man 3" did after its opening weekend. To quote that review by "Jolly Roger": "I'm almost glad the hype is over and I can move onto Transformers." I can relate.

•• Q. Oh, relax -- this is supposed to be a fun ride!••

A. See, I find that statement kind of appalling. For one thing, "Curse of the Black Pearl" was both a ride and a movie. For another, anyone who's been reading AICN's excellent series on the blockbusters of 1982 will be reminded that the best of them stick the fundamentals. Spectacle can always be outdone. Well-written characters can't.

Q. But you did say you were "mildly diverted." What diverted you?

A. Well:

1. The special effects are just smokin'. Especially when they involve Davy Jones. He's seamless, even if the actual physical solidity of his character is remarkably inconsistent on the page. (Can he pass through walls, or can Jack chop off bits of him?)

2. As Moriarty wrote, the opening scene where our heroes steal the map to Hell kind of echoes the Jabba's Palace sequence from "Return of the Jedi." It also contains a bit where the bald-dwarf pirate shoots a gun so large, it blows him backwards down the hole he just climbed out of. Hilarious.

3. Chow Yun-Fat makes a great sleazy pirate. I wish he was in the movie more. And maybe a little less rape-y there at the end.

4. The undead monkey is cute, and like 18 times funnier than the woeful "comedy team" of Lee Arenberg and Mackenzie Crook. (Yes, they're every bit as muggy and lame as that Competing Captains" clip " suggests.) At one point the undead monkey gets shot out of a cannon. That's kind of funny.

5. There's a new Davy Jones crew member with a Moray-eel head.

6. It turns out that any "Pirates" sequel is immediately energized by the addition of Geoffrey Rush. Barbossa's return to the series is more than welcome; Jack Sparrow needs an opponent he can't bulldoze.

7. There's also one insane minute in the overlong Davy Jones' Locker sequence where Jack Sparrow, lost in his madness, finds himself commanding a crew consisting entirely of other Jack Sparrows.

8. Keith Richards is just terrific as Jack's father. He looks cool, he doesn’t try too hard, and he's so commanding, it's kind of confusing when the pirates talk about needing to elect a "king," because Keith has already been introduced like he has the job.

9. Despite my earlier bitching -- and despite the fact that it's peppered with inappropriate romantic interludes and a bit where Jack and Elizabeth fly around on a parachute like they're in Peter Jackson's "King Kong" -- that final whirlpool battle is pretty damn stimulating. Kids will go insane for it.

10. And finally, for whatever fool reason, the filmmakers devote one of the best special-effects shots in the entire series to Lord Cutler Beckett, head of the East India Trading Co. (a.k.a "Diet Tom Hulce"). There's this bit where he's walking across the deck of an exploding ship, striding through a maelstrom of splinters, and it's awesomely, ridiculously iconic. Why they gave this moment to one of blandest villains in the history of blockbuster cinema is beyond me.

Again, I could go on and on, but I hope the distinction is clear: I mostly liked moments and effects and decorations, and I mostly disliked the betrayals of characters and dramatic arcs. Decide for yourselves.

Warmest, Alexandra DuPont.
alexandradupont@yahoo.com Arm yourself to attack my critical judgment! It's easy and fun! Visit The DuPont Bibliography!







Readers Talkback
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  • May 23, 2007, 9:17 a.m. CST

    You Geek..

    by Bill Brasky

    Yeah, and I am sure that she is real, too.

  • May 23, 2007, 9:17 a.m. CST

    Oh...and First Bitches

    by Bill Brasky

    "Here's to Bill Brasky!"

  • May 23, 2007, 9:22 a.m. CST

    What??

    by Jugs

    Must be.

  • May 23, 2007, 9:25 a.m. CST

    every review i read makes me want to see this more

    by PullMyFinger

    i'm excited!

  • May 23, 2007, 9:25 a.m. CST

    Hey sweet cheeks....

    by TheUltraHumanite

    have you seen the LOST season finale as well?

  • May 23, 2007, 9:29 a.m. CST

    Nice review

    by Franklin T Marmoset

    It's good to read someone on this site who's insightful, can compose a sentence, and is able to get a laugh without all the forced boner references.<p>So far, what I'm hearing about At World's End confirms that this will be offering the same shambolic but sometimes enjoyable mess that Dead Man's Chest did. Maybe that'll be okay, I don't know, but I'm seeing it all the same. The monkey needs my support.

  • May 23, 2007, 9:34 a.m. CST

    It's funny...

    by 7pointedstar

    A lot of reviews come in basically shitting all over the movie, saying it's too big, too expansive and too laden with special effects...yet all they do is make me want to see it more.

  • May 23, 2007, 9:36 a.m. CST

    Finally

    by sevenrivera

    Someone on this site that recognizes that you are supposed to shoot for fun big action movies but still include fundamentals like plotting, dialogue, subtlety and direction. This misses the mark but it sounds like it didn't miss by as much as Spidershit 3 did or TINO most definitely will. Still think this will suck, but maybe not as bad as the rest. We need to face it, the Raiders of the Lost Arks, Ghostbusters, or the first Pirates are gone. Welcome to the lowest common denominator. "It's just a popcorn movie!" Bullshit. Popcorn and quality are NOT mutually exclusive.

  • May 23, 2007, 9:40 a.m. CST

    Sounds better than the second

    by Talkbacker with no name

    Which i really enjoyed for all it's flaws. After dead man's chest I think we know what we are getting really. <p>Don't post the girl's email for god's sake, Herc! These dirty little nerds will be spunky over their keyboards to chat to a real live girl.

  • May 23, 2007, 9:44 a.m. CST

    Watched the 2nd one again the other night ....

    by kinghenryVIII

    And ya know, I liked it better then when I saw it in the movies - even better then the first time I watched it on DVD. It seemed to flow better and the I thought the acting was much better. Bloom explaining to Davey Jones that he was there to "collect on jack Sparrows debt" and his facail expression as he explained .... I thought he actually owned the character finnally - and I hate Bloom.<p>I liked the reveiw - thanks! And I can't wait to see this thing.<p>Yes, no Raiders of the Lost Ark - by any means - but I watched Pirates 2 and raiders again on the same night and damn if I wuddn't pleased.

  • May 23, 2007, 9:45 a.m. CST

    Posh bird

    by Kristian66

    How... who cares

  • May 23, 2007, 9:46 a.m. CST

    Just to reiterate

    by kwisatzhaderach

    I have difficulty comprehending how badly written, acted, staged and directed movies such as the Pirates of the Caribbean films are praised so highly. Have we come to expect so little from our blockbusters these days that we heap praise upon any FX-laden shit we have shovelled in our direction?

  • May 23, 2007, 9:46 a.m. CST

    And where is Mori's review?

    by DerLanghaarige

    I hate reading these Q & A style reviews, because they always read like the writer tries to explain to a kid how to brush its teeth, so I didn't read this one either. :P

  • May 23, 2007, 9:48 a.m. CST

    WHERE IS THE LOST TB?

    by googamooga

    ???

  • May 23, 2007, 9:51 a.m. CST

    The only way I will see this

    by Diagnostic

    is if my wife promises not to be mad, when I fall asleep halfway though.<br> <br> And she does not interupt my nap... <br> I promise to stay awake through harry potter.

  • May 23, 2007, 9:51 a.m. CST

    Spare me...

    by crashcow

    Why is it people who were probably sucking on a tit during 1982 like to wax philisophical about things they never witnessed as if they were apart of it all? Your 26? I have t-shirts older and more experienced than you... Just write your review and move on, Ego.

  • May 23, 2007, 9:52 a.m. CST

    yeah i agree, kinghenryVIII

    by Talkbacker with no name

    First time was a bit dull. the second I thought it was great! weird that eh. But i always try and watch a film twice even if i didn't like it the first time. Some of my favourite films I hated the first time. 2001, Escape from New York (yes I know but i was quite young at the time when it was released) are a few examples...not saying the 2nd pirates will be a favourite movie for me but...oh you get my point.

  • May 23, 2007, 9:53 a.m. CST

    That's a tough one to answer, googamooga

    by Franklin T Marmoset

    Where did you see it last?

  • May 23, 2007, 9:56 a.m. CST

    hey ummm...

    by Bloo

    wasn't that intro excatly the same as the Last time Alexendra DuPont wrote a review here. I think we get it, ADP is supposed to be some kind of geeks fantasy dream girl. She's a good writer and didn't come off nearly as bitchy this time.<P>anyways, I'll see this, but I aint paying for it, I get free movie tickets with my job(no health insurance but who needs that when you get free movies) so Thurs. night 9pm, I'm catching this flick.

  • May 23, 2007, 9:57 a.m. CST

    Pirates...

    by Bruce Leroy

    Hmmm...It's atleast an honest review. I'll still see it in the cinema's and now that i know what to expect i'm lowering my expectations. On the other hand people need to let go of that "Shut your brain off, it's just a popcorn flick" mentality. It's that sort of thinking that gave us The Mummy returns and Spider-man 3. I want to care for the characters that are on the screen, be involved you know? When will Hollywood learn? Big FX, explosions and loud music are nothing if the movie doesn't have heart.

  • May 23, 2007, 10:06 a.m. CST

    Great review

    by Mr Gorilla

    Seems to sum it up pretty well. God, this movie should have been GREAT! It just sounds rubbish.

  • May 23, 2007, 10:06 a.m. CST

    if this bitch is real...

    by El Borak

    i wanna see her picture. no one is hot enough to be that kind of wretch.

  • May 23, 2007, 10:11 a.m. CST

    also...

    by El Borak

    where is the lost-back?

  • May 23, 2007, 10:11 a.m. CST

    Come on guys, with all the girlie tv he watches

    by Borgnine JR

    it was only a matter of time before Herc started posting as a lady. Cooked up quite a backstory for him/herself too. I'll bet he's written quite a few Gilmore Girls scripts under that name. Post those, will you Herc?

  • May 23, 2007, 10:14 a.m. CST

    Gore Verbinski is a lesbian filmmaker.

    by Zarles

    True story.

  • May 23, 2007, 10:17 a.m. CST

    So basically, PIRATES has become the MATRIX trilogy

    by SpyGuy

    Awesomely innovative first film, depressingly disappointing second film, mediocre third film far too long and excessive.

  • May 23, 2007, 10:33 a.m. CST

    Pirates Does NOT = Matrix Trilogy

    by Sean38

    If only because the original Pirates, while entertaining, was NOT the original Matrix, which was positively ground breaking. Simply put, not as far to fall.

  • May 23, 2007, 10:35 a.m. CST

    Behind you! A Three-Headed Monkey!

    by TheGoodGerman

    How many Monkey Island references will we get this time? I still wish that George closes the StarWars Storyteller Book to bring us the Pirate Trilogy we deserve.

  • May 23, 2007, 10:35 a.m. CST

    Sounds like DEAD MAN'S CHEST then...

    by Tubbs Tattsyrup

    ...really nice to look at, but boring and convoluted as hell.

  • May 23, 2007, 10:42 a.m. CST

    Question....

    by BillyPilgrim

    Do pirates have street cred? Wouldn't it be sea cred?

  • May 23, 2007, 10:53 a.m. CST

    Ah the 90s...

    by Mr Gorilla

    Remember those great days when we only had to enjoy ONE Bruchkeimer/Bay movie - be it The Rock, Armageddon, Pearl Harbour? At least then you know there was only one tentpole movie that would look amazing but be shit in every other way. Nowadays, though, we have to endure one movie from Bruckheimer, and one from Bay. That's 2 out of this summer's 10 or so blockbusters that you KNOW are going to be totally lacking in character, story and wit. (Unless you actually found Martin Lawrence assing around in that paddling pool amusing.)

  • May 23, 2007, 10:57 a.m. CST

    Watched the 2nd one again last night...

    by Mr Gorilla

    I HATED it the first time, but after watching it 25 times my IQ has lowered so much that I find it to be a 'hugely enjoyable summer flick'. Although I also regularly soil myself now.

  • May 23, 2007, 10:57 a.m. CST

    WAY to negative to beliEVE

    by majortom25

    That review seemed way to negative for me to belive it. Does she not like pirates at all (not the movie named pirates but pirates in general) I really dont belive this review. With all the film geeks hating the second one the general public loved it. So I am compeltely ignoring all the reviews But I do think that she was biased i nsome way. She was too negative for me to beleive it. HEck this movie cant be any worse then spiderman 3 and if you beleive this review she makes it seem like it is.

  • May 23, 2007, 11:11 a.m. CST

    Herc, how many more time are you gonna cut and paste?

    by DarfurOnTheRocks

    We have all read that opening about Ms. Dupont before... And quite frankly I could not give two shits about her opinion. Stop with the hero worship, especially concerning someone that has nothing awe-inspiring in the world of filmic criticism...

  • May 23, 2007, 11:14 a.m. CST

    Wow.....

    by godzillasushi

    some people live crazy lives...

  • May 23, 2007, 11:22 a.m. CST

    The person described in the introduction...

    by Cameron1

    sounds like a retard. So why would we want to know what she thinks of the film? <p> P.S did my last post get deleted?

  • May 23, 2007, 11:36 a.m. CST

    so this is suppose to be...

    by ludmir88

    the last word about this movie? this review is a bit of "yeah, i could do it better than anyone else", like every critic in the media think they are able. And yeah a want a pic of her!!!!!!!

  • May 23, 2007, 11:41 a.m. CST

    Awesome review. Clear and honest.

    by mrsinister7381

    The Pirates movies do nothing for me. I think At Worlds End will have a great opening weekend, and then crap out like Spiderman. TRANSFORMERS is going to be the surprise hit of the summer. By surprise I mean a blockbuster that does it's job.

  • May 23, 2007, 11:45 a.m. CST

    speaking about matrix...

    by ludmir88

    i found last night that Harry is in the bonus section in the animatrix dvd, speaking about anime.i didn't know that. And where is the pic of alexandra?

  • May 23, 2007, 11:48 a.m. CST

    Yawn

    by Mako

    As with most of this mysterious woman's reviews... she's a bit of a bore. Her supposed intellectual film knowledge actually derails her from understanding the principle of going to the movies is to "have fun" and "escape". However... we already know she does that by getting wasted in Malibu and hanging out with her half-dressed lesbian friends (right - eye wink). This is clearly someone who lives outside of the world of reality... or is she even real to begin with? Hmmm...

  • May 23, 2007, 11:49 a.m. CST

    Alexandra

    by Mattyboy122

    Seems like the nearly-perfect girl...which makes her very existence a tad implausible. Though, I suppose if somebody who claims to know her like Herc antes up with a photograph as proof of some sort, then I'll be a believer. Until then, I'll just enjoy her (or his?) reviews.

  • May 23, 2007, 11:51 a.m. CST

    Oh yeah

    by Mattyboy122

    And this review further cements the downward spiral of this series. And yes, the first film was far and away better than the second. The action wasn't as spectacular, the special effects weren't as realistic, but it had heart, and that's where DMC failed and I'm sure where this third installment will fail.

  • May 23, 2007, 11:51 a.m. CST

    just Wondering...

    by Veni Vidi Vici

    does Alexandra DuPont really exist, or is it just a Fight Club scenario where Herc was just talking to himself at the video game expo and all of this is made up in his mind? oh an Pirates 2 was enjoyable and i will most likely see 3.

  • May 23, 2007, 11:56 a.m. CST

    Herc

    by SithMenace

    All your bullshit seeing episodes in advance claims aside, now your a wannabe child molester too? I'll be damned. And this half naked dozen lesbian thing, I hope you meant that as a joke, because no one believes you and you just look like a desperate fool that needs to get laid.<p>By the way, Depp aside, the Pirates movies suck ass.

  • May 23, 2007, 11:59 a.m. CST

    Her problem (and those of a lot of people)

    by Mattyboy122

    Piltdown Joey, is that this series has borrowed greatly from better films (namely the original Star Wars trilogy) without building the heart that that series did (even with Jedi being a bit of a misfire). What's more, DMC was convoluted and CLEARLY written around set-pieces. How else do you explain the cannibal island debacle? Couldn't they have just as easily gone to port at Tortuga or some place like that to reunite the characters? The plot was muddled and overly complex, the writing was atrocious (the introduction of the two 'comic relief' pirates in DMC is absolutely cringeworthy), and the film didn't cause you to care about anything that was happening. I not only cared about what happened to Jack in the first film, but I even cared for Barbossa went he finally went under. DMC rolls around and I find myself not being able to give two shits about these characters. Nighy as Jones was the only bit of DMC worth watching. I guess what I'm trying to say in this rant is that it's possible to have fun AND heart in a blockbuster (E.T., Die Hard, Raiders, Star Wars, Jaws, etc). Movies don't have to be barrages on the senses that just leave you numbed.

  • May 23, 2007, noon CST

    Found a photo

    by Domi'sInnerChild

    http://rknappster1.tripod.com/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/.pond/fat-woman.jpg.w300h239.jpg

  • May 23, 2007, 12:02 p.m. CST

    Crap, here it is...

    by Domi'sInnerChild

    http://folk.ntnu.no/torgeima/fat-woman.jpg

  • May 23, 2007, 12:13 p.m. CST

    Critics sucks big time!!!!!!

    by ludmir88

    the most important thing is the opinion of the audience. The average moviegoer who just want to set his/her own conclusion about a film, not some people that got the chance to be in the media and criticize in a very pedantic way their opinions. Again: critics sucks!!! I just follow my own judgment.

  • May 23, 2007, 12:21 p.m. CST

    Chud.com Reporting Karen allen

    by eric haislar

    is in Indy IV!

  • May 23, 2007, 12:21 p.m. CST

    Interesting bio, but not entirely complimentary

    by deathbird

    Perhaps its the Lefty in me talking, but having a mother who's allied with the pharmaceutical racket, and bedding/wedding a politico are the sort of things I'd keep buried. Remember, governments and corporations are not your friends.

  • May 23, 2007, 12:35 p.m. CST

    I hate to bring Alexandra DuPont down to earth..

    by Cotton McKnight

    but your reviews ain't all that, sweetie. I'm just saying.

  • May 23, 2007, 12:44 p.m. CST

    Alexandra DuPont

    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    Call me...

  • May 23, 2007, 12:55 p.m. CST

    I agree with Alexandra about 50% of the time...

    by beastie

    But she ALWAYS has good reasons for her opinions. Her reviews are as good as Moriarty's and Roger Ebert's.</p><p>Great review Alexandra. You should do more for this site.

  • May 23, 2007, 12:57 p.m. CST

    I LOVE YOU Alexandra!

    by Orionsangels

    Because you're a pretty girl and to top that off you have a guys brain. Which is perfect for me! Great review! I got aroused reading it.

  • May 23, 2007, 1:02 p.m. CST

    i don't understand the appeal

    by Cedar_Room

    I honestly truly don't. Jack Sparrow one of the greatest characters in movie history?? Do me a favour. The first film was alright if a bit boring, the second film did nothing to really get me excited (that bit with Jack and the big stick and the fruit was just utter shite). I really just don't get why these films have gone on to make so much money. Maybe I'm just a miserable old cunt.

  • May 23, 2007, 1:15 p.m. CST

    BSB

    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    I know it may be hard for you to resist but don't stick your foot in your mouth just yet. Alexandra DuPont has been affiliated with this site for a long time and she's definitely got a Talkback handle. I'm sure she'll chime in if/when she feels like it.

  • May 23, 2007, 1:16 p.m. CST

    Meh

    by RockLobster800

    this girl does sound a might attractive but Ive met the type and they aint attractive. As for Pirates 3-I'll see it eventually, but Im in no rush. The Dark Knight however? Counting the days already....

  • May 23, 2007, 1:18 p.m. CST

    spanish review

    by CuervoJones

    http://www.supernovapop.com/cine/Pelicula/844/Piratas-del-Caribe-En-el-Fin-del-Mundo.html

  • May 23, 2007, 1:21 p.m. CST

    Geo. Lucas says this is silly.

    by Diagnostic

    Thairs some yo-ho-ho here and some<br>sword play there. A silly and<br> disgusting monkey somewhair.<br>But overall this made no<br>sense to him.

  • May 23, 2007, 1:37 p.m. CST

    Dr Gonzo

    by RockLobster800

    Hey I may hang out at trannie clubs but....umm....what was the last thing you said? What Imeant to say as that those dolls are pretty hot physically but the ones I've met usually know they're too good for scum and villains such as I. herefore they act a bit like ye olde bitch in person....

  • May 23, 2007, 1:46 p.m. CST

    you do realise..

    by RockLobster800

    that if a pciture is posted shes hardly gonna have her kit off posing as maturbational fodder like. which,lets face it, is what people want.

  • May 23, 2007, 1:50 p.m. CST

    Watch it guys....

    by BillyPilgrim

    Don't disparage Alexandra DuPont. She's a member of the DuPont family, known satanic royalty and members of the Illuminati. The Du Ponts also have ties to the Masons and The Society of the Cincinnati. SO DON'T FUCK WITH HER!!! Her pixyish lesbian demon fucking friends will dance around the pentagram while your head explodes in a ball of hellfire. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!! Well, at least wait till the season finale of Lost is over! SATAN WORSHIPING DUPONTS GOTTA EAT!!!

  • May 23, 2007, 1:54 p.m. CST

    Okay, I'll just say it...

    by TheGreenStyle

    For all the average talkbacker's posturing of being intelligent and with it, they sure do get sexist against Alexandra. When a MALE reviewer posts something most don't agree with, he's either just a plant, an anti-plant, an Asshole, or a Fucktard. (I'll forgive fucktard because it is just enough removed from the mentally handicapped overtones to be acceptable.)<br> <br> But when a FEMALE reviewer posts something you don't like, She's a Bitch, a Cunt, (That word is still a big no-no, despite Harry's reckless use of it in his Spidey 3 review) or, perhaps worse, imaginary. Almost as if saying a woman could not have a valid opinion.<br> <br> Let's just all grow up here. if you dislike Alexandra's reviews, just call her an asshole like anyone else. Don't impugn her for being a woman.

  • May 23, 2007, 1:56 p.m. CST

    Solving The Mystery Of Alexandra

    by KDog629

    Maybe I'm behind the curve, here, and not in on the joke, but there seems to be an easier-than-ever way to figure out if our collective chain is being yanked over this Amazonian super-goddess Herc fetishizes. He mentioned in the ramp-up that she's the ex-wife of a freshman congressman. There aren't that many of those, and I would think that not too much searching would clear up whether or not she's real.

  • May 23, 2007, 1:56 p.m. CST

    BillyPilgrim, so what you're saying is...

    by TheGreenStyle

    If you diss Alexandra, she'll turn you into Ghost Rider?<br> <br> Shit, I'll think I'll try it then...

  • May 23, 2007, 1:58 p.m. CST

    Well, BSB...

    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    ...there was a picture floating around at one point but I have no idea if it was really her. Part of his/her(?) allure is Herc's descriptions which are partially intended to get some of you guys all riled up. Apparently, it works.<P>But I always pegged you as a guy more interested in what Neill Cumpston looks like, BSB.

  • May 23, 2007, 2:02 p.m. CST

    I'd agree Greestyle

    by Mattyboy122

    It's pretty shameful the way she's called a 'cunt' by a bunch of talkbackers. However, theorizing that she is, perhaps, imaginary isn't so much insulting. Hell, if she turns out to be real, it would be an absolute compliment (as most who consider her to be imaginary do so because she seems too good to be true). At any rate, imaginary or not, these reviews are always entertaining.

  • May 23, 2007, 2:11 p.m. CST

    A month ago...

    by TheGreenStyle

    everyone's buzz over summer was about how may had 3 big part 3's to the three biggest movie franchises currently running. Now, the critics, talkbackers and general public acknowledge that Spidey and Shrek were disappointments. (Spidey was tragic because his part 3 needn't have been a disappoint. But we all knew from Shrek2 that the trajectory of Shrek 3 wasn't that good.) Boy, wouldn't it be something if Pirates also fell from grace. May will be Summer's big wasted month. Even now, everyone's switching gears to "What else is coming out this summer?" <br> <br> Who knows if Ocean's 13 still has an audience? I hear no buzz about it. That movie where Adam Sandler and that Guy from King of Queens are gay together? maybe worth a matinee. Rush Hour 3? Now those I DO enjoy as turn your brain off movies. one of the few franchises you can make that arguement for, so I'll catch it. Ratatouille? Everything Pixar makes is gold, so I'm there. (I also enjoyed Cars quite a bit as well, but I was the only one over 10 who did, apparently)<br> <br> But, for big ticket action, I guess I'm waiting for July, with Transformers and Harry Potter 5. Harry Potter never ceases to deliver, and I have sneaking suspicion that Transformers will be the big hit everyone has been waiting and do remarkably well, despite what the fans** say. No, it won't get the opening box office record, because it doesn't have sequal momentum behind it, (or a national tragedy, was was the case for Spidey 1) but it will probably have better legs than any of the may movies.<br> <br> **The reason I asterisked "fans" is because with my conversations with so-called bitchy fans on here, most of them don't really know that much about transformers besides vague memories of the old cartoons and comics. if they knew there stuff, they'd know most of the "changes" made for the movie were made before the movie, in other media and toys. Optimus Prime as a long nose truck with flames? 1994. Megatron as an alien fet? 2004. Megatron as something OTHER than a gun? 1992. Ironhide as a black pick up? 2001. The All spark? 1985. Yes, that one WAS in the original, but it was a second season episode, and largely forgotten. Organic Cybertron? 1999.

  • May 23, 2007, 2:20 p.m. CST

    "Oh, relax -- this is supposed to be a fun ride!"

    by Kragmose

    Thats right, you tell em!

  • May 23, 2007, 2:22 p.m. CST

    What's with the preamble Herc?

    by LordEnigma

    Seriously dude...write about it...not for it. Thanks Alexandra for becoming the DRACULA of AICN. YOU JUST KEEP COMING BACK!

  • May 23, 2007, 2:29 p.m. CST

    oh Christ, here she is, out of the woodwork

    by hktelemacher

    The fact that she's on record calling Dead Man's Chest "confusing" negates any and all credibility this broad has. It's a kid's movie, people. Stop examining it like it's supposed to be more. This shit kills me. I find these movies highly entertaining, and given that my kids want to watch them repeat times and I don't want to kill people whenever they're on -- that's major points right there. Happy Feet, on the other hand, is going to put me in jail.

  • May 23, 2007, 2:30 p.m. CST

    Preamble = Herc "hearts" Alexandra DuPont

    by finky089

    Can ya blame him though?

  • May 23, 2007, 2:36 p.m. CST

    Say what you will about Pirates (and the two sequels)

    by mrfan

    They are a lot better than some of that crap being thrown out fromt the studios. I look forward to seeing the third one.

  • May 23, 2007, 2:47 p.m. CST

    Can' Wait Keep Posting Those Negative Reveiws Bitchs

    by Darth Jackass

    I'Cant wait for this DMC was the best time i had @ the Movies last summer. Had all you could ask for in a summer popcorn film. Seems like most reviews are nitpicking Pirates 3 to death. Everything i have heard & seen looks good to me. Im seeing this one twice this weekend. The more you bash the more I know it's going to be good. Yo-Ho-Yo-Ho Motherfuckers.

  • May 23, 2007, 2:47 p.m. CST

    Again, there are good kinds of complex

    by Mattyboy122

    And bad kinds of complex. Dead Man's Chest was definitely the latter. It is needlessly complex (ie, complex because the writers were working around set-pieces and had to string together a complex plot to make any sense out of what was happening), and because the plot is dealt with in such a 'okay, let's get through this boring exposition to get to the next 'splosion,' you find yourself not caring about what happens to the characters. So, in summary, DMC sucked donkey-balls.

  • May 23, 2007, 2:51 p.m. CST

    Matrix Trilogy?

    by lost.rules

    UGh.....The first Matrix was vastly superior to Black Pearl. Although, its sequels are probably more annoying than pirates. Only a little more.

  • May 23, 2007, 2:54 p.m. CST

    POTC will overtake Spider-Man 3...

    by moto

    In every manner. I know, I'm comparing a pirate movie to a superhero movie... but in the terms of the blockbuster franchise, Pirates offers the goods. Best Effects we've seen thus far in film in my opinion. Damn near seamless... especially compared to Spider-Man movies, which are nothing more than interesting camera angles during fight scenes however too close to pure animation... Spidey looks, and always has looked (in Raimi's movies) like an animated cartoon character. And everything around him during action sequences is just as animated. Pirates on the other hand... WOW. Prime example of how CG should be used. <P> Character arch-wise, Spidey has never progressed. It was the same old struggle each and every movie... just with new and/or more villians. POTC at least offers characters that are in constant progression throughout each movie... and their stories that intertwine are just as progressive. Yeah, some may have found Dead Man's Chest too much to follow... but who's fault is that? Better that than a paper thin plot just to showcase action. <p> Spider-Man surpassed Dead Man's Chest's opening record ONLY because more screens were added. My prediction is that if POTC 3 opens in the same amount of screens, it'll easily surpass SM3's record. Either way POTC will garner more money than Spider-Man in the end. Because the now age old factor of Spider-Man movies is that they may be fun to watch the first time, but a majority of people never feel the need to revisit them, be it in the theater and/or on DVD. At least almost everyone I've spoken with here at AICN and out in the world.

  • May 23, 2007, 2:59 p.m. CST

    POTCINO

    by Ye Not Guilty

    Pirates of the Caribbean In Name Only!

  • May 23, 2007, 3:05 p.m. CST

    Ok

    by DannyOcean01

    You fuckhats, you're selling me on the concept of this DuPont bint...Does she ever turn up at BNAT because I might have to stalk her...

  • May 23, 2007, 3:14 p.m. CST

    I disagree, moto...

    by Tarantinoholic

    I'd LOVE to see At World's End beat the hell out of Spidey 3's record, but I just don't see it happening. The majority of the public dug the hell out of Spider-man 2, and when it was announced that Venom would be in part 3, they went apeshit in anticipation. I think for geeks everywhere, Spider-man 3 was an insanely anticipated flick. Not so with Pirates 3. Everyone loved the first Pirates movie, but the majority of people absolutely abhorred the second film (which I still can't understand - I think Dead Man's Chest is leaps and bounds ahead of the first movie in both aesthetics and scope). I think a lot of people still have a bad taste in their mouths from the second film, and that the BO numbers for this won't be anything near those of the second film.

  • May 23, 2007, 3:16 p.m. CST

    Reproduce

    by Lour Reed luvs Frank Zappa

    Make Babies. Dur. Duh. So-ci-et-y. Dum Dur Dah.

  • May 23, 2007, 3:23 p.m. CST

    When does Harry Potter come out?

    by lost.rules

    So it can redeem all the crappiness of the movies that are coming out this summer. I'm looking at you, Spiderman 3!

  • May 23, 2007, 3:29 p.m. CST

    taratinoholic...

    by TheGreenStyle

    the majority of people LOVED pirates 2. They ripped Dupont a new asshole for not liking it. Talkbackers, critics and general public thought it was brilliant. the positive it's still getting in this talk back, (or whiny about the whiny) is a testament to that. <br> <br> The anti-DMC was very fringe movement when it first was out. but, it's been steadily gaining steam over the last year. Maybe a lot of people rushed to get the DVD and realize, "oh, this isn't as good as I remembered," or it just finally sank in that this movie has no ending and that you're going to be forced to buy more tickets and another DVD to get it. So, you either got sold half a movie twice, or they made you pay double for one movie. <br> <br> Not to mention it's just not as good. Barbosa and the undead pirates>>>>>>>>>>>>Dave Jones and the fish-stick pirates.

  • May 23, 2007, 3:29 p.m. CST

    Pirates = Matrix

    by Stollentroll

    This actually makes a LOT of sense. I agreed 100 % with Alexandra's review of POTC: DMC and I'm sure I don't have to see this pile of crap!

  • May 23, 2007, 3:30 p.m. CST

    For the love of all that is holy

    by Mattyboy122

    Just because somebody says the plot to DMC is overly complex doesn't make them stupid. It's a criticism of the crappy writing at work, and if you can't recognize that, then I'm sorry. Characters changing completely in between the first and second movie? Check. Self-conscious attempt to one-up the first film? Check. Writing around set-pieces? Check. Making the heroes suddenly unlikable? Check. Laying on the bombast? Check. Shoddy scenes of exposition? Check. Reliance on contrived coincidences? Check. None of these problems set off alarms in your heads, people!? Yeah, I know DMC was pretty to look at, but try to focus on the actual work that went into the film (or lackthereof on the writing level) and realize that, despite production values that are awesome, the film is woefully hollow. Someone once wrote about sound and fury and what it signified...that definitely applies here.

  • May 23, 2007, 3:31 p.m. CST

    I admit they should have trimmed 20min from DMC

    by performingmonkey

    And I don't mean cutting the cannibal island stuff because I think that was necessary to put some fun in the increasingly dark series. What they should have cut was all the slow parts in the middle, including the totally unnecessary scenes with Elizabeth stowing away aboard that ship and fooling the crew with her dress (you can tell they included it just to give Keira something to do, well I don't care, it should never have been shot!) and also the Tortuga scene where they're recruiting the 100 souls. Everything else was fine, especially the scenes on the Flying Dutchman which were great. Davey Jones was an excellent creation, brilliantly acted by Bill Nighy and animated with more photo-realism than any CG character seen so far.

  • May 23, 2007, 3:32 p.m. CST

    lost rules.

    by TheGreenStyle

    It's something like July 16th. It's within a week of the new Harry Potter BOOK coming out, to fuel a huge Harry Poter-stravaganza this summer. <br> <br> I'm glad it's coming after Transformers, because Harry Potter is just about the one movie this summer I can count on. (I still have the highest of hopes for Transformers, but it's anything but a sure bet.)

  • May 23, 2007, 3:34 p.m. CST

    A) POTC Movies are big dumb fun

    by Larry of Arabia

    The films are built around a theme park ride. A great theme park ride, but a theme park ride none the less. Dark rides are by definition a series of set pieces. This keeps in that traditions. If you don't like the first scene the next is right around the corner. Other than being overlong, the movies are entertaining, silly, and not too serious no matter how many peoples fathers have been turned into seeweed men. Turn your brain off and enjoy the whirlpool if you haven't forgotten how.

  • May 23, 2007, 3:36 p.m. CST

    can we get some photos up of this DuPont girl???

    by Trader Groucho 2

    My curiousity is killing me.

  • May 23, 2007, 3:37 p.m. CST

    Tarantinoholic...

    by moto

    See your point, but remember that while certain AICN/internet fanboys and various critics did have issues with the second flick (I too loved it), $423 million worth of audience members loved it. Even with the "issues" it had plot-wise (still don't get what was so difficult for people to follow), people came back to see it because it was still at the same time a frackin adventure roller coaster ride to watch. All of those excellent action set pieces and what not drew people back in. Kids and families especially. SM3 may have had the better opening weekend (again, only because the theater count was drastically increased), but POTC 2 faired better in the progressive weeks. PLUS, POTC 2 left viewers with a cliffhanger... so everyone will be dying to see where it goes.

  • May 23, 2007, 3:38 p.m. CST

    B) This is the summer of dissapointment

    by Larry of Arabia

    So much potential going in, squandered. Spiderman, Shrek, and POTC have gobs of goodwill but the third movies have been average at best, boring and stupid at worst. Although they are making tons of money people are going to soon see through them and we will go back to having down years at the B.O. They can only push us so far. It's probrobly a combination of A and B thats happening right now. We want something original, like Pirates, Shrek, and Spidey were at the start. I can't wait for next year when some summer movie suprises may be in store and not old characters and used ideas.

  • May 23, 2007, 3:39 p.m. CST

    The thing is...

    by TheGreenStyle

    Should I turn my brain off or applaud the complicated plot of the film? I'm being asked to do both. This film's convolutions are simultaneously being said to be a virtue to be enjoyed AND a vice to be ignored. So, what am I to make of the film's meandering nature? good or bad? <br> <br> movies cannot simultaneously be both smart and dumb, but that's what people seem to be saying about these. Or, am I supposed to keep a finger on my brain's trigger, and keep turning it on and off as the movie demands?

  • May 23, 2007, 3:45 p.m. CST

    On bombast and things bombastic...

    by BillyPilgrim

    I demand more BOMBAST! Would you like BOMBAST with that? Hell yeah I want BOMBAST with a side of BOMBAST slathered with BOMBAST gravy! DAMN THATS GOOOOOD BOMBAST!

  • May 23, 2007, 3:46 p.m. CST

    I've seen a picture of DuPont...

    by MechaTruffautMk2

    ...can't remember where I saw it, a link was posted in some other TB way back when. She's neither gorgeous nor hideous, but squarely average. Nothing to get excited about. I would usually say it's misogynist bullshit to call into question a female critic/writer's attractiveness when talking about her skill, but the ridiculous way that Herc always sets her up, and the holier-than-thou attitude she assumes just seems to bait comments like what you'll see shortly on in this TB and of the type that TheGreenStyle has lamented. If Herc and DuPont (assuming she's real, which I'm supposing she is, unless the picture I saw was only an elaborate hoax, which I doubt as I think it was on her own website, can't recall exactly) enjoy being so obnoxious and condescending, they should be prepared to take all the harsh insults the TB community can dish it. Harry and Moriarty get no better treatment when they hilariously fuck up, which is often, and they're men, or at least style themselves as such. If DuPont wanted to be taken seriously, she would ask Herc to remove all the crap he introduces her with. Or she could learn how to actually, you know, write an coherent, cohesive, interesting review, which is the only reason I clicked on this story, despite how annoying I normally find DuPont's style to be, and I was left, possibly, knowing even less about World's End than when I first started reading this self-important tripe. Shoulda known.

  • May 23, 2007, 3:47 p.m. CST

    TheGreenStyle

    by Mattyboy122

    I'd say if the type of film calls for such a complicated plot (which a pirate film could, though I don't know about one based on a theme park attraction) and, most importantly, if the writing is good enough to justify such a complicated plot, then by all means, enjoy it. However, a sequel to CotBP didn't need to be as incredibly complex, and furthermore, its complexity arose from A. writing around set-pieces, and B. lifting from other franchises (hence the parallels between DMC and Empire, AWE and Jedi). That's my explanation, anyhow.

  • May 23, 2007, 3:53 p.m. CST

    TheGreenStyle...

    by Tarantinoholic

    I don't know about the talkbackers loving Pirates 2 because I don't come on here that often, but from my experience, most people I know generally regard the movie as a huge disappointment. The critics weren't so hot for the movie either, as far as I know. It's sitting with a 54% over at Rotten Tomatoes, with an average rating of 6/10. What's disturbing is that that's an even lower percentage than Spidey 3. I can kind of see how and why people would dig the first Pirates movie over DMC (tighter, more focused, the sheer charisma of a guy like Geoffrey Rush) - but there's no way in hell Spidey 3 should be a film held in higher critical esteem than Pirates 2. Pirates 2 tried to juggle a hell of a lot of things, true, but I thought it was a lot more dynamic than the first. There was more at stake, the set pieces took it to the next level, and the film was just fun as hell. But really, I'm surprised there isn't more talk about how much of a ripoff the series is of the Star Wars films outside of the talkbacks. Will Turner = Luke... he's a guy who comes from nothing, lives in the shadow of his father and is forced to become a pirate much in the same way Luke became a Jedi. Keira Knightley's character is a carbon copy of Leia, a lady in high esteem who eventually starts kicking ass and falls for the bad boy. Jack is obviously Han, the Black Pearl is the Millenium Falcon, Barbossa is almost Lando Calrissian and those two stupid pirates are R2 and C3PO. Even the bleak ending where the Jack/Han character's fates seem sealed is mirrored in DMC, along with a daring rescue scene at the beginning of RotJ/AWE. I honestly won't be surprised if Davey Jones turns good at the end and helps lay the smack down on Beckett. I'm sure this subject has been discussed to death here, but it's dangerously close to plagairism!

  • May 23, 2007, 3:57 p.m. CST

    pirates dont need no stinkin stories.

    by dr.bulber

    thems pirates. weeeeeeeeeee!

  • May 23, 2007, 3:59 p.m. CST

    I lost all respect for Alexandra

    by joevideo

    when she gave a thumbs up for Pearl Harbor

  • May 23, 2007, 3:59 p.m. CST

    The most awesome summer movie season ever

    by CreasyBear

    is steadily turning to shit. Spidey 3 was a convoluted, corny mess that couldn't even get the action sequences right. Pirates 3 sounds just as uninvolving. Transformers is directed by Michael Bay. The second I start hearing shitty things about Bourne 3, I officially give up.

  • May 23, 2007, 4:04 p.m. CST

    I guess the reason I don't get tupset about SW stealing

    by TheGreenStyle

    Is because if POTC is dangerously close to plagiarism, then Eragon is broad-daylight robbery plagiarism! Seriously, I just rented it, and I was flummoxed! It was Star Wars "episode IV" but with Dragons as a stand in for the force. (Actually, Dragons are big, ride-on midichloreans and their "magic" is the force.) I was astonished. Does a princess steal something from the emperor to get back to the rebellion? check. Does it instead end up in the hands of a farm boy living with his uncle? check. does this farmboy turn out to be a new hope? check. Does this farmboy hook up with an aged wizard of an old warrior order? check. do they seek to go to the rebellion? check. Do they get way laid at a small town and meet a charming rogue? check... sorta. (in the only major deviation, they stop in the small town but don't meet the charming rouge. The charming rouge instead starts tailing them and reveals himself later.) Does the farmboy make a side journey to an enemy stronghold to save the princess? check. Does the old wizard sacrifice himself to save the farmboy and princess? check. Do the farm boy and princess and now-revealed rouge make it to the rebellion? check. Does the empire use this escape to find the hidden rebel base and stage final assault on the rebellion? check.<br> <br> So, yeah, that's why I don't get worked up over pirates being similar to Star Wars. Similarity is one thing. Eragon IS a Star Wars remake. it's appalling.

  • May 23, 2007, 4:04 p.m. CST

    Dupont=Billy Shears

    by mysteryperfecta

    Dupont's appearances remind me a little of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. The first song is a huge intro hyping "Biiiiii-lyyyyyy SHEARS!!!" and then-- well, and then that's where the analogy breaks down, because what follows on the album is "With A Little Help From My Friends", which is also great. The fulfillment of Herc's breathless hype never materializes, like Billy Shears. Dupont's contributions here are the apex of this site's pretentiousness. Like MechaTruffautMk2 said, just show up and let your writing represent you, without all of this tragically hip, re-unretiring, ostentatious BS. Cheers.

  • May 23, 2007, 4:06 p.m. CST

    I didn't say TBers and critics loved it...

    by moto

    I said they had issues with it, my "I too loved it" was directed to you saying that you liked it. Sorry to confuse:) TBers and critics didn't like it, BUT $423 million worth of audience members DID like it... ya know. That was my point. <p> Yeah, POTC has similar Star Wars character archs, etc. But I wouldn't call it a rip-off by any means (not saying you did). The characters are far enough away from each other that only the general skeleton of them are similar. In my eyes at least. And it wasn't like Lucas created those character types... they've been around for centuries. But if they do resemble the original trilogy... I don't think that's a bad thing. As long as they haven't done a complete rip off. "Inspired by" is more like it.

  • May 23, 2007, 4:08 p.m. CST

    Alexandra Dupont is too overly hyped.

    by TheGreenStyle

    I really like her stuff, and recommend anyone to thumb through her bibliography of compiled reviews. But just stop the build-up. She's not the greatest reviewer ever, and all the un-re-un-retiring. It was annoying when Michael Jordan did it, and you aint Michael Jordan. Just admit you're an infrequent reviewer and let it be.

  • May 23, 2007, 4:13 p.m. CST

    And the thing is...

    by TheGreenStyle

    maybe not so much anymore as internet film critiscism is now well established, but in the old days (late 90s) burgeoning internet reviewers could build careers by trashing a movie who's previous franchise hits had deemed it untrashable by legitimate reviewers. Harry built the success of AICN on the back of his review of Batman and Robin. wikipedia it. he was one of the first to come out and call it like it was, a shitty movie, when other media were still trying to be nice, because batman was the shit back then, (instead of just being shit.)<br> <br> Similarly, Alexandra built her cred largely on the back of her negative review of Episode 1. She got an advanced screening, and was one of the first to write as a betrayed fangirl and she anticipated and articulated many's disappointment.<br> <br> Maybe that's why many internet reviewers are very negative. Once upon a time, shitting on a beloved movie franchise on the net could make you famous!

  • May 23, 2007, 4:16 p.m. CST

    moto..

    by Tarantinoholic

    Sorry moto, I was responding to TheGreenStyle when I said that TBers weren't crazy for it. But yeah, it's nice to hear I'm not the only one who really liked it. Seeing as DMC only got a 54% on RT, I'm not putting any stock into what critics think of this one. I, for one, can't wait to check it out tomorrow night at the 8 o'clock show.

  • May 23, 2007, 4:33 p.m. CST

    I can understand why people like DMC, I suppose

    by TheGreenStyle

    but I can't understand why some like it better than part 1. That's what seems counter-inuitive to me.

  • May 23, 2007, 4:33 p.m. CST

    Wnanahara7

    by Mattyboy122

    You may have been old enough to live through the glory days of the summer blockbuster, but by saying PotC is better than Star Wars, you've completely sullied any and all credibility your opinion might hold to anyone with an IQ over 75 and/or who isn't a pubescent teenage girl. Congrats.

  • May 23, 2007, 4:34 p.m. CST

    Cool Review

    by simhedges

    Excellenty written and well thought through review. Well done.

  • May 23, 2007, 4:38 p.m. CST

    What the fuck?

    by C Legion

    You want to post a review then do so, I don't need to read some bullshit life story of some made up cunt. I didn't bother reading "her" review as I'd already read the same geek, wank fantasy backstory the last time "she" sent one in.

  • May 23, 2007, 4:48 p.m. CST

    Sounds like a rental...

    by WONKABAR

    seeing as how I had pretty much the exact same opinion about DMC as Alexandra here, I think I can wait. Btw just about ALL the blockbusters these days are 15 to 20 min too long imo. All the Pirates and Potter movies, the SW prequels, Kong etc. etc. I can understand the length and need for detail w/ LOTR, but Jesus, the above material simply does not require such intricate/contrived plotting & bloated running-times. Just stick to the basics i.e. like the first SW film (and I mean the one that actually came out first despite the fact that it's now called Ep.IV) the plot basically = "save the chick", not negotiate a settlement of the blockade-dispute w/ the trade federation. No, just save the hot princess, and no, she's not anybody's sister yet...it's just straight forward "she's beautiful/I'm Luke Skywalker I'm here to rescue you". And those goddamn Potter movies, fuck JK Rowlings books if they're that involved, maybe the movies shouldn't follow them so closely. The films ought be simple. They should be, well.. kids movies. It's about children and preteens at a fucking magic-school...how complicated does it need to be? POTC...same shit. It's based on a godamn Disneyland ride for fuck's sake. Look, I'm all for adding depth and texture to a blockbuster, taking time tell a story etc. But at some point you need strip shit down to the core and remember what kind of film you're making. We don't need more plot or action or FX if we don't FEEL. In other words, don't tack on an extra 20 minutes just to jam in some more convoluted bullshit...really, you don't need to take all day to tell a pirate-story. And despite what some on the net may say about "blowing their wads" etc. not all of us are THAT interested. Look at the success of 300 that should tell you something... Hollywood. Likable characters, well cast, simple story...direct...no bullshit exposition, no overwrought explanation, no needless apologies. It wasn't the greatest movie ever, but it got the job done economically, both in story and action/fx. It was all lean muscle and less fat. Anyway, I've rambled long enough, what can I say, nice review Alexandra....you struck a nerve here.

  • May 23, 2007, 5:03 p.m. CST

    *sigh*

    by Mattyboy122

    Jack charging into the Kraken was mired by the heavy-handed slow-motion and soundtrack. Nobody gasped when he was eaten alive when I saw the film, but I remember a collective gasp in the first film when Barbossa stabbed Sparrow (followed by a roaring applause when Sparrow revealed he had lifted one of the coins). The decapitated fish pirate was a tired gimmick, and wasn't nearly as funny as, oh, anything Sparrow did in the first film. Norrington was impossible to take seriously as a guy at the end of his rope. There was a moment or two of bad comic relief in the first film, but that doesn't compare to the consistently intelligence-insulting banter of the two comic relief pirates in the second (who, really, shouldn't have been in the film at all). Oh, and Will isn't any more interesting this time around. Done and done.

  • May 23, 2007, 5:08 p.m. CST

    "Spectacle can always be outdone."

    by Archive

    These are the most important words ever written on AICN. The next sentence is equally relevant. All of us actually working in film should take a hard look at those words and really digest them. Spectacle is only cool when it means something. What makes it meaningful? Is it the only way to achieve meaning? Is it the best way? Is it even the most commercially viable? The 1982 retrospective has done so much more for me than I even realized, and right away I recognized it as one of the most important things AICN has ever done. Thank you Harry, Drew, and thanks Alexandra for putting the punctuation in.

  • May 23, 2007, 5:10 p.m. CST

    Summer of $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

    by lost.rules

    Yeah, hollywood is really regretting releasing all these crappy films...while their making billions of dollars. The joke is on us. HaHa

  • May 23, 2007, 5:28 p.m. CST

    The plots of these movies are just fine.

    by superninja

    They're about pirates backstabbing each other and trying to stay one step ahead of the rest. It's not like they're solid career folks who are planning their futures. They're scallywags living one moment to the next, that's part of the fun. The two moral characters are Will and Lizzy who are now becoming pirates - Lizzy moreso than Will who is more the buccanner type. <p> The main reason I thought DMC was better because it was more creative than the first in just about every way. Love everything about Davy Jones and even the love triangle (which I am not sure is even a real love triangle because Jack is a pirate). I could've lived without the cannibal island sequence and yet I thought the whole escape sequence was well done. The three-way swordfight went on too long and the two comic relief pirates are not needed. Other than that, still love it.

  • May 23, 2007, 5:33 p.m. CST

    I'll tell you why I liked DMC better than Part 1.

    by superninja

    Because Part 1 was formula (still charming, don't get me wrong) and you knew how everyone was going to behave. In DMC, I was not sure what Jack or Lizzy were going to do. I was not even sure what Will would do in respect to Lizzy (give up on her) or if Norrington would end up helping them out or betraying them. And then Barbarossa shows up at the end - whammo! It made me actually care about the characters and excited to see where they would end up.

  • May 23, 2007, 5:39 p.m. CST

    When did movies being 3hrs long become a bad thing?

    by Hail

    Critics hated Grindhouse b/c it was 3 hrs. Pirate is 3hrs...OH SHIT! Spidey was 2:30, and was "too long." What's with critics nowadays. If I'm paying $14 for a Saturday matinee at the arclight then, fuck that....I want my monies worth, bitches....

  • May 23, 2007, 5:41 p.m. CST

    Also, when did....

    by Hail

    movies involving back stabbing, double crosses, mal-intent, waring factions, etc... become the nail in the coffin for movies? Would you rather watch a 3 hour experimental film about an assaulted woman in David Lynch's INLAND EMPIRE, or watch 3 hours of plot twists and shit blowing up consisting of the greatest visual effects ever put on screen? Hmmmmmmm....

  • May 23, 2007, 5:45 p.m. CST

    The Ender Smites Foes...

    by -guyinthebackrow

    Time to switch to decaf, Fella.

  • May 23, 2007, 5:48 p.m. CST

    Since when...

    by krushjudgement

    ...did Pirates become on par with Star Wars? People treat this movie better than they should. That's called "hype" I guess. Watch 'em once and be done with it. Yeah their fun. Bur the "plots" blow. And don't even get me started on the cardboard cutouts of Ms. Knightley and Mr. Bloom. Did anyone, but 10 year olds, care about their lame love plot in 2? So Yeah, fun-action-popcorn-movies, but that's all. It aint friggin' Star Wars!

  • May 23, 2007, 5:48 p.m. CST

    And the world needs more pirates at meetings.

    by superninja

    At least my company does. Arr.

  • May 23, 2007, 5:57 p.m. CST

    Ender

    by superninja

    POTC is just not some people's cup of tea - I get it. If you were pissed off about DMC, it's obvious this film will probably not be for you. DuPont's criticisms are fine, it's just that this was never trying to be the kind of movie she is apparently looking for. It's a piratical romp with people chewing scenery that has clever action and is about doublecrosses. The plot in the last film completely made sense and even had interesting character arcs. I take issue with people claiming that these are not well-written and well-crafted. The issue is this is just not what some people want and that's fine.

  • May 23, 2007, 6:01 p.m. CST

    This really isn't a classic actioneer story with good

    by superninja

    guys and bad guys. This is a giant pool of bad guys with the good guys turning into bad guys. Everyone is trying to get something for themselves. It's not done like Scorcese, but it's the same underbelly sort of thing just taking itself less seriously.

  • May 23, 2007, 6:08 p.m. CST

    Mattyboy122

    by Hail

    You arguments are paper thin, young lad. There's a reason why audience responded to the stabbing and the eating. The stabbing was a suprise. It happend real fast and all in one shot that there was no set up to it happening. It just did. This is comparable to Elizabeth chaining Jack to the Pearl. It's a suprise, with little set up. Jack getting eaten had more set up. You see where it's going before it gets, so you have time to accept the inevitable. You see the creature rise from the sea, it breathes on him, jacks struggles to break free, etc... Also, as far as Norrington's and the two shipmate pirates'humor is clearly subjective, and minor compared to everything else happeing in the film. Therefore, minor quips about subjective humor is not enough reason to dismiss an entire film. As is the same with your opinion of Will. Obviously not enough for you to dislike the first film, so why is it enough for you to dislike the second? Basically, people are ragging on Pirates for reasons they can't explain. Too long, too much story (I've never heard that one before this), too many waring factions (?), I didn't like these 2 characters that have all of 30 min. screen time, etc... Makes no sense....give it up people....it's not as cool as you think to hate the movie. If you didn't like, then you didn't like, but try to at least provide solid arguments for why you didn't.

  • May 23, 2007, 6:08 p.m. CST

    Why do people keep saying

    by Boromir187

    Why do people keep saying that Pirates 2 was confusing? What the hell was so confusing about it?!?!?!? The perfectly explained everything on screen! Did people just not pay attention to the dialogue? Even the dice game was explained in it, which she alludes to not being "explained" in this. Way to talk about ADD people when you obviously can't pay attention to a film to know what is going on in it. I don't think Pirates 2 was a masterpiece and I still prefer the first one, but it's not the "horrible" film that many claim it to be. This all stinks of the old reviews you can occasionally come across about Temple of Doom and The Last Crusade, where people bitch because they were either too much darker or lighter than Raiders. The problem is, if a director just carbon copies the previous installment like some fans seem to complain didn't happen........then those same people just complain that it is a rehash! I hate fanboys. They are so psychotically obsessed with something that they suck any enjoyment they could ever get out of any new addition to their beloved property with their ridiculous and illogical expectations. It's quite sad.

  • May 23, 2007, 6:11 p.m. CST

    Yeah, Jack and the Kraken was played for humor

    by superninja

    because Jack is immature. But it also becomes a character moment where Jack accepts his fate and you maybe see the real Jack peek through a bit. I thought it was actually well played by Depp.

  • May 23, 2007, 6:17 p.m. CST

    Well, nothing is as good as Raiders.

    by superninja

    And both of those films are inferior. I think DMC is superior to the first one, though. Verbinski should direct a JLA or Avengers movie.

  • May 23, 2007, 6:21 p.m. CST

    Umm... Hail

    by Mattyboy122

    If my arguments are paper thin, then try to refute the argument of bad writing. If you think DMC was not written around set-pieces (which is PAINFULLY OBVIOUS) then I really don't know what to say to you. Take a look at the meandering plot and you'll realize that DMC was entirely written around set-pieces (the script was constantly tweaked during production and the script for the third film wasn't even finished when they began shooting). Curse of the Black Pearl did go on for too long, but when you get to the end of it you realize that all of the scenes were necessary to get to a satisfactory ending. DMC is full of so much fat it could easily lose 30 mins without hurting the film at all. It'd still be poorly written, bombastic garbage, but at least it wouldn't be a self-indulgent failed attempt at being epic. Most importantly, DMC lacked heart. It just stank of self-consciously trying to top its predecessor. Depp was clearly trying to recapture lightning in a bottle, but the machinery is visible at work in his performance. And Will was never a terribly interesting character, but at least he had the conflict of not wanting to end up like his father in the first film. DMC rolls around and he's in a poorly scripted love triangle (wait, so the compass points to Jack and that's enough to convince us that it's not contrived that Elizabeth suddenly is googly-eyed at Jack? WTF?) and trying to save his dad from enslavement to Jones, played out with the typical charisma of a wooden plank that characterized Bloom's acting. At any rate, if my arguments are paper thin, you've failed to address the biggest point I make (namely the atrocious writing).

  • May 23, 2007, 6:28 p.m. CST

    Elisabeth's attraction to Jack is not out of nowhere.

    by superninja

    You can tell she is that kind of girl in the first film. She is drawn into the world of pirates and Jack becomes attractive to her because he represents something. Will is attractive to her because he represents something else. <p> As for the set pieces, the first film had these and the DMC pieces set up everything that happens at the end when Jack has his epiphany and Lizzy turns on him.

  • May 23, 2007, 6:30 p.m. CST

    Superninja it's not that there is

    by pjdon

    anything wrong with complex plots but I loved the 1st film because it reminded me of Indiana Jones or Starwars. It was a simple fast paced old-school action adventure.<p>Yes it was predictible but so where Starwars and Indiana Jones, doesn't make them bad films.<p>I just wanted the same kind of fun feel, I wanted to be exhilirated but by the end of DMC I was just slightly pleased.<p>When I went to see the 1st Matrix and Pirates in the cinema the audience where so pumped at the end, people clapped and cheered, kids (and a few adults) running out the cinema playing pirates etc.<p>With the sequals in both sets of movies the cinema was quiet at the end, no-one was pumped up, even the kids where underwhelmed.<p>You can have complex plots but the problem with this movie and DMC is that they can't keep the character motivation solid. It's hard to get into a movie when you are not sure where the characters are going or why they are going there. It's not that you can't understand the plot, it just doesn't carry you along in the way a family orientated action flick should.<p>These films are supposed to be like rollercoaster rides, not a slow trawl through a maze.

  • May 23, 2007, 6:40 p.m. CST

    I liked the second one better than the first one....

    by Jimmy Jazz

    I'll take tangled and overwritten over simplstic and retarded any day of the week. Bring on the plot twists!

  • May 23, 2007, 6:41 p.m. CST

    Normally I would not disagree with you but

    by superninja

    the whole point of DMC was the inner turmoil of Lizzy and her inability to decide what she wants. Jack and Will are not confused by the end of the movie, Lizzy is. Although, that could change. <p> Raiders may have been formulaic, but it did not feel formulaic because it earned it, just like Star Wars. COTBP never really felt like it earned it to me, although it was cute. I felt DMC did.

  • May 23, 2007, 6:44 p.m. CST

    A review so conspicuously elitist...

    by Fred Asparagus

    ... is probably all the endorsement I need to spend ten bucks on this flick. I don't subscribe to the lemming formula. A heavily critical review by a person who seems ready to hate anything heaped onto her big plate is just not going to serve the purpose she likely intended. Besides, I enjoyed Dead Man's Chest a fair bit more than the first movie, which had an imbalance of content I never could get over.

  • May 23, 2007, 6:45 p.m. CST

    I suppose that is what is going to separate

    by pjdon

    opinions then. I do enjoy complex, deep films. But I also love classic adventure films. If you don't like classic adventure films then you would probably not like the 1st pirates film. I thought it was pretty flawless. Wouldn't say the same about the second one.<p>I just think it is strange that the two films bear no real resemblance in terms of writting style or pace.

  • May 23, 2007, 6:46 p.m. CST

    And most importantly:

    by superninja

    THEY'RE PIRATES. Their motivation is to get as much crap for them as they can and if you can kill a guy that wants your crap so he won't get it - bonus. You team up together to get some crap and then kill each other to get all the crap.

  • May 23, 2007, 6:47 p.m. CST

    Fuck the Matrix Comparisons

    by Prespez

    I'm in the minority in thinking that the Matrix Trilogy will stand the test of time. The first pirates will, after that...doubtful.

  • May 23, 2007, 6:49 p.m. CST

    They are completely different, I agree. What I

    by superninja

    tend find is people like one or the other but not both. I thought the first film was cutely bland and Depp was fairly annoying contrasted with Will and Lizzy. When Lizzy became more devious and everyone started turning on each other, I became more interested. Will is the good guy, Bloom is boring but he's really the only good guy in the movie so it's a tough part when everyone else is having fun being bad. <p> Raiders - now there is a perfect movie, nothing bland about it. It's told in a very straightforward way, but its filled with tension and interesting character moments.

  • May 23, 2007, 6:52 p.m. CST

    For instance, they could've just left Lizzy alone

    by superninja

    and let her get dragged into another pirate adventure with her adoration of them as mythology. But instead they went the route that contact with the pirates has made Lizzy restless and lustful for adventure. Which I think is much more interesting. And now that she has gotten what she wanted, it has ruined her to a degree - or has it?

  • May 23, 2007, 7:13 p.m. CST

    At least you are more original this time around.

    by superninja

    I await your next greatest hit.

  • May 23, 2007, 7:19 p.m. CST

    I did enjoy the second pirates film

    by pjdon

    but not in the same way i enjoyed the first. I wanted more popcorn action. If the second had been the first it would have been recieved much better. <p>I do feel however while the fairly dull characters of Will and Liz served a function of being the hero and damsell of the first film they seemed to have complexity forced upon them in the second film.<p>Their story weas not really meant to continue. It was trying to carry on after happy ever after. I would have preffered if the second film had just been the adventures of Jack Sparrow.

  • May 23, 2007, 7:22 p.m. CST

    Robertsilence is doing a Supermarch

    by pjdon

  • May 23, 2007, 7:24 p.m. CST

    Or if the second one had just been about

    by pjdon

    Tiny Pirates. With a really, really tiny monkey.

  • May 23, 2007, 7:24 p.m. CST

    And it could all be set in a bath tub

    by pjdon

  • May 23, 2007, 7:26 p.m. CST

    Yeah, I can see that point.

    by superninja

    However, I think people liked Lizzy well enough that they wanted to see her again. Not so sure about Bloom, though. He does not have enough presence to pull off a heroic leading man. I mean, I'd think Lizzy could wipe the deck with his Will. "Boring" and safe is one thing but I think if they had chosen an actor more in the classic hero vein it would've worked better.

  • May 23, 2007, 7:32 p.m. CST

    Alexandra DuPont

    by SylarTheCylon

    is faker than a snitch

  • May 23, 2007, 7:33 p.m. CST

    Or they could be shrunken down into a bottle

    by superninja

    world like Candor? Or shot into outer space and land on Venus only to battle with Amazon women?

  • May 23, 2007, 7:35 p.m. CST

    Am I alone in saying that at no point in DMC

    by pjdon

    did I find Lizzy attractive or even likeble as a person? In the first one she was hot and likeble.<p>Maybe that is just years of hollywood making women into attractive 2 dimensional characters that is making me think like that though. I suppose the writters should be praised for not just keeping her as a maguffin for the heroes and villans to fight over and not just relying on her looks.

  • May 23, 2007, 7:36 p.m. CST

    I just argued my own point didn't I.

    by pjdon

  • May 23, 2007, 7:38 p.m. CST

    God, according to some of you there

    by pjdon

    is no such thing as a real reviewer. How does someone not be a fake?

  • May 23, 2007, 7:41 p.m. CST

    Wnanahara7

    by Mattyboy122

    Umm, what do you expect the writers to say? "Uhh, yeah, we came up with a bunch of totally cool action sequences and then we sort of just filled in the blanks. It was kinda fun, almost like mad libs. Hehe." Of course not, they're going to make up some crap about how this is significant and that is deep and how it all is wonderful. CotBP can't hold a candle to the original Star Wars, Jaws, Raiders, etc, so obviously DMC doesn't even deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence as those classics. There is no heart to what happens in DMC. And the reason why nobody cared when Sparrow was eaten by the Kraken is because, for the previous 2 hours and 10 mins his character has become one of the biggest jackasses in action movie history. And superninja, while we agree on Batman Begins, I'm going to have to disagree on Pirates. Elizabeth always rolled her eyes at Jack when he made passes at her in the first film; he clearly isn't her cup of tea. But the writers clearly watched Empire too many times and couldn't get the love triangle out of their heads so they wrote the magical compass to explain her sudden attraction to Jack. It's simply sloppy writing.

  • May 23, 2007, 7:45 p.m. CST

    Pirates One

    by Black Satin 2

    Was good. Elizabeth seemed to not only yearn for a pirate's life but for the man of her dreams, Will Turner. Bloom looked like he was going to bring the character something but it never progressed to that. The second movie not only dashed it, it mowed it to the ground. Now I don't know what the story is and if I go see the movie, I must turn both halves of my brain off.

  • May 23, 2007, 7:45 p.m. CST

    The Ender Smites Foes, I can tell you visuallised

    by pjdon

    every moment of that. I almost felt the words 'glide' and 'burst'.

  • May 23, 2007, 7:48 p.m. CST

    i agree with her points, but...

    by occula

    ...am i really supposed to believe that a woman who got her master's degree at age 14 spends her time reviewing movies on the inter-web? i mean, maybe the rest of her time is spent de-worming orphans in somalia, and don't get me wrong, i'm not bagging on movie-reviewing, but, come on.

  • May 23, 2007, 7:53 p.m. CST

    I'll start trusting AWE reviews when...

    by PirateEmery

    ...they admit that DMC was a relatively good movie. I disagree with just about every review out there saying that DMC is confusing/cluttered filth (I understand the plot... why can't you?). If the review for AWE starts off by saying that DMC was "confusing, retina-molesting excess," I will no doubt disagree with it.<p> In other words, this is going to be a great movie if you are a Pirates fan.

  • May 23, 2007, 7:54 p.m. CST

    I felt exactly opposite as Miss DuPont...

    by PolyesterRage

    With the second pirates. So hopefully the situation will be the same. I don't understand why more/more awesome action=shit to some people. I'm not sure what they expect from an ACTION movie. Oh well.

  • May 23, 2007, 7:54 p.m. CST

    COMPLEX?

    by krushjudgement

    What are we comparing complex to? Modern melodrama is point and click man. You see this, so feel this etc... Watch Cassevettes, Read Eisner, Listen to Fugazi. That is complexity, realism. You don't know what teh fuck to think in real life.

  • May 23, 2007, 7:57 p.m. CST

    teh

    by krushjudgement

    I hate it when I accidentally type that shit. I'm still going to Pirates 3, and I will enjoy it. I'm a critical snob, but sometimes you just gotta love something for what it is.

  • May 23, 2007, 8:04 p.m. CST

    PirateEmery, I loved the first pirates and

    by pjdon

    was dissapointed by DMC. It is not just AWE reviews that say it is structurally flawed. They all do. When a lot of reviewers (even from the most respected film magazines in the world; Empire and Total Film) say pretty much the same thing it tends to have some basis in truth.<p>Most reviewers loved the first pirates film, most thought the second was a lesser film. <p>It is a relatively good film compared to most tosh but not in the majority of opinions compared to the first one.<p>Or like I said earlier, it is a different type of film to the first one.

  • May 23, 2007, 8:09 p.m. CST

    krushjudgement, I am not comparing complex

    by pjdon

    to Cassevettes or anything else in that league. I am saying it is complex compared to the first film or any other film of the action genre. And like I said before it's not that it is too hard to understand it's just that the characters motivations are too blurry. Which is like real life yes but we are talking about a family film based on a themepark ride here. The goal of the movie should be to keep the pace and tension up while giving the audience a clear idea of what is happening.

  • May 23, 2007, 8:20 p.m. CST

    PolyesterRage I love action movies

    by pjdon

    more than anyone else I know. But i realise that more action scenes doesn't mean more fun. Most of the action scenes in DMC where bigger and longer but had no real tension or direction. In that overlong sword fight in the wheel I wasn't really sure who I was supposed to be rooting for. Or why they where really trying to kill each other. If you are not 100% behind one character in a fight then you lose a lot of tension. That is basic film logic.<p>For example, would you get more pumped up watching a football match if you didn't care which team won or if you where behind your favorite team and it was a big match.

  • May 23, 2007, 8:24 p.m. CST

    Have you all gone away to watch LOST?

    by pjdon

    I'm in England, no LOST for me till next week :(

  • May 23, 2007, 8:26 p.m. CST

    BringingSexyBack is this more DWTS?

    by pjdon

  • May 23, 2007, 8:31 p.m. CST

    pjdon, I guess...

    by PirateEmery

    ...we'll have to agree to disagree: I personally loved the second one, and can find no error in it.

  • May 23, 2007, 8:41 p.m. CST

    PirateEmery do you reckon it could have had

    by pjdon

    at least 20 mins or so shaved of though?

  • May 23, 2007, 8:44 p.m. CST

    pjdon

    by PirateEmery

    Several weeks ago, I would have said "yes, absolutely cut out the Island of the Pelegostos." It is known as one of the biggest side-plots known to MAN.<p> But I watched the movie again. That bit of the movie brings back the old Sparrow joke from COTBP and brings Will Turner and Jack together. It has a purpose.<p> Sure, the movie's a tad long, but I like being immersed in that world.

  • May 23, 2007, 8:54 p.m. CST

    Polyester rage did you even read the review?

    by Smashing

    the lady clearly states that for an action film, its light on action, big on talking, maybe you missed that part. I think they gave Lord Beckett that scene to symbolise the destruction of the EITC in spirit if not in fact, maybe.

  • May 23, 2007, 8:56 p.m. CST

    I do agree it is a briliant world to be immersed in

    by pjdon

    and I am no script writer, but i'm sure they could have combined a few of the plots and kept the location. Maybe have it seem less like a side plot and more like part of the nessacary jorney the characters take. Like you said it was needed to get the characters back together but it did seem slightly forced.

  • May 23, 2007, 9:01 p.m. CST

    BSB, i'm glad i didn't see it then

    by pjdon

    I'm from Liverpool and Pop Idol as a concept is probably making John Lennon turn in his grave. Although i'm sure if he was still alive even he would be addicted.<p>What do you think of Simon Cowel? Because that is one man I hate.

  • May 23, 2007, 9:18 p.m. CST

    I assume you are in the US

    by pjdon

    do you come from over here?

  • May 23, 2007, 9:20 p.m. CST

    Cassavettes Probably..

    by Lour Reed luvs Frank Zappa

    ..couldn't make a good action pic. It's not as easy as it looks.. "Nuanced" doesn't always mean "can make any type of picture" These movies are fuckin' nuts, and must be such a clusterfuck to make i don't think it's comparable to "A woman under the influence"..

  • May 23, 2007, 9:25 p.m. CST

    I'm 29, don't have ADD, but I enjoyed Dead Man's Chest

    by Drath

    I actually found the Curse of the Black Pearl to be the one that got tedious in the last act. Dead Man's Chest was slow for the first 45 minutes, but then became a lot of fun right up to the ending for me. And although I loved Rush as Barbossa, I loved Nighy as Jones more. Perhaps the fact that I didn't hold the first movie in very high regard is part of why I didn't have so many problems with the second one. Neither of them are going to age very well in my opinion, they'll age like Leathal Weapon--fun but very dated. I also I have long since given up on ever seeing movies like the ones in 82 again. I spent my teens getting let down with that kind of thinking.

  • May 23, 2007, 9:30 p.m. CST

    robertsilence

    by pjdon

    be quiet.

  • May 23, 2007, 9:45 p.m. CST

    I know, superninja could

    by pjdon

    take being called a mankisser all day long i'm sure.

  • May 23, 2007, 9:48 p.m. CST

    Looks like a DEPARTED rip off

    by J-Dizzle

  • May 23, 2007, 9:53 p.m. CST

    Wana take bets that on the dvd cover it will say:

    by pjdon

    "The Departed, with Pirates!"

  • May 23, 2007, 10:18 p.m. CST

    FYI bsb...

    by occula

    'liverpudlian.' which sounds very gulliver's travels, no?

  • May 23, 2007, 10:19 p.m. CST

    I didn't like Dead Man's Chest either

    by Demosthenes2

    But Ms. DuPont refers to it audiences' disappointment. It seemed to me that most people I know liked it, and the audience when I saw it was certainly into it beginning to end. I liked the first one just as entertaining fluff elevated by Depp. When the second one started, there was some continuity from the previous film, which turned me off even though I usually like that, just not in this franchise. I don't remember anything plotwise from Part 1, and now I don't remember anything that happened in DMC either. I really don't care to rewatch either for 3, so if I can't follow the story I don't know that I'll even bother. I didn't care for some of the angst in DMC either. I just want action spectacle, Buster Keatonesque comedy from Depp.

  • May 23, 2007, 10:24 p.m. CST

    Amen sister!

    by DoctorWho?

    Bloated, over-rated pieces of crap these films. A mumbling Johnny Depp who everyone trips over themselves for his great acting. YAWN. She nailed it.

  • May 23, 2007, 10:25 p.m. CST

    occula... i actually prefer 'Scouser'

    by pjdon

    personally.

  • May 23, 2007, 10:41 p.m. CST

    Doctor Zoidberg: are you referring to AWE?

    by PirateEmery

    You haven't even seen it yet!

  • May 23, 2007, 10:57 p.m. CST

    pjdon

    by PirateEmery

    If there is an alternate script that accomplishes what you say, then I will most definitely jump on that band wagon. Perhaps if the Cannibal Village was on the WAY to Tia Dalma?

  • May 23, 2007, 11:02 p.m. CST

    Yeah, why the hell did I bring up Cassavettes?

    by krushjudgement

    I must be tired. Cassavettes action was interesting though (Killing a Chinese Bookie) But if you want rollercoaster ride action, then this is the place to be. I really had a good time with both Pirates so far.

  • May 23, 2007, 11:06 p.m. CST

    Which place was Tia Dalma again pirate?

    by pjdon

  • May 23, 2007, 11:22 p.m. CST

    Cassavetes action movie...

    by Chishu_Ryu

    The closest John Cassavetes came to making a genre "action" movie was the 1980 "Gloria" starring Gena Rowlands. The film was basically a chase film with suspense, mobsters, gun fights, and a car chase or two.

  • May 23, 2007, 11:37 p.m. CST

    Fantastic 4 will be a mega-hit.

    by Quake II

    No one is really excited about it and I bet it becomes a surprise hit. It's gotta be more fun than Spider-Man 3. The f/x looks a lot better than SM 3 in the trailers. A Silver Surfer movie would have made my year though.....

  • May 24, 2007, 12:08 a.m. CST

    but what does Paris Hilton think?

    by BadMrWonka

    jesus fucking christ...

  • May 24, 2007, 12:12 a.m. CST

    I have just one question

    by Talkbacker with no name

    Where the fuck is emerald boy at a time like this!?

  • May 24, 2007, 12:20 a.m. CST

    BadMrWonka she wonders...

    by pjdon

    if dogs can look up.

  • May 24, 2007, 12:35 a.m. CST

    It is not POTC At World's End...

    by chromedome

    It IS: <p>Keira of the Carribbean! <p>fortunately, they some decent wannabes filling some screen time between Keira sightings--Johnny WhatIsFace, Bill NiceTentacleFace, Rolando BlahFace...

  • May 24, 2007, 1:24 a.m. CST

    Further evidence of shoddy writing

    by Mattyboy122

    Read the May 18th issue of Entertainment Weekly. There's an article about the third film and they have quotes from Bruckheimer, Bloom, etc, and none of them seem to be able to explain what the hell is going on in the third film. Bruckheimer tried to preface a clip for the third film he was showing the EW writer and found himself, after several aborted attempts at explaining, saying 'let me back up a little.' Gore Verbinski says that making the film was like 'How to Not Make a Film 101' (referring to not having the writing done before shooting. Bloom says: "Someone asked me, 'So tell us about your character's arc in the third movie.' I said, 'Dude, the writers can't even explain the third movie.'" Bloom goes so far as to refer to the film as 'a product,' for fuck's sake. And, God help me, Johnny Depp trying to pretend like he hasn't completely sold out is ridiculous, especially because the man has made millions upon millions UPON millions on acting in these films, and countless more for merchandising. He's all too happy to keep playing Sparrow. Now, that's cool, he hit it big with a role, by all means, but he shouldn't pretend to still be some indie king. What's more insulting is how he pretends to be above it all, saying he has 'accepted the absurdity' of the situation...you bet your ass he has, he's accepted the absurdity with his hand wide open for cash. Anyway, when the people behind the film talk about it being muddled, you know there are definite problems. My bitching about Depp may not have much to do with the quality of the film (well, he has yet to recapture the lightning in the bottle that was in CotBP), but I felt about throwing that in there as well.

  • May 24, 2007, 1:35 a.m. CST

    Um Herc, does this girl appreciate the fact that you...

    by J-Dizzle

    PLASTER HER PERSONAL LIFE ON THE INTERNET?????????

  • May 24, 2007, 2:07 a.m. CST

    Sounds every bit as bland & dull as I expected..

    by Brody77

    Still it has to be said, Alexandra DuPont sounds like the most clued up & sensible reviewer this site uses (albeit rarely). She's the clued up one, Cumpston's the funny one, Harry's the one saying "ooh what a lovely tea party" when he's done. Will there be any more good films this year? I can't deal with having the years best 2 out in Jan/Feb (Hot Fuzz & 300 of course).

  • May 24, 2007, 2:10 a.m. CST

    Alexandra DuPont identity mystery

    by Chishu_Ryu

    Not that I care or anything, but here's my 2 dollars worth... Last year I stumbled onto this obscure webpage that featured an article that was basically a brief history/compendium of classic American B-sci fi/trash movies. I was impressed by the knowledge of the article's author, I'd heard of maybe 2% of these movies. In fact, the author's knowledge seemed to rival that of Harry Knowles. The article was also funny, quite sharp, and witty. It seemed to me that this person should be writing for AICN. Now, included with the article was a photo shoot gallery of the article's supposed author. It was a female in her twenties, semi-hot, very EMO-ish, brunette in various staged poses. Apparently she was a part-time artsy-fartsy model, I think in LA. Seemed odd that a girl like this would know so much about sci-fi movies. Anyway, the guy who put this webpage together (it wasn't the article's author's webpage) said the female author was actually Alexandra DuPont of AICN fame. The webpage owner noted that the author and DuPont had the same exact writing style. Same wit, same everything. This kind of stuck in my head, so now I'm sharing it with you all as it seems to be a topic here. And sorry, I can't remember the name of the sci-fi article's author (which was printed) or the name of the webpage...

  • May 24, 2007, 2:35 a.m. CST

    What happens after the credits?

    by V'Shael

    I walked out as soon as the screen went to black, because the movie seriously sucked.

  • May 24, 2007, 11:26 a.m. CST

    You need evidence of shoddy writing?

    by krushjudgement

    Shakespear it aint. And on the point of selling out; what exactly is selling out? I mean I work at a job I don't really think is the greatest, because they pay me. I used to wear uniform in a grocery store. Not because grocery stores have artistic integrity, but because they paid me. Mr. Depp doesn't pretend to be anybody but who he is. Don't tell me you wouldn't take a lifetime worth of money for a year of work. I sure as hell would. Then I would spend the rest of my life doing what I want to do.

  • May 24, 2007, 12:10 p.m. CST

    Aye, I am indeed heartless.

    by superninja

    It was probably Transformers related and to a degree I may even deserve it! Hah hah.

  • May 24, 2007, 12:16 p.m. CST

    Depp crafted an actual character. I think that is

    by superninja

    the job of acting, regardless of the film. Besides, everything could be said to be a product to a degree. One nice thing about Pirates? NO PRODUCT PLACEMENT! It's so nice to see a blockbuster without product placement. Anyway, he is setting up his family's financial security and you can hardly fault him for that. Making indies your whole life is not that profitable and France is an expensive country.

  • May 24, 2007, 12:31 p.m. CST

    Alexandra honey miss Phd person?

    by Borgnine JR

    What brilliant social commentary can you and your hot drunken lesbian girl friends extract from "Delta Farce"? Cuz it was too complex for me and I need a Wile E. Coyote level super genius to dope that one out for me.

  • May 24, 2007, 5:40 p.m. CST

    Tim Powers's 'On Stranger Tides'...

    by Mosquito March

    If somebody was going to make a supernatural pirate series, I'd have much rather seen an adaptation of Tim Powers' 'On Stranger Tides'. Just because these POTC movies are overstuffed with plot doesn't automatically mean they're intelligent. The characters are such thin plot devices themselves (yes, including the stale schtick of Jack Sparrow) that real drama does not exist here, no matter how many plot twists are shoehorned in. It's basically CUTTHROAT ISLAND with Johnny Depp and monsters. Powers's book contains everything important to a well-told story that the POTC series lacks, and it's a shame that it will never be made after POTC. But, then, maybe that's a good thing, because I can't imagine Hollywood - and apparently the average moviegoer - would know what to do with a good pirate story, these days. PS - I feel the same way about these movies as Ms. DuPont, but I'm sick and tired of hearing about how awesome she's supposed to be. And, I agree with what someone else said - if she was really that hot, we'd have seen her by now.

  • May 24, 2007, 6:11 p.m. CST

    PLANT!

    by Vergil

    Not Alexandra. I'm talking about Herc. And Simon is arrogant, but that's probably because he's usually the only intelligent person in a theatre full of tone deaf mouth breathers.

  • May 24, 2007, 6:20 p.m. CST

    Great review! Thanks Dupont!

    by Yeti

    I'm looking forward to the film but I think of it as a really good yet nutritionally questionable meal.

  • May 24, 2007, 6:45 p.m. CST

    If she is real then fuck her

    by Chiziola79

    She is a spoiled little bitch of the same ilk as Paris Hilton and I value her opinion as much as I value a large penis up my hetrosexual arse. If she isnt real then Herc is a clearly mentally ill. P.s how did herc see fit lesbian girls at a party, was he serving drinks or maning the glory hole.

  • May 24, 2007, 6:51 p.m. CST

    The only help Dupoint has been to

    by Chiziola79

    The Human Genome Project is donating samples of DNA from her hair, knickers, back and crusted around her mouth. Most of it has been found to be of human origination however bovine and Ape DNA only left the scientists more confused than when they started.

  • May 25, 2007, 12:27 a.m. CST

    MATRIX: REVOLUTIONS - gets better with age.

    by HappyHamster

    It's true. They're showing on HBO this month and I actually find myself not only tolerating it, but enjoying it.

  • May 25, 2007, 8:30 a.m. CST

    what happened after the credits? movie was very good

    by wcoop893

    huge improvement over the second, so much happened and the action was spectacular. good stuff, but i missed after the credits, because for some reason, this site didnt tell me there was anything like they did for DMC, and i stayed for that and it was retarted

  • May 25, 2007, 10:47 a.m. CST

    I hate Alexandra's reviews...

    by ZeroCorpse

    Because they inevitably turn into talkbacks about the reviewer herself, in which she is complimented for being pretty (how can you tell from a review?), smart (it's easy to fake), and sexy (again, how can you tell from a snarky review? Does Tom Shales get you hot, too?) <p> Frankly, I think she's been off the mark on the Pirates movies, as if she misses the point entirely. This isn't meant to be an intellectual endeavor, dearie; It's fluff, and as such, it's extremely posh fluff. Overanalyzing it just ruins the fun.<p> Let me sum up by saying that I thought Alexandra was retiring from AICN reviews, yet they keep dragging her out whenever they need to get a bunch of talkback posts that obsess over sexualizing the reviewer. Goodness knows nobody sexualizes the reviews of ANYONE ELSE on this site... Unless some of you are really harboring a woody for Herc, since he is really a 14-year-old girl.

  • May 25, 2007, 10:47 a.m. CST

    I hate Alexandra's reviews...

    by ZeroCorpse

    Because they inevitably turn into talkbacks about the reviewer herself, in which she is complimented for being pretty (how can you tell from a review?), smart (it's easy to fake), and sexy (again, how can you tell from a snarky review? Does Tom Shales get you hot, too?) <p> Frankly, I think she's been off the mark on the Pirates movies, as if she misses the point entirely. This isn't meant to be an intellectual endeavor, dearie; It's fluff, and as such, it's extremely posh fluff. Overanalyzing it just ruins the fun.<p> Let me sum up by saying that I thought Alexandra was retiring from AICN reviews, yet they keep dragging her out whenever they need to get a bunch of talkback posts that obsess over sexualizing the reviewer. Goodness knows nobody sexualizes the reviews of ANYONE ELSE on this site... Unless some of you are harboring a woody for Herc, since he is really a 14-year-old girl.

  • May 25, 2007, 10:47 a.m. CST

    Doc--- Delete the first of my double posts, please.

    by ZeroCorpse

    `Didn't catch it in time. Sorry.

  • May 25, 2007, 10:50 a.m. CST

    Actually... Her backstory keeps changing...

    by ZeroCorpse

    Mori, Herc-- When are you going to admit Lexy is a fictional character designed to charge up the geeks here?

  • May 26, 2007, 1:56 a.m. CST

    I'm with ZeroCorpse 100%

    by FuzzyWhisper

    The POTC series is about fun. It wasn't created to stand up to intense intellectual scrutiny. If someone can't suspend their disbelieve enough to enjoy a film or three that makes no apologies for being based upon fantastical themes, preposterous premises and hyperbolic characters, all for the sake of entertainment, they're in the wrong theater.