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Capone pulls out his baseball bat and goes to town on SHREK THE THIRD!!!
Hey everyone. Capone in Chicago here.
I will begin my brief review of the third Shrek installment by throwing some statistics at you and dropping a few famous names. It took four people to write Shrek the Third (not including the guy credited with the "story" and someone else credited with "additional screenplay material.") It took two people to direct the movies. Those are my stats. Here comes the name dropping. Those who return: Mike Myers, Cameron Diaz, Antonio Banderas, Julie Andrews, John Cleese, Rupert Everett, and Larry King as Doris. Those who are new: Eric Idle, Justin Timberlake, John Krasinski, Ian McShane, Cheri Oteri, Regis Philbin, Amy Poehler, Maya Rudolph, Amy Sedaris, and Seth Rogen (!). In case you didn't notice, there are quite a few very funny and talented people on this list. And each and every one of them spent a great deal of time and received a great deal of money to bore the fuck out of me for 80-plus minutes.
Shrek the Third is not a complete and utter disaster; on occasion, it has its moments. Banderas' take on Puss in Boots is still the funniest thing in any of the these films. And when Puss and Donkey (Murphy) switch bodies for a time, Banderas even makes Donkey funny for once. There's a sequence in which the gingerbread man's life flashes before his eyes, and it's hysterical. And Eric Idle's spastic take on Merlin the magician is so odd that you won't be able to laugh. But much like Spider-Man 3, Shrek the Third suffers from overcrowding. Thankfully, there is only one running storyline here (unlike S-M 3), but it feels like the writers were forced to bring back every face and voice that has ever appeared in the previous films, and then add 97 more characters to keep things fresh. Instead, the result is cinematic claustrophobia.
I like the idea of bringing in some of the characters from the King Arthur legend into the Shrek world, but Justin Timberlake (who I've liked a great deal as an actor in the last six months) is utterly wasted as the young, unpolished "Artie," and he offers no real comic flare to the film. The same can be said for just about every new character added to this new series (with the exception of Idle). Granted, it's kind of amusing to see Princess Fiona having a baby shower attended by the likes of Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Cinderella, and Rapunzel. There's a cattiness to the event that made it feel more like a sorority bitch-fest than a party comprised of fairy tale leading ladies.
Still, the worst crime committed by the makers of Shrek the Third is that it doesn't feel like they care about these characters anymore. There's a laziness about the plot and the performances that is undeniable. Even the pop culture references and song cues seem tired, obvious, and played out. If this series were a TV show and featured a pregnant Fiona storyline and a doubling of the cast size, it would be accused of jumping the shark, and that's precisely what watching this film feels like. I'm not even saying that the Shrek series is beyond saving. I'm still moderately interested the Shrek Christmas television special planned for this December and Shrek the Fourth (or whatever it will be called) in 2010, but these projects have got to have better scripts that breathe a little life and depth into these characters. This one feels like a place holder.
Capone
capone@aintitcool.com
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+ Expand All
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second.
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BLOOF?
How was LOST last nite? Where's the TALKBACK?
ShameI didn't win the Rocky contest.
How's the TAKE A SHIT MASK? -
That was a good movie.
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Shrek
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Sounded like he was mildly disappointed by the film. Pulling out the baseball bat made me think this movie is a complete travesty.
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with Larry King
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I thought I saw him amongst the throng of other guys Speedoman was fighting. You know, like Kirsten Dunst's gangly teeth, that hair-do he was sporting as a misguided youth for 2 minutes, and Aunt May's attempt at sexuality with her hair down in her nighty.
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Aunt May
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I've always felt like a lone voice when talking about these movies, but they are just goddamn painful to sit through - so I ain't suprised to read this review.
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May 17, 2007 4:11:17 PM CDT
But of course this soulless drek will be #1 this weeknd
by lando griffin
shame because the first one was good, second one just a'ight
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...MIGHT have been somewhat remotely amusing if it hadn't been the very first thing everyone thought of when they saw the title. And if it hadn't been regurgitated at least once in every Shrek talkback for the last 6 months. Actually, I take it back. It's just not clever or funny at all. Exactly like the film itself.
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raped my Friday afternoon.
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he pulls out his bat.
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...let's grab a taco
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right here on my dick
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"Even the pop culture references and song cues seem tired, obvious, and played out." So it is just like Shrek 1!
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haha fucking haha. You deserve to be snubbed Oscar night for unleashing your crap movies on the public. Pluto Nash, Norbit, Nutty Professor, Daddy Day Care, Vampire in Brooklyn, Metro, Haunted Mansion. Holy shit this list goes fucking on. Dr. Doolite, Boomrang, Bowfinger. Please, the humanity. I Spy, The Distingished Gentlemen, The Klumps. Holy crap, this is as embarassing as Brendon Fraser. And how the hell did DeNiro agree to do Showtime ? Kill me now so I don't have to listen to the fucking donkey another god damned time.
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is a national treasure
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It's what I call a "babysitter movie". Moms just park the kids in front of the film while they go shopping in the mall for a couple of hours. I thought that movie was garbage, by the way.
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Where? In Haiti?
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Something along the lines of Shrek now becoming what it was paroding in the first place. It's a product now. Before it was fresh. An overstayed welcome. And of course, the general public eats it up. I wish they'd save their money for Pirates or something.
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Sorry Aintitcool and fans, but I call copycat on this 'review'. First of all, there's absolutely NOTHING remotely detailed about the movie. This is Aintitcool...we're used to hyperbole.
Second, I call copycat because as I was reading this work, I noticed several, several simularities to another published review...on CNN of all places. Don't believe me? I'll provide the link:
http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/Movies/05/17/review.shrek/index.html
...several ideas, including Gingy's "life flashing before eyes", Fiona's "baby shower" and "Idle's Merlin" are all sacrosanct from the CNN piece. Read both and TELL ME this isn't at least suspicious?
It's one thing to hate a film on factoids, but that shouldn't have anything to do with blatant intellectual THEFT. Harry, pull this review, otherwise the hammer will come down on you. Please everyone, read both reviews...
Thanks. -
But, as we all know, Shrek can't be as HORRIBLY FUCKING LAME as Spiderdance 3. Pirates 3, see it a bunch of times, if only to knock donkey balls S3 out of the record books again.
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LAST NIGHT!
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...yeah, I'm not really seeing it. The CNN review was definitely more verbose; but other than that the two reviews just seem to agree with each other.
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Shrek is a cum farting granny- fister! Nuf said.
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Very classy
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will really suck this year because they are airing on June ..... THE THIRD !!!!!!!!
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Thanks, Capone; you're not alone in this being called a turd deluxe.
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ambiguously feel about this movie until I read Harry's review.
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I liked the first one, it was unique. I hated the second one, no matter how many references they had to stuff I grew up on. So I'm not looking forward to this one. I have to expectations but I will see it just the sake of seeing it. If it's bad enough, I will take my girlfriend to see it when I break up with her sorry ass.
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I copyrighted that bitch!
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The Shrek franchise totally turn itself on it's ear. It started out in the first one as basically Katzenbergers big F U to Disney, now the tables have turned, Dreamworks, and espically Shrek's success, forced Disney to turn to Lassiter for help, Disney uner his leadership, is making a slow but steady comeback, they are, for the most part, returning to their roots of storytelling, Shrek and esp. Dreamworks is relaying on past lurals and pop and fart jokes to make a succes. What I would love to see is Shrek move away from the pop refrences, from the lame song and dnace numbers to modern pop songs that are dated when you get/see the dvd(torrent, tv special whatever). What they need to do is go back and watch some old Rocky and Bullwinkle cartoons and focus on the Fractured Fairytales and totally reinvient itself and go THAT route. If you insist on inserting pop culture refrences, may I sugest Tom Ruegger(sp?) the gentleman that worked on Tiny Toons, Animanics, Pinky and The Brian, etc. Tiny Toons and Animanics both still hold up today as funny becasue they didn't sacrfaice the joke in orer to make the pop culture refrence but still made them. Hire some of the writers that worked on that, look BEYOND the weekend Box Office and look toward creating a movie that WON'T be an embarresment in 2, 3, 5 years.
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...wasn't trying to step on any toes. No offense but I'd never heard the "Turd" title anywhere... I thought I invented it...
Seriously, when you think about it... it's not that much of a leap from THIRD to TURD... -
...oh... and one other thing... I just found out that FookU used Shrek the TURD in Massawyrm's review TB...
I hate being unoriginal... -
Directed by a stoned Danny DeVito.
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How long has Myers slipped by on that fuckin STUPID accent now? Seriously I don't think the guy has ever nor will ever make a good movie. OK, the first Austin Powers was good but every movie he made before and subsequently has been complete and utter shit. I hated the first one, the second one sucked donkey balls (Pun intended), and the only thing I can see as being watchable is Puss. I got an idea: Why don't they make a spinoff based on Puss N' Boots? Oh wait, that might actually be good. Dreamworks animation isn't capable of good. They have arguably the best CG talent next to Pixar and yet they manage to fuck up ALL their movies with pop culture references and never making an effort to do timeless work. And to think I wanted to work for these guys. Shit, I'd probably go right up the totem pole seeing as how they have absolutely no talent and need some real direction. Fuck.
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What other than cash could they possibly have to say with a 4th one? UGH. I know it won't happen, but I really hope #3 tanks hard.
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Because the 2 versions of all (maybe with the exception of spiderman 2) were less than well done and interesting.
Give me Pixar, Ang Lee, and Bond anyday. -
Ala Monster House from last year? That was awesome..BTW Have you checked out the new theater at Golf Mill? Blows Village Crssings away
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You mean Ang 'BrokeDick, woops, I fucked up the Hulk' Lee?
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SHREK THE TURD, but realized I'm not funny quick enough.
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Call it Shrek the Kurd. Plop the ogre and his brood into present-day northern Iraq. Evil Americans promise Shrek protection, but cut off the water to his swamp, turning it to dust. Shrek and his pals must find a fairy-tale way to unite the warring religious and tribal factions, and lead them against the evil occupying Americans so he can take oil-pool baths in his swamp in peace. Special return cameo by John Lithgow as blood-soaked General Petrayeus, whom Shrek keeps referring to as "Betray-us".
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Is awesome and the best thing about Shreks. So I liked Shrek 2 more than Shrek 1 because of Puss, but the first's story is definitely better than Shrek 2.
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"You are a sad, strange little man, and you have my pity." Honestly, in a Hollywood that produces shit sandwiches like Epic Movie on a weekly basis, I don't understand the sheer bile spewed at the Shrek movies. Yeah, they're wildly overmarketed, but what the fuck ISN'T these days? The Shrek movies are consistently funny, beautifully-animated, and feature excellent voice work. Now Surf's Up...*there's* something to complain about.
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May 17, 2007 10:15:06 PM CDT
actually, they DO have the ink on a PUSS N' BOOTS movie
by microwavable?
and i think Banderas already signed a contract to do it right after Shrek 2. i doubt it's even been scripted yet though. i'm guessing they're waiting to see how this shit movie does. part 3 will make money, but it won't come close to Shrek 2. if that turns out to be the case, it wouldn't be a bad idea to finance the spinoff instead, a la X-Men 3 and Wolverine. but regardless, the fact that they've already signed Mike Myers up to SHREK FUCKING FIVE is a total slap to the audience. "You'll suck this down and thank us after part 4, bitches!" at least we can look forward to Madagascar 2. oh wait.
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...suck! They are simply a crutch for poor writing and no creativity. How long does it take for a movie to become dated due to these. I thought the first Shrek was great, the second I lked the basic story line but thought is was trashed by all the "Pop Culture BS" sad to hear the third is a repeat of the second.
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seen both... green guy wins in every category except the award for "shittest club dance sequence ever to play on movie screens"
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There are a lot of angry postings here. Why all the frustration over a movie generally intended for children? I'm sure most of the people posting here are over 6 years of age. As if adults would go and see this thinking it would be some kind of tour-de-force blockbuster film? the likes of which are unmatched at every angle? plot, pop culture references, script, story... if it made you laugh even once it did its job. Then people posting "I'm not even going to see this piece of shit." yet they had the motivation to read an entire review about it and furthermore post their feelings on the subject. Oh well, I thought the shrek movies were enjoyable, kind of like watching any half-wit cartoon on cartoon network / adult swim. Sorry, I just don't see why people would be "angry" about this... it just makes no sense.
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You gotta give it up to the guy for his SNL work, 48 HRS, Trading Places, Beverly Hills Cop, hell, even the Golden Child. My man was on a roll back then. He needs to find himself a good director & script and get out of this kid's movie horseshit. Who cares about any of this crap?
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Not in Hollywood, though.
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Muhahahaha....and am I in trouble if somebody got there first as I didn't read everybodies replies.
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well sort of. I just read his review of this, and he echoed everyone else's sentiments. More eloquently, I might add.
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They go to disneyworld and take a shit.
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...so what do you expect, and "3" sucked ass. Looks like Die Hard and Transformers will be the only moderately entertaining films this summer. Oh, get ready for the 3 hours of mess that is Pirates 3. At least we got the Dark Knight to look foward to next year.
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...it was a prime example of a bad-sequel-for-money. Why are we surprised Shrek 3 is any different.
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and I remember when mike myers worked with timmy mallet. he had no career back then and everyone was stunned by how well he has done. 6 of the biggest comedy films of all time. Shrek 1 and 2, Waynes World 1 and 2 and austin Powers, 1,2,3. the fast asleep club. Niell Mullarky was his comedy partner. Things got so bad he had to go back to america. and the rest history. I feel so sorry for Dana Carvey. want to know much they all get paid for shrek. Myers and company get 20 million each for shrek.
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reasons. John lithgow and it was made after Katzenberg got his ass booted out of the magic kingdom. Eisner was one to something when he fired katezenberg and he has been proven correct. Look at Katzenbergs tenure at dreamworks animation. They cannot compete with Pixar. and they wont. I mean 9 mins of Ratatouille is up on apple.com. It has oscar written all over it. it has a great director in the chair. brad bird. Cars was the best animated of last year. penguins be damned. Myers, diaz and murphy all get paid 20 million. Dreamworks is a license to print money and at the expense being creative and nothing more.
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every new trailer. It looks like the hate has been extinguished. I cant wait to see it. regarding the anger. Rather than have anti hollywood message. Shrek plays to the gallery. Its all about inner beauty. Shrek has become safer and safer with every film. there was a bit of edge in the first and none in the second and from what I see none in the third film. Shrek 2 was more of an excuse to try out new technology then tell a decent story. and thats why it stank.
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Shrek 4?
The SECOND one sucked. My god. -
Mike Michell.
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BAAAAAARF!
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Is it me or does Donkey look like Woopie Goldberg? an that broad is fucking ugly. Oh and this flick will stink like the other two.
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Two really dull patches, actually. During those scenes people were checking their cell phones and making trips to the bathroom in mass. Also, the plot felt like it was based around a few discarded ideas from the previous film. Almost as if it was an alternate scenerio cut out from Shrek 2.
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yes, it is. it was fantastic. i was so worried it would suck before the second wasn't as good as the first {story, joke and song choice wise}. and it is 6 years to the day the first film was released and became an instant classic. i always love watching this excedingly amazing animation, and enjoy all these talented people involved with this sort of material. antonio banderas scores a big laugh when shrek finds out he's gonna be a dad and the whole donkey-puss switcharoo thing was hilarous and raises some questions. once again, some things didn't quite come together and the songs weren't all that great including all the pop culture-in joke stuff. but there were enough laughs, sentimental and satirical pull-offs for me to enjoy it. {oh yes, this will make huge bank} let's just hope they don't strike out on the fourth one and fingers crossed for pirates 3 next week!
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I want my $10.50 back!
Sad considering I loved the first and second ones. WTF...didnt they know this movie would suck while making it? Its impossible not to have known. -
It'll outdo Spidey this weekend, but then the 8000 lb gorilla with the sexiest tomboy on the planet will probably hit $200m next weekend.
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Need I say anymore? Very disappointing. Lame, lame, lame. They need to stop. THere is nowhere else to go. Shrek and Fiona divorce? Their 3 kids become teenage juvenile delinquents. They have used up all up the fairy tale humour, dumb steterotypes - there is nothing left.
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