Cool News
Rocky Joke Contest Results! Finally!!!
Ahoy, squirts! Quint here with the second contest to finally come to a conclusion. This is the Dirty Joke for Rocky Contest, with EMI supplying 5 packages for the winners. The packages will include Rocky toys, soundtracks, DVDs and 3 of the 5 will get randomly inserted original Rocky soundtracks autographed by composer Bill Conti.
This one was a tough one to judge. I got nearly 1000 entries and most of the jokes were long. I’ve probably spent a full work week going through these entries, narrowing the field down to 77 jokes and then having to narrow that down to 10, the cream of the crop. Then the difficult task of picking the last five. I also was doing my best to weed out jokes obviously copied from a joke website. I’d see the same joke worded the exact same way a few times and they’d be out.
I’ve had people ask why I didn’t just pick the winners randomly instead of letting the contest drag on and on. I honestly feel it’d be a disservice to those who entered to just go through all of the entries like a lottery. I’d rather do it right or not at all. It just took a little more time than I anticipated.
Here are the five winning jokes. Some of them are crude, one is very offensive, but funny as hell and one is very well thought-out, worked to play directly into this contest. It was the first stand-out winner. Enjoy the jokes and thanks to everybody who entered and a special thanks to EMI.
1. A boy and his mother are watching a Discovery channel program about elephants. He asks his mom, "Hey, mom... what is that thing?"
She replies, "That's the elephant's trunk."
"No, not that," says the boy, "that thing right there."
"That's his tail," she answered.
"No, what is that thing... right in the middle?"
Flustered, the mother says, "Ummm, that's... that's nothing, son."
So the boy's mother quickly leaves the room and his dad walks in. The boy asks his dad, "Hey pop, what's that thing?"
His father answers, "Son, that's the elephant's penis."
The boy looks at his old man with a puzzled look and asks, "Well, why did mom say it was nothing?"
His father turned to him and said, "Because your mother is spoiled, son."
Tony Maravola
2. A blind rabbit and a blind snake meet each other. Neither one remembers what kind of animal they are, so they decide to feel each other.
The rabbit says, "You feel me first." The snake says okay, and he starts feeling the rabbit.
He says, "Well, you have fur all over, and a little cotton tail, and two long ears, and big back feet..."
The rabbit says, "I know! I'm a rabbit! Yippee!" Then the rabbit feels the snake.
He says, "Okay, you're long and thin, and slimy all over, and there's a little forked tongue..."
The snake says, "Oh no, I'm a lawyer."
Brett Nichols
3. Hey Quint,
I have a great animal joke for you:
A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.
The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water.
Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the pouf. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the woman's feet and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!".
The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip.
The father again looked and the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!"
Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!". A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing! Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit Skippy, get away from her before she shits on you!"
Dave Fitch
4. Kinda racy...but it's funny. I dont care who you are.
A black man walks into a pet shop one day and starts looking around. The owner comes up to him and asks "How can I help you?" The man tells him he's looking for a pet for his kids but he isnt allowed to have dogs and his wife is allergic to cats, so he needs something else. The owner says "Well I have this parrot over here, he is easy to take care of and on top of that he's a talking parrot." The black man says "Well what does he say?" to which the owner replies "many different things, go say something to him and he will talk back" So the man goes over to the cage and bends down and looks at the parrot and says "Polly want a cracker?" and the parrot just stares at him. The man complains the parrot doesnt talk and the owner says try again. So once again the man leans down and says "Polly want a cracker?" to which the parrot just turns his head and chirps. The man once again complains the parrot doesnt talk and the owner says try it one more time. So the man once again leans down and says "Polly want a cracker?" The parrot looks him straight in the eye and says "Nigga want a watermelon?"
Jason Adams
5. Rocky walks into the pet shop one day and, tired of beating around the bush, confronts Adrian. Rocky says, "Yo Adrian, sex is a natural thing... I think we should do it."
Adrian ignores him as usual.
Rocky continues, " I mean we could get it on like Feathers the bird here, swinging on a bar."
Adrian doesn't look up.
"Or we could have hot turtle sex, like Cuff & Link do...nice and slow."
You can see Adrian's eyes roll under her glasses.
"Even this snake here has sex Adrian, we could get all tangled up in each other, like the snakes do."
Adrian continiues her work.
Rocky looks around the room searching for another animal. "Umm...we can have sex like....ummm..."
Adrian finally looks up an says, "Butkiss?"
Rocky is taken back for a second and says, "Well, ok Adrian, but only if you take a shower first."
Ba-dup-dup.
Marty Johnson
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must be a slow day...
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The others made me laugh, but that was the cleverest :)
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Seems clean as a whistle to me.
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..on the wall in front of you as you take a piss: "Don't look for the joke here..the joke is in your hand" Classic!!
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So, a little boy asks his father "what's the difference between theoretically and realistically" Dad says "that's hard but i have an idea. Ask your mother if she would sleep with the mailman for a million" the little boy trots off and comes back a few minutes later.. "mum said 'yes', dad". Dad says "ok, so go an ask your sister if she'd sleep with the garbage man for a million" The little boy rushes off and a few minutes returns again. "She would, dad!" Dad looks the boy in the eye and says, "Ok son, theoretically were sitting on 2 million but realistically we're living with a couple of skanky whores".
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I shall now pass that off as my own creation, but may add a wink from the father, before he says the punchline.
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is very very very old
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Saw the punchline coming as soon as I read "a black man" and "a pet store".
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Mickey & Minnie mouse are in a courtroom in from of a judge. Judge says to Mickey, "you can't divorce Minnie just because she has bucked teeth", Mickey replies "I didn't say she has bucked teeth, I said she's fucking Goofy". Boom boom.
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Therefore the Rocky one should have won due to originality and appropriateness to the contest.
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It's funnier than the other 5 combined.
The first was ok, the fourth wasn't funny at all...neither as a joke, nor as a matter of good taste.
To post that was just plain ignorant. -
And rightfully so.
Here's a better one:
A guy walks up to his wife with a duck under his arm. He says "This is the pig I've been fucking." His wife says "That's a duck, not a pig." The guy says "I wasn't talking to you." -
Umm Quint, I'm not the type to be offended by racist jokes but that one isn't even funny... umm, why do you think it is? what exactly is the humor/irony in there? that the parrot knows a racial slur? hmm. if that was one of the 5 best, i'm sure glad i'm not the one who had to read them all.
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Is older than the hills...
I read that shit in FHM and I stopped reading FHM about 7 years ago. -
They didn't have to be original? The one about the woman farting at dinner is OLD. I'm sure they all are, in fact, except for #5, which was clever and dirty at the same time, which is always good. Oh, and #4 is just plain offensive, Quint.
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JPDisco is right... Joke #3 is older than my grandpa.
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can someone explain what the fuck that "joke" even means? i think the guy told it wrong.
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c'mon guys, you can't bash equally some random N-word slur à la Michael Richards, and some innocent IRONIC jike. Cause, you know, racism is based on the belief that black people (among others) are inferior, like animals. The parrot learnt racial slur from a shithead bigot, and reacts to "cracker". He'a an animal, reacting to a human with an animal term. Cause the "N-word" (I'm fucking PC here!) is not meant to designate PEOPLE. The real offensive trait of the word is that it's referring to people as ANIMALS. Hence irony, hence humor. Nothing shocking with that, it's not meant to be offensive, unless you know personally Quint or the guy who made that joke and know for sure they're racists. Guys, you should have a hard time watching Jackie Brown.
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...it's not even structured properly. I mean, the black guy says, "Polly want a cracker," so the Parrot's response should have ended in "(something) want a nigga?" Which still would have been about as funny as a standup routine by David Brinkley's corpse.
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I agree it wasn't particularly funny, but for those of you who didn't understand why it's supposed to be funny, the point is that the black man has offended the parrot by stereotyping it--i.e. all parrots must be named "Polly" and want crackers. The offended parrot, pushed to the limits of its patience, responds in the same manner.Yeah, took me a minute, too.
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punchline doesn't work with the repeated line "Polly want a cracker?" It just doesn't work. The lawyer jokey wasn't too funny either. But the 1rst and 5th were good.
But I could imagine after reading a thousand entries anything starts to become delusionally hilarious. Like staring at a turd for two weeks straight. You're gonna start giggling at one point or go insane.
Either way I'm sure people are thankful you actually took the time to get this done. And as noted above, to each his/her own.
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Hmm, seems we've managed to interpret the joke in two completely different ways. I wonder which is the way it was intended.
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Aint it Cool news and a contest for Jokes? Oh, brother..that's just bottom-feeding. Can you get back to movies, please? No wonder Dark Horizons gets the respect...
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The headline should be: "Cut and Paste a joke! YOU COULD WIN A COOL ROCKY SET!" These contests are so poorly executed it's not funny.
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You realize this is a joke contest tied into a Rock Balboa prize giveaway, right? And that the fact that AICN occasionally gives away movie prizes, and does so in an entertaining fashion instead of a random drawing, is, like, really cool, right?
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Nevermind... thanks to the explanation and my slow mind. Joke 4 is actually turned around to be actually pretty darn funny. Hee hee. I am a boob.
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mexicans, hindus, chineese or any race...dumb decision to include that in
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Ok, I know I'm going to get some abuse for this, but I don't understand joke 5 at all. I mean I know by saying "Butkiss" Rocky thinks she is implying she wants to be kissed on the butt, but presumably there is also a non-dirty meaning of "Butkiss" that I'm not aware of, i.e. what Adrien was trying to say. Ummm I should point out that I am one of the few people in the world who has never seen any of the Rocky films. Is that relevant?
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racist blah blah blah not funny blah blah blahnot disagreeing...it's ridiculously unfunny and racist, I just can't be bothered typing out specifics...
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Joke #4 was in no way clever, racism of the joke might've worked but the parrot didn't respond in a clever way to "cracker", because Polly isn't a cracker. All except #5 were old jokes, my father had told me most of them, and I'd heard #4 from a kid when I was in elementary school. I have no idea what the rules of the contest were, but if it was just about submitting old jokes anybody could've done that.
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Cracker in Joke four does not mean a white person, it means a fucking cracker!!!
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While Joke 4's not that funny, I think my explanation above does, at least, show that it's not intended to imply that blacks actually do like watermelon (it is, in fact, using this as an example of an offensive stereotype), and that it isn't simply "being racist to be racist"--in fact, the point is that the parrot is not actually racist, but is merely responding to what it perceives as racism from the black customer. So, y'know, I still think it wasn't very funny (probably because the language of the joke was so obscure that it took too much work to understand), but I don't think it's actually that offensive, unless you're offended by any use of the word, however ironic.
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Number 5 could have been used in the film. But then again Adrian would never imply what kind of sex she'd want.
,br>
Butkiss 4ever!!! -
that I could have opened a Maxim, found funnier jokes than these guys and won this contest. I mean come on a blind rabbit and a blind snake???? You gotta be kidding me!!! and the 4th joke was just meh. taste be damn, it simply wasn't funny. I mean I got it, but i've heard racier, funnier jokes. Read the book "Truly Tasteless Jokes" by Blanche Knott. Now those are some funny ass, racy jokes!
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While not funny and wildly inappropriate, the joke does actually make some sense. It basically treats parrots like any other ethnic group. And it's a stereotype that this particular ethnic group (the parrots) likes crackers. In much the same way that it's a stereotype that black people like watermelon. So the parrot simply answers the black man's perceived sterotype with a stereotype of his own. Wow, I can't believe I just wasted even two minutes on that crappy joke.
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heres one for you- the 'shit all over quint' contest! all you need to do is try to have an entertaining and offbeat contest for an interesting prize, and the person that opens their bowels the most wins!! jesus- cut the man some slack!
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I like it. Would there be prizes for runniest, best color, most peanut chunks? Give me some details. I want to start preparing.
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To Pandas-r-us above: Joke 5 "Butkiss" punchline also means Adrian wants to do it doggy-style.
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I can't believe people are actually trying to explain joke 4. That's actually funnier than the joke itself. People are complaining about the offensiveness of the joke and the use of the N-word, however if anyone is offended by a joke THAT old.... well.. get over it, it was just a joke and a really old one at that. get over it.
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It would never work, as Quint would be covered in shit for six months until he got round to choosing a winner.
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Though the deadline was before that brouhaha, wasn't it?
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I was just trying to help some fellow talkbackers out. But you're right, it is pretty stupid. Then again, it beats actually working.
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Which is what is causing all the problems in the funnyness for us slow people. The "cracker" is the Macguffin if you will.
Being of a minority group myself imagining it from my perspective and me myself asking a parrot repeatedly the same damn question. Imagining me repeatedly saying "Polly" to the bird. All it's life for no apparent reason being called "Polly" the bird reacts with calling me a name. A name I wouldn't like to be referred as for no apparent reason.
It made me giggle like an 80's movie. It's wrong in everyway possible, which is what makes it funny. -
... we're not all long, thin and slimy.
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... we're not all long, thin and slimy.
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we charge per word.
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1,000 entries? Good gravy. I guess I just don't have the same sense of humor.
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because it's sooooo lame. Now if it ended with "... and then the snake asked 'pull my finger'" "In which Rabbit answers by kicking snake in the nuts". Even though snakes don't have nuts, it would have been the funniest joke alive.
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butkiss was the name of Rocky's dog, sure, but it's about ass to mouth, not doggy.
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Except zb.brox and Garbageman. Joke 4 was a) funny and ironic and b) not racist.The point is, the parrot was offended that the guy was stereotyping all parrots as being called polly and eating crackers, and so made an ironic crack back about 'niggas' and melons.
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your interpretation of the "infamous" joke 4 is the same as mine. I just suck at explaining tasteless jokes, since people should interpret them on their own. My bad.
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... and it's still not funny at all and very offensive. Poor choice. Poor choice.
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Ahhhhh I see, so having not seen Rocky was relevant after all! Thanks for that, it was really bugging me!
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Why is it so offensive? Just for referencing stereotypes, without actually endorsing them?
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Was I wrong all this time?
Anyway, all the jokes were good. I hadn't heard them before. And the point of #4 is that the man was being racist toward the bird, assuming that all birds like to eat crackers and using the racial slur of "Polly" to boot. Therefore the parrot was just giving him what he got. The only problem with #5 is that you have to spell Butkus wrong for the joke to work. But since it actually referenced the movie, it's all good. -
...and I was terribly offended by the joke about the watermelon. Now, I understand that some racial and ethnic stereotypes are founded in a kernel of truth; such as, Irish people are drunks, Jewish people are stingey with money, and blacks enjoy fried chicken and watermelon. And while I do really enjoy finely-breaded and friend chicken, like at KFC, and savor a good cool watermelon in the summer, I attribute this to coincidence and not some absurd racial mythos.
I'm kidding. I'm white. I just thought the joke, and all of 'em really, were sorta lame. Now if all of y'zall will 'scuse me, I'm fixin' to get me a bucket of the colonel's secret recipe. -
That said, none of this stuff is funny. Not like watching Patrice O'Neal take down the head of NOW on national TV. Especially his bit about the angry pirate. That's where you ejaculate in her eye and kick her in the shin. Then, she hobbles around with one eye closed saying "Argh!" The priceless part was watching the head of NOW's reaction.
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The first squirrel turns to the second squirrel
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How about a nut?...
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Come up with a punch-line...
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http://tinyurl.com/2fkh6x. Now that's funny.
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Remember to tip your waitress.
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"butkiss" was the dogs name....
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besides joke 4 being an ignorant racist joke (like something from a richard belzer 1980 routine...black guys dance cool, white guys dance lame etc)..it was just not funny!
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i meant that last one for you..
"butkiss" was the dogs name -
Something is wrong with our collective intelligece when we are offended by context rather than content. It's the same as calling All in the Family a racist show because Archie Bunker is racist, some people not realizing that the show deliberately gave Archie enough rope to hang himself with his racial epithets.
Or the infamous Sarah Silverman routine where she told the story about how she wanted to get out of jury duty so a friend told her to write "I hate chinks" on her infromation form. But, she said, she didn't want people to think she was racist so instead she wrote "I love chinks." And some moron told her that the joke was offensive and that she should have substituted "chinese person" for "chink," demonstrating his complete lack of understanding of humor. It's called IRONY. Even jokes that criticize racism or stereotypes are called racist simply because they are ABOUT those things.
Obviously the joke spoofs racial sterotypes, not endorses them.
That said, none of the jokes is very funny or clever at all. -
Bruce, if you're in here, I guess a few people want to borrow your sandwich board sign from Die Hard With a Vengeance.
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Still think that fourth joke should not be there.
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I just realized most the talkbackers must be like 5 years old. Not maturity level, I've taken that for granted from day one. I'm talking about actual age here. I can't believe so many people haven't heard of "Polly want a cracker?"
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I have good news and bad news. The good news is, you have 24 hours to live...
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and the second squirrel says " Fuck you, racist!"
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what's the good news?"
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then what's the BAD news?"
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I've been trying to get in touch with you since YESTERDAY!"
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now THAT is a great joke (the joke's on US, of course, but still a great joke)
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Stealth!
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How utterly sad...
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You can tell this one to your african-american friends and they won't be offended, even though they think they will be when you ask the question.
Q. What's white, hates black folks and lives at the bottom of the sea?
A: The Klu Klux Clam -
The first one was kinda funny. The rest were stupid. The winners should thank their lucky stars.
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Do you want fries with that?
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What's a "learning difficults"?
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Clearly there are different opinions regarding joke #4. I made my comment b/c A) I didn't find the humor in the joke. B) I couldn't find the connection/ need to include the "nigga and watermelon" part. I don't get the context. If someone can explain the joke to me then I'll be the first to admit I misunderstood it and wrongly condemned it as offensive. But until then, I stand by what I said. Thanks.
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You're 2 for 2. keep them coming...
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despite their content
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First cow turns to the second cow and says. "Aren't you worried about that mad cow's disease?"
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"I'm a squirrel."
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quint, i tried; theres just no love for you here
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OK start the joke and we guess the punch line...
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and there wouldn't have been so much hating
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she's dyslexic too!
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whats the difference between a pizza and a jew? a pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven
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...would you find a bunch of geeks explaining a joke to each other.
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Give me a break... Joke 4 is an inverted anti-racist joke. It's not making fun of racism. It's diluting racism. It's the kind of shit my parents used to say all the time. It's like when a political spin doctor warns people that the other side is playing them for fools. The point of the joke is to take away the overall feeling of guilt for racism by saying 'we're all racist, so, you know, let's laugh about it and fuck you for giving me shit for it'. It's my mother saying something to humiliate me and realising she did it in front of guests and hugging me and smiling and saying 'oh we just tease each other'. Sneaky sneaky. It's all just a joke. Can't be upset by that. What's the point of the joke? That everyone is racist so shut the fuck up about it already. I'd think that is obvious.
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And the parrot says. "Hello no, nigga, I don't want no fucking cracker! I want to get me some black snake moan!"
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I'm not sure how to explain it more than has been--The customer, black, refers to the parrot as "polly" and offers it crackers, that is, he calls it a by a belittling name and offers it a stereotypical food supposedly likes by parrots. The parrot, annoyed that this customer has stereotyped it and belittled it based on its species, returns the favor by using a belittling name and offering a stereotypical food supposedly like by black people. The joke is that the black customer's behavior seems entirely appropriate to us, but from the parrot's perspective it is as bad as if someone had grievously insulted the black customer based on their race, which the parrot points out by doing so. The joke spoofs racial insensitivity, but it does not endorse it. The watermelon and the slur are used ironically, even the parrot, using them so pointedly, does not mean them in any literal way. See what I'm saying?
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I don't remember if these were supposed to be original creations but that First Joke is older than dirt.
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The brain orders two beers from the bartender, but the bartender refuses to serve him. "Why won't you serve us?" says the brain. The bartender replies, "Well, you're clearly out of your head, and your friend looks as if he's about to start something."
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I get the joke. It's not hard to get it. But it's not what you say. That's what the surface joke is. There's a hell of a lot more to the joke than that. I don't have the patience to explain it.
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I'm sure EMI will be thrilled to have their prize pack and name associated with Joke 4.
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Because in the end, the parrot is smarter than the black man and gives him the intellectual equivalent of a "bitch slap". It's funny to see the black man mocked and belittled because he victimizes the parrot with an ugly parrot stereotype. He sure got what he deserved, and we all got a laugh out of it. Quint tells this one to black people all the time, and they all think its hilarious. Harry just got off the phone with Spike Lee, and it had him rolling on the floor.
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yeah, and you wonder about Quint's overall taste considering how flat that joke fell. i hope he can claim that he was so drunk reading these that he would have laughed at the sight of a doorknob.
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Don't get it. the rabbi and priest one. Please explain...
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yeah, that pretty much explains it perfectly. i guess some people havne't had to live with racist fuckheads around them so they don't get the joke. i can see that. but if you have... it's glaring bright as day.
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What do all agnostic, dyslexic, atheists do?
They stay awake all night, wondering if there really is a dog. -
I don't really see how what I said is incompatible with what you said.
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would be better if it was a murderer, not a child molester
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that the meaning of the joke is not meant to be racist. you think it's making fun a racism. i think it's simply a very subtle racist joke under the surface of a simple 'isn't racism funny' joke. i'm not saying anything bad about you.
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I think the joke is certainly racial, but I don't think it's particularly racist, even as you described it--it doesn't actually seem to say anything negative about any ethnic group, it simply uses the fact that some people are as a basis for the commentary.
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The takeaway is not. What antonphd is saying is that the takeaway from the joke is that racism is ok. After all, we're all a bit racist whether we admit it or not. Basically, it lets racists off the hook. And that's fucked up. I guess I hadn't thought of it like that. Then again, I don't have a PHD in my screenname.
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I am in China and most of tyhe dirty bastards I meet have racist jokes and such.ESpecially about the chinese.Personally I couldn't give a fuck about colour.Culture is certainly moot.Which means life is interesting.So..................................you want it...........it came from a cunt...................here it is............."What would you cal the Flinstones if they were black?".......................................................................................................Seriously....you know its the N word.I'm not typing it.Not for PC'ness,just cos the cunt that told wqas a filtthy dirty racist.You wanted it it you got it.
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The rabbi set the priest up with a DWI charge
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but requires digital augmentation
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(so dont get pissed at me)
#1: A little boy asks his father "dad, what's mommy's vulva?" and the father says "well, that's the area of mommy in between her legs that she uses to have sex." the little boy is slightly confused, "Oh... then, dad, what's a cunt?" and the father says "that's the rest of her" -
you refuse to type the word 'nigger'- a derogatory slang for african-americans, yet you gladly typed the word 'cunt'- a dergoatory slang for women?!? THAT is a joke i don't get
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a girl is using her parent's bathroom one morning and sees her father stepping out of the shower. she looks at his naked body, surprised at what she sees, points at his penis, and asks "when am i going to get one of those?" the father narrows his eyes and says "as soon as your mother leaves for work!"
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Q: How did the Appalachian girl know her mother was on her period? A: Her brother's dick tasted funny.
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I heard this joke originally delivered by Flip Wilson on The Tonight Show over 30 years ago. As I recall, Flip used the joke as an example of the sort of joke "you can't say on television." It was marginally more humorous with Flip's delivery, but not much.
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But jokes about the holocaust are OK? Grow up!
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are all hanging around talking shop. on the subject of money, the priest says "we catholics draw a 5' circle on the floor, stand in the center, and toss the money in the air. whatever lands in the circle, we give to god. the rest we keep". the minister looks stunned at this revelation. "us baptists do the same thing", he gasps, "but whatever lands outside the circle we give to god." all this time, the rabbi listens attentive to the conversation. "what does your tradition do?" the other two ask. shrugging, the rabbi says "well, i throw the collection money in the air, and whatever god wants, he grabs".
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Talkbackers will debate and argue over absolutely any old shit, no matter what gets posted on this site.
I'm bored. We all are. Where's all the 'cool news'? -
Funnier than the "winners". That last one is my favorite so far.
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I don't think the undertone is so much "racism is okay" as "people say stupid things and offend each other sometimes, everyone does it, so chill out a little". There's a difference between saying "this thing is okay" and saying "this thing is bad, but it's no reason to throw a fit."
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pal, i never claimed the moral high ground here. priapic claims to be 'above' insulting one group, yet takes a shot at another- an obvious double standard. the earlier post was trying to defend quint for taking the time to set up this (horribly late-arriving) contest, and damn near getting mugged for picking a spectrum of jokes that spans a wide chasm of the definition of humor, all for the simple idea of throwing a bone to us rocky fans; i never once took issue with #4 or any of the other off-color jokes posted here. calm down, bucko
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She was a woman. :-)
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I'm calm and you're bullshitting. You can't call out another talbacker for double standards when you write "heres one for you- the 'shit all over quint' contest! all you need to do is try to have an entertaining and offbeat contest for an interesting prize, and the person that opens their bowels the most wins!! jesus- cut the man some slack!" then decide to follow that post with a bunch of lame and racist jokes yet when Priapic shows restraint he's beyond your comprehension.
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May 17, 2007 1:12:19 PM CDT
Yo Adrian, you're lookin' like a heart breaker tonight.
by darthbinks1220
Very sharp. Underneath all those sweaters is the best girl in Philly. Even though you suffer from the disease of shyness, I knew we wuz meant for each other from the start.
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If yer gonna tell a racist joke, at least tell some about white folks. What's long, hard, and white? Nothing!!! How can you tell an Italian plane on the runway? It's the one with hair under it's wings. You know why they had to tear down the Polish football stadium? Cuz everywhere you sat, you sat behind a Pole! Never mind, that one was just stupid.
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#1 was funny, but other than that....#2 was lame and 3,4,5 I've heard before. 4 of those guys got very lucky...
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how does my defence of quints choosing joke #4 in the face of tremendous critisism a double standard? it's true- the same folks that were shitting all over quint for having the results of this contest pushed so far back are pretty much now the same ones shitting on him for content; my point now is the same i had prior to this- give quint some leeway here, and at least give the man credit for trying. as far as the whole restraint issue, how is it called restraint when you're above 'nigger', but not above 'cunt'? like it's ok to be derogatory towards women, but not african-americans? like women are second-class status? lame and racist jokes? pal, look around... that's the whole spirit of this talkback thus far.
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firstly none of the jokes where particulary funny, I've found the thread and the jokes in it more hilarious.
Secondly the Nigga joke was particualry distatseful
thirdly really was planet are you aintitcool contributors from? Qunit? really, do you have any common sense? did you really think it was appropriate to put that joke in? You really couldnt find a better one?
I know where you are coming from, you hang around with your pals and happy to crack the odd nigga joke here and there, hell there are worse things said on the threads. But really, we're not buddies, its fucking inappropriate,a huge miscaluation in judgement and i expected better from the team.
Q.how do you start telling a rascist joke? A. By first looking around the room carefully
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Did you hear they had to pull all the Crocodile Hunter-brand suntan lotions from all the store shelves? It turns out they don't actually protect you from harmful rays. Thank you, I'll be here every Tuesday.
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and sees his father coming out of the shower. I shock he points between his legs and asks "what's that dad?!" - "it's... a pigeon" - "your're fucking a pigeon?!"
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one more for you- what's the shortest book in the world? the itlian book of war heroes
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Where's a meeting in the jungle and the lion is proposing a new festivity. "As your king I propose you a giant orgy. Any animal can fuck any other animal of anny species and any gender as long as he doesn't wear a condom. If anybody uses a condor he will be killed and eaten by the rest". So, cebras start humping tiger, monkeys are fucking crocodiles, etc. Suddenly they see the elephant wearing a condom! The whole jungle turns to the elephants and he inmediately shouts "Wait! It's the snake! I'm fucking the snake!"
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How many frenchmen does it take to defend Paris? No one knows!
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He's not trying not to offend anyone but you took offense. You want people to lay off Quint for his choice of joke. Then attack someone for the wording of their joke.
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i totally agree that there was no intended offence; my only point was that i questioned why he wouldn't use one derogatory term, but felt free to use another. if there was another layer there i missed, i appologize; i just thought that choice of words was odd
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Half a dog.
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'Cos they always seez-ya.
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not excuse me while I go clean all this sand out of my pussy.
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Christopher Walken.
(That was funny a few years ago). -
Because jungle iz MASSIVE!
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But I have no problem with cunt. Some of my best friends are cunts and I'm something of a cunt myself.
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Because it was dead.
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And Adrian yells back, "Stop, Rocky, it hurts!!" Rocky keeps on pounding and yells his reply: "Yo, you're crazy, Adrian, it feels GOOD!!" [I read this joke a long time ago; I don't think it starred Rocky and Adrian back then.]
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Jokes 1-4 are so incredibly, incredibly old. And joke 5 is just mildly amusing. Either Quint has never heard 1-4 before, which reflects poorly on his amount of worldly exposure, or Quint actually just doesn't mind rewarding unoriginality and banality. If there really weren't any better jokes, Quint should've just rewarded the best seemingly-original jokes or just awarded the prizes by random or something.
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I'm with you that #4 is racist and unfunny. But am I the only one offended by the lawyer joke? I hate, hate hate lawyer jokes. I know lots of lawyers and the vast majority are excellent people: hard working, conscientious, community minded. I could go on. I just don't get the hate. Plus, what a wasted opportunity for a joke appropriate to the subject matter of this site. The punchline should have been "I'm a studio executive" or "I'm (insert name of least favourite movie director, like Uwe Boll, or something). At least the punchline could have been "I'm a realtor". Why the lawyer hate? And why no outrage over that? I just don't get it.
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Except the joke about farting out of an ass.
Does he seriously think those are funny? I mean come on, lawyer jokes? -
A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"
And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"
The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice: "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit." -
Or is it just Quint?
Really, I can't believe Harry would allow that garbage posted... -
Was out for most of the day but I'm back. I thank everyone for giving their rationale for #4 but I (like many) still feel the joke is distateful and offensive for many of the same reasons other talkbackers have given. Let me just say though that in no way do I think Quint or AICN are a bunch of racists. Far from it. We all say things/ make jokes from time to time that end up being offensive to others. Clearly #4 (and many additional jokes provided by talkbackers in this thread) rub many the wrong way. The key is to hear/ understand why they are offensive, respect that, and move forward.
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my fav. dirty joke, what's the difference between a refrigerator and a homosexual...a refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull out the meat....THANK YOU CHURCH CAMP!
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To teach women to walk on their hind legs.
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The rich man has a canopy above his bed. (emphasis on "above", read out loud to get it.)
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goes to Wyoming to buy a cow. He notices the cow farts every time he squeezes the teats. "Still gives good milk," claims the man selling the cow, so he decides to buy it. Back home in Idaho, he calls his buddy over to check out the cow. Sure enough, every time his buddy squeezes the teats, the cow emits methane gasses. "Huh. Did you get this cow from Wyoming?" asks the friend. "Yes, how did you know?" "Well, my wife's from Wyoming."
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...is like dissecting a frog. Nobody enjoys it and the frog dies." - Pope Benedict
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it would be ten pages detailing every fucking detail of the anecdote only to tell you he feels lukewarm about jokes and finds dirtiness to be mediocre.But he'd still get a fucking black box!
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wanna add some commentary on this thread as it seems silent.
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and sees exactly two people inside- the bartender, and a patron, who has a wall of beer mugs in front of him, and is clearly inebriated, yet the bartender continues to serve him. the man, unnerved by the relative quiet, decides to make small talk with the drunk man. "so...what're you drinking, pal?" "magic beer", the drunk slurs. "magic beer? bullshit." the man makes as to get up and leave, but the drunk put his hand on his shoulder. "wanna bet? 100 bucks says this beer can make you fly. you on?" chuckling to himself, the man says "sure. easiest 100 bucks i'll make. what do we do?" motioning to the barkeep, the drunk says "follow me up to the roof" the drunk takes the two mugs of beer drawn by the barkeep, and proceeds to go up to the roof, some 50' above. he chugs one of the mugs, waits a second, then jumps off the edge of the roof; sure enough, he floats like a leaf to the ground, then walks back in. when the drunk reaches the roof again, the man gives him a crisp $100 bill, saying "i'll be dipped; take it. mind if i try?" "sure", the drunk says, offering the second mug. the man does just as the drunk did, then jumps. splat- the man leaves a stain on the pavement below. the drunk walks back into the bar to take his seat, and orders yet another beer. "jesus, superman", the bartender says, "you sure are an asshole when you drink"
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exactly; i'ts a comfort zone issue. i didn't mean to come off sounding dicky. you know, only on aicn can a guy called boba fat and a guy called jedi mindflayer have a discussion about off-color humor
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What do you call an American Indian who laughs a lot and is really short? Mini-HaHa!
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An Irishman walks into a pub and orders three beers. He sits down and drinks them in a very unusual way: he sips one, then another, then the last, each in turn. He does this until he finishes all three pints, and orders three more. The bartender, perplexed, asks him "Sir, if you don't mind, would you tell me why you drink like that?"The Irishman replies, "When I left Ireland, my two brothers and I made a pact. Wherever we were, for the rest of our lives when we sat down for a drink, we'd drink like this to remember the times when we used to come to the pub together.""That's beautiful," says the landlord, "the next round's on me". And after that, the Irishman becomes a regular at the bar. Each time he comes in, he orders three beers, and drinks them the same way. He quickly becomes the barman's favorite patron. A few weeks later, the Irishman walks into the bar looking slightly depressed. He walks to the bar and orders... two beers. The barman, overcome with sorrow, hands him the beers and shakes his head sadly. "I'm so sorry for your loss," he says.The Irishman looks surprised a moment, then comprehension dawns on his face. "Oh, no one's dead," he says, "I've just given up drinking."
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At no time did it occur to Mr. Quint to show some courtesy toward humanity and eliminate racist jokes from the winners? (Winners? Sure, everyone's a winner!) There's a world full of people that don't believe it's in anyway cool to perpetuate the notion that it's okay to revert to the Jim Crow era for humor.
You see, Quint, Jim Crow is not an expert in dirty animal jokes.
If you had a single brain cell left in your head, you'd take joke four down and apologize. You've already named the winners, so I'm not suggesting you disqualify the parrot joke, but you sure in hell should disqualify yourself from judging humor contests.
Not funny. It's just not funny.
This isn't about PC. This is about decency and respect. Try showing some next time. -
for the ethnic jokes to come stumbling in.
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From Quint's original post announcing the contest: "I'll pick my five favorite jokes and post them here. My decisions are final, although I promise my judgment will be clearer than the Academy's when they gave Streisand and A STAR IS BORN the Oscar for Best Song over Conti's GONNA FLY NOW."
Judgment? Your judgment sucks, fella. Time to wear the Ribbons of Shame. -
and bought a box of Georgia Crackers that was funnier than joke #4. (It's funny because it's true.) Joke 5 was funny based on shock value because you rarely hear analingus jokes on TV. (In fact Tina Fey's "Colonel Angus" sketch was about the only one I can think of. It;s also an 'in joke' because you have to know that was the name of Rocky's dog in order to 'get it' and 'in jokes' always make the listener feel smart. Here's an old Dave Allen joke I always liked:
A guy walks into a gay bar and sits down at the bar by another guy. The guy that was sitting there says "I should warn you, I'm a sadist. I like to hurt people." The other guy says "That's perfect, I'm a masochist, I love to be hurt. Go ahead, hit me, slap me, beat me, spank me, hurt me." The sadist looks at him and just says "No." -
Nothing, you've told her twice already.
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the second one was kind of funny but completely uninspired, the third one actually made me smile, the fourth one is just downright stupid, and the fifth one was charming. I would give the award to the fifth one. If those others are the best, I feel for you having to read such crappy jokes for 5 months. those were AWFUL.
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May 18, 2007 12:43:19 AM CDT
and here is my favorite "dirty joke" ever. its funny...
by cotton mcknight
courtesy of Larry the Cable guy about 13 years ago: KD Lang and Melissa Etheridge wake up one morning after a hot night together. KD Lang suddenly gets out of bed and leaves the room. Melissa follows her, only to find her sliding down the banister on the stairs, to the first floor. "What are you doing?" Melissa asks. KD smiles and says "cooking breakfast". LOL.
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if i thought you could copy and paste a joke, which the five "winners" obviously did.
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You know... I think you guys just kinda fell somewhat in my eyes. I get the 'fuck the rules' attitude and I share it, but racist jokes? Really? Joke 4 isn't a dirty joke. And it's supposed to be for a Rocky Balboa contest. Rocky is an underdog champion. Aren't racist jokes just plain un-Rocky? I mean... really... this is really kind of a shitty bookend to the coolest thing to ever happen on this website. Sly gets on here and defies the social rules about ignoring geeks and talks straight to us as an equal. Now... it all ends remembering that AICN fucked the poop on the contest, then fucked it more by not even trying to pick decent winners and then even more by naming a fucking non-dirty racist joke as a winner. I know you aren't getting paid, but fuck, Quint, you could have at least given a shit enough to not put up a racist joke in a dirty joke contest. And where's the response to what people are saying about it? You guys have all the liberty in the world to say what you want... but you're dead quite when you fuck up. I'm all for racial jokes. They are funny as hell. But there's a big difference between a good laugh about differences and quirks when there's still respect for everyone and a joke like 4 which was meant to be racist and is plainly racist to anyone with a brain. Way to turn a classy move by Sly into shit.
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fucked the pooch
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...then this. Great week for AICN.
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Woman approaches a man. he asks her if she's tight and she says she is. They go to a private spot and she says put in a finger. now put in two fingers, Put in three fingers, now put in all four fingers, and your thumb. Now put in your whole hand. Now put in your other hand. Now clap your hands.
The guy says "I can't applaud, it's too tight."
The woman says "See, I told you!" -
"I'm not leaving until I find my truck".
[old Redd Foxx punchline.] -
...I make donuts."
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I've definitely both heard and read before. That wasn't even a good lawyer joke. If you're going to use an old lawyer joke...
What's the difference between a shame and a pity?
If a busload of lawyers goes over a cliff and there are no survivors, that's a pity. If there were any empty seats, that's a shame.
Why is it a violation of the Professional Code of Ethics to have sex with a client?
Double-billing is strictly forbidding.
How many lawyers does it take to roof a house?
Depends on how thin you slice them.
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...meaning racism is not funny. Embarrassing.
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http://tinyurl.com/yvq9oy
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Because she had no arms.
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A lot of people will find joke 4 funny. I'm not one of them.Did you hear about the woman with no legs who won "strawberry picker of the year"?Jammy cunt.
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..and starts to finger his rectum. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" asks the man behind the counter. The tramp replies, "well the sign on the door says 'come in and pick your own ring'"!
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...you get attacked by a gang of clowns?Go straight for the juggler!
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...a frenchman wearing a pair of sandals?Phillipe Flop.
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I'm not posting them because of sour grapes. I'm putting them up to rinse out the foul taste left in my mouth, and maybe someone here might get a chuckle, which is the point of telling a joke, Quint. The first one is one of my favorite jokes, just because I love the little duck so much. The second demonstrates how you can use ethnicity or race in a joke without being an ass, and the last one is just because you can never have too many blow job jokes:
A duck walks into a bar. He looks up at the bartender and asks, "Do you have any grapes?" The bartender looks down and tells him, "No, we don't have no grapes." The duck leaves the bar in silence. The duck comes into the bar the next day and asks again for grapes. The bartender isn't in the mood and barks, "I told you yesterday that we don't have any grapes. If you come in here again asking for grapes, I'm gonna nail yer feet to the floor!" The duck leaves, perturbed. The following day, the same duck enters the bar. He walks right up to face the bartender and asks, "Do you have any nails?" Confused, the bartender replies, "No, we don't have no nails." The duck paused for a beat and then asks, "Do you have any grapes?"
A couple of friends were out fishing when their boat was attacked by a pair of great white sharks. When they didn't return to shore as expected, the Coast Guard was notified and went out looking for them. The men were both from Europe--one from Poland, the other from the Czech Republic. While out looking for the missing men, the Coast Guard ship came across a large fishing boat that had just caught a pair of great whites, one male, one female. The crew who caught the sharks were alerted by the Coast Guard that there may be bodies inside the sharks. With care, they sliced open the belly of the female. A man's arm spilled out on deck. On the sleeve of the jacket that was still on the arm, the Polish flag was easy to see. At this point, the skipper removed his hat, wiped his brow, and gestured to the other shark and said, "I guess that means the Czech is in the male."
A male and female whale were swimming in the open ocean when the male spotted a naval vessel close by. "Do you want to have a little fun?" he asked the female. She gave it a second and then answered, "Sure. What do you have in mind?" "Well, we swim just under that ship up there and blast it with air from our blow holes," he said, "and when the ship capsizes, we eat all the sailors!" She thought about it for a moment and replied, "I'm all for the blow job, but there's no way I'm swallowing the seamen." -
..between a smart midget and a diseased pussy? One is a cunning runt and..
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5 dead babies in 5 trash cans.
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1 dead baby in 5 trash cans.
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I always wonder why there is such silence from the AICN powers-that-be when something like this happens? I recall a while back there was a stupid headline for a story about competing films dealing with Harvey Milk and not a word from Harry etc, because it's okay to mock gays, because, you know, they're gay! And I guess it's okay to foist crap like the parrot joke on us because, you know, these guys are hep and modern, and hep and modern fellas can pollute the web with racist "humor" because it's "edgy."
Quint, recall the start of Die Hard with a Vengeance? When Bruce Willis wore that sandwich board, he wasn't meant to be edgy or funny. When he walked out onto that Harlem street, he was possibly going to get his ass killed, or at least serious kicked around. That's a good demonstration of how certain people respond to the use of certain racial epithets. Since you seem to only have any sensitivity to what happens in movies, I figured I'd use a film reference as a way to point out your cluelessness.
Your words, Quint: "I don't care who you are." Obviously, there's a lot you do not care about. Maybe you can use this as on opportunity to grow a little. Or maybe you don't get it and never will. That would be the ultimate shame. -
is Quint black or white? Because black people can say whatever they want, white people can not. There is a double standard in this country.
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I'm still not sure what's racist about the fourth joke. Do you think it's racist just to use slurs or references stereotypes, even if you're not endorsing them?
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Big Mac and fries please?
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That was brilliant!
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MiraJeff reviewing a dead baby in trash can.
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that the word cracker was in joke 4.
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Woman puts an ad in the newspaper for a man. She stated that she wants a guy who: 1) Won't beat her, 2) Won't run out on her, & 3) Can satisfy her sexually.Next day the doorbell rings, and when she answers the door she finds a guy in a wheelchair with no arms and no legs.He says "I'm here for the job. I got no arms, so I can't beat ya. I got no legs, so I can't run out on ya.She asks "What make you think you can satisfy me sexually?Guy replies with a wink, "I rang the doorbell..."
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reviewing a dead baby in trash can?Harry eating it afterwards.
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...that some of the racist jokes here are out of line. Now, they may be told without any particular racist sentiment behind them, but I think on the internet it's very hard to make sure that sentiment and context are translated with the text of the joke. As can be proven by the fact that joke 4, which I still have seen no compelling evidence *is* racist, has managed to offend so many people.
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It seems my work is not yet done! So much misunderstanding remains yet in the world! Come Seabiscuit, we ride! There remains much for us to do ...
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The white robes and hoods you ordered have just arrived here at the warehouse, please come and pick them up. Oh, and we're having a special this week on our E-Z light crucifixes :)
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I wonder what the other jokes were like...
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All of those jokes were told to me by my Dad...twenty-fucking years ago!
Here's a late entry...
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
NOW GIVE ME A CD, FUCKER! -
ok, on the surface level we see that it sets up the dynamic: parrot-polly-cracker to black man-nigga-watermelon. And it tries to spoof racial insensitivity with irony, etc. But it's not funny. It evokes historically offensive stereotypes that fall out of the range of respectful racial humor. I'm sure there are other racial stereotypes for other groups that could've been used that would've been as offensive and maybe easier for people to see or relate to depending on their background. I don't know. Personally, for the most part I'm able to tell when jokes cross that line and are offensive, whatever the target group (black, woman, jew, gay, muslim, whatever). It's about respect, sensitivity, and awareness of others. It's simple as that. I'll end by saying this though- it does mean something that the example used was a black stereotype given the history of black oppression in this country. It's not random. And I guarantee the person who made the joke is not black because I don't know of any self-respecting black person who would think #4 was funny. And I'm speaking as a black man. Peace.
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So you do think that simply referencing racist beliefs can be racist, even if they're not endorsed? Hmm, so the issue is more the lack of respect for the fact that it might offend than the actual belittling of the race in question?
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I agree that the joke, depending on its reader, can be seen as racist or commenting on racism. However, two flaws - 1) The joke isn't very funny; 2) If you're going to point out flaws in racial stereotyping and avoid being called a racist, don't make a parrot smarter than a black man.
The problem is that the racial slur used is the most popular and the joke won't succeed with lesser known slurs unless you live in an ethnic area. For instance, I grew up in an Irish/Italian neighborhood... so:
"Paddy wanna potato?"
"Guinea wanna canoli?"
might work, but just not the same effect. Still could be viewed at racist, of course.
By the way, anybody see the Axis of Evil Comedy Tour?
Maz Jobrani does a bit on Arabs and Iranians that's pretty funny. (He's Persian and the others in the group are Arab). You can find it on YouTube. -
so he prays to God to be saved. Along comes a fisherman with a rope and the minister refuses it, saying "I will pray to god and he will save me." He keeps sinking and prays again. Along comes a streetsweeper with a pole and tells him to hold and he will pull him out. The minister says "No, I will pray to God and he will save me." He keeps sinking. He prays again to God to save him from drowning. Along comes a fireman with a ladder and says "hold onto the ladder and I'll pull you out". The minister again says no and drowns.
...
So there he is up in heaven and he meets God: "What the heck! I've been good all my life, I'm a devout minister. I've helped the poor, healed the sick. Why didn't you save me?"
And God says: "I sent a fisherman, a streetsweeper and a fireman. What more do you want?" -
I agree, the joke is not racist as much as it is offensive. If it had the redeeming characteristic of being funny, it would be a bit more defensible, but when the entire purpose of the joke seems to be the set up of the last line, it's offensive and insulting.
"Offensive" shouldn't be a qualifying trait. -
in the media and in the way certain public figures puff their chests out over slights against their group when they ignore the slights directed at others. Quint's race is unimportant to me. I would be as disappointed regardless of his race or heritage. It's maddening when you have to listen to the double standards applied, but I think it's important to fight that tendency and call people out when they are hypocrites. I'm still waiting for MLK's dream to come true.
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S/he posted some funny funny jokes, and reminded us MORE TO THE POINT, that let's stop WASTING our time on the shitty jokes and write jokes that put them to shame!
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All right, I can certainly see "offensive", but I think it's important to recognize that Quint very probably didn't mean to offend anyone by it--he found it funny, and, as you point out, offensive can be countermanded a bit by "funny". Bad judgment, but I don't think he should be demonized as a racist for it. I do agree it's kinda chickenshit of him and AICN to just let this TB slip off the front page and into obscurity without apologizing or at least explaining themselves, though.
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And Quint, don't worry about these schmucks. I'll pick you up tonight at 7pm in my truck. I'll have the shotgun, kerosene, and crosses. Could you stop off after work and get some rope? Great! Thanks, buddy! See ya later ;)
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Quint is going down with IMUS
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Anorexic.
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The bar has been lowered beyond any reasonable standard of decency in any of these talkbacks. One question: how is it everyone gets so uptight against black racist jokes, but can be downright nazi when it comes to Christians. There is such a double standard among Americans.
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and no one called me Shamus the Rescuer. I gave a days pay to the orphanage and no one called me Shamus the Benefactor. But you fuck one sheep...
See, it's racist because we Scots all fuck sheep. It works with Australians, too, if you can do the dialect. -
You post a headline about "#### Scoopage" and run a teaser article with mild hints but no real spoilers, then people post spoilers about ####. You run an article about bad jokes and include one that uses an "N-word" for shock value. (And I know the joke's been analyzed and interpreted to death, but however many levels it 'works' on, part of the 'humor' comes from the shock value of hearing someone use an N-Word.) then you get bad jokes and racist jokes. It's like they say monkey see monkey doo, monkey throw monkey doo.
On the 'it's alright when they say it' argument, if a white person says "N*****" to me, I walk away. If a black person says "N*****" to me, I run. Is that racist? Yeah, I thought so. But it keeps me out of fights. -
I see what you're saying, I really do, but I cruise through the tv and see black comedians talking about "cracker can't dance" and "did you ever notice how white people" this and that. Then I tune in 2 stations over and see that Imus got fired for saying nappy headed hoes, or I come on AICN and see Quint taking shit for reprinting a joke. What's up? If whites make black jokes, black people get offended and we're racists. If black people make white jokes and we get offended, we just need to lighten up. See what I mean? I believe in Martin Luther King's dream too, but it's nowhere in sight.
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I can't belive Im even replying to this. It's a joke. I'm not going to explain it to you. If you want an explanation there are about a hundred above this one. Obviously, some of you got it, some of you didnt. Im not racist and it wasnt meant to be racist. If you were offended or didnt think it was funny......fuck you. it's not my fault Quint didnt pick one of your thousands of "little johnny" jokes. I love this website and love the rocky movies or would not have even bothered with the contest. I look forward to my prize package and hope Mr Stallone got a chuckle out of it. For all of those who thought it was funny or even if you didnt think it was funny but still understand it as just a joke and nothing else thank you. To all you other haters.....
PORCH MONKEYS 4 LIFE!!!!! -
May 18, 2007 4:14:52 PM CDT
You had 1100 jokes & this is the best you came up with?
by sledge hammer
I didn't get even a smile out of any of those, not to mention the fact that they are all ancient and overtold, including the Rocky joke, which is just a variation on another old joke (but at least the author went to some effort to tie it in to Rocky)...and this is your so called cream of the crop. The fact that it took you a week only to come up with these five is the only funny thing about this entire article.
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No, it would be incorrect to state that the Nazis were Christians. I'm sure some of the members of the political group considered themselves Christians, but Christianity was not part of their movement.
"The heaviest blow that ever struck humanity was the coming of Christianity. Bolshevism is Christianity's illegitimate child. Both are inventions of the Jew. The deliberate lie in the matter of religion was introduced into the world by Christianity"
Adolf Hitler -
...but my point stands, and the only thing that truly offends me about all this is that none of the joker were even remotely funny, let alone original (though again, at least the last one put some effort in changing an old joke to fit the Rocky theme).
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...then at least steal one that's funny. I mean sure, you could argue that ultimately all jokes are stolen, but not all jokes are actually funny, as perfectly demonstrated by the winning entries of this competition. And I still say the funniest thing about all of this is that Quint spent a whole week choosing, and came up with...those.
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And yes, the dream will probably never be more than that.
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I wote it, and although it may not be the best joke in the world, it:
a. incorporates all the requirements of the contest.
b. isn't ripping off an existing joke.
c. involves "ass to mouth", which Kevin Smith proved... is always funny.
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it was to see joke 4 in the winner's circle. I don't know Quint, and while it's very likely he's a decent fair-minded guy, he has shown very poor judgment here, and has invited an avalanche of insulting humor by sanctioning the watermelon joke.
I love how Jestafool's response is "fuck you." I never even brought up the person who submitted the joke in my criticism. Any moron can copy and paste a lame joke from jokes.com. David Duke might have sent in some of his favorite pickaninny and lil' black Sambo jokes for all I know or care. I would just like to see a little more respect shown for people from different walks of life by some of the editors at this site. But I guess that's a silly thing to expect. -
One, just to be clear, I never called anyone racist. I was specific about that in a previous post. I found the joke "offensive." But to answer your question, I think the respect factor is important, yes. But also, I think the "actual belittling of the race in question" is a factor too because obviously an offence was taken by many as evident by numerous talkbacker posts. This "joke" didn't just reference racist beliefs. In a way it endorsed them by having them serve as the punch line to a joke that wasn't even funny. Again, there's a difference between respectful racial jokes and offensive racist jokes. I'm not assuming/ saying the author is racist or anyone else for that matter. I'm just saying the joke was obviously offensive to many people, whether it was to you or not. And I keep slipping and calling it a joke. It wasn't even funny.
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and the bartender, who was a black man, said to the bird as it climbed onto a stool, "Why'd you walk in here when you could have flown?" The parrot stopped for a moment, thought about the bartender's question, and replied, "Hell, I don't know. I guess I'm so upset about people using me in offensive jokes, I forgot that I am a bird." The bartender shrugged sympathetically and asked, "Well, what can I get you?" The parrot answered back, "Polly want a cracker."
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when it was a Playboy party joke that eventually became the Oscar winning short subject "The Crunch Bird" But your version's cute too, because it's about forced sodomy which, as Norm McDonald fans can tell you, is always good for a laugh.
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is where someone said all five jokes were old, including #5. That one makes no sense unless it involves a couple who own a dog named Buttkiss. How do you rewrite that so it's not about Rocky and Adrianne?
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is the introduction, where it's described as "kinda racy". The word racy means sexy, not racist. Jamie Lee Curtis in "Love Letters": racy. Michael Richards on stage: not racy.
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The contest should be to take an old hackneyed and/or not funny joke and try to fix it.
The guy says for a third time, "Polly want a cracker?"
The parrot finally turns to the guy and says, "Please leave me alone. My mother just died of cancer."
Okay, maybe not a grand slam but it made me laugh more than the original joke. If you have to explain a joke like your explaining a Dickens novel, it aint funny. -
Fuck you you fucking couch potatoe! Just kidding! I didn't say that either you or Quint are racist for writing in or printing this joke. I said that only an idiot, or in your case, a very young very fucking white little slacker boy who quotes Kevin Smith and actually thinks he's a rebel would not see that this joke is racist. Porch Monkey Forever was funny as fucking shit. And your joke, which was a racist joke decades ago, wasn't even a little bit funny unless you are fucking high or racist. I expect Quint had a little too much of Captian's Fancy or he's far far far less mature than I thought he was. I think you are just too young and too sheltered to know what the fuck you are saying. Fine. No big deal. Hopefully, someday, you'll learn that there's a difference between you missing the point of Porch Monkey and Kevin Smith deft subtle exposure of racism with it. But who really cares... FUCKING JERRY FATFUCK IS DEAD AND THE WORLD JUST BECAUSE A BETTER PLACE TO LIVE!!! Ding Dong the fat mother fucker is dead!!
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so this talkback slides conviently away, buried under other news, still no reponse from the AICN team wow just wow.
talkbackers should have made this a LOST talkback, due to the absence of blackboxes.
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I won't even call the bastard "Reverend." He was a hateful and mean little pissant. The world IS a better place now that he's gone. And to all the weasels who are lamenting his passing, telling us we should be respectful because he did this or that, I respectfully say To Hell With That. Any person who dares to say the nasty crap that prick spouted, and any of the pricks who gave him a platform to spread his bile, I offer these two words, belched up from the darkest regions of my gut: Good Riddance.
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is disappointing. Even if Quint or others thinks Joke 4 was hilarious and a wonderful example of biting humor, they should have spoken up, especially when so many TBers had such a strong response to the joke. A Rambo video goes up and within seconds black boxes appear. Something serious goes on in a TB like this one and the only black boxes I see are...oh, that's right, there are none.
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and to mr x; at the very least, quint should have come on to defend his choice. granted, i defended quint(and still do) for the right (as an admin of the site) to run contests designed to reward creativity and loyal fandom by giving out unique and interesting prizes. he doesn't deserve to be mugged here for that. but on the same token, given the backlash of the joke in question, and the tone of the talkback thus far, SOMEBODY should have popped on to address this- preferably quint- to defend the choice, to give some sort of illumination to the process, or just to belly up and say 'yep. i found this to be funny'
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I'm so sad...I love this site! How could you guys be so out of touch that you would include a joke like the parrot-black man joke? Vote it as a winner out of all the jokes submitted? You normally have such taste and intelligence, it was beyond shocking to read this.
Sadly, I will no longer frequent your site, and I will actively campaign against it for the above reasons. And, by the way, I'm white. -
really stands out.
and yeah, number 4 is offensive. its "humour" comes from three things: 1. the notion that 'polly wants a cracker' is a kind of stereotype of parrots. dumb, but ok. poorly constructed, but ok. But also... 2. parrot verbally bitchslaps the black guy. and 3. teeheehee I said N*****. teeheehee.
Anyone claiming it's only about point number 1 is f'kin liar.
VERY uncool. And just a bad joke, too. -
"Get me on camera, get me on camera, get me a closeup, get me on ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT...let me express my outrage at Morgan State College, collect the limousine and lectures fees in advance...no questions about my tax status. I am outraged. Um--what was the punchline, again? Where's the #%+/ cameras?"
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Jun 22, 2007 8:01:40 PM CDT
Michael Richards tests new material at a biker bar...
by thegreatwhatzit
"Okay,okay...a priest, minister and rabbi enter a bar. The priest asks for a Whiskey Sour and the...wait, wait, it's a priest a rabbi and a Hindu. You with me? They enter a bar and the Hindu asks the bartender...wait, wait, they enter a restaurant, that's it. Yeah. The rabbi orders spaghetti, the priest orders a cheeseburger and the Hindu orders a Whiskey Sour. Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. Now I've got it...settle down, folks. A priest, a rabbi and a Hindu go to the circus and--"
(the hostile audience grabs their table cutlery and charge the stage. Michael Richards is never seen again). THE END.
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