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The Chicago Kid says SHREK THE THIRD is for 5-year-olds. 5-year-olds, Dude!
Hey folks, Harry here... I've been concerned about SHREK THE THIRD - why? Well, frankly it hasn't looked all that great thus far. The trailers haven't sold me that there was a reason to make the movie, other than purely as product. Having seen SPIDER-MAN 3, there seemed to be the opposite in play, rather than not having anything to say, Raimi was attempting to fit too much in. The result isn't a bad film, but one that is a bit schizophrenic. A film that clutters too much in - and the whole suffers. Now with this report on SHREK THE THIRD, it seems the sequels might not be the best thing to look forward to this summer. The best films I've seen that are coming this summer are STARDUST, KNOCKED UP and SUPERBAD... all of which are original content. Let's hope at least a few of these sequels are great.
As for SHREK THE THIRD, don't worry - this is just the first report, there's always hope that the reviewer is insane. Isn't there?
I recently won tickets to a screening of Shrek the Third in Chicago. Here is my review:
So I went into this screening of Shrek the Third with little anticipation. I had really enjoyed the first two films, but every single trailer for this third installment looked painfully unfunny. Sadly, the trailers were predictive of the quality of the final film. Lazy writing, painful jokes, and even poor voice acting make this a disaster of epic proportions. I haven't seen an "event" film of such low quality in a long while.
As you probably know, Shrek the Third continues the adventures of Shrek, the green ogre; Fiona, his princess-turned-ogre wife; Donkey, the annoying sidekick; and Puss in Boots, a slick and stylish cat. This time around, Fiona becomes pregnant and a death leaves a vacancy on the throne of Far, Far Away.
The two main problems, I would say, are the story and the jokes. The story feels like a rehash of stuff we've all seen before. Instead of adding any sort of drama or tension, the plot is a by-the-books fairy tale. For a film that is supposed to be spoofing such fairy tales, this is unacceptable. The few attempts at drama are painfully cliched and seem like a sad attempt to spread a message. A particular scene involving Shrek and Arthur seeing a vision of a father/son relationship is utterly sappy and obvious. Even worse than the story, however, are the jokes. These feel like they are aimed exclusively at the 5 and under crowd. An 8 year old would groan at the majority of these jokes. Where is the subtle humor for adults? Where are the witty pop culture references? Where are the exciting sequences accompanied by meaningful and catchy songs? These were the things that made Shrek and Shrek II quality films, and their absence here is sorely missed.
If there is anything positive that I can say, it is that the visuals are stunning. Even this, however, does not impress as much as it might have a few years ago. The advent of such capabilities wears away the novelty and the CGI can no longer hide a weak script.
All of the voice cast returns, but the work is truly uninspired and close to the definition of "just for a paycheck." The only notable addition to the cast, Justin Timberlake, plays Artie, a young King Arthur. He does the best that he can with the role, but the fact that it is obviously him is distracting and only worsens the horrible lines he is forced to deliver.
I'm sorry if this review seems ridiculously one-sided, but I haven't been this disgusted with the quality of a movie in a while. The fact that this will likely make millions while great films continually fall through the cracks truly infuriates me.
If you have a kid under the age of 5, take them to see Shrek the Third. Otherwise, avoid it at all costs.
---The Chicago Kid
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I saw him rapin' the other day. She was only 12. It's also keen to note that the Shrek series are pieces of shit. I hope Mike Myers gags on some. www. little - dudes . co . nz
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FOURTH!
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in all fairness Shrek 3 was always pretty unnecessary....I remember reading that they were planning a total of 6 movies and a Puss In Boots spin-off as well. "lets suck em dry donkey"
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The headline reminds me that the Coens still have to make that jesus movie! Please!
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my anger could not be contained by just one talk back. sorry.
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Michael Meyers is taking it too far, and raping the character....
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I enjoyed it quite a bit and then after a few years "The Incredibles" and "Monster House" came out and completely raised the bar for animated cg films. There are a lot of talented people on this project just like the first two and the sad thing is that instead of doing something new they'll be churning out sequels and spin-off films.
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Yeah this kinda just confirms what the crappy trailers were telling me... it's always worrying when a trailer for a 'comedy' doesn't make you laugh. At all. --- At least there's not much chance of anyone screaming PLANT for this one
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But they were both kids movies and no where near the quality of incredibles or toy story.
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The best I could say about the first and second films is that they were okay. I just don't like movies that expect to get the bulk of their laughs from pop culture references.
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was to hold my review till Friday morning. It's fun, but not much more.
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any resurrection possibilities? seriously, why would they want to eliminate a young actor like topher grace after 10 mins of screen time?
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I am seriously pissed that people have to be such douchebags. By the way, Shrek 2 was in no way a quality movie.
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I think shrek will be one of this summers loosers. Why ? No shrek babies. I know it sound silly, but the sitcomish nature of part 2 has unintentionally given veiwers an indication of what to expect next -shrek and fiona havin kids. Yeah the trailer does suggest it at the very end but tellingly,thats the only part people get excited over-its what the fanswant to see. If the entire movie was based on this concept, then shrek 3 would fucking trample the competition. But it isnt ,which is why this wont do as well as the dreamworks
are hoping . Oh and um....TOO SILVER ! KATZENBERG GOTTA EAT ! (I had to work a talkback catchphrase in here somewhere.Wouldnt be right with out it)
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Indeed Shrek is the same coloUr as the goo that seeps from an old mans nose.... Pure boggy! I have NEVER got what the big deal was about this franchise. I think its very poor. And I always end up deeply vexed when my seven year old demands that we watch the previous installments. I just can't stand it. I hope it dive-bombs this summer and hopefully that will be the end of it. Oh, and I got a feeling that Spiderman will be less than adequate...
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May 03, 2007 6:11:01 AM CDT
If what happens at the end of Spidey 3 is what the TBs
by iamnicksaicnsn
have been saying... I'm going to be so fucking disappointed. Didn't directors learn anything from the first set of Batman movies??? STOP KILLING THE VILLAINS. Even Schumacher was smart enough not to kill The Riddler, even though we thankfully never had the chance to see what happened to him after the Assylum.
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........... Shrek the Turd.
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I knew Shrek 3 would suck. Number 2 wasn't all that good. The first one was awesome.
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Greatest animated film ever!
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i was anticipating some little kids for shrek the third and thats why i was looking forward to this one. Cross-breed Donkey kids with that dragon bird sounded wicked. I was hoping shrek and fiona would have some sprogs of their own but alas. this film is a retread of what we've all seen before. I hope it bombs.
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The first two were for five-year-olds, too.
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You know, I don't understand it when people say that a movie is only for five year olds, its as if they are saying that people of this age (and they are people, for your information) are too stupid to appreciate a good movie, and dumb enough to enjoy a bad one. When I was a kid I had the same taste of movies that I do now (only less broad for the obvious reason that I didn't have full command of the language). And I know several other kids for which this is the same case.
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This was an extremely horrible review. has he even seen any of the shrek films before?
He was compalining that it was a by the books fairy tale. HE then says this is acceptable.
Um its supposed to be .
This was the worst review of a movie I have ever seen on this site. Even all the plant reviews are better then this. -
Fuck y'all.
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Enough with the distracting and incompetent celebrity voices.
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Slimy pop-cultural references held together by the veneer that we're satirizing the pop-culture. Ooh-hoo, John Lithgow in the first one was supposed to be a stab at Michael Eisner. How deliciously wicked; we all loved that one. And how I loved the way that they got John Lithgow, a great comic actor and just...threw him away. I hate Shrek; it's as plasticky as the old He-Man cartoons from the 80s.
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And like Shrek 2, it's just a big cash in. I guess I missed the big cry-out from the animated cartoon community about the need for a triology on this one.
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I am totally kidding lol, it just would not be a TB without seeing that in the subject header.
Anyway that's a real bummer if it's as bad as that review says it is. I loved the first 2. I will agree that the trailers have not been that great and it seems the studio is not pushing this movie as hard as the 2nd one which leads me to believe that maybe they know they got a turd and don't want to spend as much on it as they did with 2. Oh well, I am not going to be crushed if it stinks since there are other movies I am more anxious to see like, TRANSFORMERS!!! -
Damn, I was really hoping for the best when I first heard they were trying to put 3 villains into the movie. I was afraid they were overreaching, and from the early reviews, it seems they didn't succeed. Sigh...
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Like what they do with all major studio releases, Empire did a double-spread on Shrek the Third extolling how wonderful and exciting the film will be. No doubts, no 'hmmms'just pure sychophantic praise. Thus was Shrek the Third, along with 'Grindhouse', Van Helsing etc condemned to box office hell and shite reviews. Filmmakers beware of Empire's praise!
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C'mon Mike Myers-do something original for a change!
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He said it was UNACCEPTABLE.
he also indicated that alot of the things that people thought were great about the 1st to movies were missing in this one. so i think that goes to show hes seen the first two films.
just because someone doesnt give away everylittle detail about a film doesnt mean they havent seen it.
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Shrektum
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like Pirates of the Caribbean will OWN this summer...all we need is Eva Mendes' boobies yo...
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I can only assume his impaired judgement is the result of a stroke or embolism. Any movie with plot keyword 'unicorn' deserves no such attention.
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Well It was a short and too the point review. But Like some have said in other talk backs. Don't underestimte the power of the soccer mom.
Personally I would like to see some more deversity in american animation.
Stop the sequels.
that said we could do worse than A shrek film. Ant Bully 2? -
Do you live near a Mensa facility? I'm sorry, but kids are fucking idiots. They WILL watch any old shite thats put in front of them as long as it has primary colours all over the screen. Kids wouldn't know a good film if it bit their dick off - how else can you explain the popularity of high School Musical?
Anyway, bummer about this it doesnt sound good at all. -
Shrek was bearly a good movie,i enjoyed it and it had its moments,but now were on the 3rd one and theres really nowhere to go.Make fun of more pop culture is so old and dumb now.i wish these would go away.
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That's all I need to hear..I'M OUT! There goes my ten bucks--see ya! NEXT!
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My girlfriend wants me to go see this with her.
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Remember when the prince/king guy was in bed and it alluded to the fact he had a boner and had been masturbating? I was totally appalled that little kids had to be forced to see that shit! Shrek was awful Shrek 2 was an improvement but they fucked it up with the ricky martin song at the end. I will not see shrek 3 just because spiderman 3 was so bad and x-men 3 was so bad and matrix 3 was so bad. It's gonna be bad.
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My five year old hated Shrek II, so I guess I can skip this third one. And the trainers I've seen have been completely unfunny.
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