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SHOOT ‘EM UP Screens And You Guys Are All Over It!

Hey, everyone. ”Moriarty” here. It’s funny... I held off publishing a set visit on this one because I didn’t want for it to get completely forgotten by the time the film rolled around. Now, after some brief pick-ups, it sounds like SHOOT ‘EM UP is screening again and (maybe?) finally locked down. Word on this one has always been good, but maybe that additional shooting snapped it into focus. Whatever the case, September is when we’ll finally see this one, and I can’t wait. I have little doubt that most of the reactions we get from action junkies will run along these lines...

WOW. Just WOW. I have seen the sleeper of 2007 and I am out of breath. The film is called SHOOT ‘EM UP and the director Michael Davis has not made a breathtaking film like this before. I liked his dvd film 8 DAZE A WEEK but nothing that he has ever done prepared me for the sweetness that was this film. Playing to a packed house in the LA suburb of Pasadena, I went on a roller coaster ride without a seatbelt that rivaled even the original DIE HARD. In a way that is the best comparison, only slightly more over the top. The film twisted and weaved and for what had to be less than an hour an a half it was so tight it took me along with it. Movie stars Clive Owen who I loved in CLOSER and who I hate because he apparently in real life on set got to ask Natalie Portman to spread her nethers and then it got edited out. Bastard editor. Anyway he seems to be a homeless guy at a bus stop. Early morning. Chllin. Then BAM this pregnant lady runs for her life right by him and then BAM bad guys show up and we are off to the freaking races. No backstory, no development just good old fantastic rock and roll action. This is a ballsy move if, as in some cases, you need development, but the story in this film is crap and doesn’t pretend to be anything other than what it is - a mechanism to link together some of the best, most slam bang action sequence I have ever seen. And the carrot. Clive is always eating a carrot because they are good for the eyes and help you shoot. Well the dude manages to do everything ever possible with a carrot - he fires a machine gun with it, he stabs a guy in the face with it, he even takes out a roomful of bad guys with a carrot. You will never think of this veggie the same after this film. Monica Bellucci, the Mary Magdelene from PASSION plays a lactating hooker he goes to for help feeding a baby (I said don’t ask) and this babe is HOT. She’s in some sort of convent bordello but she ain’t religious here. Paul Giamatti with some sort of BTK combover is a fucking laugh riot. His constant screams of GODDAMMIT echoed through the theatre each time Clive got away or fucked up his plans. I went to see this because of all your guy's promotions, but listen up to me... SHOOT ‘EM UP is going to be big this summer.

Still not convinced? How about another breathless report from the screening?

Here is a checklist for a great action film - movie star lone hero with a generic name (Clive Owen is Mr Smith) check - great one liners that you can remember (“Nothing like a good hand job” “Talk about shooting your load”) check - sexy piece of foreign ass who nudies up (Monica Bellucci) check - action set pieces that you have never seen before (shoot out during sex…. Gun puppetry… ) check - a bad guy who keeps on giving (Paul Giamatti) check - a soundtrack that drives everything (Motorhead) check Just saw a test screening of SHOOT EM UP tonight. This will be the next 300 – mark my words. No marketing, no expectations, mega hit. This shit was funny, exciting and cool. It went by so fast I thought it was ten minutes fucking long. This film owned my ass tonight. The checklist was all checked off. Half the fun was the audience which laughed and clapped and really got the film. This is the film to look forward to. If you use this, call me Arado.

Sounds fairly simple, right? How long has it been since you saw a clean, uncomplicated action film that actually did what it was supposed to do?

Hey Harry, not sure if you guys care or not but I saw a test screening of “Shoot Em Up” tonight. I’ve sent a few things in before, thought I’d give you the heads up on this crazy one. Crazy being the keyword, no, crazy and utterly ridiculous but incredibly cool at the same time, that’s a better assessment. The film stars Clive Owen, and I’m pretty sure after people watch this film, even with all the accolades handed down to Mr. Craig as Bond, people will walk away scratching their heads, wondering what could have been with Mr. Owen in the tux. In this film he trades the tux for the wardrobe a of a homeless man, sitting on a bus bench, chomping on a carrot when out of nowhere a pregnant woman runs by, clutching her belly, screaming. Funny at first it turns frightening when a car flies around the corner, smashing into another as a guy stumbles out, cocks a gun and gives chase. Mr. Smith casually shakes his head and decides to help the pregnant woman. This simple plot point sets up the rest of the film, Owen as Mr. Smith, protecting this baby from some bad guys led by Paul Giamatti, who brings equal parts humor, creepiness and perverseness. The film clocks in at a brisk hour and 30mins, loaded with guns, gunshots, bullet wounds and some of the most ridiculous action sequences I’ve ever seen, including an aerial shoot out. The one liners are so frequent and so good, as are the action sequences that one can forgive the weak story line that sort of falls apart once the pieces are put together. But Clive Owen is so cool and badass that he shifts our focus from the story to the mere fact that the action in this film is like nothing we have seen in a long time, if ever (not to mention a sex scene that leaves you shaking your head) and Paul Giamatti’s twist on a bad guy works wonders, him and Owen are just so much fun to watch. Overall, a pretty solid film that will satisfy action buffs and those looking for a new take on shootouts, car chases and sex scenes.

Okay. One more. Just for fun.

So I am on the Promenade and I get accosted by one of these movie recruiter guys who says do I want to see a movie/. Me and my pal say okay. They go Clive Owen and Paul Giamatti in SHOOT EM UP. I say, what the hell, SHOOTing after Virginia Tech. TOO SOON. My pal says, Dude we saw this on Ain’t it Cool it is supposed to be great. Recruit dude says it is like SMOKING ACES which I hated. Pal says let’s go. So we go tonight to Pasadena. Now I am so not sure how long this film is, but when I got asked at the end about any problems I said NOT LONG ENOUGH. This film reinvents the action genre unlike any film in the last five years. Clive Owen has a new franchise - he is a street person inhabiting a Sergio Leone hero. Movie opens on his eyes - all cool and menacing. You pull back and he is on a bus bench eating a carrot which he later jams THROUGH a bad guy’s throat I mean way to start a film! Yes there are quips. While no one I know gives two craps about Bruce “Depends” Willis anymore, when Owen delivers them they take on a certain majesty. What the film really is is one long action sequence. The audience I saw it with LAUGHED and cheered and howled all throughout. Giamatti is the unlikely tough guy, the “pussy with a gun in his hand.” Monica Belushi is very beautiful and gets to have her nipples sucked. I mean who is NOT gonna see this film?! The shooting is like a video game - unreal and harmless. Since I heard about this film through you guys I thought I should email you my great thanks.
Readers Talkback
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  • April 27, 2007, 12:55 p.m. CST

    First!

    by Tomo

    Woot!

  • April 27, 2007, 12:58 p.m. CST

    There are SO MANY PLANTS in here...

    by Luvs269er

    ... I can't see the movie on the screen! What a load of planted BS!

  • April 27, 2007, 1:03 p.m. CST

    Owen might as well

    by THE KNIGHT

    had played 007... oh well -_- I still like craig though...

  • April 27, 2007, 1:08 p.m. CST

    plant plant plan

    by Speaker for the Dead

    plant. did i forget one?

  • April 27, 2007, 1:08 p.m. CST

    I've owned this HSX stock for years now..

    by trojanwilliams

    Good to hear it might pay off. I mean just the cast and concept alone should be enough to give any action fan a boner. Clive Owen is the best thing to hit action films since Bruce Willis.

  • April 27, 2007, 1:14 p.m. CST

    So it's gonna actually have action like it says it will

    by godzillasushi

    unlike Smokin' Aces which, for all the talk it had about action and stuff, really had none. I just want a freaking movie with some great non-stop action. I hate waiting for summer because that's the only time you get to see great stuff like Mission Impossible 3, Die Hard, and Transformers etc.

  • April 27, 2007, 1:17 p.m. CST

    I was there too

    by insidethebox

    I was at the screening as well and I can tell you these are not plants, the movie was a blast and both the people around me loved it as much as I did. That said, I've never wanted an opening animated credit sequence more-think the Pink Panter ones but with guns and blood.

  • April 27, 2007, 1:19 p.m. CST

    Planty McPlantsaLot!

    by Fecal Debris

    "You guys are all over it." There's your giveaway. Were this reviewer of our number (a TBer) he woulda said, "We're all over it" or something. Fleetwood Mac's "Rumours" was recorded at the Record PLANT

  • April 27, 2007, 1:23 p.m. CST

    300? No marketing? No expectations?

    by AdrianVeidt

    Did the second guy just honestly compare this to 300 by saying there is very little marketing? I don't trust him. He's a moron.

  • April 27, 2007, 1:27 p.m. CST

    Can't see the forest for the PLANTS!

    by California Split

    The more they try to sell this thing, the worse it sounds. Christ, DIE HARD looks better and better every year, compared to junior varsity horseshit like SHOOT 'EM UP. What happened to the lost art of the action film? Robocop never used a fucking carrot to kill somebody.

  • April 27, 2007, 1:39 p.m. CST

    You Had Me At 'Nipples Sucked'

    by georges garvaren

    Seriously.

  • April 27, 2007, 1:47 p.m. CST

    MONICA BELLUCCI:Goes topless in this ???

    by optimist008

    Does she show her juicey lungs off in this film ??? Thanks

  • April 27, 2007, 1:49 p.m. CST

    I thought this was delayed until September

    by Mr Incredible

    So what's the point of going over it now? Is this supposed to tide everyone over until then? I can see the talkback after it actually comes out: " It was good, but it's no ULTRAVIOLET!"

  • April 27, 2007, 1:58 p.m. CST

    Well, I just hope it comes to Nashville

    by allyousay

    Nothing ever comes to THIS C-Rated town.

  • April 27, 2007, 2:19 p.m. CST

    Monica Belushi does a speedball into her tit...

    by LaneMyersClassic

    That last reviewer was a genius.

  • April 27, 2007, 2:29 p.m. CST

    Attention Reviewers:

    by Fabulous Freak

    You are no longer allowed to like films. We as the geek community stand by our mission to moan and bitch and call into question anybody with a positive attitude towards anything. Don't you see? This is a Critictatorship! Now, fall into line, or thou shalt be called...leafy. Seriously, god help me if I ever see a film that I like and bother to write about it.

  • April 27, 2007, 2:50 p.m. CST

    Hey, PLANTS GOTTA EAT !!!!!

    by The real Jack Bauer

    you betcha

  • April 27, 2007, 2:53 p.m. CST

    crank anyone?

    by steele8280

    Sounds a lot like crank. A film that starts in Jason Statham's head and after a 3 minute set up the film goes batshit crazy until the last blink. If you haven't seen it and like a chase film on speed, watch CRANK. And it has the best delivery of "I'm Alive" ever.

  • April 27, 2007, 3:03 p.m. CST

    lactating hooker?

    by Stuntcock Mike

    Ummmm........... I'm in I think.

  • April 27, 2007, 3:11 p.m. CST

    NOW GET YOUR ASS TO MARS

    by GopherTrace

    Come on...less with the Plant action and more with the Total Recall quotes!

  • April 27, 2007, 3:14 p.m. CST

    SEE YOU AT THE PARTY RICHTER!

    by Stuntcock Mike

    Consider that a divorce.

  • April 27, 2007, 3:23 p.m. CST

    "You Had Me At 'Nipples Sucked" BRAVO georges g.

    by S-Mart shopper

    LMAO...so true, so very true!

  • April 27, 2007, 3:26 p.m. CST

    they could be all plants

    by just pillow talk

    but that's not important. This is important: Monica Bellucci. Italian goddess. I certainly love to eat Italian.

  • April 27, 2007, 3:27 p.m. CST

    Children of Men Part 2

    by btranel

    It has non-stop action for sure. It's just marginally exciting action in a marginally interesting story. Plus Clive Owen wearing tattered clothes while resucing a baby. I think I just saw that movie a few months ago.

  • April 27, 2007, 3:27 p.m. CST

    what have you been feeding that?

    by just pillow talk

    blondes.

  • April 27, 2007, 4:18 p.m. CST

    Badass action + Monica "Belushi" = My $

    by Lando Griffin

    .

  • April 27, 2007, 4:47 p.m. CST

    "The shooting is like a video game - unreal and harm-

    by Neo Zeed

    lesss." The weird part is that I think it was actually meant to be a compliment. Frankly if this movie claims to call itself "shoot-em-up" and has pussified action then I'll just stay home and watch Hard-Boiled...again.

  • April 27, 2007, 4:54 p.m. CST

    Sounds like Crank

    by Jonesey1111

    Nonstop action, lots of sex, like a videogame...another 1.5 hr. music video like that stupid "I'm a bounty hunter" movie. That being said, I'll go for the Monica boobies.

  • April 27, 2007, 4:58 p.m. CST

    Two Weeks...

    by SavageDragoner

    You and your damn TR quotes. Anyway, steele8280, fuck yeah to that Crank action, that was a bad ass movie. I will see the shit out of Shoot 'Em Up when it comes out. This is actually the first I heard of it. Is there a release date tacked down somewhere?

  • April 27, 2007, 5:10 p.m. CST

    Looks like a Hard Boiled wanna-be

    by superunknown85

    Plus those plants, I mean audience reactions, are freakin moronic. 300 didn't get promotion? WTF?

  • April 27, 2007, 6:16 p.m. CST

    Sounds like that POS Smoking Aces.

    by modlight

    I just watched that and it just firmed up my opinion that NARC, was indeed highly overrated.

  • April 27, 2007, 6:54 p.m. CST

    I already seen Monica "Belushi" nekkid...

    by blackmantis

    In Brotherhood of the Wolf, with a long slow pan up her voluptuous mountains, which then believe it out not morphed into a shot of actual mountains. That was genius.

  • April 27, 2007, 6:54 p.m. CST

    I don't know about this

    by #1 Zero

    I looked this up on IMDB. First, I've never heard of the director and I am really wondering how he got Owen, Giammatti and Belucci to be in the film. New line must have shelled out a lot of money. Secondly, there is a still photograph on IMDB that shows Giammatti and Owen standing facing each other with a gun pointed at one another. I've seen that at least a dozen times since John Woo perfected it. Third: the plot. It sounds like the mother of the baby dies so why would the mob go after the baby. I don't think any explanation as to why the mob would want to kill a baby is going to fly for me. But then, this doesn't seem to have any rhyme or reason to it, nothing to really think about. Also, the carrot thing does sound stupid.

  • April 27, 2007, 7:40 p.m. CST

    Don't know about the other two

    by mr.underwater

    But that first reviewer is so obviously a plant it makes me wonder if Haryy even cares anymore.<br><br>Dear PR Flacks, your attempts to write like Harry are embarrassing and not convincing in the least. Just make the points you boss tells you to, without all the CRAZY all-capped asides. If this site has already decided they like whatever movie you're shilling, they'll run your fake review even if you have 'for immediate release' at the top. Thanks.

  • April 27, 2007, 8:23 p.m. CST

    Narc=Fluke

    by Stuntcock Mike

    yup

  • April 27, 2007, 8:56 p.m. CST

    if it doesnt suck it must be a PLANT!

    by TouchMyMonkey

    how dare anyone else in the world voice their personal opinion about movies that they themselves saw. only AICN talkbackers are allowed to relay their personal opinion about movies and even then the words must be at least 82.5% negative to warrant acceptance. seesm as though if it wasnt written by you and it is remotely positive you call it a plant. do us all a favor and SHUT the FUCK UP. do any of you even like movies anymore? i swear, for a group of "movie fans" you seem to really want everything to suck. jesus christ on a fucking pogo stick. get a life.

  • April 28, 2007, 12:54 a.m. CST

    NAPPY HEADED HO'S!

    by Supervillain Outcast

    This movie seems cool. The plants have sold me!

  • April 28, 2007, 11:30 a.m. CST

    ehhhh...

    by moners

    300? no promotion? only ads all day fucking long on TV and every second poster around town. moron. 300 did rock my balls though.

  • April 28, 2007, 11:39 a.m. CST

    also...

    by moners

    rock on TouchMyMonkey. totally agree.

  • April 28, 2007, 3:12 p.m. CST

    Are the 'baddies' nihilists?

    by Dr Gregory House

    If so, then there is nothing to worry about.

  • April 28, 2007, 5:27 p.m. CST

    Somebody needs to take care of all the

    by SylarTheCylon

    leafy scumbags that are writing that garbage full of lies.

  • April 28, 2007, 8:06 p.m. CST

    after i was so utterly disappointed with SMOKIN' ACES..

    by Charlie Murphy

    i won't hold my breath. it seems like no one can make a good, classic, SIMPLE, sweet action movie anymore. i went into Smokin Aces expecting hillbillies with chainsaws and to see at least fifty headshots and to see Ray Liotta fuck shit up, and what i get is a overly complicated cover up and a dumb personal ending. i might get slammed for saying this, but the best action movies to come along in the past year or so have been Running Scared and Lucky Number Slevin. i know, many of yous didn't see either, and those who did thought they were shitty, but they were (except for the endings in both cases), very simple, bloody, cool action flicks. (of course there's also 300 and Casino Royale and Sin City and a few more) Shoot 'em up sounds cool, and if a trailer is released that looks promising, i'll go see it. on a side note, this is waaay off base, but how sweet would a jonah hex movie be? i've been reading the new comic series by jimmy palmiotti and justin gray and it's fucking brilliant and if DC and Warner Bros would stop diddling their respective twats with that B.S "green arrow" movie and the WW pic, they could adapt Jonah for the screen. Just copy and paste the comic scripts as a screenplay and you've got yourself a fucking jonah hex movie. structure it like the sin city movie (three individual stories connected only by jonah) and tell his origin in between his zany western adventures. make it bloody and violent and people would flock to it just like they flocked to 300. sorry for the little rant there... so where was i?... oh yeah, clive owen's the shit, children of men kicked ass, and i'll probably go see shoot em up.

  • April 28, 2007, 9:26 p.m. CST

    Running Scared was an excellent

    by Neo Zeed

    action movie. Gotta disagree about Lucky Number Slevin. I didn't like that one too much. On on side note it wasn't an action movie, but rather a crime movie. Sort of like Usual Suspects had some gun action, but it can't be categorized as an action movie.

  • April 28, 2007, 10:27 p.m. CST

    Neo Zeed

    by Charlie Murphy

    I guess you're right, Slevin is more of a crime movie. But it's fun. of course, it's not without its flaws... if lucy liu was removed from the equation entirely, i'd be on my knees worshipping the flick. i thought it was clever (although sometimes too much for its own good) and it has the coolest first ten minutes i've (maybe ever) seen. and i'm glad to see some running scared love up in herr

  • April 28, 2007, 10:44 p.m. CST

    Even Studio Plants need love.... Violent anal love.

    by TheUglyBaby

    He he he

  • April 28, 2007, 11:24 p.m. CST

    Fuckin hate Clive Owen

    by Dkev00

    He has no acting ability and is totally over rated. Children Of Men was a waste of film.

  • April 29, 2007, 12:17 a.m. CST

    Roll these weeds and smoke 'em!

    by Doctor_Sin

    Carrot-eating beeyatches.

  • April 29, 2007, 1:25 a.m. CST

    CARROT!

    by DarthBakpao

    "And the carrot. Clive is always eating a carrot because they are good for the eyes and help you shoot. Well the dude manages to do everything ever possible with a carrot - he fires a machine gun with it, he stabs a guy in the face with it, he even takes out a roomful of bad guys with a carrot. You will never think of this veggie the same after this film." See, carrot is categorized as plant too. CARROT!

  • April 29, 2007, 4:34 p.m. CST

    Charlie Murphy

    by s0nicdeathmonkey

    Running scared kicked my ass too. Every time I go to a party and someone says, "Hey, you know movies. Bring a DVD along" I bring running scared and it kicks everyones ass.

  • April 29, 2007, 4:37 p.m. CST

    monster2Bpitied

    by s0nicdeathmonkey

    he turned down Bond I believe.

  • April 29, 2007, 9:12 p.m. CST

    Caused me to register

    by AllThumbs

    So sick of the everyone calling "Plant" that I had to register. I'm starting to think that some of the plant callers are probably plants themselves, for competing studios! I guess we can now change the old saying to "If you don't have anything good to say, say it at Ain't it Cool." Don't you guys ever get sick of saying the same thing that everyone else is? Don't forget, black sheep are still sheep, and saying something negative is still giving up your time and wasting the time of others. Back to you regularly schedules program on the Gardening Channel.

  • April 30, 2007, 2:48 a.m. CST

    fuuuck yooouuu!!

    by gomez33

    who just fucking slagged off Children of Men, you complete idiot, devoid of any taste. Can we screen the pricks on this talkback please.

  • April 30, 2007, 3:02 a.m. CST

    A good axample of an action movie...

    by Doc_Strange

    Total Recall. Action movie, tits, good story, happy ending - great film.

  • April 30, 2007, 6:37 a.m. CST

    Trailer

    by Dazzler69

    http://www.worstpreviews.com/trailer.php?id=559&item=0 Good enough for a weekend movie/rental. I would not call it a 300 however. Dude is smokin....

  • May 1, 2007, 2:58 a.m. CST

    great movie

    by reckni

    Saw it nearly half a year ago, Hell, maybe longer, so I wonder what the difference is. A few weeks ago I was curious as to why it hasn't been released. Quality R rated flick, highly recommended.