Hey, everyone. ”Moriarty” here.

It’s funny... I held off publishing a set visit on this one because I didn’t want for it to get completely forgotten by the time the film rolled around. Now, after some brief pick-ups, it sounds like SHOOT ‘EM UP is screening again and (maybe?) finally locked down. Word on this one has always been good, but maybe that additional shooting snapped it into focus. Whatever the case, September is when we’ll finally see this one, and I can’t wait.

I have little doubt that most of the reactions we get from action junkies will run along these lines...

WOW. Just WOW. I have seen the sleeper of 2007 and I am out of breath. The film is called SHOOT ‘EM UP and the director Michael Davis has not made
a breathtaking film like this before. I liked his dvd film 8 DAZE A WEEK but nothing that he has ever done prepared me for the sweetness that was this film. Playing to a packed house in the LA suburb of Pasadena, I went on a roller coaster ride without a seatbelt that rivaled even the original DIE HARD. In a way that is the best comparison, only slightly more over the top. The film twisted and weaved and for what had to be less than an hour an a half it was so tight it took me along with it.

Movie stars Clive Owen who I loved in CLOSER and who I hate because he apparently in real life on set got to ask Natalie Portman to spread her nethers and then it got edited out. Bastard editor. Anyway he seems to be a homeless guy at a bus stop. Early morning. Chllin. Then BAM this pregnant lady runs for her life right by him and then BAM bad guys show up and we are off to the freaking races. No backstory, no development just good old fantastic rock and roll action. This is a ballsy move if, as in some cases, you need development, but the story in this film is crap and doesn’t pretend to be anything other than what it is - a mechanism to link together some of the best, most slam bang action sequence I have ever seen.

And the carrot. Clive is always eating a carrot because they are good for the eyes and help you shoot. Well the dude manages to do everything ever possible with a carrot - he fires a machine gun with it, he stabs a guy in the face with it, he even takes out a roomful of bad guys with a carrot. You will never think of this veggie the same after this film.

Monica Bellucci, the Mary Magdelene from PASSION plays a lactating hooker he goes to for help feeding a baby (I said don’t ask) and this babe is HOT. She’s in some sort of convent bordello but she ain’t religious here.

Paul Giamatti with some sort of BTK combover is a fucking laugh riot. His constant screams of GODDAMMIT echoed through the theatre each time Clive got away or fucked up his plans.

I went to see this because of all your guy's promotions, but listen up to me... SHOOT ‘EM UP is going to be big this summer.

Still not convinced? How about another breathless report from the screening?

Here is a checklist for a great action film

- movie star lone hero with a generic name (Clive Owen is Mr Smith) check

- great one liners that you can remember (“Nothing like a good hand job” “Talk about shooting your load”) check

- sexy piece of foreign ass who nudies up (Monica Bellucci) check

- action set pieces that you have never seen before (shoot out during sex…. Gun puppetry… ) check

- a bad guy who keeps on giving (Paul Giamatti) check

- a soundtrack that drives everything (Motorhead) check

Just saw a test screening of SHOOT EM UP tonight. This will be the next 300 – mark my words. No marketing, no expectations, mega hit. This shit was funny, exciting and cool. It went by so fast I thought it was ten minutes fucking long. This film owned my ass tonight. The checklist was all checked off.

Half the fun was the audience which laughed and clapped and really got the film.

This is the film to look forward to.

If you use this, call me Arado.

Sounds fairly simple, right? How long has it been since you saw a clean, uncomplicated action film that actually did what it was supposed to do?

Hey Harry, not sure if you guys care or not but I saw a test screening of “Shoot Em Up” tonight. I’ve sent a few things in before, thought I’d give you the heads up on this crazy one. Crazy being the keyword, no, crazy and utterly ridiculous but incredibly cool at the same time, that’s a better assessment. The film stars Clive Owen, and I’m pretty sure after people watch this film, even with all the accolades handed down to Mr. Craig as Bond, people will walk away scratching their
heads, wondering what could have been with Mr. Owen in the tux. In this film he trades the tux for the wardrobe a of a homeless man, sitting on a bus bench, chomping on a carrot when out of nowhere a pregnant woman runs by, clutching her belly, screaming. Funny at first it turns frightening when a car flies around the corner, smashing into another as a guy stumbles out, cocks a gun and gives chase. Mr. Smith casually shakes his head and decides to help the pregnant woman. This simple plot point sets up the rest of the film, Owen as Mr. Smith, protecting this baby from some bad guys led by Paul Giamatti, who brings equal parts humor, creepiness and perverseness.
The film clocks in at a brisk hour and 30mins, loaded with guns, gunshots, bullet wounds and some of the most ridiculous action sequences I’ve ever seen, including an aerial shoot out. The one liners are so frequent and so good, as are the action sequences that one can forgive the weak story line that sort of falls apart once the pieces are put together. But Clive Owen is so cool and badass that he shifts our focus from the story to the mere fact that the action in this film is like nothing we have seen in a long time, if ever (not to mention a sex scene that leaves you shaking your head) and Paul Giamatti’s twist on a bad guy works wonders, him and Owen are just so much fun to watch. Overall, a pretty solid film that will satisfy action buffs and those looking for a new take on shootouts, car chases and sex scenes.

Okay. One more. Just for fun.

So I am on the Promenade and I get accosted by one of these movie recruiter guys who says do I want to see a movie/. Me and my pal say okay. They go Clive Owen and Paul Giamatti in SHOOT EM UP. I say, what the hell, SHOOTing after Virginia Tech. TOO SOON. My pal says, Dude we saw this on Ain’t it Cool it is supposed to be great. Recruit dude says it is like SMOKING ACES which I hated. Pal says let’s go.

So we go tonight to Pasadena.

Now I am so not sure how long this film is, but when I got asked at the end about any problems I said NOT LONG ENOUGH.

This film reinvents the action genre unlike any film in the last five years. Clive Owen has a new franchise - he is a street person inhabiting a Sergio Leone hero. Movie opens on his eyes - all cool and menacing. You pull back
and he is on a bus bench eating a carrot which he later jams THROUGH a bad guy’s throat I mean way to start a film!

Yes there are quips. While no one I know gives two craps about Bruce “Depends” Willis anymore, when Owen delivers them they take on a certain majesty.

What the film really is is one long action sequence. The audience I saw it with LAUGHED and cheered and howled all throughout.

Giamatti is the unlikely tough guy, the “pussy with a gun in his hand.” Monica Belushi is very beautiful and gets to have her nipples sucked. I mean who is NOT gonna see this film?!

The shooting is like a video game - unreal and harmless.

Since I heard about this film through you guys I thought I should email you my great thanks.