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AICN BOOKS: Two Readers Review The FANTASTIC FOUR 2 Novelization! Any Sign Of That Cloud?!

Hey, everyone. ”Moriarty” here. There were more than just these two e-mails this weekend about the just-released novelization for FANTASTIC FOUR: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER, but I thought these sort of summed up all the e-mails we got. This first guy doesn’t really have a lot to say, but he answers some questions fans have been asking for a while:

Dear Harry, How u doing? Great here. Just got finished reading the novel for FF4:raise of the silver surfer.And now we cue the music................ Liked 1.Doom-it would seem that we finally see Doom things that Doom should do Try to take over the world. 2.Galactus or should it be Gah Lak Tus. Yes it is a gaint storm think of the evil in the 5Th Element the book makes it work. I had a problem with a gaint man with a big purple helmet.The storm idea seems the best way to go with it. 3.Silver Surfer-kicks ass all i have to say. Even 1.Sue-It would appear that Jessica Alba is the one who is the reason the surfer saves us all.(Did i just give away the ending) Hated 1.Reed-the smartest man in the marvel universe is shown a little better in this outing still its predictable what is going to happen.If u have seen the previews u have seen most of his scences. 2.Ben Grimm-Oh dear god how can i make the thing worthless.This is how.He is given the shaft. 3.Johnny-The breakout star of the first.Is reduced to giving Sue most the screen time.Still has the best lines. Okay now to the really hated part. A little background on me bare with me.I love the ultimate universe of marvel.They ran a mini-series about Galactus coming that universe it was written by Warren Ellis.Could have been better but it was alright. But to the point during a confrontation between Reed and Andre Baurgher's Character General Haeger They argue about working on the ball team and the general points out that Reed must not have played alot of ball as a tennager and all that and Reed responds by saying that "he was a good little nerd and studied but now i am the smartest man on the planet and dating the hottest woman on the planet.And the jock from high school is you asking this nerd for help to save the planet." Word for word from Ultimate Galactus. I Thought the balls on these guys but oh what the hell. The books to most marvel novels follow the movies to letter except for X2 Jean's Death caught me off guard. If u are asking how i got the book my secret. If u post just call vemon51

Okay, that was pretty raw, so let’s take a look at this next guy’s reaction, which seems to take an even more critical stance on what he read:

Just thought I'd drop a quick note since I picked up the novelization of Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, and decided to brush off my speed reading skills. The spoiler-free version... I seem to remember the phrase "heart-breaking" being used to describe this sucker, and that's pretty close to the mark. For those who don't mind spoilers, here we go: It opens with Surfer coming to Earth, and Dr. Doom being awakened by the resulting cosmic energy trails. Then the re-intro to the FF. Johnny is still a media whore, Reed is preoccupied with scientific pursuits, Sue might as well be invisible all of the time, and Ben is Ben. No real difference in anyone's character from the first movie, except Maybe Ben, who's now more comfortable as the Thing. Anyway, at Reed's bachelor party, the military approaches Reed to build a tracking device to home in on the Surfer, who's been making strange craters. Which somehow perturbs the military. Reed tells them no, but can't resist the temptation, and builds one anyway. Actually, he adds the Silver Surfer tracking function to his Blackberry. Finally, Reed and Sues wedding, and this is the footage we've seen of the Torch chasing the Surfer. BTW, Johnny lands in Mexico, but unfortunately not in a fireworks factory. Missed opportunity, won't be the last. It turns out that contact with the Surfer has given Johnny the ability to switch out powers with the rest of the team. And, yes, when he switches powers with Sue, she burns her clothes off in public. Then Doom tracks the Surfer to his lair in Greenland. Yes, the Silver Surfer has a lair in Greenland. Doom gets his ass handed to him. Then Reed figures out how that the Surfer will next make a crater in London. The FF and the military get their asses handed to them. Then Doom makes a deal with the military to help in capturing the Surfer. At least I assume a deal was made, since Doom was responsible for at least two murders and at least four attempted murders, not to mention firing a missile launcher within city limits. So, yeah, a deal was never mentioned. But Doom has figured out that the Surfer gets his energy from his board, and all they have to do is separate him from said board, and he's helpless. With Doom and the FF working together (though the FF do most of the work, of course), they capture the Surfer and take his board away. They take him to a Secret Government Installation, where they lock his board in the closet. Meanwhile, Reed has figured out that the Surfer has been to quite a few other planets, planets that have died eight days after he arrived. and the Surfer's been on Earth six days already. Which somehow reminded me of that old line, I'm here to chew bubblegum and kick ass, and I'm all out of bubblegum. Anyway, Doom jacks the surfboard and blows that pop stand. The FF break the Surfer out of his cell. Reed summons the Fantasticar. We get the Dodge product tie-in, even in the novelization. And one for Hemi, too. And then you have the climatic battle between Surfin' Doom and the FF. Sue gets killed by one of Doom's liquid metal spears he can now shoot from his hand (since he's surfing). Johnny defeats Doom by -for all intent and purpose- turning into Super-Skrull and using all of the FF's powers against him. By himself. Thus negating the purpose of a team. But Sue's not too dead, since the Surfer re-animates her. You may have noticed I haven't mentioned the big G yet. That's because I'm a tease. And so is this story. 1. They go with the Ultimate spelling, since it's Gah Lak Tus. Though they mainly go with Destroyer in the book. 2. The whole Gah Lak Tus backstory is told to Sue via hologram, a'la the bracelet in Mummy Returns. 3. Gah Lak Tus takes the form of.......... ............wait for it........ ......... a cloud. Not a cirrus, mind you, but more like the cloud at the end of Ghostbusters. 4. And Gah Lak Tus is driven away by......... ............wait for it......... ......... the Surfer flying through the center of the cloud. And then Reed and Sue get married. Cut. Print. It's a wrap. Look, there's no two ways about it, this sucker sucks, even taking into account possible differences between the movie and the novelization. Too much time is wasted on the false conflict between Sue and Reed (she wants a family, he wants to be sciency >sob< what can they do?). They've continued the face-raping of Dr. Doom. Chris Evans looks like Zach Braff on the book cover. Looking on the bright side, there is some borderline funny stuff early on with Johnny and Ben doing wedding stuff, and the Silver Surfer stuff does kick ass. And Doom surfs. I've never read the original or Ultimate Galactus storylines, so if Doom surfing is canon, I'm sorry. I don't mean to ridicule it. I can see Jack Kirby and Stan Lee pulling it off. Tim Story? Not so much. The bitch of it all, though... as bad as this is, I want it to do well, so we'll get a Silver Surfer movie. That's that. If you decide to use this, call me Bubo
Readers Talkback
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  • April 25, 2007, 4:55 a.m. CST

    Cloud or not...

    by dejectedgeek

    I'll still be scared of a giant being who's eating my planet.

  • April 25, 2007, 4:55 a.m. CST


    by goku_z

    Seems like the movie wont still be good compared to other comic book based movies, but still cant wait to see it.

  • April 25, 2007, 5:09 a.m. CST


    by davidlyons

    tom rothman needs a fucking slap. a giant galactus slap!

  • April 25, 2007, 5:16 a.m. CST


    by grossepblank

    I'll see it but it's not going to be good. The first one was so poor and Tim Story is one of the worst directors of history.

  • April 25, 2007, 5:16 a.m. CST


    by grossepblank

    I'll see it but it's not going to be good. The first one was so poor and Tim Story is one of the worst directors of history.

  • April 25, 2007, 5:23 a.m. CST

    The ability to switch out powers?

    by BannedOnTheRun

    I haven't read the FF comic since circa '78. Is this moronic idea something I can blame on the comics or the screenwriters?

  • April 25, 2007, 5:30 a.m. CST

    awakened by a cosmic trail?

    by Napoleon Park

    Actually "Galactus defeated by surfer fling into the heart of the cloud" isn't that awful. a lot of Marvel stores (and Star Trek episodes) End with a fairly simple visual representation of some double talk gobeldygook description of the vast powers at play. (I know I misspelled gobble-de-gook, but that's how I deliberately mispronounce it: Go Belldy Gook.) *** I must sleep now, until I am awakened by a cosmic... trail? Uhh...

  • April 25, 2007, 5:31 a.m. CST

    Galactate those nips

    by iwontwin

    A cloud? FUCK YOU IDIOTS.... Venom cant die either bitches.

  • April 25, 2007, 5:39 a.m. CST

    Yes this will..

    by Redfive!

    Suck and disappoint like the first one.2 reasons=Tim Story and Jessica Alba.Yes jessica alba is hot beyond hot but shes really the worst young actress in Hollywood.Plus shes super brown and cant pull off the white girl look at all.Long blonde hair looks dumb on her. I just hope Silver Surfer rocks though out because the first trailer kicks ass.

  • April 25, 2007, 6 a.m. CST

    "Silver Surfer Goes to Greenland"

    by Mullah Omar

    They should have broken that piece of the story off and made it into its own film.

  • April 25, 2007, 6:04 a.m. CST

    whatever happened to not liking a movie because of...

    by sylabdul

    ..a bad story? anytime someone doesnt like a 'superhero' movie its because it doesnt match their wetdream of men in tights!!! all i care about is if the story is good or not!!! from what i hear, silver surfer rocks, i dont give a darn if gah lak tus is a cloud, a purple man or Kirsten Dunst....i just care if the story was enjoyable...

  • April 25, 2007, 6:16 a.m. CST

    whoever thought of the cloud idea

    by roccotheripper

    should be fired.

  • April 25, 2007, 6:21 a.m. CST

    So its official: FF2 sucks big time!

    by Wonderboys

    Im amazed that every report of this web regarding FF2 has been accurate... maybe old times are coming back!

  • April 25, 2007, 6:26 a.m. CST

    Those were the best of the reviews you received?

    by Trazadone

    My God, I couldn't even get through the first one.

  • April 25, 2007, 6:26 a.m. CST

    "The cloud at the end of Ghostbusters"?

    by TheNorthlander

    Wait, didn't the "cloud" at the end of Ghostbusters take the form of a Giant as in "What Galactus SHOULD be"? I don't get it.

  • April 25, 2007, 6:28 a.m. CST

    Is it just me or...

    by tile_mcgillus

    did everything sound incredibly wrong in those reviews. I mean, seriously, it sounds like they did nothing right. Nothing. That is almost kind of impressive. So we should call this LXG2:Change Everything.

  • April 25, 2007, 6:41 a.m. CST

    Idea for FF3:

    by knightrider

    Reed Richards cracks open a beer and cheets on his wife!

  • April 25, 2007, 6:50 a.m. CST

    sounds like fun to me

    by choomoo89

    just like the first one which i agree could have been better like this one but the main thing here is it will be a fun popcorn movie the first one was the same way i took my family everyone enjoyed it and thats what we need the girls love sue and think johnnys hot the guys get to look at sue and watch the thing and johhny once more have thier funny moments and the action and fights sound awesome so stop whining nerds.

  • April 25, 2007, 7:02 a.m. CST

    the teaser looked great, this

    by The Killer-Goat

    sounds like ass. You don't need a degree in ComicNerd101 to see that. I know plenty of non-nerds who went to see the first one and regretted it and probably will avoid this one until DVD.

  • April 25, 2007, 7:08 a.m. CST

    The first movie sucked

    by Fridge

    So why is anyone suprised that this one sucks, too?

  • April 25, 2007, 7:09 a.m. CST

    Hello Bit Torrent

    by johnnykool

    I'm downloading this fucker so I don't waste my money. <p>If this is even remotely similar to the movie, it'll be crap and I don't pay for crap. <p>Even the storyline sounds like a big flaming invisible stretchy rock turd.

  • April 25, 2007, 7:09 a.m. CST


    by MRJONZ72

    I have to disagree. I didnt picked up a comic book until I was 14 (around 86/87) and to my shocked I was amazed for the most part of the depth of characters and rich storylines...(I became was a Marvel Man, the only DC character I found myself reading on a regular basis was BATMAN) I was so used to the what we saw on Saturday moring cartoons, and some movies...And it just seems to me that some studios still treated such properties as such up until Batman: The Animated Series- (which I still say is the best version of the character outside of the books). Dont even get me started on Batman Forever and it's 2 Dimensional characters and over the topness and lame zapping peoples minds storyline. This post is getting long winded already...I'm all for change in the movie counterport if it is needed for the form of media, or makes the story better etc...ala I liked how Pyro was a member of the X-Men before joing the Brotherhood...or what the BTAS did with the Two-Face and Mr. Freeze origins...but it irks me when someone changes something for the sake of it and it's not on the level of the books, some cases more extreme then others.. Alan Moore is a genuis of a writer. I think he is the Stanley Kubric of comic book / graphic novel writers, but part of me feels that because he writes comic books/graphic novels..He doesnt get the respect he does...But V For Vendetta I did like and it fared much better than anything else that was based on his works. The Punisher while a decent revenge flick, over all that was to me NOT a Punisher me..The Punisher is the ulimate vigalante...but the movie to me didnt stand out from countless other vigalante movies.. I never found the Blade in Tales of Dracula as deep as other Marvel Characters but I found Blade 1 and 2 for the most part better than the books.. Saying all that...I'm not for sure how anyone is going to be able to pull off the original Marvel version of Galactus in a movie..I mean even in the books, I found his look kind of iffy somtimes. I just thought in a live action movie it be hard to pull off (but they still need to improve Doom - "Sue lets not fight" - Shut the F up.. I got more to say, but I realize this post is long enough..Later people.

  • April 25, 2007, 7:26 a.m. CST


    by lionbiu

    Hated the first won't waste my time with this...the plot does not seem too bad, but I know it will be badly executed with dodgy CGI. Like they say 'fool me once...shame on you, fool me twice...shame on me!'

  • April 25, 2007, 7:36 a.m. CST

    Fuck CLOUDS

    by Steve Rogers

    ...hopeufully Fox have clamped down on the novelisation and made it non-descriptive in order to preserve the end of the movie (happened dozens of times before - hello Dick Tracy!). HOPEFULLY. Even if they do go all Ultimate Gah Lak Tus and it's a swarm of machines etc, then that would be better than a fucking CLOUD. Fuck Tom Rothman in his fat ass.

  • April 25, 2007, 7:40 a.m. CST

    The Thing..


    he was given the shaft in the first movie too. GAWD that is one awful painted foam looking costume. Even that rock monster in the never ending story 25 years ago looked better.

  • April 25, 2007, 7:47 a.m. CST


    by uss cygnus

    Where can I write scripts for Hollywood? FF III: There's a Mole In the team! BRILLIANT!

  • April 25, 2007, 7:49 a.m. CST

    Wow, that sucks

    by Fecal Debris

    If that were a movie treatment instead of a novel, I'd say, you really shouldn't make that movie. Right down to the cliched fake death of a main character (Sue), it is unoriginal, insipid, and rereretarded

  • April 25, 2007, 7:55 a.m. CST

    Today's weather calls for a 60% chance of Gah Lak Tus

    by Err


  • April 25, 2007, 7:56 a.m. CST


    by Err


  • April 25, 2007, 7:57 a.m. CST


    by Err


  • April 25, 2007, 7:57 a.m. CST


    by Err

    I am so frickin pissed off.

  • April 25, 2007, 8:14 a.m. CST

    They have only themselves to blame...

    by V'Shael

    Too many dipsticks pay to watch this shit, or buy it on DVD, in the vain hope that the Studio will make a better sequel. FACE IT TRUE BELIEVERS! IT SUCKS! If Lindsey Lohan could suck like this movie, she'd be getting a LOT more work in front of a camera.

  • April 25, 2007, 8:15 a.m. CST

    FF should be one of Marvel's tent-pole movies

    by Snookeroo

    Instead it's just a pole. Shoved, I might add, unceremoniously up the comic fans south end, with no K-Y.

  • April 25, 2007, 8:16 a.m. CST

    For a guy named "Story"

    by Snookeroo

    he sure has difficulty telling one.

  • April 25, 2007, 8:18 a.m. CST

    It's obvious that the accountants at Marvel really ...

    by Corwin_X2

    ... don't give a fuck whether the movies are good or not - just so long as they keep getting churned out on schedule. If they happen, by chance, to stumble on decent directors (Raimi, Singer) then that's fine. Otherwise they're just as happy to give it to the nearest hack who'll bring something in on time. All it needs are just enough decent scenes to make a trailer that will get arses on seats. Who cares if it craps all over 20+ years of established canon? If it wasn't obvious before that they don't care squat for the fans, it certainly became so when they allowed Rat Brettner to take a great steaming dump on the Phoenix storyline that Singer had set up for X3. What I really don't understand though is why Stan Lee stands for this. Doesn't he have any say anymore? Doesn't he give a shit either anymore?

  • April 25, 2007, 8:26 a.m. CST

    How could they screw up something so simple?

    by Mr Incredible

    Years of documented work and this is the best they could do for a movie? Damn, I hope this movie flops big time, so they won't make any more of them.

  • April 25, 2007, 8:27 a.m. CST

    Ya know...

    by Kid Z

    ... I'm not gonna go se this shite... no gonna discuss going to see it, nor discuss it at all. I'm going to do what everyone that gives a damn about the FF, or even just gives a damn about good, no, even just halfway decent filmmaking should do... ignore the turd. Refuse to acknowledge it even exists! I'm not even gonna look at the ads, not gonna buy a magazine with the cast on the cover, or even in it somewhere, not even gonna buy the friggin' Happy Meal or Pez dispensers (Love my, Pezes!). Hell, I'm not even gonna watch The Shield while this dog is in the theatres. TOTAL BOYCOTT! I just don't need this shite in my life... don't need the grief! F 'em all! F 'em all up their stupid, untalented, lame, cheap, money-grubbing, asses with a silver surfboard! And may this dog hasten Tim Story toward a career for which he is infinitely more suited... low-budget, underground gay porn!

  • April 25, 2007, 8:29 a.m. CST


    by Err


  • April 25, 2007, 8:30 a.m. CST

    Well, that certainly does sound awful...

    by Childe Roland

    ...but I need to keep in mind that, for the life of me, I can't find a way to describe the plot of the first FF film that makes it sound even remotely entertaining. Yet it was. So who knows?

  • April 25, 2007, 8:31 a.m. CST


    by rev_skarekroe

    It's not just the accountants at Marvel. It's all of Hollywood. But you're absolutely right - the bottom line is the bottom line. As for Stan Lee, well no. He doesn't have a say in any of this.

  • April 25, 2007, 8:33 a.m. CST

    Funny how the hacks have names that can be played with

    by Corwin_X2

    Mr T. Story will henceforth be known as Toy Story in my posts. Joining Rat Brettner, an even more appropriate nickname.

  • April 25, 2007, 8:37 a.m. CST

    I'm not sure what to write after those two reviews...

    by just pillow talk

    They made it sound ten times worse than what I expected...and Childe, I'm pretty sure there wasn't a plot in the first one. I will say that I would watch the first one again over say Superman Returns, least the time passes by with FF.

  • April 25, 2007, 8:54 a.m. CST

    Big cloud of misery

    by RingwormPete

    Firstly, that first review was just plain fuckin' awful. Although the words of the retard will probably ring true. That's all I'm gonna say on that matter. This movie will be even gayer than Elton John's well kicked-in back door. Even Galactus himself, with all his infinite wisdom couldn't think of a word that would best describe the total and utter shitstain of a movie this will be. I'm so angry right now... fuck it, I'm gonna go choke a hippy!

  • April 25, 2007, 8:56 a.m. CST

    What it comes down to is...

    by Fecal Debris

    I saw each of the first two Spidey movies in the theater at least twice each. I saw the X-Men films in the theater. But I can't even recall if I saw FF there, it was such a non-event when I did see it. And what it boils down to is, I have all the above movies at home on DVD. The Spider-Man movies get watched almost weekly. My kids ask for it. They love it. They've seen FF, and don't look for it or ask for it. And, having seen the Spidey movies so many times, I really can say the stories simply WORK, cool CGI fights aside. And it's the little things and the incidental people who make it all cool. Mr. Aziz at the pizza shop (GoooooOo!!!) The guy on the roof who tries to eat the slice of pizza. The girl at the desk who says "You're late--I'm not paying for those." Peter's landlord (REEENT!!) and his daughter. Bruce Campbell as the wrestling announcer and theater usher (and now, french waiter). Dr. Connors. Betty Brant (f*cking HOT!). Rosie Octavius. Robbie. Hoffman. Osbourne's butler, Bernard. The guy at the bank who denies Aunt May's loan. The passengers on the runaway train who marvel at Spider-Man's youth, his heroism, and vow to keep his secret. All these "small" people really did a great job, and bring life to Peter's story--wit, charm, a sense of wonder that you don't find in these other retarded superhero movies. Everyone thank me now for saying what you've known all along.

  • April 25, 2007, 9:03 a.m. CST

    Show me where it says the cloud is Galactus. Seriously.

    by NinjaRap

    Tell me the page where it's said, anywhere, that Gah Lak Tus/Galactus IS the cloud. You can't because it doesn't exist. Surfer mentions "Gah Lak Tus" once. Later on, a cloud shows up. There's even talk about how, by leading the cloud away, Surfer will incur the wrath of the force BEHIND the cloud. Um, who do you think that is? It's pretty damned obvious. GALACTUS IS NOT THE CLOUD.

  • April 25, 2007, 9:06 a.m. CST

    everything Corwin_X2 said:

    by montessaurus

    is fucking right on the money. I don't think I've ever been as let down by a movie as I was with X3. X2 was setting up for something truly epic and instead we get X-Meh, The Last Cliche. I'm done with Marvel movies, and Spidey 3 looks way too busy.

  • April 25, 2007, 9:07 a.m. CST

    Story Boarding With Tim and Avi

    by Roboteer

    [Here's how bad movies begin.] First, we need a subtle way to get Jessica nekkid, well almost, since it won't be the full monty, maybe just a tease for the trailers. /Right, we sure as hell didn't hire her for her acting. /Tell me about it./ How about we just show her dressing? Maybe admiring herself in the mirror? /No, too gratuitous. How about she becomes visible with her clothes off? /No, braindead! We already did that. /Okay, how about she gets Johnny's power and accidently burns her clothes off in public. No one to blame, modesty intact, it was an accident. /Hey, now that's thinking outside the box! In fact we could do an entire switch of powers. Maybe give them all to Johnny, not show Reed, Ben, and Sue and save some CGI bucks. /Yeah! But does it matter that we might ruin something considered iconic to the pop culture? And as preposterous as a comic could be, they never did anything this lame?/ Nahh. Look what we did to Doom in the first one and it did, well, fantastic. We can screw with this any way we want. Like make Galactus a cloud. [Laughs all around.]/ Ya know, actually that may be not such a bad..... [And so it goes.] What if instead, Alba (she never will be Sue to me)wakes up next to Reed, gives him a kiss, leaves him sound asleep, trots off naked to the shower, clutching a sheet to her front. Nice view from the back though. We follow her in. As she's adjusting the shower, ominous music begins, as behind her, the shower door slowly opens and a sinister shadow of an arm appears ready to attack ala PSYCHO. We then see it's Reed's arm all the way from the bed soaping her back. Unsurprised, she just shakes her head, rolls her eyes, but then closes them and smiles. CUT! How's that for a titillating opening and forshadow of their future married bliss? Give the lovebirds come chemistry that was nonexistant in FF1 for chrissakes.... This ain't that hard. Just write a good script and find a way to do it within budget. Don't start with stupid FX and build a story around that. I'd rather see less dazzle, even leave some stuff offscreen, and have better story, plot, and characters....Sam Raimi forever, Tim Story NEVER! P.S. For all those who admit sweating over whether to shell out all of $6 for an FF matinee, ya might wanna keep it to yourselves. Honestly, that really sounds like you might have to hit Mom up for more allowance. And this IS still the FF! What else ya gonna see, more zombies?

  • April 25, 2007, 9:08 a.m. CST

    The other thing I don't understand ...

    by Corwin_X2

    ... is why they waste money paying hack writers to come up with new (crap) stories instead of just filming what's already written - and has stood the test of time. Take Phoenix/X3 (yes, it is a bit of an obsession with me and yes I will curse Rat Brettner daily for the rest of my life!). How do you make an X-Men/Phoenix film? You spend half your SFX budget on building a cool looking flaming bird around Famke Janssen. Then another quarter making a Dark Phoenix version that redefines the word cool. You transition between the two using the classic absolute-power-corrupts-absolutely storyline (yes it's a cliche, who cares?) preferably with some nod to the Hellfire Club. Then you tie it into the (film) backstory with heavy involvement from Wolverine, Magneto and Mystique. Substituting Magneto for Mastermind wouldn't be too objectionable. The teaser trailers feature Janssen looking really pissed off and turning on the Phoenix Effect. Fanboys like me start building shrines in your name and make you millions. I mean, how fucking hard is it work that out?

  • April 25, 2007, 9:11 a.m. CST

    Wolverine vs. Giant Metal Robots

    by Fecal Debris

    There's your movie. Throw in some scenes with Alba making out with Biel naked in a shower, and we'll throw money at it.

  • April 25, 2007, 9:21 a.m. CST

    Can't say i'm shocked...

    by Gatack

    Still the whole notion that a naked Silver alien traveling the cosmos on a Surfboard is any less ridiculous than a Giant with a purple head dress is insane.

  • April 25, 2007, 9:24 a.m. CST

    Welcome to the The Suck that is FF: ROTSS.

    by SpyGuy

    And the sad thing is, this will probably pull in at least 150 million or more so Tim Story will get to butcher a third movie. DAMN YOU, TIM STORY!!!

  • April 25, 2007, 9:24 a.m. CST


    by Chilli815

    I recently re-read Ultimate FF Vol 1, and the above sounds better than the crap they gave us there.

  • April 25, 2007, 9:28 a.m. CST

    Some observations...

    by DoctorWho?

    1)The first reviewer needs to work on his grammar and sentence structure. 2)Reed Richards has been written and acted as a complete pussy boy.3)Not one cent of my hatd earned money will go to this film.

  • April 25, 2007, 9:35 a.m. CST

    Spidey 3 around the corner Abom...

    by just pillow talk

    I just cheadled all over're damn right it's the bit players who help elevate those movies.

  • April 25, 2007, 9:52 a.m. CST

    Ultimate FF

    by CarmillaVonDoom

    Julian McMahon sucks as Doom, but at least he doesn't have CLOVEN HOOVES in the movies! Ultimate Annihilus is amazing though!! Should have done the negative zone in this movie, with a teaser for Galactus/SS for the third.

  • April 25, 2007, 9:53 a.m. CST

    Seriously, Ultimate Doom is related to DRACULA

    by CarmillaVonDoom

    by blood. How ridiculous is that?

  • April 25, 2007, 9:54 a.m. CST

    Sounds like this movie is JUGGFUCKLED

    by CarmillaVonDoom

    Is that proper usage? ;^)

  • April 25, 2007, 10:03 a.m. CST

    The saddest thing

    by VideoVorlon

    Not a single prop, costume, vehicle, weapon, set or other artifact in either of the two FF films look anything like Jack Kirby's designs. They make a film based on the work of one of the most acclaimed comic artists of all time -- and completely erase any suggestion of his artistic influence. What absolute morons.

  • April 25, 2007, 10:07 a.m. CST

    The summer of shit

    by INWOsuxRED

    I am starting to get the feeling all the big movies this year will suck, and as a result, Hollywood will go after file sharing, because the quality of the movies couldn't possibly be the reason people don't go to the theaters.

  • April 25, 2007, 10:26 a.m. CST

    I'm related to the Wolfman

    by INWOsuxRED

    and my wife is related to Frankenstein's monster. What is so funny about that?

  • April 25, 2007, 10:28 a.m. CST

    First of all...the reviewers are fucking retards

    by Jeditemple

    Second, if Galactus is a fucking cloud, then I'm not going to see this fucking movie. I want to see the comic version of Galactus.

  • April 25, 2007, 10:28 a.m. CST

    Does Sue attempted to get raped?

    by Doc_Strange

    That's the only thing that would save this movie. Maybe attempted to get raped while the storm cloud drops a shit load of rain. Would make for a dramatic scene.

  • April 25, 2007, 10:36 a.m. CST

    well another download and not a ticket sale

    by flipster

    hello bit torrent, another film not worth opaying for because they totally went cheap and decide3d not to pay for Galactus - what a bunch of assholes on this series - I guess they saw how spidey stays true to form with the villians, and decided, nah let's fuck everyone who read this series, can't be more than say half or 3/4 of anyone who's ever read a comic book. Well just like Ghost Rider, I'll be downloading this sucker and NOT paying. Arad, you idiot. All for a few shekels more, eh. you are a fool sir.

  • April 25, 2007, 10:43 a.m. CST

    Clancy Brown Would Not Approve

    by JustinSane

    He just may begin to think he IS Galactus and eat our world for this vile insult.

  • April 25, 2007, 10:44 a.m. CST

    Hey pillowtalk

    by Fecal Debris

    My room is messy. Could you send over the girl who plays Betty Brant when you're done beating her with a shoe?

  • April 25, 2007, 10:49 a.m. CST

    People will laugh at the "Silver Surfer" name

    by Sagan

    seriously, the name sounds retarded for anyone who is not a comic fan a surfist??? with super power? and he's silver??? and flies around on a surfboard??? face it.........sounds pretty ridiculous

  • April 25, 2007, 10:50 a.m. CST

    I have my tix pillow

    by Fecal Debris

    I ordered tix for a midnight show, and for taking my daughter on Sunday. Saturday's a big first communion day for the catholic christians. They won't get a lot of second graders on Cinco de Mayo. I'm going to jizz when I see all the bank truck footage they got in Cleveland. In fact, I might ruin the screen. The spooge will merge with the sand a create....a mess. I read somewhere that Spidey 3 is the biggest advance online tix seller ever so far in the history of all things having ever been written. That's good--Americans need to have their priorities in order ;)

  • April 25, 2007, 10:56 a.m. CST

    Serpentor of Cinema suckitude

    by Fecal Debris

    I heard that scientists in Hollywood have merged the DNA of Tim Story and Michael Bay into one composite entity, like the "Serpentor" of schlock moviemaking. They're calling the clone "Timothy Bay," and he's now shooting a movie about a giant robot that lives in a castle in the clouds and shoots flames down at the earth, which wreaks havoc with the climate and initiates a cataclysmic storm surge, which a heroic team of men in colored rubber nipple suits must thwart. The working title for the project is "The Juggfuckles."

  • April 25, 2007, 10:58 a.m. CST

    It's sad that Sandman is better depicted than Galactus

    by SpyGuy

    ...or Doctor Doom. I want to see a new CELEBRITY DEATHMATCH episode where Sam Raimi beats the living crap out of Tim Story. Welcome to that exclusive club of Dumbass Comic Book Film Directors including Joel Schumacher and Pitof, Tim!

  • April 25, 2007, 11:01 a.m. CST

    Ultimate Marvel Movies Suck

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    Stick with the original original origins. It's Galactus. Dr. Doom wear armor, and is not encased in alien/cosmic engery metal. The Silver Surfer does not needs his board for his powers, and Galactus is a huge ass planet eating Mo Fo, not some giant purple silent but deadly fart.

  • April 25, 2007, 11:04 a.m. CST

    Get over youselves Whiny Bitches!!!

    by lukestarkiller

    Yes, the novelization is accurate...yes, Galactus is a cloud (kind of V'ger-like without the soft chewy, biomechanical insect like center...) and yes, that's the story, fake Alba death and all....and you can whine about it all you want FanLosers!! You know why...Studios DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOU!!!....FF1...all you losers hated it...made a BOATLOAD of money.....X3...all you losers HATED it because it wasn't the wetdream "Dark Phoenix" you were pining for...guess what....HIGHEST GROSSING FLICK OF THE TRILOGY......All the Hot Fanloser net buzz on Grindhouse....guess what...FLOP!!!!....As long as the studios can get the General Public interested, they dont' give a flying fuck that it's not "canon" or deviates from some comic from 20 years ago....if they can get fanloser support, great, but if not, it don't really matter because it won't affect the bottom line as long as they can get Joe and Jane Moviegoer interested....and be honest...all you losers dumping on FF2 will be first in line to see GET OVER YOURSELVES IDIOTS!!!!

  • April 25, 2007, 11:10 a.m. CST

    I love that Spidey 3...

    by Fecal Debris

    ...clocks in at 140 minutes. A nice, long superhero movie, only unlike "Superman Returns," it'll be pretty good, if not cheadlicious I'm already convinced it's money well spent. Raimi could've arranged to charge me $20. $30. Whatever. I'd throw it at him. I'll have to rub one out at home so my rambone doesn't distract me for a couple minutes during the show. I'm hoping to make it past the first New Goblin fight before I cream my pants and the theater seat.

  • April 25, 2007, 11:20 a.m. CST

    Anchorite - misleading advertising laws?

    by Corwin_X2

    Over here in the UK we've got laws regarding truth in advertising. Plus the Sales of Goods Act which says what you buy has to be "what it says on the tin", and fit for purpose, or you get your money back. Seems like there's a maybe a class action suit on the cards - for mis-selling an alleged FF film that isn't! <grin>

  • April 25, 2007, 11:25 a.m. CST

    Lukestarkiller - It's my mis-spent youth ...

    by Corwin_X2

    ... they're pissing all over so I'll whine all I want to. (grin)

  • April 25, 2007, 11:45 a.m. CST

    created a petition online against this - please sign

    by flipster

  • April 25, 2007, 11:48 a.m. CST

    Legal ramifications

    by Fecal Debris

    In the states, it's called "warranty of merchantability." It won't work for movies, sporting events, or concerts however. You pay for your ticket, you see the invent. Period. The argument over whether it was entertaining enough for you, or "sucked," is just too subjective to bother the courts with. If they allowed those kinds of cases, it would open a pandora's box. People would be suing record companies because the new Justin Timberlake record sucks. Hey, it's just one of those things--with entertainment, you don't always know what you're buying other than a little bit of time in which to be amused. Just how amused is the question, and it's not one any US court will address.

  • April 25, 2007, 11:56 a.m. CST

    I meant you see the "event"

    by Fecal Debris

    Movies and CDs aren't like a lawnmower. You buy a mower with its understood use in mind--you want to cut your grass. If the machine accomplishes that purpose, then the manufacturer has lived up to its warranty. Now, if you buy a lawnmower because you're crazy and want to chop your feet off with it, you void the warranty because that is not the intended purpose of the device. With CDs or films, hypothetically, the "manufacturer," production company / distributor, would only need argue that this music or this film will entertain you--meaning, occupy your time in a leisurely way. It would only have to be a weak argument. So weak, in fact, that they'd only need to argue that movie "x" was advertised to be 98 minutes long, and that it was in fact that long. The onus would be on the moviegoer to prove that a film advertised as a horror film was in fact a "horror" film, which in turn would mean that a definition of the genre of "horror" film would have to be established. And so forth. It'd just be crazy. And forget arguing about whether it was GOOD enough for you or not. I'm afraid the only weapon moviegoers have is good old fashioned word of mouth, or the Internet / AICN, which is simply modern word of mouth. A movie is released, you watch for the reviews. You listen to your friends who saw it. You make your own judgment about taking that gamble with your $8.

  • April 25, 2007, 11:57 a.m. CST

    "tut tut looks like rain"

    by scythe1138

    I can forgive the fact that he's a cloud, but Galactus looks to play about as big a role as Shao Khan in the Mortal Kombat movie.

  • April 25, 2007, 11:58 a.m. CST

    sign petition against this

    by flipster

  • April 25, 2007, 11:59 a.m. CST

    To me, superheroes ARE romantic

    by Fecal Debris

    and anything with Julia Roberts is horror. And slasher movies with Jason are my kind of comedy, even if that franchise is recognised as being "horror." See, it's all subjective. Movies with Spider-Man and dinosaurs and hardass cops getting ejected out of grenade filled airplanes are so romantic to me, in fact, that I spooge.

  • April 25, 2007, 12:02 p.m. CST


    by Fecal Debris

    must be some kinda new combination of "distorting" and "destroying." I like it!

  • April 25, 2007, 12:09 p.m. CST

    Jessica Biel in a Thong?

    by Fecal Debris

    Where's my wallet? Warranty schwarranty! (vigorous hand motion ensues)<p> I think that's the kind of mentality movies like FF and TFRMS bank on. They want geeks just like me to say, "Giant metal robots?!! When can I buy a ticket?" If I'm a geek of discerning tastes, which I think most of us TBers are, then sure I'll hedge my bets and use whatever knowledge is out there to try and guess how "good" it'll be. But c'mon. Giant fighting robots! Back when I was 12, they gave us movies like "Megaforce." So let's just sit back and count our blessings.

  • April 25, 2007, 12:11 p.m. CST

    George Lucas destroted my youth!!

    by Fecal Debris

    Indy IV will destrote my childhood! Angelina Jolie will massage my descrotum!

  • April 25, 2007, 12:15 p.m. CST

    saying it won't work is stupid

    by flipster

    if you don't try - work for the industry do you?

  • April 25, 2007, 12:18 p.m. CST

    ahh well distoring this and that eh

    by flipster


  • April 25, 2007, 12:18 p.m. CST

    MARVEL should SUE Their Asses

    by Darkwolf9x

    I can see taking liberties with the source material but WTF???? I hope this movie BOMBS

  • April 25, 2007, 12:20 p.m. CST

    alriught I closed the petition due to spelling error

    by flipster

    double sigh unplusgood

  • April 25, 2007, 12:21 p.m. CST

    How bad is it when you get 3 year-olds writing reviews?

    by MKiro

    That was painful. And pathetic.

  • April 25, 2007, 12:25 p.m. CST

    Take it for what it is

    by Philvis

    I think the first F4 was a fun little movie. I have never read the comic and it kept me entertained enough. I didn't feel as though I had $8 stolen from me for seeing it. I think people need to realize with comic book movies, typically there is at least 30-40 years worth of history, so whatever direction is taken is not going to please everyone. For F4 Rise of the Silver Surfer, I don't really mind Galactus being a cloud as long as it is done right. I think it will be ok if it is basically just an introduction of Galactus coming, but if it is an all out fight against a cloud, that may seem a little weird. Either way, I look forward to seeing this movie because it is something we never could have imagined 20 years ago. I think folks need to remember comic book movies typically aren't up for major awards with the Academy.

  • April 25, 2007, 12:28 p.m. CST

    I don't get the venom being spewed here.

    by Magunga

    Listen, I hate the turn Marvel's movies have taken as of late, but we've been given plenty of time and a load of evidence to realize that Avi Arad and his ilk are whores. To them the quick flow of cash is more important than taking care to treat the source material with the sensibility and respect it deserves. You see, they'll still make millions and tens of millions and even hundreds of millions of dollars off of the regurgitated remains of the stories that we all grew up on, because we're so desperate for that little bit of nastalgia. You people should be blaming yourselves as much as anyone for the abominations that Marvel continues to produce, because you still drop down you ten dollars to watch them, even when you know they're going to be terrible.

  • April 25, 2007, 12:32 p.m. CST

    Hurriane Gah Lak Tus just off the coast of Florida!

    by Mike_D

    quick! board up your windows!

  • April 25, 2007, 12:32 p.m. CST

    I would like to sue Lucas for custody...

    by Childe Roland

    ...of the Star Wars franchise. Not because I have any parental right to the ideas that comprise it, as he bafflingly does, but because I know I could love those ideas more than he does and could give them a better home.<p>Plus, I think he's not-so-secretly molesting them.<p>So sign my petition.

  • April 25, 2007, 12:35 p.m. CST

    Magunga - 'Tis true what you say

    by Corwin_X2

    But much of the "venom being spewed here" is in the service of persuading people NOT to pay ten dollars just to be shafted. Even if it only ends up persuading ourselves!

  • April 25, 2007, 12:39 p.m. CST

    FF2: Rise of The Silver Turd

    by Ecto-1

    Yup, it certainly does sound like shit of the highest calibre. But then I really hated the first movie, so there was no way that with Tim 'the tit' Story handling the sequel it was gonna be good. There was no way that I was gonna buy a ticket to see this thing after the mess that was the first one. I think that the best we can hope for is that Fox will probably make another one to keep it a trilogy and then maybe lay it to rest for a good few years. Then when there's a bunch of new arseholes in charge at Fox, and that idiot Avi Avid is long gone, someone who actually knows how to make a film will be given the chance to relaunch the franchise. Just like what's happened with Batman. So until then, save your money, put your feet up, relax, and read the comics instead. They're much better. I know that's what I'll be doing.

  • April 25, 2007, 12:44 p.m. CST

    2 Thoughts...

    by donbstgk

    1.They shoulda gone "Chronicles of Riddick giant spaceships landing" route with Galactus, they coulda totally pulled it off. But the "purple giant human dude" look does seem pretty silly in retrospect and I am all for a change, but keep him humanOID, at least. 2. Julianne Moore just CAN'T like the "Next" ads all over this site and everywhere. Ms. Moore is a lovely woman, but next to Jessica Biel in a tanktop, she might as well be Steve Buscemi.

  • April 25, 2007, 12:45 p.m. CST


    by Magunga

    ...I'm not so sure you're correct on you analysis of the other TalkBackers. I suspect, as well, even if that is the intent of many of these whiny folks, that they will still spend the cash to see this flick. I admit that I went to see X-Men 3 even after reading a mountain of negative reviews. I suppose I should thank Ratner for one thing: he broke me of my addiction to Marvel's film enterprises.

  • April 25, 2007, 12:46 p.m. CST

    Sounds hokey even w/out the cloud

    by isispop

    Even without the cloud (which is reason enough for me to not plop down my $) this thing is corny. Very cooky cutter/cheesy & meant for the 12 yr old set...not traditional FF/comic fans. I felt suckered on the first one, and I will not pay to see FF2 if this is what they've come up with. I know I'd only be out $7 bucks...but I;d reather have that then sit through this crap on the screen.

  • April 25, 2007, 12:50 p.m. CST

    I have my doubts about FF2

    by Fecal Debris

    and I can joke about them all day here, but the fact is I've already got it in my head that yes, I'll be seeing the movie, either with my brother or kid or both. I'll see it, and I'll see Spidey and Die Hard and Transformers. I'll see them all goddamnit because (sniff) I'm a moviegoer, damnit! I see movies! (sniff) That's WHAT I DO! A geek loser moviegoer! (sniff)!! And I'm PROUD of it! You HEAR ME! (sniff, but with slight, steadily increasing tone of defiance) and I'm gonna see ALL the summer movies about robots and superheroes and spies and cops doing improbable things because I WANT TO!! I love my GEEK LOSER MOVIE NIGHT and no one can take it from me!

  • April 25, 2007, 12:55 p.m. CST

    What's more important than Family?? Sssssscience?

    by Russman

    wow, Fox screwed up again. What a surprise.

  • April 25, 2007, 12:57 p.m. CST

    Well said, Fecal Debris

    by Magunga

    You are the one voice of reason on this talkback. Your biting commentary of our sad lives has left us without response. Bravo, sir.

  • April 25, 2007, 1:07 p.m. CST

    Magunga - wasn't trying to speak for everyone

    by Corwin_X2

    Just noting a strong element of "why the fuck are we paying for this shit?" - the answer being, as you so rightly pointed out, we shouldn't be! As someone else pointed out above - BitTorrent is your friend. If you watch an "extended preview" and it rocks your world then get down to the movie theater and pay for the full experience, bring your friends, buy the DVD - reward those that have brought joy to your life, don't steal from them. On the other hand, it's a damn fine way of spotting when someone is trying to steal money from YOU by selling you a crock of shit dressed up as a "film"! PS Only flames questioning my morality that are polite and use proper grammar will be replied to. (grin)

  • April 25, 2007, 1:10 p.m. CST

    'Raise' of the Silver Surfer?

    by jimmy_009

    Are we sure this guy can read?

  • April 25, 2007, 1:14 p.m. CST

    It's the ULTIMATE story you idiots

    by Ky-El

    Why are you fanboys all pissing your pants? You call yourself geeks yet you're shocked by the spelling and appearance of Galactus?!? It's the freakin' ULTIMATE universe version. Last I checked you fanboys love the ULTIMATE universe. Quit bitching and acting so shocked. Your beloved Marvel has already written this story in their own comics.

  • April 25, 2007, 1:16 p.m. CST

    Terrible reviews

    by jimmy_009

    The first was written by a third grader. The second guy gave away the entire (admittedly awful) story and then had the gall to call himself a tease. Terrible reviews for a terrible book/movie.

  • April 25, 2007, 1:28 p.m. CST


    by Fecal Debris

    Lots of fanboys may love the ultimate universe, but many others like myself no longer read or collect comics. The only universe we know is the one wherein Galactus was a giant man in purple armor. That's why a lot of us get unnerved when we discover that that character we saw on so many FF covers in the '60s-80s is now gonna be Same with any other ultimate-universe based crap. I wouldn't know any of that from adam. And maybe it's not anger, per se, but confusion. Now, if I'd not been on AICN and saw FF2 not knowing any of this, and then saw Galactus as a cloud, wow, then I'd be disappointed.

  • April 25, 2007, 1:29 p.m. CST

    Corwin, why download the movie at all?

    by Magunga

    If you like watching horrible movies, then pay to see it. You're not punishing anyone if you download the movie illegally online. They may not get your money, but that would also be true if you simply didn't watch it. You can't justifiably take somebody's wallet just because they called your mother a naughty name; that's still stealing. Anyway, when you download the movie you're publicly expressing interest in it, and even though you haven't given them money you're letting the filmmkers know that they still have your attention.

  • April 25, 2007, 1:36 p.m. CST

    Hey INWOsuxRED...

    by Kid Z

    ... I originally coined the term "Summer of Shit" way back when (I think it was 1998... the summer of Plodzilla, either that or "meesa think it 1999... Phantom Menace summer was!") Whatever, don't worry... feel free to use the term. Especially since we've had a Summer of Shit almost every summer (with a few respites, but not many!) since I came up with the phrase!

  • April 25, 2007, 1:41 p.m. CST

    My little anti-download movie rant

    by Fecal Debris

    After watching the second unit crew shoot the Spidey 3 bank truck chase in Cleveland last year, I determined not to download movies like that, even if I suspect they'll stink (they're all shakeycam anyway). I saw those guys and girls work HARD for hours, day and night, and it was obvious they CARE about what they do and love the work. And that's only second unit--they're the low guys on the totem pole whose names you won't see in the credits unless you stick around. They're in it because they dig it as much as we do. And those people were friendly, too. They talked with "losers" like me who came to gawk for hours. Case in point. I asked one of the camera dudes if I could take a photo of his Spidey 3 slate (the clapboard), which he had on top of his work cart. The guy takes my camera, hands ME the slate, and takes my picture instead. That's how cool they were. Not to mention that (stunt) Spidey spent a shitload of time visiting with kids and taking pictures when he was done with his parts. It was friggin' awesome, and it's those people with whom my faith lies when I throw my money at the box office. Look for it--2nd unit director Dan Bradley. He is king of kings, and his people are all the shit. So when a movie fails to meet expectations, like the first FF did with me, I know it was the fault of the story people back in the cozy offices in L.A. and not the guys and gals in jeans running around the set making the shit happen.

  • April 25, 2007, 1:41 p.m. CST


    by Kid Z

    ...I work in Marketing (not for the film industry, though)... hate to break it to ya, but "marketing IS lying! If you get caught in a lie, then you tell even more lies to weasel outta the lie you just told... ad infinitum. Sad thing is, it works!

  • April 25, 2007, 1:48 p.m. CST

    kid z

    by Fecal Debris

    Don't be so hard on yourself or your profession. It's "creative selling." Or "the industry of persuasion." Gotta love marketing. Ah, the old paradox of "New and Improved." Well, if it's improved, it must have existed before--which means it ain't new. And if it IS new, this can't be an improved version already--it's brand new! And if it's so good, what's to improve about it? Ah, f*ck it, I'm just killing time till May 4

  • April 25, 2007, 1:48 p.m. CST

    now that's pretty freak'n cool

    by just pillow talk

    That the camera guy snapped your pic. I for one have never understood the downloading of a movie to get back at that particular movie since it sucked or you think it'll suck. Here's my view: either you see it in the theater or rent it. If you don't like the way it's going to turn out (Transformers, FF2, etc), don't see it. Ever.<p>And I've never read any of this ultimate universe stuff since I stopped reading comics the time of the Avengers breakup (around issue #300 of the original run I think), so I too was expecting super purple bad ass guy in armor to show up. I think there's a certain point where you have to stop making comic book movies fit into "the real world", especially when dealing with the FF. After all, most of the adventures are extraordinary, off-world events, unlike Spidey/Daredevil who are for the most part grounded in 'reality', ie NYC.

  • April 25, 2007, 1:51 p.m. CST


    by Fecal Debris

    You hit the nail on the head. Of COURSE we can handle a giant man in a purple suit. What makes them think we can't? I mean, these superhero movies are all about guys who swing from webs like spiders, guys with metal claws who don't die when you shoot 'em, guys whose heads turn into flaming skulls, blind guys who dress like the devil and dance across rooftops at night fighting crime with a baton...we can handle the giant purple man. Call Ray Harryhausen, damn it all to hell.

  • April 25, 2007, 1:55 p.m. CST

    Magunga - not sure I follow

    by Corwin_X2

    It's not about punishing anyone, expressing interest, or getting anyone's attention. It's about avoiding scam artists who know full well that they have a complete turd on their hands - but mis-sell it by putting the only few decent scenes they have in the trailer and spinning it in the media. They break the rules by misrepresenting their film as something worth seeing (false advertising). I break the rules by ignoring that spin and "speed reading" a low quality version of the film (downloading). *Both* of those acts are illegal - it's just that the second gets more airtime! If you walk into a bookstore and consider buying an expensive magazine - do you just look at the cover and trust the honesty of the marketing droids who designed that cover. Or do you flick through the pages and actually read some of the content? The point I'm trying to make is that no-one who's net-savvy should ever need to sit down in a movie theater and feel like they've just been mugged!

  • April 25, 2007, 1:57 p.m. CST

    Thanks Fecal...

    by Kid Z

    ... but consolation isn't required... Marketing is, truly, as an occupation, right down there in the bottom feeding realm of the insurance agent or used... sorry... "pre-owned" (more marketing!) car salesman! A more "wretched hive of scum and villainy" you will not find! And I do include myself in that category.

  • April 25, 2007, 1:58 p.m. CST


    by slkboxrman

    does anyone think a giant man with a purple helmet flying thru space with a fork and knife eating planets is realistic ? my comic book friends say yessss, because it was in the comics, but i say noooo because i think it would look retarded in aNY movie, let alone a fantastic four movie

  • April 25, 2007, 1:58 p.m. CST

    but don't you get a free cofee cup with your job?

    by just pillow talk

    That must be nice...

  • April 25, 2007, 1:59 p.m. CST

    there is NOTHING realistic

    by just pillow talk

    about any comic book movie, so yes, a giant purple world devouring man would work for me.

  • April 25, 2007, 2:03 p.m. CST


    by Magunga

    ...I totally understand what you're saying, but the law is pretty clear: if you download a movie with the express consent of the distributors, that is the same as stealing. Here's another analogy: Suppose McDonald's puts something new on their menu that you want to try. You've never tasted it before, so you step behind the counter and grab one - you know, just to see if you'll like it when you purchase it. Are they cool with that? Are you totally justified? The correct answer is no. My suggestion is to rely on reviews put out by critics. Rotten Tomatoes is a great site, incidentally, and it's a lot more legal to make your decision off of that than watching a bootleg copy of the film.

  • April 25, 2007, 2:06 p.m. CST

    that should have been "without." My bad.

    by Magunga


  • April 25, 2007, 2:06 p.m. CST


    by slkboxrman

    are u like 5 yrs old ..."destroying our heritige" must be a synonym for "raping my childhood" ...petitions are for babies that cant get their way by normal means....u prob download all movies via P2P anyways since u never leave your house, reach btween your legs, if ur a guy and find ur penis, its that short shrivelled thing u pee out of....if your a woman, find somethng to plug that hole btween your legs that all this whining is coming from, insert, pull out ,repeat....u will soon forget about galactus being a cloud and will soon be on CLOUD 9...of course if ur a guy u can plug ur ass and get the same results

  • April 25, 2007, 2:08 p.m. CST

    I sort of destroyed my argument.

    by Magunga

    "If you download a movie withOUT the express consent of the distributors, that is the same as stealing," is what I meant. Well, I stand by my amended statement.

  • April 25, 2007, 2:11 p.m. CST

    I run behind the counter at McDonalds

    by Fecal Debris

    and try their shit all the time. Don't you? Doesn't everyone? It entertains the customers and the kids working there. At least until the police show up, at which time a little bit of fry grill stompkata ensues. WASSAH!!

  • April 25, 2007, 2:12 p.m. CST

    PLANT!!!!!! P-L-A-N-T!!!! PLANT!!!!

    by Err

    These people are obviously plants from rival studios trying to disparage us from seeing Tim Story's true masterpiece that is Rise of the Silver Sulfer.

  • April 25, 2007, 2:13 p.m. CST

    Both reviewers sound like 8 year olds

    by Rindain

    I don't trust reviews that fail to follow even the most basic rules of grammar, punctuation, and spelling. Not to mention neither of the linguistically-challenged reviewers address whether they think the film will work AS A MOVIE. I really don't give a shit whether or not the film will live up to some stupid fanboy's expectations. All I care about the story good? Will it work as a film? And based on the friggin awesome first teaser where Johnny chases the Surfer, I'd say it has a damn good chance of kicking ass as a film.

  • April 25, 2007, 2:15 p.m. CST

    This is the Galactus that could have been

    by SpyGuy

    Here's a classic Alex Ross piece from the MARVELS mini-series... <p></p>

  • April 25, 2007, 2:15 p.m. CST

    we used to throw each other over the counter

    by just pillow talk

    at Taco Bell in college during our late night munchies from drinking all night. For whatever reason, the Taco Bell employees never thought it was as funny was we did. Perhaps making so many meximelts a day really got them down....

  • April 25, 2007, 2:18 p.m. CST

    see, that works for me SpyGuy...

    by just pillow talk

    certainly more threatening than a cloud.

  • April 25, 2007, 2:29 p.m. CST

    Pardon me but....

    by drewlicious

    Doesn't changing Galactus into a collective "whatver" seem a little antithetical to what comic books are all about: fantasty? Changing the image of the character that drastically is just a sign of poor storytelling in my book, a good story can rationalize just about anything. I mean so far I've been convinced that a grown man dressing up like a bat does make sense, metal tentacles are necessary for scientific experiments, and that vampires can run a shadow nation that rivals all the major superpowers despite their easily exploitable weakness to sunlight. This shit pisses me off about as much as the ultimates version. What could possibly have less personality than a bunch of identical robots? Oh, wait, a stormcloud.

  • April 25, 2007, 2:40 p.m. CST

    This talkback is greatly amusing.

    by Fount of Useless Info

    In fact, I'm enjoying it more than the first FF movie.

  • April 25, 2007, 2:46 p.m. CST

    nope anchorite, that's not it...

    by just pillow talk

    I'm sure it's some other reason.

  • April 25, 2007, 2:49 p.m. CST


    by Harry Weinstein

    I don't get all you people talking about downloading this. I saw the first one. It was painfully bad. I would never want to see it again if I could at all help it. And I sure as titfuck would not want to waste one ounce of my bandwidth on downloading this piece of shit, and I ESPECIALLY would NEVER risk incuring the wrath of the MPAA trying to get it from the Internet tubes. If I watch it, the price paid in time and brain cells is far too high as it stands. I am almost tempted to wait until this comes out in theatres, then make a 700MB .AVI out of a still of Tubgirl and seed it as a FF2 bootleg.

  • April 25, 2007, 2:54 p.m. CST

    No real Galactus = No Go!!!!

    by Norm3

    Screw this crap!

  • April 25, 2007, 2:57 p.m. CST

    Maguna - actually I'd just ask to try a sample

    by Corwin_X2

    But your analogy doesn't work. Occasional lawsuits aside, if McDonald's advertise a new product containing beef then it would be unreasonable (in a legal sense) for you to steal a sample to test it for, say, traces of kangaroo or muskrat or radioactivity. A zillion health & safety and advertising laws, and the fact that MacD want to stay in business, mean that you have no reasonable expectation of receiving anything other than beef. When viewing a film trailer from a major studio on the other hand, it it is perfectly reasonable (based on documented evidence accumulated over nearly a century) to assume that you are: being lied to, conned, misled, the subject of an attempted shafting, and quite possibly a victim of attempted or actual fraud. As someone who doesn't like to be screwed by anyone other than his girlfriend - if I have doubts about a film then I check it out before handing over cash. And sometime in the very near future, the guys whose job it is to make all those wicked movie trailers for crap films are going to finally realize - it isn't working anymore.

  • April 25, 2007, 3:32 p.m. CST

    Slkboxrman wants me to do him anally

    by flipster

    I guess - I'm hard whenever I see your name from now on imagining ripping off your silky smooth boxers even as you forget to scream and instead moan - moan loud enough for the neighbors to hear - and I slip my hardness inside your body for the first time - you finally realize you are a bottom. Which is what the studios want to do to us - hey fuck you industry assholes above, you don;t downloading, well you asked for it with your penny-wise pound-foolish policies like not spending the cash on creating giants - which is all this is about.

  • April 25, 2007, 3:45 p.m. CST

    Was the first even worth watching?

    by Jack Burton

    I ask because I haven't seen it and while I have no interest in this one I heard the first was decent. But yeah, this movie sounds pretty terrible.

  • April 25, 2007, 3:54 p.m. CST

    FOX: "Fans won't be disappointed!"

    by The Grey Ghost

    "Seriously... have we ever let you down in the past?"

  • April 25, 2007, 3:58 p.m. CST

    Kid Z

    by INWOsuxRED

    yes, we've also had "THE Summer of Sequels" almost every year, so it makes sense that the Summer of Shit would return on a fairly regular basis.

  • April 25, 2007, 4:01 p.m. CST


    by Magunga

    ...Of course you're going to be lied to - that's basically what advertising is in the 21st Century, regardless of the product. You're not morally justified here; you don't have the right to take a product that you haven't paid for. Advertisements may be misleading, but that is the "taste," if you will, of the product you're given. Seriously, dude, stealing is wrong, even if it's just to sample the product. You're not a revolutionary; you're a thief. Listen, there is risk of dissatisfaction in every purchase you make. You can, in fact, go to see the Fantastic Four, and if the beginning of the film doesn't meet your standards, go to the ticket counter and get your money back. There's your free sample. Waterworld didn't keep my 6 bucks because I decided they were selling an inferior product. Stealing the movie online is morally indefensible when there is already a way to preview part of the movie and keep your cash.

  • April 25, 2007, 4:12 p.m. CST

    Sounds like another Fantastic Fuckup

    by BrowncoatJedi

    God, I hate Tim Story and Fox.

  • April 25, 2007, 4:29 p.m. CST

    sounds TERRIBLE.

    by future help


  • April 25, 2007, 4:30 p.m. CST


    by Corwin_X2

    Didn't say I was morally *justified* (in the sense of community morals codified into law). Just explaining how my own morals actually work - right or wrong, view them as you choose. The point I'm trying to make (and there's a lot of playing devil's advocate in here so don't get too stressed by what I'm saying) is this: Everything you're saying is coming from the perspective of "caveat emptor", buyer beware. The sellers (the movie companies) advertise a product. I've got a choice - I can believe their advertising or not. If I'm foolish enough to fall for the spin and end up spending money on a load of dross then tough shit - nobody forced me to hand over the money for a ticket. Caveat Emptor. That's a perfectly valid and reasonable argument. Alternative view: a known and convicted con-artist offers to sell me a car. It appears to be a great car, I really really want it. It's my dream car. But the guy's a known con-artist. Turns out the only way I can find out if it's a genuine deal or a con is to bend (break) the law and run some kind of illegal trace on the car's history. If the guy's on the level, no problem. If he's not, no problem. Is it "right" that I choose to do that? No. Do I feel the need to apologise for doing it? Also No. If I'm dealing with people who have a history of dishonesty then I, personally, don't feel the need to do things by the book myself. Note my earlier post though - "don't steal from people who bring joy into your life". But don't get shafted either.

  • April 25, 2007, 4:34 p.m. CST

    WHO CARES!!!

    by ludmir88

    there are some comics that are retarded. MALLRATS RULE!!

  • April 25, 2007, 4:36 p.m. CST

    I've got to ask, Corwin or whoever...

    by Childe Roland, exactly, did the studio lie in its marketing of this movie so far?<p>I mean, trailers by their nature are cut in a way that depsicts scenes out of order and lines out of context. Are we suddenly insinuating this is false advertising?<p>Was there some piece of promotional material for this movie that indicated in no uncertain terms that Galactus would be a giant in a purple helmet and tunic?<p>I'm not saying this movie is going to kick any sort of ass (as I said above, the plot described int he book sounds awful), but -- especially given how most of you felt about FF1 -- was there really some part of you that believed this would be so drastically different?<p>I'm really just lost on where this whole "false advertising" claim is coming from.

  • April 25, 2007, 4:44 p.m. CST

    There's a Difference, Corwin...

    by Magunga

    ...Film is, arguable in many cases, a form of art, and art is highly subjective. Fox isn't selling you stolen material - they have leased the story rights and have chosen to make the movie how they have chosen. Sure, there's some deception in advertising, and by all means feel free to be upset the someone would dare bend the truth to sell something to you as a member of the public. I don't like it either, but unfortunately it's all relative. What some see as a horrible movie that unforgivably departs from its well-concieved source material others see as a fun way to suspend their disbelief and enjoy themselves on a hot summer day. You may decry the death of film as an art form or whatever you so choose, but that doesn't mean that the rest of the world, Fox included, has to see things the same way as you. Fox doesn't owe you anything, and you can't justify taking something they haven't offered to you. Like I said, go see the movie and, if it doesn't meet your standards in the first, say, 20 minutes, walk out and get your money back. Or don't go.

  • April 25, 2007, 4:46 p.m. CST

    Childe Roland - the "false advertising" was a joke and

    by Corwin_X2

    the posts between me and Magunga have moved onto a more general, philosophical plane. Which we should probably stop now before we bore everyone else to death! (grin)

  • April 25, 2007, 4:51 p.m. CST

    Okay, Okay. Heh.

    by Magunga

    Yeah, I can get pretty carried away sometimes. Still, that was a lot more fun than actually working.

  • April 25, 2007, 5:04 p.m. CST

    Consider this: Galactus COULD be in the movie

    by Triumph poops!

    Nnot that I'm saying this will happen or have much faith in it happening, but there is something to be considered which MIGHT still mean that Galactus shows up in some visual form (other than just a cloud) in the movie.<p>Remember that there's a far, far different lead time between a film being released and a book going off to print. Movie book adaptations tend to be based on early drafts and such -- franky to anyone who's ever been involved with them they're a tossaway marketing item just pounded out to ring up a few extra bucks. Meanwhile, as well we all know based on movies in the past, there have actually been cases where movies have had their prints go out all but still wet from being struck at the last minute to account for new footage being edited in, let alone editing that took place right up to the very last second. Now do I think Galacuts will show up? Obviously these book reviews don't give us much hope. On the flip side, you did have Tim Story saying Galactus would show up, so he did stick his neck out by going on the record that way. So maybe there is a last minute surprise that will actually be there in the movie. I don't know -- I guess we'll know soon enough.<p>Personally, I think it would be shitty if Galactus DOESN'T show up in some physical form -- then again what do I know? I can't believe they'd even go with this bullshit Gah Lak Tus bit. That Ultimates creation by Ellis was utter BULLSHIT. Sorry, but the ONLY Galactus that there should ever be is Jack Kirby's majestic version. And to those that say "But you can't have a giant man in a purple helmet onscreen! It wouldn't be believable!" all I can say is you must be fucking kidding me. We're talking about a movie that centers on a guy that stretches, a woman who turns invisible, a guy on fire who flies, a guy who is a walking, talking pile of rocks and now a silver metal guy flying around on a surfboard -- yes, a surfboard! -- and yet somehow you're worried that a giant guy in a helmet would make it all unbelievable. All of which HAS to be one of the most fucked up and laughable arguments I've ever heard.<p>Seriously, I STILL can't believe that some of you are dissing the Kirby version and saying it couldn't work onscreen, when the real truth is it could be one of the most ICONIC comic book movie images EVER committed to film if done right...

  • April 25, 2007, 5:07 p.m. CST

    Magunga - I can't refute your arguments as stated ...

    by Corwin_X2

    ... but you haven't addressed the flipside that I'm talking about. What if I have genuine reason to believe that a film company is deliberately mis-marketing a film and so themselves are committing an immoral, if not illegal, act? Should I: a) Take no chances and ignore the film altogether; b) Pay the money, get shafted, and maybe spend the next 6 months trying to get my money back - if I have indeed been sold a pig in a poke; or c) Make use of (legally dubious) resources available to me to "vet" the film beforehand - to check that what I'm paying for is what I'll get? I choose c). I do not, however, seek to convince anyone else that this is the "right", moral, correct, justified, etc course of action. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. You make your own choice.

  • April 25, 2007, 5:14 p.m. CST

    Magunda - sorry, I meant to ditch my last post

    by Corwin_X2

    Wrote but not posted before calling truce - I hit enter by mistake. I've enjoyed the sparring - definitely more fun than work. (grin)

  • April 25, 2007, 5:21 p.m. CST

    No worries, Corwin.

    by Magunga

    Let's just agree that neither one of us will pay even a nickel to see this "gem" of a movie.

  • April 25, 2007, 5:22 p.m. CST

    damn you cloud

    by BannedOnTheRun

    That made me laugh. A lot.

  • April 25, 2007, 5:36 p.m. CST

    Magnunga - that's what I love about a good argument

    by Corwin_X2

    At the end of the day there's always something you can agree on! Take care mate.

  • April 25, 2007, 5:49 p.m. CST

    fuck this!

    by yeah i'm a jerk!

    I want to see Galactus as Jack "King" Kirby envisioned him, not as some stupid cloud. Tim Story and the executives at Fox can suck my nutsack!

  • April 25, 2007, 6:06 p.m. CST


    by IAmJack'sUserID

    I am scared! Its CLOUDY outside! Might that be Galactus??

  • April 25, 2007, 6:17 p.m. CST

    Oh fucking god!

    by tristeele

    I'm in the minority here. I really had a good time with the first. They DID kill Dr Dooms character I admit. I thought the team work, Ben and Johnny always fighting and a few other things made it a fun movie. But the fact that they fucked up Galactus THAT bad. I will not see this sucker in a theater. It just pisses me off. A CLOUD? Marvel completely lies and says the fans will be happy. BULLSHIT! Just like Cyclops fans (me included) were so happy in X3. Ummm not at all. They killed the leader of the X-Men in the most gay way possible. Hey MARVEL STORM FUCKING SUCKS! Marvel is really starting to lose their fans. I hope DC picks up the ball with Batman2 and a Superman movie if it happens.

  • April 25, 2007, 6:26 p.m. CST

    Maybe it went like this

    by Corwin_X2

    Toy Story: We haven't filmed Galactus yet. How much is left in the SFX budget? Suit: Two dollars and fifty seven cents, sir. Toy Story: Can we get anything for $2.57? Suit: Well the SFX house we're using has been working on a direct to DVD property that involves idiots deliberately flying into major storm systems. Toy Story: So they could do tornadoes, lightning, that kind of shit? Suit: Well, no. They pretty much just do clouds. Toy Story: Clouds? That's it? Suit: They're very big clouds sir. Toy Story: Are they menacing? Suit: They can probably do menacing if you want to throw in an extra couple of bucks. Toy Story: OK, Galactus is a menacing cloud and the Silver Surfer flies through the cloud and disperses it. The good guys win. Works for me. Suit: Indeed sir. Shall I get the $2.57 from petty cash? Toy Story: Make it so!

  • April 25, 2007, 6:37 p.m. CST

    That's a plant, so obvious.

    by superninja

    Haha, nice try!

  • April 25, 2007, 6:41 p.m. CST

    Which is a plant?

    by Corwin_X2


  • April 25, 2007, 7:12 p.m. CST


    by The Artist FKA Vesuvio

    hahahahaa.... jesus christ, that was shitty.

  • April 25, 2007, 7:48 p.m. CST

    The second review sounds pretty horrible!

    by superninja

    The plot sounds worse than the first in terms of bastardizing the characters!

  • April 25, 2007, 7:49 p.m. CST

    The first review sounds like a plant.

    by superninja

    Trying to say they make the "cloud" Gahlaktus work? Please. That smells of quelling fan fears and then the other criticsms are all about characters not having enough to do, not real criticisms. Not to mention the deliberately poor plant spelling and grammar, always a dead giveaway.

  • April 25, 2007, 7:56 p.m. CST

    So the power COSPMIC reawakens Doom?

    by superninja

    I wonder what pseudo-science claptrap will come with that? Maybe they can incorporate it into a Happy Meal?

  • April 25, 2007, 8:03 p.m. CST

    Also, they wasted the Super Skrull idea? That in

    by superninja

    and of itself is a reason to boycott this movie. Wasted the Skrulls and the perfect opportunity to tell bigger stories than they have been, it could've been a bridge to compete with a Green Lantern franchise. These guys are nitwits. Why are they allowed to make supehero movies with their tiny imaginations?

  • April 25, 2007, 8:12 p.m. CST

    The Surfer spears Jessica Alba? Can't say I blame him.

    by KongMonkey

    I'd spear that shit all night and all day.

  • April 25, 2007, 8:22 p.m. CST

    Speaking of ghostbusters...

    by tonyd1411

    I would rather Galactus take the shape of the Stay Puft Marshmellow Man. Seriously, would a giant guy in a purple suit look any stranger than a guy that stretches or a guy with a rock face and no ears? Just make him a darker shade of purple and it will be fine.

  • April 25, 2007, 8:29 p.m. CST

    And Dr. Doom on a surfboard? Mr. Nip and Tuck

    by superninja

    on a surfboard is questionable, at best. The fact that it was actually shot is astounding! ASTOUNDING!!!!

  • April 25, 2007, 8:40 p.m. CST

    And so Marvel torpedoes another franchise.

    by superninja

    They will fritter away any good will they bought themselves from the first movie with this dreck.

  • April 25, 2007, 8:51 p.m. CST


    by flipster


  • April 25, 2007, 9:32 p.m. CST

    Galactus Gotta Eat...

    by David Assholehoff


  • April 25, 2007, 9:35 p.m. CST


    by David Assholehoff

    Ok, I never used that one before. Wont again. PROMISE. Seriously though, FF has the same crappy production values and story as Lost In Space. I would prefer a special effects Nip/Tuck flick. Lot's of sex. With CGI for extra penetration.

  • April 26, 2007, 12:10 a.m. CST

    I always DID wanna see a POWER PACK movie...

    by TheGhostWhoLurks

    ...but not like this, Lord. NOT LIKE THIS!!! *sob* :(

  • April 26, 2007, 12:53 a.m. CST

    Did AICN post the int'l FF posters?

    by superninja


  • April 26, 2007, 1:24 a.m. CST

    Didn't we all know how this was going to turn out.

    by The Founder

    I was really on baord with after seeing the first teaser, but when more and more tidbits regarding the story or more so changes to the characters started coming out I jumped ship. The Silver Surfer has no power, he's just a man becasue his board is the source of power and Galactus is a cloud? Or maybe it's not Galactus but his technology, but either way it's a terriable idea and shows that FOX just don't get it. They never will. Who in their right mind actualy sat there and decided to rob the SS of his power and glory and give it to his surfboard??

  • April 26, 2007, 1:43 a.m. CST

    Here's another part to the download argument

    by Doc_Strange

    Download an inferior film just to show the studios that they shouldn't hire this particular director because the films he/she makes tend to lose money based on downloads and lost ticket sales. Case in point: Michael Bay - Transformers. I guarantee this will be the highest downloaded movie of the summer because everyone knows it is an utter failure creatively and financially, yet people still want to see the robots. However, most people here want to make sure Bay never gets work fucking up franchises but also want the studios to know they won't put up with shit like that. Simply not watching the movie isn't enough, you actually have to take money out of the hands of the studios. When that happens, studios tend to listen....... Intently. Yeah I've been called a thief and worse but I like to think that I'm more of a fighter for better movies, directors, and overall creativity which is something both of these movies lack bigtime. That's not to say I don't pay for movies, hell I paid to see The Queen for godssakes. I'll pay to see Spiderman (reluctantly) and I'll also pay to see POTC3, probably more than once. Why? Because these movies show they have a little or a lot more merit and that the directors, screenwriters, crew, and stars actually care about the product. Flame away now.......

  • April 26, 2007, 3:11 a.m. CST

    Switching Powers ?

    by TimMighty

    wtf ?

  • April 26, 2007, 7:35 a.m. CST

    Maybe Story could've made Cumulactus...

    by Kid Z

    ... more menacing by making him... a cloud that illegally downloads movies!

  • April 26, 2007, 7:35 a.m. CST

    oh, and abom

    by just pillow talk

    I missed your posts were said you got your Spidey 3 tix...that's cheadlistic! I should have no problem getting tix since the theater near me is never packed. But we shall see....

  • April 26, 2007, 8:22 a.m. CST

    The rantings of a deranged chimp would read better...

    by Behemoth

    ...than that first review. Was that English? The force of will required to comprehend that pile of fecal was the mental equivalent of forcing Dom Deloise's fat ass through a doggie door. <p>Scoop or no scoop, AICNews shouldn't print crap like that. If the "author" can't even take the time to spell and punctuate, why should his/her opinion have any merit whatsoever? <p>That said, this film is going to suck, obviously. I hope people will do to it what they did to the first Hulk (which I actually liked): make it bomb and have the whole franchise re-imagined by a sentient being. <p>But, sadly, it's too late. <p>I hope every scumbag responsible for this crap-fest is ass-violated by the Krakken. <p>In Alba's case, I will be playing the role of the Krakken. And "violation" will not apply, as it will be consensual.

  • April 26, 2007, 9:30 a.m. CST

    but deranged chimps are a happy bunch...

    by just pillow talk

    they photocopy their asses and flip line graphs around to make everything all good...Deranged chimps have good times man, good times...

  • April 26, 2007, 9:36 a.m. CST

    If the novelization wasn't written by Norman Mailer...

    by Abin Sur ain't worth readin'. LOVED his take on the Itchy and Scratchy movie!

  • April 26, 2007, 9:45 a.m. CST

    Don't know if anyone else has said it

    by GaiustheBrave

    Admittedly I haven't read every post. But, the movie could have a lame story, and no character development and still work as escapism. Maybe we'll be too preoccupied with the loud bang-bangs and pretty-pretty lights too realize how retarded it is until we're at home dusting our Star Wars Episode I toy collections. There's still hope for that.

  • April 26, 2007, 10:51 a.m. CST


    by Fecal Debris

    Yeah, I gots me some midnight tix, then some cinco de mayo tix. That way I can bust my daughter out of what will surely be a boring first communion party and go geeky ga-ga at the theater. Oh, and please send Kim Basinger over to clean my office when you pull out of her. Also, I want to "correct" her for what she did to Alec.

  • April 26, 2007, 10:58 a.m. CST

    Yo Abom

    by just pillow talk

    If you don't get "father-of-the-year", I don't know who will! Bravo for rescuing your daughter and showing her the 'geek light'. Um, Kim will be a bit late since she's 'tied' up at the moment. She's been a very, very, very bad girl. Excuse me now, it's time for the "Spanking Power Hour with guest star Kim Basinger: Now with 100% cheadle!"

  • April 26, 2007, 11:13 a.m. CST

    pillow be sure to call her...

    by Fecal Debris

    ...a rude, filthy little pig, then give her a donkey punch.

  • April 26, 2007, 11:43 a.m. CST

    she begs for more

    by just pillow talk

    I tell ya, she's a dirty girl!

  • April 26, 2007, 12:01 p.m. CST

    Don't worry. Since it's a Fox production

    by CrichtonAstronut

    They'll cancell it after the first ten minutes. On a cliff hanger scene.

  • April 26, 2007, 12:48 p.m. CST

    The first film sucked...

    by grendel69

    beyond belief. I didnt have any faith in this one. FUCK FOX. FF shoudl have been the ultimate superhero film - just goes to show they dont care. After Xmen3 and FF, Itll take a REAL creative team to interest me in a Fox superhero film again. No way Id waste money seeing this shit. Fuck Fox and Rothman

  • April 26, 2007, 2:27 p.m. CST

    The Rundown: Toilet Reading

    by Fecal Debris

    Copy and paste this stuff into Word and print it for some reading material the next time you drop a deuce<p> Superman 1977: Friggin' great. The godfather of modern superhero films. Tight story, memorable characters, nice!<p> Superman II 1980: Almost as good, if not as good, as the first. The superb cast of Reeve and Kidder return to tackle Terrence Stamp as the unforgettable (kneel before) Zod and his Kryptonian cronies! The heroic man of steel must decide, will he give up his powers for love--and life as a human mortal? At the time, this was a great, original concept, and one we'll see again in Spider-Man 2. <p> Superman 3 1983: Oops! A fun afternoon at the theater, but not a particularly timeless outing for the Salkind's uber-franchise. Reeve does what he can with the wayward script, which, instead of Lex Luthor, focuses on a...a...what was Robert Vaughan, anyway? Richard Pryor is amusing as an out-of-work computer genius who gets used by the villain. It's a fresh idea because computers aren't big yet--there is no microsoft as we know it--but there's too much comedy and it feels out of place. Hell, this movie opens with an improbable montage of things going wrong in downtown Manhattan traffic. The "keeper" scene here is when an ailing "evil" Superman is confronted by the noble Kent personna within, who, after a then-visually cool junkyard fight, puts razor stubble Supes in his place. Supergirl 1984: Few people saw it, even more forgot about it. Peter O'Toole helps Helen Slater, cousin to Krypton's Kal-El, venture to earth to retrieve a magical "omegahedron" that's fallen into the hands of a witchy woman. Even the short version of this movie plays long, and the story really didn't capitalize on the character of Supergirl (although she did look quite hot). It's sad when your Supergirl movie is stolen by the appearance of Christopher Reeve on a Superman poster in a girl's dorm room.<p> Superman IV 1987: Uhhh...Lex Luthor returns to up the ante for our Man of Steel by quickening the arms race. The story is weak and a year or two too late to play upon the public's fear of a nuclear armageddon. The Soviet Union was crumbling and the threat of war wasn't as immiment. Luthor's shake-n-bake supervillain, "Nuclear Man," is cool to look at, but he's given so little to do. Barely speaks, if I recall, and there's no fisticuffs to rival the downtown battle from the second installment. Even worse, one of the battles takes place on the moon, where Nuclear Man has taken a kidnapped earth girl (Mariel Hemmingway) who can, rather amazingly, breathe just fine thank you. <p> Batman 1989: DC's other marquee hero makes the big screen in this gothic Burton production. Naysayers eat crow when a decidedly non-musclebound Michael Keaton turns in a great performance as the identity-conflicted Bruce Wayne / Batman, although Jack Nicholson's purple clad Joker nearly steals the show (and succeeds, by many accounts). Technology still can't offer eye popping CGI magic yet, so Burton and company make the best out of their black rubber suit and hyped up, rocket-revved Batmobile.<p> Batman Returns 1992: Danny Devito plays a mean, grotesque Penguin, but he doesn't have any punchpower to level against our pointy-eared hero. Rather, the mean muscle here comes courtesy Christopher Walken's nasty Max Shrek and the tasty, twisted Selena Kyle (Michelle Pfeiffer as the stunning Catwoman). Well-received, this sequel came close to equalling the first but gave views nothing new to talk about. <p> Batman Forever 1995: Keaton surrenders his cape to Kilmer, who really doesn't do a bad job; it's just not very memorable. Instead, it's Jim Carrey's over-the-top Riddler who lights fireworks with a decidedly campy TwoFace (Tommy Lee Jones). It's Batman for the MTV kids, with new sidekick Dick Grayson testing his meddle by fighting pastel-painted thugs in a neon-illuminated alley. Director Schumacher gets one thing right here--instead of killing another iconic villain, he locks 'em up in Arkham for another possible play-date.<p> Batman & Robin 1997: The bat series takes another step in the wrong direction with a story that squeezes in B-grade baddies like Mr. Freeze, Poison Ivy and Kane into a cockamanie story that also birthes the Batgirl. George Clooney cops the cowl this time, only now it's got nipples and an asscrack. Visually, it's more purples, pinks and greens--with dashes of powder blue to convince us that Schwarzennegger's Freeze really is puting Gotham on ice. Too bad we could tell the icicles were rubber. It's all slapstick and no drama this time out, and that's enough to bunk the bat for a while.<p> X-Men 1999: Cool! Wolverine and the menagerie of mutants come alive in Bryan Singer's first big picture, and hey, we like it. The story is tight has the costumed crusader's black leather because Singer devotes equal time to his characters as well as the action. Magneto and Professor X benefit from choice casting. The real downer here is the lack of truly memorable set pieces. <p> Spider-Man 2002: Holy Arachnids, batman! Marvel's first spiderrific screen adaptation brings the worlds favorite wallcrawler alive, and we LOVE it. Tobey McGuire is utterly convincing as hapless high school nobody Peter Parker, and we can identify with him because unlike Supes or Bats, he's not from another planet and he's not a frickin' billionaire. He's just like us, and we eat it up when a spider bite from a genetically transmogrified delenae spider turns his world upside down (sometimes literally). But like Peter says in his narration, the story is really "all about a girl," and Spider-Man's battles with the formula-fueled Green Goblin are really just hurdles in his quest for the girl next door.<p> Hulk 2003: Hulk come, Hulk smash. Hulk not loved by his daddy enough, and Hulk get into fight with poodle. Ang Lee does a great job rendering the jolly green giant onscreen. Too bad the stuff Hulk does isn't all that exciting. And while Nick Nolte is great as the creepy dad, it's just too much of a freudian farce for most comic and movie fans.<p> X-Men 2 2003: Most agree, it's even better the second time around for the sexy Storm and juicy Jean Grey, because this time they've brought the dimension-hopping Nightcrawler, whose "bamff!" fest assasination attempt at the White House leaves major impressions. Plus, Logan's backstory is given full attention, and Brian Cox plays a baddie we loved hating. And hey, how about teasing us with Colossus and Shadowcat?<p> Daredevil 2003: There was a reason geeks doubted Ben Afflec would make a good Daredevil. This film goes over those reasons. I happened to enjoy the flick, but wasn't sold on Michael Clarke Duncan as Kingpin. Colin Farrells Bullseye was good, but a little too, eh, too much.<p> Spider-Man 2 2004: Like many, I was so satisfied with the first Spidey movie that doubted the second could come close to matching it. But Sam Raimi's one of Stan Lee's true believers, and he's got a story to tell (even though we know it looks vaguely familiar--Superman II). Peter's life is a mess, he's lost his job, his grades and falling, and he can't quite get his arms around Mary Jane because he's so damn busy fighting crime. What to do? Give up the gift that has enhanced his life in so many ways, yet brought so much complication? Luckily, the final choice is made for him when a tentacled madman absconds with "the girlfriend." The bank fight and train sequence drop jaws and pop pupils, while the unmasking gets people talking. Alfred Molina is great as Doc Ock, and Raimi teases us at the end by letting Harry Osbourne in on Peter's secret--as well as his own father's. <p> Elektra (2005): No, just no. Jennifer Garner is hot, but this story was cold.<p> Fantastic Four (2005). Sort of fun. Sort of entertaining. Is that Michael Chiklis in an orange rubber suit? Sort of visually stimulating, but also sort of not. The tale of Marvel's premiere hero family get the short shrift in this kid-ified version that goes long on jokes (Ben vs Johnny, Sue vs. Reed vs Doom) and short on popcorn-type action and very low on nail-biting suspense.<p> Batman Begins 2005: Back to the start for the Batman, this time with a new director (Chris Nolan), a new Bruce (Christian Bale), and--most importantly--a newfound respect for the source material. Brown is the new black as gritty young millionaire orphan Bruce Wayne leaves fortune behind to invest in himself--physically and spiritually--under the auspices of the shady Ras Al Guul and his henchman. Liam Neeson, Morgan Freeman, Gary Oldman and Michael Caine bring elegance and credibility to the affair, while Bale holds his own against the creepy Scarecrow.<p> X-Men Last Stand (2006): Okay, so we're all mixed up about this one, which wraps the trilogy (at least for now). Brett Ratner takes the rains from Singer, who jumped ship to do whatever he did with the new Superman, and both pictures suffer for it in the end. The story of a "cure" for mutants reaches its boiling point, pitting the X-Men and several new, and interesting, mutants, against Magneto and his gaggle of goons. But it's all too much, too much commotion. Worse, Juggernaut makes his debut in S&M bondage attire and Ratner kills both Charles Xavier and Cyclops inside of twenty minutes. In the end, we're entertained but equally perturbed.<p> Spider-Man 3 2007: I come in my pants at the theater.

  • April 26, 2007, 3 p.m. CST

    I'm still fond of Superman II

    by Fecal Debris

    but I haven't seen the Donner cut to know what the original version would have been. Also, I forgot to give "Superman Returns" it's own paragraph. Here it is: <p> Superman Returns 2006: Had Bryan Singer not left the X-Men franchise, perhaps "Last Stand" and this picture, might have been better off. After sixteen years or so, Superman returns to the big screen--and to earth--from whence he's taken an inexplicable five year vacation to look for debris from Krypton. Lois has moved on, had a kid, gotten a new boyfriend and a snotty attitude. The film is slow, plodding. Only a sequence with a wayward jet ups the "ooooh" factor at all. Meanwhile, Superman spies on Lois and privately frets over her new beau. It's nice to make Kal-El's Clark / Supe character so damn deep, emotionally speaking, but it's all so heavy and un-fun.

  • April 26, 2007, 5:15 p.m. CST

    The Superman films are mostly good because

    by superninja

    of Reeve and Kidder. The rest of the stuff surrounding them just isn't that great, but they sell the whole thing and make it worth watching.

  • April 26, 2007, 8:04 p.m. CST

    Won't waste my money

    by Sappers Forward

    I've been saying all along that this movie was going to suck balls. Just like the first one. How the hell did they get funding for it?

  • April 26, 2007, 8:29 p.m. CST

    What the Hell?????????

    by drdoom_v

    What the hell happened with htis franchise? Seriously, what the fuck? Why are they even making a second one? The only good thing about the first one was the relationship between Johnny and Ben. That was about all they got right. I won't even get into how those assholes fucked up Dr Doom. I don't even want to get into it. But now Galactus is a cloud??? like in the 5th element---uhhhh what the fuck? What the moronic studio is afraid of(and other idiots as well)is that people wont get the giant guy in the purple suit ummmmm do any of these people even read comics? galactus is a classic character---wait I know I think people will have a hard time with spiderman jumping around in a blue and red suit--lets change him to a cloud! yeah! And a guy in a cape flying around--now that is insane! Clouds already fly so lets go with that! WAIT- a millionaire who dresses up like a bat and fights crime---HELL NO lets make it a raincloud! (cause those are dark)---- These idiots who change the source material by under-estimating the audiences will continue to put out crap. Think about this- the morons who like the cloud idea will pretty much buy anything. So just keep it to the source material. ahhh im wasting my time. never mind GO CLOUD!!!!!

  • April 26, 2007, 9:50 p.m. CST


    by SoonerSean

    This franchise was dead on arrival when they decided that an actor in a rubber suit needed to play The Thing. This a movie series done on the cheap and it shows in spades... cheap acting... cheap special effects... cheap scripting... etc. I didn't see the first one until it was on cable and even then I felt like I was robbed. F the FF.

  • April 26, 2007, 10:41 p.m. CST


    by Bronx Cheer

    Sorry for the interruption.

  • April 27, 2007, 5:55 a.m. CST

    so where are the new dr doom pics?

    by dr.bulber

    no ones got them?

  • April 27, 2007, 9:49 a.m. CST

    Read the book

    by thejanitor

    Just read it yesterday. I was really disappointed and I hope the film "plays" better than the book. I don’t know how Doom will LOOK in this film, but in the book he’s scripted as the same lame 2nd rate villain from the first film. For example, when he discovers the Silver Surfer creating a large metal crater in preparation for the arrival of Gal Ak Tus, “Victor” quips about it being the “world’s biggest barbeque pit” – not exactly Doomspeak. The transferring of powers thing is absolutely the lamest plot device ever, containing absolutely no internal logic. Throughout the story, any time Johnny even brushes against another member of the team, he switches powers with them. But later, there is a prominent scene (the one from the commercials) where Johnny comes up and hugs Reed from behind. Why didn’t the powers transfer? Is Johnny cured? Nope, ‘cause in the climax fight with Doom, he somehow ABSORBS all the teams powers, without switching out his as he had all the previous times. No explanation. Which leads into the biggest disappointment for me: that there was very little "team" work by the FF, and that was the one thing that really worked in the first film. This film should almost be called “Human Torch and the FF”. In the end Johnny just absorbs the powers of the whole team, and defeats Surfer-Doom alone. Then to save the world from Gal Ak Tus, the Surfer must leave the earth since the cloud is drawn to his board. Unfortunately, the Surfer is not able to make it through the turbulent cloud (all the Galactus we get!!) to leave the Earth but no worries…Johnny single handedly pushes the Surfer into Orbit, saving the world again (for the second time in 10 minutes). Perhaps the most bizarre thing about the whole thing is the way the characterization of the group keeps shifting back and forth between regular Marvel Universe and Ultimate FF. All in all, this story has many of the flaws of the first one, and it reads as patchy, inconsistent and the big “team” ending that made the first film worth watching is, alas, not here. I wanted to like it sooooo bad, and I may be one of the few who moderately enjoyed the first one, but this story just failed on so many levels.

  • April 27, 2007, 11:19 a.m. CST

    i just saw the dr doom pics.

    by dr.bulber

    its foamy-mode power ranger dr. doom!

  • April 30, 2007, 12:29 p.m. CST

    What really bugs me...

    by thejanitor all the mini-brains who keep saying that the Galactus of the comics would be "impossible" to pull off on the screen because he wears a "purple helmut". It's a damn good thing that Bryan Singer didn't adopt that additude for Magneto who also has a "silly purle helmet". If Marvel can bring Spider-Man's costume to the screen without it looking cheesy, they could certainly do the Kirby Galactus!

  • April 30, 2007, 10:47 p.m. CST

    every cloud has a silver

    by jjcane

    Well, I have waited since 1968 for Silver surfer and Galactus. The old 60's cartoon was actually quite good on this episode. So now Bollywood has to screw with another childhood memory. Its not bad enough they can't make a movie as good as an old TV show (Lost in Space, Mission Impossible, The Fugitive...etc) No, they have to re-invent the whole damned thing and make it suck. BIG TIME. I wish someone would do for The FF what they did to least it was halfway decent ( ok, some )so now i know I'll probably never get to see the movie I would like and deserve...I'll just read the comics, thank you.

  • June 12, 2007, 8:03 p.m. CST

    Galactus Wears Purple Pants

    by Preacher_klee

    Join the fight against giant cloud bull-hooey. add as a friend on epants and my new facebook group (search for galactus)