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Sloane13 Has Seen The First Two Episodes of THE SOPRANOS' Final Nine!!

Published at:  Mar 22, 2007 12:12:57 AM CDT

SPOILER ALERT !!

I am – Hercules!!



Can’t wait till April 8? “Sloan13” has all the details for you now. It's all teeming with major spoilers, so be wary:

Hey Harry, et al. I've sent you guys stuff before, most recently a review you posted last month for Blades of Glory. Well, I got a chance to see the first two episodes of the final season of the Sopranos last night when MoMA had a screening/party for David Chase. What follows isn't really a review as much as a recap of the two episodes they showed. Beware, it's one giant spoiler.


The first episode starts with a “flashback” to 2004 with the Feds making the raid on Johnny Sack. We see Tony bookin’ it wicked fast through the woods making his getaway. Only this time we see some kid in the upstairs window of a nearby house witness Tony ditch his gun in the snow as he stumbles through their backyard. We then see the kid go retrieve the gun. The whole thing seemed a little weird as I can’t recall this show ever doing the old “show an old scene but this time with a twist we weren’t shown originally” before. (Kind of like the second time we got to see Gandolf fight the Balrog. You geeks know what the hell I’m talking about.)

Cut to present day, as a newspaper with a headline about 2007 budget cuts lands at the edge of the Soprano’s driveway. Tony and Carmella are asleep in bed when suddenly the doorbell starts ringing up a storm accompanied by some very heavy banging on the front door. Tony looks out the back window to see cops all over the place. Camella screams “Is this IT???” And thus begins the final season of The Sopranos.

Turns out that it’s not “IT”, but Tony’s in some trouble all the same. He gets taken downtown by the cops in his bathrobe and slippers. Turns out the kid who found the gun 3 years ago has gone and gotten arrested with it and claims he saw Tony ditch it way back when. Tony’s out of the pokey in no time, but not before we get to see him sitting amongst the dregs of humanity in the holding cell, staring off into nothing. This is the first of many times over the next two hours that we see Tony simply sitting and thinking.

And now for a quick update on the rest of the family: Meadow’s living at home, her lame boyfriend Finn is long gone, and she’s studying to be a pediatrician. Nobody’s making offers on the house Carmella’s built and Christopher looks and acts like he’s on heroin. Turns out it’s only cause he’s still with his hot Dominican girlfriend with the kid and she’s turned into a complete harpee. Sounds like the perfect time for Tony and Carmella to take a little getaway to Bobby Bacala and Janice’s house on the lake, up near the Canadien border. Oh, and Tony’s lawyer calls while they’re en route and tells him the cops have dropped the case against Tony involving the gun. Things are looking up.

Jump ahead a few hours to the lake house where Carmella and Janice are knocking back the wine like a couple of pros while Tony and Bobby shoot guns, fish, and discuss the “good old days”. Tony mentions that Bobby’s been earning well and that he’s lucky that he never had to pop his cherry by killing anyone. Then Tony does some more staring.

Pretty soon the four of them are shitfaceed and playing Monopoly. After a brief discussion about whether or not the Chance and Community Chest money is supposed to be collected by the person who lands on Free Parking (Official Monopoly rules say that money is supposed to go in the bank, duh), a drunken Tony starts making fun of Janice. Bobby gets pissed. Tony crosses the line when Janice lands on Boardwalk and Tony starts singing about how Janice used to spend her summers underneath the boardwalk sucking dick. (You know she totally did.) Bobby loses it and slugs Tony. Soon the two of them are in one of those classic Sopranos fights where heads are getting smashed against walls and glass is shattering and tables are breaking and balls are getting kneed. The ladies stop the fight that Bobby was clearly winning and they stumble off to bed.

Next day Tony does more staring, this time sitting on the dock with a black eye and fat lip. We can tell he’s pissed that Bobby kicked the shit out of him, but he’ll probably forget about it soon enough cause totally Tony’s not vindictive or anything like that. Anyway, Tony and Bobby tell the ladies they’re going to meet some guys to play golf. When they say “meet some guys to play golf” they really mean “meet some crooked Canadiens to buy illegal prescription drugs to sell back home”. During the course of the conversation one of the Canadiens gets a call from his daughter about how her ex-boyfriend won’t leave her alone. Tony says he’ll have the boyfriend taken care of if they lower the price of the prescription drugs. They agree. Tony, still obviously pissed about getting his ass handed to him, turns to Bobby and tells him to take care of it.

Tony and Carmella leave the next day and head back to Jersey. We then see Bobby pack a bag and tell Janice he’s got to take care of some business. In a rather sad scene we watch Bobby follow a young guy into the basement laundry room of an apartment building and pump two shots into his chest and one into his forehead. Bobby’s finally broken his cherry. The episode ends with Bobby returning to the lake house and holding his daughter as he stands by the water and does some staring/thinking of his own.

The second episode episode started immediately after the first and in this one we get to find out what everyone else has been up to since last season. It starts with Johnny Sack in the Medical Center for Federal Prisoners. He smoked for 38 years before he quit and started eating healthy, but apparently he didn’t quit soon enough, cause cancer’s eating at his whole body and his doctor tells him he has 3 months to live. He looks pale and walks around with tubes in his nose pumping him oxygen. His enormously rotund wife and shockingly fatter daughter come to visit him but he doesn’t tell them about the whole 3 months to live thing. Instead he starts smoking again.

On the flipside good old buffoon Paulie Wallnuts is now cancer free, Silvio is still rocking that sweet hairpiece and Christopher is about to release CLEAVER, his “Saw meets Godfather II” horror movie. He’s been clean and sober for a few months now (his sponser is Shooter McGavin) and he’s not hanging around with the gang very much anymore cause it’s too tempting for him, though they all mistakenly think it’s cause he’s too good for them now.

Meanwhile Phil Leotardo’s doing some soul searching of his own. Turns out that no one has stepped up to take the reigns of the New York family in the whole time that Johnny Sack's been away. Phil says he doesn’t think he’s got the heart, literally, to take control since he’s just back on his feet after his heart attack/quintouple bypass surgery. It looks like his younger brother Billy is likely to be the next head of the New York contingent.

Then it’s time for the big CLEAVER screening and the whole gang shows up. (Of course, Paulie wallnuts is the guy who doesn’t shut off his phone during the screening.) Daniel Baldwin plays the mafia boss in the movie, who is a complete carbon copy of Tony Soprano, right down to how the character walks around in his robe and boxers all the time. Tony is quite proud to be the inspiration for the movie's main bad guy until a few people note the fact that Baldwin’s character gets killed at the end by his right hand man.

By now Tony’s had enough sessions with Melfi over the last few years to make him start to wonder about Christopher’s intentions, even if they are probably just in his subconscious. Tony does some more staring/thinking and ends up in Melfi’s office, eventually crying like a baby about how he’s done everything for Christopher and now this is how he’s treated? Tony then gets a call form his lawyer saying that even thought the local cops have dropped the gun charges against Tony, the feds have decided to follow up on it instead.

Then we’re treated to some more grisly violence as Silvio sits down to meet with Billy Leotardo to discuss business. Just as their big titted bimbo dates sit down to join them someone walks up to their table and unloads an entire clip into Phil’s brother. Silvio and the ladies make it out ok, but things are certainly heating up in the whole “who’s gonna lead the New York families war”. Especially since we then get word that Johnny Sack’s gone and kicked the bucket way earlier than anyone expected.

We get a quick scene of Phil saying a eulogy for his brother at a restaurant. He goes and sits at the bar and does some staring/thinking of his own. Looks like maybe he’s gonna have to take charge after all...

The episode ends with Christopher’s kid’s christening. Tony’s the godfather of course and as he and Christopher hug on the alter, the look in both their eyes says that things aren’t right between them.

David Chase and company have a lot to wrap up in the next 7 episodes, that’s for sure, but it looks like they’re gearing up to go out with a bang and not a whimper. A lot of the characters seem to be taking stock of their lives. Something I’m sure a lot of people do once they feel their mortality slipping away to old age. But when you’ve done some truly horrible things in your life like most of these characters, I’m sure it’s a lot harder to come to terms with.

I’ve never understood the people who bitch that the show hasn’t been good since season 3 or 4. Sure, it’s had its ups and downs like any show, but on the whole, the average epsiode of the Sopranos is far and away some of the best drama on television. These first two episodes of the final season are no different. Can’t wait to see who’s still alive when the dust finally settles and the series comes to a close.











The Best Show You Weren't Watching!!
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    Readers Talkback

  • Mar 21, 2007 11:20:47 PM CDT

    First fuckers!!1

    by indiephantom

    Yeah, rock that balls!!!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 21, 2007 11:27:16 PM CDT

    been a long series

    by sir loin

    Tony going out to get his newspaper in the driveway is now iconic.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 21, 2007 11:27:49 PM CDT

    Veys mir.

    by annoyyou

    My husband's gonna freak at episode 2. I don't have the heart to tell him about it. I think that, like "Rome," all the shit is gonna come down in the last couple of episodes. Brrr. Still looking forward to it, though.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 21, 2007 11:31:04 PM CDT

    I hope we haven't seen the last of "Johnny Cakes"

    by my ass smells

    mmmm so delicious. Im sure Tony would enjoy some.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 21, 2007 11:52:11 PM CDT

    didn't read this

    by roccotheripper

    this is far from a review, it's a goddamn summary of the whole episodes

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 22, 2007 1:47:32 AM CDT

    If you all really wanna know who dies in the remaining

    by kai_mah'gra

    ......episodes coming up - whether whacked or just by accident, all you have to do is go al the way back and watch the first episode of this Season 6 during the opening Montage with the creepy music ( the seven sins or something like that) with some guy reciting the lyrics in the background as they show the doomed characters one by one, in different settings. So far they are about a third or just about halfway down that list and everybody shown in the order they were shown has died pretty much in the same order. And yes, I know that the last person shown in that Montage is Meadow (or rather a scene in which Meadow is dancing for Finn, but since Finn seems to be out of the picture in these new episodes, you do the Math). Looks like Chase is wrapping it up Godfather III-style. It only makes sense that the show would end with the deaths of either AJ or Meadow - Adriana's blood still cries out for Justice I suppose.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 22, 2007 1:54:03 AM CDT

    Sonny Crockett??

    by edryder

    Who the hell really drinks mojito's?

    Im forced to agree with the final paragraph the reviewer gives here=An hour of the Sopranos is better than anything on STILL ,and all these years later no less..Now cue the guy playing the acoustic guitar(Hate you network TV!)

    Hard for me to imagine Bobby giving it to Tone, since we saw Tony beat down that swoll meathead last season right after he came out the hospital.


    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 22, 2007 1:54:35 AM CDT

    this reviewer really hates sitting and thinking

    by badmrwonka

    personally, I love it.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 22, 2007 1:58:57 AM CDT

    Good update, Herc.

    by uncapie

  • Mar 22, 2007 2:44:50 AM CDT

    Billy?

    by mikeyfishforever

    Billy Leotardo? Who died in the 11th episode of season five? Let's hope the reviewer is just confused.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 22, 2007 3:18:14 AM CDT

    The "Monopoly" scene sounds funny

    by darth_gonz

    I definitely wanna see how that plays out on TV.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 22, 2007 3:33:45 AM CDT

    Billy Leotardo mark 2

    by soupdragon

    Maybe he comes from a large family? remember in Goodfellas how everyone's either a Peter or a Paul? Anyway I'm very glad to see these synopsis. They disprove a lot of the spoiler stuff that has leaked out on imdb and other boards. The show's going to keep us guessing all the way to the end

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 22, 2007 3:55:56 AM CDT

    Got as far as the Monopoly fight

    by dirkd13"

    I'm normally a spoiler whore, but I can't do it this time.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 22, 2007 7:31:17 AM CDT

    Wait a minute...

    by bizarrojerry

    You're telling me that Tony becomes a "godfather" before the series ends? Awesome! How could they resist, really?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 22, 2007 8:43:01 AM CDT

    Fucking Spoilers

    by itchy

    I mean, goddamn. There's a difference between giving a heads up as to the general plot points and laying it out shot by shot. Forgettaboutit.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 22, 2007 9:30:38 AM CDT

    Furio

    by manosthof

    I'd like to see Furio make one last appearance, though I'm pretty sure it isn't in the cards.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 22, 2007 9:41:14 AM CDT

    I Love You, Johnnycakes.

    by uss cygnus

    So says Artie Lange.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 22, 2007 9:48:05 AM CDT

    somewhere in Russia

    by durhay

    a man sits and thinks.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 22, 2007 10:06:14 AM CDT

    Can't wait.

    by mooly

    First off all I disagree with whomever said the show is the best on TV. It's great and been really consistent, but it's no Six Feet Under in my opinion. I just wanted to disagree that every season has been great. The first "part" of this season was boring and went nowhere if you ask me. It was pointless and this massive break is only good because it makes me forget what happened way back last time.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 22, 2007 10:07:50 AM CDT

    UGH!

    by landocolt45

    Man I can not wait til this show ends. Finally it's over. It's like beating a dead horse head. BE OVER ALREADY!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 22, 2007 10:26:10 AM CDT

    Reviewer is Confused

    by pmcalla

    Calls Tony's son Christopher, not good.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 22, 2007 10:27:29 AM CDT

    I predict

    by sarajevobot

    It will be revealed that Meadow is a Cylon.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 22, 2007 11:39:17 AM CDT

    finn

    by awesomeo81

    think he's gone because of the rape???????

    surprised no one brought it up before me.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 22, 2007 11:44:37 AM CDT

    The Russian was a Cylon

    by billypilgrim

    He got shot in the head and ignored the cold. C'mon..its obvious! Question, does shitting and thinking count?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 22, 2007 11:50:37 AM CDT

    Corrections

    by slone13

    Mikeyfishforever, you're totally right. It was obviously not Billy that gets killed in the restaurant, as Buscemi shot the shit out of him a couple years ago, though it is a Leotardo, hence Phil's eulogy (which contains a funny anecdote about how their family name had been changed at Ellis Island from Leonardo to "something that ballet dancers wear".)

    And you are also correct, PMCALLA, I obviously meant AJ and not Christopher when I mentioned what the rest of the immediate Soprano family had beeen up to.

    My apologies, I wrote this at 4 in the morning sitting in JFK, I was a little tired.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 22, 2007 1:44:26 PM CDT

    Riches and Blood Ties talkbacks needed.

    by evilwizardglick

    Where the hell are they?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 22, 2007 3:33:57 PM CDT

    I want to say how much I enjoyed the sopranos

    by emeraldboy

    Violent, well duh. Funny, in places it was very funny, My favourite ep was the one with Paulie and Chris on their own. I think that was called Pie and barons where the only food they ate were sachets of ketchup, that was the one where they were tracking down the russian. At least I think it was. You all forget that the delay between season five and six was to a pay dispute between Gandofini, hbo and chase films. Looking back I thought Season 6 was fantastic, though I couldnt get my head around it at first, I thought the whole dream thing where he was business man was superbly done as was the way Carmela found out about Adrianna and the revealation about Paulie's mom combined with him having cancer was just great tv and Yep I loved the bit where in his final dream sequences, tony enters the house on christmas eve and loved the part where Tony B ecouraged him to go inside. All in all magnificent television. Great television dramas like the sopranos are drying up and I like lost, but the future of American tv will be barren place if originality is allwoed and that will happen and I know it will, those in the UK know what I am talking about. Channel 4 used to be great and now all they give us Reality TV and Richard and Judy in the afternoons amd those bloody lists programs. If I see that greatest animated kids tv program one more I am going to put my foot through the TV. Channel 4 used to be the home of groundbreaking shows like whose line and Saturday live, drop the dead donkey and the clive anderson talks back and the comic strip and spaced but know its the dire ugly betty and The friday shite project. Horrendus, though it was very strange to Steven Segal on a comedy, very strange indeed.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 22, 2007 3:58:02 PM CDT

    The.Russian.DIED.

    by tophat

    HBO did a preview for the final nine by playing back all the characters who have died in the past seasons. The Russian was one of them. HE'S. DEAD.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 22, 2007 3:59:20 PM CDT

    Kai_Mah'gra & creepy old guys

    by clem_snide

    That piece of music was actually William S.Burroughs reading with music by Material. He isn't reciting the Seven Sins, instead it's a description of the seven souls of ancient Egyptian belief.
    The theory that it's used to show the people who will die may hold true as the music describes each of the souls in the order they leave the body upon death, so there could definitely be some parallel idea of Tony's life/soul being eaten away.
    Go check out William Burroughs too, he was much more than he's pigeon-holed for and has been a significant influence on a lot of people & culture this site reveres.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 22, 2007 4:15:28 PM CDT

    Furio

    by oogabooga

    Furio comes back with the intent of killing Tony and making hot Eyetalian love to Carm but then he gets a look at Finn's sweet sweet ass and decides an ass raping is in order

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 22, 2007 4:32:50 PM CDT

    The Russian might have lived

    by rivercb

    In that recap of the deaths that HBO released, the Russian had a question mark after his name. He might be dead or he might still have a role in the last shows.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 22, 2007 4:57:52 PM CDT

    clem_snide

    by kai_mah'gra

    Thanks for the info..I knew it was the Seven something (Sins, souls, pretty close) but it definitely came off as creepy to me and I began to smell a rat as soon as that Capo who inherited millions hanged himself and then as soon as Vito's clock started counting down and remembered seeing both of them in that opening Montage. People should really check out that first episode again, I think Chase was saying quite a lot with that opening scene. Thanks again

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 22, 2007 5:19:50 PM CDT

    The Russian was killed, sure....

    by sarajevobot

    But then reincarnated on the nearest basestar, which was in Hoboken. So as a cylon, he's dead, but like not really. He'll be back.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 22, 2007 8:20:05 PM CDT

    Overrated

    by ky-el

    Am I the only one that thinks this show for the most part is a bore? At least since season 3. It has it's moments but they are few and far between.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 22, 2007 9:59:00 PM CDT

    TopHat...

    by therealratigan

    ...That was a question mark that followed right after the episode number onscreen when we saw the second Russian running from Paulie and Chris in "Pine Barrens". So pointedly, even if just for fun, somebody wanted to forshadow the possibility that Chris didn't get him.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 22, 2007 10:06:12 PM CDT

    The Russian is held up in the consulate.

    by brandongk


    It's believed he has information relating to the location of the suitcase nukes.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 23, 2007 12:19:19 AM CDT

    I asked this in the other post too, any BTs around?

    by nomihs

    I remember for season 5 there were some early leaks of the first few episodes on bittorrent. Anybody hear anything like that for the last hurrah? or do I have to friggin wait? BTW, The Sopranos kicks ass and Meadow would make a HOT!! not to mention kick ass boss if Tony "retires".

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 23, 2007 9:42:25 AM CDT

    'Brotherhood' is now better than the Sopranos

    by kazamasmokers

    The Sopranos peaked two seasons ago. Showtime's 'Brotherhood' is now the better mob show.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 23, 2007 10:45:55 AM CDT

    Tony & Bobby fighting is inevitable

    by bobparr

    How much shit could Bobby take? Tony's been dissing Janice to Bobby's face for years. I do find it intersting that Tony could beat the hell out of a young muscle head but get walloped by Bobby. The Chris conflict also makes sense. Chris is jealous of Tony but he's very pissed about Adrianna. Especially now that his wife turned out to be a bitch. PS- THE RUSSIAN IS DEAD!!! DROP IT!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 23, 2007 12:07:54 PM CDT

    The trailer on MSN - song Paint it Black...

    by yassoo

    does anyone know who sings that version? so good.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 23, 2007 12:56:14 PM CDT

    Brotherhood doesn't count

    by bizarrojerry

    Because I don't subscribe to Showtime. And I am the center of the universe.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 23, 2007 1:26:02 PM CDT

    You lucky bastard

    by kaptinben

    dude you are so luck to have seen those first two episodes. Does anyone else see Tony dieing at the end of the seris?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 23, 2007 8:11:04 PM CDT

    This show still on?

    by pennsy

  • Mar 23, 2007 11:25:00 PM CDT

    heck of a job brownie

    by shakes

    Fuck this show. Black Donnelly's is where it's at.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 24, 2007 1:30:08 AM CDT

    THE RUSSIAN IS NOT DEAD

    by sarajevobot

    They've established the whole BaseStar reincarnation thing. Very clearly. If the other Cylons can regenerate, and the Russian is one of the Final Five (which we have every reason to suspect he IS) then he, too, can reincarnate. What's not to understand?? It's simple fucking logic.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 24, 2007 11:14:02 AM CDT

    Yeah,you are a lucky bastard

    by oscarh

    The feds finally pin somethin on T,I gotta watch these new episodes, like yesterday!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 28, 2007 8:42:40 AM CDT

    Finn? Rape?

    by rickyracoon

    Whats the dude on about?

    Reply to Talkback

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