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Remake who? DOLEMITE, mutha f***a!!!

Published at:  Mar 19, 2007 1:22:25 AM CDT

Ahoy, squirts! Quint here with some interesting news... yet more remake news.

Just how the hell they think they'll do DOLEMITE justice without Rudy Ray Moore is beyond me. He IS Dolemite. Dolemite IS Rudy Ray Moore.

Bill Fishman's Fallout Entertainment has the rights and will be raising the money to produce the flick, currently being written by Jeff Hause and David Hines (ONCE BITTEN).

They have a couple actors attached, including Wayne Brady and Charlie Murphy. Now, if Charlie Murphy is Dolemite, I might give this flick a chance, although he seems a better fit for D'Urville Martin character.

I don't know... the original was just such a product of its time and worked because of the incredibly low budget and the chemistry of Rudy Ray Moore. They're already going after rappers, like Snoop Dogg, to be in the remake and that sends up all kinds of red flags. I don't know if I want to see a Dolemite that belongs in the here and now. I like him in the '70s. What do you folks think?




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    Readers Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 1:24:37 AM CDT

    There is absolutely, positively...

    by mcvamp

    No way this will live up to the original. BAD BAD BAD idea. This will make the crappy SHAFT remake look like Citizen Kane.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 1:27:45 AM CDT

    Rudy Ray the only Dolomite

    by shinigamisan

    Another cheap Hollywood remake.

    There was a time and place for this movie. Most people don't know who Dolomite even was.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 1:28:48 AM CDT

    I'm 40% Dolomite

    by monkey butler

  • Mar 19, 2007 1:44:17 AM CDT

    as long as there is a...

    by datachasm

    ... scene where Dolemite is doing Kung-Fu in his green underoos... lol. as long as they leave Petey Wheatstraw alone... who cares? Rudy Ray Moore could probably use the paycheck. i guess Sam Jackson can make a fool of himself in this one like he did in Shaft. i love the commentary in Rudy Ray Moore movies... evidently him and his crew stole everything to make the movies, they stole film stock, the cars they ride around in, etc etc.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 1:55:52 AM CDT

    Just give Aries Spears a pimp cane and you've got it.

    by thelivingdoll

    His Mad-Tv ripoffs were great.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 2:19:31 AM CDT

    I saw Rudy Ray perform live two days ago

    by vern

    It was his 80th birthday. He broke his hip so he was on an electric cart. I think he's losing his memory but he still has that voice, and nobody can match that voice.
    Funny thing is I was talkin to somebody about how they were gonna remake it with LL Cool J years ago. And I was glad that one died. But maybe just by saying it out loud I unleashed some kind of evil Petey Wheatstraw magic. Sorry Dolemite, I fucked up.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 2:22:32 AM CDT

    WTF is "Dolomite"?

    by mike_d

    ...I probably just gave a good reason why they should remake it.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 2:22:53 AM CDT

    Dear God Heaven, Do we really need this!

    by the founder

    Good lord we don't.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 2:28:43 AM CDT

    An army of topless Kung Fu bitches (With machine guns)

    by beastmanseventy

    Will never happen, not in today's cinematic environment... Well, maybe if Grindhouse sets the new benchmark by going NC17, but I'm kind of expecting Tarantino and Rodriguez to puss out on that.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 2:48:39 AM CDT

    When I See A Ghost...

    by buster00

    I CUT the muthafucka.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 2:51:43 AM CDT

    Quick! Philbrick!

    by docpazuzu

    Call that Jerry Butler fella those Talking Back guys seem to want for that Snakes in New York picture! I smell a solid gold hit!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 2:56:16 AM CDT

    "Check out this good sh*t..."

    by charlie & tex

    This really is a bad idea. Granted, a few generations have passed since Mr Moore kicked arse with the fury of a Human Tornado, which usually tells a studio exec bereft of ideas that it's ripe for a remake, but Moore was everything to the role - as it was said above, look what happened with the remake of Shaft. Having said that, when Tim Burton's Planet of the Apes was being hyped before its release, it was depressing how many people on the net were unaware of POTA in all of its other forms. Still, with a new Dolemite, do you think political correctness will let them get away with such lines as Moore's meditation on the differences between being single and marriage: "Like the bathtub said to the toilet: I get as much ass as you, but I don't have to take all that shit...".

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 3:20:06 AM CDT

    Dolemite? WTF????

    by motoko kusanagi

  • Mar 19, 2007 3:34:57 AM CDT

    That substance that won't cop out...

    by oozer3993

    when there's heat all about!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 3:40:10 AM CDT

    GERARD BUTLER TO STAR IN DOLEMITE REMAKE

    by maxcalifornia.

    I dunno, I think Jamie Foxx could do it if they need a star.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 4:16:27 AM CDT

    Will DOLEMITE be a TRIUMPH???

    by knightrider

  • Mar 19, 2007 5:07:04 AM CDT

    You see, It's stupid shit like this...

    by glodene

    that makes me swig down a whole bottle of Maddog 20/20, jump in my Cadillac and chase after me some white wimen. What makes these fools feel so compelled to fuck up my fond memories of growing up in the 70's by doin' this bullshit. Btw, Vern, did Rudy happen to do his recital of The Signafied Monkey? I remember seeing him perform it at the Blueberry Hill Nightclub around 1976 while shooting The Disco Godfather. Ahh the memories of afros, daishikis and ice cold bottles of Annie Green Springs Wine. Yesss Lawsy.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 6:16:45 AM CDT

    Dolemite makes Shaft look like

    by kingoflight

    pee wee herman !

    DOLEMITE !

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 6:40:33 AM CDT

    Its Dolomite, Baby

    by col. tigh-fighter

    Prof. Hubert Farnsworth. The only dolomite I know.

    "Professor...Lava...Hot!"

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 6:54:55 AM CDT

    I just hope this means they'll finally clone Seymour!

    by chrth

  • Mar 19, 2007 7:17:18 AM CDT

    Dave Chappelle for Dolemite

    by triplefive

    you rat soup eatin' muthaFUCKAS!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 7:25:32 AM CDT

    Move out the way....

    by davedogg4

    ...and let me pass before I put my hushpuppies up in your ass!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 7:43:30 AM CDT

    Vern, did he do his nasty alphabet routine?

    by lance rock

    "P is for Pussy! That I like to eat!" etc. Ah, the memories...

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 7:54:04 AM CDT

    I should direct this.

    by blackmantis

    http://www.pixultronik.com/bmtrailer1.mov

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 8:18:26 AM CDT

    the human tornado

    by rdsxfan8

    "i bet you think i didnt do all my own stunts. let me rewind that for ya"

    yeah thats what up MOFO's

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 8:47:17 AM CDT

    Is he the pimp?

    by kilik777

    Which pimp is the one who has the see through shoes and fish swimming around in them?
    http://tinyurl.com/pv8do

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 8:51:51 AM CDT

    DON'T DO IT!!!

    by bobparr

    I remember seeing both Dolomite movies in the 80s on video. What really made it work for me was you got the feeling that Rudy Ray Moore really thought he was as bad as Dolomite. He was unattractive, overweight, and unathletic but he sold himself as a shirtless ninja-pimp. He had no shame. It was hilarious. How can you spoof something like that? If they try to play it straight and get some good looking, buff actor it will be pointless.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 9:13:58 AM CDT

    No Way

    by jazzbox2

    Dolemite was so of its time that it can't be done today. It already exists. They should just reissue the original films in deluxe editions.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 9:16:57 AM CDT

    I'm with you BobParr

    by spandau belly

    Whoever thought that movie up didn't think too hard. They just went with what was in their gut and ran! I know Dolemite does some poetry stuff and that Rudy had a lot to do with that, but his lyrical abilities couldn't compensate for his lack of action skills. Maybe they should get Segal for the remake, he's fat, he looks absurd trying to do action, he could do jazz music instead of raps, and I get the feeling he thinks he's pretty bad too. Segal has already played Natives, Mexicans and every other ethnicity....why not blacks?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 9:37:00 AM CDT

    If it's gotta be done...

    by wetzello

    ...which it doesn't, mind you, then ya gotta get Paul Mooney for Dolemite. I don't think this material should be touched, IMHO. But if you're gonna ruin it and Chappelle it up, Charlie Murphy can only be Willie Green and Chappelle makes a cameo as the Creeper, stumbling and all.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 10:18:03 AM CDT

    Cotton drawers

    by otto parts

    Rudy Ray Moore is Dolemite, and Dolemite is Rudy Ray Moore---that's all there is to it. A remake would be infuriating to fans and baffling to non-fans. To paraphase the man himself, "Take this cheap motherfuckin idea and wipe your ass with it!"

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 10:26:26 AM CDT

    kilik 777

    by grammaton cleric binks

    I think you're referring to Fly Guy from I'm Gonna Get You Sucka who was played by Antonio Fargas AKA Huggy Bear. Sucka was an awesome spoof of all blaxploitation films. By the way, check out 'Mo Money, and The Great White Hype for some great Dolemite references.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 11:07:16 AM CDT

    amen, Jazzbox 2

    by skeletonparty

    The already have the original Dolemite movie. Can't they just digitally remaster it for the big screen and re-release it? I never got a chance to see Dolemite in the theater because, y'know, I was five years old at the time. I've only seen video. Don't remake this, re-release it.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 11:20:22 AM CDT

    Dolemite was awesome because it *didn't* work...

    by pdorwick

    Seriously. Dolemite is one of the greatest bad movies of all time, "bested" - arguably - by only Plan Nine From Outerspace. Don't remake this unless you let the fine folks at MadTV do a feature length version of their hilarious Dolemite sketch.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 11:25:07 AM CDT

    Fuck this idea

    by wash

    Bitch, are you for real? And D2: Human Tornado is one of the best "bad" movies ever.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 11:50:57 AM CDT

    finally

    by rdsxfan8

    most of the people i know have no idea who the fuck dolemite is so when I mention or make references to "the human Tornado" and stuff they look at me like im some crazy ass cracker.

    and to directly quote the man himself
    "I'm gonna let 'em know that Dolemite is back on the scene! I'm gonna let 'em know that Dolemite is my name, and fuckin' up motha fuckas is my game! "

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 11:52:48 AM CDT

    Charlie Murphy!

    by r.c. the "wise"

    Would be big!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 11:56:09 AM CDT

    Remaking Dolemite - Hah!

    by dark knight lite

    Can't be done.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 12:06:53 PM CDT

    robbedzombie, were you for real?

    by liljuniorbrown

    Or did i miss the sarcasm? Just curious. Anyways Charlie Murphy is Dolemite plain and simple.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 12:07:11 PM CDT

    But who's playing Creeper?

    by spectre007

    Nobody has the ability to remake this beautifully bad flick. It's pure shit gold. The remake has to feature boom mikes in shots, pulled punches that miss by a foot, extra long ghetto poetry recitals, naked white chicks, and the greatest insult ever: "You ratsoup eatin', born insecure Muthaf*cka!!"

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 12:11:51 PM CDT

    Dolemite IS Rudy Ray Moore

    by harry weinstein

    And Rudy Ray Moore IS Dolemite. There's no way this could ever work. If anyone's going to remake DOLEMITE in a way that's true to the original, it'll be some kid on YouTube.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 12:23:26 PM CDT

    "There's nothin' in my trunk, mayn!"

    by wetzello

  • Mar 19, 2007 12:23:31 PM CDT

    "Put your weight on it!"

    by dollar bird

    I guess I shouldn't be astounded that someone wants to remake this movie. But I guess if it has legs, Hollywood wants to do it again. But the guys/gals who wrote above were right: that movie and all of Moore's work are such products of their time that to translate them for modern eyes would take all of the good stuff out. Why not just make a movie in the same vein, but just as ridiculously bad-ass and name it something new, like "Diamond Cougar" or "Sun-sploder". One of my old college roommates loved RRM's stuff and had a gigantic poster of the man dressed as Uncle Sam for Dolomite 2. But our favorite was "Avenging Disco Godfather." We must have quoted that movie a zillion times. "What IS angel dust?"

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 12:24:10 PM CDT

    Yes

    by vern

    He did the Signifyin' Monkey and the alphabet. Signifyin' was kind of a shortened version though, and alphabet he kept forgetting what letter he was on. It was kind of sad.
    The thing about this is, Rudy Ray was a comedian financing his own movie based around his material. So without him it doesn't make any sense. It's not a timeless tale with universal themes, it's a Rudy Ray Moore vehicle. So it's kind of like remaking, I don't know, Rumble in the Bronx without Jackie Chan.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 12:27:14 PM CDT

    Doing Dolemite without Rudy Ray Moore...

    by wetzello

    ...would be like doing a remake of that Blind Melon video without the bee girl.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 12:38:55 PM CDT

    Brought to you by the Hollywood Asperger's Velvet Mafia

    by samuel fulmer

    in 3-D!!!!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 12:59:40 PM CDT

    Dolemighty Morphin Mutha Fuckas

    by grammaton cleric binks

    Whoever thought up this remake needs to kick their own ass twice each day.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 1:04:09 PM CDT

    or like doing Out for Justice with Steven Seagal

    by triplefive

    how about a Son of Dolemite (so we can still have old add Rudy Ray out there)

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 1:28:43 PM CDT

    Why bother?

    by 5thbusiness

    I can't remember exactly if it was Dolemite, Disco Godfather or what (it's been a few years and they all blend together in a wonderful way) but there's a scene where he's going down a list of all the bad-asses who are after him when he gets to "Betty, one of the nation's most notorious shoplifters!".
    The person who made the comment about it being like "Plan 9" is right on. The movies are about as bad as anything you can imagine, but the fact that everyone is obviously having so much fun, and that Moore is taking himself seriously as an action star is priceless. That kind of stuff is impossible to reproduce. To remake Dolemite, in my mind, would be to start from scratch.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 1:35:19 PM CDT

    Only Aries Spears can make this work.

    by christopher3

    His Dolemite sketches were great.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 1:46:32 PM CDT

    Screw Dolomite!

    by billypilgrim

    Bring back the Disco Godfather!!! Attack the "Wack"!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 1:54:45 PM CDT

    HEY PEOPLE WHO WENT TO THE POTC THING

    by hyphin

    ...how was itThis site hasnt posted anything....Trailer thoughts?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 2:03:12 PM CDT

    Vern, good analogy...

    by mc vamp

    One could also say it's like a remake of "The Song Remains the Same" featuring Nickelback.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 2:30:49 PM CDT

    Hey Hollycrap..Get an Elvis Impersonater

    by samuel fulmer

    to star in a remake of Jailhouse Rock.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 2:56:37 PM CDT

    To play off Monkey Butler's Futurama quote...

    by mc vamp

    This movie won't even be 40% Dolemite!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 3:04:26 PM CDT

    Robin Harris would've been great!

    by s-mart shopper

    Without a doubt he WAS Dolomite!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 3:07:10 PM CDT

    Julius Carry could pull it off...

    by s-mart shopper

    SHONUFF!!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 3:20:37 PM CDT

    bitch, bring me my piece...

    by dalynchmob79

    to the little kids in the forum not familiar with the Human Tornado, either get a clue or shut the fuck up.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 3:48:57 PM CDT

    Surprised Quentin Tarantino isn't directing

    by moto

    Nothing scared me more than QT's recent Sci-Fi channel promo for Grindhouse when he said that they could just keep making these grindhouse movies forever... kung fu, blaxpoitation, etc. Please no. Please. Do some original work ala RD and Pulp Fiction... PLEASE!!!!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 3:50:19 PM CDT

    The screen name says it all.

    by discogodfather

    I have too many great memories associated with Rudy Ray and "Dolemite" to let them be cheapened by this crap. I won't support it.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 4:42:48 PM CDT

    A pumped up Anthony Anderson!

    by big bad clone

    I know, I know, but look at him on The Shield "The next time I tell you to suck my dick, you ask 'You want me to tickle your balls as well?'"

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 5:23:37 PM CDT

    Dolemite Explosion

    by vern

    At the show, Rudy Ray was hyping up another one called Dolemite Explosion, which is actually going to be playing at a film festival here. There's a date and flyers and everything. I don't think it's a new incarnation of Return of Dolemite, I think it's another one, but I don't really know for sure.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 6:34:58 PM CDT

    Never heard of Dolemite, either...

    by theghostwholurks

    And I thought I'd seen most of the classic blaxploitation flicks. Now that Futurama episode takes on far deeper meaning — as well as explains Bender's love for malt liquor. If they'e gonna do a remake of the film, sounds like Bernie Mac should play the character, if they're going for an overweight goof who thinks he's the black man's answer to "A Man Called Flint."

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 6:47:43 PM CDT

    the bathub and the toilet

    by rdsxfan8

    "what did the tub say to the toilet????
    I get more ass than you and i dont have to take all that shit."

    this is such a classic balcksploitation. its sad that the only way most people are gonna hear about it is when the remake comes out cuz to truly enjoy it ya gotta see it with ruby ray. HE is the only man fit enough to ever play that role. although I do agree with people on here saying charlie murphy could do it too.
    I have been reading this TB all day and just popped in "the human tornado" on dvd ( god bless the walmart $5 bin)

    good times my friends , good times fo sho

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 6:51:25 PM CDT

    btw

    by rdsxfan8

    Im hip to dolemite cuz
    "I speak Jive"

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 6:58:01 PM CDT

    can ya tell I love this movie

    by rdsxfan8

    "he think he bad, aint got no class, Im a run this shotgun up his moutherfuckin ass!!!!"

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 7:49:39 PM CDT

    he's real? lol

    by bouncy x

    i didnt know this was a real movie. my only reference for dolemite is those sketchs madtv used to do and i always thought those were just spoofs on the whole blaxploiation thing...didnt realize it was a real movie...wow the things you learn on the net. lol

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 8:05:19 PM CDT

    Dolemite is King.

    by super cucaracha

    Hung out with Eazy-E and that my friends makes him coooler than he already was.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 10:48:15 PM CDT

    I loved Rudy Ray on Big Daddy Kane's early 90's album

    by s-mart shopper

    some classic and funny Dolemite material wedged in between the tracks.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 19, 2007 11:36:24 PM CDT

    You can't go wrong with a Dolemite remake...

    by burnhollywood

    ...Because the originals were so fucking awful! The MadTV sketches probably had twenty times the production values. If Uwe Boll remade it, it would still be an improvement...now that's saying something.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 20, 2007 7:51:26 AM CDT

    Gerard Bulter as Dolemite

    by darfurontherocks

    Hey it could work...

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 20, 2007 8:19:24 AM CDT

    Big Daddy Kane v Dolemite

    by wetzello

    For all to behold and wonder...classic, classic, classic! http://tinyurl.com/38qjqz

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 20, 2007 9:49:38 AM CDT

    Pootie Tang vs Dolemite

    by sudsp

    Lance Crouther has got to be in this film. It's the 'bad' that this needs to be BAAAD

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 20, 2007 12:34:35 PM CDT

    ODMB

    by rdsxfan8

    yup i told you, behold the power of the hidden gems in the $5 bin. I was so excited that day, i even bought some other movies. But Im afraid to say what they are for fear or reprecussions for my taste in crappy movies. ( cough cough, ROADHOUSE, and THE REPLACEMENT KILLERS)

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 20, 2007 1:15:26 PM CDT

    Remake Dynomite!

    by aphex twin

    I miss that game...anyone else have fun squashing whoever was sucker enough to be player 2?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 20, 2007 1:16:08 PM CDT

    I mean Remake Gyromite!

    by aphex twin

    Edit function Harry....PLEASE

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 20, 2007 1:40:09 PM CDT

    Sam Jackson for Dolemite

    by sfezfilms

    Mutha Fucka!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Mar 20, 2007 10:45:33 PM CDT

    Gary Coleman becomes Dolemite!

    by mundungus

    Oh, how I want to see him in his little pimp suite.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Apr 01, 2007 1:47:17 PM CDT

    Mike Tyson

    by cuervojones

    Son of Dolemite.

    Reply to Talkback

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