Dear Warner Bros.,

What happened?

I thought we were friends.

And then I see that you’ve hired a fairly talented writer and a fairly talented director, and you’re planning to make a franchise film in which you portray one SHEEEEEEEEEEER-LUCK Holmes as a hero.

Yet again.

How sad. How predictable. And how personally painful to me. Everyone who knows the true story knows that Professor Moriarty is the wronged party, and that Holmes was a liar and a braggart and a fraud. If you had any courage as a corporation, you would allow me to tell my side of things for once instead of simply glorifying that heroin addict and his fat ladyboy, Watson.

Here’s the reason I’m going to cry myself to sleep tonight.

Drew McWeeny, Los Angeles