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An Early Review Of FANBOYS!!

Hey, everyone. ”Moriarty” here. Busy morning of headlines, but our last one today is a look at FANBOYS, a movie that will be a loving roast of most of our readership. I’ve liked what I’ve seen so far, but I know they’ve been doing more work on it, and I’m curious to see how it’s looking right now. This guy had some big issues with what he saw, but maybe some of them have been addressed now.

Hey there, Harry and the gang. I apologize for not getting this review out as soon as I could, but my inherent laziness and uneasiness, particularly relating to reporting on this here picture-show, stunted every attempt. Nonetheless, it is here with you now. But before I reveal what I had seen at the first official test screening of the film, which was way back in late October, I must preface with a rather laborious thought. When a movie does well its style is emulated for as long as it can be for the trend or the charm will eventually run its course if pounded into our faces long enough. It happened in the late seventies and early eighties with "Star Wars" and all its knock-offs like "Ice Pirates" and every other space adventure movie. And, to be fair, not all were horrific. It's just that it went on the gimmick that "Hey, we're in space! You gotta love us!". These trends hit through all genres and then create other sub-genres like the "gotta get laid" comedy genre with the likes of "Last American Virgin", various Johnny Deep and Tim Robbins spring break movies in the early to late eighties, and the "American Pie" empire of the mid- 90s to early aughts. One of the sub-genres that has got me riled as of late is the super-hero movie. Granted these have been around for quite some time, but the modern super-hero movie pretty much requires an obligatory romantic sub-plot. Why? Well, "Spider-Man", a movie centered around a super-hero in love, makes an absolute killing across the board. Once again, a blockbuster like Spider-Man creates a trend/formula where, because it was so damn successful, everyone wants to milk the shit out of it. It happened in "Daredevil", "Hell-Boy" and for some reason it's going to happen in "Ghost Rider". In "Spider-Man" it works incredibly well because that's how the Peter Parker/Spider-Man mythos goes. It was crafted well around it "and it wasn't arbitrarily like in "Hell Boy" or what I assume will be there for "Ghost Rider". In many ways, from the fiery pits of hell I'd like to call a "marketing standpoint", it makes sense because they have to sell these movies to people who don't read comics and try to make them vaguely "relatable" despite the drop-off in quality. It's the market! For balls sake, they try to fashion a market out of everything and now they are damn well sure they have a new and improved "Nerd" market they can tackle. Yes, a nerd market. Whether it be "Look at the monkey dance" nerd movie in Napoleon Dynamite (Which is a shame because he's an admirable character. He's good to his friends and relatively good to his family), the superhero movie,sci-fi movie, or the "Nerds Unite" movie in the new "Revenge of the Nerds" movie set to come out which, according to my bosses, is looking to be a lame duck. They're probably more, but you get the point. Now, with "Fanboys", guess what? Yup, they figure you nerds'll be foaming at the mouth for this because, HOLY SHIT, THEY MAKE REFERENCES TO THINGS PERTAINING TO WHAT NERDS LIKE! That's pretty much the movie. A group of friends, one who's got the cancer bug, go cross country to try and get a sneak peek at episode one. Along the way zany things happen with original "Star Wars" cast members and nerdy icons like William Shatner, Carrie Fischer, somebody who may have played in the Cantina band and a a Harry Knowles look-a-like. They acting resorts to a bunch of "Nah uh"s and unnecessary defensive yelling, mainly from Sam Huntington's character, and the relationship that the film tries to establish dissolves under the heavy sway that it's about seeing a Episode One therefore you'll eat it and like it. Don't get me wrong, this movie is incredibly mediocre and there are parts you can see where an interesting moment is about to occur like when they meet Danny Trejo after accidentally going into a gay bar to get food, get their car fixed or learn the teachings of the almighty glory-hole. I forget what it was exactly, but they got in a tussle there with gay bikers and then had to strip dance, for some reason, to get out of it. Then Danny Trejo makes his presence in the bar, comes to the rescue, helps out with their car, and gives the friend with cancer some peyote to ease the pain. With this peyote exchange, there is a threat of great conversation between Danny Trejo and the cancer ridden friend about not being afraid and accepting death as a part of life. It borders on a genuinely touching moment only to be deflated when, looking up at the stars in drug filled wonderment, the friend passes out muttering, "Star Wars". There's also a thinly, very thinly, veiled romantic subplot between Veronica Mars and the friend known as "Windows". It pretty much sprung up in the last twenty minutes of the film. Also, Seth Rogen is in it as two characters. His Trekkie character and some pimp who some of the friends owe money to because, unbeknownst to them, enlisted the services of two hookers/call-girls, but never were introduced as such: Call-girl and Nerd. Another subplot, which is more firmly established earlier in the story, involves Rogen's Trekkie character and his legion of Trekkie followers being harassed by the four friends and so on and so forth. Some nerds just can't get along I suppose. There you have it. The movie that is for us....a movie for nerds? Well, it might as well be a commercial for another version of the Star Wars trilogy on DVD or blu-ray or some other next generation money pit. Hey, I'm a nerd and I want a story about these characters. Their obsession comes second or third. That's not who they are, it's what they do. I advise any who want to see it that this wasn't, technically, the finished cut, but it doesn't seem to be a lot you can do with it.
Readers Talkback
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  • Feb. 6, 2007, 1:22 a.m. CST

    This is the closest we'll get to a "new" Star Wars movi

    by pockybot

    ...and it may just blow away the new trilogy away. I so can't wait to see the Harry Knowles depiction. I hope the humor is more obscure than what's in the trailer, and isn't some Grandma's Boy peppered with some Lucas references. But it looks good so far.

  • Feb. 6, 2007, 1:41 a.m. CST

    im confused

    by manic bunny

    wow that was a really nonsensical review. i can quite safely say i know less about this movie having read that than i did before. oh well, i'll see it because kristen bell is in it. sweet kristen bell. oh and uh... so and so gotta eat... i guess

  • Feb. 6, 2007, 1:54 a.m. CST

    The Letter Formerly Know as H...

    by onemanarmy

    ...has taken over every bottom left corner on this website.

  • Feb. 6, 2007, 2:06 a.m. CST


    by onemanarmy

    What? No video game references?<p> Or has that been played out already and sadly attached to pothead only movies (Grandma's Boy)?<p> Either way, no video games/references is about as weak as having an alleged horror movie without at least one set of nice exposed titties.

  • Feb. 6, 2007, 3:10 a.m. CST

    Sounds alot like 'Thunderstruck'.

    by midgetlover

    Full of obvious comedy and cliches. Blech!

  • Feb. 6, 2007, 5:16 a.m. CST

    Your mother is a fanboy!

    by DerLanghaarige

    Danny Trejo rules!

  • Feb. 6, 2007, 5:42 a.m. CST


    by the_shogun_gunslinger

    and i thought harry's reviews were hard to follow.

  • Feb. 6, 2007, 7:13 a.m. CST

    Johnny Deep in Spring Break Movies!

    by theBigE

    Yes, good old Johnny Deep. What in the heck particular movie in this reviewer talking about?

  • Feb. 6, 2007, 9:16 a.m. CST

    This is the worst review ever

    by ECUPirate71

    And I loved Ice Pirates. Except the space herpes. They still scare me to this day.

  • Feb. 6, 2007, 9:26 a.m. CST

    534 Words Of Introduction

    by Captain Mal

    and 492 words of actual review. Thanks.<p> Can someone please explain to me what a "thinly, very thinly, veiled romantic subplot" is? Next time skip the extraneous rant and maybe it'll only take you two months to write a review instead of four.

  • Feb. 6, 2007, 11:56 a.m. CST

    Sounds lame

    by Col. Tigh-Fighter

    Colour me not bothered. Meh.

  • Feb. 6, 2007, 12:29 p.m. CST


    by wanna_bannana

    i love james franco in that movie! he oozes stud!! and all the planes flying around shooting each other down n thats awesome.<p> said FANboys, my bad.

  • Feb. 6, 2007, 1:03 p.m. CST


    by Pageiv

    Gee, when I think of SW I think of glory holes. Remember back in 97-98 when rumors of this flick were floating around about a guy dying and his buddies trying to show him ep I before he kicked the bucket? It sounded like a good drama about a group of friends on one last trip together. Now it looks like a cheap Comedy Central movie of the weekend.

  • Feb. 6, 2007, 1:29 p.m. CST

    terrible review

    by chaffg

    jesus christ get to the point save the essays for english class

  • Feb. 6, 2007, 2:35 p.m. CST

    no-one invented "GL raped my childhood"

    by Amy Chasing

    it just kinda grew out of the collective subconscious of a million or so pissed off fans. George Lucas raped my childhood (C) 1999, humanity.

  • Feb. 6, 2007, 4:41 p.m. CST

    Whatever happened to "5-25-77?"

    by Yelnick McWaWa

    For the reviewer, it's "Carrie Fisher", dumb ass. This sounds like a bad version of "Free Enterprise", although that is worth seeing just for the Shats great performance. Mark Altman is a bitter evil twat and deserves to die. I might see this for two reasons, the lovely Bell and to continue in the joy of pissing off the bitter little bastards who still take it so damn personally and are certain the movies "suck", I don't buy it, they don't suck, but it's funny to read their apoplectic rage rants. Douchebags.

  • Feb. 6, 2007, 5:29 p.m. CST


    by El Scorcho

    Nothing like a February review of an October screening!!!!!!!!!

  • Feb. 6, 2007, 8:09 p.m. CST

    I've never known more...

    by BitterMan23

    about what isn't going on in a review.

  • Feb. 6, 2007, 9:08 p.m. CST

    Don't do it

    by sing hustle

    Don't become one of them.

  • Feb. 6, 2007, 10:26 p.m. CST

    worst review ever

    by Hella

    oh and by the way, he forgot to tell us about this movie "little miss something" he saw at a screening and is bound to be a hit... I MEAN FUCK! why the shit do these "reviewers" feel the need to break out their BIG WORDS and euphemisms and deluted babble just for the sake of re-reading it later and patting themselves on their hairy acne-covered back?! this shit sucked