Cool News
There's An UNDER SIEGE 3 Script Ready?? Just As Seagal Is Done With Sony?? So Says Erika Eleniak!!
Merrick here...
We recently posted a pseudo-interview with Steven Seagal, in which he indicated extreme displeasure with the ultra-shitty straight-to-video fare to which he's been consigned for years.
The article makes reference to Seagal's impending fulfillment of his obligations to Sony...effectively liberating him from his STV purgatory & allowing him the latitude to pursue projects more to his liking.
You can read the article HERE.
What kind of projects might they be? Seagal references a few (like GENGHIS KHAN) in the interview referenced above, but...
Jess sent in a note about a series of interesting posts now happening on Erika Eleniak's Official Site.
In case you don't remember Erika, she's the super hot girl/sidekick/heroine who jumped out of the cake in the original UNDER SIEGE.
well, the day has come!!!
Hell is for sure frozen stiff !!!!
I have seen a complete script for "US3" ...
I must say I really wanted to hate it !!
....for what it's worth, I liked it alot, infact I liked it so much there is no way it will ever get made !!..lol..
it's a very "rich" read !!
at least one of the most physical action based shows I've looked at in along time.
Hats off to the writer who hails from the UK from what I hear!
.... nicely done LAD ...
I've been wrong for at least 20 years..lol..
so good luck to getting your hard work made into reality!
you got my vote !
eE
[edit]
no it has nothing to do with airplanes.
... no it has nothing to do with 911
... it has nothing to do with boats or sub's
... terrorist's ? ... in a manner.
there IS great comic relief !!!
there is non stop ass-beatings being given out for free !
there is the possibility of some women with clothing or lack of issues .. lol ...
guns -yes. cars-yes. one-liners - yes.
bombs-yes. explosions -lots. blood-yup.
cast .. not yet. funny parts-yup.
predictable -nope.
Okay, so, now I'm dying to read whatever script she's talking about. It MUST be out there, no? If so...here's how to reach me.
While an UNDER SIEGE 3 wouldn't exactly broaden Seagal's career too much, a reasonably well crafted, large scale action piece would at least help put him back on the public's radar & would make a boatload of sense as a career move. Provided, of course, he can get studios/production entities interested.
There would be many reasons not to make this movie, but with Bruce Willis resurrecting DIE HARD from the same era, who knows?
I'm really curious to see how this shakes out.
KNOW MORE???
SEND IT!!!
SEND IT!!!
Readers Talkback
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I mean, it's Seagal battling terrorists ("in a manner"). Maybe SS goes after Greenpeace. Egads - what about this is unpredictable? Oh yeah - she is da hottness.
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That fat, ridiculous fucker. Jeez! Also, why is this Erika Eleniak writing like a 10 year old with ADD in a chat room? Lay off the coke, bitch!
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BRING IT ON!
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True, his films have been going straight to video, but it happens to a lot of actors, and it's not always their fault (hello Sly.) Studios bail out on so many people and put the flavor of the month in everything. I still cringe every time I see Macy Gray in Spiderman, but that's beside the point. I think Seagal is very capable of putting out a good film if the script works. His first few films were as good as ANY one any major action star put out at the time. I happened to catch Out for Justice yesterday on capable, and that film still kicks some ass. There isn't a male alive between 25 and 35 that doesn't want to know why Richie did Bobby Lupo. So before you bag on it why not just wait and see what it's about. I know I'll go to see it if it comes to the theater, and I have a few friends who will too.
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Seagal sure has.
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seagal's fat ass and idiotic smirk are two things i never want to see on screen again...
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The whole 300 pound guy with a ponytail kinda turned me on. Does that make me some kind of fag?
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If we were reading this site 16 years ago.
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LOL! "Anybody seen Ritchie!?!" "Anybody know why Richie did Bobby Lupo!?!?" I would say that shite just before I would kick my brothers ass. After awhile he would just run every time he heard me say it. Very funny man. I myself also have to give cred to Segal. I have never seen a better punch that the one he gave to "Bulldog" in Above the Law. "Peace brother." LOL. Segal dosen't need a good script (never has). All he needs is to get back into Above the Law or Hard to Kill shape and it's curtains. IF he did that then his career would be atleast as good as it was if not better. I for one miss the old Segal and early Van Damme type movies. No wires, CGI, or over the top stunts. Just good ole fashioned ass kickery. I want to see Segal, Van Damme, Sasha Mitchell and Mark Dacascos all in one film and call it "Only the Kickboxers are Above the Bloodsport.....3
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I'm 100% there. will also consider if there are iranian secret agents. may consider if the canadian mounted police are the enemy. possible to attend if its mexican drug lords infiltrating the rio grande border. will pass if its russkies. such old hat there boys.
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when all my friends were spanking it to that silicon and collagen monster Pam Anderson. I dread to think what she looks like nowadays though.
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from the first one. So does that mean terrorists hijack him?
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Seagal commandeers the buffet table...
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Erika Eleniak sounds like a dunce.
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Katie Sackoff is... Hard to Kill<br> or Above the Law<br>or Marked for death<br> but definatly Under Seige 3. Yea.
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is too good for Steven Seagal.<br>
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Seagal should shrink himself and inject himself into his own body to kick and punch built up cholesterol deposits in his coronary arteries.
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Poor chap would be unemployed!
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Now teach the chic to act!
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HAHAHAHAHAAHA - perfect.<p> According to imdb.com anyway.
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and set it on an oceanic oil rig
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Jan. 22, 2007, 10:07 a.m. CST
"Lol", spelling and the language of a dull 9 year old..
by JackPumpkinhead
My, she really has changed since the 90s, hasn't she! As far as I can recall, magazines back then jokingly described her chest size as twice her IQ.
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I can't believe he hasn't shown up yet.
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Ritchie, you ever eat so much your back cracks?
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without the femme love of course. <p>in other news, how come I can't get a single movie with the commie chinese as villains? this IS a movie website, right? so answer me that question!
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but forgot. now about those chinese...
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Yeah, she looks nothing like that now. She needs to drop this movie thing, take an English class, and then go join the Susanne Somers Impersonators Union. Sad.
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clearly the html issues colon was/is suffering from have extended to my obviously keen typing skills.<p>additionally, does anyone know what happened to Lebron23?
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I actually want to see this. Oh, the guilt.
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Police Academy FTW. Ppppplease don't kill me!!!
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seduced by the dark side of catchphrases and then removed from AICN for reprograming.
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cock
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I have something here for you.<p> Lebron23 wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but your uncle wouldn't allow it.<p> He feared you might use catchphrases on some damn fool idealistic crusade like Lebron23 did.<p> It's Lebron23's New Balance.
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(Seagal calmly walks in the automatic doors, expessionless.)<BR><BR> "Let the hamsters go..."
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(Steven Seagal walks to the car, expressionless.)<BR><BR> "You make no sense."
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(Steven Seagal walks up to Optimus, expressionless.)<BR><BR> "They're not laughing at me, b*tch."
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LOL- Holy shit that was mint, baby. Mint!
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not hard to do
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(Expressionless) "Aw SH**T...."
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...when Elliott was macking on her.
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...calls for Seagal to get ass raped by Jack Bauer! Because everyone knows that Bauer's THE MAN!
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(Seagal stands in the Arizona desert, expressionless.) "Who needs a wall, you've got Seagal!!"
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and thanks ghoul/dtaint. I feel so bad for lebron. great kid. don't know what happened there.<p>I wonder, do chinese gun runners wear new balance too, or just preppy white boys?
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Mint: Noun, from modern English- Excellent, top-notch, the best. <p> Example: "Could anything be LESS THAN mint than a new Seagall movie?" <p> Or,<p> "That new Jessica Alba pic is so MINT"
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I gotta say I never thought that Jim Belushi would one day have a better physique that Seagal...My how times have changed!
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I say, it's a strong contender.
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loofa? Lufa? Luffa? Whatever, I'd do it.
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I understand that there is a sect of Seagalogists that believe that Seagal managed to survive the desintegration of the F-119 fighter in Executive Decision. Some claim that he had a parachute, others contend that he fell into water. What is your position?
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I'd snuggle those juggles all day long.
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That's not a shoulder holster under his shirt!
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To the Seagalology-mobile!
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Will she get them out again? And will we see more goodies than that? I mean we've seen the tits before...
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than what Under Siege 3 will end up being
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Come on man, put some flavor on this cake.
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Lame, white guys, with wide feet, and dicks that hang like a cheese wheel wear New Balance<p> Don't you know anything about footwear?
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"OK, it's full title is Under Seige III : The Search For The Revenge Of The Rise Of The Machines At World's End. believing a wise chinese dude with a beard and a habit of pulling people's eyes out, our intrepid chef believes that if he breaks everyone's wrists in the world then he will be reunited with Kelly le Brock. cool so far? He has just about broken everyone's wrists, but then comes face to face with Mr T, who in the film will be called Big Clubber. Big Clubber absolutely fucking knacks the chef, which leads to immense remorse in the chef. Here's the twist - he decides to hold himself Under Seige, and immediatley locks himself away in a food pantry. Several years pass, and it becomes clear that no one is going to come and rescue him. The chef enters a brave new world, where these big fuck off metal robots seem to have taken over. As they have, technically, no wrists to break, he goes off to the coast and disappears on a ship, with just a harmonica, a guitar and a wanking glove for company. He heads off to sea as the machine things would rust at sea, of course. As the Chef sails around the world, happily masturbating and composing new songs, he encounters a fellow ship off the coast of Belgium. on it is Meat Loaf, who has put on some weight for the role and turns out to be the father of the chef. Meat Loaf takes the chef to go and see the captains of the ship, and guess who they are? two homosexuals in the form of Dolph Lundgren and Jean Claude Van Damme! it turns out that they are those robot things out of that other film, the one where Dolph cuts off all the ears and that. This opens the door nicely for a new franchise, Universally Under Seige Soldiers.".
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I sure hope Steve Segal reads this talkback, what with all the professionals my man Mori says read this site. You see Steve, I love commie chinese and they make great villains, especially if they're wearing tevas like ghoul says they do.<p>additionally, ghoul, there's something familiar about your explanation of new balance...a presense I haven't felt in...<p>abom, I'd love to see erika's dark tainted territory. truth be told, I've never seen under siege and I just googled her pics from the movie. wow! she's got a great set of cans. I can see why godoffireandhell jerked off to her tits way back then. however, I'm married so...you know...I'll rub it out to almost anything. that's right Harry, even your new year's eve animation pantsless bottom!
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His hand prints seemed REALLY out of place at the Chinese Theater in LA when I saw them 10 years ago (My friends and I wondered who he threatened) but 10 years later they seem REALLY out of place over there.
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I am a Seagal fan. I am having fun with the Under Siege 3 name. Those who are making fun of Seagal's weight...it's ironic...I wonder what they weigh!!
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I thought 'Beaver Badge' was going to highlight this TB but I think you just took the lead. F'ing hilarious! And to echo everyone else, "Where the hell are you Vern?"
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Seriously though, I heard Steve Seagul is a dick to work with. Probably why they have him STV.
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about the Fire Down Below in the Belly of the Beast. If The Foreigner (who is Hard to Kill) is Marked for Death, the Shadow Man (who is a Mercenary for Justice) may leave Exit Wounds. The End. <p> Dedicated to Vern.
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The catchphrase is what gives a talkbacker his power. It's an energy field repeated by geeks who watch too much TV and movies. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the talkback together.
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Jan. 22, 2007, 12:28 p.m. CST
How about a buddy-cop pic with Segal and Penn Jillette?
by The Skeptical
Segal would beat people up, Penn would rant and make jokes. They would spend half the movie ragging on each other for their wieght and their ponytails, and they would spend half the movie saving the world. I'd watch that movie. (Out for Bullsh*t?)
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Didn't we get this story a couple of years ago, along with the fact that there would be a hot air balloon chase? Is that still in the script?
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"Evaporate a fella's glacier, willya? Well, you just evaporated my glacier... of cool."
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Jan. 22, 2007, 12:40 p.m. CST
Die Hard 4.0, Rambo IV, Rocky VI, Indy 4, Under Siege 3
by JackBauer24
I think it's time we moved on, people.
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But this time instead of cooking he will be eating.
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"You took away their natural habitat. Now they're takin' away your leg room, bitch."
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"You burn my forest... I burn your goblet."
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Straight to video doesn't interest me unless I'm at blockbuster.
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Seagal: "I got a wonderful piece, it's a Kurosawa piece..."<p>Orange Man: "Whoop whoop! Boring alert!"
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Maybe if we all put our magic rings together, Vern will appear!
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Connery: "You broke my wrisht!"<p>Seagal: "You're too old, fat man."
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What, has someone already used the idea of having a chase in paddle boats? Riveting stuff. Reminds me of the scene in Seinfeld with George on his scooter being chased by senior citizens on theirs.
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"Hey, Psycho Killer... qu'est-ce que c'est?"
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"This hot air balloon ain't big enough for the both of us."
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"Looks like you took the slow boat... to hell."
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I did'ja a favor!
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"Mmm hmm mhhmm hmmhhmm mehh hmehm mhmm hmm."
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nuff said boys.
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Because it's still one of the best action scripts written. Think out it: very small space (a carrier); tight timeline (before the sub arrives); entirely unexpected sidekick (a Playmate who never stops complaining); a realistic combat type, instead a gym-buffed type, and on. Then add one of Tommy Lee Jones' and Gary Busey's best roles--the phone call to the Pentagon is priceless--and that's why it worked. People have been ripping it off ever since. Don't forget the Swedish chef insight moment, either, or the look of surprise on Jone's face when the old cannnons turned out to be functional.
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Hostage situation at a neighboorhood Applebee's...this is a job for Casey Rybeck!
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Uwe could make it happen. And it should definitely include a sex scene where Erika Eleniak is constantly banging a cell door.
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"You got a pattern of judging old action heros by their exterior, we can't talk about it, we need to break it, I want you to ask yourself has there ever been a time where you have been increasingly shallow, you just looked at Steven Seagal and laughed about his weight?<p> DEVILS BE GONE!!!!!!!!!!!"
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Plot: Steven Seagal has to rescue helpless audience members forced to watch Under Siege II. Spike Jonez directs. It will be very meta. Tag line : "It's like Die Hard on a boat, except in a theater!"
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"One guy against the odds" has kinda been done to death hasn't it? They'd have to completely reinvent the under siege format for me to want to see it. Flip it on its head. Maybe SS leads a seal team which lays siege to a US town where a bunch of evil doers are holed up and his guys have to stop them fighting their way out. Troy but better. With gun turrets, SMGs and tanks.
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That is all.
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A TV disaster movie about an ice age happening in less than 4 hours, I have to say she still can't act and has lost any hotness she once had... She hasn't even MILFied... In fact Seagal is probably more fuckable right about now...
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good god. the first was passable at best, and if that's seagal's claim to fame, then I think it's time the guy quit. Wasnt he banging the bint from Weird Science? lucky fucker.
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Nobody beats me in the hostel.
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"Nine million terrorists in the world and I gotta kill one with tighter pants than an emo she-male."
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And the kicker is that all he needs to do is train those pounds away to be back in the game.... I am tired of seeing the Seagal waddle.
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You guys got a couple good jokes here. I liked the one about the broken elevator. But Seagal had you all topped years ago when he apparently said in a radio interview that Under Siege 3 was about terrorists hijacking a hot air balloon. I have not yet seen that concept topped.<p> As for all you jokers concerned about his weight, I saw him in person last year and at least then he wasn't all that fat. He's not in shape like Stallone but he's not the blimp you guys are pretending he is. In his recent movies he's at worst samurai-fat. He's into swords and blues guitar now, of course he's gonna have a belly of the beast. I actually think he looks better than in his first couple movies when he was skinny. He's more menacing now. The trouble is he doesn't seem to move as fast as in the old days. That's what he has to work on.<p> To answer Darfur's question, I think that is a legitimate way to stretch your viewing experience with EXECUTIVE DECISION. It's a tough one because in the language of cinematics, if they don't show a character come back from apparent death by the end then how could they still be alive? On the other hand, if they don't show them die on screen then of course they are dead (this is why I couldn't figure out why people were surprised when the kid wasn't dead in WAR OF THE WORLDS). So you got kind of a catch-48 or whatever here. <p> Personally though I think he's dead, because if not there sure as hell should be an awesome scene where he climbs back up onto the air craft carrier and asks for a new plane. And the fact that he does die makes it a unique entry in Seagalogy. It's the only movie where he dies unless you count HALF PAST DEAD. And it's a better death than in HALF PAST DEAD where he just suddenly collapses like he had a heart attack.<p> Finally, as to UNDER SIEGE 3. I don't believe this will ever happen, but it would be cool. I like to see the continuing story of Casey Ryback. I think what we gotta worry about though is not Seagal but the villain. The first two have all time classic action movie villains. Part 1 you got both Tommy Lee Jones AND Gary Busey, plus Colm Meaney as one of the thugs. Part two you have Eric Bogosian (!) with Everett McGill and Peter Greene as henchmen. I always thought because they had Bogosian for part 2 they should try to get Spalding Gray for part 3, but that's not gonna work out anymore. I just hope they don't get fuckin Tyler Perry.<p> Also, I would like to request that if they ever make this they put a little extra cooking references. I mean I know we've seen microwave bombs, in part 2 he has a restaraunt, we see recipes on his palm pilot. But it's time for him to chop up fingers like they're onions and that type of thing. I figure if the action takes place at an Iron Chef competition there would be plenty of room for that. He could even have a team of other badass chefs backing him up the way Antonion Banderas knows other badass mariachis.<p> "I thought you said you were a cook!"<p> "Yeah, well, I also cook."
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or "Hardly Siegin'"
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I meant if they don't die onscreen then they are NOT dead. Usually.
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Who dug her up? Shouldn't they go for a "Fresh Face"? Not some reject everyone has forgotten about.
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...in Seagal's restaurant. It could be a case of the terrorists specifically going after our hero for revenge or something instead of the usual why-does-this-crap-always-happen-to-me thing. Also, it makes perfect sense for Seagal's character in the Under Siege movies to be a little chubby. He's a cook. His daily training routine involves cheese.
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or: The Transporter 3: Under Siege<br><br>Take your pick!
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but at least I don't run like a girl...
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I don't run at all...
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Rybek wakes up in a room chained to a pipe. On the other side of the room John McClane is handcuffed to another pipe. Over a loudspeaker the voice of David Koepp tells them that unless they come up with a script for a 5th Lethal Weapon movie he will force them to sit there helpless and watch a perfectly orchestrated heist go down, powerless to stop it through their everyman know-how.
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i laughed out loud on that one. good job abomination.
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Where she has sex doggy style with Steven Seagal as he eats a salami sandwich off her back and screams out Zen coans when he reaches nirvana with her.
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We watch as a talented playwrite and stage actor gets manipulated via 'Oldboy' tactics to accepted the role of the villian in a terrible sequel to a poorman's Die Hard.
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Rybek must showdown in a cook-off with his celeb chef rival (played of course by Christopher Lambert) on a goofy televised competition.<br><br>Obvious tag line: DAMN YOU RACHAEL RAY!
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can jump out of my birthday cake any day
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that was the best post of the day. "In his recent movies he's at worst samurai-fat"...he was the stunt double for fat bastard. Little known fact.
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Poor thing. They should get Katherine Heigl back instead. Rescue her from that piece of shit tv show that apparently everyone watches except me.
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You know you need Bo Svenson as the guidance councellor.....from hell!
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You know this to be true.
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Jan. 22, 2007, 2:39 p.m. CST
Just when you thought it was safe 2 go straight 2 video
by RKDN Del Sol
the numbers so that the whole sentence would fit.
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If the call Under Siege 3 that, people might confuse it with one of those street racing flicks and actually rent it.
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I'll have that weapon.
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And the writers of Snakes On A Plane should do this! Directed by Ronny Yu!
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and have him give the speech as the creepy janitor in breakfast club (except with no pants, cuz its funnier)
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..I remember watching the movie in the theatre, which audience giving a collective gasp when Seagal executes his version of the HALO jump. This was the baddest Mofo in the film....gone. As fat I I remember, they did not do much publicity to the fact that Seagal was in the movie in the first place. So it was a shock to see him, and then to watch him fly like a pelican. I know that I could not believe it.... Thanks for the response Vern!!!
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Im so excited for this, i mean where else can an action movie deliver such thrills as.. Stevie roundhouse kicking his tv to channel 5 so he can watch matlock, or the once spicy erika walking to the bathroom while farting and not knowing it....And dont forget that a crane kick to the grill hurts twice as much when in a theraputic shoe
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But should Sommers come back to direct? He hasn't done anything watchable since that movie.
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Having witnessed the brutal drive-by slaying of his favorite ice cream man, Casey Rybeck takes up the mantle of ice cream man to avenge his friend's death.<p> He serves the regular treats, push-ups, bomb pops, etc., but his specialty is breaking elbows and giving out roundhouse kicks to the face until he finds the man he is searching for!<p> COMING SUMMER 2008
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Vern you magnificent bastard, you rule! Great post, great response, great way to reply to all the talkbackers who love movies and talkin' 'bout movies. Thanks so much for the time you invested in writing the response. I don't know what your connection to Seagal is but you sir are a class act.<p>PS-Vern, have you seen any posts from "repligin" lately?
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Movie night at the senior citizens' home is gonna be buck wild.
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that US3 could be under consideration to be made WITHOUT Seagal. Sony may be considering it as a vehicle for some other up and coming action star. It may be an intended vehicle for the Rock or something.
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She was a cyborg in that stupid Dracula 3000 movie not more than two or three years ago, and she was buff. She's what, 37 or 38? Not that far over the hill.
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Katherine Heigl would be fantastic! And I don't watch Grey's Scrubs, erm, Anatomy either
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Circus of the Stars #7.
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I got no connection to Seagal other than I have been studying his works for a few year trying to write a book about them. I do not know who repligin is so I don't know what you're asking there. Anyway thanks bud.
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I'd love to buy a copy of your Steven Seagal book when it comes out. Just don't make it so heavy that it breaks through the glass on my coffee table.
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I don't even want to envision a Seagal-less US3. Who else could squint like that AND mack the ponytail like he does???
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where'd you go? Come back. The time is NOW!
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Oh, wait, this isn't that talkback from Friday, is it?
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what's the ETA on that em-effin' bad boy?
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i'd like see to a new kick ass non-DTV seagal movie, samurai-fat or fat-fat, where he's actually kicking ass again and not just shooting people. and eating sandwiches while some gaffer ADRs his lines.
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Surely if he can put Carradine in one of his movies, he can afford to put another white martial artist in his movies? Chuck Norris is a-ok though. No help required.
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a book about this guy, written by Vern is defintely on my must-read-list.
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There is no fat in Steven Seagal's double chins . There are only other fists.
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what, it won't work? But he was great in Die Hard. Love them Twinkies.
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starring Seagal and Chuck Norris?
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Watch out for Kurt Russell!
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not Addidas.
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FU Bay!!!
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TINO!!!!!!
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Looney schmuck
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20 Wiis available. Best Buy doors open. The mad rush begins as line-cutters without tickets charge at the Wii boxes. But sitting in front of the stack is Seagal sitting on the floor sipping tea. He stands up and assumes his kicking position. The Nintendorks, being the nerds they are, charge him in a single file line. Seagal kicks them out of the way one by one...left right left right left right.<BR><BR> "No ticket."<BR><BR>Harrison Ford shakes his fists has his delivery of the line has been defeated.
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You Know It To Be True...or so say AICN's advertising....
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Still no new animation???
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Dick Nicely says......
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Unless Quentin remakes Beverly Hills Ninja.
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"We ain't found sh*t!"
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direct?
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There were many great ones, but that part always stood out as the funniest to me.
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At some point I thought I remembered him saying that he was considering doing another, since there's a whole lot of cannon fodder in the new prequels...maybe I just dreamed that up, though?
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Merchandising, merchandising, where the real money from the movie is made. Under Seige-the T-shirt, Under Seige-the Cook book Book, Under Seige-the apron, Under Seige-the chef's hat, Under Seige-the cookie sheets.
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If he was smart Seagal would combine his love of music with nostalgia for the 80's and form the supergroup - Flock of Seagals
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just for the fact that she used to be super hot and I used to crank one out to her on a regular basis. But yeah seeing her on CFC last year was a "WTF" moment. My penis shed a tear of nostalgia.
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According to Blues folklore, while traveling on a cross-road in the delta Steven Seagal sold his soul to the Devil in exchange for a King-sized Zagnut candy bar.
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Quit bein' silly Merrick. :-)
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boy was i late for this bandwagon ...
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That's fuckin' comedy man.
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every single person on this talkback wouldn't go to town on EE. Please, nerds...please.
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... seriously.
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Oh come on, we all know every guy here (except the closet cases) would hit that shit. I know I would!
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My heart skips a beat. Make it so, Luc, Cory, Jason, and Louis. Make it so.
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Yes finky089, there was a Spaceballs 2 planned at some point, rumors having it be called Spaceballs 3: The Search for Spaceballs 2 (hence my joke). Last I heard they were turning it into a cartoon series or something.
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Bung
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WELL done SIR!
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That's the BIG mystery. the guy pops in and out of talkbacks at will, posting from the future. it's bizarre, and no, not like homewrecker's website. <p>regardless, thanks so much for the response. I think the AICN masters could do well to drop by and comment within talkbacks more often. And I think many of the posters would appreciate it.
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Dick Nicely and finky089 the same person...LOOK AT THEIR STYLE. THEIR LEXICON.<p> QuinnTheEskimo thanks for the shout out!!!
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Put down the hair dye and grow some dignity, folks.
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Dick Nicely-so good to see you in a talkback again. stick around for some vagina in a cup!<p>Ghoul-I don't believe for a second finky is Dick Nicely. not a chance. And, are YOU Lebron23 rebord? the power of the ghetto side is strong with you.<p>Yack-please check out the blade2 review for a huge tribute I did to you.<p>flim springfield-who are the "damn boomers" of which you speak?<p>repligin-you can't hide forever. I'll find you in this world line or the next!<p>everyone else-if seagal makes another movie I think we should start a "seagalliningup.com" site to show our respect and love for this old spare tire.
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perhaps I inadvertantly copied his style in admiration? <p>What can I say, the guy cracked me up on the Indy IV TB and TF TB's, as well as a few other over the last few weeks. <p>However, I hear that Doc Pazuzu is also 78 other people, according to "homewrecker" (who's nuttier than a shithouse rat.)
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seppukudkurosawa is facing a banning whenever the Mods see that not only has that old story been revived from the dead (good, old Orcus has a way of showing up in old TBs, doesn't he?), but also that it's non-related talk.<p> At least that's what they did on the last big Transformers TB and whenever Aquaf@g gets revived (been a while now). They cut that mother back and bane a bunch of posters. Fascist pigs!
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for the record
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hmmmm...you know there's only ONE other person on aicn who mentions fascists...and that's...
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So there's a black guy in it who takes everything anyone says as a racial slur? FUCKEN AWESOME!
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Jan. 22, 2007, 9:05 p.m. CST
I'm reading this TB because I knew Vern would show up!
by Bob Cryptonight
The MAN needs to make his statement.
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"If you're finky089... I guess I'm Dick Nicely."
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See boys, I never bought the "theory" that nicely was finky.<p>however, I 100% believe the theory that repligin is john titor. prove me wrong, prove me wrong I say!
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need I say more?
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"All your bass are belong to us, bitch."
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... not only the resurection of the ever-so-creepy blade 2 TB, but also an under siege 3 TB... sweet jesus, it must be my lucky day! im gonna go buy a lottery ticket in case you were wondering the #'s (4-8-15-16-23-42) im a fucking nerd
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"I got a meal for ya. 's called a knuckle sandwich. In fact... have two."
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have you seen him? he's like animal chin me thinks. thus the search for animal chin becomes the search for Mr. JJonz, Esq.
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"Ruff ruff! Ryme runna ruff ru rup!"
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"he may be too fat for real movies, but he's not too fat for cuttin some bacon off you're back!"<p>how was that boys?
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Well, if my calculations are correct, it's 3.30am in Britain. I suspect JJonz is asleep, and I like to think he's surrounded by beautiful women, a non-eBayed cat and a few spare Guinnesses for the morning (for shame).
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proofreading is for suckers. or whatever that hannibal talkback catchphrase about proofreading was.
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"Hows about another rum, boys?"
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"they all suffocated under my spare tire, and then I ate their livers with fava beans."
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"You're lookin' for a hole in one, fella. Well, you found the right caddy."
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"So, Erika, how're we gonna eat our way outta this one?"
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"I think I know what's cookin'... and I think it's me."
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er, no, wait, don't get mad at me mori. I love you! you know this man!
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"Lose the ponytail, and you lose your windpipe, sport."
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Or do the Scots have their own version of hoods? if so, give us the details cos we pride ourselves on the nasty parts of town here in houston! whoop whoop!
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We have council house schemes. Post-Apocalyptic urban sprawls of grafitti-sprayed, crumbling "social" housing populated by drug dealers, drug users and drugs. And in these schemes we have "schemies" or, more commonly, "neds" who say things like "Hawww, whityidain' ya cunt, ya startin, eh eh eh? Ah'll tak a hammer tae you ya wank". Check out some of these scumbags here: www.glasgowsurvival.co.uk (no doubt that link will have a space in it... you know what to do.)
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It is coming.........
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And now you're going to get Under Seagal: The Motion Picture
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that quote was hilarious! its pretty amazing that 90% of the humor in my life comes from this site. insanely funny. WAY funnier than ebonics or ghettoese or whatever the kids are calling it these days. I'm off to check out the link.
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and the yank strikes back! didn't think I'd know that term did ya?
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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neds
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but how can we get everyone together? can anyone reach repligin? what about JJonz? help me out!
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The English variant. I can't believe neds made it to the Wikipedia...<p>"Hawww, juss checked oot Harry's pure Blade 2 thingmy, review, like... fuckin sperr chenge, man. Fuckin quality. Dinny gie a fuck aboot ra film, aye, but this cunt tawks aboot cunts like, lickin em n stuff, ehhhh. Toap class pure funny shite."
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Dick my boss is a brit and he always says top class. hilarious man seriously! I'm gonna show him the ned entry in wiki tomorrow.<p>wife says it's to bed with me. and a good time was had by all.
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That's how you knew the word "chav"... Haha, nothing gets past Dick Nicely.
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You replied anyway. Arse.<p>Deus, time to hide the remote control, dude.
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"Gotta chill this champagne, Erika."
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"Shoulda gotten more ice, baby."
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"Tok's ill. Ain't hard no more. Guess that means somebody's gotta take care of business. Guess I'd better get me a shirt 'n' tie."
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"Name's Eath. Mark Eath. My friends call me Edford. Only I don't got any friends."
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"Don't make no riots on my territory, Pat. Or I'm gonna cook you a biscuit you won't be able to chew."
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Punk: "You broke my arm, Shad!"<p>*SNAP*<p>Shad: "Now it's broken. Get with it, punk."
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Merc (Steven Seagal): "Whaddaya think, Harry?"<p>Harry (Ice Cube): "Thinkin' I shoulda lost some weight for that xXx movie, Merc."<p>Merc: "Fat action stars are in, Harry."<p>Harry: "Easy to say for a guy named after a car."<p>Merc: "Hey, talkin' of cars, looks like those punks are jackin' that lady's ride."<p>Harry: "Ten four. Let's buddy-whup us some ass."
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Drink our water....<br><br> I'm gonna send you bastards back to where you belong!
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"You go number one in my restroom, you tip the attendant, bitch. Well, I got a tip for you: call yourself an ambulance, and maybe it'll get here in time."
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"We gotta get off Ury, and if that means we gotta rebuild this plane, then dammit, we gotta rebuild this plane."
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"Gotcha that tack, C. Now get that poster on your wall and let's go kick us some A."
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"Cause I'm all outta frogs and you're uglier."
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I'd be a better Sharon Stone sequel than Basic Instinct 2.
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"I reigned before... and I'll reign again."
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"Good for ya."
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"Get under before I put you under. Six FEET under. Bitch."
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"Ain't seen a ship nor sailor in years. But when I do, I'm gonna sink that bitch."
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Unngh-Plop.
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Dirk Diggler and Reed Rothschild co-star.
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Erika is always hiding<p>In somebody else's cake<p>You dream about sailing with her<p>But that is a big mistake<p>Terrorists all around you<p>Out here on the ocean blue<p>They took over your destroyer<p>And locked up the whole damn crew...<p>Under the Seige! <p>Under the Seige!<p>Casey, it's better<p>Than a DTV premiere<p>It's a real movieee!<p>Willis an Sly work out all day<p>In franchise sequels they slave away<p>While Casey's devotin'<p>Full time to bloatin'<p>Under the Seige...
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Proof-reading the word "siege" is for chumps.
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Apparently, Seagal's been living a bit too freely...now he's got to free some of that gut around his waist.
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blah.
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Who will watch this? "You will!!"
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Including some of mine. :)
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That title works pretty good.
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Segal never died in Under Siege. He just fell from 7,000 feet. We all know he just walked it off after he hit the ground.
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NANCY BITCHFEST: THE MOVIE. Chuck Norris invents a time machine where he can fulfill his dream of knocking the tar out of the peace loving Nancy-boy Ghandi. Van Dam reprises his role as the TIME COP, and with his new Partner Stevie "Wonder" Segal, they must go back in time with SYLVESTER STALONE to stop Chuck Norris' vile plan. Who will win? Who cares? Let's watch the Nancy boys knock the tar out of on another.
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when Gary Busey spits in the food classic
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for the feature-length adaptation of the YouTube classic "Van Damme gets a boner?" I heard David Koepp was called in to flesh it out.
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As a Warner Bros. property the announcement of a potential Under Siege 3 is not much of a surprise. They've set up a Direct-to-DVD label for flicks such as Dukes of Hazzard: The Beginning and the upcoming Lost Boys 2 and New Jack City 2. Should these actually materialise. Under Siege 3 would be a let down. We all know this. The fact that Seagal's DVD releases can be forgotten so easily helps viewers get over dissapointment. A high profile title like this will bring him to public attention but would inevitably be poorly received. Personally I'd enjoy the novelty of seeing the title up there on the shelf and if Seagal put the effort in I think we could do some interesting things with the character ala Rocky Balboa. But lets be honest, Under Siege 3 would be just like every other DTDVD. Seagal himself wasn't involved in the upcoming Half Past Dead 2 but did do a follow up to The Foreigner so it's clear he's not averse to Sequels. If he can get a deal to make the film on the condition he can get funding for Prince of Pistols then I'd like to think he'd do it. But I think Warner or Sony, if they take on the property, would rather stick to using the title and casting a cheaper name or an unknown. As is the case with Treach's casting in Art of War 2.
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I would love to try a talkback with Steven Seagal. Maybe we can straighten him up like Sly. We can work from fledging star to star next.
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Segal takes his jazz abilities to the orient!
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Must fight his way out of a Taiwanese jail and back to the schoolhouse and rescue his true love from a math test.
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Oh i can't be bothered !
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let's discuss something cool, like time travel, fascists, christina aguiler's hooters, dinosaurs, making mori angry, porn, anything but who got owned or who's secret identity is who's. <p> besides, Ikamono pointed out last night that everyone on her 'sept me is the same person so can we just accept his explanation and move on. please?
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what a noob I am. I've successfully humiliated myself!
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Add Dolph and Jean Claude and you got one hell of a b movie. Toss in Eric Roberts and that dude from kickboxer 3 and its an easy classic. Toss in a Yetti and some tremors instant epic
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you don't need clever allusions to be cruel!
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it never seems to close and it's always a bunch of laughs with Abom, Deus, and that glorious bastard, Dick Nicely. <p> thanks for the morning laughs, gents.
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and Steven enjoys the buffet with the best of them like has been mentioned before...
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"Welcome to the ocean, sweetheart."
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"You wanna skin those bitches like the Predator. Peel it off, peel it off. Then you get the moisture. You got a tear in your eye? That's all good. All right, so then you bifurcate the motherfucker. You got two domes, now. Like tits. Tits. Slice 'em into rainbows. You never seen a rainbow, son? Yeah, like that. Now take those rainbows and cut 'em at four o'clock, five o'clock, six o'clock, and so forth. You got little squares of onion. Put 'em in the pan and fry those bitches. When you can see the pan through 'em, that's your base."
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"You wanna take the stalk of that pepper and wrench it like the neck of a no-good weedy nerdy terrorist fuck. Pull the whole head off. Then two cuts. Quick, quick. The blade catches the light, like the desert sun. All right, so you got all four quarters of that pepper, and what you gotta do now is stripe 'em. Stripe 'em like the American flag. You take those stripes and you cut 'em, keep cuttin', keep cuttin' until you got squares, little squares. Throw 'em in the pan, sir. Let 'em sizzle like the fresh blood of an enemy soldier. Get a sense of the scent. Feel the scent. Become one with it."
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"Chicken's a bitch, no doubt about it. You gotta be gentle with chicken, you gotta be cautious. Respect the chicken. Chicken in the wrong hands'll give you the ache of a penetrative bayonet. Mark my words, son. So when you cut up that chicken like the dog it is, and throw those little pink chunks into the pan, remember to consider. That's right. Stand and consider. Consider the care it takes to make it succulent, tender, like the love of a good woman, and just as rare. You get that oil all over. Massage. Caress. But above all, respect that chicken. The second you don't respect it, you're as good as dead."
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"The head of an asparagus stalk is like the head of a platoon. By itself, it means nothing. But with the whole stalk behind it... son, that's when potential becomes greatness. So like a soldier overcome by thoughts of panic, desperation and cowardice, I want you to keep the head. Keep the whole stalk. The whole gives the asparagus its strength. Add it to the pan, swirl it around, do as you will. But don't let it break apart. Ever."
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"Nothing wrong with a little corn, absolutely nothing. This great country was built on corn. But like all the best things, it is best sampled in small doses. So you take a bunch of these babycorns and split 'em into small doses. Round. Yellow. Like a rotund fellow in the sun. Like little coins of gold. And spread them around the pan, there, spread the goodness. Spread the small doses and let 'em do their thing."
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"A man's herbs are his own personal arsenal. Different weapons for different situations, and a man's gotta be the master of 'em all. Select wisely from this toolbox. You gotta bring out the flavour in the chicken, but don't overwhelm the other vegetables. Sprinkle gently, like gunpowder. Meditate on its potency. Breath in, slow. Let it all get to know itself. By this road, we all might reach some kind of wisdom."
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"I'm not here to tell you what's what and who's who. That ain't the job of a lowly cook. But I do know a thing or two about the world, and its seven seas, and the sea of this recipe is French White Wine sauce. White wine, a cool breeze on the deck of a summer's afternoon. Pour it all over the pan, but slowly. Like you'd pour your own soul into the Quest of Zen. Seek not the drowning of the chicken, seek not the drowning of the vegetables... seek only to enhance. It's the final layer, and it's the layer of morality upon these disparate elements. The unification of lost spirits. And when the spirits are unified, you have your meal. Serve, my son. Serve this meal like you'd serve your conutry. And savour it like you'd savour certain death."
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"I can tell you the ingredients of all six sauces on that shelf. I can tell you the chef is left-handed and knows how to handle a blade. I know the best place to look for a bomb is the second microwave from the left, and at this longitude we can sail at twenty-two knots for half an hour before we change time zones. Now why would I know that and not know the secrets of the universe?"
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Wish I could be here all day to read you guy's comedy gold. <p>Guess I'll have to wait til tonight and see what gems you boys have left here.
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insanity abound! I step away to go grab lunch and come back to find Nicely is clearly on an insomnia tear along with abom. not sure where in the world abom resides but needless to say he's not sleeping either.<p>in other news, the local market was packed with hot office girls on their lunch break. oh how I love a mature, stacked woman in a smart yet sexy business suit.<p>and for good measure, if one was to star in US3, and pop out of a birthday cake, I'd gladly see this movie.
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"The bread is soft. Limp. Not much good to anybody. But you hold it straight, it maintains the illusion of rigidity. So you hold it straight, and position the toaster just so. Then you slip it in and turn up the heat. Sure, it may not get hard right away, but give it time. Just a little time. Let the warmth spread and take its hold. Suddenly it's unstoppable. Yes. What was soft becomes hard. Yes, yes, it's hard all over. It's warm. It's good. Yes. It's hot, it's darker, it's as solid as it can get. Yes, yes it is, yes indeed. It's reached its limit. It's ready. And then your toaster PINGS and the toast springs up like a geyser. And then, you can relax, because it's time for breakfast. Maybe a coffee. Ahhhhh."
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"Disarming a nuclear warhead is like making love to a beautiful woman. Intimidating at first, sure. That's only natural. But it lays there, still, inviting, so you approach. You strip the casing and look inside. You know you're welcome if she hasn't blown up in your face, but there's still a lotta buttons to choose from, and you can't just push 'em at random. You gotta be alert. Sensitive. Don't rush to expose the circuitry. Let your hands get to know the mechanism. Feel your way first. Explore. Remember, she's gonna react, just don't have her react prematurely. Timing is everything. And when the timing is right, that's when you make your final move."
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someone named 5and5make12 or something along those lines is in the recently resurrected blade2 talkback claiming he's in possession of the repligin machine.<p>who is this guy?<p>he was never in our hannibal tb, where the legend of John Titor was revealed, AND, he would have no way of knowing that repligin uses titor's 500lb machine to jump in and out of talkbacks both in the past and in the future, would he?<p>moreover, does his knowledge of this fact lend credence to Ikimodo's theory that all talkback posters, save me, are the same person?
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Almost 9pm in Lyon, making this my 17th consecutive hour of consciousness. I spent the day auditioning potential flatmates, and am currently musing over the morality of giving the free room to the most attractive female applicant regardless of any other factors.
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your post about, ahem, smart and sexy women. here I was about to tell me wife that my new friends on aicn think I'm smart and sexy. imagine how that would have made HER feel! not to mention me!<p>in other news, one "chickchow" is questioning the validity of my marriage, I think in the silver surfer or blade2 tb. I love aicn. can't believe I didn't post anything for six years and missed all this fun by so doing.
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I was laughing so hard at them last night the wife yelled at me. and not in a good way mind you. considering I'm still at the office, even though the brit boss left for the day, I've got some free time.<p>and by the way all you mods reading, I hear there's gonna be a few Ned-ish Scot henchmen in Under Siege 3: Glasgow Unbound so there's the relevance to the movie in my post! mwa-ha, gotcha!
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This is a mystery, Deus. I too spotted the mention of "repligin" and suspicions were aroused, but then forgotten. Bear with me while I investigate.
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While 2 and 2 makes 4. Unfortunately detective work is not an exact science, so I have no such definitive answers to this mystery. I can only guess that 5and5makes12 was ghosting the Hannibal Rising talkback and confused the time machine chat with our references to repligin... After all, he disappeared early on, but the time machine stuff continued. The word "Repligin" has, as far as I can tell, no meaning other than a TB handle.<p>Several identities have been called into question here. Are there moderators amongst us? Dual personalities? I am reminded of a theory that there are only 500 real people in the world, which is why they keep bumping into each other...
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http://tinyurl.com/375hc4 <P>that'll take you right to the talkback post by this mysterious 5and5make12 person wherein he mentions he has the repligin machine. oh man, this guy's got balls!
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Check out talkback 2589. Another mention of "The Repligin Machine". There is most certainly continuum fuckage a-transpiring, fellas. Space-time is collapsing all around us!
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The most attractive flathunter will certainly get the room. When I say "musing over the morality" what I really mean is... well, I'm just trying to justify it with my second favourite organ, the one that does most of the thinking. And yet whether this rationalisation is successful or not, I am increasingly feeling that it doesn't matter a jot. Am I a weak person? A bad person? Or would any red-blooded male do the same thing? I think the answers are yes, yes and yes.
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I might as well come clean. I AM finky089. And repligin. And Deus Vult. And Moriarty. And Sylvester Stallone. And Yackbacker. And BringingSexyBack. And Steven Seagal. And Darth Vader, Michael Bay, the Buddha, Orson Welles, the Queen of Spain, Harper Lee, Edgar Allan Poe, L. Ron Hubbard, Gilgamesh, Henry V and John Titor.
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Make sure you introduce her to the AICN Tb's and tell her some twit is using your name to tell amusing stories of his sexual exploites with his new flatmate!
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"Ehhh, gonnae get oaf mah fuckin ship like, ya buncha wanks? Ahv goat mair knives n a fuckin Hoambase warehoose, n if yez touch mah warheids ahll fuckin chib yez. Ehhh."
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Thanks, fellas. Smart 'n' sexy story coming your way.
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To save you the suspense, this story doesn't end in photocopier-top shagging as I was spoken for at the time, and tend to remain honourable (though not always, for shame).<p>I temped in an office once, and noted with a colleague that the middle part of a female business suit is the most important. Trousers/skirt, jacket, these have their merits, but they are essentially a frame in which the top is free to work its magic. Flowery patterns, frills, the all important neckline, and the magnetising magic of silk. Now, I don't know if this was coincidence, but shortly after I shared this observation, my colleague and I began to notice a bit of competitiveness flaring amongst the female staff members. Suddenly there were less boring white blouses around. Buttons appeared undone. Silk became more popular. The V neckline began to plunge.<p>This was, of course, witnessed with exponential wonder by the male office staff, who in turn became more productive. Files and other information were delivered promptly and with thorough explanation to the more senior ladies, while the junior gals received more assistance in their work. Unfortunately the boss was the least attractive and most jealous of our women. The whole thing (if it was ever really a "thing") culminated in a crackdown on office dress policy, and several ladies were told to cover up and stop distracting us victimised menfolk in one of the funniest meetings I have ever attended.<p>Silk became cotton. Vs became Ts. Even jumpers appeared. And I like to think that productivity, enthusiasm and office morale suffered just a little bit. The moral being, smart 'n' sexy is good for business, and let it be known.
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"Ehhh, whit yous cunts daein in mah oaffice pairty like? Fuckin takin ower, ur yez? Fuckin big nazi dudes wi guns, ur yez? Ah've goat a fuckin Christmas present fur yous. Nae cunt's gettin ooty here alive wi mah cash. Ah'm gonnae chib yez aw. Smert suited besturds, aw yez. I ken yer gemm. Ah'm no feart, n ah've goat the power ay Buckfast oan mah side. Fuckin go mad dog oan yez. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow ya fuckin wank."
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"Vempires, hunners o the cunts. Gettin us aw smashed oan ra Bucky n suckin it oot wur necks like. Aye, yez think? Guess again ya fang-dentured wanks. Knightswood Yount Team's oan nae cunt's menu. Fuckin tak aw yez oan. Come oan then, enny o yez! Who's first like? Fuckinnnn."
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here is where it all started:<p>Hey Dick and Jonz--how are you posting from the future? by Deus Vult Jan 13th, 2007 09:03:49 PM You know my posts are showing BEFORE both of your's but I'm quite sure mine should come after which can only mean you're both posting from the future...or...I'm posting from the past? DEAR GOD IS THAT POSSIBLE???? <p>then Dick responded: <p>Shit, Deus Vult's discovered the TB Time Machine by Dick Nicely Jan 13th, 2007 09:08:33 PM We're gonna have to kill you, dude. Must be some screwy time zone thing. I don't know, I failed computing. All I know is, I made an excellent joke over two posts the other day, and they appeared in the wrong order, thus making me look like a vagina in a cup. For shame. <p>then we had me saying: <p>more posts from the future... by Deus Vult Jan 13th, 2007 09:10:07 PM are you guys on board the USS Eldridge by chance? oh, that might not make sense to the brits on tonight, here's an explanation via the always reliable, 100% accurate wikipedia: http://tinyurl.com/nqefo Look, wikipedia is FREE and that's good enough for me. Crap now I'm rhyming. <p>with that repligin, who "claimed" he was going to sleep, popped back in and said:<p>i'm 24 too.. by repligin Jan 13th, 2007 09:13:30 PM i can't remember much about transformers, but i remember loving them. i had so many, until what was one of the worst days of my life. i brought a couple in to school. and then there was this kid, real fucking dick, started trying to smash them. so i grabbed bumble bee, and just hit him in the face. and i just kept hitting and hitting.... anyways the kid was taken into hospital and turned out i blinded him. according to the doctors there was nothing the could do, it was the transfomers-- "robots in his eyes". <p>keep in mind, he was supposed to have been sleeping. here's my response: <p>now repligin, if you're 24 by Deus Vult Jan 13th, 2007 09:18:23 PM you should be out nailing hot, young, easy-lead-astray college freshmen girls instead of posting on this innane site. look, this board is for old, married guys who are trapped in their homes with their january 15th direct deposit having gone in early due to the holiday monday burning a hole in their pocket as they dream of their bachelor party some three years ago next weekend and long for that stipper with the pigtails at rick's cabaret in new orleans. Christ I need help boys, serious help mind you. <p>then here's dick nicely's: <p>Repligin esq, you funny bastard by Dick Nicely Jan 13th, 2007 09:18:31 PM Pretending to go to sleep, but just waiting to pounce! Unless you're from even further in the future. My toys were the Thundercats, except one day I realised that they basically just landed on some Egyptian cunt's planet and started making trouble. Just because they're pretty felines and the "villains" are ugly jackals and toads and things, kids get fooled into thinking the Thundercats are the heroes... not so! And there's no real end to that story, sorry. <p>followed up by JJonz almost immediately with: <p>Repligin came up with the vagina in a cup and by MrJJonz Jan 13th, 2007 09:20:43 PM Repligin I thought you'd gone to bed and repligin that bumblebee story is fucking hilarious. God I am really really toasted so at this point I think I am going to depart. Farewell yon well travelled fellow and many thanks for the much amusement tonight. Having said all that I'll probably go for a vagina in a cup and then come back and type some more. . . who knows <p>clearly then everythinks this clever repligin character is sleeping. but you see, he WANTS us to think that. with that in mind, here's his next post: <p>good call on thundercats by repligin Jan 13th, 2007 09:20:46 PM just goes to show that cartoons are ran by facists. i'm really going to sleep now. no more pouncing. <p>again he SAYS he's going to sleep. my response to Jonz and repligin saying they're going to bed is a sad one: <p>well for fuck's sake then by Deus Vult Jan 13th, 2007 09:24:04 PM so everyone's going to bed eh? you know its only 9:36pm in texas. thus I have no idea what "pwns teh suck" means, how you're all posting from the future, and what the proper usage of "vagina in a cup" should be. so I've wasted half an hour in this talkback then...fuck...I hope I can get to the bottom of this before bed lest I won't sleep at'all. <p>some time later, repligin REAPPEARS with the following posts: toy story was funded by nazi gold by repligin Jan 13th, 2007 09:58:30 PM buzz lightyear, in it's original german is an anagram of 'squeeze hard the jew's head'. seriously. to paraphrase george bush.."i feel sorry for them..for they can never comprehend the joy of..of.something like..hanukka" <p>and:<p> i'm actually asleep now. by repligin Jan 13th, 2007 09:59:05 PM i have fucking exams to revise for.. <p>the timing of his posts confused both Dick and myself, who were basically the only ones left in the talkback at this time. therefore I proposed the following: <p>flash: repligin posts from his sleep AND the future by Deus Vult Jan 13th, 2007 10:02:11 PM how the fuck is this happening? <p>things are quiet for awhile, but then repligin REAPPEARS AGAIN, but has somehow gone way back in the past and learned mandarin chinese and come back to present day with this post: <p>i study chinese..so i guess it'd be.. by repligin Jan 13th, 2007 10:18:12 PM "bei li de yindao". damn, you can't write chinese characters in this one.. <p>Around an hour later I duck out for the night, and no more posts from repligin are to be had. however, the next day, our good pal S Mart arrives around the afternoon period and wants a review of the previous 400+ posts, here is what I gave him, edited of course: <p>okay s mart here we go-- by Deus Vult Jan 14th, 2007 03:39:00 PM Fascists prefer pumas over nike or new balance and they have also heavily influenced ALL animated features throughout history with their powerful propaganda. someone named "repligin" has figured out how to sleep AND create posts from the future AT THE SAME TIME <p>A few dozen posts go by and Nicely claims a post he's referring to that he wrote previously up the chain "was actually written tomorrow" and I responded with:<p>no sir, only repligin, God bless him he must be dead by Deus Vult Jan 14th, 2007 04:37:32 PM by now, can post from the future, or tomorrow as you said Dick. no question about it that repligin is quite possibly John Titor: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/J ohn_Titor <p>Watch for spaces if you copy and past the link. From there some time passes as everyone reads the link. By now Jonz is back and responds to the link's posting with:<p>1st time I've heard of John Titor by MrJJonz Jan 14th, 2007 04:42:08 PM Thats brilliant. I especially love the fact that people think it is all real. For people still believing this . . . .only repligin is real <p>Now I love Jonz as much as anyone else, but he's still a skeptic, at this point. I attribute this to his lack of alcohol intake up this point in the day mind you. So I respond with: <p>the odds on either repligin and/or titor being real are by Deus Vult Jan 14th, 2007 04:53:17 PM minimal at best Jonz, and I think we can both agree on that. for instance, Titor posted on the web and so did repligin. Titor is from the future and so is repligin. yet titor made posts in the present and so does repligin. finally, titor appears without warning and disappears also without warning, making profound and freightening posts about the future, just like repligin. thus, I conclude, both titor and repligin are equally real or not real. clearly the decongestant I'm taking is driving me batty. <p>So the standard back and forth continues for quite some time, there's not much going on. But then a bolt of lightning hits and we're all back, for some reason. plus the talkback has crested over 500 posts: <p>I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!!! by Deus Vult Jan 15th, 2007 01:57:26 PM over 500 posts! Dick Nicely is back! JJonz may be back! YackBacker has arrived! repligin is stuck in a wormhole! AAAWWWEEESSSOOOMMMEEE!!!! <p>Somewhere in the night Jonz realizes that the repligin/titor thing is real and says: <p>Hey Dick Nicely by MrJJonz Jan 15th, 2007 02:42:36 PM You seen how close to the 600 mark we are? For such a monumental occasion wouldn't it be nice to have repligin here as well. Unfortunately his time travel machine appears to be bolloxed. He's probably stuck pre Charles Babbage.(I wonder if he got called cabbage at school - thats probably why he became an IT outcast) <p>More proof that Jonz has become a true believer in the time-traveling John Titor and that repligin now has his machine is here: <p>I find this John Titor thing fucking brilliant by MrJJonz Jan 15th, 2007 02:50:28 PM Where is this guys movie. I just can't believe that people thought he was real and some still do. Me may go hunting for more info that wikipedia can provide <p>then of course good ol' Dick Nicely reveals he wrote a piece on time travel:<p>Time Travel/John Titor by Dick Nicely Jan 15th, 2007 02:55:08 PM I Wikipedia'd that motherfucker and I'm reading up on him now... sounds fascinating. I wrote a semi-essay once called "How to Avoid Assassination at the Hands of Time-Travellers" which is pretty self explanatory. I don't want to plug my website but if anyone wants to read it, I can post it here. Valuable stuff. If Titor was posting here from the future, I think taking the alias "repligin" is exactly what he'd do to fool us. <p>For whatever reason Nicely then has a brief change of heart and doubts the entire Titor premise, but I clear it up for him with:<P>more on repligin and john titor by Deus Vult Jan 15th, 2007 03:03:09 PM no sir, only repligin, God bless him he must be dead by Deus Vult Jan 14th, 2007 04:37:32 PM by now, can post from the future, or tomorrow as you said Dick. no question about it that repligin is quite possibly John Titor: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/J ohn_Titor and 1st time I've heard of John Titor by MrJJonz Jan 14th, 2007 04:42:08 PM Thats brilliant. I especially love the fact that people think it is all real. For people still believing this . . . .only repligin is real and the odds on either repligin and/or titor being real are by Deus Vult Jan 14th, 2007 04:53:17 PM minimal at best Jonz, and I think we can both agree on that. for instance, Titor posted on the web and so did repligin. Titor is from the future and so is repligin. yet titor made posts in the present and so does repligin. finally, titor appears without warning and disappears also without warning, making profound and freightening posts about the future, just like repligin. thus, I conclude, both titor and repligin are equally real or not real. clearly the decongestant I'm taking is driving me batty. <p>that's just a combo of my previous posts on the subject. Now Jonz has become a time-traveling sleuth and posts:<p>Check this out by MrJJonz Jan 15th, 2007 03:12:52 PM http://johntitor.strategicbrai ns.com This is fascinating - I mean really fascinating . . .and also baffling <p>Then Dick reveals the aforementioned essay: <p>Nicely's essay by Dick Nicely Jan 15th, 2007 03:13:56 PM Actually, it contains some code stuff that may not make it through the AICN... erm... code sensor things. So here's the link: http://tinyurl.com/yav hdc <p>So at this point we're arguing over whether repligin was/is even real or not, and so I say<p>JJonz, colon and Dick by Deus Vult Jan 15th, 2007 03:17:16 PM thus, either repligin is real OR John Titor is NOT real, period. and I'm sticking with that stance for good from here on out mind you. <p>Now Nicely believes in it 100% because he trust Jonz, a euro, over his good american friend deus, and proclaims his belief with: <p>Titortastic by Dick Nicely Jan 15th, 2007 03:19:01 PM Cheers for the link MrJJonz, this story's amazing. <p>Feeling betrayed because I brought the topic into the fold, I say:<p>DICK NICELY-FOR SHAME! by Deus Vult Jan 15th, 2007 03:24:06 PM now dammit I was the one who introduced the titor concept ala repligin to this talkback and I want some credit! and you know what yanks do when they want something and don't get it don't you? well drop a bunch'a bombs of course! heads up boys! <p>By now Jonz is to engrossed with Titor he has the two posts:<p>Wow . . .just wow by MrJJonz Jan 15th, 2007 03:59:35 PM So like this dude Titor fights in the new American civil war, then even with a couple of kids he volunteers for a time travel thingy, where he travels back to 1975 in an old corvette to get a really old computer because of some geek code conversion thing that other modern days computers can't do, then gets to the year 2000 starts posting and having, by all acounts very intelligent discussions who appear to understand all the physics behind what he is saying, before he can find favourable conditions to zap back to 2038 BUT it won't be the same 2038 he left (will be similar though) because of the different worldlines (alternate dimensions) that exist. I am fucking fascinated. Some motherfucker just has to make a movie on this. C'mon Michael Bay where are you now??? <p>and:<p>Sorry Deus - just been entranced by Titor by MrJJonz Jan 15th, 2007 04:05:07 PM hence the braindump of everything I have just learned. This guy has pictures - actual photos - of his time machine. He also has an instruction manual. How much effort to go into a hoax - dear god it's incredible. I mean some bloke who knows all the theories behind time travel well enough to win arguments against all comers on the internet - I beleive he would answer any question with regards to the science of it. Nerds are taking over. I thought geek was the latest cool but this guy has won me over. Best hoax ever <p>we contine to debate whether titor and/or repligin are real, if they can time travel, and a host of other items, until this guy shows up, quite like repligin I might add (unannounced you see):<p>THIS THREAD IS TOO CONFUSING by Total Fucking Destruction Jan 15th, 2007 04:52:45 PM and thus deserves TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION. <p>With that said we all assume it's a mod about to shut us down so the conversation fades a bit but nothing too bad.<p>anyway, no one ever hears from repligin again, yet his name appears throughout other talkbacks by people who were NOT part of the hannibal tb and they refer to his ability to post from the future in so much that he must be using a machine (!).<p>so there you have it. this took me an hour. please paypal me the sum of $50.00 by noon tomorrow for said work.
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enjoy boys<p>http://tinyurl.com/2u7tby <p>now I'm really leaving the office.
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According to my calculations, there are talkback conversations going on RIGHT NOW spanning the years 2002 to 2007. Not only that, but Deus is living in the Hannibal Rising past and Abomination and Dorothy's Taint are in the Land of Oz. I have formerly asked 5and5 - five years ago - why it's called the Repligin Machine, but have not yet received an answer. This may be because he is busy, or it may be because he is somewhere in the future or past where AICN does not exist.
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Look, dude, you've got our brains in a twist. We're even suffering from Single Personality Disorder. So I'm asking nicely, one more time...<p>From whence does the name Repligin Machine come???<p>If I do not receive a reply, my minions will hunt you through the space-time continuum and turn you inside out. Of course, I'm making these threats from a computer in Europe, so I can't really say how effective they may be.
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Possibility #1: 5and5 is Repligin.<p>Possibility #2: 5and5 was ghosting the Hannibal Rising talkback in some capacity, and became confused.<p>Possibility #3: 5and5 was ghosting the Hannibal Rising talkback, and knows exactly what he's doing and how to fuck with us.<p>Possibility #4: 5and5 is John Titor.<p>Dick Nicely's Solution: possibility #3.
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How are things with you guys. I see Deus has decided to paste most of the much beloved Hannibal TB - fair play to you sir for sharing the love<P>Dick just want to say I love your questionable poetry on your website - most amusing. Hope you have been keeping well and away from that ultra strong french coffee
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but probably goes to show proof reading is for chumps<P>I see that insatiable time travelling stalwart is still proving a mystery and still troubling like minded fellows on this TB<P>And for what it's worth Under Siege 3 excites me as much as Die Hard 7 or whatever number we are up to . . .not much at all
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As you can see, I have been conducting an investigation in time. I have been to 1998 (TB2589) and 2002 (TB11793) but am still befuddled by a certain poster's use of the term "Repligin Machine".<p>Glad you like the site; I received your comments and the confidence boost led me to add a third recipe. Hope you have been keeping well and close to the Guinness.
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into the theories of the repligin machine. <P>Now I have slipped into the driving seat I have a guiness very close to hand and more often than not in it.<P>The snow is falling here in Leeds and I have been comparing notes with my sister on what car to buy next. I feel that budget may dictate what to get . . .ie it certainly won't be what I want, what I really really want
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I gave four possibilities and picked the third. Am I right or am I wrong?
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Alot of people seem to pick on the secret of him being able to hold down a marriage and post on here at the same time<P>Well I know what the secret is<P>90210 on DVD . . .she watches, he types and feigns interest every now and then.<P>This is also followed by trying to persuade said wife that he is talking to chicks online all the time
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You just gave me a clue. I think I was wrong, and I think I know who you are...
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MrJJonz, raise your feline mascot of Euro glory and let's all toast this momentary victory over the yanks.
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Go on, go on, go on...
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. . .Momentarily - now I covered in scratches and need medicinal guinness fix.<P>Why won't someone invent slippers for cats
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Is is snowing where you are 5and5?<P>Am I on the right lines with this Dick?
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They're called "Get off my fucking T-shirt you hairy bitch, and go chase a mouse."
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<em>
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Care to comment, 5and5?
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does it cost much to travel to Leeds from Northern Ireland?
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Arse.
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All right, 5and5, answer me this: where would you most like to travel with the Repligin Machine?
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Hmmmm heavy contemplation on the repligin machine query me thinks
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<em>
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I guess that rules out #1.<p>What do you think, MrJJonz?
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I'm not sure how many other possibilities it leaves . . .do you have another possibility list brewing?
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Who is this genius Neill Cumpston and how did I get through 24 years without his Lord of the Rings review???
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He's a Brit. I'm not sure he's seen the Hannibal Rising talkback, or if he has, then only the latter part (after Repligin's departure). He says EU travel's expensive, but the temperature at his current residence is "30 somethin" which obviously rules out the UK. Hell, I'm near the south of France and it's only seven degrees. An ex-pat in Spain, maybe?
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is playing upon the repligin machine thing.<P>Most annoying<P>Remember the days when the hardest challenege was to fit 'vagina in a cup' into your daily conversation<P>Also have a good new game at work. A colleague habds you a list of random words at the beginning of the day and you have to work all of them into your phone conversation by the end of the day. I was actually crowned king. I'm not bad at conversational - beats the hell out of my typing
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"where the king is being a dick and just eating dinner while every puke-ugly bad-ass on the planet starts surrounding it, ready to open a Wal-Mart that only sells ball-stomp."<p>Might be my favourite sentence of all time.
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My detecting skills are for shame, I guess... could've sworn you typed like a Brit.<p>I thank you for your support; please feel free to comment on the blogs and make me look even more popular!
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That and the poems (need more Dick) and the recipes - c'est magnifique
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type need more Dick without the use of a comma. Live and learn
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Yes, folks, Nicely is time-travelling, exploring the hidden depths of AICN. Utterly, utterly fascinating what has been posted from the future.<p>I hereby invent a new term for this passtime: repligin'. As in, "Just gone repligin', back soon."<p>Thanks, MrJJonz, that one's my favourite too. True story, by the way, apart from me being able to design websites (ha!).
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seeing as though you had said that the website you use was free and you liked the pictue on it - suggested not being able to do your own.<P>Anyway I am signing off gor the night. So keep on writing and henceforth entertaining me.<P>Goodnight pal - hope the repligin mystery and coffee doesn't keep you up for another 36 hrs
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I am convinced the answers lie in the deep, dark bowels of AICN.
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Or maybe the past.
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And make HER jump out of a cake all naked! She's HOT
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Sorry, just drove through the ghetto of houston. looks like I'm an hour late to the party. what I miss?
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I'm Deus Vult, the all-knowing crusader of truth. we meet at last!
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Deus spent $23 on a pound of wild caught king salmon and $10 on a bottle of chardonnay to go with it for him and the wife and proceeded to drink 3/4 of the bottle by himself. hence, I'm a lightweight drinker and am plenty drunk. <p>the point? I'm happy to post to just myself.
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5and5 be warned. you may have given Dick and Jonz, possibly even abomination, dorothy's taint, yackbacker even s mart shopper the slip on this repligin machine, but you won't fool Deus. <P>I'll get you! I'LL GET YOU!!!
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I'm over the wine haze and ready to talk. you've claimed possession of the repligin machine but I don't buy it, not for a second.<p>Now, who are you?
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you see there is no repligin machine. in fact, repligin never accepted his appointment as a time traveler. truth be told he completely ignored all my comments on time travel. hence, I know you to be a fictional writer, possibly a fictional person. you may not have the ability to use titor's 500lb GE time travel box but you've certainly obtained a new user id. who were you in the past? time to reveal the truth my friend.<p>you see, I'm on to you my friend. the scots and the brits may have taken it easy on you but the american way is to drop bombs my friend. so a bunker or a mountain hideaway is your best bet. I'll find you 5and5!
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you'd make an appearance. you are my bane after all, constantly trying to foil my search for truth in this life. and truth in this site.<p>now what did Dorothy's Taint do to deserve sainthood? sheesh, I came up with the friggin' catchphrase Dorothy's Taint for God's sake!
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you claimed to be in possession of the repligin machine if I remember right. but I don't think there's any chance of that.<p>we'll skip that for now, as I'm way more interested in learning what the deal is with your strange spelling. "zhe place"...what the crap is that? Zhe? you mean The?<p>5and5 I must be honest, we can be allies, but I'm afraid you must reveal the truth about your past and your current form of existence first. Then reveal what you know of John Titor and his relation to repligin. stat.
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there's so many. besides, I'm a lazy american with great technology. so maybe I'll just use the word search feature in my browser to seek out your posts therein. anything I should look for in particular?
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won't work slick. I got'cha! there's no reason for me to read any other posts in this talkback, the truth lies elsewhere, and I quote:<p>you sure want to start a revolution. by 5and5makes12 Jan 23rd, 2007 03:37:06 PM There is like some guy who has like 650 handles and he definitelly has a hard on for this sight. Look for him in Silver Surfer TB. So unless you get him aroused in some kind of provocation/contest I can't see it happenin. Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore. Better get that repligin machine ready...
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'cause you're freaking me out man!
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is that this takes way too much work. perhaps you are repligin, perhaps not. my post-inebriation headache is making it too hard to concentrate. plus the wife is on the phone and making alot of noise.<p>so with that in mind I'll find my associate yon fellow Mr. Dick Nicely, Esq. tomorrow and we'll uncover the truth about you, wherein you devised a repligin machine, if you know the truth about John Titor, and finally if you are really in this worldline or not.<p>in conclusion my head is pounding and two aleve haven't done the trick. so let's discuss some more positive items...what's on your mind cinco y cinco?
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I've taken a break from the mystery of repligin/5and5. too late in the day, too much of a headache from cheap wine, and too much noise from the wife. let's talk about thundercats movie casting again!
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I didn't see U93. I rented it for the wife and she watched a little bit of it and turned it off.<p>I can't watch anything that covers 9/11. it infuriates me to even think about it.
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there's no hurt. it's beyond that. the world better be glad this yank wasn't the president on 911 because mecca, medina and riyadh would all have been nuked, along with islamabad, tehran, baghdad and more. I'dve nuked a dozen cities in 10 minutes and called the russkies and the commie chinese to warn'em the bombs were in bound.<p>anyway, your spelling is the worst. but I think you're feigning an inability to spell. you're quite the mysterious one aren't you?
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your post from the oscars talkback, which didn't include your name, is worded and spelled beautifully. as well as your posts to the euros nicely and jonz. but to deus they're a disaster. and I think it's on purpose. <p>but I'm too tired to figure out why. you guys have outlasted me! congrats.<p>anyway, I'll get to the bottom of you tomorrow my friend.
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No one had come up with this one yet?
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Not to press on with the dual personalities thing, but has anyone considered...<p>Neill Cumpston = Vern?
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Jan. 24, 2007, 4:25 a.m. CST
UK Kent county residents take note: Seagal is coming
by Sasha Petrosevitch
There is an interview with Seagal in next week's What's On supplement with the Kent Messenger Group newspapers distributed across the county. Hopeful for a big pic of Seagal on the cover. If you live in the area check it out. Then get yourself to the gigs in Gravesend and Tunbridge Wells to see what the man is capable of musically.
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I used to live in Glasgow, where some of "The Jacket" was filmed a few years ago. Kiera Knightley was known to hang out in the city's media yuppie district of Byres Road/Ashton Lane, and one night she ate in a restaurant there, where my friend was a waiter. The righteous bastard gave her his phone number! He said "Well, I've got nothing to lose, so why not?" She never called him, obviously, but he became a hero amongst our gang. Also, he was able to verify that she has definitely eaten at least one meal.
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That one meal did her in...(cue finger in mouth)
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Deus is back, but his mobile is on the fritz. for shame.
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Go to the Verizon store<p>Go to the Verizon store
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Jaguar Paw fights off all the European colonists using Mad Max tactics and ultimately hijacks one of their ships and goes to Spain to fight the bastards at their source (this is also the plot for Serious Sam 2 and Starship Troopers, but hey....)
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There's even a scene where the search troup are chasing Jag and he stops at a waterfall and gives them a badass stair before doing a ballsy dive right off.<br><br>"I didn't sarafice my wife!"<br>"I don't care."
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I have a question for you.
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If you're still around these parts, my Northern Irish Hannibal Rising alumni friend, we appear to have co-opted your login name as a verb. Sorry, dude.
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will try to catch you elsewhere...
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Oct. 25, 2008, 12:34 a.m. CST
HELL YES!!! Also would like to see "Marked for Death 2 & 3"
by ThaJackaL
Please!?
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Waste of Orcus' time
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Doust must be kidding!<p>Who doesn't want to see fatso under siege again?
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