Movie News

There's An UNDER SIEGE 3 Script Ready?? Just As Seagal Is Done With Sony?? So Says Erika Eleniak!!

Published at: Jan. 22, 2007, 6:03 p.m. CST by merrick

Merrick here...
We recently posted a pseudo-interview with Steven Seagal, in which he indicated extreme displeasure with the ultra-shitty straight-to-video fare to which he's been consigned for years. The article makes reference to Seagal's impending fulfillment of his obligations to Sony...effectively liberating him from his STV purgatory & allowing him the latitude to pursue projects more to his liking. You can read the article HERE. What kind of projects might they be? Seagal references a few (like GENGHIS KHAN) in the interview referenced above, but... Jess sent in a note about a series of interesting posts now happening on Erika Eleniak's Official Site. In case you don't remember Erika, she's the super hot girl/sidekick/heroine who jumped out of the cake in the original UNDER SIEGE.
Seems Erika's recently perused the screenplay for a proposed UNDER SIEGE 3. She's in it, she likes it, and here's what she had to say about it:
well, the day has come!!! Hell is for sure frozen stiff !!!! I have seen a complete script for "US3" ... I must say I really wanted to hate it !! ....for what it's worth, I liked it alot, infact I liked it so much there is no way it will ever get made !!..lol.. it's a very "rich" read !! at least one of the most physical action based shows I've looked at in along time. Hats off to the writer who hails from the UK from what I hear! .... nicely done LAD ... I've been wrong for at least 20 years..lol.. so good luck to getting your hard work made into reality! you got my vote ! eE [edit] no it has nothing to do with airplanes. ... no it has nothing to do with 911 ... it has nothing to do with boats or sub's ... terrorist's ? ... in a manner. there IS great comic relief !!! there is non stop ass-beatings being given out for free ! there is the possibility of some women with clothing or lack of issues .. lol ... guns -yes. cars-yes. one-liners - yes. bombs-yes. explosions -lots. blood-yup. cast .. not yet. funny parts-yup. predictable -nope.
Okay, so, now I'm dying to read whatever script she's talking about. It MUST be out there, no? If so...here's how to reach me. While an UNDER SIEGE 3 wouldn't exactly broaden Seagal's career too much, a reasonably well crafted, large scale action piece would at least help put him back on the public's radar & would make a boatload of sense as a career move. Provided, of course, he can get studios/production entities interested. There would be many reasons not to make this movie, but with Bruce Willis resurrecting DIE HARD from the same era, who knows? I'm really curious to see how this shakes out.
KNOW MORE???

SEND IT!!!


Readers Talkback

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  • Jan. 22, 2007, 8:44 a.m. CST

    Predictable? Gotta be.

    by Doctor_Sin

    I mean, it's Seagal battling terrorists ("in a manner"). Maybe SS goes after Greenpeace. Egads - what about this is unpredictable? Oh yeah - she is da hottness.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 8:56 a.m. CST

    Steven Seagal GOTTA DIET!!!

    by godoffireinhell

    That fat, ridiculous fucker. Jeez! Also, why is this Erika Eleniak writing like a 10 year old with ADD in a chat room? Lay off the coke, bitch!

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:04 a.m. CST

    Not as good as OUT FOR JUSTICE 2, but still..

    by OgieOglethorpe

    BRING IT ON!

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:08 a.m. CST

    Cut Seagal some slack!!!

    by The_Closet_Nerd

    True, his films have been going straight to video, but it happens to a lot of actors, and it's not always their fault (hello Sly.) Studios bail out on so many people and put the flavor of the month in everything. I still cringe every time I see Macy Gray in Spiderman, but that's beside the point. I think Seagal is very capable of putting out a good film if the script works. His first few films were as good as ANY one any major action star put out at the time. I happened to catch Out for Justice yesterday on capable, and that film still kicks some ass. There isn't a male alive between 25 and 35 that doesn't want to know why Richie did Bobby Lupo. So before you bag on it why not just wait and see what it's about. I know I'll go to see it if it comes to the theater, and I have a few friends who will too.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:19 a.m. CST

    Erika's probably hit the wall by now....

    by Karl Childers

    Seagal sure has.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:20 a.m. CST

    Steven Seagal is no Bruce Willis.

    by JacksonsPole

    seagal's fat ass and idiotic smirk are two things i never want to see on screen again...

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:20 a.m. CST

    Seagal is SO money!

    by The Ghoul

    The whole 300 pound guy with a ponytail kinda turned me on. Does that make me some kind of fag?

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:28 a.m. CST

    THIS IS COOL NEWS!!!

    by The Ghoul

    If we were reading this site 16 years ago.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:29 a.m. CST

    The_Closet_Nerd

    by scarletspider

    LOL! "Anybody seen Ritchie!?!" "Anybody know why Richie did Bobby Lupo!?!?" I would say that shite just before I would kick my brothers ass. After awhile he would just run every time he heard me say it. Very funny man. I myself also have to give cred to Segal. I have never seen a better punch that the one he gave to "Bulldog" in Above the Law. "Peace brother." LOL. Segal dosen't need a good script (never has). All he needs is to get back into Above the Law or Hard to Kill shape and it's curtains. IF he did that then his career would be atleast as good as it was if not better. I for one miss the old Segal and early Van Damme type movies. No wires, CGI, or over the top stunts. Just good ole fashioned ass kickery. I want to see Segal, Van Damme, Sasha Mitchell and Mark Dacascos all in one film and call it "Only the Kickboxers are Above the Bloodsport.....3

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:31 a.m. CST

    if its got muslims, commie chinese or Hugo Chavez...

    by Deus Vult

    I'm 100% there. will also consider if there are iranian secret agents. may consider if the canadian mounted police are the enemy. possible to attend if its mexican drug lords infiltrating the rio grande border. will pass if its russkies. such old hat there boys.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:39 a.m. CST

    I jerked off to Erika Eleniak

    by godoffireinhell

    when all my friends were spanking it to that silicon and collagen monster Pam Anderson. I dread to think what she looks like nowadays though.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:39 a.m. CST

    Seagal is now the size of the carrier

    by just pillow talk

    from the first one. So does that mean terrorists hijack him?

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:39 a.m. CST

    The REAL Under Seige 3...

    by jimmy rabbitte

    Seagal commandeers the buffet table...

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:40 a.m. CST

    Jesus

    by veebeeyes

    Erika Eleniak sounds like a dunce.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:40 a.m. CST

    Needs sci-fi re-imagining...

    by Diagnostic

    Katie Sackoff is... Hard to Kill<br> or Above the Law<br>or Marked for death<br> but definatly Under Seige 3. Yea.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:42 a.m. CST

    Straight to DVD hell

    by Diagnostic

    is too good for Steven Seagal.<br>

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:42 a.m. CST

    INNERSPACE:2 SEAGAL VS. HEART DISEASE!

    by The Ghoul

    Seagal should shrink himself and inject himself into his own body to kick and punch built up cholesterol deposits in his coronary arteries.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:43 a.m. CST

    Great - but what would Vern do without Seagal DTV?

    by Primus

    Poor chap would be unemployed!

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:43 a.m. CST

    If her tit's haven't sunk yet ..... she's still hot.

    by kinghenryVIII

    Now teach the chic to act!

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:49 a.m. CST

    The Onion Movie - Seagal plays the "Cock Puncher"!

    by kinghenryVIII

    HAHAHAHAHAAHA - perfect.<p> According to imdb.com anyway.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:50 a.m. CST

    how bout "On Deadlier Ground"?

    by triplefive

    and set it on an oceanic oil rig

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 10:07 a.m. CST

    "Lol", spelling and the language of a dull 9 year old..

    by JackPumpkinhead

    My, she really has changed since the 90s, hasn't she! As far as I can recall, magazines back then jokingly described her chest size as twice her IQ.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 10:13 a.m. CST

    Where's Vern?

    by QuinnTheEskimo

    I can't believe he hasn't shown up yet.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 10:13 a.m. CST

    STEVEN SEAGAL: BUFFET INSPECTOR

    by The Ghoul

    Ritchie, you ever eat so much your back cracks?

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 10:21 a.m. CST

    with abon and colon it almost feels like spidey3

    by Deus Vult

    without the femme love of course. <p>in other news, how come I can't get a single movie with the commie chinese as villains? this IS a movie website, right? so answer me that question!

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 10:22 a.m. CST

    meant to say "spidey3 TALKBACK"

    by Deus Vult

    but forgot. now about those chinese...

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 10:24 a.m. CST

    See that B&W pic of her up there?

    by Zarles

    Yeah, she looks nothing like that now. She needs to drop this movie thing, take an English class, and then go join the Susanne Somers Impersonators Union. Sad.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 10:25 a.m. CST

    also meant to say "aboM"...sheesh!

    by Deus Vult

    clearly the html issues colon was/is suffering from have extended to my obviously keen typing skills.<p>additionally, does anyone know what happened to Lebron23?

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 10:28 a.m. CST

    What do Segal and Eleniak have in common? Big boobs.

    by Kubla_Khan

    I actually want to see this. Oh, the guilt.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 10:32 a.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: City Under Siege!

    by turketron

    Police Academy FTW. Ppppplease don't kill me!!!

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 10:36 a.m. CST

    Deus, Lebron23 was...

    by The Ghoul

    seduced by the dark side of catchphrases and then removed from AICN for reprograming.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 10:40 a.m. CST

    What is the essence of a man, i need more time WTF

    by greekopa

    cock

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 10:51 a.m. CST

    DEUS..

    by The Ghoul

    I have something here for you.<p> Lebron23 wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but your uncle wouldn't allow it.<p> He feared you might use catchphrases on some damn fool idealistic crusade like Lebron23 did.<p> It's Lebron23's New Balance.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 10:56 a.m. CST

    Under Seige 3: Pet Shop Hijack

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    (Seagal calmly walks in the automatic doors, expessionless.)<BR><BR> "Let the hamsters go..."

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11 a.m. CST

    Under Seige 3: Terroists hijack their own car.

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    (Steven Seagal walks to the car, expressionless.)<BR><BR> "You make no sense."

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:04 a.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: The Iron Avenger Is Born!

    by finky089

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:04 a.m. CST

    Under Seige 3: Transformers

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    (Steven Seagal walks up to Optimus, expressionless.)<BR><BR> "They're not laughing at me, b*tch."

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:06 a.m. CST

    Abom- "nicely groomed Weaver's Monkey Beaver Badge"

    by finky089

    LOL- Holy shit that was mint, baby. Mint!

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:06 a.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: TB's Make Mockery Of Seagall's career

    by finky089

    not hard to do

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:08 a.m. CST

    Under Seige 3: Broken Elevator

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    (Expressionless) "Aw SH**T...."

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:09 a.m. CST

    Eleniak was hottest in E.T....

    by Osmosis Jones

    ...when Elliott was macking on her.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:11 a.m. CST

    My Under Seige 3 script...

    by porterdsgn

    ...calls for Seagal to get ass raped by Jack Bauer! Because everyone knows that Bauer's THE MAN!

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:14 a.m. CST

    Under Seige 3: Border Patrol

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    (Seagal stands in the Arizona desert, expressionless.) "Who needs a wall, you've got Seagal!!"

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:16 a.m. CST

    finky-is mint the new money?

    by Deus Vult

    and thanks ghoul/dtaint. I feel so bad for lebron. great kid. don't know what happened there.<p>I wonder, do chinese gun runners wear new balance too, or just preppy white boys?

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:19 a.m. CST

    sure, Deus, why not?

    by finky089

    Mint: Noun, from modern English- Excellent, top-notch, the best. <p> Example: "Could anything be LESS THAN mint than a new Seagall movie?" <p> Or,<p> "That new Jessica Alba pic is so MINT"

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:20 a.m. CST

    Under Seige 3: How Much Rye Can A RyBack...

    by DarfurOnTheRocks

    I gotta say I never thought that Jim Belushi would one day have a better physique that Seagal...My how times have changed!

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:20 a.m. CST

    The Most MINT job EVER: Jessica Alba's Thong?

    by finky089

    I say, it's a strong contender.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:21 a.m. CST

    The Most MINT job EVER: Jessica Alba's Loofa sponge?

    by finky089

    loofa? Lufa? Luffa? Whatever, I'd do it.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:23 a.m. CST

    Question For Vern!!!

    by DarfurOnTheRocks

    I understand that there is a sect of Seagalogists that believe that Seagal managed to survive the desintegration of the F-119 fighter in Executive Decision. Some claim that he had a parachute, others contend that he fell into water. What is your position?

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:24 a.m. CST

    The Most MINT Job EVER: Jessica Alba's bra?

    by finky089

    I'd snuggle those juggles all day long.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:25 a.m. CST

    The LEAST MINT Job EVER: Seagall's Bra?

    by finky089

    That's not a shoulder holster under his shirt!

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:27 a.m. CST

    The red phone just started blinking at VERNS place....

    by Waxfinger

    To the Seagalology-mobile!

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:27 a.m. CST

    Eleniak's tits

    by photoboy

    Will she get them out again? And will we see more goodies than that? I mean we've seen the tits before...

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:30 a.m. CST

    Taint, I think JL Seagall stil sounds better

    by finky089

    than what Under Siege 3 will end up being

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:29 a.m. CST

    Calling doctor Vern, calling doctor Vern.

    by Gilkuliehe

    Come on man, put some flavor on this cake.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:36 a.m. CST

    DEUS... CHINESE TERRORISTS WEAR TEVA SPORT SANDALS!

    by The Ghoul

    Lame, white guys, with wide feet, and dicks that hang like a cheese wheel wear New Balance<p> Don't you know anything about footwear?

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:36 a.m. CST

    Under Seige 3 : The pitch

    by mrbong

    "OK, it's full title is Under Seige III : The Search For The Revenge Of The Rise Of The Machines At World's End. believing a wise chinese dude with a beard and a habit of pulling people's eyes out, our intrepid chef believes that if he breaks everyone's wrists in the world then he will be reunited with Kelly le Brock. cool so far? He has just about broken everyone's wrists, but then comes face to face with Mr T, who in the film will be called Big Clubber. Big Clubber absolutely fucking knacks the chef, which leads to immense remorse in the chef. Here's the twist - he decides to hold himself Under Seige, and immediatley locks himself away in a food pantry. Several years pass, and it becomes clear that no one is going to come and rescue him. The chef enters a brave new world, where these big fuck off metal robots seem to have taken over. As they have, technically, no wrists to break, he goes off to the coast and disappears on a ship, with just a harmonica, a guitar and a wanking glove for company. He heads off to sea as the machine things would rust at sea, of course. As the Chef sails around the world, happily masturbating and composing new songs, he encounters a fellow ship off the coast of Belgium. on it is Meat Loaf, who has put on some weight for the role and turns out to be the father of the chef. Meat Loaf takes the chef to go and see the captains of the ship, and guess who they are? two homosexuals in the form of Dolph Lundgren and Jean Claude Van Damme! it turns out that they are those robot things out of that other film, the one where Dolph cuts off all the ears and that. This opens the door nicely for a new franchise, Universally Under Seige Soldiers.".

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:50 a.m. CST

    I WANT MY CHINESE VILLAINS WEARING TEVAS!

    by Deus Vult

    I sure hope Steve Segal reads this talkback, what with all the professionals my man Mori says read this site. You see Steve, I love commie chinese and they make great villains, especially if they're wearing tevas like ghoul says they do.<p>additionally, ghoul, there's something familiar about your explanation of new balance...a presense I haven't felt in...<p>abom, I'd love to see erika's dark tainted territory. truth be told, I've never seen under siege and I just googled her pics from the movie. wow! she's got a great set of cans. I can see why godoffireandhell jerked off to her tits way back then. however, I'm married so...you know...I'll rub it out to almost anything. that's right Harry, even your new year's eve animation pantsless bottom!

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:56 a.m. CST

    I can't believe Segal has handprints at the Chinese The

    by Stargeek

    His hand prints seemed REALLY out of place at the Chinese Theater in LA when I saw them 10 years ago (My friends and I wondered who he threatened) but 10 years later they seem REALLY out of place over there.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:56 a.m. CST

    I'm not "mocking" Seagal.

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    I am a Seagal fan. I am having fun with the Under Siege 3 name. Those who are making fun of Seagal's weight...it's ironic...I wonder what they weigh!!

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:59 a.m. CST

    Abomination

    by BGDAWES

    I thought 'Beaver Badge' was going to highlight this TB but I think you just took the lead. F'ing hilarious! And to echo everyone else, "Where the hell are you Vern?"

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 12:03 p.m. CST

    BUT, will it have Chuck Norris??

    by Mike_D

    Seriously though, I heard Steve Seagul is a dick to work with. Probably why they have him STV.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 12:04 p.m. CST

    The Glimmer Man must make an Executive Decision

    by Doctor_Sin

    about the Fire Down Below in the Belly of the Beast. If The Foreigner (who is Hard to Kill) is Marked for Death, the Shadow Man (who is a Mercenary for Justice) may leave Exit Wounds. The End. <p> Dedicated to Vern.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 12:05 p.m. CST

    DEUS..

    by The Ghoul

    The catchphrase is what gives a talkbacker his power. It's an energy field repeated by geeks who watch too much TV and movies. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the talkback together.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 12:28 p.m. CST

    How about a buddy-cop pic with Segal and Penn Jillette?

    by The Skeptical

    Segal would beat people up, Penn would rant and make jokes. They would spend half the movie ragging on each other for their wieght and their ponytails, and they would spend half the movie saving the world. I'd watch that movie. (Out for Bullsh*t?)

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 12:31 p.m. CST

    Hot Air Balloons?

    by theBigE

    Didn't we get this story a couple of years ago, along with the fact that there would be a hot air balloon chase? Is that still in the script?

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 12:39 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: An Inconvenient Truth

    by Dick Nicely

    "Evaporate a fella's glacier, willya? Well, you just evaporated my glacier... of cool."

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 12:40 p.m. CST

    Die Hard 4.0, Rambo IV, Rocky VI, Indy 4, Under Siege 3

    by JackBauer24

    I think it's time we moved on, people.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 12:42 p.m. CST

    The Cook is Back!!

    by IAmLegendd

    But this time instead of cooking he will be eating.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 12:41 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: Snakes on a Plane

    by Dick Nicely

    "You took away their natural habitat. Now they're takin' away your leg room, bitch."

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 12:45 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: The Goblet of Fire

    by Dick Nicely

    "You burn my forest... I burn your goblet."

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 12:45 p.m. CST

    Straight to video I assume?

    by The Founder

    Straight to video doesn't interest me unless I'm at blockbuster.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 12:47 p.m. CST

    This one's for Cineworld customers

    by Dick Nicely

    Seagal: "I got a wonderful piece, it's a Kurosawa piece..."<p>Orange Man: "Whoop whoop! Boring alert!"

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 12:46 p.m. CST

    By your powers combined...

    by QuinnTheEskimo

    Maybe if we all put our magic rings together, Vern will appear!

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 12:49 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: Never Say Never Again

    by Dick Nicely

    Connery: "You broke my wrisht!"<p>Seagal: "You're too old, fat man."

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 12:49 p.m. CST

    A hot air balloon chase?

    by jim

    What, has someone already used the idea of having a chase in paddle boats? Riveting stuff. Reminds me of the scene in Seinfeld with George on his scooter being chased by senior citizens on theirs.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 12:51 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: Stop Making Sense

    by Dick Nicely

    "Hey, Psycho Killer... qu'est-ce que c'est?"

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 12:51 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: Enduring Love

    by Dick Nicely

    "This hot air balloon ain't big enough for the both of us."

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 12:53 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: Speed 2

    by Dick Nicely

    "Looks like you took the slow boat... to hell."

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 12:54 p.m. CST

    hey Big Jim, whaddya got there, a four volt?

    by Deus Vult

    I did'ja a favor!

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 12:55 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: CopLand

    by Dick Nicely

    "Mmm hmm mhhmm hmmhhmm mehh hmehm mhmm hmm."

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 1 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: Dick Nicely Unleashed!

    by Deus Vult

    nuff said boys.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 1:04 p.m. CST

    Under Siege worked in spite of Seagal and Eleniak

    by zinc_chameleon

    Because it's still one of the best action scripts written. Think out it: very small space (a carrier); tight timeline (before the sub arrives); entirely unexpected sidekick (a Playmate who never stops complaining); a realistic combat type, instead a gym-buffed type, and on. Then add one of Tommy Lee Jones' and Gary Busey's best roles--the phone call to the Pentagon is priceless--and that's why it worked. People have been ripping it off ever since. Don't forget the Swedish chef insight moment, either, or the look of surprise on Jone's face when the old cannnons turned out to be functional.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 1:12 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: Chef of Death

    by Mr Incredible

    Hostage situation at a neighboorhood Applebee's...this is a job for Casey Rybeck!

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 1:19 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: A Dungeon Siege Tale 2

    by DynamixRo

    Uwe could make it happen. And it should definitely include a sex scene where Erika Eleniak is constantly banging a cell door.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 1:22 p.m. CST

    SHALLOW HAL 2: SHALLOW TALKBACKERS

    by The Ghoul

    "You got a pattern of judging old action heros by their exterior, we can't talk about it, we need to break it, I want you to ask yourself has there ever been a time where you have been increasingly shallow, you just looked at Steven Seagal and laughed about his weight?<p> DEVILS BE GONE!!!!!!!!!!!"

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 1:24 p.m. CST

    Under Siege III: Trapped in a Multiplex

    by Slugworth

    Plot: Steven Seagal has to rescue helpless audience members forced to watch Under Siege II. Spike Jonez directs. It will be very meta. Tag line : "It's like Die Hard on a boat, except in a theater!"

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 1:26 p.m. CST

    I cant see one reason to make this...

    by Reelheed

    "One guy against the odds" has kinda been done to death hasn't it? They'd have to completely reinvent the under siege format for me to want to see it. Flip it on its head. Maybe SS leads a seal team which lays siege to a US town where a bunch of evil doers are holed up and his guys have to stop them fighting their way out. Troy but better. With gun turrets, SMGs and tanks.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 1:31 p.m. CST

    Nobody beats me in the kitchen.

    by myspoonistoobig

    That is all.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 1:38 p.m. CST

    Having recently seen Erika in Absolute Zero...

    by Alonzo Mosely

    A TV disaster movie about an ice age happening in less than 4 hours, I have to say she still can't act and has lost any hotness she once had... She hasn't even MILFied... In fact Seagal is probably more fuckable right about now...

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 1:41 p.m. CST

    ummmm...did anyone see Under Seige 2?!

    by misnomer

    good god. the first was passable at best, and if that's seagal's claim to fame, then I think it's time the guy quit. Wasnt he banging the bint from Weird Science? lucky fucker.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 1:44 p.m. CST

    gornography

    by myspoonistoobig

    Nobody beats me in the hostel.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 1:47 p.m. CST

    UNDER SIEGE 3: REIMAGING OF DIE HARD

    by The Ghoul

    "Nine million terrorists in the world and I gotta kill one with tighter pants than an emo she-male."

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 1:50 p.m. CST

    Navy SEAL? Try Beached Whale....

    by DarfurOnTheRocks

    And the kicker is that all he needs to do is train those pounds away to be back in the game.... I am tired of seeing the Seagal waddle.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 1:57 p.m. CST

    Okay, I'm here.

    by Vern

    You guys got a couple good jokes here. I liked the one about the broken elevator. But Seagal had you all topped years ago when he apparently said in a radio interview that Under Siege 3 was about terrorists hijacking a hot air balloon. I have not yet seen that concept topped.<p> As for all you jokers concerned about his weight, I saw him in person last year and at least then he wasn't all that fat. He's not in shape like Stallone but he's not the blimp you guys are pretending he is. In his recent movies he's at worst samurai-fat. He's into swords and blues guitar now, of course he's gonna have a belly of the beast. I actually think he looks better than in his first couple movies when he was skinny. He's more menacing now. The trouble is he doesn't seem to move as fast as in the old days. That's what he has to work on.<p> To answer Darfur's question, I think that is a legitimate way to stretch your viewing experience with EXECUTIVE DECISION. It's a tough one because in the language of cinematics, if they don't show a character come back from apparent death by the end then how could they still be alive? On the other hand, if they don't show them die on screen then of course they are dead (this is why I couldn't figure out why people were surprised when the kid wasn't dead in WAR OF THE WORLDS). So you got kind of a catch-48 or whatever here. <p> Personally though I think he's dead, because if not there sure as hell should be an awesome scene where he climbs back up onto the air craft carrier and asks for a new plane. And the fact that he does die makes it a unique entry in Seagalogy. It's the only movie where he dies unless you count HALF PAST DEAD. And it's a better death than in HALF PAST DEAD where he just suddenly collapses like he had a heart attack.<p> Finally, as to UNDER SIEGE 3. I don't believe this will ever happen, but it would be cool. I like to see the continuing story of Casey Ryback. I think what we gotta worry about though is not Seagal but the villain. The first two have all time classic action movie villains. Part 1 you got both Tommy Lee Jones AND Gary Busey, plus Colm Meaney as one of the thugs. Part two you have Eric Bogosian (!) with Everett McGill and Peter Greene as henchmen. I always thought because they had Bogosian for part 2 they should try to get Spalding Gray for part 3, but that's not gonna work out anymore. I just hope they don't get fuckin Tyler Perry.<p> Also, I would like to request that if they ever make this they put a little extra cooking references. I mean I know we've seen microwave bombs, in part 2 he has a restaraunt, we see recipes on his palm pilot. But it's time for him to chop up fingers like they're onions and that type of thing. I figure if the action takes place at an Iron Chef competition there would be plenty of room for that. He could even have a team of other badass chefs backing him up the way Antonion Banderas knows other badass mariachis.<p> "I thought you said you were a cook!"<p> "Yeah, well, I also cook."

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 1:59 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: Siege HARDER

    by Dr Gregory House

    or "Hardly Siegin'"

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 2:03 p.m. CST

    (correction)

    by Vern

    I meant if they don't die onscreen then they are NOT dead. Usually.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 2:04 p.m. CST

    Erika Eleniak?

    by BigTuna

    Who dug her up? Shouldn't they go for a "Fresh Face"? Not some reject everyone has forgotten about.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 2:09 p.m. CST

    I always thought Under Siege 3 should be set...

    by FatPaul

    ...in Seagal's restaurant. It could be a case of the terrorists specifically going after our hero for revenge or something instead of the usual why-does-this-crap-always-happen-to-me thing. Also, it makes perfect sense for Seagal's character in the Under Siege movies to be a little chubby. He's a cook. His daily training routine involves cheese.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 2:08 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 4: The Transporter

    by Spandau Belly

    or: The Transporter 3: Under Siege<br><br>Take your pick!

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 2:14 p.m. CST

    He may be able to break my arm with little or no effort

    by beefywhore

    but at least I don't run like a girl...

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 2:14 p.m. CST

    aww who am I kidding...

    by beefywhore

    I don't run at all...

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 2:17 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 4: Beyond the Valley of the Seagals

    by Spandau Belly

    Rybek wakes up in a room chained to a pipe. On the other side of the room John McClane is handcuffed to another pipe. Over a loudspeaker the voice of David Koepp tells them that unless they come up with a script for a 5th Lethal Weapon movie he will force them to sit there helpless and watch a perfectly orchestrated heist go down, powerless to stop it through their everyman know-how.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 2:19 p.m. CST

    hahhahaha "Under Siege 3: RECIPE FOR REVENGE"???

    by billybobhoyle

    i laughed out loud on that one. good job abomination.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 2:20 p.m. CST

    Can't wait for Wanna's next story...

    by Lou Stools

    Where she has sex doggy style with Steven Seagal as he eats a salami sandwich off her back and screams out Zen coans when he reaches nirvana with her.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 2:21 p.m. CST

    Under Siege Prequel: The Rise of Eric Bogosian

    by Spandau Belly

    We watch as a talented playwrite and stage actor gets manipulated via 'Oldboy' tactics to accepted the role of the villian in a terrible sequel to a poorman's Die Hard.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 2:23 p.m. CST

    Under Siege: Iron Chef

    by Spandau Belly

    Rybek must showdown in a cook-off with his celeb chef rival (played of course by Christopher Lambert) on a goofy televised competition.<br><br>Obvious tag line: DAMN YOU RACHAEL RAY!

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 2:28 p.m. CST

    Christina Hendricks!

    by Amy Chasing

    can jump out of my birthday cake any day

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 2:31 p.m. CST

    Vern

    by just pillow talk

    that was the best post of the day. "In his recent movies he's at worst samurai-fat"...he was the stunt double for fat bastard. Little known fact.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 2:32 p.m. CST

    Eleniak went way down hill

    by NYC

    Poor thing. They should get Katherine Heigl back instead. Rescue her from that piece of shit tv show that apparently everyone watches except me.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 2:34 p.m. CST

    Abomination!

    by Spandau Belly

    You know you need Bo Svenson as the guidance councellor.....from hell!

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 2:35 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3 " Straight To Video Yet Again"

    by Yoda's Ball Sack

    You know this to be true.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 2:37 p.m. CST

    Under Siege: "The Search for a PS3"

    by Yoda's Ball Sack

    ???

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 2:39 p.m. CST

    Just when you thought it was safe 2 go straight 2 video

    by RKDN Del Sol

    the numbers so that the whole sentence would fit.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 2:39 p.m. CST

    2 Straight 2 Video

    by Spandau Belly

    If the call Under Siege 3 that, people might confuse it with one of those street racing flicks and actually rent it.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 2:43 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: Does anybody REMEMBER Seein' Richie?

    by uss cygnus

    I'll have that weapon.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 2:44 p.m. CST

    Hey, where is my Deep Rising 2?

    by DerLanghaarige

    And the writers of Snakes On A Plane should do this! Directed by Ronny Yu!

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 2:45 p.m. CST

    Abomination, add Danny Trejo as the janitor

    by Spandau Belly

    and have him give the speech as the creepy janitor in breakfast club (except with no pants, cuz its funnier)

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 2:49 p.m. CST

    Seagal is Excutive Decision Was Class

    by DarfurOnTheRocks

    ..I remember watching the movie in the theatre, which audience giving a collective gasp when Seagal executes his version of the HALO jump. This was the baddest Mofo in the film....gone. As fat I I remember, they did not do much publicity to the fact that Seagal was in the movie in the first place. So it was a shock to see him, and then to watch him fly like a pelican. I know that I could not believe it.... Thanks for the response Vern!!!

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 2:50 p.m. CST

    UNDER SIEGE 3: IN BED BY 7

    by Hella

    Im so excited for this, i mean where else can an action movie deliver such thrills as.. Stevie roundhouse kicking his tv to channel 5 so he can watch matlock, or the once spicy erika walking to the bathroom while farting and not knowing it....And dont forget that a crane kick to the grill hurts twice as much when in a theraputic shoe

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 2:56 p.m. CST

    Deep Rising 2

    by godoffireinhell

    But should Sommers come back to direct? He hasn't done anything watchable since that movie.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 3:11 p.m. CST

    UNDER SIEGE 3: ICE CREAM SEAL

    by The Ghoul

    Having witnessed the brutal drive-by slaying of his favorite ice cream man, Casey Rybeck takes up the mantle of ice cream man to avenge his friend's death.<p> He serves the regular treats, push-ups, bomb pops, etc., but his specialty is breaking elbows and giving out roundhouse kicks to the face until he finds the man he is searching for!<p> COMING SUMMER 2008

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 3:13 p.m. CST

    VERN FOR MOD! VERN FOR MOD! VERN FOR MOD!

    by Deus Vult

    Vern you magnificent bastard, you rule! Great post, great response, great way to reply to all the talkbackers who love movies and talkin' 'bout movies. Thanks so much for the time you invested in writing the response. I don't know what your connection to Seagal is but you sir are a class act.<p>PS-Vern, have you seen any posts from "repligin" lately?

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 3:24 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3 vs Indy 4 = Riot at the old folks' home

    by Doctor_Sin

    Movie night at the senior citizens' home is gonna be buck wild.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 3:29 p.m. CST

    I don't think you've considered the possibility

    by Orbots Commander

    that US3 could be under consideration to be made WITHOUT Seagal. Sony may be considering it as a vehicle for some other up and coming action star. It may be an intended vehicle for the Rock or something.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 3:31 p.m. CST

    What's with dissing Erika Eleniak?

    by zinc_chameleon

    She was a cyborg in that stupid Dracula 3000 movie not more than two or three years ago, and she was buff. She's what, 37 or 38? Not that far over the hill.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 3:41 p.m. CST

    I'm with you NYC

    by Amy Chasing

    Katherine Heigl would be fantastic! And I don't watch Grey's Scrubs, erm, Anatomy either

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 3:42 p.m. CST

    Eleniak was the bomb in....

    by The Ghoul

    Circus of the Stars #7.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 3:51 p.m. CST

    Deus Volt

    by Vern

    I got no connection to Seagal other than I have been studying his works for a few year trying to write a book about them. I do not know who repligin is so I don't know what you're asking there. Anyway thanks bud.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 3:54 p.m. CST

    Vern...seriously...

    by The Ghoul

    I'd love to buy a copy of your Steven Seagal book when it comes out. Just don't make it so heavy that it breaks through the glass on my coffee table.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 3:58 p.m. CST

    US3 w/o Seagal = "Gotta Take a Shit" Mask

    by Doctor_Sin

    I don't even want to envision a Seagal-less US3. Who else could squint like that AND mack the ponytail like he does???

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 4:08 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION!!!

    by finky089

    where'd you go? Come back. The time is NOW!

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 4:10 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: Seagal Does A Stegosaurus

    by finky089

    Oh, wait, this isn't that talkback from Friday, is it?

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 4:23 p.m. CST

    add me to the list of people wanting Vern's Seagal book

    by triplefive

    what's the ETA on that em-effin' bad boy?

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 4:27 p.m. CST

    &Sammo Hung is a fat action star, so booyakasha

    by triplefive

    i'd like see to a new kick ass non-DTV seagal movie, samurai-fat or fat-fat, where he's actually kicking ass again and not just shooting people. and eating sandwiches while some gaffer ADRs his lines.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 4:31 p.m. CST

    Give Seagal to Tarantino....

    by oh_riginal

    Surely if he can put Carradine in one of his movies, he can afford to put another white martial artist in his movies? Chuck Norris is a-ok though. No help required.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 4:29 p.m. CST

    I don'T like Seagal or his movie, but...

    by DerLanghaarige

    a book about this guy, written by Vern is defintely on my must-read-list.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 4:45 p.m. CST

    SEAGAL STILL KICKS ASS!

    by The Ghoul

    There is no fat in Steven Seagal's double chins . There are only other fists.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 4:50 p.m. CST

    Tarantino revived Travolta's career, maybe Seagall too?

    by finky089

    ?

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 4:51 p.m. CST

    Reginald Vel Johnson to be Seagall's "Jules" from PF

    by finky089

    what, it won't work? But he was great in Die Hard. Love them Twinkies.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 4:53 p.m. CST

    Tango & Cash 2: Under Sieging Again

    by finky089

    starring Seagal and Chuck Norris?

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 4:53 p.m. CST

    UniverSeagal Soldier

    by finky089

    Watch out for Kurt Russell!

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 4:53 p.m. CST

    Best of the Best 8: Seagal Under Siege!

    by finky089

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 4:54 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: Seagal Wears Avia's

    by finky089

    not Addidas.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 4:55 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: Seagal's Silver Nards Not As Bad as MINO

    by finky089

    FU Bay!!!

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 4:55 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: 90% of TBers Hate Bay's TF Movie

    by finky089

    TINO!!!!!!

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 4:56 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: Homewrecker says blame "the Jews"

    by finky089

    Looney schmuck

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 4:56 p.m. CST

    UNDER SEIGE 3: NINTENDO WII HOLIDAY RUSH

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    20 Wiis available. Best Buy doors open. The mad rush begins as line-cutters without tickets charge at the Wii boxes. But sitting in front of the stack is Seagal sitting on the floor sipping tea. He stands up and assumes his kicking position. The Nintendorks, being the nerds they are, charge him in a single file line. Seagal kicks them out of the way one by one...left right left right left right.<BR><BR> "No ticket."<BR><BR>Harrison Ford shakes his fists has his delivery of the line has been defeated.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 4:57 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: UNDISPUTED

    by finky089

    You Know It To Be True...or so say AICN's advertising....

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 4:58 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: Why Is Harry Still Sliding Down the Pole

    by finky089

    Still no new animation???

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 5 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: More Dick Nicely TB posts, please!

    by finky089

    Dick Nicely says......

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 4:59 p.m. CST

    Tarantino will NOT save Seagal's career!

    by The Ghoul

    Unless Quentin remakes Beverly Hills Ninja.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 5:06 p.m. CST

    Under Seige 3: The Search for Spaceballs 2

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    "We ain't found sh*t!"

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 5:13 p.m. CST

    Ghoul, NOW you're on to something! Perhaps Boll can

    by finky089

    direct?

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 5:15 p.m. CST

    "We ain't found sh*t!" - best line in the movie?

    by finky089

    There were many great ones, but that part always stood out as the funniest to me.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 5:16 p.m. CST

    Gibson, wasn't Brooks thinking about doing another?

    by finky089

    At some point I thought I remembered him saying that he was considering doing another, since there's a whole lot of cannon fodder in the new prequels...maybe I just dreamed that up, though?

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 5:23 p.m. CST

    THE KIDS LOVE THIS ONE!

    by The Ghoul

    Merchandising, merchandising, where the real money from the movie is made. Under Seige-the T-shirt, Under Seige-the Cook book Book, Under Seige-the apron, Under Seige-the chef's hat, Under Seige-the cookie sheets.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 5:24 p.m. CST

    Flock of Seagals

    by Lando Griffin

    If he was smart Seagal would combine his love of music with nostalgia for the 80's and form the supergroup - Flock of Seagals

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 5:26 p.m. CST

    2 Under 2 Siege-y-er

    by Lando Griffin

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 5:30 p.m. CST

    Eleniak - I'd still hit it

    by Lando Griffin

    just for the fact that she used to be super hot and I used to crank one out to her on a regular basis. But yeah seeing her on CFC last year was a "WTF" moment. My penis shed a tear of nostalgia.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 5:39 p.m. CST

    SEAGAL GOTS THE BLUES!

    by The Ghoul

    According to Blues folklore, while traveling on a cross-road in the delta Steven Seagal sold his soul to the Devil in exchange for a King-sized Zagnut candy bar.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 5:40 p.m. CST

    "In case you don't remember Erika..."

    by Read and Shut Up

    Quit bein' silly Merrick. :-)

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 5:50 p.m. CST

    UNDER SIEGE III: REVENGE OF THE SECOND CHIN

    by dregmobile

    boy was i late for this bandwagon ...

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 6:19 p.m. CST

    TheGhoul

    by QuinnTheEskimo

    That's fuckin' comedy man.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 6:24 p.m. CST

    lets not pretend that

    by Novaman5000

    every single person on this talkback wouldn't go to town on EE. Please, nerds...please.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 6:26 p.m. CST

    I wish Crouching Cops, Hidden Badges was for real....

    by oh_riginal

    ... seriously.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 6:31 p.m. CST

    Novaman5000

    by oh_riginal

    Oh come on, we all know every guy here (except the closet cases) would hit that shit. I know I would!

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 6:47 p.m. CST

    Every time I see the words TRANSPORTER 3

    by Harry Weinstein

    My heart skips a beat. Make it so, Luc, Cory, Jason, and Louis. Make it so.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 6:49 p.m. CST

    Under Seige 3: Stop, or my Mom will Seige!

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    Yes finky089, there was a Spaceballs 2 planned at some point, rumors having it be called Spaceballs 3: The Search for Spaceballs 2 (hence my joke). Last I heard they were turning it into a cartoon series or something.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 6:56 p.m. CST

    Under Siege: In My Pants

    by Dr Gregory House

    Bung

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 7:03 p.m. CST

    Stop or My Mom Will Siege

    by Dr Gregory House

    WELL done SIR!

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 7:38 p.m. CST

    VERN MY FRIEND, NO ONE KNOWS WHO REPLIGIN IS!

    by Deus Vult

    That's the BIG mystery. the guy pops in and out of talkbacks at will, posting from the future. it's bizarre, and no, not like homewrecker's website. <p>regardless, thanks so much for the response. I think the AICN masters could do well to drop by and comment within talkbacks more often. And I think many of the posters would appreciate it.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 7:51 p.m. CST

    Are...

    by The Ghoul

    Dick Nicely and finky089 the same person...LOOK AT THEIR STYLE. THEIR LEXICON.<p> QuinnTheEskimo thanks for the shout out!!!

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 7:53 p.m. CST

    Damn Boomers and their "Late-Life Crisis"es...

    by Flim Springfield

    Put down the hair dye and grow some dignity, folks.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 8:06 p.m. CST

    dick, ghoul, yack, flim springfield, repligin, and more

    by Deus Vult

    Dick Nicely-so good to see you in a talkback again. stick around for some vagina in a cup!<p>Ghoul-I don't believe for a second finky is Dick Nicely. not a chance. And, are YOU Lebron23 rebord? the power of the ghetto side is strong with you.<p>Yack-please check out the blade2 review for a huge tribute I did to you.<p>flim springfield-who are the "damn boomers" of which you speak?<p>repligin-you can't hide forever. I'll find you in this world line or the next!<p>everyone else-if seagal makes another movie I think we should start a "seagalliningup.com" site to show our respect and love for this old spare tire.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 8:11 p.m. CST

    No, Ghoul, me and Dick are different people, but

    by finky089

    perhaps I inadvertantly copied his style in admiration? <p>What can I say, the guy cracked me up on the Indy IV TB and TF TB's, as well as a few other over the last few weeks. <p>However, I hear that Doc Pazuzu is also 78 other people, according to "homewrecker" (who's nuttier than a shithouse rat.)

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 8:19 p.m. CST

    Blade 2 TB -holy christ, Deus!

    by finky089

    seppukudkurosawa is facing a banning whenever the Mods see that not only has that old story been revived from the dead (good, old Orcus has a way of showing up in old TBs, doesn't he?), but also that it's non-related talk.<p> At least that's what they did on the last big Transformers TB and whenever Aquaf@g gets revived (been a while now). They cut that mother back and bane a bunch of posters. Fascist pigs!

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 8:25 p.m. CST

    But the Blade 2 thing IS fucking hilarious

    by finky089

    for the record

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 8:25 p.m. CST

    fascists eh?

    by Deus Vult

    hmmmm...you know there's only ONE other person on aicn who mentions fascists...and that's...

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 8:49 p.m. CST

    Comic relief?

    by LittleDudes

    So there's a black guy in it who takes everything anyone says as a racial slur? FUCKEN AWESOME!

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:05 p.m. CST

    I'm reading this TB because I knew Vern would show up!

    by Bob Cryptonight

    The MAN needs to make his statement.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:16 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: Face/Off

    by Dick Nicely

    "If you're finky089... I guess I'm Dick Nicely."

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:21 p.m. CST

    oh-hoo! Star Wars Episode 4: Dick Nicely Strikes Back

    by Deus Vult

    See boys, I never bought the "theory" that nicely was finky.<p>however, I 100% believe the theory that repligin is john titor. prove me wrong, prove me wrong I say!

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:22 p.m. CST

    I so meant episode FIVE! stupid uneditable posts!

    by Deus Vult

    need I say more?

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:24 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: School of Rock

    by Dick Nicely

    "All your bass are belong to us, bitch."

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:26 p.m. CST

    i wake up this morning to find.....

    by Hella

    ... not only the resurection of the ever-so-creepy blade 2 TB, but also an under siege 3 TB... sweet jesus, it must be my lucky day! im gonna go buy a lottery ticket in case you were wondering the #'s (4-8-15-16-23-42) im a fucking nerd

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:29 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: Hannibal Rising

    by Dick Nicely

    "I got a meal for ya. 's called a knuckle sandwich. In fact... have two."

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:29 p.m. CST

    Nicely, got the email, now what of JJonz?

    by Deus Vult

    have you seen him? he's like animal chin me thinks. thus the search for animal chin becomes the search for Mr. JJonz, Esq.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:30 p.m. CST

    Under Seige 3: Look Who's Seiging Now

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    "Ruff ruff! Ryme runna ruff ru rup!"

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:33 p.m. CST

    lemme try one: Under Siege 3: Return of Samurai Fat

    by Deus Vult

    "he may be too fat for real movies, but he's not too fat for cuttin some bacon off you're back!"<p>how was that boys?

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:31 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: The Search for JJonz Esq

    by Dick Nicely

    Well, if my calculations are correct, it's 3.30am in Britain. I suspect JJonz is asleep, and I like to think he's surrounded by beautiful women, a non-eBayed cat and a few spare Guinnesses for the morning (for shame).

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:34 p.m. CST

    not again, uneditable posts hits home! oh and

    by Deus Vult

    proofreading is for suckers. or whatever that hannibal talkback catchphrase about proofreading was.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:34 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: The Buena Vista Social Club

    by Dick Nicely

    "Hows about another rum, boys?"

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:40 p.m. CST

    UnderSiege3: Seagal nails the girls of what about bryan

    by Deus Vult

    "they all suffocated under my spare tire, and then I ate their livers with fava beans."

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:40 p.m. CST

    Under Siege on a Golf Cart

    by Dick Nicely

    "You're lookin' for a hole in one, fella. Well, you found the right caddy."

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:44 p.m. CST

    Under Siege in a Birthday Cake

    by Dick Nicely

    "So, Erika, how're we gonna eat our way outta this one?"

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:45 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: The Wicker Man

    by Dick Nicely

    "I think I know what's cookin'... and I think it's me."

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:47 p.m. CST

    oh I'd eat out erika's cake

    by Deus Vult

    er, no, wait, don't get mad at me mori. I love you! you know this man!

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:55 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: Barbershop 3

    by Dick Nicely

    "Lose the ponytail, and you lose your windpipe, sport."

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 9:58 p.m. CST

    nicely, only yanks can reference movies from the hood!

    by Deus Vult

    Or do the Scots have their own version of hoods? if so, give us the details cos we pride ourselves on the nasty parts of town here in houston! whoop whoop!

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 10:12 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: Scotz in the Hood

    by Dick Nicely

    We have council house schemes. Post-Apocalyptic urban sprawls of grafitti-sprayed, crumbling "social" housing populated by drug dealers, drug users and drugs. And in these schemes we have "schemies" or, more commonly, "neds" who say things like "Hawww, whityidain' ya cunt, ya startin, eh eh eh? Ah'll tak a hammer tae you ya wank". Check out some of these scumbags here: www.glasgowsurvival.co.uk (no doubt that link will have a space in it... you know what to do.)

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 10:15 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3 " The Search For Lando's Taint"

    by Yoda's Ball Sack

    It is coming.........

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 10:23 p.m. CST

    As he said in Under Siege 2: "You pricks never learn."

    by kabong

    And now you're going to get Under Seagal: The Motion Picture

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 10:23 p.m. CST

    aw dick you're one funny man

    by Deus Vult

    that quote was hilarious! its pretty amazing that 90% of the humor in my life comes from this site. insanely funny. WAY funnier than ebonics or ghettoese or whatever the kids are calling it these days. I'm off to check out the link.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 10:27 p.m. CST

    by the way, are these neds anything like chavs?

    by Deus Vult

    and the yank strikes back! didn't think I'd know that term did ya?

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 10:28 p.m. CST

    trading links

    by Deus Vult

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neds

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 10:34 p.m. CST

    so abom's here and s mart is in the blade2 talkback

    by Deus Vult

    but how can we get everyone together? can anyone reach repligin? what about JJonz? help me out!

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 10:41 p.m. CST

    Chavs! Yes!

    by Dick Nicely

    The English variant. I can't believe neds made it to the Wikipedia...<p>"Hawww, juss checked oot Harry's pure Blade 2 thingmy, review, like... fuckin sperr chenge, man. Fuckin quality. Dinny gie a fuck aboot ra film, aye, but this cunt tawks aboot cunts like, lickin em n stuff, ehhhh. Toap class pure funny shite."

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 10:44 p.m. CST

    toap class pure funny shite

    by Deus Vult

    Dick my boss is a brit and he always says top class. hilarious man seriously! I'm gonna show him the ned entry in wiki tomorrow.<p>wife says it's to bed with me. and a good time was had by all.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 10:46 p.m. CST

    Deus, you work with English dudes, don'tcha?

    by Dick Nicely

    That's how you knew the word "chav"... Haha, nothing gets past Dick Nicely.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 10:46 p.m. CST

    If only I hadn't written that post and just waited

    by Dick Nicely

    You replied anyway. Arse.<p>Deus, time to hide the remote control, dude.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 10:51 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: Out for Just Ice

    by Dick Nicely

    "Gotta chill this champagne, Erika."

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 10:51 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: Hard to Chill

    by Dick Nicely

    "Shoulda gotten more ice, baby."

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 10:52 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: Hard Tok Ill

    by Dick Nicely

    "Tok's ill. Ain't hard no more. Guess that means somebody's gotta take care of business. Guess I'd better get me a shirt 'n' tie."

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 10:55 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: Mark Edford Eath

    by Dick Nicely

    "Name's Eath. Mark Eath. My friends call me Edford. Only I don't got any friends."

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 10:57 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: The Pat Riot

    by Dick Nicely

    "Don't make no riots on my territory, Pat. Or I'm gonna cook you a biscuit you won't be able to chew."

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 10:58 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3:Cholesterol Kills

    by S-Mart shopper

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:02 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: The Bariatric Treatment

    by S-Mart shopper

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:06 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: Shad, Ow Man!

    by Dick Nicely

    Punk: "You broke my arm, Shad!"<p>*SNAP*<p>Shad: "Now it's broken. Get with it, punk."

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:13 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: Merc 'n Harry for Justice

    by Dick Nicely

    Merc (Steven Seagal): "Whaddaya think, Harry?"<p>Harry (Ice Cube): "Thinkin' I shoulda lost some weight for that xXx movie, Merc."<p>Merc: "Fat action stars are in, Harry."<p>Harry: "Easy to say for a guy named after a car."<p>Merc: "Hey, talkin' of cars, looks like those punks are jackin' that lady's ride."<p>Harry: "Ten four. Let's buddy-whup us some ass."

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:14 p.m. CST

    You come into our villages. Steal our food.

    by Johnno

    Drink our water....<br><br> I'm gonna send you bastards back to where you belong!

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:15 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: Prince of Piss Tolls

    by Dick Nicely

    "You go number one in my restroom, you tip the attendant, bitch. Well, I got a tip for you: call yourself an ambulance, and maybe it'll get here in time."

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:18 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: Flight Off Ury

    by Dick Nicely

    "We gotta get off Ury, and if that means we gotta rebuild this plane, then dammit, we gotta rebuild this plane."

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:19 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: A Tack for C

    by Dick Nicely

    "Gotcha that tack, C. Now get that poster on your wall and let's go kick us some A."

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:23 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: Toad: Hey, You Die!

    by Dick Nicely

    "Cause I'm all outta frogs and you're uglier."

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:27 p.m. CST

    Above The Law 2: The Return of Nico Toscanni

    by darthbinks1220

    I'd be a better Sharon Stone sequel than Basic Instinct 2.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:28 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: The Fore Reigner

    by Dick Nicely

    "I reigned before... and I'll reign again."

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:30 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: Have Pasta, Ed

    by Dick Nicely

    "Good for ya."

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:30 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: Submerge, Ed

    by Dick Nicely

    "Get under before I put you under. Six FEET under. Bitch."

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:32 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: The Glum Merman

    by Dick Nicely

    "Ain't seen a ship nor sailor in years. But when I do, I'm gonna sink that bitch."

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:55 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: Dammit!

    by uss cygnus

    Unngh-Plop.

  • Jan. 22, 2007, 11:57 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: Saturday Night Beaver

    by uss cygnus

    Dirk Diggler and Reed Rothschild co-star.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 12:07 a.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: Disney's Under the Seige

    by Dick Nicely

    Erika is always hiding<p>In somebody else's cake<p>You dream about sailing with her<p>But that is a big mistake<p>Terrorists all around you<p>Out here on the ocean blue<p>They took over your destroyer<p>And locked up the whole damn crew...<p>Under the Seige! <p>Under the Seige!<p>Casey, it's better<p>Than a DTV premiere<p>It's a real movieee!<p>Willis an Sly work out all day<p>In franchise sequels they slave away<p>While Casey's devotin'<p>Full time to bloatin'<p>Under the Seige...

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 12:09 a.m. CST

    In the spirit of JJonz Esq

    by Dick Nicely

    Proof-reading the word "siege" is for chumps.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 12:56 a.m. CST

    LIVE FREE or GO UNDER SEIGE.

    by Rambo in the Bronx

    Apparently, Seagal's been living a bit too freely...now he's got to free some of that gut around his waist.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 12:57 a.m. CST

    SIEGE

    by Rambo in the Bronx

    blah.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 2:32 a.m. CST

    Executive Decision 2: Fall to Earth.

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    Who will watch this? "You will!!"

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 2:34 a.m. CST

    Executive Decision 3: Splat.

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    Ow.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 2:40 a.m. CST

    Under Seige 3 : Invasion of the Bad Sequel Names.

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    Including some of mine. :)

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 2:55 a.m. CST

    UNDER SEIGE 4: THE SEARCH FOR PART 3

    by apolo_sputnik

    That title works pretty good.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 2:58 a.m. CST

    EXECUTIVE DECISION 4: WALK IT OFF

    by apolo_sputnik

    Segal never died in Under Siege. He just fell from 7,000 feet. We all know he just walked it off after he hit the ground.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 3:02 a.m. CST

    CHUCK NORRIS vs VAN DAMM vs SEGAL

    by apolo_sputnik

    NANCY BITCHFEST: THE MOVIE. Chuck Norris invents a time machine where he can fulfill his dream of knocking the tar out of the peace loving Nancy-boy Ghandi. Van Dam reprises his role as the TIME COP, and with his new Partner Stevie "Wonder" Segal, they must go back in time with SYLVESTER STALONE to stop Chuck Norris' vile plan. Who will win? Who cares? Let's watch the Nancy boys knock the tar out of on another.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 3:20 a.m. CST

    best part in part 1

    by Seven Seas

    when Gary Busey spits in the food classic

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 4:29 a.m. CST

    How's the script coming

    by BannedOnTheRun

    for the feature-length adaptation of the YouTube classic "Van Damme gets a boner?" I heard David Koepp was called in to flesh it out.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 6:33 a.m. CST

    RyBACK with a Vengeance

    by Sasha Petrosevitch

    As a Warner Bros. property the announcement of a potential Under Siege 3 is not much of a surprise. They've set up a Direct-to-DVD label for flicks such as Dukes of Hazzard: The Beginning and the upcoming Lost Boys 2 and New Jack City 2. Should these actually materialise. Under Siege 3 would be a let down. We all know this. The fact that Seagal's DVD releases can be forgotten so easily helps viewers get over dissapointment. A high profile title like this will bring him to public attention but would inevitably be poorly received. Personally I'd enjoy the novelty of seeing the title up there on the shelf and if Seagal put the effort in I think we could do some interesting things with the character ala Rocky Balboa. But lets be honest, Under Siege 3 would be just like every other DTDVD. Seagal himself wasn't involved in the upcoming Half Past Dead 2 but did do a follow up to The Foreigner so it's clear he's not averse to Sequels. If he can get a deal to make the film on the condition he can get funding for Prince of Pistols then I'd like to think he'd do it. But I think Warner or Sony, if they take on the property, would rather stick to using the title and casting a cheaper name or an unknown. As is the case with Treach's casting in Art of War 2.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 6:50 a.m. CST

    Steven Seagal talkback?

    by Dazzler69

    I would love to try a talkback with Steven Seagal. Maybe we can straighten him up like Sly. We can work from fledging star to star next.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 7:01 a.m. CST

    Under Siege: Tokyo Riff

    by Spandau Belly

    Segal takes his jazz abilities to the orient!

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 7:16 a.m. CST

    Glimmer Man 2: Gary Glimmer

    by Spandau Belly

    Must fight his way out of a Taiwanese jail and back to the schoolhouse and rescue his true love from a math test.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 7:26 a.m. CST

    Under Siege 3 .....

    by barnaby jones

    Oh i can't be bothered !

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 9:30 a.m. CST

    my post from the surfer talkback rings true here

    by Deus Vult

    let's discuss something cool, like time travel, fascists, christina aguiler's hooters, dinosaurs, making mori angry, porn, anything but who got owned or who's secret identity is who's. <p> besides, Ikamono pointed out last night that everyone on her 'sept me is the same person so can we just accept his explanation and move on. please?

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 9:31 a.m. CST

    I can't believe I didn't edit the post I pasted

    by Deus Vult

    what a noob I am. I've successfully humiliated myself!

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 9:40 a.m. CST

    Dolph Lundgren should be the bad guy

    by chuck finley

    Add Dolph and Jean Claude and you got one hell of a b movie. Toss in Eric Roberts and that dude from kickboxer 3 and its an easy classic. Toss in a Yetti and some tremors instant epic

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 10:29 a.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: Oldness of the Oldie Old-Olds

    by Spandau Belly

    you don't need clever allusions to be cruel!

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 11:44 a.m. CST

    This TB is like Vegas

    by finky089

    it never seems to close and it's always a bunch of laughs with Abom, Deus, and that glorious bastard, Dick Nicely. <p> thanks for the morning laughs, gents.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 12:11 p.m. CST

    plus there are many buffets in Vegas

    by just pillow talk

    and Steven enjoys the buffet with the best of them like has been mentioned before...

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 12:10 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: Steve 'n' Sea Gal

    by Dick Nicely

    "Welcome to the ocean, sweetheart."

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 12:16 p.m. CST

    Casey Cooks! Onions

    by Dick Nicely

    "You wanna skin those bitches like the Predator. Peel it off, peel it off. Then you get the moisture. You got a tear in your eye? That's all good. All right, so then you bifurcate the motherfucker. You got two domes, now. Like tits. Tits. Slice 'em into rainbows. You never seen a rainbow, son? Yeah, like that. Now take those rainbows and cut 'em at four o'clock, five o'clock, six o'clock, and so forth. You got little squares of onion. Put 'em in the pan and fry those bitches. When you can see the pan through 'em, that's your base."

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 12:24 p.m. CST

    Casey Cooks! Peppers

    by Dick Nicely

    "You wanna take the stalk of that pepper and wrench it like the neck of a no-good weedy nerdy terrorist fuck. Pull the whole head off. Then two cuts. Quick, quick. The blade catches the light, like the desert sun. All right, so you got all four quarters of that pepper, and what you gotta do now is stripe 'em. Stripe 'em like the American flag. You take those stripes and you cut 'em, keep cuttin', keep cuttin' until you got squares, little squares. Throw 'em in the pan, sir. Let 'em sizzle like the fresh blood of an enemy soldier. Get a sense of the scent. Feel the scent. Become one with it."

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 12:28 p.m. CST

    Casey Cooks! Chicken

    by Dick Nicely

    "Chicken's a bitch, no doubt about it. You gotta be gentle with chicken, you gotta be cautious. Respect the chicken. Chicken in the wrong hands'll give you the ache of a penetrative bayonet. Mark my words, son. So when you cut up that chicken like the dog it is, and throw those little pink chunks into the pan, remember to consider. That's right. Stand and consider. Consider the care it takes to make it succulent, tender, like the love of a good woman, and just as rare. You get that oil all over. Massage. Caress. But above all, respect that chicken. The second you don't respect it, you're as good as dead."

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 12:32 p.m. CST

    Casey Cooks! Asparagus

    by Dick Nicely

    "The head of an asparagus stalk is like the head of a platoon. By itself, it means nothing. But with the whole stalk behind it... son, that's when potential becomes greatness. So like a soldier overcome by thoughts of panic, desperation and cowardice, I want you to keep the head. Keep the whole stalk. The whole gives the asparagus its strength. Add it to the pan, swirl it around, do as you will. But don't let it break apart. Ever."

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 12:34 p.m. CST

    Casey Cooks! Babycorn

    by Dick Nicely

    "Nothing wrong with a little corn, absolutely nothing. This great country was built on corn. But like all the best things, it is best sampled in small doses. So you take a bunch of these babycorns and split 'em into small doses. Round. Yellow. Like a rotund fellow in the sun. Like little coins of gold. And spread them around the pan, there, spread the goodness. Spread the small doses and let 'em do their thing."

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 12:37 p.m. CST

    Casey Cooks! Herbs

    by Dick Nicely

    "A man's herbs are his own personal arsenal. Different weapons for different situations, and a man's gotta be the master of 'em all. Select wisely from this toolbox. You gotta bring out the flavour in the chicken, but don't overwhelm the other vegetables. Sprinkle gently, like gunpowder. Meditate on its potency. Breath in, slow. Let it all get to know itself. By this road, we all might reach some kind of wisdom."

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 12:44 p.m. CST

    Casey Cooks! Sauce

    by Dick Nicely

    "I'm not here to tell you what's what and who's who. That ain't the job of a lowly cook. But I do know a thing or two about the world, and its seven seas, and the sea of this recipe is French White Wine sauce. White wine, a cool breeze on the deck of a summer's afternoon. Pour it all over the pan, but slowly. Like you'd pour your own soul into the Quest of Zen. Seek not the drowning of the chicken, seek not the drowning of the vegetables... seek only to enhance. It's the final layer, and it's the layer of morality upon these disparate elements. The unification of lost spirits. And when the spirits are unified, you have your meal. Serve, my son. Serve this meal like you'd serve your conutry. And savour it like you'd savour certain death."

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 12:56 p.m. CST

    The Ryback Identity

    by Dick Nicely

    "I can tell you the ingredients of all six sauces on that shelf. I can tell you the chef is left-handed and knows how to handle a blade. I know the best place to look for a bomb is the second microwave from the left, and at this longitude we can sail at twenty-two knots for half an hour before we change time zones. Now why would I know that and not know the secrets of the universe?"

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 12:55 p.m. CST

    Love the buffet! Guess Seagal & I do like something

    by finky089

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 12:57 p.m. CST

    Pair Dick and Abom = funny shit

    by finky089

    Wish I could be here all day to read you guy's comedy gold. <p>Guess I'll have to wait til tonight and see what gems you boys have left here.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 1:09 p.m. CST

    finky my friend Nicely and abom need some sleep

    by Deus Vult

    insanity abound! I step away to go grab lunch and come back to find Nicely is clearly on an insomnia tear along with abom. not sure where in the world abom resides but needless to say he's not sleeping either.<p>in other news, the local market was packed with hot office girls on their lunch break. oh how I love a mature, stacked woman in a smart yet sexy business suit.<p>and for good measure, if one was to star in US3, and pop out of a birthday cake, I'd gladly see this movie.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 1:12 p.m. CST

    Casey Cooks! Toast

    by Dick Nicely

    "The bread is soft. Limp. Not much good to anybody. But you hold it straight, it maintains the illusion of rigidity. So you hold it straight, and position the toaster just so. Then you slip it in and turn up the heat. Sure, it may not get hard right away, but give it time. Just a little time. Let the warmth spread and take its hold. Suddenly it's unstoppable. Yes. What was soft becomes hard. Yes, yes, it's hard all over. It's warm. It's good. Yes. It's hot, it's darker, it's as solid as it can get. Yes, yes it is, yes indeed. It's reached its limit. It's ready. And then your toaster PINGS and the toast springs up like a geyser. And then, you can relax, because it's time for breakfast. Maybe a coffee. Ahhhhh."

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 1:26 p.m. CST

    Under Siege 3: Unilliterate Disarmament

    by Dick Nicely

    "Disarming a nuclear warhead is like making love to a beautiful woman. Intimidating at first, sure. That's only natural. But it lays there, still, inviting, so you approach. You strip the casing and look inside. You know you're welcome if she hasn't blown up in your face, but there's still a lotta buttons to choose from, and you can't just push 'em at random. You gotta be alert. Sensitive. Don't rush to expose the circuitry. Let your hands get to know the mechanism. Feel your way first. Explore. Remember, she's gonna react, just don't have her react prematurely. Timing is everything. And when the timing is right, that's when you make your final move."

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 1:30 p.m. CST

    abom, nicely & alumni of the famous hannibal talkback

    by Deus Vult

    someone named 5and5make12 or something along those lines is in the recently resurrected blade2 talkback claiming he's in possession of the repligin machine.<p>who is this guy?<p>he was never in our hannibal tb, where the legend of John Titor was revealed, AND, he would have no way of knowing that repligin uses titor's 500lb machine to jump in and out of talkbacks both in the past and in the future, would he?<p>moreover, does his knowledge of this fact lend credence to Ikimodo's theory that all talkback posters, save me, are the same person?

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 1:34 p.m. CST

    A Bit About Dick

    by Dick Nicely

    Almost 9pm in Lyon, making this my 17th consecutive hour of consciousness. I spent the day auditioning potential flatmates, and am currently musing over the morality of giving the free room to the most attractive female applicant regardless of any other factors.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 1:33 p.m. CST

    now abom I thought you were calling ME smart & sexy in

    by Deus Vult

    your post about, ahem, smart and sexy women. here I was about to tell me wife that my new friends on aicn think I'm smart and sexy. imagine how that would have made HER feel! not to mention me!<p>in other news, one "chickchow" is questioning the validity of my marriage, I think in the silver surfer or blade2 tb. I love aicn. can't believe I didn't post anything for six years and missed all this fun by so doing.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 1:36 p.m. CST

    do it dick and let's have some more ned quotes

    by Deus Vult

    I was laughing so hard at them last night the wife yelled at me. and not in a good way mind you. considering I'm still at the office, even though the brit boss left for the day, I've got some free time.<p>and by the way all you mods reading, I hear there's gonna be a few Ned-ish Scot henchmen in Under Siege 3: Glasgow Unbound so there's the relevance to the movie in my post! mwa-ha, gotcha!

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 1:37 p.m. CST

    Dick Nicely On The Case

    by Dick Nicely

    This is a mystery, Deus. I too spotted the mention of "repligin" and suspicions were aroused, but then forgotten. Bear with me while I investigate.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 1:46 p.m. CST

    5and5makes12

    by Dick Nicely

    While 2 and 2 makes 4. Unfortunately detective work is not an exact science, so I have no such definitive answers to this mystery. I can only guess that 5and5makes12 was ghosting the Hannibal Rising talkback and confused the time machine chat with our references to repligin... After all, he disappeared early on, but the time machine stuff continued. The word "Repligin" has, as far as I can tell, no meaning other than a TB handle.<p>Several identities have been called into question here. Are there moderators amongst us? Dual personalities? I am reminded of a theory that there are only 500 real people in the world, which is why they keep bumping into each other...

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 1:46 p.m. CST

    DICK READ HERE, DON'T LEAVE HERE YET!

    by Deus Vult

    http://tinyurl.com/375hc4 <P>that'll take you right to the talkback post by this mysterious 5and5make12 person wherein he mentions he has the repligin machine. oh man, this guy's got balls!

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 1:51 p.m. CST

    Ryback to the Future

    by Dick Nicely

    Check out talkback 2589. Another mention of "The Repligin Machine". There is most certainly continuum fuckage a-transpiring, fellas. Space-time is collapsing all around us!

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 1:53 p.m. CST

    Abom said "boobies"!

    by S-Mart shopper

    :)

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 1:56 p.m. CST

    abomination

    by Dick Nicely

    The most attractive flathunter will certainly get the room. When I say "musing over the morality" what I really mean is... well, I'm just trying to justify it with my second favourite organ, the one that does most of the thinking. And yet whether this rationalisation is successful or not, I am increasingly feeling that it doesn't matter a jot. Am I a weak person? A bad person? Or would any red-blooded male do the same thing? I think the answers are yes, yes and yes.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 1:59 p.m. CST

    Dick Nicely Confesses

    by Dick Nicely

    I might as well come clean. I AM finky089. And repligin. And Deus Vult. And Moriarty. And Sylvester Stallone. And Yackbacker. And BringingSexyBack. And Steven Seagal. And Darth Vader, Michael Bay, the Buddha, Orson Welles, the Queen of Spain, Harper Lee, Edgar Allan Poe, L. Ron Hubbard, Gilgamesh, Henry V and John Titor.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 2 p.m. CST

    Hey, D-Nicely

    by S-Mart shopper

    Make sure you introduce her to the AICN Tb's and tell her some twit is using your name to tell amusing stories of his sexual exploites with his new flatmate!

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 2:04 p.m. CST

    Neds Under Siege

    by Dick Nicely

    "Ehhh, gonnae get oaf mah fuckin ship like, ya buncha wanks? Ahv goat mair knives n a fuckin Hoambase warehoose, n if yez touch mah warheids ahll fuckin chib yez. Ehhh."

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 2:04 p.m. CST

    Decision made.

    by Dick Nicely

    Thanks, fellas. Smart 'n' sexy story coming your way.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 2:21 p.m. CST

    Smart 'n' Sexy

    by Dick Nicely

    To save you the suspense, this story doesn't end in photocopier-top shagging as I was spoken for at the time, and tend to remain honourable (though not always, for shame).<p>I temped in an office once, and noted with a colleague that the middle part of a female business suit is the most important. Trousers/skirt, jacket, these have their merits, but they are essentially a frame in which the top is free to work its magic. Flowery patterns, frills, the all important neckline, and the magnetising magic of silk. Now, I don't know if this was coincidence, but shortly after I shared this observation, my colleague and I began to notice a bit of competitiveness flaring amongst the female staff members. Suddenly there were less boring white blouses around. Buttons appeared undone. Silk became more popular. The V neckline began to plunge.<p>This was, of course, witnessed with exponential wonder by the male office staff, who in turn became more productive. Files and other information were delivered promptly and with thorough explanation to the more senior ladies, while the junior gals received more assistance in their work. Unfortunately the boss was the least attractive and most jealous of our women. The whole thing (if it was ever really a "thing") culminated in a crackdown on office dress policy, and several ladies were told to cover up and stop distracting us victimised menfolk in one of the funniest meetings I have ever attended.<p>Silk became cotton. Vs became Ts. Even jumpers appeared. And I like to think that productivity, enthusiasm and office morale suffered just a little bit. The moral being, smart 'n' sexy is good for business, and let it be known.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 2:28 p.m. CST

    Neds Die Hard

    by Dick Nicely

    "Ehhh, whit yous cunts daein in mah oaffice pairty like? Fuckin takin ower, ur yez? Fuckin big nazi dudes wi guns, ur yez? Ah've goat a fuckin Christmas present fur yous. Nae cunt's gettin ooty here alive wi mah cash. Ah'm gonnae chib yez aw. Smert suited besturds, aw yez. I ken yer gemm. Ah'm no feart, n ah've goat the power ay Buckfast oan mah side. Fuckin go mad dog oan yez. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow ya fuckin wank."

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 2:36 p.m. CST

    From Dusk Till Neds

    by Dick Nicely

    "Vempires, hunners o the cunts. Gettin us aw smashed oan ra Bucky n suckin it oot wur necks like. Aye, yez think? Guess again ya fang-dentured wanks. Knightswood Yount Team's oan nae cunt's menu. Fuckin tak aw yez oan. Come oan then, enny o yez! Who's first like? Fuckinnnn."

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 2:54 p.m. CST

    a history lesson for abom

    by Deus Vult

    here is where it all started:<p>Hey Dick and Jonz--how are you posting from the future? by Deus Vult Jan 13th, 2007 09:03:49 PM You know my posts are showing BEFORE both of your's but I'm quite sure mine should come after which can only mean you're both posting from the future...or...I'm posting from the past? DEAR GOD IS THAT POSSIBLE???? <p>then Dick responded: <p>Shit, Deus Vult's discovered the TB Time Machine by Dick Nicely Jan 13th, 2007 09:08:33 PM We're gonna have to kill you, dude. Must be some screwy time zone thing. I don't know, I failed computing. All I know is, I made an excellent joke over two posts the other day, and they appeared in the wrong order, thus making me look like a vagina in a cup. For shame. <p>then we had me saying: <p>more posts from the future... by Deus Vult Jan 13th, 2007 09:10:07 PM are you guys on board the USS Eldridge by chance? oh, that might not make sense to the brits on tonight, here's an explanation via the always reliable, 100% accurate wikipedia: http://tinyurl.com/nqefo Look, wikipedia is FREE and that's good enough for me. Crap now I'm rhyming. <p>with that repligin, who "claimed" he was going to sleep, popped back in and said:<p>i'm 24 too.. by repligin Jan 13th, 2007 09:13:30 PM i can't remember much about transformers, but i remember loving them. i had so many, until what was one of the worst days of my life. i brought a couple in to school. and then there was this kid, real fucking dick, started trying to smash them. so i grabbed bumble bee, and just hit him in the face. and i just kept hitting and hitting.... anyways the kid was taken into hospital and turned out i blinded him. according to the doctors there was nothing the could do, it was the transfomers-- "robots in his eyes". <p>keep in mind, he was supposed to have been sleeping. here's my response: <p>now repligin, if you're 24 by Deus Vult Jan 13th, 2007 09:18:23 PM you should be out nailing hot, young, easy-lead-astray college freshmen girls instead of posting on this innane site. look, this board is for old, married guys who are trapped in their homes with their january 15th direct deposit having gone in early due to the holiday monday burning a hole in their pocket as they dream of their bachelor party some three years ago next weekend and long for that stipper with the pigtails at rick's cabaret in new orleans. Christ I need help boys, serious help mind you. <p>then here's dick nicely's: <p>Repligin esq, you funny bastard by Dick Nicely Jan 13th, 2007 09:18:31 PM Pretending to go to sleep, but just waiting to pounce! Unless you're from even further in the future. My toys were the Thundercats, except one day I realised that they basically just landed on some Egyptian cunt's planet and started making trouble. Just because they're pretty felines and the "villains" are ugly jackals and toads and things, kids get fooled into thinking the Thundercats are the heroes... not so! And there's no real end to that story, sorry. <p>followed up by JJonz almost immediately with: <p>Repligin came up with the vagina in a cup and by MrJJonz Jan 13th, 2007 09:20:43 PM Repligin I thought you'd gone to bed and repligin that bumblebee story is fucking hilarious. God I am really really toasted so at this point I think I am going to depart. Farewell yon well travelled fellow and many thanks for the much amusement tonight. Having said all that I'll probably go for a vagina in a cup and then come back and type some more. . . who knows <p>clearly then everythinks this clever repligin character is sleeping. but you see, he WANTS us to think that. with that in mind, here's his next post: <p>good call on thundercats by repligin Jan 13th, 2007 09:20:46 PM just goes to show that cartoons are ran by facists. i'm really going to sleep now. no more pouncing. <p>again he SAYS he's going to sleep. my response to Jonz and repligin saying they're going to bed is a sad one: <p>well for fuck's sake then by Deus Vult Jan 13th, 2007 09:24:04 PM so everyone's going to bed eh? you know its only 9:36pm in texas. thus I have no idea what "pwns teh suck" means, how you're all posting from the future, and what the proper usage of "vagina in a cup" should be. so I've wasted half an hour in this talkback then...fuck...I hope I can get to the bottom of this before bed lest I won't sleep at'all. <p>some time later, repligin REAPPEARS with the following posts: toy story was funded by nazi gold by repligin Jan 13th, 2007 09:58:30 PM buzz lightyear, in it's original german is an anagram of 'squeeze hard the jew's head'. seriously. to paraphrase george bush.."i feel sorry for them..for they can never comprehend the joy of..of.something like..hanukka" <p>and:<p> i'm actually asleep now. by repligin Jan 13th, 2007 09:59:05 PM i have fucking exams to revise for.. <p>the timing of his posts confused both Dick and myself, who were basically the only ones left in the talkback at this time. therefore I proposed the following: <p>flash: repligin posts from his sleep AND the future by Deus Vult Jan 13th, 2007 10:02:11 PM how the fuck is this happening? <p>things are quiet for awhile, but then repligin REAPPEARS AGAIN, but has somehow gone way back in the past and learned mandarin chinese and come back to present day with this post: <p>i study chinese..so i guess it'd be.. by repligin Jan 13th, 2007 10:18:12 PM "bei li de yindao". damn, you can't write chinese characters in this one.. <p>Around an hour later I duck out for the night, and no more posts from repligin are to be had. however, the next day, our good pal S Mart arrives around the afternoon period and wants a review of the previous 400+ posts, here is what I gave him, edited of course: <p>okay s mart here we go-- by Deus Vult Jan 14th, 2007 03:39:00 PM Fascists prefer pumas over nike or new balance and they have also heavily influenced ALL animated features throughout history with their powerful propaganda. someone named "repligin" has figured out how to sleep AND create posts from the future AT THE SAME TIME <p>A few dozen posts go by and Nicely claims a post he's referring to that he wrote previously up the chain "was actually written tomorrow" and I responded with:<p>no sir, only repligin, God bless him he must be dead by Deus Vult Jan 14th, 2007 04:37:32 PM by now, can post from the future, or tomorrow as you said Dick. no question about it that repligin is quite possibly John Titor: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/J ohn_Titor <p>Watch for spaces if you copy and past the link. From there some time passes as everyone reads the link. By now Jonz is back and responds to the link's posting with:<p>1st time I've heard of John Titor by MrJJonz Jan 14th, 2007 04:42:08 PM Thats brilliant. I especially love the fact that people think it is all real. For people still believing this . . . .only repligin is real <p>Now I love Jonz as much as anyone else, but he's still a skeptic, at this point. I attribute this to his lack of alcohol intake up this point in the day mind you. So I respond with: <p>the odds on either repligin and/or titor being real are by Deus Vult Jan 14th, 2007 04:53:17 PM minimal at best Jonz, and I think we can both agree on that. for instance, Titor posted on the web and so did repligin. Titor is from the future and so is repligin. yet titor made posts in the present and so does repligin. finally, titor appears without warning and disappears also without warning, making profound and freightening posts about the future, just like repligin. thus, I conclude, both titor and repligin are equally real or not real. clearly the decongestant I'm taking is driving me batty. <p>So the standard back and forth continues for quite some time, there's not much going on. But then a bolt of lightning hits and we're all back, for some reason. plus the talkback has crested over 500 posts: <p>I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!!! by Deus Vult Jan 15th, 2007 01:57:26 PM over 500 posts! Dick Nicely is back! JJonz may be back! YackBacker has arrived! repligin is stuck in a wormhole! AAAWWWEEESSSOOOMMMEEE!!!! <p>Somewhere in the night Jonz realizes that the repligin/titor thing is real and says: <p>Hey Dick Nicely by MrJJonz Jan 15th, 2007 02:42:36 PM You seen how close to the 600 mark we are? For such a monumental occasion wouldn't it be nice to have repligin here as well. Unfortunately his time travel machine appears to be bolloxed. He's probably stuck pre Charles Babbage.(I wonder if he got called cabbage at school - thats probably why he became an IT outcast) <p>More proof that Jonz has become a true believer in the time-traveling John Titor and that repligin now has his machine is here: <p>I find this John Titor thing fucking brilliant by MrJJonz Jan 15th, 2007 02:50:28 PM Where is this guys movie. I just can't believe that people thought he was real and some still do. Me may go hunting for more info that wikipedia can provide <p>then of course good ol' Dick Nicely reveals he wrote a piece on time travel:<p>Time Travel/John Titor by Dick Nicely Jan 15th, 2007 02:55:08 PM I Wikipedia'd that motherfucker and I'm reading up on him now... sounds fascinating. I wrote a semi-essay once called "How to Avoid Assassination at the Hands of Time-Travellers" which is pretty self explanatory. I don't want to plug my website but if anyone wants to read it, I can post it here. Valuable stuff. If Titor was posting here from the future, I think taking the alias "repligin" is exactly what he'd do to fool us. <p>For whatever reason Nicely then has a brief change of heart and doubts the entire Titor premise, but I clear it up for him with:<P>more on repligin and john titor by Deus Vult Jan 15th, 2007 03:03:09 PM no sir, only repligin, God bless him he must be dead by Deus Vult Jan 14th, 2007 04:37:32 PM by now, can post from the future, or tomorrow as you said Dick. no question about it that repligin is quite possibly John Titor: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/J ohn_Titor and 1st time I've heard of John Titor by MrJJonz Jan 14th, 2007 04:42:08 PM Thats brilliant. I especially love the fact that people think it is all real. For people still believing this . . . .only repligin is real and the odds on either repligin and/or titor being real are by Deus Vult Jan 14th, 2007 04:53:17 PM minimal at best Jonz, and I think we can both agree on that. for instance, Titor posted on the web and so did repligin. Titor is from the future and so is repligin. yet titor made posts in the present and so does repligin. finally, titor appears without warning and disappears also without warning, making profound and freightening posts about the future, just like repligin. thus, I conclude, both titor and repligin are equally real or not real. clearly the decongestant I'm taking is driving me batty. <p>that's just a combo of my previous posts on the subject. Now Jonz has become a time-traveling sleuth and posts:<p>Check this out by MrJJonz Jan 15th, 2007 03:12:52 PM http://johntitor.strategicbrai ns.com This is fascinating - I mean really fascinating . . .and also baffling <p>Then Dick reveals the aforementioned essay: <p>Nicely's essay by Dick Nicely Jan 15th, 2007 03:13:56 PM Actually, it contains some code stuff that may not make it through the AICN... erm... code sensor things. So here's the link: http://tinyurl.com/yav hdc <p>So at this point we're arguing over whether repligin was/is even real or not, and so I say<p>JJonz, colon and Dick by Deus Vult Jan 15th, 2007 03:17:16 PM thus, either repligin is real OR John Titor is NOT real, period. and I'm sticking with that stance for good from here on out mind you. <p>Now Nicely believes in it 100% because he trust Jonz, a euro, over his good american friend deus, and proclaims his belief with: <p>Titortastic by Dick Nicely Jan 15th, 2007 03:19:01 PM Cheers for the link MrJJonz, this story's amazing. <p>Feeling betrayed because I brought the topic into the fold, I say:<p>DICK NICELY-FOR SHAME! by Deus Vult Jan 15th, 2007 03:24:06 PM now dammit I was the one who introduced the titor concept ala repligin to this talkback and I want some credit! and you know what yanks do when they want something and don't get it don't you? well drop a bunch'a bombs of course! heads up boys! <p>By now Jonz is to engrossed with Titor he has the two posts:<p>Wow . . .just wow by MrJJonz Jan 15th, 2007 03:59:35 PM So like this dude Titor fights in the new American civil war, then even with a couple of kids he volunteers for a time travel thingy, where he travels back to 1975 in an old corvette to get a really old computer because of some geek code conversion thing that other modern days computers can't do, then gets to the year 2000 starts posting and having, by all acounts very intelligent discussions who appear to understand all the physics behind what he is saying, before he can find favourable conditions to zap back to 2038 BUT it won't be the same 2038 he left (will be similar though) because of the different worldlines (alternate dimensions) that exist. I am fucking fascinated. Some motherfucker just has to make a movie on this. C'mon Michael Bay where are you now??? <p>and:<p>Sorry Deus - just been entranced by Titor by MrJJonz Jan 15th, 2007 04:05:07 PM hence the braindump of everything I have just learned. This guy has pictures - actual photos - of his time machine. He also has an instruction manual. How much effort to go into a hoax - dear god it's incredible. I mean some bloke who knows all the theories behind time travel well enough to win arguments against all comers on the internet - I beleive he would answer any question with regards to the science of it. Nerds are taking over. I thought geek was the latest cool but this guy has won me over. Best hoax ever <p>we contine to debate whether titor and/or repligin are real, if they can time travel, and a host of other items, until this guy shows up, quite like repligin I might add (unannounced you see):<p>THIS THREAD IS TOO CONFUSING by Total Fucking Destruction Jan 15th, 2007 04:52:45 PM and thus deserves TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION. <p>With that said we all assume it's a mod about to shut us down so the conversation fades a bit but nothing too bad.<p>anyway, no one ever hears from repligin again, yet his name appears throughout other talkbacks by people who were NOT part of the hannibal tb and they refer to his ability to post from the future in so much that he must be using a machine (!).<p>so there you have it. this took me an hour. please paypal me the sum of $50.00 by noon tomorrow for said work.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 2:58 p.m. CST

    finally, the link to the legendary hannibal talkback

    by Deus Vult

    enjoy boys<p>http://tinyurl.com/2u7tby <p>now I'm really leaving the office.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 2:59 p.m. CST

    Dick Nicely Investigates

    by Dick Nicely

    According to my calculations, there are talkback conversations going on RIGHT NOW spanning the years 2002 to 2007. Not only that, but Deus is living in the Hannibal Rising past and Abomination and Dorothy's Taint are in the Land of Oz. I have formerly asked 5and5 - five years ago - why it's called the Repligin Machine, but have not yet received an answer. This may be because he is busy, or it may be because he is somewhere in the future or past where AICN does not exist.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 3:06 p.m. CST

    Oh-ho, the fucker's posting ABOVE me now.

    by Dick Nicely

    Look, dude, you've got our brains in a twist. We're even suffering from Single Personality Disorder. So I'm asking nicely, one more time...<p>From whence does the name Repligin Machine come???<p>If I do not receive a reply, my minions will hunt you through the space-time continuum and turn you inside out. Of course, I'm making these threats from a computer in Europe, so I can't really say how effective they may be.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 3:16 p.m. CST

    Dick Nicely Solves The Case

    by Dick Nicely

    Possibility #1: 5and5 is Repligin.<p>Possibility #2: 5and5 was ghosting the Hannibal Rising talkback in some capacity, and became confused.<p>Possibility #3: 5and5 was ghosting the Hannibal Rising talkback, and knows exactly what he's doing and how to fuck with us.<p>Possibility #4: 5and5 is John Titor.<p>Dick Nicely's Solution: possibility #3.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 3:21 p.m. CST

    Good evening Mr Dick NIcely esq, Mr Deus esq

    by MrJJonz

    How are things with you guys. I see Deus has decided to paste most of the much beloved Hannibal TB - fair play to you sir for sharing the love<P>Dick just want to say I love your questionable poetry on your website - most amusing. Hope you have been keeping well and away from that ultra strong french coffee

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 3:28 p.m. CST

    Not sure why the capital I in Nicely

    by MrJJonz

    but probably goes to show proof reading is for chumps<P>I see that insatiable time travelling stalwart is still proving a mystery and still troubling like minded fellows on this TB<P>And for what it's worth Under Siege 3 excites me as much as Die Hard 7 or whatever number we are up to . . .not much at all

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 3:26 p.m. CST

    MrJJonz esq! Your appearance is greatly appreciated...

    by Dick Nicely

    As you can see, I have been conducting an investigation in time. I have been to 1998 (TB2589) and 2002 (TB11793) but am still befuddled by a certain poster's use of the term "Repligin Machine".<p>Glad you like the site; I received your comments and the confidence boost led me to add a third recipe. Hope you have been keeping well and close to the Guinness.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 3:32 p.m. CST

    It could be time to launch a whole new website

    by MrJJonz

    into the theories of the repligin machine. <P>Now I have slipped into the driving seat I have a guiness very close to hand and more often than not in it.<P>The snow is falling here in Leeds and I have been comparing notes with my sister on what car to buy next. I feel that budget may dictate what to get . . .ie it certainly won't be what I want, what I really really want

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 3:35 p.m. CST

    But 5and5

    by Dick Nicely

    I gave four possibilities and picked the third. Am I right or am I wrong?

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 3:36 p.m. CST

    Mr Deus and his marriage

    by MrJJonz

    Alot of people seem to pick on the secret of him being able to hold down a marriage and post on here at the same time<P>Well I know what the secret is<P>90210 on DVD . . .she watches, he types and feigns interest every now and then.<P>This is also followed by trying to persuade said wife that he is talking to chicks online all the time

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 3:37 p.m. CST

    If I'm not mistaken

    by Dick Nicely

    You just gave me a clue. I think I was wrong, and I think I know who you are...

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 3:40 p.m. CST

    Eurotrash Take The Talkback!

    by Dick Nicely

    MrJJonz, raise your feline mascot of Euro glory and let's all toast this momentary victory over the yanks.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 3:40 p.m. CST

    Is it a Northern Irish movie, 5and5?

    by Dick Nicely

    Go on, go on, go on...

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 3:43 p.m. CST

    My cat is raised . . .

    by MrJJonz

    . . .Momentarily - now I covered in scratches and need medicinal guinness fix.<P>Why won't someone invent slippers for cats

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 3:44 p.m. CST

    Oooohh - can I join this sleuthing

    by MrJJonz

    Is is snowing where you are 5and5?<P>Am I on the right lines with this Dick?

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 3:44 p.m. CST

    They have, MrJJonz...

    by Dick Nicely

    They're called "Get off my fucking T-shirt you hairy bitch, and go chase a mouse."

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 3:47 p.m. CST

    Are we talking #1???

    by MrJJonz

    <em>

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 3:48 p.m. CST

    I think we are, sir.

    by Dick Nicely

    Care to comment, 5and5?

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 3:50 p.m. CST

    5and5

    by MrJJonz

    does it cost much to travel to Leeds from Northern Ireland?

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 3:51 p.m. CST

    Hmmmmmmmmmmm

    by Dick Nicely

    Arse.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 3:59 p.m. CST

    Back to the drawing board?

    by Dick Nicely

    All right, 5and5, answer me this: where would you most like to travel with the Repligin Machine?

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 4:08 p.m. CST

    5and5 goes quiet

    by MrJJonz

    Hmmmm heavy contemplation on the repligin machine query me thinks

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 4:09 p.m. CST

    Nice he posts ahead of me - dammit!!

    by MrJJonz

    <em>

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 4:11 p.m. CST

    If 5and5 doesn't get the Northern Ireland thing...

    by Dick Nicely

    I guess that rules out #1.<p>What do you think, MrJJonz?

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 4:15 p.m. CST

    Indeed it does

    by MrJJonz

    I'm not sure how many other possibilities it leaves . . .do you have another possibility list brewing?

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 4:15 p.m. CST

    Holy Sweet Twisted Blowtorch Anal Fuck

    by Dick Nicely

    Who is this genius Neill Cumpston and how did I get through 24 years without his Lord of the Rings review???

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 4:21 p.m. CST

    Dick Nicely Considers the Evidence

    by Dick Nicely

    He's a Brit. I'm not sure he's seen the Hannibal Rising talkback, or if he has, then only the latter part (after Repligin's departure). He says EU travel's expensive, but the temperature at his current residence is "30 somethin" which obviously rules out the UK. Hell, I'm near the south of France and it's only seven degrees. An ex-pat in Spain, maybe?

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 4:26 p.m. CST

    So an unknown quantity who

    by MrJJonz

    is playing upon the repligin machine thing.<P>Most annoying<P>Remember the days when the hardest challenege was to fit 'vagina in a cup' into your daily conversation<P>Also have a good new game at work. A colleague habds you a list of random words at the beginning of the day and you have to work all of them into your phone conversation by the end of the day. I was actually crowned king. I'm not bad at conversational - beats the hell out of my typing

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 4:27 p.m. CST

    "So he and Magneto go to this huge white city...

    by Dick Nicely

    "where the king is being a dick and just eating dinner while every puke-ugly bad-ass on the planet starts surrounding it, ready to open a Wal-Mart that only sells ball-stomp."<p>Might be my favourite sentence of all time.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 4:49 p.m. CST

    Cheers 5and5

    by Dick Nicely

    My detecting skills are for shame, I guess... could've sworn you typed like a Brit.<p>I thank you for your support; please feel free to comment on the blogs and make me look even more popular!

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 5:01 p.m. CST

    Best one for me is prose #5

    by MrJJonz

    That and the poems (need more Dick) and the recipes - c'est magnifique

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 5:03 p.m. CST

    I see you can't

    by MrJJonz

    type need more Dick without the use of a comma. Live and learn

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 5:12 p.m. CST

    Repligin Machine Engaged...

    by Dick Nicely

    Yes, folks, Nicely is time-travelling, exploring the hidden depths of AICN. Utterly, utterly fascinating what has been posted from the future.<p>I hereby invent a new term for this passtime: repligin'. As in, "Just gone repligin', back soon."<p>Thanks, MrJJonz, that one's my favourite too. True story, by the way, apart from me being able to design websites (ha!).

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 5:27 p.m. CST

    Wondered about that

    by MrJJonz

    seeing as though you had said that the website you use was free and you liked the pictue on it - suggested not being able to do your own.<P>Anyway I am signing off gor the night. So keep on writing and henceforth entertaining me.<P>Goodnight pal - hope the repligin mystery and coffee doesn't keep you up for another 36 hrs

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 5:30 p.m. CST

    Later, dude...

    by Dick Nicely

    I am convinced the answers lie in the deep, dark bowels of AICN.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 5:35 p.m. CST

    See you in the future, 5and5

    by Dick Nicely

    Or maybe the past.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 5:51 p.m. CST

    Get Katherine Heigl back!!!

    by Kirbymanly

    And make HER jump out of a cake all naked! She's HOT

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 7:12 p.m. CST

    DEUS IS BACK MUTHAFUCKA SO WAT UP YO?

    by Deus Vult

    Sorry, just drove through the ghetto of houston. looks like I'm an hour late to the party. what I miss?

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 7:14 p.m. CST

    5and5makes12 are you here? lemme introduce myself

    by Deus Vult

    I'm Deus Vult, the all-knowing crusader of truth. we meet at last!

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 7:23 p.m. CST

    now suddenly the room goes quiet? are you kidding me?

    by Deus Vult

    Deus spent $23 on a pound of wild caught king salmon and $10 on a bottle of chardonnay to go with it for him and the wife and proceeded to drink 3/4 of the bottle by himself. hence, I'm a lightweight drinker and am plenty drunk. <p>the point? I'm happy to post to just myself.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 7:29 p.m. CST

    well forget it then

    by Deus Vult

    5and5 be warned. you may have given Dick and Jonz, possibly even abomination, dorothy's taint, yackbacker even s mart shopper the slip on this repligin machine, but you won't fool Deus. <P>I'll get you! I'LL GET YOU!!!

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 8:05 p.m. CST

    5and5 let's do this

    by Deus Vult

    I'm over the wine haze and ready to talk. you've claimed possession of the repligin machine but I don't buy it, not for a second.<p>Now, who are you?

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 8:34 p.m. CST

    you're a clever one 5and5 but I've got you now

    by Deus Vult

    you see there is no repligin machine. in fact, repligin never accepted his appointment as a time traveler. truth be told he completely ignored all my comments on time travel. hence, I know you to be a fictional writer, possibly a fictional person. you may not have the ability to use titor's 500lb GE time travel box but you've certainly obtained a new user id. who were you in the past? time to reveal the truth my friend.<p>you see, I'm on to you my friend. the scots and the brits may have taken it easy on you but the american way is to drop bombs my friend. so a bunker or a mountain hideaway is your best bet. I'll find you 5and5!

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 8:55 p.m. CST

    Ikamono, I might have known...

    by Deus Vult

    you'd make an appearance. you are my bane after all, constantly trying to foil my search for truth in this life. and truth in this site.<p>now what did Dorothy's Taint do to deserve sainthood? sheesh, I came up with the friggin' catchphrase Dorothy's Taint for God's sake!

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 8:57 p.m. CST

    now as you for you 5and5

    by Deus Vult

    you claimed to be in possession of the repligin machine if I remember right. but I don't think there's any chance of that.<p>we'll skip that for now, as I'm way more interested in learning what the deal is with your strange spelling. "zhe place"...what the crap is that? Zhe? you mean The?<p>5and5 I must be honest, we can be allies, but I'm afraid you must reveal the truth about your past and your current form of existence first. Then reveal what you know of John Titor and his relation to repligin. stat.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 9:09 p.m. CST

    oh now who has time for that?

    by Deus Vult

    there's so many. besides, I'm a lazy american with great technology. so maybe I'll just use the word search feature in my browser to seek out your posts therein. anything I should look for in particular?

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 9:24 p.m. CST

    trying to throw me off your trail eh?

    by Deus Vult

    won't work slick. I got'cha! there's no reason for me to read any other posts in this talkback, the truth lies elsewhere, and I quote:<p>you sure want to start a revolution. by 5and5makes12 Jan 23rd, 2007 03:37:06 PM There is like some guy who has like 650 handles and he definitelly has a hard on for this sight. Look for him in Silver Surfer TB. So unless you get him aroused in some kind of provocation/contest I can't see it happenin. Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore. Better get that repligin machine ready...

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 9:37 p.m. CST

    Deus, me think you need to take an AICN break

    by S-Mart shopper

    'cause you're freaking me out man!

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 9:38 p.m. CST

    me thinks it, too!

    by S-Mart shopper

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 9:40 p.m. CST

    I'll tell you what it proves to me and everyone else

    by Deus Vult

    is that this takes way too much work. perhaps you are repligin, perhaps not. my post-inebriation headache is making it too hard to concentrate. plus the wife is on the phone and making alot of noise.<p>so with that in mind I'll find my associate yon fellow Mr. Dick Nicely, Esq. tomorrow and we'll uncover the truth about you, wherein you devised a repligin machine, if you know the truth about John Titor, and finally if you are really in this worldline or not.<p>in conclusion my head is pounding and two aleve haven't done the trick. so let's discuss some more positive items...what's on your mind cinco y cinco?

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 9:42 p.m. CST

    oh hello smart

    by Deus Vult

    I've taken a break from the mystery of repligin/5and5. too late in the day, too much of a headache from cheap wine, and too much noise from the wife. let's talk about thundercats movie casting again!

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 9:58 p.m. CST

    and not a timetraveler?

    by Deus Vult

    I didn't see U93. I rented it for the wife and she watched a little bit of it and turned it off.<p>I can't watch anything that covers 9/11. it infuriates me to even think about it.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 10:18 p.m. CST

    well cinco...

    by Deus Vult

    there's no hurt. it's beyond that. the world better be glad this yank wasn't the president on 911 because mecca, medina and riyadh would all have been nuked, along with islamabad, tehran, baghdad and more. I'dve nuked a dozen cities in 10 minutes and called the russkies and the commie chinese to warn'em the bombs were in bound.<p>anyway, your spelling is the worst. but I think you're feigning an inability to spell. you're quite the mysterious one aren't you?

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 10:36 p.m. CST

    final post here cinco

    by Deus Vult

    your post from the oscars talkback, which didn't include your name, is worded and spelled beautifully. as well as your posts to the euros nicely and jonz. but to deus they're a disaster. and I think it's on purpose. <p>but I'm too tired to figure out why. you guys have outlasted me! congrats.<p>anyway, I'll get to the bottom of you tomorrow my friend.

  • Jan. 23, 2007, 10:39 p.m. CST

    UNDER SIEGE III: GOTTA EAT

    by dregmobile

    No one had come up with this one yet?

  • Jan. 24, 2007, 12:29 a.m. CST

    Looks like I picked the wrong night to quit caffeine.

    by Dick Nicely

    Not to press on with the dual personalities thing, but has anyone considered...<p>Neill Cumpston = Vern?

  • Jan. 24, 2007, 4:25 a.m. CST

    UK Kent county residents take note: Seagal is coming

    by Sasha Petrosevitch

    There is an interview with Seagal in next week's What's On supplement with the Kent Messenger Group newspapers distributed across the county. Hopeful for a big pic of Seagal on the cover. If you live in the area check it out. Then get yourself to the gigs in Gravesend and Tunbridge Wells to see what the man is capable of musically.

  • Jan. 24, 2007, 8:01 a.m. CST

    Keira Knightley Story

    by Dick Nicely

    I used to live in Glasgow, where some of "The Jacket" was filmed a few years ago. Kiera Knightley was known to hang out in the city's media yuppie district of Byres Road/Ashton Lane, and one night she ate in a restaurant there, where my friend was a waiter. The righteous bastard gave her his phone number! He said "Well, I've got nothing to lose, so why not?" She never called him, obviously, but he became a hero amongst our gang. Also, he was able to verify that she has definitely eaten at least one meal.

  • Jan. 24, 2007, 8:20 a.m. CST

    No wonder she got so fat!

    by just pillow talk

    That one meal did her in...(cue finger in mouth)

  • Jan. 24, 2007, 8:28 a.m. CST

    good morning yon fellows

    by Deus Vult

    Deus is back, but his mobile is on the fritz. for shame.

  • Jan. 24, 2007, 8:46 a.m. CST

    Deus, I think you should go to the Verizon store

    by just pillow talk

    Go to the Verizon store<p>Go to the Verizon store

  • Jan. 24, 2007, 1:58 p.m. CST

    Apocalypto II: Colonize This!

    by Spandau Belly

    Jaguar Paw fights off all the European colonists using Mad Max tactics and ultimately hijacks one of their ships and goes to Spain to fight the bastards at their source (this is also the plot for Serious Sam 2 and Starship Troopers, but hey....)

  • Jan. 24, 2007, 5:58 p.m. CST

    Apocalypto is on par with The Fugitive

    by Spandau Belly

    There's even a scene where the search troup are chasing Jag and he stops at a waterfall and gives them a badass stair before doing a ballsy dive right off.<br><br>"I didn't sarafice my wife!"<br>"I don't care."

  • Jan. 24, 2007, 6:57 p.m. CST

    5and5, still here?

    by Dick Nicely

    I have a question for you.

  • Jan. 24, 2007, 7:02 p.m. CST

    PS apologies to repligin

    by Dick Nicely

    If you're still around these parts, my Northern Irish Hannibal Rising alumni friend, we appear to have co-opted your login name as a verb. Sorry, dude.

  • Jan. 24, 2007, 9:39 p.m. CST

    Dick, just missed you

    by Deus Vult

    will try to catch you elsewhere...

  • Oct. 25, 2008, 12:34 a.m. CST

    HELL YES!!! Also would like to see "Marked for Death 2 & 3"

    by ThaJackaL

    Please!?

  • Oct. 27, 2008, 8:59 a.m. CST

    FEH!

    by orcus

    Waste of Orcus' time

  • Oct. 27, 2008, 9:01 a.m. CST

    I say nay Orcus, nay!

    by just pillow talk

    Doust must be kidding!<p>Who doesn't want to see fatso under siege again?