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Moriarty Says Don’t Catch A Ride With THE HITCHER!!
Form and Fuller... I’m calling you out.
You guys have the ability to get these films greenlit. You are making movies on a regular basis. You keep buying familiar properties and then putting your “spin” on them, and we know it’s going to keep happening.
So can’t you do it well? Or at least act like you like the movies that you’re remaking?
I hate both of the TEXAS CHAINSAW remakes. Hate them. I hate trouble even coming up with the words to fully express why I hate them. I’m sure part of that has to do with the esteem I have for the original Hooper picture and even its oft-maligned sequel, also by Hooper. Aside from those two films, I think every other screen incarnation of Leatherface and Family has been poor, and none moreso than the witless remakes. R. Lee Ermey’s act got old for me a while ago, and when he’s the only thing anyone can recommend about the new films, you know something has gone seriously wrong.
With THE HITCHER, I didn’t walk into the theater with the same sort of reverence for the original in place, so I figured I’d have a better shot at enjoying the film. Even if Eric Red seems to be a complete disaster as a human being, he did manage to crank out a few sweaty B-movie classics in his early days as a writer. The original HITCHER was directed by Robert Harmon, who appeared to be aping John Carpenter something fierce, whether it was the Dean Cundey-looking cinematography or the score by Mark Isham. Rutger Hauer did one of the best takes on the unstoppable killer from that era, and I liked how the movie played like a nightmare, with the possibility always left open that maybe C. Thomas Howell’s character really was cracking up. In updating Red’s original script, Eric Bernt and Jake Wade Wall have undermined a lot of what made the original work, and their inventions haven’t really added much to the premise.
This time around, it’s a couple who are on the road together. Jim (Zachary Knighton) and Grace (Sophia Bush) are introduced quickly. They’re going to Lake Havasu for spring break to meet her friends. That’s pretty much all you’ll ever know about the characters, too.
As soon as they meet Sean Bean, things go haywire, and the film ratchets things up so high so fast that it never really has anywhere else to go. Things play out as a sustained fever pitch that is more frantic than frightening, and when it got to the action scene where The Hitcher wipes out five cop cars and a helicopter, I sort of gave up. The only real twist it plays on the expectations of anyone who likes the original is a gender-switch on the truck scene, and the chance to see what was only implied in the original. If that’s reason enough for you to see the film, then check it out.
I don’t think Dave Meyers did a bad job directing the film. He’s not a hyperactive idiot like some of his music video directing contemporaries, and given a good piece of material, he might do nice work. This is just a pointless rehash of something that worked better as a low-budget exploitation film, and perhaps the most depressing moment of the film comes when Grace gets a moment in a motel room to catch her breath. She gets in bed, snuggles under the covers, and puts on the TV so she can watch... THE BIRDS. Which is the next film that Form and Fuller plan to remake. It’s like they’re rubbing our noses in it, saying, “Look! Even as you sit there hating this remake, get ready for the next film we’re going to ruin!”
I wish these guys would use this momentum they’ve created for Platinum Dunes to give original filmmakers a chance to create new horror visions instead of this endless regurgitation. Truly... a shame from start to finish.
Drew McWeeny, Los Angeles
Drew McWeeny, Los Angeles
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for a shitty movie?
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Thought I would get them all in to start with.
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Platinum Dunes...what a bunch of idiots. I'm going to sit and watch the DVD this weekend and hope your box office goes to hell.
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So it's the guy that bites it...totally ruining the creepy-connection between the Hitcher and the hitchee in the first film...whatever. And now they show the gore because it's a guy getting it? Double-whatever.
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I AM NEVER LETTING THIS DIE!!!
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I was hoping i could pin this one on Michael Bay. Maybe i will...
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I could see this coming a mile away.I think all remakes are bad by default.The original film is great because of it`s realism.Making an updated version seems pointless to me.But this is were we are today.Nobody want`s to take a chance on an original idea,so remaking things that worked before is the way to go.I won`t see this,not the omen,not the hills have eyes,none of it.I have all the originals so why would I? Maybe when they are on tv,but then only for a second.Remake casablanca,or gone with the wind,cause I think they suck as they are....
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Hitcher remake = flames on gotta take a shit mask
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The funniest think about this is that you have adverts plastered all over the page that is slagging this movie off. I suppose it does at least show this site will bite the hand that feeds it.
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C'mon. A HITCHER remake is about as stupid as a TEXAS remake, and we all saw how that turned out. Just imagine, we can all see SAW remade in 2024. Ugh.
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it's a low budget "reimagining" called THE BIRD!
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This tendency to ramp up the action and scares far too early is a big problem with modern horror/thriller type films. Anyone seen The Amityville Horror remake? It's exactly the same thing there. There's no slow build of tension, just a lot of BOO! and JUMP! and HOLY SHIT! and whatnot right from the off. It makes it impossible to believe in the story. That whole film, I just sat there thinking, 'Why the fuck don't they just move out?' It's like the film makers are scared you'll walk out of the cinema if they don't get things moving quickly, but what kind of rationale is that? We've paid our money, so A) What do you care if we stay to the end, and B) very few people walk out of films they've paid good money for just because the pace is too slow.I'm sorry to hear about this The Hitcher remake, which I thought was a concept that could have withstood reinterpretation. Oh, well.
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... thanks. That's what happens when you write these things without checking the IMDb. Damn youse, brain cells!
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Mrs Henderson vs Predator.
DENCH KICKS ARSE! -
I will admit, I've had a few scary encounters with divebombing seagulls, but damn, does that film really need a bigscreen remake? Wouldn't a TNT flick do?Fuck The Birds. Remake this...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RIsI7CwjH3M;)
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I'll put my head on the block here and say I enjoyed the TCM remake. Maybe because I don't have any sentimental attachment to the original, so I didn't mind the changes they made. Also, maybe because I was distracted by la Biel in those hipsters jeans and that tied-off T-shirt. Hubba hubba and all that. Good lord, she is beautiful in that film.
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Seriously, someone needs to put a stop to this shit.
If the best Hollywood can do is greenlight remakes of really crap films that aren't even that old, there's a problem.
Good to know that the boyfriend gets trucked in two though, cheers for that Mori - means I never have to waste my time watching this dross!
(ps - Texas Chainsaw is utter bollocks, yes, the original.)
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Then WHY are you shilling it on the ads on this site??!!!
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... I love Bean... surely he brings SOMETHING to it?
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Um, no.
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actually two...
"Still Sharpe".
lol -
Brody, we don't have anything to do with the ads on our site. That's handled by someone else. I would hope you don't think that just because someone paid money for ad space that implies any sort of endorsement. That's like thinking that the cast of LOST wants you to use Crest toothpaste or shop at the Gap. That ain't how it works.
And Seph, there's not a word about Bean in my review because he's a non-presence in the film. Yeah, he walks around and glowers a lot, but literally anyone could have played The Hitcher in this version. It's just that bad. -
...more than possible. Damn you, Michael Bay indeed (he did produce this, didn't he?) Catch "China Lake" instead, on the Hitcher DVD, disc 2. It's a bit like a very early short version of the Hitcher.
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Remake Jaws starring Ben Affleck . Remake Taxi Driver starring Ben Stiller . Remake Rocky starring Sylv... Nevermind.
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Jan 19, 2007 3:59:11 AM CST
DavidLyons, I'd really watch that, rather than watching
by jackpumpkinhead
the real upcoming Hollywood remake...
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I thought that Keira Knightley pic from "At World's End" had been taken down??
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If you really want to stick it to Michael Bay, don't see this movie. Nothing against Sean Bean because I think he's a great actor but did they really need to remake this film which was note perfect the first time?
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I enjoyed the TCM remake because it was entertaining and gory well made run of the mill slasher. I love the original because it's nothing like the remake in terms of tone and atmo. The Amityville remake blew ass and I haven't seen the second Chainsaw film they did. Hitcher freaked me out as a kid and I really haven't been able to watch it again since then. I have it sitting on my shelve so I might pop it in the player this weekend.
As for the Birds remake. Birds are not scary or dangerous, even if they try. If it was called Eagles, with a group of big ass eagles fucking shit up then they might have a chance. Birds are stupid animals and those that tend to attack people who are too near their nest, which is the only reason birds attack in the first place, they go for the highest point on your body, namely your head. To remidy that simply walk with an umbrella, a hard hat or a stick that you hold up. Problem solved.
And I still say, remake Plan 9 from outerspace as Ed Wood saw it in his mind. -
... you was planning on remaking Ride with the Devil? Because you know it will never be as good as the classic original.
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Didn't Disney just pwn you? ;P
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So it's Function, then Form, then Fuller.
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A pile of crap.
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Everytime somebody wants to put a different spin on the priginal 95% of the time it turns to shit or flops, or does both. You get an occasional spin 5% of the time that works. Unfortunately every writer and director these days all think their remake project or take on something is going to be in that 5% which is why we get so much shit these days.
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under-the-radar, cool cred as Michael Biehn (and not just because their last names rhyme. Yeah, yeah, I used to think it was Bee-ehn, too.) They both have done solid acting before (Patriot Games, Aliens, Terminator, LOTR) but neither has become a marquee name. For awhile, I kept expecting both to hit it big, but no such luck. Instead, we got people like Colin Farrell.
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(Goes without saying.)
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I stopped reading. Both remakes kicked ass so how could I take your opinion on The Hitcher seriously?
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My cat's breath smells like cat food.
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over at chud. doesnt mean its gonna be good.
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Maybe another doomed-to-fail attempt to remake Hitchcock will finally clue people in to what hacks these guys are. Maybe they'll realize it themselves, and their following project will be a remake of Finding Forrester.
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and the producers will lose a pile..that's the only way this dull, unimaginative, lazy-ass remake wave will ever end. As far as I can see.
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What's next, the Princess Bride remake?
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Would YOU pick him up on the side of the road? I think not.
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another remake that sucks. What a suprise.
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DAM YOU ROB ZOMBIE
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I hope they remake "SAW", I'd love to see an updated version of that.
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I have never understood the geek attachment to the original TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE. It holds a certain amateurish charm, but in the end it's just a train wreck of a film. Maybe it's one of those "it's so bad, it's good" deals?
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You've got some rookie mistakes there that only serve to erode your own credibility, and the credibility of this domain. If you want directors to take you seriously, then take your own self seriously. If you want them to take you as an ego-inflated 'almost famous' style kid with a writing gig, well then just ignore me and move on.
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For real. Or they'll die. And fall.
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Yup.
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...watching The Hitcher is like finding a finger in your chips!!!You're right, BSB, it is fun.
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kinda surprising.
At no point in any movie, tv show, or music video will you EVER see any brand image or product image that was not contracted and paid for by the owner. Every single time you see someone on TV sipping coke through a straw from a red and silver coke can, Coca-Cola paid top dollar for that. Yes, I'm talking to YOU, American Idol. Longest Coke commercial I ever saw. -
cgi bird armies, and global warming as a catalyst..... perfect time right now to remake birds.
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with it's cool theme.
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Instead of birds, it's a big shark.
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He was talking about ADS. Like the ads on the site. Do you think that the producers of LOST control what commercials are shown during the show? Really???
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I love the original Hitcher and watched it repeatedly back in the old HBO days, but your review specifies nothing about the remake that you don't like other than it's a modernzed version of a film you really don't seem to care for in the first place. For example, the helicopter and squad cars *are* taken out by Ryder in the original, so it's not like these cats made this up from nowhere. What I'm annoyed by is the story structure becoming incredibly formulaic and the standard heroine-vs-villain third act. But, that was part of the pitch as to why and remake it. You've become a good reviewer Drew, but your objectivity over the horror genre is becoming muddled. Just look at this review; I can't tell if you're more aggravated by the film, or the fact these guys get constant greenlights. Hope the family is well.
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All I know about Eric Red is that he wrote the original HITCHER and the amazing and soon-to-be-fucked-in-the-ass-too NEAR DARK. Why are Moriarty and Harry saying he's a fucked up person?? Can anyone say more about his persona? Thanks guys.
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He's fucked up cause he drove his car into a pool hall and killed some peeps, and then tried to kill himself with a broken bottle to his own throat. and most of his scripts deal with car crashes or car trauma in some way. i'm sure there's other shit, too, like he eats babies or something.
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How can you guys slam remakes when Harry was so involved with the TCM one and you've got ads for the Hitcher ALL OVER YOUR WEBSITE?
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I figured someone else would have answered this by now. I was curious myself as to what Moriarty was referring to, and a little research turned this up: http://tinyurl.com/2pms3w (link redirects to laweekly.com).It turns out that Red killed two people when recklessly driving through a pool hall. He claims that he suffers from fainting spells and wasn't aware of the incident, but the article makes it pretty clear that he's just a deranged sociopath.
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Please tell the viewing to stop watching them so they don't make money.
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He wears his all the time, no doubt. Obviously, the writers were wearing them when they wrote this piece of excrement. The producers too. Must be a fad; like Rubic's Cube or Chia Pet. "Cha-cha-cha...Chia Pet."
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I think they should remake "Die Hard II" but this time....get this...set it in high rise building! It's gold, I tell ya. Gold!
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with Kari Wuhler and Jake Busey. I'm sure Sci-Fi will have it on a loop this weekend.
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I stopped reading after "both remakes kicked ass." How could I take your opinion seriously after that? anyway, whatever you said after that I disagree.
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sounds poo
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The guy is in the O.J., Robert Blake catagory. He should have fried for what he did, but he had a good, scumbag lawyer to get him off. According to what he said he went through the McDonald's down the street, blacked out, then ended up in the front of Q's Billiards. How can a guy can black out, drive over five hundred feet, northbound, pass through four lanes to the opposite side of the street through heavy traffic on Wilshire Blvd., without getting hit by any cars? Fucking magic, that's how.
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I did not like the new Chainsaw movies and I am pretty sure I will not really enjoy the Hitcher remake. Although I should know better I will most likely buy, rent, borrow or steal the DVD and watch the movie anyway. Thank you Moriarty for lowering my expectations, this might make the experience more tolerable.
Also, my parakeet died a few days ago. I always let him watch 'The Birds' on his birthday. -
of both Duel and The Hitcher that we didn't need another one. God, what has happened to horror films. The studios release a thousand a year but only one or two good ones. What a sad state of affairs.
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Uneeded crap. Even before the review .... i wasn't going to waste my time or $$ on a rental. And Big bad Clone .... Kari Wuhler is the cat's meow! Nice name drop - the chic is hot. I pause 8 Legged Freaks at certain points just to rub my crotch.
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... if you think the original RACE WITH THE DEVIL's a great film, then guilty as charged. I think it's a mediocre movie with a few cool moments and a good premise, which I think are exactly the sorts of films that should be remade if it's going to happen. My objection is when you keep buying films that were perfectly good the first time and needlessly fucking them up.
If that seems contradictory to you, then so be it. But if my version of RACE had turned out to be as generic and poorly thought out as this version of THE HITCHER, then I'd fully expect to get my balls roasted here. Since it wasn't made, I guess we'll never know. -
Remake a film that was a failure...there..thats it. Maybe the exectution was wrong or there was an idea that was poorly developed..but stop remaking films that worked the first time....The Hitcher will never be confused with a classic, but it was and IS an effective thriller. And pleeeeasssseee stop screwing around with Hitchcock. "The Birds" may not be one of his masterpieces, but scenes like the gas station attack, the build up to the school attack, the attic scene, are as good as anything he had directed.
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"My objection is when you keep buying films that were perfectly good the first time and needlessly fucking them up." You nailed it! There's no need to remake THE HITCHER. It worked, it's fine. Fix something that didn't work the first time-there are PLENTY of those films! Sorry to hear RACE isn't going forward, though a little relieved too. I had a remake version as well; I saw it as a modern western...
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Learn something new every day
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look at war of the worlds, cape fear, the hills have eyes, the thing, the ring, scarface, dawn of the dead (running zombies much better than sluggish zombies), meet joe black, casino royale, the departed,great gatsby with redford (one of my favourite movies and the best version from two before it) , The importance of being earnest, all good remakes
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Isn't Platinum Dunes making The Horsemen? Great fucking script -- I hope it works on film and that Form and Fuller don't screw this one up.
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when multiple black box AICN writers start jumping in on the talkbacks. So far I've seen Harry, Drew, and Vern. Where's Massawyrm?
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Deathrace 2000 is prime for a remake. Of course, reality tv is almost there anywhere, so it's not as shocking anymore. Bring back Rocky vs. Kwai Chang Caine!!
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Number of times the word "Rutger" or "Hauer" appears it this talkback thus far? ONE EACH! Both in this post. Each and every one of you snot-nosed bed-wetting talkbackers should be stuffed in a giant blender and flushed down a sewer.
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I want to say that I love talkbackers. Seriously, you make me smile on a regular basis. Even with people talking trash about HAPPY FEET, or morons saying CGI Illusionist was better than THE PRESTIGE. It's still fun to have a place to talk about movies and share jokes and opinions. Aaw, I'm so cute.
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You sir are in need of your ass whipping and your nut sacks stretched out and have all your pubic hair pulled out one by one by an old granny and her knitting needle!!! It is a great 70s devil worshipping road movie, it has everything modern horror lacks, and that's to thrill and entertain and keep the energy flowing, all at the same time, without the tacky MTV style editing, and the hammy acting from teenagers who's more concerned about their looks rather than their acting.
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... I like parts, and I love the premise, but having watched the film (many, many times) recently, I just don't think it's a very good film. The best moments are the ones of subtle paranoia, like the pool scene. The devil worship stuff is a little too overtly funny for my tastes.
But if you love the original, the good news is that Anchor Bay's recent DVD is quite nice, and the even better news is that Tom Rothman hates my ass and Fox will never make the film. So you're in luck! Huzzah! -
That's for Moriarty.
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I never cease to be amused when he's painted as a villain on this site. After all, personal vendettas and the internet seem to go hand in hand, don't they? It probably wasn't the wisest idea to post a screed about the guy and a call to internet fanboys everywhere to align against him...not when you're still forging your writing career, anyway. In this case, hindsight really is 20/20
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... I think you misunderstand. I'm glad Tom Rothman hates me. I honestly couldn't give less of a fuck. I think he is the antithesis of a good studio chief, and as long as he's running Fox, I'm perfectly happy not working there. Hindsight is 20/20, and I'm still very proud of the open letter I published, especially since I know exactly how much it bothered (and continues to bother) him.
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Why? The original was fantastic. A classic. Yet another tired remake. As long as the public supports this type of garbage the studios will continue to churn it out.
Rent the original. A classic in every way. Used to watch this every time they would place it on skinamax back in the day.
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Mr. McWeeny is absolutely dead-on when he says leave the good ones alone. Instead, look at the films that had a good first act, or a good premise, but failed because of execution or a bad script, and make good on the promise of the premise. That people continue to pay good money to see these crappy rehashes only justifies the decision to keep the remakes coming. What we need is another Roger Corman. Let's see someone get behind the continuing production of low budget genre exercises. That's the only true film school. You want to learn how to make movies? Then just make movies, in the real world. Just don't remake them, unless the original failed and you can do better.
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Even thogh everyone is complaining, some of you will STILL give your hard earned cash to this and other re-makes and needless sequels (AVP 2 anyone)in the theater or on DVD. The ONLY way to show the studios that we have had enough is to not see these films AT ALL! Then maybe, just maybe when "The Hitcher" makes all of $10 will the studios stop.
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