Cool News
Want your Monday morning laugh? Check out this absurd and denied rumor about Peter Jackson remaking WIZARD OF OZ!
Ahoy, squirts! Quint here. This rumor is so stupidly retarded funny that I couldn't help but share, especially since it was printed by a newspaper and I've had it personally denied as a "witless" lump of BS by Wingnut Films.
Here's the article... let's see how many absurdities we can find? Is there an Australian April Fools-type holiday I don't know about?
One Billion Dollars? Completely CG? Andy Serkis as everybody... including Dorothy and the Wicked Witch? Could this get any funnier?
So, before it starts, that rumor is KO'd 100%. I've seen these things start with a little BS item ran in some small paper and turned into actual fact as it's repeated across the internet. Not gonna happen.
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I had to wake up at 6 for work and was in a terrible mood, this made me laugh!
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I would want to see Jackson or Burton make it. I don't think there would be anything wrong with a really good, up to date remake of this movie. If it's done right.
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..that Ted Turner would never let an Aussie direct an OZ remake.
However does anyone remember the wrestler named OZ that was in WCW played by none other than Kevin Nash? -
Was that reprinted from SomethingAwful or the Onion?
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Especially Serkis playing everybody. How stupid can a news paper be?
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Could anyone think that this was anything other than a wind-up? "We thought a CG dog would look more real!"
What a crock! -
"Is there and april fools joke".
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Made my morning. Cheers.
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This shit isn't funny to me. Buncha assholes.
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It's OBVIOUSLY a joke. Who the hell has heard of Sydney Sunny Press. It's just a gag article. Seriously Quint, I don't think you needed to emphasise about 6 times that it isn't true. Gees, glad you got confirmation from wingnut, I woulda been all confused...
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not an aussie... be careful the kiwis will be on here soon... and they're not gonna be happy.
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a. He too skinnyb. He broke. Thanks New Line! ;)
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There's lotsa employees there now ya know...
Apologies to Shermdawg - couldn't resist. I'll try harder next time though. -
Who greenlit this, Dr. Evil?
I wouldn't mind a well done version that's darker, like Return to Oz. I heard the sci-fi channel is doing it but they're incompetent. -
PJ's intro for the "exclusive" AICN Kong clip was so non-Sly it's pathetic. Maybe he was just directing that comment to a certain talkbacker.
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Funny joke, we will all be in trouble when a movie is actually given a Billion dollar budget, because it will mean that the movie industry has invented "Crack-o-vision!" But a movie or series based on the Oz books would be cool, as long as it was not a remake of the untouchable original, which is a musical song and dance film, not a real fantasy film like the books. "Return to Oz" was not terrible and the concept of doing something much more based on the books is amusing, since so much of the original content is not reflected in the original film.
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Shouldn't that proof of absolute idiocy have given this hoax "page" away immediately, HMMMMMM?
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That cracked me up! The Toto thing made me snort green tea outta my nose.
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Except this was never printed. There is no Sydney Sunny Press. Nice.
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"Computer graphics imagery"? Come on that's not what CGI stands for. We've all seen Movie Magic.
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Use it all you like.
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SNOMUSIC'S GOTTA EAT!
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0gYY8Qr0UUL-O-FUCKING-L
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that escaped the internal mail system...I watched the remastered 1939 Wizard of Oz last week. It's still a stunning visual feast. The restoration has made it even more incredible with 5.1 sound and vivid colors. P.S. I am not a Friend of Dorothy.
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I believe it!
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Jan 08, 2007 6:57:07 AM CST
It's not a "witless lump", it's actually quite "witty"
by cuckoo's indian
And I hope whoever wrote it is having a ball seeing their mock article taken completely seriously here. I'd love to see the White House release a statement denying the veracity of an article in the Onion. "Satire," my dear Quint. Check it out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satire.
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C'mon one guys can play everybody! CG some boobs and POW! He's Christina Ricci. Airbrush a huge head and ZAP! He's Ron Pearlman. Edit in a vacant stare and have him act like he can't act and PING! He's Lindsey Lohan. The possibilities are endless!!!!
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There's too much sly humour in that article for it just to be some dumbass. The Tom Hanks reference is obviously a Polar Express reference, backed up by the idea of Andy S. playing all roles. And I LOVE the supposed quote, "We were going to use an actual dog... but a CG dog would look more real". So that's my vote.
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Perhaps it was I who was the fool for thinking Quint the fool. Perhaps he's simply taking satire to the next level by satirically treating satire as potential truth.
So, either that paper's joke went over Quint's head, or Quint's joke went over my head . I'd love to hear Quint respond. -
Apart from the sledgehammer 'wit', there is no such thing as 'Sydney Sunny Press'.
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That was one of the most clever pranks ever pulled on the Internet. This thing about Peter Jackson and Oz is the same kind of stunt. Even if it didn't fool as many news outlets as the Microsoft/Catholic thing did, I still have to tip my hat to whoever came up with this bit of humor and had at least one newspaper bite into it.
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It an obvious joke.....anyone who would read that and think its realis the biggest retard ever and desevers to be killed so as not to infect the gene pool with the dna. It is funny though, i wouldnt even have bothered commenting if i worked at wingnut. lol
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I look forward to having this article forwarded to me by every asshole in the Northern Hemisphere, right alongside a promise that Bill Gates will send me a check if I do...
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I like the bit where they say a cgi dog would look more real than a real dog. lolWhoever wrote it is getting alot of publicity....its now spreading across the web. Amazing how far this stuff can travel?
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with that catchphrase shit right? well then I think that's funny, that you think you're funny, because none of this gotta eat-mania is actually funny. in fact saying it over and over in my head makes the actual word funny not so funny anymore.
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I say remake it with tim burton. Jonny depp as scarecrow....he could play it like jake sparrow. lol.
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$5 to the first poster to properly define TAINT. Seriously I'll paypal you the money. And if we do see it, I won't settle for a CGI version of it either...give me the real taint! now that good sir is a solid gold catch phrase!
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Peter Jackson in new billion dollar deal to remake every movie ever made apart from TRON and that Roger Corman Fantastic Four film.
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You see stories about dumbasses falling for Onion stories all the time. The most famous of which being when they did a story about how Harry Potter was turning tons of little kids into Satanists, and some dumbass evangelical group grabbed it and ran with it.
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is the spot in between your balls and your ass, as defined in Dodgeball. I call it the Gooch, as named in the first Jackass. This all begs the question...Please cast Firecrotch for Dorothy!!!
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I didn't even have to check...this is not true.
Michael Regina
Editor in Chief/Segment Producer
http://www.TheOneRing.net
http://www.KongisKing.net
http://www.TheOneLion.nethttp://www.gallifreyone.com -
I'm not sure this is real.
Hoity Toity
Editor in Chief/Mr. Coffee
http://www.windowsupdate.com
http://www.allyourbase.com
http://www.circusclown.com
http://www.myspace.com/mewatchummovies -
but this is exactly why american has a worldwide reputation for being dumb and gullable. You guys have satire over there so theres really little excuse. And investigative journalism, whats that?
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wish there was something insteresting and factual worth talking about over at TORn anymore. That place kicked ass during LOTR.
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Snort cola through your noses now if you will but give it 5 - 10 yrs...
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That was pretty funny...I especially liked Jackson's "only official comment."
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"This rumor is so stupidly retarded funny that..." you sound like you actually didn't realise at first that it was satire. Tell you what though, the fact that people are making jokes like this proves what I've been saying for ages - that there's a real audience backlash towards CGI now.
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The perineum, without it you'd have shitty balls instead of schweaty balls.=Dorothy's Taint should replace Gotta Eat.
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Just FYI, for your collective added amusement. ;-)
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must be.
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I take it back lord I take it back!
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This is just a joke, not even some dumb journo getting it wrong. I hope Peter does see this though to give him a laugh. It must be quite a stressful time for him, watching his wife and Phillipa Boyens pen the Lovely Bones screenplay while he picks up the kids from school, constantly thinking 'fuck you, New Line' over and over and yearning to start on the Temerarararierie movies.
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FUNNY SHIT.
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Don't remake the good movies, remake the BAD ones! And yes, it did sound so fake.
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...Lewis Grizzard, who first wrote about it in his book "I Haven't Understood Anything Since 1962 And Other Nekkid Truths". The first mention of it, he talks about his aunt or somebody getting stung in the taint by a yellowjacket while using the outhouse.
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brilliant! as if a worker at weta would slag off kong as nothing more than a demo reel!
Watch though. The UK tablods will pick this story up. the Sun no doubt. -
WE ALREADY DID BREAK THIS STORY (see ~25 posts above) BUT IN A MORE SHOCKING STYLE.
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Wingnut aint laughing at the article, they're laughing at whoever phones up and asks if it's true.
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and Peter will surely do them justice.
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XFD
A $1 billion budget? Seriously, though, what the hell would they do with all that? It MIGHT cost 500 million at most if they went all out on everything, even then they'd have all that cash left over to...eat?
PETER JACKSON GOTTA EAT, DORTHY TAINT, TOO SILVER, DAMN YOU BAY, ETC. -
James Cameron's next film is "Macross" to be completed by 2074. The reason for the delay are due to problems with his digital clone. This digital clone is designed specifically to complete filming his next two projects. Due to his inability to stop deteriation from natural causes, he had to take this precaution. But his digital clone isn't properly water proofed nor has it yet beat "Deep Blue's" high score on Pac Man. Although photorealistic, it's dummer than a bag of hammers.
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...and very obviously taking the piss then there's frankly something wrong with you. Everything from the utter absurdity of the lenghs the story itself went to through to the repition of the clearly fake grain background, and all points in between scream "this is clearly a joke y'all!". The fact that you had to check on the validity of this is just hilarious...score one to the piss-takers.
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Scandal!
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The Onion? Because it sounds like the writer is in on the joke, even if Harry isn't. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I do hope they make a later Oz book into a movie. If the Hollywood suits had any brains they'd be searching for a screenwriter and director right now.
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WHITE OWL! SCORE! In actual fact, I was hoping for a more female-oriented definition but a win's a win. Send your paypal address to infitior@gmail.com and I'll send the money over. For posterity and accuracy, I'll also give $5 to KnightShift; such historically-accurate info can't go unrewarded. S Mart Shopper, I love ya-$5 for killing "gotta eat" and turning TAINT into the new "nipples on...", "flames on..." and "too soon!". Finally, a catch-phrase I can identify with! And lastly, ArtemisClydefrog, $5 for being the first to use the new hotness on AICN. You wanna know what's cool news? Taint is the new tits, as in the verb tense fellas. Remember: email infitior@gmail.com with the paypal info. AND $5 TO THE FIRST PERSON WHO CAN TELL ME HOW TO INSERT SPACES IN MY POSTS!
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This has to have been a joke.
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Not only is this absurd, but Serkis doing all the motion?
Well, as one that actually does work with Motion Capture, Serkis would need a pelvis transplant before being able to do motion as Dorothy. Women have a distinct walk that men, unless you're really good, just can't mimick. It really shows through when you see it in data form. Interesting shit. -
And when that shit gets put there, it all comes down to the tightness.
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If it was printed in some paper it must have been some tabloid rag, an Aussie version national inquirer. I can't find any legit paper in Australia that comes close:
CITY:
Daily Telegraph
Financial Review
Irish Echo
Sunday Telegraph
Sun Herald
Sydney Morning Herald
The Australian
SUBURBAN:
Bankstown Express
Blacktown Advocate
Courier Newspapers
Fairfax Community Newspapers
Fairfield Advance
Glebe & Inner West Weekly
Hills Shire Times
Hornsby Advocate
Liverpool Leader
Macarthur Advertiser
Chronicle
Manly Daily
Mosman Daily
Mt Druitt Standard
North Shore Times
Northern District Times
Parramatta Advertiser
Penrith Press
I didn't know that Australia had a big enough Irish population to warrant an Irish News Paper, cool. -
Ok, that is real text from a spam email I just got. Divine providence sends it to this TB.
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wouldn't "100% CGI" usually translate as being "animated"?? heck, a Peter Jackson film with no annoying Jack Black in it? i would pay to see it many times just to prove a point.
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that'll b WMDs coming from the firecrotch of doom
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That doesn't even look like news paper print. That looks like a word doc that's had some photoshoping done to make it kinda look like a news paper. Has anyone asked Dan Rather for comment?
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you'd gotta love it
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"Peter Jackson Presents a Peter Jackson Production of a Peter Jackson Picture: PETER JACKSON'S OZ! Created, written, produced and directed by Peter Jackson. Story by Peter Jackson and His Two Women. Based on characters created by Peter Jackson. Inspired by the works of Peter Jackson (and l. frank baum.) Special effects by WETA, based on characters designed by Peter Jackson. Buy the Extended Ultimate Collector's Edition Box Set, with over 6 hours of footage missing from the theatrical version, and the Limited Edition Web Production Diaries, featuring interviews with Peter Jackson and interviews about Peter Jackson. A Peter Jackson (TM) Release."
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Don't forget the exclusively "delicious" AICN-PJ interview.
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I'm amazed at how many people on here still sound 0.0001% unsure about whether it was a joke or not. DIdn't the bit about the "cgi dog" looking "more real" make you laugh out loud? Do Americans get a satire innoculation at school or something?
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he had a pretty dang funny ad during the play-offs yesterday for a deoderant company, and I'm not going to say what the product is because they don't really need a plug, even though they did use Bruce Campbell in an ad, but at the same time, the ad has seemingly so little to do with the product, what's the point?
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haha, nice. I remember they ran a story where they had it "confirmed" that aussie actor lachy hulme was signed to play the joker in the next batman flick.
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Just use paragraph breaks (as in: only without the spaces between the brackets), remember, HTML is your friend. Oh, and I don't want your money, just bow down to my greatness and we'll call it even. And at least I didn't go with the literal answer and tell you to use the space bar to insert spaces into your posts...
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and base it off the putrid odor on manhattan
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Dorothy's Taint is the Sexiest Tomboy Beanpole on the Planet!
Just for you old-school regulars ;)
I love that "Dorothy's Taint" or just "taint" is the new AICN catchphrase. I can hardly wait until its overused and I'm sick to death of it. Should only take, what, a day or two? -
... the best fake article ever.
I would love to see the movie this article describes. It would be totally fucking looney, but I'd love to see it just to see how crazy it is. -
I'VE ARRIVED! and to think it's the word TAINT that got me here. clearly we're all a bunch of mature gentlemen reading this site indeed.oh and to Sledge Hammer-I've literally been baffled by spacing since I first arrived here in 2001. I suppose this throws my credibility into question as to being able to create a new catch phrase then? If so, taint easy to come up with a new one. BANG BANG!
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to my man Sledge. 'ppreciate ya bruh.
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...or not, whatever. 'taint too worried either way.
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...outplayed again. And I would have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for those damned slowtypin' fingers of mine! You win this time, THIS TIME...
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Since they announced that Will Smith was starring in "I Am Legend", or Matt Damon was Capt Kirk in a Trek reboot.
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Thanks to you I can now insert meaningful, wry pauses into my posts. Taint.
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"You have to get an education Scarecrow!" Think of all the crazy monster scenes they can throw in here: flying monkeys with oozing sores and blood stained teeth. The munchkins can be bizarre bloodthirsty zombie like creatures. It can also be about 4 hours long. Come on Peter make it happen!
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...ankles behind the ears and away we go
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... this is very amusing! Hail Arrius!
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With A-class CGI. Giant labias engulfing the cowardly lion! Make it so.
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Ray-nice work with the spacing and using the hottest new catch phrase since "lucas ___ my childhood." Yes, I know the popular "raped" typically appeared in the ___ but by the time I got to this site the catch phrase had degenerated into all kinds of variances.
Now--$10 via paypal to the first poster to email me a picture of Gong Li's taint-the only thing worth seeing from "curse of the golden flower."
In actual fact, outside of some of the vietnamese strippers here in houston Gong Li's got some of the hottest asian cleavage I've EVER seen, without question the hottest cleavage on this site's history--finally an aicn ad worth looking at! -
Someone with Balls in Hollywood that doesn't fall into the retarded-as-all-Hell trap of remaking nearly scene for scene, films that could've been way better, should Greenlight or pitch this now, Now, NOW!!!! Jackson, Henson or Lucas' involvement would be a major plus.
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"Vietnamese strippers" - I'm hitting the road.
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"Ignore the man behind the curtain, baby!"
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George Lucas spawned my manhood with a picture of Linda Ronstadt's perineum, I was forever Tainted:)
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When's it coming out? lol.
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S mart shopper-that's twice you've hit it out of the park today, this time using taint as a verb (see boys, its versatile!)
Lebron23-another true believer, but here its taint as a noun (more proof of versatility!)
Doctor_Sin-look man, I know the "media" would have you believe NYC, LA and Vegas the three hottest stripper towns but until you've come down to the "stripper triangle" or houston, dallas & new orleans you just don't know what you're missin'! I'm talkin' 'bout more than just vietnamese pal, it's korean, chinese, black, white, hispanic, and a whole lot more. best of all--I've even seen a few taints out there.
Zino: it takes posters like you to spread the word so perhaps its time to reveal Deus Vult's secret: the name means GOD WILLS IT in French and was the charge the pope gave the Franks to heed the first crusade. Hence, I proclaim to all-GOD WILLS IT-go to other AICN stories, topics, sections, even email the webmaster-"...gotta eat" is dead! anything with "taint" in any form is God's command!
monorail7--hey now, we've only just begun! be positive! in a few days/weeks/months, someone from AICN's austin staff will bike to houston and murder me for the taint thing at this rate.
Finally, while I was reading everyone's posts, my wife was making dinner and heard me laughing. She asked what was funny, and when I tried to explain it to her, and by so doing read a few posts, she said "hey, I love Linda Ronstadt!" -
...that Dorothy's Taint would be an excellent name for a rock band.
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the article was a joke that was never meant to be taken seriously, or as a rumor. it was a joke.
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Jan 08, 2007 9:39:42 PM CST
I can see how the Oscars will go from here on out
by your own personal pillowpants
Best Actor 2007: Andy Serkis..Everybody (The Wizard of Oz)
Best Actor 2008: Andy Serkis..John Johnson (The Last Man on Earth)
Best Actor 2009: Andy Serkis..The Lone Ranger (A Man with No One to Talk to)
Best Actor 2010: Andy Serkis..The voice of Godzilla (God2010zilla)
Best Actor Twenty Years from Now: Andy Serkis Jr..In a CG created role as Andy Serkis Sr. (The Life and Times of Andy Serkis) -
must...post...more...taint...*
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Sly Stallone told me that Richard Gere's gerbil was on a conference call with PJ!
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Seriously.
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Updating and re-making "The Wizard Of Oz" with CGI would be a bit like re-painting the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel with magic marker pens.
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I think he'd be the perfect candidate to repaint the Sistine Chapel in magic markers ... and to direct a billion dollar remake of the Wizard of Oz, starring Queen Latifah as the Eastern Witch, Cedric the Entertainer as the Cowardly Lion, Michael Douglas as the Tin Man's Balls, and Johnny Knoxville in drag as Dorothy.
Now, that's a fuckin' movie! Game on.
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without question you've done a fabulous job here my friend, and in the wee hours of the morning no less. we should send you to aid the ethiopian troops in their fight against the bad guys in somalia.
headline: yackbacker fires 3000 taints per minute from his ac130 gunship at targets throughout mogadishu.
the taint started way up above, right here, in this completely false story, and by me no less, in offering $5 to the first person to define taint, as in seeing dorothy's taint, and not a CGI taint my friend. -
Damn Hollywood!
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I live in Austin where the strip clubs suck. Dallas *is* much better...but I've heard tales of H-town's glories. I must begin my mythic quest.
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Pure genius. That stuff is taint, man. Well played!
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not sure if anything is still reading this story here, but if soI've been to a few places in austin and they were WEAK at best. combo of the hot girls hooking for the legislature in secret is bigger money and UT boys, while traditionally the kids of wealthy texans, would rather spend their money on ecstasy for their girlfriends than strippers.
with that being said, houston has some of the HOTTEST strippers anywhere, as does new orleans. in fact, I still have semi-wet dreams about one of the girls who gave me a lapdance at rick's on bourbon. she had pigtails...oh so dirty. my friends and I still refer to has PING! for one very amazing reason. -
loved the way you used taint as a verb. or is it an adverb? any teachers in the room? my wife teaches 4th grade math & science so she's no help here. however, her class just started learning about measurement and lemme tell ya I had an unpleasant and humiliating experience with a ruler this morning...
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Seriously, a theatrical version of "Wicked" - NOT the musical, but a direct from the book translation with no musical numbers- would rock. Make it so!
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