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Want your Monday morning laugh? Check out this absurd and denied rumor about Peter Jackson remaking WIZARD OF OZ!

Ahoy, squirts! Quint here. This rumor is so stupidly retarded funny that I couldn't help but share, especially since it was printed by a newspaper and I've had it personally denied as a "witless" lump of BS by Wingnut Films. Here's the article... let's see how many absurdities we can find? Is there an Australian April Fools-type holiday I don't know about?



One Billion Dollars? Completely CG? Andy Serkis as everybody... including Dorothy and the Wicked Witch? Could this get any funnier? So, before it starts, that rumor is KO'd 100%. I've seen these things start with a little BS item ran in some small paper and turned into actual fact as it's repeated across the internet. Not gonna happen.


Readers Talkback
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  • Jan. 8, 2007, 5:21 a.m. CST

    Thanks for this...

    by Bean_

    I had to wake up at 6 for work and was in a terrible mood, this made me laugh!

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 5:23 a.m. CST

    if they did make it...

    by Drworm2002

    I would want to see Jackson or Burton make it. I don't think there would be anything wrong with a really good, up to date remake of this movie. If it's done right.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 5:28 a.m. CST

    We all know...

    by JERRY HORROR

    ..that Ted Turner would never let an Aussie direct an OZ remake. However does anyone remember the wrestler named OZ that was in WCW played by none other than Kevin Nash?

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 5:29 a.m. CST

    Obviously satirical

    by cooke

    Was that reprinted from SomethingAwful or the Onion?

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 5:36 a.m. CST

    Funny.

    by moviemaniac-7

    Especially Serkis playing everybody. How stupid can a news paper be?

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 5:40 a.m. CST

    We were going to use an actual dog to play Toto...

    by The Equalizer

    Could anyone think that this was anything other than a wind-up? "We thought a CG dog would look more real!" What a crock!

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 5:47 a.m. CST

    Quint didnt use his spellchecker again

    by emeraldboy

    "Is there and april fools joke".

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 5:48 a.m. CST

    Aaah

    by Kharank

    Made my morning. Cheers.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 6 a.m. CST

    are you guys serious?

    by ephor

    It's OBVIOUSLY a joke. Who the hell has heard of Sydney Sunny Press. It's just a gag article. Seriously Quint, I don't think you needed to emphasise about 6 times that it isn't true. Gees, glad you got confirmation from wingnut, I woulda been all confused...

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 5:59 a.m. CST

    Don't fuck around with Oz.

    by Azlam Orlandu

    This shit isn't funny to me. Buncha assholes.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 6:04 a.m. CST

    oh and PJ is a kiwi

    by ephor

    not an aussie... be careful the kiwis will be on here soon... and they're not gonna be happy.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 6:17 a.m. CST

    PETER JACKSON GOTTA EAT!!!

    by Shermdawg

    a. He too skinny<br><br>b. He broke. Thanks New Line! ;)

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 6:20 a.m. CST

    WETA GOTTA EAT!

    by snomusic

    There's lotsa employees there now ya know... <br><br> Apologies to Shermdawg - couldn't resist. I'll try harder next time though.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 6:22 a.m. CST

    A billion dollars?

    by CTU Mole

    Who greenlit this, Dr. Evil? <p>I wouldn't mind a well done version that's darker, like Return to Oz. I heard the sci-fi channel is doing it but they're incompetent.</p>

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 6:25 a.m. CST

    I hate to say it...

    by Redbox

    Funny joke, we will all be in trouble when a movie is actually given a Billion dollar budget, because it will mean that the movie industry has invented "Crack-o-vision!" But a movie or series based on the Oz books would be cool, as long as it was not a remake of the untouchable original, which is a musical song and dance film, not a real fantasy film like the books. "Return to Oz" was not terrible and the concept of doing something much more based on the books is amusing, since so much of the original content is not reflected in the original film.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 6:26 a.m. CST

    Flying "monkies"?

    by JackPumpkinhead

    Shouldn't that proof of absolute idiocy have given this hoax "page" away immediately, HMMMMMM?

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 6:24 a.m. CST

    "Don't be bitter."

    by Shermdawg

    PJ's intro for the "exclusive" AICN Kong clip was so non-Sly it's pathetic. Maybe he was just directing that comment to a certain talkbacker.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 6:27 a.m. CST

    ANDY SERKIS GOTTA EAT!!

    by v for vienetta

    That cracked me up! The Toto thing made me snort green tea outta my nose.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 6:27 a.m. CST

    The Shit That's Fit To Print

    by The Ginger Man

    Except this was never printed. There is no Sydney Sunny Press. Nice.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 6:27 a.m. CST

    Haha.

    by Gilkuliehe

    "Computer graphics imagery"? Come on that's not what CGI stands for. We've all seen Movie Magic.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 6:28 a.m. CST

    snomusic, it's not my catchphrase.

    by Shermdawg

    Use it all you like.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 6:30 a.m. CST

    Cool!

    by snomusic

    SNOMUSIC'S GOTTA EAT!

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 6:36 a.m. CST

    Oh, you LOTR fans, check this out...

    by Shermdawg

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0gYY8Qr0UU<br><br>L-O-FUCKING-L

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 6:39 a.m. CST

    Sounds like a WETA or Wingnut in-house joke email

    by kingrobot

    that escaped the internal mail system...I watched the remastered 1939 Wizard of Oz last week. It's still a stunning visual feast. The restoration has made it even more incredible with 5.1 sound and vivid colors. P.S. I am not a Friend of Dorothy.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 6:50 a.m. CST

    SYDNEY SUNNY PRESS GOTTA EAT

    by Pound Sand

    I believe it!

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 6:57 a.m. CST

    It's not a "witless lump", it's actually quite "witty"

    by cuckoo's indian

    And I hope whoever wrote it is having a ball seeing their mock article taken completely seriously here. I'd love to see the White House release a statement denying the veracity of an article in the Onion. "Satire," my dear Quint. Check it out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satire.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 7:06 a.m. CST

    Eliminate all actors save Andy Serkis!!

    by DOGSOUP

    C'mon one guys can play everybody! CG some boobs and POW! He's Christina Ricci. Airbrush a huge head and ZAP! He's Ron Pearlman. Edit in a vacant stare and have him act like he can't act and PING! He's Lindsey Lohan. The possibilities are endless!!!!

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 7:06 a.m. CST

    Deliberate, not dumb

    by RodneyOz

    There's too much sly humour in that article for it just to be some dumbass. The Tom Hanks reference is obviously a Polar Express reference, backed up by the idea of Andy S. playing all roles. And I LOVE the supposed quote, "We were going to use an actual dog... but a CG dog would look more real". So that's my vote.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 7:08 a.m. CST

    How could you even consider it was for real?

    by MKiro

    Apart from the sledgehammer 'wit', there is no such thing as 'Sydney Sunny Press'.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 7:07 a.m. CST

    Apologies (...I think)

    by cuckoo's indian

    Perhaps it was I who was the fool for thinking Quint the fool. Perhaps he's simply taking satire to the next level by satirically treating satire as potential truth. So, either that paper's joke went over Quint's head, or Quint's joke went over my head . I'd love to hear Quint respond.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 7:46 a.m. CST

    Remember when Microsoft bought the Catholic Church?

    by KnightShift

    That was one of the most clever pranks ever pulled on the Internet. This thing about Peter Jackson and Oz is the same kind of stunt. Even if it didn't fool as many news outlets as the Microsoft/Catholic thing did, I still have to tip my hat to whoever came up with this bit of humor and had at least one newspaper bite into it.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 8:01 a.m. CST

    What rubbish. lol

    by Kawaii

    It an obvious joke.....anyone who would read that and think its realis the biggest retard ever and desevers to be killed so as not to infect the gene pool with the dna. It is funny though, i wouldnt even have bothered commenting if i worked at wingnut. lol

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 8:05 a.m. CST

    FUCK'S THIS? FLYING MONKEY-MANIA???

    by Zarles

    I look forward to having this article forwarded to me by every asshole in the Northern Hemisphere, right alongside a promise that Bill Gates will send me a check if I do...

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 8:05 a.m. CST

    lol

    by Kawaii

    I like the bit where they say a cgi dog would look more real than a real dog. lolWhoever wrote it is getting alot of publicity....its now spreading across the web. Amazing how far this stuff can travel?

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 8:18 a.m. CST

    you all really think you're funny..

    by white owl

    with that catchphrase shit right? well then I think that's funny, that you think you're funny, because none of this gotta eat-mania is actually funny. in fact saying it over and over in my head makes the actual word funny not so funny anymore.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 8:27 a.m. CST

    Remake it now.

    by Kawaii

    I say remake it with tim burton. Jonny depp as scarecrow....he could play it like jake sparrow. lol.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 8:36 a.m. CST

    MAYBE THIS TIME WE'LL SEE DOROTHY'S TAINT

    by Deus Vult

    $5 to the first poster to properly define TAINT. Seriously I'll paypal you the money. And if we do see it, I won't settle for a CGI version of it either...give me the real taint! now that good sir is a solid gold catch phrase!

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 8:41 a.m. CST

    Trust me, plenty of people will fall for this.

    by Richard Cranium

    You see stories about dumbasses falling for Onion stories all the time. The most famous of which being when they did a story about how Harry Potter was turning tons of little kids into Satanists, and some dumbass evangelical group grabbed it and ran with it.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 8:41 a.m. CST

    SUN EXCLUSIVE

    by Fried Gold

    Peter Jackson in new billion dollar deal to remake every movie ever made apart from TRON and that Roger Corman Fantastic Four film.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 8:42 a.m. CST

    okay... TAINT

    by white owl

    is the spot in between your balls and your ass, as defined in Dodgeball. I call it the Gooch, as named in the first Jackass. This all begs the question...Please cast Firecrotch for Dorothy!!!

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 8:45 a.m. CST

    yeah, not happening

    by XoanonTORN

    I didn't even have to check...this is not true. <p> Michael Regina<br> Editor in Chief/Segment Producer<br> http://www.TheOneRing.net<br> http://www.KongisKing.net<br> http://www.TheOneLion.net<br>http://www.gallifreyone.com

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 9:16 a.m. CST

    No offence to the many intelligent americans...

    by Spikey

    but this is exactly why american has a worldwide reputation for being dumb and gullable. You guys have satire over there so theres really little excuse. And investigative journalism, whats that?

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 9:15 a.m. CST

    All your uncles are belong to Serkis

    by RKDN Del Sol

    I'm not sure this is real. Hoity Toity Editor in Chief/Mr. Coffee http://www.windowsupdate.com http://www.allyourbase.com http://www.circusclown.com http://www.myspace.com/mewatchummovies

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 9:20 a.m. CST

    hey nice of you to pop your head in xoanon

    by white owl

    wish there was something insteresting and factual worth talking about over at TORn anymore. That place kicked ass during LOTR.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 9:25 a.m. CST

    Only a matter of time.

    by Reelheed

    Snort cola through your noses now if you will but give it 5 - 10 yrs...

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 9:25 a.m. CST

    Ha ha

    by beelkay

    That was pretty funny...I especially liked Jackson's "only official comment."

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 9:34 a.m. CST

    $1 billion Austrailian = $781.6 million U.S.

    by robogeek.com

    Just FYI, for your collective added amusement. ;-)

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 9:33 a.m. CST

    Come on Quint...

    by Ray Gamma

    "This rumor is so stupidly retarded funny that..." you sound like you actually didn't realise at first that it was satire. Tell you what though, the fact that people are making jokes like this proves what I've been saying for ages - that there's a real audience backlash towards CGI now.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 9:34 a.m. CST

    $5 bet=Dorothy's Taint

    by S-Mart shopper

    The perineum, without it you'd have shitty balls instead of schweaty balls.=Dorothy's Taint should replace Gotta Eat.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 9:36 a.m. CST

    CATCHPHRASE MANIA=DOROTHY'S TAINT

    by S-Mart shopper

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 9:38 a.m. CST

    must be a joke

    by triplefive

    must be.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 9:46 a.m. CST

    oh damn what have I done?

    by white owl

    I take it back lord I take it back!

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 10:05 a.m. CST

    Not even a real article

    by performingmonkey

    This is just a joke, not even some dumb journo getting it wrong. I hope Peter does see this though to give him a laugh. It must be quite a stressful time for him, watching his wife and Phillipa Boyens pen the Lovely Bones screenplay while he picks up the kids from school, constantly thinking 'fuck you, New Line' over and over and yearning to start on the Temerarararierie movies.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 10:10 a.m. CST

    I CAN'T BELIEVE QUINT MISSED THE JOKE SO OBVIOUS

    by Proman1984

    FUNNY SHIT.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 10:17 a.m. CST

    To quote John Waters on the subject...

    by LaDracul

    Don't remake the good movies, remake the BAD ones! And yes, it did sound so fake.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 10:21 a.m. CST

    "Taint" originated with...

    by KnightShift

    ...Lewis Grizzard, who first wrote about it in his book "I Haven't Understood Anything Since 1962 And Other Nekkid Truths". The first mention of it, he talks about his aunt or somebody getting stung in the taint by a yellowjacket while using the outhouse.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 10:23 a.m. CST

    hehehehe

    by Talkbacker with no name

    brilliant! as if a worker at weta would slag off kong as nothing more than a demo reel! <p>Watch though. The UK tablods will pick this story up. the Sun no doubt.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 10:27 a.m. CST

    SUN EXCLUSIVE

    by Fried Gold

    WE ALREADY DID BREAK THIS STORY (see ~25 posts above) BUT IN A MORE SHOCKING STYLE.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 10:32 a.m. CST

    Earth to Matilda

    by Wave Motion Gun

    Wingnut aint laughing at the article, they're laughing at whoever phones up and asks if it's true.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 10:35 a.m. CST

    "We thought a CG dog would look more real."

    by Fridge

    XFD A $1 billion budget? Seriously, though, what the hell would they do with all that? It MIGHT cost 500 million at most if they went all out on everything, even then they'd have all that cash left over to...eat? PETER JACKSON GOTTA EAT, DORTHY TAINT, TOO SILVER, DAMN YOU BAY, ETC.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 10:34 a.m. CST

    I liked the Ents in the original Oz

    by white owl

    and Peter will surely do them justice.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 10:42 a.m. CST

    I heard

    by kikuchiyoboy

    James Cameron's next film is "Macross" to be completed by 2074. The reason for the delay are due to problems with his digital clone. This digital clone is designed specifically to complete filming his next two projects. Due to his inability to stop deteriation from natural causes, he had to take this precaution. But his digital clone isn't properly water proofed nor has it yet beat "Deep Blue's" high score on Pac Man. Although photorealistic, it's dummer than a bag of hammers.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 11:01 a.m. CST

    If you can't spot that this is intentionally fake...

    by Sledge Hammer

    ...and very obviously taking the piss then there's frankly something wrong with you. Everything from the utter absurdity of the lenghs the story itself went to through to the repition of the clearly fake grain background, and all points in between scream "this is clearly a joke y'all!". The fact that you had to check on the validity of this is just hilarious...score one to the piss-takers.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 11:15 a.m. CST

    FUCK'S THIS? DOROTHY'S TAINT MANIA?

    by ArtemisClydefrog

    Scandal!

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 11:24 a.m. CST

    Did that article come from...

    by rbatty024

    The Onion? Because it sounds like the writer is in on the joke, even if Harry isn't. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I do hope they make a later Oz book into a movie. If the Hollywood suits had any brains they'd be searching for a screenwriter and director right now.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 11:33 a.m. CST

    AND THE $5 TAINT GOES TO...

    by Deus Vult

    WHITE OWL! SCORE! In actual fact, I was hoping for a more female-oriented definition but a win's a win. Send your paypal address to infitior@gmail.com and I'll send the money over. For posterity and accuracy, I'll also give $5 to KnightShift; such historically-accurate info can't go unrewarded. S Mart Shopper, I love ya-$5 for killing "gotta eat" and turning TAINT into the new "nipples on...", "flames on..." and "too soon!". Finally, a catch-phrase I can identify with! And lastly, ArtemisClydefrog, $5 for being the first to use the new hotness on AICN. You wanna know what's cool news? Taint is the new tits, as in the verb tense fellas. Remember: email infitior@gmail.com with the paypal info. AND $5 TO THE FIRST PERSON WHO CAN TELL ME HOW TO INSERT SPACES IN MY POSTS!

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 11:56 a.m. CST

    April fools comes early...

    by Judge Dredds Dirty Undies

    This has to have been a joke.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 12:04 p.m. CST

    Oy vey!

    by Slavestate

    Not only is this absurd, but Serkis doing all the motion? Well, as one that actually does work with Motion Capture, Serkis would need a pelvis transplant before being able to do motion as Dorothy. Women have a distinct walk that men, unless you're really good, just can't mimick. It really shows through when you see it in data form. Interesting shit.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 12:06 p.m. CST

    Quint has a beer and cheets on Dorothy's taint

    by Doctor_Sin

    And when that shit gets put there, it all comes down to the tightness.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 12:12 p.m. CST

    If it was printed in some

    by Qokie37

    If it was printed in some paper it must have been some tabloid rag, an Aussie version national inquirer. I can't find any legit paper in Australia that comes close: CITY: Daily Telegraph Financial Review Irish Echo Sunday Telegraph Sun Herald Sydney Morning Herald The Australian SUBURBAN: Bankstown Express Blacktown Advocate Courier Newspapers Fairfax Community Newspapers Fairfield Advance Glebe & Inner West Weekly Hills Shire Times Hornsby Advocate Liverpool Leader Macarthur Advertiser Chronicle Manly Daily Mosman Daily Mt Druitt Standard North Shore Times Northern District Times Parramatta Advertiser Penrith Press I didn't know that Australia had a big enough Irish population to warrant an Irish News Paper, cool.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 12:18 p.m. CST

    "My cock now travels in with reckless abandon"

    by Doctor_Sin

    Ok, that is real text from a spam email I just got. Divine providence sends it to this TB.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 12:20 p.m. CST

    for us old school types

    by mrbong

    wouldn't "100% CGI" usually translate as being "animated"?? heck, a Peter Jackson film with no annoying Jack Black in it? i would pay to see it many times just to prove a point.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 12:23 p.m. CST

    well of course if they don't dream cast Dorothy's Taint

    by white owl

    that'll b WMDs coming from the firecrotch of doom

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 12:31 p.m. CST

    Fake

    by wato

    That doesn't even look like news paper print. That looks like a word doc that's had some photoshoping done to make it kinda look like a news paper. Has anyone asked Dan Rather for comment?

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 12:56 p.m. CST

    one pair of ruby slippers to rule them all

    by bennie garcia

    you'd gotta love it

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 1:01 p.m. CST

    But I can actually imagine this...

    by JackPumpkinhead

    "Peter Jackson Presents a Peter Jackson Production of a Peter Jackson Picture: PETER JACKSON'S OZ! Created, written, produced and directed by Peter Jackson. Story by Peter Jackson and His Two Women. Based on characters created by Peter Jackson. Inspired by the works of Peter Jackson (and l. frank baum.) Special effects by WETA, based on characters designed by Peter Jackson. Buy the Extended Ultimate Collector's Edition Box Set, with over 6 hours of footage missing from the theatrical version, and the Limited Edition Web Production Diaries, featuring interviews with Peter Jackson and interviews about Peter Jackson. A Peter Jackson (TM) Release."

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 1:06 p.m. CST

    JackPumpkinhead For The Win

    by Doctor_Sin

    Don't forget the exclusively "delicious" AICN-PJ interview.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 1:16 p.m. CST

    My God

    by Ray Gamma

    I'm amazed at how many people on here still sound 0.0001% unsure about whether it was a joke or not. DIdn't the bit about the "cgi dog" looking "more real" make you laugh out loud? Do Americans get a satire innoculation at school or something?

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 2:03 p.m. CST

    Speaking of Bruce Campbell...

    by iamnicksaicnsn

    he had a pretty dang funny ad during the play-offs yesterday for a deoderant company, and I'm not going to say what the product is because they don't really need a plug, even though they did use Bruce Campbell in an ad, but at the same time, the ad has seemingly so little to do with the product, what's the point?

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 2:17 p.m. CST

    Those crazy Aussies and they're fake news

    by Mike_D

    haha, nice. I remember they ran a story where they had it "confirmed" that aussie actor lachy hulme was signed to play the joker in the next batman flick.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 2:32 p.m. CST

    Deus Vult...

    by Sledge Hammer

    Just use paragraph breaks (as in: < p > only without the spaces between the brackets), remember, HTML is your friend. <p>Oh, and I don't want your money, just bow down to my greatness and we'll call it even. And at least I didn't go with the literal answer and tell you to use the space bar to insert spaces into your posts...

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 2:33 p.m. CST

    The sequel can be Spiderman VS Dorothy's Taint

    by white owl

    and base it off the putrid odor on manhattan

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 2:34 p.m. CST

    Dorothy's Taint is the Sexiest Tomboy Beanpole

    by monorail77

    Dorothy's Taint is the Sexiest Tomboy Beanpole on the Planet! <p> Just for you old-school regulars ;) <p> I love that "Dorothy's Taint" or just "taint" is the new AICN catchphrase. I can hardly wait until its overused and I'm sick to death of it. Should only take, what, a day or two?

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 2:36 p.m. CST

    This Is...

    by drew mcweeny

    ... the best fake article ever. I would love to see the movie this article describes. It would be totally fucking looney, but I'd love to see it just to see how crazy it is.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 2:49 p.m. CST

    FINALLY! After all these years of reading this site...

    by Deus Vult

    I'VE ARRIVED! and to think it's the word TAINT that got me here. clearly we're all a bunch of mature gentlemen reading this site indeed.<p>oh and to Sledge Hammer-I've literally been baffled by spacing since I first arrived here in 2001. I suppose this throws my credibility into question as to being able to create a new catch phrase then? If so, taint easy to come up with a new one. BANG BANG!

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 2:53 p.m. CST

    forgot a big thank you and a $5 spot

    by Deus Vult

    to my man Sledge. 'ppreciate ya bruh.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 2:54 p.m. CST

    WHERE'S MY GLORY? HAIL TO ME DAMNIT!!

    by Sledge Hammer

    ...or not, whatever. 'taint too worried either way.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 2:58 p.m. CST

    Damn...

    by Sledge Hammer

    ...outplayed again. And I would have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for those damned slowtypin' fingers of mine! You win this time, THIS TIME...

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 3:08 p.m. CST

    Wow, I haven't seen satire this funny

    by JAGUART

    Since they announced that Will Smith was starring in "I Am Legend", or Matt Damon was Capt Kirk in a Trek reboot.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 3:36 p.m. CST

    Thanks Sledge Hammer

    by Ray Gamma

    Thanks to you I can now insert meaningful, wry pauses into my posts. <P><P><P><P><P>Taint.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 3:47 p.m. CST

    Will they read "Hearts of Darkness" in Munchkin land?

    by crackerfarmboy

    "You have to get an education Scarecrow!" Think of all the crazy monster scenes they can throw in here: flying monkeys with oozing sores and blood stained teeth. The munchkins can be bizarre bloodthirsty zombie like creatures. It can also be about 4 hours long. Come on Peter make it happen!

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 4:44 p.m. CST

    I gotta eat Dorothy's taint...

    by Zino

    ...ankles behind the ears and away we go

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 5:08 p.m. CST

    Indeed...

    by Quintus_Arrius

    ... this is very amusing! Hail Arrius!

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 5:13 p.m. CST

    Some WETA renegades need to make a porno Oz film

    by Doctor_Sin

    With A-class CGI. Giant labias engulfing the cowardly lion! Make it so.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 5:23 p.m. CST

    Ray Gamma hits out and a new $10 offer

    by Deus Vult

    Ray-nice work with the spacing and using the hottest new catch phrase since "lucas ___ my childhood." Yes, I know the popular "raped" typically appeared in the ___ but by the time I got to this site the catch phrase had degenerated into all kinds of variances. <p> Now--$10 via paypal to the first poster to email me a picture of Gong Li's taint-the only thing worth seeing from "curse of the golden flower." <p>In actual fact, outside of some of the vietnamese strippers here in houston Gong Li's got some of the hottest asian cleavage I've EVER seen, without question the hottest cleavage on this site's history--finally an aicn ad worth looking at!

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 5:30 p.m. CST

    Deus Vult says the magic words

    by Doctor_Sin

    "Vietnamese strippers" - I'm hitting the road.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 5:29 p.m. CST

    A series of OZ films would be great....without music.

    by Monkey_King

    Someone with Balls in Hollywood that doesn't fall into the retarded-as-all-Hell trap of remaking nearly scene for scene, films that could've been way better, should Greenlight or pitch this now, Now, NOW!!!! Jackson, Henson or Lucas' involvement would be a major plus.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 5:44 p.m. CST

    This is for Deus

    by S-Mart shopper

    George Lucas spawned my manhood with a picture of Linda Ronstadt's perineum, I was forever Tainted:)

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 5:44 p.m. CST

    Bruce Campbell should be The Wizard...

    by Fat Chooch

    "Ignore the man behind the curtain, baby!"

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 6:22 p.m. CST

    i'm excited!

    by DarthDooku

    When's it coming out? lol.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 6:36 p.m. CST

    $5 for almost everybody and wives just don't understand

    by Deus Vult

    S mart shopper-that's twice you've hit it out of the park today, this time using taint as a verb (see boys, its versatile!) <p> Lebron23-another true believer, but here its taint as a noun (more proof of versatility!) <p> Doctor_Sin-look man, I know the "media" would have you believe NYC, LA and Vegas the three hottest stripper towns but until you've come down to the "stripper triangle" or houston, dallas & new orleans you just don't know what you're missin'! I'm talkin' 'bout more than just vietnamese pal, it's korean, chinese, black, white, hispanic, and a whole lot more. best of all--I've even seen a few taints out there. <p> Zino: it takes posters like you to spread the word so perhaps its time to reveal Deus Vult's secret: the name means GOD WILLS IT in French and was the charge the pope gave the Franks to heed the first crusade. Hence, I proclaim to all-GOD WILLS IT-go to other AICN stories, topics, sections, even email the webmaster-"...gotta eat" is dead! anything with "taint" in any form is God's command! <p> monorail7--hey now, we've only just begun! be positive! in a few days/weeks/months, someone from AICN's austin staff will bike to houston and murder me for the taint thing at this rate. <p>Finally, while I was reading everyone's posts, my wife was making dinner and heard me laughing. She asked what was funny, and when I tried to explain it to her, and by so doing read a few posts, she said "hey, I love Linda Ronstadt!"

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 7:24 p.m. CST

    I'd also like to point out...

    by KCMOSHer

    ...that Dorothy's Taint would be an excellent name for a rock band.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 8:58 p.m. CST

    uh....it was a joke

    by Freakemovie

    the article was a joke that was never meant to be taken seriously, or as a rumor. it was a joke.

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 9:39 p.m. CST

    I can see how the Oscars will go from here on out

    by Your Own Personal Pillowpants

    Best Actor 2007: Andy Serkis..Everybody (The Wizard of Oz) Best Actor 2008: Andy Serkis..John Johnson (The Last Man on Earth) Best Actor 2009: Andy Serkis..The Lone Ranger (A Man with No One to Talk to) Best Actor 2010: Andy Serkis..The voice of Godzilla (God2010zilla) Best Actor Twenty Years from Now: Andy Serkis Jr..In a CG created role as Andy Serkis Sr. (The Life and Times of Andy Serkis)

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 10:19 p.m. CST

    too tired to keep goin' boys, save yourselves

    by Deus Vult

    must...post...more...taint...*

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 11:25 p.m. CST

    IT'S TRUE!!!!!

    by ironburl

    Sly Stallone told me that Richard Gere's gerbil was on a conference call with PJ!

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 11:41 p.m. CST

    BSB, just don't pull a LMTO! That could be messy.

    by S-Mart shopper

  • Jan. 8, 2007, 11:54 p.m. CST

    "the taint's about to blow!" PURE FUCKING GOLD

    by S-Mart shopper

  • Jan. 9, 2007, 2:16 a.m. CST

    When does it come out?

    by wackybantha

    Seriously.

  • Jan. 9, 2007, 4:29 a.m. CST

    Back on topic:

    by Ray Gamma

    Updating and re-making "The Wizard Of Oz" with CGI would be a bit like re-painting the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel with magic marker pens.

  • Jan. 9, 2007, 4:57 a.m. CST

    Joel Schumacher directs!

    by ye olde shiza

    I think he'd be the perfect candidate to repaint the Sistine Chapel in magic markers ... and to direct a billion dollar remake of the Wizard of Oz, starring Queen Latifah as the Eastern Witch, Cedric the Entertainer as the Cowardly Lion, Michael Douglas as the Tin Man's Balls, and Johnny Knoxville in drag as Dorothy. <br><br> Now, that's a fuckin' movie! Game on.

  • Jan. 9, 2007, 7:50 a.m. CST

    yackbacker--most prolific taint ever

    by Deus Vult

    without question you've done a fabulous job here my friend, and in the wee hours of the morning no less. we should send you to aid the ethiopian troops in their fight against the bad guys in somalia. <p>headline: yackbacker fires 3000 taints per minute from his ac130 gunship at targets throughout mogadishu. <p>the taint started way up above, right here, in this completely false story, and by me no less, in offering $5 to the first person to define taint, as in seeing dorothy's taint, and not a CGI taint my friend.

  • Jan. 9, 2007, 11:19 a.m. CST

    TOO SOON!!!

    by Pageiv

    Damn Hollywood!

  • Jan. 9, 2007, 11:37 a.m. CST

    Deus

    by Doctor_Sin

    I live in Austin where the strip clubs suck. Dallas *is* much better...but I've heard tales of H-town's glories. I must begin my mythic quest.

  • Jan. 9, 2007, 12:03 p.m. CST

    Yackbacker!!!

    by monorail77

    Pure genius. That stuff is taint, man. Well played!

  • Jan. 9, 2007, 6:42 p.m. CST

    Doc Sin--

    by Deus Vult

    not sure if anything is still reading this story here, but if so<p>I've been to a few places in austin and they were WEAK at best. combo of the hot girls hooking for the legislature in secret is bigger money and UT boys, while traditionally the kids of wealthy texans, would rather spend their money on ecstasy for their girlfriends than strippers.<P> with that being said, houston has some of the HOTTEST strippers anywhere, as does new orleans. in fact, I still have semi-wet dreams about one of the girls who gave me a lapdance at rick's on bourbon. she had pigtails...oh so dirty. my friends and I still refer to has PING! for one very amazing reason.

  • Jan. 9, 2007, 6:43 p.m. CST

    forgot monorail77

    by Deus Vult

    loved the way you used taint as a verb. or is it an adverb? any teachers in the room? my wife teaches 4th grade math & science so she's no help here. however, her class just started learning about measurement and lemme tell ya I had an unpleasant and humiliating experience with a ruler this morning...

  • Jan. 9, 2007, 8 p.m. CST

    I'd pay to see a direct Jackson translation of "Wicked"

    by ZeroCorpse

    Seriously, a theatrical version of "Wicked" - NOT the musical, but a direct from the book translation with no musical numbers- would rock. Make it so!

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