Cool News
Herc Says Tonight’s First APPRENTICE Since June Demonstrates Improvement!!
SPOILER ALERT !!
I am – Hercules!!
The boasting begins precisely 30 seconds into episode one of “The Apprentice’s” sixth season.
“I have properties all over the place,” bellows The Donald. “In fact, my newest golf course in L.A., Trump National, is doing amazingly well, and I’ve decided to build a house there!”
We then cut to Trump in sunglasses beneath palm trees, looking very uncomfortable trying to say his lines from behind the wheel of a white convertible. Did Trump ever learn how to drive an automobile? One … wonders. Is he being towed by a camera truck? I’m thinking yes!
Trump’s trophy wife and infant are trotted out seconds later, as if to as remind us all of the man’s continued virility.
The O’Jays song remains, but the title sequence’s montage is almost all new for the first time since season one, to service the season’s new Los Angeles locale.
One of the contestants introduces herself as an Olympics gold medallist in ice hockey. Trump decides she deserves a hug. Another candidate near the end of the long line introduces himself thusly: “My name is Martin. I’m the senior assistant city attorney for the great city of Atlanta, and I’ll too give you a hug if you let me go to the bathroom.”
Though not everyone would appreciate Martin's wit, I kinda had to love the guy right away.
One contestant, Jenn, says she runs a multi-media company and publishes a magazine “in her spare time.” Something tells me it’s not Newsweek.
When introductions are over, Trump assigns the whole crew to build a giant tent, so the guys take off their jackets and the girls kick off their heels and chaos ensues. An insanely hot sales manager named Heidi, who hails from a farming community in Michigan, explains that she’s a camper and takes charge. She’s the good guy.
Then a guy from the Bronx named Frank, who runs a contracting company and therefore thinks he should be in charge, starts yammering so loudly in a Trump-like manner than Trump himself sticks his head out his mansion window and tells him to simmer down. He’s the bad guy.
The losing team only makes about 5 percent less money than the winning team.
It’s L.A., so the loser goes home in a chauffeured towncar instead of a cab.
Favorite things about tonight’s “Apprentice”:
* Shrewish golf-course manager Caroline has been replaced by Trump’s gorgeous twentysomething spawn Ivanka.
* Nobody sits in George’s seat at first. The choice for his replacement is revealed late in the episode, and the choice is a masterstroke. (Hint: It’s not Trump’s son.)
* Learning that Frank and Heidi took leadership roles, Trump assigns them as project managers. We later learn that winning project managers remain project managers until their team lose.
* The first task, happily, does not involve Nabisco or Ford or Alcoa or some other huge corporation with a product-placement budget. Everybody’s working at a couple of local car washes. (One of which is right across the street from the Directors Guild theatre. Every film critic in Los Angeles knows this car wash.)
* It’s been well-publicized that the winning team gets to sleep in the mansion while the losing team has to live in tents. Less publicized? Those sitting around the hot tub and pool can hear the losers in the tents trying to flee lizards and assign blame.
Meet all of the pretty and less-pretty “Apprentice” contestants here.
“Soap” and “All in the Family” for $11 per season? 
“NewsRadio” for $15 per season? “Seinfeld” for $16 per season? “Rescue Me” for $18.25 per season?
Post-Holiday Twofer Sale!!!!
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+ Expand All
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MONEY!
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some people really need it,
listen to me, y'all -
duh duh duh duh...
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Everybody's got a price.Everybody's gonna pay.Cause The Million $ Man ALWAYS gets his way! Hahahaha...Some might cost a little.Some might cost a lot.But I'm the Million $ Man, and YOU WILL be bought!Hahahahaha....Hahahahaha....Hahahahaha....
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Dammit to hell!
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Arrested Development. And now I'm just disappointed.
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That girl is from my home area - it's huge news around the tiny community. Imdb says she did a Playboy video - just wait for those pictures to be made public!
Does Ivanka's boyfriend Topher Grace make an appearance? -
This TB is hilarious so far!The Apprentice is like the only "reality TV" show that I can watch. So I'll be checking this out when it comes to BBC3 later in the year.Money Money Money Money... MONEY!!...
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Topher Grace? Really? I gotta read US magazine more often.
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Trump and Michael Bay actually..
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New catchphrase courtesy of Cocktimus Prime. May it exist along side PLANT! Gotta eat, Electric Boogaloo, sexy tomboy beanpole, flames on optimus = nipples on batman, that was stolen from firefly, Too Soon, Hulk Hogan as the bad guy, has a beer and cheets on his wife, and any others I can't think of right now (is First! considered a catchphrase?)
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John Holmes. Why do people like watching this self-obsessed douche?
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You forgot "TOO SILVER!!" and "Damn You Michael Bay"
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I knew I missed something.
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Moooonnnneeeyyy!!!!
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I'm just sayin'!
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Was that his name, the redneck guy who got a free ride at Harvard from Trump? I loved that season, haven't watched since.
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.....they all seem like the usual garden variety douches. And what's with all the corny nicknames? "The Mouth", "The Closer", "The Politico", "The Schmoozer", "The Hair".......good freaking grief:- where the hell did they dig these jokers up from? With those names they sound like the stand-ins for the body doubles for the cast of a Sopranos rip-off series on PBS. Whoever came up with that stupid nicknames idea should be beaten with a specially cleated birkenstock. Geeeez!!!!
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And why does his wife always look like she's staring into the sun?
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Oh what I would give to see him hock a loogie into Trump's hair.
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I'm Donald Trump, and America LOVES me. My voice is PERFECTLY MODULATED. I own properties ALL OVER America, and despite once being in debt NINE HUNDRED MILLION dollars only the CASINOS have gone BANKRUPT. These 6 attractive and 6 somewhat UGLY men were chosen by me for the OPPORTUNITY OF A LIFETIME because we ALL KNOW that ATTRACTIVE WOMEN are BETTER at everything than UGLY ones, and UGLY MEN are not A THREAT to ME, DONALD TRUMP.
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in tents to living "third world".
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...were SO awful. Was the introduction with Tits McGee and DemonSpawn really necessary? My favorite part was the fake-ass baby noises heard over the phone. Ridiculous.
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who was in the board room, i don't watch the show.
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The second seat will be filled by the winning PM from the other team.
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Isn't that what reality tv is in essence?
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I might watch this season depending on what it's up against.
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I found out that the "suite" in the New York seasons was literally right next door to the "boardroom". In other words, it was all a big set. No, I didn't think that that was Donald's actual board room but I DID think it was a conference room or something in trump towers. All that business about them going up the elevator was just staged. Kind of ridiculous.
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Did you think that they really blew up the Death Star, too?
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I knew I was going to get it for that but really, I did think there was SOME element of reality to this show. Ah well.
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