QT III -- DAY 3 -- 70’s DOUBLE FEATURE

Alright folks. People ask me why I goto Quentin’s fest,
and I think there is this perception that I go cause “Wow, I
get to stand in the blinder aura that surrounds and cakes
every square inch of the Mighty Tarantino.”

No fucking way. I’m there to watch movies... but even
that’s bullshit. I’m there to find a movie that Quentin has
found that I’ve never seen that will just friggin unhinge my
brain and make me babble aimlessly about it. Last year it
was THE DION BROTHERS and SITTING TARGET.
Well... it’s day three, and I have just seen the first one of
those films.

But instead of just launching straight into it, let’s go
straight to the coverage of the event....

Quentin was going through THE BIG REEL, a collector’s
newspaper that offers up for sale 16mm and 35mm prints of
movies on a person to person basis. I’ve bought all
manners of movies from it before, but anyway... Quentin
was flipping through it... and saw PRETTY MAIDS ALL
IN A ROW for sale. He bought it. He brought it. “The
one thing about being a film fan is ya learn pretty quickly
that no matter what you haven’t seen them all. This one is
one of my now favorite movies that I’m obsessive about.”

Ya see, this is the biggest budget studio financed
cheerleading film. It’s directed by Roger Vadim, “I always
thought he was a wanker,” Quentin said before saying that
he’s never really been into Barbarella past the opening
titles. SACRILEGE. Strap QT to the wall.... Where’s my
cat o’nine tails? Flog him! I literally wanted to go punch
him. I am a gigantic fan of BARBARELLA... got the
soundtrack, the comics, the buttons.... I wish it were out on
DVD with the ability to remove the credits from the
opening credits option.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been really aroused by one of these
cheerleader films. I mean... If you’re lucky you get a few
breasts, a couple of asses and a touch of bush.” He went on
to then say, “Now saying that.... This movie is pretty
fucking hot alright!”

Now the film stars Rock Hudson, and as soon as Quentin
spoke his name aloud the audience began snickering. But
Quentin did, what he does... And I literally believe he
should like do an entire video line where he just introduces
the films. It’d take him like an hour to do each one, and
you’d get the best fucking 20 minute intros you’d ever see.
They’d be sooooo much better than like those interviews
before that series of THX mastered STAR WARS tapes,
and it wouldn’t have the disrespect for the films that say
you get from those winky winky hosts like Elvira and Joe
Bob Briggs (both of whom I like), but ya see Quentin went
into this entire bit about giving the audience a perspective
for the film.

I mean... we all know Rock Hudson died of AIDS, and that
it turned out he was gay, but ya know what? Who the hell
cares, he was an ACTOR... which means he could act like
the frigging mac daddy of the universe if he wanted. By
the seventies Hudson had been acting around twenty years
and had gotten “pretty goddamned good, alright.”

As for Angie Dickenson, “She’s so fucking sexy in this
movie that I don’t even know what to tell ya.” As he said
that he was running around on stage being very expressive
with his hands expressing his pure raging inner hard on for
Angie.

He told us the film was just filled with the best sex tarts
from the early seventies. Then he told the audience who
wrote and produced this film.... GENE RODDENBERRY,
then told us that SCOTTY was in the movie. At this point I
think just about everyone in the theater was dying to see
this thing.

Then he told us he’d be showing us some sexploitation
style trailers before the film including TEENAGE
GRAFITTI which he claims plays like a trailer for DAZED
AND CONFUSED....

FLARE-UP -- This was just plane cool.

THE CENTERFOLD STORY -- There’s this one shot of a
quick slashing of a throat that spews blood on to a plate
glass window that was REALLY well done.... But the best
thing about this trailer were all the naked babes.

CHASTITY -- Oh my god.... CHER... “She’s not just a
girl.... She’s Chastity”

TEENAGE GRAFFITTI -- Wow, this really does look a
bit like Linklater. That’d be an interesting double-bill...

LORDS OF FLATBUSH -- This is literally one of the
most fucked up trailers the world has ever unleashed. The
‘tune’ being sung over everything is sooooooo terribly
beautiful that it brought tears to the eyes. And Stallone...
heh, wow.

PRETTY MAIDS ALL IN A ROW

Holy shit this is a real real good movie... No, It’s a
fan-fucking-tastic movie. I want a print, I want to be able
to screen this film at the drop of the hat for a few dozen of
my favorite friends.

First off... any movie starring a girl named JOY BANG is a
classic, but ya know... it’s more than that... This movie
really really works. Sure it has it’s ‘cheese’ moments, but
they are sooooooooooo perfect.

The lead kid is so naturally stunned by the female forms
about him. In ‘Rodriguez’ editting style we see exactly
what the kid sees, a kalediscope of asses hid beneath minis,
unharnessed teenage breasts... pert and bouncing in his
hallways. Slightly see through blouses, tight jeans and
camel toes. Thus the agony of the pre-laid teenager.
Constantly observing every peek at ‘what lies beneath’.

This is handles as good as it has ever been done. When
Angie Dickenson arrives it’s like throwing napalm in your
livingroom fireplace. The boy must then have an unlevel
book in his lap at all times.

Rock Hudson is a friggin stud in this film. His girl-lizing
(younger version of womanizing) is to be applauded by the
macho neanderthal in all men, but publicly shamed for his
inappropriate behavior... but ya know... this is a comedy, so
to hell with it. Every male in the audience (that I talked
with) now wants to be the football coach/guidance
counselor in a small town. Annette tells me that she knew
two cheerleaders in her squad in High School that shagged
the coaches on a regular basis. I on the other hand pray it
never happened on my campus as.... ugh... bad thought...
bad thought... go away...

I refuse to believe any of these girls were over the age of
16. Cause the guys also seemed that young.

But if there was nothing else in this movie (which
fantastically can’t be said) then you’d be left with the virgin
high school kid and Angie Dickenson’s character... My
God. I remember watching Angie’s shower scene in
DRESSED TO KILL and thinking “Me want that”. I was
just a kid, but I think it was literally the first signs of ‘lust’
that I can remember having. Angie was just prime worship
material, and had I seen this movie.... Oh my god, I think I
would have just exploded.

I don’t want to get more into it, but the scene of the two of
them in bed... is a thought I never want to be able to put out
of my head. It’s a ‘sigh thought’. You know... when
you’re tired, frustrated or aggravated and you sigh.. The
thought that brings that immediate smile.... Well, this is one
of them. A Sigh Thought. Fantastic.

Can’t praise this movie enough.

Next up was MOTHER, JUGGS AND SPEED

Quentin came out and sort of set this film on up, but the
part of his intro that really stuck with me was when he
began talking about his favorite types of comedies. It’s
actually something I’ve been saying on the site for a long
time. “I like it when a comedy can stop being a comedy,
ya know... It’s like... ‘laughing laughing laughing, STOPS
YOU LAUGHING, MAKES YOU THINK, then starts ya
laughing again.”

There ya go. I like that. I’m a strong believer that the best
comedies are the ones that can also make you cry. That can
go from hysterics to a funeral. Strangely the movie that’s
popping into my mind right now is TOMMY BOY with
Chris Farley and David Spade. It’s not a film that many
people I’ve talked to liked, but... boy does it ever put a
brick wall in there every now and again. It’s kind of a
thing Chaplin did alot... and it’s called pathos. Sure you
can laugh with them, but can you associate with them and
that’s the biggest problem with most comedies today. It’s
either a drama or a comedy, but never will the two meet.

Anyways.... on to the movie.

MOTHER, JUGGS AND SPEED

Damn if this wasn’t a fine night of film going.

This film is all over the place and it works. I mean, this is a
film that goes from Bill Cosby shooting at someone that
blew his partner away with a shotgun, to Bill getting a
massage at a sex club with vibrators from nearly naked
women while being sexist as hell, to opening up a can of
whup ass on Larry Hagman to terrorizing Nuns that cross
the street to drinking and driving a cab.

Ok, there ain’t no pudding pops in this one. The film has
heroin overdoses and miscarriages... The movie is fantastic.
The interspersing of the serious moments amongst the
hilarity just makes this film soooooooooo good.

With lines like...

“Bambi’s mother had great tits”

“How’d you like to go back to busting gay bars?”

“He sues me.... I beat on him again.”

“That thing swells up those zipper marks will look like tire
tracks.”

Alright? This movie is incredible, and as one of Quentin’s
childhood friends put it, “Harvey got to fuck Raquel
Welch,” and ya know.... That’s Cool.

Alright, the next report will be on the Seventies SPY Films
we saw....