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Saffy wraps her legs around 300 and says all you other ladies will want to do the same come March!!!
Ahoy, squirts! Quint here to introduce Saffy's review of 300. I think the movie is damn good myself, but am one who believes the expectation levels need to drop or people aren't going to get what they want out of it, but it is really fun to see someone geek out over a movie. So, you have that here with Saffy's review from BNAT. She's contributed many times before, now she loves up on Spartans! Enjoy!
Ladies, believe it or not this will be one of your favorite movies of next year.
Admittedly, I am not familiar with the original work. I know about the origins of the story, as I am a huge sword and sandal dork. The story is eternal, people face insurmountable odds and are willing to sacrifice for what they hold most dear. We’ve heard this story a million times. But it works, and that is why we will see it a million times more. It is thrilling to see people who are supposed to fail, well, kick all kinds of ass.
Where Zach Snyder succeeds gorgeously is in visual work. 300 embodies antiquity. The color palette is the metallic tones of artifacts you see in a museum. A warm hammered bronze of day is contrasted by the cool newly mined silver of night. The fight scenes are bathed in the chilly iron of the swords contrasted by rust red of blood, old blood. This movie is a synesthetic experience. You can taste the sparkle of a wheat field, feel the warmth of battle, and the chill of overcast mixed with certain doom.
Yes I know I am making it sound like a romance novel. But, as you know it isn’t. There are some astounding battles. As I had said earlier, the battle scenes are like Circ Du Soleil with a HUGE nut sack. Snyder manages to make war beautiful yet entirely masculine. Muscle and fluidity merge in an almost operatic series of savage blood letting.
Gerard Butler, who plays Leonidas, must have had some kind of strange DNA fusion with Sean Connery. He has become power incarnate. In fact the entire cast of men manage to be as naked as possible but not in an uncomfortable way. These soldiers are just too much man for any amount of clothing. It’s almost if soft cloth is repelled by their ripped abs. Which is O.K. by me.
This movie truly merges violence with artistic sensibility. Snyder manages to make the movie equivalent of the statue David. We take school children to see a naked man and it is OK because it is art. This movie elevates gratuitous violence above vulgarity.
Much like “Master and Commander” and “ Gladiator” this movie is going to play so well to an unexpected female demographic. It has been long assumed that all we want to see is Julia Roberts fall in love with the “it” man of the moment. We don’t. We want to see something beautiful and engaging. I knew of packs of middle-aged women who went to see Gladiator multiple times. We aren’t afraid of violence, in fact when done correctly it is quite...um...sexy.
This movie is going to defy many conventions; it is going to have the strangest mixture of people in the audience. The film may drive the Warner Brothers marketing team crazy. But it is an astounding visual and emotional experience. Men, if you have to drag your girl friend/wife/significant other/ random hooker, to this film, don’t be surprised if she drags you back.
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And that's that.
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But damn I can't wait to see Angelina Jolie in Sin City 2
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all the way :-) Loved Gladiator and Breaveheart und 300 is with Spiderman 3 my must-see movie for 2007. Unfortunatley, non of my girlfriends is going to watch it with me. So I will have to take my brother with me. Just like ~ 10 years ago Starship Troopers. I think I was the only female in the audience.
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What is the deal with the stale reviews? One more thing, I noted that certain individuals were outraged when others refered to Ms. A Dupont as a sexual object. I am afraid more of this crap is on the way as long as AICN sexualizes bloody everything. Anyways, I hope that the movie is good.
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You don't know shit about Hollywood or Frank Miller.
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...and I'd like to personally congratulate moviemack for finally coming out of the closet. Go girl!
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...but you forgot to mention Queen Gorgo, who just may be the toughest bitch this side of the Bosporos. She's a big reason for chicks (and dudes) to check out the flick.
By the way, it's Zack, not Zach. -
I think the marketers knew exactly who they were aiming for... ...EVERYONE!!!!....
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thanks.
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OMG boobies.
Harry Knowles scares me. -
Cirque du Soliel with a HUGE NUTSACK! The shade of arrows cannot blight the gleaming the semi-nude might of Sparta! Let alone mere clothing! Gerard Butler's ripped abs are a clothing devouring sex machine!
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This bomb's for Snyder, Watchmen will go into heavy turnaround and Gordon/Levin, two AICN buddy-boys, will probably lose the rights since it's back at WB. Harry and company know 300 is mediocre at best which is why they've been trying to tamper expectations down to a low roar. Because after this comes out, we'll all fully realize that the guy who directed a zombie remake is up for The Watchmen. And Drew doesn't want to spend another year of his life defending the crap they tried to hoist up before as Watchmen-worthy.
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Damn you Michael Bay
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"like Circ Du Soleil with a HUGE nut sack" anyone miss that? no? good
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Massa would disagree, but he's not this target female demographic that producers of war epics have in mind.
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Where do you get a sdilike or hatred of women from that title pussyboy???
And that (vague)review stinks. -
Where do you get a dislike or hatred of women from that title pussyboy???
And that (vague)review stinks. -
If this movie really does have an over-abundance of slow-mo and thinly devised characters, you can count me out. I survived Kong--i'll not go down that road again.
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If this movie really does have an over-abundance of slow-mo and thinly devised characters, you can count me out. I survived Kong, damn it--i'll not go down that road again.
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i was in the middle of inserting an explative when I clicked twice--sorry.
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Sorry, but I think either Houston or Jasmine StClaire are the current record holders...
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Bobo, seriously, that was one of THE funniest things I've ever read on this site, saving only the mysterios reviewer of Return of the King some years ago who used "tits" as a verb before it was commonplace and also used a line about "opening a Wal-Mart and only selling ball-stomp." Personally I could care less if this 300 review is written by a real-life, straight woman or not, but simply reading that "ladies read this site; wow, this IS news" was hilarious. At this point I think we can trash "gotta eat" and start using "this IS news" as the first relevant, funny and accurate AICN catch-phrase of 2007. WHO'S WITH ME?!?
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It seems odd that Saffy's "review" is dusted off and posted a month after it was written the moment the bomb was dropped on 300 (ie overly done slo-mo and other POMO bs). As far as I can tell, all this "review" say was that it would be cool if we went anyway, despite the fact that some of us, the obvious target demographic, are having misgivings as a result of Mass's review. After all, if the cool kids, saffy and her women friends go, maybe we can go, too, and score some chicks at the showing. This is such an obviously bs review, especially in light of the timing, that I dont even want to comment further.
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Sounds like this movie is bound to be a great success.
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seriously, what a retarded attempt at a catch phrase
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give it up man. what are you going to do if transformers is sweet? start damn you brett ratner again or something. ill atleast give you credit for being persistant. but come the fuck on.
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I just thought it was strange that because the reviewer is a woman the title is sex-orientated - you wouldn't get something like "Massawyrm humps 300". Maybe misogynist wasn't the most appropriate word.
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I just thought it was strange that because the reviewer is a woman the title is sex-orientated - you wouldn't get something like "Massawyrm humps 300". Maybe misogynist wasn't the most appropriate word.
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I doubt very seriously that the vast majority of AICN readers ARE married...to anything other than their hands that is! Uh-hoh!
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I was impressed but only for a moment. How is the audience going to be any more of a strange mixture than for any other movie? OMG! There's men AND women in the audience?! There's black people, Hispanics, Jews AND Gentiles in the audience?! CHA CHING!
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I want details, who shows what in this thing?
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You get a naked queen in bed and an oracle (female) swirling about. No Spartan codpiece pythons make it to the screen, so no worries there.
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Oh, yes. Yes, yes, I said yes. I am there with bells on.
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