Ahoy, squirts! Quint here to introduce Saffy's review of 300. I think the movie is damn good myself, but am one who believes the expectation levels need to drop or people aren't going to get what they want out of it, but it is really fun to see someone geek out over a movie. So, you have that here with Saffy's review from BNAT. She's contributed many times before, now she loves up on Spartans! Enjoy!

Ladies, believe it or not this will be one of your favorite movies of next year.

Admittedly, I am not familiar with the original work. I know about the origins of the story, as I am a huge sword and sandal dork. The story is eternal, people face insurmountable odds and are willing to sacrifice for what they hold most dear. We’ve heard this story a million times. But it works, and that is why we will see it a million times more. It is thrilling to see people who are supposed to fail, well, kick all kinds of ass.

Where Zach Snyder succeeds gorgeously is in visual work. 300 embodies antiquity. The color palette is the metallic tones of artifacts you see in a museum. A warm hammered bronze of day is contrasted by the cool newly mined silver of night. The fight scenes are bathed in the chilly iron of the swords contrasted by rust red of blood, old blood. This movie is a synesthetic experience. You can taste the sparkle of a wheat field, feel the warmth of battle, and the chill of overcast mixed with certain doom.

Yes I know I am making it sound like a romance novel. But, as you know it isn’t. There are some astounding battles. As I had said earlier, the battle scenes are like Circ Du Soleil with a HUGE nut sack. Snyder manages to make war beautiful yet entirely masculine. Muscle and fluidity merge in an almost operatic series of savage blood letting.

Gerard Butler, who plays Leonidas, must have had some kind of strange DNA fusion with Sean Connery. He has become power incarnate. In fact the entire cast of men manage to be as naked as possible but not in an uncomfortable way. These soldiers are just too much man for any amount of clothing. It’s almost if soft cloth is repelled by their ripped abs. Which is O.K. by me.

This movie truly merges violence with artistic sensibility. Snyder manages to make the movie equivalent of the statue David. We take school children to see a naked man and it is OK because it is art. This movie elevates gratuitous violence above vulgarity.

Much like “Master and Commander” and “ Gladiator” this movie is going to play so well to an unexpected female demographic. It has been long assumed that all we want to see is Julia Roberts fall in love with the “it” man of the moment. We don’t. We want to see something beautiful and engaging. I knew of packs of middle-aged women who went to see Gladiator multiple times. We aren’t afraid of violence, in fact when done correctly it is quite...um...sexy.

This movie is going to defy many conventions; it is going to have the strangest mixture of people in the audience. The film may drive the Warner Brothers marketing team crazy. But it is an astounding visual and emotional experience. Men, if you have to drag your girl friend/wife/significant other/ random hooker, to this film, don’t be surprised if she drags you back.