Movie News

MiraJeff is conflicted about ROCKY BALBOA and spills all about his match with Uwe Boll.

Published at: Dec. 19, 2006, 4:21 a.m. CST

Greetings AICN, MiraJeff here with a fair but perhaps too-critical look at Rocky Balboa. Before we get into the review, I feel compelled, as a fan first and foremost, to thank Sly for his tireless efforts answering 20 straight days of questions. The man is an absolute workhorse, both on and off screen, and I'm glad his rough patch seems to be behind him. I've always been a fan of the guy's work, from Rocky to Cobra to Cliffhanger, Demolition Man and yes, even Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot. It really wasn’t that bad when I was a kid with a crazy, large-spectacled grandma. I've even kept up with Sly the past few years, going out of my way to pick up Eye See You and Shade, the latter of which isn't half-bad at all. In fact, I kinda liked it. But after a couple of years doing the straight-to-video thing, Stallone is now back in the multiplex at Christmas time where he belongs, and for that I'm grateful. So although I never thought I'd want to see another Rocky movie after seeing the truly horrendous Rocky V, my anticipation level for his latest foray into the ring was high, to put it mildly. However, as welcome as Stallone's return is, I have to say I found Rocky Balboa to be pretty disappointing on the whole. The glowing reviews out of BNAT are a bit misleading I think. Under the circumstances, with a packed house full of Rocky fanatics, I can't imagine a better audience to see the film with. Needless to say, as much as I wanted to be there, I didn’t have that experience… but I did have something like it. Allow me to go off on another MiraJeff-patented tangent… (For the benefit of our readership, I have moved this unrelated, especially long-winded story to the end of the review, sort of as a boxing sidebar that had to be included alongside my Rocky Balboa review. You can imagine its placement here. Moving on…) …On the flip side, Stallone has done everything to earn my respect as a filmmaker. Namely, he directed “Rocky” a seminal sports film and one of the most inspirational stories put to celluloid in its illustrious history. I mean, even you sci-fi fanboys have to admit, there’s gotta be a reason behind Rocky winning Best Picture over Star Wars. But after the original masterpiece, the Rocky series has gotten progressively worse, although I’ll always consider Rocky IV my personal favorite. For the most part, the movies have aged well, because as cheesy and 80’s as they might be sometimes, you know you’ve watched a Rocky Marathon on a cable channel owned by Ted Turner, who probably requests it be aired every weekend so can walk on a treadmill to “Eye of the Tiger.” That said, Rocky Balboa is significantly better written than it is directed and edited. Translated, that means the idea of a sequel so many years later works well on the page but it’s ultimately poorly executed. To be fair, I really liked the movie for the first half. I nearly loved it, and I was expecting the second to half to be every bit as strong, especially judging from the way Sly’s talked about the fight sequence and how proud he is of it. To me, the film is a complete letdown because the boxing scene is a mess. It’s over-directed and over-edited, with awkward color cues, millisecond flashbacks that would make Oliver Stone seem sedated by comparison, and a score that couldn’t feel more forced. It’s like Stallone trots Conti’s score out to remind us to feel something, to feel like the impossible might be possible, especially when local legend Rocky Balboa is involved. The script itself is a bit syrupy. It’s sentimental and schmaltzy in a good way, a way that only a character like Rocky can pull off, but nonetheless, when the dialogue doesn’t work, it really stands out like a sore thumb. Case in point, the big emotional sidewalk scene in the second act between Rocky and his son. Sly is absolutely excellent in this scene. There was a point when the sadness in his eyes seemed so unbearable, I thought the Stallone from Copland had wandered into the film. The writing is great, but then Milo Ventigmiglia opens his mouth. I’m sorry, but in this particular scene, the kid is clearly no match for Stallone. He’s playing AAA-ball in the major leagues. Ventimiglia phones it in, big time, and yet, in the very next scene, in the cemetery, he’s great. The kid’s an anomaly. Stallone goes for the obvious uppercut on the sidewalk, but Ventimiglia doesn’t allow the blow to land. It’s not until the more understated, quieter scene in the cemetery that the actors connect and land the knockout blow. So consider me of mixed opinion when it comes to Milo’s performance. Meanwhile, I love Uncle Paulie. He’s a gruff, no-bullshit kind of guy and I like that. But I don’t know if it was Burt Young or Stallone’s direction or the script or what, but I didn’t like Paulie in this movie. He’s too unlikable. He tells Rocky like it is, like the way it’s gotta be, and he serves that function quite nicely, but he says some unnecessary, ugly things in this movie that I didn’t feel really belonged in a PG family-friendly film like this, and I’m the last guy who would ever give a shit about that. I mean, this is a character that we’ve followed throughout the series and to be honest, I just didn’t feel bad for Paulie when he finally gets his pink slip. And the way Stallone goes all slo-mo, to hammer it home, just kind of irritated me. When the light changes to a blue filter, usually during some painful moment in the past or present, I just felt like Stallone was being a little too obvious as a filmmaker. I think he could’ve trusted his audience a little more. But ultimately, the fate of a Rocky film lies in its fight scene, and this one is hyped up for about an hour before lasting what seemed like fewer than 10 minutes. I forgot to count, but it felt way too short and anti-climactic. First of all, Rocky’s opponent here is Mason “The Line” Dixon (Antonio Tarver), a baby-faced heavyweight with nothing resembling a personality. Dolph Lundgren emotes more than this guy. One of the best things about Rocky is how personable and charismatic its villains are, whether it’s Apollo Creed, Mr. T, or Ivan Drago. In the latest installment, Dixon is no more intimidating than Tommy Gunn. He’s got the skill, the style, and the showmanship, but none of the heart or passion. A chip on his shoulder is not and a silver spoon in his mouth does not equate him with being a three-dimensional antagonist. A half-baked subplot with his old trainer shows traces of effort but makes little difference to our digestion of the character. We see the first two rounds of the Rocky-Dixon fight, followed by a hyper montage of every round until basically the last one. The fight is awkwardly choreographed, poorly paced, and over edited. I liked the style of it too, how it was filmed like an HBO pay-per-view fight, but the outcome was too predictable and there’s no tension there, no momentum for Rocky to lose and then win back and rally around. I mean, for a moment I thought what the rest of you were thinking, and then I thought there was no way Stallone would ever write that, which left only one other option, and a cop-out at that. The whole climax felt rushed and while I liked the message it was sending, about the fight being a personal journey for Rocky, I felt cheated nonetheless. Although I appreciated the Tyson cameo, he’s always a kick. Furthermore, while I was moved by Rocky’s monologue when he defends his right to fight, having paid his dues, to the boxing licensing commission, I also found the training montage extremely underwhelming. I mean, Sly said it himself, the training montage in Rocky IV is the best, and this one doesn’t even come close to that. Now why not? The production must’ve had every opportunity and resource to make the training montage every bit as good as Rocky IV, but then it knowingly didn’t go the extra mile for results. That’s kind of inexcusable, I mean, with all the years this project’s been gestating, all the advancements in exercise methods and working out and shit, and we can’t get a solid 2 or 3 minute training montage of Rocky doing ridiculous things like lifting cars or bench-pressing Rosie O’Donnell. Like I said, Rocky Balboa has all the right ingredients, it just isn’t a very satisfying mix. I got into the romance between Rocky and Little Marie (Geraldine Hughes), and with Rocky playing father figure to her half-white son because he already blew his chance with his own son. I liked that he doesn’t kid himself and try to force the romance angle, because no one bought a ticket to see the new Adrian, not when the old one had a toughness and an innocence that could never be replaced. That stuff, the actual meat and potatoes of the story, and even the premise about a videogame match that the media runs with, and about never letting anybody tell you “no” or “you’re too old” or “you can’t,” that’s all good stuff, and that’s why Rocky Balboa is a good movie, but the boxing match is too disappointing for anyone to call is the best, or even the second best Rocky movie. It’s escapist drama that plays it safe and aims to inspire rather than awe and truly impress. Purists will probably still prefer Rocky II and at least half of everybody else will probably prefer III as well, so all I can be sure of, without a doubt, is that Rocky Balboa is significantly better than Rocky V, and because of this drastic improvement and moving if conventional story, you should see it. I mean, who doesn’t want to go to the movies and root for the Greatest Underdog of All-Time. Oh yeah, all those people who didn’t buy a ticket to see Fever Pitch. Whoops. That’ll do it for me, folks. Call me a callous, heartless bastard, but Rocky Balboa came up a jab short for me. I’m hoping for its success, because we all know how much Sly has riding on this, but I can’t throw my full endorsement into the ring. I’d see it with your group of guy-friends, but don’t expect the next Raging Bull. Speaking of, as I sign off, here is the missing second paragraph from above, my official response to Raging Boll. Enjoy, and send all questions and comments to mirajeff@aintitcool.com. Consider this my official response to Raging Boll, since half the shit you might’ve read was completely bogus. As many of you know, a few months ago I boxed director Uwe Boll for a ball-testing round and a half. At approximately 5 foot 9 and 170 lbs, showing a little post-college belly, with asthmatic, smoke-stained lungs, and sporting a good ol’ fashioned wife-beater with “Hi Mom” written on the back, I think you could consider me the underdog, so to speak. In the opposing corner, Dr Uwe Boll, proud owner of degrees in German Literature and Shitshow Filmmaking, was more than likely the proverbial favorite. If I had money on the match, even I would’ve bet on the German beating the Jew, and feeling little guilt about it afterwards, even if the fight happened to fall on the night of Yom Kippur. First of all, the whole production was doomed from the start. For the record, as you might imagine, Uwe Boll and his concentration camp are completely and utterly unprofessional and disorganized. I didn’t know what flight I was on until about two days before I was supposed to fly up to Vancouver, which turned out to be a beautiful city. I visited the Amsterdam Café (it’s legal up there, I swear!), I ate room service all weekend (I paid, thanks), and watched a great trifecta of Netflix such as In the Company of Men, Dial M For Murder, and Seconds. The accommodations were halfway decent so The Doctor wouldn’t feel too bad about mangling my face. The first night there I was taken to a hole-in-the-wall boxing gym where I half expected to see Morgan Freeman shadowboxing with Jay Baruchel. Some massive Ultimate Fighter guy boils some mouthpieces for me and the thing’s piping hot when he jams it in my mouth. Uh, that sounded bad… anyways, I cast a bad impression and he’s like sorry, that’s all you get. Then I had to wrap my hands, which I’d never done and had no idea about things like taping over your fingers and knuckles so you don’t break them. They threw me in front of a bag and told me to hit it while a bunch of cameras videotaped me “working out.” I’m embarrassed to be telling you all this. I have no idea how to move my feet or throw a punch. I watched Uwe beat the snot out of this Sundance-winning director named Brooke, who is a pretty decent boxer himself. Then he proceeded to joke with a crowd of cowardly journalists about making our brains bleed for all our stupid reviews. Hardy-har-har-what the hell did I get myself into, right? I felt like I was in an Eli Roth movie, walking straight into this crazy German’s trap. So the next day, the other fighters go act as extras on the set of Postal, but not me. Besides having to wake up at eight in the morning, it struck me as a colossally dumb move, because Postal would then forever be a taint on your IMDB page. Imagine if an Uwe Boll movie was your only credit. I mean, it could wind up being in your obituary. I was curious about what Boll was shooting, I’ll give him that, basically because I’d heard it was completely fuckin’ insane. It attacks every race, color and creed, gender and sexual orientation; it basically sounded like the equivalent of a cinematic abortion. And believe it or not, Seed, which Quint reviewed and I’ve seen the extended trailer of, is even more of a ridiculous abomination. Anyway, I do a couple interviews during the day, including a documentary called “Hecklers” which is about film criticism. I talked about how some of the best film criticism around now is only available online. I got a good night’s sleep and woke up ready to kick some ass the next morning. Only that didn’t happen. Instead, I arrive and am immediately scolded for not having a cup. I didn’t know I needed a cup. Boxers wear cups? How are we supposed to know these things? Lowtax has a cup because he has a wife who cares about his testes, and Boll suggests since Lowtax is fighting first, we all share his cup after he’s done peeing himself in it, crouched in the corner of the ring for two-thirds of a round. I pass. Of course, Boll will be wearing a cup and kidney protectors, in case one of us suddenly Hulks out up there. I mean, look at the pictures available on Wired.com. (Click here for that article!) We’re all a bunch of tiny, scrawny dudes. Uwe’s triceps are bigger than my biceps. I was told he legitimately runs 14 miles a day. 14 miles a day, people! Um, I don’t walk 14 miles a month. So before I can even comprehend what kind of beating I’m in for, Lowtax goes down and they announce my name. I am the only person without a friend or family member in the crowd. I am all alone, in a ring, across from an undefeated amateur boxer from Germany of all places, in Vancouver of all places, about to get punched in the head, of all places, hard and repeatedly. By the end of the first round I couldn’t feel my own legs. I could hardly breathe. The guy who was supposed to be my corner man, no joke, got so drunk before the match he passed out and had to be taken home by his 60 year-old father. My “trainer” gave me no advice other than keep moving, keep breathing, and keep your hands up. It was like his first time or something, but apparently he wasn’t too worried. Um… hello. The crowd is totally behind Uwe, half because they know him personally and half because they just want to see some blood and a potential serious injury and or tragedy. Even Michael Pare, Eddie from Eddie and the Cruisers, is psyching Uwe up with “Harry Knowles” taunts. I mean, thank God the ref wasn’t in his pocket… or was he? Halfway into Round 2 and I’d been knocked down twice, but like Rocky Balboablumstein, I was back on my feet, at least for a little while. After my rib cage got knocked in a size, I realized I had nothing left to prove, I had given him my best, and I was going down. That’s right, it was a phantom punch, folks. He swung, and I was going down whether he hit or missed. I told my guy to throw in the white towel and he did faster than M.L. Carr. I got out of the ring, stumbled down some stairs, sat down in an empty seat next to two classy older ladies. I was freaking out because I thought I had a concussion, no one was helping me take off the gloves taped to my hands, and I couldn’t breathe with the face protector on. It was like a fuckin’ Saw contraption, I swear to God. The women said something like “why didn’t you hit him. That fight sucked.” I melodramatically huffed out “I’m a writer, not a boxer,” sucking wind between each word. I made it about 30 yards toward the locker room and puked all over the sidewalk. I was dizzy, my ribs felt broken, my legs were like jelly rolls, I could barely breathe, and no one was around. I barfed for about 15 minutes before some paramedics came over and offered me an oxygen mask. There was no ambulance, there never was, that was misreported. I had seen a camera crew videotaping me puking but I never saw a Wired photographer or anything, so I was surprised to see that picture, in a national magazine no less. I went back to the hotel that night and iced my ribs for a couple hours. The next morning, Chris Alexander of Rue Morgue needed to wear makeup on his battered face, and Nelson Chance Minter, who was all of 17, had black and blue ribs and the promise of a summer internship with the world’s most incompetent director. Hmmm… probably not the guy you want to learn filmmaking from. My impressions of Uwe- I think he’s a smart guy who’s a bit too impulsive, so he doesn’t really think things through. I used to do that in 5th grade, when I’d rush through a math test so I could be the first one done, and then make stupid mistakes, except those mistakes didn’t cost anyone tens of millions of dollars. I think he has a real knack for producing and raising money and exploiting loopholes to serve his own nefarious purposes, but he’s cheap and unreasonable and is completely lost in translation, as in, I don’t think he has a clue what American audiences are interested in. To him it’s all shock value, and that might get you a career, but it won’t give you longevity and it won’t get you respect. Respect has to be earned and nothing Boll’s done in his career, including kicking the shit out of a bunch of defenseless film critics, has earned that respect. And that’s that. Keep your eyes peeled for reviews of Children of Men and Notes on a Scandal, as well as my Year in Review write-up. Happy holidays to everyone! ‘Til next time, this is MiraJeff signing off…


Readers Talkback

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  • Dec. 19, 2006, 4:30 a.m. CST

    The good doctor had to beat some ass...

    by Angry Mean Panda

    He was just pushed too fucking far.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 4:31 a.m. CST

    Namely, he directed “Rocky”

    by StrideX13

    Hate to be that guy... but nope.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 4:33 a.m. CST

    "Rocky winning Best Picture over Star Wars"

    by hiperaktiv

    Star Wars was beaten by Annie Hall in 77, Rocky was up for the award in 76 and by some epic degree of bullshit beat Taxi Driver for best film.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 4:35 a.m. CST

    Well damn...

    by StrideX13

    We're just gonna pick this post to the factual ground!

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 4:36 a.m. CST

    Wow! Check your facts please...

    by Mace Tofu

    Glad to see you Geeks on top of this. Star Wars fans hate Woody not John.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 4:38 a.m. CST

    Worst Factchecking Ever.

    by Zorak5

    First you say Stallone directed Rocky, and I blinked. Then you say Rocky beat Star Wars and I bashed my head into the monitor.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 4:48 a.m. CST

    Just out of curiosity

    by Al_Shut

    I seem to remember having read that one had to apply to the Boll massacre with a negative review. Was that still the case and if so what review did Jeff send in? Just curious if the beating was deserved.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 4:49 a.m. CST

    After this review...

    by moviequotewhore

    ...MiraJeff has to fight Sly Stallone.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 4:52 a.m. CST

    "Fail to Prepare, Prepare to Fail"

    by tonagan

    That's the moral of the Uwe Boll story. And "I didn't know" is not a legitimate excuse for anything. And blaming other people for a poor performance is not cool. And I'm angry for having to get up for work so early :)

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 4:55 a.m. CST

    I saw your boxing video on YouTube

    by Mace Tofu

    LOL sorry but you should of known better or taken some 'Roids a few months before the fight and worked out. Better not to fight and have Boll call you a pussy than to still have him call you a pussy, have a video of it and you having some health problems years from now from one of his sucker punches to your body ( that stuff comes back to haunt your body years later). Well we all do stupid things and glad you were not in Postal : )

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 5:01 a.m. CST

    Annie Hall won BP over Star Wars

    by Tubbs Tattsyrup

    Not Rocky.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 5:02 a.m. CST

    Sorry, I Was Unnecessarily Mean

    by tonagan

    I sounded like my dad in that previous post. I would have gotten the crap beat out of me, as well (instead of just feeling that way after seeing Bloodrayne, which actually did give me a concussion).

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 5:03 a.m. CST

    MiraJeff: Knows nothing about movies...

    by Angry Mean Panda

    and got his ass soundly beat by Dr. Boll. What a winner. And he is a winner...In the Bizarro world where Stallone directed Rocky and it beat Star Wars for the Oscar.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 5:04 a.m. CST

    But Uwe's movies still suck

    by BannedOnTheRun

    and MiraJeff's recounting of the fight is more entertaining than all of them put together. I guess fighting doesn't solve anything.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 5:12 a.m. CST

    MiraJeff

    by Franklin T Marmoset

    I enjoyed very much your report of the fight with Dr Boll. People will make fun of you, but it takes a certain amount of nerve to get in the ring when you know you're going to take a pasting. Fair play to you.<p>The whole Boll Vs Everyone Who Doesn't Like Me affair is one of the most fascinating things I've seen in this film business. I kind of admire his gall, but at the same time you wonder what he really achieved. Also, it would have been nice if one person - just one - could have knocked him on his ass.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 5:14 a.m. CST

    'Rocky V' wasn't too bad......

    by Blok Narpin

    "So although I never thought I'd want to see another Rocky movie after seeing the truly horrendous Rocky V" ---- Rocky V was Citizen kane compared to the completely awful Rocky IV.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 5:20 a.m. CST

    "the training montage in

    by Blok Narpin

    "the training montage in Rocky IV is the best" --- NO WAY. The training montage in Rocky IV was cheese. The training montage s in Rocky I and II were the best. Nothing beats Sly running through the Italian market, and then up the steps of the Museum of Art to a Bill Conti Score. Vince DiColi? HA!

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 5:30 a.m. CST

    Rocky IV montage

    by Franklin T Marmoset

    That one is my favourite of the montages, mostly because when we saw it at the cinema my friend Leroy Palestine stood up and shouted, with genuine passion, 'Cheating bastard!' when he saw them shooting up Drago with the steroids. Ever since, I always replay that moment when I see the film. It was always very emotional to watch a Stallone film in those days.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 5:34 a.m. CST

    I WAS SCARED FOR A SECOND UNTIL...

    by Leafy McPlantsalot

    MiraJeff referenced Stallone directing Rocky and beating Star Wars... I am now sure this movie will rock and John G Avildsen is rolling in his grave...after dying immediately following the premiere of Karate Kid part III and or Rocky V

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 5:36 a.m. CST

    Don't get me wrong...

    by Angry Mean Panda

    I give the guy credit for stepping in the ring with Doc Boll. But he should've at least loaded his gloves with buck shot or lead something. In not doing so, he did the world a grave disservice

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 5:59 a.m. CST

    re: being in Postal

    by sarahtheburninator

    It's okay, the IMDb knows nothing of my involvement with that movie. I mean, um...

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 6:07 a.m. CST

    I hope....

    by Judge Dredds Dirty Undies

    That this review is as wrong as those two very wrong things jeff said about rocky. Props for taking on Boll. Goddamit I wish someone would fuck that piece of shit up. The fight might have meant something if he was just a regular joe, but hes been boxing for years etc so is it a real surprise he won? I'd like to take on that piece of shit even if I would ultimately get my ass handed to me...

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 6:14 a.m. CST

    I Get it Now.

    by hayt43

    you know you’ve watched a Rocky Marathon on a cable channel owned by Ted Turner, who probably requests it be aired every weekend so can walk on a treadmill to “Eye of the Tiger.” Ha! That might just be true...but seriously dude check your facts will you!

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 6:24 a.m. CST

    You know what...

    by Ridge

    Boll 'handpicked' his contestants, they had to be under 190 pounds was it? You're kidding me right? The guy picked inexperienced people with no real skills in the ring. Now had he actually spent some time and picked people who had a CHANCE against him... they're out there you know... then we would've seen some interesting shit go down. Before any of you guys bag Mirajeff for going up against Boll, Im sure as hell none of you motherfuckers submitted your names in the first place eh? Craven goddamn hypocritical motherfucking cowards.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 6:40 a.m. CST

    Can we please let the Nazis out of this?

    by DerLanghaarige

    Oooh...Boll is German, so of course he has a concentration camp and he fights Jeff just because he is a jew. I'm sure he sings "Deutschland Deutschland" every morning under his shower, because every German still does.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 6:53 a.m. CST

    Why?

    by C Legion

    Why fight an ex boxer when you're completely out of shape, can't throw a punch and can clearly see that the support they are providing is totally inadequate? Sorry to sound harsh, but you're a moron for stepping into that ring, hopefully he knocked some sense into you.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 7:17 a.m. CST

    What Jeff should have done.

    by Judge Dredds Dirty Undies

    Dosed up on PCP and gone crazy, maybe he would have done a little bit of damage to Boll then. And drturing, of course Boll is a Nazi. The fucker should be hung drawn and quartered for his crimes.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 7:18 a.m. CST

    Sorry drturing i meant DerLanghaarige

    by Judge Dredds Dirty Undies

    Sorry.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 7:21 a.m. CST

    MIRAJEFF HAD BETTER RESPOND

    by Frijole

    About his lack of film knowlege... Harry, what is this crap?

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 7:20 a.m. CST

    Of course is making bad films as bad as the holocaust.

    by DerLanghaarige

    Grow up!

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 7:22 a.m. CST

    Getting Boll-bashed

    by nemesisdarkside

    C Legion: Just what I was thinking!<P>If what Ridge says is true, than Boll is even more of a scumbag. However, at the end of the day going into a ring against a ex-boxer when you aren't even in shape is ridiculous.<P>While I admire your bravery, you just played right into Boll's hands. Plus all those calls for sympathy and Nazi jabs don't aid your cause.<P>What did you accomplish from getting your ass beat and puking your guts out...on camera?!?<P>The end result: Boll feeling pleased with himself that he "silenced" his critics and worst of all, still making movies!!!

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 7:25 a.m. CST

    Dredds Dirty Undies:

    by raw_bean

    If I wasn't pissed off about it, I'd have to laugh about the irony of you apologising for using the wrong name, in a post where you're throwing 'Nazi' around as an epithet.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 7:41 a.m. CST

    Another Thing

    by nemesisdarkside

    If anyone from AICN should have fought Boll it should of been Quint.<P>Boll just vented on MiraJeff because he was the only representative of this site.<P>That kinda makes MiraJeff seem noble, but still a patsy for accepting Quint and Harry's beating for them! Hope they bought you something nice!

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 7:53 a.m. CST

    Can't really respect MiraJeff now as a film geek...

    by Dr_Zoidberg

    just too many mistakes. So whenever I see a MiraJeff review, I'll skip it. No offence, but just telling you that's what I'll do and I'm sure other viewers (non-talkbackers) will do the same because of this. It's like I stopped reading film magazines for this reason, most of them just DON'T CARE!!! Fact checking is an important job, and there is no excuse and these are some pretty huge mistakes.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 8:25 a.m. CST

    Uwe Boll vs Rocky?

    by Cruel_Kingdom

    I'd take Boll in 8 rounds. After all, Rocky is 60 and Boll's gotta be good at something... Heh. Okay, how about Rocky vs Mirajeff? No, fuck that. Mirajeff would just projectile vomit on Rocky. What fun would that be?

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 8:26 a.m. CST

    At least you were honest!!

    by Kristian66

    You should have puked up over that German cunt.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 8:25 a.m. CST

    Uwe Boll fight

    by antonphd

    MiraJeff, dude, how could you mar a review of Rocky with the story of the fight with Uwe Boll? You are a glutton for punishment. Here's some advice: don't box if you don't know how and don't tell us a story of how much of a pussy you were about the fight. So you lost a boxing match, no big deal, but don't cry about it to us. You should just say 'yep, lost the fight, but it was fun to try'. Keep some dignity.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 8:29 a.m. CST

    I know fetuses that box better than you

    by Cruel_Kingdom

    Dude, you suck. I know you probably thought it would be a cool way to insure getting into a movie -- by getting your ass handed to you by the modern day Ed Wood -- but nope, it's dorky and you will be laughed at for the rest of your life. Perhaps Boll hit you so hard you got brain damage like Rocky in ROCKY V and that's why you got all these details wrong in your review? That would make sense. To quote Smokey, "You got knocked the fuck out." Hahahaha! You should have at least lifted a five pound dumbell or eaten one less Twinkie a day or something to prepare. God, that makes you look stupid. But you've got heart, I guess...heart and a glass jaw.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 8:34 a.m. CST

    "and spills all about his match with Boll..."

    by Cruel_Kingdom

    "Spills all." Hahhaa! It's just like in your fight!

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 8:40 a.m. CST

    Mirajeff

    by mr. brownstone

    you sir, are an idiot.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 8:48 a.m. CST

    Honour

    by malcolm_mccallum

    When you accept a personal challenge from one who is fighting for his honour and then lose, tradition, honour, and integrity requires that you cease to continue the actions that provoked the contest. No, its not 'might makes right' or 'trial by combat'. It doesn't make Uwe Boll a good director nor does it mean you must lie about his work but certainly, you are an honourless cur if you continue to childishly insult and pick at the man that bested you in a duel. You don't have to respect him because of the match but you do have to show respect. Failure to do so at that point only diminishes you.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 8:49 a.m. CST

    Jesus....

    by Judge Dredds Dirty Undies

    This much hate is usually reserved only for Harry. I still respect Jeff for getting into the ring with that Nazi baby killing fucker. But those factual errors are unforgivable. Boll still needs to be ass raped even if its for just being so damn ugly. Did i mention he is a nazi?

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 8:52 a.m. CST

    Mirajeff is a better boxer than he is a writer

    by where_are_quints_hobbit_set_reports

    'nuff said.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 8:57 a.m. CST

    and malcolm_mccallum is right

    by where_are_quints_hobbit_set_reports

    Sling your hook, Mirajeff.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Someone should have thrown Uwe a "sieg heil"

    by Doctor_Sin

    'Cos he's a product of a barbaric, Jew-hating, no-sense-of-humor people. "Flicken Sie auf," Uwe. So what if these critics got their asses handed to them? It serves most of them right as they try to "Andy Dick" their way through things with pseudo-witty one-liners to show how hip they are. Boom. Served. That doesn't excuse Uwe Boll from being a fuckhead. He is a lunkheaded lummox of a moron who has more of a grasp on English than he does on filmmaking.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 9:54 a.m. CST

    Wait - did we lose the National Treasure 2 post?

    by Doctor_Sin

    Not that I care, I just need to make sure I'm not hallucinating.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 10:03 a.m. CST

    Shameless...

    by KabutoKoji

    To whoever wrote this review, and I don't care how many Talkbackers said it before me, because I haven't read the posts yet. Anyway to the reviewer; Do you know what the word credibility means? You have absolutely none. Never, ever write another movie review again. I will never take you seriously. What are you doing being associated with movies, really? Sylvester Stallone directing the first Rocky????? Rocky winning the Oscar over Star Wars????? Are you fucking kidding me????? How old are you, two? This is insulting to read. Stallone didn't direct the first Rocky. Rocky never competed against Star Wars for the Oscar. Star Wars was up for the 1977 Oscar, and Annie Hall won that. Harry, Moriarty and whoever, what are you doing posting this joke on the site? In the real world this guy would've been fired on his first day. My, what in the world??????????????

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 10:05 a.m. CST

    Don Murphy pwns teh suck.

    by Badger999

    ...only he can truly contend with Dr. Boll.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 10:10 a.m. CST

    Fina-fucking-ly!

    by PwnedByStallone

    MiraJeff is right! Maybe he's not the best writer in the world but he wasn;t fooled by this film like the other AICN critics. I had similar problems with the film as well. There is so much build up with hardly any payoff. In fact the endign ruins everyhting before it.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 10:29 a.m. CST

    Mirajeff, you were smart to throw in the towel.

    by Uncapie

    You would have had your ass handed to you on a plate if you continued. My question is, is that if you knew you were going to fight this guy in advance; why didn't you train ahead of time? That's like getting behind the wheel of a car without any instruction of how it works.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 10:36 a.m. CST

    This reminds me of...

    by zurge

    ..the time in highschool the bully took your money, and you said you could kick his ass, you fought him, and he kicked yours, only to call him a poo head afterwards.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 10:48 a.m. CST

    Jeff shoulda.....

    by Judge Dredds Dirty Undies

    Brought a knife and put some holes in that nazi fucker, he plays dirty at the cinema so why shouldnt jeff play dirty in the ring. Death to Uwe Boll the nazi baby killer. He probably takes it in the pooper too....

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 10:53 a.m. CST

    Callous heartless bastard

    by CherryValance

    You couldn't save the negativity 'til next week? I prize honesty above all else, but if it should turn out that I somehow don't like the film, I'm gonna keep it to myself until 2007.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 11:07 a.m. CST

    No BSB

    by Judge Dredds Dirty Undies

    All germans are EVIL you should know that by now. Fucking Uwe Boll needs to be taken out, someone has to do it before he does anymore damage to humanity. Please someone kill that nazi pig fucker.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 11:27 a.m. CST

    NO SYMPATHY

    by tile_mcgillus

    Listen Mirajeff. You got into the ring with a ex semi-pro boxer. You had months to prepare and train and LEARN about boxing. Instead you post this fucking excuse laden mess of a diatribe against Uwe Boll. The fact that you lost the fight, looked pathetic and puked like a little girl is not his fault. You should have known. Accept responsibility for your actions...it is a basic life lesson.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 11:33 a.m. CST

    Lame Jew Shit

    by Saluki

    Ugh. The concentration camp line was the worst. And get a fucking clue what the hell a tricep is dumbass.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 11:35 a.m. CST

    ID FIGHT UWE BOLL

    by WISEBLOOD

    So long as we get to wrap it up street style...no cups, kidney protectors or eddie and the cruisers. Id whip that chumps ASS...

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 11:49 a.m. CST

    Terrible review

    by moto

    Is it just me, or was that review one of the most uneven and unstructured things you've read here? He complains about one thing, and then heralds another, only to contradict himself later on. I get that it didn't hit the right notes for him, but that review is just all over the place. Confusing to read.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 12:10 p.m. CST

    Why is everyone surprised that a MiraJeff review sucks?

    by Lando Griffin

    Anyone recall his Grudge 2 "review" that mysteriously disappeared after all the negative feedback it received? Yes the Grudge 2 sucked, it was a TB concensus but MJ's "review" was as intolerable and disjointed as the movie he "reviewed". BSB is right though MJ must be giving someone on the AICN staff good head for them to continually post this drivel.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 12:12 p.m. CST

    JuggFuckler vs Uwe Boll

    by Lando Griffin

    make it so AICN

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 12:15 p.m. CST

    It's Medical Fact...

    by Aquatarkusman

    ... the first part of the brain to go for someone suffering from dementia pugilistica is the portion that remembers movie trivia. Look at Ali... he keeps Mannequin and Mannequin 2: On the Move all mixed up.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 12:19 p.m. CST

    Enough German Bashing

    by CallMeDude

    I can't understand why so many people here use the word 'nazi' to describe their hate against Boll. Or even worse hate all Germans because of Uwe Boll. Most Germans don't know Uwe Boll nor his movies. The population of America consists of people with many different descent. Americans with german descent make a contribution to the American society now and then. If you don't believe me, you can look at this list: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ List_of_famous_German_Americans

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 12:26 p.m. CST

    I think Uwe literally knocked the brains out of you....

    by Kirbymanly

    Check your facts, man!

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 12:29 p.m. CST

    Enough ABOUT the German bashing

    by Lando Griffin

    it was one retarded "reviewer" and one retarded talkbacker who made lame attempts at anti-german humor - get the fuck over it!

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 12:31 p.m. CST

    Besides you germans should take what you got comin'

    by Lando Griffin

    no, not just in regards to the holocaust but because you made Hasselhoff believe he could have some kind singing career

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 12:42 p.m. CST

    BAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

    by Traumnovelle

    "Defenseless film critics"? You were the one who boarded an airplane with the expressed intention of fighting him! Its not like he attacked you on the street or something. Fuck off. Stop making excuses. You lost a fight that you willingly showed up to. Its a real bruise to the ego, isn't it? I feel for you.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 12:46 p.m. CST

    So, how much brain damage was caused by Boll...

    by Bones

    ...I could go on about all the mistakes in your review, but it looks like everyone else who reads this site beat me to the punch.<p> You know about being beaten to the punch, Don't you MiraJeff?<p>And by the way, John G Avildsen has made better movies since "Rocky"--namely "Lean on Me" and "The Power of One"

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 12:53 p.m. CST

    MCMLXXVI has the bollocks to post...

    by Seph_J

    ... a 'damn you michael bay' comment in a UWE BOLL talkback!?!?! the guy truly is a cock.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 12:53 p.m. CST

    And another thing about the Germans...

    by Judge Dredds Dirty Undies

    The women there are all too eager to be anally fisted and that makes me suspicious.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 1:04 p.m. CST

    Rocky Horror Picture Show

    by CuervoJones

    that´s all

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 1:06 p.m. CST

    I'm a pretty good boxer

    by Binkysguy

    How do I get into the ring with this guy?

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 1:34 p.m. CST

    I was just ripping on the Germans 'cos I'm 1/2 German

    by Doctor_Sin

    I figure I get a 'pass.' My other half is divided between Norwegian and Scot. Yeah - that's some fucked up world-dominating, heavy-drinking, battle-axe wielding, hairy-backed raping and pillaging lineage. In describing the scrotal sore that is Uwe Boll, I was using 'nazi' in the more pop-culture form of meaning 'general warmongering fascist' - much the same way as Foreigners make some ridiculous Bush-Hitler analogy. Uwe is a lunkhead. He's a musclebound lunkhead. He's a musclebound lunkheaded thug. He's a musclebound lunkheaded German thug. That is one goose-step away from the inevitable analogy. I'm gonna go listen to Die Toten Hosen now. I recommend them.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 1:40 p.m. CST

    I cant believe none of you pussies could beat Uwe Boll.

    by wolvenom

    YOU GUYS COULD HAVE ATLEAST TRAINED FOR FUCKS SAKE... telling us this stuff about punching a bag for the first time and never having wrapped your hands before? Im sure you had atleast a fuckin month or two to train mirajeff. I would have bought the best trainer out there just so not to look completely pathetic against this hack director. I myself jog almost every day and know that with a month or two of help from a trainer and some weight training i could fucking wallop his ass.. he showed nothing in those videos to show me he was an amateur fighter. It looked like basic street fighting. He kept throwing the same combo. fuck i wish not all the internet movie reviewers were so pathetic in real life. Lastly, to consider yourselves writers is a fucking joke... you think we come here because you guys write well? We come here because once in awhile you get the scoop on something new in hollywood. God knows how or why. I rarely ever read the reviews here. they've become so god damn convoluted and ambiguous.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 2:03 p.m. CST

    Boll v. Stallone

    by Marv Spaulding

    I'd pay to watch Sly beat the shit out of Boll. I bet Boll would agree to the fight too, since Sly is a little... you know... old. I think we all know who'd win that one though.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 2:16 p.m. CST

    Jeff will take this down like he did his grudge 2 post

    by Bob C. Cock

    what a tard

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 2:18 p.m. CST

    why didn't they send in a ringer?

    by Wee Willie

    Hire a goon to go in posing as you. Then BING! POW! We're spared anymore Uwe Boll movies. You guys are idiots. Never. Ever. Trust a German. (That was a joke)

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 2:17 p.m. CST

    Why are you shocked that the review sucked?

    by www.valiens.com

    Did you not read the list of Stallone movies he liked?

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 2:25 p.m. CST

    The ringer idea would have been awesome

    by Doctor_Sin

    The *second* AICN posted this challenge, they should have suddenly unveiled their "longtime correspondent" who just happens to work out at one of the East Austin boxing gyms. Uwe would have been pwned!

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 2:35 p.m. CST

    JOhn G Avildsen directed Rocky and It Didn't Beat..

    by BigTuna

    Star Wars. Different year. Check your facts dude. A quick check to IMDB will end that problem

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 2:35 p.m. CST

    Why in the hell?

    by coolguyaaron

    Uwe Boll has stolen the time and money of millions. ALONE IN THE DARK alone has earned him the hatred of the entire free world, and reserved him a special place in hell. Why... WHY!?! would you volunteer to let him kick your ass? It's as if Mel Gibson in Braveheart went to the British after they murdered his wife, and requested they rape him as well. Maybe if you'd trained for a few months. But you knew you weren't going to touch him. And you knew how much satisfaction he was going to get out of it. So why in the hell did you let him do it?

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 2:46 p.m. CST

    wolvenom is the MiraJeff of talkbacks

    by TheRevengeOfBayouWilly

    I thought your Spider-Man 3 posts were incomprehensible... and MiraJeff deserves whatever beating the Teutonic Terror could give him. Why don't I challenge some Ricky Bobby douchebag without ever driving a car? Idiot.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 2:45 p.m. CST

    No Credibility

    by toadkillerdog

    This is not a review from a creditable organzation or reviewer. It is more like a High Schooler with bad research and worse writing skills. I do not want to pile on, but in such a high profile position as a reviewer on this site, regardless of your opinions, you really need to get your facts straight. And the criticism you are receiving for getting into a ring with another man, is valid. You do not prepare for a fight - any fight, by sitting on your ass for months. I do give you props for getting into the ring after you saw what he did to the other men. You do deserve credit for that, but everything else - the beating and after-effects, were all your own fault.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 2:58 p.m. CST

    First Blood Part Four: Regain a Nation's Honor

    by CallMeDude

    To: Rambo, John J., born 7/6/47 Bowie, Arizona of Indian-German descent. Joined army 8/6/64. Special Forces specialization. 59 confirmed kills. The Assignment: -neutralize Uwe Boll for Germany's honor -destroy every kind of Hasselhoff music and replace it with music from 'Die Toten Hosen'

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 3:07 p.m. CST

    wasn't it stated somewhere

    by ewokstew

    That Boll wouldn't fight anyone with formal boxing training? No matter how tough he is, if that's true, it makes him a pussy in my book.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 3:14 p.m. CST

    MiraJeffro...

    by datachasm

    suck my balls... this "review" is total BS. such a long and breezy thing, you KNOW that Sly might read it and i think you did this to fuck with him... you suck and i will ignore anything here with your name attached to it!!! HARRY FIRE THE BASTARD!!!

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 3:13 p.m. CST

    Maybe Jeff thought he would land one or two punches...

    by Judge Dredds Dirty Undies

    I mean I would fight that cunt knowing i would get trounced if i thought i might get to punch the fucker in the face at least once. But it was a bad idea to wine about the event afterwoods. I still think you guys are being a little bit harsh. I think we all just wish us geeks were a bit better represented someon could have made a bit more of an effort.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 3:26 p.m. CST

    Boll purposefully picked people he knew...

    by rbatty024

    he would beat. When I first heard of the challenge I thought it was clever marketing, but knowing that he pretty much fixed the fights I have lost any sympathy for that guy. In two or three years Uwe Boll is just going to be a bad memory.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 3:36 p.m. CST

    Wow, guys, we're all over the place in here.

    by Childe Roland

    On the one hand you've got people screaming about credibility because MJ's punch-drunk head juggfuckled a few film facts (really, though, MJ, there's not much excuse for that kind of thing when you could open another window and browse your way to factual correctness) and a few posts later you've got people saying Sly's earned a blind eye from reviewers if the film actually turns out to be bad. That's just fucked up. Nobody gets a pass for bad work. I don't care if you're Sly or Uwe or Eli or the ghost of Stanley Fucking Kubrick on a bad idea day. How nice of a guy you are and the body of your past work will earn you a pass on a movie that looks like it might be bad, but that will only get my ass into the theater (or video store) to give the thing a day in court it otherwise probably wouldn't have gotten. If the shit stinks, though, damned if I'm going to lie about it or just keep it quiet (with the exception of maybe trying to get someone I don't care for to actually go sit through the thing...I know I'm guilty of doing that with Vulgar). Anyway, SLy may well be the nicest guy in Hollywood, but if he made a(nother) shitty movie, he's got to expect to get knocked around a bit for it. All that said, it seems like MJ might have gone into this thing with his expectations set a bit high. Bottom line, if Rocky Balboa doesn't make you want to challenge Stallone to a Boll-style death match, then it's worlds better than Rocky V and it's probably more than you deserve if you thought making another installment was a good idea in the first place. I'm still planning to rent this, just because it sounds like Sly dug the story (choreography of the fight scene be damned), and I'm looking for a reason to be able to say Stallone's an underappreciated writer again.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 3:51 p.m. CST

    "Chris Alexander of Rue Morgue needed to wear makeup.."

    by ToneTone

    "...on his battered face the next day." Er, why, exactly? The guy couldn't walk around town with a couple of black eyes and swollen cheeks? Is he playing the romantic lead in a romantic comedy? Because if he's still just writing crappy reviews, who cares what his face looks like? What kind of puss wears makeup after losing a fight?

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 4:04 p.m. CST

    You guys do miss one point

    by Ridge

    And that's ethics. At least Jeff, post fight, stuck to his guns on his feelings for Boll. What'd the other 3 do? Turn tail and suck up to the guy so much he practically adopted them. Suddenly they're big Boll fans and the only one, ONLY one with the courage of his convictions is Jeff. Think about that for a while.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 4:58 p.m. CST

    Ridge is right, guys

    by Doctor_Sin

    Jeff may have been knocked into the Short Bus, causing all sorts of brain-damaged hallucinations and intermittent amnesia, but at least he didn't drop to his knees and greedily gobble Uwe's bratwurst.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 6:03 p.m. CST

    Bob C Cock

    by Lando Griffin

    if you google "mirajeff grudge" a post of yours on the matter from Nov 4th is the first to pop up. It looks like another site is trying to archive the post without success. Someone ressurect that shit.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 6:09 p.m. CST

    I've seen the light

    by Lando Griffin

    it takes a lot of moral fiber, whether you had your ass kicked or were offered an intern job by the good doctor, to continue to believe, like the sky is blue, that his movies suck the diarrhea stained anus of a baboon. His will is strong indeed.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 7:27 p.m. CST

    Pen trying to me mightier than the glove?

    by V-man

    Sorry, but its not Uwe's job to teach you boxing, even if he schooled you in the ring. You agreed to go in the ring and just assumed his boxing ability equaled his directorial skills? Don't get me wrong, I don't like his work....but You should have been learning about boxing before you left. What happened to all that "I'll be getting into shape..." and stuff? Couldn't you at least GOOGLE something before flying up. You write like its all his fault you don't know how to box. It isn't. Sheesh..can't believe I actually have to defend Uwe Boll on a FILM forum. What'll wash THAT off?

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 8:07 p.m. CST

    Let me box Uwe Boll....

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    <BR>

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 8:06 p.m. CST

    TIME FOR AN INTERNET PETITION

    by where_are_quints_hobbit_set_reports

    no, not really. But Mirajeff does suck. I read that Grudge 2 "review," it was typically shite.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 8:27 p.m. CST

    I think everyone is missing the point...

    by rbatty024

    MiraJeff didn't have to defeat Uwe Boll, he just needed to "go the distance." You're an inspiration to us all MiraJeff. One and a half rounds of inspiration.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 9:12 p.m. CST

    Personally I think 'Raging Boll' was a failure

    by Ridge

    All Uwe Bolle managed to convince the world of, was that he managed to beat up 3 self admitted net geeks and one minor. What does this prove? That yes! Uwe is a mindless piece of crap. I myself submitted an application but never heard a word of it again. Im 240ish pounds, I'm hardly what you'd call obese, I dont have a glass jaw, but I do know I pack a hell of a left jab and a right haymaker. I have had some boxing and some martial arts training too. But no, I'm not exactly UFC material or some shit. I'm just a regular guy who's standard was obviously too high for Mr Boll. Nice one Uwe. Way to go. When you're staging something like this? Try to be the underdog. Try to be the one who looks like he has to put the muscle on to get through it Rocky style, try to be CREDIBLE. Otherwise, you just end up continuiing life as Uwe Boll, shit film maker, beater of minors and geeks and all round wanker. Again, to stipulate a point: The other 3 sold out. They're playing 'Trailer trash' in the movie itself admittedly. HOW...FUCKING...APT. I'll sure as hell never visit their sites again.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 9:19 p.m. CST

    Good Post Ridge....

    by Judge Dredds Dirty Undies

    Uwe Boll makes my blood boil I'd love to take a shot at that fucker. If I lost I would take revenge by anally raping his mother, or if she's dead, her corpse. She was probably in the joy division anyway.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 10:02 p.m. CST

    I missed the Grudge 2 debacle

    by Doctor_Sin

    Should I be glad?

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 11:43 p.m. CST

    Ridge...

    by Red Ned Lynch

    ...if you've boxed you should know this, but...I weigh about one eighty. Back in the 80s when I both boxed and participated in full contact karate I wighed about one sixty. But at either weight I wouldn't fight a two hundred forty pound guy in the ring, regardless of his skill level. Boll doesn't look more than one eighty, and since he's been in the ring he knows enough to make sure he wouldn't be in the ring with someone ridiculously out of his weight. I'd be interested to see if he picked anyone under say a buck seventy to get into the ring with him. Then you might have a point in saying he was being a bully. But if you climb into a ring to fight somebody who outweighs you by fifty or sixty pounds you're not being brave. You're being an idiot.

  • Dec. 20, 2006, midnight CST

    And for the record...

    by Red Ned Lynch

    ...the most telling line in the review/recap was the one that referred to the other reviewer "having" to wear makeup the next day. Or what? He'd have been seen outside with a black eye? One of those big ugly green bruises down his jawline? These guys didn't just have no business boxing. They have no business watching a card. And, I guess, no business watching a boxing movie. Damn, you walk into a man's house, knowing he invited you there to make a game of you, don't prepare in any way, let him turn you into the punch line of his sorry joke, then set the blame on him for you not caring enough to make yourself ready for the fight as the bottom part of a literary card that featured a review you didn't care enough to do your homework on. I don't know what point you were trying to make, but you sure did make one.

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 12:14 a.m. CST

    It's simple really:

    by SkidMarkedUndies

    Uwe Boll was Drago and Mira Jeff was Apollo Creed. Nuff Said. Now who's gonna step up and be the Rock and knock this punk ass Commie down!?!?!

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 12:25 a.m. CST

    fighting is ok. Losing happens. Whining is annoying.

    by V-man

    Boll is listed as 5'8" and 174. Yeah, fighting a 240 pound trained fighter would be much dumber than Bloodrayne. The announcement of the fight on this site was June 13th, and the mirajeff fight was September 23. There was time to learn something (or back out). And of course, there was all that talk of "stomping his ass" and the like. If mirajeff was winning the fight, do you think he would have gone nice on Boll? Probably not. Its just crappy to agree to something like that and then take cheap shots like the "nazi" comments because you were too lazy to get ready for a fight you were too dumb to back out of (or not get into in the first place). That whole whinefest make Bloodrayne look like.... well.... watchable anyway.

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 12:48 a.m. CST

    Just saw this movie...

    by Cruel_Kingdom

    Fucking unbelievable. The best of the Rocky sequels. Much better than it has any right to be.

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 1:16 a.m. CST

    Short version...

    by Sledge Hammer

    ..."I was dumb enough to accept, blinded by what a hero to fanboys I'd surely become, I was even dumber in not preparing at all, and so Uwe Boll deservedly beat the living shit out of me for my utter ineptitude and stupidity". And earth to MiraJeff, nobody cares.

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 1:25 a.m. CST

    Sly DID NOT direct "ROCKY" moron

    by Movie Ed

    Think before you speak, research,. research ,.research. The directors name was John Avildson. Give Sly some slack though, he has the balls to do this. I can't wait to see it. I hope you knock out the boxoffice, Rocky!

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 1:27 a.m. CST

    that's it, i need the grudge 2 review back up

    by Bob C. Cock

    just so everyone can forever see how bad mirajeff is at reviewing a film. there is NO excuse for letting him do what he does.

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 1:53 a.m. CST

    By the way, MiraJeff...

    by StrideX13

    ...just saw Rocky Balboa and as someone with a critical eye-- this movie kicks ass, because Sly didn't care about making this movie for anyone else but HIMSELF / THE CHARACTER, which saved this movie, and gave this franchise a glorious ending dignity. This movie is awesome, and to say otherwise.... well, it'd be as silly as misquoting who directed the original "Rocky" and saying it beat out "Star Wars" for Best Picture.

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 2:21 a.m. CST

    Red Ned Lynch

    by Ridge

    I agree with most of what you've written there, however, I do disagree with one point. Boll put forward that he wanted to fight people, then chose people much smaller than him, much weaker, no fighting training etc. Seeing as you too have had some experience boxing, you can relate to the fact that in the first two months, its a bitch just learning footwork, which as Stallone pointed out, is the most crucial part. Footwork aside, ducking and weaving is a prick to learn too. Any 'speed education' in boxing they could've possibly taken would've been a joke and the same result would've been taken anyhow. My point is, that Boll, set himself up to look like a bully. Beating up a minor for christ sake. The mother of that kid should feel ashamed of herself for ok'ing the match. He should've set himself up, at least, as the underdog in at least 2 out of 4 matches to appear to have some credibility. But Boll aside, again, you do have to give Jeff kudos, as I've said a few times, for having the courage of his convictions and sticking with his opinions and standards and not becoming an asslicking fanboy just because Boll figuratively and physically handed him his ass. I have NO doubt Boll is an accomplished fighter, the mans obviously got the goods, I in no way knock that. I DO knock however, his respect for the sweet science, and it is a science for true boxers, by setting up such a trivial joke of a bout. It's an insult to movie fans, critics and sports lovers everywhere.

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 2:24 a.m. CST

    Maybe...

    by Ridge

    We could set up that Van Damme fight... personally I do believe that Van Damme could hand Boll his ass on a platter...

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 4:17 a.m. CST

    3 months traing > 3 months smoking and talking trash

    by V-man

    how is setting a 190 pound weight limit for a 174 pound man choosing smaller and weaker? And the minor was 17. That's old enough to join the army. Physically, its better off than Boll at 41. He makes crappy films, but he didn't do anything in this stunt that idiots didn't allow to be done to themselves.

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 5:06 a.m. CST

    V-man

    by Ridge

    The kid might've been 17, that's old enough to join the army indeed, but again you miss the point, none of them were any match for boll, boll knew that well in advance. What, you think 3 months of training is gonna turn them into capable opponents? You wish.

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 5:55 a.m. CST

    Ridge

    by V-man

    did THEY think 3 months of training (or better yet, 3 months of talking trash) was going to turn THEM into worthy opponents. If not, then they shouldn't have gone. They weren't FORCED into it. They CHOSE to go get their asses handed to them. Whining about it now doesn't impress anyone. And if AICN (or anyone else) REALLY wanted to throw a curve, they would have found someone capable to face him.

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 6:19 a.m. CST

    But there-in lay the point

    by Ridge

    AICN had no ability to 'choose' someone. Boll did. And Boll chose them HIMSELF. Call it what you want, use all the excuses you want, but this was in no way indicative of a real boxing match, or a sane one, this was a joke. No self respecting boxer, sanctioned or not, would go near a hack and halfwit like Boll.

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 6:45 a.m. CST

    internship

    by the_shogun_gunslinger

    hey that internship will Boll could be the best thing ever for an aspiring director...go to the shoot...watch Uwe Boll like a hawk...take notes...every last detail...then when you make your movie...look back at what ou learned and do the EXACT OPPOSITE OF EVERYTHING YOU SAW HIM DO! youll win best picture for sure

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 7:21 a.m. CST

    lmao shogun

    by Ridge

    Hey look at it this way Shogun there is a positive point realistically though... the kid can only go up from there right? It's not possible to sink further.

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 7:28 a.m. CST

    So, are geeks going to issue a counter challenge, now?

    by Doctor_Sin

    I am so waiting for the Internet community to challenge Uwe Boll to a Warhammer game. Or a five-day marathon D&D campaign. "Who can watch every episode of every episode of every Star Trek series consecutively, non-stop? Harry Knowles or Uwe Boll? It's Knowles vs Boll tonight on Pay-Per-View!"

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 8:05 a.m. CST

    lol

    by Ridge

    I knew a comment like that was coming, but personally, I'll take the moral high ground and just never pay to see his work again, hoping many others do the same. Hopefully Boll goes back to Germany and forgets about ruining any more franchises...

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 8:37 a.m. CST

    I'll give 1000 pounds to anyone who

    by Judge Dredds Dirty Undies

    rapes Boll's ass. I'll double it if you have HIV.

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 8:45 a.m. CST

    Uwe Boll in Zombiegeddon...

    by Cruel_Kingdom

    Anyone seen this? The movie starts out with a public service announcement by Boll explaining that the movie is crap and that if they want to see a "real" zombie movie they should watch House of the Dead. Hahahha! SNL couldn't write something so funny as that shit.

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 10:28 a.m. CST

    If boll wanted to prove himself to the critics......

    by knifeandfork

    He should have just made a good film instead of being a bully and picking on 3 people weaker than him. I dont understand it. He has accsess to the sort of money and facilities that talented up and coming directors would fucking DREAM of having for their projects and yet he squanders it by making these shitty movies . Fuck him. Oh and if your reading this uwe i would gladly challenge you to a fight. Pick the time and place, i will fucking cripple you , you fucking dumpkof.

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 11:50 a.m. CST

    You can't be afraid of getting hit

    by veritasses

    That's all boxing is. You're never going to land a solid punch or make an effective slip/counter if you're afraid to get hit. And if you don't have at least some basic techinques down you're just going to get hurt. Not sure what Boll was trying to prove. He's a loser for taking on a novice.

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 12:50 p.m. CST

    Boxing Training

    by Tito Trinidad

    I don't know how much advance notice he had for the match, but it would not have mattered if MiraJeff had trained for 3 months before the bout. Boxing is a learned skill that takes at LEAST 2-3 YEARS to even know what the hell your doing. Heck, the first couple months of training probably involves learning how to move forward and side to side to avoid a blow rather than straight back as we institively do. He should have done some road work you say? A little running? Nah, not buying it. It would have helped his stamina but that just means he would have been in the ring longer and received more of a beating and possibley getting seriously injured. Nope, the deck was stacked in favor of Uwe Boll who, as an amateur boxer probably had scores of fights since he was a kid. As for the Oscar mistake. Who gives a shit about the Oscars?

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 1:46 p.m. CST

    MiraJeff, security will help you pack up your desk

    by Spandau Belly

    and then escort you out of the building. We will send you your remaining pay stubs and record of employment by post in the next six to eight weeks. Hand in your building pass, but feel free keep the company mug.

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 1:49 p.m. CST

    I have more respect for Boll.

    by brycemonkey

    Critics should get more beatings. Especially if they accept a challenge to fight, then do nothing at all in the way or training and preparation. Chalk up those bashed brain cells to stupidity tax. To be fair the fact that this man would mercilessly beat children, wimps and morons reflects badly on Ewe. But then, I never had any respect for him anyway. For Boll it was win win.

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 2:02 p.m. CST

    Maybe I'm just bitter...

    by Spandau Belly

    about Days of Thunder beating out Casablanca for best picture back in 2009.

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 2:55 p.m. CST

    Spandau...

    by Judge Dredds Dirty Undies

    YOu have to admit Bogart was the man in Days of thunder.

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 4:19 p.m. CST

    "Critics should get more beatings."

    by Ridge

    Yes... because without critics, we wouldn't get classy movies like Bloodrayne, AITD, House of the Dead, Dungeon Siege, Postal... anything from Paul WS Anderson... ironic that you post that in a forum on a critical website?

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 6:23 p.m. CST

    Wow, it takes effort to write the worst AICN article

    by BitterMan23

    of all time. But Mirajeff managed. Grats, man. From the hilariously bad factchecking to the misspelling of actors' names to the completely pointless story about Boll, it was never more than awful. Thanks!<br> <br> p.s. how is having Postal on yr resume somehow worse than admitting you liked Stop or My Mom Will Shoot?

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 6:38 p.m. CST

    Want revenge?!?!

    by Robert Doane

    Im a journalist in Canada. I hate Uwe boll's movies... and I hate this publicity stunt. Why not sign ME up for a match, you work in my corner (with a HUGE smirk on your face).... I'll pretend i suck, then go in and work him over. (I boxed for over a decade as a youth, and went to the Canadian nationals as younger guy)... email me.. im serious... winged_whacker@hotmail.com

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 7:13 p.m. CST

    TheRevengeOfBayouWilly

    by Killah_Mate

    The whole "Nazi" thing is childish, but "Teutonic Terror"? LOL! That's almost as funny as calling AICN a "critical website" ;) (Sorry Ridge, but we've both seen Harry's reviews - let's be realistic here. I agree with you about most of the other stuff, though.)

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 7:18 p.m. CST

    Would it kill you people to put in an Edit feature?

    by Killah_Mate

    Having worked in web design I know the answer, for a forum like this, is probably "yes". Still pisses me off, though. Just wanted to add that I just realized "Teutonic Terror" is how Boll calls himself. Somehow, that just makes it even more funny.

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 11:28 p.m. CST

    Killah

    by Ridge

    No offense taken man, just meant critical websites in general lol.

  • Dec. 21, 2006, 4:07 a.m. CST

    Death Wish 6: Crackdownier

    by crazywomansquilt

    Wish this Hack had done ya in, Jeff. Yes, I wish death on this guy (the critic, not the other one). If you think that is too harsh or insensitive, this is the same film school jerkoff who called for murder on Brian De Palma a few months back. So all bets are off. That Dahlia death wish coming from a would-be critic who isn't a peanut in De Palma's shit; even his stinkiest most egregious shit. And even Mission to Mars.

  • Dec. 21, 2006, 4:26 a.m. CST

    Thunderballs

    by Judge Dredds Dirty Undies

    You expect Stallone on the release of his new movie to say "yeah um sorry film the film suck dont see it, I fucked up"? Anyway you can tell from the Q and As that Sly is sincere about Rocky Balboa, its very different to mindlessly plugging your latest release.

  • Dec. 21, 2006, 7:07 a.m. CST

    Stallone did a great job directing Rocky!

    by Spandau Belly

    But his direction wasn't as skilled as Sean Connery's work directing Dr. No, or Macullay Culkin's direction of Home Alone. Culkin's use of Christian imagery and harsh violence was a stroke of genius, I'll bet Scorsese shat himself.<br><br>And the third person to be voted off the island....MiraJeff!

  • Dec. 21, 2006, 8:18 a.m. CST

    Ridge: No the irony isn't lost on me...

    by brycemonkey

    However those movies have been made and released despite or inspite of having any number of film critics. Perhaps if they were of a better quality then fewer of them would require beatings? Anyway, peace.

  • Dec. 21, 2006, 8:48 a.m. CST

    I can name some critics Id love beaten to a pulp lol

    by Ridge

    But I wouldn't put them in the ring with old Emu Bowels. I'd rather put them up against someone of equal ability.........like a tickle me elmo.

  • Dec. 21, 2006, 10:26 a.m. CST

    "no selfrespecting boxer"

    by JackRabbitSlim

    Funny watching folks act as if Uwe Boll/MiraJeff tarnished the honor of the professional boxer. With the possible exceptions of Jai Alai and Horse Racing, Boxing is the most notoriously corrupt sport of the modern day. Don King anyone? Mike Tyson? "I'll eat your f'in children?" As for Boll - he should be ashamed for whomping on obviously outclassed opponents? It happens every day in the lower levels. How do you think those fighters get on Fight Night on ESPN with their gaudy 10-0, 11-1 records? Go to a local amateur forum or even a professional string and I guarantee you'll see at least one match that rivals the true mismatch and rank patheticism displayed in Raging Boll - the only difference there is no one will give a shit about the losers sniveling and will prolly be pelted with garbage being thrown into the ring.

  • Dec. 6, 2007, 2:41 p.m. CST

    this was much better than I expected...

    by just pillow talk

    and the "villain" wasn't a cartoon villain like 3 and 4, but someone who was just looking for respect. The fight was of secondary importance, he was showing Rocky's path back to becoming "whole".