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Massawyrm Slobbers On ROCKY BALBOA!!
Hola all. Massawyrm here.
ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY!
You’re god damn right it is! Raise those fists in the air and get ready for one of the most fulfilling and crowd pleasing films you’ll see this Christmas.
Look. We here at AICN don’t always see eye to eye. In fact, saying that we don’t always see eye to eye is something of an understatement. But there’s one thing about all of us that keeps us on the same page. We all have a shared history of films. There is a pantheon we all hold dear, films upon which there is no disagreement. Films we cherish almost as much as breath. Shit, I shouldn’t even have to name them. If you’ve been around here more than a week you should be able to recite them from memory. We sure as hell invoke them enough.
And yes, one of those films is Rocky. We all fucking love Rocky. And if for some reason you just don’t like or get Rocky…well, I’m not going to insult you, berate you or ask you politely to get the fuck out. But really. If you don’t dig on Rocky, this film has nothing for you. You’ll find it more of the same, trite, clichéd, montage riddled piece of sentimentality the rest of them are. So the rest of this review is going to come across as unhinged fanboy slobbering. Why?
Because Rocky Balboa will fucking own your sorry ass seven different ways from Sunday, mother fucker. It will fuck you hard and make you breakfast in the morning. It is, in fact, everything you’re hoping for it to be.
You see, Rocky is the guy we all wish we were. He’s the best. Not because he’s the strongest, and certainly not because he’s the smartest, but because he’s got a force of will that is second to none. He refuses to take no for an answer. He refuses to be told any different. And no matter how much it hurts, no matter how mangled he is, he always gets back up. Every. Fucking. Time. Rocky doesn’t give up. Rocky doesn’t quit. And that’s why Rocky wins. Even when he loses.
We live in an age of disposable people. An age where business and job titles are based almost entirely on turnover. Odds are the guy making your coffee this week ain’t gonna be the guy making it next week. And if for some reason he doesn’t make it right, you can go across the street to the other coffee bar until he’s gone. As a result, we, as a society, could give a shit about how we treat that guy. You guys know what I’m talking about. If you haven’t been on the receiving end you’ve either seen it or given it.
But not Rocky. He’s the last of the old school gentlemen. A real mensch. And Stallone has come back as Rocky one more time to show us how a MAN behaves. He’s back to give us all a little lesson in respect – both self and otherwise. Once again, Rocky is an example of how we wish we all could be. He’s getting in the ring one last time for the little guy, to prove that we don’t have to take shit from anybody. Not one of us. Not even coffeeshop guy. That’s what Rocky Balboa is all about.
Fuck. Yeah.
Thematically, Balboa is the direct sequel to the original Rocky. In fact, oddly enough, it seems to be the closest of the sequels to the original. While it clearly serves as a love letter to the fans of the series, complete with flashbacks to all of the previous films (except, oddly enough, Rocky 5…God bless you Sly), the film really does an amazing job bookending the series. The pacing, the structure, even the internal struggle are very similar to the original. But at the same time, the struggle of the man battling time itself is handled in a very fresh way – enough at least to make it feel like something other than a rehash of part one. And the clearly intentional parallels really do a wonderful job of both taking you back and wrapping things up at the same time.
This isn’t an attempt to restart the series. Stallone named this Rocky Balboa, rather than Rocky 6, for a reason. It’s over for the Rock. It’s bittersweet. And it is everything a fan of the Rocky series could hope for. If you’re one of those people anxiously awaiting this, praying for this to be a return to form – you will not be disappointed.
And yes, to paraphrase Team America, even Rocky Balboa has a montage. And what a blessed thing it is. Rocky Balboa comes Highly Recommend for anyone who’s ever loved a Rocky film – and not recommended for those who haven’t…or did but feels it’s played out. And if for some reason you’re too young to ever have seen a Rocky film…Oh dear god, son. Go out and watch 1-4 NOW. Seriously. Right now. You are not complete.
/end unhinged fanboy slobbering
Until next time friends, smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em.
Massawyrm
Got something for the Wyrm? Mail it here.
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first..holy crap!!!
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I HOPE TO GOD YOU DIDNT FUCKING GIVE THIS AWAY DUDE....
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what is your rocky moment of the 6 movies.... Mine I suppose has to be wondering of Rocky got the bolld out of his 'Boss' white top whilst cradling Apollo in rocky 4. If he dies he dies... classic!!!
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Even though I live in NZ and i dont think we get the movie until Feb 2008!!!
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I was speaking about past films. I make no promises about this film or allusions about the fight scenes in this one.
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agreed...no spoiler alert?!
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carry on make it so...
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If Apollo Creed hadn't looked down at that piece of paper and noticed "Itallian Stallion" and liked it, Rocky would be selling hot dogs at a stand somewhere. He got a one and a million shot and gave it his absolute all. I hope we all would be like that if we got such a shot.
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YUP JEANLUC. I read that again and more than that.... bittersweet. jesus christ.... Oh i meant 'blood' in my fave moment post
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I haven't seen "Rocky Balboa" yet, but as it is now, I think "Rocky II" is very close in tone to the original. If the first two were edited together it would be like a boxing "Godfather."
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I can live to fight another day...
Mucho thanko dude!!! -
keep in mind that this film deals with the Rock being old, not being a fighter and trying to come to grips with the things he's lost in life. That's what I'm referring to there.
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Do you still feel the borg collective?
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Or referees or whatever the guys are called. He always has bad luck in the past and his opponent can cheat and they never get called on it or lose any points in the fight. This time, maybe things will be more fair.
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Because he was one of the highlights of the Rocky films.
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Yup the robot (what was he called?) was a highlight. So was the pinball machine...
I was talking to my wife about these movies and all she remembers is and i quote 'that awfull trainer who seemed to be spitting out teeth as he talked' - classic way to talk about mickey... -
...it can be reasonably (and, yes, subjectively) interpreted that ROCKY won't be enjoying any dissenting viewpoints here on AICN. Perhaps that is an indication of quality. I sure hope it is.
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out of a sows ear.. thats the rocky franchise, after the slide of 4 into the abysmal 5. Then this.... A greater comeback than rocky himself...
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Poor old jeanluc.. they really are a bunch of shits. There you are enjoying life when all of a sudden you get a collective experience of a wirey cube hurtling through space. And as for that red light. that must have caused some serious migranes
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no worries.....
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dude, you could have just posted "ROCKY ROCKY ROCKY" for your review and we would have gotten it. I don't mean that as a complaint but as a compliment. favorite Rocky Moment, isn't really a moment in the film but an expirence watching it. I was 18 and on a church trip, Rocky 2 was an HBO and we started watching it with some of our sponsers, all the guys were getting into it and then when one of the wives reliezed WHAT we were watching she was like...'you guys have to turn it off before the fight'...she aobut died that night...there was a collective NO! from about 5 guys and we got to watch our fight...
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is what I find the most interesting. Don't get me wrong Rocky 1 and 4 are two of my all time favorite movies but the story of how Sly got the first one done is a miracle unto itself and I find that the most inspiring aspect of the whole Rocky legacy. Stallone WAS Rocky in the beginning and that's why we fans can empathize with him so much in the original 'cause I'm sure that wasn't too different from what his real life was like at the time.
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Don't think that I didn't think about it. ;)
But the film is just too good for that. I ENJOYED getting to write about Rocky. There's a great small moment in the film in which someone says "I grew up watching this guy, and now here I am calling his fight." That's how I feel with the Rocky movies. I grew up with them. I never thought I'd get to review one. Especially not one as good as this. -
Dec 18, 2006 7:32:09 PM CST
massa we paniced about the way you worded stuff only ..
by jeanluc dickhard
only because we care .... and we hope to share your joy....
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yeah, the ending was a little too much like TMNT 2's Ninja Rap to really fit with the series, but the film holds a lot of importance in the series. It shows him losing his money, but not the admiration of the city or the love of his wife and that's important. This next one seems like he doesnt even have that, so he needs to find something.
Besides, it's only 90 minutes, most of which are tolerable if not on par with Rocky IV, so before you see 6, watch all 5 movies, dammit. -
Massa got our collective tickers a tockin with his words. The emotion is there. Jeanluc you get the popcorn, I'll get the tickets.
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the history of storytelling (the persevering underdog being one), but with some new packaging, we never get tired of them. Simple but beautiful, really.
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always been overrated, whatever . . .
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Does that mean a REALLY GOOD chance?;) I know I know, small things etc. take it easy.
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Daniel-san is now old and out of shape. He's lost his mentor. All three of those chicks left him for some losers. Comeback time.
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I was speaking about the AICN staff. The looks on Harry, Mori, Quint, Capone's and my face before this thing played. We were dying with anticipation. There's always gonna be dissention in the TB ranks. I mean, that's why we keep you guys around.
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I don't see how anyone can call it a good movie unless you're a Rocky fan. At least Wyrm here said it himself, it's only a fanboy review, not a real one!
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You lost your right to bitch when you didn't submit a "me as Mohammed fucking a pig" into the contest. These are all contest entires, my man. Learn to live with it.
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I hear you brother, about the enjoyment of writing a Rocky Review...it's movies like this that made me wish I hadn't stopped reviewing movies to go work in radio, it saddens me actually...alothehehe, I just thought of something, I should so see Rocky on the 26th...after all it's Boxing Day *laugh* and in Rocky 5 I always seem to find myself watching the Street fight...broadcast on live TV of course...but there's something about that part where he flashes back to Micky going "get up Rock!" that just stirs me
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little known fact that that line was directed towards future bitch ass tb-er's. ***
Massa - why do you even bother responding to these negawhores? -
Because it's Monday night and there's no new Heroes or Studio 60.
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nuff said Massa
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use a different one for each review.
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That's what I've been doing the last few weeks and I'm enjoying the hell out of it. I'm trying to theme them in some way or another - and this was the closest thing I had to boxing/fighting that didn't involve taking a lightsaber to Harry.
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Its a talkback not a 'totally unconstructive bitch back' Monday night eh? Its Tuesday afternoon here in sunny blenheim - NZ
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Does the "preservering underdog" comment belong on the "Rocky Balboa" post or the "Underdog" post? I'm in a conundrum.
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someone should dress up all the avatars in the classic Rocky boxing gear on Wed through Sunday...or maybe just on Wed just imagine 14 y/o girl Herc's av in the Rocky gear...makes me laugh
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I've seen Rocky and Rocky III (and dig the hell out of them), but never II, IV, or V (I know about them though). Is that going to matter when I sit down for Rocky Balboa?
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The part of that review that says, "Rocky Balboa will fuck you hard and make you breakfast in the morning..." made me laugh so hard I almost pissed myself. Good stuff.
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But you should watch them still.
I can't wait to see Rocky Balboa!!!!! Why cant the motherfuckers release it the same time in the UK though its not godamn fair I tell you. -
and no heroes but in the Studio 60 vs. responding to talkback douches debate I am not sure what form of self imposed torture is worse. ***** On a serious note I must say I do enjoy when you come slum it here in the tb's with us.
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Isn't this film, by now, pretty much review-proof? Do we even need a review? I just need to know if it's good. Simple. Rocky Balboa: good. Boom, I'm there. Given the Sly-love coating AICN like a fine sheen on Jenna Jameson's ass, it's pretty much a given that RB is the movie to see.
Thanks for the review, though! This film is just plain critic-proof. -
It's as good as Massa claims. I laughed at the idea of a Rocky 6. Then I saw the trailer. I was hooked. It's an amazing film. It's everything a movie should be: funny, exciting, moving. Everything comes together. This is the perfect coda for the series. A friend of mine had never seen any Rocky movies. He asked which ones he should watch. I told him Rocky, Rocky III and Balboa.
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I grew up on Rocky films. The late 70's and early 80's the TV was a popular babysitter. I have fond memories, really if I was only paying attention during the fight scenes. So two years ago before I moved to NZ I caught Rocky on cable. I have to say, I was captivated from start to finish. The way it was filmed, the dialog, everything was just 'perfect'. Rocky embodies such a "devil may care attitude", he instantly becomes your best friend in that movie. That is why I garnered such a profound respect for Rocky. Mass is right, see this movie. Just the way he falls for Adrian and has such a loose, boyish, fool-in-love dialog with her is what got me.
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Through out the films Rocky gets his head kicked in but he wins cuase he's too damn stupid to realize he's brain dead and lost the match. Except for the first one in which he did lose. That being said Rocky Balboa actually looks like a good flick and I'm looking forward to watching it. But man the other Rockys sucked... sucked alot.
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I'll be there on Wednesday. I'll probably also drag my father to go see it, too.
I love the Rocky movies. I even like Rocky 5 and think it's a lot better than people give it credit for. I really don't get the hate for it. It's an entirely different movie than the rest of the series and feels a bit out of place but on its own I don't think it is bad. -
I'll be there on Wednesday. I'll probably also drag my father to go see it, too.
I love the Rocky movies. I even like Rocky 5 and think it's a lot better than people give it credit for. I really don't get the hate for it. It's an entirely different movie than the rest of the series and feels a bit out of place but on its own I don't think it is bad. -
I know this is the wrong forum, but Wyrm seems to be visitin this thread quite a bit so I ask him, where is the piece on the death of Joe Barbera? OH, and I will be seeing Rocky one last time this weekend. Way to go ROCK!
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for like 20 years, until FOTR came along. So I hope I like it as much as you made out. It was cool when he showed the clip on Conan the other night. I started "Woohoo"-ing the same time as the audience. I forgot people were sleeping. I'm pretty psyched. Wednesday it is.
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People. This movie sucks. AICN is perpetrating a mass conspiracy to keep this movie from becoming the failure it deserves to be. Don't fall for it. I saw it two weeks ago and have had to come here everyday and see pandering Stallone Q&A's and glowing reviews for a decidely mediocre cash-in of a film. I could ramble on with specifics but believe it just isn't any good. And this is coming from a fan of the series, except for the homoerotic gayfest that was Rocky III of course. Thee entire film is an embarassment to Stallone and anyone who sees it.
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talkback please... Most influential cartoon pair ever...
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Oh, you have issued a clear invitation to the dance!
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Just saying http://popzart.com/viewtopic.php?topic=261
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go over to Rottentomatoes.com and check out the reviews from numerous publications. Just a few publications that gave it glowing reviews;Entertainment Weekly, Rolling Stone, Variety, and The Hollywood Reporter. It also got two thumbs up from the Ebert and Roeper Show. Pull your head out of your ass. if you see it and don't like it fine, but obviously it's a quality movie with those kinds of reviews.
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It's pretty much like Massa says.
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AK-47 is like the Ringbearer of the Rocky movies! Or the anti-ABKing at least.
Imageburn - "devil-may-care" attitude? What? -
Just raped my childhood.
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a "devil may care" attitude is a colloquialism for just doing something because you know in your heart its right. To me, Rocky had a cadence and swagger that suggested he was not only made of rock and had a heart of gold, but his hardships would just roll off his back and he would, to use a realy bad pun, roll with the punches. He knew he wasn't the smartest man (like Mass said) but he would shrug it off. nothing except boxing mattered. Adrian mattered. His "family" of friends mattered. I think his character deserves recognition because to me, its a brilliant way of thinking. Dont sweat the small stuff.
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One question. didn't Rocky have brain damage in part V ? Remember his dizzy spells? Can't ever box again. What happened to all that?
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I like your avatars and I've been saving them (even the original contest results). I believe I'm an okay Catholic and I don't mind satire and black comedy to deflate the self-important, including myself.
As for Rocky, I've seen Rocky 1 to IV, and I've really loved Rocky 1, so based on your review, I'm catching it too. -
I'm so.
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With the added bonus that this is the last Rocky movie and AK-47 will thereafter be silent. But with every new Jackson film there is a fresh diarretic torrent of Ringwearer9isms. Maybe you could extend your hate to Stallone himself and not just the Rocky films, AK-47?
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Now I'm freakin' souped!
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Rocky. Wow! "I just wanna go the distance". Nobody's ever gone the distance with Creed. If I do it, that would prove I wasn't just another bum from the streets." If you don't get goosebumps from that, you've got no heart, motherfucker. Or when Rocky knocks Apollo down on the first round. Or when Rocky keeps getting up after Mickey and the other trainers tell him to stay down so that he wouldn't keep taking a beating. The look on Apollo's face is incredible when Rocky gets up and waves with his hands, telling him to continue fighting. And of course that ending. The crowd don't matter, the decision don't matter. Everything's proven. Time now for the two lonely people, who are not lonely anymore, to say so much in an embrace. He's saying, "see, I could do it", she's saying, " I always knew you could". Classic, classic, classic. And Rocky Balboa is similar to that film? Rest easy, guys, all is well. Nothing to worry about. We are in for a treat. See you there this week. Enjoy the film. ROCKY! ROCKY!ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY!
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Damn you Michael Bay
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Why ? God, why ? It's not the best film in the world or even in the series but it's not anywhere near as terrible as you all think it is. It's a great statement, very much of it's place and time at the beginning of the 90's, about how the world of boxing has moved on from the heroes like Rocky to the cynical & corrupt boxing organisations we have today. Purses put over fighters welfare, no respect for the sport or the opponent, fighters essentially as pieces of meat traded for the profit of their promoters. And Rocky refuses. He stays out of it and away from it until Tommy Gunn gives him no choice. And if you don't get goosebumps at this next line then you are clinically dead... "You knocked him down, why don't you try knocking me down now?"
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...is an overabundance of cheesy moments which today looks even worse considering how astonishly uncool the early 90's of Vanilla Ice and MC Hammer is. Even the 1985 of Rocky IV looks cooler. That having been said, I don't hate the movie and the line "Get up! Get up, you sonofabitch, 'cause Mickey loves ya!" is one of the best moments in the whole series. Goosebump City.
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...that should read astonishINGly
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The death of you know who in rocky 3 made me weep like a child.
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for NEXT CHRISTMAS !? Arrrgh!
Massawyrm I liked the ROCKY ROCKY ROCKY ROCKY ROCKY overkill. I had my fist up pumping air lol -
When I was about 8 years old the thought of seeing Rocky fight the guy from the A-Team was almost too much to bear.... and when Rocky IV came out we were all so jazzed about the training sequences it was unbelievable. Ahhh, happy days ! I still say Rocky V is worth revisiting as it's not as bad as the movie some people have in their heads.
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What a hack this bloke is... how Harry gives him the time/space to air his childish 'reviews' (and i use that term very lightly in his case) i don't know. I could tell my long story again about the time i went to the multiplex with my (then) girlfriend only to find that the only film with available seating was 'Rocky 5'. Stallone is a retard who got lucky until everyone realised that he was a right-wing peace-hating fool whose lack of ideas is only exceeded by the number of cosmetic surgery operations he has had. When is someone at AICN going to fire this chump because frankly, my dear, I've heard enough of Rocky 6 to last a lifetime..?!
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Why don't you shut the fuck up before I make you shut up, by filling your mouth with my steel cock.
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I knew it meant carefree, but reckless also. And the dictionary agreed with me. I need to go back and look at the films again because I never thought Rocky was reckless per se. I thought he cared a lot. Han Solo was devil-may-care/reckless, but not Rocky. IMO.
DocPaz - "diarretic torrent". You rule. -
Dec 19, 2006 10:53:55 AM CST
The first Rocky is a CLASSIC, there's no doubt about it
by performingmonkey
Out of the sequels I get the biggest buzz out of Rocky IV with all the Cold War shit and the best training montage scene ever with Drago using all the computer equipment and Rocky running through the snow and cutting logs etc. It's EXTREMELY cheesy but you can't help but smile when you watch it. After the travesty of Rocky V I'm really looking forward to a proper ending to the series.
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that the idea of two grown men beating the shit out of each other does NOT necessarily make for good drama? For some reason it makes more sense when Apollo and Starbuck do it. Although maybe Apollo Creed and the old Starbuck would be an interesting match up. I grew up with Rocky and all that, but these days I tend to enjoy metaphors that are a bit more subtle. Adrian!
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country lawyer who don't know from the slang of today's kids, but what's it mean when you call someone a "Ginger"? Like on Gilligan's Island?
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I have a friend teaching in England and it's used as a derogatory remark against people with red hair. Apparently, it's a fairly institutionalized bias they've got going over there - generations of red-haired children tormented because they're not bland and pastey as your standard oatmeal brit. Of course, it might mean something different on the internets.
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A human, characterized by pale skin, freckles and bright red hair. "Gingers" are generally considered to be inferior to their more melanin-rich brethren, and thus deservingly discriminated against. Gingers are thought to have no souls. The condition, "gingervitis" is genetic and incurable.
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How about just one, one serious flaw, AK? Having read a dozen reviews I haven't come across any that claim the movie is awful. (Although that chick at the SF Examiner wasn't too keen on it.) RB may to too little, too late for some, but I'm having a hard time understanding your personal hate.
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Its as bad as saying all Germans are evil Nazis.
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...You've got a steel cock..? It's a strap-on one would presume seeing as you were, self-admittedly, born without one. Either that or you are a big-girly with nothing better to do than join the ever depreciating Massa in admiring the steel brain and dynamic charisma/acting chops of Mr.Stallone, the Italian Stallion (never met one yet but there you go). There was something great about 'Rocky I' but, unfortunately for Sly, Burgess Meredith died (both off-screen and on). Face it bloke, this film is for halfwits.
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For me, Rocky is akin to the ultimate warrior from a historical perspective. I know Sly is well read so he's probably aware of this, but in the largest land empire that ever existed, the Mongol empire, which ranks among history greatest fighters, THE FIGHTING AGE WAS UP TO 60... Here's to opening night.
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I'm a fucking robot obviously you dickweed, prepare to drown in black seminal fluid...
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So that makes you Walter, fwiend of Dwedd. You dweeb.
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Biatch.
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I'd forgotten about that one! Ha! Robot wars!
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