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FilmRanch Says ERAGON Is The B-movie LOTR/STAR WARS Spoof We Didn't Need!!
Merrick here...
It's already been kicked around a bit HERE and HERE, but FilmRanch sent in yet another look at ERAGON.
He pretty much mirrors the sentiment of previous reviews, although he offers a few more details about what he thinks is wrong with the film.
AICN-Gang
You know the intro ( "Long time reader..") but in my case it's more valid because we don't get too many exclusive screenings down here in South America. Anyway, one day an egg felt on my lap and I ended up with a pass for Eragon.
I know you already have two negatives reviews (one of them with a boy's tears attached) and mine won't be different, but I thought I could bring some more light about what when wrong with Eragon.
Let's start by saying that I loved LOTR, liked Narnia and never read the Christopher Paolini's novel this is based on. So, my take would be the one from a movie buff, film director wannabe and Eragon uninitiated.
Right from the beginning you know this is going to be bad. An unnecesary voice over, some lame one-liners, bad acting and worse directing. The bigger plot-point in Eragon seems to be how amateurish is our hero, but actually all the movie has this problem.
See, you can tell right away this is the work of amateur people. You get half-baked ideas from a seventeen-years-old writer transformed in an even lamer script by the people who gave the words to Superman IV, Planet Of The Apes (The bad one) and Jurassic Park III (I know, they are not amateur anymore, but come on!). Then, it's transformed by a visual effect supervisor in his first movie using a new actor as his star.
So, these guys tell us about Alagaesia, a land where a long lost of army of dragon riders got greedy and in a Reservoir Dogs Mexican standoff style ended running dragonless to the mountains to escape the power of Galvatorix(John Malkovich in his own Lame-Evil mode), one of them who became the ruler.
So, their only hope is one dragon's egg and dragon rider who can become their leadership, face Galvatorix and save the world. Enter Eragon, Ed Speelers (In Luke Skywalker-Spoof mode), a farmer who lives with his uncle and have a missing parent.
I don't know exactly why they have so much problem to find this guy, because I have not idea why they choose him. All I got was an obnoxius hero, that doesn't have a real motivation to become the leader of the resistance nor have the charisma to pull it off.
Eragon ended up with an egg, a dragon egg, that later in the movie (and in just one afternoon, just like those "add water" thugs that Marvin the Martian has), becomes Saphira.
Here comes a new issue. Look, I don't have problems with female dragons, but when you have an obnoxius hero and Brom, a tired master (Jeremy Irons in his tired-of-bad-scripts mode), the only thing you don't need is a sexy voice (Rachel Weisz) coming from you dragon. Come On! I want a warrior dragon with a commanding voice like... Ehh... Sean Connery? Not a sexy one!!
So, Eragon, Saphira and Brom starts their mission to find the remaining dragon riders, face Galvatorix and save Alagaesia. The rest is just too boring and spoilerish to tell.
Anyway, unless you are a pervert (or a Rachel Weisz fan as I am), you can ignore the dragon issue. But, then you have how badly established are the obstacles. The beauty about LOTR is that you fear for your heroes. I mean, can really a hobbit travel all around the middle earth with a powerful ring and faces evil? 1100 pages, 12 hours and 4 years later we do know he can.
But page by page, minute by minute, we knew they were facing a huge task, powerful and merciless armies, heart-wrenching landscapes and a powerful enemy, so we fear for them.
In Eragon all we see is a young and impetious dragon rider wannabe who discover and uses magic to face every other obstacle and in every case he do it as easily as Indiana Jones shooting that sable-wielding guy we all remember. You can never feel fear for them because you never reach a sense of huge task or larger-than-life obstacles that all epic requires.
Besides that, we also get a jet-propulsed dragon (It never uses his wings, like any other flying animal would do), a non-existent huge battle we never see, a couple of lame "I like you" stares from Eragon and Arya and a sense of "I miss the aerial dragon battle from Dungeons & Dragons" that will haunt you forever.
And a Avril Lavigne as a end title theme! What's up with that?!?!?!?!??!
On the other hand, Robert Carlyle does an incredible transformation for Durza and Jeremy Irons makes us wish once again he had a better script that takes full advantage of his talent. But as you could read, there is anything else to see here...
So, sadly I know comparisons are unfair, but if Lord Of The Ring is what it is, and Narnia is the LOTR for kids, maybe Eragon could be the B-movie LOTR/Star Wars spoof we didn't need.
If you use this, please call me FilmRanch.
AICN-Gang
You know the intro ( "Long time reader..") but in my case it's more valid because we don't get too many exclusive screenings down here in South America. Anyway, one day an egg felt on my lap and I ended up with a pass for Eragon.
I know you already have two negatives reviews (one of them with a boy's tears attached) and mine won't be different, but I thought I could bring some more light about what when wrong with Eragon.
Let's start by saying that I loved LOTR, liked Narnia and never read the Christopher Paolini's novel this is based on. So, my take would be the one from a movie buff, film director wannabe and Eragon uninitiated.
Right from the beginning you know this is going to be bad. An unnecesary voice over, some lame one-liners, bad acting and worse directing. The bigger plot-point in Eragon seems to be how amateurish is our hero, but actually all the movie has this problem.
See, you can tell right away this is the work of amateur people. You get half-baked ideas from a seventeen-years-old writer transformed in an even lamer script by the people who gave the words to Superman IV, Planet Of The Apes (The bad one) and Jurassic Park III (I know, they are not amateur anymore, but come on!). Then, it's transformed by a visual effect supervisor in his first movie using a new actor as his star.
So, these guys tell us about Alagaesia, a land where a long lost of army of dragon riders got greedy and in a Reservoir Dogs Mexican standoff style ended running dragonless to the mountains to escape the power of Galvatorix(John Malkovich in his own Lame-Evil mode), one of them who became the ruler.
So, their only hope is one dragon's egg and dragon rider who can become their leadership, face Galvatorix and save the world. Enter Eragon, Ed Speelers (In Luke Skywalker-Spoof mode), a farmer who lives with his uncle and have a missing parent.
I don't know exactly why they have so much problem to find this guy, because I have not idea why they choose him. All I got was an obnoxius hero, that doesn't have a real motivation to become the leader of the resistance nor have the charisma to pull it off.
Eragon ended up with an egg, a dragon egg, that later in the movie (and in just one afternoon, just like those "add water" thugs that Marvin the Martian has), becomes Saphira.
Here comes a new issue. Look, I don't have problems with female dragons, but when you have an obnoxius hero and Brom, a tired master (Jeremy Irons in his tired-of-bad-scripts mode), the only thing you don't need is a sexy voice (Rachel Weisz) coming from you dragon. Come On! I want a warrior dragon with a commanding voice like... Ehh... Sean Connery? Not a sexy one!!
So, Eragon, Saphira and Brom starts their mission to find the remaining dragon riders, face Galvatorix and save Alagaesia. The rest is just too boring and spoilerish to tell.
Anyway, unless you are a pervert (or a Rachel Weisz fan as I am), you can ignore the dragon issue. But, then you have how badly established are the obstacles. The beauty about LOTR is that you fear for your heroes. I mean, can really a hobbit travel all around the middle earth with a powerful ring and faces evil? 1100 pages, 12 hours and 4 years later we do know he can.
But page by page, minute by minute, we knew they were facing a huge task, powerful and merciless armies, heart-wrenching landscapes and a powerful enemy, so we fear for them.
In Eragon all we see is a young and impetious dragon rider wannabe who discover and uses magic to face every other obstacle and in every case he do it as easily as Indiana Jones shooting that sable-wielding guy we all remember. You can never feel fear for them because you never reach a sense of huge task or larger-than-life obstacles that all epic requires.
Besides that, we also get a jet-propulsed dragon (It never uses his wings, like any other flying animal would do), a non-existent huge battle we never see, a couple of lame "I like you" stares from Eragon and Arya and a sense of "I miss the aerial dragon battle from Dungeons & Dragons" that will haunt you forever.
And a Avril Lavigne as a end title theme! What's up with that?!?!?!?!??!
On the other hand, Robert Carlyle does an incredible transformation for Durza and Jeremy Irons makes us wish once again he had a better script that takes full advantage of his talent. But as you could read, there is anything else to see here...
So, sadly I know comparisons are unfair, but if Lord Of The Ring is what it is, and Narnia is the LOTR for kids, maybe Eragon could be the B-movie LOTR/Star Wars spoof we didn't need.
If you use this, please call me FilmRanch.
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Woohoo.
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I didn't read the book, but this movie looks, to me, like a live action compilation of a whole bunch of Saturday Morning Cartoons that I used to watch.
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Nice to see that its not only residents of the deep south (and south central) who have problems with the English language...
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thinks they could get away with this kinda stuff post-LOTR amazes me.
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Booyah!
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I've felt that this movie looked WAY more like D&D than LOTR. My feelings actually had more to do with Jeremy Irons and John Malkovich than the kid playing the lead, but no matter, crap by any other name...
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i love her to death, but that sounds pretty lame. guess this whole movie has the wretched stink of failure permeating from every facet of it.
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...making these utterly shit films, with our fucking accent.
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deserve better. Irons could be gold (with that voice) in anything he does. Haven't enjoyed John since the self spoofing in Being John Malkovich. And / or his vampire movie but defoe stole that.
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Kidding. I'm sure his English is better than my Portugese.
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cry because of how badly the movie butchered the book, I thought the movie was going to suck. BUT AVRIL LAVIGNE IS THE END TITLE THEME!? WTF!?
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I'm going to bloody well go and see this tommorrow and find out EXACTLY what's wrong with it. Spoilers are the whole point.
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Stop. This is your brain. This is your brain on bad dragon movies. Avril Lavigne can take her lapfull of eggs and shove 'em up her Galvatorix.
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I wouldnt post reviews that read so badly. Grammar people, its what you learn in school for a quarter of your life.
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ever think that it was a differnt language this guy was learning for a quarter of his life???
Ass! -
Just when I thought Audioslave would win worst and least appropriate original song for Casino Royale.
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Remember films like Steel (starring Shaq), Street Fighter, and Batman & Robin? This will probably end up in that catagory. Too bad, too. I didn't read the book, but I hear it was a rip-off of this, that and the other. I don't care if it's a rip-off. If it's a fun rip off, which is what I hear it is, then I would enjoy it. This movie, however, just looks and sounds bad. I'll still rent it, though.
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It was actually only Cornell who had anything to do with the song.
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Way to go New Line. Genius on your part.
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And this one will capitulize on parent's money to get the kids in and then show them one hell of a bad movie... Just look at the trailers... Looks like a wanna be D&D?? D&D looked way more advanced than this... doesn't say much for this movie does it?!!!
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I never once had any fear for the heroes in LOTR. That was one of the annoying things about it. There was always something or someone to get them out of trouble. Like I said, annoying.
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Those who were hoping for a fantasy film renaissance will be disappointed, because it seems that the studios are making really safe, lame adaptations. Narnia was drastically inferior to the books, and Eragon, well, its based on a dressed-up Star Wars knock off anyways. If "His Dark Materials" is actually a good, classy movie (in the line of LotR), AND Jackson makes The Hobbit, we could see fantasy remain a viable genre for a while. If not, it's back to the direct-to-video department for a decade or two. Anyone else up for a Drizzt Do'Urden or Lankhmar movie?
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It is amazing how much this film paralells Star Wars. My friend and I we're cracking star wars jokes at it all night. And in case you're wondering it's A New Hope Star Wars (I don't even think this film was dumb enough to copy the prequels). Jeremy Irons is about the only performance in the movie worth watching...everything else is pretty much a yawn. I havn't read the books, so I can't give you any perspective on how it compared, other than people who had read the book were walking out PISSED! For me it was better than DragonHeart and better than both the Dungeons & Dragons movies, but that's not saying much. Here's pretty much a quick rundown of the story compared to Star Wars. Elf Chick (Princess Leia) is making her escape through the forrest with a dragon egg (Death Star Plans) with the Shade and his forces(Darth Vader and the Stormtroopers) hot on her trail. She manages to teleport the egg away (puts them in R2 and launches them off the ship) before getting caputered by the shade. Eragon (Luke Skywalker)finds the egg (Death Star Plans) takes it back to the villiage. He arrives at home to his cousin (Biggs) and his Uncle (Uncle Owen) and you see a little of their life there. A few minutes later his cousin (Biggs) tells Eragon (Luke) that he's is leaving to be a soldier (Join the Academy). Eragon is sad but then his egg hatches (help me Obi-Wan Kenobi) and learns there's a dragon inside. He then hears Brom (Obi-wan) tell a story about DragonRiders and Eargon figures out what that thing in the egg is. After a short visit to Brom's house he returns to town where he learns the Shade's minions(The Stormtroopers) are looking for him and the egg. He then rushes home despite warning that it's too dangerous (That sounds familiar) and finds his uncle dead(only he's not on fire like poor uncle Owen). But then Brom arrives to tell him theres nothing he could have done had he been there and that he'd have been killed too.(Wow) Brom then sets the place on fire(WOOHOO UNCLE OWEN IS PROPERLY ON FIRE NOW) and the two of them leave. Brom forces march across the land because they need to join up with the rebels hiding in the mountains because they have been waiting for the return of the Dragon Rider. (They need to get to Alderan to join up with the rebels and get them the Death Star Plans). Along the way they learn the elf chick(Leia) is in trouble and he races off to the evil king's castle to rescure her. (The princess is here?! We gotta help her!) They manage to free her but not before encountering the Shade (Vader) and he winds up dealing the killing blow to Brom (Obi-wan). Earagon and the elf chick then make their way to the rebels. (Woohoo they make it to Yavin). Unfortunately the Shade's minions tracked them there and they are mounting a force to wipe them off the face of the planet. (They're tracking us. No way!) The final battle ensues with Eargon on his Dragon (Luke in his X-wing) fighting the Shade and his minions. At this point the Shade changes roles becoming the Death Star, and is promtly destroyed after a short but entertaining battle. That's about all the immediate parallels I could pull out of my memory...I'm sure there's more. All in all the movie was deffinately B except for the dragon which looked good. The end battle was entertaining, but you decide if it was worth the price of admission. I hope this helps someone in their descision to see this movie.
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It doesn't have a Wayans in it. It's automatically better than D&D. Then again, that's like saying that getting lime juice poured onto a paper cut is better than getting lemon juice poured on. I saw Jeremy Irons on Conan last night, and God DAMN he was funny! They showed a clip from the movie, and even my fiancee said "This looks fucking horrible." It was the cliche "training" scene where Master teaches Pupil that he don't know SHIT about fighting. The last time that scene worked was in The Matrix. Why? Because it was the fucking Matrix. And going from crazy sci-fi noir looking story to Morpheus and Neo suddenly busting insane kung-fu poses was... badass. I'll watch a REAL fantasy epic this weekend: Mazes & Monsters. No lie, I was telling my roommate about it last night for some reason, she goes to the store to do some Christmas shopping and throws a DVD copy on the table. 3 bucks in the Wal-Mart bargain bin. Serendipity, baby! I'll shut up now. Bottom line, STOP MAKING PISS-FUCKING-POOR FANTASY YOU MOTHER-FUCKING LOSER EXECUTIVES!!! You don't know what the FUCK you're doing!!! S-T-O-P. Just leave it alone. There are a select few in Hollywood that "get it." If you're not one of them, and you know who you are, don't attempt it. Save yourself the money and us the lost time of our lives.
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trying to make money on nerds but will fail!!!
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I heard that it was a pretty good game. Is it better than the movie?
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Stop shitting on this movie before you see it. And AICN, how about a review from someone who has read the books and gives a shit about the movie? No one said this movie was going to be LOTR. No one is trying to compare it to LOTR. So save it. If anyone has read the books they know that Eragon is a punk in the first film. He's brash and thinks he knows everything. It's not until the second book, Eldest, in which he goes to live with the elves and complete his trianing as a rider, that he begins to mature and show signs of being a leader. So if the other films get made (if you whiny bitches haven't already sabotaged it) it stands to reason that the film may feel somewhat out of context to the overall story. Yes this is partially the filmmakers faults, but at least try to have an open mind. Your seething hatred for something you haven't even seen is really pathetic. Grow the fuck up.
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Look, if you're going to trash a film for being amateurish, at least make sure your review is written well. This and the one from the 'writer' with the crying kid are some of the poorest written reviews I've seen from this site...and that's saying something.
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You do have a point. Alot of people are trashing a movie they haven't seen yet. However, I highly doubt that AICN talkbackers can seriously sabotage and inflict much damage to any film's box-office. There are quite a few films that are completely trashed (with the exception of Harry's non-stop glowing reviews) on this site, that go on to do very adequately at the box-office. Examples include Hostel, all romantic comedies, X-Men 3, any Tyler Perry flick, King Kong (which I still don't know why people hated it), any Martin Lawrence film, even Superman Returns turned a profit, albeit small. So, there's not much damage we, as nerds, can do. If this movie doesn't do well, it's because everyone saw the trailers and thought what I thought, which was "Meh. Doesn't look horrible but not worth going out of my way for".
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I love how the handful of internet nerds (me being one of them) think that the "fanboy factor" can make a break a film. As you pointed out (along with other examples of it in reverse, like Snakes on a Plane), fan boys will NEVER make or break a film. We're in the minority, folks...
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How can you complain about how someone write in english when you probably don't even know yourself how to write in another language. You should know that it's probably not his first language. I wish I could read how the whiners can write in french or spanish. Au moins, certaines personnes font des efforts pour apprendre une autre langue.
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It already sounds stupid.
And "Reign of Fire" was a let-down. I still remember seeing the poster in theaters - with dozens of dragons burning London. But that scene doesn't exist in the movie, so why show it in the poster! Total false advertising. In the end, there was something like 2 dragons in the whole movie. Disappointing. -
...and I ended up with a pass for Eragon. Who is egg that is going around feeling peoples laps? And please remind me not to ever go to South America. To all you people who are bitching about how Tbers are complaining about bad grammer and spelling, I say, shut the fuck up. I applaud the fact that he took the time out to write a review in english, and I am fully aware that I dont speak a word of any other language besides english. But the fact is, this website is in english, not spanish, therefore a submitted review should be in english. And readable. I wouldnt attempt to post a review on a spanish movie news website, because my spanish is kaput.
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Normally I would agree with you about shitting on a film before you see it (Southland Tales rings a bell... everyone was trashing it when no one had seen or heard anything about it), but in this case I believe we're justified. First thing's first: It LOOKS terrible. The trailers, the commercials, the spots they show on late night talk shows... all horrible. It just looks plain bad. Second: every review I've seen so far is completely negative with the exception of one, which was still negative but not horrible. Third: This is New Line. The Hobbit fiasco is very much in play here. If they can't pull off a decent -- DECENT -- fantasy "epic" on their own, then what makes them think they can do The Hobbit? It's upsetting to us, the major Fantasy fans, who are getting this lame shit poured down our throat. Fantasy is NOT just a kids genre. There is plenty of amazing adult fantasy out there waiting to be made. Instead we keep getting the kid treatment. With the exception of Conan, Sword and the Sorceror and (to a lesser extent) Deathstalker, there really hasn't been any adult Fantasy. Maybe Dune, but... come on. So, people trashing this movie are, I believe, subconsciously trashing this whole "Kids Come First" mentality that is prevailant throughout most mediums today. What makes it worse, and even more insulting, is when mediocrity is slapped on a plate and force-fed to us as if it's the only option available. And the thing that kills me the most is that when shit like this fails to perform, we'll be stuck in a Fantasy-free rut again because OBVIOUSLY Fantasy doesn't sell! No, SHIT doesn't sell, and that's the problem. We just keep getting shit.
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it's Galbatorix with a b, unless they changed it for the movie for some inexplicable reason.
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FUCKING TELL THAT TO HARRY! Jesus, the god damn leader of the site can't write a comprehensible review to save Yoko's life! 99% of that guy's review was legible. You got the point. You understood him. Did it irk you that some of his grammar was off? BOO-FUCKING-HOO. Jesus, it's people like you and everyone bitching about this poor guy's review that makes me want to pour salt on snails. Take bricks to stained-glass windows. Buy a PS3 and blow it up in front of GameStop. STOP BEING SUCH IGNORANT FUCKING SELF-RIGHTEOUS AMERICAN SNOBS. No wonder the fucking world hates us. We can't produce good fantasy films and we bitch about people writing reviews in another language.
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yEAH
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To be very honest, the grammer didnt bother me. And the people pointing out the grammer dont bother me. Its the people like you that take up fucking banners for this reviewer are what bothers me. No specific reason, just in general. By biggest complaint is actually the length of the reviews on this site lately, not the poor grammer or spelling. Its supposed to be a review, not a fucking book. And Harry is just as fucking guilty as most of the reviewers that submit shit. "No wonder the fucking world hates us." I say fuck em then.
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Look, it's great that English is this guy (and the other guy's?) second language, bravo, blah blah blah. I just think it's ironic that people write these reviews bagging the film, calling people amatures, and saying the writing sucks when the review they're writing sucks. That's all. With that said, your mother is a whore. Flame on trolls.
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I never said I hated big words in reviews, just reviews being long themselves. Obviously spelling is not my strength, but reading obviously isnt yours stooopider. Thanks for your time fucking clown puncher. By the way, not a republican, just a veteran. The reason I say fuck em, is simple. I have never done a thing to the Germans but I've received threats while stationed in Germany.
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The trailer had 'Xena' production values written all over it. Please don't bother to see this one. Don't let your friends or family see it. Laugh and point at the poster in the street.
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you are surprised that people here on THE AICN MESSAGEBOARDS are hating a film before they have seen it? this is surprising you?? I can only assume you have never been to AICN before?thats all that ever happens on here - people try to out hate each other by writing just how much they hate something so everyone knows they hjate it more than everyone else "oh my god it was so bad it made my urine burn then I peed blood whilst the director fucked me up the ass with a chainsaw" that type of thing.we are dealing with people who think the catchphrase
"Don Murphy pwn teh suk" is the height of humour.o.k...it makes me laugh when I see it but thats not the point.... these are people who still write "FIRST". you expect them to actually wait to see a film before judging it?? and waste precious minutes of hate they can never have back? grow up ak47...that is exactly what happened with most of those films you listed beastie..they were being ragged on before anyone had seen them. most of these guys already hated kong when they said action on the first day of its shoot. you can tel the hate is phoney as it os sop over the top that it cannot be real and it it is then i feel incredibly sorry that these people could let ENTERTAINMENT worry them so much. except for ringwearer. he/she is totally for real. and incredibly sad. most of them all seem to think it makes them cool - like we will all go home and tell our friends "oh man you'll never believe what iamjacksuserid/ringwearer/darthsaxon whoever said on aicn today. he was going on about how much he hated transformers/lovelybones/avatar/every upcoming film by anyone. like he really hates it! god he is the coolest"
having said that - basing it on the trailer eragon isn't my thing and I won't be seeing it. but i don't hate it and i am not going to attack it and the people who do like it as I haven't seen it. maybe its fucking awesome.i just know it isn't my style.
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are there any other movies coming out any time soon, anywhere in the world?!?!??
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It is funny because it is true.
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That was wonderful. Almost a love letter to the talkback section of AICN. It made me laugh and be a little bit proud to come here, despite the fact that I don't think I jump on the hate bandwagon as much as most. Harry should make that paragraph it's own artical, not as a criticism, but to prove we can poke fun at ourselves.
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I literally Lol'd at my desk.
If the plot posted by knightsong is true then, wow, just wow... -
If I'm mistaken, please forgive me, but if I am right, could AK-47 have something to do with Eragon? Just seems a little strange, the impassioned defense and the plea for people to see it before judging it right on the heels of the whole Stallone thing, wherein Stallone verbally bitchslapped him in installment #13.
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http://tinyurl.com/wdfo4 - He's one of the few online critics I really trust and this is his summary: "Considering the weakness of the source material, one would be excused for approaching Eragon with trepidation. Such modulated caution, however, would not prepare the viewer for the pointlessness of the experience. Stefan Fangmeier, who comes from a visual effects background, is making his directorial debut and it's clear he has no understanding of how to sustain and nurture a narrative. Eragon offers some pretty images but it's soulless and heartless and not even worth seeing on DVD. Just re-watch Star Wars instead and pretend George Lucas has made another special edition with a dragon flying around. You'll have a better time. I guarantee it."
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Hands down, it's gotta be John Malkovich. Poor guy deserves scripts and films waaaayyy better than this.
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fired immediately out of a cannon into the sun.
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lives in france. He hates america, apprantly. He has a daughter with female designer.
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