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#38 12/6/06 #5



Writer: Geoff Johns Artists: Dale Eaglesham (pencils)/Art Thibert (inks) Publisher: DC Comics Reviewer: Prof. Challenger

Gorgeous Alex Ross cover? Check.
Well-done story? Check.
Good art? Check.
Surprising death of a legacy hero? Check.
Shocking sneak peak at the future of 52? Check.
Intriguing glimpse of the next year's worth of stories? Check.
What's not to love?
Well, just a couple of things. And I'll point 'em out here in a little bit. Overall, though, I'd say this was a snazzy new kickoff for DC's cornerstone team's newest incarnation. The title calls this "The Next Age" and it does look like an honest attempt is being made to fashion a JSA made up of representatives from all previous incarnations of the group and bringing in new blood for the future.
Since the book is sold out around the country, I'll lay low on major spoilers, but the first page worked for me to immediately hearken back to the Justice Society's World War II origins. The original team was born in the midst of World War II and it looks The Next Age of the team is born from the ashes of World War III. And intriguingly enough, the rest of us won't have a clue what that means until issue fifty of 52.
Brad Meltzer kicked off his new JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA series with Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman standing around discussing who should or should not be asked to join the team. The way he structured the narrative, it made for a good comic book even though it was light on action. Geoff Johns kicks of this new JUSTICE SOCIETY OF AMERICA series also focusing on three founding members of the team standing around discussing potential members. In the JSA, the "Big 3" happen to be Green Lantern, Flash, and Wildcat. But Johns throws all that fancy big "New York Times Best-Selling Author" stuff back in Meltzer's face and just delivers a rocking comic book packed with action, mystery, intrigue, and character bits.
Following the old ALL-STAR formula of focusing on individual adventures and then drawing all of the characters back together at the end, the comic first jumps to a vignette involving Damage (now wearing a costume more reminiscent of the costume his father, the Golden Age Atom, wore). Damage is messed up physically and emotionally, so the JSA will hopefully be a place of healing and support for him. Newlyweds Hourman (Rick Tyler) and Liberty Belle (Jesse Chambers) arrive on the scene to make the offer to Damage.
May I just say that I like seeing a happily married couple once in a while in a comic? Before these two, I think we were limited to Jay and Joan Garrick. But it's nice to see a young couple who's enjoying each other's company as well.
Next we shift to the all new Mr. America, wearing a costume entirely too reminiscent of the Golden Age Mr. America, even down to the white puffy pirate shirt and white boots. Now, I'm all for honoring the Golden Age costumes, but other than the Golden Age Green Lantern and, maybe, Firestorm…I propose a moratorium on the puffy pirate shirt look for male super-heroes. Can I get an "amen?"
Here's the plus side though. In the matter of just a few short pages, Johns had me totally digging this character. And so it just makes me sad that….well, don't want to spoil it, but I'm thinking there's got to be a way out of it. Perhaps something to do with the shadow of the Ultra-Humanite I could swear came down on the character right before his bloody and dramatic entrance into the JSA meeting room? Cause, you know, Ultra and Mr. America go back a long and intimate way if you buy into the conceit that James Robinson's THE GOLDEN AGE mini-series wasn't really an "Elseworlds" series. And I'm one of those who doesn't buy the "Elseworlds" claim. As far as I'm concerned, it's part of the post WW2 continuity for the JSA. So there.
I just have a fondness also for heroes who wrap themselves in the American flag, and the idea of a former FBI agent and descendant of the original Mr. America is just too sweet. But I know….Laura Palmer was wrapped in plastic in the first episode of TWIN PEAKS and yet her presence energized every subsequent episode. So, there's some story-telling value to these types of things.
The next shift is to the most poorly kept surprise on the Net, which is the introduction of Ma Hunkel's cute little college-aged granddaughter who just happens to be blessed with windy/tornado-ey powers. So, we get a laugh-out-loud moment when the super-serious Mr. Terrific and Power Girl show up to offer Maxine Hunkel/Cyclone a spot on the JSA.
Then there's the introduction of, once again, a new Starman. My God in Heaven how many different Starman characters have there actually been? And this one appears to be the Starman (adult version of the Legion's Starboy) that appeared in KINGDOM COME. And based on the sneak peeks into future storylines, it looks like Starman plays a major role in the JLA/JSA team-up involving Arkham Asylum, the appearance by Dawnstar and her Legion ring, and probably the Kingdom Come storyline too. So, that's 3 out of the 4 story arcs previewed.
Now, that third arc that shows Earth 2 Superman's hand clawing out of the grave? Fool me once, Dan Didio. That's all I got to say about that. Johns is going to have to pull a HUGE rabbit out of his hat on this one to make me forget about INFINITE CRISIS.
Artwise, Eaglesham and Thibert did a nice job telling the story. For my money, this was Eaglesham's best work yet, but I'd still say to work on toning down the steroids on some of these characters, and if it's at all possible, Power Girl's boobs might actually have been TOO big. Never thought I'd say that. Not a big deal though, because there's something about the JSA that just seems to bring the best work out of the artists working on it, and I was pleased to see some really nice, expressive work by Eaglesham. The inks and lettering were all top notch and the coloring was solid, but I would've liked to see more moodiness to the coloring in spots - especially the scenes with Mr. America at the sight of the murder in Virginia. For some reason, that scene just screamed out at me as something that should be darker. Again, though, just minor quibbles.
All in all, DC has done some good stuff since the INFINITE CRISIS. Both Superman titles are kicking butt right now, DETECTIVE COMICS is firing on all cylinders (except when crappy fill-in teams show up), and JLA has been a pleasure to read. JUSTICE SOCIETY OF AMERICA is a great addition to those I just mentioned and coupled with my expectations for THE SPIRIT, will likely be one of my favorite ongoing titles of the coming year.


Writer: Warren Ellis Artist: Salvador Larroca Publisher: Marvel Comics Reviewer: Ambush Bug

What I know: The NEW UNIVERSE was a line of comics released by Marvel in 1986, right around the time I moved from casual comic reader to comic book junkie. In a longbox in a place I like to call Parts Unknown, I have the entire run of NEW UNVERSE comics. Although I haven’t read the comics in years, I still have a vague memory of the storyline involving a White Event that changed the “world outside your window” into something else. Series such as STARBRAND, NIGHTMASK, JUSTICE, PSI FORCE, DP7, SPITFIRE & THE TROUBLESHOOTERS, MERC, & KICKERS INC. were thrown upon the comic buying crowd. A crowd that, at the time and for the most part, knew of only the Marvel Universe and the DC Universe. It would be later that tossing out an entire line of books would be commonplace, but at the time, this was something big and new.
What else I know: After the first year, the less popular NEW UNIVERSE titles were cancelled and only STARBRAND, PSI FORCE, JUSTICE, and DP7 remained. After the second year, sales were so low that the books consolidated themselves even further after THE PITT One Shot, where Kenneth Connell AKA Starbrand tries to transfer the brand that caused the original White Event to an inanimate object causing another White Event and resulting in the destruction of Pittsburgh. After THE PITT, the rest of the series ended, which lead to THE DRAFT One Shot starring many characters from the various titles as things had gone so far out of control that world war was eminent. The entire NEW UNIVERSE line came to an end in 1989, just three years after it all began, with the cataclysmic THE WAR miniseries.
What I knew about NEWUNIVERSAL before reading it: Warren Ellis was writing it. Salvador Larroca was drawing it. It was supposed to be a new take on the old NEW UNIVERSE. Like JMS’ SUPREME POWER, Ellis would re-imagine a story plucked from Marvel’s past.
What I thought about NEWUNIVERSAL before reading it: This I LOVE THE 80’s retro shit is getting old. First Reebok Pumps, then THE DUKES OF HAZZARD and WHEN A STRANGER CALLS remakes, now this. I’m too young for this.
What Ellis-ites will say upon reading NEWUNIVERSAL: Visionary! Imaginative! Epic! NEXTWAVE-alicious! NEWUNIVERSAL is so cool it could revive Michael Richards’ career!
What those who have never read the original NEW UNIVERSE will take from the book: A satellite readout documents the moments before and after a mysterious White Event where the sky lights up. Four storylines run throughout the issue:
1) a couple pass out after a night of drinking on a cliff in Oklahoma and witness the White Event first hand with disastrous results.
2) a comatose cop is revived by the White Event.
3) a crabby Asian chick sleeps through the White Event, but makes contact with an alien force in her dream during the occurrence.
4) a team of archaeologists investigate a landslide that occurred during the White Event which has unearthed an ancient tomb.
What I can make of NEWUNIVERSAL having read the old NEW UNIVERSE: The passed out couple is from STARBRAND where a regular guy gets a star-like mark burned onto his body which turns out to be the most powerful weapon in the universe enabling the brandee with superhuman powers.
The comatose cop is JUSTICE who could be characterized as either the Punisher with super powers or the Ghost Rider with flesh.
Since the crabby Asian chick’s segment focused on her dream, it looks as if she’s the new NIGHTMASK, which was a whole helluva lot like that DREAMSCAPE movie with Dennis Quaid and the “Warriors come out and play-yay!” guy.
Kate Capshaw is in that movie too and the snake man sequence from that movie still scares the piss out of me.
I don’t know who the team of archaeologists is. PSI FORCE…which was about a group of psychic kids who merge their minds to form a Hawk-like god? DP7…which was about a group of people with paranormal abilities in a medical facility, the concept not too much different than the X-Men? KICKERS INC….where a football team is granted superpowers? SPITFIRE & THE TROUBLESHOOTERS…where a spunky lady builds a suit of armor and gets into adventures with her crew of mechanics? I don’t know who the archaeological group is supposed to be. Maybe they don’t have anything to do with any of these former NEW UNIVERSE titles.
Mark Hazzard AKA MERC has not popped up yet.
I do know something that looks like the Spitfire armor showing up on the next issue page.
Oh yeah, John Lennon is alive and well in this Nu New Universe.
What I thought of the issue: Intriguing. I think Ellis does a good job of setting up a mystery and Larroca does an equally good job of illustrating it. Unfortunately, the usual setback of over-Ellis-speak is alive and well as sci fi and historical discourses crisscross and run rampant throughout the issue. Ellis’ tendency to elaborate on the “news of the weird” oftentimes plucks this reader right out of the story. This tendency is present in NEWUNIVERSAL #1, but not enough to turn me off. Ellis has put out a good issue, but any praise about imaginative ideas should be given to Jim Shooter, Archie Goodwin, Eliot R. Brown, John Morelli, Mark Gruenwald, and Tom DeFalco. It was this group of writers who originally came up with the White Event, the Starbrand, Nightmask, Justice, and the rest of the New Universe--a fact that those reading this story for the first time will not know because not a single caption giving credit where credit’s due is found in this issue. But Ellis is a good writer. This is evident the most in the effective sequence where Justice wakes from his coma. He’s taken some great ideas from some so-so comics from the eighties and packaged them into a slickly presented and tightly paced story. Merging the entire NEW UNIVERSE line of books into one series may turn out to be a good thing, especially since the old NEW UNIVERSE basically did the same thing as time went on and sales dropped. The old NEW UNIVERSE functioned the best when it was a focused and tightly packaged set of books. Starting NEWUNIVERSAL out as one book rather than a handful allows Ellis the chance to play around with all of the best aspects of the old NEW UNIVERSE at once. This more focused approach may be the leg up that this series has over its predecessor.
What I will be doing in the near future: Despite my criticism, I’ll be buying issue number two of NEWUNIVERSAL.


Writer: Gail Simone Penciler: Neil Googe Publisher: WildStorm/DC Comics Reviewed by Humphrey Lee

Back when plans to reboot the entirety of the core books that make up WildStorm line first came about, there was something that caught my eye in the midst of "Grant Morrison on this" and "Jim Lee drawing that". And that little gem was this title right here, a little book called TRANQUILITY (at the time) set in a retirement community populated by super people by none other than Gail Simone. Even back then I couldn't help but think that was the perfect kind of title for someone with Ms. Gail's writing style and ability to be displaying her talent on and was excited about the potential of the book. Well, now that book is here and despite my already anticipating a fun and unique title, I'm really still quite pleasantly surprised at how this book turned out.
Again, I knew it was coming, but this comic is comedy gold. Right off the bat this issue hooks you with a hilarious sequence involving a gal named Minxy Millions that was apparently quite the fighter pilot ace back in the day but has kinda sorta lost her touch with her skills and, well, reality in general in her golden years. And it sets a great tone for the rest of the issue. From that opening sequence we get introduced to Sheriff Thomaina Linda (or just Tommy for short) who seems to be our anchor in this setting since she's just a normal human doing her job under some unique circumstances.
What really brings this book alive is what you'd expect to, the characters that inhabit the town of Tranquility. There are just so many great concepts thrown at us in this book, you almost wish Gail had saved some for later, but I'm sure she's got plenty rolling about in that wonderfully demented brain of hers. In this issue alone we're introduced to a Captain Marvel-like character (the DC version) who has forgotten the magic word that turns him into a deity and is now trying every word in every language on Earth in hopes he finds it again. There's some really cool "Howling Commandoes"-like characters in the form of Colonel Cragg and Bad Dog, a suave little gentleman named just that, Gentleman, and a terribly silly villain who calls himself Emoticon who is actually kinda cheesy, but sadly throws out some lines that hit a little close to home for those who spend too much time on the internet. Oh, and there's a murder mystery cliffhanger as well. Tons of stuff to bring the reader back for more with a really great debut issue.
The art works very well for this book too. I don't think I've ever been exposed to Neil Googe's work but it's got a great comedic tone to match up with that of the writing thanks to some more cartoon-like facial expressions and more exaggerated body motions. A great eye for action is show off in this book too, particularly in the opening sequence where Minxy Millions' rocket plane crash lands right in the middle of the main stretch of Tranquility. And I love the character and costume designs brought to the table. Despite that a lot of these characters are obviously just parodies and homages to ones we've seen before, they still seem really fresh and work really well in the setting. The art is isn't exactly for everyone, I can see that being a problem for some, but I personally think it works perfectly for the book.
This comic really worked for me. While I am a predominate "mature reader" as I'm a big supporter of works from places primarily like DC's Vertigo and the more adult-themed books from WildStorm like DESOLATION JONES and EX MACHINA, I found WELCOME TO TRANQUILITY to be a welcome change of pace. Hell, even as far as your pure super heroics books go from the main lines of Marvel and DC, things have gotten way too tight-assed for their own good as everything seems to have buckled down and entrenched themselves in grim and dark events that will "change everything". TRANQUILITY is just a nice shot in the arm to a genre of a medium that these days looks more like the characters in this book: old and tired.


Written by: David B. Schwartz Illustrated by: Sean Wang Published by: Image Comics Reviewed by: superhero

You ever read a comic book that was so good that you knew that it was the debut of some major talent?
That's exactly how I felt as I read MELTDOWN.
As I finished this first issue of MELTDOWN I felt the same exact way as when I'd read the first issues of PREACHER, Y: THE LAST MAN, or THE WALKING DEAD. After reading MELTDOWN I feel that the comics world is all the better for having David B. Schwartz and Sean Wang in it. These guys are going to be major players in the comics world in the next several years and you read it here first.
Yes, I know that last paragraph is incredibly high praise but it’s praise that's well earned. I honestly don't know if I can remember when I've read an introductory issue that's been this good. MELTDOWN is, as the kids say today, the bomb.
MELTDOWN focuses on the life story of a meta-human known as The Flare who never really wanted to be a hero. The Flare has, because of life's strange little twists and turns, really just found himself playing the role of a super person because it's really the only thing he can do. See, the powers that make him so special have robbed him of everything he holds dear…mainly a career in professional sports and the chance at a normal relationship with the woman of his dreams. At every turn his powers get in the way letting him have the things that he wants most out of life which is where the genius of MELTDOWN lies. While most of us probably imagine a life with superpowers as some sort of wish fulfillment paradise Schwartz has wisely crafted the protagonist's super powers into a curse that drives him further and further down the road to self loathing and despair. The Flare hates his powers and it's easy to see why. While this book could have easily devolved into a “Smallville”-type whinefest over how alienated the main character feels because he has super powers, the writer is wise enough to go down a different and smarter path. MELTDOWN really takes a great look at the psyche of a person who has a gift but is unable to see it as such and how that ignorance can destroy him. Schwartz takes the time to intricately build his hero from the ground up for the reader so that as the tragic super tale progresses we can feel nothing but sympathy for him. It's because of this character development that MELTDOWN really shines.
The writing isn't the only thing that's great in this book, however. Artist Sean Wang employs two uniquely different art styles to illustrate MELTDOWN. Wang illustrates sequences in the present with a grittier, hard edged style but uses a lighter, cartoonish style when illustrating the many flashback segments in the book. The result is a book that looks like it was drawn by two different people. The reality is that it's just one incredibly talented artist at work. I was very impressed by the fact that the two distinct styles were rendered by one artist. Not many artists would be able to switch between two such distinct styles as deftly as Wang is able to, much less maintain a coherent sense of storytelling between the two. It's a fantastic technique that adds so much to the storytelling it's hard to describe the effect. As The Flare's life is falling apart the pages are dark and filled with a sense of doom. When we look back on his life during more innocent times the pages are colorful and wide open. The transition between the two becomes jarring as the story develops and it makes the tragedy much more powerful than if the whole book had just been laid out in one style. Kudos to Bernard Chang for apparently suggesting the technique but Wang deserves high praise for really pulling it off. Wang's art adds so much atmosphere to the story it's just incredible.
There is one slight negative to this book and I would be remiss if I didn't mention it here. It's the book's price tag. MELTDOWN is priced at a hefty $5.99. Normally I wouldn't even think of picking up a comic book at that price but one of the creators was at my local comic shop signing the book and if it's something I can't resist it's an indy creator hocking his wares. I decided to pick up the book and as you can see I loved it. So I'm going to write something that you will never, ever see me write again…this book was worth every cent of the $5.99 I paid for it. The production values of this book were incredibly professional. The pages are slick and durable and the cover stock and binding are glossy and sturdy. So you can see where the money went when this book was put together. Plus the book has no ads and a ton of pages. So if you have to do an overpriced book, this would be the way to do it. At least they put some effort into making comic fans feel like they would get their money's worth…unlike that rip-off SPIRIT/BATMAN book that came out two weeks ago.
So there you have it…David B. Schwartz and Sean Wang are the next big things in the comic biz. While MELTDOWN is only a two issue mini-series I'm going to be keeping an eye out for any of their upcoming projects. MELTOWN may last only two issues but I have a feeling it's going to be the beginning of a long and healthy career for both of its creators.


Writer: Geoff Johns Guest Pencillers: Paco Diaz and Ryan Benjamin Guest Inkers: Jonathan Glapion, Michael Lopez, Edwin Rosell, Saleem Crawford, Vincente Cifuentes Publisher: DC Comics Reviewer: Squashua is not going to be making any friends today.

Here's what I thought when I read this book. Page one, hey decent art. Page two? HOLY FUCKING SHIT MY EYES.
DC Comics, what the FUCK were you thinking approving this shit? Everyone and their sister is eyeing this book since (1) the cartoon, (2) Geoff (JSA) Johns is writing it, and (3) the plots seem to be integral to 52. We all want to know all about the new teen characters and what do you do? You let in some palsied artist who was having a stroke at the same time as his epileptic seizure when he picked up the pencils. And afterwards, he pulled down his pants and dropped a giant dookie right there on his so-called sequential art. You need to call these fuckers on this shit or you need to delay the book, like Marvel does. I hope you didn't pay him very much. This looks like something Valiant squeezed out of its ass in its final days.
TEEN TITANS is supposed to be one of your top tier books, like JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA and JUSTICE SOCIETY OF AMERICA. TEEN fucking TITANS. I haven't seen any of the other reviewers calling you on this, but you can't fool me. This issue is complete shit that should never have been sent to the printer. And there are what, two guest artists and FIVE inkers? Can't one of the two editors grow a pair and tell these people that one of them draws like shit? And they didn't even fill in the backgrounds. Fucking lazy fucks. Three bucks I paid for this.
Now, the art isn't the only problem with this book. Geoff isn't getting away easily by writing a seventeen-page fight scene. Seventeen pages. Christ almighty, this is the wrap-up of a what, 5-issue story arc? Way to pad for trade, Geoff. Clap, clap, clap. TITANS is an ensemble book. Can't you break away to show some other characters doing shit, like flash to Titans Tower where Marvin has his hand down Wendy's pants or something? You know what I mean. Diversify. And Jericho? What legion of fans was clamoring for this numb-nut to come back from the dead? You added thirty new teens to the DC Universe and yet you have to resurrect another? Ravager is barely entertaining as it is; we don't need her mute brother. And what's with Wonder Girl bringing up Nemesis to Diana at the end of the book? The dude doesn't even appear for a single panel (that I could see), or was he supposed to be and one of the artists not only dropped the ball, but lit it on fire? The six-page Teen Titans "Introducing Some Kid We Don't Give a Shit About" insert had better art.
Even the cover is inappropriate. It makes this issue look like a jump-on book. No, it's not! We're 4 issues into a 5-part story. This is definitely not a good introductory issue. And what's next issue? Fucking filler. Great. Way to go, DC. Hear that sound? It's the sound of no one applauding.
TEEN TITANS #41. What a fucking horror-show. And bonus 3D glasses for the one-page 3D HeroScape advertisement. Good job, Hasbro. Use the same fucking ad you've had in comics for the last year and a half and make it 3D. Way to milk a snapshot of someone's basement miniatures scene. Who's your marketing genius?
So get straight with me, DC. Are you guys pulling a gambit on us like you did with the last few issues of JLA and JSA where they were so terrible as to be unreadable and everyone was just dropping the book anyway? Is this your way of retiring TEEN TITANS? The only good thing about this issue is that DC is supposedly paying dealers back five cents for every book that shipped due to the extra weight from all the useless advertising packed in with it. At least, that's what I heard. Now kids, don't get me wrong. I'm sticking around for a little while because I want to at least see what's up with the Titans East dealie, but if that fails to deliver, I'm dropping this turd.


Writer: Jeph Loeb Artist: Rob Liefeld Publisher: Marvel Comics Reviewer: Sleazy G

I’ve seen Jeph Loeb at Wizard World a few times now. He strikes me as a smart, charming, funny guy, and I think the world of his tireless work in support of the charity he started in his son’s name. I’ve also read comments from Jeph on more than one occasion in which he springs to Rob Liefeld’s defense, talking about what a nice guy he is and how much he’s learned from his mistakes and what a well-meaning guy he is. From what I’ve seen of Jeph, I’m willing to take him at his word here, so you’ll not see any personal attacks from me on either of these two.
What’s that? ONSLAUGHT REBORN #1? Dammit…shoulda known somebody’d ask about that.
It’s a stinker, folks.
I actually feel really badly about knocking this one, I do, but it’s just not any good. A lot of the dialogue is stilted or clichéd—“Attaboy, Johnny Boy!”, for example, just clunks its way out of The Thing’s mouth. It’s the same kind of clichéd, boring, over-the-top stuff that drove me away from BATMAN/SUPERMAN. I guess I’m finding it just doesn’t work for me. It apparently works for others, and that’s fine, but if you’re like me and didn’t like the writing on that title you’re probably not gonna care for this one, either.
I’m also having a hard time with the fact that there’s this big, ugly gray monster thing in purple armor that’s supposed to be Onslaught. I mean, it existing is one thing, but the why is where I got stuck.
See, apparently, when Wanda said “no more mutants” at the end of HOUSE OF M, it created The Collective, a flaming creature which trashed (maybe killed, maybe not) Alpha Flight up in Canada in NEW AVENGERS.
Oh, wait, except it was actually controlled by the sentience of Xorn, who never really existed, but then he was jettisoned into the sun just in case.
Oh, wait, except it also apparently re-created Onslaught and then dropped him into our universe instead of the “Heroes Reborn” universe. Only it wasn’t noticed or mentioned by anyone, like, say, the Fantastic Four who had to deal with him in this issue, or the X-Men who he’s intimately wrapped up with, I guess cuz they were all too busy with that whole CIVIL WAR thingy that’s been going on.
Hell, I think there’s even another situation the whole Wanda thing’s been used to justify. I dunno—I’ve lost count. I do know, though, that it’s been used for two or three plot points so far, and now yet again, and not a one of them is actually any good. It’s overused, and the timing of when this story would have to occur overlaps so closely with so many other major events in the Marvel Universe, that it all just feels like overkill.
As for the art, well…grudging credit where it’s due, okay? There are places in this issue where I found myself honestly wondering how something with so many damned lines and hatch-marks and criss-crosses and whoknowswhatelses could possibly be blurry and ill-defined. There are other places, though, where it looks like Liefeld is trying something new—stretching himself a little—and it was a noticeable improvement. In fact, I think I like it a lot better than his work on TEEN TITANS a year or so back. I’m still not a fan, and it still has its share of problems, but there are clearly changes for the better.
Look, I’m not gonna try and pretend I didn’t buy every issue set in the “Heroes Reborn” universe. I didn’t hate it at the time; I thought it was okay. Haven’t reread it since out of an expectation I would end up hating it, but I thought I’d give this little return trip a try and see if I could find anything appealing. I did, I think—I was reminded I kinda liked the spunky female Bucky for some reason. But the truth is comics writing and art have improved a lot more over the last decade than we give credit for, so something that feels as “ten years ago” as this does just kinda lands with a thud. If you’re a fan of these guys, or really loved the “Heroes Reborn” stuff, maybe you’ll really dig this. But I went in to it with an open mind, hoping for a fun little bit of nostalgia, and what I got was clunky, overwrought and dull. I still haven’t decided if I’ll give the series another chance or not, but I can’t really recommend it unless you’re already in its target audience.

FRIDAY THE 13th #1

Writers: Jimmy Palmiotti & Justin Gray Artists: Adam Archer & Peter Guzman Publisher: DC WildStorm Reviewer: Ambush Bug

I take my horror too seriously. I know it. I try to intellectualize it when I should just sit back and enjoy the carnage. Blame my college professor who made us study the psychology of horror cinema. Blame my mom who let me go see THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE 2, ALIENS, and THE FLY on my 13th birthday. Hell, blame the video store guy who let me rent everything and anything shy of hardcore porn even though I could barely see over the counter. Whoever is to blame, there’s something in me that loves, appreciates, and respects the horror genre. So imagine my delight when I found out that WildStorm would be launching a line of horror books based on the Big Three in slasher movies! I’ve reviewed the first issues of A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET and THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE in previous columns. Liked CHAINSAW better than NIGHTMARE simply because the artwork fit the tone of what a horror comic should be. But I really was just biding my time. I simply love FRIDAY THE 13th movies. I’ve seen every one of them and, despite the fact that they can be really stupid and repetitious at times, I get a thrill out of seeing them over and over. I’m sick that way.
Now, I know there are those who turn up their nose to FRIDAY THE 13th. They cast it off as z-grade filth with no artistic value whatsoever. They scoff at an unkillable mongoloid death machine in a hockey mask preferring other things like meowing Japanese children or elaborate torture sequences when it comes to horror. And while those things have merit too, to me, seeing the old hockey mask and machete takes me back to a time when I would sit on my belly in the living room in front of the television and disappear from the world around me. I love FRIDAY THE 13th. Got it? Good.
Jimmy Palmiotti and Justin Gray have proved themselves to be a pretty formidable writing pair when it comes to action. Their hard-hitting work on JONAH HEX, UNCLE SAM & THE FREEDOM FIGHTERS, and HEROES FOR HIRE have sealed that. But can they do horror?
Well, after reading issue one of FRIDAY THE 13th #1, it seems they can. The writing team set up the issue with a nice chase sequence we’ve seen a thousand times. A naked woman runs through the forest, with Jason, machete in hand, hot on her heels. The girl is rescued by an elderly couple in an RV, leaving Jason pissed off at the side of the road. The girl is hospitalized and hysterical and a police officer, referring to Camp Crystal Lake, gives the understatement of the century: “Maybe they ought to close that fucked up place for good.”
While this sequence isn’t anything new, there really isn’t anything wrong with it either. Palmiotti and Gray put together some intense paneling and newcomer artists Adam Archer and Peter Guzman make Jason look pretty fucking imposing and scary. I liked this little shred of story. It’s the type of sequence you’ve seen at the end of many a F13 movie. The difference is that this occurred at the beginning of this tale and not the end.
My annoyance with the story hinges on the fact that after these first six pages, we are taken back two weeks as the camp counselors (final girl included) arrive at the camp. This is where the book began to get on my nerves a bit since we’ve seen this a million times before. Just when I thought we were going to see something new, the writers decide to jump back into familiar territory. The remainder of this book serves to line these lambs up for slaughter, giving them only a bit of character that will only serve to keep us from falling asleep until Jason kills them off. Palmiotti and Gray do a decent job of making these characters semi-interesting. One couple is on the run for something they did back home. One is an expert on the history of “Camp Blood.” One is a local who never stays close to the lake when it gets dark. There are some decently written back-and-forthings between the counselors regarding the camp’s history. I wouldn’t say these folks are fleshed out at all, but at least they are given a smidge of interesting character to make me give a fig when inevitably Jason chops them up.
I guess you can say that Palmiotti and Gray did an okay job of doing your typical FRIDAY THE 13th scenario. There was nothing new, really, and that’s what annoyed me. I wanted more and was dissatisfied with the same ol’ same ol’. That is, until the last few pages. Basically, Palmiotti and Gray are writing not about Jason per se, but about the curse of Crystal Lake. This is the subject of discussion among the doomed camp counselors. It’s not just the hockey masked killer in the woods that poses a threat to those who enter Camp Blood. It’s the lake itself and the history around it. Up until the last few pages, I was really pissed at this book for bringing nothing new to the table, but by the end of the book, I found myself surprised and looking forward to the next issue. This new element fits the talk about Camp Blood’s curse, and at least for the moment, has me thinking this may be the comic that takes the gruesome adventures of Jason Voorhees seriously.
Not only was I entertained by the attention to Camp Crystal Lake’s history, I was also enthralled with the way these continued occurrences fit a psychological trend and wondered if this was intentional from the writers. Now, I said it at the beginning, I take my horror seriously. Maybe too seriously. I read into this shit. So when Palmiotti and Gray choose to elaborate on the fact that before Jason drowned in the lake and the killing started there were forest fires and a bunch of animals were found dead, my whiskers perked. In psychology, arson and harm to animals are two of the three factors that make up the Homicidal Triangle among children, the third being bedwetting. Children who exhibit these characteristics have been known to grow up with homicidal ideation. It doesn’t mean that if these things occur the child definitely will become an axe murderer, but many serial killers have had this symptomology at some point in their childhood. Is this coincidence? Am I reading too much into this? Do Palmiotti and Gray know about the Homicidal Triangle? I don’t know. I could just be taking this shit way too seriously, but I already told you…that’s what I do.
In any event, Palmiotti and Gray themselves seem to be taking this book seriously. It’s a lot better than previous FRIDAY THE 13th comics and better than most of the latter movies as well. It mixes enough of the old “tried and true” elements with some new ones, while respecting the history that has been established in the films. I have long waited for someone to come along and treat Jason and the mythology of Camp Blood seriously. With the looks of things, that day has finally arrived. Of WildStorm’s three “slasher” releases, FRIDAY THE 13TH #1 is the best of the bunch. If you like slasher films taken seriously, give this one a shot.


Robert Kirkman and Cory Walker: Creators of Invincible
Mark Gruenwald: Creator of concept
Image Comics: Publisher
Vroom Socko: @$$hole handbook still pending

First of all, that’s no joke up in the header. The great and wonderful Gru really does get a credit in this book. The original Marvel Universe HANDBOOK is just one of the many reasons Mark Gruenwald is a comic book legend, but even if the HANDBOOK had been the only thing he’d done it would still be enough. Everything about that project has become almost as iconic as the Marvel heroes themselves, from the art design to the covers to Eliot R. Brown’s technical cutaways. You couldn’t make a better reference book for fictional characters.
So Kirkman and company didn’t even try.
Instead, they made the single best homage to 80’s comics I’ve ever seen. The whole book, from the covers to the floating heads in the team entries is pitch perfect old school Marvel. Which is great, since INVINCIBLE is one of the few superhero books out there that has that old school Marvel feel to it. Of course, if you haven’t read any of INVINCIBLE before now, you might not want to have the story spoiled by something as simple as an encyclopedia entry. Any current fans of the book should snatch this sucker up now. Everyone else should pick up the first few TPBs of the title.
Then you’ll know why it’s just so damn cool that the first entry in the book is for Allen the Alien.


Having just read the John Woo/Garth Ennis collaboration 7 BROTHERS from Virgin, I can’t help but notice the similarities between these two stories. Both are about a group of siblings with special powers, but while 7 BROTHERS is taking its sweet old time getting the plot to present itself and the action to unfold, the swell chaps at AiT/Planet Lar show that they really do know how to put out some great books by publishing this story all in one nice neat little volume. The afterword of this original graphic novel delves into the history of the story of the SEVEN SONS and how they have popped up in literature in many, many incarnations. This history is almost as fascinating as the read itself, illustrating how the story was passed down and how the structure evolved from one culture to the next. The story itself is memorable in its simplicity. It’s a fable of sorts, one that is apparently well known, but I have to admit that this is the first time I have come across it. And I’m glad I did. Illustrated with sketched delicacy by Riley Rossmo, this story has a timeless quality. It’s a sad story, structured and driven home with Alexander Grecian’s heartfelt words. Its name may be similar to 7 BROTHERS, the Virgin book, but it is so much better and definitely more memorable. Seek this one out. - Ambush Bug


It's all fun and games until realism arrives. Milo and his comic book dimensional duplicate, Captain Valor (Eustace, heh) take on Caliginous's Bizzarro-Eustace. A rock-em, sock-em knuckleduster to end all slobberknockers ensues, the likes of which Earth-Milo has never witnessed before now. The world goes from humorously amusing to downright frightening in less than five panels. HERO SQUARED will turn your view of "realistic super-heroism" 180 degrees. Harsh. - Squashua


This hardcover story about a Titanic-like vessel that simply disappeared on its maiden voyage is beautiful visually and story-wise. It takes your typical “sell your soul to the devil” story and mixes it with a story about the excesses of the modern world and throws in some detective noir to be safe. It’s a great mix of the down and out detective genre with Lovecraftian horror. The artist D’Israeli textures each panel with intricacies and character. Each member of the cast is distinct and memorable and the demonic horrors that lie deep inside the ship turn out to be trippy as hell. Writer Ian Edginton has put together a truly memorable literary voyage guaranteed to shock and entertain the reader. - Ambush Bug

Remember, if you have an Indie book you’d like one of the @$$holes to take a look at, click on your favorite reviewer’s link and drop us an email.


After a short delay, Andreyko is back to form with Manhunter #26. Kate trains with Wonder Woman, a former Manhunter confronts his past, and Cameron Chase has to deal with a long-hanging plot thread from her old series. This is the book to pick up, and an excellent jumping-on point for new readers. The only issue I had with this...issue (no pun intended) was the Adams/Sinclair cover art: Girls with guns and overextended legs. Wonder Woman has it worse than a Todd McFarlane Captain America, and fighting words like those don't come lightly. Get the Jiminez/Villarrubia edition instead. Pina fails to disappoint with the interior art that is much more in line. This is the book you should be reading.- Squashua


I bought this one on a whim because I’ve liked some of Andy Diggle’s previous work. His writing is okay here, I guess, and the recent film’s influence on Bruce’s relationship with Lucius Fox actually works pretty well. So what’s the problem? I know it’s supposed to tell early stories of Batman—a YEAR ONE/YEAR TWO kinda thing—but it just feels really, really unnecessary. There are a shitload of Batman titles already, and just because DC decided to cancel LEGENDS OF THE DARK KNIGHT didn’t mean we needed another pointless launch—we could have just gotten by with one less Bat-book a month. Beyond that, though, there’s a much bigger problem: the art. Whilce Portacio’s stuff is just horrible. There’s actually a panel where Lex Luthor looks like a goddamned panda-human hybrid. This is supposed to be a story set early in Batman’s career, so you’d think he’d be young and handsome—but no. His face is so heavily lined he looks more like a 50-year-old Sly Stallone with a heroin habit. I guess the big question is whether you want to buy a poorly-drawn, extraneous first issue based on the character or writer. I answered yes this month, but I don’t know that I will again. .- Sleazy


Eric O'Grady is a fucking @$$hole. When they say “unlikable” on the front cover, they mean it! He's like a frat boy that never went to college and never grew up. Writing a readable unlikable protagonist is tough work. It's my personal theory behind why excellent shows Dead Like Me and Wonderfalls were canned: the lead for both shows was a complete bitch, so no one showed up to watch. Kirkman has a good handle on this douche bag, and I'm waiting with baited breath for him to get his comeuppance. Lucky for us, SHIELD is hot on his trail. Totally worth a look, but make sure you get the earlier issues while you can.- Squashua

MIDNIGHTER #2 DC Wildstorm

Okay, I'm liking this book a bit more now. Sure, the premise is a solid yet somewhat tired one, but I'm digging the execution of it I guess. For those of you late to the show, our favorite leatherclad sadist from the pages of the AUTHORITY has been captured and, uh, "commissioned" to be sent back in time to eliminate one Adolf Hitler back right before his rise to power. Again, not very original since we've seen time-traveling threads like this before, but the book is so energetic and fun that it's somewhat negligible. But the main attraction here is Chris Sprouse's pencils, which are absolutely astounding. If the idea of Hitler killing isn't enough for you, just flip through this issue and see if the art can pull you in because that's pretty much why I'm recommending this comic. Cheers...- Humphrey Damn it, damn it, damn it. After slamming the first issue, Ennis comes back with a great follow-up, nearly erasing all of the problems I had with the original and making me look like an idiot in the process. After Midnighter promises to kill every last one of his captors, he goes back to WWI to kill Corporal Hitler, who the Germans are taking great delight in mocking for being a toadying little suck-up. Plenty of French get their asses kicked. And it looks like someone called the Time Cops. This is a fun romp and by setting it in WWI manages to sidestep the more obvious clichés in the “let’s kill Hitler” sub-genre. Plus, the French get hurt… a lot. And that’s always fun.- Baytor

JONAH HEX #14 DC Comics

The second part of the untold origin of Jonah Hex focuses on the early years, a flashback tale bookended by an older Hex experience and narrated by a bodiless cowboy. Witness young Jonah's innocent youth, swimming in his family's favorite waterhole (cesspool) and playing catch (the lead) with his father. Young Jonah travels the Great Plains with his father (sold into bondage) and creates lifelong friendships (…). Come witness the hardships that helped to make Jonah the grizzled old veteran we've come to know. Worth reading. - Squashua


If you're not reading EXTERMINATORS, you're committing a crime against humanity, which coincidentally is the subject of this month's issue. One of the quietest Exterminators, entomologist Saloth Sar, has a dirty little war crime of a secret. This story will show you just how cold and uncaring a man needs to be to escape his own sadistic history. Guest artist Mike Hawthorne does an excellent fill-in job, with a bright present, an uncaring gray-green past, and a gradual drain of color as things come full circle. Fans of the grim and gritty pay heed, this issue doesn't pull any punches. - Squashua

BEYOND #6 Marvel Comics

This issue wraps up one of Marvel’s best miniseries of the year. It was fun. It embraced history of the Marvel U with open arms. Characterization was top notch. And the resolution to this mini was both exciting and heartbreaking. Even though the cast of this book were not the major players in the Marvel Universe, writer Dwayne McDuffie made all of the characters shine like stars. If you missed this one, get the trade. You won’t be sorry. - Bug


Like a lost episode of BATMAN: THE ANIMATED SERIES, Dini does it again. Robin and a certain clown prince of crime take a frightening joyride through the streets of Gotham. The cover gives away a very early surprise reveal, and an easily glossed-over page one editorial blurb helps place this seasonal story appropriately into continuity. The art is extensively detailed and consistent, the horror appropriately evoked within every “jokerized” face though at times the glassy-eyed comedian himself looks almost too much like a victim of his own gas. Also, a single wayward Dick Grayson face set askew (during the cruise ship flashback scene) threw me off-balance for a panel. I never forget a face, but in that case, I'd have made an exception. This excellent standalone one-shot would make a fantastic stocking-stuffer for any Batman fan.- Squashua

ITEM: AICN Comic @$$holes are on ComicSpace!

The @$$holes have succumbed to the latest trend. What can we say, we're fad whores. Visit our homepage on ComicSpace, the MySpace for comic book people. We're currently slutting ourselves out, allowing just about anyone to be our friend, though that'll probably change once the proposed friend classification system is initiated. Until then, join the club and come and touch us like the dirty old man you are. We won't discriminate…for now.

ITEM: Some may have already heard of tis sad news since it was posted in the Talkbacks of the Jimmy Palmiotti/Justin Gray Q & @, but we’ll reprint it here.

RIP Martin Nodell

MIAMI (AP) - Martin Nodell, the creator of Green Lantern, the comic book superhero who uses his magical ring to help him fight crime, has died. He was 91. Nodell died at his home in Muskego, Wis., on Saturday of natural causes, his son Spencer Nodell told The Associated Press on Tuesday. He previously lived in West Palm Beach. Nodell was looking for a new idea for a comic book in 1940 when he was waiting for a New York subway and saw a train operator waving a lantern displaying a green light, said Maggie Thompson, senior editor of Comics Buyer's Guide. Nodell imagined a young engineer, Alan Scott, a train crash survivor who discovers in the debris an ancient lantern forged from a green meteor. Scott constructs a ring from the lamp that gives him super powers, and becomes a crime fighter. He brought his drawings and story lines to All-American Publications, which later became a part of National Periodical Publications, the company that was to become DC Comics, Thompson said. The first Green Lantern appearance came in July 1940, an eight-page story in a comic book also featuring other characters. The character then got his own series, and Nodell drew it until 1947 under the name Mart Dellon. After its cancellation, the series was reborn in 1959 with a revised story line, and it has been revived several times. Meanwhile, Nodell left the comics field for an advertising career. In the 1960s, he was on a design team that helped develop the Pillsbury Doughboy. In later years, Nodell traveled the comic book convention circuit with his wife, Caroline, who died in 2004. "There were myriad of fans who would come up to my dad and would say `Green Lantern got me to read' or `Green Lantern got me to do something in my life,'" Spencer Nodell said. Nodell was born in Philadelphia and studied at art schools in Chicago and New York. Besides Spencer Nodell, survivors include another son, six grandchildren and three great-grandchildren.

I had a chance to meet Mr. Nodell at Wizardworld Chicago a few years ago. He seemed like a class act who, after all of these years, was still very much in love with comics and his fans. - Ambush Bug

Readers Talkback
comments powered by Disqus
    + Expand All
  • Dec. 13, 2006, 7:17 p.m. CST


    by duct tape wallet

    I just like saying it!

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 7:18 p.m. CST


    by superhero


  • Dec. 13, 2006, 7:19 p.m. CST

    Frak! SECOND!

    by superhero

    Boo Frakin' Hoo...

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 7:33 p.m. CST

    x-factor #14

    by maxwell's hammer

    "God knows you wouldn't want to make Shatterstar jealous." Funniest line in comics this year. This book is really great, and I hope it runs forever.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 7:43 p.m. CST

    I always thought "Pull List"...

    by tonagan

    referred to the stack of comics you'd masturbate to. Boy, is my face red!

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 7:52 p.m. CST

    Mr. America's family...

    by superhero

    I like how the FBI couldn't figure out who the father of the murdered family was until Mr. America shows up on the scene and tells him he's the father. His contact in the FBI KNOWS his identity and yet didn't know who's family it was that was cut up into bits? That was dumber than dumb. The rest of the book was great though.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 7:54 p.m. CST

    warren ellis?

    by dtpena

    I'm there..

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 7:56 p.m. CST

    Happily Married Couples

    by Squashua

    Wally West and Linda Park West.<br><br> Clark Kent and Lois Lane (though we rarely see it).<br><br> Umm, Ant-Man and Wasp? That's all I got.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 8:07 p.m. CST

    My favorite Martin Nodell tribute so far...

    by vroom socko

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 8:14 p.m. CST

    I really...

    by Bloo

    should read more comics, i love them but it just sucks living in nowhere Kansas without a comic book shop within a 4 hour drive

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 8:13 p.m. CST

    Onslaught would have kicked ass...

    by Devil By The Deed

    ...if Mark Waid had his way.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 8:15 p.m. CST


    by Bloo

    and I have to say, using the Green Latern at the top was a nice touch...a subtle tribute, kudos<p>this column i look forward to everyweek

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 8:31 p.m. CST

    Hapily married?

    by WarpedElements

    Antman beat wasp when he went skitzo. Not so happy. Parker and MJ don't seem all that happy, especially since everyone knows he really wanted Gwen Stacy and essentially "put up" with MJ. Wolvie couldn't even tie the knot before shit hit the fan. Phoenix ends up dead every once in a while as Cyclops eventually gets ashamed of his deep dark feelings. Invincible's dad turned out to be a world conquering asshole who had planned on killing most of the people on planet earth. Scarlett Witch ended up killing Vision. And no one can forget that Death always turned down poor Thanos. It'd seem that comics and marriage don't last. 3 to 1 odds this new one in JSA doesn't last more than 5 years, tops, before someone is killed and/or they split apart/seperate/whatever.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 8:44 p.m. CST

    Taking betson the Hourman / Liberty Belle Marriage

    by Squashua

    Odds are that Damage is gonna fuck-a-bitch.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 8:54 p.m. CST

    "I'll lay low on major spoilers...GUESS WHO DIES!"

    by Sledge Hammer

    Nice one asshole, if I hadn't already read the book and I read your review after promises of keeping things spoiler lite, only for you to then give away <i>almost</i> everything, I'd be pissed. Solid review though, outside of the unneeded (and undeserved) Meltzer slam. <p>Oh, and I completely disagree with pretty much <b>everything</b> Squashua said about Teen Titans. He's clearly off his meds.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 9 p.m. CST

    Squashua is the new Shermdawg

    by Son of Batman

    52 on Blue Beetle's chest is the new Venom in the first Spider-man 3 black costume poster.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 9:03 p.m. CST

    Oh, and rip Marty Nodell.

    by Sledge Hammer

    Another legend gone. Wonder what he thought about how Alan Scott Green Lantern had become one of the most important and well respected elder-statesman characters in the DC Universe, still hugely popular to this day. Quite a testament to the character, and his part in creating him, I'd say.<p>Oh, and by the way, I called you asshole because that's what you call yourselves, not because I was trying to be particularly insulting.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 9:06 p.m. CST


    by Squashua

    That's genius.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 9:12 p.m. CST


    by Squashua

    I even tried to get that into wikipedia. Heh.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 9:47 p.m. CST

    Sledge Hammer!

    by Prof Challenger

    Dude! That didn't strike as even reMOTEly funny that I said that and then proceeded to spoilerize the whole damn thing? I'm bummed now. And, btw, that wasn't a "Brad Meltzer slam." That was also a jr. high nyah nyah nyah joke. Insert a winky smilie...well...anywhere that the sun still shines. That's also a joke, guy.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 10:02 p.m. CST

    Um..Cyclone was given her tornado powers by T.O. Morrow

    by SpyGuy

    Page 21, Panel 3. "Ever since that incident with T.O. Morrow" You know, the same Thomas Oscar Morrow who created the android Red Tornado? Add it up, it all spells "Duh."

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 10:05 p.m. CST

    Damn you Brian Michael Bendis

    by dtpena

    Worst writer ever

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 10:16 p.m. CST

    Invincible Handbook

    by The Mighty Chone

    The Invincible Handbook credits should also include the mighty Dusty Abell, who spearheaded it, lined up the talent, and put the damn thing together (as well as bringing me in to write some bios). If you read your old marvel books tot he point where the cover came loose from the staples, you gotta buy this book.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 10:53 p.m. CST


    by blackthought


  • Dec. 13, 2006, 11:06 p.m. CST

    JSA #1 & DC 826!

    by Saluki

    JSA #1 & DC 826 are easily the two better reads lately. Glad to see a cool launch and a nice stand alone. By the way, pick up that Batman / Spirit book if you get the chance too. You owe it to yourselves. TT is sucking? What's new? HA! I keed, I keed.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 11:23 p.m. CST

    Greatest Robin Story ever Told!

    by Black Satin 2

    Detective 826, simply the greatest Robin Story ever Told. The Joker is handled perfectly. Take notes, Grant Morrison.

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 12:11 a.m. CST

    Walking Dead #33???

    by Beeslo1

    Where the fuck is this ridiculously awesome comic issue review? Best god damn writing I have seen in forever...I literally screamed "Holy Shit!" when reading it....that never happens. By the way, your reviews suck. Civil War is not as bad as you crack it up to be. You are a joke of a reviewer...oh no, you ain't biased about shit....go learn how to write real reviews you hack!

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 2:47 a.m. CST

    Squashua drops the ball big time

    by Blok Narpin

    Titans # 41 was an excellent issue. I don't know what book Squashua read, but it wasn't Titans # 41. Titans has been DC's best book since One Year Later.

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 2:52 a.m. CST

    death wore yellow and paid a visit to martin nodell

    by newc0253

    resqiescat in pace.

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 6:32 a.m. CST

    Spyguy re: T.O. Morrow

    by Prof Challenger

    Yeah. Duh. I didn't say it wasn't explained. I'm making the point that it's one of those goofy comic book "coincidences" that Ma Hunkel just "happened" to run around in long underwear in the 40s calling herself the Red Tornado and then some "incident" with the nut who created the modern Red Tornado just "happend" to end up giving Ma's granddaughter tornado-ey powers. It's like when a character with a given name like, say, "Jack Frost," just "happens" to have an accident that results in him gaining super "Ice-y" powers. Comic book coincidences is all. And Maxine Hunkel looks like a lot of fun for the title.

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 7:07 a.m. CST

    JLA is one of the worst written comics...

    by Negative Man

    ...of the past few years. It makes Civil War look like Hemingway! So Bats, WW, and Supes have spent several days figuring out what's what and who's who in the Batcave as the other future leagures have spent several days furthering non-interesting storylines? Bravo! My interest has reached its nadir! JSA #1 was a tour-de-force compared to the over-hyped JLA debacle! The best moment being the original Red Tornado's daughter being introduced. She is the new Star Girl/Kitty Pryde of the team. The new character that is the eyes of the new reader. And Marvel's BEYOND? Started with interest, but ended like a drunk date. You get off, but feel bad because they were unconscious at the time. How bad do I sound with that observsation? WAGH!

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 7:09 a.m. CST

    Ooops! Red Tornado's grand-daughter...just correcting..

    by Negative Man


  • Dec. 14, 2006, 7:24 a.m. CST


    by rev_skarekroe

    Definitely a good series. I went and read it all the way through last night. I think the fact that it DOESN'T feature many A-listers is part of its appeal. It's on old-school book featuring lots of new characters and new incarnations of old characters. Top drawer!

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 7:24 a.m. CST


    by rev_skarekroe

    DP7 would be a good name for a porno.

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 7:33 a.m. CST

    Guys, thanks for the Nodell shout-out...

    by Abin Sur

    Well done.

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 10:07 a.m. CST

    Prof Challenger: I don't see it as a "coincidence"

    by SpyGuy

    I think Geoff Johns is setting up something, probably to be told in 52, where we see the events where T.O. Morrow kidnapped Maxine and augmented her with wind powers for whatever nefarious scheme he's cooking up. Since Morrow's android was the second Red Tornado, Morrow must have known about Ma Hunkel, and could either be using Maxine as deliberate revenge against Ma for some unknown reason, or simply liked the irony. You would think that with guys as smart as Mr. Terrific and Doctor Mid-Nite on the team, the JSA could figure this out as well...

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 10:11 a.m. CST

    SpyGuy - Coincidence

    by Squashua

    I doubt it'll be in 52. The way it's explained in JSA, it seems that Maxine was kidnapped/experimented-on as a young child.

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 10:48 a.m. CST

    Walking Dead #33

    by Shigeru

    Personally, I shouted "ZOMG!" while reading it.

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 11:36 a.m. CST

    Civil War "not that bad"?

    by WarpedElements

    C'mon, the social satire isn't even subtle or in your face. It's simply "ZOMG WE'RE GONNA RAM THIS IN YOUR FACE BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO GOD DAMN STUPID TO UNDERSTAND HOW THIS STORY CAN COROLATE TO EVERY DAY EVENTS IN AMERICA!". That and the complete personality changes in all the main characters in it. I wouldn't be surprised if Cap started slipping "Bub" in there every once in a while and butting heads with anyone he wants. Jesus, what's his face who did Thunderbolts and is on Cable & Deadpool is atleast SOMEWHAT subtle about his satire (even though he slams any viewpoint that isn't his own left wing side). The wording, the narration, spoken word, alla it is just childish and almost condescending the way it is dumbed down to the point that a 5th grade student could grasp it. Yeah, 'not that bad' my ass. How about we take Astonishing X-men, have the characters out nothing like their previous personalities and doing shit they would never do, throw in some psuedo-drama and call it a hit. Oh wait..they already DID that.

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 12:17 p.m. CST

    soo, Wolverine doesn't like beer WarpedElements?

    by The Heathen

    Civil War is crap. Astonishing is far from it.

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 1:10 p.m. CST

    What will happen to those who read Ambush's review:

    by nofate


  • Dec. 14, 2006, 1:37 p.m. CST


    by Squashua

    I heart you back, but in a non-committal, platonic, heterosexual kind of way. And did I read that wrong, or did you just call me a lady?

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 1:50 p.m. CST

    Wait. Who's a chick?

    by The Heathen


  • Dec. 14, 2006, 1:58 p.m. CST

    I didn't think Squash was a lady.

    by The Heathen

    Isn't there a Samuraisomethin that was an @$$?

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 2:07 p.m. CST

    Well, I am.

    by Squashua

    I totally am. In a MAN'S BODY.

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 2:08 p.m. CST

    Oh crap.

    by Squashua

    That response was to Psy, not Heathen, dammit. Argh, whatever. This is the internet; I could be a 12 year old hermaphrodite for all you know.

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 2:22 p.m. CST

    : )

    by The Heathen

    Oh, the internets!!! <br> <br> That was pretty funny though.

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 2:32 p.m. CST

    We WERE separated at birth, Psy.

    by Squashua

    My god, another Captain Carrot fan. I think they were published in an attempt to parallel the darker paths that DC comics books were following, to be outdone by a future, purportedly "lighter" One Year Later.

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 2:37 p.m. CST

    We'll never know about those Captain Carrot pages.

    by The Heathen

    They were damn awful and I think that DC is actually trying to forget them more than me if that's possible. Fuck Captain Carrot and those horribly rendered and edited pages!

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 2:41 p.m. CST

    Zoo Kroo

    by Squashua

    I never said they were "good" pages. :-)

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 2:54 p.m. CST

    There Were Two Chicks In the @$$holes.

    by Buzz Maverik

    Lizzybeth, an extremely cool and smart indie reviewer who had her own comic column on AICN long before any of us ever thought about doing this. She was an excellent writer and had great taste in comics. I think El Vale and Psynapse in particular would have admired her recommendations. She was also the first recruited @$$hole. We knew we needed a chick because as Scott McCloud said, "Something isn't cool if women aren't doing it too" (which means we're not cool right now). I remembered Lizzy's columns and asked her to join. Superninja was always one of the crew but reluctant to write for some reason, which was a shame, since she was always very insightful and could make you look at a comic or character in a different way. For now, the @$$es are all dudes, mostly white (so Michael Richards won't hate us even though our founder is Black) and mostly straight (because the current research shows that we all have degrees of sexuality; so Isaiah Washington won't hate us). I, however, am one half Jewish, so Mel Gibson will partially hate us.

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 3 p.m. CST

    Watch My New Sitcom : The 3 Turds.

    by Buzz Maverik

    Mel Gibson, Isaiah Washington, and Michael Richards play three guys, on parole for hate crimes. They are forced to room together at a halfway house. To give Isaiah's character someone to hate, Mel will be playing "Melvin" a closeted gay man in deep denial. Each week, hijinks break out as our heroes get the shit beat out of them by people they hate. Mel's frequent co-star, Rennee Russo, will play their tough parole office known as "Sugar Tits".

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 3:05 p.m. CST

    Ah, superninja! That's who I was thinking of.

    by The Heathen

    Haven't heard from her in a while. <br> <br> Did I miss something? What did Isaiah Washington do?

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 3:08 p.m. CST

    who the frack is Isaiah Washington?

    by Shigeru

    and why should I care?

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 3:09 p.m. CST


    by Squashua

    I think he was the black Captain America.<br><br><br>:D

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 3:12 p.m. CST


    by Shigeru

    YOU HEAR ME, LIZZYBETH?! YOU'RE EEEEEEEEEMMMOOOOOO!!! DAMN YOU!!!! <br><br><br>i need to go home

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 4:15 p.m. CST

    Ellen Pompeo

    by Squashua

    I do not find "Merideth Grey" a very physically attractive woman.

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 4:46 p.m. CST

    fug Grey's Anatomy

    by The Heathen

    I agree Squash, she's goofy. What's goofier is how everything is based around her and people wanting her. Bah!

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 5:03 p.m. CST

    Now, now.

    by Squashua

    Look, Titans has been pretty good, but this last issue was complete crap. They're allowed an off day, but can't they take the off day on, say, the filler issue? Didio even said it today in a Newsarama interview: everyone is following the creators, not the characters. Geoff is usually OK, and the problem with this issue mostly stems from the artist(s). <br><br> And here's the clincher: ART IN COMICS NEVER BOTHERS ME.<br><br> For me to react so poorly to a comic means that the art had to have been atrocious. And it was. Should I have said it like this in the review? Maybe. Would I have received the reaction I've seen so far? Probably not.

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 5:40 p.m. CST

    Sitcom Is In Development. Now Called: The 4 Turds.

    by Buzz Maverik

    Rosie O'Donnell joins the cast as a parolee who must do community service for Asian American organizations. With her as a roommate, Mel's character can now become straight, which is good because both Mel and Isaiah were freaking out about that. Fucking egos. I'm considering adding as Asian parolee so Rosie will have someone to drive her crazy, but that's just getting too many people in the room. Originally, I was going to have them in one bed but Greg Garcia from MY NAME IS EARL said I was copying him, which I was but now that he's noticed I can't do it. I have to admit, I'm not the most experienced show runner in the biz. Some of you long time talkbackers might remember that I've had one sitcom in development --AHNIE -- in which pre-governor Arnold Schwartzeneggar, in a career slump, was set to play a former circus strong man raising "ein broodt ob muldi-raschial kindah". It died in development hell and recall elections. But THE 4 TURDS will have some sexual tension, with Rosie having a crush on the Rene Russo character. I'm trying to book Jackie Chan in a recurring role as Rene's boyfriend to piss everyone off. I may also try to get Ahnuldt to guest star as a Republican.

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 5:47 p.m. CST

    2006: The Year of Hate.

    by Buzz Maverik

    I wrote an SNL skit in which Michael Richards, in full Kramer persona with cigar and retro clothes, apologized to the hecklers he mistreated. He then ended up in bed with Gloria Allred. I also wrote a skit where the hecklers heckled Richards as he apologized to them. Both skits killed...or they would have if I actually wrote for SNL and they were actually funny.

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 5:54 p.m. CST

    I Used to Agree About Pompeo...

    by Buzz Maverik

    ...but I saw her on a magazine cover and they'd fixed her up pretty nicely. She's got that regular gal/flake vibe. Actually, if you look at the people that the media tells us are hot, they're not all that hot. Being married, I watch GRAY'S ANATOMY. They keep telling us that George's girlfriend, Callie, is hot but dammit, she's not hot. Which is okay because most of us, especially me, are not hot either but no one goes around saying,"That Buzz is hot, bay-bee, hot!" until people go:"I would have said he's anything but hot, but yeah, I guess he is hot." I keep watching GRAY'S waiting for Callie to be revealed as a man! Somebody pull the wig off! Now, that would be a cool show! Note to Buzz: work this into a FOUR TURDS script. Isaiah's new girlfriend...isn't a girl at all! She's a plant, which gets Isaiah and Rosie upset. This is going to be a tense set, but I'm thinking Must See TV.

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 6:12 p.m. CST

    Grey's Anatomy has a bunch of uglies on it.

    by The Heathen

    I mean, there's more pretty guy's than there are women. I like Sandra Oh, but she ain't exactly the bees knees. The girl that plays Izzie is kinda hot, but her character is too pathetic for me to fully realize that. Bailey used to be the shit though. The wife still watches Grey's but I don't care for it anymore. It's the same old shit over and over. I'm done with it. I get lots of reading done during it at least.

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 6:27 p.m. CST

    Here's How I Get Through GRAY'S:

    by Buzz Maverik

    You may have noticed Dr. McHomophobe has an injury that prevents him from doing surgery. I pretend I'm watching a DR. STRANGE movie and we haven't GOTTEN TO THE DEVIL SHIT YET. Washington was working for me as Stephen Strange until I found out he was an ass, so I have to pretend that Dempsey, who mildly looks like Marvel's standard depiction of Dr. Stange, is the Sorceror Supreme. I'll probably end up in the FOUR TURDS for saying this, but I pretend that Sandra Oh, whom I think is cool, is a female Wong whom Dr. Strange pooches (although I guess he could pooch a male Wong too if they were into that). I sort of work in THE DEFENDERS with TR Knight as Bruce Banner who has yet to Hulk out; Katherine Heigl as the Valkyrie; Justin Chambers as Nighthawk or the Silver Surfer; and that new guy with the 'tude and the chest as Prince Namor, the Sub-Mariner (I heard he was the Multiple Man in X3). Tonight, they are fighting the Headmen who are trying to steal Kyle Richmond's brain again.

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 6:33 p.m. CST

    I'll never be able to look at Grey's the same again…

    by The Heathen

    thanks, Buzz! The wife will be like McSteamy? And I'll say, "Namor?" Who? And about the whole McDreamy, McSteamy thing - I saw a commerical for some show on ABC about guy's in trees and they said, "First there was McDreamy, then there was McSteamy AND now there's McTreemy!" I kid you not.

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 9:21 p.m. CST

    i wish i was a mc...somthing

    by blackthought


  • Dec. 14, 2006, 9:41 p.m. CST

    You can be McBlackthought

    by Squashua

    Y'know, when you type it out, I thought they were all rappers.<br><br> "Yo yo yo, this is EmCee Steamy"<br> "And I'm EmCee Dreamy, sup y'all"<br> <br> I'd totally bang the spanish chick on that show. Callie. And I'd bang Callie from BSG, if she weren't one of the fraking 5 undiscovered toasters. Ah, I'd do her anyway. And her sisters on the resurrection ship.

  • Dec. 15, 2006, 9:43 a.m. CST

    this TB wins

    by Shigeru

    more later

  • Dec. 15, 2006, 9:51 a.m. CST

    it's later: Grey's A.

    by Shigeru

    I watched that show once. Thought it was pretty good. Then I watched it again, and it was exactly the same thing. Ect. Eff that. <br>I can get into Ellen Pompeo, though. Because #1: she's from Everett, MA, which is 10 min from me. #2: I saw her in that Moonlight Mile flick with Jake G. and was like "this chick is RAD, she's going places!", and next thing you know, she's starring in the #1 show on TV. Oh, and she played Karen Paige in "Daredevil". She didn't get AIDS and then die, though. And that's not a gay bashing joke. It's a Kevin Smith bashing joke.

  • Dec. 15, 2006, 9:56 a.m. CST

    Wait? What? Huh?

    by loodabagel

    People actually watch Grey's Atanomy? I thought that was a show for teenage girls? I thought real people only watched the Office. I watch the office. Sometimes I masturbate to Pam, sometimes I masturbate to Dwight. But I do not watch Grey's Fucking Anatomy. In other news, there are many comics out this week that I think I would enjoy reading, but I will likely not get the chance. Comics are cool.

  • Dec. 15, 2006, 10:36 a.m. CST

    Last Night, Addison Became Hellcat...

    by Buzz Maverik

    ...and joined the non-team. It was a re-run, so Chris O'Donnell WHO NEVER PLAYED ROBIN DO YOU HEAR ME? guest starred as Daimon Hellstrom, the Son of Satan himself! The mephistotelean sparks flew there, I can tell you! Too bad Hawkeye died after Valykrie cut his heartwire thingie last season but it was nice that an aging Captain America showed up to have a heart to heart talk with her in the bar WHICH WAS INTERUPTED BY AN INVASION BY THE BADOON!

  • Dec. 15, 2006, 10:41 a.m. CST

    Women Watch GRAY'S. Husbands..

    by Buzz Maverik

    ...pretend they're watching a DEFENDERS movie. Haven't you been paying attention. I'll tellya, I was kidding at first, but that McSteamy guy would be an awesome Sub-Mariner. He's buff, has the attitude, the squinty eyes, the pointy ears, winged feet and everything.

  • Dec. 15, 2006, 10:50 a.m. CST

    Rejected Gray's "Mc" Names...

    by Buzz Maverik


  • Dec. 15, 2006, 10:54 a.m. CST

    I didn't say I wouldn't do Starbuck or Boomer

    by Squashua

    Or even Skankrica-5 or Lucy Lawless, but only in BSG style. Elsewhere she's almost Chyna-esque.<br><br> That having been said, check out my Friends List:<br><br><br> And for the last word, a quote from "Scrubs"<br><br> Elliot: J.D., I really don't wanna do this. Can't we just go home, and put on our PJ's, and watch "Grey's Anatomy"?<br> J.D.: Oh, I do love that show. It's like they've been watching our lives and then just put it on TV.

  • Dec. 15, 2006, 11:05 a.m. CST

    Astonishing X-men, Anatomy.

    by WarpedElements

    Screw Grey's Anatomy, watch House. They actually work on REAL problems, not psuedo-issues expounded for television. And they don't add a buncha soap opera and sex to appeal to middle america, they actually rely on intelligence, satire, wit, that whole 'thinking' thing, with a bit of slapstick thrown in once in a while. Astonishing isn't really that great. Wolverine does like beer. But it's not his main focus. It's not a driving factor in his life or how he lives. I mean, the whole fighting the mole man creature and all him saying is "I like beer". C'mon, that's just overly cheesy. And the psuedo-bitchy white queen is just predictable. Use the elitist snob from Gen X or New X-men. Cyclops is nothing more than a whipping boy and the field commander, degenerating all the character growth that he, wolverine, colossus, and White Queen have had over the years. I like how Kitty has matured and even taken the lead in some cases. But other than that, Whedon has no concept of continuity. Making SHIELD a 'america only' protection force? Just so he could make Nick Fury look like a racist to get a point across? That's just weak. The 'Hope' cure was destroyed way to easily, and it's like having the cure for cancer and then losing it because the building caught on fire. There would be samples, backup, that knowledge SOMEWHERE other than that one building. Pathetic. Whedon should go back to taking ideas from anime and older movies and adapting them and dumbing them down for middle america.

  • Dec. 15, 2006, 11:10 a.m. CST

    I could see him as Namor.

    by The Heathen

    I dunno about that Denny guy as Hawkeye though.

  • Dec. 15, 2006, 11:15 a.m. CST


    by blackthought

    my irish roots feel good now.

  • Dec. 15, 2006, 11:20 a.m. CST

    Bartender as Ben Grimm

    by Squashua

    And his lover as Johnny Storm, "FLAME ON!" They could show up for a Team-Up. ;-)<br><br> And since no one has mentioned Dr. Webber yet, as the oldest cast member, he'd make a fine Gargoyle.

  • Dec. 15, 2006, 11:27 a.m. CST


    by Shigeru

    That's a fantastic Scrubs quote!

  • Dec. 15, 2006, 11:38 a.m. CST


    by The Heathen

    and I quote, "have the characters out nothing like their previous personalities and doing shit they would never do, throw in some psuedo-drama and call it a hit." You love to use 'psuedo' no? I wholeheartedly disagree that the characters don't act like themselves. Wolverine likes beer. When he's fighting the mole man creature it's more of an exercise than any real danger, he's thinking about a cold one. Of course it's not the driving factor of his life, it could even be a 'psuedo-fight' *gasp* but it's used as some comic relief with great timing in my personal opinion. Not everything has to be related to the absolute end destination purpose for the story. Character moments like Wolverine saying he likes beer or coming to his senses and zeroing in on one are welcome. Cyclops? Cyclops has gotten some balls as of late and Whedon himself has said he's wanted to make Scott more of the bad ass that he really is instead of people just walking over him. He's a leader for a reason. Hell, look at how he took out the Sentinel in issue 7 or 8. Look at the past two issues for him taking shit. Whedon having no sense of continuity? C'mon man, if anything the complaint I've heard about Astonishing the most is that he references Morrison's New X-Men too often and that people wish he'd just stay away from it because it's so sacred. I like the fact that he acknowledges it and think it's good for the overall continuity, but that's a much bigger problem in the Marvel U right now than just in AXM. You lost me on the Nick Fury thing. House is a good show, great compared to Grey's. David Morse is the biggest ass ever on that show. That's what I got.

  • Dec. 15, 2006, 11:55 a.m. CST

    Never said it had to follow

    by WarpedElements

    Never said it had to follow ALL the defining shit, but wolverine focusing so much on beer "we could fight for beer on the lawn" "I like beer" Beer falling on his head. Cyclops is still getting walked on by the White Queen (until he shot the double/whatever). White Queen was still an elitist bitch in Gen X, not just in New X-men. She's much more whimpy in this version. Bringing Colossus back was a big mistake as well, but whatever. I thought for sure Quesada said something about 'not bringing back any more dead heroes/villians'. Cyclops is a leader and a badass, not just once in a while. Wolverine is more than just a thug as he was personified, and White Queen is nothing more than a dissapointment. And Nick Fury said SHIELD was US based defense, not UN like it's supposed to be in response to Cyclops saying "Where was SHIELD when the sentinels attacked Genosha" "That wasn't US territory". Yeah Marvel U has continuity issue, now more than ever, so you ignore the smaller ones instead of working on it? That's how you work if your last name is Bendis and you write continuity conflicted stories/timelines and bring back random dead characters just because you wanted too. In conclusion, Whedon is an asshat who needs to actually do research on the characters he's writing, and not just the last run on X-Men and Avengers.

  • Dec. 15, 2006, 12:10 p.m. CST

    funny you should say that…

    by The Heathen

    because I thought he was bringing a lot of the early Claremont stuff into his run as well. White Queen still seems like an elitist bitch to me. Call me crazy. It is possible for characters to change and progress naturally over the years though. Not like Peter Parker revealing himself completely out of character type change, but still, the White Queen is a dynamic character and even though she may not be the pure evil elitist bitch she once was, she's still an elitist bitch. Wouldn't that be proven by Emma trying to walk over and on Cyclops? And Quesada did say something about not bringing back dead people, but dude, it's Quesada. Need I explain how that works?

  • Dec. 15, 2006, 1:31 p.m. CST

    Exactly, Psynapse…

    by The Heathen

    but wouldn't that mean that Whedon did some research? I believe so I do. Well said man.

  • Dec. 15, 2006, 2:40 p.m. CST

    I aim to please, Shiggy.

    by Squashua

    That's my favorite Scrubs quote evar.

  • Dec. 15, 2006, 5:01 p.m. CST

    OK, I'll try Tranquility and Friday 13th

    by Homer Sexual

    I found Manhunter and a few others from this site. So I'll definitely check on Manhunter and Friday the 13th based on these recommendations. Especially since Simone and Palmiotti/Gray have stellar track records. I tried Irreedemable Ant-Man, but I am finding Kirkman's writing generally gets old fast, this book got old really fast and I already dropped it. Oh, and I do think Astonishing is all right, but way overrated. It doesn't suck, but if I wasn't already fond of the characters, I don't know that I'd buy it. And Whedon does write Kitty Pryde well.

  • Dec. 15, 2006, 5:23 p.m. CST


    by Homer Sexual

    Of course I meant I'll check out Tranquility, already reading Manhunter (despite the hideous costume).

  • Dec. 15, 2006, 6:21 p.m. CST

    Was this recent?

    by The Heathen

    How many shops do you have to go to? If my shop and I had a falling out I'd be screwed and forced to order all my books off the internet or go to the crazy comic store with cats over everything and nothing but old issues of Alpha Flight which admittedly is super close but shady, small and gross. Anyway, to answer your question Psy, I've heard far worse in my shop and that guy was acting retarded and like an ass for saying that. Puh-lease. It's our god given right to say something is retarded or gay even if the person saying it isn't retarded or gay! This one time an employee was making calls and telling people that stuff they had ordered had arrived in. He came to this one guy's list and left him a message saying, "Hello, uh, Mr. Zyborg (or something funny like that), *snicker* umm, sorry, that's a funny name you left us. Anyway, just wanted to let you know that your copy of (something anime) was in." I love my shop.

  • Dec. 15, 2006, 7:24 p.m. CST

    My comic shop...

    by loodabagel

    I say to the lady "Hey, did you stop getting All Star Superman?" She gives me a confused look, as if to say "Who the hell is this Superman you speak of, and why the hell would I know anything about him?" and then she does say "Ask Josh. He's in charge of that kind of stuff." Shudder. The next week, the same lady asks some guy who's trying to read the current issue of 52 if he knows anything about Frank Miller. I guess her brother wanted some for Christmas or something. Now he gives her a "Why the hell are you asking me? That kid next to me knows more about Frank Miller than I do, and even his knowledge is pretty minimal." So to help out my comic reading brethren, I butt in and offer my two cents "Well, it seems you've got all of these Sin City comics here. Of course, it's always good to start at the beginning. That would be this one here called the Hard Goodbye, although That Yellow Bastard is what I'd call the best of the series." Than I went back to reading the 5 Marvel comics and 5 DC comics that come each month that are worth getting. And the thing I call a store has gotten rid of more and more comics lately, at least the trades and graphic novels. They used to have 2 full bookshelves with half a shelf of manga. Then they worked their way towards a more even system of 1 shelf comics, 1 shelf manga. Then the manga started to spill over onto the comic shelf. First one row, then two, then three. And they haven't gotten any new American graphic novels in two months. And the clincher? Oh, you thought that was the clincher? No, it gets worse. I asked a few manga reading friends if there was anything good there and they said "NO." Thank god for the glory that is ordering books from Amazon, or I'd go into withdrawls.

  • Dec. 15, 2006, 7:25 p.m. CST

    that sounds like crap looda…

    by The Heathen

    crap I say! Amazon does rock for ordering books though.

  • Dec. 15, 2006, 7:30 p.m. CST

    Love the TT review.

    by dregmobile

    And I think this says it all on the ComicSpace page: <br> <br> "User Tags: @$$hole, ain't it cool news, column, comedy, critic, interviews, movies, news, reviewer (help)" <br> <br> I find that funny for some reason. <br> <br> This week's JLA was fun. It's getting better. And also TALES OF THE UNEXPECTED 3 had some great stuff in it. <br> <br> Was ready to pick up THE SPIRIT #1 until I scanned and saw the gay art. There was no way I could take that title seriously. I know nothing about The Spirit, and was hoping the character was a little more serious toned. Not so. So, dropped it back on the shelf ... someone please let me know how it is and if I made the wrong decision ...

  • Dec. 15, 2006, 7:48 p.m. CST


    by The Heathen

    you made the wrong decision. Give Darwyn Cooke a chance. His art is fantastic and a breath of fresh air. Word is that The Spirit is the best issue on stands currently. Really, give it a second chance.

  • Dec. 15, 2006, 9:27 p.m. CST

    Here I am again...

    by loodabagel

    Man, I have conflicted feeling about Teen Tians right now...

  • Dec. 16, 2006, 9:58 a.m. CST

    darwyn cooke

    by blackthought

    should always be given a chance...very true.

  • Dec. 16, 2006, 1:05 p.m. CST

    Mike Richardson interview

    by Mister Inbetween

    There will be a cool interview with Mike Richardson of Dark Horse comics on Live Wire, the radio variety show on Oregon Public Broadcasting. (KOPB)It'll air Sat. Dec 30 at 8pm. For streaming go to or iTune it afterwards...for more info go to Swell guy!

  • Dec. 16, 2006, 4:26 p.m. CST


    by Squashua

    It's funnier when you go to my listing and take a look at my friends list. ;-D<br><br> Why the conflict, Looda?<Br><br> And Homer, you don't like Manhunter's outfit? WTH, man. It's like a gold DC Easter Egg.

  • Dec. 17, 2006, 8:41 p.m. CST

    The Lost Seinfeld Episode

    by Squashua

  • Dec. 17, 2006, 11:48 p.m. CST

    It's not working Squash, BUT…

    by The Heathen

    I did see that Nick Lachey commercial five times. <br> <br> Damn you.

  • Dec. 18, 2006, 9:26 a.m. CST

    Holy nuts!

    by loodabagel

    It's a Christmas miracle! New Universal, Immortal Iron FIst and JSA. All in my shop! What a welcome surpirise. But about that Teen Titans. Well, I more or less enjoyed the issue, but I have to agree with most of what you said in your review.

  • Dec. 18, 2006, 11:37 a.m. CST


    by Shigeru

    dreg: research The Spirit and Will Eisner. You won't be sorry!<br><br> Psy: That's retarded of them, but I wouldn't cancel my sub just cause of it. My shop is "Jerry's Comics". With 1 employee: Jerry. It's about the size of a single hallway (2 people can BARELY fit side by side) and comics/boxes are EVERYWHERE. It's pretty wild.

  • Dec. 18, 2006, 1:21 p.m. CST


    by blackthought

    not as sweet sans heroes and studio 60...but soon...24 returns...oh yes indeed.

  • Dec. 18, 2006, 8:41 p.m. CST

    well as long as she's catholic...

    by blackthought

    go ahead.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 9:34 a.m. CST

    Well piss.

    by loodabagel

    Am I the only one in a good mood?

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 10:10 a.m. CST

    Could very well be, looda..

    by Thalya

    *hangs head*

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 10:16 a.m. CST


    by loodabagel

    Liven up with the festivus spirit.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 10:42 a.m. CST

    Ditto: Could very well be, looda…

    by The Heathen

    even though it's 23 days until the new season of 24. That would have been better if I posted that yesterday, huh?

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 10:47 a.m. CST


    by The Heathen

    Damn, Kramer. I can't even think of Festivis without hearing a racial rant in my subconscious. Bah humbug.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 11:09 a.m. CST

    Seems like an Elvis sorta day..

    by Thalya

    "I'll have a blue, blue blue Christmas.."

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 12:02 p.m. CST


    by The Heathen


  • Dec. 19, 2006, 12:24 p.m. CST

    That's Why You'll Like My New Sitcom, Heath...

    by Buzz Maverik

    ...(now back to being THE 3 TURDS because nobody could stand being around Rosie)... the opening credits feature Michael Richards' character, known as MIKER, doing a racist comedy routine then spitting hot nacho sauce on the people he's tormenting...we cut to Mel Gibson's character, Melvin, crashing his car into a synagogue and blaming the people inside for the over strict drunk driving-seat belt-airbag laws. Next, we have Isaiah Washington's charcter, Eye-Eye, choking a couple of guys in West Hollywood before he realizes that he's outside a gym where a bunch of pumped and pissed gay guys come out and kick his ass. Next, we see our three hapless heroes in prison about to be turned out during a unity ceremony of the Aryan Rednecks and the New Afrikan Army. Finally, we see them rooming together in Big Mama Fierstein's Halfway House! After that, you'll be able to enjoy the feats of strength and tell your family how they've all disappointed you again.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 12:27 p.m. CST

    Good News! We've Signed Nicole Ritchie...

    by Buzz Maverik play Nikki, the trio's mutual girlfriend.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 12:57 p.m. CST

    "Ching chong ching chong Danny DeVito"

    by Shigeru

    LOL Rosie O'Donnel, you stupid bitch... haha.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 2:16 p.m. CST

    I'm glad you got rid of Rosie…

    by The Heathen

    You could always add Star Jones. <br> <br>

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 2:19 p.m. CST

    If I had to choose between Rosie or Star Jones…

    by The Heathen

    not existing. I don't know if I could make that decision. That's a tough one.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 3:20 p.m. CST

    Gawd, Am I Glad You Said Not Existing...

    by Buzz Maverik

    ...instead of who you'd do if you had to. I mainly fired Rosie because of the great Bobcat Goldthwaite bit where he talks about being in a movie with Johnny Depp and that even though they're both straight, he'd fuck Johnny Depp. At that point, he turns to the audience and says, "Like if you were forced to choose between Johnny Depp and Rosie O'Donnell." He says he hopes Johnny Depp never hears the routine. In a pitch perfect Depp impression he says:"I fuck me?"

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 3:25 p.m. CST

    Then, There Was The Simpsons Halloween Short...

    by Buzz Maverik which Lisa discovers a comet about to destroy the Earth. She, Marge and Maggie get on a space shuttle taking them to paradise. Homer and Bart get on the loser shuttle, headed for the sun, and sit next to Tom Arnold who does his own voice. Rosie O'Donnell gets up and tries to lead everyone in show tunes. Even though they are only seconds away from crashing into the sun, Homer can't stand it that long. He grabs Bart and they eject into space where, much to their relief, they explode.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 3:32 p.m. CST

    "I fuck me?"

    by The Heathen

    LOL! That's awesome. I'd totally fuck Johnny Depp before Rosie or Star Jones. Hell, I wish every decision was that easy. <br> <br> I love women and all their womanly parts. <br> <br> I remember that Simpsons episode. It was awesome indeed.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 3:53 p.m. CST

    there's a band called Gay For Johnny Depp

    by Shigeru

    .....yeah, I'd do him.

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 4:09 p.m. CST

    I Almost Sounded Gay For Keanu Reeves This Week...

    by Buzz Maverik of my friends heard a rumor that Reeves is up for a big comic book role that most fans will hate. I thought it was good casting and started siting Reeves' physical resemblence to the character:"A cold, chisled handsomeness, lean but muscular--" Then I realized I was talking about a guy! Still, if the other choices were Rosie and Star...

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 4:22 p.m. CST

    Hmmm... let me guess..

    by Thalya


  • Dec. 19, 2006, 5:16 p.m. CST

    Keanu is up for Jesse Custer

    by Squashua


  • Dec. 19, 2006, 5:22 p.m. CST

    But I Don't Think Keanu Would Be Right For Jesse Custer

    by Buzz Maverik

    People WOULD hate him in that part though. I WOULD hate him in that part and I'd hate the people who cast him. I don't mean to be vague but when you tell Buzz Maverik something in confidence, he only spills part of it publicly, thus pissing everyone off at him. Sorry. This is another part. I would imagine after the success of THE MATRIX and the existence of its' unnecessary sequels (which if you're stoned and watching them all at once aren't as all out shit as they are when you're sober), and what with playing CONSTANTINE (poor@$$ casting, didn't even have to see it to know it, with a United Kingdom full of talented actors, you get a Canadian-American of Polynesian ancestry?), Keanu is probably offered everything comic book...I saw an Oliver Stone interview recently, in which Stone was complimented on the performance he got out of Nicolas Cage in WORLD TRADE CENTER. The interview said, "Too bad the next thing he did was GHOST RIDER." Stone said that he liked that comic because it was weird and psychotic. I have to agree, except for Cage being exactly 20 years too old for the part. They should have cast somebody like Emile Hirsch, moody but callow enough to sell his soul to the devil. 42 year old guys have a great sense of their own mortality...

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 5:27 p.m. CST

    Or here's a question:

    by Thalya

    What _wouldn't_ fanboys hate Keanu in, as far as comic book roles are concerned?

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 5:35 p.m. CST

    That's Why Fanboys Aren't Allowed To Cast.

    by Buzz Maverik

    We always pick someone too young or too old for the part. Or too unknown when you need a star. "They should cast Steve Cheese who played the reoccuring role of the plumber on BATTLESTAR GALACTICA. And Sofia Sopapia should play Wonder Woman. She was Playboy's Miss July, and Mom and Dad were away on vacation and I..."

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 5:42 p.m. CST

    Alternately, Fanboys Want Too Great A Pedigree...

    by Buzz Maverik

    ...because we love this stuff and take it seriously and see its' value, we want to pass up the movie star for the great and serious actor. Back when they were casting DAREDEVIL, people here were saying, "They need Guy Pearce or Jude Law for Matt and Marlon Brando for the Kingpin." And it's like, "Well, Bunkie, Guy and Jude probably laughed in their faces and ran screaming and Marlon is over 70 years old so it'd look like Daredevil was beating up on his grandfather, not to mention the fact that Brando has dementia and is probably incontinent."

  • Dec. 19, 2006, 8:48 p.m. CST

    Fanboy casting… BUT…

    by The Heathen

    Morena Baccarin should be Wonder Woman. Very nice. I love her. <br> <br> Casting couch anyone?

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 8:54 a.m. CST


    by Shigeru

    Buzz is right, they shouldn't be allowed to cast films... they have mostly terrible ideas. Case in point: David Caruso should be Rorsach, because they both have red hair. <br><br> Also, fanboys have an unnatural hatred of Keanu. I dunno why. <br><br> Me? I'm still kinda bummed Billy Crudup ain't gonna be Iron Man.

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 9:28 a.m. CST


    by blackthought

    hmmm...i wast to cast the jsa. i love those guys.

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 9:38 a.m. CST

    Keanu Reeves is the world's coolest...

    by loodabagel

    Not-Cool guy. The comic book role he's perfect for is....<p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> ...Your mom?

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 10:06 a.m. CST

    but Robert Downey ain't bad casting…

    by The Heathen

    that's great casting. I'm super glad about that actually. Then again, I just watched Kiss Kiss Bang Bang again. But the fanboys were all saying Oded Fehr because hey, he has black hair and a goatee! So yeah, fanboys probably shouldn't cast anything. But Morena Baccarin should be Wonder Woman. I actually don't mind Keanu. I think that everyone takes pot shots at him and it becomes too common and therefore… lame. Just ask my family. Yikes. <br> blackthought, current Justice Society or previous? I still haven't been able to get to my LCS for JSA #1, WD #33, etc., etc.

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 11:03 a.m. CST

    is it true that you get to

    by arghhhhhhhh

    is it true that you get to see his vagina in this one, i'm not bein a smart-ass, i've heard it from a lot of people

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 11:35 a.m. CST


    by The Heathen

    it must be a bitch typing that in every time you sign on. Anyway, ya gotta be more specific. A) Who's vagina? 2) What's this one? C) What? Huh?

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 1:34 p.m. CST

    Nathan Lane!

    by Thalya


  • Dec. 20, 2006, 1:44 p.m. CST

    HOLY SHIT!!!

    by The Heathen

    BKV JOINED THE LOST WRITING STAFF!!! <br> <br> This pleases me.

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 1:51 p.m. CST


    by Thalya

    We're taking over..

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 1:52 p.m. CST

    Re: Psynapse

    by The Heathen

    Melanie Griffith? <br> <br> Just kidding!!! Yuck. Really, really just kidding.

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 1:57 p.m. CST

    like ol' times, T.

    by The Heathen

    Like ol' times.

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 2:03 p.m. CST

    That too..

    by Thalya

    I was thinking of the viral way in which comic writers and artists are infiltrating the mainstream.

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 2:22 p.m. CST

    If I had to go by size and "popularity"

    by Squashua

    I'd say Pamela Anderson and be very diappointed in the execution. I really liked the Power Girl short film that was loosly based on her JSA Classified appearance.<br><br>

  • Dec. 20, 2006, 2:24 p.m. CST

    My actual entry

    by Squashua

    Add some padding and Katie Sackhoff has that "around the block" look for Power Girl. And the haircut.

  • Dec. 21, 2006, 9:38 a.m. CST


    by loodabagel

    If we must stick with the large breasts, then I would say Thora Birch. Put a blode wig on and you're set. She may be a little wider than you'd hope for, but she's Power Girl, damnit! Not skanky anorexic Supergirl.

  • Dec. 21, 2006, 9:40 a.m. CST

    Wasn't there a casting couch already this year for JSA?

    by loodabagel

    One a you @$$es help us out here. Show me what you have.

  • Dec. 21, 2006, 12:54 p.m. CST

    Katie Sackhoff, Thora Birch - POWER GIRL

    by The Heathen

    Katie Sackhoff is the fanboy choice I'm afraid to say. I don't even watch Battlestar and I thought that she sorta had the look, but I actually like looda's inspired choice of Thora Birch. It's different, but plausible. And who did the @$$es choose during the casting couch? I can't remember. I remember that I think Stargirl should be Kristen Bell, but not much else.

  • Dec. 21, 2006, 12:56 p.m. CST

    Yep, Thora Birch could do it.

    by The Heathen

  • Dec. 21, 2006, 9:07 p.m. CST

    dang, I could do a whole Ghost World/JSA casting...

    by loodabagel

    Lessee. Scarlett Johansenn could play Liberty Belle (Because they're both blonde. Perect choice) Brad Renfro could play Hourman or Damage because they're both younger guys. Steve Buscemi could play Jay Garrick becuase that's the closest you can really get to JSA Steve Buscemi. Okay, nevermind. I couldn't supplant the cast of Ghost World for the cast of JSA, but, hey, I tried my best. I remember the Power Girl now! It was just some skank with big breasts.

  • Dec. 21, 2006, 9:08 p.m. CST

    dang, I could do a whole Ghost World/JSA casting...

    by loodabagel

    Lessee. Scarlett Johansenn could play Liberty Belle (Because they're both blonde. Perect choice) Brad Renfro could play Hourman or Damage because they're both younger guys. Steve Buscemi could play Jay Garrick becuase that's the closest you can really get to JSA Steve Buscemi. Okay, nevermind. I couldn't supplant the cast of Ghost World for the cast of JSA, but, hey, I tried my best. I remember the Power Girl now! It was just some skank with big breasts.

  • Dec. 22, 2006, 9:35 a.m. CST

    Nice picture...

    by loodabagel

    I thought she had dark hair?

  • Dec. 23, 2006, 10:35 a.m. CST

    i'd cast the whole new and old

    by blackthought

    for the eventually 10 sequels.

  • Dec. 23, 2006, 7:35 p.m. CST

    Well mine would be a CG cartoon...

    by loodabagel

    Featuring the voice talents f Jennifer Aniston, Luis Guzman, Larry King, Jessica Simpson, Beyonce, Usher, Howard Stern, Cedric the Entertainer and Ice Cube. Oh yeah. It would suck too.

  • Dec. 24, 2006, 9:17 a.m. CST

    although i got nothing but love for American Beauty

    by Shigeru

    I never understood why Thora Birch wanted breast implants when it was clear that she had gi-NORMOUS knockers....

  • Dec. 25, 2006, 12:44 p.m. CST

    merry xmas to my cogs!

    by blackthought

    shigeru, psynapse, thayla, heathen, el vale, darth kal-el, turtle and our long lost but not forgotten cog, gus nukem...couldn't find a better bunch to lounge in a giant mansion while we ignore crime. 2007 will be the Year of the Cog. also merry xmas to the the a$$holes for bringing this column to us weekly(usually) so we may bitch and moan and throw praise about to those that make comics good, bad and most ugly(usually liefeld).

  • Dec. 26, 2006, 11:11 a.m. CST

    Now did she really?

    by loodabagel

    I find that quite odd. Indeed, she does have ginourmous knockers. The other day, I stumbled upon the only character Steve Buscemi can play..........................The Calculator!

  • Dec. 30, 2006, 7:31 a.m. CST

    LAST, bitches!

    by dregmobile

    And that IRON MAN/CAPTAIN AMERICA thing (i got the one with cap on top) was fucking useless. <br> <br> Might go check and see if there are any new cogsmooches reveiws ...

  • Dec. 30, 2006, 11:31 a.m. CST

    Keepin' the dream alive...

    by loodabagel

    The best movie of 2006 was......................................................

  • Jan. 2, 2007, 11 a.m. CST

    The Fountain

    by The Heathen

    Cog Reviews will be back with a best of 2006 in the next week or so. We'll let everyone know, trust me. <br> <br> Scarlet could play a Power Girl too. She's, uh, got the right 'qualities' about her and she's blonde and oh so pretty.

  • Jan. 2, 2007, 11:03 a.m. CST

    Oh, and…

    by The Heathen


  • Jan. 2, 2007, 7:08 p.m. CST


    by blackthought

    last...indeed. and yes our column will be back in bizness rather soon. hope to see you talkbackers there.