Ain't It Cool News (www.aintitcool.com)
Movie News

ERAGON screens and made an 11 year old fan cry with frustration!!!

Ahoy, squirts! Quint here. This review is about as negative as you can get. It seems the movie didn't just work for our spy, a grown man, but it failed completely for adolescent and teenage relatives at the screening, who were fans of the book and devastated by the liberties taken. Can this possibly fail on all levels? I hope it's more entertaining than the early word suggests, but realistically I have to doubt that'll be the case. Here's the review:

I work for a major entertainment company and was offered tickets to a preview of "Eragon" at Northpark Mall in Dallas earlier tonight. I haven't read the books, but I was accompanied by two 11 year old boys who had along with my college age niece, who's also a fan of the series. We didn't like it. My son was disappointed almost to tears at the liberties the film took with the novel. Apparently the big climactic battle is created out of whole cloth and has no counterpart in the novell. As a writer I know of the many challenges faced in adapting a novel to the screen, but from what I could see much of the spirit of the novel is lost in this cinematic translation. The character of Eragon is a sketch - almost no effort is given to let us see him as a human. He simply acts the way he acts - impulsive at times, belligerent on occasion - because the script demands it of him. Time is compressed in a very clumsy way - so much so that the dragon ages from infancy to something like late adolescence in the course of a single flight on a single afternoon. And no, this is no cinematic license, it's literally one afternoon. Jeremy Irons does what he can lending his gravitas to the obligatory teacher - student dynamic but frankly, Eragon is such an impuslive ass you wonder why Irons doesn't just cold cock him and take off on the dragon himself. And don't ask about poor John Malkovich. If his career was in a stall before this movie, it will shortly be in a nose-dive. The direction is just... words fail me. It's not really bad so much as it's inadequate. The film is edited as if it's been carved out of a bigger and maybe better movie - perhaps in the interesting of getting it down to a reasonable time, but the result is an edit job full of awkward transitions, scenes that seem to end before they should, and a herky jerky pace that pulls you out of the film. The most damning evidence - the almost tearful state of my 11 year old son who's been looking forward to this movie for months and is now bitterly disappointed because - in his words - "they made a mockery of it." If you use this, Harry, sign me "Son of Bob".

Readers Talkback
comments powered by Disqus
    + Expand All
  • Dec. 13, 2006, 6:01 a.m. CST

    I"M first

    by THE KNIGHT

    and I'm pretty tired...

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 6:02 a.m. CST

    BTW

    by THE KNIGHT

    This movie looks like shit... Have a good day everyone...

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 6:04 a.m. CST

    WELL

    by THE KNIGHT

    One more thing... peter jackson will direct the hobbit when it's all said and done... Just thought i'd throw that in there....

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 6:02 a.m. CST

    Dragons

    by DrSurvey

    Dragons, quite possibly one of the coolest creatures ever and yet nobody can make a decent movie with them. Come on, it can't be that hard! Reign of Fire was along the right track, just needed more dragons burning and eating stuff.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 6:04 a.m. CST

    Knew it

    by Sepulchrave

    The book was a piece of marketer's shit; add to that Malkovitch with black plastic talons and Jeremy 'will declaim sonorously for food' Irons and that UGLY boy who looks like the evil kid from Excalibur and you have one big pile of chrimbo-crap. Here's to HIS DARK MATERIALS!

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 6:07 a.m. CST

    Don't know how good the movie could be,

    by CreasyBear

    considering the plot of the book was a rambling mess of an attempt to go formula with the Hero's Journey (trademark). (I don't mean to pick on a 14-year-old kid, though. Considering the author was 14 years old when he wrote it, the book is impressive.)

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 6:09 a.m. CST

    Oh Please

    by Sepulchrave

    Let a piece of shit art get into the mainstream conciousness without criticism because the author is a kid. NO. You don't let piddling babies get away with shit writing because they're babies, otherwise we might as well infantilize our entire culture and have dumb kids writing shit books, directing shit movies, falling over at the Olympics and running business into the ground with their dumbassary.The book is NOT impressive by any terms, which is to say by literary or imaginative terms, which are the ONLY terms. It is shit. come back when you have got something, kids, until then; PRACTICE.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 6:12 a.m. CST

    Word has it that 'Eragon' makes babies cry

    by Ribbons

    It's that bad or something...

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 6:12 a.m. CST

    Star Wars

    by DrSurvey

    Is the book not meant to be essentially Star Wars?

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 6:17 a.m. CST

    Supulchrave

    by Ribbons

    Easay now! Damn, yo. I think what CreasyBear was saying is that the book "Eragon" is impressive relative to what other 14-year-olds are capable (through either talent or initiative) of producing, but not as a piece of art. If my hypothetical toddler colored me a picture and managed to stay inside the lines I'd be pretty damn impressed for example, maybe even enough to make an annoying anecdote out of it at dinner parties, but it's not like I'm not gonna sell the thing to a museum or anything. "Little Benjamin calls this one 'Bob the Builder.' It was his Purple Period."

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 6:20 a.m. CST

    Does that mean that this is another torture porn?

    by DerLanghaarige

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 6:18 a.m. CST

    Exactly

    by Sepulchrave

    But you don't have doting parents displaying their brat's finger paintings in the Louvre or demanding millions of dollars so that they can be made into gigantic movies. Ther are SO MANY good books out there. So much incredible mature fantasy lying idle while this rubbish gets foisted on us.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 6:20 a.m. CST

    So it's just like the "book", eh?

    by JackPumpkinhead

    Crap turned into crap - how surprising!

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 6:19 a.m. CST

    The irony of Irons

    by bobgoatse

    For months I have been ridiculing this movie to my wife (a big fan of the book )after seeing an early trailer. "And starring John Malkovich as Jeremy Irons as Profion from Dungeons and Dragona" sine it seemed that John had gone all overly dramatic evil like how Irons did Profion. Then she points out Jeremy Irons in one of the latest trailers. WHAT A TWEEEST!

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 6:23 a.m. CST

    Reasons why Eragon sucks

    by The Game Master

    I'm not opposed to a by-the-numbers fantays tale. There's something to be said for tradition. But come on, it's taken us decades to get big-budget fantasy back into the cinemas. Things were going good for a few years. I just can't see why something so video game-like and totally formula as this story, with absolutely nothing unique to offer, gets the green light for a big-budget Christmas tentpole movie. Come on, Hollywood, there's hundreds of far better books that have been waiting years, even decades for good cinematic treatment, and instead we get this told-a-thousand-times-already crap? $100 or $200 million (if you count marketing) would have been far better invested in Conan The Cimmerian, or a REAL Dungeons & Dragons film (with Gygax writing the story). On my Control Panel Of Movie Monitoring, right next to the Bullshit-meter and the Cheese-factor-meter, there is the Predictability-meter, and it just broke. Eragon owes me money for fixing it. If you're going to go formula, at least try to make it FEEL new and interesting (as in, Star Wars IV). But no, we get the young-farmboy-jerk, the obligatory-wiseman, the evil-despot, the "you're our only hope" subplot (as in substandard plot), and everything else right off the shelf. If people today are impressed with stories like this, they ought to go back and try reading a few REAL novels, before commercialization and marketing-brainwashing made them as common as chick-flicks and sports-comeback-underdog movies. Eragon is nothing but a testament to how waterered down and UNimaginative the FANTASY genre (which last time I checked was supposed to rely on imagination) has become. Or try this: Go read Robert E. Howard for a few pages, then TRY to read Jordan (the standard-setter for today's mediocraty) or any other popular author for this generaton. They just don't compare. And Howard's Conan, a total stereotype, is far more interesting, developed, and engaging than a dozen characters in your average fantasy novel today. Howard, merely 26 years old, takes a brute and makes him a legend through sheer evocative narration. Jordan, with 15 novels and just as many characters, can't keep me from snoring. What's wrong with this picture? Maybe, just maybe, it's a lack of real skill. I hope next Christmas we get a "trailer" for Eragon, and 20 seconds in, Conan's greatsword slashes through the screen, and then a REAL trailer begins!

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 6:29 a.m. CST

    From the imagination of a chid, comes...

    by HarryBlackPotter

    ...an oscar worthy epic, which makes LOTR's look like Willow. Of course this was gonna blow monkeys. The author was a 13 year old boy (he was 15 when it was published)whose mummy and daddy paid to get the book 'published'. I'm just saying that you give a child a typewriter, all you get is goo-goo-ga-ga on the page. And some boggies. And some chocolate. Maybe some doo-doo too.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 6:36 a.m. CST

    Damn

    by Chris

    The book was fairly interesting, if only for entertainment's sake. True, it offered nothing new, but I was hoping that some script writer would correct most of the amateur mistakes made by the kid (not dissing him. I couldn't do that at 14). Instead, we get another piece of Hollywood shit. They should have used the money to make a Drizzt Do'Urden movie (or trilogy). That would have been badass.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 6:47 a.m. CST

    I saw this one last night, too

    by Klaus Herzog

    Trust me, this review goes much too easy on this piece of garbage. It sucks on every imaginable level. Some scenes are downright stolen from LOTR (poorly I might add) and the plot is so predictable, it's not even funny. How they persuaded actors like John Malkovich (who is on screen for like 2 minutes), Jeremy Irons and Robert Carlyle to be in this is beyond me. Must have been a nice paycheck. Fucking Whores! Believe me, it is as bad as Dungeons & Dragons.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 6:53 a.m. CST

    Plant!

    by solartaco3

    Scifi channel people hate this movie.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 6:56 a.m. CST

    My screenplay is coming on a treat

    by Franklin T Marmoset

    It is about a boy who is also a wizard who goes on a grand adventure. Also, there are dragons and magic and whatnot. The big money will soon be rolling in...

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 6:58 a.m. CST

    Dammit dammit dammit...

    by BeeDub

    If this movie makes money (as I'm sure it will), Hollywood will keep making shit fantasy movies just like it to "feed the demand." If it bombs, Hollywood will stop making fantasy movies altogether because "there's no demand." AAAAARRRRRGH!!!

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 7:02 a.m. CST

    No suprise, as the book's author is a turd

    by Thomas Cromwell

    There was an article on Eragon in this month's 'Empire'. You could tell that cast and crew alike were trying desperatly to convince the reporter (and themselves)that Eragon was going to be a great film. They didn't convince. 'Empire' also talked to Paoloni (the author) who is the most pompous, spoilt, plagaristic and self deluded fuckhole ever to pick up a pen (this is what happens when a person is home educated and has his mum check the spelling in his book). This indulged brat has recieved his just desserts in that the book of his film is SHIT!! However that girl on the poster (Sienna Guillroy?) looks pretty hot for someone playing an elf. Maybe i'll see the film for her, but that would mean an extra cent or two in Paoloni's unworthy pockets.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 7:12 a.m. CST

    Dubious review...

    by Frijole

    I have no doubt that this movie could completely suck... However there are two points in the review that make me suspicious 1) the writer says that he's never read the book... then goes on to say that the movie does not capture the spirit of the book (HUH???) and 2) I don't know many 11 year olds that throw the word "mockery" around...

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 7:14 a.m. CST

    I'm not surprised

    by Shawn F.

    This was tough enough to watch in 30-second TV spots. Couldn't imagine 100 minutes of this shit. One thing I have found amusing: those tv spots, as of Tuesday the 12th, STILL have "this film is not yet rated" announced, followed by "starts Friday!".

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 7:17 a.m. CST

    The author WAS NOT 14 when he wrote the book.

    by FatPaul

    Chris Paolini did not write Eragon when he was 14. He STARTED writing the book when he was 15, and it was published when he was 19. That means it's a book by a 19-year-old author, which is not a particularly impressive achievement.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 7:25 a.m. CST

    Gimmick from the get go.

    by MAXIMISE

    As a writer I thought, (when I first heard about the young writer of Eragon) Wow, it is cool that a kid got some encouragement. But then I read some of the book, not all... my time is actually worth more then that tripe. It wasn't just formulaic, it was pretty much cut and paste. We have definitely moved to the point where having a marketing angle is far more important then any solid entertaining premise. I know its been that way for ages, but it seemed fairly opaque... now its bleedingly obvious that Studios don't care what crap they make as long as it has the hook and makes a good trailer. There needs to be a revolution, if this movie totally bombs it would be awesome, but we know it won't happen. :(

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 7:39 a.m. CST

    Funny, I've heard good things...

    by LaDracul

    And yes, I am disappointed they didn't make it as long as a normal fantasy movie should be. But, I think I'm a little too excited for the film that I had to cosplay for Halloween- http://tinyurl.com/y2k2t2 Though I'm still baffled by the inclusion of a spirit dragon. Even when playing the game, I was really confused... Anyway, after that, it'll prolly be waiting for "Eldest" and "Stardust". Damn Paramount for moving it to July...

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 7:47 a.m. CST

    I have a question

    by sithlard

    Is the author happy with the film? If that is the case, then the liberties taken may be more forgivable (key phrase being "may be").

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 7:51 a.m. CST

    Studio Pricks™

    by designedforlife

    I for one am loving all this Eragon (surely they slipped when they went for the 'D' on their Fischer Price 'My First Laptop' keyboard!) backlash. You just know that the studios thought they were on to winner with this one and now it's all turning to rat shit for them. These are the same Studio Pricks™ who want The Hobbit made right now, with whoever, for whatever budget because hey... the kids will love it and fantasy movies 'are like really big right now!' How very wrong they are proving to be. And Studio Pricks™... if you're reading this... for the love of God give The Hobbit back to Peter and stop this nonsense!

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 7:52 a.m. CST

    an 11 year old said "mockery" and used it in properly?

    by triplefive

    damn, thats a smart kid.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 7:55 a.m. CST

    music and travelling

    by Hob_Gadling

    Things I want to say about this movie: 1 - cgi dragon was nice; 2 - movie was better than this utterly boring and stupid "Narnia", but it was still pretty boring with all the nth generation ideas lifted not from fables and mythology but from Star Wars and Tolkien; 3 - music was very bad, spoils the feelings and most of the time it felt like I was watching another Disney animated musical. One more second and there will be a singing teapot with all the character joining in; 4 - main thing to learn from "Eragon" - you can travel however fast on your dragon, horseman and pedestrian will be there on the same time anyway.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 7:59 a.m. CST

    Don't bode well for "Her Majesty's Dragon", eh?

    by Doctor_Sin

    Whoever said it above was right - they can't make a decent dragon movie. Except Pete's Dragon, but I haven't seen that since I was 9.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 8:12 a.m. CST

    Blah

    by ByTor

    My daughter enjoyed these books, so I've been trying to read them. I made it through Eragon, which (as most have pointed out) is derivative and messy. It still wasn't horrible, just not particularly impressive. I'm trying to read the second book now, and it's...not going well. I think I'm tiring of juvenile hack work. Part of the reason we lack decent dragon movies is we lack decent dragon stories. If you really think about it, an awful lot of fantasy is pompous wankery that, should you try to describe it to someone else, sounds plain stupid. If PJ makes Hobbit, that might work, but...

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 8:17 a.m. CST

    Yes it's true. This movie has no dick.

    by Mister McClane

    Everything about this movie is woeful, I kid you not. I've seen it. Also check out empireonline for a full review that sums up the movie perfectly. The only person I would defend is John Malkovich. He IS terrible in this, but did anybody see 'Art School Confidential'? He was GREAT in that. Amazingly, the film isn't getting a UK release, straight to DVD. And studios have the nerve to release shit like 'Eragon'... I don't know.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 8:17 a.m. CST

    They can't make a decent dragon movie?

    by Batutta

    Obviously you haven't seen Dragonslayer...Looks like Jeremy Irons is 2 for 2 in his dragon fantasy film at bats.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 8:20 a.m. CST

    "As a writer..."

    by Dr. Sid Schaefer

    ...you should learn how to spell "novel."

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 8:21 a.m. CST

    So far Dragonslayer...

    by Fawst

    Is the only really decent dragon movie I can think of. They got the dragon right, at least... for the most part... I guess I didn't like it when I was a kid because it didn't have four legs, but looking back I think it was an interesting choice on their part. Plus the whole needing the scales of a dragon to make a shield to withstand the flame was good. Yah... so a movie from the early 80's starring Yanosh from Ghostbusters 2... is the only good dragon movie. Wow. I think I'll go shoot myself.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 8:24 a.m. CST

    LOTR had dragons...

    by Ghostball

    ...so their presence in a movie doesn't necessarily make it pwn teh suck. Although fire-breathing dragons have never been done well, maybe because the whole idea of that has always been basically gay. Mind you, so has all fantasy. And sci fi for that matter. And reality. While we're on the subject.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 8:24 a.m. CST

    Harry Potter + LOTR + Dungeons and Dragons=

    by ClarkWayne

    Dun da da dun!!...SHIT!!...amazing that anyone thought that a movie/book capitilizing on the two best series' in fantasy would be anything but complete shit. I mean come on. A child that discovers hes a wizard. An older man TRYING to teach him. A massive dark army moving closer. A huge battle sequence. A FUCKING DRAGON. One of y best friends is 19 and is now and will be an author. SHE wrote a fantasy book that is probably the best thing ive read save lotr and harry potter and yet no one is there to blow the guys at paramount or wherever for her. Hmmmm...is it possible that all you actually need is a little tickle on your pickle and youll do anything.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 8:27 a.m. CST

    Nope, no good dragon movies.

    by Nice Marmot

    Dragonslayer was great. Reign of Fire was a noble effort. Can't help liking Pete's Dragon & the 10 seconds of dragon action from Sleeping Beauty because I saw them as a kid. Everything else has been subpar and/or terrible. Oh well, we can hope it's done right in The Hobbit.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 8:28 a.m. CST

    I guess Paolini's parents couldn't buy him a good film

    by SpyGuy

    Looks like knowing the right people to get your book published doesn't mean you know the right people to get a decent movie made. Ah, well...I'm sure he's made a shitload of cash off the licensing and merchandising, so he's probably happy. Maybe he'll even finish the third book now.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 8:29 a.m. CST

    "As a writer..."

    by Childe Roland

    ...I find this reviewers use of the word "interesting" very interesting...but also stupid. Sorry. But any time someone busts out the "I'm a writer" aside while writing (the act of which, in and of itself, defines you as a writer...at least for the time being), he or she opens the door to all kinds of grammatical and syntactical nitpickery.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 8:29 a.m. CST

    Who the fucks gonna buy Eragon merchandise?

    by Ghostball

    You read the review - even the babies in the audience were crying

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 8:30 a.m. CST

    Ghostball

    by Nice Marmot

    Preparet to be bombared by LOTR geeks correcting you on your statement. I'm assuming you are thinking of the winged creatures the Nazgul rode on or Gandalf's firework finale. Neither counted as dragons.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 8:30 a.m. CST

    Not Surprised...

    by VoxRobotica

    Since the reviewer never read the book, I'm not surprised that he thought that the character of Eragon was "a sketch - almost no effort is given to let us see him as a human. He simply acts the way he acts - impulsive at times, belligerent on occasion - because the script demands it of him." - that's exactly how he was written in the book. Which is exactly why this movie and the book it's based on both sucks and blows.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 8:31 a.m. CST

    Why?

    by Ghostball

    Why?

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 8:36 a.m. CST

    I meant,

    by Ghostball

    why aren't the Nazgul dragons? I haven't read Tolkien - is he specific about them NOT being dragons? If he is, how do they differ - they fooled me

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 8:40 a.m. CST

    ok, it's sucks...so?

    by jig98

    it's FUCKING ERAGON! it's not the lord of the fucking rings people!..sorry. i just woke up. i still may check this out, the book was ok and it had some interesting shit in it. and i like watching talented actors john malkovich and jeremy irons {even if they do what they do best for a paycheck, or to do something for the kiddies}. i may also check out night at the museum next week. that's another shitty looking re-tread of a kid's classic that has 3 of my favorite actors {ben stiller, robin williams and dick van dyke, who i like to call "the original ben stiller"}

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 8:42 a.m. CST

    There are tons of good Dragon Movies

    by Cyberfury

    All Kathy Bates movies, That Pirate movie with Geena Davis.. Hell, every episode of Sex in The City SJ Parker..

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 8:42 a.m. CST

    What a senseless waste of money...

    by KillaKane

    and talent (well with a few exceptions there...)The whole 'Sword and Sorcery' milieu is a tough cinematic nut to crack; detractors of PJ should look at this festering cinematic turd as a textbook case of how not to approach such material. The sole entertainment value to be had from this Turkey comes from the scene chewing hammery and that starts to grate after about ten minutes. Shit Sandwich, sans bread with an extra dollop of stink nuggets!

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 8:44 a.m. CST

    No, Tolkien never called them dragon.

    by Nice Marmot

    He called Smaug a dragon because he was a fire breathing, treasure hoarding, dragon. I don't think he called the Nazgul's rides anything. They were just flying creatures or beasts or something. They were also much smaller than Smaug.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 8:45 a.m. CST

    Trogdor, the Burninator...

    by MonkeyBytes

    is the only dragon film that should be greenlit. Behold the majesty of Trogdor burninating the peasants and their thatched-roof cottages.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 8:46 a.m. CST

    Crappy book = crappier movie

    by King_Midas

    The book was crap and only got published because of the novelty of the author being 15 years old when he started it (he was 18 by the time he finished it). That and, oh yeah, his parents owned a publishing company which they used shamelessly to self-publish and self-promote a sub-standard, predictable, derivative, middling piece of garbage. That said, how good can anyone really expect this movie to be?

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 8:48 a.m. CST

    Different from the book?

    by Kizeesh

    Eragon a mere sketch of a character... Time badly compressed? nah these are all present in the book. The presence of Malkovich no matter how pantomime must be better than his odd non-appearance in the books. And the final battle, even from the trailer looks to be better than the badly written derivative kerfuffle in the book. And at least they got rid of the pseudo-Orcs.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 8:50 a.m. CST

    Pretty bad grammar for a "writer"

    by godzillasushi

    Anyway, this movie sounds like crap and I hope it does poorly.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 9:05 a.m. CST

    Epic crap

    by MJAYACE

    As soon as I heard it was under 2 hours I knew it was going to suck. I haven't even read the story. You can't make a good epic unless it is an EPIC. Maybe someday, somebody will put decent fantasy on the screen (besides LOTR) like Goodkind's series or Guardians of the Flame. Even Wheel of Time would be great (miniseries) if he can end the damn thing. And before you all get your horns up, I am reading Song of Ice and Fire as we speak so don't have an opinion yet. Out.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 9:05 a.m. CST

    Jeremy Irons

    by Mr Incredible

    You would have have thought the dude learned his lesson after being in a Dungeons and Dragons movie. Oh, well.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 9:15 a.m. CST

    Aragorn

    by Hob_Gadling

    When watching the film I was thinking that maybe this "author"-boy just didn't know how they write Aragorn's name, so he mis-spelled it Eragon.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 9:17 a.m. CST

    Remember when . . .

    by John Wesley Hardin

    AICN used to post stuff like this: http://tinyurl.com/y2hvra first? Yeah, it's not great, but it is news.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 9:24 a.m. CST

    Eragon makes lids dry

    by durhay

    The novie tucks.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 9:28 a.m. CST

    Empire Online gave it 1 star

    by Kristian66

    And pretty much said it is a pile of poo.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 9:42 a.m. CST

    The movie has to be good because...

    by Lolthien

    The OC CREW IS MAKING A COOL MOTORBICYCLE FOR IT WITH DRAGON SCALES AND SHIELDS AND STUFFZORZ!!!>>!>>!)@(@(!)!!

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 9:40 a.m. CST

    Saw it yesterday at an advance screening...

    by Atropos

    ... and yes, every single thing the reviewer says is true. It pretty much sucked arse. "Son of Bob" nailed every single thing I hated about it. The only things I want to add: 1)The newly hatched dragon is damned cute - but only stays this way for about three minutes. 2)It was either edited by a monkey or plotted by a monkey. Either way some scenes are just... inexplicable. Eragon even learns magic words off camera, apparently. He goes from knowing nothing about elven magic words, to learning three on camera, and then in the next battle using several we never saw him learn. 3)The musical director should be shot. Even in some of the scenes that could have been good, or ominous, or whatever, the music immediately ruined it by chiming in at 11 with "feel THIS way, motherfuckers!" 4) Robert Carlyle is ok.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 9:44 a.m. CST

    i watched the clips on AOL...

    by keyserSOZE

    and wow, they were absolutely brutal.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 9:51 a.m. CST

    -sigh- Am I the only positive person on here?

    by LaDracul

    Um, yes. Because all of you just want an excuse to bitch about the second age of fantasy films. Like I've said before, Paolini is no Tolkien. Maybe you should all read Joseph Campbell's "The Magic of Myth" because all those stories have the same basis which is all covered there. So with that said, screw you all. I'm leaving this certain TB.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 9:52 a.m. CST

    Jeremy Irons should just stay away from dragon movies

    by IAmLegolas

    Even if they are spelled with an "E".

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 9:57 a.m. CST

    A writer...

    by MetiphisLabs

    Doesn't have to give a shit about grammar. Let the editors handle that shit, the writer's job is to convey ideas. I don't know how being a writer became synonymous with having to be a perfect grammar showcase.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 10:02 a.m. CST

    Screw Eragon

    by Saluki

    I can't describe how ticked I am that so many people were fooled into that marketing bullshit about it being written by a 14 year old. Try a 19 year old with rich parents who did nothing but pimp his "work" through their own company. Ugh. Sorry, but I'll be looking to Potter & HDM for my fantasy fix.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 10:06 a.m. CST

    Nazgul are the equivalent of Demons...

    by CarmillaVonDoom

    ...they were created by Morgoth back in the 1st age or even before that. Read about that and a lot of other good stuff in the SILMARILLION.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 10:06 a.m. CST

    the dragon looks bad

    by dopepope

    ... really bad. As a main character, and as a dragon in general. There's been waaaaay cooler looking dragons than that. CG dragon and old school puppet / animatronic dragons. This find that inexcusable. King Ghidorah from the 60's looks better than that.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 10:07 a.m. CST

    Dragonslayer

    by Yautja

    Everyone always refers to Dragonslayer as the best classic dragon movie. Can anybody name any dragon movies that came before it? and how many have come since? There really aren't that many dragon movies. Unless you count all the ones that the sci-fi channel produces, or rather manufactures. But I'm not counting those. I mean real movies. How many can you actually list good or bad. I can only think of about five. 1) Dragonslayer 2)Dragonheart 3)Reign of Fire 4)Dungeons and Dragons 5)Pete's Dragon, though the dragon in that was a cartoon wasn't it so I'm not sure that should count. Anyway, the point is that it seems like dragons are an over-used cliche but there really aren't that many in movies. Books definitely but not movies. So, can anyone list any more than that? Especially older ones because Dragonslayer is the only one I can think of. Also, Eragon looks awful but I'm still going to see it anyway, just out of curiosity and because I love dragons.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 10:09 a.m. CST

    I call bullshit!

    by TheBaxter

    on this review. since when does an 11-year-old kid cry because a novel 'takes liberties' with a book? unless they put smurfs in it or something, i just don't buy it. and since when does an 11-year-old kid complain about adding a big climactic battle to a film? i admit i don't know any 11-year-olds, but i used to when i was 11 years old, and we would've been bored to tears until the climactic battle arrived, not the other way around.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 10:11 a.m. CST

    Cheers Carm...

    by Ghostball

    Figure I will. Think I'll avoid this pubescentEragon wish-fullfilment nonsense, though - what with life being so short and all...

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 10:11 a.m. CST

    Cheers Carm...

    by Ghostball

    Figure I will. Think I'll avoid this pubescent Eragon wish-fullfilment nonsense, though - what with life being so short and all...

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 10:14 a.m. CST

    God fucking dammit!!

    by Xorply

    Will we ever get a good dragon picture or will Hollywood continually fuck up this genre? Bring on the dragonriders of pern and let Peter Jackson direct it. God help any other director who would screw that up.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 10:15 a.m. CST

    Sorry...

    by Ghostball

    I just DP'd y'all

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 10:16 a.m. CST

    Er, why are people surprised?

    by kwisatzhaderach

    It's always been blatantly clear it would be absolutely awful. Jonathan Ross here in the UK said it was so bad it was almost a parody.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 10:18 a.m. CST

    uh.... Ghostball.... Nazgul were the things riding....

    by Xorply

    ... the Fell Beasts. Dragons were dealt with in The Hobbit.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 10:18 a.m. CST

    Yeah. I get the impression it's an insult to parodies

    by Ghostball

    And not a deliberate one

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 10:22 a.m. CST

    Thanks Xorply...

    by Ghostball

    I thought something smelled wrong there. Fell beasts. Everybody, write that down in your copy book.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 10:42 a.m. CST

    "Mockery" is not a difficult word for an 11 year old.

    by Some Dude

    Some of you must associate only with retarded children. Now, if an 11 year old said "schadenfreude" I might be impressed.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 10:43 a.m. CST

    11 year-olds schooled on Python and D&D say "mockery"

    by Doctor_Sin

    I know because I was one and hung out with several. Still, doesn't anyone connect the whole "This book was written by a kid" angle with the reviewer saying a kid didn't like the film? Ironic, no? I think it's someone's poor writing style, again going for that whole 'gonzo' journalist angle and failing.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 10:44 a.m. CST

    Uh, CarmillaVonDoom...

    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    ...the Nazgul were created by Sauron when the kings of Men accepted his gift of the 9 rings. Morgoth had NOTHING to do with the Nazgul.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 10:45 a.m. CST

    How long will it be before...

    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    ...Ringw(b)earer9 storms in here and blames this cinematic tragedy on the influence of Peter Jackson?

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 10:49 a.m. CST

    Best Dragon in a movie

    by Purgatori

    the Luck Dragon in Neverending Story. Fuck ya'all...he kicked ass...as the Venture Brothers will agree.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 10:52 a.m. CST

    This movie is THE HOBBIT without Peter Jackson.

    by riskebiz

    This movie looks really banal. It also looks like a preview for the crapfest THE HOBBIT will be without Peter Jackson at the helm. New Line really really ought to just settle the dispute because they are wrong to begin with and their penny pinching will result in THE HOBBIT being something similar to this ho-hum film.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 10:51 a.m. CST

    Trogdor would burninate box office records!!

    by Westonian

    Word...to whoever it was that mentioned trogdor. That is indeed a dragon film that should be made...and quickly. Oh how i'd love to see choas, carnage, and many a peasant on fire. Anyone else play the game? At the end trogdore just kills you...cause you can't defeat him. Thats how the movie should end...its great.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 10:55 a.m. CST

    "in the novell. As a writer I know"

    by Immortal_Fish

    So much for credibility.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 11:12 a.m. CST

    NAZGUL

    by cyberskunk

    The Lord of the Rings movies confused people about what word referred to what. I think Aragorn called the ring wraiths nazguls in Fellowship, but the only other time I recall the word used was when the head ringwraith told Eowyn, "Come not between the nazgul and his prey," after telling his mount to feast on Theoden's flesh. Now, here is the important thing: Nazgul means ringwraith. naz = ring gul = wraith. The wraiths, not the mounts, were nazguls. <p> The Lord of the Nazgul's mount was described as being a creature from an older world. The descriptions encouraged some artists to depict it as a gigantic pterodactyl, the construction of its wings notwithstanding. Tolkien in one of his letters wrote that it was not a pterodactyl. <p> Additional information: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fell_beast

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 11:17 a.m. CST

    Off Topic--Peter Boyle Has Passed Away

    by Barron34

    Hopefully Harry And Company will post a Talkback article soon so that fans can express condolences and memories.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 11:16 a.m. CST

    i LOVE this negativity!!!

    by occula

    so great when the TB (except for that one dope who left) is in full accord! we all knew this was gonna be bush league. you know whose fault it is, though? not the home-schooling parents, not paramount...it's carl hiassen's fault!! he's the one who took paolini's MS to his publisher! a plague on his house!

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 11:20 a.m. CST

    Trogdor was just greenlit!

    by MonkeyBytes

    Director John Milius and Consummate V productions, working from a script by Thor (of Norse God fame) will bring "Trogdor the Burninator" to the big screen. Legendary metal group Iron Maiden will provide the score, to be packaged with a 10-disc concept album entitled "Burnination: The Supreme Fury of Trogdor". The film will be released in Summer 2008, the news of which has caused all other movie releases to be pushed to 2010 to avoid utter ruination. You heard if first on AICN!

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 11:23 a.m. CST

    George RR Martin

    by johnnyangelheart

    George RR Martin's series, A Song of Ice and Fire, has dragons. In fact the next book in the series will be entitled 'A Dance With Dragons'. These books are to fantasy what 'The Wire' is to cop shows, i.e. grown up, tough, occasionally dark, and with a multitiude of great characters. Check it out.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 11:36 a.m. CST

    i emailed the guys 45 minutes ago about boyle

    by occula

    i was a little bent that i had to see it on perezhilton.com before here!

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 11:43 a.m. CST

    But... but... the trailer looked so good!

    by The Ref

    :|

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 11:44 a.m. CST

    George RR Martin

    by The Ref

    They'll never make movies of A Song of Ice & Fire series. And if they do, they'll fuck it up.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 11:45 a.m. CST

    Real Eragons should be intelligent and talk

    by Osmosis Jones

    And cheet on the bombs in their ribcages.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 11:54 a.m. CST

    book sucked too

    by Bob C. Cock

    i'm glad that kid almost cried, he should for reading that tripe

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 11:56 a.m. CST

    FatPaul

    by PwnedByStallone

    You're a douchebag. I think writing a novel at 19 is pretty impressive actually. what were you doing at 19 besides masturbating and struggling through your 5th year of high school.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 12:03 p.m. CST

    Saw it coming...

    by cerebulon

    just sayin'

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 12:04 p.m. CST

    An 11-year old said mockery?!

    by Ribbons

    No WAY!!! Next you're gonna tell me that 6th graders know what "arrogant" means. Wait, they do? Holy shit! Those is sum smart kidz!

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 12:07 p.m. CST

    Are people actually looking forward to this?!

    by Tommy the Cat

    ...Do they have eyes to watch the trailers...? Cuz I could've told you it was shit from those alone.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 12:09 p.m. CST

    Bob C. Cock!!!

    by Tommy the Cat

    ...the C stands for cock...

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 12:17 p.m. CST

    Worse Writer: A 13-year-old or Kevin Smith?

    by www.valiens.com

    just wondering

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 12:35 p.m. CST

    yeah

    by Magnethead

    not to join in the chior of the perpetual bitchers, ok fine iwill. this movie looked like ass form th eget go. i'm not surprised. HOWEVER it IS cool that film companies seem so hell bent to find the next BIG franchise that theyll latch onto all sorts of things they might not have before. so thats pretty cool

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 12:57 p.m. CST

    Q THE WINGED SERPENT MOTHAFUCKAS!

    by Gwai Lo

    Q THE WINGED SERPENT MOTHAFUCKAS!

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 1:04 p.m. CST

    Plant!!!

    by Vergil

    Seriously, the only two good fantasy movies ever made were Star Wars (I won't abuse my memory by calling it Episode IV) and Lord of the Rings. Search your feelings. You know it to be true. It's just a difficult thing to do. (Posts citing mediocre cult faves hailed as cinematic achivements ensue...)

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 1:08 p.m. CST

    GOOD dragon films

    by Fatkraken

    I can think of two. Dragonslayer was good, a fairly dark fantasy that actually took itself seriously and portrayed a single dragon as a genuine threat. And "the Flight of Dragons"; oft forgotten brother to "the last unicorn" and superior in every way (animation, design, story, complete lack of songs). It wasn't perfect; the plot was somewhat generic and the animation a little ropey in places, but it was also full of emotion and danger, and performed the awesome task of EXPLAINING dragon flight. Plus, it had James Earl Jones as the evil wizard. It is extremely annoying that a concept as awesome as a dragon is so often wasted in films. a good writer and director could effortlessly make an awesome dragon film, letting the beasts themselves carry the film. Hell, the early pern books, before Anne McCaffery went nuts, would make a great film. Take Dragonflight for example, a film could cover the discovery of Lessa and the first thread, through the losing battle of the remnant riders, end with the repopulation of the weyrs. Great drama, a sense of real wold threatening danger, ending on a high note with scope for sequals if it does well, but self contained if it bombs. Perfect. But no. we get Sean Connery as some giant ugly assed iguana thing, Dragons failing to fight helicopters and being killed by bad science. and to chime in on the book, being 14 is a GREAT excuse for writing a book that sucks. It is NO excuse for PUBLISHING a book that sucks. and being 19 is a good excuse for neither (he may have STARTED at 14, but there's not a word in that book that wasn't rewritten by his older self)

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 1:08 p.m. CST

    Dragon movies list

    by Doctor_Sin

    http://tinyurl.com/ydsrlu

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 1:10 p.m. CST

    Reign of Fire website

    by Doctor_Sin

    http://www.thefilmfactory.co.uk/reign/

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 1:12 p.m. CST

    SHOCKER OF THE YEAR: crappy book makes for crappy movie

    by Ricky Henderson

    Enough with the fantasy crap written by and for adolescent minds. This D&D nonsense doesn't make for good movies. LOTR was one of the few exceptions and now we've hit the law of diminishing returns with these dragon and knights movies. Accept it or face your doom you fools.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 1:10 p.m. CST

    Best dragon movie:Flight of the Dragons

    by S-Mart shopper

    Yes, it's animated. I'd like to see it rehashed with todays CGI, too bad John Ridder wouldn't be able to reprise his role. RIP Mr.Boyle.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 1:16 p.m. CST

    Bad point, Knobules.

    by Nice Marmot

    As the wraiths and their rides were up there together. Trust me, the wraiths are the Nazgul, not the things they ride on.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 1:18 p.m. CST

    Screw this! I want some Tamora Pierce movies!

    by BronwynMaye

    If your 11-year old can't carry off "they made a mockery of it" then you need to start them on a serious reading regime. And a little NPR or CBC wouldn't go astray either.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 1:22 p.m. CST

    Sapphira's voice?

    by Calico Pete

    Isn't Rachel Weisz voicing Sapphira (the dragon)? Well? Can anyone who saw the film comment on whether her dragon is as sexy as you'd expect?

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 1:26 p.m. CST

    myopic pulldickery

    by SkeletonParty

    This movie looks extraordinarily bad.</p><p> As for eleven-year-olds saying "mockery" - my son came home from school the other day and said, "I think the other kids hate my mind. They ignore my ideas." He is in pre-school.</p><p>Kids are intelligent and pick up words and ideas like sponges pick up water. Give them respect and credit.</p><p>As for a kid being disappointed to tears in a movie failing to capture his imagination as well as the book – don’t any of you remember reading novels as kids and how vivid they were in your mind? No wonder the kid cried at this crap. The only movie I recall living up to the feeling of the book was “To Kill a Mockingbird.”

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 1:33 p.m. CST

    To Kill A Mockingbird

    by Doctor_Sin

    When I was little, I expected more from Boo Radley in the film. However, as I aged, I saw what a marvelous film it is.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 1:36 p.m. CST

    Best fantasy ever...

    by playahatersball

    Milus's CONAN. Much better upon repeat viewings than a certain CGI trilogy. Also, it has tits.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 1:39 p.m. CST

    SmartShopper

    by veritasses

    Re: Best Dragon Movie: Puff the Magic Dragon.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 1:44 p.m. CST

    The book was published when he was 19.

    by Lenny Nero

    He didn't write it at 13, and it wasn't published at 15.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 1:46 p.m. CST

    Doctor_Sin - Boo

    by SkeletonParty

    Now that you mention it, I do recall Boo Radley was a bit of a disappointment. He was such a big mystery in the first part of the book. In the movie not so much.</p><p>Now imagine that disappointment a million-bazillion fold and you have the crying eleven year old in an Eragon theater seat.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 1:46 p.m. CST

    I threw the word "mockery" around at that age.

    by Lenny Nero

    But it was more in reference to my Woody Allen film obsession. "It's a travesty of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty of two mockeries of a sham."

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 1:50 p.m. CST

    The book was published when he was 3.

    by SkeletonParty

    He wrote it as an embryo. He had to invent his own in-utero dictaphone.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 1:49 p.m. CST

    RIP best Frankenstien Monster Ever

    by playahatersball

    Since Harry is clearly too busy to make a talkback for him. This being lunch hour, he's no doubt confusing the difference between a gourmet and a gourmand by eating a tub of chili and drinking a case of shitty beer and calling it cullinary gold.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 1:53 p.m. CST

    Actually Yakbacker...

    by PwnedByStallone

    it was "Calm down? I'm standin here with my dork in my hand!" Johnny: That's not your dork. LOOK!" Boyle: "Oh thank god. You're still there you little BALD-HEADED BEAUTY!"

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 1:53 p.m. CST

    Red Sun Rising

    by S-Mart shopper

    Don "The Dragon" Wilson

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 1:58 p.m. CST

    An 11yo used the word 'mockery' describing something?

    by Negative Man

    I sense that this guy did not see the movie and pretty much just wanted to see his words on a glowy screen. How-a-bout an actual review of the movie (though, we all know it will suck) and not a general rundown of "So...like...my kid read the book and didn't like the movie. And, like, I didn't like it either. Um...yeah...the direction was bad too."

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 2:05 p.m. CST

    And as for Eragon being close to Dragon...

    by Lenny Nero

    ...I'm halfway through "Eldest" right now (after a quick three-day read of "Eragon") and I'm assuming that the name itself of Eragon, which is not only the main character's name but the name of the first Rider, has good reason to be so similar to "dragon." In the world of this book, the English language is a sort of dialect learned from the same rune alphabet that the dwarves use when humans first appear in the land (and are illiterate). The dwarven volcano Farthen Dur translates to "Our Father" in the book's English, so I assume that's how Eragon became Dragon. Just a thought. <p> And seriously, if this reviewer and his kidlings wanted the book, they should stick with the book. They must have HATED the way Jackson adapted LOTR if they're that obsessed with films taking liberties.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 2:11 p.m. CST

    Speaking of turds......

    by Yoda's Ball Sack

    this talkback is starting to stink like one.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 2:20 p.m. CST

    The Last Dragon

    by DarfurOnTheRocks

    I see that this movie shares a lot in common with "The Last Dragon" and the lead character Bruce LeeRoy! I am still in training waiting for the "Glow".

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 2:28 p.m. CST

    Reign of Fire is one of my guilty pleasures.

    by superninja

    I think that film is a whole lotta fun.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 2:30 p.m. CST

    Ringwraiths

    by SithMenace

    It's been a couple of years since I read LOTR but I'm pretty sure the Nazgul are the same as the Ringwraiths and the creatures they flew around on were just referred to as Fell Beasts. As far as Eragon goes, everything about the marketing for this film screams LOTR, especially the 30-60 second clip on FOX Sunday night where they showed what was supposed to be a great scene. It was a battle (I'm guessing near the end of the movie) and right before the climax the name of the movie thundered onto the screen, supposedly making you want to see more. It was the most ridiculous, contrived piece of garbage clip I have ever seen. Plus they kept telling you all night it would be shown. It just stank of the exclusive clips they showed from LOTR, which were the Moria troll battle from Fellowship and the Warg attack from Towers.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 2:34 p.m. CST

    Good Reign of Fire review.

    by superninja

    http://filmfreakcentral.net/dvdreviews/reignoffire.htm. Notice the main point made at the end.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 2:38 p.m. CST

    big surprise

    by lionbiu

    the books sucked so obviously the movies will....the author plagarised all his material and the character's were all so wafer thin I can't believe it ever got published. Horrible.....never read the sequel and will never intend on.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 2:41 p.m. CST

    They're doing the same thing to "The Dark Is Rising."

    by AnnoyYou

    Walden Media and the moron who directed "The Path to 9/11" are similarly gutting and changing Susan Cooper's great YA fantasy series "The Dark is Rising." Not only are they turning ALL the very British characters into lame Americans, they're changing the personalities and ages of the characters, giving them occupations unheard of in the books, and generally changing the story so much that it no longer resembles the narrative in the book. This baffles me. The Harry Potter and Narnia movies adhered to the original BRITISH characters and retained all the main plot points and have still made truckloads of money, so what the hell is wrong with these filmmakers? They've disembowelled a fantastic story and are turning it into some lame afterschool special about a boy who's "misunderstood" and shunned by his family until he becomes "a warrior" fighting the forces of evil. That is so lame! I hope it tanks and I hope "Eragon" tanks too. As the old adage goes, if it ain't broke, DON'T FIX IT.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 2:45 p.m. CST

    Why is is that Americans.....

    by fantasyfreak

    Buy into such shit which is Eragon nad Da Vinci Code. Both these books are popular but are badly wriiten. The popular stuff sucks except Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings. Tell your cousin who reads Eragon to read Wheel of time and George R.R. Martin or Anne Mcaffrey books and burn the shit which is Eragon before his eyes. He will forgive you later. Also books like Legends of the Guardian King by Karen Hancock who is an author I know very well through email who is astonished that crap like Eragon and Left Behin get publishing deals so easily and her book series which won many awards and is one series I really love and would make an excellent movie series took 10 years to be published. Man Americans are so dumb for helping Christopher Paolini, a kid who I can write better than, get a publishing deal and movie rights for that crappy book.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 2:53 p.m. CST

    The only fantasy dragon worth his testicles was SMAUG

    by Bregalad_

    Tolkien knew EXACTLY what he was doing. Smaug was hyper-intelligent, a witty conversationalist, vain as all fuck, and deadly without an ounce of compunction. Yeah, I agree with other talkbackers who say THE HOBBIT made without Peter Jackson will end up being ERAGON suckage. There's no doubt: in other hands THE HOBBIT will end up a mess. Who wants another "Eragon" or worse a "DragonHeart" attempt to have Sean Connery embody a noble dragon.... which was just maudlin string-pulling.... Vermithrax ("DragonSlayer") was an incredible, groundbreaking cinema creation. Hopefully Smaug will be too, when it finally fucking happens. It's hard to have faith in the studio filmmaking approach when movies like "Eragon" cause such a case of bad nerves with studio executives that they panic and take over editing (which always ruins it). Blind leading the blind.... and then they'll all exclaim: "Pull back on those fantasy films, they're not doing well in the marketplace," without admitting it was their interference that ruined it. Damn I'm cynical today.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 2:55 p.m. CST

    The Hobbit would be just fine directed by

    by superninja

    someone like Alfonso Cuarón. I say someone besides Jackson for The Hobbit.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 2:58 p.m. CST

    I WANT MY DRAGONLANCE MOVIES.

    by DarthCorleone

    This is not good news - another setback in the big-budget fantasy film world that makes the possibility of Chronicles and Legends ever getting made all the more remote.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 3:01 p.m. CST

    Seriously...

    by DarthCorleone

    6 movies. Chronicles and Legends. Badass ensemble of characters. Great story. Been around for over 20 years. Why does ERAGON get bumped to the top of the queue? Complete horseshit.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 3:01 p.m. CST

    or a REAL D&D film (with Gygax writing)

    by ejcarter9

    AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA! "I took one look at him and could tell he was Level 12" HAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 3:10 p.m. CST

    THIS is what I expected....

    by DOGSOUP

    So bad it made an 11 year old cry. I never read the books, never wanted to, and I won't see the movie. I wanted to see reactions to it though because I have to suffer through advertisements for it and this is exactly what I was expecting. The ONLY saving grace is the MPAA didn't even rate it until a few days ago. I thought, "Wow maybe there is something to it if they couldn't even figure out how bad it is" until they slapped PG on it. Fuck it I'll just go watch Reighn of Fire. As bad as that movie is they at least have good dragon battles.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 3:17 p.m. CST

    Last time I checked, fantasyfreak,

    by Lenny Nero

    DA VINCI CODE was a bestseller outside of the United States, with ERAGON going strong but to a lesser extent. Let's not make this about nationality, shall we?

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 3:57 p.m. CST

    Eragon was "popular" because...

    by Fawst

    They knew how to sell it. Giant cardboard display stand with a seriously stoned-looking dragon. Placed where? Right between the sci-fi/fantasy section and the young adult section in bookstores. Dopey parents who want to make their kids into readers (not dopey because they want that for their kids, dopey because they just are) go walking by and think "Hey, my 'tween will like this! He likes that fantasy stuff!" And bam, it's purchased. Or the other effect: Bored housewife looking for the newest Anita Blake novel buys it for her daughter who pulls the whole "hey, that's at eye level, buy me that!" routine. I can't tell you how many people I saw buying that damn book. I got sucked in to the trap and picked the book up to see what it was about. Promptly put it back down. The description seemed to scream "Formulaic!" Oh well, here's to hoping that one day my grandchildren will be dragging my weary bones to the theater to catch the opening day showing of Dragons of Autumn Twilight sometime in 2040. Around then, maybe they'll get things right.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 4:19 p.m. CST

    "As a writer..."

    by Fleet

    Novell.... Ouch. "Im lost for words..." - Well... that's good... for a writer... And if an 11yo said "They made a mockery of it" when I was at school we would've beat the shit outta him... nerd. Hold on... nerdy kids watching Eragon and hoping for something of substance... makes sense actually. Mockery... Hilarious.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 4:28 p.m. CST

    This movie is 90 minutes long...

    by torpor_haze

    filmed in Poland, and one of it its stunt coordinators works for Stargate TV shows. Gee, lets just replace dragons with shadow puppets and we'll be all set. We're going to be able to pump one of these out every 2 months.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 5:18 p.m. CST

    Eragon...and Cap. Mal if you're reading

    by Bloo

    I thought Paloni was on the right idea but didn't know how to excute it, plus he totally abandoned one idea for another, typical of a young writer, Lord knows I've done enough of that. Eragon is going after his uncle(?)'s killers these bird thingies and then gets sucked into the battle with the Shade totally forgetting about the bird thingies. I saw where it was going, in Eldest I called who was going to be the "bad" dragon rider<p> Mal if you're reading we really need to keep houding about getting us some good Lawhead out there...I'd suggest Walden media but their track record is kind of iffy at the moment, I loved Narnia (screw them for following the LOTR route and releasing a 4 disc edition with new material and extended stuff blah blah balh even though I know I'll buy it) and Terbritha(sp?) looks faithful to the book (but thank the writers son for directing) but some of their other works have deviated greatly from the original, I'm curious to see what they do with Charlotte's Web...but getting back on Track, a good Lawhead adaption would rock right about now, my Song of Albion or even Dragon King triology

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 5:21 p.m. CST

    Whoa, wait a minute. This is obviously not reliable.

    by Christopher_atUC

    The author of this review claims to be "a writer for a major entertainment company", but he can't spell the word, "novel". Please, what self proclaimed writer from a major entertainment company would submit a review about a film without spell checking?

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 5:20 p.m. CST

    I think we are forgetting ...

    by Larry of Arabia

    Eragon is a KIDS book. Just because it's long doesn't mean it's not a kid's book. I am a children's librarian and the KIDS love the book. After slogging children's book after children's book I can safely say that Eragon is better than 98% of the fantasy cash in crud out there. Spellfall? Rowan of Rin? Echorium Sequence? Holy god! It is by no means a classic tale, but not every current children's fantasy book is written by Caroline Funke, or of the quality Earthsea. I swear that if all of you were 11 years old you'd have read and enjoyed this book. Stop being such jackasses and let good children's books be good CHILDREN'S books. This is a gateway to larger worlds.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 5:23 p.m. CST

    Oh, and all you "Dragonrider" fans:

    by Larry of Arabia

    “Full praise to Eragon, and I want more! A winner . . . tip of the hat to young master Paolini.”—Anne McCaffrey. She doesn't seem to mind the similarities.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 5:39 p.m. CST

    It's 104 minutes, not 90.

    by Lenny Nero

    Not to be nitpicky, but...well, yeah, to be nitpicky.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 6:02 p.m. CST

    Was I the only one who didn't like A Game of Thrones?

    by successor

    I read it a few years back and thought that every character in the novel was either a fool or too sadistic to care about. Also there's so little magic in the novel, it can hardly be called a fantasy. If Martin wanted to write a historical novel based around the War of the Roses, why not just write it and leave out the speculative elements? And there was so much gratitious violence and sadism in the book it became offputting. Raping a woman on a pile of bodies? Pouring molten metal on a man? Shoving a child off the side of a castle? The book just seemed brutal for brutality's sake...and yes, I know, the Middle Ages were as brutal a time as now--if not more so. However the violence seemed to be put in there for shock value more than anything else. About the only thing I did like was Tyrion Lanister and the prison cell that was on the side of a cliff.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 6:26 p.m. CST

    jane and the dragon is the

    by foreignerbelt

    jane and the dragon is the best fucking kids show ever.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 6:38 p.m. CST

    re:Oh, and all you "Dragonrider" fans:

    by Fatkraken

    yes, but Anne McCaffrey went nuts AGES ago. Only a small protion of her work is really worth reading. Also, to the guy saying it's "just a kids book", childrens books can be GOOD in their own right, not just "fine for children". There are a metric ton of really well written and interesting childrens/ya books, and from what I've heard, Eragon ain't one of them.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 7:22 p.m. CST

    The Trilogy I Want To See

    by shellfishh

    The number one fantasy trilogy I want to see on the screen, and will NEVER see, is the Chronicles of Thomas Covenant. It will never get made. I heard Donaldson speak and he said no one would touch the property because it involves a ring, and no one wants to invite the comparison to Tolkien, even though the ring is more integral to Covenant than Frodo.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 7:31 p.m. CST

    TROGDOOOOOOOR!!!!!

    by Sakla

    BURNIN' UP THE NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 7:57 p.m. CST

    George R.R. Martin rules

    by shellfishh

    His Game of Thrones series is magnificent, with outstanding characters. Just don't get too attached to anybody. They might not make it to the end. I hope he can bring it to a satisfying conclusion without going on and on like that hack Jordan.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 8:54 p.m. CST

    Fatkraken

    by Larry of Arabia

    Yes, there are a metric ton of good children's books. However, there are about 6 of crappy children's books. Eragon isn't on the level of The Phantom Tollbooth, Coraline, Earthsea, or The Time Quartet. I'd love to have the students read the classics, but, trust me, they would just as soon pick up Rowan of Rin, Spellfall, or Secrets of Dripping Fang. Eragon is in the lower top end but it's better than a lot of what's published and, even worse, read.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 9:35 p.m. CST

    "Flight of Dragons"

    by Jubba

    See this movie. It's great and the main character was voiced by the late John Ritter.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 9:49 p.m. CST

    TROGDOR!!!

    by Westonian

    That sounds great monkeybyte....but i have one suggestion. Instead of Iron Maiden...how about some LIMO-ZEEN!!! Who better than the most hard core of hard core metal rockers this side of the stick...and that side of the tire...and de' stop sign. But anyway....Trogdor will burninate..and he shall not be stopped.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 10:20 p.m. CST

    Want a good fanatsy movie?

    by Cylon Agent

    One word: Sabriel. It's original, it's deep and most certainly doesn't follow the standard boy-from-village-brings-down-evil-empire plotline that has plagued the fantasy genre ever since Star Wars released. Now, would someone offer Garth Nix a reasonable sum of money for the film rights so I don't have to eat shit all year at the theatre?

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 10:20 p.m. CST

    HR Puffinstuff. He was a dragon right?

    by Mace Tofu

    Thinking of a Movie dragons list( Yes there was a Puffinstuff movie) is getting hard. I was just at Blockbusted and they have a NEW movie called DRAGON that I'm sure was made to cash in on Eragon and looks like ithose Darkest Knights Dragon movies that I can't bring myself to rent. These DTV Dragon movies must really suck as I don't see anyone admitting that they have seen them...Seventh Voyage of Sinbad had a nice dragon in it.

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 10:38 p.m. CST

    this movie will suck

    by roccotheripper

    i can tell cause the commercial shows crucial parts of the movie like some evil dude getting stabbed in the heart and bursting into ashes. i will not waste money seeing this garbage

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 10:40 p.m. CST

    “Full praise to Eragon, and I want more! A winner . . .

    by Mace Tofu

    ... tip of the hat to young master Paolini.”—Anne McCaffrey BS! Larry she wants the young dragon master's fans to buy her books later on. Show me the $$$ lol

  • Dec. 13, 2006, 10:41 p.m. CST

    I've heard it said before...

    by rbatty024

    so I'm going to parrot it: I really think they need to make another sequel to the Wizard of Oz. It's an easily recognizable property and fits perfectly into the recent string of fantasy films.

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 12:04 a.m. CST

    LITTLE SPOILED BASTERDS take'm to jacksons ranch

    by greekopa

    that'll fix them

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 12:08 a.m. CST

    HDM must not turn into Eragon!

    by DaleTremont

    Seriously. If they fuck up His Dark Materials, I will beat them with my amber spyglass. Then stab their corpse with my subtle knife.

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 1:07 a.m. CST

    I blame this cinematic tragedy on the influence of

    by Ringwearer9

    Peter Jackson.

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 2:01 a.m. CST

    Rocco, that clip isn't what you think it is.

    by Lenny Nero

    Something you must know about Shades.

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 2:07 a.m. CST

    Or is it?

    by Lenny Nero

    Dun dun duuuuuuuuuuuuuun

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 2:37 a.m. CST

    Crying 11 year olds...

    by The Midget_King

    should be slapped in the fucking mouth. What the fuck is wrong with kids for them to be crying over a fucking movie? Obviously that kid is a pussy.

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 4:41 a.m. CST

    LaDracul

    by the_shogun_gunslinger

    have you ever even touched a woman? just wondering..nice pic, LMFAO <p> And SkeletonParty, true that, i have 3 step kids (7,9 & 11) all have said more sophisticated things than mockery..were you guys all bangn rocks together when u were 11? kids can be sharp, especially when it comes to images they recall on the fly. mike, my boy realized that Howl's Moving Castle was a retelling of The Wizard of Oz (one of our faves to watch together) before one of my best friends..he was 8 at the time btw

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 4:52 a.m. CST

    oh

    by the_shogun_gunslinger

    and Trogdor is a bad ass bonus track in GH2 haha one of my faves...right now im loving "Less Talk More Rokk" on expert and yes, they spelt "Rock" like that haha...catchy fucker

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 5:30 a.m. CST

    I Knew That This Movie Would Suck When...

    by MachinaMan

    in the commercials I saw that the dragon had feathers on it's wings. Dragons aren't birds (though perhaps distant relatives?) and they don't have feathers. Period. If you want to see a dragon done right, rent DragonSlayer, which I will probably do in the next week or so as opposed to seeing this movie.

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 6:28 a.m. CST

    I jus' wanna know...

    by Ghostball

    if this is the worst fantasy book they could've made post LOTR, what could be the best - and I'm lazy, so gimme ONE reason why, if poss...

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 7:17 a.m. CST

    RE: Faust and DarthCorleone

    by Kizeesh

    So you didn't hear about the animated version then? http://www.dragonlance-movie.com/ Kiefer as Rystlin!

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 8:13 a.m. CST

    Which part of this review will result in an AICN meme?

    by Doctor_Sin

    I saw someone post on another thread, "The 11 year-old in me cries, 'Mockery!'" I think that one ranks as an official AICN meme-phrase. Beanpole tomboys are so yesterday.

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 9:36 a.m. CST

    I knew you'd pull through, Ringwearer9...

    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    ...but you are hours late. Your hate is usually much more timely.

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 12:19 p.m. CST

    Actually...

    by DocPazuzu

    ...I don't know why Ringy would complain about Eragon. It sounds just like the sanitized, magical, poofy cinematic fantasy world he wanted Jackson's LOTR to be.

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 12:21 p.m. CST

    "Jeremy 'will declaim sonorously for food' Irons"

    by DocPazuzu

    Funniest post all week. Thanks, Sepulchrave.

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 2:20 p.m. CST

    Successor

    by BillyPilgrim

    G. RR. Martins series does start out with no magic. You just get rumors of it. I don't want to get into specifics because it would spoil the books for those who have not started it yet. But I can say that the magic aspect of the story keeps building as the pages turn. As to the amount of violence, it does not lessen. Hero's and villains are slain, towns are sacked, etc. So I cant help you there. And yes Tyrion is one of the best characters in the series.

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 3:20 p.m. CST

    "As a writer"

    by Stubbles

    Enough people has slammed you for your crappy grammar, and that's not my problem. That's your problem. If you're going to call a published author's work tripe (and I'm not saying it isn't), then try not to use tripe in your prose. Adverbial nonesnse like "fairly opaque" and "bleedingly obvious" will often cause the intern screening your work (for the publisher who has even less time for tripe than you), to roll his or her eyes, fling your manuscript into the trash and move on to the next piece of tripe on his or her stack. As for Eragon... When I heard it was a kid who penned the novel, I wondered about the editor. I looked at the big dragon on the cover and said to myself "he misspelled 'dragon'". It's an easy mistake to make, the "E" being right on top of the "D" on a keyboard, but it somehow stuck... Then I read three chapters. I hope it ended well, because it did not start that way.

  • Dec. 14, 2006, 5:33 p.m. CST

    Stubbles, it's a problem for adults to use adult words?

    by Lenny Nero

    Man, your English teacher in high school must have beat you.