Cool News
Derek Wildstar Exalts The Sweet Chicks Of TURISTAS!!
SPOILER ALERT !!
Merrick here...
Derek Wildstar reviews for us quite a bit. He wrote in to (somewhat colorfully) contest a negative TURISTAS review.
He also offers a stern word of warning about what to do if you're ever in Brazi & riding in a bus that flips over. I know this is a constant concern to me...I'm sure it is to you, as well.
It should be noted that most of the feedback we’ve receieved on the film so far as been fine-to-good.
Here’s Derek…
Merrick / Harry,
Yeah im gonna have to go ahead and completely disagree with these negative Turistas reviews.
You know me, Im Derek Wildstar and my reviews are awesome.
TURISTAS IS WAY BETTER THAN PHANTOMS. WAY BETTER. FOR REAL.
I just read Dax's review and he makes some decent points. Im not going to defend this movie by battling out its cons, I'd rather tell you its pros.
This movie is all about tone and ambience. The cinematography is near perfect; beautiful when the turistas are having fun and partying and yet very grimy and gritty when they are in danger. Theres a few tracking shots but mostly the camera is handheld and very naturalistic. You feel like you are on a journey with these characters. The lighting is mostly ambient throughout the entire film which makes each scene seem more realistic and documentary-like. It reminded me of Wolf Creek more than Hostel. And lets drop the Hostel comparisons. I guess the premise is similar but Hostel is far more disturbing, brutal, bloody and gory. and campy.
Turistas is not campy. It feels very real and authentic throughout. If you look at IMDB you'll see that most of the actors playing creepy Brazilian kidney stealers are not Hollywood douche bags, they are pretty much brazilion natives (I may be wrong).
Turistas aint scary. It's not. But it does have about 10 gruesome deaths and the make up FX are well done.
Theres one CGI shot of a chick falling off a cliff which looks like my 7 year cousin could have made with after effects during recess. Embarrassing.
The music / sound design is flat out excellent, very tense and creepy through the whole movie.
Theres a few sound effect "jump scares" but they are done very well in conjunction with the editing.
The actors are actually pretty good. This aint no "I Know What You Did Last Summer" bullshit, the actors play their parts the way any of us would really react if we were in their situation. Josh D. from Las Vegas is solid and shows range. He's a bit of a pussy at first but becomes Rambo by the end and theres an english dude whos quite funny, but not in a corny "comic relief" sort of way.
The chicks are sweet dude! They basically have little to no dialogue but they are wet and wearing see-through bikinis and thongs the WHOLE MOVIE. So whoever is complaining about seeing only one pair of breasts is missing the rest of the fucking movie where 4 chicks walk around with perky nipples for 90 minutes.
SPOILERS!!!
COOL SCENES:
1. DUDE GETS A FUCKING SHISHKABOB SKEWER IN HIS EYE!
2. A BUS ROLLS OFF A CLIFF AND ITS TOTAL SWEETNESS!
3. DUDE JUMPS OFF A WATERFALL AND BREAKS HIS FALL BY SMASHING HIS
HEAD ON A ROCK AND IT GUSHES BLOOD AND YOU CAN SEE HIS BRAIN!
4. THEN THEY STAPLE HIS FUCKING SKULL BACK TOGETHER WITH A STAPLE GUN!
5. HOT NATIVE CHICK IS LYING IN BED INHALING GLUE FROM A BROWN PAPER
BAG! AWESOME! REMINDS ME OF WHEN I USED TO BUILD STARBLAZER MODELS IN 5TH GRADE.
6. LA ACTOR CHICKS WHO HAVENT EATEN IN WEEKS PARADING AROUND IN THONGS!
7. LOTS AND LOTS OF UNDERWATER CINEMATOGRAPHY OF CHASE SCENES OF PEOPLE
RUNNING OUT OF AIR AND ALMOST DROWNING!
SUMMARY:
I know I sound sarcastic, thats only because I havent slept in days.
Overall this movie has a few minor logistical problems but its pretty tight from start to finish. Very tense throughout but not very scary. Slightly corny ending. Excellent overall realistic and naturalistic tone to the movie due to the combination of awesome cinematography, surprisingly solid acting and dialogue, great music and interesting 3rd world type freaky shit.
BOTTOMLINE: if you are in Brazil and your bus flips the fuck over, dont drink a 5th of rum at the nearest beach bar or you may wake up without various organs.
I gave it an A- But my girlfriend ragged on me for liking it, she gave it a C- My douche bag friend gave it a B+ My other tool friend (calls himself OG) gave it a C
Last I checked that comes to an average of a solid B / B-
Last but not least: Dax was right, the last 30 minutes of the film was kinda dark and shit but whatever, a dude got a shish-ka-bob skewer in his eye and that more than makes up for any short comings.
- DEREK WILDSTAR
Yeah im gonna have to go ahead and completely disagree with these negative Turistas reviews.
You know me, Im Derek Wildstar and my reviews are awesome.
TURISTAS IS WAY BETTER THAN PHANTOMS. WAY BETTER. FOR REAL.
I just read Dax's review and he makes some decent points. Im not going to defend this movie by battling out its cons, I'd rather tell you its pros.
This movie is all about tone and ambience. The cinematography is near perfect; beautiful when the turistas are having fun and partying and yet very grimy and gritty when they are in danger. Theres a few tracking shots but mostly the camera is handheld and very naturalistic. You feel like you are on a journey with these characters. The lighting is mostly ambient throughout the entire film which makes each scene seem more realistic and documentary-like. It reminded me of Wolf Creek more than Hostel. And lets drop the Hostel comparisons. I guess the premise is similar but Hostel is far more disturbing, brutal, bloody and gory. and campy.
Turistas is not campy. It feels very real and authentic throughout. If you look at IMDB you'll see that most of the actors playing creepy Brazilian kidney stealers are not Hollywood douche bags, they are pretty much brazilion natives (I may be wrong).
Turistas aint scary. It's not. But it does have about 10 gruesome deaths and the make up FX are well done.
Theres one CGI shot of a chick falling off a cliff which looks like my 7 year cousin could have made with after effects during recess. Embarrassing.
The music / sound design is flat out excellent, very tense and creepy through the whole movie.
Theres a few sound effect "jump scares" but they are done very well in conjunction with the editing.
The actors are actually pretty good. This aint no "I Know What You Did Last Summer" bullshit, the actors play their parts the way any of us would really react if we were in their situation. Josh D. from Las Vegas is solid and shows range. He's a bit of a pussy at first but becomes Rambo by the end and theres an english dude whos quite funny, but not in a corny "comic relief" sort of way.
The chicks are sweet dude! They basically have little to no dialogue but they are wet and wearing see-through bikinis and thongs the WHOLE MOVIE. So whoever is complaining about seeing only one pair of breasts is missing the rest of the fucking movie where 4 chicks walk around with perky nipples for 90 minutes.
SPOILERS!!!
COOL SCENES:
1. DUDE GETS A FUCKING SHISHKABOB SKEWER IN HIS EYE!
2. A BUS ROLLS OFF A CLIFF AND ITS TOTAL SWEETNESS!
3. DUDE JUMPS OFF A WATERFALL AND BREAKS HIS FALL BY SMASHING HIS
HEAD ON A ROCK AND IT GUSHES BLOOD AND YOU CAN SEE HIS BRAIN!
4. THEN THEY STAPLE HIS FUCKING SKULL BACK TOGETHER WITH A STAPLE GUN!
5. HOT NATIVE CHICK IS LYING IN BED INHALING GLUE FROM A BROWN PAPER
BAG! AWESOME! REMINDS ME OF WHEN I USED TO BUILD STARBLAZER MODELS IN 5TH GRADE.
6. LA ACTOR CHICKS WHO HAVENT EATEN IN WEEKS PARADING AROUND IN THONGS!
7. LOTS AND LOTS OF UNDERWATER CINEMATOGRAPHY OF CHASE SCENES OF PEOPLE
RUNNING OUT OF AIR AND ALMOST DROWNING!
SUMMARY:
I know I sound sarcastic, thats only because I havent slept in days.
Overall this movie has a few minor logistical problems but its pretty tight from start to finish. Very tense throughout but not very scary. Slightly corny ending. Excellent overall realistic and naturalistic tone to the movie due to the combination of awesome cinematography, surprisingly solid acting and dialogue, great music and interesting 3rd world type freaky shit.
BOTTOMLINE: if you are in Brazil and your bus flips the fuck over, dont drink a 5th of rum at the nearest beach bar or you may wake up without various organs.
I gave it an A- But my girlfriend ragged on me for liking it, she gave it a C- My douche bag friend gave it a B+ My other tool friend (calls himself OG) gave it a C
Last I checked that comes to an average of a solid B / B-
Last but not least: Dax was right, the last 30 minutes of the film was kinda dark and shit but whatever, a dude got a shish-ka-bob skewer in his eye and that more than makes up for any short comings.
- DEREK WILDSTAR
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+ Expand All
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this movie is going to suck and bomb without your review...but you certainly helped it along...dude
-
PLANT!!!!!
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Everybody knows its going to be another passable slasher chase movie that will turn profit and keep a couple of TV actors on the C list for another five minutes and possibly spawn one theatrical sequel and then one straight to video sequel. End of story.ZEBRA!
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when i was growing up, i wanted a Ford Turista just like the kind Starsky & Hutch used to drive.
-
Hell KF movies show eyes getting PLUCKED OUT! Story o Rikki/Rikki-Oh shows whole heads explode. Hell even the low budget John Candy movie Going Berserk showed the double palm strike head explode thing which was later used on the old Graig Kilborn daily show.
Skinny chicks with fake tits don't make up for lack of originality. -
Just curious: what exactly is the going rate for a studio shill right now?
Christmas is coming up and I could use some extra scratch. I've seen this movie too, and if the price is right, would be willing to forgo my soul along with all the "cons" for a mere stick in the eye. After all, it was one of the few scenes lit well enough to actually see.
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...but seriously is Olivia Wilde naked or not?
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We WILL return!
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The 'highlights'? These are the 'highlights'?!? How do people get the money to make stuff like this? Cut'em -ups need to go away now. Worst genre ever.
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That is ALL!
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who is this nimrod?
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Derek Wildstar is a punkass mofo! And he is besmirching my good name.
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Glad somebody finally pointed that out! Holy hell, I thought this was a STUDIO film. I've seen better CGI work in backyard movies.
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Yo, yo, yo, bro', yo' review so real , fo' sho'!
More seriously, where do they breed those idiots? -
--to get me in the theater because, well, we all know how hard it is to find naked pictures and video of women on the internet, FOR FREE. I'd rather spank it in the comfort of my own home, thank you.
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...the same guy that writes realultimatepower.net?
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Really, who the fuck is in this stinker?
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Minutes in Stockwell's movies
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it's also full of fucking plants.
-
Don't ever fucking tell me your reviews are awesome. I don't care if they are (judging by this one, they aren't), but just don't ever fucking say it. You open with, "I'm Derek Wildstar, my reviews are awesome," and the first thought in my mind is, "Wow, what a douchebag." You sound like the kind of fucking popped-collar drunken frat-boy asshole prick that most of the people on this site (I'm assuming) kind of hate. So don't ever do it again. I'm not even saying this is a bad movie, Vern said it wasn't too godawful, I'm just saying that Derek writes like (to borrow from Penny Arcade) a slack-jawed junkslut.
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Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect 200$
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"You know me, Im Derek Wildstar and my reviews are awesome." No sir, this review was a disgrace, dude.
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colorful and to the point. f you fag douchebags for raggin
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Where the first 30 min are a fun, mild sex comedy, and then the rest is just torture fetishism? I saw Wolf Creek, and I saw Hostel, and it's not scary. It may be disturbing, but that's not scary. Is this anything more than that? We need more "The Descent"s, that is all.
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I NEED TIT's N ASS!!!!!!!!! YEAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
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CROW: Yeah, and a little Hergert on 'em...
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Well, okay, maybe not, but I'm trying to save you people from seeing it. Fucking BRUTAL, stupid, boring, and terrible, and annoying shit. One "torture porn" scene, and the bitch is out of it the whole time. The only cool thing about the movie is the staple gun to the head, and that's only 10 seconds and doesn't make up for it. Needless to say, Dr. Giggles is the most sympathetic character.
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