Hey, everyone. ”Moriarty” here.

I've read so many positive reviews of BORAT by this point, including some insanely hyperbolic critics calling it "the funniest movie in decades," that it's almost refreshing to read the reaction of someone who didn't flip out for it at first glance.

I love the character, and I'm looking forward to the movie, but I think Fox made a mistake by marketing the film this heavy for this long. At this point, many people actually think the film has already come and gone. It'll be interesting to see what happens when it opens a week from today.

For now, check out this review:

Just got back from a free preview showing of Borat, due out next week, here on my very own campus. Film started at 8pm, with doors opening at 7:30, but they were giving out entrance “bracelets” starting at 6:30, so my friend and I decided to get there an hour earlier. Considering that this hasn’t got that much publicity on campus, we were surprised at the long line that had already formed. So we waited, and waited and it wasn’t too soon after that ass loads of people started cutting line…people calling their friends and their friends’ friends on their cell telling them to come on over. My friend, being a Stat/Econ major, counted the line during a couple of time intervals and in about 30 minutes we were passed by over 100 people…I kid you not. Being the instigator I am, I was successfully able to rally the crowd around me so that anyone, even random people walking by, were cussed the hell out if they even came near the line. This was hella fun. Anyway, we barely made the cut and after checking our bags and stuff (NO RECORDING DEVICES ALLLOWED! OMG!11!) we took our seats. They ran a shitty ad for JetBlue, who was co-sponsoring the screening, and the film started. They didn’t say anything, but as far as I could tell this was the final cut (with a week left it only makes sense). Everything was in place, soundtrack, editing, credits, logos, etc. So how was it?

Ok, well first of all, let me just say that it annoys me when people get pissed at this movie saying that it makes fun of such and such group, or that it’s some dumbass liberal/conservative movie or whatever…this movie does make fun of people, not just one group, but of just about everyone, and I like it when everything is made fun of. I have no problem with it, in fact that’s one of the reasons why I was looking forward to it. So was it funny?
Well, to be honest, no, not really. It was funny here and there, but overall the movie wasn’t funny, funny if you catch my drift. It just isn’t. I’m sorry. Plain and simple. Now that that’s out of the way, let me explain why. In some ways you can compare this to the Jackass movies. It’s got a bunch of random retarded stuff, a lot of crude stuff, and bizarre disturbing scenes. Some people are going to love it and some are going to hate it. Too bad Borat doesn’t have any insane stunts, although I don’t think that really would have saved it. Let me also say that nothing really offends me. I don’t want some of you thinking that I’m some radical crazy rightwing family values type of person who is hell bent on a crusade to bring this film down. Hell no, that’s not me.

Anyway, you guys probably know the story by know. Borat is the simpleminded news reporter from Kazakhstan from the “The Ali G Show,” played by Sacha Baron Cohen. The Kazak Ministry of Information, in hopes of improving overall life in its esteemed nation, sends its famous reporter Borat with a documentary crew to the US and A to learn how Americans live. The film starts out as if it really were a film issued by the Kazakhstan government. The titles are in Kazak (or Russian, or hell for all I know it could have been made up) and play over grainy film quality. English subtitles are purposely superimposed over the Kazak ones. Personally I thought it was kinda neat to have this throughout the film. We’re introduced to Borat and his town, and we get a nice view of what life is like there…the local rapist, the one arm man, Borat’s sister (fourth best prostitute in all of Kazakhstan), his wife and so on. We also see local festivities, such as “The Running of the Jew.”

Borat then takes off with his film crew to the US and A and arrives at NYC. He does a few dumb things here and there and eventually finds one of America’s best friends: Television. He comes across Baywatch and instantly falls in love with Pamela Anderson and this basically gets the plot rolling…if you want to call it that. Although not that it matters, because one doesn’t go to see these types of films for plot. He convinces his crew and producer, Azamat, to travel to California (where “Pearl Harbor, Texas, and other places are”) and see the “real” America.

So begins Borat’s cross country road trip across the US and A. He takes lessons in humor, manners, and meets all kinds of people. Like I said before, the film pretty much rips and makes fun of everyone…we have here Jews, white America, blacks, women, gays, more Jews, white trash, conservative Christians, gypsies, frat boys, Kazaks, rednecks, southerners, whores, and finally more Jews. From what I can remember Mexicans, Latinos and Asians were spared.
Having seen many episodes of The Ali G Show I was expecting this film to be pretty good. I didn’t really have high standards for it and I wasn’t expecting it to be the “funniest movie ever” but I was hoping that it would alright. I walked out of it with mixed feelings….but after thinking it over I came to the conclusion that I would not spend my $7-10 bucks to watch this film. It just wasn’t really that funny. Some of this we’ve already seen in The Ali G Show and for the most part Cohen and his crew just weren’t able to come up with good skits or scenarios…or maybe I’m putting it in the wrong way, perhaps they just weren’t executed well enough. This film had so much potential, and I feel that are many scenes that could have been great, but for some reason they just feel through. Furthermore, it seemed to me that some of the scenes were staged, and it was somewhat obvious. Not many of them were, but there were a few scenes that really did look as if they had staged them. Maybe they did or maybe they didn’t, but to me and others who saw it that’s how it came across and that disjoints the rest of the film.

To me the funniest part of the film, which had the entire audience laughing, is the naked wrestling and simulated sex (it’s basically what it was, lol) that Borat and Azamat have. Borat walks out of the shower in his hotel room to find Azamat naked on the bed masturbating to his beloved BAYWATCH magazine. Before I go on, let me just say that Azamat is a pretty big fellow, not Harry big, (no offensive Harry) but pretty big. Yes, he’s fat. So we have skinny Borat and fat ass Azamat running around and wrestling naked in their hotel room. All the while we are treated to Azamat’s huge rolls of fat bouncing up and down and jiggling like crazy. They break a bunch of shit and eventually end up on the bed…in a decent leap frog, and from there we go to a 69 …with Azamat on top. And yes for those of you who were wondering, we do get to see some nice tea-bagging. This scene is all full frontal nudity, although Borat’s penis was censored with a black bar. Azamat’s penis was concealed somewhere in his massive stomach overhang, so he was censor-free. The two run out of the room, run around the hotel, ride an elevator and finally crash some conference that was going on. I think this was more disturbing and bizarre than anything else, but it was admittedly funny (in a disturbing way).

Borat car shopping was alright, his encounter with the whore was ok, his purchase of a “dangerous animal” was stupid, and the Christian revival scene was somewhat amusing (yet rather scary and disturbing in its own way). Most of the Jewish stuff was funny, especially when Borat says that they decide to drive across the country rather than then fly, because they were afraid that the Jews might try and crash some more planes into buildings. Borat eventually does make it to LA and finds Pamela Anderson, (who is in this movie) but ends up unable to bag her (literally), after trying the “Kazakh” way of marriage. Cohen does a great job as Borat, and he is definitely one of the strengths of the film. He completely embodies the role, and his actions, spontaneity and mannerisms are all great and really do help this film out.

So that’s about it. Comment cards were handed out, although they must have not really cared for them because they ran out pretty quick, but let’s be honest here, the film opens in a week. I didn’t get a comment card but I was able to get a hold of the free film poster they were handing out. So this review is a bit different from the norm, because I know a lot of people are raving about it, but it’s always good to get the flip side of the coin. The movie’s not terrible and it’s certainly viewable but I can’t speak for all you guys out there, but I do know that tons of you will find this film great. I just didn’t and I will tell you that that current IMDb rating of 8.4 is a little too high…but then again what do I know, right? Rotten Tomatoes already has quite a few reviews posted up, and there are a lot more positive ones than I would have anticipated. Bottom line is, if you like The Ali G Show, if you like stupid, crude retarded stuff, and if you love making fun of everything and everybody (like I do) then you should definitely go and check it out. I’m just glad that I got to do it for free.

It is interesting that Fox is severely cutting down the number of theaters that this is playing in, not quite sure what to think of it. Will this be another SOAP internet hyped film that fails to deliver the box office goods?

Anyway, I’m really looking forward to Monday night, where I’ll get a chance to see FOX ATOMIC’s first feature film, TURISTAS, due out in December. More on that later.

If you use this, call me |UNC| Deckard (and yes, that’s my CS sn for anyone that gives a shit). Peace out.