Itchyballs Scratches DOA: DEAD OR ALIVE!!

Merrick again...
Here’s Itchyballs (a condition I had all weekend) with a look at DOA: DEAD OR ALIVE. He says the film is a “guilty pleasure”. In his e-mails to me, Itchyballs, who has reviewed for AICN before, swears he’s not a “plant” – but is instead a movie lover who sometimes becomes overzealous when championing a title. Is that the case this time around? We’ll see… DOA looks a little too Bollian for my tastes. There’s schlock, shameless, exploitative crap (the kind Vern relishes...I like it, too!) – and then there’s…well...charmless insipidness, which is what this FEELS like to me. Maybe this is because we’ve been so roundly pummeled by video game-to-screen adaptations that it’s hard to find any hope. Or, maybe this will simply blow like all the others. There’s a long clip and a newish trailer available HERE . What do you think?
Here’s Itchyballs (somewhere out there in the world, someone would probably get turned on by that line…)

I’m a movie buff from the Philippines, sometimes we get lucky and certain movies get shown here ahead of their U.S. release dates. Most of them are crap but there are times we get lucky. In this case, D.O.A.: Dead Or Alive (talk about re-dun-dun-dant) is a bit of a mixed bag but it flavors more on the sweet than the sour, especially in terms of eye candy. I watched this flick as part of a double feature with my woman (Hey Baby!), the other movie being Flyboys (a cliché of a war pic with some amazing aerial battle scenes). Which was cool ‘cause she can be pretty picky about what she wants to watch (I appreciate the effort though, Hon). It stars such lovely ladies as Jaimie Pressly, Holly Valance, Natassia Malthe, Devon Aoki, Sarah Carter and on the guy side Eric Roberts (who will forever be typecast as the bad guy). Interesting sidenote: Holly, Jaime Pressly and Sarah have all appeared in Entourage (Sarah was the reason that Drama and Turtle “crossed swords” and Holly was the chick that E cheated with while Jaime as herself fooled around with Vince). Cory Yuen (The Transporter) directs from a script by J.F. Lawton (Pretty Woman, what the fuck?!). The movie is based on video game of the same name and is in the vein as such classic fight games like Tekken (my all-time fave!), Mortal Kombat, Street Fighter and so on. Unlike the latter two games, this movie fares better action-wise and probably everything else-wise. Based on the interviews I read they strayed a bit from the game in terms of character but I didn’t really give a shit ‘cause I never played the game. I just wanted to watch it ‘cause I found myself drooling at the trailer. The plot was your standard cookie-cutter fight movie: the best fighters in the world are invited to compete in a secret tournament to win a lot of cash but everyone has each got a secret agenda, yadda yadda yadda. You dying to watch the movie yet? Heh, didn’t think so. The first rule of D.O.A. is: Check your brain at the door. The second rule of D.O.A. is: Bring your hormones! If you’re into flicks with scintillatingly scrumptiously scantily clad babes in cool fight scenes with dashes of humor then this is the movie for you. If not, stay home and watch your Grey’s Anatomy DVD and slobber after Dr. McDreamy for the nth time. It’s a fun flick, no need to think, just enjoy the babes and the fights and you’re good. Cory Yuen’s action scenes are sweet. They’re pretty intense for PG-13, making you feel each punch and they go pretty fast. Yuen directs/edits each fight scene in a way that makes each actor believable as a martial artist. For fans of the game, they can dig on the volleyball game that the girls get into (though the ball looked like it was CGI). The other main draw are the three charismatic leads; Holly, Jaime and Sarah. Holly Valance exudes sex, even just in the way she talks and looks at someone. Jaime comes off as ice cool for a Southern girl (or maybe I’m mistaking that for boredom?) though I prefer her in My Name is Earl. Newbie Sarah Carter is all fun and spunk whose excitement in being in a Hollywood production is a little contagious. Devon and Natassia, unfortunately, take their roles way too seriously and should have had more fun (Too bad, I was hoping would Natassia would have come into her own by now. She stayed in the Philippines for a while, doing a lot of modeling gigs, quite the hottie). I was surprised to find some humorous bits in it as well. The scene where Holly and Jaime are caught in bed together (easy guys, it’s funny more than sexy especially because of who catches them in the “act”) drew some laughs. Jaime draws on her comedic talents again when she’s wooed Pepe Le Pew style by another fighter while the nerd pining over Sarah’s character works to humorous effect as well. D.O.A. comes off as a lighthearted blend of Charlie’s Angels and Kill Bill that doesn’t pretend to be anything more than it is: hot babes fighting each other in style. Watch it in a matinee or rent the DVD but if you keep the above mindset, you’ll be entertained. I consider this flick my guilty pleasure of the year. So there you go. Till next time! If you use this, I remain “Itchyballs”. Thanks!

Thanks for the time and message, Itchy! DOA: DEAD OR ALIVE should arrive Stateside in early December.