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AICN COMICS REVIEWS CIVIL WAR! THE WALKING DEAD! A TON OF CHEAP SHOTS! AND MORE!!!!


#24 9/20/06 #5

The Pull List
(Click title to go directly to the review)

CIVIL WAR #4
SHADOWPACT #5
NEXTWAVE: AGENTS OF H.A.T.E. HC
THE WALKING DEAD #31
ASTONISHING X-MEN #17
Big Eyes For the Cape Guy presents DRAGON HEAD VOL 3
CHEAP SHOTS!

CIVIL WAR #4

Writer: Mark Millar
Artists: Steve McNiven (pencils)/Dexter Vines (inker)
Publisher: Marvel Comics
Reviewer: Prof. Challenger

WHAT THE *censored for the poor little kiddies* ! MOTHER *censored for the faint at heart*!!!!! BUUUUUURRRRNNNNN MARVEL, BURN!!!!! - e-mail excerpt from Superhero

If I was not reviewing comics for AICN, I would not have read this comic.
I thought that needed to be said because it bears on the fact that, like it or not, where Marvel and DC go, so goes the comic book field. And when these two do big "events," it really is the responsibility of a serious reviewing team to go ahead and at least look at it. I mean, I am sure that most movie reviewers went and saw PEARL HARBOR even though they would have preferred to just avoid it. But they "had" to.
Now, after the distasteful experience of DC's INFINITE CRISIS, I personally chose to just completely avoid Marvel's CIVIL WAR. My interest in the more current Marvel Universe is so tepid compared to the days when I literally bought anything with Marvel on the cover. I have not, however, been able to avoid the events that have made up CW, because they have been headline-grabbers like Spider-Man revealing his identity publicly. But up till now, the most I've done is skim through the issues on the stands to get a feel for how the "events" have been executed. My take on it up to this point has been that the book "looks" good and the writing seems competent.
Press releases from the days prior to last Wednesday built up CW#4 as an "event" so important that it must not be missed. In the wake of Spidey's revelation, I decided then that I would go ahead and pick up this issue and see what the big hoo-ha is all about. Technically, the comic feels like it was produced by automatons. The writing is technically competent, except that every character speaks with the same "voice." There is nothing to distinguish whether it's Sue Richards, Tony Stark, or Peter Parker other than typeface or word balloon placement. The art is solid, but completely devoid of any emotion other than anger. It seems like everyone is angry at all times which is just depressing to look at. The only good thing I can say is that it appears that Dagger doesn't wear panties and the paper stock is nice.
I'm not angry though, like a bunch of my fellow reviewers, but I am disturbed on many levels. Before I address the specifics, let me give an overall impression I've got. INFINITE CRISIS pissed me off not so much because of the things that happened in the story. I'm more willing than many longtime fans to buy into changes and events so long as they happen logically within the story and in character. The thing that pissed me off with IC was that it smacked of massive editorial and production incompetence. Within IC, I could see writers and artists striving to do something better than what the final product turned out to be. My problems with CW are much deeper than my problems with IC because it is a highly competent product, but insidious and deplorable in its goals.
I picture the Three Stooges running around the DC offices as editors constantly imposing themselves into the production of IC and turning it into a laughable 3-ring circus of nonsense by the end. But at Marvel, I picture a cabal of enormously overweight pompous politicians circa 1920 sitting in a cigar smoke-filled, darkened room wearing their neckties so tight that their necks look like muffin tops, all the while plotting and planning and chuckling to themselves about how much smarter and better they are than the sheep that voted them into office.
And the stench of those cheap cigars permeates every page of this turdpile of a comic "event."
CIVIL WAR just literally smacks of the arrogance of short-term thinking and nihilism. There was a time when Marvel comic books were about characters. Plots were simply tools to tell stories about characters. Now, characters are simply tools to serve the plot, or rather, "event." One way you can tell is that the life-changing events for these characters now occur in "give-us-money" books like CW rather than the characters' respective eponymous titles. After 40 years, the most status quo changing event in Spider-Man's development as a character - a decision that changes everything, contradicts everything he's ever said and done before, and affects everyone who has ever known him - happened in CW with the Spidey titles stuck having to deal with the fallout. Another way you can tell is that the manner in which characters, I mean "cannon fodder," are slaughtered is so detached and calculated that it really just disgusts me. Again, I can totally envision the "meeting" between the editors and the writer where they start throwing character names around, maybe putting them up on a board on note cards, and then deciding whether to kill them or not (the New Warriors in CW#1 for example.) No thought given to any rational reason why the character should die or whether there are any other moral considerations as to their responsibilities as the "gods" in charge of these fictional lives or the readers out there who invest emotion and concern for these characters. You know--those readers who keep voting the incumbents into office--I mean buying these insultingly jaded and disgusting comic books produced by this current editorial team? In fact, if any thought was given at all, it was probably a self-indulgent snigger back and forth over how the fanboys are gonna "love/hate" it.
Now, in CW#4 we have 3 major "events," one which fills the bill for the "life-changing" event; one which fills the bill for the pointless death; and one which is just indicative of the overly calculated manner in which this series has been put together.
The pointless death is that of Bill Foster/Goliath. In the course of this comic, we watched what appeared for all intents and purposes to be an utterly cold, angry, and evil Thor just tearing into Captain America's team of anti-establishment heroes. Goliath, completely unarmed, advances toward Thor, a god with a powerful deadly weapon, who proceeds to blast a bloody hole through Goliath's chest. Most likely, Foster died instantly. There was no point to this other than to advance an idiotic plot thread the writer/editors wanted to advance. So, they picked another "lame" character and threw him in front of the bus. In spite of the cheesy dialogue/narration that CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS gets nailed on sometimes, at least when you had a character like, say, Ultra-Man get killed, Marv Wolfman took it upon himself to give the character a final chance to be heroic - thus making his death instantly poignant rather than pointless. Here, Goliath's last words are insipidly "Get ready for the shortest comeback in history, Thor." And next he's on the ground with smoke billowing from his chest.
So, what was the plot that Mark Millar so desperately wanted to advance with Goliath's death? The one on the third "plot" card on his computer-generated outline for this series: (3) Sue Richards, shocked by the death of lame character to named later decides to leave Reed and join Captain America's anti-establishment team of heroes.
For this event to have occurred, the suspension of belief that Millar and the editorial team required of me was just too high. They took the father figure of the entire Marvel Universe and turned him into a murderer. No way around it. The Thor here was not really Thor but a clone created by Reed and controlled by Reed. He recklessly sent Thor into this battle knowing full well what was likely to happen. It may not rise to the level of premeditated first-degree murder, but it certainly rises to the level of second-degree murder. Thor here was nothing more than a dangerous weapon and Reed acted recklessly and with wanton disregard for others when he sent Thor into this battle. Reed is a murderer. He also is playing God in the manner in which he cloned Thor in the first place and then subjecting him to mind-control manipulation. Basically, this plot required Millar to "advance" the character of Reed Richards to the point that he is morally indistinguishable from Dr. Doom. There's a difference between arrogance and hubris. Both Reed and Doom have now crossed that line and there's really no rational way for Marvel to undo this unless they pull a deus ex machina that puts Reed under some sort of mind-control or they use Franklin or Scarlet Witch to rewind continuity in some way--both of which are Bobby Ewing-style cop-outs that are likely to even further damage Marvel's credibility with the fans.
There is such a coldness and unemotional aspect to the storytelling here that it almost reads like a computer wrote it. After murdering a longtime friend, Reed has sex with his wife and relaxes for a good night's sleep. During his sleep, Sue gets up and leaves him and drops off a note explaining why. The next day, Reed is utterly distraught by the realization of what he has done and tells Tony Stark he's out of this because he has got to find Susan and make things right! Well…if a writer who actually wrote these characters properly were writing it, that would've been what happened. Instead, the next day Reed and Tony are discussing clinically the fact that the balance has tipped in Capt. America's favor after the death of Goliath. No regrets. No mention of Sue. Hell, no mention of the fact that he has to explain to his son and daughter that Mommy has left them. Nope. It's simply, robotic advance the plot time again as we lead up to the stupid, I mean "big," reveal at the end.
Which is the other "event" I mentioned. Reed and Tony have organized a brand-new iteration of The Thunderbolts made up of utterly insane psychopathic costumed villains like Bullseye, Venom, and Jack-O-Lantern. There they go again, pulling out their character note cards and grabbing out the villains that all the fanboys go orgasmic over and throw them into the mix here as a DIRTY DOZEN-style taskforce put together by Reed Richards and Tony Stark. Well, if the Dirty Dozen had been made up of people like John Wayne Gacy, Ed Gein, the Son of Sam, Ted Bundy, and serial killers like that. It's like Millar and company are just pouring more and more grease on their fire of character disintegration. But what is one to expect from a comic where Capt. America delivers a stupid line like "You really think I'm going down - to some pampered punk like you?" This whole schism between Iron Man and Cap is so utterly forced and irrational that I cannot for the life of me understand how something so profoundly wrong could see print like this. It demonstrates first that Millar has no knowledge at all of the fact that prior to the Super-Soldier experiment, Steve Rogers was one of those scrawny little picked-on kids who grew up in the Bronx in the 20s and 30s. He was not a scrappy little gang kid. He also is not the type of person who harbors the type of immature class bias that this comment bespeaks. Cap is Marvel's embodiment of all that is best in the American ideal, which means he rises above petty biases and prejudices. Well, except in the dystopic worldview of Mark Nietzsche, I mean Millar.
The stench of that cigar-filled war room has apparently filled the entire Marvel Universe with cardboard cutouts rather than characters. If they aren't raging hate-filled narcissists, they are unemotional, detached, and completely amoral sociopaths. This is not the sort of world that engenders any sort of long-term commitment by the readers/buyers of the product. If every character is imminently unlikable and unrelatable, the reader is pushed away. No emotional connection to the characters means no commitment and that will, over time, result in an increasingly diminished fan base. This is an "event" that I can't stomach because it is utterly insulting to the characters, to the history, and especially to the comic-buying public at large. It's Marvel's big spit-in-the-eye to everybody who's ever given a damn about these Marvel characters.

SHADOWPACT #5

Writer: Bill Willingham
Art: Steve Scott (pencils), Wayne Faucher (inks)
Publisher: DC Comics
Reviewer: Ambush Bug

"Well, it's a bit hard to explain, but the short version is: it's magic."
-- The Enchantress, SHADOWPACT #5
Bullshit!
By page two of this comic, the same page which sports the above quote, I was pretty annoyed. All it took was this simple, "Ha, right in your face!" arrogant type of quote to really piss me off. You see, I've stayed away from most comics which center on magic, for the most part. I always thought that too many times, (*cough*chaos magic*cough*) magic is another word for lazy writing. A writer has a direction he wants to take. He has an end that he wants to reach. A writer starts out with an interesting problem, the problem is dealt with, and a solution to that problem (either good or bad) is come to. And that, my friends, is what we call a story. The introduction of the problem is key and the solution is evident, but it's the here to the there that separates a good story from the bad. How the problem is taken care of is the most interesting part of a story.
But when it's explained away with a phrase like "It's that kooky magic again." Shrug shoulders. Hands on hips. Tilt head back for a big finale He-Man laugh. And…end scene. When something like this happens, that tells me that how the magic works and how it fits within the logic of the story is far from being an important factor in the writer's mind. It's telling me that a writer is saying, "Listen, I'm going to do whatever the hell I want, have my characters act however I deem fit for them, take you in directions that make no sense at all, and in the end, if you don't follow me, or don't understand what's going on, I can explain it all away with a simple cheap phrase like: It's magic, and you're going to take it like a newbie at Rykers, bunky.”
Willingham's logic doesn't even hold up on its own. It's explained that the Shadowpact have been saving the town of Riverrock from a team of mystical villains. The team was trapped inside a Blood Dome for what seemed to be a few days, but actually turned out to be a year. So it's only been a few days for the Shadowpact while the world moved on and they come out one year later. Explain to me then, why the hell are all of the men sporting long beards as if a year had gone on inside the dome and a few days had passed outside?
"Well, it's magic!"
Bullshit!
And why, if for some magical reason all of the men's facial hair grew at unnatural lengths or that their bodies caught up with the lapse in time immediately after leaving the dome, are Nightshades legs still cleanly shaven? Shouldn't she be able to part that shit down the middle and braid it like Pippy Longstocking if, for some reason, being in the Blood Dome causes such hair growth? She should be lookin’ like Detective Chimp’s taller, hotter sister from the waist down, shouldn’t she?
"It's…magic!"
Bullshit!
And I still don't understand how if Detective Chimp was gone for one year he showed up in 52 a week or two ago.
"uhm…magic?"
Bullshit? Yes, bullshit.
The thing is, I'd forgive this lack of exertion towards making sense if the story was strong, but since the get go, this comic isn't really much more than another super team book that tackles magical problems in superheroic ways. But doesn't every other JLA deal with some sort of magical menace? What makes this team special? I like the obscure characters, but so far, Willingham has yet to impress me with what he's doing with them. The story lacks imagination, it lacks flair, it lacks (dare I say it) that certain magic that is required to keep my interest.
I understand explaining the scientific blueprints of magic is impossible. But if I can believe a cosmic entity with an appetite for earths or a last survivor of Krypton that can fly and leap tall buildings can exist within the parameters of a story, I could get behind this whole magic thing. But this series lacks the grounding for me to suspend my disbelief. This "new age of magic" everyone is gabbing about doesn't seem to be planned out at all. It seems more like Willingham is making shit up as he goes along and I'm not really interested in that type of half-@$$ed storytelling.
So I think SHADOWPACT is going to disappear from my pull list. And if the above review doesn't explain why this is happening…well how about this for an explanation…
"No bullshit, it's magic!"

NEXTWAVE: AGENTS OF H.A.T.E. HC

Writer: Warren Ellis
Artist: Stuart Immonen
Publicist: Marvel
Reviewer: Baytor

The Beyond Corporation is product testing Unusual Weapons of Mass Destruction on the American public and the only thing that stands between them and us is Nextwave, a team of renegade super-heroes made up almost exclusively of characters that regularly get new code-names and costumes in the vain hope that they will miraculously stop sucking so hard.
God help us all.
This is easily the most enjoyable book centering around a team of never-beens since Giffen’s legendary run on JUSTICE LEAGUE a couple of decades back. As such, all of these characters now have a bright future of being killed dramatically in Company-Wide Cross-Over Events, perhaps even having their dead body cradled by an agonized Captain America on the cover as the rest of the Marvel Universe spends the entire issue tearfully contemplating their incredibly noble sacrifice, as opposed to being the unnamed super-hero Doctor Doom ripped the arms off of on page 12, panel 4, which was probably their eventual fate before Warren Ellis and Stuart Immonen got their dirty little mitts on them.
Still, that’s the future and this is now, and now we have the hard cover collecting the first three tales of wonder, as they face off against a giant lizard wearing purple pants (despite having no genitals), a corrupt cop wearing a few dozen Buicks who wants to dine on children, and a fiendish assortment of killer koala bears & homicide crabs, all the while being chased by government sponsored flying submarines. Six issues of insanity whose corrupting influence can probably be retroactively blamed for Iron Man turning to drink, Mr. Fantastic creating homicidal clones of Norse gods, and the Green Goblin throwing away perfectly good blonde girls.
I simply can’t put the joy of NEXTWAVE into words. It’s far, far easier to simply co-opt its style and say a bunch of pithy, disrespectful things that, hopefully, convey its off-kilter humor and attitude than it is to say something coherent about it. But every month, this book never fails to make me laugh, and I still laughed at most of the same gags re-reading it. It just imprints these strange moments onto my fragile psyche, that has me wanting to scream “die Fleshy Ones” at people just to marvel at their utter incomprehension. How can you not like a comic that reminds its readers that “dragging insane, corrupt police officers who change into giant killer robots into an alleyway and shooting them a lot is very bad and not the Marvel way, and also still illegal in most states”?
And, as a special bonus, you get the sheet music for the NEXTWAVE theme song and the original pitch, which takes special care to remind people that it’s about THINGS BLOWING UP and PEOPLE GETTING KICKED, which may not sound like a lot, but if you buy it, girls will stop thinking you’re a smelly, repulsive loser and get to know the “real” you.

THE WALKING DEAD #31

Writer: Robert Kirkman
Artist: Charlie Adlard
Publisher: Image Comics
Reviewer: Ambush Bug

When THE WALKING DEAD first came out, I read a review or two here and there giving it the big thumbs up. I always loved a good zombie story, but was not interested enough in diving into another ongoing series. Then one lazy afternoon I strolled to my favorite comic shop because I had read everything in my stack that week. I found the first WALKING DEAD trade and said what the hell. After the first issue of that trade, I was hooked and quickly devoured the entire trade in one sitting. The next day I went back and did the same with the second trade. I can't quite explain how great it was; this story, these characters, this situation that has been performed many times in the zombie genre, but somehow seemed fresh and interesting. All I know is that after eating up those trades, THE WALKING DEAD had a new fan and I started buying the monthlies.
Now, I'm one of those people who buy from the rack. I don't wait for trade. I have no patience for that. I see the book, out there, on the shelf, looking at me, sometimes mocking me, swirling its little staples like a seductive belly dancer, and I give in every time. I understand the appeal of reading something in one sitting, but the temptation to just buy the single issue is too great for me and I break every damn time.
But as I've read the last few issues of THE WALKING DEAD, I think I may try to break my addiction to buying single issues, if only for this one title. You see, as much as each issue provides entertainment in the form of drama, horror, characterization, plot, and action, I can't help but feel frustrated every time I put an issue down that I have to wait a few weeks for another issue. It's like crack. I want to sit and read it all.
The story itself is proceeding nicely. There are some who may wince at the horrors and tortures that have been going on in recent issues, but I think this is just Kirkman's way of showing us how humanity’s downfall during the zombie plague is a slowly descending slippery slope. Humankind is losing everything that modern society has taught them in just a very short while. They are becoming brutal, tribal, and primitive. It's what happens when there is no leadership, no media, no authority to tell us what to do and how to feel. It's a sad commentary that this city, which is not far from the peaceful solitude of the penitentiary Rick and the rest of the survivors are in, exists. This city where human suffering is sport and things like murder and rape are commonplace.
The last few issues have been slow, but the intensity has been rising. Michonne has been brutally raped and beaten by the town's appointed leader. Rick has lost his hand and is being observed by the compassionate doctor of the camp. And just a few miles away, the rest of the camp is moving on dreading that they may have lost Rick and Michonne and are oblivious to the horrors that are happening to them. The proximity of this horrible town to the prison is the underlying danger that is the real threat of this arc. It's only a matter of time until the two population's paths are going to cross.
And that's the thing. The drama Kirkman sets up and lets unfold is riveting. He's in no hurry to tell this story. He's patiently inching these two worlds together. This book is filled with the usual tender moments in times of horror and some really brutal action resulting in a line from a mother that is all together funny and sad and an accurate commentary on how fucked up parenting is these days.
But again, when I put this one down, I couldn't help but feel as if I NEEDED to see what happens next. Kirkman is great with the cliffhangers. Every issue sinks its teeth in you and refuses to let go until the next one comes out. I don't think I have the strength to get this one in trade, folks. I'm going to try, but after an arc or two of stagnation, this story is really rolling along. We'll see what happens when the next issue hits the stands and it's swinging those seductive staples at me. Wish me luck.

ASTONISHING X-MEN #17

Writer: Joss Whedon
Penciler: John Cassaday
Publisher: Marvel Comics
Reviewed by Humphrey Lee

So, uh, yea, I think this is about the first time in about eleven issues or so that I've been genuinely impressed with this title again.
Don't get me wrong, usually this title is entertaining enough. I've said it once, twice, a dozen times and I'll say it again, Whedon knows these characters very well and typically fills each issue with enough quality character moments that I never really feel bad for dropping three bills on it in that aspect. But after setting a very high bar with the opening arc the plotting has fallen a bit. The "Dangerous" storyline lacked a lot of oomph and felt a bit on the old "decompressed" side, and honestly, the start to this particular arc didn't really draw me in very well either. But right now things are starting to click more. Last issue did very well towards that, but I wasn't really buying the reveal of "White Queen Part Deux" as the traitor so much. But this issue here has done a lot to redeem this run.
The best parts of this issue are, again, the big character moments. I absolutely love the beginning of this book and the mind-game played on Kitty in order get her to open up the "Box of Doom!" containing Cassandra Nova's shell deep in the X-Mansion basement. Kitty may be a smart cookie, but she's also the heart of the team, and that's exactly how the new Hellfire Club gets her to commit an act that might be the end of, well, everything. The reveal of the S.W.O.R.D organization’s mole inside the team is also another thing that made me very pleased about this issue. Honestly, I think I should have seen it coming, but I'm glad I didn't. And also, you can't really beat more of "fraidy-cat" Wolverine, and the scene where he comes to his senses is as priceless as the cliffhanger this issues ends on is intriguing.
I honestly am glad this book is back to making me actually look forward to it again whenever it comes out. This book hasn't always exactly been what you would call "revolutionary" or tried to be terribly innovative, but it's typically a lot of fun. It was just a shame to see such fun parallel some pretty mediocre storytelling for the past arc and a half. But things are coming back together in the storytelling department and, oh hey, look, John Cassaday is still drawing it so definitely still looks pretty. Now I just need a good payoff to this arc and all will be right with the world. Come on, Joss, I know you have it in you.

DRAGON HEAD VOL. 3

Story and art: Minetaro Mochizuki
Publisher: Tokyo Pop
Reviewer: Ambush Bug

Hey you!
Yeah you, Mainstream Lad!
Look down here and read this!

Ok, now that I have your attention, I want you to really open your mind. There's an entire genre of books out there that you're missing. I know, I was one of you.Â\ I looked at manga and thought about those SPEED RACER anime cartoons and all of their uncomfortable editing and long "Ahhh's" and "Oooooo's" and said "Noipe! (I've trademarked that word by the way) Not for me!" I was happy with my small-eyed super hero books. I would sit in the corner embracing them and we all would laugh at the manga. Those damn manga characters with their long arms and legs and big eyes. Those kooky manga books with their backwards panels and thick volumes. Damn them. Damn them all to hell. C'mere, mainstream book. Gimme some sugar. That's right. That's roiiiight! *smooch*grope*fondle*repeat with greater vigor*
But unlike many of you, I don't scroll past the “Big Eyes For the Cape Guy” section of this here SWEET @$$ column of ours. I like to read through all of the reviews because I know a book one of my fellow @$$Holes likes is probably something up my alley as well no matter if the people in it have Big Eyes or not.
The story behind me picking up DRAGON HEAD is a selfish one. After reading the review here in the Big Eyes section, I noticed a similarity between the story description and a story I had been working on myself. So for selfish reasons, I decided to pick up the book and give it a look-see. After reading the book I felt both relieved and caught off guard. Turns out my story idea is very different from DRAGON HEAD's, so a sigh of relief was breathed. But what I didn't expect was that I became completely wrapped up in this tale of three children who survive a devastating train wreck in a tunnel. Cut off from the rest of the world, hungry, and alone, these three children must work together to make it out alive. But the confines of the tunnel and the fact that they are surrounded by the decaying corpses of their classmates begin to take its toll on the childrens’ sanity. By volume two, these three children have lost all child-like aspects. They are literally tearing each other apart and one has slipped so far into madness that return does not seem possible. The danger is all around them. It's getting hotter for some reason. The tunnel is starting to crumble and a cave in is imminent. There is no contact with the outside world. Before entering the cave, radio reports indicated something odd was happening, but that's about all of the news these children have of what's going on outside. But up until this volume, what's going on outside is the least of these kids’ problems. They have to survive the tunnel first.
In this volume, the children find out that once out of the tunnel, the answers they sought are not as simple or clear. In fact, nothing is answered and that's what I love about this book. You don't actually know what the real threat is. Is it a meteor? A nuclear bomb? A zombie plague? Or maybe it's an actual dragon (as the title of the book implies) that destroyed all of civilization. I don't know, but I do know that I love this book. I love the ambiguity of the threat and how these children react to the mystery.
One of the things I have noticed in my limited experience of reading Manga is how these books treat kids as adults and put them through some pretty sophisticated and mature situations. I'm not talking about the Speilbergian dangers and antics that kids in American comics take part in. I'm talking about serious horrors. The kind of stuff that really makes you wince because stuff like that just shouldn't happen to children. I guess this is just a difference in cultural perspective at play here, but at times, this book shocks me at how graphic and brutal the story really is involving these three school children. And I like that shock. It's the type of shock that lets you know that you can't expect anything. It keeps you on your toes and guessing. This book has consistently done that to me in three volumes.
DRAGON HEAD is tops. It is one of those books that has a story strong enough to work in any genre. It takes a simple catastrophic situation, adds mystery and horror, and plops three children firmly into the danger with no guarantee that they will make it out alive. Don't go into DRAGON HEAD expecting much and I promise you'll be blown away because nothing can be expected with this story. So, Mainstream Lad, my friend. Put down the funny book just for a bit and give some manga a look see. I promise it won't hurt.

Be brave, Mainstream Lad.
Gaze at some manga with your little eyes!



SUPERMAN #656
DC Comics

So, another mysterious new villain shows up, and even though Supes doesn't really want to fight him, tons of exposition, generic exclamations, and property damage ensues. If that story sounds familiar, it's probably because you've already read it a dozen times. Look, I'm not going to even question Kurt Busiek's ability: the man has proven himself time and time again with some genuinely classic comic books, but the plot of this book is the same as every time I've read a main-universe Superman comic, and from far less capable writers than Mr. Busiek as well. I know he's trying to work some magic by bringing up a sub-plot of this Subjekt 13's (because changed consonants are clever!) arrival on this planet and how it somewhat parallels our Big Blue Boy Scout’s own origins, but I'm not buying it, and again, I wish I could say I haven't seen this before. Maybe it's just me, or maybe the character has just become inaccessible when it comes to writing original stories, but I just don't need to see another story that's "somewhat heartfelt, but with lots of smashing and kewl stuff!!" It looks really pretty though, props to Pacheco. - Humphrey

X-MEN: FIRST CLASS #1
Marvel Comics

I wish I could get behind this book. I think that writer Jeff Parker is a writer to watch after reading his first few issues of AGENTS OF ATLAS, but I'm just not feeling this one. Are you like me? Are you a bit X-ed out and sick of reading anything with the letter X in the title that is not written by Whedon or David? I don't know about you, but if I don't see another claw or optic blast or version of the Beast not in the Avengers, I could pass off this mortal coil a happy man. And that's my main aversion to this issue. It's not that it's a bad issue. It's actually quite light and refreshing to see a stand alone X-story that doesn't involve a major mutant menace or crossover. But this book could have given me a toe-curling blowjob and a slice of chocolate cake and I still would have groaned due to the overexposure of the characters. I bought this book because I liked Jeff Parker, but even with an affinity towards the writer, the fact that you can't throw a fat sweaty fanboy in a comics shop without hitting an new X-Men series or miniseries really ruined it for me. - Bug

THE FLASH #4
DC Comics

The fastest man alive has the slowest moving comic ever. It's been four issues since the new launch and I think I've seen Bart Allen in the Flash suit twice now. Maybe three times, but the overall plot's been so dull and derivative that I can't even bother myself to remember. This issue the Griffin, a meta who has ill-defined powers and is also coincidentally Bart Allen's flat-mate, kills bad guys and doesn't bother to take names with his totally kewl and awesomely extreme attitude. As he makes a name for himself and stakes his heroic claim in Keystone City, the Griffin also lives la vida loca, taking on a fast lifestyle that will predictably come to a bad ending. Live fast, die quick, I'm bored. Maybe the Mark Waid and Geoff Johns runs spoiled me, but where's the Flash? How about a rogue? At least the Weather Wizard was in 52. Consider this review fair warning to my local comic shop owner (hi Phil of Phil's Comic Shop, Margate, FL!) that I'm flipping through the next issue before I buy. - Squashua

WOLVERINE: ORIGINS #6
Marvel Comics

I was fed up with this series at issue four and I skipped issue five. Every issue was Wolverine fighting somebody from his past now that he's got all of his 'real' memories back. That formula wasn't holding my interest, but damn if I wasn't tempted to go back for one more try at the mention of Jubilee, Maverick and Omega Red being in the next arc. This set-up issue does a decent job of laying out the previous arc which revealed that Logan has a son and that he gave the Muramasa blade (the only weapon that can hurt him) to Cyclops for safe keeping and it also gets to the current arc. It has some action (well, more like swift movement), a flashback and one explosion to calm your decompression worries. But the thing that bothers me is the fact that Steve Dillon's art seems to be on autopilot. Sure, he can draw emotional faces, but he can only draw about two or three different faces. I hate the way Wolverine looks. He's in some tighty whities this issue and it just downright disturbed me. He also kinda looks like the serial killer clown in Way and Dillon's Nighthawk miniseries, and that's not right. If I know anything about Wolverine it's that he doesn't look like a serial killer clown and that he fuggin smokes the filthiest of filthy cigars… in short shorts (must be a never nude like Tobias from Arrested Development)... on one knee... on the corner of the cover even. I liked the re-appearance of Jubilee (besides her horrendous hair cut, what the hell is that called?) who was last seen in Paul Jenkins’ overlooked GENERATION M mini. Wolvie and Jubilee (along with Omega Red and Maverick) have a soft spot with me having read a lot of their stories in the 90's so I'll probably see how well the action is handled next issue… and there should be a lot of action. – The Heathen

BIRDS OF PREY #98
DC Comics

We were one "God" away from this being my favorite comic of the week when the mysterious new Batgirl swooped down and declared "I'm the Damn Batgirl!" All the elements that make this book one of the top of the DCU are in full force here. Black Canary and her burgeoning relationship with Shiva's daughter Sin, the interaction with the ladies that make up the BoP and seeing how close-knit they've become, and yes, the Goddamn Batgirl all made this another great issue in a run that has been predominantly stellar. I, for one, am very glad that we didn't get some sort of "grand reveal" and find out that Babs could walk again and was moonlighting as our spunky new crime-fighter, and I'm generally baffled and amused by this new version of the character and have absolutely no idea where this is going. Thank you Gail. - Humphrey

FIRESTORM #29
DC Comics

Look I know I said I'd do the Firestorm #29 review this week, but you gotta cut me some slack. There are only so many ways a man can say the word "boring" without repeating himself. From what I remember of the character, he had this huge rogue's gallery and yet here we are dragged along against completely new and really non-threatening menaces. And we're given a dull five-page out-and-out with Jason's dad, two of which are pretty much back-to-back spash pages; a complete waste of space that should have taken maybe three pages at most. I'm just not interested in this book anymore; there are entertaining reads that are worth my time and money, but this isn't one of them. - Squashua

UNION JACK #1
Marvel Comics

This was a really fun issue featuring some characters that haven't seen the open end of a longbox in years. This book is like an episode of 24 where there's a deadline to danger and our heroes must do everything in their power to save the day. I love the mish-mash of characters like the new Arabian Knight, Sabra, and SHIELD's Contessa Allegra Valentina De La Fontaine battling villains like Batroc and his Brigade. Arabian Knight looks a bit too much like Said from LOST for my tastes, but I really like the down to earth characterization of Union Jack. There's a great theme running through this first issue about the upper class vs. the working class that is developed nicely and fits in with the characters perfectly. All in all, this looks to be another impressive Marvel miniseries. - Bug

GIRLS #17
Image Comics

I've read all seventeen blurry background issues of the Luna Brothers’ GIRLS and I'm still not quite sure what the hell is going on. I mean, I have an idea, but the book is waaaay slower than the idea itself. This series seems to take place in real time and there's not anybody near as cool as 24 in the series to keep the pace going, but still, my curiosity always gets the better of me and here I am with all the issues of GIRLS. So far there has been the appearance of these girls who all look the same and want nothing more than to have sex with men, kill the town’s women and give their bodies to a giant sperm monster in a corn field. Women. Anyway, the town residents are trapped within a sphere and have no way of getting out and the military has no way of getting in, although attempts have been made. The women of Pennystown, led by Nancy (who must be related to Professor Umbridge in some way), have taken over and made the men slaves because they can't be trusted to not have intercourse with these strange girls who lay multiple eggs and hatch even more girls. This issue had more guys having sex with girls, people pissing their pants, bear attacks and women forcing the man slaves to dig a big stupid hole to trap the girls. Not a moat all the way around the perimeter mind you - just one big hole in front of the house. Another thing I'd like to point out is how violent this book is. It throws me off when graphic things happen because the art feels so... soft? The art also seems to be better in smaller doses. It seemed cool in ULTRA, but now it's starting to get annoying. I counted 81 blurry background panels and 29 clear background panels give or take a few. You'll see… or not… because they're blurry. Jonathan Luna uses this Photoshop route way too often: File > Filter > Blur > Gaussian Blur. I bet he has the key command memorized. – The Heathen

A MAN CALLED KEV #3
DC/Wildstorm Comics

In which we learn the shocking secret at the root of the bloodshed, and I try to avoid falling asleep. Ennis has always relied pretty heavily on formula, but he tends to rise above it by filling it with the shocking and/or amusing. And while this mini-series has been pretty enjoyable so far, he drops the ball here with a revelation about Margaret Thatcher that just isn’t very shocking in a series that has previously featured a cross-dressing government official (secretly a shape-shifting alien from another planet) that shoves oranges into his nether regions. To make matters worse, the bulk of the story follows a SAS raid which never rises to the level of the numerous other Ennis war stories that have appeared this year. I still have a lot of hope for the finale of this mini-series, but he utterly fails to impress here with this mildly entertaining paint-by-numbers adventure. – Baytor

MOON KNIGHT #5
Marvel Comics

Okay, I can tell that Charlie Huston is fundamentally a really good writer. He definitely has great ability in setting a mood, establishing a tone, and writing some damn gritty dialogue. But the man really just doesn't seem to have the art of comic book writing and pacing down yet. I have been genuinely intrigued in this story of "The Fall and Rise of Marc Spector" but it really is marred by some terribly drawn out pacing, and this particular issue is a textbook example of it. Half this issue is literally Moonie being rushed back to his "Moon Cave", being bandaged up, and then arming himself for battle. Almost ten pages of this with maybe seven or eight word balloons littered about. Yes, visuals can do a great job of driving a comic book story, that's why the medium exists, but all that I just mentioned is excessive. The five issues of this series thus far literally could have been done in three by someone more experienced in telling actual comic book stories. And it's just a shame because, like I said, this book has a fantastic atmosphere and Huston has done a great job of making MK probably the most bad-assed superhero I read about each month. I need tighter plotting, though. Much tighter. The Finch art, though, is very visually stimulating when it does dominate the page. -Humphrey

GREEN LANTERN CORPS #4
DC Comics

When I think of the Green Lantern Corps, I imagine an intergalactic army of extraterrestrial beings fighting for justice amongst eye-opening alien planets and cosmic vistas. I'd be privy to unfamiliar concepts and cultures not found on Earth, viewed through the naiveté of a new warrior or the hardened eyes of a grizzled veteran. Images that would make me yearn for a wishing ring to the outer reaches of space. So when I see a fat-assed, one-eyed, scaly, purple tourist wearing a baseball cap slobbing around a decidedly Earthly hotel, along with many other humanoids, I'm not one to be colored impressed. In fact, I'm appalled. Yes, this is DC and they do have Lobo, so I can accept silly in space, but at least Lobo can be funny. This was weak at best. Guy Gardner vacations at an alien Honolulu and gets assaulted by some completely forgettable returning guest-star alien who has a hard-on for killing Guy. Lame hi-jinks ensue and for the second time this week, I feel like I've wasted $3.00. Not even the filler parallel story threads following the other members of the Corps give me anything I haven't heard before. The GL from Sinestro's planet delivers some bad news to the parents of a former Corpsman, and the lizard Thanagarian (someone explain that to me) is in heat and unable to decide whether his loyalty lies with the Lanterns or his penis, err, the future of his race while generic humanoid alien race #582 fires laser beams at his GL partner. We end with Guy at a cliffhanger. Oh no, will the fourth-rate villain take out the major character next week? Honestly? I don't care. I'm dropping the series with this issue and sticking to the regular GREEN LANTERN series.- Squashua


Readers Talkback
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  • Sept. 27, 2006, 9:12 p.m. CST

    Hey look!

    by Shigeru

    More Cog presence... congrats Heathen! Great column @$$'s!

  • Sept. 27, 2006, 9:16 p.m. CST

    Yeah - how about that Ultimate Spidey 100

    by Toxic Frog

    HOLY CRAP. This series is everything that's good about Spider-man, and a brutal reminder about how spectacularly Marvel has destroyed one of their best characters in the regular books. Thanks to Bendis and Bagley for making the best Spidey comics in over 10 years. Thanks to Marvel for otherwise ruining my favorite character.

  • Sept. 27, 2006, 9:29 p.m. CST

    Wow. Great reviews, guys.

    by dregmobile

    And an especially well written review from Prof. Challenger for the 4th Civil War instalment. You touched on a lot of things I never really stopped to think about. Only recently I began to notice the ice-cold, unemotional treatment given to the saga, and you're absolutely right that, while it may impress in terms of making some great, tense action scenes, it could also inhibit new readers (like me) chances of connecting with the characters. I personally don't mind it. I figure it's just a 'style'. I am enjoying the series, but maybe because I'm in my first year of reading Marvel comics and have less investment in the characters ... ***** The Nextwave collection I will grab when that hits paperback. Looking forward to it ... ***** Again, great work guys!

  • Sept. 27, 2006, 9:33 p.m. CST

    11 Cheap shots!

    by loodabagel

    But they weren't the ones I wanted. Nyah! Nah, I'm just kiddin'. You guys are allright.

  • Sept. 27, 2006, 9:41 p.m. CST

    Humphrey Lee, I am calling you out for...

    by loodabagel

    An Astonishing X-Men debate. Dangererous was great. Issue 7 was the best issue ever. Also, go back and reread issue 15. The Wolverine mind warp was terrifying.

  • Sept. 27, 2006, 9:42 p.m. CST

    FUCK THE CIVIL WAR!

    by DOGSOUP

    Most Spot On Comic Review to date. FUCK YOU QUESADA FOR ALLOWING THIS SHIT. I'm not buying your fucking crap anymore. You lost me and I'm sure I'm not the only one....

  • Sept. 27, 2006, 9:53 p.m. CST

    Spidey 100

    by dino_hardbody

    Was a fucking rip. for some reason I thought I was gonna see some sort of conclusion. Oh well. Seeing Gwen do her new tang was kinda cool but Petes dad stuff was corny and baloney. BUT, Supes #565, WOW, man, i cannot believe how much that thing sucked! Wow! And Action in almost worse. Anybody read that last storyline? The one about the umm...guy trying to sell earth? No, it was people. He was trying to sell people. Who cares. Ultimates v2 #12! I think it was cool. I have to go back and re-read 'em all cuz I cannot for the life of me remember who any of the new people are/were. Didn't Ultimates #11 and #12 end the EXACT SAME WAY? It's ok yo. At least shite happened and I was entertained. Wasp sucks.

  • Sept. 27, 2006, 9:55 p.m. CST

    oh!

    by dino_hardbody

    and I bought 2 copies of Superman #565! It was an accident but still, it hurts like hell.

  • Sept. 27, 2006, 10:08 p.m. CST

    Great column @$$es

    by The Heathen

    First off, Prof. that was one of the best reviews I've read in a long time and I think you nailed it. It's such a damn shame that this has to happen, but it is. I'm sick of all the anger too. Lately it helps to have something like Mogwai's, Auto Rock on in the background when reading anything Civil War just to make it more depressing or at least legitimately moving and not corn hashed. <br> <br> Thanks, Shig! Of course the never nude line was all you my man! <br> <br> I'd say more, but my lazy butt hasn't picked up Astonishing, Walking Dead, Superman, X-Men: First Class or GLC yet. But I did enjoy the heck out of the first three Green Lantern Corps though. <br> <br> Glad the site seems to be working better too! Let's all week it Cogs. ; )

  • Sept. 27, 2006, 10:20 p.m. CST

    Now I never have to read a Marvel Comic again

    by UES

    The Civil War review summed up my feelings perfectly. If that is what Reed Richards has become, I am now rooting hard for Dr. Doom. Reed is not the equivalent of Doom. He is WORSE than Doom, I never saw Doom murder his friends over a policy diagreement that provided Doom with no personal benefit. I might be willing to buy Iron Man as a villain, but Iron Man fighting Captain America, without even a moment of self-reflection? Other than Plot Point # 49B, why the fuck are Iron Man and Mr. Fantastic willing to risk it all and kill their pals over some retarded law that's probably unconstitutional anyway? Forget reading a Marvel Comic, has the writer ever been to America? The Patriot Act is pretty controversial but Russ Feingold didn't kill Ann Coulter because of their disagreement over it. Infinite Crisis was not great, but at least it didn't have Flash and Green Lantern teaming up to gang-rape Wonder Woman because she suports Bush's wiretaps. This isn't edgy or a commentary, it's character abuse. Can't imagine the motive for this trainwreck, unless Marvel is preparing to close down the original Universe and switch everythig over to "Ultimate". DC, on the other hand, offers 52, which is pretty good, has had some clever surprises, and ships fucking WEEKLY, not once every six months.

  • Sept. 27, 2006, 10:19 p.m. CST

    The interesting thing about CIVIL WAR is...

    by Negative Man

    The cross-over and sister comics is that they tend to add a ton more to the story than the main title. It's like the core title is simply a spine to the rest of the body. Namor having sleeper cells around the world. Wolverine uncovering part of the conspiricy that created the Stamford incident. The Thunderbolts creating a super-villian army. Ms. Marvel hunting down other heroes. The personal stories of the effects of the war on The New Avengers. Red Skull infiltration of S.H.I.E.L.D. in Captain America. The return of the TRUE Thor in Fantastic Four... So many of the cross/sister titles have key information that paints a fairly epic and ambitious picture for the future of the Marvelverse. I'm enjoying the ride thus far.

  • Sept. 27, 2006, 10:28 p.m. CST

    Best comic I read today?

    by loodabagel

    Yesterday's For Better or For Worse. Grampa had a stroke. Funniest thing I've seen in a newspaper since that Funky Winkerbein where they had sex.

  • Sept. 27, 2006, 10:43 p.m. CST

    NEXT WAVE!

    by chrth

    Even though I have the comics, I'll be buying the THB when it becomes a TPB. Issue 8 arrived today, and unlike issue 6, this one delivered on its first part. The Bloodstones were one mixed-up family. And the Captain? Well, let's just say he's your hero.

  • Sept. 27, 2006, 10:44 p.m. CST

    Awesome CW review

    by vich1

    You stated how I've felt about this whole storyline but haven't been able to put into words.

  • Sept. 27, 2006, 10:46 p.m. CST

    Go Heathen!!!

    by Thalya

    w00t!!! Wayda go Cog!

  • Sept. 27, 2006, 10:50 p.m. CST

    So Prof. Challenger, tell us how you really feel about

    by chrth

    CW4. I think you pulled too many punches in your review.

  • Sept. 27, 2006, 10:54 p.m. CST

    Pardon my French, but... why no fucking Captain America

    by GiggityGoo

    Does not ONE of the @ssholes love the world's greatest superhero as much as I do? Cap is my fave, and no one - AICN, Newsarama, CHUD - seems to give him "top shelf review" status. And the comic's the best it's been since... since... Jebus... since the Waid/Garney run(s). Come ON, guys! Give ol' Wing-head a break!

  • Sept. 27, 2006, 11:02 p.m. CST

    I was going to avoid Civil War...

    by loodabagel

    and read it when it got collected, but all the props the Proffessor's review's gotten made me look at what's going on. That was one nice review. Worth any "surprise" it might have given away.

  • Sept. 27, 2006, 11:04 p.m. CST

    I'm totally stealing Grampa Challenger's idea

    by mortsleam

    A series about an elite handpicked group of serial killers, brought together by the government to fight terrorism and kill random people has to be the best idea I've heard in a long time. Certainly much better than this Civil War nonsense. It'll be like Exiles mixed with League of Extraordinary Gentlemen mixed the Cereal Convention from Sandman. I can't wait to see who plays Dahmer in the movie version. I'm pulling for Matt Damon.

  • Sept. 27, 2006, 11:16 p.m. CST

    Civil War is awesome.

    by Goonie

    I don't get all the bitching about Civil War. Fans (like me) always complain that these huge crossover events never have any real impact on anything. Civil War is well-written, well-drawn, and , four issues in, has already made several profound effects on the Marvel Universe. While I am not thrilled with everything (I agree Goliath's death was lame and pointless), I am excited to see how the storyline progresses.

  • Sept. 27, 2006, 11:18 p.m. CST

    And just to comment..

    by Thalya

    Prof C wrote his review with incredible eloquence and restraint, much more than I know I'm capable of. Civil War is precisely why I haven't even so much as picked up Astonishing X-Men after the first arc, let alone any Marvel book, after I became aware of Marvel's editorial ways nigh on two years ago when I went to my first con. The House of Ideas clearly needs its house in order. At least DC realizes it is currently only one tiny piece of a legacy continuum, and that it has to be custodians of its characters, because that's what's going to earn its fanbase's trust. On the other side of things, Civil War and Mark Millar are what happen when you allow your BDS (Bush Derangement Syndrome) to continue festering far beyond healthy limits (as if it's healthy to begin with). They bragged about how it was going to be fair and balanced? Why is it always a big oppressive government out to get the little guy, whose job it is to make the big bad see the light? It was cliche when The Matrix came out, and nothing but a fetish thereafter. I don't understand the need in the general culture to relentlessly focus on that incredibly narrow angle of things and then try to make everything fit that model, as if that's the only way some people know how inflate themselves: by distorting and degrading others into what they want them to be. <BR><BR> Sorry for the political rant, but this thematic undercurrent in pop culture really bugs me and I just don't get it. Some will probably say that it's art imitating life and I should take my blinders off. I think that view is narrow and paranoid and full of the same self-satisfied smugness that drove an episode of South Park last spring. Life's not black and white, there's nuance, and we're all fallible, so none of us have a monopoly on right and wrong. <BR><BR> Not asking for agreement, just venting.

  • Sept. 27, 2006, 11:19 p.m. CST

    And on a completely unrelated tangent..

    by Thalya

    Jean Loring and The Spectre did it before Infinite Crisis. Where's the baby? It's OYL already. Will it attend preschool with Selina Kyle's kid?

  • Sept. 27, 2006, 11:42 p.m. CST

    Re: CW, I wanna see how it ends...

    by ComputerGuy68

    this is going to get even more ugly before it's over. And Negative Man, you are correct, the other titles work very well with CW, much better than IC did...

  • Sept. 27, 2006, 11:48 p.m. CST

    Awesome review, Prof. Challenger

    by Ribbons

    And I'm usually quick to defend Marvel punching bags around here. I'm sure that someone involved with the event is reading your review, and I'm sure they're ignoring it or kvetching about how unappreciative the "vocal minority" is, but they shouldn't, because everything you said is right on the money. If any of them care more about the characters than they do about money, they ought to think about that.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 12:11 a.m. CST

    Check out that Heathen

    by El Vale

    He's on FIRE! Actually i hope he's not. But isn't that nice about his reviews? He's a great man, he also taught me this: <br> <br> Bet you feel inadequate now!

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 12:14 a.m. CST

    Astonishing X-Men is still awesome

    by DOGSOUP

    “Yeahbuhwhat?"

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 12:44 a.m. CST

    I don't know, Thalya ...

    by dregmobile

    I keep looking at the shelf of DC comics, and titles like the following just look boring. I can't even pick them up to scan them: Supergirl, Atom, Flash, Aquaman, Blue Beetle, Omac ... and 52 ... no way am I buying into that after being let down by IC. <br> Whereas Marvel's plethora of tie-in's with Civil War has the excitement (for me) equivalent of a season of 24. The only DC titles I bother with now are JLA, Superman/Batman, JLA: Classified, and now this Mystery in Space deal. <br> Marvel may be raping their characters, but at least it's more exciting than DC's nation of tidy superheroics. <br> Although I really should be grabbing Morrison's Batman ... and ION and GL do look pretty cool ...

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 12:49 a.m. CST

    Meet Reed Mengele, Leader of the Fantastic Four

    by superhero

    Yeah, what the fuck happened here? Who the hell is in charge here? Reed can't wait to build his super secret "42" prison camp so he can advance his experiments??? What The...I say,What the FUCK was Marvel thinking???? Reed's all excited to imprison fellow super-heroes so he can test his super-prison camp???? So Reed is now a modern day Nazi Scientist? What??? WHAT???? This is ridiculous? Did anyone at Marvel READ this f'n book before they published it? Captain America and Iron Man kicking the crap out of each other worse than they ever would any members of their individual rogues galleries??? I sure wish Cap would smack the Red Skull around like that...then maybe the Skull would think twice about coming back for a second beating! What the hell is going on at Marvel??? I mean, I agree with Prof. that IC was incompetent but Civil War is just AWFUL...AWFUL! These aren't heroes...they're scumbags...super scumbags!!!

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 12:53 a.m. CST

    Read Amazing Spider-Man 535

    by dregmobile

    It has Reed's reasoning behind why he is doing what he is doing. And dear God, I will never look at a cone of ice cream the same way ever again. *sobs*

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 1:11 a.m. CST

    ANOTHER new batgirl???

    by CarmillaVonDoom

    UGH...what was the resolution for the last, mute "Batgirl" anyhow? Babs wasn't the first, but she IS the *ONLY* Batgirl, just like Bruce is Batman, and Clark is Superman, etc.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 1:26 a.m. CST

    CW is way better than you give credit

    by RocketJew

    I think Prof.Challenger has issues With Mark Millar's Writing in General, at least when it has effect on the 616 universe. This comic is the typical Mark Millar affair. You either embrace it as it is, or you don't. I personally love it. I still have small problems, namely the reactivation of long time forgotten Goliath just so can die at the first oppurtune moment. But his death still has importantance as a device, cause now someone fucked up and someone's gonna get the blame. As well as that, would you have it that all character's get a heroically significantly dragged out moment of courage when they die? cause i don't, it gets kind of boring after the millionth time. Sometimes when a person dies, it's sudden and it's senseless, that's just the way it is. I know people have problems with the Pro-reg side's methods. Such as God-clones, interdimensional prisons, cape killer units, The New New Thunderbolts and other such nastiness. But then you have to remember that Reed, Pym and especially Stark are all futurists, and as far as i remember, futurists have always been the kind of Scientists who come up with this kind of shit in a war. I think you need to actually read the CW as a cohesive 'event', Because last time i checked it was a Marvel Comics Event. Reading the satellite comics does tend to enrich the whole thing. (well most do anyway) As for Cap calling Stark a 'pampered punk', that's just trash talk. It's funny. Plus, i'm pretty sure that's not the worst that Millar's had Cap come out with, as i'm sure the French will attest to. At the end of the day, i'm eagerly awaiting the next installment Eagerly. Although haters may still wanna check out this link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Nextwave_issue_11.jpeg

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 1:44 a.m. CST

    A Hearty Giffen "BWAHAHAHAHA"

    by Pogue__Mahone

    Okay... so I go check out that Nextwave pic that RocketJew mentions above and, Damn! Do I not laugh out loud!??! I hope that is in fact the actual cover to the comic because it sums up the brilliance that is this series. They way it's selfreferential and silly and - goddamn it! - FUN!!! Amidst the gloom and doom (and utter utter bullshit) that is The Civil War, we have this comic. So. There's ONE thing that Marvel is doing right. Is anyone else looking forward to Whedon taking over 'Runaways'? I am.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 1:52 a.m. CST

    That's pretty funny.

    by dregmobile

    Had trouble getting to it, though. Also here: <br> <br>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nextwave

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 2 a.m. CST

    Yeah, but...

    by Ribbons

    ...sure, but if sometimes deaths are quick and unfabulous, then how come the "big" superheroes never die that way? I mean let's not pretend we're being true to life here, or even rational, especially when Iron Man and Mr. Fantastic are using a gang of super-powered serial killers as enforcers. If you're going to re-introduce a character, then don't do it just for the sake of killing him. And if you are going to re-introduce him just for the sake of killing him, don't be so callous about it. Because it's so obvious that the characters themselves are all second bananas to Millar's bombastic storylines.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 2:03 a.m. CST

    Astonishing X-Men is, and always will be, GREAT!

    by Zardoz

    I've loved, loved, LOVED, every single issue of Whedon and Cassady's run on the book. These are the X-Men that I grew up with, and the humor and allusions to stories and events and characters that I know and love is priceless! C'mon! Who didn't shout with giddy-glee when they saw the final panel of issue #15? Kitty doing Wolverine's pose in the sewers from Uncanny #132? Geek-gasm! Whedon's the man, I'm his bitch and AXM is THE SHIT!! (And Cassady's art rulz, too!) As to CW, I'm enjoying it so far, but I'm mostly curious where it's all headed. (Iron Man beating the crap out of Cap was pretty fucked up, yo!) I just don't see how, after these guys have ripped each other new assholes they're gonna get back together on the same teams and play nice with each other again. (Which is, I guess, the point of the whole thing) I mean, can't we all just get along...?

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 2:23 a.m. CST

    Ok point taken

    by RocketJew

    I do seem to Remember that Carnage's Death was a little sudden. But I understand what your saying Ribbons. Of course Captain America isn't gonna be taken out by a random scrap of shrapnel between the eyes. Marvel simply wouldn't let one of their top gun go out like that, that's bad business. But for B, and C lister's that is the case sometimes. Personally, thats what i like about them. It makes the stakes so much sweeter when you like a certain C-list character and you know he might be collateral in an upcoming event. Not all super heroes can go out careening into a kree spaceship whilst grappling a jet propelled alien screaming "Not like this! Like This!" Although you should check out 'The Punisher kills the Marvel Universe' by Ennis. It takes a quite lighthanded approach to killing off your beloved Marvel Heroes.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 2:35 a.m. CST

    As for Tony's new Thunderbolts.

    by RocketJew

    Dear christ. Name me one character in the Marvel U who hasn't at one point enlisted the help of super Villians, that's the whole point of the Thunderbolts. Although, Bullseye is evil to the core, there is no way he will reform. But Venom and Tasky have been, if not 'good', at least humane at times.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 3:21 a.m. CST

    All Millar's writing is shallow

    by Steve Rogers

    He is a high-concept kind of guy where he give momentum to a particular pitch - "oh yeah, like all the heroes having a war, cool" - but he cannot do decent emotional depth or characterisation. as the review pointed out, all his characters have the same voice (his, I assume) and this, combined with the bending of each character to fit into the plot (the clone Thor killing is terrible) is what makes the series a clunky, awkward read.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 4:58 a.m. CST

    CW is may be the worst event in comics history

    by IndustryKiller!

    I have never seen such wholesale raping of characters in the name of the almighty dollar in my entire life. Its disgusting how they have completely changed characters without even pretending to justify their action in the context of decades of character developement. If I were writing Spider Man after CW's conclusion I would make the whole thing a dream Peter wakes up from on the first page and never mention it again. that's all it deserves. It's as if the entire creative team at Marvel said "Fuck it we're sick of these characters let's just burn them at the stake" and did everything they could to fundamentally deconstruct everything we love about them without a single justifying factor in a single one of their storylines. The sick thing is is that there are comic nerds out there so god damned brainwashed and dumb that they actually buy this. If you think CW is well done you are an idiot, it's as simple as that. moreover you obviously hate these characters if you enjoy watching them act as if they are all on day 20 of a crystal meth binge. One of the most telling events was right in the beginning when Stark has that team go after Captain America, they confront him and think they killed him (they obviously didnt) and when they radio back they seem elated at Captian Americas death. That means Stark ordered Captain America captured dead or alive right off the bat. Jesus fucking Christ. That would be like Colin Powell sexpressing concern against the war in Iraq and George Bush having him executed in a public forum. Not to mention the biggest event in Marvel history was kicked off by some random accident at some school someplace. The 616 is a world in which catastrophic events happen constantly, and instead of making up something that would actually shake the foundations of this world they invent some quickie bullshit just to get it out of the way. The whole storyline is violently flawed from the very top to the very bottom with almost no redeeming factors coming out of anything in it. If you read the buildup to Spider Mans unmasking the only logical conclusion one can come to is that he did it because of a latent homosexual crush on Tony Stark. That's literally about as much as they give you for his motivation. And considering every single thing about Peter Parkers history would make it a fact that he would absolutely never do something like reveal his identity which he has been busting his ass for 40 years to protect what else can one assume? And the first person to come up with some apologist bullshit like "Maybe he just got sick of hiding his identity" gets kicked in the teeth.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 5:02 a.m. CST

    Mark Millar is the Michael Bay of comic writers

    by IndustryKiller!

    I think that would be the best way to describe him. Absolutely cannot move a story along unless hes making something go BANG. A blowhard of hte worst kind, so intent to leave his stamp on comics that he dive to any level of bullshit to dig up drama where hes not clever enough to write it for real.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 5:07 a.m. CST

    Civil War makes me consider dropping every Marvel book

    by stones_throw

    ...but Slott's She-Hulk and ru's Daredevil should keep me from that. I cannot BELIEVE what Millar and co are doing to these characters! Great review Prof. Challenger

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 5:12 a.m. CST

    And about the political undercurrent of CW

    by IndustryKiller!

    It is a complete failure even as political allegory. First of all it's too god damn blatant and in your face a Bush adminisration criticsm to be clever or insightful. It doesn't just allude to the political climate of today, it slams it in your face. There is no subtext whatsoever, what you see with CW is what you get. it's as if the bitches at Marvel said "Gee everyone is making fun of the president, we should do that too" and then wrote the first, most obvious, Mickey Mouse version of events that popped into their minds. mind you this is coming from a liberal who loves him some Bush bashing. I get it guys Tony Stark is Bush robbing America of it's civil right and Captain America is the American spirit fighting back in the face of adversity. is that it? that all you got? Any helpful insights to add to the table perhaps? Didn't think so.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 5:58 a.m. CST

    The Walking Dead

    by Karl Childers

    I stopped collecting single issues for the same reason.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 7:26 a.m. CST

    what "Civil War" says about Capt. America

    by the G-man

    do you know what "Civil War" says about Capt. America? That, deep down inside, he hates mutants. Think about it. For years now, the Marvel U's version of the goverment has tried to not only register mutants, but hunt them down and kill them (see, eg, the Sentinals). And, during all that time, Cap never got sufficiently pissed off to rebel against the government. However, as soon as a few of his non-mutant buddies are asked to register, something far less onerous than regularly demanded of mutants, suddenly Cap goes apeshit about "civil liberties." In other words, the way this story is rewriting the Marvel U, Cap had no problems with his goverment violating people civil rights...as long as those people were "dirty muties."

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 7:53 a.m. CST

    I can't believe people still read these reviews!

    by Hellpop

    Popped back in to see if they had improved at all since the last time I bothered readint these out less than a week after everyone has already read them?g them . . .oh a year ago (ish . .) And jesus, these are badly written. And still haven't even figured out a way to get them our less than a week after everyone has read their books and are on to the new ones? There are plenty of far better comic-review/critic sites on the web people shold be heading to. These are crap.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 8:06 a.m. CST

    Hellpop

    by rev_skarekroe

    The reviews aren't nearly as badly written as your post, buddy.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 8:38 a.m. CST

    Well, the Firestorm review...

    by Squashua

    ...was originally written in the form of a letter. Preface it with "Dear @$$holes - " and it'll make a bit more sense.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 8:54 a.m. CST

    So glad the Hulk isn't in CW

    by Meglos

    I shudder to think what Millar would do to my favorite Marvel character.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 8:58 a.m. CST

    Hellpop

    by Thalya

    Beware the wrath of the Cogs, troll.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 9 a.m. CST

    Irresponsible critic

    by monkeymafia

    What an awful unevenly biased review of Civil War. "I didn't read any of the books because I didn't want to, but I read this one and it doesn't make sense and I hate it" Hmmm... That's like Harry saying "I didn't see 'Must Love Dogs' but I caught the trailer and it is the worst movie ever made... Do your job and stop being so angry that the world changes around you even though you may still be wearing the same tighty-whities

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 9:08 a.m. CST

    I have never read a comic book in my life

    by godzillasushi

    but I know of these superheroes. Its a bummer that they would kill any of them, and have them be killed by other heroes. Just as an outsider, it sounds intriguing but does killing other characters mean they will never return?

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 9:15 a.m. CST

    rev_skarekroe/Thalya HA

    by Hellpop

    1. I'm -thankfully- not trying to pretend my reviews are worth reading. AICN has a lot of worthy reviewer/critics but the @$$es are an obviously inexperienced bunch who need to either stop writing these fanboy rants or commit to becoming better critics who can put their work out on time. 2. There is nothing I fear less in the world than Talkbacks threats/warnings. Is anyone with a negative opinion a troll? Did I insult you first?

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 9:28 a.m. CST

    No fear and yet, Hellpop...

    by Squashua

    ...yet, you must respond. Curious.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Hellpop

    by EveryoneSucksButMe

    The reason they review books that have already come out is that they buy the books with their own money after they ship, just as you and I would do. They admit they are not professional. They don't get paid, and mainly just do this for fun, from what I understand. Hope this information helps you.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 9:34 a.m. CST

    the CW 4 Review

    by moscow3055

    I actually agree with a lot of the points stated but an effective reviewer can be critical without pulling a "clerks II" thing...

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 9:33 a.m. CST

    yeah I get it

    by Hellpop

    Wow, a civil response, thanks EveryoneSucksButMe. I get that they are not professionals and do it for fun, I just dont think they are good enough to be published on such a large site, or worth reading (and no, I haven't read them for a long time frankly). I wish there were better or worth reading, I really do. Why do I respond? Well . . . It's fun. And I am on a break. Who needs a better reason to kill 3 minutes?

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 9:36 a.m. CST

    My Own Money: Sixty Buck this week alone

    by Squashua

    Which is why I'm dropping the three titles mentioned above, though I'll flip through Flash and probably check out the upcoming Dwayne McDuffie Firestorm issues. By then, I estimate it'll be too late to save Firestorm from cancellation, but what's a fan to do, really.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 9:43 a.m. CST

    Hear me out, Humphrey...

    by loodabagel

    <b>I am not an idiot, and I'm still waiting When I say I want to have a debate, want to have a good one. I will not call you a pedophile. Yes I 'm sure you exaggerated a little, but I'm pretty sure we still need a meeting of the minds here.</b>

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 9:53 a.m. CST

    cookymaloo

    by Thalya

    Whatever happened to doing the right thing? With great power comes great responsibility, huh?

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 9:51 a.m. CST

    60 a week?

    by loodabagel

    Really? That's like 20 comics a week, which translates to about 70 per month? Holy crap. Those are some bog numbers.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 10 a.m. CST

    $60 this week, $10 last week

    by Squashua

    This week (I have a flight tonight) I bought: JLA #2, Secret Six #4, Birds of Prey #98 (missed it last week), Blue Beetle #7, SG&T Legion of Super-Heroes #22, 52 #21, Shadowpact #5 (missed it last week), Teen Titans #39, Eternals #3, She Hulk #12, Checkmate #6, War of the Worlds: Second Wave #6, CW: Frontline #6, Nextwave #8, Supergirl #10, Action Comics #842 / 843, Batman #657, and the latest The Walking Dead TPB.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 10:01 a.m. CST

    The Spiderman Tie-ins have been pretty good...

    by loodabagel

    I'd really like Amazing if I could try to accept how evil Iron Man is.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 10:13 a.m. CST

    Futurist equals fascism?

    by superhero

    Um, I don't think so. First of all, CW is not a WAR. No one has actually declared war on each other...at least in the crappy books I've read. It's just superheroes fighting each other as always. Except now they are doing it without any kind of morality. Second...so if there is a war...Reed Richards is suddenly going to use his skills in a way that is completely and totally uncharacteristic? Meaning build prisons for his friends? I don't care what kind of explanation an issue of Spider-Crap gives...Reed as Marvel's answer to Mengle is completely WRONG! Stop trying to justify crappy characterization in one of the most wrong-headed Marvel crossovers in Marvel's history...and that's saying a LOT! And stop claiming that Civil War is good because it is "change". It's change all right but it's BADLY written and BADLY thought out...if even thought out at all. It's not that fans don't want change it's that the change here is completely irrational, cruel, an, frankly,unintelligent.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 10:34 a.m. CST

    Who would have thought…

    by The Heathen

    that Bendis' New Avengers issues would be way better than Civil War and HoM? Not me, but he's proved us wrong so far. They have great revovling art and characterization that doesn't feel out of place. But, Civil War, although pretty, is going to leave the taste of a dead skunk in your mouth and that's not going to be easy to get rid of. I'm actually appreciateing HoM more than Civil War now because I can just say 'meh' to Civil War because it's more or less the same universe besides the mutant thing, but there are still more X books than ever, so it really isn't that effective. Anyway, Civil War has fucked itself so tightly into a corner that the only thing that makes sense (because nothing in the series does) is for Wanda to appear and say, "No more bullshit, rewind the timeline however many years and let's make up… oh, and Wolverine smokes again too." But that's not likely… then again? I also really don't care for the Ultimate line, but when the idea of having that takeover as the main Marvel starts making sense then you know the 'House of Ideas' is in bad shape. <br> <br> Hellpop, rev_skarekroe said it best, "The reviews aren't nearly as badly written as your post, buddy." Why post if you don't care? Flee. <br> <br> I wish Millar the best with his Crohns, but c'mon Mark, wha the hell? It all goes back to that Wizard interview when the writers and editors are coming up with 'ideas' and Jeph Loeb said that fans would be outraged and at least 80% of people would not like it. "GOLD!!! Let's do it, not only the one, but all of em!!! Fuck it!!!" End rant. <br> <br> I love you, Vale. ; ) Thanks, Thalya! wOOp, wOOt yourself.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 10:42 a.m. CST

    Lame CW review

    by The Cabin Boy

    When any kind review starts off with something like, "If I was not reviewing comics for AICN, I would not have read this comic,” any responsible reader looking for real criticism would stop reading. It's the equivalent of saying, “I hate jazz, but here’s my review of this Coleman reissue.” “Spielberg makes me choke with his pompous crap fests but since I have to you review movies here you go...” “I can’t stand crude humor. Just let me preface that before I get into my review of Clerks 2.” How about someone who was one the fence about CW reviewing #4? Or someone who at least read 1-3? Compare/contrast? Perhaps the main players look pissed because they are and are supposed to be. Perhaps Colossus’ death isn’t pointless because, well, it isn’t. I’ve been reading the series and I can feel why Cap is pissed. I can feel the characters responses being organic, not simply puppet motions. I can feel the whole plot as something that deserves a series. Superhero registration. Makes sense to me – seems like it’s something that would be brought up in this universe. Interesting even – and not *just* Uncle Moneybags’ scheme to shake things up and buy more cigars. Lame CW review. If you don’t like the show change the channel, and if you don’t, well then, don't bitch to me about it.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 10:54 a.m. CST

    spidercoz

    by The Cabin Boy

    I second that. for the most part.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 11:24 a.m. CST

    where are the reviews from folks who like civil war?

    by Firedrake

    Apparently those sad souls can't tear themselves away from their relentless rodent fucking to write a review. I'm actually kind of glad, because really, who really cares what such deluded asshats think? Yes, that's a bit over the top, but frankly I have no patience for apologists of this shit writing. As for horrific or out of character actions, why is it that really on the fascist, er..., government side is doing those. The rebels are pretty much doing what they always have done, going after villians and helping folks. The whole "which side are you on" is kinda silly when it's so obviously skewed. The tie ins also suffer from serious craptastic writing. Heroes for Hire's ending nearly had me projetile vomitting all over that sad piece of festering trash. I could care less if it's "different" if it's at least good and doesn't basically have characters going against everything they've believed in and fought for their entire histories for the length of this run of literary diarreha.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 11:27 a.m. CST

    Boy am I glad I toned down rants this week.

    by Squashua

    You talkbackers are really taking it to the CW#4 review. Look, you've got to read past Prof. C's first sentence; he explains his rationale right there in the next paragraph; it's his duty to read these comics and to let you know if they're schlock or not. Anyway, though I'm not actively buying CW (I am picking up Frontline and New Avengers), I have faith that all of these extreme personalities we're seeing are going to end up being due to some form of manipulation. I smell Hate Monger. Then-again, as the internet can easily show you, I read a lot of 52 and am prone to see conspiracy where there is none.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 11:29 a.m. CST

    I think Millar's a BIG OL' FAKER.

    by Dave_F

    You know, what with the Crohn's Disease and all? The evidence for this unprovoked attack? I'm glad you asked! For starters, the guy is a CONSUMATE practical joker (Google his email prank on Ed Brubaker). Millar's also one of the modern masters of fan manipulation - sort of a foul-mouthed Stan Lee for our times. And then there's the fact that he loves the shock stuff. Think about the "Face it, Tiger" condom line in TROUBLE or the ass-fuck ending of WANTED. You're telling me this isn't a guy who likes screwing with readers? Add it all up and it becomes obvious. His Crohn's Disease? The best meta-prank since the days of Andy Kaufman. It's genius, really. The perfect sympathy-getter, the perfect excuse for lateness, and he even picked a disease that no one's ever heard of so he can make up the symptoms as he goes. He's like Micah Ian Wright, only without the getting-busted! Now that...that there is one wily Scotsman. (I'm going to hell for this post. Even though I'm kidding. Hell. Me. Together. Like Anton Arcane in that issue of SWAMP THING, bugs and everything)

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 11:38 a.m. CST

    Dave!!!

    by Thalya

    Look everyone, Dave's back! Hi Dave!

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 11:45 a.m. CST

    No cheerfulness, Thalya.

    by Dave_F

    I'm TRYING to be controversial! (hi)

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 11:55 a.m. CST

    Spidercoz, you buy 80% of Civil War stuff...

    by superhero

    And YOU'RE the one who's unbiased???? Please...get over your Marvel Zombie sychophantic Quesada ass-kissing point of view. Try and see past your love of everything that Marvel spoon feeds you. You paid money for that stuff??? You are the one I'm supposed to listen to with reason? Um, I don't think so..."Sounds kinda like reality." Hey jackass...it's NOT reality! It's a comic book! It's not different! It's more of the same nihilistic storytelling that we've gotten in THE ULTIMATES...which is where it belongs! If you honestly think that Reed buidling a prison camp or Iron Man trying to kill Captain America are just "resorting to doing extremely out-of-character and horrific things in support of that belief." then you know less about characterization and the characters in Civil War than Millar does. These so-called heroes are now acting like out and out VILLAINS. You're telling me that Tony Stark would enlist the help of BULLSEYE to stop Capatain America? Really? A psychotic killer over a man who has saved the United States and probably the world probably hundreds of times? This isn't change it's bastardization....Change is Staczynski revealing Peter's identity to Aunt May and repairing his and MJ's marriage with some great, well thought out writing. Bastardization is having Gwen Stacy sleep with Norman Osborn and have his bastard love children. Civil War is part of the latter. Sorry you can't get over the hype to see past it but, well, you did blow your hard earned cash on Civil War so you're the choir they're preaching to anyway. Sucker.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 12:02 p.m. CST

    I wondered when the the fanboys would show up.

    by WarpedElements

    I used to be a huge fanboy myself. Picked up anything with X- in the title. Loved the huge crossover events and i still have TPBs for everything from Secret Wars to everything having to do with HoM and Decimation. But unlike the fanboys who attack the review, and even degenerate into name calling simply because they disagree. The reviewer simply goes over the material, and you hope they're unbiased, and you agree or disagree. You don't fly into a rage of "OMG IT'S TEH LEET! YOU MUST LOVE TEH GIANT CROSSOVEROMGWTFBBQ". If you disagree, don't slink back to "well they're rodent fuckers", try and rationalize why you think it's great other than "IT'S A GREAT SPECTACLE OF GREATNESS AND IT MAKES YOU THINK! POLITICAL MESSAGE OMG!". Why not take a few breaths, relax, and try to understand where Prof is coming from, and then try to counter said point with, logic, experience, whatever. And if worse comes to worse, just down a few shots of liquid plumber and ensure you never have to suffer a big bad mean review.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 12:03 p.m. CST

    Cabin Boy,,,for someone who read all of Civil War 1-4..

    by superhero

    You'd think you could get GOLIATH'S name right. Goliath was the one who was killed, not Colossus. Maybe you should read those books more carefully before you criticize anyone's review who actually carefully READ the book and remembers the names of the characters and what happened to them...I'm just sayin' is all...

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 12:28 p.m. CST

    i've enjoyed every issue of civil war, sue me

    by waggy

    yes, i think some of the pro-reg heroes are acting out of character, but i really don't see any of this alleged "longterm damage" being done to them (whereas i thought there was plenty of that in id crisis). ten years from now people will be whining about the event books going on then, and how they don't make books like civil war any more. don't believe me? i see message board posts from people nostalgic for the clone saga all the time. ok, so that may not help my argument much, but my point is you always see the most complaining for whatever is being published at the moment and everything that came before is viewed through rose-colored glasses

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 12:44 p.m. CST

    Hey Prof..

    by Thalya

    I think your review hit a nerve. It's getting quoted in full on Newsarama boards already. Really great job, btw. A great piece of writing in and of itself.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 12:43 p.m. CST

    Keep it up

    by Prof Challenger

    CIVIL WAR in the Talkbacks is exactly what I was shootin' for. Now we can get a bunch of cutesy little graphic sigs peppering the internet with "I'm With Prof" or "I'm With Cabin Boy." Then maybe Spider-Man can walk up to Heathen and crush his skull like a ripe tomato. Heroes for the 21st century I tell ya.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 12:52 p.m. CST

    Destroy the Original Universe

    by PleasureB4Business

    Best case scenario for Marvel is that the next "event" series puts all the "classic characters" into jeopardy and they hire Whedon on to do an Ultimate line. Millar was great on Ultimate Xmen, but then they over-streched him, he's no Bendis. Ultimate is kicking the original Universe's ass. Bendis and Whedon know that character makes plot, but so few execs are listening.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 1:02 p.m. CST

    Prof's review

    by moscow3055

    It may have been great writing (maybe), but can we call it an essay instead of a review? Just seems like an actual reviewer needs to show some impartiality and prof really seemed to come into this loaded for bear.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 1:05 p.m. CST

    Dare I say it...?

    by Ribbons

    Are there Marvel plants on this TalkBack? Lots of names I certainly haven't seen before. Maybe that's just because they're (totally unbiased) goobers who are only here because they were linked to this article from angry fanboys on Superherohype or Newsarama or WizardWorld. You talk about how little Prof. Challenger cares for comics and how his review shouldn't "count" because of that, even though there's no internal logic behind such an accusation whatsoever, but I think the fact that he's passionate enough about the characters and what they represent means that he cares a great deal more about them than any of you tools. If you like "Civil War," that's your deal, but try to explain why either innocuously or elouqently instead of going "Oooooh, I'm a whiny fanboy, comics aren't like they used to be, they're more awesomer and I don't like them waaaaa." Trying to drown out Prof.'s review with a bunch of obnoxious garbage does you no favors.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 1:11 p.m. CST

    regarding plant status

    by moscow3055

    LMAO...not a plant here just a lazy SOB who has taken one too many classes in Literary criticism. And actually totally agree with Prof's main points...just think they'd carry more weight if they didn't use phrases like turdpile...and yes i know that's not a direct quote...

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 1:15 p.m. CST

    superhero...

    by The Cabin Boy

    Sorry about that Colossus/Goliath thing, that was a total blunder. Hopefully you saw past it and got my point. Which is not to say that The Prof. doesn’t have very valid points – he does and I did read the review. But my point is that I don’t necessarily want to read reviews from people who go into something with absolutely no interest in it – nay, disdain for it. In most publications reviews don’t get handed to people who have animosity towards the subject matter. That’s all. I can totally understand why someone wouldn’t like CW based on principle. But for that person to write the review here for #4 just rubs me the wrong way. I’d rather hear what one of the other @$$holes has to say else has to say – do a double team review or something. It’s not like it isn’t worthy of a good, “Jane, you ignorant slut” reply.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 1:16 p.m. CST

    "If I was not reviewing comics for AICN...

    by nofate

    I would not have read this comic." Thank you, really. That statement spared me wasting 20 or so minutes reading your over- analysed, cliched bitching of why Civil War is this and not that, this person is acting out of character, this would never have happenned if they knew the history. WAKE THE FUCK UP PEOPLE! We bitch and bitch about the big two not willing to take a risk outside of the status quo and then anytime a story like this comes out, wah wah wah!

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 1:23 p.m. CST

    Cabin Boy

    by Prof Challenger

    Believe me. If what I had to say (or the way I said it) about CIVIL WAR is bothering you, I can assure you that the rest of the team here would likely have caused your head to explode. In our communications back and forth last week, I don't remember any of them supporting that comic. And they're a LOT angrier personalitities than ol' "grampaw" here. :)

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 1:22 p.m. CST

    Dave sure is huggable when being controversial

    by El Vale

    Oh wait, he's not! He's totally cheating on us in bath house-like talkbacks far away from here *sobs* <br> <br> That said, he does have a point about Crohns not being a real disease and stuff.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 1:29 p.m. CST

    I'd fuck Spider-Man up.

    by The Heathen

    Crush my head? Bah!!! What was that thing we talked about a few months ago regarding the capabilities of his spider sense? Could he sense a sniper a thousand yards away? A bomb? Er, anyway, looks like Prof's review is also helping to kick this here talkback to the number one spot too! Kudos. I'm with Prof. ; ) <br> <br> Ribbons, interesting point about the Marvel plants. That makes sense when thought about. Stranger things have happened, like Reed Richards cloning a Thor god clone while manipulating his mind and building a prison camp for his buddies, but still, possibly. <br> <br> Dave_F!!! It's Dave (albeit a controversial Dave). How's it been. THe Cogs were talking about you in the mansion the other day.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 1:31 p.m. CST

    spidercoz...wrong again...

    by superhero

    "Everyone in the story has been written faithfully to the character" No they haven't. But if you can't see that then I know I'm not going to convice you either way since you bought 80 % of the books so far. Plus, I love how everyone keeps sayin the Marvel world is changing...so a school of kids gets blown up and that changes everything? Remember...9-11 happened in the Marvel U and I didn't see any heroes running into Afghanistan to fight the good fight. What about all of those times Doom blew up a building or the Red Skull sent a rampaging robot through NYC? That didn't freak people out enough to have the heroes go take out the villains for good? OK, but a villain, a VILLAIN blows up a school because some teen heroes are after him but NOW all the Marvel heroes decide they should turn on each other because of it??? Nope...not buyin' it! Not at all. ESPECIALLY Reed Richards turining into Mengele. Reed was always detached but he was more about working on tech and gadgets not experimenting on people...

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 1:36 p.m. CST

    I'd love to have every single @$$hole review CW4.

    by The Heathen

    That would be a roundtable for the ages. I say do it. It's not like you guy's wouldn't have enough to say.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 1:37 p.m. CST

    Spidercos, why you are violently wrong

    by IndustryKiller!

    "Both sides are convinced they're right. Both sides have resorted to doing extremely out-of-character and horrific things in support of that belief. Both sides have seen the results and are beginning to doubt their convictions. Both sides are going to regret this whole shit ever happened. And something insidious lurks at the heart of the matter. Sounds kinda like reality." First of all none of that is an argument in defense of how these characters are acting. most of these characters have been around since at least the 60's, and they have, with a few blips here and there, remained largely the same while the world has gone through tons of changes. When the world makes a shift you don't go ahead and change the character you change the world that character lives in and watch them react to it. Well you might say "yeah they have been the same characters for 40 years its time to make a change" Fine. Make a change. But for the love of god and all that is holy make it even the slightest bit real. Some of these characters are acting with complete disregard for what we know for a fact is their basic foundation of beliefs. What exactly has happened to these characters to make them behave like this? Certainly nothing in Civil War would justify it. For Reed Richards to be acting like he is it would take something catastrophic, like the death of Sue. It's like Dwight Eisenhower becoming president after being the ultimate WWII hero and then declaring marshal law on America and becoming a dictator. I'm assuming when you say "Sounds kinda like reality" I'm assuming you are refering to the Bush administration. Yeah CW does sound kinda like that (trasparently, uninsightfully so)But Bush was a man who clearly even before the presidency was clearly an incompetant man who erred toward very seedy tactics to get what he wanted, anyone with a brain could see that. Iron Man on the other hand has been a consumate hero, I mean he was the leader of the Avengers for Chrissakes. What would have possessed the heads at Marvel to make him the catalyst for all this other than "hey he's a rich guy and the horrible men running our country now are rich....clearly Tony Stark is a bad guy!" This entire awful idea is flawed from the start given that no one would have supported Stark, that's been proven true considering anyone who does has to do wildly out of character things for it to be justified. If the American government demanded super heroes reveal their identity the superhero world would respond overwhelmingly and simply refuse and the government would be powerless to do anything about it and that's just the way it would be. you're "And their probably wrong" explaination for these characters actions arent any sort of explaination. Basically what you said was "these characters are doing what they are doing cause they think its whats best". Well no shit sherlock, the question is WHY do they think its whats best. Reed Richards always takes the scientific approach? Yeah but he doesnt do it, knowing and willingly, at the expense of lives. he has always been a very good guy who puts good before science. you make him sound like some cold hearted nerd disconnected from society and sociopathic. Hes one of the greatest heroes of all time he wouldnt all of the sudden devolve into some inhuman "SCIENCE IS GOD" monster. Thats Doctor Doom, not Reed Richards. And Peters "Hes doing whats he think is best for his family". Boy what insight Spidercos. Why exactly does he think its best for his family? hes knows damn well that there are incredible consequences that will never go away, ever. That there are people who will stop at nothing to destroy him to the point where Aunt May and Mary jane would be in incredible danger simply stepping out onto the street. not to mention Mary Jane has an acting career that would be destroyed. SO why would Peter, being the smart guy we know he is, choose clearly the wrong path with no reason whatsoever to do so? Throwing away years and years of what he always believed was the right thing to do for those he loved? Who knows, nothing int he comic explained it. And Tony Stark, dont even get me started. hes now one of the most manipulative villains in the Marvel universe and there is no way to make him anything but. they have not even attempted an explaination for his actions. Its as simple and cold as that. And telling Superhero he is wrong just because he insulted you is asinine. This isnt a stilted presidential debate. its a talkback and if someone insults you suck it up, and if they have a better argument (which superhero does) that doesn't change because he lost his temper.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 1:40 p.m. CST

    "In MOST publications..."

    by Ribbons

    "...reviews don't get handed to people with animosity [/antipathy] towards the subject matter." And you're basing that on...?

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 1:46 p.m. CST

    Prof, your review was COMPLETELY on the money...

    by stones_throw

    Civil War is just nasty and destructive writing. Anyone who thinks Reed Richards would break up with his WIFE for forty years and start building concentration camps for fell ow heroes over a POLITICAL ISSUE is a moron. And Reed was never scientifically detached or cold in the slightest! The true characterisation of Reed is an intrepid and heroic (if occasionally absent minded) explorer who always puts FAMILY first. He'd only retreat when he was building a weapon to defeat Galactus or someone. Stan Lee always wrote him as a riff on the archetypal hero.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 1:46 p.m. CST

    THANK YOU, Superhero

    by IndustryKiller!

    I've been saying that since hte beginning. This "stamford Incident" (the fact that the Marvel writers refer to it in such a grandios fasion just shows their self crongratulating hubris) WOuld in no way justifies the events of Civil War. Catastrophic thing happen constantly in the Marvel Universe and this is hte one that breaks its back? no fucking way. A few years ago kang made hte entire city of Washington disappear and no one batted an eye.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 1:47 p.m. CST

    grampaw

    by The Cabin Boy

    I didn’t get into this wanting to defend CW, even though I do enjoy the series and think the premise is ripe for good storytelling – I just didn’t like the place the review was coming from. I will admit that it surprises me if none or next to none of the @$$holes enjoys these books. There’s soooo many books out there far far worse than CW (not that that’s a ringing endorsement to pick something up). But I mean, I think the art alone in these things is worth picking them up for. Be that as it may, I’d still like to hear another @$$holes take on it.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 1:50 p.m. CST

    I will say that the art in Civil War is great...

    by superhero

    But the coloring...OH, the coloring...way too dark...but it's a dark book so what do I know. There I said something positive about it. Now leave me alone...:O)

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 1:52 p.m. CST

    In Talkback Civil War, I'm with Buzz Maverick!

    by rev_skarekroe

    Mostly because, like me, he probably hasn't bothered to read any of the books related to this event.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 2:01 p.m. CST

    Marvel editorial can kiss my ass

    by El Vale

    Do these people even know what they're doing to me? They're pissing me off! Alonso and Millar and the rest, fucking Al Quesada is what they are. Filthy scum, have they no shame? I wish i could kill them a lot so that they would die and burn in the fiery pits of hell.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 2:03 p.m. CST

    Ribbons

    by The Cabin Boy

    Any publication really. You'll notice that in Spin, Rolling Stone, NYTimes, Pitchfork, LATimes, whathaveyou, that the same person generally reviews the same type of thing. If it's a horror movie, the horror movie guy will review it. If it's a techno album, the guy who likes techno will review the album, and so on. Stephen Holden isn't going to review the new korean genre movie, probably Dargis will. Trust me, they don't just pick them out of a hat.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 2:04 p.m. CST

    By the way

    by El Vale

    What is this Civil War all the kids are talking about?

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 2:24 p.m. CST

    Ah, but...

    by Ribbons

    ...you're talking about how their experience with the genre might make their review more informed. I mean, guys like A.O. Scott review disparate genres, provided they're "big releases." Same with Rob Sheffield for Rolling Stone. In Prof. Challenger's case, I wouldn't argure that he doesn't know what he's talking about. That he doesn't like what he's talking about is another matter entirely. You're not required to like the material you're reviewing.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 2:32 p.m. CST

    this is why I prefer close-ended stories

    by oisin5199

    like Sandman. All this bitching over 40-60 years of character continuity. Well, fuck continuity. Do you really want to see a character never change over 40 years?! That's some boring shit, if you ask me. Nowadays, instead of seeing the same old shit retread or freaking out because a writer changes your beloved characters, I always prefer stories that actually end, especially when it's a good story and you don't want to see another writer fuck it up. You know, when a character stays dead. With Civil War, the attempt may not be successful, but why the hell not try to make superheroes relevant to today? To mess with the status quo. I'm surprised at how conservative so many comic readers here are (and I don't mean politically, I mean in the sense of wanting things to stay the way they've always been). And to the poster waaay above there, futurism does usually equal fascism. Look at Marinetti and the Italian futurists. They loved war and fully supported Mussolini.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 2:37 p.m. CST

    oisin

    by Ribbons

    That's sorta why I like Bendis, to be honest. He likes to shake up the status quo, but he seems to place more of an emphasis on characters than Millar does. Then again, he'd probably write Reed Richards the same way as Millar, so I don't know.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 2:39 p.m. CST

    Yes and No

    by The Cabin Boy

    Of course not, but if A.O. Scott knows he's not going to like a movie -- I doubt he'd review it. Comparing the review staff og the NYTimes against the @$$holes isn't really fair I guess. My bad. I don't know how these guys decide what gets reviewed and who reviews it. Maybe that's something worth discussing. There probably have been movies that A.O. Scott has wanted to rip to shreds but knowing that he's coming at it from a negative point of view he'll let a third stringer take the assignment. None of the main staff there reviewed Jackass 2 and there's probably a good reason for that -- they probably didn't want to see it. Prof. didn't want to read CW #4, so maybe he shouldn't have reviewed it.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 2:39 p.m. CST

    not to open another can of worms

    by oisin5199

    but here's a quote from Bendis, in reference to his Stan Lee meets Dr. Strange story featuring the Impossible Man, who complains that he doesn't recognize the Marvel universe post-House of M and Civil War: "There was a letter that came my way that said, ’If Stan knew what you were up to he would be sickened.’ But he does know and Joe [Joe Quesada] has said that if you really look at what Stan did while he was Editor In Chief, if he was still Editor In Chief you wouldn’t even recognize the Marvel Universe. He changed stuff so much and so often. In our craziest day, he was more much more ’tear it up and knock it down’ than any of us." Just in case anyone was feeling nostalgic.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 2:37 p.m. CST

    Crohn's disease and Astonishin X-Men

    by xsi kal

    ..is not all that funny, because it does exist. (I have it) Anyway, I love Joss Whedon, and I'm a long-time X-men reader, but I've found the last couple of story arcs sort of hard to follow. Maybe it's the whole Cassandra angle and the fact that I cannot remember what happened to him/it the first time since that initial arc was brought to us courtesy of Morrison and his halluciongenic drugs? Hard to say. I do like the character moments, but I am increasingly thinking this may be a series I just have to read all at once and see if it clicks better with me. I've enjoyed the Civil War crossover event, but it really hsa killed any desire for me to read (or care) about some of the figures in it (Reed and Tony, for starters). It's also the type of in-your-face storytelling that seems more suited to the Ultimate universe than the existing one.... still, an interesting read, regardless.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 2:41 p.m. CST

    This really does make me forget all the House of M...

    by DOGSOUP

    ...bullshit. I thought the Scarlet Witch making 90% of the worlds mutants was a boardroom decision. "Too many mutants!" "I smell an event!". That's nothing compared to "Sales are down!" "Lets kill some characters and shock everyone by making our silver age heros evil evil fucks!" "I smell an event!" As Bill Hicks said! "SUCK SATANS COCK! SWALLOW THAT BLACK WORM JIZM DOWN YOUR THROAT!" I bet by the end of this there will be some Watcher bullshit that resets everything right like none of it ever happened because Marvel can't continue the regular titles with Reed as a divorced Nazi fuck, either Cap or Iron man being dead (which is the logical conclusion to thier fight), and villans being allowed to run fucking amok on superhero leashes. This is the writing equivilent of the early 90's with poly bagged-multiple variant-chromium-glow in the dark- collecter card included-pop up- edible-hologram covers. Gimmick with no substance to back it up.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 2:55 p.m. CST

    Looks like I've kissed your ass Psynapse!

    by nofate

    And it tastes like chiclets. Hard, chewy and loses flavor after couple of bites :^O

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 2:57 p.m. CST

    So how about all those OTHER Reviews?

    by Squashua

    Ambush Bug really goes off on Shadowpact #4...

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 3 p.m. CST

    CW

    by Tito Trinidad

    I can't really see how this is an "everybody is being used" type of situation seeing as how nobody on Cap's side has cloned or murdered a fellow superhero. I won't buy this crap until they bring the Hulk back so he can start putting his foot in everybody's ass who supports Iron Man. And have Namor send Reed a home video of him slapping his dick upside Sue's forehead. Bet that cat would start acting in character then!

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 3:02 p.m. CST

    Only worthwhile CW book is Wolverine

    by George Newman

    Wolverine has been great and i have previously never really liked reading his solo book.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 3:08 p.m. CST

    "reviews don't get handed to people with animosity"

    by The Heathen

    Yeah, tell that to all the critics who've seen every Uwe Boll film buddy. <br> <br> "Dissing it AS a review? YOU'RE the dumbass, dumbass..." I agree with Psynapse and Prof… and Magneto. He was right.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 3:08 p.m. CST

    ULTIMATES maybe a little too violent...?

    by George Newman

    I think the Ultimates went a bit too far with issue 12. How can they just kill off an entire rogues gallery? Is the ever going to be a regular ongoing series? How can that be accomplished if they continue to kill the villians?. I don't think Abomination even got to throw a punch in his entire Ult. Universe life. suuuuucks. I just want this story arch to be over. The surprises are over, now it's just being dragged out. Millar probably could have finished the book with this issue if they had just cut out all the pages in which the villains were killed. . . . Bring on Joe Mad! He jaded and scarred me for years, but I think the wounds have healed.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 3:09 p.m. CST

    ULTIMATES maybe a little too violent...?

    by George Newman

    I think the Ultimates went a bit too far with issue 12. How can they just kill off an entire rogues gallery? Is the ever going to be a regular ongoing series? How can that be accomplished if they continue to kill the villians?. I don't think Abomination even got to throw a punch in his entire Ult. Universe life. suuuuucks. I just want this story arch to be over. The surprises are over, now it's just being dragged out. Millar probably could have finished the book with this issue if they had just cut out all the pages in which the villains were killed. . . . Bring on Joe Mad! He jaded and scarred me for years, but I think the wounds have healed.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 3:11 p.m. CST

    oisin

    by Ribbons

    If you'll notice in my post that mentioned Bendis in the first place, changes in and of themselves aren't what annoy me.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 3:16 p.m. CST

    I'd pay good money...

    by Firedrake

    ... to see that Namor/Sue home video.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 3:21 p.m. CST

    Psynapse

    by Hellpop

    It's hilarious that a few sentences written by a complete stranger that disagrees about some Comic Book reviews has made you so angry. Pretty pathetic when you think about it. But you sure as hell made me laugh, so I think it was worth it! Now back to your mom's basement with you. (can't wait to see if another complete stranger decides to have a tirade over nothing! I really kinda hope someone does.)

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 3:22 p.m. CST

    holey sheeite

    by Shigeru

    civil war. serious business. Al Quesada. lol.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 3:24 p.m. CST

    Man...

    by El Vale

    Bendis owes Millar a BIG BIG hug.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 3:28 p.m. CST

    Do not feed the troll.

    by Thalya

    Repeat: do not feed the troll. Move along. Move along, people.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 3:28 p.m. CST

    Hellpop

    by Shigeru

    for someone who doesn't give a damn you sure do post a lot. nice knowin ya.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 3:31 p.m. CST

    my bad, T

    by Shigeru

    i phail

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 3:31 p.m. CST

    Marvel is the comics equivalent of the NationalEnquirer

    by IndustryKiller!

    Just one sensationalist bullshit storyline after the next. But Im glad all the intelligent people hate CW. Because if people were getting behind this en masse it would truly be a sign of the apocalypse. And I hate it when people try to play the "You are afraid of change!" card. That's horseshit, change whatever you want, just make it fucking logical and within the parameters of the established character, other wise its not a caharacter cahnge, it's a shocking money making scheme. You wanna break up Reed and Sue Richards? Thats fine, I could see how you could make that very relevant to the curent 60% divorce rate times. Just make it fucking logical, not because Reed Richards randomly wakes up as Doctor Doom one morning. And nothing changes that fact that if the American government decided to implement a registration act Superheroes would politely refuse as a whole and the government would be forced to back down. And Joe Quesada saying that shit about Stan Lee...whatever. Quesada can tell himself whatever he wants to help him sleep at night to keep his mind off the soul he so obviously sold. Remember we are talking about a man so arrogant he designed that laughably awful new Spider Man costume and forced everyone to use it. The sickening thing is people are getting paid to churn out entertainment this fucking horrible. With lowest common denominator writers like Mark Millar at the helm Marvel has become the "Fear Factor" of the comic book world.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 3:34 p.m. CST

    xsi kal...

    by Dave_F

    ...hopefully it goes without saying that I wasn't really meaning to make light of a serious disease. Just a little mockery at Millar's expense, and given his love of practical jokes, I figure it'd probably wash off his back. Or at least provoke nothing more than a Chapelle-style, "I'm rich, bitch!"

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 3:37 p.m. CST

    Cabin Boy

    by dan grendel

    You will have to take my word for it, as another @$$hole. We did indeed discuss it before hand, and NONE of us liked the issue. If you bother to look at what Prof wrote in full, you'll see that he says he was avoiding CIVIL WAR on his own because his "interest is tepid," not because he has a grudge against it. His grudge is against Infinite Crisis. That he chose to read it and review it anyway speaks to his sense of duty as a reviewer, not that he went in with preconceptions. As a matter of fact, he says that his skimming of earlier issues left him with the impression that the "writing was competent." Doesn't sound like hate to me. Sounds like neutrality, which is where you want to be coming from. I think you are reading what you want into this instead of carefully reading it. And yes, Prof's take on CW #4 was the least angry out of all of us.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 3:40 p.m. CST

    Shigeru

    by Hellpop

    Thayla is right, I only respond when someone addresses me. (Notice how many times I've insulted anyone personally, and how many times ive been personally insulted. . . interesting) Not that it will keep me up at night . . . Why do I post and return? It is hilarious to me! Defending bad writing (it really is) and getting vulgar and angry so fast over nothing! HA!

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 3:41 p.m. CST

    The Problem With Civil War

    by Baytor

    Is really the problem with every Cross-Over Event released since the mid-80s. They're hitting exactly the same notes over and over again with these cross-overs and it's not so much that time is passing us by, it's that someone keeps remaking "My Sharona" over and over again... and sooner or later, you get *really* tired of it. In defense of Civil War, it's probably got one of the most coherent through-lines of any cross-over event I've read. Not brilliantly written or anything, but it tells its story without requiring me to read a bunch of other books to make sense of why this or that is happening. People complain about the characterization, but it's not as though Mr. Fantastic's reasons are illuminated in some other book... his reasons are pretty much inscrutible to everyone reading the thing. If you accept that, the core Civil War series is telling you everything you need to know about the story. Main thing I can't figure out are the deaths of all the "beloved" characters, most of which who haven't been particularly beloved in two or three decades. Most of the folks I'm seeing getting really excited by Civil War or Infinite Crisis seem to be relatively young fans, people who haven't been hardcore fans 25 years ago, so the selection of notable deaths being folks like Black Goliath and Blue Beetle seems like they're targetting the wrong fanbase... although it might be explained by the Internet. Older fans, who aren't bothering to enjoy the series, bitch about it on message boards, creating controversy... which fuels the appearance that said death is controversial and interesting. But they really aren't doing anything vaguely novel. It was a hell of a lot more hardcore in the mid-80s when characters like The Flash or Supergirl were in the cross-hairs, despite decades of publishing history or movies about them. There's just something so safe about killing Black Goliath... really, *who* cares about him? Why would anyone who isn't a hardcore comic fan of over 20 years care that Blue Beetle got killed? Or the fake Superboy? It's just the companies going down low enough on the pecking order to find a controverial victim, but not so high up that it actually interfers with the characters with high media profiles.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 3:44 p.m. CST

    I'll add (and finish with)

    by Hellpop

    I didn't come in to aggrivate, I came in genuinely wondering why people read reviews (critiques, whatever) that are really really badly made, especially when good ones are available a click away. It's like a bunch of bad fan fiction man, really! Maybe it will be better in a year, (or gone) . . . I'll check back then ;)

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 3:46 p.m. CST

    I LOVE CIVIL WAR

    by BilboRing

    I am a huge huge Spidey fan too. Civil War is changing things but it is making it interesting. It is not perfect but I am enjoying the ride. The new Amazing Spider-Man makes CW better.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 3:51 p.m. CST

    Re: Hellpop '...I'll check back then ;)"

    by Darth Kal-El

    or dont. if you dont like it dont read the column. im glad it doesnt keep you up at night but its good to know its still going to have u checking back in a year. if other columns or boards are only a click away why dont u just click....away.you wont be missed

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 3:54 p.m. CST

    CIVIL WAR Is Great!

    by Buzz Maverik

    Mr. Blue and the Grey each believe their side is right. I say that the death of Harper's Ferry wasn't gratuitous. The American Universe will never be the same. I do have a problem with the sympathetic portrayal of the Massa. That guy was always a louse! To lay all the blame on Overseer was just controversy for controversies sake. I still say the Profiteer is behind it all!

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 3:56 p.m. CST

    CW Would Be Better If Millar, Quesada&Co Read Comics...

    by Buzz Maverik

    ...other than the ones they were personally involved in.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 3:58 p.m. CST

    lmao @ Al Queseda

    by moscow3055

    Funniest damn thing I've read all week...and i read the news reports regarding Terrel Owens...

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 3:59 p.m. CST

    Pimpin' of the Sea

    by Tito Trinidad

    Namor: What's my NAAAME! Sue: NAAMOOOOOAAAAH!! Namor: WHAT? Sue: I mean PRINCE NAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHGOOOOD!!(Turns invisible) Namor: Ah shit!! Whew! That's a wrap baby!!

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 4:01 p.m. CST

    Thanks Grendel

    by The Cabin Boy

    I guess you're right in that I probably was placing a lot of the IC ranting that was in his review onto CW. And I agree in some respects -- I wouldn't put the writing up to much higher regard, but it is enough to make me a fan of the series. Another thing I think that's going on with me is that I find it hard to judge the series on it's own merits as I haven't actually read it on it's own (which I think I'll do after it's run its course). I've been reading these CWs as they've come along in between all the other crossover issues. And I have read each and every one (thanks to Comicopia and they're fabulous employees working the pull lists). So it's all together in my head -- the good and the not so good -- and so far it has all come out as being a very cool story. But I'll still say I'd like to hear the review from one of yous @$$holes who didn't just skim the previous issues. Anyway, I'm kind of over it. Time has washed most of my nerd rage away. And not to sound too kiss-assey, but thanks for the response and keep up the good work here. You guys and Thor at CHUD are what got me back into comics a few years back.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 4:02 p.m. CST

    Hellpop....

    by GreatA'Tuin

    Shut up. I could be more insulting, or go further with the set up, but honestly I'm not really going to bother. Not that it's a waste of my time. I live to make the small realize their insignifigance, but you'll read this, think of a half assed witty comeback, post it and wait for me to respond. So, go ahead. Fire off first. It'll be like giving the kid with athesma (sp?) a head start in gym class. Go on, you can do it. We all believe in you. You just have to believe in yourself.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 4:06 p.m. CST

    On another note....

    by moscow3055

    Can't we just summarize the whole problem with the mega-crossover events as being they're designed to make money first...tell a decent story second? Honestly i find it really hard to believe that any product from the big two doesn't involve SERIOUS editorial control (I actually like the note card crack by prof). I mean any event which effects their merchandises "sellability" could cost them major bucks. I blame it on the Success of the Spider-Man and Xmen movies. The comics are just a tangent to where the big bucks are...or I could be terribly wrong of course. Wouldn't it be a kick for the Civil War book to set up the marvel U to match more closely whatever movies they have coming out? BTW...spidey is in the iron man armor post civil-war...i'd bet my dog on it.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 4:23 p.m. CST

    AAhhhh it wouldnt be a complete TB without...

    by DOGSOUP

    ...a lame ass flame war over egos that really don't matter. No really, Civil War sucks the shitsmeared asshole of a dirty crackwhore.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 4:27 p.m. CST

    Dave...

    by xsi kal

    Yep, I got that. Just wanted to point out it's a crappy disease to have, (though by no means one of the worst). :) Hell, if Millar wants to share his millions with me, I'll be happy to ape Chapelle too! :) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [I hate not having line breaks] On another note entirely, I was thinking about how Iron Man has become the devil thanks to Civil War, (with Reed Richards as his diabolical evil genius henchman), and found it humorous that Marvel's editorial staff is busy assassinating Iron Man's character when there's a feature film for that character on the horizon. Oops!

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 4:39 p.m. CST

    Civil War blows

    by Reelheed

    As a marvel reader I feel i need to read these books to make sense of wtf is going on in the universe. I dont mind the changes but the whole thing is too compressed. Prof C is right to say that Reed Richards has had his moral core, his very character, flipped 180. But I wouldn't have a problem with that if it really felt that there was any justification for it or even if there was a long enough period of gradual change. The spidey unmasking does feel right but everything else feels utterly wrong. Even down to minor points (cable walks out on cap after 1 battle, the stamford mum pops in give tony props whilst checking out goliaths funeral, the sheer idea of any marvel hero agreeing to clone thor) it urks. Its rushed and its stupid. Hopefully it will all be a house of M style What If? cos they're ripping their own hearts out.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 4:58 p.m. CST

    The "divine apocalypse that is my fury"

    by Hellpop

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ok, hehe, seriously, I'm out now . . . ha! feel free to come and get me Uwe Boll style anytime Psynapse! hehe too cute.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 5:40 p.m. CST

    Die Mark Milliar!

    by SPECTRE Agent

    While the term Anti-American is thrown around too often, I can honestly say that he hates the U.S. How he is still working after that "Holocaust" Wolverine issue is something I'll never understand...

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 5:41 p.m. CST

    Boll

    by Hellpop

    Come one man, get the reference! Think hard!

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 6:05 p.m. CST

    Don't give up!

    by Hellpop

    Think of the reference! What did Boll do to the critics who panned him? Think damn it! It's a totally AICN worthy reference!

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 6:13 p.m. CST

    Civil War BS

    by Sanctum1972

    I wanted to agree with the review on it and not only that when Marvel began the seeds for the storyline, I do remember Joe Quesada and some other creator (Bendis or Millar) telling the audience that there is NO mastermind behind the whole thing... When, apparently...the Stamford Incident is Marvel's blatant and transparent attempt to show how clever they are creating their own "9-11" for Superheroes and then say there is no conspiracy when I have to say...BS on their part. The 9-11 conspiracy on other websites is still debated these days. I believe Joe Quesada and his staff LIED. How could a professional Editor in Chief DENY a mastermind involved in the storyline when it's so blatantly obvious that it is an 'Avengers' story..think about it: 1. It involves Captain America and Iron Man 2. Hulk is not on Earth 3. Thor is not around...yet Interesting is'nt it? Are'nt they the original avengers though? Why do I have a hunch that it's a pathetic 'rehash' of the storyline "Acts of Vengeance" mixed in with the "9-11" like situation and the Patriot Act? Is Marvel that dumb that the real Thor would go along with the mortals? If I were Millar, Thor would've arrived with fury and destroy the government in no time flat and telling a god what to do and to register would be extremely insulting to him. Do I think Red Skull is behind this? You bet. Loki? Don't put it past him..I'm sure he had a hand in this, too. I'm sure it's a collaboration of A.I.M. and Hydra, Red Skull and probably Loki..or maybe The Leader (enemy of the Hulk). Too obvious, yes? Someone, a local comic book creator, claimed that he knows for a fact that the Marvel writers and editors plan the 'big' events more than a year in advance. Would you like to know something funny and disgusting? It took them a year or so just to create one cluster*uck of a mini-series. One year to plan this one major screw up on CW #4. How can they plan this for so long with enough time to iron out kinks and let this cliche of a plot be allowed? Is Marvel trying to create a new angle of an 'anti-hero' Dr. Doom by going against Reed? Is CW their way of spinning things around? My recommendation? I think you should post a huge F-U to Marvel on AICN and tell readers why they should'nt read CW anymore because Joe and his staff LIED about the 'mastermind' part, insulting the readers' intelligence. I think they denied this at the Chicago Comic Con (Wizard World)..if I'm not mistaken. But I do remember the denial very vividly. All Joe could've said was "No comment". Simple as that. But he had to go and deny it. Iron Man as a villain? If he hates what he's doing...I greatly suspect he's being blackmailed by someone doing the dirty deed. Ask yourself this...if Marvel wants Spider-Man's identity to go back to private status...will he have to kill "Peter Parker" to fake his death? Change it to Ben Reilly? OR do the magical thing of mind-wiping everyone's memories. Hmmm...what would be the obvious solution to the whole thing if Marvel wants to reverse the whole thing? If I'm not mistaken, does'nt Thor's hammer allow him to travel through time if he spins it fast enough, besides dimensional travel? If he can do that...then travelling through time to kill the Establishment Law by executing certain people OR talking Iron Man out of it would be the way to go. And yet the conspiracy was uncovered by Woverine in his own book but not acknowledged by the CW mini-series. What the hell is going on? So...I pity the fool in the Marvel Universe who crosses paths with Hulk and Thor....maybe Magneto. Am I angry at the way CW is written? Yes, I blame the writers for the juvenile attempts to 'popularize' controversy by touching on '9-11' with pseudo-intellectualism on the issues of the Patriot Act, etc. If Marvel claims to have a plan for the ending, then this screw up of CW #4 proves they're hypocrites and full of $hit. Who is Marvel trying to insult and fool? The older readers or the kids? Do they think we're 14 years old without a brain?

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 6:39 p.m. CST

    Is Boll That Guy Who Beat Up The Critics?

    by Buzz Maverik

    Boxing exhibition at the Toronto film festival. He beat up some guy named Jeff supposedly from AICN, probably under a code name. I know he's German, but that's just Hollywood macho, which is bullshit. Think of Steve Carrell as Michael in THE OFFICE, "that's how we fought in the streets" and you've got Hollywood tough (except that Mr. Carrell knows it's funny and it's a character he's playing). So are you saying that if somebody doesn't like CIVIL WAR that they should be beat up? That doesn't speak too highly in your faith in the quality of CIVIL WAR if somebody has to be forced to like it. It seems like if CIVIL WAR were really all that good, people wouldn't have to have their asses kicked before they wrote good reviews. And that's what this is all about. It has nothing to do with the quality of the writing in the reviews. Prof could have written in the same style but if he'd been pro-CIVIL WAR and pro-Millar, you'd be telling him what a great review it is and how he's such a good writer. You know, it was a filmmaker, not a critic, but John Milius himself who said that every time a director makes a bad movie, he should have a little cut on his face. I'm in the Milius camp, which is why I'd never be stupid enough to stand there and box with anyone. Really, if boxing proves quality and talent, Mike Tyson should be writing CIVIL WAR.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 6:43 p.m. CST

    Mike Tyson's releasing a collection of poems next month

    by Ribbons

    ...it's called "I Wanna Eat Your Children" and features all of the best work from his "Blue" Period. I've already pre-ordered MY copy!

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 7:13 p.m. CST

    hellpop

    by Darth Kal-El

    the thing about it is that even though yes psy and some of the others came out swinging hard it doesnt change the fact that you decided to pop in on a column that you dislike just to say how much you dislike. thats negative troll shit and you know it. now you try to hide behind the whole 'i dont really care, you guys are all basement dwellers thing'. i know for a fact that not a single one of the people who has responded to your negativism is a mouth breathing basement dweller. thats beside the point but i wanted to make it known. you came in and said you didnt understand why people keep reading these reviews since theyre(in your opinion) bad writing or whatever. well alright,duly noted that u think that. is there any other reason your still around? im asking because i like to hang out in this board and talk comics or whatever with people who want to have an intelligent discussion and not treat this board like any other on aicn. if u want to join the discussion please by all means go ahead. if your only here to spout negative comments then leave. we dont want you here.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 7:22 p.m. CST

    I can't believe how the energy spent writing about CW

    by chrth

    What a waste. Just read Next Wave.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 7:24 p.m. CST

    Damn, that should read 'how much'

    by chrth

    Pay no attention to the rest of this post. </p> Testing <break> Testing

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 7:24 p.m. CST

    Nextwave Theme song!!!

    by DOGSOUP

    http://tinyurl.com/fxed5 "Just pick up the phone and call! - - NEXTWAVE! Wooawoaah"

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 7:31 p.m. CST

    DOGSOUP! YOU RULE!

    by chrth

    Captain! His Name is the Captain!

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 7:42 p.m. CST

    Wow, this is still going on.

    by Hellpop

    Heh. Awesome. . . . Well, nothing else to do right now . . . . 1.) I came here hoping the reviews wouldn't suck. See, i hadn't bothered reading them for quite a while. So my objective wasn't to come be a "troll" and be overtly negative. Thing is, I read a bunch of really bad reviews (badly written that is) and I'm sure I wasn't the only one to say so . . . Why am I still around? Well, human weakness I guess. People berating me baselessly was actually pretty funny, and quite revealing about their character. I should point out I only ever replied to people attacking me. Once, I believe I said someone should go back into their mom's basement. . . not literally man. It's just a roundabout way of calling someone a geek (I do sooo apologize) which here (AICN) I didn't think was an insult . And for the record you are the one to call them mouthbreathers, i never actually used that word or otherwise name-called. And I can't wait till you tell all the other people who reacted severely negative (i.e. speaking of dildos and cocksuckers ) to leave- cause otherwise, you know it would be hypocritical . . . . . 2.) yeah Buzz you got it! The irony being that this time it's reviewer being reviewed. . . . 3.) Seriously, I only reply when people make new comments towards me. You shut up and I'll shut up and see you next september ;) (not that I have anything against keeping this up!)

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 7:46 p.m. CST

    intelligent comics discussion

    by Hellpop

    http://bkv.tv/phpBB2/index.php

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 8:20 p.m. CST

    touche

    by Darth Kal-El

    true i was the one to use mouthbreathers my bad. i really dont think any of us take being called a geek as an insult. i think a lot of the negative responses you got is because a lot of people come in to post about how bad the reviews were or how the reviewers suck and how they only review this or that or whatever. to me a bunch of guys doing this out of their own time adn money for the sheer love of the industry deserve more than that. thats why i said in the friendliest way possible that if you dont like it then,well theres the door. theres restaraunts that i dont like eating at so i never go into them and say 'this restaraunt blows i ate here last year and it sucked so i came back in to see if the food got any better but NOPE,still ass!.'maybe thats taking the example kind of far but thats what it seems like your doing. if you did that in a real world environment of course your going to have people telling you to shut the fuck up and calling you names. the majority enjoy it here-we get that you dont. my question is why even bother to come in and say anything? and just so im not hypocritical-guys,sometimes we do jump in guns blazing and thats not always a good thing. obviously i dont want psy to leave because hes my friend and hes fucking cool so thats all i will say about that. in my opinion 'trolling' and being an overall dickhead is so prevelant here that i understand that shoot first attitude some of my fellow cogs have. like the title of the new walking dead trade 'the best defense'. we all know how that one goes.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 8:35 p.m. CST

    *sigh*

    by Thalya

    Why does no one listen to me? Did I not say "Don't feed the troll"? The world would be full of peace and harmony and non-trolls if only I were heeded, goddammit. And Troll, check your eyes: it's Thalya, not Thayla. Now kiss my hamster, I say! Kiss it!

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 8:46 p.m. CST

    i know thal

    by Darth Kal-El

    i wasnt going to say anything but i just wanted to clarify my original post. fuck it if hes trolling then hes just going to laugh at us and go back to being a waste of space human being.if hes not trolling then he will add more to the discussion than 'thse reviews blow,just like they did last year'. either way my intentions were good...

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 9:04 p.m. CST

    and btw

    by Darth Kal-El

    great review prof. i havent really liked your reviewing style in the past and it seems like sometimes you wear the 'grampaw' coat all too easily,but this one u hit out of the park. great job!

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 9:16 p.m. CST

    Well you didn't reply to me… (I've got to feed it)

    by The Heathen

    and I at least tried to tell you to flee. You come in here bitching about the reviews being badly written and bitch, bitch, but yet you offer no suggestions or give any examples or constructive criticism, just… bitch. Then with your last post you give us a link to 'intelligent comics conversation', which is exactly what were not getting out of you, but asking you kindly to do and if not? - kindly fuck off. I'm not seeing where the hell you get off doing that. Sure, were behind computer monitors and I'm not about to Demon Dave you or anything but someone who continously doesn't leave when they say they are and keeps popping back in is inane and bothersome, pathetic even. If you hate the way the reviews are written, then stay somewhere else or offer some sort of opinion that isn't Teen Beat level. You linked us to that one site for discussion, but I'm curious to know what site you go to for reviews? Please tell us (yes, I'm inviting you to post yet again, one last time). I honestly hope to hear something constructive from you, but I got to be real here - I'm not expecting it. Balls in your court.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 9:20 p.m. CST

    hehe-"balls"

    by Darth Kal-El

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 9:30 p.m. CST

    xsi kal

    by The Heathen

    I've got a friend who has Crohns and I know the ramifications of it. He wasa pumped full of steriods and on a lot of different meds, but not anymore. He's not on any steriods now because of his strict diet (something about no processed sugars and certain types of breads) which I don't knoe the exact details of, but if you check back here tomorrow or on Saturday I'd have the info for you. I know he went against what his Doctors told him to do because they're probably getting a kickback anyway, but the point is that he put his weight back on and looks better than ever. Hope this helps, or will help you. And if you weren't aware, will be hee All Week. ; - <br> <br> Hee, hee - balls. <br> <br> Rusty namaste.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 9:49 p.m. CST

    Robert Downey Jr. as Iron Man?

    by The Heathen

    Rock on. He's a damn good actor. I freakin love the hell out of Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. <br> <br> Our lovely tb is on the tops too.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 9:51 p.m. CST

    re: xsi kal

    by The Heathen

    Umm, ignore that unintelligible jibba jabba type. It was 'supposed' to read: "And if you weren't aware, we'll be here All Week. Sorry about that.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 10:15 p.m. CST

    Sorry Thayla, but i'm feeding the troll

    by El Vale

    I tried to resist, i swear to god, but i couldn't, so here goes: <br> <br> Hellpop, you can't expect to come into a place we care about, like AICN comics, lambasting people we consider to be our friends and then expect us not to insult you. And that's it, it's quite simple. Do onto others and all that crap. So be nice, it's not that hard.

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 10:22 p.m. CST

    *whimpers and hides under the wheel*

    by Thalya

    Not real..this isn't real..

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 10:47 p.m. CST

    I wonder if RDJr will play up the new Villain Aspect

    by DOGSOUP

    Iron Man rapes babies and kills grandmothers! Iron Man shares a chuckle with Osama Bin Laden! Iron Man pushed to reinstitute Jim Crow laws! The Unstoppable Iron Man!

  • Sept. 28, 2006, 11:48 p.m. CST

    The gray one took a drag on his cigarette

    by Prof Challenger

    "This isn't happening." "This isn't happening." "This isn't happening." "This isn't happening."

  • Sept. 29, 2006, 12:21 a.m. CST

    By god you people are lazy

    by El Vale

    We are no longer at the top of the top talkbacks mainly because you apparently have run out of things to say. Well i have things to say, like thanks! Thanks very much indeed!

  • Sept. 29, 2006, 12:22 a.m. CST

    That, by the way

    by El Vale

    Was sarcasm.

  • Sept. 29, 2006, 12:30 a.m. CST

    Vale on irresponsibility

    by El Vale

    Let's say you're a zookeeper and there's this monkey who keeps flinging his shit at you and lord almighty that fucking thing is a good shot. And, for story purposes, i guess everyone calls him "Troll" or something, even tho' that makes no sense calling a monkey "Troll"...i don't know. Anyway, it's still your duty as zookeeper to feed that fucking Monkey/Troll/Montroll even if all the food you feed him will no doubt be digested and turned into poop he'll be able to fling back at you becasue he thinks you're an idiot. And it's a shit job (get it?), but someone's gotta do it! <br> <br> Also, there is no denying my analogy kicks ass.

  • Sept. 29, 2006, 12:42 a.m. CST

    align=right>

    by Negative Man

    ...that sounds like a nice band name...or maybe a Warren Ellis title... Just sayin'.

  • Sept. 29, 2006, 12:46 a.m. CST

    ill give u that its a good analogy vale

    by Darth Kal-El

    but seriously,was my restaraunt thing not fucking sheer walking brilliance?not to pat my own back but *pat*pat*pat*

  • Sept. 29, 2006, 12:47 a.m. CST

    we lost our number one spot

    by Darth Kal-El

    fuck that noise. i guess the people posting on the iron ma talkback dont realize this is the best place to talk comics on the site

  • Sept. 29, 2006, 12:59 a.m. CST

    You mean about Xzibit?

    by El Vale

    Cause yeah, that was pretty fucking sweet, tough Zayda's boyfriend didn't take it as well as i did. But i'm a more balanced person, as you know.

  • Sept. 29, 2006, 2:42 a.m. CST

    well that

    by Darth Kal-El

    but i meant how i compared our board to a restaraunt in my earlier post. and u didnt tell me she had a boyfriend!

  • Sept. 29, 2006, 3:03 a.m. CST

    Ohhhhhhhh!

    by El Vale

    Yeah i remember the one about the restaurant. Still, you gotta admit that analogy had almost no monkey poop in it, man, so i don't even know what to think. Also, her boyfriend is one of my closest friends, so i guess i CAN be misleading...

  • Sept. 29, 2006, 7:54 a.m. CST

    Awwwww!!! Prof!!!

    by Thalya

    Jose Chung's "From Outer Space"!!! Sweet!

  • Sept. 29, 2006, 9:41 a.m. CST

    Don't they know that I really am Robert Downey Jr?

    by loodabagel

    Sigh, I could be revealing some nice plot details if they knew where the place to be was.

  • Sept. 29, 2006, 10:10 a.m. CST

    Like, say...

    by loodabagel

    As cool as it is that I'm in it, not only is the Mandarin the villain, but he's being played by Dane Cook.

  • Sept. 29, 2006, 11:55 a.m. CST

    Downey Would Be A Great Tony Stark / Iron Man.

    by Buzz Maverik

    Little need to worry about the current depiction in the comics. They'll either go their own way (like X-MEN) or iconic (like SPIDER-MAN).

  • Sept. 29, 2006, 12:08 p.m. CST

    Jose Chung's "From Outer Space"

    by Shigeru

    That's a bleeping dead alien.

  • Sept. 29, 2006, 12:14 p.m. CST

    Iron Man casting

    by Shigeru

    I was holding out for Billy Crudup with a goatee, but Downey Jr is one hell of an actor.

  • Sept. 29, 2006, 12:50 p.m. CST

    what am i chopped liver psy?`

    by Darth Kal-El

    i wouldnt have thought of downey jr initially but i can see it. what im anxious to see is the armor in motion not only fighting but in flight. i liked how they handled his voice on the ultimates movie-it sounded robotic yet not like a robot. something similar maybe for the movie?as for his rogues im not familiar enough with IM to know which one would be cool to see. what do u guys think?

  • Sept. 29, 2006, 3:32 p.m. CST

    I guess it's kind of amusing

    by El Vale

    But you can do much better Psy, i know you can!

  • Sept. 29, 2006, 4:10 p.m. CST

    Thanks, Psy....

    by GreatA'Tuin

    I "heart" me too. O.K. how bout this one?*****What do you call a lesbian with big tits, long legs, a tight ass, and lips like Jolie? **** Dyke **** /flameon

  • Sept. 29, 2006, 4:09 p.m. CST

    since it came from someone else

    by Darth Kal-El

    i will allow for the poor quality but im with vale in that u can do much better psy.

  • Sept. 29, 2006, 4:33 p.m. CST

    My favorite Psy joke was…

    by The Heathen

    the one with the pedophile and the kid walking through the woods. Love it!!!

  • Sept. 29, 2006, 4:50 p.m. CST

    Shigeru and Thalya

    by Prof Challenger

    "Yeah, that's a bleepin alien if I ever saw one." but let's also add "This bleepin blankhole..." :) And it was late but I should'a said "This is NOT happening." So, sue me. The bottom line is that if you share this info with anyone I'll kill you. Now let me finish my pie in peace.

  • Sept. 29, 2006, 5:05 p.m. CST

    I second that, Heath

    by El Vale

    I fucking love that joke.

  • Sept. 29, 2006, 5:46 p.m. CST

    im still here

    by Darth Kal-El

    by psy! take it easy and if its easy take it twice!

  • Sept. 29, 2006, 6:01 p.m. CST

    Dagger's Panties

    by Prof Challenger

    Howcum in all the Thursday commentary, no mention of Dagger's lack o' panties? Surely that could be construed as a positive observation on CW4, right?

  • Sept. 29, 2006, 6:13 p.m. CST

    prof

    by Darth Kal-El

    i have been so disinterested in CW to where i dont even flip through them at the lcs. but panties(or lack thereof)got my curiosity rising(leave it alone its too easy). is there a link to a pic on the interwebs or will i have to hit the LCS?

  • Sept. 29, 2006, 6:22 p.m. CST

    What does Cloak think of that?

    by The Heathen

    Hmm…

  • Sept. 29, 2006, 6:23 p.m. CST

    cloak:

    by Darth Kal-El

    Bitch you betta go put on some draws.

  • Sept. 29, 2006, 7:19 p.m. CST

    Sweet potato pie at that...

    by Thalya

    Look out for Alex Trebek!

  • Sept. 29, 2006, 10:43 p.m. CST

    reluctant props to the prof

    by Homer Sexual

    Although I haven't previously cared for ProfC, his CW review was uber successful. So big ups and also thanks for all the cheap shots. I agree that closed-end stories work best, like sandman. But then I also go fogey and don;t like what's been done with characters such as Scarlet Witch, Reed Richards, etc. But I do like millar and am waiting until it's over to decide if I get the trade or not. It's good to be trying something new, but then we can't trust the motivation, so I am ambivalent. Lots of good comics coming out in any case, spent $30 this week. and I liked Infinte Crisis and enjoy many oYL later books, have never bought so much DC.

  • Sept. 29, 2006, 11:51 p.m. CST

    Hey Homer..

    by Thalya

    I've yet to get to my stash (of 8 DC books) from tonight. Looks like a lot of "fun" books, but not so many with more heft, so to speak, at least this week (I'd consider Morrison's Batman right now to be more "fun" than heft, at that, at least after the previous two issues, all that compared to Dini's slightly more hefty/meaty/crafty 'Tec - and not to knock Morrison's craft or anything, it's just craft with a light touch is all). Care to compare notes tomorrow?

  • Sept. 30, 2006, 12:53 a.m. CST

    The object most commonly misidentified...

    by Prof Challenger

    as an Unidentified Flying Object is the planet Venus.

  • Sept. 30, 2006, 11:41 a.m. CST

    I didn't spend all those years playing...

    by Thalya

    Dungeons & Dragons and not learn a little something about courage. <BR><BR> And to think, that episode also had Gov. Jesse "The Body" Ventura in it too. So when's Carl Weathers gonna win the governorship of a state, again?

  • Oct. 1, 2006, 9:20 a.m. CST

    An Earth-shattering mayhem bugaloo crossover!

    by AstroThunder

    Okay, maybe it's just me, but I think these recent massive crossovers seem to have the same bloody problem: strong starts and good initial concepts marred by bad planning, poor pacing, uneven execution, and procrustean attempts to make the characters fit the needs of the plot. I thought IC was mediocre at best, marred mostly by poor pacing (needed more issues to tell the story, give a sense of scope), uneven art, and some pretty shrug-worthy material (Donna Troy sends her team out into space to... to... what did they do agin?). CW, imo, suffers almost entirely from bad characterization. Heroes are acting like villains and their motivations seem flimsy at best. I remember seeing Quesada at a panel at the San Diego Comic Con saying that they wanted to make the two sides as balanced as possible. I didn't buy it then, and I definitely don't buy it now. Perhaps if CW didn't involve so many well-established characters with rich histories and heroic legacies it would have been a great story. Heck, I like the plot and think if it was handled with more subtlty it would be a great read. Unfortunately we've got characters acting out of character and company heads out for your money. While I understand and can't argue with the latter since it's the nature of business, it's the former that makes me take my money elsewhere.

  • Oct. 1, 2006, 7:08 p.m. CST

    I got the new SPiderman Loves Mary Jane...

    by loodabagel

    And damn, was that a good comic! But then I got 100% and said "Holy crap! This thing is freaking awsome! Thank you, that is my story.

  • Oct. 2, 2006, 9:35 a.m. CST

    Rise and shine, campers!

    by loodabagel

    It's 8:30 in the A.M. and I'm downright sick of all this slacking. SUre, I can forgive you for taking a break during the weekend, but we're all-weekers here! Hut, Hut!

  • Oct. 2, 2006, 12:23 p.m. CST

    I heart looda

    by Shigeru

    for buying Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane! I can't believe LIZ ALLEN is like one of my favorite characters in comics right now... heh.

  • Oct. 2, 2006, 12:30 p.m. CST

    He proceeded to eat an entire pie in this manner.

    by Shigeru

    Like, her hair was red... but it was a little too red, you know. And the other one, the tall lanky one, his face was so blank and expressionless. He didn't seem human. I think he was a mandroid. The only time he reacted was when he saw the dead alien. *eeeek!*

  • Oct. 2, 2006, 1:39 p.m. CST

    I heart looda

    by The Heathen

    for buying 100% and All Weeking. Sorry for slacking a little, but believe me, the Cogs have been busy my friend, ask Jim Lee. Anyway, let's countdown to LOST bitches!!! Oh and if anybody has a Mac, then you should download the 108 minute countdown where you have to punch in the numbers and press the button. It's fun if you love the show. Lucky for me. Yay. <br> <br> You see what I did above? I brought up Lost and Macintosh computers! Let the All Weeking commence!!!

  • Oct. 2, 2006, 1:43 p.m. CST

    Not Lost already!

    by El Vale

    Question: When did the S2 finale air in the US?

  • Oct. 2, 2006, 2:07 p.m. CST

    I have no idea!

    by loodabagel

    I know absolutely nothing about Lost! I just spent the morning being sick, reading the second Y-the Last Man trade (the 3rd one should be coming any minute now.) and trying to play Half-Life. Also watched a few South Park episodes because my fleshy brain can't comprehend pseudo-scientological sophisicated stuff like Lost. I'm still goning to try to play Half Life, as soon as I look up some cheat stuff on the internet. A funny thing about Spiderman Loves Mary Jane-Back around issue 4, was I the only one who thought that the scene at the end meant Peter wasn't really Spidey? Clearly, that wasn't the case, but that would have been just about the biggest twist ever. And if I wasn't sick I'd be typing on an iMac right now, providing some D-bag didn't break the one at the Blue Penis again. Me and my mooks go to the Blue Penis Coffee Shop for lunch. It's really called the Venus Rising, but it used to be the Blue Venus and all the cool people say penis anyway.

  • Oct. 2, 2006, 2:22 p.m. CST

    Those transformers kids are gonna go nuts...

    by loodabagel

    To them I say "Hey muthafucka! I'm the goddamn Loodabagel! Why'ncha come over to my turf so I can give you an abortion! That's how we roll here in Dimension X!" Oh, that's also my suggestion for the fan submitted line in the Transformers movie. Optimus will use it as his battle cry, saying it a total of ten times throught the movie. And yes, Optimus Prime is now called Loodabagel

  • Oct. 2, 2006, 2:42 p.m. CST

    Well that what happens when you try to litter

    by loodabagel

    At least Woodsy the owl didn't swoop down on you and peck your eyeballs out and then tear your limbs from your torso and feed them to his young.

  • Oct. 2, 2006, 3:01 p.m. CST

    That's quite the anti smoking ad campaign, Psy

    by El Vale

    Significantly better than anything the government has tried so far, so congratulations sir, and here's to a short recovery.

  • Oct. 2, 2006, 3:02 p.m. CST

    That said, why would Black Canary quit BoP?

    by El Vale

    That's a good question, people. A good question indeed. Find all the answers you seek in issue 99. Hablamos dudes!

  • Oct. 2, 2006, 3:07 p.m. CST

    Right on!

    by loodabagel

    Old people and babies are all a bunch of D-bags! But at least I didn't get on your case for smoking. Smoking is for badasses and that little indy truth guy can suck a fatty. In fact next time I see him, I'm kcking him in the face and giving him a sex change. Then I'll fuck him in the ass until he's pregnant with our baby. Then, 5 months later, I'll give him a sneak attack back alley abortion.

  • Oct. 2, 2006, 3:12 p.m. CST

    Assholes chew tobacco...

    by loodabagel

    Hipsters smoke it. And the very, very, very cool freebase it while they play a Pavement song on an out of tune guitar for their hooker.

  • Oct. 2, 2006, 3:10 p.m. CST

    Actually Vale..

    by Thalya

    Black Canary will have been a long time coming at issue 99. The first OYL arc had her bringing a kid back from her latest adventure, so all signs point to her being a mom, with weekends on the JLA.

  • Oct. 2, 2006, 3:22 p.m. CST

    Is that devil Oliver Queen the father?

    by loodabagel

    Eh, it's either him, me or that evil bastard Iron Man. Oh wait! I forgot that I am Iron Man.

  • Oct. 2, 2006, 3:21 p.m. CST

    Nope.

    by Thalya

    She's a young Asian girl named Sin who was being trained to succeed Lady Shiva.

  • Oct. 2, 2006, 3:37 p.m. CST

    Smoking since 14? You pussy...

    by loodabagel

    I'm 90 years old. I've been snorting heroin and eating crack rocks by the bucketful since I was 12. If I ever feel like smoking some tobacco, I start a goddamn plantation and them nurn it all down and let the fumes soak into my burning flesh. I've had lung cancer eight times. Most of my vitals are robotic. I snort napalm to get a nice tickle in my nose and drink antifreeze to relax. Nah, I'm just kiddin' You guys are allright.

  • Oct. 2, 2006, 3:35 p.m. CST

    Weird..

    by Thalya

    My response to loodabagel posted before loodabagel's post. As blackthought would say, hmmm..

  • Oct. 2, 2006, 3:41 p.m. CST

    One solution to this mystery...

    by loodabagel

    We've been trapped in dimension X by the Vogs.

  • Oct. 2, 2006, 4:18 p.m. CST

    Heathen! Noooooo....

    by Thalya

    Mendoza! Cogs Unite!

  • Oct. 2, 2006, 4:17 p.m. CST

    Oh man!

    by El Vale

    The fucking Vogs are here and there's nothing we can do about it! Didn't i tell you guys we needed a contingency plan? But nooooo, i guess Black Canary's more important than interdimensional safety!

  • Oct. 2, 2006, 5:52 p.m. CST

    Thalya...

    by Homer Sexual

    My DC books this past week are: Secret Six, 52, Teen Titans and Uncle Sam/Freedom Fighters. I would classify all four as fun. Secret Six was a little disappointing to me because the "shocking cliffhanger" at the end seemed very unshocking and cliche, and I don't expect cliches from SS, but I still enjoyed the book. 52 embodies the good and the bad of DC. Respect for the characters,many characters, lots of stuff happening, yet just corny. Yes, very corny. Teen Titans is candy, very nice art, again chock full o'characters. Certainly nothing compelling, deep, thought provoking or anything like that, but definitely fun. And the characters actually seem youthful, if not quite Young Justic youth. Ravager is growing on me, and Kid Devil would too if he could do anything besides blow fire. Finally, the most successful of the bunch, US and FF. This book is actually kind of hip and cool, despite featuring Uncle Sam, of all people. It even has a little more going on than just fun, but it is still fun. And it moves. And it is sexy but doesn't seem at all sexist despite PG's outfit. Sort of like DC's answer to Supreme Power, and me likee. What did you think of those? ps. What's this about Black Canary leaving BoP? I must really question if BoP can survive without her. Finally, what DC book I really really loved was the latest Checkmate, since it seems to indicate the return of Suicide Squad, which remains perhaps my all-time favorite DC title (the Ostrander version, not the Giffen thing). Rick Flag, Bronze Tiger, Jewelee? Yes, yes and YES!

  • Oct. 2, 2006, 8:05 p.m. CST

    Vale...

    by Thalya

    WHAT did you do?

  • Oct. 2, 2006, 9:06 p.m. CST

    I dig Ravager, but she's kind of ridiculous...

    by loodabagel

    <p>Especially considering she used to be such a nice girl. Now she's constantly drinking and smoking and trying to bed that Robin fellow. Tut, tut. Children these days...</p> <p>By the way, that vog dude is a freakin' troll if there ever was one, but I gotta give 'im props for being not only so classy, but also undeniably evil.</p>

  • Oct. 2, 2006, 9:27 p.m. CST

    Homer..

    by Thalya

    I picked up 52, Action, Blue Beetle, Batman, Teen Titans, Trials of Shazam, JLA, and Secret Six. All of which are "fun". Shazam's maybe a touch more serious, and 52 and Blue Beetle had some pain, but otherwise.. US&FF never hooked me though I wound up getting the Bludhaven mini. How precisely is 52 corny, pray tell? I can never quite figure out that adjective.. As for Titans, Johns is at his best when he's being inventive. I just hope he's not getting hamstrung by 52 in telling his stories. And you're right, the last Checkmate was awesome (it's nice to slip a little 4-color and Noah Kuttler goodness in like that, though I only have the issue of the Ostrander series where Grant Morrison gets killed). In addition, JLA #2 was Meltzer firing on all cylinders. I got the same sense of wonder and "need to go write"-ness that I got from reading Identity Crisis. That had been missing in #0 and 1, probably for lack of story dynamism. IDC came out of the gates in medias res and never slowed down, but here it took a couple issues. And now that I think about it, I need to go write fanfic and bake banana bread. Call me back for the big Sherlock Holmes in the drawing room ending when you guys figure out who the traitor is! Ciao!

  • Oct. 2, 2006, 9:28 p.m. CST

    I go away for one weekend ...

    by dregmobile

    ... and I miss the big AICN civil war talkback ... about Civil War. I see the good. I see the bad. It has its flaws, but I'm loving it. Oh well, when the review for issue 7 hits, I will make damn sure I am ready at the keyboard ...

  • Oct. 3, 2006, 12:01 a.m. CST

    Marvel turning a new Leaf?

    by #1 Zero

    Maybe Marvel is going for new readers with the civil War thing. But that doesn't justify what they are doing because most comic book readers are adults who followed comics for ten years or more and know the characters' histories. I came back to comics about 5 years ago and really didn't even know Thor was dead until recently. Anyway, in five or six years there will be another big "event crossover book" that reverses everthing accopmlished in Civil War and possibly House of M, as that is how these things usually go even within individual series. Because then a whole new set of writers will want to make their statement on the Marvel U.

  • Oct. 3, 2006, 9:06 a.m. CST

    Nah, Marvel's just into pissing off the diehards now...

    by loodabagel

    There's so much continuity crap in all the stories, it's a little hard for a new kid to get into them. Marvel's "shaking up the status quo" for people that have no idea what's going on and probably aren't even reading their comics.

  • Oct. 3, 2006, 11:18 a.m. CST

    *wipes Rancor slobber off*

    by The Heathen

    What in the holy hell is going on?!?! I wake up in some sort of cardboard box playset thing and outta nowhere comes this giant Rancor! Lucky for me I was decked out in a black tunic and there were plenty of bones laying around. I don't think I need to tell you what happened next. <br> <br> Just who the hell? Vogs? Hmm…

  • Oct. 3, 2006, 1:50 p.m. CST

    Heathen...

    by Thalya

    You made the Rancor-keeper cry.. tsk tsk..

  • Oct. 3, 2006, 2:22 p.m. CST

    wow

    by Darth Kal-El

    the vogs hmm...a traitor in our midst?hmm....this is starting to remind me of the 'roleplay' arc of powers-'the call has rung out old friend...'

  • Oct. 3, 2006, 3:55 p.m. CST

    He deserved it.

    by The Heathen

    Now who is what, where again?

  • Oct. 3, 2006, 5:46 p.m. CST

    There's no traitor in our midst…

    by The Heathen

    only the lurkiest of lurkers! Damn you!!!!!!! <br> <br> So Lost is only a day away (sorry Vale) and did anybody catch Hereos last night? It continues to impress, impress my penis indeed.

  • Oct. 3, 2006, 6:59 p.m. CST

    Rocky!!!!...

    by Prof Challenger

    RRROOOCKKKYYYYY!!!! Be thou not afraid, Rocky!!!

  • Oct. 3, 2006, 10:50 p.m. CST

    CIVIL WAR!!!

    by dregmobile

    I thought the Cable/Deadpool three-issue tie-in ended on a pretty weak and disappointing note. Didn't really know what to expect since I know jack about the characters. ***** The Captain America tie-in has got off to a good start. Interesting art that seems to capture expression on faces like a photograph. Red Skull scares me. ***** Young Avengers/Runaways is finally kicking into gear with issue three. Look forward to issue four. ***** The last Frontline was okay but didn't really go anywhere. I will keep buying because I am the Civil War bitch ... and I like it! ***** Also just saw TALLADEGA NIGHTS. I'd put that film on par with ANCHORMAN. The currency for cats & dogs gag had me in stitches ...

  • Oct. 4, 2006, 9:12 a.m. CST

    Congradulations, Heathen!

    by loodabagel

    <p>I'm happy to see you made it back to Earth 615.</p> <p>Talledega was a decent movie, but there was a little too much Will Ferrell. Andy Richter and Sasha Cohen kicked all kinds of ass! The part where Ricky asked about Mos Def and Elvis Costello was brilliant.</p>

  • Oct. 4, 2006, 9:14 a.m. CST

    Oh! Also another message for Dregmobile...

    by loodabagel

    I recently checked shipping rates for Australian mail and...Sorry pal, but it'll cost me 15 bucks to send you the book. Maybe for a Cog Christmas exchange...

  • Oct. 4, 2006, 12:16 p.m. CST

    Vog is the drizzling shits...

    by GreatA'Tuin

    ...and my personal bitch. There do you feel validated now? I warn you, Vog, do not make this a Rogue Wednesday.

  • Oct. 4, 2006, 4:26 p.m. CST

    4 8 15 16 23 42

    by The Heathen

    LOST BITCHES!!!!!!! <br> <br> I hear Brubaker's, Criminal is the shit.

  • Oct. 4, 2006, 4:41 p.m. CST

    Lost tonight!

    by Darth Kal-El

    yeah thats going to becool. how about that heroes on monday? man thats an awesome show! im glad im in on this one from the ground floor because it is so far so suweet! merry marvel marching society!HAHA!

  • Oct. 4, 2006, 5:09 p.m. CST

    Beep! Beep!

    by loodabagel

    New talkback! Beep! Beep!

  • Oct. 4, 2006, 6:55 p.m. CST

    I'd pay for the shipping ...

    by dregmobile

    But that and the return shipping would probably equal the cost of the book. So instead, if I could please get you to scan each and every page ... heheh ...

  • Oct. 6, 2006, 9:48 a.m. CST

    Hmm...

    by loodabagel

    I'll just remake in Microsoft Paint, then e-mail it to you.

  • Oct. 8, 2006, 11:12 p.m. CST

    So ... anyone catch LAST Man Standing

    by dregmobile

    with Bruce Willis? What a great movie ...

  • Oct. 16, 2006, 10:17 a.m. CST

    Anyone read the LAST battle?

    by loodabagel

    Personal favorite Narnia book

  • Oct. 23, 2006, 7:44 p.m. CST

    The Last Supper ...

    by dregmobile

    My favourite painting of all time.

  • Oct. 24, 2006, 9:40 a.m. CST

    LAST of the Mohicans...

    by loodabagel

    Haven't read it, but I like the title.

  • Nov. 2, 2006, 7:02 p.m. CST

    I can't top that.

    by dregmobile

    Made me laugh, damn you.