Massawyrm on UNREST, HATCHET, FROSTBITE, SIMON SAYS and more at Fantastic Fest!!!

Hola all. Massawyrm here. Hatchet

Now this was just good, gory fun. Along the same lines as Abominable, Hatchet is a throwback to the youth of the director, setting out to make a fun, smart film in a genre people just don’t seriously make anymore. Whereas Abominable is an early 80’s monster movie, Hatchet is a Slasher film. An old school slasher film. Filled to the brim with blood, guts, and yes, boobs. But what sets this apart from standard slasher fare is the philosophy that director Adam Green takes into this – trying to recapture the spirit of the early films in the genre when the mythology, mood and writing were more important than simply cranking out another bloody mess. And he completely succeeds. The writing in this is far sharper than what you’d expect from the genre and is at times deliberately very funny. At the same time, nothing betrays it as unintentionally funny. Every moment that could have failed and become accidentally comical instead goes all the way and lets you know that you’re allowed to have fun with it. Kane Hodder (Jason in many of the later Friday the 13th movies) does a great job, both in human form (as the tormented father of the slasher, Victor Crowley) and as Victor Crowley himself. The remainder of the cast all do great jobs selling both the comedy and the horror of the film, particularly Joel Moore who plays the geeky lead. This is one hell of a fun film and I enjoyed it quite a bit. But it is very much an 80’s slasher film. Anyone not already predisposed towards liking this kind of film may find that it has little to offer them. Highly Recommended for slasher/horror fans.

Simon Says

If Abominable and Hatchet are prime examples of throwback horror done right, Simon Says is their antithesis. To be perfectly honest, Simon Says is pretty fucking awful. There are moments that seem to achieve Troma levels of cheesy fun, except that the film takes itself way to seriously at points – creating a very uneven feel that you’re never quite sure how intentional the humor is. The movie begins by introducing us to teen characters that just don’t feel either authentic or deliberately over the top. They’re just there, with shades of personalities that never get even the shorthand they deserve – they’re just corpses waiting to be piled up. Crispin Glover seems to be having fun, but occasionally seems to be trying while other times seems to be ridiculously over doing it. The jokes never work, and all of the laughter come from what appear to be the more serious moments. And to make matters worse, the kills in this are just plain ludicrous. First of all, none of them seem to even obey the loosest of the laws of physics, with pick axes swinging down from trees with the momentum of mack trucks and machines that can seemingly throw dozens of CG pick axes in 7 different directions every second. The result of this is that the deaths are never scary or wince inducing, but few, if any, are really funny either. It’s really a sad, sorry film that is probably a bit of fun with copious amounts of alcohol, but not really worth anyone’s time. Unless you just LOVE bad horror.

Unrest

Another film I didn’t really enjoy was Unrest. Okay, so maybe enjoy isn’t quite the right word as I actually enjoyed this in the same way I enjoyed The Covenant. It’s a film with an interesting premise that starts off fine with only a few missteps, but goes so far off the rails in the third act that it becomes a parody of what it is trying to be. It plays out like the first draft of the script was never rewritten and the ending was an attempt to just get everything over and done with as soon as humanly possible. It opens just fine, as a med student (who looks WAY too much like Brittany Spears) begins to notice strange occurrences that seem to be tied to her mysterious Gross Anatomy dissection corpse. The cinematography and locations (a quiet hospital) evokes the mood of early 90’s horror, and manages to be sufficiently creepy. But as bodies start dropping and our heroine seems to know a hell of a lot more than she should, the holes in the script seem to open wider and wider until all hell breaks loose. All of a sudden we get a hastily rushed bit of exposition explaining that this is all the fault of the curse of an Aztec fertility god, that despite its origins, seems to be sending characters blood written notes in English saying simply “You’re next.” Cheesy as that is, it’s made sillier by the fact that the notes don’t start showing up until the last 15 minutes of the movie. And if that weren’t insane enough, bodies begin to drop of characters we were barely even introduced to, complete with one scene in which a body is discovered and hastily pushed aside and ignored as our heroes try to further the plot. All of this culminates in the worst piece of dialog I’ve encountered in the entire festival…Rest in peace, bitch!…an unintentional send up to the days when catch phrases were king – something tonally inappropriate with the rest of the film. This is one of those rare films in which the phrase “Well, it started off good, but kind of trailed at the end” doesn’t even remotely do justice. This film doesn’t just crash and burn – it explodes several times on the way down. The films one saving grace is the special effects of the corpses, which under the guidance of a director who trained to be a surgeon, looks positively realistic and disgusting. It’s not a total waste of time, as there are a few effective set pieces, but it’s not something for anyone that is looking for an effective horror film. Again, this is a film that is benefited by copious amounts of alcohol or good for anyone that loves watching truly gifted practical SFX work.

Frostbite

It’s the Swedish Lost Boys. Probably one of the best vampire flicks in years, Frostbite (aka Frostbiten) manages to shatter the language barrier proving to be equal parts frightening and funny. Set in a town so far to the north that it is experiencing a several month long night, vampirism begins to spread and several characters unwittingly end up in situations involving the growing threat. The film has a number of really great set pieces, from an amazing WWII action/horror opening, to some really great comedic gags involving dogs and the buildup to a classic style party-turned-bloodbath that punctuates the climax. Frostbite does the best with every moment it has, never wasting a single moment of your time. Every joke hits, despite being subtitled comedy, there are a large number of verbal movie references and some of the physical gags are positively sidesplitting (including a killer one with Lawn Gnomes.) But the film doesn’t skimp on the horror either, managing to shift quickly from the humorous moments right into tense, edge of your seat thrills. Unlike many of the other amazingly fun horror films that evoke the feel of an 80’s film that have played the fest, Frostbite doesn’t require a love for the period or genre. It’s an extremely accessible horror comedy good for anyone that enjoys a good vampire film. It’s certainly not flawless – the third act happens a bit too quickly and feels like there’s a little something missing, and despite being set a month away from dawn, the entire film takes place over the span of a day or two – never fully utilizing the eternal night to its fullest extent. But these flaws hardly diminish the effectiveness of the rest of the film, making this one vampire and horror film fans should seek out.

Until next time friends, smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em. I know I will. Massawyrm Got something for the Wyrm? Mail it here.