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Merrick here...
Longtime AICN readers may recall uber schlockmeister Uwe Boll’s challenge to legions of his Internet-based detractors. The short of it is: he threw down the gauntlet to get some of his staunches critics into the boxing ring. The thing is: Boll has a boxing background…which most folks don’t…so the affair was destined to be dicey at best. Nonetheless, four courageous souls faced their fear and met their bane. The odds were against them and the situation was grim. Still, they went onward. AICN contributor & longtime Boll detractor Jeff Sneider was among the warriors who rode out to face The King of the Hacks . A noble and just cause – fought for all of us with the dream that we, our loved ones, and our children may someday know a world free of Boll’s filmmaking . Despite such noble intent, he came back hoping he didn’t have “a concussion or internal bleeding”, and says, “Uwe was impressed - but not enough to cancel plans for BLOODRAYNE 2”. Let us take a moment to acknowledge those who championed quality (or at least the lack of shittyosity) for Geeks everywhere. There names were Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka from SomethingAwful, Chris Alexander from reumorguemagazine, and Nelson Chance Minter (a website critic). And, of course, Jeff. They fell, but lived to fight another day. Remember them well. Here’s the fight!

Readers Talkback
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  • Sept. 25, 2006, 1:29 p.m. CST


    by alex138

    and strife

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 1:30 p.m. CST

    i could beat his ass

    by JeanLuc Dickhard

    yeah i could ....

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 1:29 p.m. CST


    by RainesMaker

    YEAGH!!! Dean Style.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 1:30 p.m. CST

    Where is Juggfuckler when you need him?

    by brycemonkey


  • Sept. 25, 2006, 1:34 p.m. CST

    JeanLuc Dickhard

    by Kraken

    Make it so.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 1:33 p.m. CST


    by Jason Eisener

    Dude you got wasted

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 1:35 p.m. CST

    Jeff got Juggfuckled!

    by brycemonkey

    Jeez, I gues critics are mostly not very good at fighting...

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 1:37 p.m. CST

    I love that this is Uwe's last resort.

    by Kraken

    Oh, yeah Uwe, you win I guess. You beat up on the high school geek. Good for you. Here's an even better idea, why don't you train for 4 months to make a decent fucking movie, and maybe you won't have to stage sad publicity stunt that everyone knows are sad publicity stunts to get your movies talked about. You've gone from a joke of a director, to a joke of a human being with these stunts. Sad.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 1:38 p.m. CST

    Yeah! Go Uwe!

    by DerLanghaarige

    Seriously, I don't wanna defend his films too much, but I like Bloodrayne more than Underworld...

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 1:43 p.m. CST

    I heard...

    by Ace Hunter

    ...Uwe only took on guys with no boxing experience. There were some internet movie reviewers with ring experience who could not get their calls returned.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 1:45 p.m. CST

    I was scared for a second there,

    by quadrupletree

    I thought that headline meant he was directing the next Hulk movie!!

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 1:44 p.m. CST

    "Hi, my name is You-ool.

    by georges garvaren

    Im a former semi-pro boxer/ pro-shit-director who challenges full-time writer to box. Im also a fuck face and this pathetic stunt is the best action that has ever appeared in any of my 'films'." This was sad.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 1:44 p.m. CST


    by future help

    I thought i was about to read: "Uwe is noe signed to direct the new HULK movie. WoW! what a relief!

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 1:45 p.m. CST

    Staged tournament

    by viranth

    The requirements you had to meet was stupid, it should have been "any critic". Then I could beat his ass like he deserves it. I can't believe how bad those guys are at fighting, and Uwe is no Muhammad Ali either.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 1:48 p.m. CST

    So he won?

    by Goatboy

    So I guess now he should be referred to as a boxer who makes shit films instead of a hack director who makes shit films?

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 1:51 p.m. CST

    It was a stunt to prove what.....

    by tile_mcgillus

    Seriously what does this prove. Uwe was a semi pro boxer. Does it make those movies suck any less?

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 1:50 p.m. CST

    Ok, I am in no ways doing the typical internet shittalk

    by Lando Griffin

    or bragging but after seeing the competition Boll faced and how they went out, I know that I would've done better than that. Not saying I would've beaten Boll or kicked his ass or anything but I know a better effort would've been put forth. But surely there has to be an expert on pistol dueling in these talkbacks, will that person please challenge Dr. Boll?

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 1:50 p.m. CST

    Bag of Douche

    by infamousralf

    No serious filmmaker would ever stage such a ridiculous stunt - if Mr. Boll really wants to be taken seriously as a director he should concentrate on making better films instead of beating the shit out of internet movie nerds. Though, that does speak volumes about his character and his skill as an artist - which is nil.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 2 p.m. CST


    by SilentP

    Ouch. That was something awful, alright. But yeah, I agree with Kraken - if Uwe Boll put this much time and effort into learning to direct, he might actually be able to make a movie that just sucks ass, instead of balls.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 2:01 p.m. CST

    Who cares about Uwe Boll?

    by crackerfarmboy

    Yeah he makes awful films, but it's not like he ruined a good film franchise or made a film that anyone thought was SUPPOSED to be good. He's a shitty filmaker who makes shitty films. What's the big beef with him? Wouldn't Paul W.S. Anderson, who actually has ruined sucessful franchises, be far worse?

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 2:01 p.m. CST

    Uwe Boll's the biggest fucking n00b in the world

    by GiLL

    if you play basketball on and off for a few years, then challenge someone who has never played before to 1 v 1, odds are you'd destroy them. knowing that, i'd never bother.... but turns out this guy gets off on picking fights with 17 year old kids. look at the gusto with which he goes after that kid. i'd have fucking given him a concussion, then tossed aside the ref and pounded him into oblivion. .... UWE BOLL - ENJOYS MAKING SHIT MOVIES AND BEATING UP KIDS OFF THE INTERNET.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 2:04 p.m. CST


    by GiLL

    i used to play UT2004 on and off. one of my friends who has never played before, i gave him a quick half hour intro then went up 20 to -1 and stopped playing. its called honor, you fucktard. perhaps he should've invited them to actually write a script or film stuff for a movie of his. he'd get destroyed in any contest of filmmaking by any old person off the internet..... his movies are so bad they're offensive to my religion.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 2:05 p.m. CST

    There was also a weight limit on his offer

    by Kraken

    It was something like under 180 lbs. But he's been making it out like his offers were just turned down. Bullshit. He had restrictions on it so he knew he'd be able to win. This is a sad stunt folks to try and turn the tide for his image. Honestly though, only a sheep would fall for it and I have more faith in the fan community than that. It just makes him more of a joke to me.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 2:05 p.m. CST

    doesn't boxing involve actually punching?

    by eighteenseconds

    all those critis just sat there and defended like little girlymen. maybe they should have you know..actually tried swinging?

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 2:07 p.m. CST

    Forget Uwe Boll. Dakota Fanning could kick his ass.

    by Garbageman33

    Granted, this was a pathetic publicity stunt by a shit director. But Jeff is the one who comes off looking really bad. Dude, if your only boxing experience is playing Rock-em Sock-em Robots as a kid, you don't get in the ring with a trained fighter. Speaking of which, for all the people saying they could kick Uwe's ass, um, sorry, no you couldn't. Just because you once got in a drunken brawl and totally knocked some dude's teeth out doesn't mean you have what it takes to get in the ring with a trained boxer. In fact, people who fancy themselves barroom brawlers are the ones who usually get completely laid out because they have no clue how to protect themselves. Did you notice how Uwe never lets his guard down even though he's obviously fighting someone who makes Arnold Horseshack's celebrity boxing performance look like the Thrilla in Manilla?

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 2:10 p.m. CST

    the other fight not shown here

    by GiLL

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 2:13 p.m. CST

    Lowtax's comments on fight

    by Vesty

    "Okay I am done drinking, and I'd like to post some more info before I forget it: 1) There was an actual real critic who sparred with Uwe Boll a few nights ago, who was a real amateur boxer. Uwe refused to fight the guy in the ring; obviously he only wanted people with no boxing experience. Anyway, when Uwe was sparring with the dude, the critic / amateur had to quit sparring because Uwe "was taking it too seriously" and really trying to beat the shit out of the guy. So he just said fuck it and left. 2) Apparently when we were in another room, Uwe declared he was going to beat the crap out of all of us and try to "win by knockout." You know, like kinda the OPPOSITE of "this is all a PR stunt we will have fun my movies don't suck" that he was saying before. 3) Like I mentioned before, Uwe said we would get training, boxing equipment, and lessons beforehand. None of us received any of this, which didn't quite worry us at the time since he kept saying it was just a PR stunt and he wasn't really going to box for real for serious blah blah blah. NEVER trust a German. Three of the guys didn't even have cups to protect their balls; the only reason I had a cup was because my wife bought me one. 4) The dude after me was throwing up and had an EMT by his side for about an hour. He eventually had to have an oxygen mask on. The dude after him was all bloodied up and looked like crap. They too made the mistake of believing Uwe Boll when he said it was just a PR thing, since neither really trained. Regardless, I don't regret anything and think it was a real learning experience. For example, I learned Uwe Boll is a lying dickhead who makes shitbag films, and he deserves all the shit he gets from folks on the Internet. I'll write an update about all this when I get back, but I'm trying to put the most major things here so I do not forget them. OH and the high point of the day was when I met DAVID FUCKING CROSS and hugged him and gave him a "Doom House" DVD. That was fucking awesome and made the whole Uwe Boll fiasco worth it."

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 2:18 p.m. CST

    Why Uwe Boll is dangerous to fans. re: crackerfarmboy

    by Kraken

    You may not care about the franchises he's ruined, but a lot of people thought HOUSE OF THE DEAD and BLOODRAYNE and ALONE IN THE DARK could have been really cool movies, and by all accounts, they should have been. But the major problem with Boll is he gives the studio system, which already had a problem with the horror/sci-fi genre to begin with, ammo against horror filmmakers when they're trying to pitch a real movie project. When filmmakers like John Landis, John Carpenter, Don Coscarelli, are trying to get their projects funded, studios can look at Uwe Boll's theatrically released pieces of crap, that cost millions to make, but literally made just a few million (at most in some cases) in Box Office return. Studio suits don't see that as a filmmakers failure, they look at that as a genre failure. You might think that would only effect the video game genre... but it doesn't. Studios see those films as "horror" or "sci-fi" films. Not video game films. Hollywood is scared by trends, and if they see a horror movie that cost $60 million only take in a few million worldwide, that hurts the genre. So when Boll makes a shitty movie, not only has he taken that one good franchise that could have been interesting and shit all over it, he also might have helped another good movie not make it off the ground because the studios see a genre movie failing horribly at the box office. It hurts eveyone, the filmmakers , and the fans. Filmmaking is a community effort, and Boll is the town retard that makes the entire town look bad. Boll is only making movies for money, that's it. He doesn't give a shit about the art, or if it's good... he casts actors for names, not talent or because they're right for a role. He doesn't care about you at a viewer. What he cares about is if you'll depart with your cash for a name on a poster. That's why he's having to resort to stunts like this, to keep your curiousity up, to keep his name in the press so he'll still be able to get investors for his shit fests , so he can still try and grab as much money as he can off these projects before everyone catches on. And he'll leave a path of destroyed franchises and a damaged genre behind. Bottom line is, if he was just making crappy direct to video movies, or even theatrically released films that were bad, but didn't cost anything, who would care. But his films have real budgets that studios can look at and so they don't blame the money or the fact it's low budget. They blame the genre. Boll just needs to fade into video obscurity... which he is quickly on his way to doing, but it can't happen so enough for me.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 2:19 p.m. CST

    i don't get you guys (writers/critics)

    by GiLL

    i woulda trained and hit the weights like crazy after having been approved for the fight. go in there weighing like 200lbs and just shatter him. even if it was advertised as a PR stunt, doesn't mean YOU had to fight fair. in hindsight, that means the fight would've been even.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 2:18 p.m. CST

    All he has done is validate everything

    by jackinitraw

    Now when someone says his movie sucks and he's probably a total retard they have proof. It makes sense now though...he's an ex-semi pro boxer who has been beaten stupid. That explains why he can't see how pathetic his movies are and why he needs to stop.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 2:29 p.m. CST


    by jackinitraw

    You should have shanked him. I don't think any judge or jury on the planet would convict/fault you for it.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 2:36 p.m. CST

    Uwe ought to reissue this challenge

    by GiLL

    and take on all comers this time. the entry criteria should be a scathing review of one of his movies.... and take off the pussy 180lb. weight limit. i know several people in the 200+lb. range who'd be very interested, myself included.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 2:43 p.m. CST

    Hes like a bad movie terrorist

    by godzillasushi

    He strikes when no one expects it. He plans his movies primitavely but thoroughly. And when you pay to see his movies your supporting the terrorist. Just like if you bought drugs.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 2:49 p.m. CST

    Why not a filmmaking competition?

    by Sinisterjim

    So you can beat up a couple of movie geeks? WTF!?!?! That doesn't prove anything about your (lack of) ability as a director! No body ever called him out as a bad fighter...what douche bag!

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 2:50 p.m. CST

    No one thought to slide a roll of nickels...

    by Childe Roland

    ...into their glove? Did your mothers teach you nothing? Seriously, though, garbageman above is correct about the fundamental differences between brawling and boxing. Odds are not many of us reading this talkback would fare well against Boll in a straight-up, by-the-book boxing match. He appears to have been keeping up with his training, and I've got to hand it to him for that (i.e. "You know, for an alleged film maker, you aren't a horrible boxer."). What I'd love to see, though, is a one-on-one between Der Bollmeister and Demon Dave of the Chaos DVD. Think about it. These two truly would have something to fight over: specifically, who get's bragging rights as the worst maker of films living and working today. Personally, I think it would look a lot like the Thunderlips/Rocky exhibition from Rocky III, but I suspect Boll would get a good nut shot in at some point and get Dave to break character. If their people can make this happen, I will pay full price to see a movie by each of them. I promise.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 2:54 p.m. CST

    Why not a filmmaking challenge?

    by Sinisterjim

    So you can beat up a couple of movie geeks? WTF!?!?! That doesn't prove anything about your (lack of) ability as a director! No body ever called him out as a bad fighter...what douche bag!

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 3 p.m. CST


    by Cory849

    Sorry - I just cant buy that argument. What studios seem to know about the horror genre is that its damn near critic proof. Bad reviews dont matter. Horror opens well. As for science fiction, in a universe with "star wars" in it, no studio is going to say Sci Fi just cannot open well. If you had limited it to video game movies though you might be able to construct a point but by and large I dont think what you are saying holds up. This should in no way be interpreted as a defence of Uwe Boll, however.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 3:04 p.m. CST

    Fight Night Round 3 needs Boll

    by Veraxus

    Boll's movies are still worse than amateur (they show a distinct effort towards transcendant awefulness), but it'd be great to fight his punk ass in the PS3 version of Fight Night.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 3:08 p.m. CST

    You should have sent SEANBABY !

    by Squashua

    I hear he can kill with his ring finger!

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 3:09 p.m. CST

    Poor Kyanka

    by Staldo

    What I want to see now is Lowtax vs. Eric Bauman of, if Kyanka still has any fight in him. That sumbitch has it coming.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 3:15 p.m. CST

    So what this proves is that...

    by stlfilmwire

    ...maybe he REALLY SHOULD quit his day job. :)

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 3:23 p.m. CST

    uwe couldn't cut it as a boxer

    by Bob C. Cock

    so he brought his impressive talent to movies? what a fucking idiot.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 3:26 p.m. CST

    this is old

    by WolfmanNards

    IM MAD! saw this already! MAAD

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 3:32 p.m. CST

    The funnier part

    by pravda

    Lowtax's post-interview video is here, it's pretty funny. Keep in mind it's not like he went into the ring with any intention to "win" in the first place.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 3:47 p.m. CST

    Gill is right on.

    by Uncapie

    But, there are weight class divisions. I'm sure that if Gill or I ever went into the ring with Uwe, it would be like a heavy weight fighting a light weight or in geek terms; like throwing a twenty when you need a two to defeat your opponent in Dungeons And Dragons. It would be like Abe Lincoln fighting a midget. I agree that these guys should have trained day and night for this. They would have had a chance; slim as it was.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 3:51 p.m. CST

    remeniscent of the Spartans' battle of the 300

    by slder78

    except that it was Uwe Boll that was outnumbered, but same result, the wrong side got slaughtered.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 3:59 p.m. CST

    BroncoFan needs to fight Uwe Boll!!

    by Ribbons

    That's right, that dude who gets out of his car and charges at people when they honk their horn at him. I bet he could take the Bollster!

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 4:08 p.m. CST

    Give Me a Break, Critics

    by trillerillion

    This whole whiny "It was only supposed to be PR" sob sob stuff only proves one thing - YOU ARE EVEN STUPIDER THAN UWE BOLL.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 4:20 p.m. CST

    Sign me up, Harry...

    by Ninja Nerd

    Seriously, do you think I picked Ninja Nerd as a name because "it sounded cool". I got that name 10 years ago after I came into work following a tournament and one of IT secretaries noticed I had some bruises and such. She asked if I had been in an accident, and I said "no, I fought 5 people last weekend" to which she replied, "so, are you some kind of NINJA NERD?" And there you have it. Been fighting and teaching full contact martial arts (UFC style)for 15 years. I'm 50 next week, but I have no doubt I would ruin Boll's day. If he lasted an entire round with me, I'd be surprised. Not talking smack. Actually, I don't think it would be a fair fight unless they didn't let me use kicks and grappling techniques. Straight up boxing would give him a slight edge. I think my handspeed would make up for lack of "proper" boxing form. And, there's the liability issue...if I hurt him bad, I'd get sued and my mortgage is too big to allow that. Tell you what, the next time someone wants to bitchslap Uwe, let me train them for a few weeks so at least their footwork and hand position aren't totally embarassing. <BG>

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 4:37 p.m. CST

    Uwe Boll translates directly into English as:

    by googamooga

    "Shit Stain"

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 4:39 p.m. CST

    So Mike Tyson should become a director?

    by Photoman

    I don't get it either, what is this showing? That he's a good boxer when you box people that WERE going to train for it, but then say to them don't worry about training because it's just a PR move...then when it's actually time to box you come out as a real boxer on untrained guys. Nice. You're still a fucking shit director. So if Mike Tyson can beat you up, does that make him a better director? How do these two totally different things come together? Maybe that's how you think a director is suppose to during the shoot? WTF?

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 4:40 p.m. CST

    Call me crazy, but I like Uwe better now.

    by FluffyUnbound

    This is like the episode of Seinfeld where Jerry goes to someone's office to heckle THEM while they're working. Got an internet disagreement? FIGHT.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 4:42 p.m. CST

    I'd whip his untalented ass. Why make a Bloodrayne 2?

    by Monkey_King

    This Old Monkey would make paste of this hack and then some. I say "Bring it, Boll!"

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 4:56 p.m. CST

    His movies may suck... but at least he's got some guts

    by Admiral_Kirk

    Hopefully he'll put some of that determination into his day job...

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 4:58 p.m. CST

    This does prove he's a pretty good guy

    by Larry of Arabia

    Let's be honest, this is a fun and ballsy move. Resepct.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 4:59 p.m. CST

    stop giving this guy any mentions

    by reckni

    even bad press benefits that swine.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 5:06 p.m. CST

    I challenge him to submission wrestling.

    by UMAGA

    I'll make you tap out. I'll make you my bitch. Or maybe a Samoan Spike will do it! AHHHHHH! SAMOA!!

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 5:23 p.m. CST

    Oh look - even more shitty production values.

    by Zarles

    This is pathetic. Maybe Uwe should stop threatening people if they don't like his "films" and take his fat ass to film school where he might actually learn something.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 5:24 p.m. CST

    This would be a lot cooler...

    by rbatty024

    if Uwe didn't already have a background in boxing. I really think Uwe is this generation's Ed Wood, and since I've never played any of the videogames he makes into movies, the fact he's a shitty filmmaker doesn't bother me that much. However, it is kind of a shitty thing to challenge people to a boxing match when you know they probably don't have much of a background in boxing. It was just a trap to make himself feel better. This started out funny but ended up kind of pathetic for Uwe. Stop being a bully Uwe!

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 5:30 p.m. CST

    The last thing Uwe is...

    by alienindisguise

    is a filmmaker. His lack of skill is known worldwide which is the biggest punch in the balls to Uwe. Hopefully some reporter will lie about not being able to box and then get in there and whip his ass. It would be one of the most glorious days for all us film lovers!

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 5:43 p.m. CST

    wrong tactics

    by thefoggiest

    isn't it apparent you have to jump over the top and hit him where he's unguarded?

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 5:45 p.m. CST

    Hilarious, can't beileve this event actually took place

    by Doc_McCoy

    Let me take a moment to laugh at the idiots who agreed to dignify Uwe by agreeing to *fight* him, then getting their asses easily beaten. And to Uwe, who may have beaten up a few skinny nerds but is still a talentless hack.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 5:46 p.m. CST

    What a bunch of pussies. I'd f*ck up Uwe Boll up!

    by R.C. the "Wise"

    Come down to Carson Uwe. I'll beat your ass for all my dorky friends out there.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 5:49 p.m. CST

    Have you heard the weird stories about the fights?

    by DerLanghaarige

    He almost killed on critic in the ring. He promised not to fight real, but then he did. Only critics without fight experience were allowed. He suddenly took a short break to eat three babies in front of the audience. His ring entry song was a special recording of "Deutschland Deutschland über alles", which Mel Gibson sang just for him. Oh, and he makes bad movies.<br>Grow up folks. He wants attention, you give him attention.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 6:01 p.m. CST


    by Doc_Strange

    These designs are so fucking lame it's emabarassing. And this is coming from a character designer. Absolutely horrible wth no respect given to the fanbase nor to the original design itself.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 6:16 p.m. CST


    by Ribbons

    So you're saying there's some correlation between film criticism and "[boxing] like a real fuckin' man?" That makes perfect sense... oh wait, no. No, it doesn't. But maybe you can kick my ass "like a real fuckin' man," and then it will!

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 6:24 p.m. CST

    I bet Clint Eastwood could've kicked his ass...

    by ldm882

    Just got done watching Million Dollar Baby and Fistful of Dollars, baby!

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 6:31 p.m. CST

    That was hilarious!

    by Darth Thoth

    He was knocking fools out left and right.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 6:42 p.m. CST

    Here's the thing.

    by Red Ned Lynch

    If you don't know how to throw a punch or guard yourself you shouldn't get into the ring. Not for a pr stunt. Maybe to clean it, if they're paying you and everyone else has gone home. Boll didn't fight dirty. And Boll isn't that good. No lateral movement, no head movement and really awkward punches, though he threw and missed with one uppercut that looked pretty crisp. Also, though it was hard to be sure from the lousy video, those looked like nine ounce gloves, and you don't wear nine ounce gloves for a pr event. You use nine ouncers to kick ass. And seriously, if you volunteered for this, got accepted, and didn't spend any time in the ring getting ready, with the help of someone who knew at least something about the got what you deserved. To put it in geek speak what would you think about someone who got picked to direct a movie in a contest and showed up on the set without getting a script or learning how to use a camera?

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 6:47 p.m. CST

    And by the way.

    by Red Ned Lynch

    Uwe's a way better filmmaker than any of the critics are boxers. So let's see, you write shit about his movies, you accept his challenge to fight, you in no way prepare to climb in the ring, and then you villify him for kicking your ass? Yeah. Uwe wasn't at anybody's house the last few months keeping them from getting a clue about how to conduct themselves in a ring.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 7:08 p.m. CST

    Uwe Boll: The Movie

    by infamousralf

    Starring Uwe Boll as himself. Written by Uwe Boll, based on the book by Uwe Boll. Directed, produced and shat by Uwe Boll. Follow the triumphant story of misunderstood super genius film direktor Uwe Boll as he battles the hordes of flesh eating internet zombie film critics. Witness the love of Uwe Boll for Uwe Boll - a love story that will make your ass bleed. Cringe at the fantastic finale as Uwe Boll faces off against his mortal enemies in the cage of terror and blood and Uwe Boll's fists of magic and might. In Summer 2007 Uwe Boll will pound your face and rape your ass.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 7:48 p.m. CST

    So the talk about Spielberg kickboxing Pauline Kael

    by CreasyBear

    is just a rumor?

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 7:59 p.m. CST

    I think...

    by Spamgelus

    ...this whole thing is the dumbest bit of horseshit I have ever experienced.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 8:19 p.m. CST

    You didn't mention that Bollshit pussed out

    by Durendal

    Boll refused to fight the one guy who actually had some boxing training, which officially makes him a fucking pussy. Yeah, pick the four guys you KNOW you're going to beat (after lying to them to make sure), but don't fight the guy that might be able to hurt you. Boll just went from being an idiot filmmaker to being an idiot filmmaker AND a complete and utter asshole.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 8:30 p.m. CST

    Look Out! McG Is In Training Right Now....

    by supreme nothing

    ...and Pitof is gonna sumo our asses.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 8:31 p.m. CST

    What I want to know is: Why didn't Harry participate?

    by Sith Witch


  • Sept. 25, 2006, 8:48 p.m. CST

    You know, as much as I despise ol' Uwe's ways...

    by 'Cholera's Ghost

    I thought that was fucking funny.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 9:07 p.m. CST

    It's a shame about Kristanna Loken...

    by SonOfJorel

    I mean, shit. She's in two of Boll's movies, she shows up to this thing praising him...I don't get it. This girl could have had a fantastic career and she's throwing it all away on a sick fascination with a retarded German spider monkey.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 9:13 p.m. CST

    Uwe is a pussy

    by antonphd

    He told those guys it was a PR stunt and that he'd pull punches... then he didn't. If I were those guys, I'd sue his ass. What a fucker. He can kiss his US career goodbye now. That was the nail in the coffin for him. He just made himself out to be a complete bully. He couldn't take the words they said so he arranged to fight over it. I'd be happy to get into a fight with Uwe Boll. I'll bring an iron pipe with me and knock his brain cell loose. He was there to sneak in seriously fucking those guys up if he could. Especially with the attempted uppercut. What a fucking pussy.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 9:15 p.m. CST

    I want to thumb wrestle Brett Ratner.

    by Bubba Gillman

    Didn't really care for X3.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 9:25 p.m. CST

    Thanks for scaring us with the articles title....

    by KongMonkey

    Giving us all heart attacks in thinking this German jackass had been brought on to direct the next Hulk Movie.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 9:37 p.m. CST


    by MRJONZ72

    Well since most of this guys movies were based on video games. I seriously thought he was adapting Smash TV to the screen when I saw the title. Thankfully I was wrong.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 10:05 p.m. CST

    just bizarre

    by stvnhthr

    Uwe doesn't like his critics so instead of making better films he beats them up? Am I missing something here? He tells them it is a PR stunt and then goes after them full force? This is too bizarre for words.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 10:12 p.m. CST

    Did Uwe Boll direct this video?

    by Westonian

    Nice SHITTY angle so that we can't see anyting.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 11:06 p.m. CST

    Now that THAT's settled

    by Sightseemc

    No offense (ok, mild offense) to whichever critics went 2nd, 3rd, and 4th're idiots. After he punched the 1st one around like the muffin he is, then to complain that "but but but...he said it was a PR stunt" makes you sound kind of whiny and naive. What, did you think he was only gonna pummel the 1st guy, but fake the rest of it? Uwe Boll is a hack director, in general. But he just made all 4 of you his tools, you all took it, and you all got played. And he got to punch you in the face for giggles. So forgive me if pity doesn't ooze out of my pores for you.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 11:10 p.m. CST

    Uwe Boll should direct a Steven Segal movie.

    by Uncapie

    THAT would be an interesting set to be on!

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 11:28 p.m. CST

    Clap the ears real hard.

    by sentient

    Clap the ears real hard. Slam your closed hands gorilla style down across his clavical bones over and over again. Step inside his leg at the knee really hard. do it until a ver distinct popping sound is heard. At this point his ass should be down on the ground. but you have to finish what you started. Start stomping and kicking his nut sack over and over again. Finally you pull out the bag of havanero sauces and you pour it into his eyes to pull him out of the shock he will most likely go into. If only I was a critic. I more than match thw weight class he was looking for. The head gear and gloves- fuck that.

  • Sept. 25, 2006, 11:28 p.m. CST

    And really...

    by Red Ned Lynch any of you people who are whining even know how boxing works? Look at the four guys Boll's fighting. Look at Boll. Does he tower over them? No. Three of the four are clearly taller than he is. Is he a hulking package of muscles compared to them? No. Are his skills better? Well, they're not that good, but yeah, they're better than the guys who run around the ring like little girls before they've even been hit, turn their backs on their opponent and never trigger a single punch. Then again, my eight year old daughter also has better boxing skills than they do. Let's see...they all have protective headgear. Boll doesn't. Boll, a middle aged guy, would have been fighting twelve rounds if the fights had all gone the distance. The four guys he was fighting, all younger than him, were fighting three rounds apiece. Boll doesn't come close to going full speed on them. He comes in, throws one, maybe two punches, then backs off. He could have swarmed these guys and hammered them to the canvas. Watch! They have no defense and aren't firing back. He knocks down the second guy with a punch he throws while ALL HIS WEIGHT is on his back foot and never shifts forward. Nearly all the punches he throws are just arm punches. The only one of the guys he's fighting he even walks down is the fourth. By the way he knocks this guy down with a punch he throws while both his feet are off the ground. So Boll's a bully for fighting four guys his size who are younger than him, wearing headgear when he isn't and fighting three round fights when he could have ended up going twelve. For it to be fair he would have had to fight professionals who were half his age and twice his size. Just because the guy makes bad movies is no reason to be stupid, and if you don't know enough about boxing to know what you're watching maybe you shouldn't comment. Still, I'm sorry to the guys who got their asses handed to them in such a humiliating fashion. I've gotten my butt kicked in the ring, and you always want to come up with a reason why the fight wasn't fair. Even the best in the business do.

  • Sept. 26, 2006, 12:34 a.m. CST

    Oh yeah, Big Man!

    by SithScorp

    Let's see how he would do against a 6'4", 235 pounder, with some fighting experience... I think his movies are shite. I would love to see him try to pop me around like that.

  • Sept. 26, 2006, 12:52 a.m. CST

    I now have a goal...

    by PurityOfEssence

    I will train to fight mister Boll, or whatever...

  • Sept. 26, 2006, 12:55 a.m. CST

    I hate this guy even more now...

    by Jon E Cin

    He is fighting critics in the ring??? cause he cant handle people criticizing his shitty movies. I think his movies are awful and uninspired..gonna kick my ass now bitch?

  • Sept. 26, 2006, 1:05 a.m. CST

    Uwe Boll, the Geekdestroyer.

    by tempurasan

    I'm tired of all you geeks crying foul when something doesn't go your way. You bitch and moan about how he didn't pull his punches, and that he was "too serious". If you know a lick about boxing, and I don't blame you if you don't, you'd see that he was pulling his punches. That's how these "critics" even made a full round. If he didn't, these fights would last about 1 minute at best. He wasn't putting weight behind his punches, and he went in with one two combos before backing off. If he was serious, he would have followed up with a hook, or a straight, and floored the fool. It's not his fault that these guys fight worse than ten year olds. I've seen better spirit coming out of my six year old cousin. The dude stuck to his guns when some guys bullied him and kicked their asses. All these "critics" were doing were treating it like a joke, when they should have taken the opportunity and trained. Then hand Uwe his ass. But they didn't, they were lazy, and complacent, and stupid. And when they were beaten, they bitch and moan like a pussy. I guess that's all you can expect from internet "critics". Geeks. Stop bitching and moaning and see this for what it is. ENTERTAINMENT. And Yes, none of these "critics" will make half a decent movie that Uwe Makes. Making a movie is hard, and I know that first hand. So don't go around thinking that you can do better. He has as much an opportunity as you do. So instead of typing trash on message board, go to school and learn how to make a damn movie. You ass are losers. And Uwe is a winner. as evident in this video.

  • Sept. 26, 2006, 1:05 a.m. CST

    this is aintitcool news???!

    by mistergreen


  • Sept. 26, 2006, 1:16 a.m. CST

    Should've had a filmmaking contest, critics would win.

    by Kampbell-Kid

    I don't get the purpose of this... so he picked something he's good at to get an upper hand for a PR stunt. This proved nothing, other than he's now a bigger joke than he was before for pulling this stunt together that has zero purpose or meaning behind it - much like his films. What does boxing have to do with his lack of an ability to put a corherent film together? The critics should now challenge him to a short film contest, I think even most of YouTube's garbage has him beat hands down already.

  • Sept. 26, 2006, 1:29 a.m. CST

    Since when do critics know how to make a movie?

    by DerLanghaarige

    Just a thought...

  • Sept. 26, 2006, 2:31 a.m. CST

    i will be so happy if he actually makes bloodrayne 2

    by s0nicdeathmonkey

    i'm not even kidding.

  • Sept. 26, 2006, 2:57 a.m. CST

    what is the third Lokken movie?

    by s0nicdeathmonkey

    bloodrayne, in the name of the king...and?

  • Sept. 26, 2006, 3:21 a.m. CST

    All filmmakers should prove their worth this way.

    by deanamatronix

    At least somebody then would punch Michael Bay blind or pummell Brett Ratner's kidneys until he pisses blood. Like his movies make me want to.

  • Sept. 26, 2006, 6 a.m. CST

    Make a doc about the fights.

    by UltimaRex

    Finally, a Uwe Boll movie I'll watch without puking blood.

  • Sept. 26, 2006, 6:07 a.m. CST

    Well Done Uwe, I say...

    by Pawprint

    What has Boll achieved by this stunt? I'll tell you what he's achieved - exactly what he meant to; I don't think Uwe Boll is deluded enough to believe anyone will consider him a better film-maker after this, but I have to salute his cunning. He lured four weedy film critics with no chance of beating him - who had to provide PROOF that they had savaged his work - into a boxing ring where he tricked them into thinking it was a 'PR Stunt', and knocked the fuck out of them! Stop and think about it - these clowns VOLUNTEERED, provided evidence that they had slated him, and allowed themselves to be manipulated and humiliated. Who actually has the last laugh? Yes, he's a shit director, yes he 'cheated', but he got what he wanted. How many other directors have had the chance to line up their worst detractors and physically leather the shite out of them? I can't believe these so-called 'intelligent' critics actually fell for it! Uwe wasn't about proving he can direct, he just fancied shoeing some critic arse. Job done! Now if only he plotted films as good as he plotted revenge....

  • Sept. 26, 2006, 6:29 a.m. CST

    Amen Red Ned Lynch.

    by ELGordo

    To whine about how he is a bully by taking on 4 guys with protection is just stupid. And to whine about it just being a PR stunt but not a real fight is stupid as well. All the time has he said that he would FIGHT his haters in the ring. That's the PR stunt, the same PR stunt that has gotten him far more attention than he has ever had, thanks to those same haters, to fight him in the ring. Isn't the fight supposed to be in the Postal film? If it's going to be a part of the DVD then it will be a success cause all the same haters are going to have to see it.

  • Sept. 26, 2006, 6:37 a.m. CST

    Boll refused to fight the one with boxing experience?!!

    by FatPaul

    I don't buy it. I mean, Lowtax's version just walks all over itself with contradictions. He says that the one real amateur boxer had a sparring match with Boll and then quit because he DIDN'T LIKE BEING PUNCHED, and then he says that Boll refused to fight the guy because the director was AFRAID OF FIGHTING THE GUY WHO HE KNEW FOR A FACT WAS TERRIFIED OF ACTUALLY GETTING HIT. On top of that, we don't even get this Mystery Pussy's name. I'm totally amazed at what a shameless little whiny bitch Lowtax is being. This is a guy who CHALLENGED BOLL, not the other way around. He actually wrote his Uwe Boll reviews after the deadline so that he could slide into the fight on a technicality, and now he's pretending that he was suckered into an unfair fight. He's just using the fight as a way to get cheap publicity for his lousy website.

  • Sept. 26, 2006, 6:48 a.m. CST

    Panterarocks: IMDb says Uli Edel directed Dark Kingdom

    by FatPaul

    Do you think that might be a pseudonym for Uwe Boll? I mean, I guess it's possible, but that would mean that Boll directed Last Exit To Brooklyn.

  • Sept. 26, 2006, 7:43 a.m. CST

    Uli Edel is NOT Uwe Boll!

    by DerLanghaarige

    Uli Edel even directed an episode of Twin Peaks! And "KG" is a company form like "Inc." in Germany. Even Lord Of The Rings if financed by a KG.

  • Sept. 26, 2006, 7:54 a.m. CST

    Uwe's calling

    by notbad obviously boxing. I'd much rather see him in the ring than behind the camera. Please, Mr. Boll, for the sake of humanity, stop making films.

  • Sept. 26, 2006, 8:22 a.m. CST


    by BranMakMorn

    Pathethic as Uwe's stunt was, it does shed some light that SOME critics don't do their homework or have an inflated self image. Any critic who entertained this challenge should've known they had to represent.

  • Sept. 26, 2006, 9:08 a.m. CST

    If he won, he'd be ridiculed for being beaten...

    by ScarranHalfBreed seventeen people in a boxing ring. The guy can't win. Beating up loads of geeks doesn't make him any less a nob. I can't even say "He's a good bloke for doing it - fair play." He's just a nob. There aren't many people I hate in this world, and he rates even above Uri Gellar.

  • Sept. 26, 2006, 10:04 a.m. CST

    Those "critics" made the same mistake as Uwe

    by Harold The Great

    They bitch about Uwe making movies, when he has no idea about how to shoot a movie, and then enter the ring without the slightest idea how to fight.

  • Sept. 26, 2006, 10:08 a.m. CST

    I hope they never get into a real fight

    by MontyPigeon

    Thats some of the worst boxing I have witnessed. You could put Richard Simmons in there and he would beat the crap out of this lot. Throw a punch next time instead of dropping to your knees like a pussy.

  • Sept. 26, 2006, 10:08 a.m. CST

    And his movies STILL suck!

    by ZeroCorpse

    He could beat up the President, and he'd still be a two-bit hack director who can't work a decent narrative to save his life. And incidentally, I'd have whooped his ass. You'd think those pasty doughboys would have taken some boxing lessons before trying to fight the Bollster. Harry!!! You should have done this! I would have paid to watch you smother his low-rent ass in a corner with your considerable girth!

  • Sept. 26, 2006, 11:28 a.m. CST

    it's all true

    by El Borak

    look at the geek dude hoppin' all around like he's gonna win something. after he gets hit with the first 2 beans he slows down like "what the hell!" then he just tries to hide. this is like watching any schoolyard where a bully takes a a nerd unaware.

  • Sept. 26, 2006, 11:30 a.m. CST

    Kristanna Loken should be WonderWoman

    by R.C. the "Wise"

    Oh, and bring it on Uwe, you fag. I've got plenty of ring experience so let's get it on. :^D

  • Sept. 26, 2006, 11:56 a.m. CST

    I thought the headline meant he was directing Hulk 2

    by Demosthenes2


  • Sept. 26, 2006, 11:58 a.m. CST

    Oy, that fight was pathetic

    by VeganZombie

    That fight was even worse than the one Jimmy Walker fought in "Let's Do It Again." Folks, if you don't know how to skydive, don't jump out of a plane. Similarly, if you don't know how to box, stay out of the damn ring. Boll obviously knows how to box. He may not be good enough to go pro, but as this video shows, he's good enough to take out dilettantes. There are two rules everyone must bear in mind: 1) you gotta shoot zombies in the head, and 2) you gotta keep yer damn hands up in front your head when boxing, otherwise you'll get it knocked off.

  • Sept. 26, 2006, 12:22 p.m. CST

    Jeff Sneider

    by Cory849

    By the way, who the heck is Jeff Sneider? Does he have a nick? A cartoon icon at the bottom? Ive never heard that name before.

  • Sept. 26, 2006, 12:25 p.m. CST

    what the hell is a semi-professional boxer?

    by ectocriminal

    the way i understand it, in the u.s. anyway, there's amateur where anyone can fight (even at the olympic tryouts they can't turn anyone away without 3 2-minute rounds), and then there's being a paid professional. does uwe mean semi-pro like he went on toughman challenge or something? or perhaps the reverend doktor boll has no clue what he's talking about? insofar as boll's abilities, not great but not bad for a middle-aged guy. for those of you complaining that he hit you too hard, there's a white towel you can throw at any time if you're getting your ass handed to you. staying in the ring when you're in danger means you're stupid as well as being untrained. i'll save my sympathies for the children of bahrain.

  • Sept. 26, 2006, 1:06 p.m. CST

    i also thought he'd be directing hulk

    by satansteve

    i guess i should go and make myself throw up the pills i took as the page loaded....

  • Sept. 26, 2006, 2:56 p.m. CST

    What A Bunch Of Cunts. NEXT TIME FUCKING TRAIN!!

    by The Ender

    These guys had at least a few months to work out, and train. If you cant afford a trainer, rent a boxing video, FUCK...AT LEAST WATCH FUCKING TAE BO! Pathetic. Truly fucking sad. You guys had a Change TO FUCKING HUMILIATE THE SHIT END OF MOVIE DIRECTORS, and you BLEW IT! Fucking A man. Bitches

  • Sept. 26, 2006, 3:24 p.m. CST

    Yeah, good idea to get some training in before a fight.

    by brycemonkey

    Even if it was promoted as a PR stunt you should have seen that coming (Like Uwe's left hook). And ectocriminal: A semi-pro boxer is one who gets paid to fight but it isn't their full time job. An amature boxer isn't paid at all.

  • Sept. 26, 2006, 3:51 p.m. CST

    Get off Harry, of course he couldn't participate.

    by JackPumpkinhead

    He's 5 times over the limit that Uwe set. Plus, did he actually write a bad review of Uwe's "films"... because I think he just put Quint's ones up, which would also disqualify him by the mighty Uwe's rules.

  • Sept. 26, 2006, 3:54 p.m. CST

    Also... PLANT!

    by JackPumpkinhead

    Come on, this news was obviously sent by a plant to promote Uwe Boll's films. The email started: "Halo Harry, ich bin ein anonymous reader, ja? Und I vanted to inform you about zis boxink match betveen Herr Uwe Boll und stupid internet kritiks, ja?"

  • Sept. 26, 2006, 3:56 p.m. CST


    by JackPumpkinhead

    Had to be said, too. Last one from me, someone else say something about Hulk Hogan (and in this case it's actually a fitting thing to be said) or Uwe adapting a Transformers game with flames coming out of Optimus's's's's as's's's's.

  • Sept. 26, 2006, 4 p.m. CST

    OK, one more: France surrenders to Uwe Boll!

    by JackPumpkinhead

    Get these muthafuggin' Frenchmen off this muthafuggin' Uwe.

  • Sept. 26, 2006, 7:13 p.m. CST

    Wait a minute...

    by Anna Valerious

    There will be a "Bloodrayne 2" yet Sommers is way too busy for another "Van Helsing"...there is NO JUSTICE in this world.

  • Sept. 26, 2006, 8:27 p.m. CST

    I would Rock-Paper-Scissors that fool anyday.

    by 'Cholera's Ghost

    He don't want it with me and RPS. I am unstoppable. Utterly unstoppable.

  • Sept. 26, 2006, 10:31 p.m. CST

    The next PR stunt.

    by w5h

    Boll should now go up against some proffessional boxers in a movie-making contest. I bet he would lose.

  • Sept. 27, 2006, 12:22 a.m. CST


    by ZoddGutsu

    Can't fight at all seriously that's the best they could put up? Jeff you tried I give you that but you ask your corner to throw in the towel that my friend is a man card violation.

  • Sept. 27, 2006, 1:26 a.m. CST

    I respect Jeff because he did try.

    by Uncapie

    Uwe's trained. Jeff isn't. Jeff took all he could take. "A man's got to know his limitations" as Harry Callahan once said. All Uwe had to do is land a haymaker, a jab to the nose smashing it or pound Jeff's ribs either cracking, maybe breaking them and then he'd be fucked. The fact he went into the ring with Boll gets props from me.

  • Sept. 27, 2006, 7:33 a.m. CST

    Lowtax directed "Doom House"

    by theoneofblood

    Which was about 3 billion times better than anything Uwe Boll has ever made. He may not be as good a fighter, but he can take solace in the fact that he's one fuck of a better film maker.

  • Sept. 27, 2006, 11:19 a.m. CST

    They were going to train...

    by Photoman

    In fact, Uwe's people were going to offer training, but then they called this guys back and said they DIDN'T HAVE TO TRAIN BECAUSE IT WAS ONLY GOING TO BE A PR GIG. They took that at face you can argue that they shouldn't have believed him, but still it was Uwe making sure that it was going to be a total one-sided event. He stacked the deck and claimed it was going to only be PR and stuff like that, then went about to actually box untrained people. Way to go're such a man!

  • Sept. 27, 2006, 11:22 a.m. CST

    You all are just jealous!

    by FangBonerD

    At least he's making movies! If you're all too damn cranky and cynical to appreciate the fact that he's doing what he loves, then you all can go to hell. Before you knock someone for making a film, go out a make one yourself!

  • Sept. 27, 2006, 2:05 p.m. CST

    With That Mentality Fangboner....

    by The Ender

    Someone like let's say Charles Manson, could go out and do something they enjoy, in this case disemboweling unarmed women, and we should appreciate it? Eh? I dont give a shit if he is doing something he loves. Retarded kids can paint, but that doesnt make it good art. Fuck that shit. He's a hack fucktard who doesnt DESERVE to be making movies, or have the funding to do so. Fuck OOhhhhVeeyy Bowl.

  • Sept. 27, 2006, 5:06 p.m. CST

    We all knew this was gonna be a slaughter...BUT...

    by BV the end, Uve Boll is still a horrible director. Did anything get accomplished by this? Not a damned thing.

  • Sept. 29, 2006, 7:34 a.m. CST

    pah, not cool news at all.

    by Lost Prophet

    Shitty news, really shitty news. I hoped someone was going to batter him. <p> at least we still have the demon vs the juggfuckler to look forward to.

  • Oct. 6, 2006, 2:42 a.m. CST


    by barkingdogg

    I have never seen Boll's films but I have to say that is probably one of the greatest traps ever set! I loved the way how he used the anger that his detractors spawned against him and lured them into the boxing ring! beacause of the eagerness they felt on bringing justice to Boll's crimes, they desregarded the fact that uwe Boll was and amateur boxer! Great stuff indeeed!

  • Oct. 4, 2010, 10:04 a.m. CST

    Good lord this was funny

    by orcus