The Living Tribunal may have exposed a nerve to those icy Sundance winds biting into a real JAWBREAKER the other day, I don't know. Well Father Geek will just let him tell the tale in his own words...
Hey, Father Geek. Sorry I took awhile getting this to you. Living Tribunal reporting from Sundance once again, this time with a review of JAWBREAKER written and directed by Darren Stein. Mr. Stein introduced the film beforehand and called it an amalgamation of HEATHERS-GREASE-THE BREAKFAST CLUB (but he forgot to say CARRIE, I think). He then went on to describe it as campy and that's when the warning bells should have started ringing. Campy is often used when one doesn't have the inclination to use the word "bad."
You see, this comedy/thriller/high-school movie/slasher is neither funny, suspenseful, satiric or scary. The acting ranges from over-dramatic (Rose McGowan) to stiff (Rebecca Gayheart) to annoying (Julie Benz) to why- the-hell-am-I-here-tortured-agony (Pam Grier). It alludes to, but lacks the humor of FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH, the bite of HEATHERS, the darkness of CARRIE and the truthfulness of THE BREAKFAST CLUB.
The plot is thus: the three most popular girls of Reagan High kidnap the fourth most popular girl for a 17th birthday morning pancake run. They use a jawbreaker to gag and the piece of candy accidentally lodges in the girl's throat and she dies. Of course, the girls cover it up, but the high school nerdfinds out about it. How do they buy Fern's silence? By turning her into a popular girl...and then whackiness ensues.
The dialogue in the movie is pretty bad (I've never heard the word "bitch" used so many times in a feature film before). Nothing comes close to "Fuck me gently with a chainsaw" or "listen, sir, if you don't shut up, I'm gonna kick 100% of your ass!" Just a lot of "bitch," "whore" and "slut" name calling.
The characters are not believable in the least. Nobody in high school acts the way these girls do--spelling out all of their evil social-status changing plans before they do them. And what kind of biting critique of high school society do we get? Students think that just because you are in drama, you must be gay. Oh, the injustice.
One scene in the movie shows Rose McGowan make her boyfriend suck on a popsicle as if it were a penis. Why is this here? It isn't funny, it does not forward the story in the least and if they were just trying to show that Rose McGowan's character is a sick fuck--well, you already have a scene of her making love to Marilyn freakin' Manson. Oh, and that reminds me of the soundtrack. Wall-to-wall pop songs. Beginning to end. Loud, obnoxious and not very good. Also, I didn't like having to struggle to hear the characters's dialogue over the song lyrics. Wait. Maybe that was a good thing. The wall-to- wall music in RUN, LOLA, RUN works. It did not in JAWBREAKER.
My apologies to Mr. Stein for attempting to rip him a new one because he seems like a nice guy, but the only things JAWBREAKER has going for it are the physical attractiveness of the cast and the humorous cameo by Marilyn Manson. Tri-Star is releasing this thing in a couple of weeks, but I urge all y'all to avoid it.
Endearingly Yours,
Living Tribunal (Using his girlfriend's account)
