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Harry eats up THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: THE BEGINNING!!!
SPOILER ALERT !!
Growing up in Austin, Texas… Leatherface is the reigning bastard of movie slashers. Our bbq culture has had Leatherface as the patron saint of finger-licking good meat. Anyone here that has driven out into the country for a taste of Taylor or Elgin or Lockhart’s seared flesh… Has thought about being broke down in the middle of nowhere and served up on a plate with some beans and potato salad.
That’s the way we think of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It’s our “rural myth.” That somewhere… outside the city limits, there was a spot back in the 70’s where a family of cannibals ate and served the transient population for a couple of years. For those that took an idyllic summer afternoon drive, it became a nightmare. The events of those days were to lead to the discovery of one of the most bizarre crimes in the annals of American history, The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. That’s the fun of it.
The remake that New Line released three years ago wasn’t a great film, but it was a handsome Hollywood version of the original classic. It was better than most of the sequels in the franchise, and I have enjoyed it on home video. It doesn’t hurt that I get to see my head in Leatherface’s domain, but I liked much about the film. The weird characters, specifically R Lee Ermey.
Well – if you liked Marcus Nispel’s TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE – prepare to love Jonathan Liebesman’s TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: THE BEGINNING.
Liebesman was the director of DARKNESS FALLS – a film that felt as though it had too many cooks in the kitchen, but had moments here and there that looked damn good. A film about an evil tooth fairy is a tad ridiculous right from the get go, but there was some legitimate atmosphere there… it was just filled with bland characters and Wal-Mart custom scares.
When I went to see TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: THE BEGINNING – it was with the hope that perhaps Liebesman would turn in a passable Leatherface flick.
Well – he does a damn sight better than that. He made one hell of a grisly bloody flick. One that dares to add to the legend of Leatherface, but does so with a steady and guarded touch.
You will see the birth of Leatherface. It is a thing of legend, like John Henry’s birth. Like an evil blue collar John Henry. He’s shaped into a folk legend, and it is an origin that evil uncles would tell their nephews about where Leatherface came from. I love his baby “blanket” – just classic.
More so, you’ll see the origin of R Lee Ermey’s Sheriff Hoyt. Not just that – but where the family got its “particular” rapacious tastes for Hill Country Anthropophagy. It’s awesome. There’s a horrific twist on GRAPES OF WRATH here in this Hewitt family. A real, “us against the world” vibe. In fact, Sheriff Hoyt reminds me a tad of Scarlett O’Hara…. For he and his will never go hungry again.
This is a very dark and fun satire. That “splatterpunk” originator – David Schow has story credit, shouldn’t be surprising. After all, he’s responsible for “The saw is family” take on the third film of the original series, and with Sheldon Turner’s screenplay work here… I have to say, I’m very curious to read what he’s done on MAGNETO. He’s done a good job at making a sadistic twisted family that kinda makes sense. It’s not all screaming lunacy. Sheriff Hoyt has a dream and a vision for his family. He’s a force to be reckoned with just inside the insular family, not to mention how he is with hippies and bikers. Obviously – the Hewitt family is the main focus here – as this is “their” story.
That said… The “teenagers passing through” have more going on than any of the other “teenagers passing through” before. The film takes place during the existence of the Vietnam war. Matthew Bomer’s Eric is a one tour Vietnam vet, who is going back, and is going back with his little brother, Dean – played by Taylor Handley – who is just about to tell his brother that he and his girlfriend, Diora Baird are going to make a run to Mexico – because he doesn’t believe in the war – or being drafted into service. Now – this plotline could have been it’s own movie – and before it got too developed, well… shit happened.
This was an argument, a battle of wills, that simply wasn’t meant to be. What I love about that is… it felt like an interrupted life. Like they weren’t expecting on being a meal for Hill Country rednecks. Bomer’s Eric perhaps thought he’d die soon, but most likely at the hands of “Charlie” halfway round the world, but certainly not in the teeming metropolis of Fuller, Texas. What these two brothers are expecting is a confrontation upon the issue of the Vietnam War… not being filleted alive.
The two ladies… Diora Baird and Jordana Brewster. They’re beautiful, full of life – and concerned about the men in their lives. They’re not flippant bubbleheads – they’re worried about whether the men they love will be around much longer, if the upcoming fight is going to forever drive a chasm between them – breaking up the bond these two brothers share… And then… shit happened.
This film is brutal. The horror that happens here is brutal in the same way that it is in the roughest of gore films, the only difference is that you know you’re in a franchise, the iconography of Leatherface is hard to escape – and as a horror fan, no matter how much you may like these teenagers – you want to see them torn apart by Leatherface. It’s something that’s hard to escape. We want Leatherface to grab the tools of his trade and use them on innocent men and women. Why? Well, obviously because we’re all sick fucks. We’re horror fans. And if you’re not a horror fan, there’s just no explaining it to you.
Seeing a pair of lovers separated by a butcher’s table. As one is chainsaw’d and chopped up alive – as their blood rains down about the powerless lover beneath… well, it’s the stuff of nightmares, yet for a horror fan – there’s a sadistic voyeuristic glee. The “kills” in the film are outstanding. Leatherface is a force of nature – and in this film he’s never “unmasked” for us. So don’t worry about some embarrassingly shitty “Leatherface face”.
The preserve the integrity of our dear Leatherface, with only one moment that made me go, “BULLSHIT” – but the pay off to that moment is so good, that while I still say the one thing is bullshit, it was definitely worth the bullshit for the follow through.
However, the real thing to talk about here is R Lee Ermey and Jordana Brewster.
First – let’s talk R Lee. His Sheriff Hoyt is a joy to watch. He carries everything we know about R Lee into the character – and here… there’s just something unmistakably blissful about seeing R Lee getting his hands on a Draft Dodger. Ok – think about it. We know how tough he is on “not even fucking human beings” that are trying to become Marines – can you imagine how tough he’d be on a Draft Dodger? Well – there’s a push up scene. A scene where he gives Dean a chance to walk away free… if he can just do 10 push ups. 10 push ups. Impossible for a fat-tard like me, but to a guy in Dean’s shape… simple. Right? Heh. The scene is brutal as hell. It’s cruel. Humiliating. Awesome. Sure to be a fave of R Lee fans.
Then there’s Jordana Brewster. When I first met Jordana on the set of THE FACULTY – everybody on that set was intimidated by how beautiful she was in person. She’s just one of the most beautiful women in the world. The years have been so kind to her, as she’s matured, she’s just become more stunning. Here… covered in blood, there’s a level of pure shock on her face, not the constant sense of cunning, some of that’s there… But she isn’t immune to the horrors around her. They touch her. They affect her. When she comes out of the basement, it’s a look, not unlike that of the images of the survivors of Hiroshima… every pore of her body is repulsed, the look in her eyes… trauma. And as she reaches the front open door of the Hewitt house… there’s a frozen moment. It’s THE moment of the film. The one where you’d probably make a different decision, but then… you know about the Hewitt Family. You know their story and you know that this… this is just the beginning, and for this story – that’s a terrible place to be if you were young, beautiful with a whole life ahead of you.
But then horror isn’t a kind place, and neither is this movie. This is a brutal film. It is also extremely entertaining and exactly how it should be.
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I want to see this movie, it believe it will be that good.
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no surprises there then
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maybe 12th
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this is fun
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How am I supposed to know if I should see the movie without Harry's patented product placement?
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Had no idea that she was in the flick until now... I'm so sold, that chick looks like she stepped out of MONDO TOPLESS
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I coulda sworn I saw his name in the writers credits. Maybe it was "based on characters created by..." credit? Anyways, I'll watch this when it comes on DVD. The remake was okay, but too clean (like most Hollywood horror). 'Sides, nothing will ever touch the original or the surprisingly good wacked-out supergonzo part 2. (In some ways, I actually think part 2 is better; but maybe thats just cause Skinny Puppy sampled it like crayzay).
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That's basically what they seem to be gunning for as of late. Not freaking you out, but just showcasing the multiple ways to mutilate somebody.
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i'm disapointed harry doesnt die in the new animation
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I spent a whole weekend after seeing it constantly repeating "it was good, it was good, it was enjoyable" then i watched the original on DVD & i'm sorry, Leatherface shouldn't of been brought back. Oh & can anyone tell the difference between the trailer for the first remake & the trailer for this "prequel"? I SURE AS HELL CAN'T! Now Harry, I understand why you're shilling this but for the love of all things frosty, if i see a wank-a-thon review for the Wicker Man remake you're gonna be on a lot of people's hitlist bub.
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Harry, When are you going to Grab the Flag and start the Revolt on that Shitty Transformers movie?? Look at your top talkback man! Everyone wants you to take the lead!
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5. There was no real indication they were cannibals. 4. In this squalid house of horrors, pristine white sheets hang from clothes lines (Holy Duran Duran!) 3. Ending rips off "Blair Witch Project" of all things. 2. Nispel and his writers never heard of "arteries," as characters with severed legs have conversations with other characters hours after their trauma occurred. AND #1.... Jessica Biel escapes the clutches of these monsters only to turn around and go back to SAVE THE BABY. Are you kidding me????? This remake was just another shit stain like all of the other remake/sequels to the greatest horror film ever made. long live Hooper's original.
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Before Kong that is. Anyway about the product placement thing, do you guys honestly think that TARGET and ORBITZ gum approached Harry and asked them to mention their companies for money or free shit? I know everyone rags on the writers here but that's a little far fetched.
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If you think that ANY remake/sequel can "ruin" an original, you are feeble minded, gullible and incredibly naive. Alien Resurrection didn't negate Alien or Aliens. Regardless of how you feel about the Prequel Trilogy, they don't affect the content or existence of the Original Trilogy. Godfather 3 didn't make Godfather or Godfather 2 suck. So yeah, fuck shitty remakes, but c'mon. Use your fuckin' brain.
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Only the best horror movies can pull that off.
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He might have been a studio puppet on Darkness Falls (but that's like a part time chef having the restaurant owner come in and tell him to put onions in his chocolate cake...what's he supposed to do? Quit?), but if you've ever seen his short films, Rings or Genesis and Catastrophe, you know Liebesman is a talent worth getting excited about. TCM, the prequel...I'm telling you all, is going to be awesome.
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I liked the new TCM a lot. It was by far one of the better remakes, especially when you consider the others.... uh hmm.. The Fog anyone? When a Stranger Calls? The Omen?
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second, i've met Jordana and her equally gorgeous sister. they seemed nice, but don't EVER FUCKING COMPARE THE LOOK ON AN ACTOR'S FACE TO THE SURVIVORS OF HIROSHIMA. tone down the rhetoric. you're as evil as Hitler, Harry. you see how that cheapens the horror of WWII?
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...but the original Chainsaw Massacre sucked so bad that I tried to sit through it twice and failed on both attempts, but the new one looks promising.
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Today it isn't even CLOSE to the crazy days of the early 80's. Then,
the point was, indeed, to emulate a snuff movie. My Bloody Valentine, Maniac, The Prowler, The Burning...the list goes on and on...
no matter how 'pretty' todays movies are, they don't *try* hard enough to be as GROSS as the 80's flicks. imo -
Sounds like some gore porn here, but Harry pointed out something very interesting that shows the way to more potent horror stories. He mentions that one of the characters is running for the border to escape the draft and that could have been a story in itself. Now, that is a lesson--perhaps THE lesson--for horror writers and directors to learn--start with what would be a compelling premise on its own, and then add the horror elements. That's how you create solid characters--make us want to follow them wherever they're heading, and then the horror comes in. One of the surest elements of a bad horror movie is characters you wouldn't be watching if you weren't there to see horrors visited on them.
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I think you're right. That's why so many of these things are just damned boring on DVD, where it's easy to laugh off the makeup effects while you eat your junk food and drink your Pepsi. The original TCM (I shudder that another poster called the remake the original) is still nerve wracking because of the concept and the realism, the photography, and the angles. There are few horror movie scares more potent than the moment when the door slides open and WHAM! the guy gets it in the head. But everyone seems to be drunk on Clive Barkerish Grand Guignol BS these days. Explicit gore dates horror flicks, or just makes them passe, for some reason. TCM, Alien, and even my fave 70's-80's B flick, Shock Waves are still winners because of the overall approach, the cleverness, and the conception. Endless gore scenes, let's be honest, do indicate something about the moviemakers and the viewers.
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Harry has cheapened the brutal atrocities of not only the attack on Hiroshima, but also that of Nagasaki. Harry's comparison between a slasher film bimbet and the aftermath of two very painful atomic oww-ees, was an obvious attempt to appeal to his Korean fiance's family and all the other Japanese hating people of not only AICN but the world. Or, maybe you're a dope. Could be either or.
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How was Mike Myers performance as Cat in the Hat in this new Chainsaw movie? Been eager to see it since learning he was featured on the promo poster. ;)
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Or WOULD he?
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i remember my first tough guy comment... come here you sweet little guy. i want to ruffle your hair and let you have a sip of my beer.
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So what's to learn really?
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All he said was that the way she looked in the scene reminded him of images of Hiroshima. He's not making any kind of ethical comparison, merely saying "This image reminded me of this other image". I'm always ready to bash Harry when he deserves it, but he's not saying "This is cooler than Hiroshima!" or "I'd incinderate fifty thousand Japs for her!" He can't help it if one image reminded him of another, so lay off.
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i bet it still makes money
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was your first "tough guy comment" composed on August 29th at 07:46:53 PM CST, when you referred to someone as being "as evil as Hitler". See, I knew it was either one or the other because chastising someone for drawing WWII comparisons and then doing that very exact thing is, well, dopey. But don
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i appreciate you chiming in, readingwriter. i also appreciate laying off the WWII imagery when reviewing a dopey horror flick. is the man's level of feeling so amazingly sensitive that this movie (actually ANY, really) automatically conjures up images of nuclear fallout? does the man's level of experience only register things on a scale from 1 to 10 as either a 1 OR a 10? or is Jordana's acting so good that she encapsulates the atrocities of a few million lost lives in her beautiful face? honestly, I don't know. I haven't seen the film. i may be nitpicking. i'm a little sensitive to this. i just burned my knuckle on an oven rack. my face was contorted into a grimace not seen since 6 million jews were marched into the ovens. this is a symptom of the problem going on: rhetoric at preposterous levels. kind of like democrats hate america or republicans wanting women to have abortions in alleys. extremist dialogue is a personal pet peeve. i apologize if i upset the delicate balance of the thread.
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and managed to not see that i was making a joke about this very issue. kudos. tilt your head back slightly and you can see the point of the very post you quoted from passing safely over your head. ever see "You Got Served"? don't bother. you just lived it.
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I see what you were doing there, very well then Sir. But you have to admit HypeEndsHere, you went about making a point in a very round-a-bout sort of way. No hard feeling? Besides your beer-fueled errection of course.
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you had to go and make me laugh. actually, i didn't see "You Got Served". i just really like going out with a terribly corny line like that. i don't know why. i just think it's silly....uh.... like your mom's face! booyah!
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is that like another TBer mentioned it looks exactly like the last one just with different characters.
My other concern for this one and maybe harry can clarify this, is that leatherface is so much more menaceing when he is mysterious, which is precisely why in the origional his first reveal scares the shit out of you; he opens the door slugs the guy closes the door and he's gone. it was a genious way to get the audience to get there mind working as to what just happened. whereas the recent remake took a lot of the msytery away from leatherface, he became almost pittied because he was made fun of as a child, and he was just the grunt of the family doing what they want. basicly what I'm trying to get at is that the more mysterious leatherface is (in motivation especially) the better, and my fear with this movie is that they will just tell you everything you need to know about the who, what, where, when, and why, of leatherface and leave nothing up to the viewiers own mind to create the fear -
cuz thats the place to shop folks! (has Harry been made aware of how disgusted we all were with his Idlewild review?)
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it seems like its got the Dinner Table scene, which, no matter how much blood and guts is thrown about the screen in this one, cant be topped for sheer horrific lunacy.. But they've passed up the chance again to have wheelchair-bound Franklin as a character. Lemme guess why.. too mean to kill a crippled kid? ohh but I thought your horror movie was all "scary" and "oldschool." go fuck yourself, Michael Bay (dunno if he's responsible or not, Im just saying FUCK YOU Michael Bay!)
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but does she do it TWICE?
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Impossible! I dug the 03 remake and this is the director set to take on Friday the 13th next, so is double good news. Horror lives!
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To this crap
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and it's rare that a movie's awfulness actually makes me ANGRY, but the 2003 TCM did just that. These retreads are making Hooper (presumably) a lot of money, so that's great, but it doesn't make 'em any good. The original was like catching lightning in a bottle -- it's just never going to happen again.
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Yeah... P.S. Huh?
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The Omen was always hugely overrated, TCM was perfect the first time... haven't seen Hills Have Eyes yet... but what about a couple of movies of that era that had good stuff to work with but the movies didn't quite come off, like The Mephisto Waltz? (Re-use the score, though, one of the very best of all horror scores--FAR better than Goldsmith's Omen). How about The Medusa Touch, The Other, The Shuttered Room, The Terminal Man (SF but...), Reincarnation of Peter Proud? These aren't bad movies, but they didn't quite come off, and won't be ruined by remaking. (Let's Scare Jessica To Death was flawed, but it has a nightmarish tone that would be ruined by a remake.)
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The whole concept of making a prequel to Texas Chain Saw is wrong from the beginning. The first time you see Leatherface hammer him on the head with the sledge and slam that metal door shut, you think 'What the FUCK? Where the hell did THAT guy come from?' The whole beauty of it is that the human mind cannot comprehend what the fuck would turn a guy into THAT. On one hand I'd think this could be better than The Inexcusable Texas Chainsaw Remake (2003) since it will be a "new" storyline and won't have to be compared as closely to the original. And it looks like at least this guy noticed how stupid it was to leave out the dinner scene in the remake, so he put it in his. But come on man, Leatherface is not Batman or James Bond. I don't want to know how he got his start. Especially if they're gonna stick with that inexcusable "all the kids picked on him" bullshit from the remake. And even though remakes don't ruin originals, it makes me sad to think some day people will be watching the original TEXAS CHAIN SAW and think of Leatherface as coming from whatever corny origin story it is they came up with for this one.
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EVER. No Myers. No Jason. No Freddy. No Pinhead. No Leatherface. I've seen the Scream flicks, which was probably pointless,now that I think about it. Does the Jeepers Creepers films count? ..... No? I didn't think so. Jeez, I've missed out haven't I?
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Friday the 13th? when will this stupidity stop? It makes me sad.
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The remake was like a great sequel. Not at all like a remake. If u look at it that way then u enjoy it more. TCM was great, part 2 funny and good, and 3 was slick and more mainstream but still solid. The ruined it with #4 so they had to do a reset. If this movie is as good as 2003's remake, count me in.
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So I'm glad someone is giving it the remake treatment, eventhough Jason Lives already counts in my opinion as a reset for the franchise. I always said Jason films shouldn't be about Hellbabies, Fighting Freddy, or
Outer Space. They need to fucking go back to basics. Jason killing kids, thats it. And it looks like Liebsman will be doing just that. -
If you're going to remake every 70s/80s horror movie anyway get on with it!
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That is obviously moving away from the roots, and also when the series turned into a joke. However, what he will do will be to pump it full of pointless gore, shitty X-treme music, and other touches designed to appeal to the MTV addicted fools that prefer the likes of the DOTD remake to the original. And, I will take bets on this, Jason will be the killer, rather than his mum. Which will blow. I only put the spoiler warning in just in case there is one person on the planet that didn't know that.
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That's it, isn't it?
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That's all I need to know to skip this one. God that was an awful movie.
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The MPAA cuts piss me off so damn much. I can't belive this hasn't been issued as a double dip yet. Get off your asses, New Line!!
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. . . or at least someone who lived there for 9 years, I must point out that John Henry was as blue collar as they come, Harry.
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Wow, You got a lot out of a little subject line I posted! If you noticed, I didn't care to eleborate on the issue. That would be like me giving you crap for spelling your name like a retard. Don't be so intellectual in the internet world my friend. You're not very smart. Use your Brain.
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The continuity of the Series! Does anyone really want to watch a remake or another sequel that will be badass? I will take Sequel that will be badass. Look at Freddy Vs Jason. Good SFX and cool images with good actors and money. With SFX today anything is possible and I wish filmmakers would apply that to the movies rather than going "Jesus Chris I think that Friday the 13th would be great if Jason was the killer all along" Fuck you for that shit! Just make a sequel that is basically what you are doing! Just make sequels to Friday the 13th, Halloween, ETC. By remaking those movies you are going to really mess up the continuity of the franchise, which is something you don't do. If you want to revive a series make a sequel and the cash will flow in and you will be noted for saving that franchise. Halloween, why would do this? You are going to tell me that you are not going to use Donald Pleasance as Dr. Loomis. Fuck you for doing that. Classic character that people are going to complain about, just stop remaking the slashers, if you want to remake horror movies remake the ones that need some new SFX, like the Amityville Horror, Wickerman, The Hills Have Eyes, Last House on the Left (Not Chaos you JuggFucklers) TCM didn't need it but it was nice to see a new fresh version. So please stop for us.
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First of all, the remake was OK. Jessica Biel in the wifebeater was a site to behold. R. Lee Emery was good in the movie. But it was shit compared to the original. It was too clean and pretty. The original was a dirty, grimy film. It help build the realistic feel. It felt so gory and nasty even though you don't see much. I also had problems with the new family. The original just had two brothers and an ancient grandpa with one foot in the grave. You could believe that a small, isolated family like this could go totally nuts and exist outside of society. The new family ran the town. They had real jobs and responsibility. It seems that people like that would either not be that crazy or be exposed. Nothing can touch the original.
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I've always thought it was a bit petty when some joker in one of these TB's makes a snide comment about a misspelled word or a typo he caught in one of your articles. Then I read THIS article. Dude, the last sentence in paragraph 3 is "The weird characters, specifically R Lee Ermey." which is a FULL-ON sentence fragment, not a typo, not an accidental misspelled word. DUDE!!! You write for a living, right?
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Leatherface has a Chainsaw Penis and is jerking it off.
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I love horror movies, but the first remake was shit. It took what was so great about the original; its dirty, grimy reality, its slow buildup, its shocking, matter-of-fact, all-too-calm reveal, its subtle sound design, and ruined them all. Leatherface wasn't scary anymore, none of the characters were particularly likeable or pitiable, and the whole thing reeked of an MTV generation cash-in. Some things can and should only be done once, and Leatherface is one of them.
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ALL horror movies suck. Remakes especially. There's no substance, a drought of good acting, and NONE have ever scared me - which my friends all like to tell me, is the point of seeing them. FUCK horror movies
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and setting people on fire, god darn that shore do cracks me up. Why I sure hopes they castrates someone! Good family finger licking fun! Go America!@
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Rings was great. Better than the American features, for the most part.
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everything better. Evertime I read a gorror film review here all I hear is OH MY GOSH THERES TONS OF GORE AND IT HAS BALLS OH MY GOD GORE GORE GORE. So is it actually a good film or did the gore jus t overwhelm you.
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spice can make a good dish excellent and gore can make a good film great. however that's only true for a certain kind of films. sometimes less is indeed more and subtlety the way to go.
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Harry can you please tell me if there are any glaringly obvious MPAA cuts to this film or did you see an yet unrated version? You know, by obvious cuts I mean shit like Pepper's death in the '03 TCM film. Stuff where you're like WTF did I just fall asleep and miss something?!?
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Garbage. Good acting? Please. I hated that they bought them together. I love Freddy and I love Jason, but in their own movies. I'm also tired of this group of slasher movie fans who think a movie is cool because it has tits and campy kills. Sure Tits and Over The Top Kills can be fun, but why can't we have a serious slasher film that will fucking devote time to creative deaths, not too much backstory on the killer, and good chase sequences? They could not remake Friday 1 because everyone knows the ending already. Unless they pull some Scream shit and have two killers, it wont be at all surprising. When the stalked teens look at the camera (mystery person) we would all know it's Mrs. Voorhees. The only reason I agree with certain remakes is because the original vision from the 1st movie gets lost or convoluted as they make sequels. The TCM Remake was a success because it was a serious popcorn slasher film. Nothing more. It wasn't made to replace the original. And it also made people who loved it, go out and see the original. I think when shit like that happens u can be happy knowing that the superior original film is getting viewed by a new audience. Friday the 13 is already tired as a franchise, as was TCM. But now they will get to live on. Look at Halloween. That is my favorite movie of all time. And I'm not pissed that they are remaking it. Because the last 5 sequels already fucked up that a remake could only be a good thing.
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I hate movies like this, where the sadistic killers emerge victorious. I like movies where, in the end, the "bad guys" get torn to shreds - as you might be able to guess, I love characters like the Punisher, or Max Payne. The Punisher is the type of character that would ride down to Texas, kill every last one of the Hewitt family, and then finally gun down Leatherface in the most sadistic and brutal possible. Once all Hewitts are dead, the Punisher would then burn their house to the ground - that's the kind of movie I would take absolute delight in seeing. I like seeing justice dealt out and I take delight in seeing evil brought to its knees, begging for mercy.
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I hate movies like this, where the sadistic killers emerge victorious. I like movies where, in the end, the "bad guys" get torn to shreds - as you might be able to guess, I love characters like the Punisher, or Max Payne. The Punisher is the type of character that would ride down to Texas, kill every last one of the Hewitt family, and then finally gun down Leatherface in the most sadistic and brutal possible. Once all Hewitts are dead, the Punisher would then burn their house to the ground - that's the kind of movie I would take absolute delight in seeing. I like seeing justice dealt out and I take delight in seeing evil brought to its knees, begging for mercy. They don't have to be happy-go-lucky films (I hate films like that, too...nothing pisses me off more than cliche happy endings and I hate NOTHING more than the obligatory romantic interest kiss scene), but so long as the main villain is laid to waste, I'll watch almost anything.
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Aug 30, 2006 11:36:38 AM CDT
I'd rather see a prequel to the original two Chainsaws
by rev_skarekroe
Where are the parents of the chainsaw family from the first two? There's a lost generation there. Why didn't the grandparents of the kids from the first one tell them there was a family of lunatics next door? Did they know? What was their relationship? Also, Bill Moseley's son made a "young Chop-Top" film. Whatever happened to that?
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Okay, for you morons that feel a remake fucks up the original; I just checked and am pleased and happy to report that, despite the festering rumors purported by idiots, NOT ONE FRAME OF THE ORIGINAL "TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE" HAS CHANGED SINCE THE RELEASE OF THE REMAKE AND THE FILMING OF ITS SEQUEL. THE FILM WAS IN NO WAY ALTERED, ABRIDGED, OR TAINTED. So, for the love of god, quit fucking whining. Besides which, if you love the original so goddamned much, you're getting a brand new DVD on the back of this remake, something we can all be happy about.
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Mr Profit, you rule. Halloween is the greatest horror movie ever, and one of my favorite movies period. The sequels have been so shitty that a remake only makes sense. Same with Friday the 13th. But in that case the original wasn't any good. I enjoyed 2,4,& 6 and Jason X was so awful that it was pretty entertaining. Friday the 13th Part 5 is probably the worst horror sequel I've ever seen, and I've seen more than a few.
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What a turd that was. Thanks a lot for pissing all over the fans with that one, New Line. Magic dagger my ass.
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the animation is your best one ever
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I thought it was one of the better remakes i've ever seen. Yes, it's not as good as the original, but it was creepy and had a great atmosphere about it.
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the most twisted fucked up horror movie ever. any one agree? oh ya i liked the remake to TCM too BigTuna. the extended scene were leatherface hangs the dude up and chainsaws his balls is fucking awsome.
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Harry you said "And if you
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"Seeing a pair of lovers separated by a butcher
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so long as they're good movies in their own right. TCM '03 wasn't. Take a look at the original; it throws you off balance in a really weird way with the hitchhiker at the very beginning. You didn't know where the hell he came from. In the remake you knew exactly what was going on when the hitchhiker shot herself. Also, I didn't give a rat's ass about the characters in the remake. It's not scary if I feel immense satisfaction when the smirking pretty boys are cut down to size. The original was so good because you could identify with the characters; even Franklin, so annoying, but who hasn't known someone like that, where you don't want them around but don't have the heart to tell them so? No, the remake was a slicked-up formula piece, and I'm betting this prequel is too.
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Yawn. That's my response to that rambling, pretentious, meat-headed review.
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There's a pretty common theory espoused by most "live your life happier" kinds of motivational writers/speakers (and before you start, haters, those guys are almost always really fucking rich and of course happy so maybe they actually know shit) that says if you only let yourself be surrounded by positive thoughts and imagery then you will have a better life. Conversely if you surround yourself with darkness ind misery, and death and gore then you will have a dark and miserable life. 16 years ago when I started dating my eventual wife she said she hated horror movies and like SLJ says "so that kind means now I hate em too". Anyway, I would say that if you really really like this kind of film, then ask yourself: "has the evil I have just relished for the last two hours actually done anything positive for me?" I sincerely hope you answer "no", and if you answer "yes", then my friend, you have issues.
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Greetings.
Well, I think it's going to be at least as memorable as the Psycho remake. LOL.
I thought the original remake in 2003 would be the most unnecessary, pointless, and useless thing to be done since 'Swept Away'.
But it was actually enjoyable...
Not ANYWHERE NEAR the power of the original, but that's really no surprise.
Even Tobe Hooper, who has nothing to do with the remakes, told me personally that he thought they (New Line) missed the boat. It's too slick...too glossy, and
"too Dawson's Creek". (Tobe's words)
I like cheesy movies...
but I can't get behind the excitement of the new chainsaw series. I WANT to...but something holds me back.
Maybe it's the way Gunnar Hansen swings that 'saw....
Maybe I just like my Texas cannibals raw and sweaty, with a metallic odor of blood covered in sweet perfume to mask it...
We'll see.
Crossing my fingers,
Prof. Griffin
(Fangoria TV)
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What did your nephew think of it?
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I have no idea what I just wrote, I just fired a humongous spliff
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But Alexandra Dupont escapes on her cleverly constructed Cunt Craft and starts her own planet. Planet "Pointless Metaphor", wherein she blankets the atmosphere with bullshit rhetoric, causing the population (which actually consists mostly of random aliens that came flying out of her Urethra) to become sarcastic schmucy fucks. Eventually the Scmucky Fucks start their own revolution, which you'll hear more about when I begin work on the sequel. Fuck you Dupont!
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Perhaps this TB is where the "Torture-porn" debate slated for Vern's "CHAOS" DVD review should happen...
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The TCM remake hit every horror cliche in the book! Even the ones Tobe Hooper new to avoid over 30 FUCKIN' YEARS AGO! How pathetic is that? Anyway, I'll give the new one a shot, only because it wasn't made by the hacks who did the first one.
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I bet Michael Bay thinks he's a good film maker producing and re-making all these classics and then turning sequels and making millions off all the real film makers original master pieces.I dont see why people support these films when all they half to do is go rent or buy the originals that are far superior in everywhere right down the street at there local blockbuser.I feel bad for all these original film makers who dont make any money off these MTV style remakes because they got banned back in the day and heres hack michael bay selling it to the local multi-plex's.Well thank god for Lions gate,at least they produce original horror films and not take someone else idea and buy a mansion with there winnings.
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This is not our site. This site belongs to Harry. By God if he wants to reference WWII when reviewing a horror movie, he can. No strings attatched. And if he wants to include personal experiences in his reviews he can. Some of you need to shut the hell up and stop trying to tell someone who LETS you post on his site how to do things. If you don't like the way its done, get the hell off his site.
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Seeing a pair of lovers separated by a butcher
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that's also why the star wars prequels shouldn't have been made. if you're going to explain darth vader, it had better be good, because he's blowing up planets in his prime. we got: "his mom got killed and he had bad dreams about his girlfriend -> blow up planets". prequels are bad ideas in general, from a story perspective.
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whats with the grudge against Dupont? did u date her and she broke ur fragile heart? did she laugh as u wept after shagging her, calling u a momma's boy and a thumbtack cock? did she scoff at your proclivity for licking her mudbutt? what is your major malfunction?! you make me want to puke into my fuckin Cheerios.
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I can't believe no one has mentioned Jordana's role in DEBS as a hot sexy lesbian spy. I'm disappointed in y'all. Lesbian Spies!!
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The answer is not to all of your questions. I just hate her, because she is an asshole. Why do I need a major malfunction to poke fun at some cunt on the internet? Do you have some kind of PHD in psycho-analysis? If you answered yes, please reconsider your future. Cheerios suck anyway, and there are fuckwits depending on you.
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The Schmucky Fucks Revolution is nearing failure when the last son of Dykton, Chickychow mysteriously arrives on Planet Pointless Metaphor via meteor strike. He is adopted by a young pair of newlywed schmucky fuck's, ma and pa kent....To be continued
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... and somehow give it a torture porn angle. Oh and the Critters could be pierced, into bondage, sniffing glue and selling Japanese schoolgirls underwear. Now THAT would beat out any cruddy recycling of TCM any day.
Please tell them to stop flogging this long dead horse (or should I say armidillo - heh). That said, I really dug the guy with the coat hanger that was digging bits out of his scalp and eating it in TCM2. That guy creeped the shit out of me.
Now, onto a Critter sticking a gun up Rob Zombie's wife's clacker...
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"The remake that New Line released three years ago wasn
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2 fried chickens for breakfast. Disgusting fatso.
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I watched the House Of Wax remake last night and was thinking, "this is boring and, frankly, shit" then Paris Hilton got moidered, and THAT baseball bat shot was fucking awesome. I know this is nothing to do with TCM:TB, but it's a horror tb so what you gonna do?
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He has a valid point, even with a life as short as his. A Nightmare on Elm Street, Hellraiser, Night Breed, The Shining, even Poltergeist 2 (that old man freaked me the fuck out as a kid) shit, even The Sixth Scence was scarier than this slasher bullshit. I'm a film student. I have access to Final Cut, Pro Tools, After Effects, etc. I can check out a decent camera and can film teenagers getting chopped up and if I knew the right people, could make a lot of money out of that. That doesn't take talent and it doesn't entertain anyone with an IQ that reaches triple digits. It's annoying to see all these slasher movies from the 70's and 80's revered as some kind of masterpieces. And it's not about gore. Hellraiser 2 was one of the goriest movies ever made but it was genuinely scary because of the story and the villains. Think up some new stuff, Hollywood. Deliverance had the redneck bad guy covered long ago.
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Wow. Since when did teenage slasher movies become part of the genre of horror movies? These 1 dimensional pieces of shit are one step up from a Power Rangers movie and some people are calling them classic?! These get dumped in the horror movie section just like the made for video after hours HBO porn movies get dumped in the drama section at Blockbuster. WTF?! These movies are pieces of unredeemable shit. It's not horror when you get off watching someone get mutilated and tortured... it's the reason other countrys think americans are ass idiots. Hitchcock would be rolling in his grave if he read shit like this.
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I still NEVER, EVER, forget the first 5 minutes of that damn movie "Jesus Wept" and the fucking head explodes. Hellraiser 2 was a solid movie. I'm waiting for the Brothers Weinstein to try and remake it after they ruined it with all those DTV Sequels. But a remake for Hellraiser would be scary only because they'd cast Jessica Alba because she looks like the chick from 1 and 2. And we all know how scary Jessica's acting can be.
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Thanks man. I really love Halloween and only realized it was my favorite movie of all time when someone asked me that question like 2 years ago. I have seen that movie over 100 times and still don't get tired of it. I'm glad they are remaking it, I'm anxious to see what they are going to do. I just hope they do a good job with the casting. Also, my fave Friday Films are in this order: 7, 4, 3, 2, and 6. I hated everything after New Blood, and the 1st Friday's pacing is all fucked up when you try to watch it again. It's kind of boring.
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Is there anything out there this fat fuck DOESN'T like? Except the low-carb aisle?
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of the original TCM at a Gamestop a couple weeks ago. How much? $3.15. Don't ask me how. Might have been the greatest moment of my life. Also, people who call people who enjoy horror movies dumb are the people Harry talks about in the review: the ones who don't get it. The fun of it is to let yourself get totally lost in the terror of what's happening onscreen, and the release is that feeling of relief you get that it wasn't you when the lights come up. A good horror movie will draw you completely into its world without you second-guessing it or its characters at every turn because as soon as you start to do that, you stop thinking about what's lurking in the dark and start thinking about when it's going to come out and get it over with, already. There is a LOT more to making a decent horror flick than just sticking a lot of gut, tits, and dead kids up on the screen.
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with you mechasheeva. thats why i hated hostel because it just was guts, tits and dead kids.
it had no sense of horror tension like tcm.
www.obsessedwithfilm.com -
how three washed up directors who can't make decent horror films anymore- Craven (Cursed), Carpenter (Ghosts of Mars) and Hooper (Dance of the Dead) are now raking in bucks by "producing" as younger directors redo their movies: Craven: Hills Have Eyes remakes I & II, upcoming Last House on the Left remake; Carpenter: Assault on Precinct 13, The Fog and upcoming Halloween remakes; Hooper: Texas Chainsaw massacre remake... Taking a hand in tarnishing their own originals, while basically admitting that they no longer have the skill to do it themselves and pocketing loads of cash in the interim. At least Romero has the balls and heart to continue on his own legendary franchise with himself as director.
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but I'd like to believe that Craven and Carpenter at least have one more great on in them each. And I'm actually looking forward to seeing what Rob Zombie does with Halloween; Devil's Rejects was one of the most brilliantly twisted things I've seen in awhile. What's sad is I don't see anyone rising to take the place of the old masters; Alexandre Aja and Eli Roth, who are both getting big endorsements from these old-timers, haven't proven themselves to be anything but one-trick ponies that make gore flicks that are nothing but okay to bad (although I thought Aja's Hills Have Eyes was a cut above most recent films in its genre by virtue of the characters and good actors). Neil Marshall is, in my opinion, the last great hope for modern horror movies. After seeing The Descent (twice in 4 days, no less) I can't wait to see what he comes up with next.
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I say to myself, why am I watching this again? Oh yeah, it's because this chick likes horror movies and if I don't go there's no chance I'll fuck her
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seriously. i'm done with him. he's never done anything but play that one-joke pony of a character. pretty soon, i'm not going to be able to watch Full Metal Jacket anymore because ermey just ... won't ... stop ...
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so i am curious how a south african approaches such an american horror movie/franchise. For you TCM fans you may be interested to know that the original TCM was baneed here untill only about 2 or 3 years ago, thus no video shops have copies of the original (though i have seen it for sale in a store). And so the vast majority of South Africans have only ever seen the remake (feel free to feel sorry for us).
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Once again, Harry, you've shown me why I read this site. This is quite possibly the only place on the internet where I can get unbiased reviews of films that would otherwise be ignored and/or ripped apart by so called 'movie reviewers'. It's people like you that is giving true cinema classics like Aeon Flux, Armageddon, Eight Legged Freaks, Godzilla, Lady In The Water and many more soon to be classics, their rightful claim to greatness. Thank you, Harry. Thank you for being a pioneer in this biased world where films are based on quality acting, inovative directing, intelligent plotlines, well thought out and moving scripts, and most definately not most importantly, originality. Keep up the good work my big loveable fat man, you're one of the few, the proud, the stupid.
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"Harry Likes Every Damn Thing He Sees, Therefore Rendering His Critical Judgment Suspect." He's the Rolling Stone of online movie reviewers.
I'm being negative, aren't I? -
...and she's angry. At 17, its acceptable for her to be living it home- however, I still imagine the majority of the more vitriolic post-ers here to be fat, pasty (Knowles-esque) and bitter about their sad stations in life... so I wonder how the female side of the posting community measures up.
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I want to pinch Diora. Maybe little pinch?
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I mean, I enjoy his enthusiasm and positivity. But jeez, does ANYTHING suck in this guy's cosmos? I see a lot of movies. And most of them blow beets. Maybe his newly rejuvenated sex life is making him warm and fuzzy toward all of cinema.
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FUCK THAT! There should never be a remake of the original four movies, or any of the movies. Instead, the Hollywood assholes should simply go Superman Returns and forget that the last six or seven movies even existed and make a sequel to Friday the 13th part 4, but call it Friday the 13th X, having it replace that shitfest Jason X. It should be a movie made seriously that treats Jason like a real human threat and not some kind of demon like he's become in the shitty sequels. There should be a realistic story about the Camp Crystal Lake area concerning tourists or land developers or something that would really piss Jason off. It's a simple equation that is sure to work with the fans and with people who aren't acquainted with our buddy Jason Vorhees. Forget a remake or reboot or rehashing of the original three or four movies, which, in my opinion, are the only decent films in the franchise.
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once in the running to the new Superman, now reduced to being chainsaw food. Then again, last time I saw him he was a complete actor dick, so I may actually watch this just to see him horribly murdered.
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These films were good because there was little to no budget, the directors had to be more creative with their direction. The films almost feel like you're there instead of watching a bunch of eye candy. Once these guys were given budget with more stylish effects, you feel more like yer just watching a polished turd. That's why a film like Blair Witch (though marketed well) felt more real than the polished turd of a sequel. Sames goes for TCM, Halloween, Nightmare on Elm Street and even the first Friday the 13th. Just my opinion.
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These films were good because there was little to no budget, the directors had to be more creative with their direction. The films almost feel like you're there instead of watching a bunch of eye candy. Once these guys were given budget with more stylish effects, you feel more like yer just watching a polished turd. That's why a film like Blair Witch (though marketed well) felt more real than the polished turd of a sequel. Sames goes for TCM, Halloween, Nightmare on Elm Street and even the first Friday the 13th. Just my opinion.
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Is it just me, or has it been a while since Harry has given a bad review to anything?? I mean c'mon, Click and Monster House, not that great.
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"not unlike that of the images of the survivors of Hiroshima" - You've surpassed yourself.
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"It doesn't hurt that I get to see my head in Leatherface's domain, but I liked much about the film."
Shouldn't there be a rule about people who are in the very movies they review? "I liked me.. I would give me 5 thumbs up. I will nominate myself for an oscar. I will go buy myself some donuts because I am a big fan of me." -
Wow.
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"When she comes out of the basement, it's a look, not unlike that of the images of the survivors of Hiroshima"
So like, that makes leatherface the atomic bomb? Or maibe a radiation mutant? So this movie is like the Hills have eyes remake with test bom mutants and all? It´s like a prequel-to-a-remake inspired by another remake? This review really made sense :-) -
...after this review i`m gonna be pissed at Harry.
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Just cause they had your severed head in that served head of a movie
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Loved the remake. Loved the original. Enjoyed Parts 2 and 3. I am glad Leatherface is back being the top movie slasher where he belongs.
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What scene was Bullshit, Harry ?
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...as with "The Omen"?
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The problem with horror, specifically AMERICAN horror in this day and age is that directors are obsessed with creating a cool villain. Leatherface, the original Leatherface, wasn't cool. It wasn't enjoyable to see him terrorising his victims. It was nasty, unpleasant and unrelenting. This prequel is terrible. I don't want to watch a horror film going "aw man he's cool, yeah go! Chainsaw that fucker yeah!" I want to be creeped out, I want to be squirming in my seat. Freddy....look what happened to him. He was a terrifying; claw wielding; paedophile and he's seen as one of the coolest cats in town. Horror isn't headed to hell anymore. Thank you Michael Bay, Gore Vorbinski and of course Jamie Kennedy.
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This is not scary, not big and not clever. It has absolutely nothing going for it apart from Jordanna Brewster tits. Its a disgrace of a film.
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Was the most asinine thing I've read in years ... and this movie sucks royal ass
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...with that Hiroshima comment, Harry. Kind of throws the concept of rational and objective discourse right out the ol' window. What I find even more disturbing is that you and I apparently share almost identical viewpoints on the TCM remake. It's enough to make one rethink one's position. I'll rent htis, but only because I enjoy Diora's chest and can imagine it will be showcased.
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Harry, I think your in love with the idea of Leatherface and that has clouded your mind to this piece of Garbage. I just saw it a few days ago on a bootleg. (because I wouldn't pay to see this crap!) Thank god that is how I saw it because I couldn't wait until it was over. It truely sucked ass! (Jordanna Brewster was the only reason I didn't shut it off half way though! She's yummy!)
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Saw it opening day and wasn't really that impressed by it, the whole problem is that it's a prequel, had they just left the whole thing alone would have been better. I actually like the 03' version because it was much better than 3 and 4, 2 kind of still had the whole creepy, sadistic vibe of the original so I don't compare that one. The Beginning's problem is that it's not an honest effort, just a cash cow, sure we see the guy get his face ripped off in graphic detail but Leatherface has no personality in the film. R Lee Ermey chews up some scenes but even his character isn't expanded on enough either, the origin story is abandoned after the opening credits, the whole movie is just an excuse to put in scenes that were left out of the 03' version, or what fans wanted to see, ripped off face, dinner scene, and Ermey getting more sadistic screen time. Should have left it alone
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Saw it opening day and wasn't really that impressed by it, the whole problem is that it's a prequel, had they just left the whole thing alone would have been better. I actually like the 03' version because it was much better than 3 and 4, 2 kind of still had the whole creepy, sadistic vibe of the original so I don't compare that one. The Beginning's problem is that it's not an honest effort, just a cash cow, sure we see the guy get his face ripped off in graphic detail but Leatherface has no personality in the film. R Lee Ermey chews up some scenes but even his character isn't expanded on enough either, the origin story is abandoned after the opening credits, the whole movie is just an excuse to put in scenes that were left out of the 03' version, or what fans wanted to see, ripped off face, dinner scene, and Ermey getting more sadistic screen time. Should have left it alone
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I saw it today on the big screen, all alone. And i was totallyt invested in it. I loved it. It scraed the shit out of me, it built up massive tension, and and made me sqirm in my seat at times. Some of the directing of was brilliant. And this was from the guy who made Darkness Falls? Shit, go Australia!
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I like most hardcore TCM fans disliked the over produced hollywood rendition of one of horrors true classic films, but I was suprised when I saw this prequel. You simply can't deny the rediculousness of how gruesome this film is. As harry states, its what nightmares are made of. As a true horror fan i found myself giggling at the girls futile attempts at getting away. Btw, the MacFarlane toys for this movie are great..check them out if your a fan. Thanks for the good review harry.
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This film was okay. But really we need to move away from real people mutilating real people because it makes weird people out there think it is cool and okay! Let's get back to monsters and aliens instead. Or supernatural. In my eyes? HARRY - TALK TO ELI ROTH AND GET HIM TO DIRECT THE FLY REMAKE!!! GET SAMMY WINWARD AS VERONICA (yes, her from emmerdale) AND NEIL JAMES AS SETH. I WILL MARRY YOU IF YOU GET HIM TO DO IT.
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i saw it opening day here in my city, brisbane, australia. fuckin rocks i do like me a kick ass horror, most of the time. R lee is awesome, the chicks are hot, even vasline cream worthy!!
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