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AICN COMICS REVIEWS SPIDER-MAN'S AMAZING FRIENDS! 52! A WHOLE MESS OF INDIE JONES! AND MORE!!!


#18 8/16/06 #5

The Pull List
(Click title to go directly to the review)

SPIDER-MAN FAMILY FEATURING SPIDER-MAN’S AMAZING FRIENDS #1
THE BOYS #1
MIGHTY MARVEL WESTERN: STRANGE WESTERNS STARRING THE BLACK RIDER #1
52 WEEK 14
THE PSYCHO
ROKKIN # 2
SHADOWPACT #4
NEXTWAVE: AGENTS OF H.A.T.E. #7
Big Eyes for the Cape Guy presents THE DRIFTING CLASSROOM V.1
Indie Jones presents PARIAH #2
Indie Jones presents WASTELAND #2
Indie Jones presents CHILDREN OF THE GRAVE
Indie Jones presents…
CHEAP SHOTS!
Tales From the Crevice: ONI DOUBLE FEATURE

SPIDER-MAN FAMILY FEATURING SPIDER-MAN’S AMAZING FRIENDS #1

Writers: Sean McKeever (story 1 & 2), Kurt Busiek (story 3), Peter David (story 4), Fred Hembeck (story 5)
Artists: Patrick Oliffe, Casey Jones, Kano, Nick Dragotta, Livesay, Vince Russell, Alvaro Lopez (story 1), Chris Giarrusso (story 2), Patrick Oliffe, Al Vey, Pam Eklund (story 3), Rick Leonardi, Al Williamson (story 4), Fred Hembeck (story 5)
Publisher: Marvel Comics
Reviewer: Ambush Bug

Man, I had a blast reading through this comic. It’s a thick and girthy book. Similar to the GIANT SIZE HULK book that came out a few weeks ago that I picked up at the same time. Both books offer some of the best stories about Spider-Man and the Hulk that I’ve read in quite a while. Reading these two books took me back to Saturday mornings when SPIDER-MAN AND HIS AMAZING FRIENDS and THE INCREDIBLE HULK were slotted back to back and I was planted firmly in front of the television every Saturday to watch it. Sure it’s that nostalgia feel that was a chief contributor to my liking of this book, but there is a lot of other stuff to be said about this one as well, so I’m going to break the issue into its five parts and tell you why it’s such a damn fine read.

Story one is an original tale, planting the team-up of Spider-Man, Iceman, and Firestar firmly into Marvel continuity. The team-up isn’t overly complicated; basically, the three characters kind of run into each other and team up for a while. After some news reporters catch Firestar giving Spider-Man a kiss on the cheek, Spidey has to work fast to mend fences with his wife and avoid sleeping on the couch, so he plays matchmaker between Iceman and Firestar. Of course, things go awry in true sitcom fashion. Watchers of the old show will recognize an appearance of Videoman and appreciators of fun super-heroics will love this story. Sean McKeever has once again shown that he is one of the few writers today able to make Spider-Man a fun character to read again. Aside from Dan Slott, there’s no one I’d rather see tackling a Spidey book than him. When Marvel finally decides to bring the fun back to Spidey, I hope Mr. McKeever is towards the top of the list.

This first story also stood out because of the top notch artwork. Patrick Oliffe is one of those talented artists that you don’t see in Wizard or on the high profile books, but his style incorporates a sense of old school with the detailings of today. The true surprise in this story was the panels contributed by Kano. I first heard of Kano from his days at GOTHAM CENTRAL. There he was able to visualize the realistic world of cops and procedures and make it all look interesting. Here he’s in the fully colored world of costumes and capes, villains and heroes and he makes the transition without a hitch. In fact, I prefer his superhero stuff to his more realistic stuff from GOTHAM CENTRAL and I loved his work on that title.

Story two is my McKeever as well and it’s a clever cartoon poking fun at the secret identity problem (or lack thereof one) at Marvel these days. Spider-Man is walking around the Daily Bugle in full costume and no one knows it’s him. Iceman and Firestar are doing the same. It’s a funny little ditty with a lot of elbows and barbs at the current state of Marvel comics. McKeever shows his wit and snark prominently throughout.

Another thing that makes this issue special is the fact that it reprints some older tales of Spidey that a lot of today’s readers may not even know existed. One such treasure is UNTOLD TALES OF SPIDER-MAN. Before the whole ULTIMATE hullabaloo, THIS was the comic revered as THE Spidey title. Like Bendis’ ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN, writer Kurt Busiek took Spidey back to his roots, telling stories that happened in between the early issues of his ongoing series in regular Marvel Universe continuity. Unlike ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN, Busiek isn’t reduxing the wheel; he’s telling original stories that fit the timeframe. Busiek shows us his attention to detail in these stories (a talent he later showed us on his current run on CONAN), paying close attention to continuity and making it all work. If anyone out there wants to read some great Spidey stories, seek these UNTOLD TALES out. This issue reprints an early untold tale featuring a Man-Bat like character of Busiek’s creation. It is the perfect example of what to expect from the rest of the UNTOLD TALES OF SPIDER-MAN series. Patrick Oliffe provides the art and once again rocks.

Another great incarnation of Spider-Man was from the 2099 line that ran through the late 80’s. Peter David rewrote the Spidey origin and set it in the future. I have to admit, I wasn’t a fan of Marvel’s 2099 line when it came out, but SPIDER-MAN 2099 was one of the few series I actually followed. David brought his usual wit and sense of adventure to this series. The second issue, reprinted in this book, tells Spidey 2099’s origin and shows us how different this Spider-Man is from our present incarnation.

The book ends with a lost gem by Fred Hembeck. If there is an artist I would most love to see have a comeback, it’s be this guy. With his swirly knees and cartoony style, this writer/artist makes every story he does truly original. This entry follows Peter Parker before he became Spider-Man as he has a run in with Hydra. It’s fun stuff that is a great break from all of the dour stuff that’s happening in Spidey’s regular books.

All in all, this book highlights all of the best aspects of the Spider-Man character. It’s completely kid friendly and if those at Marvel had a brain in their collective heads, they would release something along these lines in conjunction with the upcoming movie to draw more children in to reading comics. If I had a child, this is the type of comic I’d want him/her to read. And those of you who still think of the good old days will eat this up too.


THE BOYS #1

Writer: Garth Ennis
Artist: Darick Robertson
Publisher: DC/Wildstorm
Reviewer: Baytor

It’s been a long while since we’ve had a proper Garth Ennis series. His only ongoing series since PREACHER and HITMAN shut down all those years ago has been THE PUNISHER, which reliably offers up the thrills, but is lacking any long-term goals. So it is with great anticipation that I come to THE BOYS, which is slated as a 60-issue limited series.

The set-up centers on a group of elite secret ops types who are tasked with keeping the super-powered community in line. Ennis is known for the piss-take on super-heroes and you can almost smell the urine in the air on this one, but the opening chapter plays the concept reasonably straight, although his contempt clearly shows. The only super-hero scene in the book centers on a disinterested super-speedster by the name of A-Train, whose “battle” with a super-villain is little more than a sucker punch with disastrous consequences for the resident Simon Pegg look-a-like of the group, Wee Hughie.

Now, I’m not always a fan of Ennis’ take on super-heroes, finding he lacks any great skill with the genre, but based on this one scene, I think he has a good take for his writing skills. It combines the large super-powered community with little interest in normal law & order (ala Kingdom Come), a brutal disregard for human life (ala Alan Moore’s Miracleman), and the “it’s over in a blink of an eye” aspect of a street fight, all of which moves the focus away from the super-hero brawls and toward the aftermath of their behavior in a more or less realistic setting.

Without a doubt, Wee Hughie’s plight is the heart and soul of this book. Ennis spends a few pages building him up to a moment of sublime happiness, and then rips his heart out. It’s here that Darick Robertson really shines, conveying the shock and sadness of Hughie with nary a word of dialogue from Ennis. He is a man adrift with grief, disconnected from the world around him, and only at the end does he have the sort of vocal outburst that’s the fictional norm after such a tragedy, and that is but a pale shadow of what Robertson conveyed on the previous pages.

The only other member of the 5-man team to be introduced here is Butcher, who is a study in excess. So much so that I suspect Ennis was testing the editorial staff to see if they’d really let him get away with whatever he wanted to do. If you read Ennis’ FURY, you saw him pull the same stunt there, with the character cursing and screwing his way through the first issue, as if daring someone to tell him he can’t do it. Lacking any sort of context, this is largely uninteresting (and only mildly amusing), save for providing a lot of the necessary exposition of the set-up. The character isn’t miles away from his Punisher and Nick Fury, so it’s my hope that he’ll settle down to a quiet atrocity in an issue or two, much as he did with both of those characters.

This isn’t quite the knock-it-out-the-park homerun that I was hoping for, and certainly not on par with his debut on PREACHER and HITMAN; but the parts of this book that work, really work and far outshine the bad. The focus on super-heroes is somewhat worrying, but he managed to make it work in HITMAN and does a good job with it here, so I know Ennis is capable of doing quality work in a super-hero universe so long as he doesn’t venture far out of his comfort zone. We’ve still got a number of hurdles to clear before this book can be called a genuine success, but it’s managed to get itself out of the starting block well enough and I eagerly await its second issue.


MIGHTY MARVEL WESTERN: STRANGE WESTERNS STARRING THE BLACK RIDER #1

Writers: Steve Englehart, Joe Lansdale, Stan Lee
Artists: Marshall Rogers (pencils), Al Vey (inks), Rafa Garres, Jack Kirby
Publisher: Marvel Comics
Reviewer: Prof. Challenger

What does it say about Marvel Comics in 2006 that the most consistently excellent and entertaining series of the year has been their summer sleeper "Mighty Marvel Westerns?"

Each one-shot in this series has been better than the previous. I thought there was no way, that last month's story "The Man Called Hurricane" was the story to beat, and damn if Steve Englehart and Marshall Rogers didn't pull it off with their story "Black Homecoming," featuring The Black Rider.

I'm pretty familiar with Marvel and DC's western heroes, not obsessively so - just generally so, but The Black Rider is a character I don't recall at all. When I picked this book up off the stand, I expected him to be an all-new character created for this summer event series. Based on the text piece included in the comic, The Black Rider is a pre-existing character and one of Englehart's very first jobs for Marvel was on The Black Rider back in the 70s.

I totally dug this story. It started out normal enough with a few clever twists on the standard comic book western. First of all, the story took place in New York City. So we've got a masked Texas gunslinger tracking some sick flesh-peddling of underaged Chinese girls in New York City. That right there was cause enough to hook the reader. But the sly play on the classic secret identity fits right in with the classic pulp adventurers, including the Scarlet Pimpernel (fop by day, masked hero by night). The Black Rider rides a white horse, the fastest horse in the west, named Satan. Doc Masters, the Rider's bespectacled secret identity, schleps around on what appears to be a sickly old nag named Ichabod. Yep. Even the horse has a secret identity. And it works like a storytelling charm.

Remember how I mentioned the old pulp adventurers? The Lone Ranger was the Western precursor to The Green Hornet and here, it really appears that Englehart intends The Black Rider to be the Western precursor to The Shadow. Check out that cover by Rogers and Powell and tell me that isn't supposed to be The Shadow in western garb! Not to mention that Englehart's characterization of The Black Rider is extremely compelling. Just as The Shadow is rather insane in his obsessive devotion with exacting justice, so is The Black Rider. He does not fit the cookie-cutter cowboy hero mold and Englehart should be justly recognized for doing something new here that evokes the classic pulps. The Black Rider got the pulp section of my brain ticking and makes me want to tackle a bit of research and see if he does or doesn't fit into the Wold Newton genealogy with a direct lineage from Doctor Morris (Doc) Masters to Kent Allard/Lamont Cranston.

And for the hardcore Marvel Zombies out there, this story actually ties into Marvel continuity in a pleasing and smile-inducing way which I won't spoilerize for you.

The second story is a freaky little round-the-campfire-haunted-gun story that only Joe Lansdale could produce. Now sure, this is technically a story starring the old Marvel character, Gunhawk. But the truth of the matter is that this is Lansdale's tribute to the old E.C. horror classics and Gunhawk's appearance, while integral to the twist revelation at the end, could've been any old Marvel cowboy since they were all the fastest guns in the West. I won't spoilerize this one either, but take a moment to think about what might be the downside of a request of "The Devil" to make you "The Fastest Gun Alive." There's a number of clever ways to tackle that, and Lansdale pulls in Gunhawk to make his version the story pay off.

The artwork for the Gunhawk story is by Rafa Harres. Great mood-setting for the creepy atmosphere that Lansdale obviously wanted to set up for the story. Reminiscent of Mike Ploog in his cartooning style and use of shadow. I'd like to see this guy take on Plastic Man for awhile because he also reminded me of Jack Cole by way of Will Eisner too. A great combination of identifiable artistic sources resulting in strong storytelling totally suited for the story Lansdale wanted to tell.

To round out the package, Marvel throws in two really short Rawhide Kid stories by Lee and Kirby. Worth checking out mainly to see Kirby at his prime cranking out the best looking Western stories the comic book medium had seen. And he made it look effortless.

My highest recommendation for the week.


52 – WEEK 14

Writers: MG3
Anchor: Keith Giffen
Pencils: Dale Eaglesham
Inks: Art Thibert
Origin of Metamorpho Backup
Writer: MG2.3
Artist: Eric Powell
Publisher: DC Comics
Reviewer: Squashua

Witness with me the introduction of their latest accomplishment in diversity as DC Nation, which gifted us with a lipstick lesbian Batwoman a few weeks ago, unveils it's most controversial and literally hugest character ever when 52 begets the one and only Fat Isis in all of her grossly rotund glory. Hey, hey, hey, diversity! Say it with me! All they need to do now is give us Tall Isis, BA3, Aunt Marvel, and Can Adam and our Black Marvel Family collection is complete!

I'm sorry. That was out of line and I'm not usually so insensitive. I know I shouldn't have gone there, and the other @$$holes warned me of the potential for backlash from the community, but I had to take the chance. I just couldn't locate an ethnic slur that incorporated either "Adam" or "Adrianna". I even checked Wikipedia and found nothing, so to fall back to the lowest common denominator and refer to those filthy Canucks was my only option. I just hope you'll respect me in the morning.

This issue we peruse a number of the ongoing storylines and witness them weave together. The Question and Montoya visit Black Adam's poorly marketed paradise on Earth and foreshadow their fates, Will Magnus works on his Metal Men and makes his final visit to the cell of Professor T.O. Morrow, prompting a possible formal inquiry from the “world-famous” Elongated Man, and we realize that radioactive angst can turn the Man of Steel into a rusted weeping bitch. Aside from the witty dialogue and ever encroaching mystery, there's no formal “BIFF! BAM! POW!” style action, with the sole exception being a nameless scientist taken down, but if that's your bag why are you reading this series anyway? 52 is for the meddling kids among us. I can't wait to see Old Man Hunter under that Supernova mask.

The final pages present the highly requested origin of Metamorpho, which does not mention the Outsiders or his counterpart, Shift. This leads me to believe that some of these future backups are simply origin stories, and will likely not delve deep into any insignificant post-origin history.

All in all, this issue delivers and is a keeper.


THE PSYCHO

Writer: James Hudnall
Artist: Dan Brereton
Publisher: Image
Reviewer: Dan Grendell

"My life ended yesterday. Jake Riley is no more."

It's about damn time THE PSYCHO was collected into a trade. It came out in 1991, for god's sake, and DC released it then. Thank you, Image, for taking a 15 year old series from another publisher and collecting it so people besides me can actually read it. (I'm a Dan Brereton fan, so I had the issues already.) This is from a time when James Hudnall was much more prolific as a writer (though he was never really ALL that prolific). Early ESPERS, INTERFACE, DC work, CHILLERS - that all came out around the same time, give or take a couple years. Brereton, meanwhile, had just finished his first series, THE BLACK TERROR, and the NOCTURNALS were still a twinkle in his eye. The time was ripe for collaboration.

The basic idea of THE PSYCHO is a good one, and one that has been examined plenty of times since but rarely so well. What if superbeings existed for real? How would they affect the politics of the world, because, inevitably, they would? In THE PSYCHO, instead of discovering the atomic bomb during World War II, the US discovers a formula to make superbeings. Or, as they call them, F.C.O's (freelance costumed operatives). Pronounce it Fucko, it'll fit in with the feel of the story best. Fuckos are also known as psychos, cuz so many of 'em are crazy. They make one who kills Hitler and ends the war, except Europe gets to keep her colonies. Cuban Missile Crisis? Nah, same guy killed Castro. Of course, the Russians stole the formula, so a Cold War still rages. Who better to be President and keep the Russkies down than the guy who killed Hitler? He knows how important fuckos are.

He's also paranoid, because he knows from experience that one fucko can kill a world leader and he doesn't want that to happen to him. That makes him easy to manipulate. Enter Jake Riley, an ordinary US spook undercover in the nation of Aldaria to find out why they have so many fuckos. Then his boss, who is manipulating the President, screws him over and the Aldarians take his woman. Jake doesn't much like that, and he kinda loses it. One dose of XDL later at a black market shop, Jake's a fucko and it's time for some revenge. 'Course, Jake is even less stable than before...

This story is a hell of a lot of fun, and it's because of both Hudnall and Brereton. The world that Hudnall creates, filled with fuckos and corruption, insanity and greed, is dark as hell but a great place to read about. The alternate history is fascinating, and it's obvious he put a lot of thought into it before putting it out there. Brereton, well, what can I say? The guy is my favorite artist. I love the way he uses color and isn't afraid to use bright and dark together, I love his painting style, and his ability to give details with just hints of shapes is just brilliant. This is clearly early work, much looser than even NOCTURNALS: BLACK PLANET, but even his early work blows me away.

A great read in a beautiful package, THE PSYCHO is like a lost gem recovered from the depths. This is the real deal.


ROKKIN # 2

Written by: Andy Hartnell
Art by: Nick Bradshaw & Jim Charalampidis
Published by: Wildstorm Comics
Reviewed by: the savage sword of superhero

Finally, a comic book has come along that actually lives up to its name. How is that you ask? Well, because ROKKIN is one heck of a rockin’ good time.

Ouch. OK, I didn’t mean to go into full Joel Siegel pun mode on everyone. I hope that you all can forgive me out there in comic book land.

With ROKKIN’s first issue I was a bit wary. As I’ve written before I’ve never been a huge fan of the fantasy/sword & sorcery genre, especially in comic book form. It’s rare that I’m actually able to fully get into a book from the Dungeons and Dragons mold but when I saw some of the preview art online I knew I had to give this book a quick looking at when it came out. I bought the first issue and was subsequently just blown away by the artwork. ROKKIN is truly a beautiful book to behold. Nick Bradshaw’s pencils are lively and cartoony while maintaining the visual edge that all successful fantasy books require. Detail is the name of the game when it comes to Bradshaw’s work and every page, hell, every panel is a fully realized fantasy world. The artwork here reminds me a bit of a combination of Todd McFarlane at the height of his powers mixed in with a bit of Humberto Ramos. While that comparison may immediately turn some comic readers off (I myself am not really the biggest fan of McFarlane’s work) Bradshaw and digital inker and colorist Jim Charalampidis manage to give the linework such a smoothness that they are able to capture the style of the best of the European graphic novel artists.

While I’m mentioning the colorist here I have to go all the way and just say that Charalampidis’s work here is absolutely stunning. I don’t know how much this guy is getting paid but it’s not enough. The coloring in this book takes on a life of its own and is the biggest reason why the book works so well visually. Honestly, there were times when I thought I was looking at an animated cell from an old school Disney cartoon when I looked at this book. Disney never made a movie about barbarians hacking a giant monster’s eyes out but if he’d had the balls to I swear it would have look like this. Yes, Charalampidis’s coloring is that good.

As I said before, though, the first issue got me interested but it wasn’t enough to get me fully on board. It was just typical origin stuff and I was hoping that with the next issue we’d move a little further into the story so I could get to figure out where this story might be going. I’ll say right now that I shouldn’t have been concerned. With issue two the origin story continues but there’s enough absolutely crazy fantasy stuff in this comic that I just ended up loving this book. Want evil looking villains with giant horns on their helmet? Check. Want giant monsters that’ll chomp you down in one bite? Check. Need armored maidens in uncomfortable looking yet sexy breastplates who can kick ass yet look hot doing it? Check. ROKKIN’s got it all.

So, yeah, at this point I’m looking forward to some more ROKKIN. I’m hoping that this book is doing well on the stands because if there’s any indie book out there right now that should succeed it should be this one. ROKKIN just hacked and slashed its way to the top of my pull list and if this team maintains the amazing level of quality that it’s brought to this second issue then it’ll stay there for a long time to come. Rock on, ROKKIN!


SHADOWPACT #4

Writer: Bill Willingham
Artists: Steve Scott (pencils)/Wayne Faucher (inks)
Publisher: DC Comics
Reviewer: Prof. Challenger

I expect any regular readers of the @$$holes know my stand on SHADOWPACT.

I love it!

So, why, after a total rock for 3 issues, was issue 4 just…bleh? Dunno. So, I went back through it to try and figure out why it didn't work for me.

I'm thinking that it started on the second page when it said: "This adventure takes place after the DAY OF VENGEANCE and INFINITE CRISIS, but before the events of the first issue of SHADOWPACT.

shit

There's such a thing as storytelling momentum. And after the conclusion of the exciting first story arc, I'm all ready to find out what happens next. Instead we get a yawner about some dumbass concept of a demon retrieval unit trying to take Blue Devil back to Hell or something. Not to mention that the idiot demons trying to catch Blue Devil, I think, are intended to be some sort of homage to a couple of characters I remember hating in the awful NEVERWHERE mini-series I never bothered to finish. So, Mr. Gray and Mr. Green are these stupid looking demons - Mr. Gray is skinny and Mr. Green is fat - and all I can think of is that awful Neil Gaiman TV mini-series and that further sours the comic.

The giant red lizard fight with Blue Devil was a huge waste of time, too. Just like the rest of the comic. Don't waste your money. Hopefully next issue gets the book back on track and moving forward.


NEXTWAVE: AGENTS OF H.A.T.E. #7

Writer: Warren Ellis
Artist: Stuart Immonen
Publisher: Marvel
Reviewer: Baytor

NEXTWAVE is the most cheerfully adolescent comic on the stands today. This, depending on your point of view, is either a blessing or a curse.

Personally, I love it. There hasn’t been a single issue that hasn’t made me laugh out loud several times. The best part about the book is that if you’ve read even a single issue, you know whether or not this book is for you. Grab an issue at random (preferable an odd numbered one to come in at the start of a story), read it, and if you didn’t have a thoroughly delightful time, you need never feel compelled to pick up another issue to see if it “got good”. Each story is two parts and the second verse is same as the first.

NEXTWAVE is a moment of zen goodness. It is the sort of comic that knows that questions like “why can’t Lois Lane figure out Clark Kent is Superman?” or “is The Thing’s thing… you know?” don’t deserve anything resembling a serious answer, but ask them anyway just to see what sort of nonsense they can come up with. Characters exist as a collection of unchanging personality quirks who are put through the paces of a wind-up high-octane plot. No one learns anything, there’s no dangling sub-plots save for the central dilemma of Nextwave battling the Beyond Corporation and Dirk Anger every month, no romantic entanglements, not even any real sense of danger, as none of the characters seem to care whether their teammates live or die. Stuff ‘splodes and there’s just something delightfully Old School about that.

Sure, every so often some serious-minded fan attempts to point out how horrible and disrespectful this is, but much like a principal attempting to explain to a bunch of junior high students that there’s nothing clever about making jokes about Mrs. Rottenbush’s name, it’s greeted with silly comments such as “NEXTWAVE is a scrotum full of razor blades” or “NEXTWAVE is a teddy bear on opium” and that usually puts a quick end to intelligent and reasonable conversation about the book.

Here’s what you need to know about this issue. The Beyond Corporation (the resident bad guys) have made contact with Rorkannu (one of Marvel’s many devil/costumed super-villain hybrids) to contract the use of The Mindless Ones to run amok in the small town of Shotcreek, Colorado, and Nextwave kicks them until they explode. Characters kibbitz about the prevalence of characters named “Captain ” or their experiences being hit on by The Avengers when things aren’t exploding, we get to see Mindless Ones on skateboards, and there’s the promise of more Mindless Ones explosions next month.

And it’s brilliant. If you’re not buying this, you’re a Communist.


THE DRIFTING CLASSROOM V.1

Creator: Kazuo Umezu
Publisher: Dark Horse
Reviewer: Dan Grendell

"I just couldn't believe that my mother had died, that she didn't exist anymore."

One of the early offerings in terror from famed Japanese horror master Kazuo Umezu, THE DRIFTING CLASSROOM plays on one of the earliest fears we have: separation from family. Specifically, children separated from their parents. To a young child, nothing is scarier, and the residual fear remains with us as adults long after we move away from our parents and have our own lives. The sight of a lost child, weeping for his missing parents, just touches something inside us. We think "Poor thing!" and, subconsciously, "Glad that's not me or my kids." Well, given how one child makes you feel, imagine an entire schoolful.

That's the basic idea behind THE DRIFTING CLASSROOM. One day, for an unknown reason, an elementary school is caught in a sudden earthquake and disappears. The children and teachers soon discover that the school has actually been transported Elsewhere - another dimension, perhaps - and that only sand and rocks can be seen outside the gates. Phones, radios, and televisions no longer work. All contact with the outer world has been lost. Now, imagine that you are one of the teachers trapped inside that school. How would you react? And what if you were a student, maybe 8 or 9 years old?

The faculty stuff down their own grief and try to keep the kids calm, but that's no easy task - the school is like a powderkeg. It becomes even worse when one child escapes his teacher's control and tries to leave, only to drop dead as soon as he hits the desert outside. Lies and stories convince the kids that their parents are fine and that things will get better soon, but those will only work for so long. Meanwhile, the school's food supply is already close to exhausted...

Umezu works the psychological edge of horror hard in this manga, and he does it well, telling the story from the point of view of a student who had an argument with his mother that morning. Using a child means you feel every horrible new discovery more deeply, and it really twists the knife. Umezu's artwork is great for this, able to show the exuberance of childhood and the creepy effects like the sea of sand or people losing control with equal proficiency. An excellent use of grays and blacks really helps bring the more disturbing scenes home.

Japanese horror has been fairly hit or miss with me, and this is most definitely a hit. I don't know if there is anything out there in the sand or not, and honestly, it doesn't matter. Just being trapped is scary enough.


PARIAH # 2

Written by: Orlando Harding
Illustrated by: David Miller
Published by:
Revolution Comics
Reviewed by: superhero

In my first review of PARIAH I was pretty harsh on several elements of the book’s story. Certain things weren’t spelled out clearly enough for me or just out and out didn’t make any sense at all. While I appreciated the effort of the story they were trying to tell I just felt that the whole thing didn’t completely jibe. The art of the book wasn’t perfect but there was some real potential there with the artist displaying a Michael Turner type quality that I couldn’t deny might be appealing to comic fans while not being what my cup of tea artistically.

So what’s changed with the second issue? Well, unfortunately, not much.

While I will say that the pieces of this part of the PARIAH story make more sense than the last issue the story still seems a bit off to me. This issue thankfully avoids much of the long winded dialog which plagued the first issue but ends up trading it in for, in my opinion, some silly attempts at lighthearted humor. This includes an attempt at casting Tupac Shakur as the main protagonist’s guide in the opening pages of the book. For some reason the main character of the book, in addition to being exiled from heaven for his sins, is banished from heaven to atone for the sins of the deceased rapper as well. While this device might have actually been made interesting in a “John Wayne speaks to Jesse Custer in the pages of PREACHER” kind of way, in this book Tupac is portrayed as incompetent boob. As it is the whole sequence comes across as a bit which is neither necessary to the plot nor interesting in any way. Once banished to Earth the action begins for the hero of the book and there’s some interesting stuff here and there but it ends up mixed in with the aforementioned silliness and ends up lacking any real weight.

Miller’s art seems better than the first issue in that the storytelling flows well with what he has to work with. His figure drawing is still incredibly stiff even though there is a bit of dynamic energy to it. Where the artist really impressed me was with his ability to capture Tupac’s features almost perfectly. Miller really has a great ability to capture realistic features with his line work. I can’t tell you how often I’ve read a comic where a character was supposed to look like an actor or celebrity and looked nothing like the actual subject. Not so here. While Tupac is never really identified by name Miller is able to bring the point across that the angel that the protagonist meets in heaven is actually the murdered celebrity in the afterlife.

Once again the actual physical book itself is an incredibly well put together package. The pages are slick and the colors are professionally done. For an indie book, heck for a mainstream book, PARIAH is a well put together package. If anything the creators of PARIAH know how to put together a professional looking comic book.

In the end I’m more than willing to admit that PARIAH just isn’t for me. For the record, the creators of PARIAH actually asked me to review this second issue. It’s not like I’m getting a thrill out of giving this book another not-so-great-review. If anything I was hoping that the potential that I saw in the first issue might have been fully realized in this second issue. No such luck. PARIAH is still a bit of a mess and I think that the writer of the book might serve his story better by finding an actual collaborator to help him craft his tale.


WASTELAND #2

Writer: Antony Johnston
Penciler: Christopher Mitten
Publisher: Oni Press
Reviewed by Humphrey Lee

I want to get this out of the way right now: This book is going to be something special. There is such a large and compelling tale to be spun here, and already I'm drawn in and can't wait for more.

The first issue just gave us a basic taste of the book’s setting/premise and a little bit of an intro to some of our players on the stage Mr. Johnston is setting. We saw a wandering loner with some strange, almost "mystical" abilities named Michael and were also introduced to a somewhat spunky lady by the name of Abi. We get to take in the sight of what the world has become, we run into some pesky little beasts called Sand-Eaters, we learn about what the culture of humanity has become like and so much more.

This issue here takes us on a bit of a spiritual journey. We start to find out some of the religions that have developed since the fabled "Big Wet". As Abi leads her troupe to one of the few remaining outposts of humanity, a city known as New Begin, a campfire story is told about the legend of Mother Sun and Father Moon and how they rained vengeance down on humanity in punishment for what humankind had become. It's that kind of "Biblicality" that makes this book feel so important. There are just some huge storytelling aspects to this whole environment; it honestly feels like Johnston is telling his own Book of Revelations story or whatever in comic book form. Tons of big ideas and lots of likeable characters make this a very riveting read.

The art is also a great aid to the saga at hand. The character designs admittedly may be a little on the simple side and because of it some of the figures seem to resemble each other too much, but there's a lot of depth to it. From a storytelling standpoint there's great transitions from panel to panel with perfect shots to create the right atmosphere for the time. Plus, the panels are always filled, a huge selling point for me on art. I hate blank space in the background. There should be something back there to at least give some depth to the panels, and there's plenty of that here, despite the fact that most of the environment is just desolate wastes and there's not much to work with. It's just good overall visual storytelling.

These days it seems like more and more books like WASTELAND here are just getting buried under way too many big hype books or "event fever". I'm here now to say don't let that happen to this comic. There's a story here like none other and that is well worth your three bucks. I'm expecting big things out of this book, and can already see this as a very rewarding experience in exchange for your hard earned cash.


CHILDREN OF THE GRAVE

Writer: Tom Waltz
Artist: Casey Maloney
Publisher: IDW Publishing
Reviewer: Dan Grendell

"Where we are from is not important... what matters is where we want to go."

I missed this mini-series when Shooting Star released it several months ago, but with its second life in trade with IDW I'm getting another chance and I'm glad. At first blush CHILDREN OF THE GRAVE seems to be a story about revenge and zombies, with some military stuff thrown in, and I can get behind that, but there's a whole 'nother layer here that just makes the book better. It's really about letting old pain and hatred go and moving on with your life, not allowing the past to shackle you. And I can get behind that too.

The Orphans, a trio of special ops soldiers with no living relatives, are dropped into the Middle Eastern nation of Stinwan to investigate a report of mass children’s’ graves. They find the graves, all right - but they’ve all been dug up. Their new orders are then to hunt down and kill Akbar Assan, the renegade Stinwanese Colonel who is systematically committing genocide on the Kilipanese people of Stinwan, including the children, so no more Kilipanese will be born. The graves are his handiwork, though why they are empty is a mystery.

Before I go any further with the story overview, let me just say that zombies and such are kinda creepy, but a guy who commits genocide and murders thousands of children so they WON'T BREED is fucking scary.

Though the mission seems a bit difficult, what with all of Assan's troops, the Orphans head out to do their duty, and everything seems to be going fine until they begin having strange dreams of their dead families. Even weirder, the Lieutenant starts seeing zombie children, who beg him to help them find the way - but the other guys can't see them. When they find a town under attack by Assan's men and attack, all goes well until some try to escape to warn their boss. Another zombie appears to the Lieutenant, begging him to let one man escape, something that puts his life and the lives of his two men in great danger. Just how much faith does he have in these zombie children?

I honestly wasn't expecting to like CHILDREN OF THE GRAVE as much as I did. I figured it would be a military operation/zombie revenge book and that's all, but it kept surprising me with more and more depth and character development. At the end, I truly didn't know which way it was going to go - whether the zombies were going to get Assan or not. Maloney's art is strong for this style of book, his facial expressions able to really convey emotion well which is important for the kind of story being told here. The use of greyscale instead of color really does the art justice, and fits the story better as well. The layout of some panels was just inspired - especially the first view of the many graves, which sent a shiver down my spine. They just go on and on over hill after hill, and it's brilliant.

CHILDREN OF THE GRAVE is not your ordinary zombie book, and I'd be hard-pressed to really call it a zombie book at all. Really, it's a drama, and a very well done one at that. Kudos to Waltz and Maloney for this early effort.


DEATH COMES TO DILLINGER #1 – 2
Silent Devil Comics

I read this one while watching a recent episode of DEADWOOD and the two go together like Bendis and beat panels. This is a very well crafted Western/horror tale. It’s paced evenly in two parts and tells a simple yet touching tale of sacrifice. Death literally rides a pale horse into an old Western town and comes to claim the life of a young girl. The girl’s father challenges Death to a duel in order to save her life. The outcome is not pretty, but poetic and well told. The artwork is truly outstanding stuff from someone or something called Se7enhedd. It’s painterly in a Ben Templesmith/Ted McKeever sort of way. All gritty and dark in spots with just the right amount of detail to let you know what’s going on. The design of Death himself is really nice. I especially like the pointed spikes jutting from the back of Death’s sunworn leather jacket. This is one of those stories with a definite ending, but one you wish would go on because the reading experience was so enjoyable. I picked issues one and two up at Wizard World Chicago and I’m glad I did. - Ambush Bug

THE PHANTOM: LAW OF THE JUNGLE
Moonstone

Although I’m not a fan of the splash page, I have to say that this book was a surprise to read. Told in Widevision where every page is a double page “widescreen” panel flanked at the top and bottom with text, this story is a good introduction to the character of The Phantom. Honestly, my only experience with the character is through the awful Billy Zane on steroids movie, but I know the character has quite a history and following so I decided to give this book a shot. Artist Paul Guinan does a great job of illustrating the prose and having enough going on in the panel to warrant the widescreen/double splash treatment. His characters are soft and vivid, depicting the details of the jungle with a painterly yet photorealistic style. Writer Joe Gentile has a good handle on the myth of the Phantom and all of his ambiguity as the story is told from an outsider who doubts and challenges the Phantom’s power and reputation. And this is a 70 page book, so the double splashes don’t feel like filler. I’d like to see more books given this widescreen treatment. Moonstone seems to have quite a few old school adventure properties in their stable and if the production value of this book is any indication, the company is fully capable of producing some amazing comics. If you’re like me and always wondered why people thought a guy in a purple leotard running around the jungle was cool, check out this book and you’ll understand why. - Ambush Bug

CORRECTIVE MEASURES #1
Ronin Studios

This was a very impressive debut issue featuring a nice take on the super-powered criminals in prison motif. When I started this book, it took me a while to establish a foundation of rules which this story follows. I wasn’t clear if the powers the narrator was talking about were real or if they were just figures of speech. Turns out this is a story about a prison with super-powered inmates, but because most of the story is told in such a realistic way, the melding of super-hero fantasy and realism was hard to establish. Once that was firmly clarified, though, it made the danger that is suggested as the story goes along all the more palpable. This issue follows the journey of one law enforcement officer as he gets recruited to work at the world’s worst super-villain correctional facility. We don’t really see much by way of super-powers, but the threat and dangers these inmates are capable of are illustrated well by words from writer Grant Chastain. This issue sets up the threat nicely and has me looking forward to the main character’s first days on the job which look to be coming up soon in the next issue. - Ambush Bug

HERO KILLERS #1
Moonface Press

In this day and age when you have to have a character bible, twenty five issues of backstory, and an ear firmly planted to the internet for story clarification, this series of books from Moonface Press is a welcome sight. This company promises well versed stories in a single issue. Their first story is HERO KILLERS and it delivers in spades. This is a very fun story featuring a slew of creative characters. When a hero gets too hard to handle, the Hero Killers are called in to deal with it. This group of villains have a set of rules and are very business savvy. They’ve been successful by following a strict doctrine, but are tempted by big money to break these rules. The results are less than fruitful for our team of mercenaries. Although the ending of this story seemed to come a bit out of the blue, I found this single issue story to be thoroughly entertaining. The foreword promises that these issues can be digested in one issue, but that some of the characters may appear again in other single issue tales, and I’m glad to hear it because the character designs and powers are pretty original and I’d hate to never see them again. Splitting a story into chapters can be an effective way of storytelling, but it’s not the only way. Moonface Press is offering an alternative and I have to applaud them for doing it. This is an impressive first attempt. - Ambush Bug

Remember, if you have an Indie book you’d like one of the @$$holes to take a look at, click on your favorite reviewer’s link and drop us an email.


GHOST RIDER #2
Marvel Comics

What the hell is wrong with me? I gave this series an unfavorable review a while back and what do I do when I see the second issue on the shelves? I pick it up. And dammit if I didn’t get burned again. The thing that pissed me off the most is the thing I pointed out about Daniel Way’s writing in my previous review—that is, I learn more about the story from the recap page than I do reading the actual story. Sure, everything is there in issue one, but the mish-mash of images in the final pages of the intro issue left me wondering how things turned out with Ghost Rider springing from the surf and back onto Earf…I mean, Earth. Well, it’s explained in this issue, not in the panels themselves, but in the text on the first page. When the only way your story gets a little clarification is by having it typed out and shoved in your face at the beginning, there’s a problem with your communication skills and that problem has been evident in a lot of Way’s work these days. The term “Looks good on paper…” is the best way to apply criticism here. Top it all off with a lot of snore-inducing panels, a ho-hum fight with the Devil, and the WOLVERINE ORIGINS type splash/teaser to a big fight next issue on the last page and you have me proclaiming that if I pick up another issue of this series, you can all personally light my skull on fire. - Bug

DEADMAN #1
DC/Vertigo

I’m not of the opinion that origins make very good stories. There are certainly exceptions, such as Spider-Man’s origin, but far too many comics and television shows start off with weak debuts before settling into a comfortable and entertaining formula. FUTURAMA, EUREKA, GILLIGAN’S ISLE… all examples in which the first episode merely sets the stage for the adventures that follow, and, at least in my opinion, not nearly as entertaining as what was to come. The first issue (and likely the next few) of DEADMAN falls into this pattern. The great bulk of it centers around the mystery surrounding the lead’s death and his return to the land of the living, much of which told in a dream-like state where we can take nothing for granted, as the details change depending on his state of mind. Not even his powers are defined. Does he have the power to take over people as the original Deadman, Boston Brand, did, or does he simply inhabit his now dead body? The first issue doesn’t seem to take any firm stance on any part of his origin. This weakness of narrative is compounded by the lead character, Brandon Cayce, being a bit of a whiny loser who seems to perpetually live in the shadow of his brother, so he’s not the most likeable or even interesting of characters at the start. There’s nothing really bad about the first issue, as the writing and art are serviceable, but there’s nothing here that really grabs you by the throat and says, “READ THIS!” I sense some potential here, so I hope that the origin story will be fairly brief and not the usual six-issue arc that is so common in this write-for-the-trade age, because there’s only so long “not bad” can hold my interest. – Baytor

ULTIMATE FANTASTIC FOUR ANNUAL #2
Ultimate Marvel Comics

I'm actually not a very big fan of annuals because they seem to just be either a disposable tale or something that should have really been a part of the main book but instead was done elsewhere in order to fluff up some extra sales once a year. But I've actually been very impressed with one Mark Millar's recent run on the ULTIMATE FF main title and now that LUCIFER scribe Mike Carey is coming onto the title I wanted to use this Annual as a means to see if he's got the chops to follow up on said run with some of the same quirks and somewhat mind-bending ideas that made Millar's run enjoyable. Plus, the more Stuart Immonen art the better. And in the end this was a rather fun tale. Carey actually did something that I didn't think was possible, and that was to flesh out the Mole Man to the point where I was actually interested in and entertained by his back story. There's some really great off-the-wall humor in here combined with the same extremity in the action that made this a very fun read. The art transitions between Immonen and Irving Frasier were a little jarring, but overall I'm glad I ended up sucking up purchasing another damn Annual and am looking forward to what Mr. Carey can pull off in his UFF stint. - Humphrey

CONAN #31
Dark Horse Comics

Although I liked this little break from the more writerly style this title has always had going for it since its launch at Dark Horse, I have to say that I’m glad Mignola’s arc on the title is over. Mignola and Nord definitely outdid themselves in the visual department, but storywise, notsomuch. I found this issue in particular to be especially predictable. It ran just about an issue too long and seemed especially drawn out to fill the page quota. I’ll be interested to see what happens when Truman jumps on this title next month. It’ll be a return to a more writer-centric type of tale. Cool visuals can only go so far (did early Image teach us nothing?!?!). Sure, Conan isn’t a deep character, but to me, the level of storytelling has always separated this fascinating character from being just a dude wearing fuzzy britches carrying a sword. - Bug

HELLBLAZER #223
DC/Vertigo

HELLBLAZER has never been one of those books that’s inspired any sort of loyalty from me. I love the character of John Constantine, but there’s been enough runs on the book that I didn’t care for that I usually just check him out whenever I hear there’s a new writer on board. To start off, I was really surprised to see Map, a character introduced way back in Warren Ellis’ brief run, because Constantine’s friends have the life expectancy of mayflies. Guess it just took a bit longer this time, because Map is dying and he calls in Constantine to help save London from an incoming mystical threat, as some mystical force or other is attempting to inspire chaos in London. Despite the mystical trappings, this is more of a “ripped from the headlines” style story of religious terrorism on public transport systems… albeit one that involves some ill-defined attack, possibly involving a straight razor. I can’t say this one-shot adventure is a particularly compelling one, but I enjoy the writing enough to want to check out Denise Mina’s seven issue arc that preceded this one. She definitely seems to have a handle on the character and knows how to play the mystical mumbo-jumbo to serve the plot, instead of getting obsessed with the details of Constantine’s magical life. - Baytor

52 – WEEK 15
DC Comics

A Booster Gold-centric issue featuring a major turning point in his participation in the 52 storyline. This issue was a well paced swan song for our showboating hero in Gold. Now, I’m not sure what’s going to happen next with this character. Is he another character in disguise? Was this issue’s heroics all a scam to make Booster look like a hero? I’m not sure. But I liked it and this series continues to be a shining example of how to do serialized storytelling the right way. - Bug


It Came From The 90’s
By
Vroom Socko

It is a sad truth that not everyone who reads comics is going to go for stuff outside the “mainstream.” Which isn’t the worst thing in the world. There’s plenty of amazing and interesting stuff out there for people only interested in superheroes. Me, I love the indie stuff, but it took a while to win me over. Sure, I’d read some non-DC/Marvel books back in the 80’s, but that was limited to the funny animal shit. Turtles, Hamsters, Penguins, Bears… And then there’s Cerebus, who’s his own animal in every way imaginable. The early 90’s introduced me to Evan Dorkin’s work, which had an obvious impact on my reading habits. Throughout all that, I was still a superhero fan first and foremost. But there was one book that managed to tip the scales, that opened my eyes to just what was out there in independent comics.

That book was ONI DOUBLE FEATURE.

It was the first issue that did it, really. Everything I heard about it said, “Buy Me.” There was a new Milk & Cheese for starters, along with a Kevin Smith-penned Jay and Silent Bob story illustrated by the great Matt Wagner. Rounding it out was a story by a pair of creators from my neck of the woods, the Pander Brothers, whose work I’d seen the year before in the phenomenal Dark Horse book TRIPLE X. (But that’s another show.) That story happened to be a two-parter, and with the second issue came my first exposure to the work of Paul Pope. It was an experience to rival the scales falling from the eyes of St. Paul on the road to Damascus. I was hooked.

More issued followed, and I was introduced to more and more names that would become important to me. Jim Mahfood. Scott Morse. Ed Brubaker. Eric Shanower. Judd Winick. (This being before he got it in his crazy head that his stuff fit with writing superheroes.) And the Queen of Cool herself, Chynna Clugston. Not to mention that it gave me a glimpse at stuff from Paul Dini that didn’t involve the Bat.

There were gag stories, horror stories, sad stories. There were tales of loss, of close calls, of getting stoned, of slackers and buds. All that, and an adaptation of a Neil Gaiman story to boot.

It’s been almost ten years now, and to this day I am an Oni fan. I do my best to take a look at as much of their product as I can, and while they publish plenty of stuff that isn’t to my tastes, there’s nothing they’ve done that I would con
Readers Talkback
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  • Aug. 23, 2006, 10:53 a.m. CST

    First?

    by ECUPirate71

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 10:54 a.m. CST

    Yeah.....

    by ECUPirate71

    First. Feels good.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 10:55 a.m. CST

    NextWave is better than sex

    by chrth

    It is better than sex with four scantily clad extremely talented barely legal gymnasts. It is better than having one billion dollars in your bank account. It is better than being Tom Cruise.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 10:57 a.m. CST

    Answer for Question for Discussion

    by chrth

    It has to be V for Vendetta, right? Or do we consider that a Superhero comic? Hmmm ... Sin City?

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 11:05 a.m. CST

    Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck

    by Engineer_at_peac

    To answer that question.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 11:05 a.m. CST

    Anyone know when the new printing of From Hell

    by jim

    will be released? I heard August 2006 but so far have not seen it.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 11:11 a.m. CST

    Answer

    by Sasha Nein

    Fables, anyone? I can't get enough of that series.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 11:18 a.m. CST

    Unnnnngh uuuuungh grrrrrrrrr......

    by BilboRing

    Plop. I just took a dump on this review.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 11:22 a.m. CST

    If anyone cares.....the Black Rider

    by cookylamoo

    was one of the very first Marvel Western Characters from the golden age. This means he was allowed to actually shoot and kill people, just like Kid Colt and the Two Gun Kid...did. Of the three, Black Rider always seemed to dispatch the bad guys with the most satifaction and enthuseasm. When Marvel revived it's western characters in the sixties they had to clean them up for the comic code so Kid Colt and Two Gun had to resort to "shooting the gun from the bad guys hand". Maybe that's why, aside from a Jack Kirby one-shot, Black Rider never made the transition to silver age. He was just too darn ornery.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 11:28 a.m. CST

    discussion question

    by waggy

    admittedly, i don't read enough non-superhero comics myself, but i'm not sure if that makes me more or less qualified to answer this question. i say preacher. it's got all the qualities we love about superhero comics (great characters, storylines that make you clamor for the next part, kick-ass action), but it does it without the capes and tights. it may not be that big a departure, but i think it's a great transition

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 11:36 a.m. CST

    Hero Killers sounds great!

    by superhero

    Sounds like what THE BOYS should have been. Oh, for the record...not quite so sold on the exploitative BOYS as of yet.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 11:38 a.m. CST

    Map appeared in Carey's Constantine run, too.

    by rev_skarekroe

    FYI.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 11:38 a.m. CST

    BONE!

    by superhero

    Give them Bone and they will love it! Adult or child...guarenteed.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 11:43 a.m. CST

    The answer to the discussion question:

    by rev_skarekroe

    None. Comic strips are for children. Grow up and move out of your parents' basements, you nerds.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 11:51 a.m. CST

    This is a severely under-rated book from Top Shelf Comi

    by Caped Revenger2

    This is a severely under-rated book from Top Shelf Comics. It's just the stories of young people, mostly artists or writers, struggling in New York City. I highly recommend it - even at a daunting 600+ pages, it really flies by. It has that "Love & Rockets" look but is far more accessible. Despite the non-superhero angle, one of the characters indeed wants to be a comic book artists and has a chance to work for a company that is clearly a metaphor for Marvel; he then goes to work for a grumpy old artists who is a sort of metaphor for Siegel/Schuster, in that he was screwed out of profits from one of his characters. But overall, it is filled with humor, drama and sex, and has is just a great story with great characters. Robinson did a follow-up called TRICKED, set in the same universe, with mostly different characters. This one was set more in the world of music. Seriously, both of these are well worth checking out. Love to hear if anyone else out there has read them!

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 11:51 a.m. CST

    non hero comic

    by mattb127

    I might actually say Sandman, because really, it's not about Superheroes. I think that book, on its whole, taken all together, is one of the most impressive examples of intricate storytelling you can find in any medium. I'd say "V", but it's really a little uneven in the mid-late issues, relatively speaking to Moore's other work. I'd say Preacher, but let's face it--the ending of Preacher suh-suh-suh sucked. And I'd say "Maus," but okay, it's brilliant and all, but come ON. It just feels too undergraduate-lit-class. Why are people ashamed of the hero masterpieces? Watchmen, Dark Knight, Year One, and Born Again are all fantastic examples of what's possible in the genre.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 11:52 a.m. CST

    Re: above post

    by Caped Revenger2

    Sorry about the error - the book in question is BOX OFFICE POISON by Alex Robinson.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 12:31 p.m. CST

    Question of the week:

    by The Heathen

    100%. It's so moving, moody, cool, sci-fi, different. Amazing stuff. People who don't read comics think it's all capes and tights drawn by Rob Liefeld. It's a shock when they see something that looks like Paul Pope drew it or Frank Miller for that matter. 100% is about so much so simply that I think it's the perfect comic to show the capabilites of the medium. *** I'd also say The Walking Dead because it also looks different. It's black & white with the gray tones, there's hard language, gore and zombies and it just so happens to be written well. It's also about more than just surviving zombies. A nice view of human nature. Plus it's still in it's early enough stages to catch up with if the reader likes it. *** Can't go wrong with We3 or Black Hole either. And hell, Kavalier & Clay might not be a comic but it got me back into the medium. *** 100%

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 12:31 p.m. CST

    perhaps...

    by blackthought

    will eisner's a contract with god or perhaps jeff smith's bone. there's really quite a lot out there.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 12:42 p.m. CST

    It's not really about being ashamed of...

    by SleazyG.

    ...the "hero masterpieces" you described. It's that if there's somebody who doesn't like or respect comics--somebody who thinks they're juvenalia for guys who haven't outgrown Saturday morning cartoons--there's nothing in YEAR ONE or WATCHMEN to convince them otherwise. The idea is to present them with comics that show them what the medium is capable of, and to show them types of stories they didn't know were being told, to get them to consider the medium more seriously. People who don't give a shit about TEEN TITANS or ALPHA FLIGHT tend to be closed off to superhero books, but give 'em a good ol' indie "slice of life" book, or something with historical or literary import, and it's a whole 'nother matter.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 12:47 p.m. CST

    Can I say Starman?

    by GreatA'Tuin

    It's about a guy who doesn't WANT to be a superhero...that counts right?

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 12:52 p.m. CST

    OPTIC NERVE!

    by superhero

    TOMINE RULES!

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 12:58 p.m. CST

    What one comic or comic series?

    by Squashua

    Comic series? Preacher or Maus. Different strokes for different folks. What one comic issue? No idea, but it probably wouldn't be one produced by either of the big two.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 1:05 p.m. CST

    Persepolis...

    by loodabagel

    Believe me, it was better than Maus. That's about all I can say right now. Feeling too sick to do much today. Man, the question this week seems to be a lot more popular than the last one. Cool. Oddly, almost all the reviews were good. Okay, maybe not the Indie Jones, but I usually avoid those, seeing as I will never, ever get the chance to read them.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 1:18 p.m. CST

    So is Deadman related to the old superhero?

    by loodabagel

    That would be rather neat. Vertigo could do with a superhero comic. And what was the last one they made? Uncle Sam?

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 1:20 p.m. CST

    Persepolis...

    by GreatA'Tuin

    I read that. It was moving, and I enjoyed it a lot. Don't know if it's the FIRST thing I'd give a non-comic reader, unless they happen to have some stake in the subject matter. Definately on the short list of "More to Come" once you get'em hooked though.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 1:20 p.m. CST

    Broaden your horizons...

    by Ambush Bug

    There's a lot of good stuff out there in the Indie Jones and Big Eyes section. Believe me. I'm a recovering Big Two collector. I found myself buying nothing but mainstream and then wondering why my energy for comics was ebbing away. It was the Indie Jones section of this column that revitalized my interest in comics. Now even the mainstream books are interesting because of the variety of reading I am doing. I've even plummetted into Manga recently reading the truly awesome DRAGON HEAD book. And don't give me the bunk that these comics are not accessible. We provide links to the publisher's websites just for that reason allowing you to order directly from them if something in the Indie or Manga section interests you. Ignoring the indies is a sure fire way of missing out on some of the best comics out there.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 1:27 p.m. CST

    This week's question.....

    by Psynapse

    Fables or Transmetropolitan. In fact, I already have with one friend who reads voraciously but disdains spandex and comics in general.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 1:34 p.m. CST

    Fables and Strangers in Paradise

    by holidill

    Fables and Strangers in Paradise are two good non-superhero comics to show people. I got my wife hooked on Strangers in Paradise, Elfquest, Hellboy, Sin City, Voltron (when they had a comic)and Dorothy which is fantastic.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 1:46 p.m. CST

    Maus.

    by FordPerfect

    Need I saw more?

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 2:02 p.m. CST

    It's not that I don't enjoy indie stuff...

    by loodabagel

    It's that I have nowhere to buy them. What I've got to work with is a shitty chain bookstore with about fourty comics (half of which are either Archie or based on cartoons) and the comics are always a week late. Here, it's pretty much big two or nothing. Not even Vertigo comics. Well I guess I could also read Archie... And I don't really have the purse to buy a lot of comics either. But when I take a trip somewhere, I always try to buy comics. Or, I will occasionally spend upwards of 200 dollars on Amazon. I've been trying to get into indy comics, but it's got to be good stuff. I rarely get a chance to buy them, so it has to be the essentials, and usually trades or graphic novels too, know what I'm saying? I don't want to waste any money on "pretty good" comics. Yeah, if a nice comic store ever opened up in Town, I'd try to increase my pull list, definitley to include some indy stuff. as for my collection at the moment, I've got a few Daniel Clowes books, and a Best of American Splendor comic, but that's really about it, as well as a few Image comics, which I kind of count, seeing as they're not Marvel or DC. Recently I've been trying to get some Paul Pope stuff or Strangers in Paradise.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 2:06 p.m. CST

    looda

    by The Heathen

    look no further than 100% for Paul Pope. I got that one on Amazon. *** Where's Dave? Buzz? Gus?

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 2:14 p.m. CST

    silver surfer question

    by freejay

    Please help. I

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 2:26 p.m. CST

    The Vertigo DEADMAN...

    by SleazyG.

    ...has nothing whatsoever to do with the DCU's Boston Brand. Different guy, different death, different abilities, different hook. And I hate to say it, but after reading Jones' VIGILANTE revamp, which was dull, predictable, paint-by-numbers dreck with far too little actual vigilantism, I have no interest whatsoever in DEADMAN. Besides, I love the original character way too much to go for this.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 2:27 p.m. CST

    cerebys

    by blackthought

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 2:27 p.m. CST

    Answer for Question for Discussion

    by fiester

    Billy Corrigan, Ghost World, Maus, etc.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 2:33 p.m. CST

    Silver Surfer Drawing

    by Tito Trinidad

    I don't know what book it's from unfortunately but that is definately the art of Ron Lim.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 2:39 p.m. CST

    Definitely Lim on that Surfer pic

    by Ambush Bug

    So check the first hundred or so issues of his extended and awesome run on SILVER SURFER. Although, I never saw a Surfer adventure where he's got cobwebs between his fingers and is surfing away from a ficus. Must've missed that issue.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 2:45 p.m. CST

    "surfing away from a ficus"

    by The Heathen

    Heh. freejay, I'm just curious why? Is it just curiosity or something else?

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 2:49 p.m. CST

    Sleazy G

    by mattb127

    OK. Complete Lowlife by Ed Brubaker then? Stray Bullets first book?

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 2:51 p.m. CST

    you know what... I'm done

    by John Dalmas

    Not with the @$$hole column. I'll always read these round-ups and reviews, but I'm taking a siesta from comics. Way back in 1995, I couldn't take any more of the crap being over-produced and just pulled the plug, sat things out until late 2001, when I wandered into a local comics shop. By that point, a whole lot of good stuff had built up. I had a bunch of Alan Moore's ABC trades to discover, Ellis's Planetary and The Authority, Ult. Spider-Man, etc. And it felt really good to find all that stuff waiting. Suddenly I was into comics again, with as much love as I'd ever had. After IC (both of them), Civil Whatever, 52, and everything else... I'm walking away again. I'll still pick up the final 100 bullets trades, but I'm done until, oh, say, 2012 maybe, the Mayan year of the apocalypse. Somebody let me know if Alan Moore starts another comic company.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 3:08 p.m. CST

    John Dalmas

    by The Heathen

    are you drinking again? Say it aint so? There's plenty of things that are still good, great, super fantastic even! Hope you stay, but if you don't

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 3:15 p.m. CST

    Just Switch To Trades

    by Baytor

    And buy them off of Amazon (or mail order company of your choice). I'd agree that universes aren't of much interest, but it sounds like you have some writers there you enjoy following and you might as well punch in their name on an Amazon search function from time to time.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 3:17 p.m. CST

    On Optic Nerve

    by chrth

    Great comic, but I'd be averse to getting someone on comics from it. "It's a great comic, and it comes out like every 2 years if we're lucky!"

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 3:28 p.m. CST

    Godspeed, John Dalmas

    by El Vale

    And Heath, i'm 100% behind you on 100%. I just read it last week and i still can't shake it out of my head. The teapots, drinking wine on top of a satellite, throwing the dart...it's incredible, it's indelible and certainly one of the best things i've read in a while. This one's a great pick for this week's question. Also agree on Fables and Walking Dead for different people, obviously. I actually got two friends into comics: One of them, i used Powers (which doesn't count) and Y: The last man, which is another great pick, and Preacher. For my other friend, i used V after she liked the movie. She's currently reading Watchmen and We3. Maus is a good choice too...for certain people. Actually there's so much good stuff out there, there's always the one book that does it.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 3:35 p.m. CST

    NEXTWAVE

    by El Vale

    I remember this one douchebag at the um...i think it was the Vaughan board; the guy read an interview with Warren Ellis about NEXTWAVE and he was like "Hmm i don't know, this isn't looking too good right now, seems to me like Ellis is making fun of Fing Fang Foom". And i was like "sweet jesus, say it isn't so...how could someone make fun of a giant dragon who wears purple pants?! Damn you Warren Ellis, damn you to hell!" Some people, man, some people.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 3:46 p.m. CST

    Purple Pants

    by Baytor

    So much of the humor in Nextwave seems to be along the same lines I see daily from huge Marvel fans. They know these concepts are kinda silly and they have fun with it... they don't over-analysize this stuff trying to figure out serious explanations to why a giant dragon is wearing purple pants, they just have a good laugh that there is a giant dragon wearing purple pants running around. When Nextwave came out, there was this weird moment of silence as long-time fans tried to figure out if Ellis was mocking them, and, thankfully, the great bulk of them saw that he's just having fun.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 4:05 p.m. CST

    "sweet jesus, say it isn't so...

    by The Heathen

    how could someone make fun of a giant dragon who wears purple pants?!" Ha, ha! That's great. Oh man, the teapots, the scene on top of the satellite and the idea of gastro and how society evolved to it. Just perfect man. I love that book. So good. If anybody hasn't read it they need to, especially all Cogs.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 4:08 p.m. CST

    Yeah, but Optic Nerve sure would get them interested...

    by superhero

    Plus, they've been collected. Just check Amazon. And great comics every two years is better than crap every month thank you ver much!

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 4:09 p.m. CST

    FROM HELL!

    by superhero

    Just went back to reading it. Depressing and creepy but great stuff...gave me nightmares the first time I tried to read it. It's true.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 4:15 p.m. CST

    ...

    by blackthought

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 4:17 p.m. CST

    Good call superhero!

    by El Vale

    I need to read it again. And again. And again. *** Hey, has anyone here read Strangehaven by Gary Spencer Millidge? I haven't, by the way, but it comes highly recommended from the likes of Warren Ellis and Alan Moore and a bunch of other people who seem to know what they're talking about. So...anyone? Heath you should order it from Amazon and tell us about it. And if you don't like it i will...hug you? I don't know, we'll figure it out later.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 4:18 p.m. CST

    question for discussion

    by ian216a

    I have given many a friend's girlfriend a copy of the first Strangers In Paradise digest for birthdays/xmas/whatever. Now I have to beat them all off with a shitty stick.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 4:26 p.m. CST

    I'm not sure "From Hell" is a very good beginners comic

    by rev_skarekroe

    The art is really hard to digest. I mean, it's perfect for the book, but it ain't exactly easy reading if you're new to the medium.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 4:29 p.m. CST

    the goon

    by blackthought

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 4:29 p.m. CST

    MILK AND CHEESE IS THE BOMB, YO!

    by superhero

    It's true...

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 4:35 p.m. CST

    Best book for begginers

    by El Vale

    My new comic "Blackthought's digestive problems: A true story". Very accessible and gut-wrenching (pun).

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 4:43 p.m. CST

    what's Strangehaven about, Vale?

    by The Heathen

    hug.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 4:50 p.m. CST

    According to what i've heard

    by El Vale

    I think it's some sort of murder mystery. People who've seen Twin Peaks compare it to Twin Peaks a lot. Here, i'll let Amazon describe it: "Alex Hunter, driving through the remote rural English countryside, swerves and crashes his car to avoid an apparition in the winding road. When he awakens he finds himself in Strangehaven, a gently off-kilter village that he first doesn't want to leave - and then finds himself entirely unable to escape. He soon encounters some of the village's bizarre inhabitants, including an Amazonian shaman, a man who claims to be from the planet Nimoi, a woman with talking pets, and more. But who is the woman in the fish tank?" Sounds like every other story, but i hear it's quite good and the art is fantastic.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 4:58 p.m. CST

    It would depend on the person.

    by 3 Bag Enema

    I'd either give them Jimmy Corrigan: The Smartest Kid on Earth, Maus, The Invisibles, or From Hell.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 4:59 p.m. CST

    sounds like Big Fish meets A Small Killing

    by The Heathen

    which, btw, I just finished. It's an interesting study. More of an experiment in Moore's writing style than anything else, but it still works. It lays everything out for you, even in the title. I liked it. Interesting art and the interviews with Moore in the back are almost more fun to read in my opinon. I love Moore talking about what he was thinking when he was writing it. I think you'd dig it Vale.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 5:29 p.m. CST

    For people that can't get indie comics in their shops..

    by Chastain-86

    ...that's what Indyplanet.com is great for. (And I don't just say that because Corrective Measures is on there for sale.) You can get a myriad variety of great indie books at their cover prices and expose your senses to a lot of up-and-coming creators.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 5:30 p.m. CST

    Meh comics yet again @$$holes!

    by nofate

    Though I'll give you props for Nextwave. I checked out the first 3 issues and while I found it pretty funny, the jokes were kinda out of place (X-51's constant need for beer? um..yeah, hilarious). That's why it was the first one dropped when I had to cut back on my pull list. Though the bit about Tabitha's many nicknames was pretty good.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 5:32 p.m. CST

    what's on your pull list nofate?

    by The Heathen

    educate us.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 5:55 p.m. CST

    Name A Book

    by Baytor

    That you think is worthy of getting the word out. I'm sure one of us will be willing to give it a shot. So far, or me, this is mostly me pimping books that I'm already buying (hence the over-abudance of Ellis and Ennis reviews), but there's no real attempt to exclude a book. I imagine a lot of the reason for the drift away from mainstream books is that we get Comp Copies from smaller publishers (got my first in the mail today), so it's nice and free to review those books, whereas we have to put our purchasing dollars on the line for DC or Marvel.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 6:13 p.m. CST

    Nice work, Baytor...

    by SleazyG.

    ...http://www.warrenellis.com/?p=2997

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 6:14 p.m. CST

    nodwick

    by blackthought

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 6:16 p.m. CST

    Simon Pegg in BOYS?

    by Human Tornado

    Yeah, looks like Pegg's SPACED incarnation indeed.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 6:22 p.m. CST

    Why Grant Morrison RULES (for me)

    by Psynapse

    "And while we're on that subject...Batman vs. Al Qaeda! It might as well be Bin Laden vs. King Kong! Or how about the sinister Al Qaeda mastermind up against a hungry Hannibal Lecter! For all the good it's likely to do. Cheering on a fictional character as he beats up fictionalized terrorists seems like a decadent indulgence when real terrorists are killing real people in the real world. I'd be so much more impressed if Frank Miller gave up all this graphic novel nonsense, joined the Army and, with a howl of undying hate, rushed headlong onto the front lines with the young soldiers who are actually risking life and limb 'vs' Al Qaeda"***http://tinyurl.com/z9m6s***

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 6:23 p.m. CST

    Kick ass, Baytor.

    by The Heathen

    That owns.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 6:24 p.m. CST

    Yo Baytor!

    by Psynapse

    The Great and Secret Show from IDW...I would LOVE to hear what an @$$hole thinks of this book. Even if you've never read the novel trust the word of someone who has, this adapation NAILS it. Great art too...

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 6:27 p.m. CST

    I also liked this line too, Psy

    by The Heathen

    "First off, the idea that superhero comics should reflect the news headlines is not one I tend to subscribe to. I've always preferred using my comics to talk about the world around me in the language of symbolism and metaphor and I'm more interested in telling stories about how people behave in bizarre situations than I am in commenting on current events."

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 6:30 p.m. CST

    And I almost cut that line

    by Baytor

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 6:36 p.m. CST

    SCOTT PILGRIM!

    by superhero

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 6:38 p.m. CST

    Nice work Baytor

    by El Vale

    You attention grabber you. Have you read this Strangehaven comic i'm pimping even tho' i haven't read it? Sounds to me like the kind of thing you'd enjoy, no? *** I wonder if the @$$holes would print one of my Witchblade reviews in the column or something, maybe i could get Top Cow to quote me on a comic book cover. "'My penis is impressed' - Ain't it cool news"

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 6:39 p.m. CST

    Great & Secret Show

    by Baytor

    Tempting... I remember reading it years back and having vaguely fond memories of it (although I can't remember the plot at all), but I also remember I was getting a bit fed up with Clive Barker's move from horror to fantasy and stopped reading him a couple of books later. I'm really reluctant to revisit stuff like that for fear of killing a pleasant memory from youth. I'll think about it.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 6:41 p.m. CST

    Strangehaven

    by Baytor

    Kinda odd that I haven't read it yet. Remember reading a preview of it in Cerebus years back and thinking it looked really cool, but somehow I never got around to picking it up.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 6:44 p.m. CST

    100 Bullets

    by irishfella

    I would more than likely hand somebody a copy of 100 Bullets to give them a taste of what kind of subject matter non-superhero comics can deal with and the amount of thrills one can get from them. It's a consistently fantastic comic dripping with noir, alternative history, sleek style, tough talkers, shady characters and if that's not to your taste it still dishes out all the traditional thrills such as sex, violence and Lono... oh and old men with attache cases stocked with a gun, 100 rounds of untracable ammo and a cart blanche to do with the contents of the case as you see fit. What's not to love?

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 6:46 p.m. CST

    What's Not To Love?

    by Baytor

    The last couple of TPBs. I started off loving 100 Bullets, but it's been wearing on me the last few trades. I'm completely baffled by the main plot and they're not focusing on the personal tales of revenge that made me love the book before.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 6:48 p.m. CST

    Not to mention Risso's masterful artwork, Irish feller

    by El Vale

    Hand them a copy of Hang up on the hang low and let it sail.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 6:48 p.m. CST

    Really Heathen?

    by nofate

    Since I can't read sarcastic and I'd like to see what reaction I'll get from the @ssholes and cogs, I'll comply. To no one's surprise is mainly Marvel stuff. Ongoing: X-men, Uncanny, Astonishing, Daredevil, Amazing Spider-man, Ultimates, Ultimate FF, Hulk, Captain America, Ghost Rider, Powers, Squadron Supreme. DC: none (suck it Didio!) Miniseries: Civil War, FF (until CW ends, then chop-chop) Indy: Mouseguard Dropped: 100 Bullets (though I will continue with the trades until is over). There you go. Have at it.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 7:13 p.m. CST

    Really.

    by The Heathen

    And if I wanted to be sarcastic, I'd really let you know, but I was just curious what you read t be honest. Uncanny and Astonishing have been awesome, but when's the last time X-Men was any good? What's you problem with DC? I forgot. No Morrison on All Star Superman or Batman? Dini on Detective? No Vertigo titles? Again, just curious.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 7:18 p.m. CST

    In case you didn't catch the end of last week's TB...

    by SleazyG.

    ...I said I loved Barry Manilow's "Mandy", and I fucking well meant it, goddammit.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 7:22 p.m. CST

    In case you didn't catch the end of last week's TB...

    by El Vale

    ...I said if Manilow wrote that song about a dog then he is completely sick in the head and he needs professional help.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 7:24 p.m. CST

    Word, Sleazy. Word.

    by The Heathen

    and thus, the music conversation is continued

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 7:50 p.m. CST

    Damn. I was about to start talking comics again ...

    by dregmobile

    NEXTWAVE I'll hit in its trade format. I think CIVIL WAR will be a great read when it's eventually a trade. Whole thing has a very epic motion picture quality to it. And I can't wait for Miller's next Batman!

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 7:55 p.m. CST

    fuck its hard

    by Darth Kal-El

    to catch up with u fast typing bastards!ok finally read the column and the tb!great reviews as aways guys! im going to check out the boys and ive bene waiting on the nextwave trade. my shop sold out of wasteland and they havent reorderd it the sons of whores! so im stuck waiting as well.rockin sounds and looks like just that a rocking time! ***still zombie killing***u know what i like about this column and the adjoining tb is that it manages to excite me every single week about the medium. ive made it very clear that i prefer to wait for trades on the books i buy but when i come here and readd the reviews and read people gushing about comics on the tb i just feel like 'goddamn i need to get to the LCS NOW!' keep up the great work guys and baytor goddamn son your going places! nice job on that quote!lets see what else what else.oh yeah vale u mentioned les lutiers last column? please enlighten me i dont know who that is. question of the week would have to be 100 bullets but like was mentioned,the earlier trades before it became confusing. i feel like i have to put up a board with pictures a la the wire to be able to keep track but the early revenge driven trades are a great example of what this great medium is capable of. ***and finally, dildo i just took a dump in your mouth but u couldnt really tell what with all the bullshit already there. seriously go away

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 8:11 p.m. CST

    Sandman #___

    by CarmillaVonDoom

    Best 'comic book' series ever created. In real life, I have already gotten MANY non-comics readers interested in the medium via Sandman...it is probably the most popular non-superhero book out there for that purpose.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 8:23 p.m. CST

    How exciting, Vale's mini-reviews have returned!

    by El Vale

    Hey guys, i'm back. Okay, i never actually left, bet you noticed. I'd like to kick off this week's instalment of the VMRs with a look at Manhunter numero 25. Oh yes, i went there. Well i didn't actually go anywhere in the strictest, physical sense of the word, cause really, where am i gonna go? But i found Manhunter 25 among this week's DCP titles, so i said what the heck, all this talk about the book has me intrigued and since there's no way i'm gonna find the whole series online nor be able to acquire it legally, i'll just read this one issue and tell the guys what i thought of it. Okay i realize you can't judge a book by its 25th issue if you haven't read it before in your life, and said 25th issue is an ending of sorts as the book heads into nappy time for a couple of months...i know all that. But would you give me a break? Jesus. Anyway, i know you're all expecting me to hate it even if i like it because Thal and i have an antagonistic relationship or some such shit, but i'm an honest person, dammit, and even tho' my credibility may be questionable on this particular topic of discussion, i have to tell you the truth as it emerges, completely unfiltered, from the bottom of my crunchy on the outside heart: I didn't much care for it. Why didn't i care for it? Because it's almost impossible for me to form an opinion on the overall story, the characters, anything, really...and it's my own fault, i know, so this review doesn't really count (sorry Vale fans). Basically since i have no idea what's going on, the only things that stick out are the annoying things, like the gay couple that i'd be totally okay with were the author not gay himself (pet peeve), the forced/cute dialogue, and the damn self awareness. *Vale turns to Marc Andreyko* Listen, Marc? It's not clever, dude, you gotta stop with the self awareness. Having your character comment on her own mid-fight-banter is the kind of thing better suited for DVD extras. So let's compromise here, i know we can be friends if you cut that crap out. *Turns to audience again* Another thing that bugged me was the art. Technically, it's good. I like the guy's linework and faces, but he could do better in the body language department. Like for example, taht's not how an 8 year old would pose when pointing out his mom said a brown word. Maybe a blue one, like "blue". Anyway, it's still not as bad as i make it sound, but none of it really stood out for me, except those annoying little details. Sorry. *** Casanova #3 is easily the best one so far. Even Matt Fraction's thoughts at the end are entertaining and insightful instead of pretentious and horse shitty. Read it now, it's fun as hell. *** I really liked Detective Comics #822, for what it is. It's definitelly formulaic, but that's because it isn't trying not to be; Paul Dini knows he's writing straight up, done in one detective stories about Batman, and, as all the kids are saying these days, the devil is in the details. It's always fun to see hero and villain team up, we all know that, and this comic's no exception. "Don't touch anything" is a great fucking line, lemme tell you. Don Kramer's art is solid but nothing to write home about. That's all i can remember. *** Did not care for Mouseguard one bit. Read #4, it bored me, it made me look at its horrible colors, and then it was over. Bleh. *** Shaolin Cowboy #6 was awesome. I love you Geoff Darrow. *** Read NEXTWAVE #s6 and 7 and i think it's beggining to win me over. I think it was that line "Oh my god! They explode! My life has taken on new meaning!" taht did it. I think that's it for now, guys, sorry you had to read all that. More later, perhaps. Who knows?

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 9:25 p.m. CST

    Mouse Guard

    by dregmobile

    Damn. Issue 4 is a bad jumping-on point for Mouse Guard. The whole 6 or 7 issues are going to play like one storybook. I wouldn't recommend anyone buy just one of any of these. Don't know if it will end up as a hardcover or trade, but I'm liking it so far. ***** Like Detective 822 also. These are solid, tight little tales, which, at the moment seem to be rare. ***** Lots of love for 52 this week. How can that possibly be? I think I'll wait for the yellow pages-sized trade. lol.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 10:54 p.m. CST

    How I got some friends into comics...

    by loodabagel

    Let's see, two of them started out with Alan Moore-V For Vendetta, Watchmen and League of Extrordinary Gentlemen. One got Dark Knight Returns. One got Walking Dead and The Punisher. One started with Ghost World. Another also read Ghost World, but really hated it... and one started reading All Star Superman. Actually he was already reading comics, but had no idea who anybody was. I say to him-"Hey man, have you read this book?" He says-"No, I heard it sucks." I say-"No, you're thinking of All Star Batman. This one's beautiful. It's Grant fucking Morrison. Don't ya dig Morrison?" "No," he says, "I have no idea who that is." What the fuck! So, I have at least since made him familiar with Grant Morrison. He was one of those dudes who just bought every comic available, but no more! I've helped him distinguish the crap from the coll, or at least I like to think that I've helped him out. Tune in next week for more inspiring tales of comic buying.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 11:21 p.m. CST

    Congrats on the reviews, Vale...

    by loodabagel

    Every time I try to do that, I end up obsessing over one little detail of the comic or saying "Screw it. I'm gonna make a sandwich and wait for someone else to write a mini review.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 11:30 p.m. CST

    Marvel Adventures: Avengers #4

    by Drcool975

    I just got this book based on the @ssholes recommendation and it REALLY IS better than any Avengers book being published! Which of you clowns reviewed this gem? Love that Jeff Parker. Best line of the since the Comicbook fan online posting era naturally goes to Spiderman: "Hey Ultron! To put this in terms you may have come across while living in the Internet...LOL! PWNED!"

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 11:30 p.m. CST

    Wow looda

    by El Vale

    That's so nice of you. Thanks for reading buddy, i really appreciate it. Unless you were being sarcastic in which case, that's pretty mean. And dammit if anyone ever described All Star Superman better, congratulations sir.

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 1:14 a.m. CST

    MA: Avengers

    by dan grendel

    I'm not sure whether to be happy or scared that you actually read my review and listened to me, Drcool.

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 1:19 a.m. CST

    ...

    by blackthought

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 2:23 a.m. CST

    Has The Devil's Passing Gone Unnoticed?

    by stereochad

    Shit! Mike Carey just gave us a beautiful conclusion to the drastically underpraised series "Lucifer". On the surface this was a story about the clash between Heaven & Hell, But (in my opinion) was more directly based in large part on the psychological dynamic between fathers & sons. More importantly, month in & month out, it was a great read. Come on Talkbackers, give the devil his due.

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 2:31 a.m. CST

    By The Way.......

    by stereochad

    I know my topic came out of left field, but I just finally got around to reading this final issue and it left me more than a little touched (no homo), much in the same way that the final arc/issues of Hitman, Preacher, & Starman did, so I just had to log on and express my appreciation for Carey's masterwork.

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 6:48 a.m. CST

    non superhero comics

    by fried samurai

    I guess it would depend on the person.I dig 100 Bullets,The Losers,Y The Last Man,The Walking Dead,Blade Of The Immortal,DeathNote.

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 9:33 a.m. CST

    Carey's masterwork and Mouse Guard

    by The Heathen

    Haven't read Lucifer, but I hear his X-Men is confusing tripe (Bachalo carries a lot of that weight too, btw) anybody reading it? Nofate? *** Vale. You couldn't be more right about Shaolin Cowboy and you couldn't be more wrong about Mouse Guard. I know it's hard for you to get everything DCP or legally, but you should know better than most that you can't come into a miniseries halfway and know what's fully going on. And no, HoM doesn't count. Maybe if Mouse Guard was an ongoing on issue #153 or something, then by all means have at it, but for this gem you really should have started at the beginning. *** 52 SPOILERERISH *** Is Booster really dead? Weren't a lot of us thinking that he was a different Booster than the one that appeared in Infinite Crisis? Is this an elaborate setup on his part? The Death and Resurrection of Booster Gold (A DC Graphic Fiction Event Series in 900 Parts)? What dou you think? Thalya? Psy? Sleazy? Bug? Prof? Vroom? Humph? super? Squash? Dan? Baytor?

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 9:52 a.m. CST

    Beautiful Stories for Ugly Children is what

    by Borgnine JR

    I've used to hook non-coms into comics. It was a great book. Mostly unrelated,really off-beat short stories creatively illustrated.Some of the stories were bold and outlandish, some were quietly elegant, but all were a good read. They got me into writing short stories.

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 10:09 a.m. CST

    Mouse Guard...

    by loodabagel

    I am officially sick of hearing about it every day. Do they sing? Do they bake cakes? And what about all the rabbits, badgers, rats, etc? I may have said it before, but this seems a lot like Redwall the Comic. I read all of those books back in the day and no one can rip off my Redwall! If so, if the comic is exceptionally Redwallish, I shall condone it to hell. If not, I just might check it out in the future. I'm a bit of a sucker for anthropormophism...and time travel, but that's different.

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 10:30 a.m. CST

    Be Afraid, Dan Grendel...

    by Drcool975

    Be very afraid. As fas as the "Other" category in comics, the other not being mainstream superhero, yeah I'll check them out and everythang but I didn't get into comics to read crime adaptations. I got into them to see dudes flying around fighting superhuman badguys and blowing up shit with reckless disregard for civilian life. Fables is excellent, btw.

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 11:02 a.m. CST

    52 spoilertalk

    by Thalya

    Heathen, my hope is probably the prevailing theory going around that Booster staged this as a way of permanently getting rid of the "Booster Gold" persona for a couple of different reasons. 1) Blue and Gold is already dead, so.. 2) Michael John Carter is Supernova. In an interview with DiDio about #15, he referred to the guy solely as "Booster Gold", not Michael John Carter. By staging all these tantrums since issue #1 in a very public manner (very Booster-ish), especially right in front of Clark Kent since the very beginning, he gets a very tight secret ID for Supernova. Supernova moreover is a teleporter of some kind. But what if he ports through time and not space? Could the gi-hugic radiation dose from the sub have given him those powers? Maybe he got the powers from the blast, but it jumped him through time, so the Supernova in that moment ported in a fake body to permanently "kill" the Booster persona? And there's already been another fake dead body in the story (Alex Luthor), so two is a theme? There's also an interesting point that someone made that Supernova's symbol is the same as that of WGBS. Coincidence? I think DiDio or Wacker pointed out that it wasn't. That's my idea at least, and I really don't think they'd kill the guy after he was so popular on JLU.

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 11:12 a.m. CST

    In other news, Vale, oh no you di'int...

    by Thalya

    But to be honest, you were fair. Though I think you lucked out with Manhunter #25 because it was much more of a one-off than some of those preceding it. And as you could probably see, there were clearly alot of ongoing story threads throughout that didn't tie in, so it's much more of a slow-builder (the OYL kickoff at issue #20 and on might give a better sense for things, especially since it has a clean starting point for the most part). That said, anyone else read it and wind up gaping/geeking out for at least a solid minute at that last page?

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 11:14 a.m. CST

    loodabagel, RE: Mouse Guard

    by Thalya

    In issue #1 the three lead mice fight off a snake with mouse-sized swords. And if you don't like that, are you condoning or condemning it?

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 11:16 a.m. CST

    Thalya

    by The Heathen

    this is why we love you, even Vale. Thanks, that makes sense and is along the lines of what I was thinking. Sounds cool to me. I love Michael John Carter, a lot of that was because of the JLU episode as I've said before, but it worked. : ) *** looda, none of that hobbit shit for the mice in the Guard! They kick ass and fight giant things like snakes and killer crabs and other mice and, and

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 11:34 a.m. CST

    JLU/Booster angle= Wishful thinking

    by Psynapse

    Thalya it was Wacker who confirmed the SuperNova symbol/Galaxy broadcast connection. That said, JLU will NOT have any impact on Booster's fate. The Quesada/Didio EIC era is the most ego driven I've seen yet and Didio can spin all he wants but his agenda where these characters is abundantly clear. Michael may not be gone (as we know even with a body comics can turn it around) but Booster Gold is no mo' (as we say in da 'burg).

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 11:42 a.m. CST

    This Week's Reviews

    by Homer Sexual

    Well, first off I must agree that Psycho is great. I still have those issues and they look wonderful, and are highly entertaining. You should buy it! And I am going to buy Strange Westerns based on this review, though I've had mixed results with the recommendations here. Now, here is a big problem with old reviews: I am shocked and horrified that I agree with a Prof C review. ShadowPact 4 was a total waste of money, but what good does it do now? I wasted that money last week! And even worse, a 2 week old review of 52. Why bother? There have been 2 NEW ISSUES since that review. The Boys--why bother? Hitman wasn't even that good, and it's clearly paced for trades. Finally, regarding Hellblazer--now that is a book I enjoyed Ennis' writing on. And Ellis and various writers until Mike Carey bored me to death and I dropped it. I picked up all 7 issues when Mina took over, but now I dropped it again. Not bad, but way too drug out to buy individual issues. I am reading Mina's novel Garnethill, and it rocks! I imagine some of you must read books without pictures. I am a total bookworm, don't care for the mystery/crime genre yet love this book. Much more lively, and creepy, than her work so far on "Hellblazer." Last night I read some new books, and am shocked to say the best one was New Avengergs, but then I do love Jessica Drew.

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 11:44 a.m. CST

    Superhero

    by Skeletonpuppet

    You have invoked Milk and Cheese, sir, and are now my favorite cog. MERV GRIFFIN!!!

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 11:55 a.m. CST

    wha?

    by The Heathen

  • Aug. 24, 2006, noon CST

    Umm..

    by Psynapse

    Just to clarify, Superhero is an @$$hole not a Cog. (*_^) Which reminds me, you bitches still owe for carpet cleaning from the last time Schleppy puked all over the CogManse from too much Vodka and Red Bull.

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 12:07 p.m. CST

    Vodka and Red Bull is nuthin', man.

    by SleazyG.

    You should see what Schleppy gets up to when he starts downing pint-sized Jaeger bombs. 8 ounces of Jaeger + 8 ounces of Red Bull = 20 ounces of trouble. I know the math doesn't add up, but trust me on this one.

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 12:21 p.m. CST

    MERV GRIFFIN!!!!!

    by superhero

    MERV GRIFFIN!MERV GRIFFIN!MERV GRIFFIN!MERV GRIFFIN!MERV GRIFFIN!MERV GRIFFIN!MERV GRIFFIN!MERV GRIFFIN!MERV GRIFFIN!MERV GRIFFIIIIIIIIINNNNNN!!!!

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 12:25 p.m. CST

    I swear.....

    by Psynapse

    at times this TalkBack is THE most I can have while sober.....

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 12:32 p.m. CST

    Vale elaborates on his Mouseguard review

    by El Vale

    I know it isn't fair to come in late into a mini series and decide the whole thing is a bag of putrid shit, i realize that when i'm reading a comic like this, so i try to give it a fair shake and decide whether or not it intrigues me enough to make me want to read the rest of the series. Sometimes, that's been the case and sometimes it just fails to grab me, for some reason or other. Mouseguard's reason? The art. Did not care for it one bit. Maybe if it were B&W or something, but the damn spotty, patterny coloring that seems to go below the inked art instead of on top of it pisses me off. And on top of that, it uses like the same patterny bullshit on the backgrounds so it seems like the world of Mouseguard has no depth to it. So those are my shallow reasons for not liking Mouseguard. Maybe some day i'll read the whole thing and enjoy it but for now i can't enjoy it just cause it's an indy book about mice. Sorry mice. *** In other news, Thalya said i was fair! HA! Take THAT um...i don't know...in your opinion, who would take that? And yeah Thal, it did seem like a lot of ongoing story threads in there that obviously weren't satisfying enough to a new reader like me, like that one guy who looked like some sort of vampire, and the whole paparazzi thing, i mean i bet that came from somewhere. Tell me something, tho'...in the context of the book, why is the last page exciting?

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 12:34 p.m. CST

    Anyone read Dr. McNinja?

    by Engineer_at_peac

    If not, do yourself a favor and check it out. It's a webcomic right now, but it is drawn in the style of an actual comic page, 3 pages per week. So far he's done four issues total, and it is a hilariously great comic. About a Doctor who is also a Ninja. it is at www.drmcninja.com of course. I hope he is able to get them published at some point. We can learn about his adventures fighting McDonald's, giant lumberjacks, the pirate enemies of his Irish ancestors, and mexican bandits rising on raptors.

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 12:47 p.m. CST

    Doctor McNinja's cool

    by El Vale

    His fight against McDonald's is fucking classic, lemme tell ya that.

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 12:48 p.m. CST

    Maybe it's an inverted "Take that!"?

    by Thalya

    Applied to oneself? ;) Yeah, I'm not sure where that one Mark Shaw bit (the guy on the boat) is going precisely, but from previous issues it looks like the Manhunter cult might be calling him back to his past and in some obscure way will tie into the Guardians screwing with Kyle Rayner over in Ion (and I'm probably speaking a foreign language to you at this point). And the Sweeney Todd baddie with the shaving razor has been the ongoing baddie through the OYL arc. The papprazzi thing isn't so ongoing though, it's just another L.A.-ism that pops up every issue. As for the last page *SPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIILLLLLEEEEEEEERRRRRSSSSS*, it's a big link into the larger universe because the big thing from Infinite Crisis and its buildup was that Wonder Woman killed Max Lord and she was never tried - until now. Kate's gonna be her lawyer, apparently (and after she just got done defending one of WW's rogues, Dr. Psycho, natch). WW being tried is a long time in the making and my reaction was this is the most logical conclusion (and, gah, I have to wait until December to see it played out!). *END SPOILERS*

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 1:06 p.m. CST

    OH!

    by El Vale

    Okay i remember hearing about Wonder Woman: Murderer while back. Let's hope Andreyko finds an interesting and original take on the subject so it only invites positive comparisons to She Hulk and Bendis' DD, if any. And you WERE speaking a foreign language back there, it was pretty scary. Now let's see what the other Cogs think of Manhunter once their trades arrive and they read it from the start like a normal person would. Thanks for the answers!

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 1:09 p.m. CST

    Dairy Products Gone Bad:

    by SleazyG.

    Gin makes a man mean!

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 1:14 p.m. CST

    Sure thing, duderkins.

    by Thalya

    And Psy, I never said that Booster was coming back. But it might be enough to have kept Michael from kicking the bucket as well.

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 1:29 p.m. CST

    Dammit, that shoulda read

    by Psynapse

    "at times this TalkBack is THE most FUN I can have while sober....." You KNOW you r day is going to be shit when your 2nd call of the day involves you having to say "Ma'am, please stop yelling at me, I'm trying to help you but I really must insist you stop yelling." Goddamn people, I hate those fuckers....

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 1:33 p.m. CST

    Why's she yelling at you?

    by El Vale

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 1:40 p.m. CST

    'Cuz she's a fuckin' CUNT...

    by Psynapse

    Who's too goddamn stupid to understand that once a dsitributor ships a package we are BOTH then dependent on the carrier and their 'service'. She was just one of those ass-spelunkers that wanted a fight and didn't care who she got as long she got some blood. Fuckin' BITCH......

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 1:42 p.m. CST

    ? OF THE WEEK

    by Homer Sexual

    Easy one! Love & Rockets! I turned many of my university chums on to this one back in the day. Other than that, WE3 is a second choice, Simpsons third and, yes, I hate to say this, but some of my non-comic friends enjoyed (sigh) Transmetropolitan and Preacher (repeat sigh).

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 1:45 p.m. CST

    Why would you sigh Homer?

    by El Vale

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 2:13 p.m. CST

    I sigh because...

    by Homer Sexual

    I only enjoyed Transmetropolitan for like 4-6 months but kept on buying it way after I got bored with it, and Preacher went out with one of the worst last issues of all time, and is over-rated. Though I have like every issue. Oh, forgot that a couple friends do currently read my Y:The Last Man.

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 2:22 p.m. CST

    im right there with u psy

    by Darth Kal-El

    people think becasue theyre on the phone they can be the worlds biggest dicks/cunts/douchebags.i once had a guy say he was going to place a curse on me and my family because i wouldnt waive his late fee,which by the way he paid late every month and called in every month to have the fee wiaved.this fucker said he wished my kids all the pain i was causing him by not waiving his goddamn late fee!

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 2:57 p.m. CST

    ....

    by blackthought

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 2:59 p.m. CST

    Lucas must be stopped

    by The Heathen

    http://tinyurl.com/h7drb

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 3:13 p.m. CST

    holy shit

    by Darth Kal-El

    what are hitmen running nowadays anyways?

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 3:18 p.m. CST

    Y'know..

    by Thalya

    It'd be nice if they just came out and said what it was. That said, I've got a bad feeling about this.

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 3:25 p.m. CST

    Holy fuck...Lucas is well and truly whacked...

    by Psynapse

    That is just WAY too many years of prescription meds talking there. What a fucking fruitcake.......

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 3:30 p.m. CST

    Vale's totaly unexpected Lady Death vs War Angel review

    by El Vale

    Well shit, color me dissapointed guys. I mean you look at the cover for this one, you think there's no way in hell this isn't gonna be awesome, and here's why: 1) It's called Lady Death vs War Angel, duh. 2) They both look like what a Suicide Girl dreams she looked like. 3) They are fighting with swords. 4) There is a pool. 5) War Angel's got nipples on top of her bra, like that gay Batman we had for a while, except her gold plated nipples are shaped like little horns of death! Or maybe horns of War, i don't know. Plus, you should see her "thong". It's like Robin's stupid mask thing, you're like how is this small piece of cloth going to conceal the identity of her pussy? Don't expect any answers from this comic, tho'. Anyway, 7 covers later (and i'm not making a joke here), and right as i'm beginning to imagine maybe this isn't so much a comic as it is a celebration of tits, the actual story kicks in and my interest starts to wane, ever so slowly. The plot itself is quite simple, War Angel has this guy make her a sort of armored glove to cover up her skeletal hand (?) and then she flies over to the Blacklands where Lady Death is arm wrestling monsters for money (and does that make her a slut?), to do battle with her. So she grabs Lady Death, takes her up into the stratosphere or perhaps not that high and then drops her on a church. Then she gets up and they start kicking the crap out of eachoter in a cemetery. Admittedly that sounds awesome in its simplicity, but i don't think anyone told Brian Pulido how much fun this story could be so the guy didn't even try to run with it. I mean there are some fun touches here and there but i don't think he meant them. And okay, we all know that's the best part about these bad comics, when there's something hilarious in there and you're sure none of the people involved in the production realize it's funny. But the fun stuff in here isn't brilliant or laugh out loud funny, it's just mildly entertaining. Like there's this part where they're fighting in the church they just crashed into, and their tough talk is kinda funny. LD: "You have no purpose. you've been discarded--like trash" I like the little "--" in there, like she's trying to think of an example of something that is discarded. Then WA says: "FACE ME!" LD: "Have at it!" WA: "Who are you to speak? You've renounced your humanity to save your mother's soul...yet how are close are you to finding her? *Not a typo on my behalf* For all your bluster you are PATHETIC!" -- And then a dead lady falls out of her coffin and even she has huge boobs. Then at the end WA's gonna deliver one final and fatal blow, and she says "When you see God, my lord and master...i want you to tell him...*THWAK*". Pandora (?) punches her in the back of her neck and she dies. At first i thought maybe this was an homage to the famous "Captain America, i command you to *WANK*" line, but that would be kind of stupid. Anyway i'm sure LD would've liked to know all you needed to do was punch WA in the back of her head to kill her. She could've avoided falling into a church and almost getting choked to death. By the way, can Lady Death die? Maybe she gets choked to life. I'm sure that bitch from Evanescence would like that. Some final thoughts: I'm not so sure how it all works guys, i'm terribly sorry, i mean...what do you think makes a bad comic good? Is it a stupid concept and a creative team that realizes how stupid it is, and it plays that part up, or does it take someone who takes that stupid concept so seriously that it ends up being unintentionally hilarious? Can you guys give me some fine examples of bad comics that are pretty awesome and why they're awesome? That's your question for discussion, people. Have at it.

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 3:33 p.m. CST

    I'll say it right now

    by The Heathen

    Indy 4 under Spielbergs guidance was the movie of all movies that I'd want to see get made that actually had a shot. X-Men directed by James Cameron and the once mentioned team up of Ridley Scott and Cameron doing an Alien movie together don't count anymore

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 3:36 p.m. CST

    I tease because I love...

    by GreatA'Tuin

    Ok, so i just got my HC Omni of Walking Dead....but fuck you all I'm not reading it yet. I've got shit to do, and I'ma save it for when I can enjoy it. *** Sleazy, please stop. Seriously, Mandy? The only good thing to come from that shit was some movie or other where Jenna Elfman was a stripper dressed as an angel. I don't remember much about it, but they were talkin' about that song, and to steal a line from Vale my penis was very inpressed. *** I will be gone this weekend and I shall return on Monday with a little ditty i have tentativly titled: "Mr. Turtle goes to Mexico" I make no promises, other than if there is a donkey show, there will be pictures in the CogManse. (If I have to suffer, so do you bitches!) Oh, and on a related note, I'll be posting a "how to" on surviving the Mexican Black Market Kidney Trade, I hope. Keep those fingers crossed. *** Darth, we won't speak here, but if you really want to know the answer to your last post, email me later. The password is: "The chair is against the wall, and Tom has a long mustache."

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 3:50 p.m. CST

    And then a dead lady falls out of her coffin...

    by Darth Kal-El

    ...and even she has big boobs'.i love vale reviews!

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 3:52 p.m. CST

    Can't Hardly Wait

    by The Heathen

    which is a movie that is pretty bad, but awesome. There, that kinda anwers Vales question

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 3:54 p.m. CST

    Homer

    by El Vale

    What makes Preacher's last issue one of the worst last issues of all time? I thought it was great, moving and a perfect conclusion for the story. And Preacher's not over rated, just because you don't think it's all that good doesn't mean we're all wrong for doing so.

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 3:58 p.m. CST

    The Walking Dead Omnibus?!?!?!

    by The Heathen

    Wow Turtle, I thought you just got the 1-12 HC, the omnibus is the shit. You saved some money by ordering it through Amazon though, huh? On a related note, the original CoIE Absolute is going for $140 bucks and the Vol. 2 and Vol. 3 of New X-Men are going for $60 bucks. So, no CoIE for me and I can't wait until December for the New X-Men Omnibus, which I can find for the price of just one of the Volumes. *** This Outkast record just isn't growing on me. Balls.

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 4:03 p.m. CST

    balls

    by blackthought

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 4:05 p.m. CST

    great a

    by Darth Kal-El

    we might not need to do anything yet...***continues trying to aim the mansion's turbo-laser at skywalker ranch***

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 4:08 p.m. CST

    oh and heathster

    by Darth Kal-El

    can i get a copy? of the cd not your balls

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 4:08 p.m. CST

    And now

    by The Heathen

    witness the power of this armed and fully operational COG MANSION!!!

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 4:09 p.m. CST

    Heathen...

    by nofate

    Is not that I have something against DC characters nor the current creators. Morrison/Andy and Donner/Adam on any title would be any fan boys wet dream. But their head guys (Didio, Levitz) were the ones that turn me off their product. That whole bullshit about the DD/Batman story written by Bendis? DC not wanting to do it as long as Quesada was in charge? That's just one. Another would be that for the last 3 years I would say, all their stories have been event/character re-boot gimmick driven. ID Crisis, Infinite, 52, GL as the Spectre, constant multi-issue story lines on Batman. No thanxs, I get enought of that at Marvel, except better executed.

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 4:12 p.m. CST

    Meanwhile at skywalker ranch

    by Darth Kal-El

    ***george lucas,neck waddle jiggling***"Its a trap!"

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 4:13 p.m. CST

    John Constantine says:

    by El Vale

    "The Outkast record just isn't growing on me balls"

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 4:18 p.m. CST

    Wow

    by El Vale

    Are we really talking about a Cog Laser of sorts? That is so fucking masculine!

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 4:19 p.m. CST

    you got it gunner

    by The Heathen

    I'll send you a bunch of stuff and 50 Death Cab discs for Turtle's skeet shooting

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 4:33 p.m. CST

    Nofate

    by The Heathen

    I can see that, although I'd say that A) Marvel's event aren't executed any better (HoM, Dissasembled) and there have been more of them at Marvel recently with the aformentioned two, Decimation, Deadly Genesis, Planet Hulk, Civil War, Annihilation and all tie-ins. B) DC knew that after Infinite Crisis that even people like me and Psy had had had enough 'event' commotion and now we have Morrison, Dini, Donner, etc. telling smaller arcs and single issue stories and C) Joe Quesada is no better than Didio and I'd go as far to say that he really isn't as in tune to what the fans want, because we don't matter apparently. That said, Didio isn't a saint, but if I had to choose who to run my company? I've never heard him say, "I don't like the dark, so Batman is only going to be seen in the daytime from now on because what kind of message are we sending to the kids if we have a superhero walking around at night in the shadows?" I do read plenty of books from both publishers, but Marvel usually makes me more frusterated.

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 4:44 p.m. CST

    Dr. McNinja

    by dan grendel

    Hell yeah, I read it every update. That shit is funny.

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 4:46 p.m. CST

    Vale

    by Homer Sexual

    I am at work, so can't exactly reference that last issue. But the second-to-last issue was excellent and tied up the whole series. Then the last issue negated the coolness of the second-to-last issue with a bunch of macho bullshite hokey "emotion," inflated self-importance and heavy-handedness that characterized just what I hated about Preacher (though there was a lot that I loved about it, such as the very freaky Herr Starr and his bizarro assistant lady whose name I forget). I will dig it out tonight so I can reply better.

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 4:55 p.m. CST

    Thanks Homer

    by El Vale

    Looking forward to our debate.

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 4:57 p.m. CST

    I like this.

    by The Heathen

    Debates that are civilized. Crazy.

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 5:07 p.m. CST

    I love "Can't Hardly Wait"--great movie.

    by SleazyG.

    "Why y'all tryna bust mah FLAVA?!?"

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 5:10 p.m. CST

    DC is right not to do that BATMAN/DAREDEVIL crossover.

    by SleazyG.

    Partly because BMB sucks really hard and I'm completely fucking sic of him, especially on DD. Also partly because Quesada *earned* that shit. He's got it coming, frankly, and I don't blame Levitz, Bob Wayne or anybody else for telling him to go fuck himself. JQ acted like a complete dick and got what he earned.

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 5:13 p.m. CST

    Please tell me more

    by El Vale

    About this Can't hardly wait picture. Also, where's Shig?

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 5:17 p.m. CST

    PREACHER is, in fact, overrated.

    by SleazyG.

    It allowed itself to be sidetracked far too many times, it wasted issue after issue on pointless juvenalia, there was a whole year that pulled the characters (and therefore the readers) away from the intended story, far too much went unaddressed and unpunished, there was no satisfactory sense of closure, and the ending was rushed and off-point. The series started out strong, and it had a lot of potential, but in the end that potential wasn't realized. I say it again, and will go to my grave saying it: HITMAN is a vastly better series in which Ennis accomplished his goals far better, and I strongly believe this was because it was not a Vertigo/MAX title. He had to meet certain editorial constraints, and it caused him to think things through more, be more focused and be more original.

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 5:18 p.m. CST

    Bendis sucks really hard?

    by El Vale

    Wow, so so wrong. Also, if DC wanted to take the higher road, they should've done the crossover, show JoeQ they can act like adults. But alas...

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 5:20 p.m. CST

    More about "Can't Hardly Wait"?

    by SleazyG.

    Seth Green pretending he's Vanilla Ice (the movie slightly predates Eminem). Jennifer love Hewitt looking cute. Jenna Elfman dressed as an angel. That redheaded chick who played Claire on "Six Feet Under". Fun soundtrack. A group of white kids getting the shit kicked out of 'em for trying to rep like they be from the hood an' shit. It's just a cute, fun, harmless PG-13 comedy, but I liked it enough to watch it at least three or four times.

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 5:21 p.m. CST

    Hmm....I think it's the Omni.

    by GreatA'Tuin

    I'll have to check that. It's frickin' huge though. *** "Can't Hardly Wait"! That was the peice of shit I saw! Seth green as a wigger. That just gives me the shit-fuckin' shudders. Love has a great rack though. *** I told you fuckers...NOT HERE! And why was I NOT informed about the Cog Laser? I can MacGuyver at least another order of magnitude out of that thing, I swear to me!

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 5:21 p.m. CST

    It's not about the high road, man.

    by SleazyG.

    It's about saying "you guys are both douchebags, so I'm not going to work with you. You don't like it? Then you shouldn't have acted like douchebags."

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 5:26 p.m. CST

    Sleazy, i disagree completely about Preacher

    by El Vale

    That's cool tho', just different tastes. Right now i don't feel like elaborating all that much, to tell you the truth, but i could!

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 5:28 p.m. CST

    BTW, anyone reading Cable/Deadpool?

    by GreatA'Tuin

    That vook is the tits! Something about Wade getting to call Cable Prescilla is fucking priceless.

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 5:30 p.m. CST

    Yknow what, Vale? I don't think you can.

    by SleazyG.

    Yeah, that's right, I'm callin' you out, punk. You wanna step to this, hermano?

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 5:32 p.m. CST

    But it's not about Quesada

    by El Vale

    It's about a book that could've been great. Well, not to you, but maybe i would've liked it. So you think i give a shit if Didio thinks JoeQ was a big old meaney cause he pulled his hair during recess? In the end it all comes down to a) The fans and b) The money they could've made off that fucker. And why's Bendis a douchebag? Because he thought people might like a Batman/DD crossover? You back it up, you publish it and you show people it's all in good fun and it's not your personal agenda that matters. In that way Didio and his fuckers are as bad as JoeQ for not caring about the longtime fans.

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 5:35 p.m. CST

    Hermano?

    by El Vale

    Are you and this Hermano guy teaming up to *try* and kick my ass? I could take you both with one hand tied to my foot!

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 6:09 p.m. CST

    a) The fans

    by The Heathen

    cause Da Q really cars about them.

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 6:15 p.m. CST

    Mandy....

    by Psynapse

    I stand corrected, Scott English (who wrote and recorded it under the name "Brandy" originally) made up the dog story to get a reporter off his back. Manilow just did a pseudo-cover apparently. I am a mong the many who actually thought the urban legend (as opposed to those pesky rural legends natch) was true....

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 6:21 p.m. CST

    I love Preacher like I love Ice Cream

    by superhero

    And that's a whole helluva a lot...

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 6:22 p.m. CST

    I love Preacher like I love Empanadas...

    by superhero

    And that's a whole helluva lot...

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 6:23 p.m. CST

    I love Preacher like I love Sushi...

    by superhero

    And that's a whole helluva lot...

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 6:50 p.m. CST

    DaQ Cars about the fans?

    by El Vale

    I think Heath's trying to tell us something. Maybe JoeQ's a big fan of the movie Cars? I'll figure it out.

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 7:34 p.m. CST

    apparently I can't type sarcasm

    by The Heathen

    or correctly for that matter. Goramitt!!! You kow what I meant. Mmm

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 7:59 p.m. CST

    Dude

    by El Vale

    It was a Batman/DD book written by Bendis at the peak of his popularity. Top 5 book, guaranteed. Plus, i didn't say it was JoeQ who cared about the fans, and then later on i said he didn't, so...yeah.

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 8:30 p.m. CST

    hmm

    by Thalya

    "So you think i give a shit if Didio thinks JoeQ was a big old meaney cause he pulled his hair during recess?" So that's why DiDio doesn't have hair..

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 9:37 p.m. CST

    ...

    by blackthought

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 10:50 p.m. CST

    WHere's WASTELAND by Beautiful Stories for Ugly CHildre

    by bipple

    n @ anyone remember that The Wasteland like the farside but far more surreal

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 11:01 p.m. CST

    Oh shit Darth!

    by El Vale

    I forgot to say thanks for all the kid words, man! *Hug*

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 11:53 p.m. CST

    Astonishing

    by Throb

    So Good. Wolverine's foppish childhood, Hellfire Club infighting, Negasonic Teenage Warhead - Wow, we really have run out of names, Emma's long awaited and well deserved ass kicking, and two shocking revelations including the identity of the X-man that will destroy Ord's home world.

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 11:55 p.m. CST

    How Bendis acted like a douchebag:

    by SleazyG.

    He knew perfectly goddamned well that the reason there wouldn't be a BATMAN/DD book was because of some very ignorant, crude, demeaning comments Quesada made in the press. He knew it was their own damned fault, and instead of saying "oh well--missed opportunity" he acted like a dickhead at WizardWorld. He stood on stage in the single largest panel room used by the con, and he said "I want to do this book and DC won't let us. If you want to see it, talk to them." That's when Bob Wayne got up on stage and stated in no uncertain terms that DC wouldn't work with Marvel as long as Quesada was there. Any y'know what? He's fucking RIGHT. And you know what else? If Bendis and Quesada had acted like fucking men, stepped up to the plate, and apologized for fucking up, and been sincere about it, I'm pretty sure DC would have reconsidered. But no. Instead Bendis and Quesada try to act like they don't know what the big deal is and paint DC as the bad guys. Well, they're not. Quesada blew it, and then Bendis blew it by trying to publically back DC into a corner. They earned the response they got, and saved us a shitty crossover in the process. Which I should almost thank them for, really.

  • Aug. 25, 2006, 12:19 a.m. CST

    You know, Sleazy...

    by vroom socko

    Bendis has gone on record as saying that doing that DD/Batman panel was the biggest mistake of his life. Not that you have to like the man, but he knows, and admits that he blew it. Just an FYI.

  • Aug. 25, 2006, 12:22 a.m. CST

    Throb

    by Homer Sexual

    I also liked Astonishing, though I reserve judgment on the Emma stuff until this story is over. Loved Kitty, though she seemed a little dumb at one point. But, honestly, did you really read all those word balloons of regressed Wolverine? I, you know, couldn't do all that. This was a good one, nonetheless.

  • Aug. 25, 2006, 12:25 a.m. CST

    Sleaze

    by El Vale

    Bendis apologized for the incident. Publicly. Oh look Vroom already said it; oh well, might as well second it. Nice to see you giving credit where credit's due =P

  • Aug. 25, 2006, 10:35 a.m. CST

    Lucas on Indy IV

    by rev_skarekroe

    He just means they're going to make the movie they want to make regardless of all the oversensitive fans think. He doesn't mean it's going to star Jake Lloyd or whatever.

  • Aug. 25, 2006, 11:51 a.m. CST

    "We're basically going to do "The Phantom Menace"

    by The Heathen

    Did you read that right, rev? And I don't believe that they are going to make a movie that they all like, I think that if it ever does get made, (which it probably won't) it'll be because it's something that LUCAS likes. Not Speilberg or Ford, because they've both been fine with past versions, but Lucas wasn't. And to have him say he doesn't care about the fans and he's gonna do a Phantom Indiana? Mother FUCK THAT!!! I think Speilberg and Ford are at least thinking the same thing too.

  • Aug. 25, 2006, 12:19 p.m. CST

    as much as i might have

    by Darth Kal-El

    said otherwise in the past i really hope this movie does not get green lit. all this talk about lucas making it like pahntom menace aside, harrison ford is OLD. i personally dont want the image i have in my mind(and dvds) of indiana jones to be tarnished by watching some codger trying to handle a bullwhip and make with the funny quips. same reason im going to skip out on rocky balboa. the movies where great IN THEIR TIME and will always remain classics but to have harrison throw on the fedora and go for another go round is not something i want to see.

  • Aug. 25, 2006, 12:21 p.m. CST

    And a hearty HERE! HERE! to that one Heath.

    by GreatA'Tuin

    That is all

  • Aug. 25, 2006, 12:23 p.m. CST

    However, Darth...

    by GreatA'Tuin

    Normally, I would agree with you, but have you SEEN the trailer for Rocky Balboa? That movie looks fucking awesome. I HATE saying tht, but...damn!

  • Aug. 25, 2006, 12:26 p.m. CST

    Indiana Lloyd and the Temple of Jake...

    by GreatA'Tuin

    ...BOOK IT!

  • Aug. 25, 2006, 12:26 p.m. CST

    No, I didn't know he said it was his biggest mistake.

    by SleazyG.

    Now that I do, I officially withdraw my ire and give him full credit for stepping up and being the better man in the situation. If he owned up to his mistake and said it was a horrible miscalculation, he deserves full credit and he'll get it from me. I respect him for doing it and appreciate you guys letting me know. I'll tell ya this, though: Quesada still hasn't budged. At WWC this summer, somebody asked him about the possibility of a crossover, and his response was to say "well, maybe you don't know this, but a couple of years ago right in this room Bob Wayne said DC would never do a crossover with Marvel as long as I work there, so I wouldn't count on it." He didn't admit to it being because of anything he said or did--he once again put it off on DC for being meanies and failed to own up to what he had said and done to cause it. I think it's a shame, too, because if he stepped up and took responsibility, and then said "what can I do to make things right?", he'd earn a lot of the respect that was lost in the Jemas era back.

  • Aug. 25, 2006, 12:27 p.m. CST

    I dont' mind Harrison's age.

    by The Heathen

    To me, he's the only Indy ever and it doesn't matter how old he is. Look at how much fun was had with Sean Connery in The Last Crusade, but none of it had to do with his age and that was smart. If the movie ever did get made, as long as Indy wasn't saying, "I'm getting too old for this shit." it could and would work. No way in hell I want to see a young Indy that isn't on TV and no way I want to see a Son of Indy either. And I think with Spielberg directing he'd have the ultimate say. The problem is placating Lucas enough to get the movie into production and Spileberg would like to make it, but he has about 13 things in production and pre-production ( http://tinyurl.com/g4vu4 ) that he can easily keep himself busy with. Why irrritate himself with Lucas?

  • Aug. 25, 2006, 12:33 p.m. CST

    We have to get Indy 4 made though

    by The Heathen

    Why? Natalie Portman. That's why. Ask, Shigeru.

  • Aug. 25, 2006, 1:43 p.m. CST

    Guys, i think you're reading this all wrong

    by El Vale

    I think Lucas is saying he's aware people's expectations are too high and he's preparing himself for another Phantom Menace in terms of response. But how do you make an Indiana Jones Phantom Menace? Doesn't make any sense. It may end up being a Phantom Menace sort of deal, but Lucas isn't saying what you guys think he's saying. At least that's what i think

  • Aug. 25, 2006, 2:11 p.m. CST

    "But how do you make an Indiana Jones Phantom Menace?"

    by The Heathen

    Or the original Star Wars or Empire Strikes Back or Return of the Jedi into a Phantom Menace for that matter? I didn't make sense, but it certainly does now Vale. After three prequels that honestly only have enough good material for one movie probably, I think Lucas is saying exactly what I'm thinking he is. I also think you're right too though, Lucas is already prepearing for fan and critical backlash of an idea that Spielberg and Ford think is a bad one and Lucas is just too damn stubborn to admit that. We're both right from that point of view. But even if we're not, a Phantom Menace sort of deal is still a Phantom Menace sort of deal and that's the last thing besides an Attack of the Clones sort of deal that I'd want to associate Indiana Jones with. To convince you

  • Aug. 25, 2006, 2:15 p.m. CST

    Coincidence? I think not......

    by Psynapse

    Did you all know that the Quesada Gigas is the Giant Cicada? That would make both Quesadas noisy and annoying bugs, just one of 'em also happens to be pudgy and greasy as well.....Yeah that's right, Fuck you Joe.

  • Aug. 25, 2006, 2:18 p.m. CST

    love ya, Psy

    by The Heathen

    : )

  • Aug. 25, 2006, 2:35 p.m. CST

    random but funny psy

    by Darth Kal-El

    and vale i dont think anyone is saying that hes going to have jar jar like creatures and pod races in the new indy. i think the fact that hes preparing himself for a phantom menace level of response is the worst actually because to this day he still stands behind that garbage. to me that says hes going to do whatever the hell he damn well pleases, fans be damned. when the backlash is felt he will hit us with 'its a misunderstood movie.much like phantom menace!'fuck that noise. in my opinion indy 4 should stay off the big screen and in everyones mind.u know everyone has their own version of whta happened to indy after last crusade bumping around in their heads

  • Aug. 25, 2006, 2:43 p.m. CST

    I'm a communist

    by hawaiianpunch

    ....and I'm buying NEXTWAVE and loving every delicious panel of it too.

  • Aug. 25, 2006, 2:44 p.m. CST

    was I summoned...?

    by Shigeru

    I haven't been around yesterday and today because as the cogs know it's been a *long* past couple days.

  • Aug. 25, 2006, 2:48 p.m. CST

    Anyways, Indy 4...

    by Shigeru

    Natalie Portman should star (duh). She'd play: Indiana Jones (duh), Sallah, a scary-ass snake, The Lost City of Atlantis (the McGuffin) and of course she would play the bullwhip too. I mean look at her! I would break the sound barrier with the end of her!! (don't ask me what that means) Basically Indy 4 should be called "Natalie Portman vs. your fucking brain, because when she puts on a fedora your brain will explode she's so fucking cute." It's kind of a long title but I like it.

  • Aug. 25, 2006, 2:50 p.m. CST

    Wow

    by Darth Kal-El

    "Natalie Portman vs. your fucking brain, because when she puts on a fedora your brain will explode she's so fucking cute." BEST.TITLE.EVER!

  • Aug. 25, 2006, 2:50 p.m. CST

    How about something tasteless to top it off?

    by Psynapse

    Q: Why can't Helen Keller drive a car?***A: Because she's a woman.

  • Aug. 25, 2006, 2:52 p.m. CST

    Yes, Heathen, I read it right.

    by rev_skarekroe

    Did you read the rest of the article? Are you taking his sentence literally or something?

  • Aug. 25, 2006, 2:53 p.m. CST

    The Death Cog Mansion Laser

    by Shigeru

    We can boost lethality by rerouting power from all those 50" plasma TVs in the Halo Room. Oh and also rerouting power from the surveillance set-up in Thal's room... wait what now? Oh, sorry GreatA...

  • Aug. 25, 2006, 2:54 p.m. CST

    Or how about this?

    by Psynapse

    Q: What's the difference between pussy and cunt?***A: A pussy is soft, warm, and inviting....a cunt is the person that owns it.

  • Aug. 25, 2006, 2:59 p.m. CST

    Hellen Keller joke made me LOL

    by Shigeru

    roflcopter

  • Aug. 25, 2006, 3:10 p.m. CST

    harrison ford is still living right?

    by blackthought

  • Aug. 25, 2006, 3:14 p.m. CST

    Okay, in all fairness....

    by Psynapse

    Q: Why do so many woman have big tits and tight twats?***A: Because so many men have big mouths and tiny peckers.

  • Aug. 25, 2006, 3:52 p.m. CST

    What sentence? I don't think he's going to LITERALLY

    by The Heathen

  • Aug. 25, 2006, 3:55 p.m. CST

    But Shig....

    by GreatA'Tuin

    If I don't have my cameras....what the hell am I fighting for? Besides, I was just gonna jury-rig the boom-tubes to it and label that setting as "bowel liquify".

  • Aug. 25, 2006, 3:58 p.m. CST

    NO!!! Not the Halo room plasmas!

    by The Heathen

    Use Spectregans ecto-farts for more lethality!

  • Aug. 25, 2006, 4:24 p.m. CST

    Just for Psy....

    by GreatA'Tuin

    What's the best thing about fucking an eight year old?*****The satisfying "SNAP" of the pelvis.*****And with that, I shoot myself to save you all the trouble.

  • Aug. 25, 2006, 4:24 p.m. CST

    Okay one more for tasteless's sake....

    by Psynapse

    Q: What's the ONE thing and Ethiopian wife never says to her husband?***A: Eat me.

  • Aug. 25, 2006, 4:34 p.m. CST

    oh,

    by blackthought

  • Aug. 25, 2006, 5:10 p.m. CST

    Okay, one more for the weekend...

    by Psynapse

    Q: How do lepers commit suicide?****A: They give head.

  • Aug. 25, 2006, 6:35 p.m. CST

    Damn you heathen Heathen!

    by El Vale

    Vern AND Bendis?! I'm overpowered. You prolly slipped them some drugs or something didn't you, you bastard? Well since obviously you can't get away with trying to defend Lucas here, i will say this: He made the prequels and not even Natalie Portman was worth it. Well maybe that one scene in Attack of the clones where she's wearing this black dress that pushes her breasts up ever so slightly. Alright, i'm gonna go masturbate now, but i wanted to thank Turtle for that joke about the pelvis. It is grand. So long!

  • Aug. 26, 2006, 10:03 a.m. CST

    That black dress in AOTC is tied for the best part

    by Shigeru

    Tied with Nat's nipples in that TIGHT white number she had on. But yeah...black dress...breasts.... ...

  • Aug. 26, 2006, 3:09 p.m. CST

    my man boobs are bigger than hers

    by Darth Kal-El

    still and all she probably tastes like raspberrys

  • Aug. 26, 2006, 5:34 p.m. CST

    she does taste like raspberries

    by The Heathen

    and cotton candy

  • Aug. 26, 2006, 10:04 p.m. CST

    Wolverine 45

    by dregmobile

    Was fantastic. This is easily the most entertaining of the Civil War plot threads. And this last issue featured some great things. SPOILERS: To see Logan kicking ass in Iron Man armour was priceless. Taking Nitro's arm. Going toe to toe with Namor. His "sushi dipped in oil" line. And the last page. The line of empty beer glasses. I just loved this issue. Hope I this is a good sign I'll like this title after CW moves on. ***** JUSTICE LEAGUE AMERICA #1: While I like how Meltzer is reviving an old favourite of mine - Red Tornado - I find it immensely irritating they are bringing Power Girl into the team (maybe ... it looks like that is the case). I like the idea of Arsenal in. The art works, the writing is good. It's building to something hopefully worthwhile. I just don't fucking get that they have to slap on the first chapter of Meltzer's new book, though. If you're reading a JLA comic, why would you honestly give a shit? ***** Avengers 23 was pretty cool, too. Lovely artwork. Would be great to read an actual Civil War comic soon, though. ***** Indy 4 - couldn't care less about this until we dissolve from the Paramount logo. I do think Ford is getting on. I just hope the script will reflect this and not have him do too much (like, say Danny Glover in Lethal Weapon 4).

  • Aug. 27, 2006, 1:31 p.m. CST

    vale, I can't find that last issue.

    by Homer Sexual

    The last issue of Preacher I have is 67, which is an ass-kicking issue full of the great characters and no holds barred action, without excessive macho bullshite (usually from Cassidy) or hero-worship of the Preacher Man himself. I am actually bummed that I can't re-read that last issue, since I recall such a strong hatred of it but can't remember specifics. Sorry.

  • Aug. 27, 2006, 3:38 p.m. CST

    But Homer

    by El Vale

    How can that be? Preacher only ran for 66 issues.

  • Aug. 28, 2006, 8:39 a.m. CST

    So, who's read Manhunter?

    by Thalya

    Morning sunshines! I've read Fables, and it is good. Willingham has inspired much trust in me. Now whose asses do I need to kick? *** In other comics news: Morrison's Batman rocks - now here's a writer who knows how to have fun! Wonder Woman continues to stay high grade. Blue Beetle is slowly dropping down the tube; I'm giving it two or three more issues. Birds of Prey picks itself back up after a rushed ending - love love Gail's villains characterization, especially Felix Faust. JLA #1 starts slow but rich. Get us to the villains of the piece, Meltzer! 52 continues to build steam, metabolizing the first few months of expo.

  • Aug. 28, 2006, 9:54 a.m. CST

    I'm back... With a vengeance!

    by loodabagel

    After five days of living with what is a commonly unbeatable disease, regularily killing millions in the first hour (a.k.a. a fever), I've returned to the internet guns a blazing and with a Runaways review in hand. Anyway-Runaways 19-------Adrian Alphona's taken the month off, leaving one Mike Norton to draw. Normally, Takeshi Miyazawa would draw the story, right? Instead, Marvel rounded up some guy who looks the most like Alphona to them, which isn't that bad, ya know? His art's exceptionally accessible, and he delivers one of the best splash pages I've seen recently. The only real problem I had with the art, which in turn probably lied with the colorist, is that Victor is Black now. Maybe they ran out of Latino paint at the coloring factory. (Oh shit! Some D-bag is gonna get on my ass about that now, I know it.) The story neatly avoided being a sappy mourning story by switching directions about halfway through the book. Now I know everyone just loooooves to talk about how greay BKV is with dialouge, but the first half of the comic had some exceptionally lame dialouge from Karolina, Molly and Victor, although upon rereading it in prepararation for my super classy review, Molly's talk was a little better. Little less cute, little more pissed. And as usual, xavin's speech was exceptionally awkward, but I guess he can get away with it because he's a Skrull, and really, it does make sense. I can't understand why he's always changing sexes and such. Is it because he's uncomfortable as a girl? Or is it because the artists just like to draw him changing shape? Also about about Xavin, I think the cover for next month looks absolutely terrible. But I'm afraid the absolute worst part of the book was the flashback scene at the beginning. I wasn't exactly happy to see her her go, but Gertrude Yorkes has always been my least favorite character in the whole damn thing. She was just too goddamn indy! She probably owned more Pavement records than I do! (i.e.-3) She was probably best friends with the Don't Smoke guy, she'd always make those obnoxiously not-so-witty remarks (case in point-Why do they call it a plot? "Because this is how the story always ends.) The real clincher for me was that I know some truly obnoxious people who will always let fly comments like that, especially if they happen to be Doom and Gloom related. I was glad to see that the comic picked up steam as the issue wore on and the final insane with Chase was incredible. After 36 issues of not really caring for him (although he did have a few cool moments) I can say that I was rightly impressed by the Do-rag D-bag this time. Well, that's about it for my review, but that George Lucas? What's his fuckin problem, man? With luck, he'll have a bitch of a coronary soon.

  • Aug. 28, 2006, 10:03 a.m. CST

    That's "scene"...

    by loodabagel

    Not insane. That doesn't make any sense. I meant to write scene. I mean, normally I'd just let it go, but on a big post like that? No. Fucking. Way. It's not classy.

  • Aug. 28, 2006, 12:08 p.m. CST

    Scott Holleran of Box Office Mojo

    by The Heathen

    http://tinyurl.com/l8lh8 ** What a douche this guy is. Look at these quotes: "Fox's new creative partner is also responsible for the overwrought The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" (he was referencing how bad that worm movie bombed and then he says the same people were responsible for Narnia - which only made $744 million worldwide) and there's this "Disney's overrated Holes" (not a pun) not speaking of himself, but the movie which I thought was great and also "Better movies may result. Mr. Cruise's War of the Worlds and Mission: Impossible III were some of his worst motion pictures." WTF? *** looda, I agree that Norton fits nice into Alphona-like mode and keeps a consistant feel more so than Miyazawa did. Also agree on next month's cover, but I loved everything about this issue of Runaways, specially the dialogue. The part with Yavin and the Caramel Maachiato was great. My wife loves those things. I liked the end with Chase too.

  • Aug. 28, 2006, 1:58 p.m. CST

    Good review looda

    by El Vale

    It was entertaining. Altho' i would've liked it if you gave examples of the dialogue so i can make my mind up about it, like "yeah that's pretty terrible" or "hey that's not so bad!". But that's just me. Keep up the good work.

  • Aug. 28, 2006, 2:10 p.m. CST

    monday...

    by blackthought

  • Aug. 28, 2006, 2:29 p.m. CST

    Was anyone else having site-running slow problems?

    by Thalya

    Or was that just on my end? How's rendering, bt? Like bacon or speechless? Or both?

  • Aug. 28, 2006, 2:30 p.m. CST

    Scott Holleran

    by Shigeru

    consistently the worst reviewer on the internet. he can SUCK IT.

  • Aug. 28, 2006, 2:40 p.m. CST

    good review, looda, but yer outa your skull

    by Shigeru

    In regards to Gert. She was by far my favorite Runaway. Witty, sarcastic, mature, flawed, not girly in the slightest... what's not to love? Plus purple hair. Okay I had a slightly 'thalya-calculator' fixation on her. Of course she is the one to die. But anyways that's what I love about this book, that everybody has a favorite Runaway. *** Mike Norton's good, but I missed Alphona. *** Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane was awesome. MJ decides she's gonna take life by the horns and finally tell Peter how she feels! She runs to the arcade only to find... PETER AND GWEN SMOOCHING! Oh, scandal! heh.

  • Aug. 28, 2006, 2:41 p.m. CST

    No, yeah...it's pretty slow

    by El Vale

    Good to hear it's not just me.

  • Aug. 28, 2006, 2:49 p.m. CST

    So I take it no one's heads have 'sploded yet?

    by Thalya

    That's good to know. :)

  • Aug. 28, 2006, 2:56 p.m. CST

    People of the talkback

    by El Vale

    Did you read Vern's Chaos DVD review? Did you read the talkback in which Chaos director Dave "The Demon" DeFalco challenges Vern to a wrestling challenge because he called him a chump and that's where The Demon draws the line? Did you read Vern's hilarious response? Cause man, if you didn't...you're kinda missing out on the most awesomest thing in the history of recorded awesomeness.

  • Aug. 28, 2006, 3:21 p.m. CST

    Just read that Lady Death/War Angel review...

    by loodabagel

    That was fucking brilliant. One of my favorite bad comics is an old Batman Annual I picked up because it had a Mike Mignola cover. I took a chance and assumed he made the interior too. Of course, I was wrooooooooong. Did I mention it's an Elseworlds title? That's right: Batman in the motherfucking Renaissance! Our story begins as a family of Italian noblemen visit Leonardo da Vinci in his studio to check up on his latest painting. They refer to him as "Leonardi da Vinci" even though everyone knows "da Vinci" is "of Vinci" When they leave, the two parents are killed by an assasin and their son Tomas then shouts at him till he runs away. Leonardo hears his cries and takes the boy in. Meanwhile, in the present, The Mona Lisa has been stolen from the Gotham Museum of Art. Batman shows up, and boy does he look pissed! Every panel Batman spends with his mouth open, he's growling, of course, he's in the shadows about the entire time too. Then it cuts to a group of thieves in their lush apartment congratulating themselves on their art heist. They're a group of goons who are of course led by a skinny, mustached, slimy art expert who won't shut up about 1)How fucking brilliant he is 2)How fucking beautiful the Mona Lisa is. The next day Batman uses a fake beard for no apparent reason and discovers *gasp! shock! what an unexpected twist!* The director of the museum stole the painting! Of course there's a few scenes of ye olde Italy peppered throughout where we see that young Tomas is now older, has long hair, and is constantly pissed. He smashes his paintings and shouts at the sky because he wants to be the best painter in the world. (Just kill of the competetion, Tomas, that's what I do) Anyway, in the present, the thieves take the Mona Lisa out of it's frame to check if it's real. That's right. How this guy came to operate an art museum is beyond me. Batman finds them and saves the day. The reeaal story takes place in the past when Da Vinci's model for the Mona Lisa is kidnapped and stuck in a tower by her husband. It seems that that devil Leonardo was having an extramarital affair with her. Anyway, to right this terrible wrong, Young Tomas becomes Batman! Suddenly he's eight feet tall, built like the linebacker from hell and possesing the skills of the bastard love child of Bruce Lee, Jet Li, Jackie Chan and Raiden-of mortal kombat fame. Now renaissance Batman saves the day and Leonardo paints him into the Mona Lisa as a token of thanks. But D-bag Tomas has to go and apint over it because he considers it too demonic. An instant classic!

  • Aug. 28, 2006, 3:29 p.m. CST

    site is sloooow on my end too

    by The Heathen

    SUCK IT Holleran!!! Head hasn't exploded yet

  • Aug. 28, 2006, 3:34 p.m. CST

    Wow

    by El Vale

    Just...wow. I can't believe that comic even exists! That's so incredibly wrong, there's no doubt it's absolutely brilliant. The Mona Lisa in the Gotham City Museum of Art? That's genius! The model for the Mona Lisa is kidnapped because she was having an affair with Leonardo? I don't know how these people do this stuff, i mean you spend half your life trying to think of good stories and plot points and shit and you never come up with anything even slightly resembling the insanity of this Batman story. It's so sad. Anyway looda, thanks for saying my review was brilliant, it's an honor *Hug*

  • Aug. 28, 2006, 3:46 p.m. CST

    BTW guys

    by El Vale

    You would not believe the weekend i had. Basically i had my heart broken in a way that i would describe as "so fucked up it's kind of hilarious now that i think about it". I mean i don't wanna get into detail , but you must believe me, it was bad. On the other hand i discovered that i'm, emotionally, the strongest person in the world and i'm not exaggerating. Oh and Vern vs The Demon made me realize life really is worth living. Anyway, just wanted to let you guys know, cause you're my friends and i heart you.

  • Aug. 28, 2006, 3:48 p.m. CST

    Vale: *hugz*

    by Thalya

  • Aug. 28, 2006, 4:04 p.m. CST

    Thanks darlin'

    by El Vale

    Means a lot.

  • Aug. 28, 2006, 4:08 p.m. CST

    we heart you too, Vale.

    by The Heathen

    and Vern was brilliant. "I have a message for those of you who live in L.A.: try not to get killed. You don't want that guy cutting on your body, in my opinion." I'm not even finished reading it yet, but there is like 20 different quotables from that review alone.

  • Aug. 28, 2006, 4:29 p.m. CST

    Money Shot s Missed by Lucas In AOTC...

    by Buzz Maverik

    Our first view of armored clones is a unit blasting into a passage way, which soon fills with smoke. They are followed by their hooded, shadowy leader, just like our first view of Vader in ANH. Then, we have the full scale assault which was the best scene in the prequels...Also, TPM should have opened with a huge spacecraft (carrying a captive queen) move across the screen, pursued by a single fighter, with Tatooine unfolding below. I've got work to do.

  • Aug. 28, 2006, 4:41 p.m. CST

    ladies and gentleman, Buzz Maverick.

    by The Heathen

    *thunderous applause* Godspeed, Buzz!!!

  • Aug. 28, 2006, 4:48 p.m. CST

    I don't know Buzz

    by El Vale

    That can't be healthy, reminiscing about what could've been. Frankly i think it's a waste of time.

  • Aug. 28, 2006, 5:06 p.m. CST

    really? vale

    by Homer Sexual

    I went through my old issues (starting with #1) of Preacher and up through the last issue of "The Alamo" part 7 of 7. I know that is not the last issue of the series, because it was good and I know the ending of it was not the way the series ended. I must check the issue number when I get home tonight.

  • Aug. 28, 2006, 5:13 p.m. CST

    PREACHER went 75 issues.

    by SleazyG.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Preacher_(comics)

  • Aug. 28, 2006, 5:21 p.m. CST

    Limited series don't count

    by El Vale

    The last issue of Preacher says 66 on the cover, not 75, so that's it. Sorry, maybe next time. The Alamo part 7 of 7 was the last issue of Preacher th', Homer so i'm confused. But that's just one fan's opinion, i'm willing to concede maybe there's something Garth Ennis didn't tell me.

  • Aug. 28, 2006, 5:24 p.m. CST

    Thank You Vale, Thank You...

    by superhero

    That Chaos DVD article/talkback was the stuff of legend. Awesome. Thanks for the heads up, man...Oh, and sorry about your heart getting broken.

  • Aug. 28, 2006, 5:29 p.m. CST

    Yer welcome supes

    by El Vale

    And thanks...don't worry about it tho', last night i did a LOT of reflecting and introspecting and today i woke up in the best of moods.

  • Aug. 28, 2006, 6 p.m. CST

    heart breaks are not good

    by Shigeru

    sorry bout that bro. Did her Mom dump you for her? That happened to me in high school, it was AWESOME.

  • Aug. 28, 2006, 6:13 p.m. CST

    seems like cogs didn't have a good weekend with...

    by blackthought

    the women folk.

  • Aug. 28, 2006, 6:22 p.m. CST

    I dunno

    by The Heathen

    I hung out with my wife, her gay friend and my best female friend while watching Monster House in 3-D. Hate me now

  • Aug. 28, 2006, 7:23 p.m. CST

    Manhunter

    by dregmobile

    No haven't read Manhunter yet. It's next in line sitting on the desk, though. Right now I am trying to finish Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell.

  • Aug. 28, 2006, 7:42 p.m. CST

    and I have a big stack that's piled up, but

    by The Heathen

    I'll get to everything eventually.

  • Aug. 28, 2006, 7:49 p.m. CST

    yes bad weekend with the women folk

    by Darth Kal-El

    i too had my heart broken as the cogs already know. fuck it tho im going to survive. i bought manhunter but havent read it yet.too much going on. man women can get u right where it hurts huh?almost makes me want to join psy's team(his other team not the cogs,since i already belong to that one)

  • Aug. 28, 2006, 8:05 p.m. CST

    we gotcha back, Y

    by The Heathen

    you know this.

  • Aug. 28, 2006, 8:13 p.m. CST

    *ding!*

    by Thalya

    Banana bread, Cogs! Come'n get it! Cream cheese too!

  • Aug. 28, 2006, 8:17 p.m. CST

    hey

    by Darth Kal-El

    are we having cream cheese cuz i joked i might consider going to the psy-side?

  • Aug. 28, 2006, 8:19 p.m. CST

    Nah..

    by Thalya

    I just figured it's one extra little goodie, is all..

  • Aug. 28, 2006, 10:03 p.m. CST

    Sorry guys

    by El Vale

    But that cream cheese remark almost made me throw up.

  • Aug. 28, 2006, 10:19 p.m. CST

    d'oohhhhh...

    by Thalya

    But I love cream cheese..

  • Aug. 28, 2006, 10:54 p.m. CST

    Gotta get in touch with my human side...

    by loodabagel

    It's a brotherly love kind of day and I haven't really been properly paying respects. Vale and Darth-here's a nice song from an eighties movie for you. Shigeru-Let's get together some time. Victor is my favorite runaway. Also to Shigeru and Vale-thanks for the props, I send many back your way. And finally, also to Vale-thanks for the Chaos headsup. Quite possibly the greatest event in the history of internet. Oh wait, one last thing, I have a deep dark secret. A confession that must be made or it will tear me apart like flesh eating Krusty-O's. I don't know what cog means. So, see you later, everyone. I'm going to bed.

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 9:37 a.m. CST

    Rise and shine cogs!

    by loodabagel

    Seems that I'm the first person here today. Amusingly, I was also the last person here last night. It's a beautiful morning, so let's go hike up a mountain and have a picnic. After I finish my grape nuts of course.

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 9:40 a.m. CST

    Also, the comics page is back on top...

    by loodabagel

    Well, pretty close anyway. Way to go, us!

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 9:51 a.m. CST

    I guess no one else likes cream cheese...

    by Thalya

    But you like cream cheese, dontcha Mr. bagel?

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 11:08 a.m. CST

    *rim shot*

    by The Heathen

    Thalya's here all day folks! I'm not sure if I'd like cream cheese on sweet breads, but you never know. Some people like mint jelly on meat, not me, but some people

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 11:14 a.m. CST

    Random Morning Ramblings

    by GreatA'Tuin

    OK, I just got through the first 12 of Walking Dead (you were right, Heath, but Creezus I would hate to see the Omni as just this was a HUGE HC) I am left with...Meh? I won't give up on it yet, but I'm left wondering where the wonder is so far. *** Cream Cheese, as long as it's not a euphamism for semen, I like it....if it is a euphamism I FUCKING LOVE IT! (See what I did there?) *** Y, I got your back. You give me an address and a week, and I'll give you a lonely little mound of dirt in Mexico filled with all your troubles. *** Mr. Bagel, fear not, I didn't even know what a Cog was until I was one. Now, well, mostly I just run the cameras...lookin' GOOD, Thal, BTW *** As far as the prequels go, I would rather they had been made by the guys that did the "Chad Vader" scketches on You Tube. (If you haven't seen them, check 'em out. Just search for "Chad Vader", morons.) *** I too have a big stack piled up....wait, I already did that joke. Next! *** Well, I guess that's it. I'll be back later with the afore promised "Mr. Turtle goes to Mexico". See ya, fuckwads.

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 11:16 a.m. CST

    Cream cheese is good on tire rubber..

    by Thalya

    And people butter muffins, right? *makes blueberry bread and pumpkin spice bread for herself* *** So what were some of your better reads lately, H?

  • Her solo ish was the best. Plus she says "freakin'" a lot.

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 12:02 p.m. CST

    Cream Cheese

    by Shigeru

    Why would you want to sully a perfectly good piece of banana bread with cream cheese? Butter yes, CC no. Strictly for bagels, pastries, cheesecake and um that's it. **** Heathen it's all you man in regards to the COG history, you always whip it out when needed. ANNNNND on that note...

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 12:18 p.m. CST

    But banana bread IS pastry..

    by Thalya

    And furthermore, anyone ever have a cream cheese and jelly sandwich on smooshy white bread? Yum.

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 1:01 p.m. CST

    I Hain't read no solo ish-shoe

    by loodabagel

    One of the few I'm missing. But damn Shigey-shig-Shigeru, seems like we're constantly at odds here. Here's mine in order 1)Victor 2)Nico (gotta love the name of the world's greatest rock and roll slut) 3)Molly freaking is pretty cool now that I think about it. 4)Karolina 5)Alex 6)Chase 7)Gertrude

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 1:02 p.m. CST

    Am I, H?

    by The Heathen

    I do tend to whip it out, huh? If I am H, then I've read A Small Killing recently. A nice experiment in writing by Alan Moore. I'vev read Runaways latest ish. I gotta say that Molly is my favorite since the beginning. Word on her solo ish, Shig. Also love that one issue where she knocked the crap out of Wolverine. I read the latest Superman last night and I'm digging Busiek and Pacheco on it. Feels like Superman from my childhood, which would be the 80's, so Byrne maybe? Like the bit with Lana and for some reason I loved when Clark flew off. The way it was drawn with him in the distance was perfect for those few panels. Umm, what else? Haven't finished Fun Home: A Tragicomic because it's too depressing right now. Dini's second Detective issue was cool. Invincible was it's usual greatness as well. I'm dropping Shadowpact, Checkmate, Flash, Blue Beetle, Wolverine: Origins, Squadron Supreme (no MAX or Frank - goodbye) and a few others. I think that's all currently. Waiting to go to my shop tomorrow and get JLA #1 and other stuff. Off to search for the Cog Origins document.

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 1:04 p.m. CST

    as the cog's official banana bread fiend...

    by blackthought

    i'm with shig with butter yes...but cream cheese...NIEN!...my mother would not be happy with sullying her beloved baked delights. thalya however with the spiced breads you are the lady of note. i bring the banana bread you bring the others. and for the love of something lovely...thank god monday is over.

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 1:07 p.m. CST

    Cream cheese is for bagels!

    by loodabagel

    Do not confuse us with your commie ways! White bread is for bologna sandwiches! Nothing else. Besides-properly made Banana Bread is one of nature's perfect foods. It is BEYOND improvement.

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 2:13 p.m. CST

    fuck

    by Darth Kal-El

    all this bread talk is making me hungry!***i read jla 1 and i liked the art and the story was pretty ok but i had kinda the same problem i had with infinite crisis-since i was mostly a marvel zombie im not really sure who a lot of the characters are so it kinda left me confused. but a good ish nonetheless.i remember having a red tornado action figure when i was but a lad. it was sweet youd squeeze his arms(i think) and his legs would spin. man toys are sweet.and hey arrested development season 3 hits dvd today!

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 2:14 p.m. CST

    I dunno guys

    by El Vale

    I thought Cream Cheese was a metaphor for vaginal discharge. I'd be really glad if it weren't. And i'm gonna tell looda what a Cog is and you can't do anything about it! Us Cogs...we're just a group of friends who met here in the talkbacks and decided we wanted to keep them going all week until a new column was posted. And we'd talk about all sorts of shit, comics, movies, personal stuff...you name it. In all honesty i believe we've managed to make this board one of the best places in the internet to hang out, shoot the shit and have friendly discussions/debates about mostly comics and movies. I do believe i'm leaving like a bunch of shit out, but gimme a break here!

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 2:16 p.m. CST

    U R H

    by Thalya

    And I'm feelin' ya on those DC drops, save Checkmate (Suicide Squad's comin' up dude!). I'm gonna let a few more issues slide before I let them go though. ** But eh.. 'Nuttin better for a snack in kindergartern than bananabread with cream cheese.. Or lunch at times.

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 2:17 p.m. CST

    And Vale, it's quite the opposite.

    by Thalya

    Banana bread is masculine, mind you.

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 2:53 p.m. CST

    ugh...

    by Shigeru

    vaginal discharge? um okay there buddy...

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 3:02 p.m. CST

    Hey back off!

    by El Vale

    It reminded me of that scene in Me, myself and Irene where the lady's picking up some "Vagiclean" and Hank starts talking about sour bread and stuff, that's all! But this is what happens when you mix sex with food, eventually something disgusting is bound to happen.

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 3:12 p.m. CST

    Banana bread is NOT a pastry, woman!

    by Shigeru

    It's not light or flaky even in the slightest! To be a pastry it has to flake. *** Looda naw we don't have to be at odds, like I said that's what I love about Runaways, everybody has different favorites. Mine might be: 1) Gertrude 2) Molly 3) Victor 4) Nico (HAWT) 5) Chase 6) Karolina 7) Alex- that bastard. *** The one and only way to improve banana bread: chocolate chips.

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 3:13 p.m. CST

    ughh

    by The Heathen

    Nah, just messing with you.. ; ) I was unable to locate the document of one of the Cog Origins posts. I will now search the old tb's. Don't try and stop me, I know it's dangerous and tedious, but it must be done. Vale had the right idea, but there is so much more (not really, just blame Bendis) involved in the All Week Cog Smooch name.

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 3:15 p.m. CST

    wait wait wait

    by Shigeru

    AD Season 3 comes out TODAY? I thought it was like sept 26th???

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 3:19 p.m. CST

    oh one more thing

    by Darth Kal-El

    i got the first manhunter trade 'street justice'. i read the first 2 chapters yesterday and i gotta say so far so good. ill try to write a mini review when i finish but so far i am impressed.a tiny bit of an issue with the dialogue but ill address all that in my review

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 3:22 p.m. CST

    Runaway faves

    by The Heathen

    1) Molly 2) Victor 3) Old Lace 4) Gert 5) Nico 6) Chase 7) Karolina 8) Xavin *** Hope you check out the rest of Walking Dead though, Turtle. It increasingly is getting to the devil shit, especially right now. *** I may check in on Checkmate, ha, ha, uhhh

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 3:31 p.m. CST

    Arrested Development is now on G4 every night.

    by The Heathen

    http://tinyurl.com/6vwqg ** I kinda hate that network because it used to be for all things video games, but now it's mainly reruns of Star Treks', Fastlane, more Star Treks', etc. besides the only two show's (excluding Arrested) I'll browse: X-Play and Attack of the Show. I think that the entire cast of AD was going to be on Attack this week, if you don't have G4 (191 on DishNetwork), I'm sure YouTube or something like that will have it up. And I had no idea Season 3 was coming out today!!!

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 3:34 p.m. CST

    w00t! Go Darth!

    by Thalya

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 3:36 p.m. CST

    there was an ad

    by Darth Kal-El

    for AD 3 during the emmys and they said own it on tuesday. i cold be wrong but i could have sworn...

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 3:45 p.m. CST

    No, it's out Darth

    by The Heathen

    I checked. When Thalya say's, "w00t" am I the only one who thinks of a Covenant Elite from Halo? --- Um, I'll be in the, uh, Halo room.

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 3:59 p.m. CST

    my halo campain

    by Darth Kal-El

    was cut short by the need to mercilessly slay zombies with any available weaponry as well as my cherokee spirit guiding me to destroy the evil sphere and avenge my slain girlfriend

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 4:02 p.m. CST

    I'm sorry i mentioned vaginal discharge

    by El Vale

    I don't know what came over me, but i assure you it won't happen again. *** In other news, i am a FANTASTIC cook, this stuff is delicious.

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 4:51 p.m. CST

    Dead Restarting

    by The Heathen

    I got to where I was at the eleventh experience level and decided to restart (on purpose this time) and I haven't killed any zombies in a week! Have you found the car and motorcycle, Y? How about the gun from those guy's in the courtyard? It's like Aliens son! Drake and Vasquez style.

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 4:57 p.m. CST

    ...

    by blackthought

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 5:04 p.m. CST

    i get so sidetracked

    by Darth Kal-El

    with zombie killing that i havent really gotten into the missions too deeply. then i rented prey and i was hooked on that till i just beat it on sunday. but man zombie slaughter is fun innit? im so ready for the goddman zombie apocalypse! the warnagler is gased up and ready to go

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 5:08 p.m. CST

    Not the Zombie Apocalypse!

    by Thalya

    *curls up in the cage, whimpering*

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 5:18 p.m. CST

    The zombie apocalypse is coming

    by El Vale

    Scientists started bringing dead dogs back to life like years ago, so i'm anticipating a fatal lab accident followed by the spreading of the plague, the dying of millions and the survival of me. Also, lots of happy people cause this means your dog can't die anymore yay.

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 5:20 p.m. CST

    ...

    by blackthought

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 5:28 p.m. CST

    Demon Dave was right!

    by The Heathen

    And we all know as long as Darth has the Warnagler that red means speed up and DIE ZOMBIES DIE!!!

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 5:59 p.m. CST

    News from Colombia

    by El Vale

    Turns out i have become the living embodiment of EVIL due to some rather unexpected circumstances. Anyway, if there's anything i can help you with, just let me know.

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 6:11 p.m. CST

    still out there, vale

    by Homer Sexual

    So finally I sat down and re-read The Alamo, Part 7 of 7, issue 65. In this A+ issue, Starr's Smithersesque lacky Featherstone turns against him when she sees he really just doesn't give a fuck. So Starr kills her and his other flunky while reciting a litany of humiliations he's endured. Starr's marksman has his rifle on Preacher and Cassidy, who are telling each other how they REALLY feel and beating the shit out of each other. Ultimately they work it out and Cassidy goes into light. At this point, Starr's shooter puts one between Jesse's eyes and then Tulip blows Starr's head off. The End. Classic! Great characterization and all the piss and vinegar, violence and dick-swinging that this series revelled in. Could not have been better. Now, I threw out the last issue because I do that with comics I don't like. Pretend they never happened. But iirc, Cassidy came back to life and other stupid shit happened that tarnished the great, completely satisfying conclusion in issue 65. Since I haven't read it in years, I admit I could be wrong.

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 6:32 p.m. CST

    Fair enough Homer

    by El Vale

    Thing is, and this is gonna make me sound like such a douche, i was onboard everything Ennis and Dillon wanted to do with Preacher in the end. This was the story they wanted to tell and, aside from a few issues, exactly the story i wanted to read. So if they wanted to bring Jesse and Cassidy back to life, fine by me. If they wanted to have the Saint kill God, fine by me. If they wanted to show Jesse and Tulip riding happily into the sunset, that's especially fine by me cause i don't know how well i would've taken a tragic ending to their story. I was too involved in it and the series ending was heartbreaking enough for me as it was. So that's how i percieved it.

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 6:43 p.m. CST

    What Vale said-RE: Preacher

    by Psynapse

    Word.

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 6:57 p.m. CST

    I think I was happier before you told me all that.

    by Homer Sexual

    I have no problem with Jesse not being dead and him and Tulip riding off happily, but Cassidy coming back irritated me so much it stuck with me, and now that you say the Saint killed God as well--no wonder I trashed that shite.

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 7:05 p.m. CST

    Bastards ate all of the banana bread ...

    by dregmobile

    yeah, i still have that red tornado figure. unfortunately i lost my martian manhunter's cape decades ago, and liked red tornado's cape on manhunter better than without any cape at all. now tornado looks like ... well ... an android. and i think my dr. fate action figure is still pissed that he is wearing robin's cape ... ***** yeah, the art in JLA 1 was impressive. more i think about that issue, more it feels like young & the restless or days of our lives. maybe that's just meltzer's style. be great to have victor newman show up for some reason ... ***** isn't it great that another all-star superman is out this week? i'd love to get the trades for this and miller's batman spin ... when they are available in 5 years ...

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 7:23 p.m. CST

    Miller's All Star Bats? ASBAR? Seriously?

    by The Heathen

    You messin' with me, dreg? You'd buy ASBAR in a trade? But All Star Supes i would buy the issues, the trades, the absolutes

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 7:30 p.m. CST

    New All Star Supes this week?

    by El Vale

    *Creams himself*

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 8:50 p.m. CST

    Hell yeah.

    by dregmobile

    if only for jim lee's art. i have both his HUSH run on batman and what he did over at SUPERMAN. also, that batcave fold-out i remember looking at, and the following lines had me giggling, so no matter how silly it may get, i think i'll find it amusing. ***** speaking of which ... been frustrated i haven't been able to find any good superman comics (he's my fave character and all i have on my order is superman/batman). but i noticed a little trade called BIRTHRIGHT which looks good and is next on my TP hit-list ...

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 10:16 p.m. CST

    dreg..

    by Thalya

    Not even current Supes/Action? I got the Up, Up, and Away crossover arc and am now just doing Action, but I hear Busiek's doing equally good things on Supes as on Action. Plus, you heard about Johns and Donner, right?

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 10:16 p.m. CST

    I trust I'm in good company...

    by Thalya

    ..at least this late in the TB.. So, I'm going to try this once, see if any heads 'splode. Here, here: http://tinyurl.com/fpwjg !!! (my dear Cogs who have already gotten the link, not to worry, no need to have 'sploded heads in a week full of 'sploded hearts too. I don't hold anything against you guys)

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 10:46 p.m. CST

    OMG..

    by Thalya

    I just noticed this November solicit: JLA: Brad Meltzer and Ed Benes continue their best-selling saga of the "Tornado's Path" as the true mastermind behind the latest threat to the League is finally revealed! And an old friend reappears. *** Ray Palmer, Ray Palmer, Ray Palmer!!!!

  • Aug. 29, 2006, 11:47 p.m. CST

    Johns and Donner ...

    by dregmobile

    no. don't know what they've done with superman. i have to say that i have not done a lot of research on recent superman comics. i've just been breezing through the main 4 (or are they down to 3 now?) on the shelves and not being impressed (maybe because of this whole OYL, losing powers in 52 stuff). so i headed for the trade paperback section and found what i wanted in BIRTHRIGHT. but please give me the heads up on any good superman stories (is the busiek arc atm really worth getting?). ***** haha. i used to make that same joke about my friend's head exploding any time i mentioned anything metaphysical. i didn't read the entire thing, thalya, but what i can gather there is an interesting attempt to bridge science and metaphysics (might be wrong there). have you had a look at native america's interpretation of the four elements? if not, i couldn't recommend any texts ... but might be a nice point of view on what you're discussing ... ***** And an old friend reappears? I'm holding my breath for Plastic Man! *dies*

  • Aug. 30, 2006, 8:37 a.m. CST

    not yet..

    by Thalya

    Johns & Donner start on Action in October. And we're talking Richard "I directed quite possibly the best superhero movie _ever_" Donner. And at that, we're actually down to 2 Supes books. "Adventures of" dropped and Superman picked up the old numbering in March. That said, Supes is back up to normal powers if not better than ever. I've never been into Superman before, but Johns & Busiek's Up, Up, & Away arc basically said to me: this is Superman, and this is why you get excited about him and I ate it up. Clark gets his powers back and it makes you _giddy_ because it seems to be an honest depiction and exploration of the character without hype. *** About the metaphysics (and I don't mean how Superman leaps tall buildings in a single bound), I'm not sure if "bridge" is the right word, but maybe reconcile science and metaphysics, or at least say there's a place for each and they're not mututally exclusive of one another. Native America's take? Recall any tribes in particular (and that's kind of the tough thing because there are so many distinct cultures there)? And again, I'm not saying mutually exclusive, it'd be good to incorporate what I can wherever I can: if my system winds up being an accurate ordering of reality then it should be able to incorporate all sorts of views and could then be used not only to illuminate and provide a deeper context to other views, religions, and philosophies, but to bridge them as well. Reality at bedrock, as it were.

  • Aug. 30, 2006, 10:58 a.m. CST

    I always just assumed it was an anagram...

    by loodabagel

    Or something like that. Whatever, I'm gonna go eat some banana nut muffins-WITHOUT CREAMCHEESE!

  • Aug. 30, 2006, 11:01 a.m. CST

    *gasp!*

    by Thalya

    Heathen!

  • Aug. 30, 2006, 11:47 a.m. CST

    ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE

    by Shigeru

    (a friend of mine occasionally plays in that band) But anways: The Zombie Apocalypse is not a question of IF, but of WHEN. I will be ready, and have a small group of folks around here I know I can count on when the shit goes down. *straps on machete, cocks shotgun *Ch-CHAK* the weak will die.

  • Aug. 30, 2006, 12:02 p.m. CST

    Wait. Me "Heathen" or looda is a heathen? Confused?

    by The Heathen

    I think Lady C. is laughing at my expense. I dunno, but dreg, listen to the lady when it comes to those Supes issues dude. Up, Up, And Away is great. What Superman Returns could have been and I liked Returns mind you. Also, I think that Darwyn Cooke and Tim Sale are doing a Superman book that sounds good and if you're not reading All Star Supes, well there's no hope for you then. *mounts 50 cal on Warnagler* Looks like I'm the gunner in this situation. Bring it you fucking zombies.

  • Aug. 30, 2006, 12:09 p.m. CST

    The Warnagler Zombie-Slayer

    by Shigeru

    We will have to make some modifications to make the fucker more battle-worthy (armor-plating, none of those plastic windows) but with Y as our driver and Heath manning the .50 I think we're in good shape. Judging from how zealously Y went through that red light he can hold his own in a zombie-filled street. Plus the warnagler can handle the broken down cars and occasional off-roadness that we will encounter. I'm getting pumped.

  • Aug. 30, 2006, 12:22 p.m. CST

    ah hell yeah...

    by blackthought

    warnagler zombie-slayer...i'll pay for that.

  • Aug. 30, 2006, 12:40 p.m. CST

    Zombie huntin'? I'm in!

    by Psynapse

    I've been told I have a natural eye and anyone who's ever shot a gun knows why it persists: It's FUN to shoot shit. Shooting zombies for kicks and survival? MAJOR fun.

  • Aug. 30, 2006, 12:41 p.m. CST

    Aw SNAP

    by Shigeru

    These guys could be our soundtrack for zombie slaying: www.myspace.com/dragonforce !!!!! RAD METAL!!! FUCK YEAH!!

  • Aug. 30, 2006, 12:48 p.m. CST

    Okay, just read thru the entire TB....

    by Psynapse

    *HUGS* to all my Cogs, seems like we're all visiting the land of fucked up in one form or another this week. Cheer up my friends, it only gets worse from here....(*_^)

  • Aug. 30, 2006, 12:49 p.m. CST

    But

    by El Vale

    You guys will have to come pick me up.

  • Aug. 30, 2006, 12:57 p.m. CST

    Psy-fi!!!

    by Thalya

    How goes the survival training?

  • Aug. 30, 2006, 12:58 p.m. CST

    DragonForce!!!

    by The Heathen

    Hell yeah! That's perfect zombie slaying music. *welds armor plating to .50 cal seat*

  • Aug. 30, 2006, 1:11 p.m. CST

    A group of online friends...

    by Shigeru

    The zombie apocalypse occurs, and a group of online friends makes a hasty last-minute decision to unite and see if they can survive together. Problem is: they are scattered around the country, one even in South America. So 2 groups: Yorick and Stevan, and Heath and Ron, travel northward through the zombie-riddled USA to unite with their friends, before making the trek (by commadeered boat) southward to pick up their last remaining Cog. And set up a permanent camp in the jungle. Fuck this would make a good comic.......!

  • Aug. 30, 2006, 1:19 p.m. CST

    Huh..our own Cog Fortress of Solitude..

    by Thalya

    And I could so see Shig & wife doing the whole holdout thing while waiting for the cavalry.

  • Aug. 30, 2006, 1:21 p.m. CST

    ooooh shiznit

    by The Heathen

    Shig, you got me geeking out. I'm there!!! Psy, let's roll! Too fucking cool man.

  • Aug. 30, 2006, 1:47 p.m. CST

    Yeah but...

    by Shigeru

    maybe we would have to come upon one of our own eaten alive and turned, and make the painful decision to shoot them. Or perhaps when we finally get down to Colombia, Vale is all tweaked out like Danielle on Lost...?

  • Aug. 30, 2006, 1:51 p.m. CST

    Dude we could hold out for a while.

    by Shigeru

    My house is 3 floors, with lots of lockable doors, and like a block from a grocery store. Just point me in the direction of a gun shop and I'm all set.

  • Aug. 30, 2006, 2:07 p.m. CST

    I think Vale should make the trip to the states

    by The Heathen

    then he wouldn't have to download stuff. ; ) And really, all of us going to Colombia? That'd be like staying in Florida with all of the people who are about to die of old age and would only add to the zombie heards know what I mean?

  • Aug. 30, 2006, 2:18 p.m. CST

    Well, if you want to get technical,

    by Shigeru

    Maine would be a great place to go. Scarcely populated. SHITLOADS of gun shops. Nice scenery.

  • Aug. 30, 2006, 2:22 p.m. CST

    I'm down with that.

    by The Heathen

    Plus the zombies couldn'nt move well in the cold, but what about all of Steven King's stories?

  • Aug. 30, 2006, 2:28 p.m. CST

    fucking a

    by Darth Kal-El

    that sounds awesome! its in fact kind of how i pictured it when i first bought the warnagler sans the online friends of course, but thats a much cooler addition. how about this,vale makes a desperate solo attempt tp join his fellow cogs at some pre determined destination-i.e. some desoltae border town in mexico- and part of the story can be about his totally bad ass solo struggle up to meet his friends.he is aided along the way by many hot women who he ends up doing and then having to kill when they are infected.

  • Aug. 30, 2006, 2:33 p.m. CST

    What's wrong with Colombia?

    by El Vale

    Okay this is a pretty large fucking city so there'd be zombies in the millions, and there are no gun shops around cause they're illegal. And you know what? It'd probably take me months to get up there and without internet or phones i'd have no idea where you guys are. I say you leave me here and pray for my well being.

  • Aug. 30, 2006, 2:35 p.m. CST

    Vale's so gonna die

    by El Vale

    Admit it guys, you're all thinking it.

  • Aug. 30, 2006, 2:38 p.m. CST

    no man gets left behind

    by Darth Kal-El

  • Aug. 30, 2006, 2:40 p.m. CST

    Ohana?

    by Thalya

  • Aug. 30, 2006, 2:45 p.m. CST

    ZOMBIEPOCKYCLIPSE!

    by GreatA'Tuin

    Holy SHIT! I'm in.

  • Aug. 30, 2006, 2:47 p.m. CST

    yeah.

    by Shigeru

    Vale's kinda fucked. But we don't leave Cogs behind. So maybe he could hoof it to the coast, and we could meet him in our cog-ship of hope. I say the West coasters pick up blackthought and the wife and I meet up with Thal in rural Penn, and then meet Heath and Psy somwhere round there. Hm.

  • Aug. 30, 2006, 2:56 p.m. CST

    there's nothing wrong with colombia...

    by blackthought

    speaking of...daniel, i'm coming home in a month or so...you should send me lots of cash with a shopping list and we could get you stocked up so you can overcome the other probs...notably fuggin' women.

  • Aug. 30, 2006, 3:13 p.m. CST

    No! Bad idea!

    by Thalya

    No farmhouses in Pennsylvania! We all know what happens!

  • Aug. 30, 2006, 3:36 p.m. CST

    Ohana?

    by The Heathen

    means family. Psy and I got a fuggin battle ahead of ourselves. Not fun. At least we'll have plenty of jokes. Don't worry, Vale. We'll get you.

  • Aug. 30, 2006, 3:45 p.m. CST

    Family means..

    by Thalya

    ..no one gets left behind, or forgotten, yeah. </Stitch voice>

  • Aug. 30, 2006, 4:05 p.m. CST

    love, Stitch.

    by The Heathen

  • Aug. 30, 2006, 6:48 p.m. CST

    Haha. Stitch would have made a great presence ...

    by dregmobile

    ... in BLACK HAWK DOWN.

  • Aug. 30, 2006, 9:13 p.m. CST

    Ha..

    by Thalya

    Stitch would teach those warlords who&#39;s boss. "Oh good, my dog found the chainsaw."

  • Aug. 31, 2006, 12:21 a.m. CST

    ...

    by blackthought

  • Sept. 3, 2006, 8:40 p.m. CST

    beep

    by Thalya

    last

  • Sept. 5, 2006, 7:27 p.m. CST

    i don&#39;t think so...

    by blackthought

    not against the godfather of lasting...moi...last!

  • Sept. 7, 2006, 10:22 a.m. CST

    All eras must come to an end...

    by loodabagel

    Last, suckas!

  • Oct. 5, 2006, 1:32 a.m. CST

    I agree.

    by dregmobile

    Just a matter of when.

  • Oct. 6, 2006, 9:50 a.m. CST

    The game is afoot!

    by loodabagel

    Let's see what you got...