Glen here…

Here’s some news about one of the more…misguided…television efforts to come around in a while. In my humble opinion, of course. I’m talking about the CONAN syndicated series.

I will never…for the rest of my life…forget the sight of poor Mickey Rooney trying to read his dialogue in the series’ opening episode - it was painful. He couldn’t get the "fantasy" phrases right. He looked like he wanted to be as far away from the show as possible, but there he was, contractually obligated to say lines closely approximating : "They come from the land of Zantar, which lies far beyond the Deuterium Sea…" Poor Mickey.

I’m not sure which was worse - watching Mickey being hung out to dry by shitty writing, cheesy costuming, and lousy direction - or the sight of Conan (Rolf Moeller) talking to his sword, whose personality is manifested as the Computer Generated Image and voice of long-dead actor Richard Burton. Now that I think about it, maybe actor Jeremy Kemp talking to a cheap foam-rubber skull which was floating around in a cauldron of dry ice takes the prize. The list goes on…

For a while, it looked like the CONAN series could never again sleaze across our television screens. Then comes this message from THE GUY WITH NO CODENAME:

Just thought you might want this for your site: I just saw a CONAN promo from Threshold, which has purchased the rights to a second season.

Major changes: all the costars of the first season are killed off, Conan becomes king, but his kingdom is a place of magic and intrigue. ((Glen Note: "magic" and "intrigue" are subjective descriptions, and are hard to imagine coming from the current incarnation of this franchise…))

Since Threshold also produced Mortal Kombat, expect much more martial arts and CGI effects.

Glen here, again. You know? Never mind. Just never mind.