Ain't It Cool News (

Harry had SNAKES ON A PLANE, Screen, Plate and in his Theater!!! What a Night!!!

At the Alamo Drafthouse South… greatest theater in the world… tonight at 10pm at the early screening of SNAKES ON A PLANE – we had mutherfucking snakes in the theater, mutherfucking snakes on our plates and mutherfucking snakes on the screen!

It was… exactly the night I wanted to have with this movie… the second I heard of the concept years and years ago. Back when it was going to star Bruce Campbell. But in theater 1 at the Alamo South – I’m pretty goddamn sure I got an unique experience. After the film, Quentin Tarantino and I started geeking out pretty hardcore and he said something to me that was so fucking true. “I’m definitely gonna have to see that again, because that screening could have been like that GODZILLA screening you had up in New York. That was fucking perfect!”

It was… a perfect night at the movies. EXACTLY the night I wanted to have with SNAKES ON A PLANE.

This film isn’t a movie for cold analysis. If you do, you’ll pick apart things like… well, I don’t fucking care. There’s crazy shit in this movie, the sort of shit that practical, logical and even sane people will fucking call bullshit on. But ya know what? The film is called SNAKES ON A PLANE. It is fucking ridiculous – but I paid to see fucking SNAKES ON A PLANE and that’s the movie we saw tonight.

Let me take you through the Drafthouse South – Theater 1 screening.

I got there about 45 minutes early… and the theater was fucking full. AWESOME! On the big screen was some of the “BLANKS ON A BLANK” short films playing. There were special SNAKES ON A PLANE menus with various items you could order. Like a bucket of SAMUEL JACKSON BADASS ALE.

They also had SNAKES ON A PLATE smothered in pecan sauce. CRABS ON A BOAT and various RATTLESNAKE CANYON wines. But… who the fuck drinks WINE at SNAKES ON A PLANE – you drink SAMUEL JACKSON BADASS ALE!!! Now that’s a tasty beverage!

Ok – before I ever went to the movie tonight – I primed my aviation attention with Jimmy Stewart’s THE SPIRIT OF ST. LOUIS. That’s one plane that couldn’t handle mutherfucking snakes, ya know what I’m saying?

I love that film, and had to leave the house soon as he was over Ireland… Isle of Snakes.

Anyway – back at the Drafthouse South. Father Geek and I arrived – having to hold Yoko’s seat – but as soon as I came in… I heard a distinctive laugh. I looked up in the seats and sure enough – Quentin Tarantino and his whole cast for DEATH PROOF! I didn’t see Snake Plissken – but Quentin said, “How fucking cool was it to see this with Snake Plissken?” - I could have heard that wrong – but… that would be very cool. I just saw Rosario Dawson and Zoe Bell.

Anyways, that was to be expected. Quentin is in town shooting DEATH PROOF – and there’s no way he isn’t going to see Sam’s new movie opening night. Hell – everybody cool in Austin was at the Alamo to see this fucker. We were all like a beaten bastard looking up at Clint Eastwood with a 44 Magnum… “Eyes gots to know” – ya know?

If this was to be a cult movie – there’s no better place to see it, than in the greatest cult theater actively kicking ass regularly in the world. Why is this theater so fucking great? Well… here’s the pre-show that the Alamo put on…

First – 3 crazy ass snake handlers came out… They had a giant plywood box loaded with about 15 or so Rattlesnakes… live – venomous – fanged. Sitting in front of me was a row of young girls… screaming, squirming and sitting on their feet – as they had rattlesnakes on the floor right in front of them. Me? I was behind the wall of hot young snake food. The snake handlers then each pinned a rattler behind the head – and let the girls kiss them… the guys pet them… and others – well others would just passively freeze and stare bug-eyed.

Yoko still wasn’t here – having to close her establishment of high couture. Then – they made one of the 3 sit on the floor up against the screen – and they covered his groin and legs with every rattlesnake they had. It was… awesome. But nothing. You see… the snake handler with the Malcolm McDowell derby… he decided that it was a good idea to stuff the tails of nine rattlesnakes in his mouth … I shit you not. This fucker was vomiting snakes… it was the freakiest goddamn thing I had ever seen. Reportedly he’s done this stunt on Jay Leno. But he was doing it for us… before SNAKES ON A PLANE. And they were not CG… these were real fucking snakes… fanging out – moving as they hung out this guy’s fucking gaping maw.

Then he began to spin.

SPIN. Like a fucking TOP.

The snakes began spreading out like some fucking H.P. Lovecraft goddamn nightmare in a fucking derby hat. The girls in front of me began freaking out. The Spock part of my brain began calculating his speed of rotation and the angle of ascent of … the top 4 snakes in his mouth… and he had reached the speed at which the snake would fly in my fucking face and bite my cheery cheeks.

Quentin was laughing – people were screaming at the snakes to bite him… and others wanted him to let them fly. FUCK THAT. They would eat my face.

Then he spit them back into the box.

But they were not done. At this point… Yoko arrived… missing the snake mouth thing. The handlers then bring a card table out into the center of the screen area. And an ominous masterlocked cooler. They open up the cooler… and they fucking pulled out a King Cobra!!!

A FUCKING KING COBRA was no less than 8 feet from my theater seat. These handlers had a fucking COBRA in our movie theater. I don’t know how to explain the sense of danger one feels – when a King Cobra is set loose on a card table 8 feet from you as 3 crazy men begin slapping the table.

Difference between a cobra and a rattlesnake. A rattlesnake basically just wants to hang out… be still… it doesn’t want to be fucked with… yet really doesn’t want to fuck with you if you’re just cool.

This fucking Cobra… It proactively wants to fucking kill everything around it. It’s fast. It moves with a purpose to kill. It strikes at shit. Like this guy’s fucking derby that he was taunting it with. He points out this part of the hat where the cobra was injecting its venom. LETHAL FUCKING VENOM. The audience was very attentive. YOKO was sitting on her feet – clutching herself with an incredibly – “WHY ARE THEY FUCKING WITH A COBRA” look on her face. It was awesome. I was fascinated. I’d never seen a cobra through open air. There was always really thick glass between me and the Cobras at the zoo. This… If one of the snake food girls in front of me ducked… the snake could bite me on me nose. And KILL ME.

After they kissed it, played with it – and basically made everyone really the fuck uncomfortable… they tossed the King Cobra into the cooler. And then proceeded to just shoot the shit. With the cobra in an open cooler… that wasn’t shut. My eyes were on the fucking cooler. Thing about deadly venomous snakes… know where they are – and be aware what they’re fucking doing.

Anyway… I was disturbed and enthralled. It was awesome.

After the Cobra was LOCKED UP – the handlers took their bows and applause and left the room – leaving us with the boxes of deadly venomous reptiles… in the theater for the movie.

The Drafthouse showed Chappelle’s SAMUEL JACKSON ALE bit – then AIRPORT 1975 theatrical trailer – BORAT and TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: THE BEGINNING and JACKASS 2 trailers.

Then… it was SNAKES ON A PLANE.

The audience was thrilled. Primed for this movie in a way… I have spent 1400 words describing. This isn’t an ordinary screening. How many places in the country could you sip on your Samuel Jackson Badass Ale while watching SNAKES ON A PLANE?

This was a specific event. Now if you live in this vicinity – they’ll be serving the Ale and the snake meals for pretty much the run of the film, I’d say… but opening night. These were the freaks. The folks that have been DYING to see this film. The ones that upon the first screening of the film, screamed in perfect synchronicity with Samuel L Jackson the immortal, “I want these Mutherfucking Snakes off this Mutherfucking Plane!” while giving the line a standing ovation! This was an audience – where during the brief quiet moments on the plane after the snakes hit the fan… would collectively make snake sounds – so that it sounded like snakes were everywhere in the theater.

Basically – this was an audience that paid to see this film not because they wanted to see how bad the film was – but because they wanted to fucking see SNAKES ON A PLANE! And that’s what we got. It was bliss.

I was so happy. So happy.

You see – this is a ridiculous movie. But one that is there for one single reason – to entertain you at all costs. You will see snakes bite every body part you’ve ever wanted to see a snake bite. You will see bloated fucked up corpses and wounds. You will see wounds cut open and beautiful women suck upon them. (which is totally not the right thing to do, btw) But who cares – these aren’t snakesperts – they’re fucking returning vacationers from Hawaii… and nobody fucking expects SNAKES ON A PLANE!

This is Sam Jackson’s movie. He doesn’t play it a fucking badass. Well, he kinda does. But there’s points in this movie – where the snakes really fucking unsettle his badass ass. When he shouts out the immortal line… it’s pretty much the straw that breaks his hump. He seriously has had it with mutherfucking snakes on his mutherfucking plane. And what he does after that line… is mutherfucking insane and awesome.

There’s only one character that survives that I wanted to see struck by snakes – but I guess you can kill all sorts of things… but there is one thing you can’t let the snakes chew on. Sigh. Wimps. Heh.

Now – everyone is so focused on Sam in advance – that a wonderful supporting cast may be ignored.

First off – there’s Julianna Margulies – who I’ve just always loved. She plays a great stewardess… of course all the stewardesses are great – especially the gay one with the mean “cooking skills” and sense of color. Heh. Then there’s David Koechner… and our audience was cool enough that there was applause when he first appeared on screen. The audience loves this guy. Koechner plays the co-pilot like an aging playboy pilot that hits on his stewardesses and expects them to buy it… but in a fun way. He rules in this film. Fucking awesome. The little dog is the best – and I’m so glad he makes it through the film. He reminded me of my own little dog and well… his cute bug eyes get ya, ya know?

The film is a ride. It is SNAKES ON A PLANE – and that does indeed rock.

Now here’s my warning for ya. If I were you and you want to see this movie in the best possible environment. See it with a fun evening audience with as many of your friends as you can muster. I haven’t a clue how this film plays in an early matinee. But with a packed house of people wanting a good time… it’s unreal. Quint wasn’t in the same screening as me, but he was in the same lobby afterwards looking like the happiest boy in school. He kept saying over and over again that he couldn’t believe that it lived up to the hype. He’s had a rough week, he needed SNAKES ON A PLANE.

With all the recent news about planes… we all need SNAKES ON A PLANE. And if the Airline industry was COOL AT ALL – they’d have special SNAKES ON A PLANE internationally flights – where you could see the film with turbulence. That’d be perfect!

My review isn’t what most of you will experience, but it was the experience tonight at the Alamo Drafthouse. And after the film – crowds stood around smoking their cigarettes after their post-cinematic coital experience – just jabbering about the film. Folks posing for photos with Quentin – who was clutching bottles of SAMUEL JACKSON BADASS ALE – and man – it was an awesome night. Great date flick – mine kept clutching my arm and hugging me closer… but then, snakes really bug Yoko… but not as bad as cockroaches. Heh.

Readers Talkback
comments powered by Disqus
    + Expand All
  • Aug. 18, 2006, 3:29 a.m. CST


    by yellowoystercult

    That'd be kinda neat.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 3:30 a.m. CST

    Okay, that's pretty neat.

    by yellowoystercult

    I am so psyched to see this movie. Unbelievably comforting to find out it's actually good.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 3:34 a.m. CST

    Snakes on a plane!

    by optimus122

    Cant wait to see this tonite

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 3:35 a.m. CST

    second???? also, TOO SOON!!!

    by DAfRk3iN

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 3:38 a.m. CST

    I agree. Opening night is too soon to open a movie.

    by hulk_beanpoll

    They should wait till like a week later or something.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 3:39 a.m. CST

    This movie is playing great everywhere

    by antonphd

    It doesn't matter where you live. See this movie at a late show this weekend and you'll get a rowdy crowd and it will kick ass. Don't wait for this one. It must be seen with a crowd. This movie is not a complete movie without a crowd.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 3:41 a.m. CST

    Opens today in the UK...

    by abiggerboat

    I'm seeing that fucker TONIGHT! Getting my mutherfuckin arse to that mutherfuckin cinema!!!

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 3:42 a.m. CST

    I'm from Tennessee

    by BitterMan23

    I didnt notice the heat.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 3:49 a.m. CST

    The film is entertaining to a point...

    by Bungion Boy

    It has a silly title and it got a lot of milage out of that for nearly a year. But what's past the silly title? A B-Movie that was marketed like one. This movie is fool-proof. The people who like it will love it. The people who think it's bad will love it for being bad. I felt like I was being manipulated by the ads. Being told it was a bad movie and being dared to agree. Remember a few years ago there was that small indie mock B-Movie, The Lost Skelleton of something or other? That was trying so hard to be cheap and silly that it just ended up being boring. I felt the same about this. I laughed for the first half hour or so but after a while I felt that the joke was going on too long. This movie had a title, not a story. And for me, that wasn't enough.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 3:58 a.m. CST

    It lives up to its hype?

    by dregmobile

    Fan-fucking-tastic. Can't wait until it opens Thursday here in Sydney. That sounds like a fucked up screening, Harry. You people are insane. lol.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 4:32 a.m. CST

    When Does This Open in Japan?

    by Ktak

    Damn, my wife and I want to see this movie so bad, but we don't even know when it opens here in Tokyo! Just curious though, do they explain how they get that many snakes on a plane coming from Hawaii, a place that pretty much doesn't allow snakes of any kind to enter? Authorities there are absolutely rabid about keeping them out lest the same thing that happened to Guam happens in Hawaii. They even have dogs at the airport and the ports specifically trained to sniff out snakes. I know these questions don't make sense with a movie like SoaP, but being from Hawaii I'm still curious if they address it.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 4:35 a.m. CST

    I thought there were no snakes in Ireland

    by Lost Prophet

    (I hope I am right about this)

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 4:45 a.m. CST


    by therightclique

    okay, so this movie is complete garbage, but there's so many possibilities for jokes, just go to scream shit at the screen. snakes on a plane was sadly not as interesting as the worms in my poop.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 4:47 a.m. CST

    I'm dissapointed in Harry.

    by Cpt Kirks 2pay

    I thought Harry would know better than to see this movie and endorse such 'Snakes are Evil, let's kill them' mentality. I hope he just has the intelligence enough not to be taken in by this propoganda and believe the message of the film which is that Snakes are evil and should be killed. I hope that other people who see it won't be sucked in by this too. I won't be seeing it as I know what message t will create, and I won't support or financially back it up. The reason why? You know this will do for the Snake population what Jaws did for Sharks - it will kill off huge percentages of it!! This is yet another ignorant example of Hollywood stupidity portraying Snakes in the wrong light and as vicious evil killers of humans and nothing else, which is entirely untrue by my first hand experience and knowledge of them. The fact that such a 'tough mother*****er' and ego headed ignorant actor as Samuel L Jackson is endorsing this idea is another insult to my intelligence and absolutely infuriates me. But most of all it just makes me very very sad. I am very very sad, that people will see Snakes demonised by this film, and therefore it will encourage hurting, hunting and culling of Snakes as a result, wether it be in America or South America or Australia etc. Fear and hostility will rise toward Snakes, many species of which are already extinct because of these views, and more and more Snakes will be killed, ending many species that are already on the endangered list. I have seen this done before to other demonised animals in film. Snakes are nowhere near as cold blooded killing machines that ATTACK humans as they will be portrayed in this film. In real life, they flee when they hear the human vibrations of human footsteps from a 1000 metres away. They only attack in self defence, when they feel we are threatening them, and definitely in this instance of the film which will be horribly unaccurate, they in real life, would only flee to a cool and dark corner or part of the plane - and HIDE from us! That's right, hide from humans, not ATTACK!! I just hope that people won't be so one minded when they see this film, but I know they will, and they will see Snakes as the new 'MONSTER' movie species of this year and regard them as more 'evil' than before, and thus, it will result in more Snakes being killed, than ever before. Movies like this or so more irresponsible as aeveryone thinks that it is just a dumb fun movie that doesn't take itself seriously and is just for a laugh - which just makes it worse. It means it can exaggerate things and make the Snakes visually look even more dangerous. So therefore people who have no brains, and let's face it, many viewers of this film won't, as it is that kind of a movie (do the math, a dumb movie will have a dumb audience who will do dumb things afterwards as a result) will go out later on and fear and hate Snakes a lot more. More enough to generate a chain reaction of Snake hate in them and onto other people too, which will result in enough people going out there - and hunting and KILLING Snakes. It's the Jaws effect people. It will certianly happen in 3rd World countries anyway. It just makes me so sad, rather than angry. Please people, have some kind of sense or a brain when seeing this movie. Or just don't. See World Trade Centre instead.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 4:47 a.m. CST

    name dropper

    by Rupee88

    So you were hanging with QT? I like how you just casually drop that dropping is too Hollywood, not down-to-earth Austin.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 5:06 a.m. CST

    Holy crap...

    by tiredpm

    The reviews are starting to pop up from the critics and they're not bad. In fact, some of them seem delighted about how much fun the film is. No mention of the artistry of cinema whatsoever (thank God) but lots of talk of the magic of movies. Plus, has the word motherfucker ever been so heavily referenced in major media before? I'm there for this film Saturday night with a few beers in me -- now I'm excited.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 5:11 a.m. CST

    Lost Prophet, there being no "snakes" in Ireland...

    by redtom

    ... is actually to do with the purging of the pagan culture from Ireland by that halfwit "St." Patrick - pompous evangelist that he was, he took it upon himself to rid Ireland of it's native culture, it's "savages" - much like what happened with the likes of the Mayans, the Navaho and every other native culture in the "americas" by so-called enlightened european cultures....

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 5:13 a.m. CST

    It's whacking day motherfuckers

    by strawff

    Just away to see this shit now....

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 5:20 a.m. CST

    Spoiler, I guess.

    by CoursinLarry

    Hey, Harry. I guess you must have gone to the bathroom during the part where that uptight, rich asshole threw the dog to the anaconda. The dog didn't make it, I'm afraid.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 5:24 a.m. CST

    God, Roeper really comes off as a dick

    by tiredpm

    Direct quote from his review: "...this violent, silly and ultimately unimaginative, glorified B-movie..." Um. Okay. It's a B-movie. I don't think there has ever been any doubt of that. Hell Sam Jackson has been promoting it as the kind of film he went to see when he was a kid. I don't think anyone is too shocked that it's a B-movie. Now, as it's a B-movie, there are rules: violent, silly and, sadly unmentioned by Roeper, nudity. It's his opinion and I can respect that, but can't slam a film for a being a B-movie when it knows it's a B-movie and is being marketed as a B-movie. That just seems like sour grapes.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 5:28 a.m. CST

    CoursinLarry, I think that was an anti-spoiler

    by tiredpm

    As soon as Harry mentiond that in his review I knew there was no way the dog made it. When was the last time Harry held back? Or, for that matter, had any subtlety in his writing (see review: Blade 2)? The fact he mentioned it stuck red flags everywhere. Still, don't care -- it looks like it'll be fun. What did you think of the film?

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 5:34 a.m. CST

    No snakes allowed in Hawii?

    by antonphd

    wow. maybe i need to move there. for that an the other 1000000000 reasons to live in hawii.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 5:46 a.m. CST

    It's amazing how Harry..

    by UMAGA

    can pimo QT to his reading when he's doing nothing, but sitting in a movie theatre. As for Snakes on a Plane, I really couldn't give a shit. Someone put an end to this already. If people didn't find the title funny no one would have gave a fuck.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 5:48 a.m. CST

    Holy crap

    by UMAGA

    Sorry, i'm tired. That should be "can pimp QT to his readers".

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 5:52 a.m. CST

    so i hear there's snakes on the plane...

    by Suki_Jonze

    or is it just a rumor? ~suki

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 6 a.m. CST

    Ireland is "The Island of Saints and Scholars" Harry,

    by smokinjoe

    There are no snakes in Ireland. Legend says St. Patrick got rid of them all

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 6:02 a.m. CST

    Som bloke was previewing the film on a news show...

    by ScarranHalfBreed

    ...on Channel Five in the UK, and he said that the film was created by Internet users but that "Internet users would make Gandhi starring the Rock if they could." What an arsehole. Of course we wouldn't. Bastard.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 6:03 a.m. CST

    Cpt Kirks 2pay; Snakes ARE evil and SHOULD be killed...

    by Mr Jonse

    ...same goes for russian spies, martians and Dracula. It's a MOVIE. Grow a sense of humour. This film looks like all kinds of fun...

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 6:05 a.m. CST

    Best line in a Harry Review....EVER

    by RobinP

    "It proactively wants to fucking kill everything around it." One helluva good read, Harry.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 6:18 a.m. CST

    I want some of that BadAss Ale!!

    by DOGSOUP

    They should sell it in bulk. People would buy it.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 6:22 a.m. CST

    or badass catnip

    by Lost Prophet

    that would be sweet. Can we have MAN CATS on a plane next?

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 6:45 a.m. CST

    Dupes In A Theatre!!!

    by MetalWater

    If you are stupid enough to go see this so called movie, you deserve what you are going to get!!! Let the anal intrusions begin...with no lube!!!

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 7:15 a.m. CST

    So SoaP is allowed to be crap..

    by Lemming

    because it's just 'crazy ass shit' and it's in the title. So you gonna start digging all those crap straight to video movies like PIRANAH and CROCODILE now?

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 7:35 a.m. CST

    Great review of great night!

    by super jud

    Seriously, after recently getting back from Michigan, I was reminded why Austin is the coolest city, and Alamo Drafthouse theatre is the best motherfucking theatre in the world! Snakes in the theatre. The audience you see this with is definitely crucial for this movie. Snakes on a Plane is exactly what it's supposed to be. My only slight problem with the film was in the editing. When Samuel Jackson delivered the moneyshot line, it sould've went straight into action after, but there was a little lull that wasn't really necessary. Is it a spoiler to talk about how happy I was to see the Snake Vision camera perspective?

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 7:42 a.m. CST


    by super jud

    Lemming said: [i] So you gonna start digging all those crap straight to video movies like PIRANAH and CROCODILE now?[/i] Abso-motherfucking-lutely. Movies like Gator and Grizzly are great movies.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 7:43 a.m. CST

    Sounds fun, but ...

    by squidman

    Not all of us have the luxury of a "theme" event that could make a crappy movie a fun one. Yeah, Quentin may have thought that the Godzilla-event was fun, but if you watched Godzilla in a theater in Bumblefuck, PA, with no hype or fucking carnival around it ... well, it would have sucked ... and it did. I appreciate Harry's enthusiasm, and his resources that allow this sort of spectacle, but I think these circus-evenings are tainting his reviews. All that being said ... damn, I wish I could have been there.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 7:48 a.m. CST

    If Roeper Is A Dick, Why Don't You Suck It???!!!

    by MetalWater

    Richard Roeper is right...This two bit chump change of a movie is bullshit and should be run out of theatres!!! looks like all of you owe Roeper A Good Dick Sucking...On A Plane!!!

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 8:10 a.m. CST


    by georges garvaren

    you can use too many f words. nice review still, but im just saying.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 8:38 a.m. CST

    I hate reading Harry's reviews

    by Hate_Speech

    They're not so much a review, they're more like a Hey, Look what I did today and Oh, when I was a kid, I got beat up and I like Peanut Butter and Jelly, and oh yeah, the film, wax on, wax off.. bolah..

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 8:38 a.m. CST

    Sounds like one annoying night in Austin

    by Atticus Finch

    If I saw this with a crowd making hissing sounds evey five seconds, I'd bitch-slap a few of them then leave.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 8:38 a.m. CST

    Thanks for the spoiler warning, douche!

    by Pale Rider

    So , the little dog doesn't get offed in the movie? (that sucks - the dog should get it from the python - that's what my 8 bucks wants to see) And the obvious pussy/wimp character makes it through as well? Thanks for the heads up... Why don't you give us the rest of the death list while you're at it?

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 8:45 a.m. CST

    Dopn't listen to Harry

    by Engineer_at_peac

    This movie is great because it is a fun, energetic, funny, scary, gross, movie. It's awesome. It's not awesome because of retarded crowds who are all "LOL SNAKES ON A PLANE! JUST LIKE ON THE INTERNET!! THS IS COMEDY GOLD!!!11!!eleven!!" It is an awesome movie on its own. I saw it with a crowd of about 30 who were all very well behaved. Laughed and screamed when appropriate because of the film, not because they were trying to be comedy genius cool guys who were in on the joke. The movie is great all on its own. Don't let some stupid internet morons ruin it for you. Pale Rider *SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER* the dog gets offed. It's the baby that lives. That's right Harry is talking about the fucking baby. He wanted to see a snake kill an innocent baby. That is fucking twisted. There is something wrong with that man.*END SPOILER*

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 8:50 a.m. CST

    JESUS CHRIST HARRY. 1400 words before your f'ing review

    by Lucidz

    Cmon man, I am all for the rambling review, but you wrote almost FOURTEEN HUNDRED WORDS before your review. What the HELL bro.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 8:50 a.m. CST

    The dog survives but the cat dies?

    by DerLanghaarige

    What piece of shit is this? Cats fucking rule! Whatever, I think I'm going to call my friends for a Snakes On A Plane Party, when it starts in German theatres :)

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 8:53 a.m. CST

    You guys should take this more seriously.

    by Cpt Kirks 2pay

    Look at how the Jaws effect of this film is gonna have on Snakes the same way that jaws had on Sharks. Public perception of Snakes as human killers will go up as a result, and therefore more Snakes are gonna be killed off by humans, even before Snakes will ever lay on eye on humans. Like Jaws promoted Shark fishing and killing, Snakes On A Plane will increase Snake hunting walks, Snake butchering and eating, even those parts of the world where they charge people to watch Snakes fight each other or fight Mongooses. Look animal cruelty exists, and it alredy exists to Snakes, OK? We all know that. Now - this film you cannot deny, will INCREASE these kinds of activities, or at least, increase people who live in countries where Snakes are in their backyard, to go out there more and hunt nad kill them down. It will become part of the psyche to go out nad view them as dangerous human killers when in fact less than 20% of Snakes are. Documentaries which should know better, only serve to encourage their deadly, false image. Why don't you guys just do yourselves a favour and not see this movie at all.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 8:59 a.m. CST

    Snakes in Minneapolis

    by John Maddening

    A nearly full showing in the largest theaterin the downtown 15-plex. Rubber and stuffed snakes on half the audience. Two guys coming in right before the movie started wearing airline pilot hats who had a giant stuffed snake wrapping them together got a huge ovation. The movie? Hell, of course the movie was great! People cheered every great line, every over-the-top snake attack or snake getting killed. People sang along to the Cobra Starship video over the credits. The only thing that didn't impress was the trailer for TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: THE BEGINNING. Think about that, 500 fans ready to see some action and gore, left completely unimpressed by a dumb trailer for a dumber movie.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 9:02 a.m. CST

    Hate_Speech: "I hate reading Harry's reviews"

    by ScarranHalfBreed

    Er, don't read them then. Bye!

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 9:13 a.m. CST

    Great read!

    by Darth Thoth

    Great review Harry. Sounds like an amazing night! Man, I'm pissed I don't live down in Austin. I wish my theater would do cool stuff like that. BTW- the spoiler about the dog killed me though man. I wish I hadn't read that.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 9:35 a.m. CST

    This movie must suck, the way Harry covers his ass...

    by Elmore Rigby

    ...with the 'Godzilla' comparison. Basically looks like a movie you will only like if you realllly want it to be good. Roeper hits it dead-on:

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 9:36 a.m. CST

    SPOILER. Harry's review is factually incorrect

    by Engineer_at_peac

    The dog fucking dies. Eaten by the python. This makes me question whether or not Harry actually paid attention to the movie, or if he was too busy paying attention to the underage girls in the row in front of him.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 9:46 a.m. CST


    by casinoskunk

    You sound like a commercial for the Drafthouse. I get it Harry, i am already jealous. you dont have to rub it in.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 9:53 a.m. CST

    Snakes on a Train on DVD

    by dead youngling

    anyone see it yet? at my screening people were throwing rubber snakes of all sizes all over the theater. best audience experience i've ever had. harry doth love the F-bomb

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 10:06 a.m. CST

    Wait a minutes, people had rubber snakes?!

    by Garbageman33

    That's genius. It never would have crossed my mind, either. And here I thought I was cool for bringing a beach ball into a concert, but this is even better. Cuz the concert wasn't the beach boys. But this is Snakes on a Plane. And they brought snakes! That's the coolest thing I ever heard.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 10:20 a.m. CST

    Where might I procure some bottles of Badass Ale?

    by Chastain-86

    Believe you me, I want some. And I'd be willing to pay for the privilege.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 10:22 a.m. CST

    Thats EXACTLY what I was thinking Elmore Rigby

    by beefywhore

    As soon as I read that Godzilla comparison my heart sank...Now I don't know if I'm gonna see this tonight... Crap!! looks like I'll be seeing You Me And Dupree this weekend instead..sigh

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 10:23 a.m. CST

    WE GET IT! The Drafthouse is cool, now SHUT UP!!

    by chickychow

    Christ Harry, you not only tell us how awesome that fuckin theater is, but you seem to want to make us slit our fuckin throats if we're not seeing every goddamn movie there is in it. Just review the cocksuckin movie and be done with it!

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 10:26 a.m. CST

    and yeah, good call on the Godzilla comparison

    by chickychow

    Even tho I find it hard to imagine getting any enjoyment out of that movie no matter where you were seeing it... And is Quentin so fuckin lame that he knows about that review? Or is Harry just imagining things again.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 10:30 a.m. CST

    Did you thank Chappelle?

    by Garbageman33

    Seeing as how he did a fake commercial for Samuel Jackson Badass Ale way back in Season 1 (or was it 2?). I love the part where the uptight white guy says to Sam, "Could you not yell in my ear?" And Sam (Chappelle) yells, "I'm not yelling, that's just how I talk".

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 10:32 a.m. CST


    by onefalsemove

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 10:34 a.m. CST

    Okay, Poopflingerzaius... name one.

    by Chastain-86

    You say, "There are theaters as cool or cooler in different parts of the country. Just because people in Texas have to think everything they have is the biggest or best doesn't make it so." And I challenge you to show me one. Preferably in Chicago or Phoenix, because I'd love to visit one.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 10:36 a.m. CST


    by Thunderpants

    Is Harry contractually obligated to say "bliss" in every review. I'm sorry...I don't care what you believe...but if you use "bliss" in movie reviews, you're an ass pirate.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 10:52 a.m. CST

    Harry's Snakes Review Summed Up

    by Cumlauncher

    Alamo Drafthouse! Yay Texas is cool! Texas is cool! Sam Jackson Ale! Beer is good motherfucker! Yay! Movie was great! My childhood wasn't raped! Yay! I saw INSERT ASSININE CELEBRITY HERE in the upper rows! We're homies yay! This movie rocked my asshole loose! (Jerks off on seats) SNAKES ON A MOTHERFUCKIN PLANE MOTHERFUCKER! (eats garbage bag full of popcorn and is awakened by theater staff who poke him with a long pole)

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 10:53 a.m. CST

    I watched this last night too

    by Knightsong

    All I have to say is that the Alamo theater must be the coolest place with the coolest crouds and the most excited fans ever to watch a film with. I work at a theater and we didn't even get one call about a midnight screening of this film. I watched it and this film is not special, it's barely entertaining. The film could have been awesome, if they had poked fun at the rediculous concept of the film rather than try to have made the film serious and moving. Yes I used the word moving. This film spends a buttload of time trying to make you connect with EVERYONE of the passengers so that when they get bit or die you're either crying cause they're such a great person or you applauding because they're an asshole. Most of the people who get bit and die are more than predictable at the introduction of their character and the ones who get bit and live are just as easy to point out. I didn't care about anyone. The whole movie you're rooting for the snakes. Especially when the film goes into SNAKE VISION! That's right I said Snake MOTHER FUCKIN Vision. It's a green blurry rendition of the beast master's animal sight power, that I guess was supposed to have the creepy Predator feel...but it was honestly so corny all you can do is laugh. By the time this movie realizes it would have worked better having some fun with itself it's WAY too late. I was really hoping this film would have been the cheesey fun that the title lends itself to, but it's nothing but a throw away film. People dying to see this film just to hear Mr. Jackson spout his immortal line, have to wait nearly the entire movie for it, and again it was too little too late. Most of the movie he's calm, cool, and collected...very when he spouts off his one liner all pissed my opinion it falls flat. So if your highly entertained by bloated venom wounds, CGI snakes, and you love anything Mr. Jackson says as long as he's sayin Mother Fucker...This is the movie for you. If however you need a bit more than that and you need a real reason to blow $10 on a movie, STAY AWAY FROM THIS MOVIE! It'll be on Sci-Fi soon enough and it'll probably be running looped between Rats and Dungeons & Dragons Wrath of the Dragon God. I do have a small hope that the MST3K crew comes out of retirement and rips this movie the comedic ass it deserves.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 10:55 a.m. CST

    The sad thing is, this movie really is good

    by Engineer_at_peac

    And Harry of course wrote a review that almost makes me not want to see it. And I've already seen it! AND LOVED IT!

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 10:55 a.m. CST

    Is it mutherfucking or motherfucking?

    by ScarranHalfBreed

    Americans confuse me with their words and sounds.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 11 a.m. CST

    Does hating haters make me a hater too?

    by Avenger534

    "Sam Jackson Badass Ale". Nice. All I had was Jameson whiskey.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 11:09 a.m. CST

    I like the new icon Harry!

    by McGsStepson

    Thulsa Doom. Cool.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 11:09 a.m. CST

    Snakes on a plate.

    by AyebKraken

    Try it. It is simply delicious.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 11:19 a.m. CST

    i think that

    by ewokstew

    QT should be slapped in the mouth for using "perfect" and "Godzilla" in the same sentence.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 11:24 a.m. CST


    by The Funketeer

    Snakes on a Plane is allowed to be just what it says it is and if you don't like that kind of movie then don't see it. I'm sure that if it weren't for the hype, this thing would be opening 10th at the box office or go straight to DVD but there's a small group of people (I'm one of them) that like seeing movies where giant animals attack and/or eat people for 2 hours and that's who this is really catering to.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 11:42 a.m. CST

    This is all well and good, but "anyways" isn't a word.

    by Lord Bullingdon

    The word you seek is "anyway."

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 12:05 p.m. CST

    Sounds cool, but I hope it isn't a health violation...

    by stlfilmwire

    I dunno. I guess it should be cool. I know very little about health violations and shit.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 12:07 p.m. CST

    Harry, what the fuck....

    by Dr_Ian_Malcolm

    Harry, you are a fucking bastard... You know that? Only a jackass like you would like a lame movie like this... Why don't you take Jar Jar Binks, Lady In The Water, and Snakes On A Plane and shove em up your fat ass...

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 12:22 p.m. CST

    This is like being in high school.....

    by Mister Man

    ...and listening to the band members talk about how cool they are. Um...........

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 12:45 p.m. CST

    "Snacks On A Plane" is freakin' awesome!!111

    by RED_PILLS_4_U

    In the theater I saw it in, there was a preliminary pie-eating contest. This one fat guy (fatter than Harry) ate two-dozen raspberry pies and then threw up on a lady's lap. Then *she* threw up, too, because she was so disgusted. Then everyone in the theater started throwing up in response. ....Yep, that's wha' happen. I guess you had to be there. ..... Moving along to the film, it had pretty much what we expected: planes and snakes. (The snakes were on the plane rather than the other way around.) Samuel L. Jackson screamed like a little girl

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 12:57 p.m. CST

    Audiences in my town don't want to be entertained...

    by Cletus Van Damme

    ...they want to talk to as many people as possible and show off as many ringtones on their dumbass cellphones as possible within a 2 hour window of opportunity. I'm dying to see this, but I'll wait for DVD.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 1 p.m. CST

    Again, Harry reviews his night instead of the film

    by Gwai Lo

    Stopped reading after maybe 3000 words with no sign of film analysis in sight

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 1:37 p.m. CST

    That Tarantino was there confirms what DP will be like.

    by Nate Champion

    I.E., utter fucking shyte.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 1:38 p.m. CST

    Alamo fun

    by modernchic

    OK, so I was in the same theater at the same Drafthouse at the same time as Harry and have to say the whole thing was super cool. The audience participation made it such a great evening. I haven't had such a great movie going experience in, well, practically forever. The snake sounds from people weren't constant and were not that annoying, they didn't detract from the experience. Sorry, I have to agree that the movie rocked and the experience he and I and everyone else in our theater had was a complete and total blast.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 1:38 p.m. CST

    Snakes on a plane

    by NudeandAroused

    The movie is hilarious and campy to the extreme. Really fun stuff.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 1:47 p.m. CST

    the dog

    by haku8645

    I'M ABOUT TO SPOIL SHIT i guess harry wasn't paying attention because the dog definitely dies. after the huge python falls through the glass (great scene), the british guy grabs the prissy paris hilton wannabe's dog and tosses it to the python. literally tosses it like you toss a dog a snack, and the python snatches it and devours it. along with the guy getting the heel impailed in his head, one of the best things i've ever seen in film.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 3:39 p.m. CST

    He knows its terrible

    by AshleyMonday

    His "review" makes me want to see it even less.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 3:55 p.m. CST

    SPOILER - ummmm...


    Folks - of course I know the dog fucking dies... it's only the greatest fucking scene in the movie! I came home, looked at my dog... and thought... what a tasty snake treat. To the folks that think this is a terrible movie, that haven't seen it. FINE - STAY AWAY. This isn't a "so bad its good" movie. When's the last time you saw a film that had a legitimate vibe and groove that it was hitting. Does the movie exist in the real world? Um, no. It's a fantasy. IF you could put this assortment of snakes together... on a Pacific flight... and have a pheromone that would make the snakes be, SNAKES ON CRACK. Well - it isn't realistic. This is a Cartoon for Grownups. Like SOUTH PARK with flesh and blood tits, gore and pus. If you don't want to have fun, stay away. If you don't want to laugh and cheer and jump... stay away. This is a fun fucking film.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 4:01 p.m. CST

    To the folks who've seen this already...

    by beefywhore

    Would anyone compare this to one of the Final Destination movies? I realize they are different genres but alot of people are commenting that the death scenes in this are really fun...If thats the case I have an angle to try and talk my girlfriend into going to this because she has been pretty opposed to seeing this movie up to this point, but she loves the Final Destination movies...any comments or comparisons would be helpful... Thanks

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 4:17 p.m. CST

    it's a bit like final destination

    by JiggamanSpence

    but its more fun, instead of being deadly serious the whole time, its just kinda dumb. But awesome.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 4:22 p.m. CST

    Well, i didn't think anybody would attempt

    by JiggamanSpence

    to seriously argue something about this silly, silly movie, but thanks for proving me wrong. Just for the record, if i saw a snake in my backyard, i'd kill the fucker and id have done that before snakes on a plane was even created.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 4:27 p.m. CST

    Cool, Man

    by beefywhore


  • Aug. 18, 2006, 4:29 p.m. CST

    I think it's the same director as Final Destination 2

    by Engineer_at_peac

    as well. So consider that.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 4:40 p.m. CST

    they should make

    by georges garvaren

    a movie called "planes on a plane" that would be...messy? loud?

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 4:47 p.m. CST

    there are

    by emeraldboy

    grass snakes in Ireland. I would love to see this film but NEw Line terminated their distibution deal with IMC Cinemas. ill see it next month when it comes out on DVD.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 4:49 p.m. CST

    by Ricky Henderson

    Be certain that I am your undoing. I am everything. There were three things in my beginning: my interrupted biological sleep, a birth, and the end to a warm darkness and silence. And now I am here with you. And a reckoning is coming, that

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 5:30 p.m. CST

    Snakes on a Mutherfuckin Tit

    by SmoothBond

    Words are hard to express how I feel about this movie. It completely delivered and then some. I watched it with a British Audience, so unfortunately no snakes or hisses, but they loved it all the same. Hands down my best film of the year.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 5:39 p.m. CST

    "My review isn

    by newc0253

    translation: "i realise i'm hyping this film but with this sentence i'm letting you know i am. when you see this movie and think it sucks, at least my ginormous ass will be covered".

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 5:47 p.m. CST


    by antonphd

    There is no better way to say it.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 5:50 p.m. CST

    Harry, please mislead us more often!

    by Schnorbitz

    Read this at lunchtime, and was convinced (by AICN, and Rotten Tomatoes) to see it this evening. Loved it! But I was genuinely expecting the dog to live! What a surprise.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 6:07 p.m. CST

    Enough already.

    by alienindisguise

    Yeah I like the fact this movie was reshaped because of the shows that we do have power, Great! Now, let's use that power to make a movie worth a shit. I can't wait to endure all things having to do with snakes and planes in the coming month...lame jokes and parodies day after day...UGH!!!!

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 6:30 p.m. CST

    Ireland Isle of snakes? What is he on about.

    by One Voice

    Ireland is the land of saints and scholars, of song and dance, and a hundred thousand welcomes. It is not the isle of snakes. They were all banished by St. Patrick. D'uh.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 8:18 p.m. CST

    Best theater experience I've ever had...

    by TheMovieLover

    So i jumped at the chance to go to the Thursday ten oclock showing in my area, and i was one of the first ones there. then my group of friends showed up, and i was sort of dreading that the movie would tank. but then throngs of people started walking in, just yelling snakes on a plane. by the time the previews started, people kept yelling "i hope there's some motherfuckin snakes in that movie" no matter what the hell it was. everyone was there to have a good time an enjoy the shit out of it. opening credits. SAMUEL L JACKSON. SNAKES... (pause) ON A PLANE. the whole fucking crowd goes nuts. absolute apeshit cheering and yelling and laughing. Then for the first ten or so minutes, no motherfuckin snakes. Everyone was like, "A SNAKE IS GONNA BITE THAT DIRTBIKERS ASS!" and then laughing at the bad dialogue and glorified blood spatter from a baseball bat execution. then finally then apartment, kid is dead, then BAM!!! SAM FUCKIN JACKSON. whole crowd goes apeshit again. Sam can do no wrong in this movie. Then the plane. everyone is being introduced, I actually loved seeing the different people that were gonna get fucked up. The second the dog showed up, me and about five other guys said "that dog is already fucked" everyone is laughing, just enjoying the hell out of it. the baby. oh the baby. people yelling "that baby better fuckin die!" funny as all hell. the sex scene. people yleling HELL YEAH! TAKE HER SHIRT OFF! GET SOME! just hilarious. then the snake. "BITE THAT TIT!" then, IT BITES THE TIT. crowd goes apeshit again. Sam grabs the snake and smashes it against the stairs. Crowd goes apeshit. Guy gets it in the trouser snake. Crowd = apeshit again. When sams partner died (oops, spoiler), everyone knew "now he's pissed the fuck off" and when that damn dog got it, people stood up and cheered, sheer brillince. last but not least, the line of all lines. IVE HAD IT WITH THESE MOTHERFUCKIN SNAKES ON THIS MOTHERFUCKIN PLANE!!! I could barely hear anything that was one the screen because everyone went into a cheering, yelling frenzy. i have never seen a crowd so involved with a movie, it honestly was one of the most fun times i've ever had in the theater. not counting the time i got a b***j** during the break up. oh and if you think a roudy crowd ruins the movie, then don't fuckin bother. because this movie was made to be seen with a crowd. to all you haters, go watch something that CLAIMS to have brains. this movie claims to be fun, and is a motherfucking good time. fuck them snakes. i dont care what that kirk douche keeps saying, if i see a snake, its fucking dead. SNAKES ON A MOTHERFUCKIN PLANE. okay, profanity-laden non-review, finished.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 9:07 p.m. CST

    The Box Office For Last Night's Screenings Sucked!!!

    by MetalWater

    This may be a bomb in the making...However, we can't be sure until the close of Friday box office, but Thursday night's late night screenings only brought in a little more than a millon dollars at the box office!!! With all the hype and advertisements for Snakes On A Plane...this movie should have at least brought in between 4 to 5 million last night, alone, or more!!! Perhaps word of mouth from last night's performances will help it, or hurt it, in respect to the weekend showings, who knows. Anyway...I for one hope this mess bombs, or we'll all be served up this type of junk for years to come instead of Hollywood making and offering us important film fare like Black Snake Moan!!! The other Sam Jackson movie with a snake title!!!

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 9:31 p.m. CST

    Anyone who gives this a bad review is a wanker

    by darthflagg

    It's everything you could hope for from a movie with the title Snakes on a Plane. I haven't laughed so much at a movie in ages. The audience participation alone is worth the price of admission.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 9:51 p.m. CST

    Another great review

    by JoeyRusso1290

    From me. Check it out @

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 11:09 p.m. CST


    by Darth Melkor

    You're a little too excited that the movie didn't have a great preview screening, seeing as how you posted it on 3 separate forums and used way too many exclamation points. Why do you care if it doesn't do well? It's a fun, silly movie. You want every film Hollywood releases to be deep and meaningful? The vast majority of people don't go to the theater for a meaningful, moving experience. They go to be entertained. Everyone I've talked to that's seen the movie has said it was an incredibly fun ride, and way more enjoyable than all the other crap that came out this summer. It's a little $30 million film that's managed to steal some attention from the $200 million films. Just let it be, go watch your Black Snake Moan or whatever sappy Sundance Winner you're looking forward to and stop worrying about Snakes on a Plane.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 11:35 p.m. CST

    Snakes fuckin ROCKS!

    by Zeke25:17

    And anyone who says otherwise is deserving of a reading from Ezekiel 25:17 before bein shot in his motherfuckin head! Remember the original Die Hard? That, to me, is how SoaP plays when watching it "straight"...that is, without a lot of Rocky Horror-ish audience participation. From what I understand, it's a whole new experience that way: next time I see it, I'll catch an evening show with a large crowd. I hear that when Sam finally cuts loose with "THAT is IT! I have HAD IT with these MOTHERFUCKIN SNAKES on this MOTHERFUCKIN PLANE!!!", most of the audience chants it right along with him, and then gives him an ovation. Also, people are supposedly throwing rubber snakes at the screen and so forth. It'd be very cool if they include an audience participation track on the dvd, again a'la Rocky. Regardless of how it is seen, though, it's a good, solid action thriller: it is not played for camp; they clearly weren't trying to make a so-bad-it's-good kinda film. And when you think about what's going on in the world right now, the movie is incredibly timely: the snakes could easily be seen as a terrorist metaphor. (They're cold hearted! They can't be reasoned with! They're NOT HUMAN!) The only thing wrong with the film, to me, is that the baddie responsible for putting the snakes on the plane in the first place is never shown getting his comeuppance; it's just "Now let's go lock this guy up for the rest of his life." No, no, no: in the novelization (also quite good), the guy is done in by his boss' chief assassin, one Lulu Fang, who injects him with cobra venom after she's fucked him nearly to death. Hell, woulda been a great cameo for Lucy Liu (remember her role in Payback?)! Anyway, see the damn thing!

  • Aug. 19, 2006, 12:13 a.m. CST

    TOO SSSSSSSSSSSSSSOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    by The Atomic Worm

    "Too soon" is the new "first."

  • Aug. 19, 2006, 3:25 a.m. CST

    Ireland Isle of snakes? What is he on about.

    by emeraldboy

    Re: One Voice. You dont actually live in Ireland do you? I happen to live in Modern Ireland and We have grass snakes! there was a report on the RTE news about. and St Patrick is the patron saint of Ireland but no one knows where he came from he maybe Welsh or French no will ever know.

  • Aug. 19, 2006, 5:22 a.m. CST

    in two years

    by emeraldboy

    it will be Samuel L jacksons sixtieth Birthday. Gotta look after that Motherfuckin nest egg.

  • Aug. 19, 2006, 8:22 a.m. CST

    Meh! Young girls kiss my snake all the time.

    by CuntStubble

  • Aug. 19, 2006, 8:39 a.m. CST


    by blackshuck

    There are snakes on the plane.

  • Aug. 19, 2006, 10:05 a.m. CST

    And yet you keep coming back, Hate_Speech

    by Kid Joker

  • Aug. 19, 2006, 11:42 a.m. CST

    Yeah, the Drafthouse is great...

    by Freddie Mercury

    if you like to listen to fat Texans eat and talk through entire movies. The waiters talk during the movie, too, standing in the back, waiting for your little slip of paper. And they constantly ask you, over and over, if you're SURE you don't want to order SOMETHING? I even had one douche get on my case because I didn't even want a drink and he said I should "go to a normal theater where the employees don't survive on tips." I'd be surprised to learn that this kind of theater wasn't invented in Texas.

  • Aug. 19, 2006, 12:41 p.m. CST

    7.8m on Friday, per BoxofficeGuru

    by paulh

    A little on the low side, I think, considering all the hype it had. Maybe around 20-23 million for the weekend (me speculating now)...

  • Aug. 19, 2006, 1:55 p.m. CST


    by Darth Melkor

    Not a huge opening. But pretty good considering it's budget. It will have earned it's budget back within the first week.

  • Aug. 19, 2006, 5:09 p.m. CST

    Emerald Boy

    by One Voice

    I am living in Ireland... And I'm sorry I didn't see that report on Radio Telifis Eireann but since when was my country known as Isle of Snakes? Read what I said. St. Patrick was Welsh and IS the patron saint of Ireland, and IS regarded by legend as having banished snakes and serpents from our fair shores. Whether a bloody grass snake exists or not, don't matter, you go to Dublin Zoo and there's hundreds of them. We still don't have any native snake species.

  • Aug. 19, 2006, 5:22 p.m. CST

    Snakes On A Plane Only Made 6.1 Mil On Dollars Friday!

    by MetalWater

    It'll only make about 17 million to 18 million dollars by the end of the weekend!!! That's a joke considering the 10's of millions they, New Line spent on advertisements and publicity for this stinker!!! Snakes On A Plane has officially failed as I predicted!!! Ha...ha...ha...ha!!!

  • Aug. 19, 2006, 5:35 p.m. CST

    One Voice

    by emeraldboy

    Where In Ireland are you?

  • Aug. 19, 2006, 7:05 p.m. CST


    by Son of Batman

    you could always check before you post assumptions and make yourself out to be a sanctimonious prick:

  • Aug. 19, 2006, 7:13 p.m. CST


    by Eaglet1138

    I loved this movie completely. I'll probably see it again next weekend, and then in the $1.50 theater, and then when it comes out on DVD, I will get together a huge group of my friends and we're going to have the SHIT of a time. It wasn't so-bad-it's-good, it was GOOD. Funny where it wanted to be funny, scary where it wanted to be scary. Kick-ass action, and SAM JACKSON. Exactly what I wanted. THANK YOU NEW LINE.

  • Aug. 19, 2006, 7:43 p.m. CST

    What an over hyped piece of shit movie!!

    by rubensreviews

    I can't believe you guys are loving this shit. I couldn't even finish watching it I fell asleep. This is the kind of movie you bash, not superman returns. How did these guys do exactly what they set out to do? This movie had NO idea what it wanted to be. Idiots were laughing at shit that wasnt funny throughout the whole film. Its not a parody, seeing a poorly animated snake bite a tit is not funny. Its not a ohhhh shit moment. Its just stupid, and all the fucken nerds who probably cheered at this moment along with all the other half ass snake attack moments and probably when sam finally said that stupid line, should all shoot themselves in the fucken head cuz you finally embarrassed yourselves and set the nerd movement trying to be cool back 10 years.

  • Aug. 19, 2006, 7:50 p.m. CST

    Um, the dog DOES NOT SURVIVE!

    by Warcraft

    The asshole doctor throws the dog at a fucking annaconda, and it get's gobbled up.

  • Aug. 19, 2006, 7:59 p.m. CST

    Drafthouse should start a chain or nationwide copies

    by #1 Zero

    Every time I hear about the Alamo Drafthouse it sounds like the perfect place to see a movie. I really would like to see it expand to other states. Seriously, this could have huge appeal to a lot of people outside of Austin. A chain of these would be too corporate but I wish the city I lived in had the insight to make such a movie house, although where I live an indie movie house from Saddle Creek records will be opening up, however I don't think it will be on par with the Alamo.

  • Aug. 19, 2006, 8:34 p.m. CST

    If Harry Is Involved In A Draft House Chain I'm There!!

    by MetalWater

    Sounds great to me...brilliant idea...A cool ass Draft House chain...Love it!!! far as Snakes On A Plane has already bombed two nights in a row...and Sunday box office always goes down. Remember, Snakes On A Plane added 1,000 theatre screens on Friday bringing its total number of screens to about 3,600...and yet the movie is well behind its expected box office take!!! I hope this teaches Sam Jackson a lesson...he should be working with somebody like writer/director/producer Joss Whedon!!! Sam, pick-up and watch the DVD'll see something really special in Joss!!!

  • Aug. 19, 2006, 9:28 p.m. CST

    "My review isn

    by Rupee88

    Well, then it isn't a's a blog entry about your life. Nothing wrong with that and I'm sure you have your fans, but it does most of us little good.

  • Aug. 19, 2006, 9:30 p.m. CST

    Metal Water

    by Darth Melkor

    What ads? They hardly advertised the thing. The media did it for them. ItT cost 30 million bucks to make. It'll make that back easy, then make a killing on DVD. Like it or not SOAP will be a hugely successful film.

  • Aug. 19, 2006, 9:31 p.m. CST

    and the movie sucked

    by Rupee88

    That's my review and the only one you need. People who are saying they enjoyed this film are either lying or they made themselves enjoy it because they were determined to....either that or they are 14 years old and haven't seen most all of this 1000 times before. Read Peter Travers review in Rolling Stone...he says it sucks more articulately than I can.

  • Aug. 19, 2006, 10:01 p.m. CST

    It's Over Jim...Snakes On A Plane Is Dead!!!

    by MetalWater

    Despite the valiant efforts of Snakes On A Plane apologists...the movie has crashed at the box office!!! One poster said that he attended a screening in the UK...and there were only 5 people in the theatre besides him!!! And the DVD will sell no better than a direct to DVD movie!!! It's over Jim...or in this case, Darth...Snakes On A Plane has crashed and all aboard are dead!!!

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 12:50 a.m. CST

    Yeah, it mattered so little that...

    by Son of Batman

    you asked where it was. And when it was pointed out, from only, what, two days ago? You've got time to post off-topic bullshit and to try to flame the guy who showed you to be the thin-skinned pissant that you are, but not the time to click "cool news" once and scroll down maybe half a page? You're the definitive wanker. And learn how to use a comma.

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 2:18 a.m. CST

    saw it twice!

    by mouldy311

    i saw it once on thursday at 1000 and the theatre was maybe 3/4 full and everyone was yelling at the movie and having a blast, definetly the most fun ive had at a theatre. and the movie came off as great. i saw an early matinee the next day and i actually had someone tell me to shut up. i started laughing right at them and said "someone told me to shut up at snakes on a plane" which got the audience laughing, but still it was pretty quiet for the whole movie.

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 4:38 a.m. CST

    They still name people Yoko???

    by kilerb

    I thought that was definitely over once that Ono bitch ruined The Beatles! Heheheh...

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 4:46 a.m. CST

    ive yet so see it but my friend says..

    by mattyholmes

    the movie is frickin awesome. he said that the whole theatre were just applauding throughout. cant wait to see it.

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 7:45 a.m. CST

    snakes reminds me of when

    by rubensreviews

    I went to see that Jay and Silent bob movie with this dick roomate I had who was a big Kevin Smith fan. The stupidest thing could have been said and this moron would laugh. I know have my SOAP experience as well, where idiots would laugh at shit that wasnt funny. Like when the guy looks through the peep hole at people trying to break in. How is that funny? sigh...

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 8:03 a.m. CST

    Kurt Russell tarnished his Plissken image...

    by Monkey_King

    ..when he embarked on that waste of celluloid remake called 'Escape from L.A.' Where's the Plissken game from Rockstar they promised us. At least that would wash away the bad taste(and memory..somewhat) of that L.A. film

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 8:06 a.m. CST


    by One Voice

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 8:33 a.m. CST

    I have a friend holidaying

    by emeraldboy

    in Cork. his mother is from there. Dads from limerick. he is staying in Courtmacsherry or that area.

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 9:48 a.m. CST

    LA Times Predictions Proven Horribly Wrong!!!

    by MetalWater

    Snakes On A Plane was an ill conceived mess that all the major media bought into and lost their reputations on...proving that the media doesn't know how to spot real trends before they are big. No, they tried that here and it blew up in their gathered fuck faces!!! These Harvard grad assholes think people are dumb...and will support dumb they sold the public short on this one and bought into the hype themselves...even convincing themselves that it was smart and witty film making...all thanks to the made up internet buzz...which was nothing but a con job by the studio's promotion department...not a grassroots movement by the public, as so many were falsely led to believe!!! This reminds me of Eddie Murphy's infamous Tyrone Green skits on Saturday Night Live...where over educated art critics declared his prison poetry and art, genius...while we as the audience knew that he was just a crazy illiterate criminal, who was even smart enough to know that his elite media fans were fools. The same people who were convinced that the King had cloths on...but it took a little boy to reveal that the king had no cloths, and thus had been duped by two traveling crooks who sold him a suit of imaginary none existent clothing. Today, the media at large sits as an embarrassed dupe of a movie studio and its coked up executives who green lit Snakes On A Plane...and I'm laughing my ass off because of it!!! They, the media, declared Snakes On A Plane a sure thing...a block buster in the making for the hip crowd who's smart enough to be in on the joke!!! Well, so much for that bullshit!!! The real smart people stayed home and watched tv or logged onto the internet, etc., saving themselves the price of a movie ticket...and more so, the price of avoiding the experience of being conned members of the film audience!!! Sam Jackson, stop hangin' with coke head executives...and enough with all the bad movies you've been making lately...they are starting to make you seem...tragically uncool!!!

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 11:11 a.m. CST


    by emeraldboy

    The decline of hollywood has been remarkable and it has been swift. You only need to looks at the trailers and go that looks like shite. I can think of many trailers that I have seen for films that were either never released n Ireland or if they were, they were on release for a week and then dispearred. rumour has it, You Me and Dupree and imagine me and you are three examples of the shite and muck hollywood is making these days and i could mention Poisedon. but very few people saw that. Here is what to do with Tom Cruise: Fry: What happens if i become a job deserter. Leela: youll be fired...out of canon into the sun. a pay check for him is not enough for him Paramount must fire cruise and is company must be boycotted by other studios. and number of other things: reinstating the script embargoes Cutting back on internet ads on tv campaings. compell cameron get his ass back to work. go back to making films the long hard way, use computer effects minimally and dont mix up the computer for the camera. Start using talent. start looking for talented writers. Get the craft back into making films again. if they dont do those things. Big budget block busters will be dead in 15 so say lucas and spielberg. All we want is quality.

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 11:43 a.m. CST

    EmeraldBoy: It's spelt cheque, not check.

    by One Voice

    Unless of course you are American, and they spell everything wrong anyway. And the reason most American movies don't make it here is because we have tiny cinemas with 6 screens max, and with piracy so huge here, only the very very best make it on the big screen.

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 12:18 p.m. CST

    hey, look at the bright side...

    by Flux_brown

    thats it, we dun have to hear about this mutha fuckin movie on this mutha fuckin web site anymore! I for one, am mutha fuckin relieved!

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 12:23 p.m. CST

    Have fun pretending to like it

    by Cosmik Debris

    This is just the latest internet fad... You have to join in so that you can be COOL. Just like how "All your base..." was trendy for a while. It doesn't matter if the movie is any good or not. People will pretend to like it because they've already invested so much of their myspace-and-livejournal identities into participating the trend. The movie is a failure. You can't fake "so bad it's good." When you try, all you get is "so bad."

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 12:23 p.m. CST

    one voice...

    by Flux_brown

    noticed a little language dispute, who in their right minds would call a HOOD (on a car) a BONNET?! jeez...yeah,we'll give you brits credit for coming up with the language...but, c'mon man...aren't ur words just a tiny bit dated?

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 12:34 p.m. CST

    I aint a Brit.

    by One Voice

    The lexicon of a country is one thing. The misspelling, another.

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 1:25 p.m. CST

    One voice:

    by emeraldboy

    I have a learning Disability. So sometimes when I type really fast, I make mistakes. My commiserations at being beaten by Kerry. I was listening on RTE radio. Didnt seem all that great. the Dubs are next week. The Dubs V Kerry. That will be some game. I am not much of a Gaa supporter.

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 1:50 p.m. CST


    by Captain Sulu

    Incredible. Who would've believed a year ago that SOAP would be the number 1 movie in America? This just goes to show Hollywood what happens when they listen to us fans, hopefully the lesson will be learned and we'll get more Hollywood/Internet collaborations.

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 2:11 p.m. CST

    Captain Sulu...that may be...

    by inhumans99

    but the numbers for SOAP were a dissapointment, even New Line admitted they were hoping for an opening in the low 20s...less than 16M is really nothing to crow about. Given SOAPs' hype and all the fans who were talking about the film, it almost feels like a Serenity situation. Tons of people (in reality, perhaps a very loud minority of fans) talked about the film and hyped it up on the internet, but when it came time to open their wallets and buy a ticket...well, then it became apparent that their are limits to how far the average fan will go to support a movie. Showing their love for the movie on the internet was okay (and cheap), but plunking down their hard-earned dollars to buy a ticket, nah, most people seemed to take a Homie don't play that attitude when it came to supporting a movie where it counts, at the box office. Heck, Accepted made over 10 million, and no one was hyping that movie like nuts, and even Pirates made over 5M, and the movie has been out around 2 months!!! (and happened to cross 400 million this weekend, a huge milestone for a film to accomplish).

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 2:18 p.m. CST

    Good points inhumans99

    by Elmore Rigby

    Also, Step Up made more money in its opening weekend than SoaP. After opening weekend business drops off drastically next week (whoever really wanted to see this flick saw it this weekend) and the dust has settled, SoaP is going to be a flop.

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 2:49 p.m. CST

    How Could SOAP Be a Flop? What? Huh?

    by Captain Sulu

    Is this stuff appearing in some alternate dimension? Serenity was a profitable film. Not a hit, but not a financial loser either. SOAP made MORE than Serenity and probably will do better on DVD. So call it a modest success given that this movie had bomb written all over it without internet support. To a certain degree, so did Serenity. Serenity probably would have done SOAP numbers if the Firefly supporters had been as clever and not insane mouth frothing lunatics who alienated as many as they converted. SOAP is a B Movie with Samuel Jackson. That's it. It had ZERO chance of hitting numero uno without the tremendous support online. This movie definitely goes in the win column and anyone is crazy if they think that when SOAP was greenlit some exec was anticipating an opening weekend of 16 mil. Unbelievable that this film could be seen as a flop by anyone except people who don't know how to work a calculator.

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 3:02 p.m. CST


    by inhumans99

    Serenity had a production budget of around 39M, and only grossed around 26M (worldwide around 39M) probably did fairly well when the DVD came out, but Serenity is indeed like SOAP, the movie folk thought the film would have a much better time at the box office due to all the hype (granted, most of it on-line) surrounding the film. Honestly, even though I had no desire to see SOAP (not my cup of tea), it would not have surprised me to see an opening weekend gross in the amount of 24-30M, so yes...SOAP is number one this weekend, but when the top grossing film comes in with less than a 20M weekend, no one gets too excited about this fact.

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 3:04 p.m. CST

    What's worse?

    by jabbathegriffin

    The public failiing to have a sense of humor and give the greatest in-joke of a movie the attention it deserves, or the same public seriously shelling out $400 million for 2 and a half hours of total mediocrity hidden beneath a mass of soon to be dated visual FX THREE TIMES OVER? Disturbing times indeed.

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 3:11 p.m. CST

    hate to say this, but....

    by Flux_brown

    captain sulu's got a point there, it probably is a bigger success coz it was cheaper to make...well, hence we have reached a conclusion to our rags to riches tale, of how a simple film with meager chances, rose to the occassion and overcame all odds. A tale of an A-list actor who put his put down and fought the studio for the sake of a B-movie title. A tale of a small movie that could...a small movie that, throughout the course of a year, was the cause of sympathy everywhere, just because of its simple title...yes, my friends...we have finally reached the twilight of...THE MUTHA FUCKIN SNAKES ON THE MUTHA FUCKIN PLANE STORY. personally i would love to see this movie crash and burn, but hey, thats just me :)

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 3:12 p.m. CST

    Its one no 1 but

    by emeraldboy

    the bo taking is like 15. 3 million dollars. that's bad.

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 3:24 p.m. CST

    Next up is the

    by emeraldboy

    killer sheep movie Black sheep. dont tell me , let me see if George Clooney decides to follow samuel's example, hollywood will then resurrect The killer tomato franchise, then Stuff 2: the return of Stuff. Good, god samuel L jackson what have you started. Here is what crying out for remake. That Bob Rafelson film about the parents that cook and eat their entire family. that was a very funny black comedy. then hollywood will make parents two. this is called the curse of bernies. We all remember Weekend at bernies. Moderatley funny film that became a box office champ and then sequel came along and it was dire.

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 3:25 p.m. CST

    Next up is the

    by emeraldboy

    killer sheep movie Black sheep. dont tell me , let me see if George Clooney decides to follow samuel's example, hollywood will then resurrect The killer tomato franchise, then Stuff 2: the return of Stuff. Good, god samuel L jackson what have you started. Here is what crying out for remake. That Bob Rafelson film about the parents that cook and eat their entire family. that was a very funny black comedy. then hollywood will make parents two. this is called the curse of bernies. We all remember Weekend at bernies. Moderatley funny film that became a box office champ and then sequel came along and it was dire.

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 4:02 p.m. CST

    Technically SOAP is/will be a success...

    by inhumans99

    and yet, everyone conveniently likes to forget about a films box office-expectations when a films numbers come in much weaker then expected. Sure, SOAP will make money for New Line...I agree that the film may even make a lot of money for the studio (especially taking into account DVD/TV Rights/Rights for Midnight showings). However, the reason SOAP is looked at as a dissapointment by many is that a fair chunk of people in the good ole USA thought they were looking at a film that was a lock to grab the number one spot this weekend, with hopefully the number 3 as the first number in the box office results (at the very least, with a 2 as the first number), giving the film a realistic shot at grossing 100M, which would have really given New Line something to talk about. Even with legs, I think most talkbackers would agree that a final gross of more than 80M (and that is an optimistic number in and of itself) is not likely. SOAP could have been the film that got everyone in Hollywood talking about how do we duplicate the success of SOAP, instead...the film is just another in a long line of relatively low-budget films that are nice minor-moderate profit makers for a film studio. The average joe looks at the opening weekend results for SOAP, and thinks...meh, so this is the film that had a ton of hype, seems like much ado about nothing special. That is also the reason why Superman may turn out to be a financial success way down the road, but is looked at as a dissapointment in a summer where it was expected to out-gross X3 and certainly give Pirates a run for its money (honestly, even the most die-hard Superman fan probably accepts that Warner's is more than a little frustrated that Pirates has so far grossed MORE THAN twice what Superman has taken-in at the theaters). Superman still has a 1 as its first box office gross number, while Pirates first number is now a 4, the box office competition between the two film was not even close. Warner's dissapointment might have been tempered if Superman's gross was say, 100 million less than Pirates, meaning their film still was a mega blockbuster, but a more than 200 million dollar difference between what was expected to be the summers top grossing films...damm!! The gross of what would be considered a bonafide hit film separates the two films, as Scooby Doo would say...Yikes!

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 4:11 p.m. CST

    More BO

    by Darth Melkor

    Pretty subpar opening I admit. I, as everyone, was expecting 24 million or so. It's going to make its money on DVD. Fucking Basic Instinct 2 was the number selling DVD a few weeks back. Snakes on a Plane will be big on home video.

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 4:32 p.m. CST

    Snakes Only Made 15.3 mil At The Box Office!!!

    by MetalWater

    Sam Jackson will be applying for Hollywood welfare any day now!!! Read the numbers and weep bitches!!! Snakes On A Plane is deader than a door nail at the box office!!! One service is saying it came in at number 1 this weekend with 15.3 million, while another estimates that the film only made 13.3 million dollars for a number 2 finish!!! Ha-ha-ha!!! Bullshit film making and Hollywood hype goes down the fucking tubes again!!! This movie has crashed and burned!!!

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 5:11 p.m. CST

    Serenity vs. Snakes...Here's The Real Truth!!!

    by MetalWater

    Snakes opened during the summer block buster season...had an avalanche of publicity behind it. Its commercial campaign was seen and heared everywhere!!! It had several major stars including Sam Jackson in it!!! And was promoted on all the big news programs... and its stars even received the big interviews on all the big talk shows!!! Serenity got none of that!!! They, its cast was not invited on any of the major talk shows...or any talk show at all as I remember...their movie was a none summer release...the movie had no major stars in it...There was no big press least via television, for the film. even had to go some to find out, if you didn't already know, that the film was being released on its opening weekend...and yet, in spite of little real promo and advertisements by the studio itself, it managed to bring in upwards of 10. 1 million dollars in its weekend box office debut...but Snakes On A Plane, however, only brought in 13 to 15 million dollars after being promoted and advertised like a block buster, with a block buster ad and promo budget...during the summer season when teens are available to go to the movies all day and all night long...and yet, with all that going for it, Snakes On A Plane only mustered 3 to 5 million more than Serenity??? That's a fucking which proves that if Serenity had received that type of proper promo and avertisement well, if it were released during the summer box office season, that film, a real film...would have opened at about...25 to 30 million dollars at the box office, or higher...but Universal blew it, thanks to, again as I said before, not getting its actors booked as guests on the big talk shows, and thanks to failing to release the film in the summer!!! All in all...Serenity was the little movie that could...People had to respect that...Snakes On A Plane however, will be laughed at for years to come. What a complete and utter miscalculation by New Line Cinema, Sam Jackson and all involved...with the worst offenders being the media who championed this piece of trash of a movie and guaranteed it would be a hit, from the very beginning!!!

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 5:12 p.m. CST

    It was always going to be a cult film.

    by One Voice

    The money for this will be made with overseas and DVD sales. Plus, it didn't cost much to make. I think 15.3million is a good result, but what do I know.

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 5:26 p.m. CST forgot to take your meds today

    by inhumans99

    Sheesh, any particular reason why you are so giddy that SOAP did not make more than 15M this weekend? Geez, it puts a smile on my face that X3 and Pirates out-grossed a fairly boring Superman film (a film I was REALLY looking forward too, I should I am a long time Superman comic book reader), but your joy at this films' failure to live up to the studios expectations (opening in the low to mid 20s) has me seriously wondering if Samuel Jackson, or someone else at new line kicked your dog, or something like that. I think the following quote pulled from an AP story on explains the problem with SOAP: "'I think people were more excited about the marketing than the actual movie,'" said [Paul] Dergarabedian of Exhibitor Relations. 'New Line did not set out to create this Internet buzz. That's actually a marketer's dream, but when marketing translates into awareness but does not inspire people to get out from behind their computers and into the theater, that's a problem.'" Yup, that is indeed a problem, and should generate a fair amount of print/on-line articles over the next week or two about why SOAP did not have more than an okay opening weekend box office haul.

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 5:52 p.m. CST

    Studio Plants Are Behind All The Hype & Talk Back Posts

    by MetalWater

    I bet if AICN conducts an informal investigation, they will find out that many of the people who have been posting good hype about Snakes On A Plane in the talk back sections will have all but mysteriously disappeared by tomorrow, never to post again!!! Why??? Those people are secretly working for New Line Cinema!!! And with Snakes On A Plane crashing at the box office this weekend...those plants won't be posting anything, good or bad anymore!!! This was nothing but an elaborate experiment in internet obvious attempt, by the powers that be, to manipulate popular that failed!!! The real AICN talk back community wasn't fooled by the manipulations...We win...New Line loses!!!

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 6:14 p.m. CST


    by Darth Melkor

    How can a person rip Snakes for being a flop then back Serenity? What the hell does Serenity have to do with anything? It also cost $10 million more to produce than Snakes.

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 6:17 p.m. CST


    by Darth Melkor

    You're trying to say that hype in a TALK BACK is planted? Who the fuck cares about talk backs? The general public doesn't read them. The movie got very good reviews by actual critics. USA Today and the NY Post both liked it. Yet you're talking about a talk back on a website?

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 6:24 p.m. CST

    Conspiracy Theories Aside MetalWater...

    by inhumans99

    even if AICNs WAS "infiltrated" by New Line "Plants," there were indeed no gains realized by the studio if they tried to "manipulate" popular opinion on this film (after all, at the end of the day, the goal is to get asses in seats, not to have talkbackers adore your movie...just ask Disney or even Fox if they care that a sizable number of folks on the internet crapped over Pirates and X3...Snakes and Superman both had better ratings at Rotten Tomatoes, and yet it did not seem to help them overcome a sluggish box office performance).

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 6:26 p.m. CST

    The Critics Were Bought Too!!!

    by MetalWater

    Come you really believe that anyone in their right mind working at The New York Post or USA Today, would give this crap of a movie a good review unless they are on the take???!!! And the reason why Serenity cost 10 million more than Snakes On A Plane is simple...Joss Whedon put all his budget money on the screen...while the folks at New Line Cinema...placed all their Snakes On A Plane money in advertisements, promos and paying off plants and critics!!! Damn, I'm good!!!

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 6:32 p.m. CST

    It's official...

    by Darth Melkor

    MetalWater is just toying with us. He's trying to funny and he is. :)

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 6:33 p.m. CST

    Plants=Buzz=Word Of Mouth=Hopefully Good Box Office!!!

    by MetalWater

    And to answer your question about the talk backs...well, New Line was trying to create buzz by using plants to push the film...hoping it would generate the typwe of word of mouth that might attract main stream audiences to those very theatre seats that you have spoken of...the scheme didn't work...and now Sam Jackson is somewhere trying to get his reputation back!!! He'd actually be more respected right now if he was caught running a pre-schoolers' prostitute ring!!!

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 6:43 p.m. CST

    Did "R" rating hurt box office?

    by Anakin Whoopass

    Were the studio marketing wizards correct, that this kind of movie should be PG-13 to get maximum box office? They went to R because they thought the online geeks would make up for the kids who aren't allowed to see it now. Anyway, why should I care if the moneymen are disappointed? I had more fun because of the R material, Sam Jackson's still rich, and nobody wanted to see copycats of this movie anyway!

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 6:49 p.m. CST

    R Rating

    by Darth Melkor

    It might have hurt the film, but how can you make a movie like this and not be R? A little stat I didn't know is that only R-rated films in the last year have broken 30 million in their opening weekend... Saw 2 and Wedding Crashers. That's it.

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 9:50 p.m. CST


    by Richard Cranium

    Were people expecting it to take in 50 million opening weekend for fucks sake? It's aimed at a pretty select audience. The producers might be a bit disapointed, but I doubt anybody will need to talk them down off a ledge.

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 10:03 p.m. CST


    by Darth Melkor

    The New Line rep said it was a bit disappointing cause of the hype. He said originally they intended it to only make like 40 million total, anf or it to just be a throwaway horror movie, but the hype gave them hope it would be something more. In the end it ended being what they originally intended... An August throwaway horror film that makes a nice little profit and not much else.

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 10:33 p.m. CST

    I think what metal is trying to point out

    by rubensreviews

    is a film like serenity and superman returns wasnt hyped. The only problem superman had besides not having enough actions so a lot of people could say it wasnt boring, was the cost. The cost got the movie hyped up itself. Snakes on a plane hyped itself up, kinda the way george romero said he was gonna make everyone his bitch with Daikatana ( for those pc gamers who knew that event) Metal has a point, though off track a little, hes right. Snakes is supposed to be a fun stupid movie. It was boring, it wasnt fun. People forced themselves to laugh at things that just werent funny or even ridiculous. It still iritates me when I think of those people who laughed when the guy looks through the peephole when they were trying to unlock his door. Why did they laugh? It summed up the whole sentiment of this movie. They made themselves laugh, cuz in their mind they imagined a good time with a bad movie. That may be fine, but jesus christ Admit it was a fucken BAD movie!!!!!

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 10:36 p.m. CST

    Superman Returns wasn't hyped?

    by Darth Melkor

    It had a $250 million dollar advertising budget. SOAP's has been estimated anywhere from $10 to $40.

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 10:45 p.m. CST

    So any positive SOAP comments=New Line employee, eh?

    by Zeke25:17

    Guess what, dorks: I work at a fucking Lowe's, I don't plan on mysteriously disappearing anytime soon, and I don't give a good goddamn WHAT the box office was! The movie was terrfic; and, as I said before, right up there with the first Die Hard. For the mentally challenged: I am not saying it was LIKE the first Die Hard at all--Die Hard's writing was, of course, better; and the acting was aces all around--but I caught the same VIBE off SoaP that I did off Willis' first action pic. Both movies grab you by your figurative lapels from the very beginning, demand your attention...and hold onto it for two hours. That is all you can ask of a good action thriller. Honestly, does anyone think that just because one film makes more money than another, it's automatically a better film? Are all of you Adam Sandler devotees THAT dumb?

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 10:47 p.m. CST

    Darth, compare the hype of superman returns to snakes

    by rubensreviews

    Superman was advertised, not hyped. Brandon Routh didnt go around saying this was going to be the best movie ever. Sam Jackson did. Another thing darth, 270 million was the overall cost of the whole production for like the past 10 years including tim burtons involvment and doing shit. When you look it up, the actual movie cost 200 million. its made 300+ back. Whatever why I even get into this budget cost when im talking about the fucken hype. Snakes hyped itself whereas people hyped superman cuz of its production cost.mostly.

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 10:48 p.m. CST


    by Zeke25:17

    Just to forestall any critics out there who fasten on a typo as evidence of one's lack of intelligence. All of you can go FCUK yerselves!

  • Aug. 21, 2006, 5:04 a.m. CST

    SR wasn't hyped?

    by Lost Prophet

    bullshit- I went to M&S just before it opened to buy food and the fucking shop was full of superman tat. Not to mention the massive amount of advertising everywhere. I hope SOAP makes its' budget back and then some, but it is not a film I am particularly bothered about seeing in a cinema. I would rather buy it on DVD, a shit load of beer and watch it arseholed. Harry sounds like he is right on the money (something I don't ordinarily say) with this one.

  • Aug. 21, 2006, 7:11 a.m. CST

    Shark Attack 3 was a better movie than SOAP

    by rubensreviews

    Thats right I said it. I may not have had Sam Jackson but honestly, was Jackson even used to his full potential? Seems like the only guy to get anything decent out of Sam is Quentin Tarantino. The movie coulda starred Bruce Cambell and it woulda been the same experience. Shark Attack 3, Megalodon is a hillarious film. That is a movie you can get drunk to and laugh at.

  • Aug. 21, 2006, 7:42 a.m. CST

    No, SR was not hyped

    by falawful-314

    Yeah, I know ... another TB-cum-SR flame war ... Anyways, I live in NY, and you know when a film's being hyped in NY. Not only were the ads sparse, half of them showed the wrong release date. WTF!?! If they wanted to hype it, Warner Bros. would have (a) re-released the Donnor films in the theater, a la Star Wars, with a Donnor-cut of Superman II, which would be an EVENT onto itself of course. (b) Next, they would have had a grand DVD release event, including not only the Donnor films but a collection of "best of" Superman incarnations over the years. (c) Finally, and this is a goddamn no-brainer, the WB Network would have done a month-long retrospective with old episodes, clips, interviews, etc. featured interspersed throughout their prime time slots. If you pick up the dud "Superman vs. Brainiac" sub-par movie, all the promos on the disc end with the tagline, "2006, the year Superman returns!" Now, THAT could have been THE tagline of the year. Instead, it was burried on a sad afterthought of a DVD release. Sigh. The film has its short-comings (even though I liked it as a whole - saw it three times and it held up to multiple viewings for me), but don't kid yourselves that Warned Bros. "hyped" it. They advertised it half-heartedly.

  • Aug. 21, 2006, 8:08 a.m. CST

    no, it was hyped

    by Lost Prophet

    just incompetently. I mean in London,as I have not the foggiest idea what went on in New York- and we are not exactly unused to hype. The ads were not sparse- I would argue, in fact,that if they could find a surface to stick a poster on, they found one. With regards to the Superman II rerelease: thinking about this this would make sense, but I do have a suspicion that someone knew what a turd Stalkerman was, and did not want to humiliate it by comparing it to an earlier triumph. Also, it is well documented that they spent a shitload on it, somewhere in the region of $100m- if that wasn't spent on promotion then someone has a very full bank account at the moment. It was just a dreadful film, really, truly dreadful, and if they follow those idiotic comments that messi posted that were allegedly from the mouth of singer the sequel will also be rotten.

  • Aug. 21, 2006, 8:14 a.m. CST

    I guess the snakes tried to bring Gatorade on the plane

    by Wolfpack

  • Aug. 21, 2006, 8:49 a.m. CST

    Oh, in LONDON ... nevermind

    by falawful-314

    That's the capital of movie marketing, isn't it? Don't mean to knock Big Ben, Lost Prophet, but ... New York. Come on. Times Square? New York was "ground zero" well before 9/11. It's the epicenter. And I saw barely more ads for SR than I saw for Matrix Revolutions. (Now, THERE was a movie hidden by the studios.) SR was "hyped" no more than LITTLE MAN was "hyped." No sale. And I don't buy for a second that the studio was embarassed by its quality. I think that WB just doesn't know how to make an "event" film. Look, if wouldn't have MATTERED if SR was the "worst film of all time" -- they STILL could have gotten more box office out of it (as well as all the merchandising) if they'd played up the release more. What would they have had to lose? Even if the box office of SR hadn't been lifted, there's still a whole legion of Superman tie-in products (as well as the whole Superman universe) to sell. This isn't about the quality of the film. They didn't have to sell the public on Superman as a CHARACTER, they just needed to re-release what they already have. Again --- even if SR didn't make a penny more than it did, they still would have made plenty of change on the re-release of the Donnor films and DVD sales elsewhere. Come on. Trash SR all you want, but this is a no-brainer.

  • Aug. 21, 2006, 8:59 a.m. CST

    No, the point I was trying to make

    by Lost Prophet

    was that the hype was absolutely massive, but I could only talk from what I had seen. I never implied that London is the movie capital of the world. I actually agree with you, but what you saw, in New York is not necessarily the same for the rest of the world. Don't forget the amount of money they (allegedly) spent on promotion. you are quite right about the no brainer mistake though. I still believe that someone tried to hide the new version from a comparison.

  • Aug. 21, 2006, 9 a.m. CST

    shit, forgot to say

    by Lost Prophet

    that if they cocked it up through ignorance that surely makes them incompetent? which was my original point.

  • Aug. 21, 2006, 9:06 a.m. CST

    There's advertising outside of New York ...

    by falawful-314

    and there's car racing outside of Indianapolis. And there are sports events other than the Super Bowl. I don't know where your marketing figure came from, and if it WAS that high, then they really screwed the pooch. And my main point stands - even if the movie was a total Waterworld, there would have been NO point in half-assing the publicity campaign because the hype would've given them a much bigger opening weekend (which in turn would've generated its own hype, a la POTC, which would have brought in a larger audience for subsequent weekends in turn). The very fact that half of the ads in New York showed THE WRONG OPENING DATE (again, WTF?!?) shows that someone at Warner Bros. has some 'splaining to do. ... So, um, *cough* I guess we actually do agree on the incompetence point, so I don't know why I'm arguing about this anymore. Right, cool, agreed! Dumb marketing! War, what is it good for ...

  • Aug. 21, 2006, 9:10 a.m. CST


    by Lost Prophet


  • Aug. 21, 2006, 10:23 a.m. CST

    LOL no one watched this film!

    by aceattorney

    Check out the numbers from the weekend...all talk and no walk.

  • Aug. 21, 2006, 10:36 a.m. CST

    This film peaked too early

    by Garbageman33

    Like, three months before it came out. Everyone was sick of hearing about it (well, besides Harry) by the time it hit the theaters.

  • Aug. 21, 2006, 1:16 p.m. CST

    Harry, you are a true bullshit aArtist.

    by Redbox

    I bet "Bachelor Party" would have been a triumph if everyone watched it while getting a lap dance. This is not a review, its a carnival ride. I'm glad you enjoyed the Alamo Drafthouse Harry. Please review the damn movie instead of the theater. We all don't live in Texas, ya hear?

  • Aug. 21, 2006, 2:23 p.m. CST


    by gride9000

    Harry could you say cool one more time. Part of being cool is not h-a-v-i-n-g t-o s-p-e-l-l it out. Also ix-ney on the dating advice. These guys would rather not think about what dating is like.

  • Aug. 21, 2006, 2:30 p.m. CST

    Samuel L. Jackson Now On Suicide Watch!!!

    by MetalWater that he has almost destroyed his own career...thanks to taking the starring role in Snakes On A Plane, Samuel L. Jackson must be on suicide watch right now!!! Should have stayed away from those coked up execs at New Line Cinema, as they often like to share their stash with people who they're romancing to do films with them!!! With the whole industry laughing at Sam Jackson and company right now...and after all those advertisements and promotions...with even a Snakes On A Plane Week on the Jimmy Kimmel Show...Sam Jackson has proven he can't open up a film...especially a bad film. Hell...Howard Stern's movie Private Parts did better, and that came out years ago when the box office ticket prices were much lower...and during the spring...not the summer movie season when films have a wider advantage at the box office. Even last year's 40 Year Old Virgin did better, taking in 21 million dollars on its opening weekend...and it was an R Rated film too, but unlike Snakes, it had no stars in it!!! Sam, it's time for you to start working with real film makers again because you are currently and fully on the verge of commiting career suicide if you make another terrible film like Snakes On A Plane!!! Stay off the crack Sam. Remember, crack is wack!!!

  • Aug. 21, 2006, 2:36 p.m. CST

    Ok Metal one thing I wont put up with

    by rubensreviews

    is you fucken disrespecting Samuel Jackson. The coolest mother fucken actor on screen today. I defended your weak ass argument about the hype but dont you fucken dare for a second attack one of the finest actors alive. You keep talking about money, bitch who the fuck cares about box office? Are you seeing any money from it? You sound like a petty exec from a rival movie studio you know that? Sam has more money than he needs right now, you know why? cuz hes fucken great, and he works hard and .He didnt have to do Snakes on a plane for his career you dumb shit. His career is already established, he can do whatever he wants for fun. so do us all a favor, stop your bullshit boxofficemojo stat updates, stop your attacks on good actors, and just stop posting in general.

  • Aug. 21, 2006, 3:07 p.m. CST

    I Love Sam...But, Look What Happen Others Before Him!!!

    by MetalWater

    James Earl Jones for one...and Louis Gossett Jr.--are both great actors just like Sam, ones who started making horrible grade B and grade C movies...and now their careers are in the damn hole!!! I don't know about you, but I don't want to see that happen to Sam...I want to see him winning Academy Awards as he deserves to. The only way that is going to happen, is to stay away from bullshit like Snakes On A Plane before it is too late. Remember what happened to Louis Gossett Jr.--instead of making great movies, he's guesting on Star Gate episodes...and James Earl Jones can only get commercial voice overs in between Star Wars film voice overs for Darth Vader...All I'm saying is, those of us, like me, who truly love Sam Jackson, want better material for him, so that he doesn't wind-up like the other two acting legends that I mentioned in this text!!!

  • Aug. 21, 2006, 8:39 p.m. CST

    snakes on a plane

    by dmaz

    You should drop more f-bombs in your review next time

  • Aug. 22, 2006, 1:09 a.m. CST

    Sam's Future

    by Darth Melkor

    Sam has never been a box office draw, he's not one who's career will be ruined by subpar grossing film. He's been in many subpar grossers and he's still going strong. If you check his IMDB page he has like 8 movies coming out. Sam is Sam.. and Sam will be fine. Plus SOAP, like all movies, will make money in the end. No movie ever truly flops thanks to the DVD market.

  • Aug. 22, 2006, 3:49 a.m. CST

    "No movie ever truly flops thanks to the DVD market."

    by ToneTone

    Yeah, I'm sure THE ALAMO is in great shape thanks to those plucky DVD buyers.

  • Aug. 22, 2006, 4:03 a.m. CST

    This Film Will Make A Great Frisbee On DVD!!!

    by MetalWater

    I can't wait to buy my very own copy...I'll quickly unwrap it like a Christmas present...and throw it around with my friends for hours of play time pleasure and enjoyment. It's kind of cool that someone out there thought to name a Frisbee...Snakes On A Plane...the DVD release!!! The greatest throw toy ever invented!!!

  • Aug. 22, 2006, 7:43 a.m. CST

    Sam Jackson's career

    by Anakin Whoopass

    Because of this he'll now be appearing in 60-90% of all movies, instead of 70-80% like before.

  • Aug. 22, 2006, 12:49 p.m. CST

    While I don't doubt for a minute...

    by Childe Roland

    ...that Harry's description of his experience above is honest and true, I don't think there's a chance in hell that this movie will screen in exactly that way in my market. For one, I don't think QT is allowed within a thousand feet of any theater here. Something about asking for coke at the concession stand and then punching the 13 year old who brought him a beverage because that wasn't what he meant. For another, folks in my neck of the woods are pretty reserved and don't have much in the way of senses of humor, so the theater would be quiet. And, to be honest, without all the hooting and hollering and peer pressure from geeks to like this movie because "look, QT is enjoying himself," I'm afraid this movie will be a lot like the Pink Floyd Laser Light Show at the Planetarium without mind-altering chemicals -- rather pointless and boring. Maybe I can rent it one night and dose the cocktails I serve to twenty or so guests with Ritalin and have something approaching the experience Harry describes here. Doubt it, though.

  • Aug. 22, 2006, 3:31 p.m. CST

    Fuck this....

    by ljeaster

    I'm waiting for Marmosets on a Tobaggin. Or next summer for the wide release of Meerkats on a Gondola. Termites on a Chinese Junk, Crabs on a Sandbuggy, Sea Anenomes on a F-15, Millipeds on a people-mover, Giraffes in a soapbox racer, Bacteriophages on a Battleship, Hippos on a hovercraft, or my favorite, Bluewhales on the Enterprise, "I'm tired, so, tired, of these....whales, these...mother..fucking..whales these.....Blue motherfucking whales....on this.....EnterprIse".

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 12:42 a.m. CST


    by Yamato

    I dont know why I ever read talk backs on this site. What a bunch of pretentious bags of hot air most of you guys are. So many of you people hate EVERYTHING. Every movie must be put down. You nit and pick at everything. You rejoice if a movie does poorly at the box office. I saw Snakes tonight, and I was entertained. Was it a great movie, heck no. but I had fun. Thats all I want from my money. Take a step back and read most of these postings and pretty much ever other talk back on this page. Most of what is printed on this page, (including my letter) is total crap. It is truely amazing how close so many of you are to being the "comic book guy" from the Simpsons. That is not a compliment by the way.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 1 p.m. CST

    Differences in 1968 and 2006

    by ArkadyRenko

    In 1968, the mvoie that all the kids were eating all up and asking for seconds was 2001. In 2006, it's Snake In A Plane. It's very telling and it says volumes of the actual intellectual state of todays' youth and the decline of the american education system, not to mention the eagerness of the yougth of today to eat up formulaic simple entertainmnent and ask for seconds, and their overwhelming anti-intellectualism.

  • Aug. 23, 2006, 2:24 p.m. CST, Yamato.

    by Childe Roland

    One does not "nit" as a verb. One picks AT nits. Like a monkey. Monkeys are hilarious. The end.

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 2:35 a.m. CST

    Monkeys on a Monorail

    by kowbot

    I'm sick of these motherfucking snails on this motherfucking Segway!

  • Aug. 24, 2006, 2:56 a.m. CST

    Bats on a Bus

    by kowbot

    This shit just writes its-motherfucking-self. Is there a Blanks on a Blank generator on the web yet?

  • Aug. 26, 2006, 5:52 p.m. CST

    Snakes On A Plane's Friday Box Office Tanked!!!

    by MetalWater

    Snakes earned just over 1 million dollars on Friday...By the close of Box Office on Sunday night, its earnings should be about 5 million dollars, or less. That's a 65 percent drop from last week...proving that audiences hate the movie...and bad word of mouth killed this prize turkey!!!

  • Aug. 27, 2006, 2:03 p.m. CST

    A question:

    by emeraldboy

    What do The wicker man and Snakes on a plane have in common? No Press Preview!! SOAP didnt get one because new line wanted to add to the films mystique. Wicker isnt getting one cause it stinks.

  • Aug. 28, 2006, 8:39 p.m. CST

    thanks for the review of the theatre!

    by datachasm

    now how about something about the movie?

  • Aug. 31, 2006, 9:26 a.m. CST

    Samuel Loose Jackson

    by LR12

    R.I.P. what was a good actor and no longer be...

  • Sept. 3, 2006, 8:30 p.m. CST


    by williamD

    This motherfucking movie is a waste of my motherfucking time!!

  • Sept. 5, 2006, 4:52 a.m. CST

    It hit $30 Million in the US on Saturday.

    by Mace Tofu

    Stop your bitchin' the movie is going to make a profit. So it wasn't a blockbuster. It also was not a flop. THUNDERBIRDS was a Flop in the US $7 Million total BO on a $57 Million Production. I was looking forward to a Thunderbirds move more than SoaP

  • Sept. 5, 2006, 4:56 a.m. CST

    Thunderbirds "Movie"

    by Mace Tofu

    Was a sad day and a waste of my movie pass ( about 50 cents) that day. That is 50 cents I'll never get back.

  • Sept. 17, 2006, 4:20 p.m. CST

    fuck fuck fuckedifuck

    by SoulReaver

    too little real fucking causes exaggerated use of the f-word. didn't work out with yoko, eh? um, let's hope they release it here, too, and till then I'll be rubbing my snake on a jane. or melissa. or yoko. whatever.

  • Sept. 19, 2006, 6:36 a.m. CST


    by Obscura

    does that mean i imagined the bit where the dog gets thrown toward the big motherfucking snake and eaten whole?

  • Jan. 19, 2007, 12:30 p.m. CST

    I got a rock

    by 0rcus