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Quint has NOT had enough of those muthafuckin' SNAKES ON the m-f'n PLANE!!!

Published at: Aug. 18, 2006, 1:27 a.m. CST by staff

Ahoy, squirts! Quint here. I don't know how they did it. I am honestly surprised to say that SNAKES ON A PLANE is as fun as we all want it to be. How could the film possibly live up to the hype? I was certain... absolutely certain that the flick would be all wink-wink/comedy and get real old real fast. The scenario in my mind of Samuel L. Jackson facing off against a shitload of venomous snakes on a muthafuckin' plane would certainly be better than anything David Ellis could show me, right? Especially since they were forced to shoot for a PG-13 and only late in the game did they decide to go back and do a week's worth of reshoots to pepper in the stuff we all wanted to see. I could see the flick going from PG-13 fare to a few sequences of the good, gory stuff.

I can't for the life of me imagine what this film looked like in its PG-13 form, but I can thank all the movie gods that I'll never see it.

With all the word of mouth screenings pulled, with the back and forth PG-13/R stuff, the name change and change back... With all the build-up, expectations... How the hell did this movie end up being the movie I wanted to see?

One, Sam Jackson is as good as you expect him to be. That was one area I knew I wasn't going to be disappointed. He's been in some shit, but his very personality is always fascinating to watch. But the supporting cast, the other characters on the plane, are also fun to watch.

Sure, a lot of the characters are painted in broad strokes, the rich white asshole lowering himself to sit in coach, the rapper, his two fat body guards, the dog lady, the fat woman, the stewardess on her last flight, the sexist pilot, the random kick-boxing champion, the kids flying alone, the Latina mother with a newborn baby, the sexy couple, the guy who's afraid of flying... All represented, but other than the first two to get it, I actually sort of empathized with them.

I wouldn't go so far as to say the characterizations were deep and complex, but they were much more realized than I expected. I thought Sam Jackson, his witness he has to protect and maybe one other character would be built up for more than just a fang-cushion for the creepy crawlies.

The movie actually surprised me. There's a snake incident involving a toilet that had me clapping... there was a snake incident that was grotesquely sexual involving an overweight woman in a mumu. Some of the people that got nailed surprised me. Some that survived surprised me. As strange as it is to say, the writers were pretty clever with their character set-up. Some were structured in a way that should have equaled death, others were structured in a way that should have equaled survival, but they switched up a bit on me.

The movie doesn't totally take itself seriously, but it wasn't a parody either. This isn't AIRPLANE with snakes, although some drunk assholes in the audience seemed to think every single line uttered in the film was meant to be funny. There's actually a pretty sweet moment between two of the flight attendants that I didn't expect, but Giggles McGee next to me thought it was all supposed to be so hy-lar-eous.

How does a film make me like Kenan Thomspon? How is David Koechner not totally wasted as the pilot? How did Julianna Margulies bring a grounded realism to the main stewardess in a film called SNAKES ON A PLANE? How did the "snake on a tit" scene live up to Sam Jackson's description of it? How did this movie work? How many times will I end up seeing it?

Granted, I did see it with an Alamo Drafthouse audience of geeks that were primed to see it, including my little brother who was wearing a SNAKES ON A MUTHAFUCKIN' PLANE t-shirt with Sam Jackson's head on it. My audience shouted along with The Man when he uttered his already famous, "I'm tired of these Muthafuckin' Snakes on this Muthafuckin' Plane!" line, then gave it a standing ovation. The cheers when the title, SNAKES ON A PLANE, came onscreen were thunderous enough to shake the table. That might not be everybody's experience with it, but it was mine.

I plan on seeing this flick a few more times theatrically and if it holds up beyond the first Alamo experience it will hold a place of honor on my DVD shelf. What do you folks think of it?

-Quint
quint@aintitcool.com





Readers Talkback

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  • Aug. 18, 2006, 1:32 a.m. CST

    overhyped piece fo shit

    by flamingrunt

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 1:33 a.m. CST

    Snakes Ruled!

    by Thenedain

    Without a doubt, this was the most entertaining movie I've seen this summer and maybe even all year. The crowd was amazingly lively and into it and that made it all the better. I don't think I've laughed that hard at a movie in a long, long time. The fact that the movie doesn't take itself seriously definitely adds to it, with some of the most over the top deaths I think I've witnessed on screen since maybe the original Final Destination. Crap, where else can you see fucking snakes eat a annoying ass little dog AND get Sam Jackson!? The Man was definitely awesome, and made for some great moments. I'm planning on seeing it again tomorrow, only this time going armed with a shit load of rubber snakes... hehehe...

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 1:35 a.m. CST

    Can't wait until Saturday...

    by Lenny Nero

    ...when I finally get to see it. I really dig David R. Ellis' work as a future schlockmeister.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 1:37 a.m. CST

    Fo isn't a word.

    by MattyBoomStar

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 1:39 a.m. CST

    Snakes, I have faith in thee.

    by jimmydeanwalker

    a very reasurring review.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 1:42 a.m. CST

    Snakes with a Packed House FTW

    by FreeKill

    WoW, I loved this movie. The theatre I went to in Toronto was packed to the brim, and the fans were pumped as hell to watch the movie. Whenever the film was silent the entire theatre hissed like snakes. Whenever Sam Jackson said Muthafucka, over 40 people tossed plastic snakes in the air. It was insane. At the end, when that music video comes up and starts with the I'm tired of these Muthafuckin...line, the entire crowd yelled out in unison the line. It was the most hyped I have ever seen fans for a movie, easily beating down any of the Star Wars premieres or Spider-Man premieres. I loved it and highly recommend it...But see it with a packed house!

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 1:43 a.m. CST

    So...

    by crazywomansquilt

    There ARE Snakes. And they ARE indeed on a plane? And we won't be able to domesticate them...

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 1:43 a.m. CST

    seems pretty unanimous quint

    by waggy

    aside from a few sandy vaginas, it sounds like the movie's drawing great crowds across the country. i know i had one of the best audiences i've ever experienced in my shitty local theater in delaware. i might never watch this movie again, but i sure had a fun night.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 1:46 a.m. CST

    "Wakey, wakey

    by DonnieDorko

    plane got snakey" should've been the tagline.. Maybe not.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 1:49 a.m. CST

    Just what the fuck is the Alamo Drafthouse?

    by Doc_Strange

    I keep hearing repeated references to it only on this site from the main guys.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 1:50 a.m. CST

    Alamo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    by VWantsRevenge

    I was there too, Quint, in fact I think I saw you standing by the door when I left. What an awesome experience!! From the hissing of the audience, to Quentin's drunk ass, it was the most fun I've had in a theater this summer. Go see it with a crowd that's into it and you'll have fun!!

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 1:51 a.m. CST

    The only way this movie could be a let down...

    by crazywomansquilt

    Is if there weren't any snakes on the plane.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 1:54 a.m. CST

    Wait-- On a Plane???

    by crazywomansquilt

    Shit. That's fucked.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 1:55 a.m. CST

    Really terrific

    by monorail77

    Quint is right. It actually lives up and does not disappoint. You can see the PG-13 sneaking in occasionally, but its prety consistently over the top. I've been trying to figure out how to explain the appeal of this film. I think its a case of you're either with it, or you aren't. Likely no middle ground. So, if you ever thought to yourself that this might be a fun ride for you, go see it. You won't be disappointed. Try to see it with a bit of a willing crowd and the experience will be that much better, I think.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 1:55 a.m. CST

    Doc_Strange...

    by LoudmouthCracker

    The Alamo Drafthouse is a chain of pretty nifty movie theaters (started in Austin, TX) that serve beer, wine and food to moviegoers in their seats. A damned fun place to see a movie, but yet another thing that Austinites use to justify their psychotic belief that the universe revolves around them.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 1:59 a.m. CST

    doc strange

    by aestheticity

    don't i know you... something of a cunt arent you? or have i got that wrong? either way, alamo drafthouse is what you might call an enthusiasts cinema in austin, texas. they organise events around their films and generate a dense atmosphere for everything they show. 'the main guys' here are austin..ians.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 2:22 a.m. CST

    Doc_Strange you poor, pathetic bastard.

    by robogeek.com

    There's this thing called GOOGLE. ;-)

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 2:23 a.m. CST

    CGI SNAKES.....

    by sillypig

    Thats all I want to say..... But I won't stop there.... They even move like how a human would direct them know what I mean? They don't scare anyone like a real snake does I'm basing this on the trailer and thats enough to put me off. I know it may be a good film when I see it eventually but seriously CGI snakes...

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 2:39 a.m. CST

    So it seems like

    by Cloud_Leonheart

    those that havent seen it hate it..and those tht have love it..hmmmmm interesting. I just got back from a showing, and it was so goddamn entertaining. I went in wondering if it would live up to the hype, but with a combination of the rowdiest crowd i've ever been in (they even passed out a "rocky horror" type script to yell out at key parts) and suprisingly well drawn characters and action, it definitely fulfilled.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 2:46 a.m. CST

    Jihadists on a Plane!

    by Hal2814

    Boy, the suckers that made this flick better thank their lucky stars that the Brits foiled that recent airline death-plot or "Snakes on a Plane" would have gone straight to video. Hundred blown out of the skies over the Atlantic? "Snakes" would have vanished off the face of the earth.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 2:54 a.m. CST

    That's not Samuel L. Jackson...

    by DutchDrunk

    It's Daniel Day Lewis dressed like Sam.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 3:03 a.m. CST

    The late showing tonight was sold out

    by andrew coleman

    at the theater that's close to my place. I mean I knew the movie would like be a decent hit but danm I mean I saw Superman Returns at a 10pm showing and the thing was packed but not sold out. Glad to hear the movie rules I'm seeing it tomorrow for sure.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 3:27 a.m. CST

    The bottom line is I missed you 'Quint'

    by Orionsangels

    You've been spending a lot of time away from your computer. You're a member of the AICN Team. We need you... Hell, I need you. I'm a mess without you. I miss you so damn much. I miss being with you, I miss being near you. I miss your laugh. I miss your scent; I miss your musk. When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 3:39 a.m. CST

    Yep.

    by zbbrox

    Sam Jackson was right. You hear this title, you know whether you wanna see this movie. It's exactly what it says it is, and it's just about the best possible version of that movie you can imagine.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 4:40 a.m. CST

    This film will Kill Snakes. Don't see it.

    by Cpt Kirks 2pay

    Is anyone else here p*ssed off with this movie as much as I am? You know this will do for the Snake population what Jaws did for Sharks - it will kill off huge percentages of it!! This is yet another ignorant example of Hollywood stupidity portraying Snakes in the wrong light and as vicious evil killers of humans and nothing else, which is entirely untrue by my first hand experience and knowledge of them. The fact that such a 'tough mother*****er' and ego headed ignorant actor as Samuel L Jackson is endorsing this idea is another insult to my intelligence and absolutely infuriates me. But most of all it just makes me very very sad. I am very very sad, that people will see Snakes demonised by this film, and therefore it will encourage hurting, hunting and culling of Snakes as a result, wether it be in America or South America or Australia etc. Fear and hostility will rise toward Snakes, many species of which are already extinct because of these views, and more and more Snakes will be killed, ending many species that are already on the endangered list. I have seen this done before to other demonised animals in film. Snakes are nowhere near as cold blooded killing machines that ATTACK humans as they will be portrayed in this film. In real life, they flee when they hear the human vibrations of human footsteps from a 1000 metres away. They only attack in self defence, when they feel we are threatening them, and definitely in this instance of the film which will be horribly unaccurate, they in real life, would only flee to a cool and dark corner or part of the plane - and HIDE from us! That's right, hide from humans, not ATTACK!! I just hope that people won't be so one minded when they see this film, but I know they will, and they will see Snakes as the new 'MONSTER' movie species of this year and regard them as more 'evil' than before, and thus, it will result in more Snakes being killed, than ever before. Movies like this or so more irresponsible as aeveryone thinks that it is just a dumb fun movie that doesn't take itself seriously and is just for a laugh - which just makes it worse. It means it can exaggerate things and make the Snakes visually look even more dangerous. So therefore people who have no brains, and let's face it, many viewers of this film won't, as it is that kind of a movie (do the math, a dumb movie will have a dumb audience who will do dumb things afterwards as a result) will go out later on and fear and hate Snakes a lot more. More enough to generate a chain reaction of Snake hate in them and onto other people too, which will result in enough people going out there - and hunting and KILLING Snakes. It's the Jaws effect people. It will certianly happen in 3rd World countries anyway. It just makes me so sad, rather than angry. Please people, have some kind of sense or a brain when seeing this movie. Or just don't. See World Trade Centre instead.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 4:42 a.m. CST

    the characterizations WEREN'T deep and complex??

    by newc0253

    there's a surprise. this ain't anna fucking karenina. this is snakes on a motherfucking plane. i'm just relieved to hear it doesn't suck completely. because otherwise my faith in internet hype would be blown forever.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 4:54 a.m. CST

    I love Kenan Thompson

    by Kevin Bosch

    He used to be on All That when I watched as a kid. As a kid, i used to want to be on SNL. Now he's on SNL. Good for him.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 4:56 a.m. CST

    But anyway... this movie is good...

    by Kevin Bosch

    I was suprised too. The opposite of Quint. I thought it wasn't going to be as funny as promised, and just an average action movie. But it delivered, and draws you in. It's scarey and exciting and fun. You get to enjoy all the good parts, and laugh at all the bad parts. Perfect.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 5:39 a.m. CST

    only one ting

    by misnomer

    didnt they get the line wrong? I wanted "there are snakes?! on the muthafucking PLANE?!" not all that tired of nonsense...I think ill go see it after reading this though....

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 6:03 a.m. CST

    so, they aren't single serving snakes?

    by durhay

    Life insurance payout triples when you get killed by snakes on a plane.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 6:05 a.m. CST

    Did Samuel L. Jackson Say "Fuck"?

    by buster00

    I really hope the work "fuck" is spoken in this movie. No, you know what? Don't tell me. I wanna be surprised.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 6:28 a.m. CST

    Samuel Jackson is good?

    by JackPumpkinhead

    That's something I'd never expected. Does "good" mean "actually acting convincingly" or just "marginally less horrible than he always is"?

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 7:03 a.m. CST

    Crack Heads On A Plane & In Studio Executive Suits!!!

    by MetalWater

    They've got some real crack heads working in Hollywood!!! Anybody who would propose this movie, or would seriously consider it...and then green light this garbage, has to be on crack!!! But, never fear...crack head audiences to the rescue...They'll be plenty of you crack heads paying your money to see this trash!!! No wonder why this planet is going down the fucking toilet...If this movie is the legacy of our planet...we deserve to be nuked!!! You can quote that last line in the Snakes On A Plane print ads!!!

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 7:25 a.m. CST

    I plan on seeing this flick a few more times

    by Trazadone

    God, it must be wonderful to have endless amounts of time to watch films "a few more time theatrically". I have this annoyong thing called "life" that keeps getting in the way.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 7:55 a.m. CST

    Snakes On A Plane Rhymes With...

    by MetalWater

    "Snakes On A Plane" rhymes with "Crack Heads On Cocaine"...Rather ironic, I'd say!!! Goodnight, bitches!!!

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 7:56 a.m. CST

    "the random kick-boxing champion"

    by Bill Fairbanks

    Oh, how predictable

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 8:56 a.m. CST

    Wow, You've Spent Way Too Much Time Thinking About This

    by ZombieSolutions

    dear god, all i want to know is: IS IT OVER-THE-TOP and HILARIOUSLY RETARDED?! i don't want a well written movie about snakes on a plane; i want EXPLOITATION! I want a PSYCHOTIC CAMP FEST! I mean, cmon...

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 8:56 a.m. CST

    Snacks On A Plane

    by The Ender

    They are usually terrible ne?

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 8:59 a.m. CST

    SOAP is the 00's Jaws - and not in a good way

    by Cpt Kirks 2pay

    IT will kill off the population of Snakes just like Jaws killed off not just a large percent of the Great White population, but Sharks in general. Being a dumb movie isn't an excuse to show Snakes in such a bad light. jaws was a dumb movie, it still had a negative effect on Sharks. This film, will have a negative effect on Snakes. People, young, naive, from uneducated backgrounds, ignorant, or just plain aggressive and boysterous, and especially tribal people who live in 3rd World Countries where Snakes are part of everyday life who WILL see this movie at some time of their lives, will take a lot of this movie to their psychology, and as a result, WILL start to belive what they see on screen is true to real life, and they all will therefore, hate and fear Snakes and act on this, by going out there and killing Snakes, or at the very very least, killing a Snake if they see one, where in fact, those Snakes won't attack us, but more likely out of fear of US, will retreat away and hide if it could. This movie will make a false impression to people who see it, as there is just not enoug heducation to them already, and this will even increase this uneducation or negative education all the more powerfully and will be responsible for such Snake prejudiced behaviour. It pisses me off. It does so even more when you people actually go out there and believe this stuff.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 10:13 a.m. CST

    I'll see it just for David Koechner

    by chickychow

    cuz I support him in all his ventured.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 11:04 a.m. CST

    Movie on a plane

    by AyebKraken

    When will Snakes on a plane be snakes on a plane movie? It will be popular on a plane.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 11:28 a.m. CST

    Cpt Kirks 2pay

    by Spaz_Monkey

    Go away

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 11:30 a.m. CST

    SoaP FTW!

    by Spaz_Monkey

    This was some of the most fun I've ever had at a theater. The crowd was hyped, the movie was better than we could hope for, and yeah, there were muthafuckin snakes on the muthafuckin plane! I saw it last night, I'm going again tonight, and I'll see it at least 1 more time before the weekend's over. Love love love LOVE this movie!!!!!

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 11:34 a.m. CST

    One-Trick pony

    by uberman

    Ha Ha Ha. I got it about 6 months ago when I first heard. Getting old real fast.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 11:58 a.m. CST

    uberman

    by Spaz_Monkey

    Have you actually *seen* the movie, or are you just being an internet asshole?

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 1:28 p.m. CST

    I SAW THE SNAKES!!!!!

    by ZackC

    I got to see one of the first sneek peak showings last night, and let me just say: IT WAS AWESOME! Samuel L. Jackson kicked serious ass, as did the snakes! And the revews coming in are awesome, too! http://www.dreadcentral.com/index.php?name=Reviews&req=showcontent&id=1024

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 2:24 p.m. CST

    Hiisssssssssss

    by Wyrdy the Gerbil

    Loved the fucking film but unfortunately as i saw it in a British cinema the rest of the audience(prats)were all sat there like planks of wood...no hissing or rubber snakes

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 3:02 p.m. CST

    Yeah, Kirk, no one thinks you are funny or clever

    by Engineer_at_peac

    They didn't think it was funny in the first two talkbacks you posted it in either. Get a new joke, don't tell the same one three times ina row, especially when the joke sucks.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 5:45 p.m. CST

    It's obviously the crowd, because this movie was lame

    by ebolamonkey

    People will run out to see this, they will say it was a great time, but this will not be a cherished B-movie that sits on your DVD shelf and gets replayed when friends are hanging out. This was a 70's disaster rehash, with only fast cut frights and no real tension. People WANT this to be something it's not. Kudos to Sam Jackson for knowing how to sell it. This movie is lame.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 7:42 p.m. CST

    It was a lot of fun.

    by dogapeandman2

    Dumb, gory, funny. I think it set a new level for dumb when Mr. Jackson tells the rapper what would happen if a gun was fired and what happens just a few minutes after that. The music video was a bit annoying. Who were those pricks? I get the three part melody and the hot chick, but this movie DEMANDED a Will Smithesque Snakes on a Plane rap over the credits. That's my one problem with it.

  • Aug. 18, 2006, 9:09 p.m. CST

    Last Night's Box Office For Snakes...Bit The Farm!!!

    by MetalWater

    This may be a bomb in the making...However, we can't be sure until the close of Friday box office, but Thursday night's late night screenings only brought in a little more than a millon dollars at the box office!!! With all the hype and advertisements for Snakes On A Plane...this movie should have at least brought in between 4 to 5 million last night, alone, or more!!! Perhaps word of mouth from last night's performances will help it, or hurt it, in respect to the weekend showings, who knows. Anyway...I for one hope this mess bombs, or we'll all be served up this type of junk for years to come instead of Hollywood making and offering us important film fare like Black Snake Moan!!! The other Sam Jackson movie with a snake title!!!

  • Aug. 19, 2006, 4:23 p.m. CST

    hmmmf

    by DonnieDorko

    On that altitude snakes with their sensitive nonhearin should be getting a bit unbalanced. I think the movie didn't cover this at all wich made me muthafiddling with my hair. And real snakes speak english.

  • Aug. 19, 2006, 5:33 p.m. CST

    Snakes On A Plane Has Officially Failed At The B.O.!!!

    by MetalWater

    New Line wasted all its time and money this turkey and will be laughed at on Monday by the entire movie industry, Rejoice...America is not as stupid as Hollywood thinks we are!!!

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 1:11 a.m. CST

    B-Cult Movies are...

    by uberman

    not born, but gradually find their way into geek mythology. YOU CANNNOT PRE_MAKE ONE. Snakes on a plane was trying to be this hip, cool cult classic by pretending to be one BEFORE it was even released. Cant be done. It can only gain such status by the passage of time and then word of mouth. Its kinda like Quentions upcomming GRINDHOUSE. Those movies were they way they were because they HAD to be due to poor budgets, time tables, c list actors. Quention can make whatever he wants, but he can never be that anymore than Zombie can simply because they have money, clout and the ABILITY to create A list movies but choose to make their films 'look' like those films. Its the cinematic equivalant of AMERICAN IDOL poseres running around the stage aping to somebodys elses songs trying to look hungry and dangerous. Just aint nuttin like the real thing baby!

  • Aug. 20, 2006, 11:24 a.m. CST

    Amen, uberman

    by KinoEye

    Couldn't agree more. I've been sick of this shit for many months now. I'm glad it's tanking.

  • Dec. 8, 2010, 2:22 p.m. CST

    NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

    by orcus

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