Wow, Quint can read. Amazing what you find out about these sailors these days. I've heard rumors about him and a yellow rubber duck, but I'm gonna be nice and not bring it up. Well folks I'm gonna check to see what else I can get up real quick here cause I want to write three reviews tonight.

All right, all right. Y'all know me. Quint back once again, this time with
some hope for the upcoming Steve Martin flick, Bowfinger's Big Thing.

After returning home from an interesting night watching Nosferatu,
accompanied
by an ensemble of musicians, at the reigning place of coolness better known
as
the Alamo Drafthouse, I decided to check out the site. Well, my eye was
instantly drawn to the Bowfinger's Big Thing review. You see, I have the
script for this flick, I've had it for a few months now, but didn't want to
read it. Over the summer when I was in the City of Angels (yeah, right), the
same trip where my interview with Mr. Wood was completed, I decided I needed
to journey to Universal Studios. I had a dream. I had a goal. I was gonna
get
past security and find my way to the Jaws attraction. I needed to face that
shark again and I'll be damned if I was gonna be caught helpless on that
stupid tram. Anyway, as I was slinking my way around the backlot (wrong
turn)
I bumped smack dab into Steve Martin himself. I had to introduce myself. I
told him I was Quint. He said, "The Quint from that website?" I was so
flabbergasted that he knew of me. I told him I was. Steve smirked, turned
around and started ruffling around the back of his little golf cart and
pulled
out a stack of papers. It was the script. He told me it was only the second
draft, but that I'd get the gist of the story. He then told me he needed to
get back onto the set. By the way, I believe he was in costume. He was
wearing
this bright orange shirt. It looked like something a "wild and crazy guy"
would wear.

Anyway, I wanted to read the script so bad, but I was worried it would suck.
I
think Steve knew that I would write up a review of the script and I figured
that if I didn't read it, then I couldn't write a bad review. Well, when I
saw
that there was already a bad review (of the actual film, no less) I said
told
myself screw it and said, "All right!!! I WILL!"

So, I feverishly read through the script. The only thing I can think of is
that the version of Bowfinger that this guy saw was so rough that none of
the
hilarious moments in the script were realized on film yet. Either that or he
just doesn't have a sense of humor, but I kinda doubt that. I had a hell of
a
lot of fun with the script. From what I read, I believe that Bowfinger and
Mr. Navin "I was born a poor, black child" Johnson are the only two
characters
to come from Steve Martin's mind that are just plain perfect roles for
Martin
to play. I mean, while reading the script, I couldn't imagine anyone else
besides Steve Martin playing Bowfinger. With lines like, "I'm tired of being
screwed by the rich!!!" and "This major movie tells about the joy, the
sadness, the grief and the... joy and sadness of being alive in this area at
this time which is now." Those were probably some of the lesser lines in the
flick, but I didn't want to ruin the really great jokes before they had
their
chance to attack the audience's (namely, you) funny bones.

I had no idea that Eddie Murphy was playing the part of Kit Ramsey. I had
envisioned somebody like Viggo Mortison (really bastardized that last name,
sorry) as the Rational Positivist who gets thrills from... well let's just
say
showing something to the L.A. Lakers. I guess Murphy could play the part and
not fuck it up, but I'd have to see him do it just to make sure.

The fun of the script wasn't just Bowfinger and group chasing Kit around
with
a camera. The fun part was that Kit had just gotten over his paranoia of
being
followed by aliens and then having Bowfinger and company trying to make a
sci-
fi movie starring Kit, but without his knowledge. Of course they can't just
film Kit walking around, they have to get some of the other actors in the
same
shot, with dialogue to boot. Example that will hopefully help clarify the
last
part: Kit is sitting in a restaurant and one of the actresses (Carol in the
script) walks up to him and says, "You left your briefcase, Jane gave it to
me
and I opened it. I saw the photos of the aliens. Why? (Screams) WHY!!!!!!!"
She goes on about how he loves the aliens more than her. "You preferred
alien
love!!!!" Of course he has no clue what's going on and his reality starts
to
break. It was really funny as the script got on and you see his reality
start
to crack, then splinter, then bust wide open.

Anyway, that's just one example, I won't give anymore away right now. I just
wanted to let you Steve Martin fans out there know that the movie might not
suck after all. That's it from me for today. Until next time, Constant
Readers.

-Quint