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Massawyrm Frisks MIAMI VICE!!

Hola all. Massawyrm here.

Wow. Just wow. I didn’t see this one coming at all. Judging from the trailers and the early look presented last weekend on NBC (after a replay of the original Pilot Episode of Miami Vice), this thing looked like ass. Complete ass. Terrible one liners delivered by actors who looked like they wish they were anywhere but filming this movie, thumping music video editing and HD shot at night for that shot on video feel. But man is their promotion way off the mark. I don’t know if this has been spearheaded by someone who is too close to the film to see how bad this looks out of context or whether the Studio wanted it to look as slick and poppy as the TV series was – but either way, what they’re sellin’ ain’t what they’re deliverin’. Because Miami Vice is pretty fucking kick ass.

This is a dark, brooding, nihilistic action film that absolutely delivers on the promise of Michael Mann’s name in the credits. It’s rough, seedy and violent in all of the very best ways. This ain’t no pop-culture throwback, nor is it any kind of popcorn film – it’s a brutal ass kicker with pen in hand, ready to take names.

While this is by no means an absolutely perfect film (I’ll get to the flaws in a moment), everything in the trailer is so taken out of context that it hurts. Those one-liners that feel like cheesy dialog work 100% of the time in the film. This is the story of two guys trying to infiltrate a world in which every encounter is a pissing contest to prove who could fuck the other up the most and these lines perfectly nail the sense of bravado and nigh ridiculous machismo of that world. These guys are tired, they’re bitter, and what seems like a lack of performance in the trailer is actually Jamie Foxx and Colin Farrell playing their roles to the hilt. These aren’t superheroes. They’re cops, doing a shitty and incredibly dangerous job, and it’s worn them down to the nub. And every bit of that shows in their expressions and delivery.

And man does the HD work in this film. Now I’m certainly not the worlds biggest fan of HD. I simply think it’s not there yet. It still isn’t delivering the depth of field and the grain of 35mm. But the almost documentary like feel of the cinematography in this makes it raw, seething, like it’s really happening. It feels incredibly authentic. From the very natural sound design to many of the handheld shots, Miami Vice gains its power from a sense of realism absent in films of this type.

Making this even more realistic and -oddly enough - even more exciting, is the way the film is constructed. Unlike both the original show and modern action films, Miami Vice defies the normal conventions of car chase/gun fight/car chase/buddy comedy scene/gunfight/car chase and instead builds tension through a sense of impending doom. The villains in this film don’t fuck around, not one bit. There’s no hitting heroes over the back of the head or explaining complex plots. If these guys so much as get a tingle in their extremities, they’ll cap you just to be sure you don’t fuck them over. Mann does an excellent job of establishing this right from the get go, so there’s never a doubt in your mind.

The result is a slow burn film that draws you in as these guys go deeper and deeper into their operation, every moment being a moment closer to the heavies catching on. And when violence does break out, it simply explodes. It’s quick, deadly and bloody, bloody, bloody. Arms being torn off by 50 Caliber bullets bloody. Puffs of blood popping out of the back of the skull bloody. Michael Mann seems to sucker punch you with every violent scene, squeezing out every last bit of possible impact from each death. Nothing here is wasted.

And the story is actually pretty damned good. It’s an operation. That’s it. It’s not some twisty, turny, paint by number plot. It begins with the introduction of the operation and proceeds to take you every step of the way from the set up of cover identities, to getting the introductions, to the crimes the cops have to commit to earn the trust of their new employers. And every last moment of it is fascinating.

But this comes with some love it or leave it concepts that’s really going to make or break your feelings on the film. First of all, it’s called Miami Vice. It explores the particularly dark themes the show attempted but was never able to truly attain on prime time television. It’s about a pair of vice cops named Crockett and Tubbs. And it is set in Miami. But if you’re hoping for an update that includes many of the old side characters and long running jokes (Like Elvis the Alligator on Sonny’s houseboat) than you are pretty much SOL. Now its handled in such a way that is doesn’t remove those elements from this universe, but it certainly ignores them. Sonny could have an Alligator on a houseboat, but we’ll never know because we never see Sonny at home. The film is entirely about them on the job.

Which of course doesn’t leave any room for real character development. The characters are developed enough, but people unfamiliar with the show will walk out of this without knowing one iota about who Crockett or Tubbs are. And personally, I loved that. I’ve seen a metric shit ton of cop films in my lifetime, and I’ve seen every tired, clichéd backstory they can fit in between the important plot elements. Here Mann simply cuts through all the bullshit and just tells us a cop story without any of the filler. But understandably, some people are gonna want that filler and will ultimately feel like they were gypped out of character development.

And as gritty and dark as this gets, it never has a sense of humor about itself. There’s one moment of comedy in the whole film and thus there are no breaks from the heavy nature of it, no shining rays of humanity to break the tension. Some, like myself, will love that – appreciating the grim, shadowy world these guys hate so much to be a part of. For others, it’s just going to be way too heavy. The show had a sense of humor. This doesn’t. Another thing some fans will miss.

My one complaint, which is going to sound odd, is that I didn’t like the sex scenes in the film. Not that I was offended by them in any way – just that they seemed to come out of nowhere at times when I’d much rather be immersed in the story. And I’d just like to point out that I shower every god damned day of my life. Every day. These guys, they shower like once every three weeks – and every time they do, some beautiful naked woman strolls in to interrupt. Seriously, Mann. As real as everything else is presented…that’s where you break from reality? Unless I just need to get one of those big fucking showers. So let me ask you Mike, does the Asian come standard, or is that an add on?

Regardless of your feelings on any of these issues, the one thing this film will get you with is its climax. Wait, should I really have gone to this part of the review after the shower bit? Fuck it, just keep on truckin’ Massa. Miami Vice builds to one hell of a third act with the last 20 minutes becoming a frenetic, chaotic chain of violence that will simply drop your jaw at times. It’s edge of your seat the whole way to the end. And it delivers above all else.

Highly recommended for Michael Mann fans, cop and action film buffs, and anyone looking for a dark alternative to all the mainstream fare that comes with Summertime at the Box Office. Not recommended for old school fans of the show who are really hoping for a stream of TV show references, in jokes or riffs about the clothing.

Until next time friends, smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em. I know I will.


Got something for the Wyrm? Mail it here.

Readers Talkback
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  • July 27, 2006, 12:15 p.m. CST

    it was ok


  • July 27, 2006, 12:15 p.m. CST


    by jackinitraw


  • July 27, 2006, 12:16 p.m. CST


    by ATARI

  • July 27, 2006, 12:16 p.m. CST

    or third, either way, I'm going to see this on Sunday

    by ATARI

  • July 27, 2006, 12:18 p.m. CST

    The more I hear, the more I ilke

    by el che'

    Who'du thunk it?

  • July 27, 2006, 12:18 p.m. CST

    Am I


    Supposed to say First! Yay! But I went to a screening of this a few weeks ago and I was underwhelmed. The leads didn't have any chemistry, way too many sex scenes and the storyline was predictable. Mann has suprisingly dissappointed me here. I'll be suprised if there's actually a sequel..

  • July 27, 2006, 12:19 p.m. CST


    by jackinitraw

    Why is it people still yell first like a kid throwing his hand up to answer teachers question with dipshit earnest? I've been psyched to see this forever. And with the let down the Departed trailer was this is like one of the few things I'll have had to look forward to this year that delivers.

  • July 27, 2006, 12:23 p.m. CST

    No pic?

    by chrth

    Does that mean we have a winner that hasn't been presented yet?

  • July 27, 2006, 12:34 p.m. CST

    John Tucker Must Di

    by Engineer_at_peac

    Are you going to review that Massawyrm? Typically that kind of genre falls to you on this site. And I am reluctant to admit I kind of like what I'm seeing in the previews. It looks like a movie where the girls can go all "Mmmmmmmm-hmmmmmm" but where us guys can watch, admire, and respect what a player John Tucker is.

  • July 27, 2006, 12:37 p.m. CST

    I glad they didn't go retro.

    by Shermdawg

    All the more reason to do a Vice City flick!

  • July 27, 2006, 12:37 p.m. CST

    I had absolutely no desire to see this...

    by Novaman5000

    The trailers look like garbage... Now I must admit, I'm curious.

  • July 27, 2006, 12:45 p.m. CST

    Seeing it tomorrow night

    by Deep Cover

    Duh, it's a Michael Mann crime-thriller...of course it's going to be great. (Which includes THE INSIDER, but not ALI.)

  • July 27, 2006, 12:47 p.m. CST

    Best film of the Summer.

    by alucardvsdracula

    Possibly of the year. Suck on that faggots.

  • July 27, 2006, 12:47 p.m. CST



    I'll agree with Massa on some points though.. The gritty look of the movie really added realism and mann suprisingly stayed with handheld shots 90% of the movie which took me out in the begginning for a bit but it ended up working for me. Maybe I was slightly dissappointed because I'm not too familiar with the tv show and i wanted to see a bit more character development? I'm sure Mann wants non fans of the show to see this movie but it seems like he assumes most of us will already have indepth knowledge of Sonny and Tubbs.. But overall, the film left a lot to be desired IMO, but I can appreciate what Mann attempted to do and I love the gritty look and world he created...

  • July 27, 2006, 12:48 p.m. CST

    I don't know about you

    by chrth

    But I have a hot chick with me every time I get in the shower. Oh wait, it's a rubber ducky. Never mind.

  • July 27, 2006, 12:50 p.m. CST


    by JohnGalt06

    Badness is going down right now! But seriously, why is this movie even called MIAMI VICE... it doesn't seem to have anything to do with the show other than the setting. I highly suspect that Mann wrote this script and then just used names from the TV show to help get it made. Did this thing really cost $180 to make? Great googly moogly, what are these execs thinking? But I'm definitely going to see it.

  • July 27, 2006, 12:56 p.m. CST

    Colin Farrel- King of the TV Show Movies

    by Superneal

    1st was SWAT - Then Came Miami Vice. Next is Mr Belvedere!!

  • July 27, 2006, 1:04 p.m. CST

    Massawyrm is a dope.

    by Cotton McKnight

    It's a Michael Mann movie, and he makes some pretty great genre films. This whole thing is his concept, so of course its going to be good. I got the impression reading his review that he thought this was the beverly hillbillies or something.

  • July 27, 2006, 1:11 p.m. CST

    Has Michael Mann ever made a bad film?

    by Lezbo Milk

    I think Band of the Hand (if memory serves?) may be his weakest effort, but I don't think that film was what one could call bad. The others films in his stable could all be called very good to excellent, in my opinion. Bad marketing can be a real pisser, but I had no doubt that this movie would be worth while. I'm looking forward to it.

  • July 27, 2006, 1:11 p.m. CST

    I think everyone agrees...

    by JohnGalt06

    that ALI is the biggest misfire of Michael Mann's career.

  • July 27, 2006, 1:13 p.m. CST

    Apart from the verboten line

    by ChorleyFM

    The trailer is sick. Plus this is Mann, so it was always going to be good.

  • July 27, 2006, 1:16 p.m. CST


    by jackinitraw

    Smack yourself in the face please. Thankxbye.

  • July 27, 2006, 1:18 p.m. CST

    It's funny to me how...

    by Burgundy82

    ...Colin Farrell shot to fame with exactly zero hit films ... Everything he's done so far besides Tigerland has either been savaged by critics, been a box office disappointment/flop, or both. I can't recall him topping 100 mil, (maybe barely for Daredevil or SWAT -- I'm too lazy to look it up).. and 100 mil isn't even considered a hit most the time these days. That said, I am really looking forward to this flick. Jamie Foxx's pointy goatee looks the shit -- sometimes I wish I was black.

  • July 27, 2006, 1:21 p.m. CST

    My review of the movie...Massawyrm is a bitch

    by Darth Evil Dead

    Hey kids and child molesters, Just got out of Michael Mann's Miami Vice staring Jamie Foxx and Colin Ferrell. So how was it? Well it was just okay. Which is not good, not bad. If you want to see a good Michael Mann movie go watch Heat. Then watch Heat again because its that fucking good. Then watch Collateral. The movie has really nothing to do with the TV show, except for the character names. Thats about it. Oh yeah and there cops and one is black and the other is white and they live in Miami. Thats about it. They dont act like the characters of the show or anything. One thing about this its played real. There is nothing amazing happening here. No amazing stunts like MI3. Its set in the real world. And like people in the real world, these characters are boring. You will give two shits about Colin and Jamie in this film. These characters are boring..and you dont care about them on a emotional level. The Problem is Colin gets about 70% of the screen time in this movie. Jamie I think has 2 scenes in the movie that Colin is not in. Colin might have 20 scenes with no Jamie. And when Colin is on the screen..He is just sitting there stairing at the camera, with a fucked up look on his face. His character is played almost the same way he played John Smith in that Pochantas movie "The New World" he did. He does not do alot in the movie. So the more interesting of the characters Jamie, has a lot less screen time then the boring Colin. Another fucked up part of the movie is the fucking. There are two sex scenes in the movie that do nothing. Its that slow fucking in slow motion with music. Its not sex. There making love. And there long sex scenes. Each one is about 3 min long. So for 3 minutes we are stairing at really really soft core stuff in slow motion. You see no tits..No Pussy...No cumming..NOTHING!!! If your going to put some sex in your fucking movie atleast make it so a guy might get a hard on by watching it. Why the fuck do you Michael Mann think the audience would care to see Colin or Jamie's back to the camera..covering up the Lady their screwing for a total of 6 minutes? Why? I hate when directors put G rated sex in their movies for no fucking reason. Either put hardcore sex in your film...Or dont put that shit in it at all!!! If your not even going to show a breast or some pussy...Then dont fucking put it in your film...6 minutes of watching Jamie and Colin bobbing up and down in slow motion to music does shit for us. It does not advance the story..It does not make us hard....Its fucking useless...Your puting everyone in the theater to sleep!! The plot of this movie is that Jamie and Colin must go undercover has drug smugglers to make a bust on a drug lord. Same plot we seen a million times in movies...They gain trust of the bad guys..then their cover gets blown...then one of their loved ones gets kidnapped..And they must save her and stop the bad guys... There really is not alot of action in the movie..and not a whole lot of tension either. Heat and Collateral were way more intense and interesting to look at. You actually cared about the characters in those films. There is a shoot out scene in the end that is signature Michael Mann that is great. But the film on a just okay. And in a summer of huge blockbusters thats just not good enough. I dont see this movie as a franchiese.. It looks like it will be one and done... And I expect after a good openning weekend this movie will fizzal...As bad word of mouth will hurt it.. So its a okay movie.. You wont be mad at it. You will just wish it was more..more Jamie....more action....more character development...and less Colin...and less (I cant believe Im fucking saying it) sex..

  • July 27, 2006, 1:22 p.m. CST

    Colin Farrel shot to fame by stealing...

    by JohnGalt06

    all his scenes away from Tom Cruise in MINORITY REPORT, which was pretty much a critical and box-office success. Just in case you were wondering.

  • July 27, 2006, 1:23 p.m. CST

    Requisite Tomatometer update

    by Burgundy82

    Miami Vice sits at 65%. Yeah, i know, i know, it doesn't mean shit.

  • July 27, 2006, 1:26 p.m. CST

    thanks for the awful review Darth!

    by Ricky Henderson

    Were you trying to emulate Harry or something?

  • July 27, 2006, 1:27 p.m. CST

    thanks for the awful review Darth!

    by Ricky Henderson

    Were you trying to emulate Harry or something?

  • July 27, 2006, 1:27 p.m. CST


    by Burgundy82

    Dammit, I knew I would forget something. You're right about stealing scenes, but he sure didn't have much screen time to work with. Anyway, I think he's a good actor, but he definitely still has some trouble with the American accent -- not as much as Jude Law, but still.

  • July 27, 2006, 1:27 p.m. CST

    Yeah Darth...don't quit your day job

    by jackinitraw

    Assuming you have one.

  • July 27, 2006, 1:53 p.m. CST

    but is it communist?

    by TheLastBystander

    that's the real question

  • July 27, 2006, 1:55 p.m. CST

    Typical talkback: One guy calls another an idiot...

    by Garbageman33

    But then makes himself look like an ass by posting it twice. I mean, fine, the reviewer's not exactly Pauline Kael. But at least he's smart enough to only hit post once.

  • July 27, 2006, 1:56 p.m. CST

    I can't wait for this

    by Trazadone

    You can all have your Superman and Pirates, Mann is the man and Miami Vice rocks. I'm so psyched for this.

  • July 27, 2006, 1:57 p.m. CST

    I blew Kevin Spacey

    by Garbageman33

    And I'm still working at Kinko's. So that story can't be true.

  • July 27, 2006, 1:57 p.m. CST

    I only liked Spacey in "LA Confidential"

    by Ricky Henderson

    in retrospect it is probably because it required very little acting on his part to play such a mean prick.

  • July 27, 2006, 2 p.m. CST

    Tell your friends and family! Save MIAMI VICE!

    by Flim_

    The marketing for this film has been downright incompetent. Massawyrm hit the nail on the head - I think it's definitely that they are too close to the film, and they are selecting moments that need context, either because they love the film or because they couldn't give two shits about it. Hence, this movie will flop. Big. Probably the biggest flop of the year so far, unless we, the fans of the Mann, can get cans in the seats. Tell them all! It's a good film, don't be put off by the shitty ads!

  • July 27, 2006, 2 p.m. CST

    Hey that was my first double-post ever Garbageman

    by Ricky Henderson

    go blow Kevin Spacey you silly doofus.

  • July 27, 2006, 2:01 p.m. CST

    Sleazy Spacey! Excellent...

    by brycemonkey

    I don't care if he is a sleaze or not, LA Confidential; American Beauty; and Usual Suspects have him Golden for several years to come. I have never got the Farell bandwagon, but then I've never been blown by him... I hope this is as good as you say Massa.

  • July 27, 2006, 2:03 p.m. CST

    Yack: Was that right around the time of

    by CreasyBear

    L.A. Confidential? Because Kevin Spacey has the scene where he plots with DeVito to use an up-and-coming (no pun intended), fresh-faced wannabe for some homolove blackmail. Art imitating life? Life imitating art imitating life . . . imitating art?

  • July 27, 2006, 2:04 p.m. CST


    by BobParr

    I find that story very difficult to believe. Kevin Spacey doesn't have that kind of power. He can't turn anyone into a superstar. Colin Farrell is a pretty good actor and very charasmatic. Directors like him and want to cast him. Mann could have picked almost anybody for this role.

  • July 27, 2006, 2:05 p.m. CST

    Congratulations on your first double post, Ricky!

    by Garbageman33

    Shame it had to come at a time when you were questioning someone else's intelligence.

  • July 27, 2006, 2:08 p.m. CST

    BTW, Mann's movies are awesome...

    by Ricky Henderson

    "Heat" being my favorite. "Last of the Mohegans" was pretty great too. Its prequel, "There are Plenty of Mohegans" was also quite good.

  • July 27, 2006, 2:15 p.m. CST

    Colin Farrell has no hits, it's true.

    by CreasyBear

    But then again, Alec Baldwin never had a hit movie, but he's recognizable and still gets work (mainly on SNL, but still). I'm sure there are a lot of other examples of well-known actors who have never had a movie crack 100 mil. It's yin and yang. Something has to balance out the huge-hit-movie one-hit-wonders, like the evil nurse from Cuckoo's Nest, or "Corvette Summer" Mark Hamill.

  • July 27, 2006, 2:16 p.m. CST

    Michael Mann also directed the Jericho Mile

    by Garbageman33

    Which I've always considered one of, if not the best TV movies I've ever seen.

  • July 27, 2006, 2:25 p.m. CST

    Re: QTN

    by BobParr

    Studios don't let actors become stars. They manufacture them and shove them down your throat. Colin Farrel and Josh Lucas are two shining example. Actors like Russell Crowe that slowly worked up the ladder and became recognized through the strength of his work are a rarity.

  • July 27, 2006, 2:26 p.m. CST

    Josh Lucas was in Sweet Home Alabama

    by Garbageman33

    Which may have sucked, but it also made, like, $150 million. He was actually good in Undertow and Wonderland. And he was a supporting character in good movies like American Psycho, The Deep End and You can Count on Me. You're right, he shouldn't be a major star, but he's decent and there are a lot of less-deserving actors than him. Colin Farrel, for example.

  • July 27, 2006, 2:26 p.m. CST

    "The Six Million Dollar Man" for Michael Mann?

    by JDanielP

    That would be sweeeeet... but it's probably not a genre he loves as much. But just imagine HIS version!

  • July 27, 2006, 2:28 p.m. CST

    You call this a review?

    by minderbinder

    Man, you didn't even analyze the political motives of the filmmakers. I'm so disappointed.

  • July 27, 2006, 2:33 p.m. CST

    Josh Lucas was in GLORY ROAD

    by McGsStepson

    Granted he was in some diarrhea spills but Glory Road was a good movie and it made a pretty good amount of money for its budget. And he was pretty good in A Beautiful Mind and Empire Falls.

  • July 27, 2006, 2:54 p.m. CST

    Glory Road

    by Burgundy82

    was so formulaic it physically hurt me. Seriously, I have photos of the bruises. Anyway, I sure wish those Disney-fied feel-good sports flicks would die off. I'll take Friday Night Lights over Remember the Titans anyday. Oh shit, I forgot, we were talking about Colin Farrell's cock-gobbling skills.

  • July 27, 2006, 2:57 p.m. CST

    You know how I know Kevin Spacey is gay?

    by Burgundy82

    Because he rides around L.A. on a motorscooter.

  • July 27, 2006, 3:01 p.m. CST


    by Burgundy82

    Thanks for the explanation (I was the original 'Colin-Farrell-has-no-hits poster), but I'm not sure if I buy it... Farrell likes chicks... specifically black ones. He's like DeNiro, without all that bothersome talent.

  • July 27, 2006, 3:05 p.m. CST

    Better but not great....

    by JoeyRusso1290

    I saw the first director's cut of the film a few months ago, and while this new version made improvements it still isn't perfect. Wish I could say more, but I am working on a Michael Mann production and it would be a conflict of interest. ANYWHO Check out my buddy mike's review @

  • July 27, 2006, 3:12 p.m. CST


    by Burgundy82

    I've never wished death on anyone in my life, but I honestly think it's time for that stupid spoiled whore to bite the dust

  • July 27, 2006, 3:13 p.m. CST

    He's like DeNiro, without all that bothersome talent.

    by Garbageman33

    That almost made me shoot milk out my nose. And I'm not even drinking milk right now.

  • July 27, 2006, 3:16 p.m. CST

    ALL actors are gay. It's true.

    by brycemonkey

    The only exception to this rule is Hulk Hogan. If you don't believe me google "actors who are not gay" and it's a googlewhack...

  • July 27, 2006, 3:21 p.m. CST

    Thanks for saying my review sucks...

    by Darth Evil Dead

    And thanks for the double post. But what I said was true. Go see the movie yourself. I bet your not going to like it much. Not even close to being as good as Heat or Collateral. The only way you would like this movie, is if you want to fuck Colin Ferrell ...If you want to fuck him. Then you will like it. Because he just stands infront of the camera with a stupid look on his face doing nothing. He barely even say's anything in the movie either. He just fucks a Asian girl in slow motion. But if you like that enjoy. Since I dont get paid to write stupid reviews on Talkback I wont quit my day job. But thanks for that comment. Enjoy masterbating to Colin Ferrell.

  • July 27, 2006, 3:22 p.m. CST

    Hulk Hogan is an actor?

    by Burgundy82

    Dammit.. I've always told people "Santa With Muscles" is my favorite documentary. I must've sounded like such an idiot.

  • July 27, 2006, 3:22 p.m. CST


    by kwisatzhaderach

    This always gets left out of lists of Mann's films. Fucked by Paramount but an awesome audio-visual experience and amazing score by Tangerine Dream. If Miami Vice doesn't open well at the box-office i'm giving up hope on the film industry. Michael Mann is one of the few reasons left to go to the movies. Seeing it here in the UK next Thursday night, can't wait!!!!

  • July 27, 2006, 3:32 p.m. CST

    Burgundy: You'd better believe it...

    by brycemonkey

    BROTHER!!! PS You are confussed as he won Academy Award for 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain in the catagory of Best Documentary. He actually won an Emmy for Santa With Muscles as Best Breakthrough Performance. Easy mistake to make though...

  • July 27, 2006, 3:35 p.m. CST

    I Heard that gay story about a different actor

    by Superneal

    I heard it was about Matthew Mcaunehey. Either way it is a very interesting story. There must be some truth to it somewhere

  • July 27, 2006, 3:49 p.m. CST

    Did you also hear the story about the dog...

    by Garbageman33

    That turned out to be a giant rat? Or the guy who woke up in a bathtub filled with ice and his kidney missing? The thing with urban legends is they make just enough sense to get you to believe them. And they always come from a "credible source" who heard it from someone firsthand. Sound familiar?

  • July 27, 2006, 3:50 p.m. CST

    Salacious gossip..

    by Burgundy82

    Crazy as it seems, there does seem to be truth to a lot of the rumors you hear out there... Lance Bass, Clay Aiken, and Rosie O'Donnell all turned out to be gay, which was all reported long before in the tabloids (as if there was any doubt). Makes you wonder about some of the other stuff you hear.. For instance, I've heard several times that Will Smith and Jada Pinkett are aggressive swingers ... I won't deny it's interesting to find out stuff like that, but in the end it doesen't matter who likes to fuck who... they're just actors.

  • July 27, 2006, 3:55 p.m. CST

    John Wayne was a fag

    by Garbageman33

    A guy I knew said he installed two-way mirrors at his pad in Brentwood and he came to the door in a dress.

  • July 27, 2006, 3:58 p.m. CST


    by BillyBigShoes

    It's FOREBODING, you mouth breather. Stay home and try reading sometime.

  • July 27, 2006, 4:09 p.m. CST

    If Kevin Spacey really has that much power

    by Tomkennyrules

    he should blow himself. He might start getting decent parts.

  • July 27, 2006, 4:11 p.m. CST

    Bring it the fuck ON!

    by Yo_SheBitch

    I'm there Friday night with my poncho (Gallagher style) in case some hoochies and Kevin Spacey show up and can't help themselves during the Farrell sex scenes.

  • July 27, 2006, 4:15 p.m. CST

    Spacey sets off fire alarms with his "man-ass stare."

    by Uncapie

    I was on the set of "Midnight In the Garden Of Evil" and saw his x-ray vision at work.

  • July 27, 2006, 4:37 p.m. CST

    Just remember...

    by brycemonkey

    "one of these buggers will bend you fucking over and take a walk up your strada-chocolata" sound advice.

  • July 27, 2006, 4:52 p.m. CST

    Miami Vice just dipped into rotten territory

    by Garbageman33

    Over at Rotten Tomatoes. It's currently sitting at 53%. But hey, that's still twice as good as Lady in the Water.

  • July 27, 2006, 5:03 p.m. CST

    Whiny 80's bitches, are you for real?

    by earl of sandwich

    I cannot for the life of me understand the devotion everyone is heaping on the origional TV show. "Why is it even called Miami Vice if it isn't exactly like the origional show?" question fucking kills me. Do people really want that? Can their brains not look past the dated fashion, bad acting and get excited for a new Michael Mann movie? I was as big of a fan of the show back in the day as anyone. My God, it was even simulcast on the fucking radio in STEREO in my home town(big deal back then) fer christ's sake. Friday night, 9:00 p.m and there we all were, whole family in front of the TV with both the TV and the radio cranked, it was heaven for an 11 year old. But there is no way in hell I would want anyone, let alone someone as talented as Mann, to try and put that memory up on the screen in 2006. Go in with an open mind (I still can't beleive ANYONE on this site needs to been conviced to go see a new Michael Mann film) and just enjoy it for what it is, the first "action" film for adults of the year.

  • July 27, 2006, 5:05 p.m. CST

    Do we get to see Gong Li's tits?

    by GrandMuffTarkin

    She should show that stack before she gets too long in the tooth. And Darth Evil Dead, I could smell your brain smoking from trying to come up with some clever quips in that mess of a review.

  • July 27, 2006, 5:17 p.m. CST

    Is Crockett's theme used?

    by fortheloveofgod

  • July 27, 2006, 5:51 p.m. CST

    T.J. HOOKER: The Movie

    by ZombieSolutions

    you know its coming.

  • July 27, 2006, 6:26 p.m. CST

    Garbageman, You Crack Me up

    by Rebeck

    Seriously. Amen, brother. You gave me the two biggest laughs I've had all week.

  • July 27, 2006, 6:53 p.m. CST

    Please send all Darth Evil Dead hate mail too

    by Darth Evil Dead

    My real name is Nikki.. I think every basterd on this board sucks !! Please mail all hate mail to To voice your concern.

  • July 27, 2006, 6:53 p.m. CST

    What about teh b00bz??

    by Chet Hudson

    Do we see Gong Li's gongs or Naomie Harris' naomies?

  • July 27, 2006, 6:58 p.m. CST


    by Noeland

    You have got to be kidding me, there is no cumshot in this film? I was told my an actor in LA who said he was at this party, and he told me there was cum in this movie, and he also said that HE was gay, and that HE had sex with Bryan Singer, and HE said Bryan Singer blew Kevin Spacey. He didn't blow him for power, just because he's gay, and that's what gay men do, they have sex with thier mouths, and thier anal passage. Those would be thier only warm holes, so, it's all they have to work with. Now, honestly, if there is no cumming in Miami Vice, why was the movie made Darth? I just don't get it.

  • July 27, 2006, 7 p.m. CST

    TJ Hooker!!!!!

    by Noeland

    I heard that Matt Damon was up for that role. Matt Damon is gay, he blew JJ Abrams to be in this film, but secretly they are publically calling it Star Trek.

  • July 27, 2006, 7:13 p.m. CST

    This movie sucked

    by The guy

    Bad acting across the board, especially Gong Li, Jamie Foxx, and John Ortiz. Not to mention that it's boring as hell and really confusing. Definitely one of Michael Mann's worst films.

  • July 27, 2006, 7:48 p.m. CST

    Noeland the point is...

    by Darth Evil Dead

    Why put 6 minutes of boring sex in a action drama movie for no point.. If your going to interupt the action and tension.. Then atleast make the sex hot.. If there are no breast shots or anything. Then why bother putting it in the movie. Its a waist of time. If I wanted to see a movie for sex..I would watch on demand at home. But if I spent money (it was free) on this to see a action movie.. Then why am I watching soft soft porn for 6 minutes for.. Listen.. Its hard to explain.. Watch the movie and you will see for your self. Sex with no nudity for 6 minutes.. ENJOY BASTARD!!!

  • July 27, 2006, 8:15 p.m. CST

    DarthEvil, Great Review!

    by Ringwearer9

    I actually got an idea of what the movie was like, and your honest reaction. You could tell the movie was not good from the way Massawyrm was bending over backwards trying to find something to "love" about it, but you wrote something that actually gave us the real scoop. Thanks! Oh, and Massawyrm, it's so sad that you are no longer one of us, but one of Them now.

  • July 27, 2006, 8:28 p.m. CST


    by Mr Nice Gaius

    I present to you, Ringwearer9 (formerly Ringbearer9). He believes it is his singular duty to tell YOU what you REALLY meant to say in your review. Just ask Moriarty. Example: you liked "Miami Vice". Therefore, Ringwearer believes you actually hated it and that you are lying to cover up your true reaction. (It's like the exact opposite of a "no means no" scenario.)

  • July 27, 2006, 9:06 p.m. CST

    I seen it and it stinks!

    by pinklunch

    saw the film last nite at a london preview, i'm a huge mann fan, and was eagerly awaiting this movie, and left feeling it was honestly an awful movie if not one of the worse films i have had the misfortune of siiting through this year. in the 80's this cliche riden macho iconogrpahic fodder may of been digestible, but right now it just failed in every way to entertain and keep my attention without bursting into laughter every 5 minutes. where do i start?...1: the script, a total mess, so full of cop speak garbage you totally couldn't follow what was being talked about, and so full of corney one liners i had to convince myself the whole film wasn't as piss take. 2: the acting, colin farrell BIG MISTAKE focusing the film on him and criminally underusing jamie foxx (a far far better actor) was crazy. mr farrel simply cannot act. 3: the editing , a total mess, so many different styles of cinematography jumbled together, the pace of the film was lost in chaos. 4: the music, apart from massive attack scored sections and the opening sequence (jayz, goldfrapp) the film was full of cringe worthy soft rock shit that made the film seem even more ironic 5: the plot, there wasn't one!....i think you get the picture...mann fans i would avoid this at all costs. manhunter, heat and collateral are all film classics in my eyes, strong plots, strong characters, strong imagery...this film unless you enjoy speedboats into sunsets, fast cars and embarressing shower sex scenes will fail on every count. i haven't lost faith in mr mann, this movie must of been a pure self indulgent money led project for him...(well i hope so) and was so genuinely dissapointed that i did everything i could to find something positive to say about the film, but am sad to say i couldn't....

  • July 27, 2006, 9:18 p.m. CST

    pinklunch Good job man !!

    by Darth Evil Dead

    I agree with everything you said.. The shower Sex scene is one of the things that had no point. It was boring sex. Soft soft core...and the two sex scenes last 6 minutes. They are a waist of space in a already long film. I agree 100% with your review. Man what I said so far makes it sound like I want to suck your cock...but Im not gay. So I wont.

  • July 27, 2006, 9:38 p.m. CST

    Mr. Nice Gaius ...

    by Ringwearer9

    you name is meant to be ironic, right? As oppose to being appropriate, like "Ratfinkus" might be ...

  • July 27, 2006, 9:43 p.m. CST

    Sounds like Mann did film-noir

    by MGTHEDJ

    and we only see the cops point of view. I love those type of movies. Thanks Massawyrm.-----later-----m

  • July 27, 2006, 9:54 p.m. CST

    Oh come now Ringy. Ratfinkus???

    by Mr Nice Gaius


  • July 27, 2006, 9:56 p.m. CST

    You like it, Ratfinkus?

    by Ringwearer9

    It's yours!

  • July 27, 2006, 10:18 p.m. CST

    Ratfinkus it is...

    by Mr Nice Gaius


  • July 27, 2006, 10:19 p.m. CST

    I thought the film kinda meandered a bit.

    by JiggamanSpence

    There's really long stretches in the first half where nothing at all happens except awkwardly filmed and acted sex scenes. It's a good movie, but if it were about 30 minutes shorter and tighter it could've been a great movie.

  • July 28, 2006, 12:23 a.m. CST

    6 minutes of useless sex ruined for ya?

    by Noeland

    So you're saying, that because of this 6 minutes of useless, nudity free sex, you can't like the film? By the way Darth, I'm not making fun of you, I laughed my ass off at your review. I'm feeling pretty indifferent about this flick. I enjoyed (would not call myself a fan of) the original series. I watch it on cable and stuff sometimes now. But I really hate Colin (I sucked kevin Spacey to get work in movies) Farrell, and Jamie Foxx isn't on my list of must see actors either. I hate the look of the movie, and the whole idea that it has a documentary feel bugs the shit out of me. I mean, LOOK AT HEAT. That movie is everything an action/crime film should be. The Mann can do it, he can do it! And his 35mm films looks amazing, so go bakc to film Mann. Go back. Is there anything else out this weekend anyway?

  • July 28, 2006, 12:42 a.m. CST

    The sex did not fuck up the movie for me..

    by Darth Evil Dead

    The movie is okay.. Its a movie that you will watch, and find no need to watch it again. The thing about the sex is that this movie is long. Its kind of slow..So that makes it really long. And to keep 6 minutes of pointless sex..just does not make sence. The sex does nothing for the audience, and does nothing for the story. And it does nothing for Mr. because there is no TnA. All I can say is watch the movie. You will see what I mean. This movie is okay.. Nothing more, nothing less.. But when your talking about a amazing director like Michael Mann.. Okay does not do it. This movie is below his talent. Im sorry.. I wish I had better news.

  • July 28, 2006, 3:02 a.m. CST

    TB reviews should be taken with a huge grain of salt

    by andrew coleman

    It seems like a lot of guys post reviews just to set a personal agenda. Half the reviews not on this TB particularly but just in general seem to be fake. Where they just comment on things stated in AICN reviews or trailers and make it up themselves. I also believe other studios pay people to do this to certain films. So I wouldn't fully trust anything that is stated review wise. Because it seems on TB's people have personally vendetta's towards certain flicks AICN(X3), TBers(SR) so like go see it yourself and judge, or don't but just don't fake reviews to try and trick people into seeing or not seeing a movie. People can make their own choices.

  • July 28, 2006, 4:30 a.m. CST

    This looks like...

    by Harysuxafat1

    Bad Boys 3: One of us is White, except not as good.

  • July 28, 2006, 4:51 a.m. CST

    spectrebeeyatch you miss the point

    by pinklunch

    spectrebeeyatch...its a forum...thats what it's here the public and not the blackmailed press can give their views, have you seen the movie!...its just plain bad, and i am a huge mann fan!!..i have no other personal agenda other than warn people who are excited about this film to prepare to be diisapointed...and in reality i doubt i am actually gonna put anyone off seeing the film, if anything perhaps if people go and see it with a lower expectation then they might be able to enjoy the experience more by not expecting the masterpiece that hollywoods multi million pr hype machine try's to tell them that it is!. trust my opinion?..well its a point of view so people can take it with a pinch of salt if they must, but trust me i have better things to do than waste my time writing a bad review for the hell of it..the films a stinker plain and simple, nobody paid me, but if i had actually paid to see the film (and not get a free preview ticket) then i would of demanded my money back.

  • July 28, 2006, 7:17 a.m. CST

    Man, what a dissapointing Summer for movies.

    by Orbots Commander

    By all accounts, this is a misfire for Michael Mann, one of my favorite directors. And looking at everything else that came out this Summer, aside from the quite funny Over the Hedge which I took my little cousins to, it's been pretty freakin' mediocrity after another. Let's hope the Fall and holiday movie season is better. The Prestige!!

  • July 28, 2006, 8:21 a.m. CST

    I agree...terrible summer.

    by kwisatzhaderach

    Yet to see a good movie. DaVinci, MI3, X3, Superman all sucked. Fingers crossed for Mann to deliver the goods. Otherwise it's up to Nolan, Fincher, DePalma and Aaronofsky.

  • July 28, 2006, 8:41 a.m. CST

    Call me crazy (I know you will)...

    by brycemonkey

    but Ringbear/wearer might be right... It is a glowing review from Massa, and if it turns out to be shite... I don't want to think about what might happen if Ring and me are on the same wavelength. Proove me wrong GOD!!!

  • July 28, 2006, 9:33 a.m. CST

    <insert movie title here> is gonna save the summer!

    by durhay

    I&#39;ll be using this way past Christmas.

  • July 28, 2006, 12:19 p.m. CST

    my favorite Colin Farrell films

    by oisin5199

    Intermission and A Home at the End of the World. Both brilliant performances in brilliant films - totally opposite characters, both made around the same time. That is all.

  • July 28, 2006, 1:05 p.m. CST

    The Great Big Greenhouse

    by Harry Weinstein

  • July 28, 2006, 1:06 p.m. CST

    The Great Big Greenhouse

    by Harry Weinstein


  • July 28, 2006, 2:03 p.m. CST

    MAGNUM P.I.: The Movie

    by ZombieSolutions

    can it be far behind? will it be retro irony or revisionist gritty "realism"? I tremble with anticipation.

  • July 28, 2006, 2:04 p.m. CST

    TJ HOOKER: The Movie

    by ZombieSolutions

    coming soon to a lowered expectation-y cultural wasteland near you.

  • July 28, 2006, 2:07 p.m. CST

    SHERIFF LOBO: The Movie

    by ZombieSolutions

    he was strong... but the lack of ideas in Whoreywood was even stronger. coming to a mental-sewer, er, i mean, multiplex near you.

  • July 28, 2006, 2:10 p.m. CST

    21 JUMP STREET: The Movie

    by ZombieSolutions

    wow, like, the 80s were so, like, wow! pass the hair gel and get ready for another mass lobotomy care of Whoreywood -- the last place anyone should ever look for a fresh idea.

  • July 28, 2006, 2:11 p.m. CST

    Zombie, funnily enough there IS a Magnum movie coming

    by Orbots Commander

    Forgot where I read it, but it&#39;s in development somewhere. I kid you not. Magnum P.I. and Hawaii Five-O are both in development.

  • July 28, 2006, 2:29 p.m. CST

    Geezus Keyrist! It Truly Is THE END TIMES...

    by ZombieSolutions

    they&#39;re actually making a MAGNUM P.I. movie? dear god! and Hawaii Five O?! WHY?! thats it, that tears it, Whoreywood must burn...

  • July 28, 2006, 3:27 p.m. CST

    I heard from my hairdresser that...

    by Borgnine JR

    ...Will Ferrell blew Colin Ferrell and that&#39;s how he became really famous. Otherwise he&#39;d be just another silly SNL monkey man.

  • July 28, 2006, 3:30 p.m. CST

    When&#39;s the "Griity" Andy Griffith remake?

    by Borgnine JR

    With a world-weary Barney Fife and heroin addicted Opie.

  • July 28, 2006, 4:22 p.m. CST

    Magnum PI

    by Chet Hudson

    ISn&#39;t that one of Clooney&#39;s dream projects?

  • July 29, 2006, 4:35 a.m. CST

    Did you notice this too?

    by RageBYTW

    This film was okay. Weird part towards the end when Colin&#39;s character looks and says his line staring in to the camera. The theatre I was in had a laugh at that. His accent slips througout the whole movie, he sounds irish at the start, sounds like batman in the middle and just tired by the end. This is no where near as good as Collateral was, and not worth the 12 bucks and half a fucking hour of commercials and shit trailers youll have to sit through. Not bad but id just Rent this motherfucker if I were you.

  • July 29, 2006, 8:35 a.m. CST

    Farrell is famous for a fuckin reason dickheads

    by Winkleboy

    Jesus christ, i mean jesus fuckin christ. You people are really bringing the notion of loser talkbackers to a whole new level you know that! Has Colin Farrell really had so much of an impact on your lives that you feel the need to constantly knock him down!? He had 4 thats 4 number one movies in a row and in the same year. Modestly budgeted movies that made serious profit for the studios involved. He has worked with some of the most talented film directors of all time and he will continue to do so, why? Because he has something that you jealous whiny mammy didnt hold me enough/too much bitches will never have...TALENT. Michael Mann is the finest director working in Hollywood today(fincher is 2nd), he&#39;s also the most consistent filmmaker of this generation FACT. This reminds me of the shit Affleck put up with AFTER winning a fuckin Oscar. Now stop trying to reach your cock with your mouths and try sticking it up your asses! Dickheads. For the record...good review very solid, but Mori&#39;s was spot on.

  • July 29, 2006, 6:44 p.m. CST

    Massawyrm Hit The Nail On The Head

    by utz_world

    This movie was the shit, y&#39;all. I loved it! It played just like an episode of "Miami Vice" the TV show - right on down to the elongated synthesizers. The only thing missing was Glenn Frey and a bunch of fuck-up supporting characters. Yeah, there&#39;s only about 3 action scenes in the whole thing (just like the show) but caps most definitely get peeled in clever and imaginitive ways! In the end, it&#39;s definitely a movie for grown folks (ages 25 & under - don&#39;t even bother. See Pirates 2 for the 50th time instead). For the rest of us, sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.

  • July 30, 2006, 7:47 a.m. CST

    Two ways to skin a cat

    by staticneuron

    I cannot describe how awesome and refreshing that movie is. I even like the simplistic story. The emotions asked from the audience seem genuine instead of conned. Great movie.

  • July 30, 2006, 1:16 p.m. CST

    responding to the naysayers

    by BilboFett

    do you chalk up Scott

  • July 30, 2006, 9:19 p.m. CST


    by Darth Pestilence

    AND I&#39;M OK!

  • July 30, 2006, 10:36 p.m. CST

    Not a Typical Summer Movie

    by Wcwlkr

    This was a really good movie, Michael Mann continues to make great movies. Massawyrm was right when saying this isn&#39;t your typical summer action movie and that&#39;s what made it so good. And to the people like it wasn&#39;t anything like the tv show shut the hell up! Of course it wasn&#39;t like the tv show it was being based in today&#39;s world so trying to have it like a tv show from the 80s just would have been stupid. This movie was great and when there was those moments of violence it was like WTF! And I loved it.

  • July 30, 2006, 10:40 p.m. CST

    i&#39;d blow colin farrell

    by occula

    but, then, i&#39;m kinda slutty, so. i enjoyed the film. i definitely dig michael mann, so it had that whole thing going for it, but what i was rather bummed about was how yoko ono the whole gong li thing was. BO-RING! she looked all haggard and had no real character. in fact my re-imagining of her last scene is the guy driving the boat comes over to her and plants a bullet in the back of her head. now, that would have been tight.