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AICN COMICS REVIEWS JLA! INDIE JONES! TALES FROM THE CREVICE: FROM HELL! AND MUCH MORE!!

Published at:  Jul 26, 2006 12:23:58 PM CDT








#12




7/19/06

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#5







The Pull List
(Click title to go directly to the review)





JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA #0

MARVEL ADVENTURES: THE AVENGERS #1-3

UNCLE SAM AND THE FREEDOM FIGHTERS #1

GHOST RIDER: ROAD TO DAMNATION HC TPB

Big Eyes For the Cape Guy presents USAGI YOJIMBO V. 20: GLIMPSES OF DEATH

Indie Jones presents EMILY EDISON TPB

Indie Jones presents HYPER-ACTIVES #3

Indie Jones presents…

CHEAP SHOTS!

Tales From the Crevice: It Came From the 90’s FROM HELL











JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA #0


Writer: Brad Meltzer

Artists: "All-Star Cast of Artists”

Publisher: DC Comics

Reviewer: Prof. Challenger


You know? I harbor a real mad-on at Brad Meltzer.



He's obviously an excellent and accomplished author, but that doesn't always translate into an aptitude for comic book writing. My first exposure to his comic book work was the first issue of IDENTITY CRISIS, which I thought was the best written comic I had read that year - an outstanding examination of the mind of the third-stringer superhero in a world inhabited by demigods. And I pimped the thing to anyone who would listen.



Then issue two hit the stands.



In the span of two issues, the guy went from "Wow!" to "Ugh!" That second issue reeked of massive out-of-character words and actions from well-established characters and, regardless of the spin Dan Didio puts on it publicly, the worst of prurient shock value with an on-panel rape in a comic sporting Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman on the cover. And the ramifications from that short-sighted editorial self-indulgence are continuing to limp towards redemption as other writers keep making efforts to sweep up the shit with nothing but a sieve. Nothing pisses me off about a writer as much as when they build up my expectations and then don't live up to those expectations.



So…when I heap praises on JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA #0, know all that in the forefront of my mind is my past experience with IDENTITY CRISIS and an uneasiness about how much I can trust Meltzer to continue this most positive approach in the next and following issues.



As opposed to the disjointed artistic stylings of the last issue of INFINITE CRISIS, this comic boasts a whopping 23 different artists and never once felt disjointed! It can be done. Now, what made it work so well was - well, besides the fact that every artist gave their "A" game, was the format that Meltzer chose to tell this prologue for his new series. Flip-flopping back and forth through time to give the readers glimpses into the JLA's past, present, and future he accomplishes everything a reader, and DC, could hope for in a "Zero Issue." He established quite clearly who and what the Justice League is. He acknowledged the rich history of the Justice League. He teased the reader with previews of stories that may or may not be told in the future. Chief among the teases was the discovery of a "second Earth" vibrating at different speed than their Earth. Say what? And in a nod to the SUPER FRIENDS' "Hall of Justice," this newest incarnation of the JLA will be meeting in "The Hall."



From my perspective, the best thing that Meltzer has done is embrace the Silver Age relationships of Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman but filtered through the deeper and more complicated characterization style of modern comic book writing. On the first page, Meltzer establishes once again the camaraderie between Superman and Batman that really hasn't been seen as a part of continuity since probably 1980. But even then, Meltzer adds that extra level of intensity and contemplation to Batman that developed well after the original JLA series began.



Meltzer also wisely pushes Wonder Woman to the forefront of the DC Universe by once again reestablishing her as being in on the founding of the Justice League of America. She's there when they fought those aliens that turned our heroes into trees. And now, both Superman and Batman have called her into the Batcave to establish the Justice League.



Besides the loss of Earth-2, the deepest loss to the DC Universe after the CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS was the destruction of the relationship between these three characters. Superman and Batman suddenly were not friends and never had been. Wonder Woman suddenly disappeared retroactively from continuity and was a heroine who did not even appear for the first time until after the CRISIS. The retroactive destruction of the friendship between these three headline characters, I think, just filtered down through the entire line pushing towards a progressive deconstructionism that culminated in INFINITE CRISIS. At this point, I'm first to stand up and give props to Meltzer for recognizing this and using his "political capital" to get DC Editorial to go along with his plan. This is a really good first step to fixing the past and moving forward with a clearer vision of these characters.



Within the modern context, Meltzer nails the characters here. Even when he's jumping around through different periods of time, he is consistent with the characterizations of each respective time period even if he is approaching it from a perspective perhaps unthinkable at the time of the originals. For Meltzer, the JLA is really about these three characters. They are the consistency. They are the glue that holds the team together. I was afraid he was going to go all "Illuminati" on us with this series, presenting this "Trinity" as some secret tribunal pulling puppet strings throughout the DC Universe. Color me happy right now that it looks like, instead, the three recognize the need for a group that can tackle the threats that are truly too big for a single hero to handle - even Superman.



DC is keeping the final lineup of Meltzer's JLA close to the vest, so that when the last page follows a grand DC tradition of tossing out a bunch of photos of heroes to choose from, our three founders' choices will not be known until issue one.



In an interview, Meltzer said his JLA will be an "all ages" accessible book. Glad to hear it. Keep up the promise of this prologue and his JLA series could become one of the definitive JLA runs.














MARVEL ADVENTURES: THE AVENGERS #1-3


Writer: Jeff Parker

Artists: Manuel Garcia and Scott Koblish

Publisher: Marvel Comics

Reviewer: Dan Grendell


"AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!"



"If assemble mean smash... then Hulk assemble!"



I sat down to read MA: AVENGERS because a friend recommended it to me, and, honestly, because I figured if it was for kids it wouldn't be all talky and crappy like NEW AVENGERS. After just one issue, I had to have more. It was like I was mainlining fun. Kids get Avengers comics like this, and we get whole issues of NEW AVENGERS where the Avengers barely appear? Man, there ain't no justice. Well, screw that. I'm taking this comic for the adults, kiddies, cuz we NEED a good Avengers, and you can't stop me. Oh, stop crying. You can still read it.



The team is a bit weird. You have icons like Cap and Iron Man, but then you get guys like the Hulk. Okay, he was an original Avenger. Giant-Girl? She's a Young Avenger, so that sorta works. Wolverine and Spider-Man? New Avengers, so sure. Storm? Wait, what? Okay, I'm guessing she's just in there because she's black and popular, but it really doesn't make any sense. You know what, though? It works. The team actually works. Wolverine is the subdued, likes-to-scrap-but-not-a-jerk guy I prefer him as, so he fits fine as long as Cap and Storm keep him in line. Hulk is smart-Banner-dumb-Hulk-who-trusts-his-friends, so he works. And this isn't angst-filled Spidey, it's fun Spidey.



The comic doesn't spend six issues explaining why they are the Avengers - it doesn't spend six issues doing ANYTHING. Welcome back to one issue story land. Smell that? That's the sweet air of compressed storytelling. Issue one, Ultron robots go wild and get taken down. Issue two, the Leader and the Abomination take on the Hulk and get taken down. Issue three, Baron Zemo kidnaps Captain America and gets taken down. All with fun banter, clever power use, everyone staying in character, classic moments of friendship, the whole shebang. THIS is the Avengers I've been missing. I don't know where Jeff Parker came from, but he deserves a medal.



Garcia and Koblish draw some mighty fine lines along the way, too - their art is another major factor in the success of the comic. There isn't anything new or amazing about their styles - it is just quality art, done well, and that is exactly what a book like this needs. Iconic superheroics, done beautifully. The anatomy is correct, the movements fluid, the hits powerful, postures right. Nothing fancy, just all the basics done well, and that's harder than it sounds.



MA: AVENGERS has gone basically unnoticed, next to NEW AVENGERS, and that's a damn shame. This is some classic, old-school superheroin'.














UNCLE SAM & THE FREEDOM FIGHTERS #1


Writers: Jimmy Palmiotti & Justin Grey

Artist: Daniel Acuna

Publisher: DC Comics

Reviewer: Ambush Bug


I really hate it that I have to give a freakin' mile-long recap of events that happened more than a year ago every time I review a DC Comic these days. A while back, I really admired DC for having an interconnected universe. Events that happened resonated and crossed over into other books with ease, but each comic had its own identity--its own story. It was nice to know that these amazing characters shared the same universe and things happening in one book would not be quickly forgotten once creative teams switch or the big event dies down. But lately, DC has been so interconnected that I can see why people who haven't been following DC's ongoing 2-plus year crossover would get a bad taste in their mouths when asked to take a look at a new DC book. Nowadays, these stories are so interconnected that if Aquaman lets loose a smattering of fart bubbles in the South Pacific, it's addressed in ACTION COMICS where Superman smells it and makes the gas face whilst jettisoning over Metropolis.



But *sigh* if a recap is in order, let the recapping begin.



UNCLE SAM & THE FREEDOM FIGHTERS is a series sprung from the recent BRAVE NEW WORLD ONE SHOT and is a direct result of the slaughter of the former Freedom Fighters in the first issue of INFINITE CRISIS. In that issue, ol' Sam and Co. were handed their @$$es by the Society. And although I felt that the former team were handled kind of poorly (and @$$handedly quickly for that matter) in that issue, I was excited in hopes that this all-too-brief spotlight would somehow pave the way for readers to rediscover how cool the Freedom Fighters really are.



The INFINITE CRISIS spinoff THE BATTLE FOR BLUDHAVEN was the next time an incarnation of the Freedom Fighters showed up. They were working for one of those S.H.I.E.L.D.-like secret government organizations, this time called S.H.A.D.E. It stands for something, but I really don't care. It was nice to see these characters reintroduced in this miniseries. Some of them had new designs. Some were new characters entirely. But THE BATTLE FOR BLUDHAVEN miniseries seemed overcrowded to me (with its cast of Freedom Fighters, Teen Titans, Green lanterns, Atomic Knights, the Nuclear Family, Monolith, and Captain Atom) and a perplexing way to introduce a new team of heroes. Tidbits and details about the Freedom Fighters were peppered about and they had some of the coolest moments of the series, but no real resolution came to pass in the end, kind of making it a pointless endeavor



So here we are three paragraphs into this review, and we still haven't talked about the actual first issue of UNCLE SAM & THE FREEDOM FIGHTERS. It actually wasn't a bad one. The book starts out with a nice helping of thrills with two interconnected action scenes happening simultaneously. Firebrand crashes a presidential rally, while the Freedom Fighters take out a family of mobsters. Soon, we are treated to a series of vignettes focusing on three of the members of the team: The Ray, Dollman, and Phantom Lady. And I have to say that these three vignettes are the reasons I am going to return to this title for issue two. Each character is well thought out and not only has a unique power and look, but a fully fleshed out character.



Stan Silver AKA the Ray , who, after some research, I've come to find is an all new character and no relation to past Ray incarnations. He's a showoff with the power to become a living being of light and, despite the fact that he seems pretty gloomy, he seems to have the world at his feet. This is probably the least fleshed out character of the trio introduced so far, so I don't have any real thoughts on the character other than the fact that his costume design is very Alex Ross/KINGDOM COME-ish. And that ain't necessarily a bad thing. No shadow faces or Michael Jackson jackets on this Ray, he's more of a walking spotlight than anything else with cool goggled bug eyes and a helmet with a tail fin.



Lester Colt AKA Dollman has a line of action figures named after him and is a highly honored military soldier. He seems to be one of those tormented characters, a man with a big heart trapped in a tiny body. I think I liked this character most of all, not because of his uninspired SMALL SOLDIERS-like costume, but because the details of his life (specifically that of longing for a female scientist who makes his tiny weaponry) are so tragic and the character seems to be a truly good person just following orders and on the cusp of questioning those orders.



Finally, Stormy Knight is the newest hottie to don a Phantom Lady costume. Gone is the dental floss costume of old, but that doesn't mean that the sweet hotness has left the building. Phantom Lady has always been one of the hotter female characters in comics, and the costume design of this incarnation continues that trend. Although I loathe the real-life character, Stormy Knight is Paris Hilton if she was George Bush's daughter. She's the daughter of a Presidential hopeful who drinks and parties way too much and occasionally, in between hangovers, puts on a costume to fight evil. This party girl super hero is kind of welcome among the squeaky cleaners that represent most of the other DC heroine contingent.



We don't really get much insight on the last member of the Freedom Fighters team, the Human Bomb, other than the fact that his name is Andy Franklin (who is not Damage as I first suspected) and his teammates fear him because he has a tendency to blow shit up. I love the new (and old, for that matter) design of the Human Bomb and look forward to finding out more about the character underneath that radiation suit.



I think what appeals to me the most about these characters is the potential they have for some powerful political stories. With the Freedom Fighters representing conservative subjects such as the military (Dollman), nuclear arms (Human Bomb), and excess (Phantom Lady and the Ray), seemingly on a crash course with characters with a more liberal bent (the protesting Firebrand and his mentor, the government-challenging Uncle Sam), them's the makings for a pretty interesting political allegory.



Writers Jimmy Palmiotti and Justin Grey are responsible for the continuously great JONAH HEX. They've proven themselves to be capable in the action department and handle the opening action sequence with skill, but tackling politics is often a tougher thing to do. Hopefully, they won't come off as preachy in this series, leaning either to the left or the right, and marring what really could be an interesting concept about a team of heroes representing aspects of both parties working together for a common goal towards a greater good. This is one of those instances where I'm rooting for a book to take the high road, but if they fail to deliver, expect a follow-up review down the line slamming the book for a missed opportunity.



So far, though, I'm hooked on this book because I like the characters introduced (or reintroduced). The images are slick and Daniel Acuna does a great job of making this book look distinct from others on the racks from its propaganda-like cover design to the light ink work and high tonal qualities of his panels--all of which are highlighted by Javi Montes' vivid yet, soothing colors.



This is an issue that visually leaps off of the shelves and catches the eye. It was the distinct look of the characters that attracted me to the FREEDOM FIGHTERS many years ago. They just seemed like this really cool looking group of heroes. I didn't think about what they represented or what kind of political agenda they stood for. But now, I've grown up and come to expect a bit more. This is an eight issue series and I plan on sticking with it to see how it develops. Issue one introduces us to some key players and gets the ball rolling by establishing a bad guy within and a coming of a hero. Uncle Sam doesn't really appear. He's more of a presence. The Freedom Fighters are assigned to bring him in, Firebrand is speaking for him, and Father Time (the series' villain) wants him destroyed. The hastened taste of this series in BRAVE NEW WORLD didn't really do it justice. Those of you interested in political espionage thriller type stories with a super hero flavor may be interested. It's not as sophisticated as CHECKMATE (DC's other espionage book), but it has some potentially good plot threads spun in this first issue. Compared to the rest of the stuff spawned from BRAVE NEW WORLD, this is definitely the property I am the most interested in. Maybe it's the creative costumes. Maybe it's the detailed characterization. Or maybe it's the potential this comic may have that intrigues me about this miniseries. Either way, my interest is piqued and I'll be sticking around to see if the rest of this series is as good as the first issue.













GHOST RIDER: ROAD TO DAMNATION HC TPB


Writer: Garth Ennis

Artist: Clayton Crain

Publisher: Marvel Comics

Reviewer: Baytor


Garth Ennis doesn’t get Ghost Rider.



I don’t say this as some spurned fanboy who’s upset that someone has come along and made changes to a childhood favorite. Apart from a few issues of Johnny Blaze’s early 90s GHOST RIDER spin-off, I have almost no knowledge of the character and I don’t view this as any sort of tragedy. I would welcome any change that made the character the slightest bit interesting to me, because I’m selfish that way.



No, when I say Ennis doesn’t get Ghost Rider, I mean on a fundamental level. He doesn’t understand who his lead character is and has constructed a plot that doesn’t force him to figure it out. All you need to know about Johnny Blaze in this story is that he isn’t terribly bright and that he’s a bit stupid, too. This is underscored in the first chapter in which his name and origin are discussed in the most condescending manner by a couple of angels. Granted, Johnny Blaze’s origin is pretty clichéd, reading like “The Gift Of The Magi” with a fatal motorcycle accident, but there are any number of ways a writer could play up the humanity of Blaze’s ill-fated sacrifice. Instead of playing the character as a bit of a lovable loser (see HITMAN, A MAN CALLED KEV, and numerous other stories to see Ennis’ affinity for such characters), he looks upon him with total contempt and the entire story suffers for it.



This is a Garth Ennis super-hero piss-take, which is a shame, because he’s demonstrated in the past a certain affection for occult-based characters with his brief run on THE DEMON. You can tell his heart isn’t in it and he just recycles a bunch of gags from other, better stories, and doesn’t do anything particularly novel with his hatred of the costumed crowd. As disrespectful as his Punisher/Spider-Man “team-up” was, it at least had a bit of mad brilliance about it and was enjoyed by a lot of die-hard super-hero fans. With this story, I would imagine only the most casual of Ennis readers would be impressed by his antics, and any serious Ghost Rider fan will be aghast.



The big problem is that there is not a single character that grounds this story; you neither like nor hate anyone enough to care. Ennis’ knack for characterization is all but lost here. Ghost Rider is an idiot; the two angels that break him out of hell are only covering their ass; Heaven’s emissary is little more than The Saint Of Killers from PREACHER, only without a personality; and the wheelchair bound Gustav is too over-the-top e-vile to rise above the level of joke. There are some bright spots, such as Hoss, Hell’s bounty hunter who has a certain Earthy charm and is a decent sort of bloke, for a demon; Father Adam, an assassin turned preacher whose plight is not without a certain tragedy; and Gustav’s spunky secretary, who at least maintains a mildly sarcastic presence throughout the proceedings. But in the end, you don’t really care about any of them and even though the whole of creation is on the line, it’s little more than a beautifully drawn series of action sequences.



And beautifully drawn it is. While Clayton Crain’s faces have a certain wonkiness about them, you care not one whit because the vivid flames are practically roasting your fingers. It’s just a stunning book to behold, and he’s does a great job with the action sequences, too. It’s just a shame that Garth Ennis didn’t bring his A-game.
















USAGI YOJIMBO V. 20: GLIMPSES OF DEATH


Creator: Stan Sakai

Publisher: Dark Horse

Reviewer: Dan Grendell


Stan Sakai is a god among men.



For more than 20 years now, Stan Sakai has been producing tales of the rabbit samurai Usagi Yojimbo. Not once has the quality dipped. Every time one of these new collections of his stories is released, I get excited. Every single time. That is a serious indication of just how good USAGI YOJIMBO is - not only do I continue to buy it, but it continues to excite me, year after year. And this latest collection is certainly no exception.



I've often wondered what, exactly, it is about USAGI YOJIMBO that makes it so appealing. A large part of it is the humanity of the characters and the incredibly interesting ways Sakai uses the setting of (basically) feudal Japan. But is there something more, something connected perhaps to the fact that the characters are all anthropomorphic animals? Nothing is ever made of this, beyond the fact that you can sometimes (but not always) expect a character to exhibit some thematic qualities of that animal - the characters all act just like human beings in a human world. Perhaps it is that we readers are conditioned since childhood to find anthropomorphic animals more interesting than their normal human counterparts, by cartoons and theme parks, and so even in a world where nothing is made of the fact that the characters are such, it touches us subconsciously?



Regardless, Sakai's talent for storytelling with both his art and writing are well known and in full force here in his twentieth volume of Usagi stories. Don't let that scare you, by the way - each volume of USAGI YOJIMBO is just as approachable and readable as any other to new readers, something else that has always amazed me. In this volume, we get stories about ghosts, a dead man's package delivery, a lonely old woman, a bullied inventor, a Robin Hood-like thief, a revenge debt, and more. Each is told in Sakai's style of straightforward dialogue, drawn with the simple but beautiful lines that are his trademark. A wonderful addition to a classic saga, I'm already looking forward to the next one.



If you've never read any USAGI YOJIMBO, you owe it to yourself to check some out. Try this volume - it's as good a place to start as any.



Preview pages.













EMILY EDISON TPB


Writer: David Hopkins

Artist: Brock Rizy

Publisher: Viper Comics

Reviewer: Prof. Challenger


What if Veronica Mars had super-powers because her mother was really from another dimension where people have super-powers? And what if her Mom and Dad got an ugly divorce and Dad got primary custody but her evil Grandpa, Vigo, from the other dimension wanted to destroy Earth so that his little granddaughter would move back "home" with her Mom and her snobby little half-sister, Koo?



Well, that's pretty much the abstract for EMILY EDISON. Emily Edison is the actual spunky little super-powered teenager mentioned above. Take that stab to the heart that every kid from a divorced home feels and the tension from two feuding parental sides and magnify it through the hormones of a big-mouthed super-powered teenaged girl, and you have a recipe for entertaining comics. If you are a fan of wise-cracking, smart-ass teenaged girls who kick robot butt and still manage to get into pillow fight tussles while flying in the sky, then this is the book for you. There's a lot to like about Emily Edison. She's cute, but not in that sexy kind of cute, which is good since she's underage. She may be able to fly and have super-strength, but even she can't stay awake through a boring day at school or ask a boy to the dance.



The artwork is subversively charming. It's a little POWERPUFF GIRLS smooshed with SAMURAI JACK and a little of Mike Mignola going on. Brock Rizy tells a story in pictures very nicely and consistently. He gives this series a real TV cartoon feel to it that I just loved. One of the running gags through the whole thing is Brock including himself into the story. At the point where he shows up as Emily's substitute Neurology Professor (because the previous Professor had been eaten by a monster in the previous chapter), I was laughing out loud. Funny stuff.



One of the old standbys in comics is that the hero always needs to have an arch-villain. But I don't remember ever seeing the hero's Grandpa serve that function by sending things like killer robots to try and take over the Earth so that Emily will come live with him. Sicko.



David Hopkins fills this comic book with snappy dialogue and funny bits that had me giggling throughout. It's a thoroughly charming series of four stories that each stand alone but also fit together to tell a larger arc of reconciliation between Emily's estranged family members. This comic has a sweet spirit to it that is missing from so many current comic books, yet it is thoroughly modern in its style and presentation. Once again, Viper has a winner.












HYPER-ACTIVES #3


Writer: Darin Wagner

Artists: Clint Hilinski

Publisher: Alias Comics

Reviewer: Prof. Challenger


This is the cover to issue #1.

Back when I reviewed the first issue of HYPER-ACTIVES, I noted that the comic book kind of embraces the 90s IMAGE-style of comic book super-heroes - all with a good-natured wink and a nod. But, there were some flaws in the story-telling that I made note of, primarily moving too fast with the first issue. Now, here we are on the third issue and it's the best one yet. This book may not be billing itself as a satire, but I'm here to say that one thing is clear by the end of this issue - this series is a full-on satire of super-hero and comicbook fan self-indulgence. And it's hilarious.



As the issue begins, our eponymous super team is en route to the latest Superhero Convention (any chance this issue was planned from the start to be released right around the kickoff to the new comic convention season?). While there, we watch the Hyper-Actives interacting with a gazillion other obnoxious, self-absorbed, spandex and leather-clad super-heroes and a bunch of gawking fans. One of which mysteriously named Darin has this snicker-inducing encounter with one of the heroes -



SUPER-HERO: Greetings pedestrian! You wish me to sign this latest example of my adventures-in-print?

DARIN: Actually, I was hoping to get an autograph from your Golden Age self, Major.

SUPER-HERO: Oh? And why is that?

DARIN: Because your old stuff was better. Who redesigned you, anyway?

Now that's funny right there! How many times have all of us been around some numbskull @$$-brain comic fan who's irritating the hell out of a pro with that kind of nonsense? Obviously, writer Darin Wagner's been to a few comic conventions in his time, and even made himself the butt of the joke in his own comic. Self-indulgent? Sure. Funny? You bet.



Part of the fun of reading this issue is scouring Cling Hilinski's panels "Where's Waldo" style to see how many popular Marvel, DC, and Image characters he's parodying. Some of them are probably a little too close to make the copyright owners happy, but the fact that these are parody's gives the guys a good bit of rope to play with here. Especially when we get that super-powered catfight between Reactor Girl and well….blond-haired super-chick dressed in blue tights and red cape. I came away with a thought: "Hey! I think DC ought to think about adding red gloves to Supergirl's costume." Or the barely clothed obligatory hot chick from competitor team "Blood Force" bitching it up with Hyper-Actives' own Scandal. I'm still giggling over the explanation of the differences between "The Z People" and "The Ultimate Z People." Har!



There is a specific conflict that the Hyper-Actives encounter - the unfortunately named "Ultimato," the Nazi super weapon. That's a good, fun battle, but the point of this comic is all the character bits between the players at the convention and the truckload of throwaway gags throughout the entire comic.



HYPER-ACTIVES #3 is a funny and sharp comic that makes me look forward to more good stuff like this from the creative team.














ZOMBIE HIGHWAY #1

Digital Webbing


With all the zombie books out there today, a zombie comic has to have something special to stand out. ZOMBIE HIGHWAY does this in spades. I was lucky enough to get ahold of not only the first issue of the most recent ZOMBIE HIGHWAY series, but also the first trade and an issue of DIGITAL WEBBING PRESENTS which features stories with these same characters and tells the story from the beginning. First and foremost, I have to give this series credit for adding the exclamation "What the SHIT!?!?!?!" to my library of often-used phrases. There's something about this odd mismatch of expletives that really hit my funny bone. But that's not the reason you should pick up this series (although it's one of them). ZOMBIE HIGHWAY puts the fun back into the zombie genre. Too many of today's zombie books are filled with doom and gloom. They tackle the theme of death seriously. ZOMBIE HIGHWAY surely doesn't. This book is more of an action filled romp of a zombie book than deadpan gloomy takes like WALKING DEAD and DEADWORLD. The four stars of this book are making the best of the zombie apocalypse. They're four bagmen, assigned to pick up the Necronomicon, but one of them decides he needs some easy reading whilst dumping and...well...bring on the zombie apocalypse. Now our four heroes have the book and have zombies, demons, and madmen after them for it. It's just four idiots, bounding through masses of zombies, demon incantations, and knife wielding psycho-daddies with undead offspring. The trade features an awesomely choreographed fight (very Jackie Chan-like in execution) as one of the bagmen, Kuji, fights psycho dad by using a pair of handguns as defense against psycho dad's blades. Not a shot is fired, but an odd type of swordfight ensues and it's surprisingly easy to follow--a true accomplishment by artist Roberto Viacava. ZOMBIE HIGHWAY is a thrill-ride of a zombie book and a refreshing take on an already overcrowded zombie genre. - Ambush Bug




CONTINUITY OGN

AiT/Planet Lar


This is one creepy book. I don't know if it's the black and white format (B&W books always convey the creepiness better than color in my opinion...I think it has to do with leaving it up to the reader's imagination to add hues and colors). Or maybe it's the all-too real futuristic society depicted in the pages. Or maybe it's the sad and gaunt look of the "hero" of this book. I'm not sure, but an overwhelming sense of dread and horror filled me as I read this story. This book is disturbing and harsh...in a good way! Focusing on a young girl who believes that when she dreams, those dreams become reality when she wakes up, makes the reader feel the anxiety and torment this power has on the main character. What starts out as a school-girl fantasy of a beautiful night with the school stud she's crushing on, ends up a whacked out nightmare involving homeless revolutionaries fighting a government police force that enforce a society that has become reliant on pills to stay awake, beautiful, and powerful. This story really does hit you on many levels. It holds a warped but not too distorted mirror to today's society and hot topics like the homeless, the pharmaceutical industry, law enforcement, teen pregnancy, and the steady decline of social interactions in the world. It's Orwellian in scope, but the fact that the main character is a drugged up and possibly delusional pregnant teen grounds this tragedy with an all too recognizable anchor. The inclusion of a character named Sleazy E (could it be a relative of our own @$$hole reviewer and G4 Golden Boy Sleazy G?) was chuckle inducing to say the least. By Jason McNamara and Tony Yalbert, CONTINUITY is a book that is not easily forgotten. - Ambush Bug




Remember, if you have an Indie book you’d like one of the @$$holes to take a look at, click on your favorite reviewer’s link and drop us an email.
















CHECKMATE #4

DC Comics


Alrighty! Now we're moving a bit! I've been waiting for this book to show me all the potential I saw in the pitch for it and the creative crew involved, and now that we've had a few issues to flesh out the cast and premise I can officially give this comic my endorsement. At first I was kind of scared because I was expecting big things and yet the first issues didn't blow me away. It felt too much like I was coming in on the middle of a spy thriller movie and couldn't tell who's who and what's what. But now the plots are streamlining and I'm feeling the characters and their roles more. And this book has been pushing a great level of intrigue. Between the politics involved behind Checkmate's international sanctioning, the renewed threat of Kobra, the creation of rogue meta-humans, the fractioning off of the respective black and white "houses" of Checkmate, and Amanda Waller being just a bitch and hard ass in general, this is some great stuff. I think it's going to be a treat to watch all of these plot threads develop with plenty of twists and turns to keep the suspense going. And with the impending return of the Suicide Squad, I'm really glad I kept on this book. I'd highly endorse giving it a shot in trade whenever the first volume happens to appear. - Humphrey Lee











CONAN #30

Dark Horse Comics


I have to admit I’m worried about this title now that Kurt Busiek is leaving. Busiek did such a fine job of adapting Conan’s original tales with painstaking accuracy, incorporating logical bridges between the gaps in the original stories and detailing Robert E. Howard’s words elegantly and honorably. For the last two issues, writer Mike Mignola has filled in on the writing chores as Conan enters a temple guarded by toads and other slimy creatures in search of a treasure. Inside, he finds something much more horrifying. With Busiek on this title, this was always a writer’s book—a book that twisted phrases and words in ways only one that was extremely skilled with writing could do. With this pair of issues (issues #29 and 30) you can tell that this is not a story from a writer, but of an artist. For the first time in an issue of CONAN, it was the visuals and not the words that took me aback and inspired awe. There are some truly jaw-droppingly good panels in this issue by Cary Nord. Nord has always been with this title, but it wasn’t until this issue that his work stood out as so creative and original. I’m sure Mignola had a lot to do with the conception of these panels being that they resemble a lot of his own work on HELLBOY, but Nord retains his unique style throughout. This is a different CONAN tale in the sense that it’s the art and the visuals and not the story that are the true standouts. It’s a noticeable difference. Not a bad one. But definitely noticeable. - Bug













CABLE & DEADPOOL #30

Marvel Comics


Y'know what's kinda sad? And no, it's not that scene in Bambi where his mother gets shot (I kinda chuckle at that actually), but what's sad is that right here in CABLE & DEADPOOL, a typically entertaining "funny book", I think I found a better explanation and fleshing out of the motivations of the main parties involved in the CIVIL WAR mega-event then I did in the actual issue of CIVIL WAR that came out this past week. Cable's debate with Captain America in this issue gives the whole event a new perspective. Cable brings up the future of the world not only now because of registration, but what the whole idea of it can degenerate into even decades down the road now that the superheroes are on a sort of government leash. It's a very solid argument and definitely anchors the event more down in the political realm now that the main book has seemingly anchored itself to the "superheroes beat each other down" realm. Oh, and this issue Deadpool fights the Great Lakes Champions and Daredevil. Hilarity ensues. This was a particularly stellar issue by a somewhat glanced over title. - Humphrey











BATWOMAN...I mean, 52 - WEEK 11

DC Comics


When you have the public on alert in regards to your upcoming high-profile "lipstick lesbian" debut, you're going to have to dedicate the whole issue to her. And though that was pretty much the case here with 75% of the main story pre-empted for Batwoman, 52 is billed as an ensemble book. As a non-bandwagon-jumping reader, I felt a little cheated. Though we get a tad more "Ralph Dibny and the Clone's Cultists" and the barest exploration into Intergang and the scientist kidnappers, I needs my variety. Where's my Black Adam and Booster Gold and no-color-specified space-lost heroes and... ok, I can do without Steel. What I received was more pose-striking than an '80's Madonna video. At least the book addresses its own preposterous posturing; check out the basketball player on page 6. I definitely missed my conspiracy fix by losing out to flexible-gal. There is some good news as the snooze-tastic "History of the DCU" is over, revealing that there's another SPOILER XtXiXmXeXlXiXnXeX SPOILER. Expect two more pages added to future storylines, sacrificing the remaining two to potentially riveting Mark Waid-written DC Character origins--emphasis on “potentially”. C'mon Waid, I'm pulling for you. I have fond memories of THE CRUCIBLE. - Squashua











RUNAWAYS #18

Marvel Comics


A Runaway dies, we get a new Runaway on the team, and another Runaway, uh, runs away. Basically the shit has done hit the fan. I can honestly say the death at hand wasn't really surprising, though it makes things complicated when you hold it up to events that have occurred in this volume of this series earlier. But it really is probably the death that would/will have the most impact on the story, as the end of this issue alludes to. Things are going to get very tricky from here on out as our stray Runaway is definitely going to be on a very dangerous personal mission. This was another very well done issue by Vaughan and Alphona and was very emotionally draining as the team is about as put through the wringer as they could be. It should be very interesting to see how the kids recover from all this and just exactly where Vaughan is going with the cliffhanger he left us on this time. - Humphrey












AQUAMAN: SWORD OF ATLANTIS #43

THE FLASH: FASTEST MAN ALIVE #2

DC Comics


I try to stay away from the “this rulez” v. “that sucked” style of reviewing. I like to think that my arguments for or against a book tend to be pretty detailed and well supported, but…man…



Man…these two titles suck! They don’t even suck, really. They’re just so bland that they evoke not one emotion from me. Aquaman isn’t the Aquaman that we grew up with. He’s an angst-ridden kid who looks like Aquaman and has Aquaman’s powers. The Flash isn’t the Flash we grew up with. He’s an angst-ridden Impulse who looks like the Flash and has the Flash’s powers. Both spend a bunch of time kvetching about how they’ll never be able to live up to the legacy or that they don’t want to follow in their predecessor’s footsteps. Both do it with as much excitement as one gets while reading the instructions on a tube of toothpaste. I think the idea that the mantle of the Flash is like a torch passed from one runner to the next is a good one. I understand that writer Kurt Busiek is trying something new with Aquaman, a character who has floundered in creativity and sales for longer than I can remember. I also understand that not every reboot can be a hit and that these two attempts at something new were worth a shot, but somewhere between concept and execution, all the energy was sapped. The pluses: Butch Guice’s artwork on AQUAMAN is gritty and cool, although I don’t really like the goofy way he draws King Shark. And I like the idea that Bart Allen is now the new Flash, continuing with the legacy vibe. The execution, though, just plain sucks, any way you slice it. I love the characters, but I can’t wait for the next reboot of these characters because this time around has failed on almost all counts. - Bug

















It Came From The 90’s

By
Vroom Socko


If ever there was a comic that exemplified the sheer quality of comic storytelling in the 1990’s, this week’s selection is it. Published initially in the short lived Taboo, then by the late, great Kitchen Sink Press and Top Shelf, the book created by Alan Moore and Eddie Campbell that we mere mortals call FROM HELL is a shining case against the detractors of 90’s comics. Hell, it’s one of the best comics ever printed, no matter what decade.



Before I go any further, I have to make mention of the movie. Fuck the movie. It treats this story like a “whodunit,” when what makes the story as told by Moore so fascinating is the fact that it’s a “whydunit.” And that why it is so much more fascinating than anything you find in watching a stoned Johnny Depp chasing Jack The Ripper around London.




Moore has done his homework here. The annotations in the book’s appendix that detail his research are just as fascinating to read as the fiction he creates around it--and what a fiction it is. The themes that fill Moore’s earlier work (conspiracy, madness, and the idea of one man changing his entire world) come head to head with his more recent fascinations with mysticism, magic and the nature of reality. His William Gull is more than just a murderer with an agenda, but a sort of wizard using blood sacrifice and ritual to safeguard the past while ushering in the future.



Yes, the identity of the Ripper is known here from the outset, with Moore using his annotations to make a decent case for this being the actual identity of the killer who stalked Whitechapel in the fall of 1888. (Of course, he admits in the final section that it’s impossible to prove any of this, and that for all he knows, the Ripper might have been Walter Sickert, Lord Salisbury, the Elephant Man, or the Dread Lord Xenu.) What matters to Moore more than any name guessing or theorizing are the ideas of time and location that the Ripper story can serve to illustrate. The whole notion of a royal conspiracy or the investigation led by Inspector Abberline are not nearly as important to the story as the short section involving Gull and his friend James Hinton discussing the architecture of Nicolas Hawksmoor and the nature of time.



That brief section resonates throughout the whole of FROM HELL. The concluding section and the visions that Gull has during the final murder are the most elaborate narratively, and striking visually, but the moments that tend to stick with me come much earlier. The first is the opening to chapter two, which begins on black with dialogue that appears prominently later in the chapter, leading to the reveal of a young Gull riding a barge through a tunnel alongside his father. It’s the simplest of things, but these three pages have Moore and Campbell proving that it’s deceptively simple.



The second moment is the whole of chapter four, where Gull and his driver/accomplice Netly tour the streets of London. Much mystic significance is made of the major landmarks and sights they visit, with another particular emphasis on the work of Hawksmoor. This particular section also holds value to me for an external reason. The very first inter-@$$hole email (that I’m aware of) was a debate/discussion of this chapter between the ever esteemed Dave F and myself back in January of 2000. When I think of the start of this little madhouse, I think of this book.



This is not to say that the rest of the book has no similar hold over me. The final killing is, thanks to Eddie Campbell, one of the most horrific things I’ve seen in any comic book, ever. Somehow they’re even more frightening than the real thing. I’ve seen the photograph taken of the remains of Mary Kelly, and it’s truly a disturbing sight. But it’s even more shocking here, if for no other reason Campbell has placed this gruesomeness into a context that not only features the mutilation taking place, but the face of the victim alive. That the events shown here are based on highly researched fact makes them all the viler. Do not eat while reading this book.



This grimness makes it easier to see why Moore’s later work (TOM STRONG, TOP TEN, etc.) have had an air of whimsy and joy to them. If you’d spent years thinking about the Ripper murders, you’d want to kick back and have fun too. This is not to say that those books aren’t important; I think they are. But FROM HELL might be Moore’s most important work. It illustrates just how Springheel Jack managed to change the world; how we perceive it, and how we interact with it. It makes an almost psychic link between that place and time and the years and events that followed. Public fascination with these murders certainly hasn’t abated in nearly a hundred and twenty years. But then, Buzz is the mystic expert around here, not me. I’ll leave it to him in the Talkbacks to explain the significance of the Whitechapel murders commencing at the same time as the conception of Adolf Hitler.



This book, much like the events it details, is a product of its time. That time is the 90’s, and you won’t believe just how good comics actually were back then.



Note: If you absolutely must watch a movie version, I suggest you track down the BBC version called, cleverly enough, JACK THE RIPPER. It stars Michael Caine as Abberline, with supporting performances by Jane Seymour and Armand Assante. Also, for more factual information, Casebook.org is the web authority on all things Jack.



QUESTION FOR DISCUSSION

What is the most disturbing moment you’ve seen in a comic?










    + Expand All

    Readers Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 12:32:19 PM CDT

    FIRST

    by squashua

    YO BABY YO!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 12:36:07 PM CDT

    TOO SOON

    by plantpage55

    well...first was already taken

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 12:45:33 PM CDT

    Tales From The Crevice?

    by sean38

    Since when did AICN start reviewing porn?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 12:46:42 PM CDT

    First?

    by los_urizen

    Hot diggity

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 12:50:28 PM CDT

    AARRGGHH!!!!

    by chrth

    No new NextWave until 8/9?!?! DAMN YOU TO HELL MARVEL!!!!!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 12:51:06 PM CDT

    Wow, so wrong

    by los_urizen

  • Jul 26, 2006 12:51:52 PM CDT

    Freedom Fighters

    by renonevada2000

    FREEDOM FIGHTERS is as good as BATTLE FOR BLUDHAVEN was bad. I can think of no better endorsement.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 12:53:12 PM CDT

    No Civil War #3

    by algertmopper

    No Civil War #3? Was the charecters written so bad you had spew projectile vomit just to ease the pain of it?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 12:58:44 PM CDT

    No AlgertMopper

    by nairb the movie

    They were all just so warn out by trying to wrap their mids around the Neo-DC continuity, they just didn't have time to review the awesomely good Civil War 3

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 12:59:19 PM CDT

    How exactly did FROM HELL fall through the cracks?

    by fiester

    I mean, yeah, nobody noticed that high-profile Alan Moore property that was made into a major motion picture, right?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 1:00:58 PM CDT

    Hey!

    by underscore_only

    From Hell wasn't that bad of a movie. Well . . . I liked it.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 1:01:57 PM CDT

    I just spent $75 on comics

    by engineer_at_peac

    And they were almost ALL from this week. I think I'm beyond the line, buying too much. Included in the $75 was "I can't Believe it's not the Justice League" trade, The Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck graphic novel, and a new storage box, and a pack of boards, but still, that leaves like... $45 or something in new comics that came out this week that I bought. I'm beyond the fucking pale. Fucking civil war is doing this to me.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 1:08:41 PM CDT

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY HEATHEN!!

    by psynapse

    BOW BITCHES!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 1:10:40 PM CDT

    Most disturbing hey....

    by digitaldong

    the end of Battle Royale v1. I can almost feel that pain.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 1:15:39 PM CDT

    Engineer_at_peac

    by beastie

    I know what you mean. I don't even read any superhero comics, and I can easily spend that amount in a week. Also, about 'From Hell' the movie, I think it was a great film, that should not be compared to the comic book. If you take it as it's own entity, without paying any attention to the source material, it is phenomenal.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 1:16:16 PM CDT

    The girl told me Conan #30 didn't come out last week

    by rev_skarekroe

    Stupid girl. That's what I get for going to a different funnybook shop.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 1:29:26 PM CDT

    Hey Captain

    by darth kal-el

    Happy Birthday you hot wife having bastard you!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 2:17:27 PM CDT

    happy birthday indeed

    by blackthought

    i aslo agree with the hot wife sentiments as well.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 2:34:05 PM CDT

    I can't stop staring at that She-hulk, by the way

    by engineer_at_peac

  • Jul 26, 2006 2:35:16 PM CDT

    Jack the Ripper mini-series

    by wormie

    I remember watching the Jack the Ripper mini-series with Michael Caine in the late 80s. It wasn't made by the BBC, it was on ITV. Not all British TV is made by the BBC, so there!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 2:45:22 PM CDT

    More on Jeff Parker . . .

    by pmonkeyreclaimed

    If you do enjoy Jeff Parker (I'm not sure where he came from either) then check out this interview with him. Apparently he's doing new stories of the original X-Men called X-Men:First Class. Hmmmm. Might be good . . . might blow sack. Check it out here: http://www.comicon.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=36;t=005198

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 2:53:23 PM CDT

    FROM HELL gave me nightmares...

    by superhero

    Still haven't finished reading it to this day...it's true...

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 3:17:57 PM CDT

    To be fair Prof. Challenger...

    by nofate

    issue #2 of ID Crisis did not have either Superman, Batman or Wonderwoman on the cover, where the rape scene actually was shown. But you're right, from Countdown to Infinite Crisis, to the minis, to the actual Crisis, to the current 52 series, all was a direct result of this issue. Now, as the @$$holes and cogs that I've gotten into arguments with know, I'm not a DC fan by any strech, so my opinion is biased but, to me, all the press DC seems to get is from big events or story lines. Death of Superman, broken Batman, Green Lantern going bat shit crazy. There is nothing this company is putting out right now that makes me rush to go and buy it.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 3:24:30 PM CDT

    and beastie...

    by nofate

    how can you suggest that you watch From Hell without paying any attention to the source material when the source material was the reason the movie got made?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 3:48:42 PM CDT

    THANKS GENTS!!!

    by the heathen

    The hot wife thanks you as well! She threw me a surprise party this past weekend. I'll email pics soon. I'm off to dinner. Thanks again and great reviews @$$holes. Later!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 3:51:59 PM CDT

    Civil War reactions

    by xsi kal

    I am actually enjoying Civil War so far, but I have to wonder if Marvel understood how dividing the universe up like this might impact existing series. For example, I am so annoyed and pissed off with Iron Man, Reed Richards and Spider Man for their roles as the government's bitches that I don't really see a need to read their standard series anymore. Screw 'em. I kinda think this sort of character assassination was NOT what Marvel had in mind, but good luck in convincing me to care about these tools again.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 3:54:35 PM CDT

    Palmiotti/Gray

    by homer sexual

    I picked up Freedom Fighters because of Palmiotti/Grey, the writers of my current favorite, Daughters of the Dragon. The Comic Shop Guy, when I told him this, said DotD was his favorite also, despite having no buzz, but that it would become retroactively hot when the new Heroes for Hire debuts. Daughters of the Dragon has sexy, but not sexist art and strong female leads in a somewhat Tarantino-esque style and storyline. Not "funny" like Can't Believe It's Not Justice League, but plenty of humor, action, sexiness, sympathetic characters and fresh treatments of old characters. A fun read that doesn't insult or offend my sensibilities, done in top quality. Highest recommendation from me. Colleen and Misty have never been written so well, and Misty's hips--never seen the like on a comic heroine before! I spent $65 last week, $20 on Gilbert Hernandez' sloth hardcover, and while I liked a lot of them, and hated the stolid, boring and retro Justice League 0, Runaways and Daughters of the Dragon were the 2 best. Lesbian Batwoman is just so-so, her character isn't very interesting at this point and I hate heroines in heels.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 4:04:55 PM CDT

    DotD

    by algertmopper

    DotD was fucking terrible phoned in shit

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 4:12:33 PM CDT

    I really like Batwoman's costume

    by engineer_at_peac

    And I appear to be the only one, but I think it looks great. The only thing that really made me angry in that issue was how useless the question was. If he can't take out these guys there's no way some rookie Batwoman can do it. The Question kicks all manner of ass.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 4:36:47 PM CDT

    Ah fuck you all

    by el vale

    I'd just posted something on the other talkback.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 4:37:47 PM CDT

    Have at it then

    by el vale

    I'm using this thing called DCP now which is like a bunch of guys with too much time scanning about as many comics as they can, each week, as they're released. So hey it's like Vale's into monthly comics all over again or something! Anyway yeah it's like a big file with the week's comics and you can choose which ones you DL and which ones you don't. Like going to the comic book store only free (Ahhh the internet). So okay, what have i read...let's see...oh, first of all, my uncle went to the US of A and i made him buy me some stuff (MUHAHA); he brought me the Eternal Sunshine collector's Edition DVD and Quimby the Mouse, by Chris Ware. Book's gorgeous, it's a goddamn piece of art, just the design of it. Highly recomeded even tho i haven't read it all yet. Anyway you know if you're into Chris Ware or not, i don't have to tell you. *** On to the new stuff: Read Astonishing X-Men #15 and i gotta say it was thoroughly enjoyable. I agree with Dave about Whedon taking Morrison's concepts and trying to over explain them and shit, but still for some reason that seems like the sort of X-Men comic that i could be mildly interested in: A book that takes after Morrison's run. Anyway "..and what i do is so terribly pretty!" was a great fucking moment. Kudos, Marvel. *** You know what book was great? Casanova #1. 30 pages filled with...stuff. Yeah, stuff. It was full of it! At the end i have no idea if i really understood what was supposed to be happening, or if it actually had to make sense, but it made me think, it made me smile, it was crazy, and then it really ended. Good stuff, check it out. *** Read Detective Comics #821 and i liked it. Mostly i liked the art, obviously; the story was okay, nothing bindblowing, but not bad at all. *** Sorta liked Eternals #1 when i first read it, but then i started thinking about it and realized it was a big fucking dissapointment. The first spread was magnificent and promising, but then that promise never held up, and everything about it i found underwhelming. The spectacle of the Celestials was never again captured after that first spread, and the story was just bleh. *** Read some Nextwave; had some funny and enjoyable parts but overall it was just too lightweight for my tastes, one of those 2 minute reads, very little substance, which i guess is the point of the whole thing, but still not my cup of tea. *** Read this comic called Marlene by Peter Snejbjerg which has a crappy story and wonderful wonderful art. Check it out, download it if you must. Plus it has penis. Also, tits (for Psy). *** Just dled Testament #8, The Escapists #1, Goon #18, Ultimate Spider-Man #97, and Uncanny #476. I'll keep you posted.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 5:11:51 PM CDT

    fiester

    by vroom socko

    I certainly wouldn't say that From Hell fell through the cracks. But I would say that it's exibit A that comics in the 90's didn't suck as hard as people make them out to be. Since that's the focus of the relaunched Crevice...

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 5:23:14 PM CDT

    Runaways 18 was great

    by v1cious

    i can't believe of all people, they killed off Gert. it looks like Chase is on a mission to bring her back to life.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 5:23:22 PM CDT

    I like her costume too...

    by squashua

    ... I never said I didn't. Check out the chest-jutt on page six.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 5:23:32 PM CDT

    Springheel Jack isn't Jack the Ripper.

    by tomb_rocket

    Just thought I should mention that.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 5:24:35 PM CDT

    Hey @$$holes...

    by squashua

    Why has not ONE of you responded to that e-mail I sent out last week? I mean, come on... not even a comment like "it sucks"? My inbox is lonely.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 6:00:39 PM CDT

    On the "From Hell" movie

    by lukecash

    From what I understand, when they were making the movie, they realized that their version was VERY close to Alan Moores verison. They decided to be safe than sorry and give him some credit, because they were influenced by his book.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 6:02:33 PM CDT

    from hell movie sucked

    by blackthought

  • Jul 26, 2006 6:04:48 PM CDT

    HB Heath, and v1cious....

    by greata'tuin

    YOU IGNOMINIOUS FUCKBALL!! YOU PUT A SPOILER WARNING ON THAT SHIT! NOT SOMETIMES, EVERYTIME! I swear upon my carapace that I will cast down upon you all of the most vile and corrupt verbage that my infinite intellect can conjure should you EVER be so negligent again. This is a bastion of intelligent and thought provoking discussion on myriad and sundry topics ranging from illustrated naratives to...well, tits. You will respect the boundries of this hallowed realm, and keep your incompetant asshattery to yourself. That being said...who died now?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 6:06:06 PM CDT

    How to not pay attention to the source material...

    by mrboinfoint

    I never read the book, but saw the movie when it came out, and liked it. Then read the book. Hence I made up my mind about the movie first. It's a good movie. The book is great. A much less irritating debacle of adaptation then say LOEG/LXG.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 6:14:24 PM CDT

    Tomb Rocket Is Right About Spring Heel Jack.

    by buzz maverik

    I love the Spring Heel Jack legend and have a sketch of him from the era in one of the notebooks of weird crap I keep. SHJ almost sounds like a super being today, leaping high into the air, alternately reported as breathing fire or beaming it from his eyes; somewhat lycanthorpic in appearance, sorta like Nightcrawler. Not Jack the Ripper, but Edwardian or Victorian or whatever. I gotta say, I like a stoned Johnny Depp in FROM HELL. I like opium dens and laudanum and all of that crap. Anything with an opium den is for me. Any of you read THE LAST OPIUM DEN by Nick Toches? No, it wasn't a comic book. There's also a cool coffee table book just called OPIUM with pictures from the dens, all different kinds of pipes, lamps, etc.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 6:48:14 PM CDT

    Only guess as to one of the potential JLA members is...

    by ribbons

    Red Tornado. Besides for that, who knows? I think I heard a couple of references to Green Arrow, but that doesn't guarantee he'll make the team.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 7:02:53 PM CDT

    Justice League 0

    by black satin 2

    There are 2 things I want to know. 1. When they create the new roster and invite the Elongated Man, will he be engaged to a new woman after 1 year? and 2.If there is an Earth 2, does Sue Digby exists there?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 7:05:55 PM CDT

    Happy Birthday Heathen!

    by el vale

    You total...um...scumbag? Listen, i don't know man!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 7:11:03 PM CDT

    Most disturbing moment i

    by el vale

    Well From Hell is way up there, i mean that's pretty obvious. But i always felt there was something very cerebral about the most disturbing parts of it. Hitler being born was just creepy. Not being able to understand what was being said (my german is rusty) added to the disturbance factor. But you know what disturbed me in more ways than one? The conclusion to that New Orleans storyline from 100 Bullets where the black guy gets his jaw ripped out (Not as funny as it sounds, you sicko). It was unexpected and sad and fucked up and i just felt it man, right here. Right here. Or is that the saddest moment i've seen in a comic? Nope, pretty sure it was disturbing what with the jaw and the blood. The guy's face is what does it man. I can't even look at it. Anyway thanks. And also, SPOILER!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 7:57:21 PM CDT

    Daredevil Rocks I am so Happy and SPOILER SPOILER

    by george newman

    I love this story arc. I love the depths in which Matt is trapped and out of which he climbs. spoiler (last month or 2)The Punisher in jail was great. The riot was great. This latest issue was really satisfying with conclusions and new confounding beginnings. SPOILER SPOILER Danny was my guess for the mystery Daredevil and I was really excited for that to be true. I wanted to see Daredevil's hands on fire with Iron Fisty energy!!! The final reveal was a doozy and made me feel that this story was brighter than it appeared. END SPOILER .

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 7:59:36 PM CDT

    great minds...

    by darth kal-el

    that ws going to be my answer too for question of the week. i agree with u vale that it was not only highly disturbing but also very,very sad. i actually cried and it stayed in my mind for a while. it was weird because there id be having a good time hanging out with friends or whatever and boom that image of gabe with his jaw ripped off and tears streaming down his face would pop into my mind and i would get sad.it might have been some of my own emotional issues i was dealing with when the story came out or maybe not. to this day just thinking about it to write this post put a knot in my throat.just,i mean,poor fucking kid right?oh and when he holds wyilies hand right before he shoots him....oh shit man ok no more. thats my answer

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 8:01:19 PM CDT

    ***Drips tears on keyboard***

    by darth kal-el

  • Jul 26, 2006 8:09:15 PM CDT

    Kubert and Morrison's Batman!

    by george newman

    It was nice, but not Super just yet. The joker bit in the beginning was the only thing really "morrison" over-the-top about it. It's interesting that he's going with the Bruce Wayne characterization of the Bat. I haven't seen bruce wayne being the focus in a Batman comic since my dad's old eighties and early nineties issues. [born in 84](Sorry I have limited perspective on Batman, his actual ongoing comic series have never interested me much; only miniseries) I'm with this book for the authoring team only--I'm one of those comic readers that follows creators rather than characters. I'm not going to tolerate lackluster stories, or especially sub-par/copycat art. Sometimes I can't even stick with a writer if the art doesnt float my boat.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 8:17:34 PM CDT

    Does anyone else

    by el vale

    Have a hard time taking Goerge Newman seriously cause you can't help but picture him sitting in front of his computer eating Kenny Rogers chicken and cackling maniacally?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 9:04:14 PM CDT

    George Newman runs a crummy UHF station

    by george newman

    a U H F STATION!! no affiliation with seinfeld.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 9:39:36 PM CDT

    Damnit!

    by vroom socko

    I was sure I typed Saucy Jack! This is what I get for writing my stuff at four in the fucking morning. *** yeah, I suck.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 9:42:41 PM CDT

    i havent read from hell

    by darth kal-el

    do any of you hannibals want to get my address so u can send me your copy?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 9:44:29 PM CDT

    still a great review vroom

    by darth kal-el

    and that goes for the rest of you @@$holes as well. whose the new guy? that was a good review. dare i say,MASTERful review?(i cant ever resist the easy ones)

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 10:27:23 PM CDT

    Hey yeah

    by el vale

    Who the hell is this Baytor person? (I didn't get the refference Darth :( )

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 11:28:08 PM CDT

    Before I pass out..

    by thalya

    Happy B-day Heathen!!! *hugs and puppies 'n stuff*

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 11:49:39 PM CDT

    hes a MASTER vale

    by darth kal-el

    im a retard

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 26, 2006 11:50:59 PM CDT

    btw vale

    by darth kal-el

    dcp link please?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 12:02:43 AM CDT

    Ah yes of course my friend

    by el vale

    Go here, http://tinyurl.com/e6qng to the Torrentspy comic book section and check constantly. You'll see the DCP thingies with the date like so DCP 07-23-06. Tell me how it goes.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 12:17:54 AM CDT

    Preacher, definitely most disturbing...

    by carmillavondoom

    don't remember the issue...when Jesse walks in on ____ making nasty with sides of beef. Talk about a mercy killing. What I can't recall is the weird shit the guy is saying as he is rubbing meat all over his body..."Spread the cheese? Pound the meat?" yikes
    that was fucked up stuff!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 12:26:06 AM CDT

    thanks vale

    by darth kal-el

    i loved preacher in its entirety but that is one of my favorite moments-"spread the cheese,pluck the hairs,now....say the name"

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 12:30:40 AM CDT

    Say The Name

    by baytor

    And "rub the root" if I recall correctly.

    Serious Ennis fan, which is where the Baytor name comes from. A minor character from The Demon and Hitman, who pretty much only says "I... AM BAYTOR!!!!"

    And, yes, I am The Master

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 12:38:45 AM CDT

    Ah, PREACHER...

    by vroom socko

    Yet another example of quality from the 90's. That one will be written up eventually, but I've got a few other books in line ahead of it.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 12:43:52 AM CDT

    Disassembled and Angel Suicide disturbing

    by homer sexual

    I felt Avengers Disassembled to be disturbing beyond others. Just wrong, to me. Emotionally I was most disturbed back when Angel committed suicide in the late 80s because his wings had been cut off. It really spoke to me.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 1:18:05 AM CDT

    Yeah, Battle Royale for most disturbing

    by dan grendel

    Except for me it was Volume 8, when Mitsuko shoots Yuichiro in the belly then loses her mind, regresses to the little abused girl inside and fucks him to death. That girl needed serious help.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 1:28:10 AM CDT

    most disturbing...er...

    by blackthought

    when the hulk almost raped she-hulk...er...um...otherwise i'm pretty desensitized to gore as in from hell and what not. i have a sick stomach (literally as well).

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 2:22:14 AM CDT

    Vroom

    by el vale

    That's great, can't wait for the Preacher Crevice! "Say the name", yeah that was pretty disturbing. That one happens to be my least favorite Preacher storyline, but it was still great, like at the end when he kisses the black girl goodbye. "That you are as pretty as the stars at evenin'" And then he goes to find Tulip. Jesus fucking christ i love Jesse, i mean, the guy makes romance manly! *** Baytor, i like you man. You're a big Ennis fan and yet you're not afraid to claim no, the guy doesn't understand Ghost Rider. One of the best when his heart's in it, don'cha think?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 2:26:51 AM CDT

    Mr. Grendel

    by el vale

    "When Mitsuko shoots Yuichiro in the belly then loses her mind, regresses to the little abused girl inside and fucks him to death"?!?!?! Dear god i must read this!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 2:41:00 AM CDT

    i agree about jesse custer

    by darth kal-el

    he definetly makes romance cool and manly. not to mention he makes being manly and cool and tough EXTRA manly and cool!my favorite arc is Until The End of time possibly because its the first one i read but the entire series is great. i also dont like the meatman thing as much but seriously the series cant lose. after preacher i couldnt really find a lot of ennis that i could enjoy. i didnt like the punisher or his brigade war comic(i dont even remeber what it was called)i guess he hit his peak in my mind on preacher. is there something out there i should be reading? oh and vale thanks for the link man.por eso me caes tan bien daniel!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 2:48:14 AM CDT

    until the end OF THE WORLD

    by darth kal-el

    its been a long day

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 4:57:04 AM CDT

    Ennis

    by baytor

    Ellis once talked about how he and Ennis both did what Gaiman did with Sandman, creating a comic that would go *everywhere* they wanted to go in a comic; so in Preacher you see drama, farce, westerns, war stories, etc. Everything that you would later come to expect to find in an Ennis comic. In some ways, everything he has ever done after that has suffered simply because it wasn't as ambitious, content in being a narrower slice of Ennis' interests. I've seen a few dismiss Ennis for being a "One Trick Pony" because everything is like Preacher, but that's still one hell of a trick. And there's a couple of amusing bits in Ghost Rider (I laughed out loud when the angel started beating up people with *talking* bodies), but it's the sort of empty calories that I've come to fear from Ennis' Marvel work, because there's only two of their characters he's ever bothered to like: The Punisher and Fury.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 7:49:44 AM CDT

    Ennis' problem

    by rev_skarekroe

    Is that nothing since Preacher has had any heart. Just shock and ultraviolence. Except for a few of his war stories, I guess, and maybe some of the Punisher arcs.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 8:16:51 AM CDT

    Who's the new guy?

    by squashua

    Gee, thanks for asking that when I started up a couple weeks back, Kal-El... *sniff*

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 9:45:01 AM CDT

    Most disturbing comic moment

    by mrboinfoint

    Some issue of Alpha Flight late in the first run during the stupid and pointless "World Tour" storyline. They take on Headlok or something like that, some useless Fantastic Four villain with psychic powers. Anyway, in one issue, Aurora gets locked up in an asylum with the guy and when they cut back to it for the last panel he has her skull cracked open and he's sticking his fingers in her brain. There's pieces of skull mixed in with the grey matter and his fingers are all sticky and let's just say that it was what Jules Winfield would call "Some fucked up, repugnant shit." All the more disturbing because this was Alpha Flight dammit, and I wasn't expecting it. I've read a lot of hrror comics, and seen a lot of gore, but when it comes out of nowhere in an otherwise fairly tame team book about polite Canadian superheroes, it gets to me. Of course the next issue made it clear that it was merely a "psychic representation" of what the villain was doing to Aurora, and in the process I think she might have actually had her multiple personalities healed (until the next creative team, anyway), but still. Yech.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 9:48:07 AM CDT

    um belated welcome Squashua, enjoying your reviews!

    by shigeru

    Also welcome Baytor, you sound pretty rad!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 9:52:25 AM CDT

    Most disturbing moment in a comic.

    by shigeru

    Can I pick all 12 issues of the filth? No? Okay how about some choice moments: When the lead character fucks the girl only she morphs her head to look like him...so he's like fucking himself... Also when the world's largest cruise ship goes apeshit and everyone starts killing each other, and that dude hangs the captain upside down naked and makes him eat chunks of his own daughter. Good enough for ya?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 10:00:28 AM CDT

    Dr. Destiny sequences in Sandman also pretty messed up

    by carmillavondoom

    I wish I still had all my sandman and preacher books...you guys are making me want to do some re-reading!!!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 10:11:46 AM CDT

    Dr Destiny

    by shigeru

    Is that the scenes in the diner from Preludes & Nocturnes? If so yeah that's up there.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 10:32:00 AM CDT

    Too little, too late.

    by squashua

    Way to fall in line and be a suck-up, Shigeru. ;-)
    FILTH. I missed like, 6 issues of that because the comic store forgot to order them. Great series.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 10:33:09 AM CDT

    most disturbing moments, etc.

    by the heathen

    All of Black Kiss. Ughhh. I haven't read too many things that delve into really disturbing yet, but that one I can't shake. The past two issues of walking Dead have been pretty messed up to. *** I haven't read Preacher and have now finally decided to read it all thanks to the Cogs, @$$es and fellow talkbackers opinions of it. *** Warm welcome Baytor and a belated one to Squashua (but to be fair, you've been in the tb's before reviewing right?). *** Thanks again for the B-Day thanks!!!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 10:33:30 AM CDT

    AMENDMENT TO MY 52 REVIEW

    by squashua

    I totally forgot to mention and be sarcastic about how the snake-lady started off with out an armband and tattoo, then gained themwhen she became a snake lady, and promptly lost the armband in her final panel appearance. Can I turn back time and call a redo? :-)

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 10:35:29 AM CDT

    Been TB here since day one

    by squashua

    I think I was even complaining about the original reviewers (pre-@$$ days) who were pretty much butt-kissers. I get around.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 10:45:28 AM CDT

    so...these are dave_f's replacements...

    by blackthought

  • Jul 27, 2006 11:01:19 AM CDT

    Replacements?

    by squashua

    Ha. I can't believe we've fooled you this long. Everyone here is the same guy writing it all up under different pseudonyms. We're all just Ambush Bug. We took an internal poll and I needed to drop my "Farabee" persona (he failed his Saving Throw). Of course, much like Hydra, two will replace any fallen one. I'm formed from the leftover errant parts of Farabee's inclinations towards Jodie Foster. I'm not quite sure where I came up with Baytor though... but I stole the name from "Hitman."

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 12:11:30 PM CDT

    squashua

    by darth kal-el

    dude i would have said something but your not new. are you? maybe im thinking youve been around reviewing because of seeing yopur name in the tbs? my bad welcome and hey i dig your reviews too

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 12:12:29 PM CDT

    Is THAT what the DCP stuff was????

    by superhero

    I always wondered what that was on the torrent sites...Now I know...

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 12:15:11 PM CDT

    Oh, and my copy of From Hell is signed by Eddie Campell

    by superhero

    And has a little doodle in it which he personalized to me...shut up, I know you're jealous. Can I hel it if I have a cool wife who bought it for me at Comic-Con years ago?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 12:58:54 PM CDT

    Really, we should have seen it coming..

    by psynapse

    **SPOILER ALERT*** The minute we saw futureGert we shold have known. Traveling backwards in time in the Marvel U. creates a tangential future out of the future you came from. BKV knows his Marvel continuity and the art of the Red Herring to be sure. **END SPOILER**

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 1:28:00 PM CDT

    Yes, but:

    by shigeru

    FutureGert was HOT! I mean, c'mon....Tits! Dammit, TITS!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 1:33:28 PM CDT

    Yes, yes she was.....

    by psynapse

    And I'm betting (still haven't read it yet-picking up tonite)Wilder's offering to the Gibborim was utterly fucked up in the process 'cause ole Gert was a dirty girl who did the nasty.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 1:51:38 PM CDT

    not quite, Psy

    by the heathen

    but it's something like that, but not how you think.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 2:12:15 PM CDT

    Goddammit.....

    by psynapse

    THe LCS closes at 7 today and I work until 7:30 so I have to wait until tomorrow to pick it up. Goddammit. Okay well spoil me this: Does that dummbass "we're SO gonna be on television" fluffy fuck get what's comin' to him? For that matter does all of Pride 2.0 get royally fucked up? I SO want all 3 of those basement dwellers to get tickets to a theatre of pain. And Geoffrey Wilder? PLEASE tell me he dies again. E-mail me if you don't wanna post it. PS-Yo Arkh! Hmm...maybe...time is a commodity for me now though......

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 2:27:20 PM CDT

    Morrison's first Batman

    by the heathen

    It was Batman, it was Morrisonian, it was superb. Kuberts pencils looked a little 'old handed' though. You know the way great artists like Neal Adams or Frank Miller seem to get clunkier and more sketchy with age? Maybe I'll catch flak for that, but that's what I thought. Still, I thought the book was great. The importance of Bruce Wayne as a character. The way Alfred tells him to lose the growl he used to practice for hours as Batman that he now always talks in. Batman's line to Jim Gordon about the 'neck'. The new Batmobile that's not finished under the tarp. The two poles that Batman and Robin use to slide down into the Batcave (I'm serious, no puns meant). All these little things that we usually don't have in comics. I'm glad I read Son of the Demon a few weeks ago too. A wise investment. I wonder what the ill willed moviemack thought of this? I'm sure he hated it, but I can't see how anybody could

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 2:36:26 PM CDT

    i dropped runaways

    by darth kal-el

    a while back from my monthlies but from all the unabashed praise it gets i think im going to track down the trades and catch up. thanks all for making sure im not surprised when gert bites it.heathen you MUST,you owe it to yourself to pick up preacher!also for heath and any other 360 owners-GO GET PREY!!!! dont wait dont read anymore comic talkback stuff GO!!!! this game is amazing both graphically and gameplay wise. its from 3drealms and it has all sorts of badassery in the duke nukem vein. and a pretty sweet multiplayer too....here are some screen shots. i promise youll thank me for this!***http://tinyurl.com/n7tzw***also galaga came out for download on xbox live arcade! who wants to compete for high scores? my xbox live user name is 'Samuraihellrzr'.come get an old scool ass whuppin!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 2:39:40 PM CDT

    The whole thing with the joker at the beginning seemed

    by engineer_at_peac

    pointless. It was like it was made for the express purpose of being put out there as a preview to make people go "WTF?" and didn't really add anything to the story.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 2:47:13 PM CDT

    re: Engineer_at_peac *SPOILERS*

    by the heathen

    Not true. The point was to show that besides Two Face, every other major nut jub villian in Gotham has been brought in by Batman and Robin after their year away. They came back invigorated and cleaned up Gotham's streets. Which is what led to Bruce taking a trip/break from Gotham which of course won't last long no matter where he travels. Joker was of course (excluding Two Face) the biggest bad to put away and Batman did so (Love the way he threw him into the dumpster after he'd been shot in the face, it's like he didn't shoot him, but he doesn't have to give a shit if he's been shot). Plus, Morrison had fun with the fake Batman having a gun and shooting Mr. J, which surely many people freaked out about in private until they saw the next page. Oh, us fanboys!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 2:49:36 PM CDT

    News from Inside the Shell

    by greata'tuin

    So, I was surfin' around amazon lookin' for TPBs and what do I come across but a cavalcade of shit what was recommended to me by me own mates, The Cogs. Being the prudent and oppotunistic chelopod that I am, I was quick t' order meself a fine selection of titles that are sure to be full of sights and fucking wonders the likes of which this world 'as rarely seen, or so I'm told. Coming my way are Vol. 3-5 of Cable/Deadpool, and the first vols. of GLC, Walking Dead, and Runaways. I await my prize with barely contained fervor. Of course, should any of these fine items fail to arrive, protocol only requires swift and permanent retribution. Time will tell. On an unrelated note, the Turtle won $90(American) at 8-ball last night, $80 of which on one shot alone. That being said, this is the first occasion I've had to say this: I LOVE BEING A TURTLE!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 2:50:26 PM CDT

    Yea Vale, you should

    by dan grendel

    read Battle Royale. It's up tehre with my top manga series of all time. Dave Farabee reviewed it a couple times and hit the whole series, so I've never reviewed any of it. It's touching, vicious, in all ways superb, and definitely not for kids.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 2:56:34 PM CDT

    nice job on the win turtle

    by darth kal-el

    NOW GO BUY PREY!!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 3:00:59 PM CDT

    and amazon

    by darth kal-el

    could not be cooler for buying trades.i recently ordered a few that im expecting any day now with, no doubt, just as much fervor. i bought some trades at con at a half off table too. i bought the xmen trade for extinction agenda, the halo trade and a trade called ultimate adventures which appears to be a barely concelead attempt at having a 'batman' character in the ultimate universe. if u havent read it yet please dont. i consider you all pretty cool people for the most part and would not like to see you hurt in any way. i cant even wipe my ass with it since the fancy trade paper stock would hurt like a motherfucker.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 3:05:42 PM CDT

    Can't buy Prey...

    by greata'tuin

    ...I don't have a 360. And no, I won't be getting one anytime soon. Next console I buy will be named after my penis, as all things SHOULD!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 3:09:34 PM CDT

    how is that halo trade darth?

    by blackthought

  • Jul 27, 2006 3:25:01 PM CDT

    Oh God Darth.....

    by psynapse

    You're gonna wish you'd bought something other than X-tinction (remember THAT craptacular habit Marvel fell into?? X-Cutioner and all that shit like that) Agenda. That was back when I was still silly enough to hope Claremont had a clue where he was going.......

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 3:31:51 PM CDT

    Halo trade

    by the heathen

    I need to be ordering that myself soon. It's going to have an ongoing in 2007 too I hear. Nice for the Halo freaks like me. *** In other news: Monster House is the best movie of the summer, maybe the year. And Mogwai is going to be on The Fountain soundtrack. I'm happy. : ) *** Darth, I will get Prey in the next week or two. I hear rave stuff. Thanks. *** Turtle, which Walking Dead and Runaways trades did you get?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 3:51:12 PM CDT

    The DS teaches you how to cook:

    by shigeru

    http://ip1.imgbbs.jp/read2/DSOryouriNavi/

    I fucking love Japanese people.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 3:55:42 PM CDT

    Yeah Battle Royale has GOT to have my most disturbing

    by superhero

    moment...Crazy hot chick having sex with the body of the boy that she has just killed as he slowly dies. Craziest thing I've seen in a comic EVER. And I've seen some crazy comic stuff let me tell you. Forget what volume it was in but that scene just takes the cake.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 4:03:14 PM CDT

    Heath...

    by greata'tuin

    I got Book 1 (Iss. 1-12) of Walking Dead (not cheap), and vol 1 (Iss. 1-4?) of Runaways

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 4:15:20 PM CDT

    OOOH! I forgot to mention...

    by greata'tuin

    ...the Cable/Deadpool Vol.2 is signed by Fab himself. I'm sure he signed thousands, but still. I declare that it will be nifty.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 4:16:46 PM CDT

    Nice, GreatA

    by the heathen

    You'll love those. Look into the HC for the entire 18 issue Vol. 1 run of Runaways. I think you can get it cheaper than most things that thick. *** I don't know if stuff like that Battle royle is my cup of tea. That sounds so bizarre. I'm curious, but I'm not sure how much.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 4:25:33 PM CDT

    Battle Royale....

    by psynapse

    Is the Chuck Norris of sequential art stories. Check it out Heath, it WILL disturb the unholy fuck out of you along the way but moreso for the thematic exploration than the prurient moments. For one thing it constantly brings you back to examining the society that perpetuated this bizarre behavior. (not to mention some scathing commentary on the 'real' world in the process)

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 4:32:59 PM CDT

    monster house kicked much ass indeed heath...

    by blackthought

    i finally made one of them pre-screening for little miss sunshine and it was quite funny and carell played his role fantastically. funny, touching movie about a fucked up family. alan arkin's heroin sniffing escapades came off well. oh and comics are great. that runaways hard cover vol. 1 was handled pretty well...looks nice on the bookshelf. and right now i'm rendering...a life wasted on rendering...i've aged...

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 4:35:17 PM CDT

    and remember...

    by blackthought

    joey quesada vs. colbert tonight on the report...i hope colbert sics a bear on him...that's just me though...maybe...

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 4:52:55 PM CDT

    nice pics on the trades turtle

    by darth kal-el

    and yeah monster house kicks all kinds of ass. i ditched work on monday and went and caught it with the girl and we both loved it.chowder is an honorary cog for sure!i havent read the halo trade yet but its in my pile. and psy i figured it might suck. i flipped through it and i noticed some lifeld art but it was only 5 bucks so i figure if all else fails i can resell it on amazon.battle royal is cool but highly disturbing just judging from the few ive read briefly through at barnes. they actually also have a novel which i heard is gruesome times 10. isnt there also a movie somewhere?and turtle i know u meant the wii but im so hooked on 360 im thinking of renaming my penis that! 'hey baby come over to my place and ill show u my Xbox 360.'

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 4:55:59 PM CDT

    Colbert comic

    by engineer_at_peac

    I heard some company(can't remember which) is actually going to be making an "Alpah Squad 7: Lady Nocturne, a Tek Jansen Adventure" book.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 5:14:30 PM CDT

    Battle Royale...

    by psynapse

    Is a novel, a movie (with a less than impresive sequel), and a manga series. The Manga is the most detailed version of the story in my opinion. Oh and Boogiepop is now in english!! The novels as well as the manga no less. I highly recommend it for fans of cerebral Sci-Fi/Horror hybrids. Boogiepop & Fire Witch 4-evah!!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 5:21:08 PM CDT

    Engineer

    by vroom socko

    It's Oni that's going to be doing the Tek Jansen comic. The same people that are doing a My Name Is Earl book.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 5:23:27 PM CDT

    Oni is doing the Colbert comic

    by dan grendel

    and that scene was in Battle Royale volume 8, superhero.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 5:30:14 PM CDT

    New Avengers #22

    by the heathen

    When Bendis is good, he's great. I dug this issue about Luke cage and his decision regarding the registration act. I smiled a couple of times because of some great dialogue from Luke to his baby, Jess and some kids. Also, another point at the end. This is the Bendii's strong suit, the dialogue (when edited proper) is great stuff, especially with couples like Luke and Jess. Now that he's ALSO going to be writing the Mighty Avengers with Cho, does that mean one book will be the talky non-avenging and one will be all action? I'd much prefer an approach like this issue and the New Avengers Annual that you know

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 5:34:45 PM CDT

    ....

    by blackthought

  • Jul 27, 2006 5:44:33 PM CDT

    when is the colbert report on bt?

    by shigeru

  • Jul 27, 2006 5:45:34 PM CDT

    ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY WiiNIS!

    by greata'tuin

    And, quick, somebody call in and tell Colbert that Joey Da Q is really a bear sleeper cell!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 6:42:31 PM CDT

    Colbert Report, 11:30 PM after Daily Show

    by the heathen

  • Jul 27, 2006 6:58:54 PM CDT

    That John Byrne draws a mighty fine She-Hulk

    by mrboinfoint

    That's all.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 9:02:57 PM CDT

    11 30 p.m. eastern, 10 30 p.m. central

    by blackthought

  • Jul 27, 2006 9:21:24 PM CDT

    Thank you cogs

    by shigeru

    Your kindness with TV schedule times (and sexual favors *wink wink nudge nudge*) is much appreciated...

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 27, 2006 9:45:03 PM CDT

    you meant rendering favors i hope...

    by blackthought

    thats all i have to offer.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 28, 2006 1:21:08 AM CDT

    Well since you guys

    by el vale

    Don't give a shit about the stuff i've read recently, here's part 2, as a bright and beaming fuck you (a rhyme): Let's start with Blankets. Read the damn thing in about two nights. Thoroughly impressed to say the least. I was so fucking involved with it, it's not even funny. When he was gonna burn her stuff i got choked up. "Don't burn it, Craig, please don't burn it!". Beautiful book. It's a great find, maybe people should read it or something. *** I started reading Ennis' Hitman. It's quite enjoyable but so far nothing to write home about. Some funny lines and shit but not the hilarity i'd been told to expect, but i think i'm too early in the series to start judging just yet. I'll give it a few issues. *** Also started reading Sandman. I'm at the very beggining and i have to say, so far i haven't really gotten into it. Some good ideas here and there and obviously good storytelling and shit but i don't know. Maybe it's the art or something, i find it a little impenetrable for my tastes. Dr Destiny? What issue is this? *** Also started reading Moore's Swamp Thing which is this comic from the 80s, i bet you've heard about it. It's really good, i promise! *** Started reading (jesus, that's getting old) Top 10 and i find the art impenetrable as well. DLed The 49ers and Ha's painted art looked beautiful and, well, penetrable (like a pretty girl), so i guess it's Zander Cannon's inks that fuck it up for me. Nice going Zander, you fucked Top Ten up for me, thanks. *** Y's been pretty great these past few months, don't you think? #47 was quite memorable because of, aside from the um...well the whole story, Yorick's joke about eating pussy. "Laughter died with the dudes". CLassic. *** Read Illuminati and i can't remember a single moment from it, so i guess that says it all. Bendis sucks. *** Read that New Avengers Annual and i enjoyed every minute (panel?)of it, it was a very cool superhero comic. Bendis rules. *** Continuing with the Bendis theme, i read the latest Ultimate Spider Man and it was GREAT! Yes, great. A fucking Spider Man comic. Do you know that feeling you get when you jump into a series 97 issues in and you feel involved with everything that's going on? Jesus, blew me away. This is the superhero book you hand over to kids, no question about it. Didn't even mind Bagley's crappy art!!! Anyway count me in for this Clone Saga storyline, DCP guys. *** Brubaker's second Uncanny was kinda cool, kinda forgettable. Nothing fancy or exciting or imaginative, but it was definitelly well done. Hated the fact that you had to have a fight with the guard things for fighting purposes, but i liked the fact that Bru tried to make it more than just that by making the characters a little tragic. Still felt like a Writing (hey Vern) tool, and i hate it when they're that obvious. The art was better than i expected. WAAAY better than i expected, but still not good. *** Usagi Yoyimbo (my first Usagi ever) made me think "Jesus that rabbit is badass!" and that's only happened once before in my life. It was during Monty Python's Search for the holy grail or whatever it's called. So yeah nice job there Stan Sakai. That said, it was a quick read and a little lightweight (but not that much), so i guess trades are the way to go with this title. Cause i can see it working that way. *** Read Solo #11 showcasing Sergio Aragones NOW people! Great art, a wide range of good-to-great stories, and lots of laughs. *blackthought mode* Ah DC...you have cancelled Solo and now you must die...by way of Kiefer Sutherland's heat vision...yes...um...mondays. *** Anyone read Witchblade #98? No? Well let me tell ya, it's way better than you expect and still not worth your hard earned dollars/estimated download time. *** Oh and lest i forget: The Goon #18 sucked ass. Jesus christ what a stinker. How is it that a brilliant concept like "El lagarto hombre" doesn't make you laugh but actually makes you cringe? Maybe it's cause i speak spanish and the shit it was screaming wasn't really funny. I don't know. Nice art tho', you guys were right. The art is good. Not woth it, tho'. I think that's it. Darth, i know you read this buddy, i'm counting on you!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 28, 2006 3:41:29 AM CDT

    Shit!

    by darth kal-el

    right before the last line i was reading the goon thing and thnking to myself 'i bet im the only damn one whos going to read the whole damn thing'.crazy vale

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 28, 2006 7:50:25 AM CDT

    i read it...

    by blackthought

    it still kicks ass...i love the goon and franky is such a mench. i didn't know i had a mode...if so, i venture to say it would be one of rendering. ah, rendering...the most excrutiating side of cg art and animation...i hope to have all this stuff rendered by christmas...why doesn't my school get network rendering? they have the set up...do they hate their students that much? i just re-read x-statix by the way...that book was really good...i miss it.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 28, 2006 9:00:07 AM CDT

    Did, Vale post something?

    by the heathen

    More importantly, did he like an issue of Astonishing X-Men and dislike a Bendis comic? Wha? I'm still in shock, especially about the Witchblade thing. Who reads Witchblade? *** Of course I have Blankets, but I'm going to deny myself that pleasure until it's at least only 90 degrees in Florida. Can't wait though! *** Illuminati did suck. It was the beginning of the STORIES influence over Iron Man and Reed. I hope the Hulk hits the earth like falling comet and fucks the unholy hell out of all of them, *SPOILER* Thor too *SPOILER* but that's not because I hate those characters (I really love them) but because Editorial (DaQ, Alonso, Millar and Bendis for kicks). *** New Avengers Annual was fantastic. It was one of the best superhero comics I've read in a while (check out Wolvie #41, Ares and Son of M though). Easily the best issue of New Avengers. Now if only every issue was at least that balanced. *wishes* *** I'm digging Bru's Uncanny. Darwin is one of my favorite new characters. This issue and the way the characters are all balancing out like Havoc and Warpath's banter. Darwin disobeying Charles to help his new teammates. Polaris' opening the door. Great stuff. Could be classic by the end. I'm also loving Brubakers Daredevil. I used to be able to read a few issues at a time with that series and now I'm searching through my pile for it. *** Waiting to read the last issues of SOLO after I'm caught up with all these timely matters. *** Witchblade? Really?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 28, 2006 9:01:47 AM CDT

    Colbert Report

    by the heathen

    The segment before DaQ was hilarious, the interview? Not so much.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 28, 2006 11:19:47 AM CDT

    WFT? It's Friday!!!

    by the heathen

    It's a celebration bitches! Beeyahhhh!!!! *** Mark Waid and Adam Hughes two page origin of Wonder Woman in the back of 52 was better than the entire Donna Troy thing. Anyone else think so?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 28, 2006 11:30:30 AM CDT

    I totally forgot last night

    by engineer_at_peac

    I was involved in a minimum wage argument over at Something Awful. Has anyone youtubed the Quesada/Colbert thing?(or the skit before it which you said was funny)

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 28, 2006 11:35:04 AM CDT

    MIRACLEMAN is the MOST DISTURBING

    by reze11even

    And you call yourself comic fans! Some of the stuff seen in issues of MM is at the top of the "What the shit?!" list.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 28, 2006 11:57:37 AM CDT

    not sure if it's YouTubed yet, Engineer

    by the heathen

    I think they re-show it today at random times, maybe 6 or 7ish after work

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 28, 2006 12:02:10 PM CDT

    I care, Vale

    by shigeru

    I read the whole thing and everything. Even though you are cursed to a firey death for saying Bagleys art sucks.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 28, 2006 12:09:26 PM CDT

    Miracle Man..

    by thecomedian

    You know it's funny but if you look back Miracle Man seems to me to be waaaay more influencial on the nihilistic nu-realism books that were big a couple of years ago than Watchmen and Dark Knight combined. I basically reads like "Ultimate Shazam" and you can see it's influence all over the place in The Authority and all it's subsequent rip offs.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 28, 2006 12:32:02 PM CDT

    Friday

    by darth kal-el

    im so glad this week is almost over! i havent even had the chance to upload my con pics since its been so busy for me.i went to the lcs yesterday and didnt fidn anything to pick up except the latest issue of powers. man that book is bendis at his best imo.the colbert thing was ok.its funny but the way quesada was talking about civil war almost made me want to check it out. the thing about it is i see all these comics with the civil war logo and then something caleld frontline which i gather is supposd to be the news people of the marvel u reporting from the front line of the war. is there also a mini called civil war thats coming out? because i damn sure dont want to buy all those tie in issues. wait what am i saying? im not going to buy any of these comics. from whose out there reading-will it be worth it as a trade later on?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 28, 2006 12:55:26 PM CDT

    too early to tell, Kal-El

    by the heathen

    It looks gorgeous, it's written well as a story, but not written well for some of the characters and it's definitely got people talking. I'll even go as far to say that if you have no idea who any of these people are, like your just some average Joe that this is being marketed toward - you may really like it. Problem is, neither you nor I don't not know the Marvel Universe.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 28, 2006 1:35:32 PM CDT

    true words

    by darth kal-el

    thanks captain i appreciate the response. i dotn know the art ive seen in promos looks cool but i havent flipped through any of the books.i stopped reading everything marvel except for AXM becasue im tired of the whole 'u must buy every single comic we publish' thing.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 28, 2006 1:37:52 PM CDT

    MiracleMan....

    by psynapse

    Remember, most of that WAS written by Alan Moore.....

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 28, 2006 2:01:52 PM CDT

    You guys are awesome

    by el vale

    Let's do this: Darth, that's why whe love you man *** blackthought, what is cog art? *** Heath, i'm gonna give you a more in depth report on Uncanny and Witchblade in a few minutes *** Shigeru, oh my god you totally misread me! I didn't say "Bagley's art sucks", i said "Bagley's crappy art". Thanks for reading Shig Shig *** Psy, you just blew my mind.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 28, 2006 2:29:34 PM CDT

    Sweet!

    by darth kal-el

    vale your last post was almost a cog roll call!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 28, 2006 2:31:35 PM CDT

    more in depth report

    by the heathen

    Did you read #475 before #476? Not that you really need to, but just wondering. *** Anybody know if there's like a definitive TMNT comic collection? I'd be interested in that.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 28, 2006 2:52:36 PM CDT

    colbert reruns times...

    by blackthought

    i know this because i catch em' alot. colbert re-airs at 7:30 am central/8:30 eastern in the morning and then again in the evening at 7:30 pm central/8:30 eastern. i was laughing my ass off during colberts visiting the d.c. district which isn't a state which he points out to the soon to become angry black lady who can't vote...i liked how she said she's not attracted to his vanilla-ness...to which colbert says you mean french vanilla...seriously good shite. the joey q...meh..but that's how i feel about the guy, ha. oh friday...and i'm still rendering...some of these cg stills don't look like full shit at least.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 28, 2006 2:58:07 PM CDT

    anytime your rendering and shit's not involved is good

    by the heathen

    da? Yeah, Colbert, I love when he was like I don't have to be French, do the people in Louisiana call their hats ber-ets or cook fill-ets? So good.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 28, 2006 3:00:11 PM CDT

    Heath

    by el vale

    No...oh god i'm a complete hack! *runs off crying*

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 28, 2006 3:01:46 PM CDT

    My beef with Uncanny, by El Vale

    by el vale

    Alright so what's the deal? When we first encounter them, our heroes are bursting through some access tunnels that lead to a hidden Shi'ar base inside a lifeless volcano in upstate New York, where they'll try to find an interstellar ship so they can track Vulcan (?) and keep him from destroying everything in his path. Inside the Shi'ar base they encounter strange and horribly mutated guard entities with tragic origins who really just want to die, deep down inside. The X-Men kill them and then find the ship they were looking for, so they embark on their space adventure only to find Vulcan has already destroyed at least one of the stargates they need in order to reach Shi'ar space. No, these are not the first 4 pages of a Morrison penned X-Men comic, it's an entire issue. And that's why it never connected with me and that's why it never felt like i was having a great fucking time reading this X-Men comic; basically this is a comic that knows it's decompressed and isn't that embarrassing, so it tries to hide it. Isn't that the worst kind of decompression? There's a lot of shit going on in this issue but then when it's all over you get the impression like nothing really happened. It's like an adventure to retrieve your parent's car out of your garage with your friend Tom; and then you take it out and there's a red light at the corner. On the way to the car tho', there were many obstacles, like a dog (your dog), and some boxes you had to make your way through. There was clever banter between you and Tom, like when you said "I'm gonna make my way through these boxes" and Tom went "Yeah right--like i'm letting you have all the fun!". Wasn't that exciting tho'?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 28, 2006 3:20:30 PM CDT

    why vale and trades rule

    by darth kal-el

    see above

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 28, 2006 3:32:13 PM CDT

    It was a blistering summer day....

    by greata'tuin

    ...you know, the kind that makes Hell look like Aspen, and your one driving force is to find a way to aim the fan at yourself at just the right angle so that you can pass out in peace. you look out the window to see the heat rise off the pavement creating the illusion that world itself is a pat of butter on the frying pan, and you're the bacon. It's times like this when you wish you were still in school basking in all of it's air conditioned glory. Then you remember, there is no school anymore. There's no work. The city has melted away. The end has come bringing with it a slow strangling death by degrees Kelvin. Leaving you with only one sane course of action. Opening the freezer door and burring your sweaty balls in the ice machine. FUCK IT'S HOT!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 28, 2006 3:35:43 PM CDT

    I don't believe they rerun on Friday evening however

    by engineer_at_peac

    Because Comedy Central shows Standup starting at 8:00, 7:00 central on Friday night.s

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 28, 2006 3:43:43 PM CDT

    when i was younger

    by darth kal-el

    i had a buddy of mine who was also into comics. wed go to the lcs every week and talk about them at school. anyways i remembered because of vale talking about Uncanny. see my friend was maybe not the sharpest knife in the drawer and he pronounced 'uncanny' as 'you nana see'

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 28, 2006 3:47:07 PM CDT

    Well at least I'm blowing something.....

    by psynapse

    *badump-bump!* Thank you folks, I'll be here all week....

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 28, 2006 3:48:24 PM CDT

    dont drink the ice tea at turtles

    by darth kal-el

  • Jul 28, 2006 3:52:25 PM CDT

    And that is why Florida kicks California's ass...

    by psynapse

    triple digit heat my ass...

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 28, 2006 4:00:53 PM CDT

    Cali does suck, but...

    by greata'tuin

    FUCK FLORIDA! Went there once, and I've never been more ill. Literally. I think I caught some cuban flu or some shit...actually lots of shit, all over the wall cause I couldn't make it to the pot in time.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 28, 2006 4:01:37 PM CDT

    My beef with Witchblade, or Does anyone give a Shit

    by el vale

    Some backstory: Witchblade was one of the first titles i started reading when i got serious about comics. When comics first became something of an obsession for me. You know what did it, initially? Heroes reborn. See, the Hulk had LONG HAIR, how abysmally original and dangerous! That Rob Liefeld guy certainly can draw! Anyway i was confused, cut me some slack here. One day my friend came to school and showed me his copy of something called Wizard magazine and fuck me, it was like waking up one day and discovering you had all sorts of pubes or something, it was very exciting. There was this 2 page ad for Image comics and it just blew my mind. There was this dead guy with green eyes and of course maggots who was screaming, there was a Savage Dragon, there was this chick called Gen 13 who was flexing her muscles and displaying her otherwise fantastic ass, and how would i even pronounce her name? And there was this half naked chick with this glove (and panties) made out of weird stone stuff and marbles. She was holding a gun and was covering her tits with her hands...and her name was Witchblade. Listen, i was 12 okay? I was thoroughy impressed. You have no idea how impressed i was. My penis was impressed also. Anyway, during those early comic book collecting days i was into Top Cow (and how could i not), and here's what i learned from reading a bunch of non-consecutive issues of this comic called Witchblade: The Witchblade is an ancient artifact that enjoys wrapping itself up around hot chicks, making fire and being mysterious. It also may or may not be a gift from the Gods or the Aliens. Currently tho', it's chosen its new wearer, some NY police officer called Sarah Pezzini. She is hot, conflicted and doesn't like to smile all that much. Plus, she doesn't like to expose herself and her amazing body all that much either, which is too bad for her because the Witchblade doesn't really like clothes. Aside from that, Sarah's dad died, so she sulks a lot, she has a beef with some guy named Kenneth Irons, and is in love with this long haired killer called Ian Nottingham who is british and dreamy (Like a badass Hugh Grant), or so we're told. There's also this guy called Jake. He's Sarah's partner and boy is he a piece of work. I mean the guy is SILLY. Sarah loves him but only as a frend, so that's too bad for Jake who is in love with Sarah obviously. Thing is, this Jake guy is no Ian Nottingham. He's always getting into trouble and getting his ass kicked because even tho' he's a cop this guy is completely useless. Actually, he's Steve Buscemi. Inside Brad Pitt's body. If Brad Pitt was a lot hotter. I don't understand it either. There's also mafia, ninjas, other Witchblade Ladies, more Kenneth Irons flashbacks than you can shake a stick at, and Michael Turner art. Anyway this Ian Nottingham is a fucking bastard, let's get back to him. He enjoys killing people with his swords, getting Sarah out of trouble, kissing her and then dumping her and getting lectures from her every time he shows up to save her ass from some crazy ninja with Tiger tattoos. One day tho', Sarah will realize this Ian guy can't commit cause he loves cutting people's heads off more than he enjoys sleeping with her and sharing an apartment. Come to think of it maybe this guy's gay. *** So now it's 2006, it's been like 4 years since last i read a Witchblade comic and the title's approaching #100 so i decide to dl the latest issue to check it out. Catch up. Whatever. Here's what i learned from reading it: Some cop guy has a crush on Sarah. They went out on a date a couple days ago but she had to leave to tend to some Witchblade related problems. Jake's in a coma (haha, he prolly fell from a bridge or something). Ian Nottingham still enjoys slashing Yakuza up with his Katana, holding Sarah real close when she's lecturing him, lying to her, having long black hair and smirking. Major developments: 1) No sign of Kenneth Irons. Maybe next issue will have a flashback in which Irons walks around some castle and concentrates a lot. And 2) The Witchblade likes clothes now. It has developed a fashion sense. A kinship with its bearer. The age old question has been answered: Can Witchblades learn stuff? The answer is yes (duh). The actual issue was well done and i really liked the art and the colours, but i think it's safe to say Witchblade is the same old shit it always was and i don't see how it could go anywhere else if people with no imagination keep writing it. Maybe someday tho'.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 28, 2006 4:01:59 PM CDT

    it's humid as shit here though, Psy

    by the heathen

    we rule because we don't have quakes

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 28, 2006 4:13:25 PM CDT

    Hmm

    by the heathen

    I never knew any of that

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 28, 2006 4:18:35 PM CDT

    News from Colombia

    by el vale

    I'm suing The Heathen this week for some shit regarding Wolverine and italian artists (don't ask).

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 28, 2006 4:20:48 PM CDT

    All of my pleasures are guilty...

    by greata'tuin

    ...of being supremely KICK-ASS! God, I love me!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 28, 2006 4:26:45 PM CDT

    We still win..

    by psynapse

    I'll take humidity over smog any day. The number one pollutant for Tampa bay is freaking OZONE can you dig it? I said it then, I'll say it again: Florida kicks California's ass. I said it high, I'll say it for life: FLORIDA KICKS CALIFORNIA'S ASS.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 28, 2006 4:30:50 PM CDT

    Wtchblade who?

    by psynapse

    Seriously, she's no Power Girl so I really don't see what the fuss is about. Yancy Butler looks like she likes it up the butt when sauced though......

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 28, 2006 4:33:53 PM CDT

    What's this Guilt shit?

    by psynapse

    I mean, I keep hearing about it but I have NO idea what people are talking about......

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 28, 2006 4:40:50 PM CDT

    Psy

    by el vale

    There is no fuss. Sorry to dissapoint *hug*.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 28, 2006 4:58:15 PM CDT

    What?!? I was told there would be fuss!!

    by psynapse

    Guess I bought all of these handguns for nothing then. *hugs* back atcha Vale (*_^)

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 28, 2006 5:37:36 PM CDT

    Cali sucks right now cuz of the weather

    by darth kal-el

    and i personally didnt like florida much either when i went. give me albuquerque,new mexico any day over either.good withcblade recap vale-reminded me fondly of why i used to read it too(including the boner factor).that and asencion was actually a lot of the reason i started getting back into comics. so hey the late 90s had cool stuff and especially top cow was awesome back in the day. u dont hear much about them nowadays do u?yes heath he actually pronounced it like that!what a goof!no fuss? but i brought chips!**hugs everyone**

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 28, 2006 5:49:34 PM CDT

    lets not get into a debate over which state is better

    by darth kal-el

    my xbox 360 kicks shig right in Wii!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 28, 2006 5:50:55 PM CDT

    'THE wii" not "wii"

    by darth kal-el

  • Jul 28, 2006 6:48:16 PM CDT

    Let's have some chips then

    by el vale

    MY Witchblade recap should be printed in the column, don't you think? Cause it's so genius? My Uncanny review was great too, go ahead and print it, Ambush Bug, thanks.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 28, 2006 7:02:01 PM CDT

    they should

    by darth kal-el

    let the cogs handle a guest column of tales from the crevice. and the first one can be vale's withcblade recap.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 28, 2006 11:55:39 PM CDT

    y'all get hardons for single ish stories

    by tall_boy

    Bashing single issue storylines is the new bashing 6 issue storylines. Get with the program, yo.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 29, 2006 2:40:22 PM CDT

    Aww crap. I'm being sued!

    by the heathen

    Damn that Simone Bianchi and Jeph Loeb! The pages so far are bad ass. *** Florida does kick-ass, Psy. Born and raised here. Although, I loved Maine when I was there one summer - not winter (it's realy cold then, huh Shig?) I actually love florida so much that I'm taking a vacation to St. Augustine.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 29, 2006 3:10:07 PM CDT

    Hey Heath

    by el vale

    Just read New Avengers #22 and i loved it. Great rythm throughout. The stuff leading up to the action was touching, actually, and made all the sense in the world. Then when SHIELD came a-knockin' and Luke went batshit, i was like Yes! Then when the neighbors started fighting da man i was like YES! Then when Cap and DD and Sidekick showed up to kick some ass i was like OH MY GOD YES! And then when they took over the SHIELD tank i crapped my pants. The epilogue with Jessica was touching too, man. And listen, i don't give a shit about Civil War, i mean this was just a really well done single issue.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 29, 2006 4:09:55 PM CDT

    Ditto on New Avengers #22, Vale

    by the heathen

    this issue and the Annual are Bendis at his best with superheros. I agree with everything you said my friend.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 29, 2006 4:13:05 PM CDT

    Saw Miami Vice las night

    by the heathen

    Not Mann's best work, not even close. It has a great opening, a slowwww repetitive middle (about an hour and a half) and a decent ending. Overall? Can't touch Heat or Collateral.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 29, 2006 4:41:03 PM CDT

    it's 100 degrees outside and i'm sleepy

    by blackthought

  • Jul 29, 2006 7:17:57 PM CDT

    sleep tight

    by the heathen

    does M. Night's movie bite? The wife and I might see it tonight.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 29, 2006 9:18:55 PM CDT

    heaths a poet and he dont know it

    by darth kal-el

    i saw miami vice and its a very cool movie imo.i want to see it again and not have to sit 2 rows from the front. i could see jamie foxx's pores

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 29, 2006 9:24:10 PM CDT

    i saw miami vice last night as well

    by blackthought

    and i found alot to admire though there were problems that took me out of it at times but holy fuck can man blow a skull or two. so cool movie indeed and i here you darth on the pores...that hd viper cam catches such immense detail...and as a colombian it's nice to see us play the villains ha. miami looks a bit different since the time i used to live there.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 30, 2006 10:25:23 AM CDT

    "my penis was impressed too"

    by shigeru

    hahahahha

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 30, 2006 10:31:36 AM CDT

    LET ME CLEAR SOMETHING UP FOR YA

    by shigeru

    MAINE > CALIFORNIA > FLORIDA. The end. And remember I've lived in Maine and FL. Florida is full of hicks and rednecks and humidity. And fucking fire ants. (I will give it St Augusine tho...that town kicks all sorts of ass.) LA sucks balls but surrounding areas are grand and beautiful. Plus I would rather say "I lived through an earthquake" than "I lived through a hurricane". Maine doesn't have earthquakes or hurricanes. It has loads of snow but it's real pretty (when you're not shoveling it). And the springs and summers are beautiful and not too hot and there's like a billion lakes to swim in. So nyah!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 30, 2006 10:32:49 AM CDT

    Oh, and there's no fire ants in Maine either.

    by shigeru

    Just some bears that will eat you.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 30, 2006 11:02:08 AM CDT

    Boston represent

    by shigeru

    http://tinyurl.com/edz7p

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 30, 2006 12:45:25 PM CDT

    ah fire ants...a cog rogue if i ever saw one

    by blackthought

  • Jul 30, 2006 2:43:32 PM CDT

    fire ants

    by the heathen

    bite. Definitely a Cog Rogue, those evil bastards. I think I would love Maine the most out of those three too, Shig. I was there for only a few weeks, but I loved everything about it. *** Miami Vice. Mann can surely blow some heads off! That opening sniper fire on the car was brutal and real looking. The sound of the guns and the fire is what get's me. Everything sounds REAL. That's what blew me away for the battle in Heat. Miami Vice is all sorts of cool, but that overly long middle is what did me in. That, and Crockett and Tubbs weren't really too trusting of partners and didn't spend enough screen time together. Jamie Fox got the shaft too I felt. I better quit typing or I'll have nothing for my review. ; )

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 30, 2006 5:31:17 PM CDT

    Maine sounds nice

    by el vale

    I love Bogota tho'. We have no earthquakes, no hurricanes...we get some flooding during rain season, but they only affect poor people. Take THAT poor people, not even the weather likes you ha ha! It's mildly cold all year long but you get lots of sun (today is babeautiful day)...open blue skies, dry sun and cold wind to cool it off. Man i should be outside right now! And no fire ants either, i mean what the fuck. Also, no roaches (YES!!!) The End. Epilogue: I have never seen snow in my life :(

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 30, 2006 5:32:44 PM CDT

    Taht was supposed to be

    by el vale

    IT only affects...and i don't know what bebeautiful is, but it sounds nice.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 30, 2006 5:36:56 PM CDT

    And that was supposed to be tHat. THAT!!!

    by el vale

    Thanks everyone.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 30, 2006 6:51:38 PM CDT

    My Miami Vice review

    by the heathen

    http://tinyurl.com/bqolp *** ColOmbia sounds nice too with the perfect weather and hot maids and what not, huh Vale? So humid right now. Balls

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 30, 2006 7:41:03 PM CDT

    Nah man

    by el vale

    It'll be like a month before it airs here...las week, as you remember, was the fucking catch-up episode, and the week before that we got the Rose and Bernard episode. So what comes next?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 30, 2006 7:52:10 PM CDT

    What's next

    by the heathen

    The next five eps are when the shit hits the fan my friend. After Rose and Bernards ep, that's when it really get's going.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 30, 2006 7:53:01 PM CDT

    BTW guys

    by el vale

    Here's my latest stupid short story, read it when you have the time: http://tinyurl.com/ocfz8 Thanks

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 30, 2006 8:02:16 PM CDT

    Oh man, i can't wait!

    by el vale

    Now i'm really fucking excited! New episode tomorrow, i'll let you know what i think.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 30, 2006 8:05:34 PM CDT

    oh bernard

    by blackthought

  • Jul 30, 2006 10:17:27 PM CDT

    Mind bending, Vale.

    by the heathen

    it's like, if a chicken had lips, could it whistle? And the guy who talks to himself about atoms cause he wants you to think he's crazy, him, he's crazier. Good job. Now make some comics. ; ) *** Every time my 'push the button' widget sounds it's alarm, I enter the numbers, but it never let's me push it. Hrmm.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 31, 2006 1:44:56 AM CDT

    He's baaack ... (spoilers)

    by dregmobile

    Was that Hulk in Civil War 3? With the blonde hair and the earrings? Isn

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 31, 2006 1:59:09 AM CDT

    So that wasn't Hulk?

    by dregmobile

    Huh. Well, then who was that green guy with blonde hair and piercings? ***** Yeah, Uncanny is kicking some nice a$$ right now. I have the Avengers Annual and #22 but haven't read them yet. Look forward to them ...

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 31, 2006 2:50:17 AM CDT

    Vale's long awaited Witchblade #100 review

    by el vale

    Well people, it is finally here. Witchblade #100 has hit the stands. Also here is my review of said comic, so that's two things to get excited about Don't you think? So let us begin: Out of all the titles Top Cow has published, it makes sense that Witchblade would be the one to reach 100 issues, because it's the one with the half naked chick. Wait...okay no, i have no idea what makes Witchblade "special" or "popular" but here we are and i'm sure it's been one hell of a ride for ol' Sara Pezzini and the rest. At least that's what i was thinking as i jumped into this landmark 100th issue, and rest assured i came out of it bearing (pun intended) answers. And a hard on (kidding). The comic starts with, well, exactly what you'd expect: A melodramatic retelling of the mythology of the series by way of pinups (courtesy of some top notch artists such as Brian Ching and Randy Green [?]) and some text (courtesy of Ron Marz). Apparently a long time ago The Balance fell from the heavens and chose her who would be its first bearer (one of those awesome cave babes who enjoys hugging gigantic tigers). From thence, tho', The Balance was passed down the generations and stuff and i'm like fuck, i just downloaded the landmark 100th issue of some comic no one's ever heard of called The Balance! But no, i think Ron Marz figured out Witchblade is kind of a silly name so now he has a nickname for it. God knows what the fuck it means cause i mean i've read my share of Witchblade comics and i'd be damned if there was something balanced about them. Or is it supposed to balance the world of Witchblade? Cause it doesn't actually do anything, all it does is fight ninjas and demons and even if the Witchblade wasn't there, i'm sure that guy Hunter Killer would manage to get rid of those. Or is it supposed to bring balance to Top Cow productions? Cause if that were the case, Witchblade would be a comic about a pimply fat chick. Or is it trying to bring balance to the Top Cow universe? Cause then it'd have to be called "The Light" or, god forbid, "The Shining", to balance out all The Darkness. God, i have no idea what that's supposed to mean, and i'm pretty sure Ron Marz doesn't either. I don't think it even matters. Anyway so then the actual story kicks in and this guy i told you about, the one who had a crush on Sara, he's picking up some flowers for her. "Pretty flowers for a pretty girl?" asks the guy at the store. "More than pretty", answers Gleason. They talk for a while about marriage and how he's meeting her at the top of the Empire State, and no, let's not think about marriage just yet cause i'm still working on that first kiss and stuff so the clerk guy says "Hope the flowers work" and Gleason says "Might not even need them..." -Cut to a shot of Sara falling out of the Empire State bulding- "...i think this one's falling for me." I think Alan Moore wrote those panels. Anyway, there's a demon. and this demon is using Jake's body to walk around and talk talk talk like every demon you've ever seen. "I am a GOD!!!". That Jake, man, i'm telling you. Guy can't avoid trouble even if he's in a god damn coma! Right then and there, Gleason, who is now walking towards the Empire State sees some lights and assumes Sara's in danger (good assumption, guy), and this sequence was hilarious because the way it's framed, makes it seem like the guy drops the flowers and starts running away, not towards, all the danger. And you can't help but think "now that is awesome, a real life pussy". But after a long drawn out fight between Sara and Demon, Gleason shows up and starts shooting at the damn thing so no, he wasn't really running away. Or maybe he was, but then he realized he was being a pussy and decided to turn back and face the problem. The next sequence is the reason i think Witchblade has proven to be such a "popular" and long lasting endeavor: It is fucking hilarious, dude! Check it out; Sara's had enough so she decides to throw caution to the wind and fucking RAM HER FIST THROUGH HER POSESSED FRIEND'S CHEST! Suddenly the guy starts turning back into non-demonic non-descript Jake and for a moment Sara smiles cause she's so relieved her friend's okay. Except he's not, your arm is still inside his chest you crazy broad!!! So she goes "Oh my god, what have i DONE to you?!" and then procedes to take her arm out. SFX? *Shluk*. Jesus christ, i haven't laughed that hard in weeks. Then this Jake fucker actually SMILES and tells her she saved him and shit, and then tells her to tend to her boyfriend cause he's lying there, possibly dead. So she does just that. While she's trying to get Gleason to wake up, Jake takes out his gun and shoots himself in the face, and i mean, how could he not? Sara yells NOOOOO and runs to him and starts crying all over the guy. So this Gleason guy thinks damn, this is the most romantic thing i've ever seen, so he walks up to her and they MAKE OUT right on top of Sara's dead friend, man! How fucked up is that?! And you thought the meat guy from Preacher was creepy. Sara tells him she just needs someone to hold her, and she should be saying it with the saddest face you can imagine, but artist Adriana Melo thought hey, this would be a nice opportunity to make Sara look orgasmic, so it looks like she's so horny it makes her cry. And i mean let's think about this for a minute: Let's say these guys are great together, i mean what a cute couple and all that, and two years from now they're lying in the snow talking about how much they love eachother and how they hope this moment would last forever ala Eternal Sunshine. And suddenly she turns to him and says "Do you remember our first kiss?" And he says "Yeah...it was a crisp New York night. The smell of gunpowder lingered in the air as i walked towards you and kinda slipped on some of your friend's spilled brains, to kiss you. Ever so gently". I think you guys screwed that one up pretty bad, you will always remember your first kiss. Then right after that, Sara gets all serious and tells Gleason she's pretty sure she's pregnant. And i'm like jesus that guy is MANLY! I'd never heard of a woman getting pregnant from a kiss. But then again she IS The Balance, sho who the hell knows what she's capable of. The last scene is sort of confusing, i mean some blond chick picks up the flowers Gleason bought earlier on from the floor and says "I wonder what this means". Well i don't know, but maybe it means someone dropped some flowers on the street? She must be an alien so she doesn't understand the concept of streets, much less the concept of flowers so let's cut her some slack. Pretty decent issue of Witchblade tho'.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 31, 2006 11:07:13 AM CDT

    Not the Hulk in Civil War

    by shigeru

    That would be Hulkling. Of the Young Avengers. He's like a shape-changer or something. And right now I'm more interested in how Millar is going to end this monstrosity rather than the story itself. Laughable civil war quote of the week: "We realized we could get a year or two of stories out of it" -- some Marvel dick in regards to Spidey outing himself, apparently forgetting that he's been around for 40 years, not 1 or 2.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 31, 2006 11:12:01 AM CDT

    Vale gets an A+ for his Witchblade review

    by shigeru

    My penis was impressed.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 31, 2006 12:38:28 PM CDT

    Hmm...

    by thalya

    Interesting.. http://tinyurl.com/od85r

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 31, 2006 12:52:42 PM CDT

    My penis was impressed as well

    by the heathen

    Cog's rule! Great review, Vale. I want you only to review things that are like Witchblade. Hilarious. *** Word, Shig. I heard Blair Butler from Attack of the Show say the same thing regarding Spidey and people shouldn't be as pissed because we'll always have Ultimte Spider-Man as a youn guy who never reveals his identity. Thing is, she has that bass ackwards, know what I'm sayin? I can see Marvel taking Ultimate Spidey and merging him into 616 continuity in some sort of waayyy more bizarre Scarlett Witch thing. *** I think I've had it with Supreme Power. Just doesn't feel as bitchin as it used to. The last issue's last page was okay, but I know now that this isn't MAX, so know hookers will be ripped apart. Not to mention the Ultimate Power cross over that's coming. *** She Hulk is hot in that logo. Too bad Byrne thinks I'm an asshole.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 31, 2006 12:54:02 PM CDT

    NO! JUST FUCKING NO!

    by greata'tuin

    PANIC BUTTON! WHERE THE FUG IS MY PANIC BUTTON! SHIT HAS HIT MANY FANS THIS DAY! I CAN'T STOP YELLING! LOUD NOISES! I don't know if anyone else will care, but the ES fuggin' A has just "scaled down" (i.e. canceled) all future E3 shows. Now one of the two reasons to live in So.Cal. has ceased to exist. Fuggin prohibitive presentation costs. What the hell do I care if they can't justify the millions they spen on the damn thing. I WANT MY HAWT JAPANESE CHICKS DRESSED LIKE VIDEO GAME CHARACTER THAT WERE OBVIOUSLY DRAWN TO LOOK AMERICAN! You ask why I hate? I ask why you don't.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 31, 2006 12:57:33 PM CDT

    No matter how shitty YOUR monday is...

    by psynapse

    One of my best friends has us all beat. She just moved out of her parent's house this weekend into a cute little 2 bedroom, 2 bath house for her and her 4 year old daughter. This is her first move EVER. She went into work this morning and was laid off from her job. So.....

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 31, 2006 1:00:33 PM CDT

    That's some cool shit, Lady C.

    by the heathen

    I call dibs for the first batch the Cog Mansion gets! We'll need it for any sneak attack invasions. *** Turtle, can't they just have the shoe somewhere else in Cali? Sucks if they don't. Icould just be G4 blowing smoke up my ass as they usually do, but I thought E3 was a bigger deal every year for game publishers and what not. Hmm. Let me know some more details.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 31, 2006 1:04:17 PM CDT

    Fucking fuck, Psy!!!

    by the heathen

    That sucks. Fuck Mondays. Hope everything works out for her. Sorry to hear that.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 31, 2006 1:26:44 PM CDT

    No, Heath you're missing the point...

    by greata'tuin

    It's not the LACC (Los Angeles Convention Center) that pulling out, it's the ESA. They're the guys that put the thing on. They're saying that the costs involved for the game companies that display their shit is astro-fucking-nomical. (And I don't doubt it. The aformentioned HAWT JAPANESE CHICKS must cost quite a large pile of rice to get them away from, you know, standing around looking HAWT.) Check out www.penny-arcade.com. The news brief has a link to the announcement. Click on the underlined "announcement" in the text. FUCK! I loved those shows. Some of those chicks didn't even speak enough engrish to know how lewd I...er...my friends were being. (Though I imagine the hand gestures probably did not help the subterfuge.)

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 31, 2006 1:35:03 PM CDT

    fuck mondays

    by darth kal-el

    i hate them like i hate fire ants and other cog rogues. in fact mondays are officially a cog rogue. you hear that Monday you bastard? my penis is NOT impressed!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 31, 2006 1:44:32 PM CDT

    Yes! Give into your hate.....

    by greata'tuin

    Together we can END this destructive conflict. We will rule the galaxy as Turtle and Denizen!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 31, 2006 1:53:52 PM CDT

    GreatA re: HAWT JAPANESE CHICKS

    by shigeru

    Um did you miss the fact that E3 this year banned "Booth Babes"? I think Sony paid a shitload of fines to have like 2 there but other than that they were nowhere to be found. So even if they do have E3 again (which they will I'm sure) there still won't be any hawt chicks.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 31, 2006 2:22:35 PM CDT

    You're not making this any better, Shig!

    by greata'tuin

    I didn't go last year, but it wouldn't matter. I'm sure some company would figure out that they can't control how the "guests" dress or where they wanted to "hang out". Be pretty easy to slip them the money ahead of time so they can buy their own ticket. That's what I'd do, because I am smarter than all authority. I unfortunately am also lazy and unmotivated to change society. Thus the revolution you all want...yeah you're gonna have to do that yourself. I've got video games to play.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 31, 2006 3:00:27 PM CDT

    Most disturbing moment(s) in a comic and other comments

    by oisin5199

    As a relatively new father of a daughter who was born almost 4 months premature (she's ok now), I find myself disturbed about stuff involving children and babies. Many parts of the X-23 comic disturbed me (how she was trained to be a cold killing machine), the backstory of Peter David's Fallen Angel where Lee couldn't save the little girl from the serial killer, but especially the bit from Generation M with the reporter whose mutant daughter regresses in age and ends up as a fetus dying in the hospital. After living through 3 and 1/2 months of seeing my severely underdeveloped baby daughter in an isolette, that whole sequence (including the nightmare part of the girl crying for mommy as she's swept away into the ocean) just had me floored. I guess it's the emotional stuff that disturbs me, not violence or gore. And unrelated thoughts on the new Uncanny run - despite its ridiculous logic (pretty much whenever you bring in the Shi'ar) and the fact that Shi'ar stuff is my least favorite of the X-verse, I'm actually enjoying this more than I've enjoyed Uncanny since...I can't remember. They're tightly written, good character stuff without too much melodrama and you can actually comprehend what's going on, thanks to clear art. As for Preacher, I enjoyed it, but got a bit sick of all that masculinist macho bullshit. However, I absolutely loved Cassidy's story arc (especially the Easter Rising stuff) and its resolution. To me, the story is much more about him, since I never got the sense Jessie actually changed or learned anything at all.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 31, 2006 3:03:39 PM CDT

    oisin5199

    by darth kal-el

    im glad to hear your daughter is ok man. and that makes sense that those comic moments would stand out in your mind since they kind of mirrored what you were going through. good point on preacher

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 31, 2006 3:08:19 PM CDT

    But...I like masculinist macho bullshit.

    by greata'tuin

    ::pouts, kicks rock and shuffles off::

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 31, 2006 4:10:37 PM CDT

    Oisin, I can relate....

    by psynapse

    Ever since my best friend's dad had the back of his head blown off and I had to see the after effect I can't stand to watch anything that has someone getting shot in the head. Because hey, did you know that when someone gets the back of their skull blown off they will look like the Gill Man laying in their casket because all of the loose skin where the brain pan used to be gets pushed forward? (Yes, the FUCKING dipshits had an open casket funeral) Fucking Mondays.....

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 31, 2006 4:13:20 PM CDT

    PS.....

    by psynapse

    Glad to hear the little girl is doing well.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 31, 2006 4:29:01 PM CDT

    thanks!

    by oisin5199

    yup, she's just about walking. Though it's funny because she's still really small but totally aware and intelligent and moving around and babbling. Anyway, it's not so much that these scenes reflected my experience per se, but the images associated with it are haunting, and as any parent will tell you, seeing children in danger is always going to push your emotional buttons. As for Preacher, it's interesting to think how it may have influenced some elements of Carnivale (like the messed up backwoods family with evil matriarch and violent hicks) or Buffy (Cassidy had to have been an influence on Spike and Angel). As far as the masculinist bullshit, I did like that at least Petal would tell Jessie that he was full of shit when he went off about feminism and psychology. That's not to say I thought he was totally wrong... Anyway, I'd love to see that Preacher series on HBO. Whatever happened to that rumor?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 31, 2006 4:58:03 PM CDT

    jeez

    by shigeru

    that's a nice image there, Psy... disturbing...
    And I second the "glad your daughter's okay" sentiments... I can't imagine going through such a thing.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 31, 2006 5:28:09 PM CDT

    Yeah I suck today....

    by psynapse

    What can I say? I've got a sandy vagina, had piss flavored corn flakes for breakfast and my PC is looking like it's about to go tits up any day now (Which, if my PC had actual tits I might not mind that so much) which is going to make me cry if I can't play CoH/CoV anymore......

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 31, 2006 5:29:13 PM CDT

    i see this monday is grim

    by blackthought

  • Jul 31, 2006 5:35:19 PM CDT

    they all are blackthought,they all are

    by darth kal-el

  • Jul 31, 2006 7:19:32 PM CDT

    oisin

    by el vale

    Glad you'r daughter's okay, man. She's an eager little one isn't she? I gotta tell you man, i don't agree with your Preacher arguments at all. I never really thought of it as machismo bullshit, i mean it was certainly manly, and fuck me, that was refreshing in this, the age of men who resemble walking vaginas more than anything else. So yeah it made you proud to be a man and made you realize romance can be fucking manly. Thing about Jesse Custer (and Preacher overall) is he's a textured character; guy has a moral center unlike anything you've ever seen, then guy has feelings, the guy loves Tulip more than anything, and he wants to do what's right. When his machismo gets too large for him to handle, Tulip's there to make fun of him. And in the end, as he fucking CRIES right there in front of Tulip, and he says listen no one's responsible for this, we're responsible for our own lives, his arc is complete. You can't say the guy didn't change or learn a thing, he did what he set up to do and t changed his life, it changed his way of looking at things, and in the process he changed Cassidy's life. I don't get it man, maybe you were reading it upside down or something? As always, i kid because i love.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 31, 2006 7:35:54 PM CDT

    Mondays rule!

    by el vale

    You get Lost and everything, they're pretty sweet.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 31, 2006 8:08:06 PM CDT

    X-23 and Generation M

    by the heathen

    I have to admit that I liked them both. What Oisin said about the training of X-23 was right on. Some pretty engaging mental torture. It was a pretty good Wolverine story, sans the Wolverine though. Gen M is Jenkins recent best stuff. I honestly can't get into a lot of it, but this one was really good. Even had a guest appearance in the last issue that surprised me. *** My boy, David Hine's Civil War: X-Men issue was pretty cool. I love seeing the original X-Men (almost) going off together in their Quitely/Morrison leather outfits. Cool stuff. I hope the X-Men popo into CW #7 and fuck shit up for fun. Why? Because they can. Do it. DO IT!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 31, 2006 9:31:28 PM CDT

    mondays were once less grim when jack bauer was around

    by blackthought

  • Jul 31, 2006 9:35:29 PM CDT

    wb had an announcement today

    by blackthought

    about batman 2 confirming heath ledger as the joker...i await its coming.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Jul 31, 2006 9:39:05 PM CDT

    i do like the title of the sequel "the dark knight"

    by blackthought

  • Jul 31, 2006 11:11:10 PM CDT

    Vale's mildly entertaining mini reviews

    by el vale

    Well guys, i read some new shit these last couple days and i thought hey, why not share the experience with the Cogs? They're nice, right? You can bet your hairy ass they are! *** Read Morrison's first Batman issue and i gotta say man, i'm not impressed. I get what Morrison was trying to do but for some reason i didn't enjoy it as i knew i was supposed to, and i can't put my finger on it. It's driving me nuts! Heath, i don't think i agree with you on the decompression thing, i thought the issue went places and shook things up nicely. The final two pages were good, i liked them. Sort of creepy. And i liked what Morrison did with Bruce Wayne, this sort of transition/remission back into swagger and charm, like someone's finally taking advantage of all the shit that went down in IC in order to shake things up and have the characters move along. Funny that having a character move along means trying to return said character to some sort of previous characterization these days. You know what i think did it, tho? That stupid Alfred guy. I really can't get into an alfred who isn't a sweet old man. This sleazy Alfred with his sleazy mustache and his stuck up, overwrought, dry humor bullshit pisses me off, someone kill him now (i didn't mean that). Upon retrospection, i think the book was better than i initially thought. Let's just see where it goes from here. *** Read Hellblazer #221 and i have no idea why i bothered. Fucking shit book literally put me to sleep. *** "Hey you know what? I used to like Savage Dragon a lot, let's dl the new one, see how it's holding up", thought Vale as he sifted through the week's releases. And then after reading the book he went Meh and moved on. *** Read Spider -Man loves Mary Jane (hey Shig!) and i liked it. That is all. Cut me some slack here, it's fucking Spider-Man loves Mary Jane for crying out loud, do you seriously want me to go in depth? *** Testament #8 had seriously bad colors and an interesting story i wasn't able to get into because, aside from the bible characters, i have no idea what's supposed to be happening. But i'm betting if you've followed it from the start you're enjoying it, aren't you you sick fuck? *** Know what comic was nice? The Escapists #1. This Brian K Vaughan guy is a good writer, maybe you should check out some of his stuff. The Escapists is about, well, i don't know. But there's an Escapist character who isn't really a character obviously. He's more of a comic book character. Within this comic book. It's much less of a mind fuck than i make it out to be, i promise. Anyway, there's a touching death in here and it was touching even tho i don't think you get to see the character who bites it throughout the issue, there's a jock who is nice and i always find that appealing for some reason, and Bendis gets mentioned. I mean clearly it's got it all, go read it now. *** The new Red Star has some of the best art i've seen in a while in the opening pages. Then the art kinda starts sucking. But those opening pages, jesus christ! Beautiful stuff! And the story isn't half bad either, it really feels mythic. Then when we get to the present (?) it sort of turns into who the hell is this guy supposed to be? They all look the same, man! And they talk about their husbands and guys with Stret Fighter names but it's really hard to follow. Wasn't that guy supposed to be the brother of the husband? I think i read it wrong. *** My fave book of the week, tho', was the new Exterminators. I was sort of expecting crazy shock value stuff and instead i found a lot of heart and brains. It's actually way better than it has any right to be, and that's cool. It was funny, it was well done, it had good characters, and the fucking roaches made me cringe like they do in real life, and that's not easy to capture because a lot of it lies in the movement which you can't really capture in a comic book (duh)...but still man, made my toes curl, so this Tony Moore guy is good is what i'm saying. Overall it was an interesting week, what do you guys think?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 01, 2006 10:27:38 AM CDT

    Vale's on a role, is he not?

    by the heathen

    "i gotta say man, i'm not impressed. -- Upon retrospection, i think the book was better than i initially thought." I love you man. I dug Morrison's first Batman. The dark humor, Batman re-learning how to be Bruce, the continuation of Blood of the Demon. All of it. And about the decompression thing. I guess what I was trying to say before, was that the second Uncanny issue felt compressed, but still, pleny of stuff happened. To be fair, a little more happened in the Batman issue, but nothing too major for the overall story of Bruce's son and what not. Am I making any sense? Think so. *** Read, The Amazig Adventures of Kavalier & Clay, for more of the Escapist, Vale. That book MADE me get back into comics after my hiatus from them. *** Exterminators is awesome. DL all the other if yoe haven't or have your uncle buy you the issues or something. *** I'm leaving for my vacation today Cogs. I 'might' be outta communication until next Monday (damn rogue Monday), but I might not either. Dpends if the place were staying has wi-fi. Later Cogs, @$$es and fellow tb'ers!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 01, 2006 10:57:55 AM CDT

    Vale's so talkative lately...

    by shigeru

    Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane is better than Watchmen. Discuss.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 01, 2006 11:10:11 AM CDT

    Most disturbing comics moment

    by shigeru

    I'm changing my answer. Can I do that? I'm doing it. It's from SEAGUY ***SPOILERS MOFO*** the image of Chubby da Choona's half eaten corpse, blistering in the hot sun, picked apart by seagulls. DA FUG?! ****

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 01, 2006 11:27:00 AM CDT

    Most disturbing moment in comics...

    by greata'tuin

    ...can I include off-panel implied shit? Cause the thought of Deadpool "making time" with Death and thinking about Bea Arthur while doing it gives me the heebillie-jeebillies.***Here they come again, the heebillie-heebillies. *shudders and retreats into shell*

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 01, 2006 11:33:53 AM CDT

    HEEBILLIE-JEEBILLIES!

    by greata'tuin

    Whose head do I have to put my gun to to get a edit feature up in this bitch? Psy, we should form a two-pronged attack on Tejas. We'll button-hook'em though. I'll come from the East and YOU come from the West. Fat hairy fuck'll never know what hit'em. Plus, I'm in the mood for some TexMex. I got me a hankerin'.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 01, 2006 11:54:23 AM CDT

    I like reading the reviews but...

    by psynapse

    I can't help wondering: Vale, why do you even bother to read anything by DC? You never like any of it, so why waste your money? (This ISN'T meant o be incindiary in any fashion, just an observation). And where the fuck is the edit feature Harry? I mean, c'mon, I KNOW you make bank from the adverts on this site, WTF man, WTF......

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 01, 2006 12:31:31 PM CDT

    Thanks for reading, guys

    by el vale

    I remember when Spider-Man loves Mary Jane (SMLMJ) came out and people were saying it had the potential to be better than Watchmen and stuff, but the book's yet to prove itself in that department. Maybe it'll get there in a couple issues. Let's all just have a little faith. *** Heath, i thought about that Batman issue and i think i know what i didn't like (it only took like 2 days), so i'll go In-Depth in a few minutes. It should be great, get popcorn. *** Psy, i hardly ever download any proper DC comics, cause i'm just not into them. But it's not like i'm a Marvel guy so DC sucks balls argh! I'm into anything that i'm...into. That said, one of my fave comic books right now is All Star Superman. Oh and my fave book i read this week was Exterminators which is Vertigo, and i mean doesn't taht sort of count? I read this new Batman issue cause of Morrison, and i'm a huge fan so i came in with high expectations and ended up being rather dissapointd in the direction it took. Still, you gotta remember i get these comics for free so i'll try anything on a whim. Find myself giving DC few chances, that much is true, but i'm very specific about the things i know i might find interesting. Like the Paul Dini, J H Williams Detective, which got a favorable review here in the house of Vale.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 01, 2006 12:33:55 PM CDT

    I Too Dig El's Reviews!

    by buzz maverik

    I would suspect that Mr. Vale reads DC for the same reason many of us read things we don't like: to see what's going on, to see if we will like, for the parts that we do like. Vale, or "El" as you like to be called, I too must echo Heathen, or "The" as he prefers, and say that if you haven't read THE AMAZING ADVENTURES OF KAVALIER & CLAY, that you should check it out. Not just for the comic book history but for the beauty of the writing, the relationships, the historical perspective, the ideas. Michael Chabon perfectly articulated and illustrated what I've long felt: comic book creators and more interesting than comic books. Anybody read FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE by Jonathan Lethem. I haven't read it yet and have never heard any of us fan types discuss it. It's about a white kid and a black kid who are comic book fans in the '70s in a tough part of New York. Sadly, I've seen it in the bargain bin of the local Barnes & Noble. Ah, the midlist novel. I'm gonna check it out.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 01, 2006 1:08:36 PM CDT

    Y'know, I can dig that Vale.....

    by psynapse

    (*_^) BTW-Am I evil to laugh at the traffic fatality that resulted from 2 dipshits drag racing in excess of 100 miles and hour on US 19 in Palm Harbor this morning? 'Cuz I did ya know.....

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 01, 2006 1:13:41 PM CDT

    Not If The Fatality Was The Dragracing Dipshits...

    by buzz maverik

    ...and not some innocent people. Anybody who puts other people's lives in danger deserves what they get and it is funny. No, Psy, yer not evil. Maybe not good, but not evil. Yer an anti-hero.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 01, 2006 1:26:16 PM CDT

    Yeah it was one of the dildouches racing Buzz....

    by psynapse

    What shot me right into road rage was the sheer idiocy of all of the cell-phone talkin' fuckwits that kept fucking up the flow of everyone trying to get past the clusterfuck. I swear, yer gonna read about me someday. I've decided to start carrying a sledgehammer in my car and one of these days when I just can't take it anymore I'm gonna leap out of my car with it in hand and bash the unholy fuck out of some asswipe's car and may just start on him (or her) next depending on how uppity they get when I administer my 'Lesson in common courtesy'.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 01, 2006 1:27:42 PM CDT

    Gentlemen, you know i appreciate the kind words

    by el vale

    Last night i was watching Once upon a time in Mexico, and Johnny Depp started calling Mariachi "El". I was pleased, to say the least. What's Cavalier & Clay about, guys?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 01, 2006 1:27:46 PM CDT

    Am I evil if...

    by greata'tuin

    ...I laugh when midgets cry?***On a completely unrelated note, Vale, can you drop me a line on the dling of the funny books. I'm interested in finding any new way that I can keep up on continuity w/o taking on the gross national debt as a monthly expense.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 01, 2006 1:30:59 PM CDT

    "No, I'll shoot the cook...

    by greata'tuin

    ...my car's parked out back anyway." I hated that movie when I saw it at the theater, but then it came on HBO for like a month straight and I must have watched it like 20 times. It gets better every time. It's the wierdest experience, and not the natural order of things. I'm scared. I'll be in my shell.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 01, 2006 1:32:46 PM CDT

    Ahhh great turtle

    by el vale

    Welcome to the Dark (dork?) Side. I shall drop you an email.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 01, 2006 1:45:41 PM CDT

    Excelent....

    by greata'tuin

    ::rubs hands together:: Step one: Steal Comics. Step three: Profits!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 01, 2006 1:56:03 PM CDT

    Hey, I'll take some of that action!

    by psynapse

    CC me as well Vale, and thanks in advance. As much cash as I've pumped into the industry it's their turn to get juked.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 01, 2006 2:12:26 PM CDT

    Not done yet. Are you a Mexican

    by the heathen

    or a Mexi-can't? I love that line. The wife sure doesn't though. Vale, "The" definitely recommends Kavalier & Clay. It's about these Jewish cousins, one of which escaped to America from the Holocaust, that have a passion for the art form. One's good at writing, the other at drawing. It's basically the story of their lives as comic book creators, friends, family members, lovers and all the problems that come with all of those. It honestly made me get back into comics for good this time. I owe it a lot for that. Plus, Chabon wrote Wonder Boy's and even some of the screenplay or something for Spider-Man 2. *** How awesome is it that the Batman Begins sequel is called, The Dark Knight?! I'll tell you, it's waayyy awesome.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 01, 2006 2:14:54 PM CDT

    The day i figured out why Batman 655 didn't work for me

    by el vale

    Or, What the hell is Blood of the Demon? By El: Batman 655 is the flipside to All Star Superman. In that title, Morrison set out to make a Superman comic that was fun, frantic, energetic, imaginative and pretty much insane, and i think we can all agree...so far, he's succeeded. Like, a lot. The most genius touch, for me, was the way he handled the transition. Because there was no transition! One day Superman was having one of those Infinite Crises you keep hearing about and having arguments with his best friends over who knows what (probably over tat Axel Alonso guy...believe me, i can relate) and then going on vacation or something. The next day he's rescuing the Mission to Sun guys and getting cancer and saving people from defective hover-mono-rail exhaust pipes and being an all around goofball. And yes, i understand this is all out of continuity, but you get what i'm saying! Lois never came up to him and said listen, Supes? You gotta re learn how to be a goofball, man! Remember all the fun we had back when you were silly and you invented those goggles that helped you gauge my commitment level, or that one time you dropped Mount Rushmore on me to teach me a lesson about the environment? Let's get back to that, darling, cause all this seriousness is kind of bumming me out. No, Superman didn't have to re learn anything, all he had to do was be cool again and not look back. In theory, i have no problem with this meta thing Morrison does in which his comics and his characters seem to be self aware in that special comic book way. He did it in New X-Men and it was wonderful, as he incorporated all the shit surrounding the X-Men (as in the franchise as seen from the outside world) and turned it into mythology, made it part of the STORIES. "All i ever did was die on you". How beautiful is that? But in this new Batman comic, i think it feels forced, i think it's unnecesary. So did Paul Dini, by the way, who handled the "Bruce Waybe getting back into the playboy scenario" thing a lot better than Morrison did because he wasn't commenting on the state of Batman's characterization prior to his taking over the book, he just turned it into part of the story. In order to do some detective work, Batman has to step aside and let Bruce Wayne to the investigating, because of the nature of the investigation. None of this self conscious shit about "You know your Batman growl? You're doing it all the time now". It felt like reading an interview with the creators, you know? When the interviewer asks them about what is your take on Batman? And the guy says "What i really wanted to do was blah blah blah" and he over-explains the theme of his run? Heavy handed is, i guess, the term i find suits the situation best. Other than that, it was cool.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 01, 2006 2:32:17 PM CDT

    Kavalier & Clay won the pulitzer too.

    by shigeru

    You guys who are downloading comics better only do it to the big two because the indies need your support! And Vale can download anything cause he lives in like some weird country where they don't sell comics or even speak American! I'm surprised they even have the internets there! "I kid because I love"

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 01, 2006 2:51:26 PM CDT

    "Vale can download anything"

    by el vale

    Take THAT bitches!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 01, 2006 3:09:49 PM CDT

    Well, anything but trades.

    by shigeru

    You can order those through Amazon. You stealer.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 01, 2006 3:38:08 PM CDT

    Just like my "stolen" music...

    by greata'tuin

    If it's good, then I will buy a hard copy. If it's not, I'll read it once and delete it. (No sense in getting busted for DLing the new Metallica album when it sucks like a Hoover.) The only exception I make in this regard is if something is out of print, way too rare, or simply astronomically priced. (I'm talking $100 and over. I won't pay that for either a CD nor a comic book I don't care what it is.) I've been DLing music going on 10 years now, and I think I JUSt this year broke 1000 songs that I'll be keeping, and I own a hard copy of at least 85% of that. I'll go the same way with the illustrated literature. Besides, if it's indy stuff, I'll want a hard copy just to show off how cool and better than you I am. ;) TURTLE POWER!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 01, 2006 3:43:15 PM CDT

    Fuck the indies.....

    by psynapse

    They will get my support the only way they deserve to: When they publish something I'm interested in.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 01, 2006 3:59:47 PM CDT

    Turtles in a half shell

    by the heathen

    TURTLE POWER!!! *** I dowload stuff like remixes of songs that aren't on the albums I bought with lamer versions of the song on it instead. I hate that. I aslo download hard to find stuff like Ben Gibbard acoustic performances, covers and stuff like that. *** Psy: Mouse Guard, Elk's Run, The Atheist, Astro, Hip Flask. Check em out.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 01, 2006 4:12:03 PM CDT

    Fuck that "half-shell" noise...

    by greata'tuin

    ...all Turtle, baby, all Turtle.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 01, 2006 4:35:22 PM CDT

    that's what, Johnny Drama said.

    by the heathen

    If anyone got that, I also 'kid because love' Adios!!!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 01, 2006 6:43:36 PM CDT

    I Wonder If Filmmakers Steal Dialogue From Talkbacks

    by buzz maverik

    (No, I don't seriously think that for a second). I think ONCE UPON A TIME IN MEXICO (which I dug after hating DESPERADO and loving EL MARIACHI) came out before our El showed up. But I was watching MIAMI VICE and Jose Yera tells Tubbs, "You seem okay but I don't like the way yer partner looks" and Tubbs says, "Do you want to fuck my partner? Because I don't give a shit about what you think of his looks." I must have said that about a million times when some terd comes on and calls Harry fat. "What do you care if the guy is fat? If you don't want to fuck him, what do you care what he looks like." Yeah, Michael Mann really seems exactly like the kind of guy to hang around the talkbacks. Robert Rodriguez, on the other hand....

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 01, 2006 7:03:16 PM CDT

    LOL!!!

    by el vale

    Look at this piece of news dude!!! This woman went to the doctor because she was sex-phobic...and then the doctor RAPED HER! LOL!!! Only in Colombia.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 01, 2006 8:06:54 PM CDT

    Uh, dude..

    by thalya

  • Aug 02, 2006 9:19:17 AM CDT

    Psy, also:

    by shigeru

    Flight, Owly, Stray Bullets, Craig Thompson's stuff, Banana Sunday, Adrian Tomine, Dan Clowes, ect.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 02, 2006 11:57:40 AM CDT

    Okay, El Jumped The Shark With That Last One.

    by buzz maverik

    Or crossed over to the dark side, as the nerds would say. I shouldn't judge. I might have snickered at that when I was in the sixth grade...well, the first semester of sixth grade.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 02, 2006 12:36:05 PM CDT

    You people have no sense of humor

    by el vale

    Listen, you live in a country as fucked up as mine, you learn to have a very dark sense of humor. Sorry if that bothered anyone, but even my mom laughed.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 02, 2006 1:57:03 PM CDT

    I got your back El

    by greata'tuin

    That shit is funny. However, it would be even funnier if that doctor now got an STD and died horribly and in anguish. Irony, thy name is siphilus(sp?).

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 02, 2006 2:14:09 PM CDT

    Storm in the Avengers

    by jancola

    Is this the title that they gave away on free comic book day, where Storm was wearing Warbird's costume? That was weird.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 02, 2006 2:49:36 PM CDT

    im with u vale

    by darth kal-el

    must a be a south american thing cuz my mom laughed when i told her too. our countries are well and truly fucked. miami vice was tight!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 02, 2006 2:55:48 PM CDT

    well vale i understand...

    by blackthought

    must be because we are both colombians...and i can just look at my family and think drakly. and is santa fe still sucking? and what the hell is all this dling talk about? you should email me about it...not that i'll use it...my computer can barely run word without getting blown out ("white screen of doom") thing...fuggin' hate this computer.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 02, 2006 3:22:29 PM CDT

    on dling

    by darth kal-el

    i would also like the links and any information.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 02, 2006 5:36:08 PM CDT

    What You've Got Is Your Lips Glued To His Ass.

    by buzz maverik

    Bullshit! I know he's your Alpha male but rape isn't funny. I don't give a shit where anybody lives or a flying fuck what anybody's Mom thinks is funny.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 02, 2006 5:44:30 PM CDT

    The Double-Y speaks true

    by thalya

    Yes, he does.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 02, 2006 7:07:09 PM CDT

    sorry buzz

    by darth kal-el

    i never thought of vale as my alpha anything.yes rape is not funny.no argument there.the story that vale related made me laugh. id be lying if i said otherwise. yes its fucked up that happend to that lady. wont deny that. but it made me laugh and shake my head and say 'damn thats fucked up' thats why i said its a cultural thing probably

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 02, 2006 7:36:07 PM CDT

    Well then let's have a fight

    by el vale

    First of all, no one kisses my ass around here. Second, you know what? I think you're right...i think maybe the horrendous and abominable act that is rape is not as funny as we all initially thought. But maybe just for a moment you can consider the fact that i was talking about a situation that is so fucked up, so wrong that it makes you laugh. I'm sorry you've never had that happen to you. And i never said the funny makes it okay either. You don't give a flying fuck where i live? Well i don't give a flying fuck if you don't understand where i'm coming from. You know what else is fucked up? This guy called Garavito here in Colombia raped and murdered about 300 children in a span of 10 years, and when he was finally caught they were gonna let him go, for something or other. And the people had to get angry at the government and throw fits so the fucker wouldn't go free. The people actually had to fight so a man who raped and murdered 300 children wouldn't go free. And then in another case of extreme fucked upness, this guy grabbed a lady's ass on the street and he got a 40 year sentence. And you know what? All of that is terribly funny. But not in a "Ha ha look at that guy, her rapes children and then chops them up, the guy should do stand up" sort of way. So god guys, i think you might be right, rape isn't funny (who knew?), but a lady going to the free clinic te get some help because she's sex phobic and ending up getting raped by the doctor who was supposed to help her, that shit is so ironic, so fucked up, so wrong...you can't help but laugh and then nod your head and say "this country is fucked up".

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 02, 2006 8:01:53 PM CDT

    Well I'm glad we left the TB on a happy note...

    by shigeru

  • Aug 02, 2006 8:22:26 PM CDT

    Everyone was getting along so well

    by el vale

    And then people just haaaaad to not laugh at my rape stories and ruin everything.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 02, 2006 11:36:24 PM CDT

    Actually, If Anybody Is The Alpha Dude Here...

    by buzz maverik

    ...I'd say it's probably Pysnapse for the whole board.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 04, 2006 11:24:17 AM CDT

    word on psy being the alpha male

    by blackthought

    he's like the cog's guy gardner if we the green lantern corps.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Aug 07, 2006 9:33:12 AM CDT

    so, what I miss?

    by the heathen

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